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tfwlawyers · 5 years

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Why do u ship valvert? Just out of curiosity (btw i love ur art)

this has been sitting in my drafts for months because it’s so hard to explain them without going into ridiculously long detail - especially when I tend to assume everyone’s base level of knowledge of them/les mis is the musical/2012 movie with hugh jackman when there’s so much more to them in the book - but GOD okay. tldr; I’m soft for redemption and forgiveness/healing dynamics, and also very much into enemies to friends to lovers and saving each other tropes

if your only knowledge of les mis is the musical/2012 movie I totally get being like… claire what….. but I promise they’re extremely good and it’s their lost potential that makes me so invested. javert and edgeworth are so so similar except edgeworth survived and got the character arc he deserved while javert………… didn’t, I shipped valvert before I shipped narumitsu and when I started playing aa I distinctly remember thinking to myself ‘wow it’s like valvert only happy’

okay so yes we have javert&edgeworth, both two extremely black and white-law abiding characters, completely or nearly commit suicide when their worldviews are shattered (‘prosecutor miles edgeworth chooses death’ was still intended to be taken literally at first I don’t CARE), and all that good good ‘person from my past came and fucked everything up for me’. tumblr sucks today and won’t let me post photos in here for some reason so I just have to type out the dialogue :/

good ol 1-3

edgeworth: Thanks to you, I am saddled with unnecessary… feelings. […] Yes. Unease… and uncertainty. phoenix: Aren’t those kind of necessary?edgeworth: They only serve to get in my way.

and 1-5

edgeworth: I’m tired, Mr. Wright. I feel as if… something inside me has died. […] I know the path I’ve walked. You don’t need to tell me. And the path I’ve walked… hasn’t been a just one. I can’t forgive myself for what I’ve done…

javert derailed (his final chapter):

“However things might stand,—and it was to this point that he reverted constantly,—one fact dominated everything else for him, and that was, that he had just committed a terrible infraction of the law. He had just shut his eyes on an escaped convict who had broken his ban. He had just seta galley-slave at large. He had just robbed the laws of a manwho belonged to them. That was what he had done. He nolonger understood himself. The very reasons for his actionescaped him; only their vertigo was left with him. Up to thatmoment he had lived with that blind faith which gloomyprobity engenders. This faith had quitted him, this probityhad deserted him. All that he had believed in melted away.Truths which he did not wish to recognize were besieginghim, inexorably. Henceforth, he must be a different man.He was suffering from the strange pains of a conscienceabruptly operated on for the cataract. He saw that which itwas repugnant to him to behold. He felt himself emptied,useless, put out of joint with his past life, turned out, dissolved. Authority was dead within him. He had no longerany reason for existing.”

and then because a binch is emo

A terrible situation! to be touched.To be granite and to doubt! to be the statue of Chastisement cast in one piece in the mould of the law, and suddenlyto become aware of the fact that one cherishes beneath one’sbreast of bronze something absurd and disobedient whichalmost resembles a heart!”

but something I can’t tell if people who are only familiar with the musical/2012 movie are aware of because I can’t separate the original novel’s context from the production is that…… valjean’s death is entirely avoidable too. he literally starves himself to death and it’s so FRUSTRATING because if he just had someone to help him! he would have lived! he should have lived!! fuck!!!

jean valjean is my original father and I love him so much, he breaks my heart everywhere and especially in the novel - he tries to do so much good but genuinely hates himself and believes he doesn’t deserve anything kind, I’m JUST. valjean you drag javert out of the river and help him learn what to do with that heart he just realized he has, javert you shove soup and bread on valjean and help him learn to respect himself a little bit

they have a bunch of little nuances that I’m weak for like book!javert being described as having a heart of wood (rather than a heart of stone like in the musical) and valjean being a gardener, the fact that they keep running into each other entirely by coincidence (a lot of adaptations make it seem like javert was really out there devoting his life to tracking down valjean when no. 90% of the time it’s entirely by chance), valjean faking his death one time by pretending to drown like he’s canon an amazing swimmer, them being basically the only two people alive who know the steps the other has taken/valjean not having to wear a mask.. they are……. the definition of ‘poetic cinema’ for me except their ending SUCKS

