#olya's rambles
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You know what? Fuck the people who say that entomophobia is irrational. No, it's not, you just don't understand how dangerous and scary insects are. How is that irrational? They can literally sting you, bite you, you can get infection and fucking die because of insects, they violate your private space, they can cause you so much pain and discomfort, they can literally fucking kill you. Why is it irrational? Why do you respect it when people speak about their phobias, unless it's entomophobia to the point of panic attack when seeing a bug/insect AND THEN it suddenly becomes funny to shame someone for their fear, to make fun of the things they feel, to say things like "no, you're wrong, they're so cute and harmless they won't do anything to you" or "lmao you're afraid of WHAT?". Why? It's so painful to think about it. Where's your fucking acceptance? Where?
#nonsims#olya's rambles#insects are horrifying and they should be destroyed. periodt.#tw insects#no not delete later#I need this to stay here and be here because I need it to be there in case someone sees it#it's extremely important for me even though it's really small and wouldn't do anything#but I've said it#if you don't agree with me on this? then leave me. immediately.#kind of explanation on this: my psychiatrist is the first reason for me to post it and second is that#I went to search it on reddit and mental health advices forums or whatever it's called#the one that made me very angry and sad — “just ignore it”#again if you don't agree then fucking block me I don't want to be around you#entomophobia
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Why are so much people (especially in tiktok? Which is not surprising though) are being so.. overboard with judging others for literally a video game choice? And choice in a game that's like.. made to be played differently & however the fuck you want to? You can disagree with people, but straight up calling a person "horrible" "vile" for a choice in a game..
#it's about astarion's ascension and dark urge's ascension btw#I though this was over? BUT NO?#GODS people on tiktok need to go and just. calm down for a bit#no. ascending either of these two doesn't make anyone a bad person or “vile human being”?????#IT'S GAME GODS#nonsims#olya's rambles
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someone mentioned this meme in passing during a conversation and i decided it was my calling to make too many pafl versions of it and completely run the joke into the ground
#rambling#pafl#parties are for losers#anya beletskaya#pafl dmitry#olya orlova#sergei kazarin#sanya kazarina#pafl sanya#pafl anya#pafl olya#pafl sergei#yura beletsky#pafl yura#pafl tsar#pafl arthur#pafl dima#ik those aren't their mugshots#but it was funny okay
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someone fucking HELP ME im thinking about temnova again
#HER ROLE. IN THE STORYYY#SHE IS IN EVERYTHING. HER INFLUENCE IS EVERYWHERE#BUT SHES SUCHH A BACKGROUND CHARACTER#BY DESIGN#brb gonna go listen to like a dog and throw up in my mouth a little bit#schizobabble#also thinking about the two(2) long hair olya assets but for very different reasons#non pafl mutuals.. listen to pafl plz#i need my inane rambles to make sense to SOMEONE
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Get to Know Me_Sims Edition
got tagged by @olya-occult-lover and @van-yangyin, thank you for the tags :D I have a tendency to ramble so this is gonna be a long text post so feel free to skip this if you don't feel like reading.
1. What’s your favorite sims death?
Ngl, I personally find death iffy when it comes to playing Sims since I get way too attached to my characters so much that I never get past Generation 2 while playing the game with the Aging off. xD The most bearable death in the game that's okay with me would have to be the Drowning Death Moodlet since it reminds me of the first Sims game. (tho even back then I'd rather take care of sims than kill them at all) Any time one of my sims gets a dying moodlet, I internally panic and make sure that they evade death by all means possible. (I ensured each of my played sims have death flowers in their inventories as well as those different items that make them immune to death)
2. Alpha or Maxis Match CC?
Both! I never understood the war between the two styles since they're both just CC to me. Basically, if I like something then I like it. Both have their unique characteristics and their flaws. No need to match it with the game since no matter what one does, your character will stick out anyway thanks to the custom content itself. That being said, I like both as long as they aren't unnecessarily high-poly.
