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jeff-from-marketing · 1 year

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Hey I wanna talk games! This time a game that is so dead it’s actually sad, because the game was fucking awesome. But hey! Not tabletop this time!

So the game I want to talk about is this little gem of a nugget called The Secret World, and it’s genuinely one of my favourite MMOs I’ve ever played. Short version of the premise is “hey, y’know every single myth, conspiracy, and legend you’ve ever heard of? well all that shit is real my guy.” And it fucking leaned into that shit real hard!

Your three player factions consisted of 1. the actual Illuminati, yes they’re real. Any conspiracy you can think of related to them is probably also true. 2. the Templars, no not the Knights Templar, they make sure to remind you that order died out centuries ago. These ones are more likely to hire a witch than burn them at the stake. 3. the Dragon, a society based entirely around the whims of chaos and the cycle thereof.

So wait, the Illuminati is real? The Templars actually exist? Demons, the undead, the unfathomable, all of that is true? How have I never heard of that! Well, the orders that be wouldn’t be doing their job right if you knew. After all, this side of the world isn’t called The Secret World for nothing. This game absolutely revels in mystery, and I love it for that.

So many of the quests you come across are puzzles to be solved in one way or another, you’re expected to investigate everything, take down notes, and research to find answers. The game came with its own web browser and it absolutely expected you to use it! And I absolutely loved that. Yeah you still had the option of your standard kill quests and quests to fetch seven boar asses, but those (for the most part) were options. The best quests are absolutely the ones that involved solving a mystery, and that was definitely a very solid chunk of them. Sure some of them were a little obtuse sometimes, but overall they breathed so much life into the game, especially if you were used to standard MMO quest design. And luckily, the main story quests were almost always this style of quest. They still stick with me even years afterwards. The one where I had to pull up a morse code translation sheet, or look up Bible verses to find relevant passages to a clue, or one where I had to die so I could speak to a ghost.

Of course, good story and storytelling can only go so far, was the game itself any fun? Oh fuck yeah my fellow beings. So to start with: no classes. There were 9 main weapons in the game, each with their own sets of skills and abilities, and you could pick any 2 weapons. From there, you’re free to mix and match active abilities from those two weapons as much as you’d like, and you can use passive abilities from any weapon. There was so much build variety and customisation available, build crafting was just one of my favourite things to do and I absolutely spent way too much time looking through abilities to create a new build. Group content was fun, world events were fun, it just a good time overall! The combat probably wasn’t the smoothest compared to a lot of modern MMOs, but it was still satisfying enough.

Unfortunately, all of that was apparently just too good. At some point, the company announced Secret World Legends: a reboot of The Secret World that was supposed to throw on a new coat of paint and refresh systems to de-jankify them I suppose. Wow it did not do that. What it did do however is kill everything unique about The Secret World. Those cool mystery quests that I still remember fondly today? Gone. A really indepth build system that allowed for huge amounts of customisation? Gone. Replaced with a really bad class system that doesn’t even begin to cover the same amount of depth. The perfectly serviceable even if not top-tier combat? Somehow they just made it worse. You get like, An Ability, maybe two. Oh and like every weapon’s gimmick is now all 100% RNG based. Yay.

I do miss this game. Last I checked, it’s technically still running if you owned a copy, but it’s no longer available to buy officially and it’s no longer supported. Last time I tried to play, it just kept crashing. Which is a shame, because I’d love for more people to be able to experience this gem of a game.

#gaming #the secret world #I think there was a point to this rant?#idk it just popped into my head and now its other peoples problem #companies should really release code of unsupported games to the public #fine if they dont want to support it #let the community pick up the slack if they still want to play

