#ok time to explain that I am in fact
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i cant… Im crying laughing guys my family who never talks to me saw me update the last page on Instagram and they’re asking if I’m ok
Im losing my shit
#i#was expecting a couple of people to say it#but not family I haven’t spoken to in years#Im fldkdkekdkdkdkdlkdmf#ok time to explain that I am in fact#still sane in the head#pix habla#fnaf#god#this shouldn’t be this funny they’re actually worried
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no cause the fact that richter thought alucard was a myth is absolutely killing me. he grew up hearing stories of his ancestors' heroism, but for some reason a central figure of those stories was merely a legend to him, an immortal fantasy creature who he never got to meet. honestly i'm willing to bet his own mother and grandfather and any other belmonts before them didn't either. they only told the stories of defeating dracula as their parents did before them, thinking them dramatized and never literal. it became a game of telephone, with each person doubting the existence of a friendly dhampir ally more and more because alucard wasn't there to corroborate it. alucard separated himself from the belmonts at some point. he wasn't there to see trevor and sypha's lineage despite the fact that they merged their houses and literally founded a city together. speculating the when and why is going to drive me absolutely insane, you don't understand.
#i like to think he got sick of watching them all grow old and die#like maybe after he watches trevor and sypha's babies and grandbabies die he says ok i cant keep doing this#dozens and dozens of mortals who all have trevors humor and syphas whit and their eyes and their hair and their faces all bleeding together#alucard probably left after the first few generations because he knew he couldnt keep doing it over and over again#he couldnt lose them time and time again#the fact that richter has trevor's face and sypha's eyes is going to be a problem i think#trephacard#i am feeling angst in this chillis tonight they had BETTER EXPLAIN when and why alucard broke away from the belmont/belnades line#castlevania nocturne#AND ANOTHER THING#wonder if alucard will feel any misplaced guilt about not being there to protect the belmont descendants and their loved ones#god i hope im wrong and richter was just the outlier in not meeting the immortal family friend#also known as the belmonts' living family heirloom that i lowkey headcanon him as 😭
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(Tw: kinda transphobia? Use of it/its for a character who hasn’t declared what their pronouns are yet. Arguments over whether a character is a person or not; that ties into the pronoun thing here. Bonus points for descriptions of canon-typical gore yipeeee)
An update from after writing this: oh this. Got. This one got away from me?? I think I started this at 4 minutes past the hour. It is now 43 minutes past the hour. shitt.
Update; it is now 17 minutes after the NEXT hour. 26 minutes after th last update. I have seen god in the past hour and she shook in fear of both my power and audacity. I have lunch with my family scheduled in like 6 hours and I have not yet slept. This wasn’t meant to be as long as it is but I was possessed and this is the result. I may edit it and make it smoother later but I’ll make that a separate post, I want this sleep-deprived chunk of words to be here as like a monument to the fact that I could have been playing stardew valley during this time but I chose to do this instead
TLDR: long ass story ahead written by a sleep-deprived and hyperfixation-driven author. Who is now going the fuck to BED
“We can’t just keep it! What if it has a tracking device? It won’t let us fucking touch it so there’s no way of knowing it has one unless it leads them right to us!”
“Ok, I hear you but think. That hasn’t happened yet. It’s been about what, three days? and that hasn’t happened, and they haven’t been violent towards any of us at all. They haven’t tried to go back either, so there’s no risk of them telling or leading Showfall where we are.”
“Why do you keep calling it ‘they’?”
“Well they can’t be an “it” now can it? …wait.”
“Ok can we figure out the gender of the thing in the other room after we figure out if it’s a threat to us or not. It’s not even a fucking person, you remember what those things did to you back there, don’t you?”
“Those people were not themselves, they were just doing what he wanted them to do—“
“They’re not fucking people! Those things are all part of Showfall, just like Hetch was! It’s just waiting for the right time to turn us in, or pull some shit on one of us like they did before.”
“They weren’t… they weren’t in control.”
“Yeah like fuck they weren’t, I saw it fucking happen!”
“You can’t just… Ok. Sneeg. Stop. You don’t speak for me, the one who, oh I don’t know, was the one that shit happened to? They were being controlled just like us—“
“No, no, not like us. We were wandering around and not knowing what the fuck was happening. None of us knew what was happening. We just went along blindly. Those things—on purpose—dragged you to that stupid wall and sewed wires into your hands—“
“Shut up, Sneeg—“
“No you shut up! You didn’t see it fucking happen! I saw them and Bitchface literally hold you down until you passed out! They were fucking choking you, they fucking—they nearly fucking killed you with just their hands, that’s not a little suggestion in the back of your brain, that’s on purpose! That is fucking deliberate, that is a thing those machines chose to do! You don’t remember, you weren’t conscious when they fucking stapled you to the wall and strapped your head in—“
Sneeg glanced at Ranboo for a moment in-between pacing as he ranted, and the far away look in their sibling’s eyes shut them up immediately. Ranboo was still present, thank fuck, but they were looking at their brother like he was holding up a knife to their throat.
“Fuck, Ran, okay, okay—I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have… shit. Do you need Charlie?”
“You don’t know when to shut the fuck up.”
“…okay. Okay. I’m sorry. Do you need me to get Charlie?”