they very much would have tapped into valjean’s entire character of arc of redemptive love and how one act of mercy to someone who maybe doesn’t ‘deserve’ it can change their life for the better, and it just makes me melt. idk how to describe this either but I also love that they’re older characters too, there’s no time limit on becoming a better person or falling in love and they just…. hit that and it makes me soft, it kills me to know that instead they both die horrible lonely miserable (ha) pointless deaths, like YES I know what the book is called and no I don’t care!!

I’m extremely particular about how I ship them where it’s only after the river and for me personally it’s very easy to ship them....... ‘wrong’ I guess? but their potential and parallels gut me and I just want them alive to see more of what life can offer. their personalities fit together so weirdly well and I just love contrasting relationships like them

TLDR again; valjean saves javert from the seine > javert saves valjean from his own martydom > awkward weird old man friends helping each other grow into bro we are holding hands. their potential is so good and I just want them alive to explore it!!!

#Anonymous #replies #jazz hands claire is emotional over dads Again who's surprised

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ofcacthuxandkylosaur · 6 years

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Are there any trans Kylo fics out there? I feel as if it's all only trans hux this or feminized hux that...

I think there is indeed more trans Hux than trans Kylo out there, but I still managed to find some. Beware that I haven’t read most of the fics and therefore cannot say anything about their content. I also recommend of course you read the autor’s warnings;)

Trans Kylo Art

https://croatomunchi.tumblr.com/post/142969291522/would-u-ever-draw-like-hux-and-trans-kylo - croatomunchi

http://artllama.tumblr.com/post/146236116396/i-did-a-transition-log-because-i-cant-not-spend - artllama

http://toiek.tumblr.com/post/141289851114/i-love-trans-kylo - toiek

http://rip-space-birdie.tumblr.com/post/141067487245/kylo-ren-is-trans-pass-it-on - rip-space-birdie

http://opens-up-4-nobody.tumblr.com/post/153044170134/stutter-iplier - opens-up-4-nobody

http://opens-up-4-nobody.tumblr.com/post/147354462721/nice - opens-up-4-nobody

http://angerydj.tumblr.com/post/169121106275 - angerydj

http://corvosfursona.tumblr.com/post/137737245113/they-fixed-him-up-but-hes-conked-and-phasma - corvosfursona

http://kiiiloren.tumblr.com/post/137138625403/coming-to-u-live-tiny-trans-padawan-ben-solo - kiiiloren

+ There is also a blog whose name is Trans!Kylo

Trans Kylo headcanons/ideas

http://bygoneboy.tumblr.com/post/148311042452/hi-u-should-talk-abt-ur-trans-kylo-headcanons - bygoneboy

http://nbnightwing.tumblr.com/post/136272896831/anyway-ive-been-thinking-a-lot-about-trans-guy - nbnightwing

http://kremaclassii.tumblr.com/post/137459014170/whispers-more-trans-kylo-head-canons - kremaclassii

http://kiiiloren.tumblr.com/post/138435517778/ive-been-thinking-about-trans-hux-and-kylo + http://kiiiloren.tumblr.com/post/137141605853/since-leia-is-force-sensitive-imagine-her-being - kiiiloren

http://lilstarkiller.tumblr.com/post/141230802426/alright-alright-i-keep-thinking-weve-got-trans - lilstarkiller

http://generallyhorribleatlife.tumblr.com/tagged/trans%21kylo - generallyhorribleatlife

Trans Kylo Fics

“Almond” - angry_android || Kylo likes to hang out at his local Starbucks and brood. Hux works there part-time while going to community college. Because of someone else’s sloppy handwriting, Hux accidentally calls out Kylo’s name as “Kylie,” and there is fallout. The fallout might include dating.

“pocketknife” - angry_android || There’s a reason Kylo wears a crop top. Hux understands.