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shatterstar · 4 years

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Please tell me about shatterstar's Childhood

oh my god anon okay I’m assuming in context of what I’ve recently posted you want like... my version of events rather than what’s canon but just in case I hope you know that there’s basically zero canon material that actually describes his childhood/young adulthood beyond “I was a warrior born” or whatever the fuck. if you want to know about that idk go on the fucken... marvel wiki page or something

also--I hate that I have to put this out here and I doubt anyone would actually do this but just in case--I have spent like 1 million hours thinking about this because I have brain disorders and it is very close to my heart so please do not A) use this in fics, etc without letting me know/getting my permission in advance or B) reblog this post

anyways. this is a can of worms so I’m going to do a cheeky lil

first we have to get something out of the way: I hate the “shatterstar’s his own grandpa” paradox. I am sorry if this angers people but it makes me mad so I ignore it. the reason it bothers me is because it means alison blaire essentially married her grandson, which is A) weird and B) bad from a genetics perspective.

in my version of canon ‘star IS the biological child of longshot and dazzler but longshot wasn’t cloned using ‘star’s DNA because..... oh god... another whole separate post can be made about this but... in my head, on mojoworld the way genetic engineering works is not really the same as it is here. here genetic engineering generally means taking an existing genome and inserting or deleting genes. this is how they make, for example, animals that glow, or confer pesticide resistance to plants.

but on mojoworld I think the way they genetically engineer is more like... the way we mechanically engineer. like the entire organism is built from the ground up. there’s a master genetic blueprint which is essentially the “minimal genome” required for a functioning humanoid. this was created by study of Earth humans by arize and the other genetic engineers. they can then go in and customize by adding elements to the genome that code for the signals/building blocks that control things like height, strength, hair color, eye color, having hollow bones etc. so in my head longshot was sort of... designed with ‘star as the inspiration, but not directly cloned. that wouldn’t even make sense anyways because A) different hair color and B) LONGSHOT HAS 3 FINGERS ON EACH HAND and shatterstar has 4!! thats NOT HOW CLONES WOULD WORK!!!!

(side note, the concept of a minimal functional genome is a real thing in biology! some scientists have taken a bacterium that already has a small genome and reduced it to the minimum size required for viability. here is a wikipedia article on it and here is the original paper (DOI: 10.1126/science.286.5447.2165) which I can explain in more detail because I took a class on synthetic biology which this technically falls under and I had to read this paper very closely).

fuck I’ve written 4 paragraphs and not even talked about his childhood yet. I am so sorry. anyways. so the way I think they raise the gladiators on mojoworld is they create them in batches of 5 to 10 identical copies of a certain “model”, place each copy in a different “class” with a set of 2-3 mentors/teachers, and train them to fight until they are 13 or 14. until this time the only names they have are the names that identify the “model”--like for shatterstar that would be gaveedra-seven where the model identifier is “gaveedra” and he is (in the lore that I have come up with) the 7th of 8 total.

the reason they create multiples and put them in different classes is each mentor is going to have a slightly different style of teaching which is going to work better for some and worse for others, so it allows them to have more mass production while increasing the chances of creating a truly great champion. it’s classic nature versus nurture--the genetic engineers create your nature, but you don’t end up exactly the same as others of your model. maybe you get an edge, maybe you don’t.

another thing that happens is different mentors believe in different ways of raising the kids in their care. shatterstar specifically was raised in a class where there was absolutely zero emotional development at all and no attachments allowed beyond fighting alliances. that’s not the case in all classes, and it also had the effect of making him somewhat of an outsider even within the other gladiators as he got older.

at 13 or 14--and yes I realize this is very fucked up but dude its fucking mojoworld idk what you expected--they start participating in fights. the first ones aren’t to the death and they’re as teams and they’re not usually televised they’re more like high school sports games that are attended by scouts (here, they’re “sponsors”--I think that’s a canonical term but I honestly can’t remember) and if you get sponsored you leave your class and join a new “team” that’s really just a bunch of people who all have the same sponsorship. this is where things can get interesting because they’ve all been raised with slightly different fighting styles but more importantly, slightly different degrees of Personhood.

also at this point I should mention that by this time, there are usually only 2, maybe 3 of each model left. either they died or were recognized as not having talent so they were sent to eventually fulfill other roles in the network. in ‘star’s case there was just him and gaveedra-five. once you get to the stage where you’re sponsored and you’re actually fighting to the death one of the first people you’ll fight is any remaining members of your model group.

