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androdragynous · 3 months

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being disabled and rural really is just an endless cycle of > get tired of existing on the bare minimum > order food so you can have a real meal > pay double the cost of the food in fees > wait 2 hours > get food > it's wrong

#i have already spent 🎶 so much 🎶 on food this month and we're not eveh a week in #and its one meal a day . and miraculously when i mention perhaps this is contributing to my bad health #i should just be able to eat more if that's an issue obviously #like girl getting a fucking bagel from 7 minutes away is $30 and half the time its wrong.#what exactly do you think i have to try harder about here.#ughhhhhhh #patch me through to palaven command

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creaturefeaster · 1 year

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What’s the farthest you’ve traveled out of your hometown? My sis is currently on her way to Washington D.C for a field trip, we live in Ohio and from here it’s about a 9 hour drive

A few different directions. I live in the very NW parts of Washington State, and I've been down to Arizona a few times in my life-- about 22-24 hours worth of driving. That's probably the furthest distance-wise I've been. (Although I also used to live in Texas, I am taking this question in relation to where I live currently.)

I've been pretty high up into B.C. (Canada) a few times as well, and into the islands too where ferrying can take quite a few hours.

Oh! And in about a month, I will be visiting two states I've never been to before-- Into Montana and Wyoming to visit family. Really excited to go through the Rockies, I've only ever seen them from a distance in Idaho. This will be the second longest distance traveled for me, as it takes about 16-17 hours to get to our Wyoming destination.

I probably elaborated a little more than you asked for, but I really love traveling!

#eastern washington is my faaaavorite place to go #over to spokane about 7-8 hours out. the journey is beautiful #going through mountains and then canyons and then flat nothingness is just the coolest fucking thing #i wanna be able to visit every state one day #right now i have washington oregon california arizona new mexico texas and idaho checked off #basically all of the west coast + the adjacent #anyway i hope your sister had a fun time on her field trip!#i only ever went on one long distance field trip into the islands off the shore of washington #for a week long camping trip. HATTTTED it but thats bc i had so many medical issues at the time it was just a miserable experience #what i would give to revisit and try again though....... man

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resetme · 6 days

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poor baby

#r.txt #benji 🐶#it's been a rough week #i woke up to the most gut-wrenching screams on saturday #took him to a 24/7 emergency vet clinic #he most likely has a herniated disc in his back and another one in his neck (due to his old age; he's almost 17)#could be a degenerative issue #i hope not #he's on painkillers and other meds so he's a little bit spaced out but he seems to be feeling much better today 🤞🤞💜

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yaminerua · 4 days

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nothing makes me feel more pathetic than when I’m trying to do a basic as fuck sum in my head and my brain is giving me absolutely nothing

not a single gear moving up there. Brain just clocks out when numbers are involved and trying to force it to figure out even the simplest calculations physically feels excruciating and exhausting

meanwhile my dad and my brother will be looking at me like I’m some alien experiment bc how can I be so stupid that I can’t do this shit in my head?

#I’ve always suspected I’ve got some degree of dyscalculia bc there are other related issues I have in that area #I used to slam my head on the table in primary school in frustration and cry when I couldn’t get my brain to figure things out #my exams and jotter margins were peppered with loads of tiny dot marks from where I would have to physically make a mark to count #and then count up how many marks I’d made to do the multiplication or whatever. Like 6x7 I would do six sets of seven dots and count them #I can’t do it in my head and school made me feel like an absolute moron for it but no-one ever suggested I might have an issue there #I couldn’t memorise times tables beyond like 2 and 5 and 10 consistently. Even 4 wouldn’t stick somehow #and 6 7 and 8 made me cry from how much I struggled with them. I still can’t remember them #I had a maths tutor in high school for my last year and every week he would have to teach me things again bc it wouldn’t stay in my head #My dad would shout at me when I was asking for help at maths homework bc he somehow thought shouting the sum at me would make me Get it #uncle would throw questions at me and my bro to figure out and my brother would get it instantly and I would be sat there struggling #and then the inevitable impatient sound of a disbelieving ‘come on!!’ would follow and I’d feel worse bc im expected to do it and I couldnt #there’s a home video of me trying to figure out the difference between the years 1982 and 1987 and the pause while the gears struggle #ton work out the number before saying it is agonising to listen to bc I am genuinely taking that long to do it

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bleeding-hart · 24 days

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God I can't fuckin catch a break my adhd keeps pelting me with so many things to be obsessive about and my autism makes sure that if I don't interact with them I'm gonna feel like my chest is being torn out and I'm dying slowly but my adhd doesn't let me actually choose one to interact with cause it keeps bringing up the others but my autism is panicking about that because I need to have a Thing to do

