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havin-fun-imagining-twd · 10 months

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Still beating

What - dealing with grief as the dust finally starts to settle. Dealing with grief regarding one specific character's death in particular. You know the one.

Genre - heavier, but we get devoted husband/father Daryl out of the mix. And we don't end the chapter on a bummer, never fear. This ain't a French movie, slowpokes

Relationships - wife Reader and husband Daryl as well as your baby. Familial affection with Rick, and that balance between friend and clergy for Father Gabriel.

Perspective - 3rd POV Daryl, and 2nd POV You

Pronouns - she/her

When - time jump! we've briefly hopped to post season 8, pre season 9 (but before The best kind of damn weird). This chapter takes place during the earlier phases of recovery and rebuilding after the war. The previous chapter, Scary as a sleepy kitten, took place during season 2.

TWs - grief, PTSD (including after SA), depression, self-loathing, and some cussing. This chapter is also kinda lengthy, friends, and had to have exposition. (Might should've sliced the chapter in half, but then we'd have another two-parter on our hands :P)

But how long though? - ...20 minutes or so?

Story references and Masterlist link? - under the cut

And is there a pic at the end as a prize for finishing? - yes :D

Have fun and happy reading!

References to other chapters - what we learned in The Interview. There is also grieving/anger as seen in The first Christmas 'without' Part 2 and its conclusion in I don't hate you, a happy reference to Happy 8th of July!, reference to those lovely tugging strings as found in Invisible Tugging Strings, Part 1 and Part 2 (Part 2 I reckon is still glitched and showing as labeled mature, the poor thing's been cleared about 7ish times via help ticket XD ).

There are a lot more details you might recognize, pop on by to the Official Masterlist here, or for those who prefer linear over non-linear, the Chronological Slowpoke Masterlist here

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Still beating

She was doing real bad. The past few days had been especially bad. Grief has nasty ways of settling in and rearing its ugly head.

He didn’t know too much about what to do to help her, he’d never been good at that stuff. And there was no fixing all that happened, especially not when the last thing that happened was the worst thing that could’ve.

Other than if TJ or Judith died, it was the worst thing. And part of his wife died right alongside Carl.

Hell, she’d been the one to wait after Carl died, then turned, to pull the trigger.

Now, she felt dead, too.

Gabe had to suggest that she check her pulse when it got bad enough.

Just then, TJ started to wriggle and hum in an attempt to root at Daryl's bicep, which pulled him out of his worry for a second.

Gently, he began to bounce to try and keep his baby lulled. He knows Y/N wanted to breastfeed only to get her production up (and so TJ’s suckle could get stronger after the surgery), but Y/N was finally asleep.

Beginning with when Denise was killed, Y/N hadn’t been making as much as she first had. Then, the Saviors stopped the RV and surrounded them, and Negan did what he did. Then Daryl himself got taken away, then there was all the fighting.

And then Carl died.

Getting her milk to come back had been proving damned hard.

A handful of not-very-good times, they’d supplemented what milk she did make with watered-down formula and/or watered-down goat's milk.

One very bad time, they’d used sugar water to fill the babies’ bellies until Jesus got back with goat's milk. Just the one time they had to use sugar water, everybody made damn sure of that.

For now, Daryl could crack into what was still left of the goat's milk in the cooler, right? The two women in the Kingdom who had little guys had sent over actual breast milk with Carol a few days ago, but it was used up yesterday. That stuff had been a God-send, he couldn’t thank the ladies enough.

Between the two babies in Alexandria, TJ and Gracie, everyone had to be smart about using what formula was left. And given that the power got cut, keeping the goat's milk fresh was another problem, hence the cooler.

There was still a shit ton of clean-up had since the Saviors nabbed Alexandria’s storage, then firebombed the town. To make things worse, those assholes had their own compound destroyed, and Hilltop and the Kingdom got screwed, too. Even the beach women took another beating. Hell, and them junkyard people were literally all fucking gone except their leader chick.

So, Y/N breastfed the two babies as much she was physically able because there was no other option right now, all while working as the only other doc left standing in all five communities; she was running herself into the ground.

And with Carl gone…

It ain’t fair that she couldn’t make enough — it was Negan’s goddamned fault.

Which leads to what just went on: so Mich had told him, Y/N’d lashed out at Negan and the new doctor kid with the facial hair, what was his name, Sidney?

Daryl hadn’t been at the infirmary when it happened, but, according to Mich, she’d had to pull her out of the room. Once out, Y/N asked her about TJ, Judith, and Gracie to make sure they were safe, then disappeared after Mich had turned around. Straight up and bolted.

Daryl had checked the escape-closet first, but she wasn’t in there or the attic it connected to, wasn't on the roof that lead to.

He’d then checked the burned church. She’d been there, he recognized her boot prints, but she'd moved on. From there, he was able to follow her sooty tracks in the direction of the place he should’ve known to check first.

Sure enough, Y/N'd been at Carl’s grave.

His wife could barely look at him when he approached. He'd simply kissed her on the head and quietly walked her back home. Once home, he'd cleaned and bandaged her hand while she, again, tried to pump enough for TJ and Gracie.

Mich had told Daryl she’d get Rick for her, so he’d be here soon.

Daryl wracked his brain, he even prayed to learn what do to try to help carry Y/N through this shit.

At first, Y/N’d been pacing around the room, crying but trying not to, arms wrapped around her picture frame with a photo of Carl in it as if it was the only thing keeping her afloat.

He'd been able to persuade her to lay down, and ended up laying in bed with her and holding her tight, TJ next to them in little bassinet.

Initially, him holding her and pressing kisses to her neck had made her feel worse. More guilty, that is. A handful of days ago, something got into her head that she needed to give him a damn "annulment."

Nah, for real, she’d even said (to Gabe) that the two of them not having ever done the deed yet was "grounds" to give him one. “Grounds to free him,” were her exact words. It was a whole thing, and the couple of failed attempts at trying to do the deed after getting hitched some months back probably made her feel worse.

Father Gabriel had Daryl's back the whole time during the conversation, though, decent dude.

And no, Daryl wasn’t angry or even real hurt that she’d thought she had to ‘free him’ and shit, he knows it was the grief and physical exhaustion that got her to that point. His woman had full-on blacked out and hurt herself that day, which is why he'd brought her to Gabe in the first place.

But the, um, the walls were thinner than Daryl had expected, which is how he overheard from the person that he was gonna love and stay with and stay faithful to until he dropped dead softly confess that she was “selfish” to keep him “stuck” with a “batshit m-mess” like her and “a baby that ain’t his.”

The fact that Y/N kept maintaining how much she loved him and how she didn’t want no annulment helped it hurt less when she’d sounded just about convinced that it was “loyalty to me ’cause we’re close, loyalty to Rick,” and because of “he’s got so much shame. He feels responsible for what the Claimers did,” that made him marry her those months ago. "He loves our ch—my child, and might love me, but it's not fair to him. He deserves better, h-he needs better, the man's been trapped all his life. I-I don't want him trapped, I want him happy!"

Gabe never played into her fears. He been no nonsense about all of it, told Y/N that she needed a damn rest, and asked her to tell him what she thought about it when she woke up.

The good thing was that after a 5 hour period of uninterrupted sleep (during which they used some of the goat's milk for TJ and Gracie), she woke up in a daze at why she’d thought an annulment was something Daryl needed or wanted.

The bad thing was, she was then socked in the gut with more unearned guilt for it, then with worry that she was too far gone, or crazy, all that.

Been a bad, bad few days.

Been a lot of Daryl showing her love that she felt not worth being shown. So that she fell asleep in his arms today was such a damn win!

After getting up to take a leak and finding that Y/N was miraculously still asleep, he thanked whoever was up there, then tried to figure out what else he could do to help her get through today…and right at that moment, TJ started to rouse, so he got his answer: keep their baby comforted. More shut-eye could only do his woman well.

Deftly lifting the little bundle into his arms, he'd kissed the scar above the baby’s upper lip and tiptoed out to the hall, where he was now.

Lightly he bounced, softly he shushed. He held TJ like a football and moved back and forth, back and forth. Babies smell so damn good, and make the cutest damn noises!

After a couple minutes, through the open door, he peeked at his Y/N.

Shit. She was already sitting up and blinking off the sleep.

Whatever it was she did and said today, she felt low as hell about it, that much was clear. Without looking, she grabbed the now-broken picture frame and clutched it to her middle.

"You're supposed to be asleep, slowpoke," he tried to tease.

Her clothes had ashes from where it looked like she’d knelt down then sat down in the burned church. There was some dirt on them, too, from when she’d been at Carl’s grave. Daryl made a note to shake the sheets out later and pick the tissues up off the floor.

That's when the front door opened downstairs.

Was that Ri—good, that was Rick’s voice, he was finally there. There was a second voice, too, was that Father Gabriel’s? It was soft like Gabe's voice was.

Daryl looked downstairs.

Yup, it was Rick with the rev.

He waved them upstairs, but it must’ve been the clunking of the Gabriel’s new cane that got Y/N stumbling out of the room.

“Rev! I would’ve come to you, y-you need to be takin’ it easy.” She hugged the picture frame in one hand, gripped the banister in the other and started to go downstairs, asking Gabe how he felt, urging him to sit down, had his vision worsened, all that stuff.

“Y/N, more rest won’t stop me from losing sight in this eye,” Gabriel responded in his quiet way, remaining on the second step, not going up or down the stairs. He smiled. “You could say I’m the one making a house call to a patient this time."

She held back a sob and bowed her head. Then, she subtly slipped two fingers around the inside of her wrist…

Rick stepped the rest of the way up the stairs and put his hands on her shoulders. “What's going on, weirdo?”

“Ricky, I'm s-sorry."

He leaned closer and took her in for a hug. “Heart still beating?” he murmured.

Her inhale was shaky. “Mmhm. Yours?”

“Beating strong.”

TJ perked up and began to whimper upon hearing her voice. Y/N unzipped her hoodie to—she still had a gun on her?

Okay, that'd been stealth as fuck, it hadn't even been printing. He'd been literally holding her, how had he not noticed?

Daryl shared a glance with Gabe. Minus her screwdriver, she'd turned in her weapons after what happened the other day.

Y/N handed the small gun to Rick, who looked wary, but accepted it without question. She hesitated before reaching into her boot to hand over her screwdriver, too.

Daryl slid his hand around his wife’s waist to guide her back to the room. Without looking him in the eyes, she cupped his cheek and told him he was a good father. Then, frame still gripped under one arm, she took the baby into the other.

“Let’s try havin’ a snack before I go with Uncle Ricky awhile, okay, chickpea?” she murmured, then unbuttoned the top of her shirt.

Daryl took off his vest to give her some more coverage. When he draped the vest around her, she turned her head to kiss his hand. He felt his cheeks warm when she did that.

Walking into the room again, she softly told Daryl that he and Rick could sit on the beds. First, she placed the picture frame on one of the mattresses. Next, she took TJ and went beside the end table at the window to sit down on the floor beside it. The way she sat, it was kinda as if she were using it as a shield.

“Rev, please take the chair,” she mumbled to Gabriel with a glance at the only piece of furniture in the room at the time, other than the bassinet, a nightstand, and the end table. Negan had specifically left the rocking chair as a 'gift' for her. The piece of shit...

Anyway, Daryl had got them their two twin mattresses back (hey, squish them together and you get a big-ass bed) the first trip to and from the Savior’s compound after the war ended, once the Alexandrians had begun to move back from the Hilltop. Only, no bed frames yet.

“And sweetheart, I’ll-I’ll take the pumps with me for while I’m in there. Wanna make sure you and Aaron have enough for them,” she said to him, voice still raw. Y/N turned to him and gave him a wobbly smile. “Sorry I used up so much of the tissue supply,” she tried making light, but got close to tears again, so stumbled through asking “Can I, um, Rick, m-might can I bring my pillow? Is that okay?”

Go with Rick where, and take the breast pumps and her pillow, why? He made eye contact with Gabriel, who looked just as puzzled. So, he turned to Rick.

Rick lowered his eyebrows as if he didn’t know what she meant, either. He squatted to sit down on the mattress beside Daryl, and looked at his sister. “Y/N, where are we headed?”

Glancing up from the baby to him then to Daryl, she adjusted TJ’s position on her breast while she figured out how to answer, by the looks of it. Another glance at her husband as if she were worried about his reaction...

“Rick, I thought you was here to…escort me?”

Daryl had no clear idea what she meant, it was the rev who understood first.

“No,” Father Gabriel told her gently. “Y/N, you aren’t under arrest.”

Under arrest? Daryl fought between the urge to get angry or dead-ass laugh. 'Under arrest??'

It was for real, though. His wife’s tears started flowing again as she turned her attention to Rick and began to stress, “There can’t be no special treatment—”

“—Is this why you handed me your weapons? Why would you be under arrest?” Rick cut her off to question.

She stared as if he’d grown antlers. “I s-struck a patient, and, and—”

“—And I slit his throat open, which is why that 'patient' is in there in the first place,” he cut her off again, firm.

Thankfully, TJ let out a wail the same time mama wailed, “Ricky, y-you weren’t his medic!” pausing any further arguing.

Y/N gulped, pressed down on one breast, then the other. “I know there’s not much in ’em, Teddy-bear, but it-it’ll get better. It’ll come back,” she shushed, lifting him up and tucking herself back in. With a few kisses, she shushed, “You’ve gotten so much faster at drinking, babycakes”

Daryl got on the floor with her and took TJ back.

She avoided eye-contact again, and her lip wobbled again as she pulled the top of her shirt higher. That told him there’d been not much milk in there. And he could see all over her face that it was switching her on the legs with more false-ass, unearned guilt.

The familiar string in his chest suddenly tugged in her direction—next thing, he was resting his forehead on hers. “Hey. You’re makin’ more every day, angel,” he whispered in her ear. "And you're a damn good ma."

The way her expression softened and her body relaxed toward his felt better than fireworks going off on the Fourth 8th of July.

And as if he were back in that Georgia-in-July heat, Daryl just about melted right there on the floor when he saw his TJ, neck lifted high, making a face-scrunching, gummy smile at him. "Look how strong your neck is getting, ’lil badass, you’re rockin’ it!”

Shit, their kid was the best damn thing.

Y/N leaned against him and reached to lightly fluff their baby’s hair and rub their baby's teeny feet.

Gabriel sat in the rocking chair quietly, hands resting on his cane. He caught eyes with Daryl and nodded his head toward Y/N, glad to see her no longer convinced she needed to ‘free’ her husband.

Absorbed in the photo, Rick exhaled, then spoke up. “Y/N, how about we start from the beginning? What happened at the infirmary?”

She pressed tighter against Daryl as a pained noise left her throat. “Did you talk to Siddiq yet?” sounded very small.

“I want to talk to both of you.”

“And Michonne?”

He nodded. “She told me some.”

The big watch she’d kept from Dale tick-tick-ticked on her wrist. Then came the sound of light metallic clinking. Daryl didn’t have to look to see that she must’ve pulled out her brother’s necklace and was tugging on it.

“What I did ain’t excusable,” came out raspy and thick.

“It is," Rick answered.

“It’s not, especially not what I said to Sid—” a sob choked her response. She used Daryl's leather vest to hide her face before hugging it around herself like a blanket.

“Walk me through what happened first, kiddo, before you hit Negan with this?” Rick subtly gestured to the broken picture frame.

So she had smacked Negan in the face? Hot damn, Daryl was more in love with her already.

Y/N swallowed and shook her head. “They’d been lookin’ at it, the both of 'em.”

“At the picture?”

A tiny nod. “I’d left the room, and when I got back, they was looking at it. Siddiq brought it over to him. Tried to make like Negan was sad, too. Fuck that!”

TJ started rooting on his bicep again, but Daryl was on it. “Sorry, pipsqueak, I don’t got the right parts for that.” He started to massage the baby’s belly, and TJ quieted.

“It’s okay to let ’em cry a little, it-it helps restock these,” his wife tried joking, nodding down at her chest.

“Y/N.” Rick was delicate about coaxing her for more details. “You got back into the room, Siddiq and Negan were looking at the picture.”