by the time you’re the only one left of your group, you’re also eligible to earn a stage name. this usually happens if you have a particularly epic fight with a lot of viewers, you win and the commentators will typically say something like “Let’s give this crowd a real name to cheer!” and they’ll have a few candidate names and they’ll kind of just pick one. AUGH I actually have this scene written out in story form but its too long so I think I’ll save it.... :)

after you get a name you also get a cool outfit and usually some kind of mark or tattoo that serves as a brand. this brings me to another important point--shatterstar inherited the X-gene from alison and therefore he IS a mutant. his mutation is the swords vibration thing and the glowing eye. the star mark is a tattoo and teleportation is benjamin russell’s mutation (how he fits into all this is... for another post). basically after he got his name the costuming department guys were like “hey your eye glows, you look like the Legendary Warrior of Old, Longshot, we’re gonna pattern your look after him” so they gave him the star tattoo and the outfit that’s literally inverse colors of longshot’s.

also this brings me to another aside: you’re probably wondering “if he’s the biological kid of longshot and alison how are there 8 gaveedras?” when the genetic engineers got a hold on him as a baby they were like Sick! free baby! free genetic material! thats our job done for us! so they cloned him (in the traditional sense) and made 7 copies. this was also to kind of conceal his identity as technically being from outside mojoworld, which would make him stick out and thus be a target. they DID edit out the x-gene in the other gaveedra models though. this wasn’t a problem for ‘star because his mutation didn’t manifest until he was already sponsored.

I think that’s .... pretty much it for macroscopic lore on what it was like to be a kid gladiator on mojoworld. now let me give you some Tidbits of his life specifically:

like I said he was raised in a particularly cold and ruthless class. the mentors that raised him are like well-known by everyone to produce some of the best warriors but also there’s discourse on mojoworld because some people say perfectly emotionless killing machines aren’t as fun to watch. when he was sponsored there were 4-5 others in the same sponsorship and they were like Theres Something Wrong With You LOL

they speak earth languages on mojoworld because they’re imitating the broadcasts they (the spineless ones) used to hear from earth. however, most of the lower-class as well as almost all arena fighters and other television personalities speak cadre or other languages which are native to the planet. the stage names are all vaguely in english, but the gladiators don’t really understand them at first.

shatterstar got his name before he got the glowing eye, and when he learned what stars are, and saw his eye as a little star, he was like wow :) this is Me :) which is why that name is so important to him. it’s also one of the first things that wholly belonged to him.

(you can’t see stars on mojoworld because of light pollution and also because it’s a pocket dimension and there just aren’t that many stars to see)

I hate to bring up the s**ley miniseries but I do think it would be interesting to have him have a sort of ... mentor/first friend, similar to the concept of gringrave but they were NOT in a relationship. it was more like... another kid who was a year or so older than him got a soft spot for him and helped him not be so clueless. she didn’t make as much progress as xforce did, obviously. but they were.... something like friends.

unfortunately she was used by spiral to get shatterstar to murder the first rebel guy who tried to get him out of there. then she got switched sponsors (this can happen) and he had to kill her, and he was like well I will simply never develop any kind of attachment to anyone ever again.

he almost didn’t make it out of the first training session with his sponsorship group (this is semi-canon--there’s a reference when he’s teaching terry to swordfight to almost not surviving the first time he was in a gladiator class or whatever it was).

the closest he ever came to losing was the day he got the name. that’s why the crowds loved it so much.

the double-bladed sword was a gimmick weapon but when he got his mutation they realized it works way better if there’s resonance between two parallel blades so they redesigned it as an actual weapon.

(forgot this but I feel like I should include it) at 17 he escaped the arenas and joined the cadre alliance. two years later he came to earth and joined xforce.