I just want to like. Read, write or draw in peace. Is that too much to ask for. Five minutes

I missed having a hyperfixation when I didn't for a month or so but I forgot how extreme my brain gets about them ig they're called hyper for a reason

#Ranting #AuDHD #Adhd #Autism #neurodivergent #hyperfixation #special interest #Either this is an adhd hyperfixation or an autism thing and if it's the first one I'll be okay within a few weeks to a month #But if it's the second then I'll be MIA for my other blogs and my friends and my family and my life for. Up to two years knowing me #I won't #I'll learn to deal with it again in a bit #But like my parents already think I'm having a depressive episode #And they deny that I'm ND (even after my psychiatrist said I was??) so I can't explain it to them #I'm painfully excited about this stuff. I love having passion like this but ughh I was NOT prepared #My hyperfixations always do this like I go without for a few weeks to a month every year or so #And I'm super lost and sad and grey and passionless yk #And then they fucking SMACK ME IN THE HEAD WITH A STICK #SURPRISE!! GET FUCKIN SMACKED WITH THE HYPERFIXATION STICK #NO MORE FUNCTIONING #like I haven't texted my best friend/ platonic partner ALL DAY #And I spend literally all night last night cuddling with him and being sappy and telling him how much I love him #Like I'm an autistic introvert #needing recovery time after Socialing is normal #But I didn't even say good morning or good night #He knows me so it isn't an issue but like #I forgot how intense this stuff is like. 24/7 I'm thinking about It #I really do have AuDHD don't I #It's pretty obvious

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bigbrotherlouis · 1 month

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can’t get over my newest employer saying “well, you won’t get rich working for us” and then giving me my highest contracted rate so far

#crazy .#i was getting paid $200 a week plus housing #the housing cost $200 a month and i shared it with between 2-7 women #at all times #one bathroom :)#and i theoretically had one day off but really i worked 7 days a week #i would do it again in a heartbeat #at least eight hours a day #personal issues

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aroace-moron · 10 months

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Just had my graduation ceremony

Pretty sure my ears might be bleeding

Applause should be banned permanently forever this feels like an ableist hatecrime

#for clarification #i was not graduating school forecer #theres still a bit before that #but i did leave a school #also ouch #there's only so many times someone you have never met before tells you how good a job you did in keeping it together and only sob #not scream on stage like you felt like you would any second #because of the fucking noise they were continuing to pour into my eardrums #even though it was pretty damn obvious that the noise was the fucking problem #before you feel infantalized #like #no one really tried to solve the issue but everyone was telling me how brave i was after #like they were not the guys i was brave in spite of #fuck this man #hyperacusis #autism #graduation #anyway i feel öike i've been run over by a bus or something #so ima go to bed and sleep for the next 7 weeks #bye

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polaraffect · 3 months

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current state of politics really got me swerving wildly between "yes I want to present as a man" and "oh god is this even worth it maybe I'm not even really trans" and it's bringing me to my limit

#damien.txt #sorry its like 5 am and i havent slept and wanna vent so. here inam #i really do be having a wild time bc ill have like. weeks at a time where ill be like. wait a second. what if im not trans actually #okay well. never in a 'im 100% not trans' way but in a 'maybe i shouldnt transition' way #and then ill have a day where i wake up and go. oh. i think that feeling is just coming from fear about. the current state of trans issues #because oh my FUCKING GOD am i scared like 24/7 bc of that shit #and so like. then im like. maybe i really am like. actually transmasc. fr. bc i like. literally have been feeling it my whole life.#and then i wake up a couple weeks later back at the beginning like hmm....... but..... what if....#and im so tired of not knowing!! it's fucking exhausting questioning what the fuck is happening w me every 2 seconds #and im being dramatic abt it but idk. i think its a symptom of neurodivergence or something bc im like. so so scared abt being trans atm #at a level that is. certainly unhealthy.#and it really feels like something that is inhibiting me from doing things in life which is like. upsetting y'know!#but at the same time. the concept of going thru life as my birth gender is... bad. sort of inconceivable at this point.#and this is particularly hard bc like. really going back and forth on making decisions abt taking T. bc when i get in these spirals #abt maybe not being trans. i get the urge to not take it. but like. i cant fluctuate w a medicine like that that much!#but at the same time when i go back to being like oh yeah transmasc... my brain is like cool. take T again. so. fuck me i guess.#idk man. im just like. i just want to live my life without being perceived by others actually #my true gender is no one's business <3 thanks #i am. tired.