“Negan’s filthy hands were on it,” she grit. "Lookin' at Carl and me, you with Shaney." The sounds of the pendant being pulled across the chain filled the room along with TJ’s soft cooing.

“Is that when you hit him with the frame?” Rick asked.

“No. I told him not to look at it again or touch it, and if he did, I’d hurt him.”

“Angel, slow your breathin’,” Daryl interjected at the same time that he figured out why those words sounded familiar: it was similar to how she'd warned the last Claimer fuckhead, the one who’d had Carl pinned down and was gon——Daryl shut down this brain for a sec, it was best not to think about that night.

He turned his head to see Rick, red-eyed, tracing his thumb along the photo of Carl, Y/N, Shane and him. Seems as if Rick had recognized her words, too.

“And when was it that you did hurt him?” Rick pressed on.

Y/N swallowed. “About half a minute later when he tried to act like it wasn’t his fault.”

Rick’s composure staggered and collapsed. His voice was hoarse when he managed to say, “It’s not his fault.”

But Y/N was fast to shut it down. “Don’t for one more second make like it’s yours, Ricky, you get that monkey off your back,” she comforted and somehow scolded both at once. “Negan was doing what Negan does when he, when he told you that. It was manipulation, nothin’ real. How C-Carl—” another choked-down sob, more tears.

Daryl noticed her press her fingertips to the spot under her chin, beside her jaw, checking her pulse to prove it was still beating.

“Negan had nothing to do with how Carl got bit,” Rick whispered. “You know it’s true, kiddo.”

“No—our boy wouldna ended up out there, w-with-with Siddiq, if it hadn’t been for Negan.” Her tone got louder and angry, her stress stutter became more noticeable, the way she tugged the necklace turned rougher. “He and his followers was why we weren’t able to trust no n-newcomers like Sid, which is why Sid was still out there alone, and, and, and why Carl went to him! It, it was because of Negan and his, and his, his-his cult!”

TJ seemed freaked out by the louder voice, the baby’s dark, blue-black eyes grown big.

Daryl spoke Y/N’s name to try and bring her back to herself, but she seemed to have very suddenly calmed.

She was blinking at her hand.

Daryl looked, and then saw the two halves of her brother Shane’s chain, broken.

“How many times did Carol warn me that this would happen when I tugged it,” she muttered to herself. "Good thing I didn't decide to tug on the rosary, huh?"

Inhaling, she leaned her head against the wall behind her, staring into space, fingers to her wrist to check her pulse again.

From beside her, he covered her hand in his. Then, pressing his lips to her fist, Daryl took the necklace from it. He could fix it.

“I lost my temper again, I’m sorry,” she spoke to all in the room, her hand cupping Daryl's cheek a moment. Then, more quietly, she looked at Rick. “How many days’ll I be in there?”

Which sent Daryl straight back to disbelief he was hearing those words, what absolute bullshit. “Y/N, you ain’t going nowhere.”

“You’re not going to a cell, Y/N,” Rick echoed.

“No special treatment,” she softly repeated. “If I were anybody else—”

Rick interrupted her “—It’s not about who you are.”

Father Gabriel had gotten up and was making his way to Y/N by then.

Y/N shook her head at the conversation, tired. “If I were anybody else or had any other orle, and if he were anybody else,” she caught her breath, “there’d be reper-re-rep—” a few more tries, and she had to choose a different word, “consequences. Assault and battery on an un-unarmed person—a patient—from their medical provider, that’s serious.” Her hand was back to covering her face. She sat pressed against the wall, knees at her chest.

“You and Siddiq are the only doctors left. We couldn’t just put you in a cell even if you had earned it.”

“I ain't a doctor, at best, I’m a medic,” she grunted. “And I did earn it, just ask him and Michonne. As for my,” she made a shaky inhale, “my duties, I can be escorted out.”

“And TJ? Gracie?” Daryl put out there, hoping to guilt her out of insisting she get jail time, like, what the fuck. What kind of conversation was this?

Screw this, he couldn't even sit. He stood, shaking his head and pacing around the room, still holding TJ.

The expression on Y/N's face should’ve been enough to calm him down, along the defeated, quiet way she reasoned, “I’ll pump and y’all will visit. It’s—no, sweetheart—it’s only for a few days,” when he started to dead-ass leave. As if her being in there ‘only for a few days’ would help this bullshit make sense.

But that’s when he ended up snapping, “This is goddamn bullshit! You bopped a sick fuck on the nose with a picture frame, who the fuck will care? Rick, why you even entertainin' this shit?” and he regretted doing so as soon as he barked it out.

The old, invisible knee rammed him in the nards harder when Rick cautioned, "Brother," and Gabe finally opened his mouth, and louder than Daryl had ever heard him speak. “She cares, Daryl. So do I.”

And to make it all worse, their baby had given a start in fear when he’d shouted, and now the poor kid was screaming—and TJ doesn’t scream, shit, shit, he blew up while holding his child?

“M’sorry! M’sorry," he hushed to his baby, "I love you so much, kid, I’m so sorry I scared ya. I ain’t gonna hurt ya.” With a kiss on TJ’s wild head of hair, he murmured, “Pipsqueak, your old man is an idiot.”

Y/N rushed over when TJ screamed, but she didn’t take the baby away from Daryl. Instead, she caressed her husband’s forearm and the tricep and spoke to their child. “Your daddy’s got you safe,” she soothed.

He knew she was trying to look him in the eyes, but he couldn’t return it. He’d just scared an infant because he couldn’t check his temper. Their infant.

His wife’s quiet assurance cut through the rushing in his head. “Daryl? TJ ain’t hurt, sugar, and you’re not a bad father. Do some skin to skin, okay?” She pecked a kiss on his cheek. “And that's a dollar for cussing, pay up later.”

She then sat back down on the floor next to where the rev had made his new seat. Daryl took the now-empty rocking chair, unbuttoned his and TJ’s shirts, then nestled the kid on his chest.

Y/N then told the room the rest of what happened, how after Negan croaked out with what voice he had left, saying it 'wasn’t his fault Carl was dead', that she’d turned around and whacked him across the face with the frame.

Siddiq had reacted by grabbing her shoulders from behind to pull her away from Negan — so she had shoved back and kneed him in the dick plus rammed her head against his, dropping the frame in the process. The frame broke as a result—and when it broke, she'd lost her cool, said some shit, and threw some shit. Mich heard the hubbub and intervened, then Y/N hid herself away cause she 'knew' she was 'gone crazy.'

As far as Daryl was concerned, the new doc was lucky all he got was a shove, a knee to jewels, a clunk on the head, and some words and maybe a clipboard thrown at him, because Y/N could fight damned well. She'd had it drilled into her how and when to do it. Freely taught others moves, too.

When she’d showed Carol some techniques, way back, it was one of the things that sent him falling for her.

And…Y/N might’ve not said it out loud, but when she described how Siddiq grabbed her from behind to pull her away, everyone in that room got why it caused her to react strong.

What she described herself as doing would’ve been instinct.

Siddiq wouldn’t know why. Negan might, the fucker had watched the tape of her Deanna interview.

“See?” Y/N blew her nose again, sniffed, and stared at the floorboards. “It’s not right to Sid or the community to, to have what I did go unchecked. And what I said to Siddiq was so cruel. What’s worse is I meant it. Fuck, I still do.”

What she'd said was basically that she wished he’d gotten bit instead of Carl, and that it was just as much Siddiq's fault that the boy was dead as it was Negan’s. That 'he should be dead.'

She grimaced, then caressed the watch on her wrist. Must’ve been thinking of Dale. “Ain’t fair to…Negan, neither. If there’s anything Carl taught us, it’s that,” she whispered.

Rick lifted the frame to kiss his son’s picture, wiped a couple tears away. “When I talked with Sid, he was…alarmed. Worried. He thought it was off-character.”

Y/N went rigid where she sat. “Siddiq wasn’t there two years ago.”

Daryl lifted the baby higher on his chest and snuggled closer.

Rick shook his head. “You wishing someone dead, or, dead instead of another, is very off-character, it’s not you. No—don’t shake your head, Y/N.” Her brother maintained, “Even back then, after what happened, you didn’t wish me dead. You wished that Shane was still alive, not that I was dead instead. Even if you did say those things, it wouldn't have been the truth, just the hurt speaking.”

“I attacked you and told you I would kill you. And I-I meant it at the time, you know that.”

“And for a couple days, you left, because you didn’t actually want that. You knew it was wrong.”

“Which is why I need to get put away for a couple days. I decided to hurt a patient and his doctor, my own fr—” She wasn’t able to say what was probably the word ‘friend.’ Y/N bit her lip, and continued, “Then hurled words at him what nobody should get hurled at them.” She swallowed a cuss and grabbed another tissue.

“You’re exhausted, Siddiq knows that.” Rick pointed out. “We’re not ourselves when we’re—”

Y/N wasn’t having it. Probably too exhausted, to tell the truth.

“We’re all exhausted. C’mon, man, you just lost your son!” A sob left her and she tried to breathe through her nose. Checked her pulse again.

“You were also reacting to how he yanked you back, kiddo. That's not nothing.”

Daryl gave Rick a warning glance.

Rick saw, nodded, and held up a hand, which made Y/N turn to see what Daryl was doing. But Daryl simply kissed TJ on the head, not saying nothing.

She wasn’t fooled. When Y/N looked back at Rick after giving her husband a look of it’s okay, Daryl gave Rick another warning glare, then a nod.

“You didn’t react like that without reason, Y/N. There’s no shame to admit it was a trigger.”

She grumbled at the word. “Trauma ain’t an excuse to traumatize others.” After exhaling, she ran her hands over her face and took a moment. Hardly louder than a whisper, she challenged, “Ricky, not all my problems stem from the rapes. I’ve always been too hot-headed.”

At that moment, Daryl wanted to scoop her and TJ up and drive them away from everything, keep the two of them safe and unbothered for a month or two or four.

“Getting grabbed like that m-might, y’know, might could’ve reminded me of it—when they—" She ran a hand through her hair. "Okay, it did get me going. But, I,” she paused. “It wasn’t that I saw red or blacked out, I chose to keep goin’ once I’d started. I threw stuff because I was raging, I didn't want to stop because I thought he deserved it.”

Y/N fiddled with Dale’s watch, and turned to Father Gabriel beside her and almost smiled at him, close to the way she used to smile at Glenn, as if he were in on a joke. “Here I’d hoped I was re-domesticated by now.”

“Let us give thanks that you’re still housebroken,” he responded, taking Daryl by surprise. "You're...still housebroken, are you not?"

The way Y/N then cracked up and grinned woke up the butterflies in his stomach.

“Y/N, you’ve come miles since I first met you,” Gabriel told her softly, smiling back.

“All the way from Georgia,” she joked back, then grew more serious. “You’ve grown a whole lot, too.” She wiped her eyes, and Gabe closed his.

“And Y/N,” he shook his head. “You aren’t losing your humanity. I know you’re frightened of that, after what you told me happened to your other brother.”

It hadn’t even registered in Daryl’s mind that Shane’s memory would be scaring her. She loved her brother like hell, but she was always terrified of going down the same path he did.

He looked to Rick to see what his reaction was. His reaction was tear-rimmed eyes and a nod of his head toward TJ, silently asking if he could hold the baby awhile. Daryl nodded, Rick stood, and returned Y/N the frame as he walked by to pick up the little one.

Hands empty, Daryl took out his army knife and the broken chain from his pocket so he could fix his woman’s necklace. Wasn’t gonna be hard.

He heard Y/N whisper, “Hey, punk. Miss you. Miss you, too, loser.” He let his eyes travel to where she sat under the window, and watched her kiss the picture and well up. It was the old one of her and preschool-age Carl photobombing Rick and Shane, after one of them got some kind of cop award.

Clutching it once more to her belly, she and Father Gabriel then started to talk in low voices with one another.

“The red haze in your right sclera is so close to begin' clear. Did you talk to Rosie today? She’s been seeming less depressed.”

“I thought this was me visiting my patient, not the other way around,” Gabe gently hinted. “Y/N, please talk to me.”

Daryl heard her sniffle. “Rev, but I don’t want to have meant those words. I’ve been workin’ on it. It-it might be his fault, but I know he’s innocent, he’s humane—Sid even counts walkers like I do, man, yet still, I—” her breathing shuddered. “After whatever this mess is kicked in, every time I see him now, I hate him. Why do I hate a decent person?”

“Grief,” he offered simply. He gave her another shrug and small smile. “Keep doing what you have been. It will get easier every day, the same way your, um,” he was careful about his wording regarding her tits, “that you have more for the little ones every day.”

She huffed but didn’t raise her voice again, she stayed quiet as could be. “It don’t feel like none of that’s happening.”

“Our perception of things doesn’t always equal the truth, Y/N.” Gabe seemed to take a moment. Maybe he was praying.

Y/N’s fingers found her pulse again.

“We are all healing,” Gabriel next said, and smiled again. “Your heart is still beating, is it not?”

Y/N stared for a few moments, caught in the act. Eyes meeting Daryl’s for a moments, she removed her fingers from her neck, and inclined her head at the reverend. “What about yours?” she asked softly.

“Still beating. And that’s the proof,” he assured her just as softly. “Y/N, as for the way you understand your actions and your emotions toward him as not being right, I would like you to take it as a comforting sign. And, you just handed over a weapon you plainly wanted to keep concealed, you didn’t use said weapon to hurt Negan, either,” he pointed out, for which Daryl was grateful. “Perhaps, if you begin to make excuses, begin to feel no sense of having done wrong when you have, I will worry.”

Weirdly enough, he next grinned up at the ceiling. “But I am not, because you are simply broken and in need of healing. You’ll get there, as will I,” he held his hand out to the room. “As will your brother, your husband. All of us.” He sighed. “So long as our hearts are still beating.”

Daryl looked back at his wife in time to see her bit her wobbling lip and nod. Her gaze turned to Rick with the baby. He was kissing TJ’s scrawny little feet.

Her face softened seeing them, and as Daryl’s stomach fluttered again, she turned to look at him. His stomach full-on did a happy flip (and, yeah, he lost his grip on the necklace’s broken link and dropped it).

Y/N said to Rick, “Well, we still need to show ’em that Alexandria—that you—are accountable and fair. How many nights will do, you think?”

Rick shook his head. “Zero. But, because you have a point and won't take 'zero' as an answer,” he quickly added, “how about one?”

“For a piggy, you’re actin’ awful chicken.”

He was unmoved by the cop joke. “Bawk, bawk.”

And Y/N laughed, for what it was worth. And it was worth everything, hot damn was that laugh the best sound.

Daryl figured he might as well check, “What about bail, that still a thing?”

“Not with you owing a whole dollar. That’ll take weeks to pay off,” she said, back to doing her best to lighten up things. He loved her so fucking much, goddamn.

“Supervision when outside the cell,” she stated to Rick.

He shook his head again. “I have a better sentence in mind. When I saw you wearing Lori’s belt earlier today, it reminded me of it. See, and you left this at the infirmary.” He reached into his jacket pocket.

Recognition swept across her face when he held it out. “Do you think he’ll feel safe?”

“The headphone cord is too thin to choke him with, it’d snap.”

“Ricky, that joke was very dark,” she lightly chided.

He squinted, kissing TJ’s feet one more time first. “I hereby sentence you to one night—”

“—Three.”

“One in lock-up,” he spoke over her, then was fast to tack on, “with Daryl and this one as guards.” He motioned to the baby.

"Women shouldn't have male guards," she dryly droned.

"Overruled. You'll also get supervised outings for your duties tomorrow and the day after, including the trip to the Hilltop for Maggie’s prenatal visit. And,” he held up the music player, “you’ll need to listen to music with Siddiq on this. We know it works.” He cocked his head. “Let’s start with 20 minutes per day, like you and I had.”

Some tears slipped out even though she was smiling. She mouthed I love you to him, then asked out loud, “How many days?”

Rick squinted. “Fourteen.”

---------------------------

You

“You pick the songs. Whatever you like,” you told him, staring at the photo and rubbing the ‘22’ pendant over your lips. Daryl fixed the chain for you shortly after you’d broken it. You really love him.

Sid accepted the mp3 player out of your hand.