I think that’s going to have to be it for now because it’s literally almost midnight and I have work tomorrow and I did NOT intend to stay up this late but I did. thank you for this opportunity anon :) feel free to ask me any other questions and also I realize a lot of this probably makes no fucking sense and that’s because I am not a writer or anything I’m just a biochemist with brain problems that cause me to obsess over stupid shit

#answered #shatterstar #GHKDJFDKHGRJ I KNOW THERES SOMETHING WRONG W/ ME THAT THIS FEELS LIKE EXPOSING MY SOUL....#Anonymous #long post #NSCU #<-thats my new tag since other people have asked about this #it stands for nadine shatterstar cinematic universe

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littleeyesofpallas · 4 years

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Bleach -Name Games

I did Rose’s sword because it’s super cool and elaborate, but I figure I can’t leave the other Visored out to dry, even if most of them don’t have a lot going on with their zanpakutou.

In general I tried to go over the Visored’s personal names already a while back. (I actually feel like I did a disservice by trying to cram them all into one, and looking back on it it was a sloppy assessment, but oh well...) And I’ve covered Shinji’s Sakanade in that old post and Hiyori’s KubikiriOrochi recently... Mashiro and Hacchi never even released their swords... So, that really only leaves Love, Kensei, and Risa...

In Kensei’s case it couldn’t be more straight forward Tachikaze(断地風) is written as 断:”Sever” 地:”Ground” 風:”Wind,” and Viz rightly translates it as “Earth-Severing wind.’ The release call, Futtobase(吹っ飛ばせ) means to “Blow off” as in “to Blow on + to Scatter,” Viz called this “Blast away” which is a little off base, but has a certain double play that I’m actually super surprised they caught, because Futtobase(ふっとばせ) and Buttobase(ぶっとばせ) are super close and Buttobase(打っ飛ばせ) is “to send flying” or “to knock down/off (their) feet” which is in line with Kensei’s brawler delinquent demeanor. But this way “Blast off” sounds both like wind scattering something like dust, as well as a blast knocking someone off their feet.

So, the name can be taken pretty literally, but as far as references that Kubo might have been making; Tachikaze was a class of naval Destroyer in operation during the 1970s (Vietnam War), as well as the name of a specific Minekaze class Destroyer operating the 1930s(Sino-Japanese war). In general Destroyers are typically fast moving and used as escort ships for larger, slower ships as part of a convoy. In the case of these ships, and in the case of other media that have used the name, typically Tachikaze(太刀風) is actually written 太: “thick” 刀:”Sword” 風:”Wind,” where Tachi(太刀) is also a specific type of Japanese sword. The name evokes a great cutting wind like a gale or a hurricane.

I think, if anything, the name might be a nod the 1970s Destroyer class ship, because of Kensei’s initial outfit having a vaguely modern miltiary style about it: Combat boots, tactical cargo pants, short cropped hair, and his sword even having a rubber grip and finger loop like a combat knife rather than any kind of traditional Japanese weapon --even though he later swerved more toward a bosozoku gimmick. He also has a move identified in the UNMASKED databook as Bakudan(爆弾突き), 爆弾:”Bomb” 突き:”Thrust” which has a bit of a military weaponry vibe.

I also tie it to the Vietnam war in particular because in general the Visored all had specific outdated styles of dress when first introduced, which seemed super deliberate on Kubo’s part but never really got elaborated on.

Shinji’s Brit mod look, Kensei’s Vietnam War fatigues, Mashiro’s Himitsu Goranger tights, and Rose’s shoujo bishonen look all tie them to the 1970s. I’m not super sure about Hacchi’s look... He almost looks like a host? A tacky lounge singer?? a bad prom tux??? And Risa’s sailor-fuku is kind of broadly attributable to anywhere from the 1920s to modern day. (although sailor-fuku as school uniforms have seen substantial decline as school uniforms since the open sexual fetishization of them in the 1980s.) Also both Love and Hiyori just have a kind of slacker/mountain hick sweatsuit/tracksuit aesthetics, which aren’t exactly era specific... Although if we assume Love’s afro is actually a punch perm that was very much a 70s-80s trend.

Anyway... that was a big tangent, but the point was that maybe Kensei’s sword is a reference to a Vietnam War destroyer ship because of the 1970s. Kensei’s bankai adds Tekken(鐡拳) to the name, and just like the videogame series it means “Iron Fist.” There’s really not a lot to that one.

