A lot of people want community, but they don't want to put in the work and effort it takes to build community

to be honest, I've considered that some people's concept of community tends to be aggressively one sided

Sure maybe you wanna say that the "suck my dick and stop being a baeddel" copypasta anons were originally sent by a couple of trolls or whatever but the amount of people I see defending them is very clear fucking proof that the sentiment exists. There is a lot of preaching about trans unity right now, but as is often the case, if someone demands unity while refusing to do even the bare minimum for you (in this case disavowing the horrifyingly misogynistic posts and calling out some of the people who maintain such positions instead of defending them) and only call for unity when you speak out against their abuse, then they're not looking for unity. They want you to shut the fuck up. You never see these same people calling for unity when there's a harassment campaign against trans women. You don't see them defending trans women when our words are misinterpreted in as bad of a way as possible.

And before someone accuses me of being a baeddel terf or whatever: I am not saying we need some kind of transfem separatist movement or that trans unity is impossible or undesirable. I am not saying that transmascs are doomed to be violent misogynists. I do have some very nice transmasc mutuals (all of which uncoincidentally are communists lol) who I do appreciate and feel actual solidarity with because they aren't transmisogynists and because I can expect them to have the backs of the transfem community whe the newest transmisogynistic harassment campaign starts on this dogshit website.

A growing problem on here is the continuous dilution and rejection of feminism and even some of the most basic feminist positions in favour of positions that would be perfectly at home in a 2016 antifeminist mra youtuber's videos if it wasn't for the pseudo-progressive tone of the message. It is what has lead to "you should shut up about transmisogyny and suck my dick", a position championed by "genderpunks" and transandrophobia truthers. The drift from understanding the basic premise that we live in a patriarchal and misogynist society to "well, men have it bad too, so who's to say what the real gender dynamics are like" and even "men have it bad too, specifically because they are men" has erased a lot of progress on this website and allowed this kind of thing to happen.

The way to close the gap and achieve trans unity is not to ask for silence from trans women speaking against the abuse done to us or to pretend that gender dynamics do not exist politically, but to take steps towards solidarity with us and speak out against transmisogynists and to push back against antifeminist rhetoric.

This post, obviously is aimed at people who are genuinely interested in trans unity, not people who scold others about trans unity whenever trans women have a problem with the way we are treated.

Chuds keep saying that you “need to answer Courtney’s claims” that “your silence is only hurting you” and it only brings the sole realization that none of those idiots seem to get. Isn’t it fucking wrong to be in the business of two siblings who had a rough upbringing that literally NONE OF US have the right to know about nor indulge in its details? Like i get that it’s because of this extremely hatred for you, but these people don’t have the fucking moment to step back and simply ask the question “wait, why is this our business”

I know you’re pursuing your own legal response that basically tells Courtney to put up or shut up, but goddamn you shouldn’t have to deal with all of this.

It's worth mentioning that none of that is helped by Courtney playing "Uno Reverse" with our entire lives. Courtney explicitly made it everyone's business through an act of vindictive spite and dishonesty.

And people have been obsessed with gossip for years. Nosy assholes have long been the favoured weapons of abusers. Gossiping in the cafeteria/office water cooler is old as dirt, and only made worse by the mouthbreathing social rejects who actually use Twitter (which if you're feeling grim about the state of humanity is about 5.9% of the global population, compared to the 30% that uses Youtube, lol).

Couple that with the fact that most of the people who believe Courtney's bullshit only do so because they already don't like me, and the unfortunate truth about internet harassment is that your willingness to believe accusations is directly tied to your personal feelings on the target in question and not the merits of the allegations. And this also includes you, the person reading this.

Everyone loves to believe they're personally above this shit until the target is the e-celeb they don't like. A lot of the people who were gung ho about Courtney eventually realized that she's a delusional nutcase when she started accusing them of sexually assaulting her as well, but their hatred of me is too strong to make them go "Wait a minute..."

A lot of them have invested so much of themselves into their hatred of me, rethinking it would be too emotionally devastating. So they double down and go "They're both bad" rather than clue in to who Courtney was doing this shit with first.

Courtney likes to blackmail and threaten people, we've seen her do that in real time. And I was the first person she did that to. She did it the same way, taking advantage of the fact that there was someone in the house who would believe literally anything bad said about me to disastrous effect. That creature had me on a fucking leash with that kind of threat for two years.