You and he each had one earbud in, one apple beside you, and Michonne sat nearby with Judith. Supervision was your stipulation, yet being proactive about ensuring it had done nothing for how humiliating it was.

Still, you took an objective look and figured Siddiq should know that his safety mattered, that your people were fair and held themselves to standards.

Just looking around the place, it looked as if standards were a given here. That Alexandria’s power grid and some panels were already repaired within three weeks of Negan’s razing was almost unbelievable.

Sucks for the Saviors Cult that the community had been built to withstand up to magnitude 4.1 earthquakes and be fairly fire-safe as part of its self-sustaining (and for-politicians) model, so in the least, a good number of the homes were still standing.

Carl's gazebo was another story, as were other similar structures, like the church, but the ash had been washed off by the rain, and the communities' walls were back up.

Next to you, Siddiq asked you how to work the mp3, citing, “Carl had been the one to…”

Had been the one to work it when he borrowed it to visit you out there, in order to show you some kindness. Before he got himself bit because of you.

The words festered inside of you. Whatever. Let them fester, you felt dead anyway.

As you went to point to show him, the picture hung from your outstretched, bandaged hand. The pic you'd chosen this time was another older one from the before-times, not one of the newer polaroids. You'd been the one to take it, actually, using a disposable camera about five and a half, maybe six years ago.

It was blurry, Lori and Carl had been being silly and stopped posing, Rick was mid-comment. You loved this one.

It felt so unreal now, felt fake.

Felt dead.

You checked your pulse. Still beating.

“The, um, just use-use those two buttons there for up and down to search,” you mumbled, tucking the photograph into your shirt pocket. “That one is for back, that one for options. Press down on the middle to click.”

He went huh. “Here’s the Indian music playlist,” he chuckled. Appears he’d found the Desi Party! playlist. Carl told you he’d played it for him.

Before he’d gotten fucking bitten.

How could your heart rage and ache so much if you were dead?

“It’s got all sorts on it,” you replied blankly to Siddiq. Remembering your oldest sister who’d made all the playlists before handing her mp3 down to you, it felt like she was made up. Felt like everyone was made up, fake. Dead.

“My mother was a big filmi fan,” he shared.

But you simply repeated, “Pick to whatever you like, you’re in charge of the songs.”

There was no emotion in your voice. You didn’t want to chat with him, didn’t want to nerd out about Bollywood music, and also didn’t want to face him after saying such awful things to him early today.

Hating him felt right. It felt "deserved," which is a word you'd learned to not use, thanks to Dale.

Granted, hating Siddiq felt wrong, too, which invited shame to take a seat on your lap.

So, you followed the rev’s advice and took comfort in the shame because it meant your conscience was still ordered in a good direction. It meant you weren’t fully dead yet.

You checked your pulse again to remind yourself that it was still beating. Life was still going.

Father Gabriel had also told you that feeling dead didn’t make you a bad mother or a bad wife or bad person, it simply meant you were broken and grieving.

“Y/N?”

“What?” you growled — and immediately wished it hadn’t come out that way. In your head, you told Carl you were sorry, you’d do better next time. Then, you prayed to stop hating the sight of Siddiq, the sound of his voice. Wished Dale or Hershel or T-Dog or Deanna or Denise or Sasha were there for, for—advice, support, you don’t know…

And because the rev has enough on his plate and needs to rest, maybe later you’d risk everyone’s ire and sneak away to visit Mr. Jones at the junkyard. At least he wasn’t dead yet, too. Maybe visiting him would convince him to move back to Alexandria.

“I never apologized for pulling you backward like that,” Siddiq said to you, a little short. Couldn’t blame him.

In truth, you had done all you were going to do to Negan after smacking him the once, but Sid wouldn’t have known that. Wouldn’t have known how grabbing you like that would flip an alarm, either.

No use moping, if your positions were reversed, you’d have wrangled him back, too.

And yet, you just caught yourself licking your teeth and sneering in response to his apology.

But it wasn’t out of anger or hatred so much as…you still aren’t certain what the emotion was. Grief, depression, shame, all three. You supposed it didn’t make a difference. Didn’t feel like much of anything.

Briefly, you put two fingers to your neck to check your pulse again. Still beating. Still alive.

Alive, and needing to eat some crow, as it were.

“Don’t apologize, you were protectin’ our patient. What I did was wrong,” you recited. “I-I threatened a patient and then whacked him across the face.” Your conscience then prompted you to apologize again for what you’d said to him. “And, just—Siddiq, what I said to you was bullshit and lies and m'sorry I said it. Cruel bullshit, naught else. Don’t go believing a word of it.”

He wasn’t clicking through the playlists and songs anymore.

Appearing uncomfortable, he peeked at you before he put his attention back on the mp3. “Michonne said pulling you like that was a trigger, which is why you, um…I’m sorry,” he said again. “I didn’t know.”

First, you relaxed your jaw. “Ain’t your job to know. It’s mine to learn past it.” Next, you spackled on something of a smile and added quietly, “It’s good that you, that you stepped in. Thank you.” You did mean it, for what it was worth.

How many minutes until the twenty was up, you wondered, and tried to not be obvious about checking the time on your wrist. Eyeing Michonne, she seemed more preoccupied with Judith than with being punctual regarding your penance/sentence.

“PTSD is serious. That’s why I’m sorry, I, um,” Siddiq faltered. He went back to clicking through the music choices.

“We all have at least a little PTSD, bud.” With a light nudge to try and convey camaraderie or something, you attempted to tease, “C'mon, you chosen at least one song, yet?”

“Sorry, let me just, uh…” and with a few more clicks, the first song started. It was Bohemian Rhapsody.

“You chose the playlist ‘Songs Everyone Likes.’”

He chuckled awkwardly. “Yeah, figured I couldn’t go wrong with that one.”

The memory of belting out this song with Carl, Glenn, Beth, and Maggie before your group even found the prison whooshed back and you started to smile—until you remembered that Carl was gone now. He was dead.

You’d forgotten all of that for hot second, but your Carl was dead. So was Glenn. So was Beth. So was Lori, who'd joined, so was T-Dog, so was...

Maybe you were dead, too. You felt dead—so, you pressed your fingers to your neck to feel for a pulse.

Still beating.

The lyrics of the song began to register. You know, the early parts like ‘I don’t wanna die,’ and ‘carry on, as if nothing really matters.’ Sounded a little too personal, tell you the truth.

And just like that, the song was skipped. You glanced at Siddiq.

He shook his head. “Not the right mood for it.”

“Mm.”

The intro to the next song in the shuffle was very bouncy, and ‘Dance to the Music’ started to jive through the earbuds. You didn’t sway along like you naturally would have. No urge to.

The song played, finished.

“First time I heard this was in Shrek,” Siddiq made small talk while munching on his apple. “Love that movie.”

You might’ve hummed in acknowledgment, you aren’t sure. He handed your apple to you, you took it. Held it.

The next song started, ‘Young Hearts Run Free.’

The song played, finished.

Siddiq made more small talk. “I remember that one in Romeo + Juliet, the one with, um, Leo DiCaprio. We watched that version in high school after we finished reading it.”

You hummed again. Pressed your fingers to your wrist, just in case. But no, your heart was still beating.

The next song started, ‘Jumpin’ Jack Flash.’

“A lot of oldies,” he commented once the singing began. He took the final nibble off his apple.

“But goodies,” you responded, willing yourself to sound less stiff and monotone. “Modern stuff is on this playlist, too, don’t worry.”

The song played. Finished.

The next song started. ‘Another One Bites the Dust.’ Siddiq promptly skipped it once the refrain started and the lyrics sank in.

“Good call,” you grunted.

The next song started. ‘Ain’t No Mountain High Enough.’

“Oh n—please skip this one, too." You loved that one, but you’d queued it up for Glenn at his and Maggie’s wedding, and it was not the time to go reminiscing. You swallowed the lump in your throat. Checked your pulse. Still beating. "Please skip 'Thunderstruck' if it comes on, too?”

The mp3 player clicked as Siddiq skipped the song. Next on the shuffle was ‘Under Pressure.’

He adjusted his seat and coughed. “This one fits.”

A combination sigh/groan was your contribution, because he was right. The two of you were the only doctors major medical personnel left standing.

The song played. Siddiq’s knees and wrists bounced to the rhythm where he sat beside you. You stared at your boots. Where’d all the soot and dirt on them and your clothes come from, you couldn’t remember…

…

It was when a strong gust of cold wind blew that you noticed that the music had stopped, your earbud was out, and the sky wasn’t as cloudy anymore.

When did that happen?

You sat up and blinked a few times, your apple still in one hand, Shane’s necklace in the other.

“Hey,” you heard Siddiq call.

What, why were your cheeks wet? “S-sorry, I,” you dropped the necklace, wiped your eyes with your sleeve, and put the apple down, “must’ve, um, checked out.”

“I’m not sure how long it was after it began when I noticed the change,” he let you know. “Is…this what happened earlier?”

You closed your eyes and shook your head. “Earlier was somethin’ else. This was just—” ‘Dissociation,’ was a misunderstood word, so Denise taught you. And you didn’t want to use the word for that reason.

You really wanted to keep a shred of dignity for yourself in the eyes of that guy. He didn’t even know that you’d hurt yourself when you’d ‘blacked out’ the other day…so, you decided upon a white lie highly euphemistic layman's term. “I spaced out.”

He nodded, but his brows sunk, as if he weren’t buying it.

And when he did that thing where someone slightly opens their mouth because they’ve put together a response, you changed the subject. “Listen to anythin’ good while I was in space?”

Siddiq wasn’t swayed. “Do you still feel detached?”

“A little,” you answered truthfully, breathing deep and checking your watch to try gauging how long you’d been out. Except, you had no recollection of what time it had been earlier, so it was a bust. God save you, you were a mess.

“Sid. I’m sorry you’re trapped dealin’ with this shit, it ain’t fair to you. If, if you wanna bounce early, don’t feel obligated to stay, and, and—like, if you don’t wanna do this whole music thing, it’s fine. W-we don’t want you feelin’ unsafe.”

“Unsafe? Y/N, I…” he paused. “I forgive you for what you said earlier. And I’m not scared of you. Hitting Negan wasn’t okay, but…” another pause. “Compared to the way most others are baying for his blood and how you defended saving his life, I mean—you helped me save him, Y/N—” He lifted his hands, palms to the sky. “You’re my friend, we work together, it’s not like I can’t see that you’re drowning.”

Nothing prepared you to hear that.

He was calling you a friend and was still trying to be understanding, after all that…

You wanted to slam your head on a hard, rough surface and cry from the shame and simultaneous relief. You also didn’t want to accept it, and so pushed back: “You were alone out there too long. Friends d-don’t tell friends they wish they were dead.” And mean it, you did not confess.

But of all things, he merely raised one shoulder and snorted. “I’m a really good friend?”

Tears spilled at the same time that you almost laughed. No, it's true, you almost laughed. Things felt a little unreal again, but in not a bad way. The most you could do right then was send up thanks for the mercy that came out of the mess. You pinched your wrist first, then felt for your pulse.

“Compared to a few minutes ago, do you feel more like yourself now?” Siddiq made sure.

Huh. You used to ask Shane a very similar question, when he was forgetting his goodness.

You kept feeling the small beats at your wrist, reminding you that you were indeed alive, therefore capable of healing and growth.

“Heart’s still beating,” you sniffled, making yourself smile at him. The hatred and disgust you’d felt earlier seemed to you less like a fact and more like a bad dream.

Then, from the far right of the oak tree, you heard Aaron’s voice saying, “Not yet, man, they’ve got four minutes left.”

Aaron and Daryl then came into view. They waved to you as they walked by with the babies, another reminder that you that you weren’t fully dead inside. Gracie was in a stroller, TJ was bundled in Daryl’s arms. Your husband lingered behind, eyes on you as he absently pecked a kiss to your baby’s covered head.

Something stirred, and your chest fluttered and tugged in their direction, reminding you again that your heart was still beating. So was Maggie’s, so was her and Glenn’s baby’s, so was Rick’s, so was Aaron’s. Life was still going. You had a child, a husband; lifelines. Their hearts were still beating, too.

The unexpected wink and the way Daryl’s gaze softened as he looked at you made you feel as if you’d been freezing and someone just handed you a cup of cocoa with mini marshmallows. The way he next moved his lips to pronounce ‘troublemaker,’ however, you ought to have seen coming a mile away.

The heaviness in your body eased a bit. A smile started prodding the corners of your mouth. Shyly, you returned the wave and mouthed ‘mangy hick,’ your wrist bumping against the photograph sticking from your shirt pocket.

Aaron noticed him acting like a dope lagging and gestured for him to keep up. “Four more minutes and we’ll come back to get her.”

Daryl called out "slowpoke," and waved your baby’s little arm to the two of you as they walked away. He kept peeking behind him, too, it warmed you. When they reached far enough, you once again took the photograph out from your pocket.

With a final peek at Carl’s picture, you sent up a prayer and reaffirmed the promise that you’d made to him. That you’d live for him, do him proud.

So long as your heart was still beating, you’d try to do him proud. “Seems you and I got four more minutes, Sid. What’ll we pick?”

-------------------------

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---------------------------

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sweetescapeartist · 3 years

Text

DBS COLORING BOOK CHAPTER 73 REVIEW

Alright... let's do this.

The first 4 pages are good. Good flow, not too many pages, no dialogue (thank God). Page 5 is where the paneling gets unnecessary. The last 2 panels aren't needed.

Page 6 is absolutely stupid. Goku & Granolah are flying at extremely high speeds, Goku is firing ki blasts that are moving at a higher velocity than he is currently moving, Granolah moves even faster in order to dodge Goku's ki blasts, then Granolah is using his scarf that is wrapped around a tree to swing around the tree & get behind Goku... A SCARF.

The scarf would tear apart instantly if Granolah tried to use it to catapult/swing himself around faster than Goku can perceive.

YOU: "The scarf is probably really strong tho!"

Sure let's assume that. In that case, the tree would be uprooted from the velocity Granolah is moving. Either way, it doesn't make sense. If this was early Dragon Ball and Yamcha did something like this when fighting Goku, then yeah it would be reasonable and look cool. With the power these characters are at now, it just looks ridiculous and inconvenient. It doesn't work here. Granolah could've easily dodged on his own and much faster that wraping his scarf around the tree.

So Granolah swings around and kicks Goku through tons of trees. (Saiyans killed his ppl but Granolah is killing his planet. Ironic)

Hey look! Another stupid page 😒

Page 7. Goku got sent flying back at a speed capable of easily cutting through tons of trees, but he slows himself down by grabbing a branch & swinging around it? Why? Again, at that speed, Goku would yank the limb of the tree clean off or uproot the entire tree. That wouldn't slow down his speed. He would be better off just stopping in the air on his own as if he applied the emergency breaks. Characters have done that plenty of times. Again, stuff like swinging around trees and tree branches is stuff they would had done in OG Dragon Ball.

Why is Goku blocking like that?? He isn't reinforcing his arm, he's holding his wrist whole his forearm gets punched. That would damage his arm and/or wrist.

*Boom boom! Bam bam!* They hit each other some. But are you ready for this? Pages 11-12...!

Why did Goku yell as if he is transforming? He is using Ultra Instinct, right? You don't yell to power that up. Remember the Moro arc? He calmly breathes to go into the state. Remember the chapter before? He calmly closes his eyes to focus. Why is he yelling then tapping into UI? Because Toyotaro can't write consistently. This page was...! just dumb...

Also... What is this SSB with Ultra Instinct then? You remember the SSB aura around UI Omen in the Moro arc? What's the difference between "Blue plus Ultra Instinct" & "Ultra Instinct plus Blue?"

Granolah says he can read Goku's blood flow and cell movements. That should come in handy later when he could potentially find a weakeness in Goku using UI. Hopefully Goku doesn't tell him he can't stay in the form too long. 🤞

SSB with UI is more focused that lower forms in combination with UI. Goku should be nearly untouchable. Pages 13 - 14 show how well Goku can dodge. Looks like ballet in a way, like Goku us dancing around him. I like that. Then he uses a point blank Kamehameha. Looks cool. But it turns out that Granolah simultaneously hit Goku somehow. Not a complaint here.

