i am exhausted and going to sleep, however: here is a recap of the tour dust show from my extremely disabled perspective

it took us a very long time to get from the parking lot to our seats. when i sat down on the lawn, crying about how i couldn't make it the rest of the way to our seats, a stranger approached and asked if i needed help. she then helped devot support me on a walk down the lawn towards the seating areas. i did not see her again but i will think about her for the rest of my life

i did not know any songs by daisy grenade or bring me the horizon, and only one by royal & the serpent. but i loved their energy, each band was very fun onstage (especially r&ts)

fall out boy showed up and i was ecstatic! i stood up and sang along at the top of my lungs! however i quickly discovered that the sloped pavement under the seats was making the condition of my legs deteriorate FAST. i had to sit down before pete even started talking for the first time. i would have to sit several more times, and though i tried to wait for pete to talk, sometimes i just had to sing along while sitting down.

the show went on for 2 hours. the stage setup was whimsical and fun, pete and patrick were dancing and running around, and pete's interludes to speak to the crowd were very charming and funny. joe and andy didn't really do anything outside of play their respective instruments, but both were very impressive anyway (when i could even see them, fuck you tall guy in front of me)

roughly 6 or maybe more songs before the end of the show, i realized i was reaching my limit. we were out of water, my legs were trembling, and i could no longer muster up the energy to sing. they played several songs i LOVE around that time, but i was falling apart, and fast. i didn't get up unless people were trying to get by me. i also started crying (bad idea when you are thirsty and out of water)

i did my best to go unseen bc like, there was nothing that could be done. i was boxed in on all sides, barely able to walk even if i wasn't, and there was no way getting a new bottle of water would be doable at that hour and crowd density. i didn't want to ruin anyone else's experience (especially devot's)

i mean, it was a once-in-a-lifetime experience. a concert for my fave band! and i was too broken to enjoy part of it. devot realized i was at my limit and comforted me until the show ended, and then we waited for people to filter out before making our way back out of the venue.

we went out a different exit than we'd came in, got confused, and i had to sit down at some cafe while devot hunted for our car. (it was like, down the street, but neither of us realized it was that close)

we drove the hour back home and now everything is back to normal!

i really enjoyed the show, in spite of... my physical state, lmao. i knew it would be hard, it's just not easy to know how hard until it's happening. pete stopped the show right as a song was starting bc a fight broke out, and later he made sure a kid somewhere in the pit got some water. despite me dying of thirst much farther away at the same time, there was something comforting about the idea that if pete wentz knew i was suffering, he'd have made sure i was okay before playing more music.

anyway, it was a learning experience. i know what to do differently next time. we did at least remember sunscreen, and i KNOW i'd be burnt to a crisp if we hadn't. it was a very sunny day...

all in all, i don't regret it, and did have fun. i really need to try and strengthen my muscles before we go to any other shows, though...

Thinking about finally throwing all my FF7 meta analysis and lore deep dive stuff onto a sideblog. It'd be reblogged from here, but I'd be able to organize it a little better, have a directory so people could find things more easily, and maybe it'd stop people from regurgitating things I say word-for-word for brownie points when they can just find and reblog the fucking original post(s).

My friend sent me the Lily Orchard Dungeon Meshi final rating (I am a big dungeon meshi fan (the rating was an F+ (no idea what she was on about)))

And genuinely?? I wish I had the power to banish this woman off the internet forever. Like I wish she had a no-internet aura so every time she got on a computer it's internet was off. She needs to share her opinions among like-minded friends or keep them to herself and she needs to go outside.

Ykno what actually, I think people responding something to the oc reviews I post would probably help me in this burnout. Like yeah obviously I need to take care of myself as well, but posting has, for a while, been very unrewarding for me, I put lots of work and passion into what I post on here but I don't really feel like I get anything from it anymore.

I also put a ton of effort and thought into the oc design reviews. I'd appreciate it if you said something to whatever I advised or commented on your design. Just so I can feel like I'm, ykno. Actually doing something. That reaches another person. I don't think it's too much to ask, I'm not demanding you write a ton in return, I'd just like some acknowledgement for the work I do on here (for free btw). Reblogging the post would also be a nice option but, ykno.

Anything.

Thinking abt that instance of somebody (a comedian, I believe?) describing ADHD as driving down the street with a gorilla in the passenger seat, beating the shit out of you.

Oh not me avoiding a wildly popular piece of media that I’d probably actually like out of sheer spite.

I wish there was a job where I could watch and do research about horror movies and get paid for it. My current job is definitely not the worst, but idk it's kind of getting to me a little and I wish I could do something else. The problem is that I don't really know what to do. I like horror movies, but I'm not sure I want to work on making them, but I would love to have something horror movie related yknow? Because it's already a topic I spend hours of my day on, if I could get paid for it, that would be cool. I wish a perfect job for me could just appear right in front of me

I regret to be vindicated in my personal belief that sometimes getting a re-release of an old game is a bad thing.

Listen, I don’t care about the Gameplay Issues TM or whatever that people are arguing about online. I have already made my peace with that argument by just ignoring any version of Tales of Symphonia that came out after the GameCube one because I don’t want or need them. Other people can play them. Other people can have hot takes about them. Whatever.

HOWEVER, there is something very nice about a game only really existing as mostly a thing of the past: companies don’t bother using all of the newest, shittiest, and greediest tools to capitalize on it. As soon as it gets a hyped up ~modern remaster~, regretfully, companies suddenly care about squeezing all it’s worth from it again.

All this to say.... everyone I know in the ToS speedrun circle has woken up to 4723843902483284 copyright claims on 10-year-old videos of the game because Bamco is seeing dollar signs right now and has started using Content ID to claim ToS stuff. happy remaster released in JP day I guess!!

[DISCLAIMER: from what I can see currently the claims are just allowing the owner to monetize it, and not like, actually blocking or taking down anything. thank fuck. but I preferred it when this stuff flew under the radar! I hate having the radar on stuff made decades ago because a remaster just came out!!!! Because that “monetized claim” switch could be flipped to a full takedown on a whim!!!!!!]

I am a little obsessed with people who say they hate the new lore and how it’s all bad and in the same sentence say they haven’t watched anything since like. dream was put in prison or smth like that. like it is kind of funny. To me .

the FE engage story is so stupid honestly. it's a really cool game and the world is neat and there's a lot of amazing characters (but tbh. I only love my usual gang. everyone else I don't really care about. also I hate the 1000 year old child thing sooo much I hate veyle lol.) the story just repeats and alear keeps dying and coming back >.< that being said the emblems are super nostalgic, and the rings are cool (not the bond ones... those are silly and pointless. it's an in game gacha /: if I wanted to play FE Heroes I would) as a way to get specific skills but god. not to fawn over fe3h but 3h was soo perfect. even the older games like fe6, 7, 8 and echoes had better stories than this. it just feels like a nostalgia grab, and after FE warriors/ 3 hopes it's like. can you just make a regular new game. even if it takes a long time.

THAT BEING SAID. dlc me now I want my edelgard emblem yayyy :)

Sometimes I feel like I don't do enough for LARP because people write literally 100s of plots in a season, or build these fantastic elaborate props and set pieces and costumes. And I'm just over here like "I do admin."

this is really nice of you to say <3

Counterpoint tho:

I never write and am also lonely </3

.

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ouugghhh i feel like a dumb piece of shit

Medibang paint pro is the cheating dickhole ex i will hate until i take my last breath. nothing they do ever again will ever be good enough for me to forgive them