Picard: I have tried for years now to make you feel unwelcome on my ship and in my presence. Why do you keep coming back?

Q. You are funny with the way you pretend that you don't love me.

i promise ill shut up about q after this (lying) but i had to share my headcanons about him before i go insane?

- q watches the enterprise’s little expeditions from afar sometimes and he eats imaginary popcorn and has a jolly old time (fun to imagine)

- q has a part of his consciousness attached to the enterprise (specifically picard cough faggot cough) at all times so if he’s off focusing on something else & some shit goes down there he knows the fastest

- q went on a spree of causing minor inconveniences (ie. things that could maybe be attributed to bad luck but with an unmistakable q tint) to the entire crew for like three months consecutively and now whenever anything mildly annoying happens the crew is just like Sigh. damnit q. this extends to new crewmembers who havent even met him

- there are canon references to like, debriefings on q after the first interaction with him. i like to think that over time the general consensus is just that q is a Picard Problem. and just b like Q go bother picard. when q shows up randomly rather than actually trying to deal w him

- building on the last hc i like to think that q likes to go annoy other starfleet captains whenever picard’s upset at him for his hijinks. hes like a poor dog whos been left out in the rain kicked out of the house (evil)

this isnt a headcanon but id also like to advocate for data q friendship. theyre both so silly

The theme song for onesided!Qcard is Abbas “Take a Chance on me”

Q was having a crisis, which actually was .. something new. Usually any and all Qs have had their last identy, moral and 'oh why am I like this? what is the meaning of a gods life?' crisis a few million if not a billion years ago, Q included. So, to feel him in the Continuum separate and yet one of them as all of them were both separate individuals and yet one, be full of unrest and even uncertainty and various other tings the Q had thought they had lost the ability to feel or even care about, was quite a novelty.

A novelty that most of them did not care about, having their own plans, duties and hobbies to take care of, too self-absorbed even in a place that was known for unity, yet Q seemed to feel the strange need to justify himself in front of them as if they were his willing rather than unwilling audience. As if they felt anything more thanmild amusement at the 'sight' of their most notorious and prideful member realizing that what he felt for 'The Representative of Humanity' was way more than a passing interest.

Because Q knew that this was not someting that was supposed to happen, especially not (in Qs own rant) to him, the absolute best of the best. He wasn't supposed to be so utterly willing to make a fool out of himself for something and someone like Jean-Luc Picard, and oh the longing in the thought of that name alone should be alarming if the Continuum hadn't stopped caring about affairs such as these a long time ago, having collectively chosen to get whatever entertainment they could get out of the ensuing chaos instead of trying to get Q to obey the laws that stated that too much attachment was not only a danger for a Q, but for the stability of the universe as well .

Then Q went on about how he had simply been bored for the last couple of millenia so of course he gets a bit.. excited about having found a new and interesting toy. Q was interupted by another Q who half-seriously suggested that if this was all Picard was, then they could maybe take up the role of the Judge of Humanity because they themselves are starved for a distraction as well. The rather strong, almost fierely (if the Q had human senses) 'No' with a rather personal and possessive sentiment attached to it that said Q was met with caused them to be amused enough about Qs reaction that they gave the equivalent of a laugh. His reaction actually seemed to embarrass Q somewhat, which was also rather new considering the Continuum was sure that Q had never felt shame nor had ever really cared of anyones opinion but his own.

"it's not my fault", Q tried to explain himself "Picard, he... "

Even Q quickly realized that shifting the blame on the human was quite ridiculous in this case especially since unlike Q Picard was utterly incapable of making people think or feel things against their will. Would very likely not even want for Q to feel this obsession, the humiliation and the despair every time the entitys mind wandered towards him and his little ship. Something which happened more and more often as the other Qs would be able to attest.

Feeling that Qs entertaining if short outburst was nearing the point where unrest was turning towards something else, someting none of them really wanted to feel nor see, the 'eldest' Q (they were not really the eldest because all of them very equally ancient but they still acted and considered themselves as the 'eldest' since they saw themselves as the most rational, wise and level-headed of all the Qs) came up with an offer, really more of a suggestion.

Perhaps or perhaps most likely Qs .. problems were not really caused by his rather strange feelings towards Jean-Luc Picard but towards a human. Perhaps the reasons for the rejections, for ... everything 'wrong' between them as Q felt it, was not caused by personal matters but simply because they were of two different species. On two entirely different levels of existence even.

Perhaps or perhaps most likely Picard would only be able to really understand Q if he were to be a Q as well. And Q would no longer humiliate himself and the other Qs by bending the laws of physics, timelines and existence itself for a human.

"You mean..."

"Make him one of us, Q. Make him your equal and I am sure you will have him then."