Pointless panels of Oil being blown back by the force. Pointless panels of Vegeta not paying attention to the fight and looking around. Pointless 2 panels of smoke clearing away. The entire page doesn't add anything at all. Page 17 could be omitted & it would flow better.

Goku is on the ground for the... 3rd time in this battle? I wish it would at least have Granolah say he didn't realize how difficult UI with SSB would be for him, but he barely saw an opening. That would be some sort of respect for Goku and did some clever foreshadowing. But we get Granolah insulting Goku instead. Whatever.

This "vital points" nonsense is so stupid. Everyone in DB has nearly identical vital points. Majin Vegeta knocked Trunks out by chopping at his vital point. These characters know what vital points are and know them well as we have seen when they were in combat since early DB. Granolah should be saying "My right eye will always find an opening." But maybe its a translation error or something. I won't be too harsh about this one.

Wait wait wait. Lemme get this straight...

Whis trained Goku, then Goku is able to use UI in the ToP.

Merus trains Goku to use UI Omen at will.

Goku later masters UI with silver hair.

Whis points out new flaws that didn't exist then trains Goku even further.

Goku has been trained by 2 Angels to the point of being able to go into Mastered UI at will and recieved further training after mastering the Angelic power. How is it that Goku has the gull to say "No, Ultra Instinct should have no weaknesses. If anything's lacking, it's gotta be my training."

And he's telling Granolah that he is vulnerable for some reason...? He's just foreshadowing for the reader that he will lose. The last 4 or 5 panels of page 19 isn't needed.

Whatever. Let's move on. So on page 20, for some reason, Goku has a confused look & a question mark in his speech bubble after Granolah blames Saiyans for killing his ppl. Maybe Goku doesn't understamd why Granolah is repeating himself for the 3rd or 4th time? Or he wasn't listening the earlier times. Can't blame him. Granolah's speeches bored me too.

Granolah copies Moro & makes lava rise from the core of his beloved home planet in order ro hurt Goku. Poor Sugarians. I wonder if there will be a "You're becoming the bad guy now, Granolah." type of story. Dont really care though. Goku escapes by teleporting. He mentions how Granolah has Moro's move. I guess Granolah is supposed to be like Cell and have others techniques... like Moro before him... They are both altered copies of Cell who is much cooler than both of them combined...

Well, here they are making Vegeta look capable (somehow?). Also its interesting that the bloodthirsty Granolah is allowing Goku & Vegeta to chat about their discovery of who his ppl are. The the ex-detective Vegeta quickly figures out that Maki & Oil fooled them. That was rushed. "But Vegeta was suspicious of them before." Yes, but there was no reason or anything we heard that would make Vegeta suspicious. The writing is bad. Also it's convenient that Oil has a drone all of the sudden to eavesdrop. The last 4 panels of page 24 are pointless.

GOKU: "Hey let's talk to him and clear things up."

VEGETA: "Nah. He's probably too stubborn. Just fight to move the story along instead."

Goku says he hasn't used his full power yet & Vegeta is surprised. How does Vegeta not realize Goku hasn't used his full power, Mastred UI? Then Vegeta says "Tch... Gotta resort to that in the end, huh?" Toyotaro is having Vegeta downplay UI in order to hype up Vegeta's fight next chapter. Bad writing. There's better ways to hype Vegeta up. Toyo chose one of the worst ways to do so.

Granolah... Just standing and waiting for Goku to come back. What a patient revenge fueled man.

UI Goku through the fog looked cool. (And his wounds heal? Ok...) But, seeing that made me realize something else. It would be much cooler if it went from page 22 then skip to page 26!

We don't need Goku & Vegeta chatting. The reveal of UI would not have had a pace breaker. It just happens & you see that Goku is serious now. Show don't tell.

GRANOLAH: "I can't perceive... any vital points?!"

That sounds stupid, so I do think it is a translation error.

GRANOLAH: "I can't perceive... any openings?!"

Now that reads much better! (I also edited the dialogue to "openings" in the pic above.)

Great... Goku conveniently exposed a weakness in UI that Whis had conveniently made up in CH 71. Although, in CH 59 Whis said that Mastered UI doesnt have the stamina issue that UI Omen has. Then in CH 64 it shows that the stamina issue is gone with Mastered UI during the 3 chapter battle with Moro. Goku never looked fatigued or weak in this form. Only time the form went away is when "planet" Moro drained Goku of his energy.

But now Goku & Whis say otherwise. How suddenly contradictory. Page 26 of this current chapter (CH 73) would be better if the last 2 panels were omitted.

Mastsred UI Goku easily takes down Moro- I mean Granolah. Also Goku tries to chat now after attacking Granolah. Should've said something before you start kicking ppl in the face. But this is shown to prove Vegeta is right about not being able to reason with Granolah. Even if it makes no sense.

Cool dodging & aikido type movement from Goku.

Goku using "the force" & stopping Granolah's movements was cool. Reminded me of Goku doing something similar to Broly in the DBS movie. Or more similarly, like Zamasu did in the manga.

I guess Toyotaro is suggesting that the quick flurry of punches is a Master UI kind of move. (Although it originated in the anime when UI Omen Goku was punching back against Jiren & when he did so to block attacks from Jiren in EP 129.) I hope this move isn't over used that it ends up losing its flare.

Vegeta pretends to be upset that Goku defeated Granolah while in the previous chapter, Vegeta told Goku to fight first.

Somehow Vegeta is able to sense that there are 2 Granolahs. You can say because he has spirit control, but Goku has been through that kind of training with Roshi, Kami, & King Kai (possibly some with the Yardrats too which helped him control Super Saiyan at the level he could). And with Instant Transmission, Goku must be an expert in detecting ki. He can feel ki in different realms and locate ppl from far across the galaxy Goku should sense this too. All this writing is doing is trying to make Vegeta appear as the more capable fighter & get Vegeta fans hype for his next battle. That's all.

The switcheroo (I think I used that wrong) of a fake Granolah was a kinda clever idea. But Goku not knowing what "split" means is asinine.

Goku literally says "Split...? What's that mean?"

Goku has seen firsthand when Tien split into multiple Tiens, Goku knows the Yardrats can split themselves into many ppl, he saw merged Zamasu split himself, & he saw Moro split himself. Why is he written so stupid? I need answers Toyo.

Page 40....

HOW IN THE HECK did Mastered UI get caught off guard?! Ain't it supposed to automatically grow sturdier as necessary?! Boy oh boy, this writing... A positive is that the punch looks like the 1 inch punch Goku did to Golden Freeza (inspired by the legendary Bruce Lee).

So if actual Granolah is twice as strong and can one shots UI Goku... Vegeta doesn't stand a chance. But the bad writing will make a way for Vegeta to look somewhat capable.

Granolah says UI becomes less sharp over time. Only problem is that Goku fought longer against Moro. This fight of UI Goku should have been longer. If the fight was longer when in the UI "transformation" then I would be more generous about Granolah finding an opening. Speaking of openings, Granolah says "opening" instead of "vital point." Must be a translation error.

Goku is in a near death-like state and Vegeta is like

VEGETA: "Leave that fool alone. Fight me instead."

Vegeta threatening Granolah is either stupid or smart. Smart = Vegeta provoking Granolah to get an advantage mentally. Dumb = Vegeta reverting to his Cell saga overconfidence that Toyo always does.

IN CONCLUSION:

STILL NO IMAGE OF FREEZA... I guess he isnt that important to the story after all. And this storytelling is so bad because Toyo can't stay consistent at all, he doesn't understand the characters, & he can't come up with anything besides "this form also drains stamina." You can say he & Toriyama write this together but I doubt it. Toriyama corrects his art & just gives the story a pass.

Recently it seems that Toriyama is more interested in the DBS movies being produced. Toriyama just writes an outline, Toyotaro & Toei write their versions of the story around that, Toriyama corrects Toyotaro's art & Toriyama also corrects or adds to what Toei thinks up. Example being when Toei created Kale & Toriyama created Caulifla in response.

I'm not excited for the next chapter. I don't care what Vegeta does. How is Vegeta going to win against someone who one shotted Goku in UI. Either the writing will be kinda smart or just plain stupid. I'm expecting stupid.

Idk if I'll review the next chapters. The bad writing was too much for me. I wrote this review last month right 1 day after the chapter came out, but I didnt want to read the manga again to get the images I need for this review. So I put it off for almost 1 month.

I wanna take a break from this bad manga...

#dragon ball #dragon ball super #dbs #dbs manga #dbs manga chapter 73 #review #Goku #Vegeta #Granolah

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desdealgunlugardelsur · 3 years

Text

Harrison Ford: 2020 summary

A year like no other, as you must have heard countless times. The pandemic changed almost everybody´s life on this planet and Harrison wasn´t an exception. Our lil´ bean is strong and healthy but also has to be safe at home, so this year didn´t deliver many news about Harrison. Still, we had a new Harrison movie, The Call of the Wild, released in February, and a few other events before the lockdown. 2020 was also marked by the death of 3 former Harrison´s costars: Chadwick Boseman, Sean Connery and David Prowse. May all of them rest on peace on Heaven.

A new year begins, and we all wish Harrison (and everyone by the way) a productive, happy and healthy 2021. Stay safe!

JANUARY

Early January: Harrison Ford enjoying his holidays in the caribbean island of Bonaire

25th: Harrison Ford with singer Carole Bayer Sager in a dinner in support of US Democratic candidate Michael Bloomberg

28th: The Call of the Wild “Adventure Companions” Featurette. Harrison Ford talks about dogs and companionship in The Call of the Wild’s “Adventure Companions” featurette.

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28th: not sure where these pics were taken. Probably in Wyoming? (pics from Rich Elali)

FEBRUARY

3rd: Verizon Super Bowl Ad Features Harrison Ford And New Pearl Jam Song

Kathleen Kennedy Says Harrison Ford Is Still On For ‘Indiana Jones 5’

Early-mid February: the national and international promotion of The Call of the Wild begins

5th: In Mexico City:

Harrison Ford: America Has Lost Its Moral Leadership And Credibility: The “Star Wars” and “Indiana Jones” star calls out U.S. policy on immigration and climate.

11th: On the Jimmy Kimmel Show:

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More here

13th: Harrison Ford, actor and watch designer. Newly adapted from Jack London’s literary classic, “The Call of the Wild” transports us to the snowy expanses of Alaska in the 1890s, with Harrison Ford as prospector John Thornton. The actor talks about climate activism, technology and why mechanical watches beat smartwatches every time.

14th: Indiana Jones 5 Starts Shooting In Two Months Says Harrison Ford : The long delayed fifth Indiana Jones film is finally about to get underway, as Harrison Ford reveals that he will begin shooting in two months. (that was what they were planning before COVID-19 hit the world...)

14th: Harrison Ford: Indiana Jones 5 Will “See Part of His History Resolved”

17th: “A Force ghost? I don’t know what a Force ghost is…I have no idea what a Force ghost is. And I don’t care!“. Legend.

21st: The Call of the Wild is released in cinemas

At the movie premiere in Los Angeles:

BRING ON THE PUPPIES:

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More videos:

Call of the Wild Survival Tips!

SNACK??? (Kudos to that girl)

Find epic stories at your library!

More news:

Of Course Harrison Ford Did His Own Call Of The Wild Stunts And 'Wore Out' The Stunt Team

Harrison Ford's shirtless chest is that buff (at 77) for his 'Call of the Wild' swim scene

26th: Steven Spielberg Won’t Direct ‘Indiana Jones 5,’ James Mangold in Talks to Replace

27th: Harrison Ford Breaks Down His Career, from 'Star Wars' to 'Indiana Jones' (Vanity Fair)

Late February: Harrison Ford visits Google´s offices in San Francisco to test the company´s self-driving car. [x] [x] [x] [x]

MARCH

14th: Harrison spotted in South Hadley, Massachusetts [x]. Apparently Harrison and Calista went to Massachusetts to pick up their son Liam after college shut down due to the coronavirus pandemic.

MARCH

...

APRIL

3rd: Disney delay multiple release dates including Jungle Cruise, The French Dispatch, and Indiana Jones 5

(…) Another big reveal is that Indiana Jones 5 – which will reportedly be directed by James Mangold – is being pushed back a year, from July 9, 2021 to July 29, 2022.

29th: Harrison Ford under FAA investigation after making a mistake while operating an airplane on the runway

According to the audio obtained by TMZ, Ford, 77, did not follow the direction of a tower operator to “keep short” on the runway because of “traffic”. It seems that the actor did not hear the direction. He nevertheless started to cross the runway, which prompted the operator to reprimand him for not following his instructions.

“Cross this trail now!” I told you to keep it short! You have to listen, “said the operator.

“Excuse me, sir, I thought exactly the opposite. I’m really sorry, ”said Ford immediately.

TMZ said there was no risk of an accident. The other aircraft was allegedly 3600 feet from Ford’s aircraft.

MAY

6th: Lucasfilm Reportedly Wants Harrison Ford To Return For Han And Chewie Star Wars Spinoff (Note: this hasn´t been officially confirmed by Lucasfilm)

15th: No news but I think this is cute:

From twitter.com/siikasele

21st: The Empire Strikes Back 40th anniversary. 40 years ago, TESB was released on theaters the 21st of May of 1980.

27th: James Mangold Confirmed To Direct Indiana Jones 5. Producer Frank Marshall confirms James Mangold is directing Indiana Jones 5 and says he's only just begun to work on his own script for the movie.

28th: James Mangold plans to take Indiana Jones franchise 'someplace new'.

Indiana Jones Writer on How Pandemic Will Affect Film's Script

JUNE

Nothing happens but look at this

You are welcome.

JULY

13th: Happy birthday king!

AUGUST

23rd: Harrison Ford dropping off his son Liam at College with wife Calista Flockhart via private plane (from tinyrebelstuff)

28th: Chadwick Boseman dies of cancer at the age of 43

Harrison Ford Calls Chadwick Boseman "As Much a Hero as Any He Played"

“Chadwick Boseman was as compelling, powerful and truthful as the characters he chose to play,” Ford said in a statement to The Hollywood Reporter. “His intelligence, personal dignity and deep commitment inspired his colleagues and elevated the stories he told. He is as much a hero as any he played. He is loved and will be deeply missed.”

SEPTEMBER

24th: Harrison Ford Cleared by FAA in Runway Investigation. "The FAA has closed the case involving the pilot who crossed a Hawthorne Municipal Airport runway without authorization on April 24, 2020. The FAA required the pilot to take a remedial runway incursion training course. When the pilot successfully completed the course, the FAA closed the case with no additional action," the FAA said in a statement to The Hollywood Reporter.

OCTOBER

19th: Harrison Ford & Ed Helms To Star In STX Seafaring Comedy ‘Adventures Of Burt Squire’

22nd: Actor and Pilot Harrison Ford Becomes Airlink Spokesperson. Video here

31st: Sean Connery dies at 90.

Sean Connery: Harrison Ford pays tribute to his Indiana Jones father and 'dear friend'

"He was my father... not in life... but in Indy 3," he said.

"You don't know pleasure until someone pays you to take Sean Connery for a ride in the sidecar of a Russian motorcycle bouncing along a bumpy, twisty mountain trail and getting to watch him squirm.

"God, we had fun - if he's in heaven, I hope they have golf courses.

"Rest in peace, dear friend."

NOVEMBER

2nd: Harrison Ford And Lincoln Project Back Anthony Fauci, Advocate Firing Donald Trump

In the waning hours of the 2020 presidential election, the Lincoln Project has enlisted Harrison Ford to narrate a new ad that plays up President Donald Trump’s suggestion that he will fire Dr. Anthony Fauci.

The spot features a scene from a Trump rally on Sunday in which supporters began chanting “Fire Fauci! Fire Fauci!” and the president responded, “Don’t tell anybody, but let me wait til a little bit after the election.”

Ford then says, “Tomorrow, you can fire only one of them. The choice is yours.”

3rd: Harrison Ford and Bloomberg on Biden 2020

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7th: Destiel becomes canon. Harrison doesn´t give a single fuck.

Also Joe Biden wins the US elections. Trump is defeated. Harrison, we know you hate Donald Trump. Congratulations.