3. Do you cheat when your sims gain weight?
Back when I was a kid I used to, thanks to my own personal challenge with body dysmorphia so I never had a healthy relationship with weight. Now older, I don't have a problem with it at all with my sims since I now know it's just a normal part of life.
4. Do you use move objects?
Of course! I doubt anyone would ever build without using that cheat. It's basically essential at this point.
5. Favorite mod?
Any mods from Gauntlet101010 and @baniduhaine :D I fell in love with Gauntlet's work through their Grim Reaper mods very early back then since no one else at the time catered to occults. And now, I really like baniduhaine's work since they also cater to a lot of things that occults really lack in-game (their occult bloodlines mods and plantsim mods are just <3 ) If you're a big fan of occults, please check out their work! They're really neat!
6. First expansion/game/stuff pack you got?
I remember buying Cat and Dogs first if I remember correctly??? Not sure tbh at this point since it's been a long time. But at this point, I prefer other means asides from buying now. If you get it, you get it ;)
7. Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing?
aLive. I would liken it to how a reporter would say, "We're now live." Though I am unaware if there is a correct way of saying it in the first place. But if there is, feel free to enlighten me :)
8. Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made?
...this is a difficult question... it's like being asked which one's your favorite child. So how can I possibly choose? But since that is not at all the case, and hopefully my characters stay fictional it would be the rundown of the following in no particular order: Pancakes, Bacon, Hamburger, Chocolate Chip Cookie, Mixed Berry Milk, Ice Cream (Cone), Sugar Cookie, Cow's Milk, Bear Burger, Strawberry Shortcake, Goth Burger, and... *proceeds to list the rest of the Food Sims Series Cast*
9. Have you made a simself?
In recent years no. The last time I did was back when I used to play Sims 1. I was never fond of making real-life people. Characters, on the other hand...
10. What sim traits do you give yourself?
The main 3 traits I would give myself are the following: Creative, Perfectionist, and Geek. Extras that would be applicable are Dog-Lover, Family-Oriented, Socially-Awkward, and Foodie.
11. Which is your favorite EA hair color?
Whatever you call this hair color?? Also, I got carried away with editing so uhh, enjoy? (Yes in the photos are Pancakes and Chocolate Chip Cookie testing out the in-game hairs...and yes they do look quite cursed as blondes so I rather imagine them testing out wigs for a play or something.)
12. Favorite EA hair?
Despite its flaws in texture, it would be this hair from Dine Out. (It also quite suits Pancakes methinks.)
13. Favorite life stage?
Typically Young Adult. I also don't mind Teen, or Adult. And when I do make Elders, I kinda make sure they don't die lmao. I was never that attached to the kids, infants, or toddlers life stages unless they're the love child of my Sims.
14. Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay?
Despite its non-existence, I was originally there for the gameplay then I got into building. (But since I poured all my efforts into CAS these recent years, I've forgotten how to build now smh)
15. Are you a CC creator?
I am :) though I mainly specialize in headgear accessories. I find it a necessity nowadays to know how to create my own Custom Content as I'm never content with my sims unless I reach what I envision for them. Not to mention the lack of CC that caters to my personal tastes which makes it even harder to stay as a simmer that is only a gamer. I guess I could say that I became a creator solely out of necessity. Though that doesn't mean I don't enjoy the process of creating. On another note, maybe one of these days, I'll try learning how to make hair or clothing since there are still concepts there that I wish was available for Sims 4.
16. Do you have any simblr friends/a sim squad?
Do my mutuals count??? There are a handful out there that I am very fond of although we never had a proper conversation. Then there are those that I did talk to and I apologize for the experience of talking with me since I am not very good at socializing asides from comments. I wish I could talk to my mutuals more but I become too nervous conversing in real time that I sometimes just nope out of the conversation. If this happened while we're speaking, it's not you, it's most definitely me lol
17. What’s your favorite game?
What Remains of Edith Finch, The Stanley Parable, The Beginner's Guide, The Sims, Cube Escape & Rusty Lake Series. (I mainly stick to narrative-oriented games or point-and-click adventures)
18. Do you have any sims merch?
Nope, EA doesn't need any more money.