But the fact that she mirrors these tactics with people, crying "SA" the moment someone has the audacity to cross her increasingly fragile ego and temper doesn't make a lot of her newest victims go "Wait hang on" because I'm still "That evil bitch who is dumb and annoying."

This is their soap opera. This is how nosy Twitter Tardigrades have fun. Mikaila showed me a screenshot of one person calling the accusations Courtney has made about me "Banger content" (I'll ask her for it when she wakes up). That's all this is to them.

It's why they want my side of the story in the first place. They don't actually care, they're just hoping it has some shocking twist. My silence isn't hurting me, it's boring them.

at the risk of opening a huge can of worms,, care to rant about ao3 or talk about what you don't like about it? i don't know a lot about it and im super curious + i trust your opinion,, if that sounds like a lot of mental energy of course no worries,, love you n take care

tw mention of common controversial fic tag topics like child abuse, sexual violence, racism etc...because when you talk about the site, these things inevitably crop up. Anyway, time to swing a bat at a beehive.

I mean, first and foremost I want to point out because it doesn't really need to be hidden behind a tw, that when you're consuming content and not signed in then you have to agree to their terms of service which includes "if you reveal your race or religion or sexuality then you might open yourself up to harassment based on that, click here to agree" and from the very second they put that up I've thought it was the ugliest and most hateful thing I've ever seen in my life. I stopped using the site for a long time because it was so hideous to me that rather than put any basic effort towards moderation they just made you agree to a disclaimer that you understood that being gay or black or muslim would get you bullied and they won't do anything. Fuck them to the depths of hell for that, but I'll get into why the site is still used despite it's god awful garbage policy on washing its hand of all the content it allows to be on there.

I guess the tl;dr of that is both I don't think that using the site is morally worse than using any other social media site (ie I think all sites are equally as guilty as ao3, not that I think ao3 is not any worse than any other site), but I also understand why someone would individually decide to not use the site because they find it morally repulsive.

If you read this and feel the need to tell me about the old days of the internet when fanfiction was subversive and dangerous to post because of copyright, please go outside and touch some grass because you're an adult and you should have better things to do (not specifically you anon, this is a blanket warning).

tl;dr not every triggering piece of media is a masterpiece and should stop pretending like it is, not every person who writes about trauma is brave and indeed some of them are the reason people have to write about their trauma later on, "writing as therapy" is only valid insofar as you ask yourself if your mental health is better or worse after exposing your vulnerabilities to a fandom for public validation, and then you have to ask yourself if it was worth the reader's mental health as well, we as a species are responsible for other people (especially children) whether we like it or not, and finally ao3 has abdicated that responsibility in favour of pretending they're doing something vital by hosting and taking oodles and oodles of donations for...what exactly? Are they in a constant state of being sued? Is someone getting paid, because they have a lot of volunteers and no paid humans to moderate complaints/reports?

I know people have a lot of valid financial criticisms about how they run their business (I’ve seen posts but I didn’t memorize them so I’ll just skim on by these: I’m sure if you searched AO3 tag on Tumblr you’d see...well a lot that probably isn't worth the effort, but maybe find someone who has the proper mileage to talk about business practices).

I mostly, very frankly, don’t really approve of “well it was tagged” methodology behind allowing people to write whatever crosses their mind no matter how triggering or poorly thought or harmful it is overall. Stick with me here, people like to react at this point.

This shouldn’t be very surprising as I’ve at least posted snippets of blogs pointing out that I think people who claim basic moderation of content is censorship are stupid and as annoying to engage with as your garden variety Reddit troll, and that not every piece about controversial topics is a stunning deep dive into morality and the human mind and a lot of it is just trite garbage that hides behind the reputation of much better pieces of media as if every fic containing CSA is Lolita (which in itself struggles to be understood in a world that mostly supports child abuse and hates girls and women, but that’s a discussion you can hear from the Lolita Podcast, tw for...well it’s about the book Lolita so CSA at minimum), which they aren’t.