21st: Harrison Ford back in Boston, Massachusetts, to pick up his son Liam for Thanksgiving Day.

28th: David Prowse, who played Darth Vader in the original trilogy, dies at the age of 85. Sorry, I didn´t find any words from Harrison on his memory... it seems they weren´t so close. Also, Jeremy Bulloch, the original Boba Fett, dies at 75 the 17th of december.

DECEMBER

10th: Indiana Jones: James Mangold, Harrison Ford Team to Close Out the Character

Harrison Ford and James Mangold's Indiana Jones 5 will serve as the final chapter for the iconic character.

Disney changed the Indiana Jones logotype. I have a bad feeling about this.

15th: Rare, behind-the-scenes look at 'The Empire Strikes Back'

Including this jewel:

Gif from the @theorganasolo

31st: And just at the very last day of this weird and strange year...

Disney Reportedly Wants Harrison Ford For Indiana Jones Streaming Show

Thankfully, then, it seems that the fifth (Indiana Jones) outing may not be the last we see of the actor in the role, as insider Daniel Richtman claims that Disney wants Ford to appear in a series that’s being developed for their streaming service. Further details are unclear and the tipster doesn’t say if it’s an all-new show or a reboot of The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles, but as one of the Mouse House’s most valuable assets, it wouldn’t be a surprise if they wanted to continue mining the property once Indiana Jones 5 wraps up the big screen stories for good.

Thanks everyone! Hopefully in 2021 the pandemic will fade and the world will return to normalcy. Luckily the production of Indiana Jones V will start this spring, as well as other Harrison projects such the tv show The Staircase and the movie starring with Ed Elms. Fingers crossed for a year full of (good) news about Harrison. Have a happy and safe 2021.

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astro-break · 4 years

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Quick first thoughts on the first ep of the Hypmic Anime. Spoilers beware (and im writing this as I watch so :p)

Otome’s speech is.... questionable from a persuasive point of view. Manga did a great job of introducing her (which you can read here) but they really cut out the more terrifying parts of her speech and how she uses force to show people that she's not to be messed with

Its cool seeing everyone in their respective environments though. thats cool. Though they could have added Sasara and Kuuko (shhh i know why they didn’t let me dream)

I love how poppy the typography is. Its amazing how the visuals just leap out at you. The OP does a great job of this. The first few seconds before the title really gives me Persona 4 OG OP vibes with the influx of information given. The rest is a clear concise and streamlined way that still gives character. Animation is sparse but still carries across a general idea of each character and shows off each character object. Rendering is really nice and pays a bit of homage to the posing artwork thats done for the MVs. They also do their division hand signals and thats cute

Love how the OP has blatant HifuDoppo and DRB matchup foreshadowing

so far I really like what theyre going for. BB is about brotherly familial bonds and they show the goods and the bads. Jiro and Saburo bickering right out the gate really cements the fact that they get along like cats and dogs but you can still see that they love each other, working together when the situation calls for it

Now the 3d models. Theyre... not great but usable if you don’t look too hard. They serve their purpose and don’t actively detract from the viewing experience.

Visual typography in the rap itself are fun and poppy but they dont.... speak to me? like theyre there yes and I appreciate them but the only ones that got me excited were from Ichiro’s rap

I take my words back the group portion was kickass and I apologize

I love how they interpret the Hypnosis Speakers though. Esp. Saburo’s organs. That was super creative and I love it! If there was one thing that I felt was missing from the franchise was a deeper exploration of the speakers but the anime puts a new and fresh spin on it! Love it, especially with their attack patterns!

If the production team ever feels inclined to, Id love to see those info sheets on Otome’s desk released. There seems to be very interesting info and stats written out about each member (like capabilities, personal status etc.) They all seem unique too so I really really really hope they release images of those sheets

OOOOOOOOKAY MTC. I have such a big biased for them so Im very torn to see what unfolds

Rio striking out on his own is interesting. Out of everyone in MTC hes the biggest team player yet here he trusts his teammates to go ahead. This either displays Rio’s willingness to trust his teammates or it becomes very OOC if the anime wants to set him up as a lone wolf like character

I love how they specify its a drug deal. It means that Jyuto surely will show up and it also shows that Samatoki knows Jyuto’s motives and willingly gives black market info that he knows aligns with Jyuto’s goal. Thats A+ detail writing there and a great establishing characteristic for both of them

OOohhhhhhhhhhhhh man Asunama-san’s voice acting is god tier his work as Samatoki is phenomenal. He pulls of Samatoki’s threatening voice so well with those almost calm words before his voice becomes loud and confrontational. Those rolling syllables in contrast to Komada-san’s almost lyrical and airy speech and Kamio-san’s strict and enunciated words is such a delight to hear. It just speaks to how amazing and great these Seiyuu’s are in order to pull of such amazing work

Im so biased but MTC has such a better rap than BB im so sorry. Just by watching Samatoki’s part, the imagery is amazing. Even the arrival of his Hypnosis Speaker was awesome and sent a shiver down my spine. using the lyrics to form blades and blood was such a great thing to do. Theres so much more variety that just him standing there and shots of his hypnosis speaker. The old fashioned vignette shots, the four panel spread, the nods to old Kurosawa era films are great and I love these small details. Even the typography looks better.

Again, the interpretations with the speakers is fresh and new. Its great and I love the different imagery and attack patterns. Each one is so unique but carries across each different style of rap.

The 3d modles aren’t any better tho lol

(Hi this is Astro who is reading over their assessment again and making a note. Yeah I’m a bit harsh on BB’s rap. I’m not going to change it since I still stand by it and this post is supposed to be a documentation of my first impressions. I think one of the reasons why I’m so harsh on BB is because of their dynamic as a trio of brothers. They Have to have a more uniform approach than the other divisions. Which in of itself isn’t a terrible thing, it just doesn’t catch my eye as much as MTC did. Thats all! I definitely don’t hate BB, they’re maybe my 3rd favorite division out of the current lineup [not including TDD era teams like Kujaku Posse, MCD, and Naughty Busters] its just that their rap was pretty meh)

Samatoki crouching like a real gangstar and the cigarette kiss killed me

sadjkhfjkasdghsadjkcsdjhsdfsjhf im dying i love these trio of dumbasses so uch oh y fod someone save me aaaaaaaa (Astro note here! yeah i died when the jyuto and samatoki’s stomach growled im weak please. Samatoki’s face is just so precious and funny I might set it as a profile pic somewhere)

But also my initial assessment of Rio possibly being characterized as a lone wolf is very much jossed and im very thankful for that. It seems that Rio was simply trusting his teammates to carry out their part of the plan while he carried out his own. I like that, it really shows how much of a team these three are and that they genuinely trust each other. He’s also comfortable enough around them to invite them to dinners after work casually and not just for special occasions.

I really love MTC guys

Oooh! we get Ramuda on his design process which is really cute. the inside of his studio is super cute and retro and i love it. the poppy old music you would hear in a cafe or 90′s resturaunt is also really cute (astro note: yeah i know that in ARB you see the interior of Ramuda’s office but its kinda different seeing it animated)

the translation i have has gentaro speaking in early modern english (Shakespearian english for those who aren’t english nerds like me) but from what I can hear, he doesn’t speak in a particularly old fashioned way? Its more formal than old? and hes speaking without any of his character persona lying thing that he likes to do (as he refers to himself as “Shousei” throughout the segment where hes in Ramuda’s office which is kind of his default pronoun of choice). so its kinda odd for the translation to go in that direction but im not complaining

Gendice banter is gold but it feels... flat? a little? it doesn’t have the same impact as in the drama cds or in the manga? i feel? Also Ramuda using gratuitous english is??? idk how to feel about that

kjshf thats against the rules Ramuda omgggg,,,,,,,, (astro note again: while watching i was under the assumption that using your hypmic for monetary gain such a as buskering [which is what FP is doing] is against the rules. May not be the case but whatever)

FP’s rap might be my favorite in terms of tune and lyrics though. It’s a nice laid back bop and really gives of chill vibes. the integration of 3d and 2d is really nice and i love how they play off each other in the rap. The wordplay is so fun with little nods here and there and the beat is poppy too so it really energizes me.

Ramuda’s rap concerns me slightly since he makes very subtle and small nods towards his past (being created in a laboratory, warfare, and his overall very unpleasant life experiences) but spins it into something cutesy. It could be a coping mechanism, it could be me overthinking it. But it does make me worry a bit. Gentaro and Dice’s rap really play off each other with Gentaro sticking to stories and Dice taking up the baton by carrying on that same imagery but putting his own spin on it.

the self awareness of how scattered they are as a team is interesting though. It doesn’t seem like something you’d speak about in a rap? but i guess since its not really a do or die situation they can afford to be looser on things like this.

Right off the bat, i don’t like how they handled Hifumi and Doppo in relation to Hifumi’s fear of women. Slug made a post once talking about this and I echo many of his sentiments. Hypmic has never been very tactful about tackling this particular issue and while I didn’t have high hopes that the anime would be any better it hurts to see Doppo take away the one thing that allows Hifumi to function within society.

Doppo’s breakdown mirrors a lot of my own mental state when I spiral though its shown a lot quicker than what happens to me oof. that hits close to home. though Jakurai’s advice is. Questionable. Its not the best advice to give to someone but we have no idea what kind of doctor Jakurai is so ill let it slide

Jakurai’s pose looks like hes going to do a mahou shoujou transformation lmao

I don’t have many thoughts about the rap though again. How they visualize the rap is interesting. the different imagery is quite interesting for each of them and the typography is nice a distinct but im still on the fence about the visuals here

The sound is in the same boat. The sound effects either drown out the rap or are too quet but some parts are nice at least. When they talk about Tokyo’s beating heart, the heartbeat sound is a but distracting especially since its only played once. But the imagery is at least nice

I wonder if for the eds they’re going to take a similar approach to what Enstars did and have a four different endings, one for each division. I love the blend of styles here and it really accentuates that although they’re different they mesh well together.

Ramuda’s silhouette though is hilarious. Love it.

:p and thats it. Uh not bad for a first episode. Established all 12 characters really nicely and their dynamics. I had some problems with it but then again nothing is perfect. I look forward to what they show us next week

#hypnosis mic #hypmic #hypnosis mic rhyme anima #hypnosis mic rythme anima spoilers #hypmic spoilers #my post

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subliminalhero · 3 years

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Looks like I completely forgot to post the next version of Habiki. This is just the beginning sketch of this version and I will add the finished pic at the end. But first I’d like to let everyone know I’ve changed how I refer to the 3rd AU in this trio. It is no longer Free AU. I changed it to Saved AU because I’ve changed how that particular AU goes. Thank you.

Everything is the same for Damned Habiki as it was for Escaped except that they never managed to escape Dr Kyudai Garaki. So that is where the timelines of those two AUs split.

So, this Habiki is host to multiple quirks and is technically a Nomu after all these years of experimentation. The Main ones are her natural quirk Subliminal, along with Ink-body, Regenerate,Necromance and many more. They poses all the quirks of the once future members of their Interpol team who made it through the Escaped AU. The scar on Habiki’s face is a result of the escape attempt both in Escaped and Damned. It is larger and covers more of their face in Damned because the resulting injury lead to the failed escape. They are missing their right eye and often uses an ink-dummy to compensate. Their living ink is constantly generating and so ever expanding.

Habiki’s living ink is a key ingredient to the Nomu process while in Escaped it is leftover living ink from experiments done on their friend Sumimoru also known as Inkwell (where this blogs name is from). While neither Habiki nor Sumimoru are the basis for the Nomu project the way Gigantomachia is, in the two AUs they are essential to the completion and binding of different quirks to the host bodies.

This Habiki has secretly been leaking ink into any available place in order to spread their ink across the country. This was done with the help of a child that was, much like them, sold to the Dr by their parent. Young Suzaku took Habiki’s Core, their main center of self, during an escape after Habiki was given a quirk called Instinct. This Quirk brings the user down to their base animal instincts and rendered Habiki little more than an animal in a cage. To keep some control and keep from rampaging through the country, Habiki had one of the nurses use his quirk “Mimic” to copy Subliminal. He then used Subliminal to lock Habiki behind some basic mental locks. These locks kept Habiki from leaving their tank underground without their core or being called by their core. He also had Habiki split into different Fragments that would go out and about as “people” to exact Habikis ultimate plan. There are 12 fragments in all with each bearing a name with a number in it and one of the many quirks Habiki possesses. Each fragment is has a personality with some being based off those fallen friends from the escape.

Habiki’s ink and fragments are scattered all over Japan. Witnessing and watching everything so as to have to most information possible when they make their final escape. One of their fragments stays with and raises the child Suzaku and two other children they helped escape. Before the escape, Habiki treated the children like their own. The children refer to them as Mama.

While in captivity, after the escape attempt, Habiki is given the quirks Regenerate, Ink-body, and Necromance. Then a copy of the All for One quirk fallowed by Instinct. This was the first test of the viability of copying All for One. After being reduced to little more than an animal in a tank, Habiki is left to witness everything that happens after. Their tank is kept in the lowest level with multiple pipes a tubes that flow through the labs. The Dr used the main tank to dispose of “useless or failed organic components”. This is how Habiki survived in virtual isolation for so long. Survival cannibalism is unpleasant, but Habiki had to do what they could.

All the experiments, long isolation, and other trauma left it’s mark. Habiki is not well in this AU, but means well. They have forsaken nearly all morals they once clung too and now believes that they are the only ones that can fix what’s wrong with the world.

Just to be clear, this one is kinda messed up. Habiki basically has a god complex here or at least something similar. Having All for One for so long with it only being subconsciously used means they are constantly exposed to All for One’s mind. That takes a toll. But they also have a lot of untreated trauma and while that’s no excuse, it is an explanation. These three AUs are all going to have slightly different tones and Habiki will be different in each to some extent. They are all the same character at their core. Like I said in my last post about Habiki, this is just seeing how the story would be different with the addition of one character in relation to one canon character. Each Habiki will play a different role. All of them with make major changes.

I’ll get around to the last post about Saved Habiki then I’ll do some for Habikis children. Maybe even their first love. All will be OCs except for one I foreshadow pretty plainly in the first Habiki post.

Now, on to the final picture with color. I’m not exactly happy with this one. I tried to use the alcohol markers because the India ink ones show through, so I was trying to get a layered effect. It didn’t work.

Yes, that’s a autopsy scar.

#mha oc #bnha oc #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #Damned AU #tsumugi Habiki

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yuzusorbet · 5 years

Photo

Sendai Holiday 2019, Part 5: An Unexpected Journey

A fan told me about the special edition Yuzuru Hanyu subway card that came with 3 postcards and I quickly went to the Sendai subway station office to buy it. The beautiful subway card was a one-day pass, unlimited rides. Many fans used it to to get to International Centre Station where Yuzu’s Olympic Monuments are, and also to Izumi Chuo Station which is near Ice Rink Sendai, but I had already gone to these places before I knew about this special pass. Well, I could always just keep it without using it but, somehow, I felt I had to make good use of this pass that has Yuzu’s SEIMEI silhouette on it.

There is a 3.11 Memorial Community Centre located in Arai Station 荒井 at the end of the Tozai subway line 東西線. The name popped up when I was searching online about Sendai travel. I have never heard of this place before but since I could use my Yuzu subway pass and learn more about 3.11, I thought it was perfect. Arai Station is just 6 stops away from Sendai Station. (3.11 refers to the Great East Japan earthquake and tsunami, also known as the Tohoku earthquake, of 11 March 2011.)

I arrived at Arai Station and there was a big sign pointing to the 3.11 centre. It was within the station itself, at one end.

‘This post-earthquake restoration memorial facility opened in February 2016. As a gateway to the eastern coastal area, which suffered tremendous damage from the tsunami, this memorial community center conveys the history of the region, the memory of the disaster, and wisdom and lessons derived from it to the world and to future generations.’ (credit)

On the first floor, there is a big 3D map that shows the extent of the coastal area ravaged by the tsunami.

On the 2nd floor, there are photos of the affected areas, in a timeline from the Showa period til present day, showing the devastation of March 2011 and restoration efforts.