“No, I’m fucking fine.” It did not sound like he meant that at all. His voice was less steady than before. “I don’t want him to worry about our… hitchhiker. He’s worrying enough about… well, everything.”
“The fact that it’s here, so close to us is the reason I’m trying to get you to see, Ran. What if it turns on him? What if it does that shit to him when we aren’t there?”
“We will be there.”
“And when it tries anything, we can kill it?”
“Sneeg!”
“You wouldn’t kill it, even if it hurt our fucking brother?”
“Of course we wouldn’t keep them around if they did that, could we at least just… just leave it behind? …wait, no, they couldn’t take care of themselves. If we had to leave it behind, maybe we should…”
Silence lingered for a bit too long.
“We should what, Ran?”
“…Sneeg, I was about to say that killing it would be a mercy.” The Hero laughed. “Doesn’t that sound familiar?”
The Taken didn’t reply.
“We have to help them. I don’t… I don’t want to be on the other end of a mercy killing. I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore.”
“Okay. I’m—are you okay?”
“…m fine. It’s fine. Just. Can you stop acting like they’re any different from us? Please.”
“What do you want me to think then?” His voice was softer than it had been a few minutes before.
“Just assume that they… that they were someone. Just like we were before. And they didn’t… they didn’t do anything on their own, it was all Showfall.”
“Okay. Fine. Let’s assume they were controlled, they didn’t mean to, so on and so forth. Why haven’t they talked yet.”
“I don’t think any of the drones even could talk. Wait, should we really be calling them a drone—“
“Shut the fuck up, Ranboo, we have got to figure out what to do with it. It probably doesn’t even know what is happening, what the fuck does it matter what we call it.”
“It matters to me! Do you want me to call you by your title? Do you want to call me by mine? …No? Then why are we treating them like all they are is what Showfall made them? We had lives before, we were someone, so they must have been too. They might not realize it, or… or act like it, but they used to be someone. They are a whole person, Sneeg. We have to help them, we can’t just leave them behind because that would mean we are giving up on someone just like us, and we cannot give up on each other. They… they would have hurt us by now if they were going to. And Showfall hasn’t found us since… you know, which means there aren’t any more trackers.
…okay, Sneeg?”
“…okay. If it,” he sighed at the look Ran gave them, “if they try anything, we have to leave them behind. I’m not letting a dumbass puppet be the reason we get taken back.”
“If they—ok, whatever, you’re not understanding. You can’t say one of us somehow wanted to be controlled, and they’re a ‘puppet’ but those rules don’t apply to the rest of us—“
“There is not an ‘us,’ Ran! That thing isn’t like us!”
“Guys?”
A sleepy voice shut the two of them up instantly. They had a split-second conversation with their eyes before looking to their brother. ‘We aren’t done talking about this’ ‘You’e absolutely right, so later?’ ‘Later.’ ‘We’re telling Charlie nothing happened?’ ‘Of course.’ ‘Ok good plan.’
“Why are you two fighting? I’m tired, can we please go back to sleep?”
“We weren’t fighting, we were…”
“…talking about plans for tomorrow. And you can go back to sleep.”
“I don’t want to be by myself.” Charlie looked at Sneeg pointedly, who sighed to Ranboo with a playfully annoyed expression.
“Well I guess I gotta go be a teddy bear again.”
“Have fun”
“Absolutely not.”
Charlie punched Sneeg in the shoulder lightly for that, who just giggled in response and led his little brother back to their room.
Which left Ran by themselves.
Some nights, he would join them, but some nights Charlie couldn’t stand to be anywhere near Ran, and the three of them had made a silent mutual agreement that Charlie trusted Sneeg more than he did Ranboo.
…Ranboo was okay with this. He wasn’t hurt by it. He didn’t cry on the nights he slept by himself.
He didn’t wish he could be the one Sneeg comforted sometimes. They were just fine.
They were fine, which is why they went to the living room where their… well. Their hitchhiker? They weren’t exactly a brother, or a sibling, more like a fourth wheel on a tricycle. Or a flyaway hair. Okay, maybe Ranboo needed to get tbr fuck to sleep, alone or not.
But he found himself in the living room, where their hitchhiker slept. Or, didn’t sleep, as they seemed to not need to. They would sit on the couch and stare idly at the tv. That was what had started the whole conversation with Sneeg in the first place; Ran wanted to leave some kind of entertainment for the fourth person so they wouldn’t be made to sit in the dark for hours. Sneeg took this remark as a perfect opportunity to explain all the reasons why the former drone should be abandoned, but Ranboo would have fucking none of it. Maybe the couch potato (shit, he really needed to come up with a name for them—) didn’t seem to sleep, barely ate, and stayed still unless actually verbally told to move, but they were still a person. Ranboo was sure of it.
Their hand wandered up to the fresh scabs where their mask had been. The fourth person had a mask, one that hadn’t been touched. Despite usually staying still, the person—(Ranboo thinks they might just call this person Couch for now. Maybe it’s not accurate, and they’re tired, but it’s something. C, for short.)
C would back away any time the others would try to get near them. And they did in fact try, but despite how creative or sneaky they got, C always ducked away. It reminded Ranboo of the drone who had followed them with a camera, always one step away and never letting the Hero get too close.