“Casanova, Fuck Me Over” - Anonymous || With another kiss, Hux glances up. “You promise try and keep your limbs to yourself?” Ren snorts. “I will try my best,” he says, placing his hands on the sheets, “If you promise to stick your face between my thighs sometime soon.”

“Tarine Tea and Lambro Shark” - armitageren || The First Order celebrates a recent victory on a luxurious planet and it’s the perfect setting for Kylo Ren and Armitage Hux’s first date. Hux struggles to survive the date with his anxiety putting him on edge because Ren doesn’t know he’s trans and he isn’t sure what that means for their future.

“all the noises (from your hateful little mouth)” - bloomthefox || In which Kylo whines and puts off his feelings, Phasma calls it like she sees it, and Hux is a stone cold mystery. Or, the defense attorney AU that literally nobody asked for.

“care and control” - cracktheglasses (cormallen) || It’s a wide strip of dark brown leather, soft, already a bit worn at the edges, snapped shut over Ben’s wrist. It means Ben wants him. Ben needs him. He may not always be able to say it, but he means it every time he puts the cuff on, every time he puts himself into Hux’s care – I’m yours.

“juxtaposition” - cracktheglasses (cormallen) || He hopes Hux makes it hurt. Hopes Hux is as mean and arrogant and smart here as he is everywhere else, the way Kylo tries to be.

“Changed” - Davechicken || Kylo was sure from a young age that he wasn’t female. It’s not until he leaves home that he finds people who agree.

“Pushed” - Davechicken || Hux has to push his boy a little, to get him through the discomfort. Kylo always appreciates it after.

“Control” - DoctorNinjaSpy || Patience is Armitage’s most valued virtue. Sometimes, however, he falters.

“special delivery” - gonnapop ||��Hux had not intended to be present for this messy process. Rather, he’d imagined returning after his shift and being handed a clean, swaddled baby. But there was nothing for it now.He rolled up his sleeves.

“Heel, Beg, Speak” - JulieCox || Emperor Hux has a new pet, and enjoys pushing him around. Kylo has secrets, and enjoys keeping them to his own damn self. But they won’t stay secrets for long.

“the Panty fic” - kyloskummies || Kylo and Hux are roommates. Kylo is trans and wears panties. It’s a hot day and the AC is broken. Y'all know where it goes from there.

“Bad Poet and Good Artist” - lovewashisname || Hux has moved schools before. He’s sure this time won’t be any different. He’ll keep to himself, make a few acquaintances, and put up with his father the best he can. But not even an hour into his first day and he’s shattered his phone, walked into a gorgeous boy, and had a very, very awkward conversation with said gorgeous boy. In other words, Hux meets the incredibly sad Ben Solo, and maybe he doesn’t want to leave this school so soon.

“Bad Poetry on Starlit Rooftops” - lovewashisname || Everywhere Kylo looks, high school is portrayed as either the best place you’ll ever be, or a shithole that will ruin four years of your life. For Kylo, it’s neither. High school has been a place to hide from his own body, and to get into fights every once in a while. So in one year, none of that will change, he thinks. How wrong could he be? told from Kylo’s point of view

“A Real Boy” - MosImagination || Ben solo is a transmale junior, he has a crush on a senior named Hux. Ben is too afraid to show off his real self, but Hux quickly accepts him. And loves him.

“Birth of a dream” - MosImagination || Ben solo is a transmale, hux has always wanted a child, Ben gives his body to have their child.

“Expectations” - MosImagination || Ben solo didn’t know what to expect coming home on Valentines Day.

“Shark in the Water” - SeraphicVictory || Kylo Ren was absolutely the best sailor there ever was. Or that’s what he liked people to believe anyway. In truth, he was no better than any other man at the mercy of the sea. With one fatal mistake, he and his ship were destroyed in a terrible storm, and Kylo was certain he would fall to the watery grave that most sailors met at the end. But then he wakes up to a handsome, red-headed man. His savior: The Mershark called ‘Hux’.