Again, is an AO3 anime fanfic the best platform for trauma content in general? And that’s without even asking “is this something that’s present in the text being explored by the author” (for example, the Elder Scrolls has sexual violence baked into vampire lore: I tag for sexual violence, therefore, if I mention topics directly pertaining to it, even though I never and will never write explicit sexual violence just because that's not my deal), versus "was this added by the author to an unrelated work" and "why did they do that?" (and "which character did they do it to" and "why that character" and "is this author enacting a violent sexual fantasy against as marginalized group because it makes them horny because I gotta tell you, not interested in the rights of those people overall let alone to do so in a public space where there's kids and also normal people").

People talk about fic as therapy which is valid to a point, but you have to ask yourself if therapy needs to be posted for public consumption. It's entirely possible that people are writing and posting therapy fics in good faith, but that doesn't mean that they have a get out criticism free card: they need to ask themselves if that's an appropriate and healthy way to approach theraputic writing (if it's for therapy, do you want it to be subject to public opinion? do you want it to be subject to people who aren't critically engaging with it and just think it's sexy? is that healthy for you? is that healthy for the person reading it?), if it's a valuable deconstruction of your feelings or literally just venting (ie did you want to deep dive on a topic, did you want to show it as a multifaceted thing, did you want to show the effects it can have in a healthy and safe space, or were you writing it to just get it out of you? if you just wanted it out of you, did it need to be posted for others to interact with? again, is that healthy for you? is that healthy for others?), or if it's really for theraputic purposes or if that's another wall that predators are hiding behind to validate themselves (which I gotta say, I see "turns out x person in fandom was a predator" way more often than I see a fic like this and think "wow they really got at something here").

Now, here's where people with the instinct to react to all that have my permission to calm down because I have a very obvious answer to the people who are screaming CENSORSHIP, WHY DON'T YOU JUST GIVE ME A LIST OF TOPICS IT'S OKAY TO WRITE ABOUT at their screen. Real people doing real moderation work is the answer, but much like literally all large scale social media sites, ao3 doesn't do that. If they want to allow for topics like that to be engaged with, if they want to allow for people to have the space to do this, it has to come part and parcel with people moderating for users who will abuse the system. For example, it gets grey around sexual violence, as it can be framed in a consensual and sexual way (BDSM, for example, is something that could both be consensual but should be tagged as sexual violence if it includes such a thing)—a human moderator can see that. A tag leaves that up to the writer and the person who's consuming it without really knowing which it is.

I'm just saying, but for a site that takes in so much money through donations, they should be able to invest in a real team of real (diverse!) people paid to moderate fic to make sure that a fic tagged underage is addressing something in canon (allowing for the extremely insignificant statistical chance that a victim is reclaiming a character from a fic and not just writing underage because they're a young teenager who wants their self-insert to be their age but doesn't want to age down a canonical character, or again the visibly more significant portion of people who think it's sexy) and not glorifying child abuse because the author is a child abuser who thinks that publically posting such a thing "doesn't count" because there was not a physically alive child involved (that they know of).

Which is a segway into the next point, you only have to be thirteen to sign up to a website that proudly hosts not only these topics (which, like it or not, it shouldn't be up to a child to self-moderate full stop; I don't care who "turned out okay" in the end, I don't care who thinks its good for kids to be exposed to intense and/or explicit topics (speaking from experience, go to hell), I don't care if every day TV shows and movies are just as bad so who cares, I don't care if "well they'll find it somewhere", it is not their job to self moderate as a feature of the website and it's not for a website run by adults to trust that children will stick to their lane once they've already been told that this is a space that includes them) but also just garden variety explicit content. You can never guarantee that nobody is lying about their age, and it's not good practice to assume that someone who seems like a child online actually is one: it is, however, your responsibility to do your level best to make sure that you've made clear that a child isn't welcome in the space that you've created explicitly for adult content. My games are all tagged as NSFW on itch, even though there isn't explicit boning. I don't love to associate my games with what is a GENEROUS swath of fetish porn, but I also don't want kids there in case I ever do want to get a little dicey with the sexual content, or violence content. I don't want to write in the responsible kind of way that one does when there's kids around, so I use the tools I have to do my best to make sure that kids know it's not their space.