The mask turned to Ranboo, who stared back quietly. C hadn’t talked at all, so Ranboo didn’t expect them to suddenly start now. He wasn’t even sure if they understood what was said to them, but Ranboo wanted to try anyways. Better to be polite.
“Do you like the show that’s on? I think it’s called Lucy, or something. I don’t know, Sneeg said it was funny. And it didn’t seem, uh- scary or anything.”
The mask didn’t speak.
“If you want to change it, the remote’s right there, um, I showed you how to use it before. And there’s like, instructions drawn on there. You can thank Charlie for that one.”
…
“I think I’m going to head to bed.”
…
“Fuck it, can I stay here?”
The mask still didn’t speak, but the head hidden behind it tilted a bit at the sudden change in tone. Ranboo took this as an absolute win.
“So I just. I don’t want to be by myself. And I don’t think you sleep, I mean if you just sleep when everyone else is asleep that’s cool, but also if so how do you even? function? on that much sleep? It really isn’t that much but to be fair you don’t do much so maybe you don’t need it. …do you sleep sitting up? And just somehow wake up when we get close? I know, um. Sorry about that, again, we were just worried your mask had a tracker like mine used to.”
Ran laughed nervously. “I think I did convince them that it doesn’t, so that should stop now. If um. If we make you uncomfortable you still don’t have to be touched, it’s, it’s fine.”
Other than the head tilt before, there wasn’t a reply.
“Okay, since. You can’t talk, I’m just gonna… I’ll sit down beside you. On the couch. And if you don’t want me to be that close you can uh- you can leave. Or like, get up, and then I’ll leave. This is the only room with a tv, so I’ll let you stay here, but I can’t tell if you want me to be here or not, so. Okay, sorry, I’m rambling. Just… move if you want me to leave, okay?”
Ranboo waited for a response that didn’t come, then sighed. “Okay.” He kept his hands up and open while sitting down, waiting for a few moments before tucking his feet under himself to get more comfortable. “I’m just gonna stay here, okay? Like I said, just move if you want me to leave.”
The mask had tracked them to where they sat now, but the person—C—didn’t make a move to leave. Ranboo turned their attention to the tv, keeping an eye on their couch partner in their peripheral vision. During a moment of audience laughter in the show—I Love Lucy, they remembered—C turned their head back to the television as they had been before Ranboo walked in.
Seeing as how C (they needed a better name than that—) didn’t speak, this was the closest Ranboo could get to being told “you can stay here.” So they did. A few episodes later, his head was on the arm of the couch and his eyes were closed.
Five turned its attention to the Hero, who was now asleep. He had said it was a person, which was almost hilarious. And the Taken and the Hero seemed to think it couldn’t talk? They had to know it needed to be given permission first: any handler of a Drone or Prop knew that basic rule. It would wait until permission was given: it knew how to obey. It wasn’t meant to speak to a superior unless it was told it was allowed. It would wait.
…in the meantime, it studied its handler, the Hero. The other Actors, their two other handlers, called him ‘Ranboo’ but Five knew that wasn’t his actual label. The Hero was his character in the last show, and so that is who he was. Five didn’t know if Actors had a number, but he had been called the Hero in the script, and so the Hero he will be until the script changes.
It hoped to get new instructions, a new script for itself, something, soon. It was tired of simply watching the Actors go about their incredibly off-script show. It was sometimes told to participate, and since no other superiors were nearby, it had to obey its current handlers. But it was told to participate, to stir eggs, to help clean the kitchen, to attack small webs in corners with a stick with soft spikes on the end. Those sorts of things weren’t it’s usual directive, and so it found itself…
It didn’t resent its handlers. They were doing their best, and they at least knew that they were meant to give it orders. It simply wished they were familiar orders. It wished the Hero had told it to play dead, or play chase, or play camera, or caught, or prop. It would even listen if it was told to power down until needed. At least then it wouldn’t have to be conscious in this boring and unfamiliar set.
.
Y EA I know they probably don’t like tvs. Shhhhhh. I didn’t think about that until like. I had already written the tv part. At this moment it is 55 minutes past th hour and I want these characters to go the fuck to sleep so I can go thr fuck to sleep /lh
And yeah Five only uses “he” for glran. That is intentional. It’ll be talked about and shit later. Something about being put into a role, something about showfall being transphobic, something something I want to go to bed
Powering down = “sleeping” for a drone. Different but similar. I’ll explain how it works later?, anyway The others hav e told Five to “sleep” but it doesn’t understand because it is only ever told to “power down” so it’s like error.sleep_not_found and it stares at them like “bitch you said the wrong. Thing. You’re supposed to know how to control me so you don’t want me to power down I fucking guess” and it’s gonna be really funny after that miscommunication is taken care of.