19. Do you have a YouTube for sims?
Nope. Though I do watch Sims Youtubers from time to time. (lxdice, Plumbella, itsqwertyluvs)
20. How has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing?
It changed a lot. I won't say that my style got better or anything like that as that would do past me a disservice. I think it's fairer to say that my style got more fantasy-oriented when I began to understand the available CC resources that I had. My Before Simstyle is probably around 2017-2020 while my current sim style is now 2021-present. Ngl, if I ever get back into actually playing Sims 4, I'd probably use less CC similar to my sim style previously.
One is not better than the other, it's just heavily dependent on what mood I feel like when I create sims.
21. What’s your Origin ID?
Nope, don't want to share.
22. Who’s your favorite CC creator?
@moo2shelly (thank her for my love of foodcore CC, just sad that she's deactivated ), @vampirepill (again deactivated, I seem to have a recurring theme), and sims 4 haku at Twitter (again deactivated :') )
As for favorites that are currently active it would be @saruin. @skaays, and @gigglecoffin. (Hope you guys have a good day :) )
23. How long have you had a simblr?
I joined the Sims Community around 2020 I believe? Though at the time, I only stuck to the Sims 4 Studio Website. I think I've had this account since November of 2021 though I only started posting in January 2022. This account was only supposed to be a way for me to keep track of CC creators... I didn't expect to turn into a CC creator myself.
24. How do you edit your pictures?
I take photos using Geforce Experience while simultaneously using Reshade and CAS Lighting to achieve the best results. Then I go edit the photos in Photoshop or Canva. I also recommend using Nvidia Inspector to help fix the Graphics in Sims 4 to make it look better.
25. What expansion/game/stuff pack is your favorite so far?
Probably Cottage Living <3
26. What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next?
Fairies, Circus/Clowns/Jesters, Bands, and PlantSims. (Especially that last one, please make it into an official occult.)
Tagging @westernraspberry @bnt0 @lunarspellsims <3 <3 <3 (If you guys are busy, feel free to skip this!)
And holy heck, this was long but I hope to those that made it this far that you enjoyed reading this :'D
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oops. have a less inspired ask idk, temnova/olya even tho u already have a fic abt them
sanya/yana as an alternative :3
ur getting executed my love my wifey but iw ill still anwser because i love you. ive actually considered writing more temnolya!
i guess . youre gonna get more of a ramble
itd just be olga caving in and taking temnova up on her offer, visiting her in her office. i KNOW what youre thinking you devious fool and no nothing nefarious would happen i think olga would just break down crying and temnova would hold her and call her a good girl n capable n tell her shes doing a good job n shit. comfort her manipulate style. maybe sergei would notice that olgas becoming more withdrawn, but maybe he wouldnt (too occupied worrying about sasha), or he Would notice but do nothing about it , because, worried about sasha. so. maybe olga would go to temnova all ouhh he really does want to get rid of me. n temnova would go shhh he doesnt deserve you mwah mwah id tell everyone were dating but uh its wildly unprofessional and shit. and like. like. you get me. itd propably end in a hint at something nefariousn happening after the fic ends. i dont know . im just a little guy. i dont know
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So I may be coming in with either a cold take or overthinking things, or even worse, blatantly misinterpreting them, but I gotta ramble about my favourite song somewhere, so...
Okay, so, chorus one opens with the "cold breaking point" line, right when Katya gets out of the facility with Dima, they got a taste of freedom, fun times.
Chorus two opens with completely unrelated words, contemplating Dima's and/or Yura's viewpoint, but still, it's Katya deflecting from the situation, because she just can't give into the same negative mindset as Dima, she's clinging onto the hope that this will work out for her.