The captions are all in Japanese but there are booklets that give the translation in English, Chinese, Korean and Thai. You can hold the booklet and read the translated caption for each picture as you move along the wall.

There was one photo that struck me in particular. People on the rooftop of Arahama Elementary School, with the black waters of the tsunami below. They were students, staff and nearby residents who had fled there. All were rescued by helicopter later. Many thoughts ran through my mind. How terrifying it must have been to watch the sea swallow up all that you live on. And what about their family members who were not with them...... how many families could be reunited? The young elementary school students, did they recover from the trauma? How are they doing now.....

One of the staff told me that this school has been preserved as a museum and memorial of the disaster. It has been open to public since April 2017. He suggested that I take the short bus ride to the school and go into the building to have a look. Oh my...... I was not prepared for that at all. Do I really want to see the actual traces of devastation and tragedy?? It is too sad..... After a bit of hesitation, I went outside the station and boarded the bus that goes to the school near the coast. It was a regular bus that has a few stops along way and the ride cost 240 yen. Part of the route was rather scenic with rice paddy fields.

The last stop was at the school. The building looked like a normal school from afar. A banner along the 3rd floor says ありがとう荒浜小学校 (Thank you, Arahama Elementary School). It was put up by students in 2016.

There is some information in English on the board at the front.

The white sign at the 2nd floor shows the height of the tsunami that day. The first level was totally submerged. (pic below)

On the 1st and 2nd floors, we can see the damage, and pictures show the aftermath, before the debris was cleared. All sorts of things were pushed into the classrooms by the force of the tsunami. A teacher’s car which was parked outside was found crushed with the debris in one of the rooms.

On the 4th floor is a room with a timeline of events on that day, from the earthquake to the tsunami and after.

The clock that was in the 1st floor gymnasium stopped at the time that the tsunami struck.

There was also a video in the room, with the principal and other staff of the school commenting on that day, with English subtitles.....

“I grabbed the key for the rooftop and told everyone in all of the rooms to leave everything and go up to the rooftop right away.”

“It turned into a mountain, something like black mountain, it was sea water, it came and..... crash, it kept coming forward.”

“There was nothing left of the Arahama area. It was a view of the bottom of the sea and all we could do was watch from the rooftop as the town was swept away.”

I cried as I watched the video. My heart that was getting heavier and heavier could not hold it back anymore.

From the 4th floor, I went up to the rooftop. So this was where the survivors were standing. I could see the sea on one side....

and all around, rebuilding is going on. New roads are being made, with bulldozers and excavators here and there. It was too painful to think that this was actually a town filled with people and homes.

I remember the wind was very strong on the rooftop and the sky was overcast, so it was very cold even though it was in the warm month of May. After taking some photos, I made my way back down.

The 3rd floor is closed but there is a very touching piece of writing by a teacher of the school, with English translation included. Please read it from my photo below (4th pic).

The teacher’s reflections were full of sadness but also very uplifting. “Kindness and gratitude in these hard times.” So touching. I hope to remember these words.

In front of the building is a ‘Closing of School’ monument, with the words of the school song on the transparent blue panel. The school has been here a long time. It was established in 1873 (Meiji year 6) and built on the current site in 1912 (Taisho year 1).

As I was leaving, groups of students came in large buses. Each group had a guide talking to them outside first, then taking them around. The school continues its purpose of educating and building up the nation.

Goodbye and thank you, Arahama Elementary School. I said a silent prayer as I left on the bus. The serenity of the rice fields comforted my heart.

For more info and photos of the school, here is a news article: The school that saved 320 people

Note: I spent about an hour here but one hour is not enough to finish looking at everything in the school. Two hours would be good. There are guide booklets in a few languages near the entrance of the school. Check also the bus schedule. It only runs once an hour.

Much thanks to the staff at 3.11 Memorial Community Centre for their help.

Back home, I searched and read up more....

In addition to physical reconstruction, emotional and social support remain an important focus for rebuilding. “Up in Tohoku, a common term widely used to describe the emotional difficulty in what recovery really means after the disaster is kokoro no byōki (illness of the heart). From continuing financial worries, divorces, depression, disconnected families to elderly survivors losing connection or meaning, there are ongoing situations of survivors falling through the cracks. [....] Volunteers provide an invaluable message of encouragement, crucial to the long-term emotional recovery of survivors. [...] Their return and interest in the community reinforces the message that others believe the rebuilding is worthwhile — and that they are worthwhile.” (credit: Japan Times, link below)

I immediately thought of Yuzu. Besides donating all his Olympic prize money for rebuilding, he goes back again and again to visit communities in the affected areas and to do ice shows for them. His visits tell the survivors that they are worthwhile, that they are not forgotten. How many lives has he saved in this way! God bless all volunteers for their kindness and generosity.

Thanks to Yuzu’s subway pass..... It led me on an unexpected journey to learn more about something very close to his heart and I am inspired again to do more. Below are some useful sites that I found:

https://www.japantimes.co.jp/community/2019/03/10/issues/new-approach-volunteering-tohoku/#.XUVS5lCLmCR

https://www.japansociety.org/page/earthquake

https://www.tohoku.ac.jp/en/news/campus_community/news20181128scrum.html

Even though I only took 2 rides with the subway pass (going to Arai Station and back), I think I have made very good use of it.

(All photos are taken by me; please do not use or re-post my photos without asking me first. Thanks.)

#arahama elementary school #3.11 #sendai holiday #Yuzuru Hanyu #sendai

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harrycrozby · 4 years

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I'm also excited but also a little bit sad because I still think it will be over after s3. And i dont need s4 with new students. When will you start posting about s3 because of spoilers. Not everybody can bing watch all episodes.

Same Nonny, same!!!!

While on one hand I can't wait for s3 and believe me I have always been excited for it since it was clear that we would get a 3rd season and they have finished shooting at the end of september. Thankfulkt leaving us with a bit of spoilers thanks to some pics and inbetween with some more and then when they have started to publish at first the character teaser + promo pics and then a bit later the promo photoshooting pics...

God, when I saw Malick with Nadia and Omar, I was like: What? Please. No.😩

Then the promo poster with blood on Guzman - that was when I slightly started to panic that he is probably going to die 😭 - only to feel a bit better after the trailer and teaser - oh and the interviews of the cast. So yes, I'm utterly enthusiastic as you can see and excited to find out what happened to Polo, if we will get some needed answers and especially for all Guznadia scenes. Let them only be a few seconds long, I'm here for all of it!!! ❤

On the other hand I'm a bit sad myself.

I try not to cause I don't want to ruin s3 for me, by getting sad over a potential last season before I haven't watched s3 and the end of the this season cause so far we always had an open ending and although this time, we were told that we would get an epilogue (normally that's a way to end a story), everybody is only focusing on how they will graduate at the end, how their school time and therefore their time at Las Encinas will be over... so it would make sense to end that part of the story with an epilogue to show us what the kids are up to in their future.

The truth is: I have no idea if we will get another season or not 🤔.

But what I'm sure of is that neither the rumours of a greenlit s4 + 5 and a new cast are true.

So I was trying to remember how it was after s1, what I read about it (I have started to watch Élite far later than October) and then after it was clear that there would be a 2nd season etc.

And this brings me to, that except when we were told that there would be 3rd season on that press conference for s2, Netlfix Spain has never been very communicative about Élite as Netflix and any of their ... mostly use to be.

For example:

It was season ones open ending that was giving us hope and lead us to belive that they would hopefully going to continue the story.

At the end it took them weeks (or more) after they have published amazing numbers of more than 20 million views for s1 and ten thousands of asks if there would be a s2, before they annoced the 2nd season.

In truth they have greenlit both s2 +3 and the cast was already having the scripts in November to be able to start the table reads at the end of November/ begining of December.

Also Georgina, Claudia and Jorge have been cast.

So was it always planed that Élite would have 3 season? Why not telling us then? Neither about the planed 3 seasons (Dark, Baby, The Rain have all announced to have only 3 seasons) or that they would shoot the 2 seasons one after another?

Why not telling us now that Élite is over?

And if that's the case. Why the amount of press work for a finished series after the bit of press work they did for s2 was enough? Élite s2 had the same amount of viewers, 20 million and a huuuge boost in popularity.

And aside from all of that. For me it was always all about the story. I have said it many times before: I don't think they can solve everything in 8 episodes.

And I would love to continue to watch their journey and interestingly being asked about a potential 4th season after they have announced the 3rd one, bkth showrunners said that they have plenty ideas to continue the story!

So, I have no idea what to think???

Sorry for my extrem long rent 😶 but I wanted to write a post about getting a s4 or not anyway.

Oh and due to the fact that I will be working in home office, I will be able to bing s3 on Friday and post about it. Of course I will tag everything as #elite s3 spoilers 😊!!!!

#elite #elite netflix #elite s3 spoilers #elite s3 discussion #more seasons?#anonymous #answered #élite #élite netflix

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jessiewre · 4 years

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Day 59

Tues 3rd Mar

🏔Moshi to Arusha 🚍

It was time for us to leave Moshi and move onto Arusha, a city 2 hours away renowned as the starting point for all the big safari parks.

I went up early for brekkie on the rooftop and this time, we had bananas but there appeared to be no coffee. I asked the woman and she confirmed it and was just like ‘Sorry, no coffee’.

As I write this, I have the overwhelming feeling that it definitely feels like the right time to step back from the blog. First, I’m telling you about there being no bananas at breakfast. Jesus. Then the next day there is no coffee. I’m thinking WOW. This is boring isn’t it. But then again, some of you may be so bored reading about Coronaviru that this is a welcome break.

Well, it did jazz up a bit and get exciting, cos I looked up and coffee had appeared. JUST LIKE THAT. Thats right! One minute it was there, then the next, Poof! Like magic! God knows how long it had been there, the woman didn’t feel the need to mention it to me despite knowing I wanted coffee. Absolute JOKE.

We spent the morning packing our bags and debating what our plan should be, while Phil huffed and puffed, flipping between angryman and stresshead. He had definitely got out on the wrong side of the bed, but as the great Irish philosopher Ronan Keating once said, Life is a rollercoaster. Well, Phil was certainly riding that rollercoaster. He was hot and cold like a broken tap I tells ya.

Despite Phil’s multiple attempts to get one, not having a SIM card was irritating him a lot, especially considering we needed to ring various people about hotels and safaris. So after a bit more grumbling, he went off like a true moody hero to try Vodacom again. I ‘minded the bags’ and did some hotel research (ie. I had a nice long chat with Evie and then spoke to Luke & Bex about house viewings).

Despite the 10am check out time (its more a suggestion than a rule right?), I sat in our hotel room with the door open to imply I was leaving ‘any minute’ and positioned a towel hung on the bed pole, perfectly hiding my face from the doorway view to ensure I avoided eye contact with any hotel workers passing by 😏.

I thought about Phil, all alone in that annoying phone shop, and felt a pang of guilty. Or was it hunger? Hard to know. But either way, I sent him some WhatsApp messages to give the impression I was doing lots of excellent research (that should Cheer him up, I thought), and crossed my fingers that the hilarious GIFS I was sending would put him in an AMAZING mood. He loves a GIF does our Phil. After the pain of sim card buying, I knew it could go either way but at least he’d only get the messages once he’d eventually got a working sim so I had a chance...

Well, I soon saw the ticks ☑️ turn that beautiful shade of blue and nervously waited for a response.

THANKFULLY I got two of the best emoji’s I could have hoped for.

🕺🏻 🕺🏻

It was then I knew that Sweetbox were right back in the 90s - Everything’s Gona be Alright.

My overstaying-my-welcome plan worked for 2 whole hours and I made it to midday sat in the hotel room before I got a polite knock on the door to ask me to vacate.

‘Ohh I didn’t realise the time, of course I’ll leave straight away’.

Phil returned and strongly declared we should go to Milan’s Indian for a quick lunch before going to get the bus. Well, the awkward thing was, I didn’t want to eat curry for lunch (not a sentence I say often)...but then again, I also really didn’t want to risk messing with Phil’s mood...

I decided to try the softly, softly approach and lightly suggested we go to the Kilimanjaro coffee lounge.

Phil jerked his face round to me angrily and the atmosphere instantly went ice cold.

‘What is WRONG with Milans?? You loved the food there and its really close by!’.

I quietly explained again that although it was a lovely place, I simply didn’t want curry for lunch, and he obviously couldn’t argue with that. Such is life. But it definitely REALLY annoyed him and he stropped out of the hostel with his bags in search of a tuc tuc.

We both stood on the corner of the street in blasting heat waiting for a tuc tuc to appear and for some reason, there were NONE. Everytime we saw one and waved it down, it would go zooming past and we would see there were already people in the back. Phil was ready to burst with annoyance but as the sun began to nearly melt our heads, I finally waved one down.

We went to put our bags in and then got a shock as we realised there was already a woman in the back!

‘No problem no problem’ declared the driver as he saw the look on our faces, and he ushered at me to put my rucksack into the back. Well, that was harder than it looked.

‘Oh for Gods sake’ Phil said under his breath, but not so much that we all didn’t hear him and I started to attempt getting my bag in.

Phil watched on in disbelief and was like ‘This is ridiculous! Where are we meant to sit??’

Phil then tried to get his bag in while I tried to sit in the front with the driver, but the driver was like ‘Nah you go in back’, then the woman was sort of holding Phil’s massive rucksack and there was not really any room for us and Phil just lost his rag completely 😂

‘Right, forget it! Take the bags out Jess! I AM NOT GETTING THIS TUC TUC!’

I had a point like.

Thankfully, a nearby boda driver had a great loud whistle and managed to hail another tuc tuc down straightaway, just before Phil spontaneously combusted, and we went to Kili coffee lounge where there were too many witnesses for Phil to maintain his grumpy face for too long. PHEW.

I enjoyed a simple cheese tomato toastie with fries (opposite of a curry I’d say) and now that he’d calmed down, Phil told me about his morning visit to the phone shop. While he was stood in the phone shop, stressing out and getting super angry and wound up by the slow process, he went to look at his phone and clicked to unlock it. To his utter shock, on the screen was an image he’d NEVER seen before, and it was one of those ‘Inspirational Quote’ memes.

It said:

If you can’t handle stress

You can’t handle success

He stood in total amazement, starring at the screen, wondering how the powers that be had managed to target him in this way, how google was so onto him. How had they known he was MEGA stressed and how had they got this image onto his phone?!?! Maybe it was a message from GOD?!

WELL after further investigation (the back button), he discovered that it was the profile picture of the phone shop guys. He’d added the guys number as part of the sim registration process, then he’d accidentally clicked on this guys whatsapp profile pic without realising, then locked his phone 😂😂😂😂😂.

Anyway, back to the cafe, it had been 30 minutes of good vibes so naturally Phil started to dip again, this time stressing about getting a bus to Arusha. After all the bus journeys we’ve ever done, I have NO IDEA why this simple 2 hour journey was getting to him so much, but hey ho sometimes these things don’t make sense do they. He’s a complicated and simple fellow in equal measures.

We put on our bags and walked to Tahmeed buses to see if by chance they had one of their nice buses passing through anytime soon, so we could avoid the super basic local buses that stop every 5 minutes. Much to Phil’s joy, they said SURE there’s one departing in about 15 minutes and that was the first time that day that Phil reeally smiled, ya know like with all his teeth and his eyes. It was beautiful.

The bus arrived about 30 minutes later (not too bad by African standards!) and we took a seat, only to realise it was actually some guys seat who had just jumped off the bus for a drink - and he just happened to have a huge machete on his belt! He seemed fine with it though and sat somewhere else! The bus guys weirdly would not allow anyone to have their windows open, instead insisting that we have the AC on. I kept opening my window a bit anyway as the AC above my head was blocked and I needed the fresh air, but the bus man was getting really annoyed. The locals wanted their windows open too but the bus man was stomping round the bus shutting them all and shouting at people, while people shouted back at him. As people coughed and sneezed 🤧 as humans tend to do, I wondered how many germs were getting regurgitated back through the system during this time of hyper virus mania... 🦠

The woman next to me fell asleep on me for most of the journey then we arrived to Arusha town. As we’d read would happen, we were completely HOUNDED on arrival by men trying to sell us safaris. One guy pretended to work for the bus company while getting my bag to hand me, I was like Dude I can get my own bag.