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asiancatboy · 9 months

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need a new crafting survival game to come out or i'll shrivel up and combust into flames

#i've played dozens of hours of green hell the past few weeks before it got boring #started a new sons of the forest hard suvival mode but i know all the mechs it got boring too #7days is fun for a while but gets boring without friends and everyone has their own server now #nightingale is a fun & unique premise for a owsc but it's not out yet & whether or not it lives up to its ambition is eh #winter survival looks fun personally bc i miss the long dark + i'm a sucker for sanity systems #probably the reason why i've been playing gh for so long #it's a weird one gh is difficult to learn but once you get the hang of it it's so so easy #but it's also frustrating sometimes bc one simple problem can snowball into a series of issues that takes you 3 days to scramble to fix #i hope ws plays better than that #but i wouldn't know. bc i have to wait. bc nothing in my library is appealing to me right now -_-#7

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pepsimaxolotl · 8 months

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You know it’s actually kinda nice reorganising and redecorating on my own terms and not cause my mum got bored and decided the way I lived didn’t spark joy.

#She hasn’t gone insane in here for awhile actually!#everything’s been pretty untouched for uh 2 years???#and the last big redo was one i initiated actually since I was having some mobility issues with the highbed #before I would just go home and she’d change everything in the 7 hours I was at school #considering I would now leave for school for 2 to 3 weeks? That is restraint!#but also she has a job now and that’s something better to do lmao #/tw vent

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funshinebf · 9 months

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tomorrow is my only day off this week and my dad was like. uhhhh you should start cleaning the house to get ready for ur bday party on saturday. and im like he has a point but i am so fucking tired i really just want a day to fucking relax

#my post #i worked like 7 hours at least every day this week and im so fucking exhausted #like between my stomach issues and migraines and working and not sleeping enough i just #need ONE fucking day to recharge #BUT IM SO MAD CAUSE HES RIGHT. I DO NEED TO CLEAN AND GET SHIT READY FOR MY PARTY #BUT. URGHHHH!!!!!!!!

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vulpinesaint · 9 months

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in other news i get two weeks of summer break!!! :D i thought my summer classes were going to just lead me straight into school again but i do actually get some breathing room before it all starts up once more :D

#can't WAIT to be back in french class i'm gonna have so much fun #and like! ten thousand english classes!!!! everybody say yayyyyyy!!!!#gonna see what i'm taking rn actually. chronicle it #taking literary theory + criticism ; us literature 1 ; folklore and mythology ; sacred texts ; nd emerging lit in global context #on the waitlist for the emerging lit one. but i am first on the waitlist so. it's practically my class already #absolutely no doubt that someone will drop if i'm not just allowed to crash #even if i don't get it it's no big deal though honestly! it would be my only tuesday/thursday class so i wouldn't have to be on campus...#spending five days a week on campus is pretty silly. i got through it last semester but it'd be nice not to have that #nd i'm at 18 units with that class so if i don't take it i'll be back down to 15 which is totally reasonable #bracken's favorite hobby is actually being completely insane with his school + work schedule #18 units and i'm still like 'yeah i wanna work 20 hours though'#you have clinical issues. shut up.#anyway hopefully i'll be able to work 20 hours a week on top of this sdkfjghdsf #if monica gives me morning shifts! i can do that easy peasy (afternoon shifts are 5 hours instead of 3 and a half now. kiss kiss)#so two + a half afternoon shifts a week and a couple morning shifts... we're so set #'bracken when will you have time to do homework' that's a problem for me to solve by just not having free time <3 #one of my classes is asynchronous so. ha. haha. i'm sure i'll have appropriate amounts of time to do work.#mondays + wednesdays i have class straight from 1:30 to 7 but it's FINE! it's FINE!#i'm sure i will be very reasonable about it #i got through my three hour 5-8 film lecture last semester. so i can do anything #would i prefer morning classes? oh absolutely. but having the morning for homework will still be good for me #so excited to be back in school i love school so much #( <— has been in school this whole time w/ summer classes )#OH MY GOD I WAS GONNA SAY THOUGH. I'M SO FUCKING EXCITED TO TAKE FOLKLORE AND MYTHOLOGY #anyway #valentine notes

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iloveyouitisruiningmylife · 9 months