It's what makes being a content creator difficult, on ao3 and on every website: every site is technically like this. You know children are there, and you know they're happy to lie about their age to get at restricted content. As a user, all you can really do is tag it and hope that people abide by those tags, because there are no content moderators there for you to get help from and the original purposes of these tags (as warnings) is being twisted by people (many of whom I think would absolutely get the ban hammer if there was a real and dedicated team of moderators and a useful and meaningful way to report people) into being used as advertisements.

Now, there's plenty to say about how functional an actual team of moderators would be (cog is proof of that, plus the basic human knowledge that putting a team of cis white people on the job isn't going to represent the interests of targeted parties), but contemporary internet has at minimum proven that 1) doing nothing, and 2) letting a robot decide, isn't working. Every website is just as culpable as ao3, but ao3 is in the extremely dubious position of being proud to host the things that it does, refusing to moderate and putting full responsibility for consuming content on a userbase that includes children, and only just now (I've heard: rumours swirl) giving people a way to block others? Other companies (YouTube another big "we're happy to traumatize children for dollars") at least have the smokescreen ability to restrict that content, even if they don't exercise it (or exercise it very badly, but the point is ao3 was built for adult content).

I don't think everyone who uses ao3 is being willfully ignorant or negligent in some way (obviously: I still use it). It's the most popular and high trafficked fic site and out of the three big ones (WattPad, fanfic.net, and itself) has the better reputation as far as "hosting work for people of a certain age" (ie, there's nothing for me, in my mid twenties, on WattPad, even if I'm not looking for sexual content). Engagement is just as terrible as it is on somewhere like Tumblr (the evil you know) but on ao3 you're not competing with visual art which is a huge problem on multi media sites (not to pit artists and writers against each other, but I'm sure many text game authors are happy to talk about how poor their engagement is compared to games with visual sprites).

I think the owners of ao3 are being extremely negligent and doing so on purpose because they come from a pool of people who think that 1) they turned out fine (which is subjective on a huge scale and I would definitely argue that adults who figure they blanket turned out fine after exposure to even casual internet usage among mostly their peers should reexamine; you don't have to have full blown PTSD to recognise that something deeply affected you as a child and where exactly you found that shit), and that 2) they have no means of for sure keeping out children and therefore they're clear to do nothing (which is a terrible abdication of responsibility, all the way down to greedily including children (with a wealth of spare time, potentially spare income depending on the household, and willingness to believe that a site that caters to their interests is therefore interested in them as an individual) in their userbase while claiming not to cater to them).

I think every dogshit fic on their is on their shoulders far more than the handful of inoffensive stuff or the stuff that they get praised for hosting (ie, good fic). I also don't think there's an ice cube's chance in hell of their policy ever changing, simply because you can't tell anything to people who think getting bullied for liking fandom is the same as structural oppression, and at this point the site has been allowed to grow so far without moderation that the effort to bring it under control would be an insane expense in both time and recompense for people who would be setting themselves up to purposely dig through traumatizing material in order to weed out the shit that should never have been allowed to be there in the first place.

My work and the work of my friends and peers on there is not a reflection of them having done something correctly, only that they have a stranglehold on sites specifically for hosting writing where fic writers are able to at all engage with fandom, versus multimedia sites where we're largely ignored for the much for aesthetically straightforward (ie "make the blog look nice") and optimized (Tumblr is NOT optimized for long text posts, not from a posting perspective and not from a display perspective) visual art (which still struggles with engagement!).

Semi-Return

I'm gonna be honest, I haven't the foggiest if I actually mentioned I'd be on Hiatus or if life just yoinked the rug under my mitts. Apologies for a lack of head's up - *if* anyone's still around. Below will be a contents of what this post will be about. Please feel free to skip to whichever part is to your liking. The cards are in your favour.

CONTENTS: - Reasons for Absence - Unanswered Asks/Deleted Asks When Anon Was Enabled - Hazbin/Helluva, Basically some of my thoughts on both from the time I left til now, and other hazzy shite like that - Other Hazzy thoughts incl the staff and fandom PLUS the interactions here PLUS PLUS if any of those thoughts have changed - Future of this blog

Loooong Read

REASONS FOR ABSENCE:

Honestly. Life. That's it really. Life. I'm chronically knackered. Ive got those under my care to tend to. I got a lot to sort. Etc etc. Also the drama here, as well as just... Honestly hearing about someone I saw as a friend being very young - that wouldnt normally upset me because they're a friend, but... I still worry for them. Their wellbeing. And I feel (in my personal experience - good for you if youve had better... Yer lucky feck! ;P) tumblr and twitter are some of the most toxic places sometimes, especially with the utter bs both carry. Humans are erroneous by design and we should help people be educated and grow. But that's not my experience with either site. Both fuel yes men, altered reality, bullying and misinformation as well as hate. Both preach about equality yet both are the most excluding, hateful places in my experience. Also in before the 'but YOURE a hater' - One, I critic. I'm talking about shit like death threats, false accusations, REAL shit. Real harmful shit. Either way, if you see this, I genuinely fucking care, alright? But for the love of whatever you believe in, you need to find a SAFE and POSITIVE space, Sweet- Tumblr and Twitter can be really bigoted, bias and hateful (I know, "But we here support LGBT+ etc etc" bollocks. Some of you think hating hets and cis or whatever is equality. Some of you harass trans. Equality means fucking EQUALITY. Shouldnt be hard to be remotely decent and just fucking RESPECT one another. Preach allll you fucking want about 'The Gov doesnt care and victimises us!" - and youd be right! - but you play directly into that by following into hate and finding a blame game or scapegoat regardless of the reality. Be. NICE. It's the bare minimal of being a person. We arent perfect and aint always nice but at least try to have decency and manners MOST the times. Likewise, both sides get into these lil rally wars n shit yet hold people to extremely high standards. It's silly. High standards are GREAT but perfectionism is not a realistic acheivement. Point is, dont be a shitbag to the best of your abilities. And to this particular friend, please PLEASE just get away from all this mess and focus on you and your health and identity. You have potential and I dont want to see that squandered by the toxicity of society when they think being behind wires and plastic sheets is gonna protect their shittiness. Look after yourself, ok? Im worried. Im not the best at wording shit or emotional stuff or approaching, but I do care. Please look after yourself.

UNANSWERED ASKS/DELETED ASKS FROM GOING ANON:

Tbf I didnt know going anon would delete the old asks - thanks for that lil warning tumblr... ya knobs lol. Alright I'll get to them as fast as I can but again, Ive got many duties to attend to. Luckily some I got still noted that were deleted soooo~ Sadly most were anon so whilst the original person sadly may not see, it'll at least be accessible for them. I'll apologise for promising this so much. I prefer to give a genuine answer. Give time to dedicate to those who take time to leave them. Basically, Im a sad fucker LOL Nah but it's just nice to give and share time, innit? Oh but for anything like hate, aggression, etc? Nah... Also can we stop sending people (not just for me but for everyone - Ive heard people get sent some right awful shit) threats of assault, false allegations, triggers, etc etc. Just dont mate. Im seeing a rise in online harassment in many places and it's just pathetic we've hit this stage aint it?

Hazbin/Helluva, Basically some of my thoughts on both from the time I left til now, and other hazzy shite like that:

Errr honestly? I speak mostly within a private critiques group on this stuff now. Many because we can give an instant reaction before actually mulling over thoughts, opinions, critiques, there's so much room to educate ourselves and others and it's liberating to have a voice in which folks can agree, disagree, whichever and be mature and friendly in these moments. It's an honour. Likewise, there's a verification process to ensure you're actually an adult and who you claim to be to make sure things are ran appropriately. The very few minors allowed are ones we've known for awhile and can trust to act appropriately (likewise they're instantly disabled from accessing any NSFW channels - though discussions on SpindleHorse and whatnot are appropriately labelled and censored. To sum up my thoughts briefly (I know, a fucking challenge lol), I aint a fan. Simple. More indepth of bts will be in the next section, but for the shows themselves... HB just... Eh, I like some designs but otherwise it's like Twilight - fanfic gone famous and catering to the wrong stuff. Animation errors that are pretty piss poor considering their team. Story is shit, Im sorry. But it's just shit. I wanted to learn about IMP and all that. Not some toxic fujoshi on imp x an insult of a genuine demon (x2 if you include Fizz). There's a difference between authentic rep from a good place and queerbaiting for clout, brownie points and money. And anyone can be bigoted, ignorant or toxic in ways, including to their own identities. It's just... Ive seen better. All in all, it's demonic Family Guy. Fun for mindless entertainment but stale jokes, crap music, decent-ish designs, really it's animated low-quality fanfiction to cater to an overabundance fanservice that forgets it's original purpose. Inconsistent. Just... There's better if quality matters to you in any of these areas. It's strength lies in pretty visuals. It's clear that it panders more to younger, immature, teen audiences, as well as certain toxic things (such as glorifying sexual abuse). As a worshipper, I personally find the depiction of real demons to be an insult to them, especially in use of real sigils without any skillset in usage. Viv and co SHOULD have learned this from the Alastor uproar but clearly not. More on that in the next section pertaining to Viv and co themselves. Overall, it's... Mediocre. Im not saying it's easy, but it's clearly lacking in a multitude of areas. Perhaps I'll cover these in authentic review breakdowns in the future. Perhaps not. It's overhyped for what you get. And for those saying "But numbers!!! It's doing well!" not only have numbers dipped but more importantly not everything of higher quality/passion/deserving gets there - at least not as rapidly. Look at people who constantly scam their audiences like Tana (scams, lazy, not really that entertaining unless you're young, pulls an obnoxious childish tantrum for attention), or drama fuelled people like Trisha Paytas, or even proven vile individuals like Jeffree Starr (though he IS very talented), Shane Dawson (mediocre 'documentaries'), Onision (though luckily he's getting less glory which means less kids to ruin), etc etc. Some only run a career from controversy. Some have genuine talent but not the attitude to match, etc etc. How often do we find many hidden gems or underrated glory? Exactly that! Exactly that. As for Hazbin? Eh too. Honestly I can't fucking stand Angel Dust. He's shitty, flat (in characterisation), mostly a stereotype (for BOTH the hypersexual predatory gay -aka the 1950s perspective, or the uwu cute fluffy innocent boi. He's just... Flat), not particularly interesting to me nor my cup of tea. And though absolutely none of you are actually privy to my reasonings or experiences, Ive met and currently know some nasty AD-types and suffered some shit. That's my business I'll get more into soon. TLDR; I dont like the main protagonist (ONE of the main). And no, it's nothing to do with sex work or sexuality. It's sad I even have to say that. Charlie's new design whilst better than the old design is

still kinda crap. Have little hope in Hazbin - both in success but more importantly in my personal interest of it. I'll probably still draw and cosplay and what not, but I aint a fan. Simple as really. Again Ive seen better things at the same stage. It's just massively overhyped and has a fanbase of those it claims it wasnt for - just shows how shit the marketing is. Also Sam and Raph for the official team is bad. Luckily they arent writers, but they're both very questionable. One could argue that for most staff and fans tbf but still. Not my circus, not my monkeys.

Other Hazzy thoughts incl the staff and fandom PLUS the interactions here PLUS PLUS if any of those thoughts have changed:

Errrrr, right. To try to briefen shit, I dont support the staff or majority of the fandom. So fucking much hatred, hiveminded toxicity. Hell, the utter sweetheart who told me a H*skerD*st Discord was ragging on me (tbf that's online and just people for you, the thing that bothers me is this thing Im about to say plus the fact that these fans were almost encouraged to bully and harass me, that's obviously not ok. Shit talk me if it helps you and if you're healthy to yourself about it. Shit talk to mates or in private. But dont just encourage harassment, false rumours, be an onlooker to this shit or anything of that nature. That's shitty on you. Whilst I value honesty, I also acknowledge and accept people do shit talk. That's fine, we've all done it. Just dont encourage shitty things and act later to stop it nor be an onlooker to it. That's just disgusting of you) turns out in that group is a fan of HH, and a HB artist, HunterGirl (Look, you're talented, I dont like you and Im very aware that's semi-mutual, tbh I aint that big on your radar to hate, just more of a 'Oh that prick' sorta jobby. I aint got that much of an inflated ego LOL. But if you by chance see this - I know yall have me on blacklist to not talk about - but just... You're a fucking STAFF member. This isn't professional of you. Tbf, none of SH is professional imo but you need to conduct yourself better. To see the bts shit talking - if you could even call it that - is just... It's just disappointing to see you interact with fans this way and allow such shit to happen for so long. It's immature and the fact that SH FANS are getting these personal interactions with you to see this... I know they're on your side but you need to set a better example of how to conduct yourself - especially at the level of publicity you have. Ive seen so many of the SH staff and even Viv to this current day still do twatish things and bully smaller artists and whatnot. Please just set a better example of conduct and hold YOURSELF to better standards. Though - again - if in the unlikely circumstance that you see this, I do appreciate you eventually putting a stop to it. It's just moreso 1) Behaving professionally as well as an appropriate relationship with fans with clear boundaries - note to onlookers: Hunter hasnt done anything predatory to my knowledge, I just mean that interacting with fans is different than to your mates - and 2) Dont allow harassment to happen. It's fine if theres a healthy space to rant about it or be annoyed, but the harassment, bullying and outright denial some of your people had over MY traumas is utterly disrespectful and immature. I just appreciate that for the most part, those particular fans would either have me blacklisted/blocked here as well or will respect my space also).