They were all talking at once trying to give us business cards, one guy said another guy was a liar, another accused another of being a thief, and it was just chaos and frankly, harassment - so Phil told them all to Frig the Frig off and we walked the 6 minute walk to our hotel Raha Leo Inn.

We walked through the door feeling immediate relief to be away from the hassling streets, when suddenly the door opened behind us and the guy who’d pretended to be working for the bus company walked in and started to try and sell us a safari!I was like Hey I thought you said you worked for the bus company mate, and he was like ‘Yes yes, they are my friends, but I have safari’. What the hell does that even mean haha. He even pointed to a safari vehicle parked outside and said ‘Uh, this is my vehicle’.

Uh, I don’t think it is mate 😂

But in an attempt to make him go away, I took the card from him and said Thanks, I’ll be in touch if we need to, ba bye now, ba bye.

It was too late though, Phil was FAR too annoyed by it all and he went for it.

‘You have just FOLLOWED US here and now you come INSIDE the hotel to hassle us?? I don’t want your card! I will NOT be doing a safari with you, take you card and please leave’.

Incase the guy wasn’t clear, Phil shoved the card into his hand while he said it.

The guy was rather disgruntled at all this but left the hotel looking defeated. Phil puffed his chest out a bit and gave his chest some big fist blows in a gorilla like fashion.

About 5 minutes later, I watched a completely different man drive off in the safari vehicle the guy had been referring to...

The hotel was clean and pleasant enough, although the lack of a TOILET SEAT was a little strange 😂. Also we noticed a man walk into the hotel and straight up to the social area without being stopped by the staff, and he turned out to be another safari seller. Hmm. We made a mental note to keep an eye on our valuables and not leave them out anywhere...

I was back to normal and ready to eat curry by dinner time so we went to find the the LP recommended Hot Plate restaurant. Directly opposite it was a stall of crazy shirts and we couldn’t resist a quick look before we headed inside, immediately finding a sweet shirt that we had to buy for 20k tsh (about £6.50). The young lads running the stall were buzzing, though why there needed to be 4 of them working I’ll never know. Thats like 1 guy for every 2 shirts available. We did the crazy handshake to celebrate the purchase which they really lolled at.

Obviously then I washed my hands - while singing the chorus of 21 seconds by So Solid Crew.

Our dinner was soooo good - maybe the best masala fries so far, a delicious dosa, and loads of other lovely food - and we went to find a tuc tuc to get back, eventually finding one at the petrol station, and took our huge doggy bag of food with us.

On return, we found out one of the hotel staff had her phone taken that very day! We told them they really needed to invest in a lock on the front door so only staff and guests could enter. They agreed with us and so will probably do absolutely nothing about it.

After spending almost 11 hours of his time searching, Phil FINALLY found the official marathon snaps of himself and was (understandably of course) very excited to see them, so we had a good look through those for about an hour (there were 10 photos after all) before finally getting back to The Crown.

3rd

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siyeonjisoo · 5 years

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Oookay. Long post in-coming. TL:DR is I saw the GazettE yesterday and while it was a really fucking long day, IT WAS AMAZING AND ALL WORTH IT AND I LOVE THEM AND MY FRIENDS <3 <3 <3

SO my day started at 3:50am when I woke up. got on a train at 5:17 in the morning to get to NYC by 7. I ended up being the 34th person in line. The folks at the front of the line had come straight from Dallas and started lining up at 4am which is both insane but awesome. I was waiting for the discord friends to show up and was the second one to show up. the line was originally along the front entrance of the building and all mixed. The business on the corner, however, really hates the lines being in front of their entrance so we actually got split from VIP and GA really early. I think it was like 9am when that happened and all of us who are familiar with how shit Playstation staff’s organization usually is were shook.

My friends and I had a great time hanging out all day long so I got no complaints, even though I sat my ass on a sidewalk in Times Square for 10 hours yesterday. We had ourselves organized and knew we were gonna be fine but Playstation staff showed their true identities by trying to fuck with it all day long. We all got in several shouting matches of them just going on power trips and us trying to explain that they don’t have to worry about us.

I also painted my nails at some point in line haha

Because we were so damn close to the doors, we could hear soundcheck from outside. They played Zetsu, Shadow VI II I, Sumire, and Bathroom and I was fucking crying so much then. Those were the first tears of the day, I think, but nowhere near the last. We were all freaking out over it.

A little bit after that, I went on a trip to use the bathroom (which was the last time I think I went before I got home at 2am lol. Held anything from like 3pm till then). We were going to the Hardrock Cafe for that so we had to walk from the alley tunnel where the VIP lines were around the block past the main entrance of Playstation. A staff member came walking out just as a car was pulling up with 3 men in the backseat. They all had light blonde hair and masks on. Staff hurriedly ushered them inside. I saw the eyes of one of the guys and I swear to god that it may have been Kai. It was after the soundcheck so unless staff did the soundcheck for them, they went out for lunch after and I saw them when they came back. Which is possible. So yeah, that may have happened.

We were allowed to go inside starting around 6:30 so we started organizing ourselves into the number order we had around 5 just so we could be ready when staff started letting us in. I was standing from 5pm then until like 9:45, after the concert ended. At 6:10, they started organizing us by letting us snake through to get our VIP bands and (if you were Heresy) other bracelets. We got like 25 people through that way and it was taking REALLY long so they gave up on that and sent the first bunch through. Because a lot of people weren’t there (either were GA given a # by accident or just not there) I ended up being within the first 20 to get inside.

I hit up the merch table to get a Reita bear and because of that, lost the chance to get the barricade but I still was in the 3rd row on the side that I wanted to be on. It was around 7 by then and we were all just waiting for everyone to get in. I talked with all the people around me and we all had a great time. At 8:02, the concert started.

Here is the setlist:

99.999

Falling

NINTH ODD SMELL

GUSH

Vortex

Venomous Spider's Web

THE MORTAL

SONO KOE WA MOROKU

DOGMA

The Suicide Circus

INCUBUS

UGLY

ABHOR GOD

Filth in the Beauty

encore

INSIDE BEAST

Cockroach

Tomorrow Never Dies

I managed to keep my spot in front of Reita in the 3rd row for the entire show, only moving like an inch or two away from center, toward Aoi. By the time Vortex happened, I definitely was not standing on my own feet but was being held up by the crowd and swaying all around with them. I had one foot on the ground to keep me, well, grounded, and was just being pushed back and forth with the crowd from then on. I don’t think I have been that covered in sweat in my entire life. My shirt was fucking drenched, thank goodness it was a thick material so the white didn’t become transparent at least haha.

The folks directly behind me were holding onto my shoulders and back to balance while headbanging and that pushed me forward and backward so I was headbanging better so thanks fam!

I also got a punch in the eye at one point and this was the thought process of my reaction (over the span of like 2 seconds): "oh no, i'm a daycare teacher! I can't have a black eye!" then "fuck it, I'm at a concert I don't care" then "wait it didn't even hurt that much why was I so dramatic". There was no damage and I was just being dramatic so enjoy laughing at me.

I was right in front of Reita so I got lots of him. He stuck his tongue out while making eye contact with me at one point. I saw heaven in that moment. He also kept doing this weird little waving thing with his hand throughout and it was really fucking cute and made me laugh while doing it back at him.

Ruki would also hop up in the area right in front of us, right on the edge of the stage, and after the first time he came there, I was on that one foot until the main set ended. Seeing Ruki’s dorky dancing in person, that close, is so funny. I laughed so hard every single time he did his little chicken neck dance thing. Can’t take him seriously when he does that.

Aoi was teasing all of us and being a handsome man. He also attempted to turn Sono Koe wo Moroku into a sexy song with how he was dancing there.

Kai and Uruha were on their side of the stage the entire time and I couldn’t see either of them very well but every time I did, they were breathtakingly beautiful and seemed to be having so much fun.

Main set ended around 9:08. We chanted back and forth between encore and gazetto for like 11 or 12 minutes before they came back on.

Aoi and Reita stayed in their costumes while Kai and Uruha had changed into tour shirts. URUHA LOOKED SO FUCKING SEXY IN HIS BECAUSE he had cut the sleeves off and the collar so it was a low v-neck style. Made his choker necklace stand out even more and HOLY FUCK IS THAT MAN SEXY. Kai took his microphone and yelled at us in English about how fucking awesome we were and it was so nice hearing him curse for some reason. I can’t explain why it was so nice to hear but it was. After that, they started a slightly elongated instrumental intro to Inside Beast before Ruki came out on stage and he also had not changed out of his costume.

The only time that Uruha came past the center onto my side was during Inside Beast I think. The only words I could think at that moment were “oh my god, that man is so beautiful”.

I knew that Tomorrow Never Dies was going to be the last song they played so as soon as Ruki started saying “last”, I started feeling like I was going to cry. But the problem with that was the fact that I had sweated out so much liquid that I had no tears. So I sobbed but without tears throughout that entire song. After that song, Aoi, Uruha, and Reita threw their pics into the crowd. One of Aoi’s landed like a foot or two to my left but either someone caught it and didn’t tell anyone or it got lost cause no one claimed to have caught it after.

Kai had his phone and took a picture from behind his drumset. I think it was a selfie with us in the background. Then he came down to the front, smiley as ever, and took some more pics of just us. I found myself. I’m in the purple circle here

We then all went up to the chairs in the back to wait for it to be M&G time. I would have been fine if my day had ended there, honestly, because it had already been amazing. But no, there was still more. It was like 9:30/9:40 when they started clearing the rows to go through. I was surprisingly calm about it because I was concentrating on my promise to a friend. She was behind me in line and I had promised to get Aoi to wish her a happy birthday since it is today, the day after the concert. So I focused on that and making sure I could say that to him instead of freaking out over anything else.

so the order was Aoi, Reita, Ruki, Kai, Uruha. one by one, here is what happened.

Aoi: he takes my hands and thanks me in English. I thank him in Japanese while marveling in how SOFT his hands are. Then I tell him, again in Japanese, about it being my friends bday tomorrow and asking him to say something. He looks at her and grins and nods to me. Reita is staring at me now and I almost froze having both of them looking straight at me at the same time.

Reita: I hand to him the card I wrote for all of them and he takes it while saying, in English, “For me?” and he sounded so cute. I corrected him and said it was for all of them and he nodded and thanked me, in Japanese, and I thanked him too. I kinda didn’t even notice that he wasn’t looking at me with two eyes because I was in so much shock.

Ruki: He gave me the softest smile as he took my hand in both of his. I thanked him and almost couldn’t let go of his hands. Not because of me, but because of him not wanting to let go. I think he saw my tattoo when we shook hands which makes me happy.

Kai: THIS MAN IS SO SWEET. I thanked him while we shook hands and this is kinda when I started losing my mind. I let go of his hands kinda fast but I told him, in Japanese, that he has an amazing smile and he tilted his head and smiled at me. Like just at me and my legs almost gave out under me.

Uruha: His hands. They are so big. And so soft. AND HE IS SO FUCKING HOT. I had completely lost my mind by then so he said thank you in English and I just couldn’t say anything else but thank you in English. My brain was goop.

I walked away from Uruha on shaky legs, got my VIP little towel, and then collapsed against a wall and started sobbing. 11 and a half years waiting for an opportunity to thank them, face-to-face, finally brought to an end last night and it all just crashed down on me in that moment.

My friend who was behind me came out crying and came straight to give me a hug and we just hugged and cried for almost a minute, just standing there. Aoi had wished her a happy birthday, as expected, but Reita did too. That’s why he had been staring at me while I spoke to Aoi lol.

I just wandered around with my friends inside the venue, trying to keep from sobbing completely because ain’t nobody need that kind of attention from a venue’s staff.

My friends all parted ways to go back to their respective Airbnbs or hotels while I started my lonely walk back to Penn station. But I was still kinda crying so I scanned the crowd of people also walking in that direction until I found people I recognized to be from this concert. Caught up with them and asked if I could walk with them for a little bit so I wouldn’t be a girl walking through the city, alone, crying, at night. We ended up stopping to get food together and chatting for like an hour before I had to head off to catch my train.

I cried literally off and on the entire way home. On the train, walking from train to car, driving home, every step of the way. I ended up being awake for a solid 22, almost 23, hours yesterday. My throat is still sore today. My neck hurts so much. My heart is so full of emotions that I am still so close to crying at any moment. All of the stress about the semester up until now? Worth it. All of my worries about finals? Gone. I met and spoke with (in Japanese) the human beings who inspired me to start learning Japanese in the first place. I will be graduating from college in 13 days as both a member of Sigma Tau Delta and cum laude. Not to be overdramatic or cringey or anything but I know for a fact that I would not be at this point in my life if I hadn’t found this band when I was 11.5 years old. 11.5 years later, this is what my life is like. I have the money to afford to MEET them. And the opportunity for it. Life can change so much. Like, if anyone ever needs a reminder that “it get’s better” this is it!

The first goal was just to see them in concert. That was ticked off the list in 2016 at their first world tour. The second was to meet them and be able to say “thank you” to them in person. That was ticked off the list last night. The new goal? get them all to autograph my arm, under where I have their logo, so I can get that tattooed as well. My entire left arm is going to be dedicated to bands that have shaped who I am so there will also be Miyavi tattoos and maybe even some Berryz Koubou tattoos there one day but for now, the goal is their autographs. So look out for that.

Also, check out all of my beautiful and lovely friends. I love them all so much and miss you all already!! (I’m the blondie grinning like a dork because I was so happy!)

#the gazette #ruki #reita #aoi #uruha #kai #nyc #phase 04 #world tour #playstation theater #my face #friends #memories #sixth guns #heresy #live report #reaction #goals

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zpetra · 5 years

Text

GP Helsinki Journal - Day 3

The things I do for figure-skating and one special Japanese boy... Wake up at 5am to get ready. Take a tram to the rink at 6am, than wait in a huge line to be let it for a 7am practice though he is in the second group but baby Jun was in the first one. So forget breakfast and coffee, or sleep. I had priorities.

Before we get to me cooing over Jun in practice again I met a Japanese lady at the tram station. Only us waiting at the stop and she was confused which side she needs to stand to get to the ice hall. Broken English vs broken Japanese but we made it work. Drunk Finnish guy trying to ruin the fun but we stuck together. In the tram she asked if I am going to the ice hall too and I said yes, followed up if I like Yuzu and I said yet again yes, showing her my group fan hoodie with chibi Seimei I wore both for SP and FS days. She instantly popped her bag open and handed me some 'not so hard to get clear files' and two 'difficult to get' ones and I stared at her at 6:10am to make sure she was real. She said yes. I died and couldn't thank her enough. Than she tops it off with asking if I was at the parade and said no. She was and showed me pictures. I was so jealous and told her so. To which she asked if I have Line and I do have, we exchanged contacts. She sent me like 40 pictures of hers from the parade and I kept dying, later in the queue more from Rostelecom 2017 - 70 pics in total. We walked together to the ice hall, chatting a little bit. Asking me if I learn Japanese and I confirmed I know a little and she just said 'oh that is more than a little'. So we stood in the crazy line together. Talking here and there but she spotted some people she knows before us so spoke to them too and I kept behind.

As the line started to advance somehow they turned to me as some topic about clear files came up, I gathered and they asked me if I have the newest ones. I shook my head (also confused of which new ones they meant) and to that her friend whipped out a pile of the new Xylitol ones and told me I could pick one. I died again, right before entering the venue. So I got a gorgeous green kimono Yuzu. We separated saying to meet again, me going into a bowing frenzy because wow. As I think back I am pretty sure she is the same lady who gave me the Ghana ones too the day before. 😍

The one lady sitting next to me arrived too and she handed me two candies with Yuzu (fruit) and Ginger. The inside joke was hilarious and we giggled together and I thanked her. Not too long after a girl sat down in front of me, taking her seat and suddenly turned around giving me two sample chocolates from Ghana (GUYS THAT CHOCOLATE MELTS ON YOUR TONGUE, IT’S SO GOOD). My eyes were probably as big as two plates.

