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alwayshaveneverholdd · 3 years

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REWRITING NARUTO ROMANCES SO THEY DONT SUCK

We all know that the romance in Naruto is trash and Kishimoto himself admitted to not knowing how to write female characters and getting embarrassed by romantic scenes…so let’s fix that shit

part 1: NaruHina

(I wrote this down as my notes for the post but I actually like it this way so I’m just copy and paste my raw thoughts lol if you get offended you can write a letter to your local congressman, prime minister, or whoever rules over provinces in other countries)

First let’s shit on the original ship shall we

Naruhina…

- what the fuck was the build up to this relationship

- “I respect naruto and I want to be like him! But I’m too shy to talk to him! I even fainted when I saw him after the blank period! JK I HAVE MEGA HUGE BALLS AND CONFRONTED PAIN TO SAVE NARUTO!!!! Confessed my love and got my ass kicked….then didn’t speak to him until the fourth great ninja war and now we’re married with two kids” what the Fuck

- Also can we just talk about how after Hinata confessed her love…and literally almost died for naruto…he didn’t say SHIT to her after he defeated pain, and it was like she never confessed in the first place Lmfao

- He still liked Sakura! But Sakura always loved Sasuke so wtf

- He even was like “YEAH YEAH” when Minuto asked if Sakura was his girlfriend during the war. Then ten minutes later he’s holding hands with hinata and their love and shit (ft the rest of the ASF) and going up against fucking madara obito whatever… what the fuck

- AND THEN BAM THEY GET MARRIED AWWWWWWWWBWBWBWBLEEHHHH

- It makes no sense bro—people say Sasuke never shows his love for Sakura,…to me, naruto never gave a shit about Hinata, at least not romantically (he literally acted like her existence was forgotten for 3/4s of the show; at least Sasuke always acknowledged Sakura from the start)

- It also feels like narutos crush on Sakura was never resolved (I know that they’re supposed to be shown realizing that they aren’t into each other in The Last but…bro isn’t that way too fuckin late to make sense lmfao) He just suddenly shacked up with Hinata???? Bc her cousin died….Idk man that’s kinda fucked up lmfao

So let’s fucking fix this shitshow

- I get that Hinata is shy and stuff but that bitch is a fucking hyuga SHE IS POWERFUL SO GIVE HER MORE SCREENTIME KICKING ASS

- And can we??? Give her more lines in the first part???? Other than “n…n…naruto….” “N-naruto?” “Naruto!” Like wtf was that dude that shit was way more annoying to me than anything.

- We all know Hinata has thoughts feelings and opinions (as humans do) so let’s have her voice them sometimes okay

- Being shy doesn’t automatically make you mostly mute and constantly stuttering

- That stereotype makes me want to crush skulls bro

- Can we give her some balls before pains fight bc that made no sense

- Like maybe standing up to neji even a little bit and defending herself more during the chuunin exams

- I’m not saying she has to be like “HEY SHITHEAD IM GONNA KICK YOUR ASS” bc that’s totally out of character but she totally could’ve been like “Hey you’re kinda wrong and pls show me respect as a member of your clan and an equal leaf shinobi”

- Also I get that Hinata was inspired by naruto but can we stop making every female character’s rise to power and want to be stronger related to a dude?

- Like fine if she was inspired by him but I think it would’ve been way more of a credit Hinata as a person if naruto simply REMINDED her of that part of herself that’s dedicated to proving her family wrong

- I’m just gonna write this as if it happened this way

- She keeps par with Neji, and does ultimate lose but it makes Neji see that Hinata is actually strong and a formidable opponent

- No more shit eating grins from that ego maniac

- And after Hinata battles Neji, she confronts naruto and thanks him for reminding her of her inner strength

- Naruto, who’s surprised that Hinata is talking to him, is like “yeah, sure thing, hinata. You did great!”

- And that opens the door for their real friendship

- Hinata is someone naruto can confide in about Sasuke, and he trusts her

- Hinata becomes someone that gives naruto compassionate advice, and he cherishes her comforting nature

- Then in part 2 after they’re all a bit older, naruto is kinda like “o” when he sees that Hinata has come into her wOmaNhOoD and he’s attracted to her.