If you remember the Five Gets A Cold And Wants To Throw Hands With Everyone post, this is wayyy before that. These motherfuckers are fresh out of showfall. Don’t ask how they got a house. I’ll figure it out
I am! Tired! I’m not proofreading this!! Goodnight please give me your thoughts if you have them. I need to know I didn’t sacrifice tbis much sleep in vain /nf /lh (I appreciate words but you are Not required to give them. Love you have a good nigt/p)
#five the genloss blorbo#let’s not talk about how many tries it took me to spell unobserved. let’s simplynot#update like 5 years into me writing this: i also cannot spell the word peepohe it would seem#that. that was meant to be the word People. you can see m#h my point stands#it is late as fuck yet I Have to make this. it has to exist so I must make it exist#I’m hamilton writing like I’m running out of time but I’m writing g#writing 51 essays in which assorted characters get the physical and/or emotional shit beaten out of them#and me running out of time is running out of sleepy. I am a sleep y man#take a break and get away says my pillow. I am Hamilton my pillow is upstate and this goddam mess of a short story I am trying to write is M#this story is Mariah Reyndolds leading me to her bed .#I haven’t slept in a while and I’m hyperfixationed on Hamilton so that metaphor makes. 0 sense#if you’re reading this far I’m so sorry. have a cookie! and fun fact an old lady held my hand and s#she said my (Very Androgynous!!) haircut is perfect. she used those words#i almost cried right then and there. genuine compliments from people make my fucking day . ok I need to go back to editing thisthing now#I wrote it. changed a plot point. started to rewrite it. changed ANOTHER plot point#so now I’ve got several s#several layers of Oh Shit I have to untangle#im. making my own goddam escape au apparently????? it won’t make any fucking sense but I will explain it later.#and! feel free to ask questions!’ and tell me if it make’s absolutely 0 sense#I do in fact want to be able to tell the story in a way you will understand. so ask questions! give a feedback! /gen /pos#I accidentally. deleted a tag so whatever I was going to say is fucking gone now. oh I think I memerbr#they are out of character ye. I’m sleepy and I’m making their escape au up as I go.#so far I have 1) the box scene was somehow Worse#2) they kidnapped Five (yippee!)#3) Charlie is the most traumatized out of the three. I don’t. I don’t know why.#I think that’s mostly because I didn’t feel like writing a conversation between Three characters. so my brain was like this :#why isn’t Charlie here? sleeping. why are these two not including him in conversation? protectiveness.#why protectiveness? he is the most upset out of the three of them and the other two have basically taken up the caretaker role. great plan#great plan hit the showers. I have reached. max tags. shit oh well back to writing tumblr says so!
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🎶
#ok super random rosie post#not gonna explain but I feel a lot more free to do what I wanna do now#and it’s fucking amazing#but but I’m thinking about starting a tik tok for like idk singing and cover videos#maybe art who knows#but I don’t even understand how to USE TikTok let alone how to make shit on it#(just realized the first time I used TikTok it was ‘tick tock’ and I find that super funny#but also shows that I’m really really not on it at alllllll)#I only use tumblr#for years now I guess?#I still have a fb but it just makes me sad going on there lol#never been into twitter or x or whatever the fuck and instagram never really stuck for me#so here I am#but I’ve been really wanting to make music videos and I feel like that might be the best way#fun rosie fact of the day#I used to really want to do covers and music on YouTube#like back in middle school#I even did a few videos and I’m terrified to look to see if they are still up#but most likely they are 😂😂😂#lil rosie at like idk how old are middle schoolers? 10?????#anyway getting super distracted#but I’ve been singing my musical theater songs and oooooofda I love it so so much#kinda wanna try and do like a duet with myself#like if I’m doing wicked#I’ll do half my face like elphaba and the other like Glinda#orrrrrr I’ll figure out how to edit videos and do different ones and idk the right word right now connect them hahahaha#yes I might be a littttttle high#but I’m doing goooooooood also running out of space so the main reason for this super long tag post if anyone cares or sees#if you know or use TikTok and wanna help an oldie (even tho I’m 25 I feel like I’m so old 😂😂)#shut up rosie
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I feel like life series fanon jimmy is kind of mischaracterized and there’s an easy way to make sure you’re doing it right: he has a lot of unearned confidence
#the tags is where I’m going to ACTUALLY say stuff LOL!!!#but like I love life series Jimmy mkay. he’s got that curse of dying first and all. which is what I mean by fanon cuz curses aren’t real#but a lot of fans make it like Jimmy accepts the curse? or even acknowledges that it’s real. which bugs me a bit cuz No He Does Not#(side note tho. I’m not mad about it. I know ppl wanna explore the concept of someone cursed to die first and that’s what they’re doing)#but like Jimmy would just be so in denial about it okay. even if you managed to convince him he would be like ‘..BUT SURELY THIS TIME’#and this relates to ranchers too. I love ranchers ok. mostly cuz my sister does tbh LMAOO she loves them. but ranchers fan content isn’t#what I’m looking for cuz it’s so often stuff like.. Jimmy being like ‘I’m sorry I’m cursed’ and Tango being like ‘it’s ok love u anyway’#but it’s really more like ‘CURSED?? NO! WE WILL WIN!’ which I think is MORE fun for the aftermath of their death. meeting in the afterlife.#I NEED to see ranchers content where they keep denying that the curse is real then Jimmy dies and they’re ghosts or whatever and Jimmy’s#like ‘oh no. we didn’t break the curse. tango probably hates me now. he only liked me cuz we thought the curse wasn’t real.’ and tango to be#like upset at first as anyone would be when they die. but then he like notices the way Jimmy is acting and he’s like ‘no.. ranchers 4 life’#???? what am I saying. hire me for writing fanfic I totally know what I’m doing.#anyways what I’m saying is Jimmy is the canary but he’s the canary that’s like ‘SURELY I can sing for the miners the whole way THIS time’#he is NOT the canary who says ‘WELL time to eventually stop singing in this cave’#HOWEVER I do think that although he has loads of unearned confidence and is in a constant state of denial. he does also have that crumble#sometimes. so it’s not totally ooc imo for him to act like that. but it would be rare moments and also mostly post death#ANOTHER SIDE NOTE I WANNA SAY. I HATE the way I’m saying this as if it’s fact. it’s my personal analysis and just because I think it’s right#doesn’t mean I want to present it as undeniable fact. I could be misinterpreting. if you want to interpret life!Jimmy’s character different#then go on ahead. I don’t hate fanon Jimmy I just wish I saw more like how I see him. that is all.#ok I lied I also wanna add that I’m bad at explaining things ESPECIALLY personalities so it’s possible that I didn’t convey what I wanted to#say properly too. sorry. OKAY NOW THAT IS ALL.