I re-adjusted in my seat after he shocks, ready for practice and to be slayed by baby Jun. I wasn't all too disappointed even if the practice looked here and there wonky. His short costume makes him look amazing and my seat was at the skater entrance so they nearly sat up their corner right in my face. Queue me taking like 100 pictures of Jun even if half of them were his back or blurry because speed while skating haha.

Once I survived that one I looked to the side to spot Keiji and since Mr Attention took mine the day prior I jumped on the chance to take pictures of him rink-side. I am happily clicking away when suddenly after a few clicks a certain gorgeous boy walks into the frame and I get a heart-attack. - literally my camera roll as it happened...

Queue my attention being stolen again - I am sorry Keiji I tried and by the end of the practice I had no more pictures than 4 of you like the day before - and getting so much of Yuzus back (🍑). Yuzu is truly marvelous even in training and while yes he did make mistakes, fell and popped a few jumps, OVERROTATED A FEW AXELS. I was the happiest girl in the world.

Also somehow I managed to give Keiji some attention at one point! So good job from my side. Kolyada I apologize I think I watched you for two seconds. Boyang apparently didn't show which I didn't realize until someone else pointed it out during the Pair practice two hours later. Oops? I am truly sorry.

Pairs practice I technically missed as by 10am I needed coffee and by 11 or something I managed to get breakfast too.

Ladies practice was good. Definitely liking Yuna and Kaori from Japan. Hanul from Korea is also pretty good (I walked past her the day before in the corridor and she is so tiny and cute I stared and hurried away because I feel awkward 😂) after the short the day before I was praying for Kaori because that girl deserves the world, her practice looked good so I kept hoping.

I missed Dance practice while sitting there because I spent it to transfer my pictures to my phone. Oops. Also eat and do the necessities before 12:45pm rolled around to slay me with the Men's short.

JUN-FUCKING-HWAN CHA SLAYED ME. He fought like a true champion and the amount of proud I have felt for him was a lot! BOY IS GOOD. And damn he can catch things like a pro, watched him do it with two presents thrown at him. I feel like he is one of the up and coming skaters now, he is slaying this season and I can’t wait to see more of him!

As the time was approaching for Group 2 I spotted Matsuoka-san below our Tribune and I was shocked. HE IS SO TALL AND HANDSOME. And him applying chap-stick is kind of mesmerizing too.

Obviously they were waiting for a certain Japanese boy showing up with his aggressive lip-syncing, murder gaze and ready to slay and OH BOY DID HE SLAY.

This was the moment where my heart-rate was so high my fitness tracked thought I was actually exercising??

Upgraded Otonal is GORGEOUS. I mean I was blown away just seeing it in person because pictures don’t do his costumes justice okay? Took me like a few minutes to see it is different from the ACI one and I love it, the darker tones are so good, the bling is blinding. I was shaking with excitement.

Watching skaters falling apart during their programs is the worst thing ever, and they had such bad ice conditions, everyone was having trouble. My heart ached for Keiji, he did so well in practice and the short was...*sighs* my section was trying to be loud for him.

AND IT WAS TIME FOR THE KING TO ARRIVE. Nothing can describe the kind of atmosphere in the arena, you have to be there to feel how it was electrified throughout his performance or how loud people truly were. During his spins right before the step sequence once he slayed with his jumps (That 4S was as gorgeous at it gets and deserved the +4.3 GOE, WOW) the screams were getting louder and by the start of the sequence IT WAS SO LOUD THE MUSIC COULDN’T BE HEARD. The standing ovation was incredible and the moment he stopped I was on my feet, fighting tears.

106.69 - NEW WORLD RECORD

My heart exploded, my cheeks hurt from smiling so hard, I was so damn happy and I didn’t mind clocking a photographer with my goat plush because LISTEN MR YUZURU-FUCKING-HANYU CAME AND SNATCHED ALL THE WIGS.

I have witnessed it, I have the privilege to watch him skate clean (yeah I know there were some mistakes but landed all the jumps and you know if he finally does it without any mistakes, it is going to be something nobody can touch, the scores will be higher than ever!) in Helsinki with his Hope & Legacy gloves and get a new WR. I was high on adrenaline for the rest of the day, which was good because I had to prepare for the ladies mentally.

Somewhere in between I think one Japanese lady tried to pass by me to get to her seat and I stood up, greeted her and she stopped, looked at me and asked if I was a Yuzu fan, I confirmed and showed her my hoodie with chibi Seimei. She asked to take a picture and than dropped her bag and pulled out a clear file with the same Seimei pose and handed it to me. It was filled with commercial from Phiten with Yuzu and a Japanese newspaper. I stared like HUH, asked her in Japanese if I can truly keep it, she nodded all excited about it. Boy, these ladies are true heroes out here providing goodies for International fans like us!

After the Men’s short I was looking around and spotted NOBU, he was filming with Matsuoka-san and I died, he looked good! I ended up seeing more often later on but I leave these people be, let their do their thing. I do not stalk any of them.

As if Yuzu didn’t slay, KAORI CAME TROUGH. SHE IS THE NEW QUEEN AND NOBODY CAN CHANGE MY MIND. THAT FREE WAS EVERYTHING; SHE GAVE EVERYTHING AND GOD I AM SO PROUD OF HER.

Coming back up to 3rd from 7th place shows the fighting spirit she has and the standing ovation for her that day was truly well deserved. I saw the crowd stand twice, for Yuzu and Kaori.

Saturday was an emotional roller-coaster but everything and much more I could hope for. Well exhausted and tired, I left before the Dance competition, which I felt truly sorry for but couldn’t stick around, nor the WC for them. It stopped around 11 PM I believe and gosh, I wasn’t able to do that. While I counted with lack of sleep, cold, emotional roller-coaster, tears and heart-break I was way too tired.

Part 3 with Day 4 coming separately because wow... I rambled here even more.

#gp helsinki 2018 #𝓅: your thoughts are your reality #yuzuru hanyu #junhwan cha #keiji tanaka #kaori sakamoto

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ikkydikky · 6 years

Photo

Here it comes! Time for an end of the year “Here’s what I drew this year” list. Mainly just to archive my art now for future’s sake and tell myself my thought process and how I felt about it now.

I’m skipping over sketches and going straight to stuff that was finished and polished and I’ll explain each image as we go. Buckle up boys its going to be a long one.

We’re going to go to the first image I did this year and explain how things went from there!

Drawing #1, Scrubbed off Katia Managan

March 3rd 2017

Art is actually kind of hard when you don’t know what form, line consistency, anatomy, or any of those things are! In fact I only know about two of them right now! And how to put into practice one of them! This image shows what its really like to start out with base-nothing. The idea is cute! And I’ll probably redo it later on when I am probably a years worth better. It marks however the first thing I really posted online. To me, that makes it special.

Drawing #2, Sigrid, but smug.

September 9th, 2017

BIG gap between the two! And not a lot of improvement, or maybe a lot of improvement? Who knows. I think this image was the first thing I did digitally that I put up for other people to see, and it was exciting! There’s absolutely no construction to this. Prior to this image being done I was basically drawing people’s heads and circles. Like, pages upon pages of circle grinding to actually know how to draw a circle digitally.

The main reason why there was such a gap between March and September was due to me graduating high school. I basically didn’t feel like drawing at all when I already had the work load of school ontop of me. But the art starts coming a lot faster now. Yes you can see there was a huge prequel influence.

Drawing #3, Blushin Bob

September 29th, 2017

Art is something that you can really do a lot of, but you can easily get burnt out on. Animal crossing is actually one of my favorite games out there, and to try to pay tribute I drew this. Not uh, not exactly my favorite.

This image has me trying basically 3 new things I’ve never done before. Shading, clothes, fur tufts, and bodies. Yeah. Not exactly my best job at any of those. The shadows are, very inconsistent and its clear I didn’t really know how to do it properly. The fur is atrocious with it looking like spiked tumors, and the shirt rides up way too high like hes wearing a shirt thats way too short! Also he might be a bit too skinny.

This is kind of an image that broke me. At the time I was trying to fix every error when I just couldn’t, from the arm in the first attempt being god awful, to how the shading and shirt looks. I genuinely think this is the worst image in my library, and I knew it at the time since I drew nothing for all of October. You know. The month that’s meant to be the most inspiring artistically?

Drawing #4, Gondola The Peaceful Giant

November 12th, 2017

This was actually just a shitty paint up I did of a sketch practicing perspective. It was mainly for a draw thread on 8chan’s /v/ and probably my only work I’ve posted to an image board. I think generally doing art for anonymous people is a bit thankless. Its great for practicing but it really gives back no validation.

Keep in your memory these clouds, I’ll be talking about those later.

Drawing #5, Bunny, The space mechanic.

November 12th, 2017

This character was a mistake, not the drawing but the character! This is my first actual tabletop character and boy I flubbed it. But this is art retrospective. Not roleplay retrospective. Anyway. A portrait done with a new pen style that I don’t think worked out too well. It comes off a bit too rough and gritty. But it makes for unique coloring when it comes to painting. I’ll actually have some more to say about that in a bit too! This also marks the point where I really got into drawing again. See. The table top group I’m in rewards you for drawing pictures of your characters, no matter how shitty it is, as long as you do your best, you get a reward in game. Its actually a really, really neat system!

Drawing #6, Oh dear god why.

November 16th, 2017

This is going to be a reoccurring character, so. Lets get to talking about it here. This character was as far as I know, a joke character made by a friend that got turned into a full blown character for a campaign, she is nonsensical, random, actually crazy, and worst of all, vibrantly colored. She is the Deviant Art Sparkledog as a character. Which funny enough, is her character name. This was my first attempt at really going ‘sexy’ and ‘nude’. And actually I think Sparkledog is a perfect candidate for it because its already cringy and god awful to look at! So it hides my bad attempts at a sexy lady behind an already cringy character. Thanks friend.

Anyway to talk about the art its self. It was done with no ref or pose. And I think it kind of shows. Everything’s proportionate to a degree but something about the perspective of the whole thing feels... off. Of course the background is just slapped together with glue but I mean on the character. She’s laying on the ground but not in a way that I think is possible or comfortable.

This also goes as my second attempt at fur, it’s, better. But definitely not good. Ontop of that this is probably my first attempt at an actual muzzle! Pic below related.

Muzzles are really hard to do. For some reason. If you ever read Loomis’ Fun with a Pencil it becomes slightly easier, but it also kind of isn’t. A month later and I still struggle with them, A lot of my joke sketches I often forgo any sort of attempt at drawing a muzzle and go for round head shapes, this works out if the character’s species is a prey type, as the eyes for herbivores are often on the side of the head, while for predators, its facing dead ahead. On another note, apparently I can just *do legs* with almost ease. I’ll touch on this more in a bit.

Drawing #7, A background for the end.

December 2nd, 2017

Tabletop is a wonderful thing, art groups are also an amazing experience to ever be apart of. The group I’ve been with has been an amazing experience for me artistically as I’ve learned to grow so much more. This is an image I did as soon as I woke up on my birthday. Friend A. did the character sketch. Friend b. did the coloring of the characters, and I got to practice something that I’ve wanted to do for ages.

Environmental art.

Ontop of character art and such, one thing that always draws my attention is environment art. Its something you can always get lost in. Your eyes can search to every corner imagining what it would be like to be there. Genuinely amazing works of art is often environment art.

Its also time we talk about the clouds. I hope you remembered them from the gondola picture. See. Clouds are all about layers, and layers, and layers. Especially when done in a thunder storm. They’re something I might recommend painting if you ever want to start out! I do however think the clouds in the gondola image work a lot better. But I think that might be from the several things I did to trick myself to think they look better.

And that’s all there really is to say on this image. Which is a problem. I learned a bit more about perspective and how floors work when under character’s feet... and how to do lightning kind of. But there isn’t much else. If I were to do this more I’d probably add another cliff to the background. A mountain, a landscape just beyond the fog, because it seems unfinished as it stands.

Drawing #8, Oh dear god why, Revengeance.

December 5th? 2017

Probably the only unfinished image that gets posted! So lets talk about it. I think fur is my least favorite detail to make ever.Yet it also is my favorite when its done. The tail also might not be the best but its league’s better than my first attempt! But lets talk about the main thing about this image.

PAWS.

I don’t have a thing for paws, or feet, that’s not my kink. I think footjobs are sort of appealing sure but I don’t care much for it. so this was my first attempt at paws, and I think I did damn well. However, digitigrade legs are something I still have an issue with, and I am working towards fixing that. I don’t think furry characters look great when their legs are humans, but with paws. As well I think legs are the easiest part of the body to draw in some ways, that might just be me.

The face also is a bit of a mistake? Its better than its.. original incarnation...

[NOT EVEN THE DEAD KNOW PEACE FROM THIS EVIL]

Animal faces with human features is the proper way to do things, but human faces with animal features is... Hell incarnate.

Also that ass took me like 30 tries to get right god damn.

Drawing #9, The last hoot for today.

December 18th, 2017

The last one for today. Some point after Christmas I’ll post probably another three drawings. But this is the final one. Lets talk about a few things about myself.

Art style is all about inspiration. You pick up inspiration from everywhere. Specifically from art styles you really, genuinely enjoy. You might have noticed the art style at first was I Wanna Be The Kazerad and then to something completely different from Kazerad but not distinct from anyone else. This is the process I think to finding your own art style. Emulation.

You might also noticed I ditched aliased (pixely) lines in favor of smooth lines, this was because I was having a tiny issue with drawing at large scale. For some reason I always liked zooming in real close on my 2000x2000 canvas and drawing tiny little things. The bunny picture is a really good example of this. He only took up the tiny corner of my much, much larger canvas. Speaking of his part of this post, lets get into color.

There’s been 3 ways I colored things, the first was plain flats, second was with a sort of homemade crayon brush (Ala Bunny and Gondola), and third was a unique way in how I did the eyes of this image. Looking at them closer you can see theres, actually a lot of rich detail in them!

This was a pretty easy thing to do and it has such amazing results that, I want to do a full image using it just to try it. For how I did it, I use krita, and how it handles gigantic brushes is like most art programs, by automatically raising the spacing between each ‘use’ (for a lack of a better term.)

Here’s what the blue part looks like with a white background behind it and the layer count to make this beside it. (Only one of them visible.)

It also kind of hits close to to another artist I’ve been following pretty closely as of lately. (And more recently on tumblr.)

You might not have heard of @jamdrawers , and you should definitely check them out if you haven’t. They are someone who, in my eyes, has such a wonderful art style. Other artists that do a style with pixelly, aliased lines don’t even come close in my opinion. I bring jam up here because of a few things, the art style he presents has thoroughly inspired me to pick back up trying to draw in aliased lines again, and because going forward I’ll continue looking to him for inspiration. Also if you read this jam tell winrarphile I said thanks for getting me into your art.

Now, when it comes to the owl its self. I regret not adding a thicker outline to all of her character, and instead kept it to just the head shape, as well I do think she comes out a bit bland. Of course color wise its to keep in theme with the rest of the table top groups color theme. But outline wise? Definitely needs work. I tried a ‘hair style’ for her but that didn’t really work out either. So I kept it to the three feathers at the top of the head. I also think I spent more time on this image than I did any other, to quote myself “I’ll finish this owl up in about an hour or two”, which quickly lead to 8 days instead, just through procrastination.

Don’t do something in art if you really don’t want to do it. You can easily, easily get fatigued and burnt out with out delay, but among this procrastination came other sketches that, I don’t think I’ll post here, but helped me learn hands somewhat. So there is that.

Thus ends this posts governing topic. If you read this whole thing, good job. If you didn’t and skimmed to the end. That’s fine too! I understand I got a bit wordy but, I genuinely wanted to lay out my thoughts about all this.

In conclusion, I think the rate at which I’m getting better is decent, Mistakes are being ironed out each new drawing I take on. Each study and figure drawing adds onto the many experiences I’ll use for later in my artistic career, and I think the rate at which I’m drawing is far too slow for my own tastes, as such its a goal for the upcoming year to get a lot faster with finishing each drawing so I can quickly move onto the next. Thank you for reading this.

Have a noid chewin’ some pizza as a reward for coming down to the end.

#art #my art #kazerad #prequel #long winded spiel

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