I can't remember where it was stated, but apparently Katya was starving in that little instrumental bit between the second and third choruses, where she was counting. I mostly just saw her sitting there, trying to calm down the bubbling constant anxiety of being found out, of her friends abandoning her if they find out about her whole mutation situation, of Dima being right.
Chorus thee goes right back to the "cold breaking point" lyrics, because just like that, with one decision Sergei made, her freedom, her chance at a normal life, was ripped away from her. How easy it would be now for her to go right back to where she started - in that exact facility that treated her like cattle. And then the second part of it just beats her down further, as if she hasn't suffered enough.
It is such a good and cruelly ironic knife twist - Dima was so insistent on avoiding humanity, justifiably distrustful, and he got a place to live, a girlfriend, an adult that protects him. And Katya, who risked her well-being, who tried so hard to establish friendly connections, had to hide out at an abandoned pool, with not really many people to rely on, besides herself, mostly taking the role of a reliable person for Yura. And she ended up in exactly the situation Dima thought they'd be in, while Dima himself is safe.
I'm very biased against Dima, honestly, but if I may add my few cents on the matter - I feel that even though he feels awful guilt for the whole situation, he wants to be as far away from it as possible. We've seen him scared, but in Convergence, at the "connection cable" line, he looks petrified. For the rest of the song he's justifiably angry at Yura for baiting him and Anya with Olya's well-being, but they don't really have any other option besides working together, and the contempt he feels for Yura is so clear in his expressions, it's great.
I reads to me as if he's not only genuinely worried about Olya's safety, but himself as well, and really wants to wipe his hands clean of this mess, even if it means Katya's pretty much screwed. And I love it! He's by no means a terrible person, neither him nor Katya should have to deal with this in the first place, but it is what it is, and I'm on the "narrator's" side here every time he's called a coward.
I got off-track, back to the song- I think it stands out in how... Heavy? It sounds? To me it reads a lot like a violently beating heart, combined with violent electricty just waiting to break out. It feels like Katya's in a constant battle to keep her emotions under control, and just barely contain her own destructive abilities, that could cost her, if not her own discovery and capture, then someone else's life. And the way the instrumental is pretty smooth and relaxed during the verses, but the snares and louder noises pick up as dread, excitement, or desperation kicks in. GOOD SONG!!
#pafl#parties are for losers#katya pafl#dima pafl#i see no point in mentioning the others sonce this isn't about them#i barely interact with the fandom and would love for a big-brained member to correct me where i'm wrong!! i am mentally ill#also please tell me is there an ''au'' where katya and dima end up swapping situations - katya rescues anya from some gopniks and-#-gay crimes ensue all the while dima's ass is rescued by sanya and just goes along with yura's group because hey it'll be safer maybe!!#kt's official guide to coolness#I CANNOT BELIEVE I FORGOT TO TAG THE FUCKING SONG
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Hii!!!💕 Please 🎵🎭💥🔥 for Sunny!
I hope I'm not as late as always, but wanted to send an ask for OC emoji asks thingy and say once again that I love your simblr with my whole heart and especially love the character development and depths of your original characters! The lore behind them is just so detailed, and I can't put my head around how it's possible. Also, your writing is beautiful, and I'd read hundreds of your OC asks replies, you're so good at telling things! ANYWAYS, I hope you're having a great time of the day, regardless of what time it is! I love you & your blog ❤️
🎵 MUSIC NOTE - what is their playlist like? their favourite artists? do you associate a particular song with them?
sunny's playlist is here 😁 but again like nayefs its not really music he'd 100% listen to, just what summarises him as a character. in terms of personal taste he doesnt actually get to listen to a whole lot of music due to the incarceration and shit but if he could he'd like rap a lot i think 🤔 ive been listening to key glock a lot as of late and i think he'd like that
🎭 MASKS - do they act differently around certain people? what's different between the way they act around friends, family, strangers, etc.?
oh yeah for sure hes almost nothing but masks at this point- he basically works out what he wants from a person and presents the mask they'd be able to work with and thats who he is with them. it's not even something he'll do on purpose half the time, it's so ingrained into his psyche. the person that he is without it isn't one worth his or anyone else's attention as far as he's concerned- its small and damaged and ugly. no one wants to see that shit least of all him
💥 COLLISON - what emotions do they have trouble dealing with?