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Heard a Full-Grown Adult who was sitting behind me on the train tonight genuinely say “I don’t know why people are worrying about the cost of living” and honestly even if he was joking, I’m amazed his girlfriend didn’t dump him on the spot
#Poor lassie tried to explain why it's not a good thing; personally I was tempted to chuck him off the train#And I say this by the way as someone who is *not* worrying about it personally as I know I'm ok for money#but I am worrying for everyone else I know and within thirty seconds I could come up with dozens of scenarios#where the cost of living crisis would destroy even a relatively well-off family's life#Like ok say my mum had got ill when I was two instead of when I was 25#Even aside from the fact that you know the family was already ruined by the fact that she was dying#There would have been no savings to fall back on and my dad couldn't have supplemented his income#because he would have been taking care of a toddler and being a full-time carer to my mum and two dogs#And he wouldn't have had adult children to help and maybe the company would have given full pay for a while#but either way eventually my mum would have been on statutory sick pay with energy bills doubled#a mortgage repayment schedule which has become even more expensive as it was renegotiated during Liz Truss' mismanagement#Petrol bills through the roof and no option to take public transport because unreliable and rail strikes#I think he'd be well past worried at that point if not actually destitute#And my mum was a chartered accountant#Imagine the cost if she had been on minimum wage or if she had been in a very valuable but low-paid profession like nursing#And you don't even need illness to crop up for most lower-income professions anyway because everything is beyond your means#Or how about the fact that old age pensions are below living wage#I hate to use a personal example but honestly did this guy just not have any life experience whatsoever#had he never met someone who made all the right decisions but fate screwed them or were just scraping by#Was he just saying that to get a rise out of his girlfriend (I doubt this as he was then very dismissive about single mothers)#Or was he just the most callous person in existence#Calmly and unapologetically existing on a train in Scotland#Move over Scrooge; take a seat Maggie Thatcher; there's a new kid in town#I would like to scream
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Worried for you every time I see your system bitchcount go up. Get well soon yall
hrk well…! hiya im yoi!! (yoimiya genshin) and im answering this one cause im the most recent split hehe. honestly its kinda like….. i dunno were just trying to cope with stuff i guess! i split back toward the end of our fall semester when shit suddenly got really bad after a really good period, (im talking grade dropped from an 85% to a 59%!!! yikes) and, well…….im naturally a cheery person! so i think thats just kinda what we needed during a time of extreme stress and disappointment and i know i am sure happy to provide!!
last time someone split before me was shoby (shinobu genshin) and that was back in may when we were finally kicking our really cringe ex to the curb anddddd we needed a strong assertive force to do it! and shobys been really good at actually getting us in the mindset to sit down and do important tasks ever since. :)
so yeah it does suck that a lot of the time we come about cause something huge happens and were like “uh oh, how do we cope with this?” but i think were here for the better and were all like a little family! im happy to be here and im happy to introduce myself to daves friends on tumblr dot com!! and thank you for your concern too, were doing better ^^
🎇 yoi 🎆
#whoops sorry it got so long!! i like to talk hehe#but i do really enjoy being here with the rest of brainstuck its really reassuring having a whole system there for you when youre down#for a while i was worried i wasnt actually like… real?? since were so fictive-heavy i was like.#almost scared to make myself known? or like. officialize my presence i guess ugh i dunno its hard to explain!!#cause you know. fictive-heavy systems tend to be like ‘uh oh. am i faking? what if this is just a blorbo i think is neat?’#but… apparently a few others in here had the same kinda feelings#tao back in sept 2021#koko in april 2022#hell even our karkat has had some instances where he felt really strange about just. being#but its ok!! were allowed to just… *be!* and i had to really internalize that ESPEEECIALLY after everything calmed down after the fact#like ‘uh oh am i still needed?’ typea thing. which isnt a very good feeling :/#but. headmates are so much more beyond being useful at a specific point in time#my headmates are my friends! and i like existing :) its fun. we sing in the car together#which btw i have a really solid handle on my voice now!!! yay!!!!#anyway enough rambling hehe. yoi OUT#ask#anonymous#dave speaks#(well… not really!)#dave fictive moment#plural system
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we have now reached the stage of family vacation where i have a meltdown
#mmmmmmm they were just straight up playing an antivax youtube video on tv . it took every ounce of my composure to not burst into tears on#The spot .Ive now gone to bed early so i can go cry very quietly upstairs in my bathroom#its just. it makes me insane my family is so fun and awesome until it comes to their politics !!!!!!!!!!#i try not to think about it very often .but sometimes im just hit fully with the fact that if they knew who I truly am .#there is a scary scary chance they would just never accept me.#its so easy for ppl to say oh if they wont accept you just walk out and leave they never really loved you anyway#but it’s so complicated in real life i cant just leave my family i love them !!!! they love me !!!!!they are all I have#and the thing is I never talk to them about this stuff .i have no idea how they would react and it is Scary#i ache with my whole being sometimes to just share everything with them. im so tired of secrets .it hurts I just wish i could just live#openly with them like some people do#but the possibilities and consequences are just far too grand for me for now#so I just live in this limbo. and I do a good job most of time ignoring the fact that I do#but sometimes (like tonight) it just hits me all once .the weight and burden of all that I hide from everyone.#pride month especially. it can be a very hard time for me#oh I think I hear ppl coming upstairs now gotta make it look like I haven’t been crying bc i do Not want anyone to ask .i will not be able#to answer without sobbing and I cant explain slash excuse my way out of this one without talking abt what’s really going on#And I don’t want to have that conversation for a Long time#ok byebye#kat post