I dont want to go into massive details but I just dont like most SH fans. Some are fucking lovely and many are amazingly talented. But many are just the reason people instantly hate something without giving it a chance. It's a self written self defeating prophecy almost. Cult-like mindset (note cult-*like*). Hiveminded with minimal difference or tolerance to individuality - no respect for that so everyone bullies one another to prove their more righteous and it's pathetic. Most fans, I just dislike. Will I hate and harass? Fuck no, never have. But Ive stood my corner. As youve seen, I dont tolerate shit. We all deserve some level of respect and if you're going to throw me under the bus over thinking differently then I'll defend myself. It's two way. None of you lot should tolerate bullying or unnecessary vitriol either. On those lines, there's also a fuckin rumour awhile back that I was a bully and bullying Viv LOL To clarify, criticism isnt bullying. And honestly? Seeing the sort Viv is, she needs tough love, less control and more flexibility to mature. She's spoilt and it shows. She ruins her own potential. If A24 give her too much say, HH will be just as corny and mediocre as HB. It's trying too hard to be BoJack and coming out more like Family Guy Hell, instead of being it's OWN thing, telling it's OWN story and what not. Viv, stop trying to fucking fit in and please everyone with your stupid ships and whatnot like YanDev with his daft Easter Eggs. Both of you bend over for the wrong sorts. Compromise with the right ones and grow a lot! Tbh my criticism's here were nicer. Why? Because I wanted her to grow and succeed. Past tense. Part of me feels if this fails, it may be that push she needs to force herself into self growth and improvement, however I'm not going to personally orchestrate that. For starts, she's great at that alone. Secondly, I'm just being a critic. Im not going out of my way to fucking bully anyone. Im far too busy for one, and secondly it's just not appropriate. I'll stand my ground and defend but that's it. If anyone - anyone - was to be my target to take down personally... It's highly unprofessional and inappropriate to mention but it'd be like someone who harms kids or animals. Not some petty Mean Girl Wannabes online. But dangerous big fry. Where I'd actually contribute to doing something to protect others. Viv and Co are just... Idk. Theyre just your classic bitchy clique at times and hide some of their incompetence's and horrible behaviours publicly yet are still mostly the same nasties they always have been. They can do better if they put in the hard work to see that and do it. If anything, they just enable one anothers bad habits. They behave cruelly. They flock together with their own sort. They're not particularly wonderful or role models but they arent bottom of the barrel. I'll say some harsh shit about them but I wont make up shit (If I spread a source that turns out false, lmk and I'll get to that! Dislike false information) and I wont encourage anyone to be a twat to others. If I find out anyone following is behaving a fool, I'll let them know to behave better. I dont like Viv. I dont like most of her staff (I like Monica, we mainly talk about her bird tbh. She's been lovely so far and her bird keeping advice is useful. See? Proof animals are the key to being better, animals just join folks. Praise animals! XD). Most of them have very bad vibes and red flags. I dont support being cunts to them either. If you wish to vocally voice distaste by all means! But never seek them out to be horrid nor send others. Just dont. I wish Spindle would behave better and genuinely grow as people but they wont - not in the current state theyre in. Self feeding cycle. Its a wasteful shame. Though... If ANYONE has read my things and gone off to bully or harass anyone, you're a fucking dolt and need to re-evaluate your conduct! Dont be a prick. Being courteous should NOT be as difficult as people online are portraying. It's shameful!