Love’s sword is a simple yet weird one. The name Tengumaru(天狗丸) is just Tengu(天狗) and the suffix -maru(丸) which really just serves the function of making it a name. I would imagine the Tengu is a pretty well recognized bit of Japanese mythology, even outside of Japan by now. There’s a neat history to them and how they got their name, and the way they look in art, and their shifting role in folk lore and mythology from antagonistic bringers of war to benevolent, if still dangerous, protectors of the mountains and nature, as well as their association with the Japanese religion of Shugendo in particular... But none of that seems to be referenced here. In fact there doesn’t appear to be any actual reference to the Tengu at work at all....

Love’s mask is a pretty stock and standard Oni or devil mask, and the giant iron bludgeon weapon is a stylized kanabou(金棒) which is also associated with oni imagery, but not Tengu. If anything, the general shape and size of his giant club might be a play on the shape of a humanoid Tengu’s iconic long nose, while the long nosed Tengu’s red face might be the influence for the fire powers, but the Tengu itself doesn’t have any particularly strong direct associations with fire... and moreover neither the tengu nor the oni seem to have anything to do with Love’s whole “love” theme in his name.

His release call is uchikudake(打ち砕け) which is just a pretty straight forward action for an iron club, “Crush.” He uses a technique called Hifuki no Kozuchi(火吹の小槌): “Little-Mallet/Gavel of Fire-Breathing” but I feel like the “Little Mallet” bit is a reference to the Uchide-no-Kozuchi(打ち出の小槌). In the Issun-boshi myth, where the little hero retrieves it from an oni he defeats; the magic hammer allows him to grow to regular human size. Similarly in the myth of Momotaro, the hero obtains the mallet from the oni-island. I only get this impression because if it’s not a reference, then it feels really weird to call a massive club “little-hammer“ as if that were a literal description.

On second thought, I forgot that tengu nose is pretty commonly used as phallic image, so it’s entirely possible that that’s the link to the “Love” theme.

Lisa’s is a real weird one though... Her shikai is called Hagurotonbo(鉄漿蜻蛉), which is the name of the Calopteryx atrata damselfly. And I guess the generally bodyshape of a dragonfly could be seen as reflected in the shikai being a polearm, but that feels kind of weak... The specific kanji used here for Haguro(鉄漿) means “Iron Drink” and refers to Haguro(歯黒) “Tooth-Blackening” which was a kind of fashion trend in Japan prior the the Meiji restoration, primarily among married women of some courtly status, although it did eventually spread into general public style as well. The "Tooth”+”Black” writing is fairly obvious, but the “Iron”+”Drink” form refers to the fact that the tooth dying concoction included dissolved iron powder.

So in Lisa’s case it’s kind of weird... Is it just a reference to the species of black-winged damselfly? Is it some kind of evocation of the old fashion of a married noble woman? Her shikai is a strange blade shape that could be either an exaggeratedly broad yari spear, or some variation the Chinese Monk’s spade. And her mask is a diamond with a cross slit that doesn’t appear to be related to the shikai form or name at all...(if anything it just kind of randomly looks like the head piece of the Zeon mobile suit, Gyan) her release call is tsubuse(潰せ):”to crush/flatten,” which also doesn’t seem related to anything other than paddling something with the broad end of her spear.

In fact if there’s anything that actually seems to suggest a real theme it’s the random technique she has named Nijuuichijou Tonbokudari (二十一条蜻蛉下り): “21 Clauses Dargonfly Descent,” which she technically used fighting Gerard Valkyrie, but we barely really saw. It looks like a super specific direct reference to Taika Nijuuikkajou Youkyuu(対華21ヶ条要求): generally known in English as “The 21 Demands” referring to the terms of surrender Japan made of China in their conquest of Manchuria during World War 1. The demands were ultimately negotiated down to more favorable terms for China, minimizing Japanese expansionist gains, but the signing resulted in massive distrust between Japan and America, Japan and Britain, and of course Japan and China.

But all together these elements don’t seem to have any kind of cohesive theme behind them all...