“Someone to come home to” - ShinigamiKnox || Hux is the supportive boyfriend and helps Kylo deal with his dysphoria. It was supposed to be a more serious piece of work, but I could not stop laughing at the infamous Ren quote. I’m so sorry.

“A morning at the gym” - SidMjkGc || Just another kind of workout.

“This Asshole” - twinkyatta || Hux goes to a coffee shop every day, but there’s a new barista, and holy fuck does he hate him.

+ Trans Female Kylo fic

“Fate” - MosImagination || It was fate that they met. A beautiful transfemale Kylo ren. A handsome transmale Hux.

Trans Kylo series (of fics)

“The Monsters We Keep” - AriMarris || Description: “The Monsters We Keep” is the story of Hux and Kylo, who fall in love and marry young and make many mistakes. Basically, the films rewritten through Kylo’s eyes with drastic changes. With extra one-shots thrown in the mix for fun.

“Bastards and Broken Things” - Bipolar_Armitage_Hux, kohoutek || No Description –> Resume of first work: A story of Armitage Hux’s childhood from the Bastards and Broken Things AU / Series.

“Caged by Monsters” (one work for now) - Bipolar_Armitage_Hux, kohoutek || No Description –> Resume of first work: An introduction to the psychiatric ward AU - this is written by an actually neurodivergent person and thus there is a strong attempt to make it not remotely ableist. The “bad guys” in this are the abusive doctors and an ableist system. Hux meets Kylo Ren for the first time, or rather the other sees him in a therapy session with Dr. Brendol Hux and becomes fascinated by him.

“The Tired Raptor” - Kylux_TRASH || Description: “Hollywood, 1939. Amidst the glitz and the glitter of a bustling young movie talent at the height of its golden age, the Hollywood Tower Hotel was a star in its own right. A beacon for the show business elite. Now, something is about to happen that will change all that”Something did happen to change that. It happened, on October 31st, 1939, Hollywood California. Kayla-Rose and her male escort, Mr. Hux were riding in the elevator when they entered into a world unknown. They entered The Twilight Zone.

“when the lights are low” - transkylo (captainandor) || No Description –> Resume of first work: “Do your colleagues know how fucking possessive you are?” Kylo asks, canting his hips back, pressing into Hux’s touch as far as he can.Hux grins. “Does your mother know that you sleep with her political rivals?” Kylo’s laugh is breathy and uneven. “I don’t make a habit of it.”

+ Trans Female Kylo series (of fic)

“She’s Just a Girl and She’s on Fire” - Kylo Hux (Loki_Likey_Thor_Odinson) || No Description –> Resume of first work: Hux and Phasma have been sent to a fundraiser for The First Order. Their uniforms have been changed for a smart military uniform and a glamorous ball gown. Everyone that should be here is – except for one person.Kylo Ren is absent, still on another planet, having surgery. She was supposed to be here, supposed to be on security detail for the night; Hux lost hope of seeing his girlfriend for the first time in months when he saw two Knights of Ren circling the room.

“from bby Finn to teenage heartthrob + Hux (one work for now) - orphan_account || No Description –> Resume of first work: Mostly, Phasma loves her job. But sometimes, just sometimes, she really hates it. Meanwhile, Hux has a slight problem, and her name is Kylo Ren.

#here you go #hope it helps #this is of course a non exaustive list #tbh i usually do not do fic rec/lists but i had time and i didn't have it in my aus too...#if you spot any mistake don't hesitate to tell me:)#kyux #au #trans kylo au

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archivesdiveronarpg · 7 years

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Congratulations, ARK! You’ve been accepted for the role of HORATIO. Thank you so much for bringing us our beloved Hector! I enjoyed reading every word of your app, particularly your plot ideas. They were written beautifully and were very thorough; the emphasis you placed on Hector’s dedication to Hiran and to his people—rather than to the Montagues—was spot on. I loved your interview questions (Hector wondering if God could touch him in the back of church, Hector reminiscing about the Cathedral but offering up a bland, more acceptable response), and your para sample lived up to the precedent the rest of your app set. You’re right; there’s an art to forgetting. There’s also an art to understanding a character, and you’ve mastered it. Welcome! Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within twenty-four hours.