"trouble dealing with" is a bit of a loose criteria- if its what he can pack away nice and tight so he can continue being his smug confident extroverted self, its everything. he does well with just leaving difficult emotions for when he'd by himself, but that doesn't mean it doesn't tear him up on the inside. as for what he truly struggles with, its guilt. he feels guilt for being born, for being alive, for every terrible thing he thinks he's done and not so much for the atrocities he actually has committed to be totally honest
🔥 FIRE - do they have any self destructive tendencies? what habits do they have that hinder them from becoming their best self?
looook there is nothing wrong with casual sex as a concept. but that is his main and most destructive vice he will throw himself into frankly unsafe dynamics and situations and convince himself it's fine as a means to an end because he doesn't have any other outlet available to him. it degrades his already fucked sense of self and worth he's just a thing to be used convincing himself he's okay with being wanted or needed at least in this capacity
CRYYYYYING olya ur literally the kindest ever 🥺 ilysm... i worry that i ramble on too much im glad at least someone is enjoying my terminal brainrot about my own characters sgdjdgdksk thank you sm!! i am having a decent day its a lil unproductive but since im on uni break thats ok i think... mwah i hope u have a wonderful day too 💞
#ask#reply#olya-occult-lover#this might be the last ask of the night im eepy 😴 goodnight everyone i love u all
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Ok I know my tennis posts are usually just me rambling to myself lol BUT this is really important and it’s been on my mind all day... just before I start ranting I should say this goes into detail about domestic abuse and suicide
I’ve talked about this before but there’s this German player called Alexander Zverev who was very credibly accused of domestic abuse by his ex girlfriend, a woman called Olya Sharypova. Olya’s story (along with evidence such as photos of bruises, screenshots of text messages, accounts from friends and witnesses) is outlined in two articles by the journalist Ben Rothenberg- Zverev won an injunction to get them blocked in some areas of Europe but if you go on his wikipedia page you can view the archived versions, they’re tough reads but worth it
Anyway the ATP were doing an investigation into her accusations- the main 3 incidents referred to in the articles were the US Open, Shanghai Masters and the Laver Cup (which isn’t technically an ATP event but they’re affiliated), basically these incidents happened at their events so they’re obliged to ‘investigate’ I can’t remember which one it was but at one point Olya was so distressed that she tried to take an overdose and when Zverev found her he got a tournament official before any medical attention... so they can’t act like they had no idea what was going on
The ‘investigation’ took 16 months and today they declared that there is ‘insufficient evidence to substantiate published allegations of abuse’ and obviously the usual suspects are quick to yell that he must be innocent... insufficient evidence doesn’t mean he didn’t do it, it just means it couldn’t be proved. And given that it took 4 months for them to even speak to Olya I can’t say that I have much faith in how thorough it was. I just feel awful for her, she’s been so brave in coming forward and she deserves much better than this half arsed investigation
It was almost a year ago that Zverev was defaulted from a match for trying to hit an umpire, at the time it seemed very telling- if he was willing to do that in front of an entire audience and TV cameras then what is he like in private? Olya has photos of her bruises, her story has been backed up by family friends, she is very credible and people are acting like she’s out to ruin his life. She’s had so much abuse online after coming forward, what exactly does she have to gain if no one really believes her and the ATP don’t care?
