cast too many spells 😵

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i know not many people would want to read a 10,000 word article about the minecraft end poem and how the author, Julian Gough, was never fairly compensated for his work and has made it public domain.

But it's a very well-written and heartfelt read, and he makes it very clear that none of this is a cash-grab and despite the fact that he is essentially a starving artist in this capitalist society, he only mentions his financial struggles despite Minecraft's huge huge success at the bottom of this article and not in the tweets so as to not dilute his message.

Anyway, I just think it'd be cool if those who are able to could support him in some way whether it be subscribing to his substack or donating to his paypal (that's linked in the article, you can ctrl + F to find it easier), that's all.

saying out loud would make it more real and would make it hurt so much more when it's inevitably taken away

Baby?    Baby!

Help him...

If i was a stronger person i would draw a sing-a-long comic of keith doing a rendition of i wont say im in love from Hercules but im not so i never will but u can think about it

Did you know that sea anemones are named after anemones, which are a type of flower?

cuz i sure didn’t

(The culprits^)

Doing this ship meme for the ship I am currently absolutely obsessed with 👍

(x)

one thing strange about being chronically ill, with fluctuating ability, and growing up poor, and then being slightly less poor as an adult, is that like. growing up, you kind of learned how to just, deal with your chronic pain, right? maybe you took some tums and some ibuprofen or acetaminophen when it got bad, or you found out that a heating pad helped, but that was about the extent of it.

and then, as an adult, you found yourself with a job that let you afford to get that $14 pillow for between your knees when you sleep on your side. or, you let yourself buy that knee brace, the brand name one, too, because the off brand one didn’t have specialized pressure points and you hoped the extra $3 for the brand name would be worth it, maybe the specialized pain needs specialized aid, right?

you also, over time, invest in a couple forms of mobility aids, telling yourself it’s okay, that even though you don’t need them every day, that on the days you do, it’ll feel better to have help— and you find that they’re invaluably useful on the days that you need them, making tasks that before, were just straight up not an option during the severe flares, something you now can still have the option of doing. it’s still not easy, per say, but doable is a huge difference.

maybe you even see a doctor for your chronic illness, and it turns out that while there’s no daily treatment or remedy, there’s actually a medication you can take during the more severe flare ups that helps bring you closer to your baseline again!!

and like. suddenly these aches and pains, these radiating discomforts have these mitigating measures that you hadn’t even known existed— through no fault of your parents! just that as an adult with more money than you had as a child and with the power of agency to self-advocate that your adult self has, suddenly there’s Options TM for dealing with the pains. everything isn’t fixed but having mitigation measures is still wonderful!!!?!?!

anyways all of this to say, this isn’t even anything life threatening or requiring intensive care but it’s amazing what having a few more $ can do in terms of providing your body with comfort and tools to help you navigate your ongoing pains. and all this to say especially that this is one of 1047583939919483 reasons why medical care and medical aids need to be free, because tools to lessen the pain someone experiences in life shouldn’t be on a pay-to-play basis, my teen body was no less deserving or in need of assistance than my adult body, both of them deserve to have the access that adult me has, and people in every economic situation deserve to be able to lessen their pain and find tools to provide relief for chronic illnesses. this stuff should be accessible to everyone.

I'm so burnt out my dudes

for the record i'm physically unable to read colonel as anything other than 'collon-nal'. yes i know it's pronounced 'kernel'. no this does not change anything.

MEET S.P.O.O.N, my emotional support Zebra Furby Buddy 🖤

S.P.O.O.N stands for Sir Princess of Obvious Neurodivergence because i insisted he has a long funny name that can be shortened. she uses any pronouns and goes by both Spoon and Sir Princess as nicknames lol

i take them with me to doctor appointments and stuff 🖤 also my dog Sunny loves Spoon, i think she likes that it doesn't make noise lol

I’m confused like what’s the punchline 😐

What's your interpretation of the weird/annoyed look Five gets on his face when Tegan announces that she wants to rejoin the TARDIS at the end of Arc of Infinity? I know it was probably meant to be played for laughs, but it annoys me every time i watch that episode and i'm curious what headcanons people have about it.

My favourite thing I've read about it pointed out that the cybermen specifically used Tegan as a weakness against five, that she's what it took to manipulate him (and through no fault of either of them, Adric's death was part of those consequences.) The novelisation really goes in to the descriptions of the doctor transfixed with the blood running down Tegan's chin from her bitten lip, the building tension as the cybermen get closer and closer to killing her and he's shaking trying to hold himself back from admitting his hearts are so easy to twist, just by threatening his friends. (Does Nyssa ever leave the TARDIS when it's on the spaceship? The cybermen don't even know she exists til they come onboard do they?)

As for why he looks so annoyed? hmmm. Does anyone want someone around that constantly needles them? Really, I think pre Arc of Infinity that even though Tegan had chosen to stay, they still had that power imbalance or even just tension between them that she had not come on board willingly. So five is expecting that to be the continuing, I don't know, continuing manner between them and it hadn't been good. It had its moments (mainly in the audios) but as an arrangement it was not ideal as friends to explore the universe together, all that terrible beauty and awesome monsters.

But it doesn't continue on in that manner - oh they bicker and make faces at each other, sure, but Tegan's conscious decision to step back onto the TARDIS irons out those imbalances, removes that bitterness and the past of her aunt's death. So when he makes that wee face, it's in expectation of the previous status quo. And never let it be said that Tegan's one to do exactly what's expected of her.

Anyway I really hope this makes sense and I may add some more thoughts later but it's 1:50 am Christmas Eve and I couldn't sleep for thinking about this.

----

It's 2am I'm back. I feel like there's also this uneasiness in five about tegan, that mirror that no one likes being held up to themselves. Their similarities but the starkly different ways they express them must be exhausting to five. and here she is back again. To push and prod and challenge and be brashly beautifully glorious. wait. that last bit was the two am shipper coming out. Anyway they draw strength and resolve and anger from each other and Tegan was vital to five, from his first moments till his very last.

i am getting ahead of myself with my hopes that i have OSA, like i am assuming that i do though i haven't actually done the sleep study yet but the doctor seemed so confident when i described my symptoms and sleep- it sounds weird to say "i hope i have this" maybe but i've been sick for so long, i'm always tired since i was a teenager, my head is foggy almost all the time, i rarely feel like i'm "really" awake, i can barely talk to people or form thoughts without so much effort most of the time, and it's gotten exponentially worse over the past few years, when i go months without following up on conversations because i'm just too tired and i got so used to saying "i will respond during one of the times i am better" because it used to be like a week or two of bad spells but now they're so few and far between that i almost never respond to anybody, i know i should change this and just respond as sleepy joanie but it takes so many spoons to respond when i feel like this, i'm utterly exhausted when i try, my ADD medication hardly even works anymore, oh yeah and my memory!! is so bad like there are so many conversations i absolutely don't remember having, days i can't remember at all, which is all just to say. i'm pinning so much hope that all these symptoms are caused by sleep apnea and if i have a cpap machine that they will just... go away? or at least be better enough that they don't affect my "quality of life" this profoundly? i've been like daydreaming about it nonstop, what it would be like to feel like myself so much more of the time again, it's like this golden orb of hope in my chest and it hurts because i've been burned so many times thinking i have figured it out and trying to accept that maybe i just have vague undefined CFS/chronic pain stuff that will never get better and there's no way to be "that" myself again

good afternoon btw hiiii how r we all :] i got. peach trees!!!