I dislike the fucking drama, hate and how vile nearly everyone involved is - from fans to staff. Really, it's unwarranted and for those claiming to add to positive rep, you're fucking ace at killing diversity within fandoms. Embrace both similarity and difference. Both are GOOD. Unless being a toxic twat is involved then very bad! And toxic as in all this bullying and shit. Not everything is or will be positive, but if hate isnt present or a warrant for war, then it can be used to improve. But what do I know, I'm just the window cleaner.

Also yes, I hate HD still. For my traumas, I - like many others online - felt pressured to justify my opposing opinion by the inclusion of my traumas. Ultimately it was still me to post those. But truthfully? No one owes you shit. If someone says something triggers or has any traumatic connection - no matter how silly seeming - just take it as is. Congrats, some people lie in life. But for those like myself who were honest, it's shit to be gruellingly transparent about our hurts. No one is entitled to that. You arent my medical team. You arent anyone who is there to assist me in my experiences. And you have absolutely NO right to dictate to me the reality of my experiences as well as their impact. I do not owe you any details of my experiences. And they are not your weapons. They arent weapons at all. Regardless, many both agreed and disagreed. But for the love of god, no one owes details for others to judge if they warrant a trigger. Just be respectful. For that period, you know what happened bts? I posted my peace on my profile. People came to me both agreeing and disagreeing. People also came to me with hatred and harassment and gaslighting. Never did I seek out others. If someone has pro-HD, I just block those tags, those people, that related stuff as best as possible. Alas, I do not need others to validate and authenticate my traumas nor do I need to be open about them to explain my reasonings to anyone. Hate it, love it, dont care. But I have my opinions and this is one of those I will not shift on for personal reasons. That's all any stranger needs to know. Agree to disagree, respect that, move on. Finally on this section. Im aware HH/HB are religious liberations for Viv. I can respect that. I understand religion isnt something that everyone can see fondly. Hell it's harmful to some via traumas and what have you. But I'll respectfully disagree on your approaches to sex positive (which comes off more fetishing and 1 dimensional than more in depth and fleshed out and varied, as well as cheating being this scandalous thrill - which cheating is shit even if the partner isnt great. Just split. Adults act like babies sometimes, and I mean that about the real world) as well as compatibility and religion/beliefs. I just ask that 1) at LEAST be respectful about Voudou (which helped black slaves feel liberation in times of severe oppression and slavery for poc) as well as 2) Look, personally basing designs on deities can be risky. But if there's 2 things I'll warn it's that you need to be careful using real sigils (make up a false one based on the original and strip it of power or something) and your versions of genuine demons are... yikes. Just fucking go full throttle on artistic liberties to make your own or... Just make your own! I'm not asking you to believe, but to know when to be respectful. Religion is portrayed as ultimate good and ultimate evil no matter what, just be more skillful at this. Dont claim to be this demonology pro when what you show proves otherwise. Make it clear to fans that these are different to the actual ones. Something. Just at least respect Voudou and be careful with real sigils. Hell even if you have to be cliche and misuse the pentagram and pentacle, it's safer. Making your own would be more useful in uniquely branding yourself safely. And research. But it feels less of liberation for something that's oppressed and hurt you and more so just petty mockery for revenge as well as unresolved other pains on your side. I dont doubt it's harmed you - but SHOW, make us feel, and breathe in that expressive liberation. Something-

Future of this blog:

I'll still haunt the shit out of you.

In less ominous terms, I'll be on-off I suppose. Less SpindleHorse focused as the drama aint worth it and I dont like most folks attached. Just most are fuelled by being a knobhead. I can name people here in my head that it's clear they gang together and intentionally bait fights whilst having paper thin, water damaged counter points themselves. CBA. That being said, it's my blog and I'll post whatever for me. If you dont take interest or want to harass, leave. If you like it, stay. But BUT if Im misinformed or ignorant or anything like that, just tell me politely. Educate me. Help me grow. We can help each other. It's not hard if you reach out peacefully and in a friendly way. Encourage growth in others. Just... Dont be a bellend.

Anyways, Im going to imagine taking a shit as I clean out the Snowminator. Why? Because he needs a clean and I dont have the fucking foggiest if I actually need the loo or if Im just bored.