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I feel like my mother has been attempting to fish for a coming out as transgender from me but I tacitly refuse to come out until I’m financially independent and stable and also because I know she’s horrible at serious conversations and always knows the wrong things to say despite her best intentions. “I’m actually more progressive than you think” wink wink nudge nudge okay mom I hope you’re ready to hear about birdmen then
#just thinking thoughts...#I sent my silly little cranewives post to her because she asked what I had been up to these past few days#(and obviously I'm in a permanent state of trying to send her the queerest of my arts in hopes that she initiates the conversation instead)#((honestly I went off when I blurted out 'hey I like girls too' in middle school. cleanest coming out I've ever seen.#((she couldn't say a word. she just nodded her head awkwardly and carried on with the conversation.))#and she asked whether there was something dripping onto eishi's head in the first panel#and I didn't know how to respond. like... I guess??? I didn't think too hard about it.#it's more of a compositional element than anything you know#and I mumbled something about color symbolism and how white was related to divinity (I should have just said that white was rei's color.)#and she was like oh you ought to think about these things more I mean a red shirt is never just red right hahahaha#and I detonated on the spot and blurted out my bm pride flag iconography essay out at her (complete with screencaps)#and I was gauging her reaction the entire time I was fumbling through it because I was trying to explain it in Chinese#and she was very kind and polite about it all and like. sorry. but also I am not that sorry#I think it would be funny if I came out to my mom in my video essay. like for the bit. like I would be willing to do that for the bit#like right after I explain eishi coming out to his mom?#'hi mom if you're still watching—' (this is presumably at least an hour and a half into the video)#you know she HAS been putting in effort. she read my tattoo manga all of it#despite the fact it was in english#so like. ok. fine. maybe I do reward you for your efforts. and it would even be funny#<- guy who only does things for the bit
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a bitch is in need of attention (i’m bitch)
#emmy needs to wake up soon or i’ll DIE#ok sure she’s an hour behind me but she should wake up in the next hour so i can send her 482746273 pictures with hearts on them#also i am at work and the attention i get here is not wanted i want to leave the bakery today so badddddd#times going kinda fast tho i guess that’s good#i’m just like. bored whenever i don’t have customers and i literally don’t have the actual energy to do a bunch of things here bc i didn’t#feel good lastnight and i still feel a littttttleeeee weird and off so i’m like. not wanting to be here other than the fact we have gooooood#air conditioning here so i’m at least at a good temperature and not dying in the heat of my bedroom which is ATROCIOUSLY GROSS#it’s why i felt so sick yesterday i couldn’t cool off and i felt so nauseous and my head hurt and it was just a bad time#if anyone ever is thinking that maine summers aren’t bad and you should live here….no you shouldn’t bc the summers are the most humid thing#literally have had humidity from 80-99% since like. two weeks ago at least#it is disgusting !!!!!!! like how come it’s a decent temp (been in the 60s-80s lately) but the humidity just gets SO BAD you’d think it was#like 100 degrees outside!!!!! i hate it here in the summer!!!!!!!! i can handle heat i can’t handle humidity#like the air is just SO thick and sticky and wet and gross i can’t even explain to you how Awful it truly is#anyways i’m hoping it won’t be too bad by the time i get home (around 5?) and that it’ll cool down#pray for me guyssss
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Dear Hylia
#Okay. So fuck this#My sister’s pissed since she told her friends she would be busy tonight#And they didn’t invite her to something. Even though she said she was going to be busy#And I know for a fact that she didn’t specify time or explain or anything#So she’s left out by her own stupidity#So she got upset at a neighborhood trunk or treat and got a bloody nose#Then screamed at me#Like damn. Ok. I am not having a good day either. Thank you for taking it out on me /s#So now I am just sitting here. The world’s grumpiest Zelda#at least my costume looks cool and people liked it#One kid asked me where link was.#Man I need a Link /hj#Anyways. I might be offline for the rest of the day.#Ya know. Randomly upset and now feeling guilt over my sister’s own shit decisions 🙃#Why can’t I have one good day please please please please please please why
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damn if someone ever did a Kirby-related animatic set to Time Adventure well i would simply pass away
#kirby#like. ok.#its 5 am and ive been up all night and im feeling nostalgic#and thinking abt time adventure and the fact that i was an AT fan from the very beginning up until the series ended#and time adventure is just a gut-wrenching song to me for a multitude of reasons#but i think it could fit shockingly well with kirby and the gang#i cant explain my thought process well but like. thinking abt it is making me Emo do you understand#i saw a warriors animatic set to the song and it made me bawl so like#the song has power and that power is causing immense emotional pain and also a deep sense of catharsis
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ok so i guess the good thing about having Extreme Compartmentalization Disorder is that when there are enough horrible, painful, and stressful factors, i section off my feelings into a guy, and that lets me accomplish things i would've otherwise been incapable of?