- During the blank period he worked through his feelings and realized he only liked Sakura bc of his rivalry with Sasuke. End of that crap

- But naruto is dense as fuck and doesn’t see Hinata in a romantic way until she stands up for him against pain

- Hinata holds her own against pain for a bit bc she’s powerful in her own right but does get her ass beat anyway bc yk rinnegan and everything

- Naruto loses his shit seeing her cut down in front of him and defeats the last pain

- After naruto gives one of his MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES and changes nagato before his death, the entire village greets him as a hero

- Instead of Sakura running up to him to hug him in that strangely intimate way that’s out of character bc she doesn’t fucking like him that way

- Sakura gives naruto a good hug and is like “you did it buddy you’re pretty cool ig”

- Then naruto talks to Hinata bc she??? Confessed her love? And took a massive beating for him???

- And they start a sort of flirty relationship where they both like each other but like waaaay too much is going on to actually date

- Like they try to between pains assault and the five mage summit but with the news of Sasukes massive downfall and the bounty on his head naruto is like dude I can’t do this rn

- And Hinata is cool so ofc she understands even tho she’s a bit sad

- And during the war when minato asks if Sakura is narutos girlfriend he says “😅 no dad, we’re just good friends”

- Then he holds hands with Hinata and the village and sings kumbaya to kick the fuck out of madara obito

- Then they get married and shit proceeds as normal

- Except in boruto when everyone returns from the battle in the other dimension she doesn’t run up to naruto first okay she hugs her SON and says “thank goodness you’re safe!” And then hugs naruto and thanks him for his work

God fuck okay I’m done

#naruto #naruto uzimaki #naruto memes #naruto matchup #naruto ships #naruto couples #naruhina #masashi kishimoto #sasuke uchiha #sakura #sakura haruno

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ohshitmomitsawritingblog · 4 years

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Aight my friend I'm here to give you your first post I got you For the Alphabet Soup: Obito, Madara, Deidara, Kakashi, Zetsu, Kisame, Sasori. You ofc do not need to do all, just given some variety; pick and choose, also choose whatever letters you want, my brain can't comprehend so many letters rn Have fun ily

Puca bless u this first post is gonna be a Fat One Folks

Deidara

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice up your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Deidara wants to do new stuff all the time, full stop. He’s perpetually uncomfortable with a distinct routine, which he’d consider being stagnant. With his S/O, he’d be down to do anything once - maybe the one bit of consistency in their relationship is his need to be around his partner on a pretty regular basis.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

He thinks complaining to his partner is a good excuse to tell them about his day.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Surprisingly pretty understanding! I’ve always seen Deidara as being incredibly independent and assumes others feel similarly, so it’s not like he’ll ever be overly dotting, but he will be considerate. In pain? Go lay down. Need help with something? He’ll lend a hand. That being said, he can be a little egotistical so while he anticipates his partners physical needs often, he can be apt to not check in with them emotionally and sometimes doesn’t consider their views on things. Youth, ya know?

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

‘Hey, you!’

Lmao, he’s a little rude and not the type for being publically sweet to his S/O - in fact I think he’d see it as a kind of weakness or source of embarrassment - so he’d probably come off as a little gruff when addressing them, as if subconsciously compensating for how sweet he really is on them.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Decent. He’s not overly passionate, but he gives surprisingly comforting kisses. But. There’s a learning curve. His first kiss with his S/O involved a lot of knocking of noses and clacking teeth. He takes their face by the chin when he kisses.