Qcard rec: https://www.wattpad.com/925651520-i-hate-you-i-know

It's a funny little fic I found clearly meant to be comedic. The premise is basically Q trying to flirt with Picard by more or less forcing him to play various scenes with him to a point where they end up legally married.

It was completely harmless.

Similar to how lesser beings satisfied their silly little fantasies with holograms.

Q was simply able to make his illusions a bit more lifelike. Able to, for a limited amount of time, make himself forget that he had temporarily made his own delusion come to life. Well, not really 'life'. Captain Picard would never be quite as agreeable as this one and for the most part Q loved him for it.

But sometimes even a Q wanted to dream.

To dream of already having something he wanted more than anything else.

To dream of being loved.

A conversation between Guinan and Q in Deja Q about Qs fear and how Picard did not seem to understand it would have been interesting. Because Guinan knows, that Picard knows fear but as Captain of this ship he does not allow himself to let it show. That he has to appear in control of the situation even when he is terrified. Especially when it's not (only) his own life he has to fear for but the lifes of those he considers himself responsible for as well.

"Oh, don't pretend like you didn't know. You know exactly what kind of effect you have on others. Or at least used to have. And you enjoyed it. You must have really enjoyed it as you sat on top of your chair and froze Tasha Yar as a way to let them all know 'their place'. To see him stand up to you even as you held his crew hostage. And I can certainly assure you that the Captain did not forget your smile after you had him and everyone on board terrified of the Borg with pleasing your bruised ego in some way being the only hope to escape certain doom.

You played with his life and you played with the lifes of his crew. And you were both aware that there was absolutely nothing, absolutely nothing, he could do to stop you. That's why he doesn't believe you now. . Why a part of him feared you.

And your absolute disregard to anything else but your own selfish desires no matter how much and how many suffer because of them is why he hates you."

Q: I can’t believe I almost lost you.

Picard: I know. I can’t believe I almost got away from you either. 

So, Q would never intentionally just snap his fingers and make Picard love him. But what if other Qs don't really see what the 'big deal' behind doing something like that it. I mean, in there mind despite Q being a strange Q he is still a Q and therefore any mortal should be incredibly flattered by his interest and grateful. Which could lead to two scenarios:

a) Q arrives on the Enterprise and 'finds out' that Picard is in love with him and just after a surprise kiss he has wanted for ages, the Q who made Picard fall in love with Q is similiar to how he was when Riker was 'in love' with Amanda. And being like 'so you always talk about this human and we figured that since you caused less chaos ever since your obsession with him that you deserved him.'

b) The Q are aware that Q for some, to them, unknown reason would be against this and manipulate Picards emotions towards Q in a lot more subtle ways and are careful to keep Q from finding out about this. And it works perfectly. The orchestrating had taken a lot longer than just snapping this relationship into existence would have, but Q is happy and distracted. They are so happy together that after a few centuries Picard even agreed to spend eternity with Q. The problem? Q wants Picard and him to be true equals and for Picard to become a Q as well after a certain point. Which would cause a problem because Qs cannot really control the emotions of other Qs and therefore the Continuums hormonal and neurological manipulations would no longer work. Of course, they don't reveal this to Q and Q even though he would be suspicious would not even want to question or come to the potential conclusion why the other Qs are against making Picard a Q.

AU, where sometime at the end of Tapestry, Q decides to take Picard up on his end of the deal. Not really being all on board with this, Picard puts to question why Q would even want to spend eternity with him. Actually deciding to shoot his shot, Q confesses that he loves him. And that while he knows Picard does not feel the same right now, he is sure that he will in time.

“You can’t keep me here forever, Q.”

That, they both were well aware of as they stared at each other, was false.

Because Q very much could keep him.

Literally forever, if the entity wanted to.

The only question here was:

Would Q do it?

If Q was actually obsessed with him and worse about it than he was in TNG, Picard would be faced with quite a few problems. Because at frist no one would take it particularly serious. With Riker even making it light of it like 'haha I see your admirer is back, captain' and at first he would be mostly annoyed by it. But even if annoyed became concerned, as long as Q acted 'overdramatic' or kept to being his typical self some would just chalk it up to being an act. Maybe even Picard himself would be in denial about the seriousness of the situation for a while because the biggest problem regarding such scenarios is how no one except an uncaring Continuum could do something about this.

Headcanons or prompts for onesided!qcard?

Onesided!qcard is kind of funny in a way. 

You have an all powerful god, who could give Picard absolutely anything and make both his greatest, most unrealistic dreams and nightmares a reality. 

And Picard treats said gods affections and ‘courtship’ like a mild inconvenience. 

Q @ Picard: It’s actually kind of cute how you pretend that you don’t love me back. 

Onesided qcard is both hilarious and tragic because you have Q, a literal godlike entity being like “I can make all your wishes come true, you give my life meaning and I want to spend eternity with you” only for Picard to tell him to leave him alone.