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real

#this is so mind numbingly exhausting i don't understand how everyone else seems to just do it?#it was such a weird day #started out in a good mood but then boss scolded these two interns cause of a mistake #and like he wasn't shouting exactly but he raised his voice and said so many things like you are so careless im suffering so many losses bc #bc of you outsiders are going to think i don't have a good team and i don't have control over my team #and how we should always note things down because we're so distracted and not serious #and how before going home everyday we should report to him what work we did today #i understand that he's being reasonable (maybe? idk) but it sounded so eerily horribly like my dad i couldn't function properly for an hour #why are men so similar everywhere #why am i SO scared i could feel the disappointment radiating off him and he wasn't even mad at me and i felt like a failure #which is so embarrassing like girl stop you are a 20 year old adult woman you will not cry at your workplace because an angry man triggered #your dad issues #and upar se there was a new intern at work one year younger than me and oh my god he was so annoying #like i talked to him first bc i pitied him like what if he felt alone it was only his second day but boy literally could not stop talking😭#like ok it's kinda cool that this senior di she trusted me enough to be like you teach him this project report this when ive only been #here for 3 weeks but bhai😭 he's so annoying 😭 i have newfound respect for the di how does she handle all 7-8 of us interns i would go #crazy and shout at everyone and tell them to leave me alone 😭 but she's so patient and kind and answers dumb questions 100 times #but she's leaving this office permanently from next month bc of her ca final :( i mean very good for her she deserves better more money #better work hours better office etc. but :(( she's leaving :((#as you can see i have both dad issues and abandonment issues so fun lol

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torra-and-the-toons · 11 months

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trying really hard not to lose motivation but at least I have 4 more CN comics on the way...

#torra rambles #I've been in a real rut lately I hate it #struggling to do anything #not even fun things #I've been trudging through pages 7 and 8 like mollasses on a cold winter's morn #it sucks because I have it all planned out #the dialogue the rough layouts #I'm just getting so fed up with small things #pen wobbles too much? fuck it -closes document-#sensory issues through the roof this week #I'm excited for the CN comics though #actually managed to snag some of the cartoon cartoons ones which are SUPER hard to find #including the very first issue which I got for 25 bucks on a bid vs buying it outright for 100 #felt like i cheated god on that one #apparently that one is REALLY rare #alongside the space ed issue which I saw last month for 900 bucks #what a lunatic #dw they reduced it by 700 dollars this month but who TF wants to pay 200 for that #I'm a collector and I even say no

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sarcastic-clapping · 1 year

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i know we all hate corporate social media accounts capitalizing on memes and trends and ruining them with their capitalism cooties and “how do you do fellow kids” vibes but i do wish more people understood that corporate social media management is generally one of the most frustrating, undervalued, and criminally underpaid jobs in marketing lol

#valid to tag corporate social media as a direct way to engage with the company #when there are really issues and problems that need to be addressed #like tagging youtube on twitter when they’ve fucked over creators or made a bad call with fair use/copyright #or tagging adidas telling them to drop kanye for being antisemitic #they do represent the public face of the company and that’s fair #but if they’re just doing a harmless inoffensive little trend….#please know that they’re probably like 22-24 years old making half of what they should be making #working 7 days a week and on holidays and constantly dealing with baby boomer executives #who don’t respect them or understand social media and trends at all and take forever to make decisions #and then make the wrong ones #i don’t know how they do it tbh i’d jump in front of a train personally #i hate corporate socials as much as the next guy but some of y’all need to stop yelling at brands on twitter and get a therapist #with peace and love

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layla-carstairs · 1 year

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#I can't sleep rn because of family drama I found out today 🧍🏻‍♀️#one of my aunts is contesting my grandma's will and the person who is getting fucked over the most is my dad #she wants a share in our family farm despite never giving a shit & my dad being the only one who loves farming #might never see two of my aunts again 🤪#one of them into qanon and stuff so it's not a huge loss but still #also potentially some of my cousins? idk qanon aunt has 7 kids but they're all adults now #some of them I will very surprised (& heartbroken) if they take their mom's side but idk idk #also the whole thing is stupid she apparently requested my grandpa will too like. that man has been dead since before I was born 😐#there's no way you're going to be to contest that #also shockingly oldest aunt is on our side (dad and Uncle). she once told my grandma to stop spending their inheritance so 🥴#my dad's side of my family is crazy I surprised they've made it this long without a rift #my grandparents literally tried to pay off my one aunts boyfriend lmao #same aunt who's contesting the will btw #she has issues ngl my grandparents didn't name her for weeks bc they wanted a boy 🙃#but like she's 60 now & has a phd in psychology & her parents are dead! very very dead!#and she's taking it out on her brothers so #she's been trying to do this for years & told my mom as much when my dad was hospital 🧍🏻‍♀️#also other qanon aunt is backing her up and she's got issues too #when her partner died she made their FOURTEEN YEAR OLD son the next of kin #my cousin had his dad autopsy addressed to him at 14 let that sink in #my grandma ended up organising and funding the whole funeral pretty much because my aunt refuse to do any of it because she was made at him🙃#they had seven kids & she nearly didn't go to the funeral #it was really traumatic for them (obviously) and she made it worse. my cousin was handed the Irish flag at 11 w/o being told #my mom had to take him away bc how obviously broken he was #I should stop talking about this now #I might delete this later idk #bella talks

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