Kakashi

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Kakashi probably likes his S/O because they’re tenacious and on the ball in terms of their own goals - of course he 100% supports them doing their own thing, and he deeply believes that they’ll achieve whatever they set their mind to. So much so that it doesn’t cross his mind that they could fail.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

Their name. Kakashi nearly passed out reading very innocent phrases from Icha Icha, I think he’d actually choke on his own tongue if he even attempted calling his S/O something like ‘dear’ for like. Years. That’s reserved for the bedroom. 😌

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Reading! Exploring the village! I get the impression that Kakashi and his S/O are partial to late night dinner and drinks with friends - especially on cool, smokey nights. Going to obscure bookshops is a big second, and I can see Kakashi enjoying quiet, laid back art scenes - that giant ass painting in his apartment speaks of a taste for impressionist scenery. I feel like Kakashi likes washing the dishes or cooking dinner with his S/O best! They talk about their days, or they just enjoy the silence of working together.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

Sitting next to them. Existing in the same space. If his partner is the type to clearly need physical affection during a crisis, I can see Kakashi being the type to sit next to them and press his shoulder to their’s, or to rub small circles on their back. If they’re crying or are generally on the shorter side, he’ll press his mouth and nose into their hair. It’s his way of telling them ‘I see you, and I’m not turning your pain away’.

Furthermore, Kakashi struggles with himself and what his needs as a person are, and isn’t sure how to relate to his partner beyond being a solider or comrade, and desperately doesn’t want to invalidate his S/O’s feelings, as his own have in the past. He also has no idea what to say, other than going off his his own desperate attempts to make sense of his grief, anxiety, and sadness, but often feels like that doesn’t cut it. The pain may, at the root, be similar, but his S/O’s suffering his their own, so he tries not to say anything at all. I think he especially deeply reflects his S/Os feelings when they’re feeling hurt or sad and it shows in those small physical cues.

To quote Cole from Dragon Age: his hurt touches their’s.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Yes. Yes. Yes. Kakashi kisses are electrifying - he’s so soft and sweet but so intense. Lots of pecks are his style versus one long kiss. When he first kisses his S/O, it’s almost a little sad, though they can’t place why at the time. He cups his S/O’s face in his hands when he kisses them.

Kisame

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Hiking! Swimming! I feel like Kisame would be the type to like to distance himself from civilization during his scant bits and pieces of free time, and would genuinely enjoy the experience nature would offer, any time of year. When he feels restless, I could see him wondering away from his campsite and just exploring the area. Alternatively, I can see him enjoying the stillness of it all. I can see him enjoying a deserted stretch of beach with his S/O, not a soul around but them, watching the spring grey clouds or the washed out blue waves and just taking it all in. Very zen.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

Kisame makes it a policy to have zero secrets from his S/O. He doesn’t, by nature, have a taste for lying, but his work and duty have dictated that he lie or, at best, stretch the truth more times than he can count over the years, and now he despises. If it can be destroyed by the truth, it deserves to be destroyed. That being said, Kisame is human, and I think there are things he’s done that he elects not to volunteer unless directly asked.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Kisame understands his partner and their needs well - I don’t think he rushes into relationships (in fact I think he shies away from anything more than casual interactions more often than not) and I don’t think he wouldn’t take his time truly understanding how his partner ticks. He doesn’t pry, but Kisame is a good spy and a smart man and he observes what his S/O says and does (and reads between those lines) on a consistent basis.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

If Kisame’s partner is female, I feel like he definitely calls her by ‘woman’ affectionately. He’s a little old fashioned like that and I can picture him growing up around adults who referred to their own partners like that. Kisame is one of those men who expresses his affection for his partner through the way he speaks (low pitched voice, soft and just loud enough for you to hear, for instance) versus what he says, so nicknames aren’t really his thing.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

He kisses tenderly, and is kind of stiff - but the more he does it, the more he falls in step with his partner and their likes and dislikes. Not good or bad. The first kiss with his S/O was a simple press of their lips, nothing super passionate, and a little awkward.

Sasori

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Absolutely does not like his routine messed with, and, presumably, neither would his partner. Sasori seems like one of those people who are absolutely adverse to any kind of change and isn’t too thrilled with the idea of ‘spicing things up’. He’s there, he’s present, that’s enough right?