Anyway, that’s the Visored swords, it’s really weird to think that Kubo basically had to come up with all of these names and designs at basically the same time yet the level of thought and investment in them seems to be all over the place.

#bleach #visored #Muguruma Kensei #Aikawa Rabu #aikawa love #Yadomaru Risa #Lisa Yadomaru

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absollnk · 4 years

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Absol's Journey's End progression, act 1: prehardmode

(this post contains sarcasm not marked with /s because a., I'm not targeting any real people and b., It's for emphasis. I will also be explaining things that may not need to be explained to seasoned players in order to make this a little more accessible. Tw for sparse cursing)

wow

I'd like to call myself good at Terraria. I've played across several platforms since patch 1.1 and know way too much about this spectacular sandbox's intricate details. I can blaze through most bosses effortlessly if I'm prepared. I've done playthroughs of every class in expert mode (except summoner, couldn't find a slime staff even after farming :/).

It's so strange to be bitch slapped all the way back to square one just because I've never touched a keyboard before.

I don't remember what my initial key layout was, but currently, the important ones are-

WASD for movement

C for inventory

R for mounts

F for quick heal

B for quick buff

Space for jump

LeftAlt for smart cursor toggle

M for map

Left click for action and right click for interaction, and

Mouse 3 (scroll wheel *press* for grappling hook.

You should've seen my hour-one gameplay. It was sad. I couldn't change directions while jumping. I was regretting choosing expert mode difficulty. If I wasn't using journey mode's research system as a crutch, I'd probably still be pre-skeletron. I didn't even have enough skill to use the step stool accessory, which literally just requires holding up.

But, in the long run, I got better way faster than I could've anticipated. First, however, on irl day 2, I killed the Eye of Cthulhu on my fifth try after being torn apart by its last-resort Wacko Mode 4 times. At that point I was decked out in full gold gear with the fast and piercing jester arrows, so I really felt that the keyboard was holding me back considering that I usually do the eye armorless (admittedly I only had 100 life, but I usually do that too.)

The next day, slime rained. I thought that the king would be free gear, so I warped back to the surface to bring him out. He wasn't. He spawned on top of me, dealing 50+ damage immediately, wiping out half my total HP. I instinctively tried to use the shield dash to get the hell out of there, but I hit the inside of his body, which made me bounce back, which made me get hit again, resulting in death. The fight lasted less than 10 seconds, and I could only see the fucker for two of them.

With my spicy new tendon bow from the eye, I thought in my tilted rage that it would be a good idea to go and beat up the Brain of Cthulhu. I was itching for beefier armor and it was the gateway between me and crimson/molten gear. I set up an arena above the crimson made of two long rows of platforms covered in health regen-boosting campfires. With a stack of its spawn item (thanks journey mode), I brought in the first one to size up what I was dealing with.

I died pretty well. In fact, this is where I died the best out of the whole run so far.

The first attempt went surprisingly well. My lovely and incredibly sexy jester arrows made dealing with the creeper hoardes *relatively* easy. Phase two did not apply to that. I had brought along a burning mace because it had the dual functionality of circling the player or being shot out and coming back again like a baseball on an elastic string. This would theoretically allow me to attack the brain if it was far away and defend myself if it was too close to me. I did not know that the mace had very little knockback while it was spinning. This plan did not work.

ELEVEN atempts of trial and error later, I won. By that point, the creepers alone had dropped enough materials to make the crimson armor without ever actually killing the boss, which is pathetic. But I won, and I didn't cheat. I'm still in the easy baby phase of the game. At this point I'm starting to realize why most players statistically chop down a tree and ditch the game forever.

It's irl day 3. Next up on my blood feud against the children's video game was skeletron, the next step in progression that makes the final boss of prehardmode a little bit easier and the thing preventing me from seeing my hair. I set up and even longer 3-layer arena and prepared to not have fun, as skeletron is known in my head for being a dumb bitch who cheats with fast, homing projectiles and an un-telegraphed chain attack that will instantly kill you if you can't grapple out.