WELCOME TO THE MOB.

Out of Character

Alias | Ark

Age | 18+

Preferred Pronouns | they/them

Activity Level | around 4-7/10. I currently have 4 active RP accounts I’m juggling, but my work is very flexible and I can be online a lot (case in point, submitting this application at work). I’m a little bit patchy when it comes to activity- I’ll suddenly be crazy active one or two days in a week and be spottily lurking for the rest, but I try not to leave replies too late.

Timezone | GMT+8

In Character

Character | Horatio / Hector Sawiris

What drew you to this character? | Honestly all of it. All of Hector’s bio and my heart. This is just everything I love best in characters pulled into one character and I was like. “well, well damn”. Loyalty, sacrifice, walking a knife’s edge waiting to topple, also Rami Malek. My soul lmao. (like honestly it was Circe or Hector and in the end Rami cinched for me) (i had no choice)

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? |

tw: gore (mention), violence (mention), alcoholism (dubious sort of vague mention)

&&. immolatio ; –you’ve never known how to save yourself

the way you worship that boy, like a sinner to a saint and you would tear your heart out for him, break it from your aching ribs and place it on an altar. or perhaps he is the sinner and you are the saint who would die for him, you would raise him up and give him all your blessings until you had none left to give.

the truth; you know how to sacrifice. you know how to die for someone, how to make a slit in your bones and pour out the marrow from within for another to eat, how to starve and sacrifice, piece by piece, limb by limb, feeling the weight of the air drag on your body, drag you down into the loam of the earth and the bones of the birds beneath it. you know how to die for someone, you have been doing it all your life.

you have never been taught how to live for them.

&&. amare ; –loyalty, shaken; faith, unmade

there’s a flush on your cheeks and it might be embarrassment, it might anger. sometimes you want to manhandle him into the nearest alley and maybe you’d bash his head into the concrete, maybe you wouldn’t (maybe you’d just press all of him against the brick wall and with your hands shaking give yourself to the devil). but honestly who would blame you.

you have never been good at control. you watched strangers with wary eyes and when your mother told you to smile the expression was never quite right on your child’s lips. perhaps it was never a matter of control; perhaps you were only ever too honest.

and- you don’t know what this is, what game this is, you only know that you’re being played as if a string on a lyre and you do not know how to stop it.

it is, after all as they say; the devil does not come in a red cape and pointy horns.

&&. proditio ; –for them, and you would take judas’ mantle and wear it as your own

do ut des. i give so you may give. all things have a price. to take you must pay something of equal value.

they speak of blood, of loyalty, of brothers and you understand that, you were raised that way after all. you were raised with them. you fight and your hands no longer shake when you raise a gun, your grip is steady and your aim precise, your knives are always clean when you put them back where they belong. there are nightmares that come at night and they have become a part of you. you have given so much and yet you know that this is still not enough.

(you understand the principle of this; the tower of babel and when everything crashes there will be no war left to fight)

you do not know what price you will have to pay, you do not know the price for saving your friends. you do not need to; however high it is, you will not hesitate to give it.

&&. terminus ; –it’s not a question of if, you simply don’t know when

you’re slipping more and more, day by day and it’s alright, that’s alright- you’re falling so they won’t have to, you’re breaking so you can keep them whole.

you don’t intend to survive this war, and even if you did you do not think you could. you’ve cut your hands on shattered bottles too many times, your back is bent from picking up the debris and you’ve dropped to your knees trying to keep them from falling. there are some things you do not return from. there are some things that you cannot.

(you forgive him and every time you do a little bit more of your heart withers away. the cuts on your palms and the stain of liquor that doesn’t fade away, and forgiveness is what will kill you.)

every night when you close your eyes and the deadness returns, you do not resent it. this is the price you pay for death. you owe a debt now, the shadow of it will linger behind you all your life.