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

One of the simplest, most profound expressions of love for Sasori is acts of service - particularly putting a blanket over his partner if they fall asleep without any covers. He’ll never admit it, though.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

That’s a big ol’ no from me dawg. Sasori is just set in his ways and kind of a prick when it comes to anything messing with his plans and how he views the world. If his S/O did slowly influence or help him overcome anything though, I think it would be his consistent rejection of intimate relationships. Like, Sasori has spies, Sasori has informants, Sasori has Akatsuki teammates and associates, but hardly any of them see his ‘true form’ and even less actually like him. He’s a hard man - whose hard on others - who very ruthlessly destroyed his relationship with his sole living relative AND single handedly threw his birthplace into chaos by murdering the third Kazekage.

For him to even toy with the idea of having an S/O, he’d have to really, REALLY like them. He’d have to put aside a lot of subconscious fears and complexes and decide, at the vert least, that he wants them. That’s a huge change, for him, and not one he can fully commit to 24/7. Basically, his S/O changes him before they even get together. Good luck trying to squeeze anything else out of him.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

‘Woman’/‘brat’/‘boy’. Sasori is kind of a dick and he definitely means it as half a put down, half letting anyone in the vacinity know who his S/O belongs to.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Noooope. Sasori doesn’t do affection well, isn’t super inclined to kisses even when he has a human body, and as a puppet, he’s kind of stiff. The first kiss with his S/O is a quick press of the lips to the head or temples - not much of a kiss at all, but for Sasori, it means a lot.

Madara

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

Have you watched Naruto?

Yes. Absolutely. Madara has lost so much, and when he connects with someone enough to presumably fall in love with them and pursue a relationship, it’s for the long haul. Madara’s love means Madara’s protection means Madara’s almost obsessive worrying he hides under twenty layers of coo cool, smooth boyfriend material. Worst case scenario, Madara will kill a man for his S/O, and won’t feel bad about it. Worser case scenario, he’d endeavor to create a false dream world where there’s no strife, war, or death, and no choice. ☺️

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Physical activities! Hunting, rock climbing, falconry, hell, even cleaning - i can see Madara’s idea of a relaxing time being cleaning out a shed or re-organizing his office! Presumably his S/O would either be similarly inclined or would indulge him. It does need done after all! There’s something about these all consuming, mentally stimulating activities that i can see Madara truly enjoying. He’d come out feeling refreshed. When feeling less adventurous, or maybe even, gasp, lazy, I can see Madara and his S/O playing board games, practicing calligraphy together, or painting.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

In a long term relationship? Madara definitely sees a future where his S/O is Lady or Lord of the house, deeply involved with clan matters, and maybe, if they’re wanting and capable, with some kids running around. Keep in mind I imagine large families were common amongst the Uchiha pre-Konoha merge, so his idea of ‘some’ probably means five at the least. He has no real expectations of how his S/O would orchestrate themselves - beyond well, that is. He likes them for them, and doesn’t deign to even toy with the idea of putting them in a box, even in his head. The bottom line is: they’re together, and they’re strong together, and the world they build together is sturdier than the one they came into.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

A repeat question, but on the more emotional side: I think Madara, for the longest time, genuinely wishes for a future in which he and his S/O live quietly, and well. It’s in that bittersweet way though, the way someone wishes when they don’t necessarily think it’ll ever come true.

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

Not well. Madara is naturally inclined to pinning and has some intense separation anxiety - which no one would ever know because he’d rather die than show just how much he misses his S/O. Madara, paraphrasing John Mulany, stuffs all his feelings deep deep deep down, and he plans to die like that. He just doesn’t cope, and the longer they’re apart the grumpier he gets. He pouts when alone, almost - but not quite - spaces out during meals, and busies himself with the finer details of cleaning equipment. Anything to shake the creeping dread that digs up his spine. Around his S/O’s return, he presses kisses to the nap of his S/O’s neck, just at their hairline, when they’re finally alone; if still around people, Madara has a habit of watching their neck and mouth, but says nothing that gives himself away.