He took two tries. I don't get it. I was probably getting better at the controls by then, but *that much* better? Like, the successful attempt wasn't even that close. Whatever. I was annoyed that the stupid brain gave me so much trouble, and I seemingly couldn't be happy after a boss fight even if it went well. But, since we take those, I proceeded into the dungeon to find a bunch of disposable weapons and, more importantly, the cobalt shield. I didn't have to take knockback anymore. If I rematched the king slime then he was fucking dead.

The clothier moved in and I bought the familiar wig to reveal my luscious locks.

Queen bee is next. The fights were standard, but I learned that she apparently enrages on the surface? I always fight her there, except for this time when I stayed underground for funsies. She was so much easier underground. Good to know, I guess. I could've probably done her before even the Brain.

Because I'd never been able to before and because I happened to find the tavernkeep after the bee fight, I tried out the old one's army which logically and appropriately kicked my ass. It was a reality check for sure (things were going smoothly since after the brain minus movement) but it was also a neat experience.

I mowed through the gobins, finally maxed my hp, and then it became Wall Time. My loadout was now molten armor with the Molten Fury bow and the Sunfury flail (which for some reason has like ninety base dmg??? This is a PREhardmode weapon? It has NO business doing 90+ but hey I'll take it). I was also rocking the blizzard in a balloon, band of regen, fledgeling wings, lightning boots, and shield of Cthulhu. I felt like I was finally strong enough in-game and competent enough with the controls to advance to hardmode. I was finally good enough at the video game to change directions while jumping.

I built a roughly 1,900-block long bridge in hell out of the blast-proof dungeon bricks. My plan was to run far ahead of the wall and just kill it with dynamite. I grinded for a voodoo doll and yeeted it into the lava, murdering Andrew the guide with questionable morals and bringing forth the wall of flesh. Little did absol know that they forgot to pack the main part of their plan, dynamite. I realized this, contemplated in-game self murder to end the hopeless fight early, but then I had an epiphany. What if I didn't cheese the boss and fought it legitimately?

With my epic gamer status and pride on the line and expecting nothing more than failure, I whipped out my good ole 100-gotdamn-damage Sunfury and tore through the Wall's hungry appendages.

This is all cool and good on paper. I'm doing consistent damage and I'm not dying. That's how you kill bosses. Things are going well, life is good.

I check the map and learn that I've already used up two thirds of my hellbridge and that the wall was only just below half health. Oh no. Things are actually not going well and life is bad.

I switch to the bow, hoping that the speed and accuracy result in better DPS. Better it was, and I would be all set if it weren't for the Wall's gimmick. I was indeed doing more damage, but as it loses health, it gets faster. I'm at a point where I have to be running at full speed almost constantly to stay a safe distance away. The Wall's health still isn't in the dark red zone and I'm almost out of road. I'm starting to take steady damage from the exponentially faster eye lasers and leeches. I run out of bridge and have to hop from lava lake to building to lava lake in order to not burn alive in the infernal orange juice. New areas are being revealed on the map because I'm fighting in an area I've literally not been in yet. I'm too busy focusing on not being deep-fried that my aim suffers tremendously. I fumble while switching back to the flail for quality over quantity, costing me precious seconds. The wall now moves faster than my top speed. I mis-time a jump and right before the wall disintegrates me between itself and a building, it dies.

I audibly moan in real life.

I go and check the treasure bag after a few seconds of mental recalibration. I got a laser rifle and a ranger emblem, along with the standard demon heart which I immediately wolf down to slap on the emblem. I guess I'm a ranger now.

Recap:

King Slime: still alive

Eye of Cthulhu: five attempts

Brain of Cthulhu: twelve attempts

Skeletron: two attempts

Queen Bee: two attempts

Wall of Flesh: one attempt

The spirits of light and dark have been released and my gamer status is intact. Absol's next victim-victim relationship is with the Queen Slime, but that'll have to wait until the hardmode post :)

Thank you if you've read this far!! Lemme know what you think about this kind of thing, it was fun

#.txt #Terraria #journey's end #absols write #long post #i wish I could add a cut

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