Zverev isn’t the first either. Nick Kyrgios is in court next month for common assault of his girlfriend, and Nikoloz Basilashvili was recently found not guilty of domestic violence against his wife... after the judge asked why his wife didn’t say anything sooner and the court staff were all asking for pictures and autographs. Yeah, that screams unbiased and fair trial 🙄 to a certain extent I get why the ATP don’t want to act on claims that haven’t been proved, but given how little effort they put into ‘investigating’ this and how hard they’ve tried to cover it up (blocking people on twitter who mention it, vaguely referring to it as ‘legal trouble’ etc), it really seems like they just don’t care. They spent a long time marketing Zverev as their golden boy so I think that’s a big part of it
I don’t know where I’m going with this, I just feel so angry and deflated about the whole thing. Olya deserves better and it’s so depressing to think how this can happen and people pretend to care but really they don’t. And how women are so quick to be accused of lying even when they have loads of evidence, meanwhile Zverev has literally behaved violently in public and loads of excuses are made for him
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VIDEO – Visiting Dunedin, New Zealand, a rad little city by the sea
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What’s up guys?
New year, new starts, new me. Ok, not really, I’m probably just the same, maybe 10 pounds heavier after all this Christmas feasting back home in the US, but I’d like to think I’m a whole new person!
Anywho, I have SO MUCH COOL STUFF I can’t wait to share with you guys in 2017, but I wanted to get started with a bang and something new and fresh – VIDEO!
I’ve been at this whole “blogging thing” for seven years. Seven freaking years, that’s an eternity in digital media, not to mention that’s the longest I’ve ever been committed to anything! And the only reason (I believe) that I am still around after all this time is because I am always trying to shake things up and do something new. Otherwise I would have gotten bored and moved on.
And 2017 will be all about that. I realized last year that boredom has started to creep into my travels. UH OH. While my travel style has changed and evolved over the years, I can definitely feel it shifting again as we speak. Now more than ever I am passionate than ever about trying out new and creative projects.
So where am I going with all this rambling?
Basically I wanted to kick of 2017 on the blog with something new and different – my first proper video project in years – introducing the amazing New Zealand city of Dunedin, one of my last adventures of 2016. I’ve toyed with it here and there but now I am committed to sharing a lot more videos on here and of my adventures and mess-ups around the world.
One of my best friends in Wanaka, is a crazy Russian blonde girl named Olya who makes the most creative and beautiful videos. I’ve known her for almost as long as I have lived in Wanaka and we’ve worked together on a few projects this past year, but now we are making it official and collaborating more this year.
So excited!
Our first adventure wasn’t too far – an easy and beautiful three hour drive from Wanaka will land you in the big little city of Dunedin.
Dunedin is a place I have visited on and off over the years because it’s our closest city on the South Island, but I had never really given it a thorough look as a travel location. Like with so many of us, we often don’t pay attention to our own backyard, right? Time for that to change.
I’m glad I finally opened my eyes because Dunedin is AWESOME. All caps.
It’s got an amazing emerging new culture scene with great foodie spots, local cafes, trendy new food product brands, pop ups everywhere and amazing street art. And right there you have the beautiful Central Otago coastline to enjoy. Within minutes you can be out of the colorful city and getting lost in stunning natural landscapes with crazy cool wildlife. For me it’s the epitome of urban meets nature. It’s a big small city that is young and fun and creative, what more could you ask for?
I have SO MUCH more to share about Dunedin, so stay tuned, but in the meantime, check out my video from my whirlwind long weekend in this cool little city and please subscribe to my Youtube channel for more visual adventures this year and let me know what you think in the comments!
What do you have planned for 2017? Any creative ventures? Have you been to Dunedin? What do you think? Spill!
Many thanks to Dunedin for hosting me on this adventure – like always I’m keeping it real – all opinions are my own, like you could expect less from me!
The post VIDEO – Visiting Dunedin, New Zealand, a rad little city by the sea appeared first on Young Adventuress.