Obito

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

Going under the assumption that he has an S/O during the canon timeline? It’s not the sweetest confession in the world. He’s very to the point: his S/O is his. I can’t ever see him saying the world love, even if his body language expresses it loud and clear. He’ll run his fingers over their cheeks, press his forehead to their’s, and his stare? His stare could peel wallpaper, kill, and undress his S/O all at the same time. He’s just real intense and tongue tied at the same time.

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

As a kid? Obito is painfully obvious. As an adult with all the maladjusted neurosis boiling under that hood of his? It’s not at all obvious. Obito is a busy man, what with the stirring of many pots and scheming and LARPing as Tobi, local terrorist cell’s local idiot. If he does show his love for his S/O, it’s like a leaking faucet; he doesn’t mean to touch their hand with the back of his, but he does it anyway. He doesn’t mean to look at them as they retreat from a meeting, but he does. It’s the little, tender things that hemorrhage from his cold half dead little heart.

Bonus: if this is a post ‘canon’ au where Obito lives and is the weird, kind of unstable, under house arrest for international dream crimes uncle of the Boruto gen, I can see him being much more open. Super clingy - prone to mood swings where he can become his old, cold self, but that’s just the package deal - a little pouty, and incredibly sweet on his S/O. He’s all hugs when they gets home, his hand pressed firmly to their lower back as they walk the village (probably breaking all kinds of rules in the process) and way more inclined to agree with you or go along with your plans. Everyone knows he’s his S/O’s man because he’s proud and loud about it.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

Their relationship is deeply important to Obito. I would say in terms of importance, only the moon’s eye plan trumps his S/O - how he reconciles with these two deeply potentially conflicting facts? He doesn’t. He just assumes they’re on board. Other than that, he will put his partner above everything and everyone else, with an emphasis on their physical safety.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

Dominate, even in a post-canon-I’m-alive! AU. Obito has an unhealthy relationship with control, and while he’s not one to want to dominate his S/O’s will, he would almost expect his S/O to follow his lead.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

Very very romantic and cliche, although Obito reigns in his more dreamy impulses (flowers or picnics, stuff he daydreamed about as a kid) well. His direct displays of affection or ‘dates’ are few and far in between, and very lowkey. He’ll bring his S/O something he’ll know they like - a string of dried flowers grown only in a particular a temple from the land of Fire, a polished, perfectly oval turquoise rock from the land of Wind. He’ll mail them to his S/O or, more likely, leave these little gifts in places he knows they’ll find them. His idea of a good time, of a happy time with his S/O, is quiet nights where plans and identities are put aside, and they can rest or talk about nothing or go for a simple walk. His biggest daydream he still toys with as an adult is getting caught in the rain and kissing his S/O while they’re both soaked.

Zetsu

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

Well Zetsu is an alien prince(?), and a plant, and generally kind of weird. That being said, I think he’s very upfront about his S/O and their relationship! There’s definitely a gap in time where he talks nonstop about his S/O and uses any chance to bring them up. Obito toys with the idea of offing them just to get him to shut up. In terms of kissing or physical affection in front of others though? He’s a nervous wreck/directly dismisses the idea.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

Honestly, I feel like his S/O would have to confess to him, rather than the other way around. They casually mention liking him, he scoffs, only for them to insist, and it ends with a very vaguely embarrassed plant ‘accepting’ their feelings.

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

What can you do with a plant man? Probably spying, or exploring various places - he isn’t particularly in awe of nature like Kisame, but he likes the quiet and having his S/O all to himself. I can see him liking cards, too.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

‘Babe’ comes to mind - he doesn’t quite get the whole ‘affectionate nickname’ thing humans do, but he likes the sound of babe in particular.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Nope! Zetsu is just happy to have his S/O present, even if they’re presumably just another human who eventually will be swept away in his mother’s plans. He still loves them, and he’s willing to do whatever they’d like in the time they have together.

#obito uchiha #sasori #kakashi hatake #madara uchiha #kisame #zetsu #naruto imagines #obito x reader #sasori x reader #kakashi x oc #madara x reader #kisame x reader #deidara x reader #deidara #zetsu x reAder #fluff alphabet

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