#acceptance and understanding is the first step to healing right#i think i'm starting to get it#shoutout to luke actually#thanks for absorbing all my grief and my wife angst#because something lit up in me and i just stood up to her in a big way#i didn't think i had it in me#she did apologize but immediately started explaining it away that it's bc she's neurodivergent#ok bestie me too. i'm not punching you about it tho am i#she was nitpicking over something really minor and i just#kinda snapped#i was like ''can you go a day without tearing me down over something that doesn't matter? i'm tired of asking nicely. you wonder#why i feel like you think i'm stupid? this is why.''#and she was like 😳#so that's?#something?#I don't know if it will actually make a difference in her behavior as i genuinely have spoken up#like multiple times#but the fact that i was firm and like. pissed off on my own behalf?#it. gives me a little confidence.#echoes from the void
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On how Crowley and Aziraphale felt during the kiss (but mainly Crowley here):
Ok so first, the main idea for this huge meta is that a LOT of us noticed how the music from the kiss scene is similar to the nebula one, right?
Second, a lot of us also correctly noticed the parallels between the kiss and how it was to taste food for the first time for Aziraphale: bc of his reactions, the hand on lips, the similar way MS acted both scenes, the little inhale etc. So how was it for Crowley?
Aziraphale's reaction to the kiss is practically a puzzle to solve on its own, so it's fun to analyse it, but basically, in a few words, Aziraphale kissed Crowley and he discovered he was physically starving for him, longing for him, yearning for him, for his kiss, and he had no idea. Just like with the ox. And now he needs to gorge himself in him but he can't. Great amazing heartbreaking chef's kiss someone give MS an Emmy.
But there's already so much amazing meta out there about Aziraphale x Ox ribs x The Kiss that I want to focus on Crowley here, and on the music.
So back to the music. The song in "Before the Beginning" and the song that plays during The Kiss (I Forgive You + Don't Bother) are so similar. They're not *exactly* the same, but they're totally reminiscent of each other. The viewer is immediately reminded of those chords that played in the opening scene. It's no coincidence that the fandom was talking about this fact only minutes after first watching those final fifteen minutes. This is an obvious intentional choice for storytelling reasons (David Arnold is a genius).
I have no expertise whatsoever when it comes to music, so I asked our friend @otsanda to see if that made sense and not only it does and she explained it, but she also uncovered so much more hidden meaning in all of it (musicians are amazing), so check out her meta about the music that not only serves as evidence to what I'm proposing here but it also has so much more juicy information in it 💖.
Back to the point: WHY thought? Why choose a similar song? Why intentionally COMPOSE a similar song for that moment?
Hear me out. WHAT IF, by reminding the audience of the creation of the nebula, they meant to convey to us that, for Crowley, kissing Aziraphale gave him the same feeling that creating his stars did?
THAT'S what the music is telling us. THAT'S why it makes us remember "Before the Beginning". It may sound cheesy, but Crowley may have literally seen stars when he kissed Aziraphale. He couldn't react accordingly (just like Aziraphale couldn't), bc it was an overwhelming and extremely sad moment (the music is also telling us that) for both of them. They knew it was ending . They were both having a moment of huge revelation that was fated to not come to completion. Crowley was right, it was too late.
It makes sense to show Crowley's feelings through the music, bc he was the one who started the kiss, and also he was wearing sunglasses in that scene, it's different from a character like Aziraphale that has all his million expressions for everyone to see at all times. And they've been doing this ever since s1 with the Queen songs that play in his car or in the background.
So my point is: the same song being used there makes me wonder if kissing Aziraphale finally gave him what he lost. His purpose. What Aziraphale was trying to give back to him by taking him back to heaven. There's no need for Heaven. Just kiss him, Aziraphale, and there he'll find the stars you want to give back to him. There you will one day see that smile on his face you saw Before The Beginning. Neil Gaiman and David Arnold I am in your walls 😭
This is what may lead us to see this happiness in Crowley again (not the action of kissing itself, of course, but what it represents to their relationship, them being together, them being an Us).
As @otsanda said: from the music we can interpret that that moment was a Revelation for them. Almost a religious experience. Crowley found his purpose again. What he'd been missing the whole season (or even his whole life since the Fall, but we've seen him especially depressed this season).