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Uhh, I haven't really been active on here for the past week or two, so I think I'm going to stop posting once again since I got into Lovecraftian horror rabbithole and currently am trying to play 11 horror games at one time 👉🏾👈🏾 I don't have any energy to engage with community, to post or just in general, to socialise. I still love you all so much and I will be back in a week maybe?? ALLEGEDLY. Maybe I'll be back tomorrow, who knows.. I also started to think right now if I should even have a simblr, so.. I love you so much and I'll miss you once again, I love you and I still care about you and I will miss your ocs and your presence :') 💖 But I might need a bit more energy to be back and enjoy having simblr again. See you... some day?
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I feel like the glass from the mug got in my eye 👍🏾👍🏾 like the little.. idk sorry I don't speak english today. piece?? is in my eye what do I do 👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾 I can go to doctor but I'm really scared to do so and I feel like.. maybe water will work?? Why these kinds of things always happen to me 😭😭 skjjsjjs
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wait how did kolya die. im p sure it was a long time ago during one of olya's stalker missions or whatever but i dont know the details. what happened to u funni man
dissolved in the grinder. in the incident where olya lost her eye and sergei got all fucked up. it's depicted in the mill n you can see sergei's scars in that one scene in punch it, punk! and some official art. i think nikita got his neck scar there too. iirc sergei saved olya instead of kolya and nikita (kolya's brother?? i think??) was upset at him for it, which.. understandable but also that's a really fucking hard decision to make.
my thing is we never saw his exact death, and we don't know if olya, sergei, and nikita saw the moment he died either (plus trauma kinda changes memories so they may remember it differently); we only know the aftermath. meanwhile with nikita we saw him get shot and like.. heard / saw his final thoughts in message lost (very underrated song btw i sometimes just go listen to it on loop for a bit). it's extremely unlikely that kolya is alive and is probably just getting attention / spotlight bc yura is becoming more entangled with the stalker lifestyle and therefore closer to both past and present stalkers, but i think it's a funky theory and fun to speculate on. i also just rlly like kolya's design, he feels like he'd be fun to chill with (i know nothing about his personality). if he's actually well and truly dead i won't be too fussed abt it but i like theorising lmao
#rambling#thanks for the ask!!#pafl#parties are for losers#pafl kolya#pafl theories#i'm shaking again#dear god i really need to calm down holy shit#anyway yeah those are my thoughts. mildly incoherent at best but i hope they're fun to read#it is mentioned that nikita had no living family to inform of his death#so that kinda throws a wrench into this#but it's very possible that kolya is believed to be dead but is still alive and just. never appeared for some reason#idk. used it to ditch being a stalker and start anew or smthn. but i'm theorising this on the fly i have no time to think on this#so i will get back to you once that theory has time to cook#also is it olya or olga??#linguistic differences can be hard sometimes </3
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okay i cannot for the life of me remember the names of the pafl people (i am. bad at names. as evidenced by me not having one) so gimmie the pafl ship you've got Brainworms about right now. not in the sense of love or hate, but the one that just has a specific rant locked n loaded for and which leaves you awake at night.
HI HIII IDC THAT YOU DONT KNOW THEIR NAMES IM JUST SO HAPPY THAT YOURE SENDING ME AN ASK ABT MY FIXATION DESPITE KNOWING NOTHING ABOUT IT <333<3333<3
temnova/olya would be way too obvious for this SO instead im gonna ramble abt sergei/olya my favorite ever (so-called) m/f ship<3<3
forgive me in advance for fumbling my analysis bc words do not come to me well n settling with the second-best word choice always ends up skewing the meaning.. i am also not good at organizing my thoughts at all lol :p
sergolya (made up the ship name myself bc idk if theres a widley used one oops) is a canon ship and thats why its GOOOD. bc pafl is like. REALISTIC and not in the annoying nihilistic grimdark way but just in the way that the characters feel so natural with how they interact with each other and the world and how they react to situations and how situations effect them... its just. real as fuck. absolutely insane skill on ferry's part. but this is REALLY GOOD for every pafl relationship, romantic or not, because they're complex.