(there’s only one way to pay, after all)

// on immolatio, because well, mostly his relationship with hiran, the lengths he’d go to to protect him and those other people close to his heart. i want to see just how far he can go, the things he would do. all the blood he’s spilt and everything is for them. he knows it, it’s why he hasn’t broken yet. this ties into terminus, because like i wrote, everything has a price. taking another’s life indebts you to death, and the shadow of it will hang over him until he can pay it. but terminus isn’t just the end, it’s the boundary, the breaking point and sometimes the breaking point is the end, sometimes it is only the beginning. i want to see hector break. somehow or somewhere- i’d like to see him completely and utterly shatter and never be able to go back to what he was before. because he’s breaking more and more every day and one of these days all the pieces of himself he’s holding together are going to crumble out of his grasp. will there be anyone there to put him back together? or is that just it, is that the end, at that point will he give up or will he still want to survive, will be still be able to pull all the twisted, broken pieces of himself back together into the semblance of a man.

proditio; he doesn’t trust either the montagues or the capulets to win the war. he doesn’t trust them to leave his family safe. he’ll fight this war, he won’t hesitate to fight, he won’t hesitate to die but- he won’t let the anyone he loves die. the witches are a different matter than the capulets- he knows they have power beyond either families, he knows they will never involve themselves in the war- and he will sell more than his soul and he will not see it as betrayal. his loyalty was never to the montagues, his loyalty was to the people within it. and i want to see the consequences of that, i want to write him betraying his ‘people’- because truthfully that’s where i want it to lead to- and i want to see how it ends up all panning out. because i’m a sucker for angst.

and finally amare; because hector’s always been guarded as a person, he’s never easily accepted anyone else in- what would it take for him to falter. he’s only ever had several select people that he’s held close, what would he do if someone just broke in. someone who wasn’t ever meant to be anything to him, who he doesn’t think he’s anything to and hector doesn’t even realize until it’s too late. how would that affect his dynamic with everything and everyone else? this can be anyone really. i mean i kinda allude too much but ayy it’s an application, ayy hypotheticals ayy pls nobody take it seriously least of all me. (me, aside from being plotting trash: also basically shipping trash) (also me: lmao im joking unless ur up for it) In Depth

What is your favorite place in Verona?

Stone spires and marble arches, the scent of wax candles and incense burning. Light coming in at every angle through the glass, every sound echoing. The carpet smells of moss and damp. Capulet territory, and yet he’s been coming here since he was a child, a single man slipping in with a crowd, and who would ever notice. Sitting in the third pew from the back, wondering if God could touch him from there, wondering if he could reach salvation with his hands- his hands that were stained red by the light shot through stained glass windows. It was reminiscent of a different kind of red entirely.

A holy place and yet he had never believed in it, his Grandmother had taken him every Sunday as a child, had prayed with her fingers cracked and her voice quivering, eyes turned upward towards the Heavens beyond. Hector had watched, followed, never quite known what he was there for. He never believed and yet he had tried to find salvation in God anyway- or perhaps he had already given up on salvation, perhaps it was only the comfort of the musty pews and the creaking seats that had him returning time and again, a pilgrimage that did not offer him any grace.

It was beautiful though, the stone that echoed and the comfort in silence, the murmurs of latin in the dim light, the choir’s soft hum and the organ that made the benches tremble with the sound of it. He liked going there in the quiet times inbetween. It was solace, perhaps.

He blinks, the memory fades. His answer is slow in coming, bland and quiet and it tilts a little towards the end, almost a question. He’s never been good at half-truths. “The Museum’s nice.”

What does your typical day look like?

“The sun wakes me up at around six. If it… doesn’t, my alarm wakes me at seven. I go to work. I…” he trails off, wonders what else to say. What else there is to say. “I come back.”

He wonders what a day could be described as. What it looks like. But the days are all the same, the hours bleed into each other and like the sun rises in the morning it falls again at dusk, he sleeps his broken dreams and then he wakes again. Nothing changes.