I'm not even getting into the poetry of how one can interpret the parallel to the angel's reaction to the kiss as carnal, and the demon's as religious; that would be another whole essay but let's just agree that it's incredibly beautiful. (Let me be clear that I mean here Aziraphale's reaction is carnal specifically for Crowley, and Crowley's is religious specifically for Aziraphale, not religious as in "worshipping god")
"Do you ever wonder what's the point?" Crowley asked in s2e1. The point, for him, is Aziraphale (if you've seen The Good Place you know what I mean). I hope he figured this out with that kiss, even as heartbreaking as it was. Even if it was a (temporary) separation kiss. (I hope Aziraphale figures this out with time too, that he's more than enough to make Crowley happy, that Crowley doesn't need Heaven, or stars, that Crowley needs him.)
Maybe that's why Crowley didn't leave and kept waiting outside until the very last moment.
Aziraphale and Crowley both bit the apple at the end of s2. There's no turning back from that Knowledge now.
Edit: I just have to add here this brilliant colour analysis of the nebula scene by @halemerry. And it's pointed out that during the nebula formation there's a moment when it looks like two people embracing. And the fact that a similar song is used in the actual Kiss scene I just... I have no words
#good omens 2#good omens#ineffable husbands#good omens kiss#my meta#good omens meta#before the beginning#i forgive you#don't bother#crowley#purpose#knowledge#music#david arnold#reactions to the kiss#the angel's carnal reaction vs the demon's religious experience
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im outside Friends at the Table: Twilight Mirage 62: The Feast of Patina. im playing games on my phone with duck the horse im not going back in there. he loves fruit ninja. i told everyone i was ‘going for a walk’ fifteen minutes ago and im deciding how long i can feasibly stretch that to.
#*muffled sound of relationships falling apart like a house of cards inside the episode while i play candy crush to pass the time*#the fact that they were like 'ok now let's do a silly one' but instead of silly one they actually said 'now let's do a holiday for Real'#the podcast is tearing me apart and tormenting my spirit 10000000/10 would listen again#i can't explain how it's like of course this is nothing like a holiday dinner it's wayyy in scifi they're dealing with such things#but also. i've been to this dinner. i've been to this dinner multiple times. i've hyperventilated in the stairwell outside this dinner.#anyway. extremely good podcast.#feels very seasonally appropriate that i am here at this episode right now
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hey bbg i ADORE your writing! could i please get a bsf!james w no boundaries who sees you watching some tv 🧡🖤 if yk what i mean and he helps her out if that’s ok with you? thank you sm i love you *💋*
this isn't tiktok, you can call it porn! also, reader wears glasses in this, if you don't yes you do. also she uses her phone but also its set at hogwarts please don't pick on me or ill give up
this post is 18+, minors dni.
You'd used the fact that James was leaving in mere minutes to justify your lack of self-control. He'd stayed the night in your bed, something he does quite often, and something that means you don't get alone time before bed. It's nice to cuddle up to him, he's a living space heater, but a dull ache has been growing between your thighs the longer you go without relieving yourself, and you're at your breaking point.
He's in your bathroom, warbling a tune that he's made up on the spot, the lyrics all quidditch-based. He's got the game on his mind, five minutes away from having to leave for practice, and you tuck your phone to your chest as you type in the website your fingers know by heart.
You're doing everything right. You've got headphones in, you've got the volume low, you've got the brightness down, but you'd forgot about your damned glasses. James saunters in from the bathroom, a towel around his waist and water droplets still clinging to his chest as he fishes around at the end of your bed for his discarded pants, and it doesn't matter that the phone is angled away from him, he catches it in the reflection of your glasses.
"Oh, I could do that easy," He boasts, and you pause the video to look curiously up at him.
"Hm?'
"That," He points vaguely at your phone, and your stomach twists, "That whole legs-up-by-the-ears thing. If you wanted to, I mean."
"What?" You retort indignantly, like you can't still hear the woman's cries echoing through your head.
"I could fuck you like that, darling," James explains, his voice taking on a tone bordering on amusement, "Hello? The porn you're watching?"
"I- What," You blabber, but you know you're losing even as you mash your thumb against the phone's lock button, "I am not watching porn!"
"Right, you're watching Sesame Street," James snorts. He advances on you despite your flustered protests, reaching out to tap his fingernail against the lenses of your glasses, "I saw it here, nasty girl. Talk about a big bird. Mine's bigger, though. I'll show you whenever you wanna take me up on that legs-by-the-ears technique."
You're silent for only the few seconds that it takes to muster up a response that's equal parts scolding and casually committal, but as soon as you're able to find your voice, James gets his jersey over his head and takes his leave.
"James-"
"Sorry, love, it'll have to wait," He reaches out and pats your shoulder like he hadn't just offered to put your knee up against it, "Practice is starting soon, and I can't be late, I'm the captain. But afterwards, okay? Love you," He grins down at you, cheekiness alight in his entire expression, from the flush of his cheeks to his dazzling grin, "Have fun while I'm gone, y'little perv."
#james potter x reader#james potter imagine#james potter scenario#james potter oneshot#james potter one shot#james potter one-shot#james potter headcanon#james potter headcanons#james potter hc#james potter hcs#james potter fanfiction#james potter fanfic#james potter fic#james potter blurb#james potter drabble#james potter dialogue#james potter fluff#james potter x reader fanfiction#james potter smut
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