sergei and olya have a flawed relationship! theres a lack of communication, sergei being sergei, olya being olya, etc. but its still so so obvious that they love each other DEEPLY! maybe olya's blinded by her insecurities and maybe sergei doesnt externalize it in an obvious way, but when you look even an inch deep into their motivations throughout the entire story, especially when they make poor decisions, its just intertwined with their love for each other.
now where sergolya REALLY gets developed is in The Mill, which specifically touches on olya's insecurities and sergei's overbearing-ness. yes this is why its my favorite pafl song :3
olya appears stoic and logical, she never looks affected by anything, she is taking a fucking prison sentence with stride. but shes still a very emotional person at heart, shown by her affection towards anya, some random kid that keeps following her home, and her getting so attatched to a mutant that she puts herself at risk to keep him safe. all very illogical, emotion driven actions that you wouldnt expect from her based on her external disposition. olya is not as untouchable as she lets off, and she is especially deeply affected by nikita's view of her. (even before kolya's death he was an asshole. fucking misogynist) she cant help but take nikita's harsh words to heart, and that effects her and sergei's relationship. she's terribly afraid of opening up to him in fear that he will leave her the same as nikita left nadya, and has trouble internalizing and accepting the love he expresses to her. she desperately wants to ask for some reassurance, some promise that he wouldnt one day just decide that shes too much of a burden, that shes not worth it anymore, and abandon her. she DESPERATELY wants him to love her, but she just cant accept that he already does love her for herself.
"ill draw a circle in the sand / drive myself around the bend / in a desperate attempt to hold onto your battered hand"
now this is where the dramatic irony comes in. because seeing his internal monologue in the mill, the same song where olya was lamenting about all that, it is very very obvious that he cares so deeply for olya. now sergei has his issue with being overbearing and overprotective when it comes to those he loves, sheltering sanya to the point where she acts out and befriends yura. its his primary flaw, but god if it isnt the most prominent indicator of sergei's attachment to a person. once you know that about him and how he expresses those types of emotions, he practically wears his heart on his sleeve. he wants what he thinks is best for her and sanya and he really DOES care so so much about them both but he doesnt stop to think and its so. oh my god i just love them both so much u dont understand.
"now my only hope is that one day youll understand / ill wrap the chain round my heart and her hammering neck / and save whats left / though i know that someday this weight will come to break my back"
just the way that sergei and olya have such similar problems that manifest in different ways to affect their relationship. olya masks her emotions bc of experiences with misogyny and shes trying to be a Strong Woman and.. sergei masks his bc the environment he grew up in (& his own experiences and traumas) fostering toxic masculinity(???) and poor coping mechanisms. and so its this ouroboros of poor comminication because sergei doesnt know how to show olya he loves her and he doesnt even know thst she needs that because she wont TELL him and then SHE goes on to think that sergeis percieved indifference is his lack of affection and CONTINUES not telling him out of fear of rejection. i. UGH. these two are destroying my mind
thanks for reading if u got this far. have my favorite official sergolya doodles
(i could write an extra essay on my thoughts abt these doodles specifically as well but ill spare you<3)
#:3#sorry this took 4 ever to answer i had to find time to sit down and write this all#BUT I AM SOO HAPPY THAT UR INDULGING ME IN MY WEIRD INTERESTS THAT U KNOW NOTHING ABT#SQUEE#sergei#olya#boss makes a dollar i make a dime thats why i answer asks on company time#pafl#schziobabble#long enough to go in my talk tag
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The desperate need to disappear for a few days in the dark woods and then come back changed forever is so real
#nonsims#delete later#olya's rambles#can you tell that since I made that post I've been listening to meet me in the woods for hours
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WAIT MY GOD IS COTTAGEGORE A THING??? okay everyone I'VE FOUND MY AESTHETIC. FOR SURE.
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