“That’s all, I suppose.”

What are your thoughts on the war between the Capulets and the Montagues?

The war. The blood. The tension in the streets and the way it rose as a crescendo rose, they were the orchestra and it was a discordant, dissonant cacophony they played, the unease that wove into every note and cadence-

the gurgle of a man falling under him, blood in his lungs and blood on his tongue and hector’s knife stained with it, filthy and red and

a sacrifice, a sense of inevitability in the dark of the night

(the question: who was sacrificed)

“Necessity.”

In-Character Para Sample:

tw: (implied) depression

Night in Verona is quiet, bright with the glow of the stars above. Wandering the streets at night was never a good idea. Hector didn’t have many good ones nowadays. He was still blinded by a haze that blurred his sight and a cold that numbed his limbs- it was nothing out of the norm and yet- (and when, he asked himself, had it become the norm)- and yet. This time, and he’d felt so empty- as if something snapped and then everything drained out of him, all the power and the will and the helplessness and it was gone. Just like that. He’d left, terrified in some distant part of him that Hiran would see, terrified Hiran would realize.

Hiran, he’d said, begging, pleading, never angry, how could he be angry, please, and perhaps he already knew that whatever he did it would not be enough, whatever he said it would have no bearing. Perhaps that was it, perhaps that was why.

The Cathedral was closed, now. He wouldn’t make it that far even if he tried. There was nowhere to go except his home. So he walked aimlessly instead, walked until he found a bench by the river and buried his face in his hands beside the running tide beneath him. What’s wrong, he thought again, what’s wrong with me. But there was a hollowness in him and he wondered, foolishly, stupidly, how much he had left to give.

(he’d give it all, but how much was left, how much did he have left to give)

(but that’s easy, as long as his heart beat and he lived there’d still be something left)

There was an art to this, to forgetting. And he’d forget all of this by tomorrow, if tomorrow came. The hollowness would be gone, alongside the cold. There was a method to this, a method to staving this emptiness away until it left.

He closed his eyes, and wondered, not for the first time, if he’d ever open his eyes again. He found himself barely able to care.

Additional Para Sample: here.

Extras: N/A!

Although I was just about to submit this and remembered a song I thought would really fit and HERE it is. I just remembered it and thought- wow, bam. B a m.

(also i’d just like to say sidney poked me to this rp this morning and i blame sidney for everything) (and i only met them this morning too what)

also, small snippets I wrote and never put anywhere:

he is damned and perhaps he was always destined for this, his hands that hated violence, he was cold and terrified and as he made them their salvation they were the ones to damn him.

(ask of yourself this; if not a sawiris, if not for that name, then what;

there’s a museum in verona, an art museum, walls of baroque art and perhaps he would have been able to go into art after all. perhaps he would have enrolled in an arts school, perhaps he would have found work at that museum after coming home, he would have been content with his job, his life. perhaps he would have had a cat, he might’ve called it hamlet.

in the evenings he might visit the cafe beside the river, watch the boats trail past, his eyes fixed on the flowing water and the houses on the other side- his sketchpad would be on his lap and charcoal would stain his fingers black.

perhaps, later on, he might have found himself a love, not a love meant for history or legend but a love of his own, quiet and soft and they might have had just a couple more cats. just one or two more. or maybe five, because five was a good number and they would have bought a house beside the river.

he might have found contentment.)

sometimes he wondered what it was- sometimes he wondered if it was a sin. him, he, this. he did not know when it started, did not know when it would end- he found himself aching and it was a nameless, wordless ache, but they were brothers and this was not a thing to be felt between brothers, this was not a thing to want for.

it was easy to ignore the sensation, easy to forget it in the presence of his brother, easy to overlook the struggling thing in his chest that twisted harder every time, that left some hollow spot above his heart and grew with every passing day he kept his silence.

but he knew sin, perhaps he should not have been surprised after all.

#accepted #accepted: horatio

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