#not Sick sick i just don’t feel well. at least tmrw is my day off i probably need Rest | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cupidhaos · 3 years

Text

just how much i love you

pairing: hong jisoo x gn reader

word count: 3.2k

genre: fluff, slice of life, established relationship, non idol au

summary: you recall each time you realized just how much joshua loved you and decide to return the favor

warnings: mentions of illness

song rec: better | jeremy passion

a/n: YOOO im a day late i meant to post this yesterday for shuas bday but then it completely slipped my mind and i forgot that time was a thing and i was like CRAP so then i was like u know what ill post it tmrw bc i mean its technically still his bday and hes a from america so it still counts anyways enjoy this tooth rotting fluff

you already knew that joshua meant the world to you - yet there are just some certain moments that come to mind when you think back on it.

one of the first moments that you thought of was when he was playing the guitar.

“whatcha writing down there?” you ask curiously as you leaned over joshua’s shoulder, trying to take a peek at whatever he was scribbling down on his journal. as you rest your chin on his shoulder, you wrap another arm around his neck. a silent chuckle leaves joshua’s lips as he slowly closes the book - pushing it off to the side “nothing that you need to know of just yet”

pouting, a whine leaves your lips as you shake his shoulders back and forth “aw c’mon shuaaa - you’ve been sitting here all day playing your guitar and you won’t even let me know what you’re doing”

he moves to the side a little so that he was able to get a good look of your face. setting his guitar down on the table in front of him, he motions for you to sit down with him. once he realizes you won’t budge as long as that pout on your lips was there, he stands up to wrap an arm around your waist - pulling you over the couch as you loudly yelped in surprise.

joshua places you onto his lap as he sits back down. securely wrapping his arms around your waist as he looks up at you with large, apologetic eyes “i’m sorry - were you getting lonely without me?” he teases.

all you could do was scoff in response which joshua just laughs at. its quiet for a second before he speaks up again “i can’t let you see it just yet. it’s a surprise”

“can i at least have a hint?”

he smiles at your question, reaching over to grab his guitar that he left on the table. he places it on your lap, leading your hands to hold onto it with his own. you were glad he wasn’t able to see the blush that covers your cheeks as he guided your hands to the guitar chords.

leaning over your shoulder to look at your hands, you can feel his hot breath graze your neck, which causes goosebumps to spread through your body “place your finger right here on this chord, and just strum lightly - exactly like that”

after teaching you a couple more chords, he pulls his hands away from yours, causing a wave of disappointment to wash over you. turning to look up at him, you give him a curious look “what was that for?”

he just shrugs as he moves himself towards the end of the couch, a sly smile on his face the entire times. opening up his notebook, he starts skimming through the pages “just chords for the song that i’m writing”

“song?”

“mhm - for you”

your face immediately turns red at his response “what?! you’re writing me a song?! why!”

he gives you a look of genuine confusion “do i need any other reason asides from the fact that i love you? anyways - it’s not ready yet so you’re just gonna have to wait” was all he said before getting up and leaving.

“wait! you can’t just say that and leave!” you call out after him as he laughs.

“i just did!”

that was the first time you had realized just how much joshua loved you.

“y/n… whats that in your jacket?”

you freeze from where you stood in the tiny apartment that the two of you shared. it was raining outside, and you were drenched from head to toe. joshua gives you a questionable look as he crosses his arms, cocking up one of his eyebrows.

you slowly look up as you clutch your jacket to your chest, a dumb look on your face “my jacket? theres nothing in it other than me, myself and i” you reply back. his eyes squint towards you as you try your best to avoid his gaze “you sure?”

as you open your mouth to respond, you were cut off with a bark coming from inside of your jacket. moments later, a small puppy pops up from your jacket - wiggling its way out of your arms and jumping onto the floor. a sheepish look covers your face as you lean down to pick up the puppy “okay maybe i was lying”

joshua doesn’t even look shock at the news, only a tired sigh coming from his lips “i thought you were going to get groceries”

you kick your shoes off and you hold the puppy closer to your chest “i know i said that but! look at him shua! isn’t he so cute!” you ask him as you walk towards your boyfriend. he looks down towards you and the dog in your arms as he chuckles “you know that you can’t just pick up stray dogs and bring them home right?”

your shoulders slump at his reply, a pout forming on your lips “i mean i know that… but he was all alone in the rain and he looked so sad… i couldn’t just leave him there!”

he nods in understanding, wrapping his arms around your waist to pull you closer “i know you had good intentions - but have you ever considered that our little friend has an owner already?”

turning towards the side, you pull the dog in closer “well they just left him outside all alone in the rain they’re obviously not a good owner” you say under your breath.

joshua points towards the dogs neck “isn’t that a collar? have you checked if they belonged to someone?”

“no… but!”

“we can’t just steal someone else’s dog - they may be upset right now”

a sigh leavings your lips as you lean forward to rest your head on your boyfriend’s shoulder “i know… but he’s just so cute!”

“i know he is, but he isn’t our dog. how about this - after we return him lets go to the shelter and see if we can get our own?”

you gasp loudly as you quickly turn to look up at him, eyes wide and filled with hope “really! do you mean it!”

joshua nods, a soft smile on his face “of course - but we still have to return him first okay?”

you nod your head quickly, noticing the fond smile that joshua aims towards you “what? what is it?”

all he does is shake his head, brushing off the question “nothing, you just look really cute right now” is what he tells you - quickly causing your face to heat up. he places a hand on your forehead as he leans in close, causing your breath to hitch.

“you feel warm - lets go change your clothes before we go back out. we wouldn’t want you getting sick do we?” he tells you as he pulls you on your head, dragging you towards your bedroom. you just nod shyly in response to his question as he laughs quietly at your reaction.

that was the second time you had realized just how much joshua loved you.

“joshua stay back! i don’t want you to catch -” you suddenly stop your sentence as you felt a sneeze coming up. quickly burying your face into your elbow, you let out a loud sneeze. joshua shakes his head at you as he pushes you back down onto the bed “shh, just let me take care of you”

feeling weak, you’re unable to even fight back “you’re always taking care of me though - it’s my fault that i got sick in the first place…”

joshua nods his head in agreement despite the offended scoff that leaves your lips “it is in fact your fault. i told you to dress warmly and bring an umbrella, and what did you do?”

“i didn’t dress warmly…”

“what else?”

“or bring an umbrella when it rained…”

he hums in acknowledgment as you places a wet towel on your forehead “i would say i told you so, but i think that you’ve learned your lesson”

a small frown appears on your face as joshua continued to scold you. you open your mouth to say something, but felt a pang in your head, causing a look of discomfort to now show on your face. a flash of worry appears on joshua’s features as you groan in pain “take it easy okay? don’t push yourself” he tells you as he hands you some medicine.

you place in the medicine in your mouth as you reach for the water, joshua’s already one step ahead of you. he brings the water up to your lips before you can even protest, helping you drink. once he pulls the cup away, you frown immediately “you don’t need to take care of me - you’ll get sick too”

he just shrugs at your comment though as he places the cup back down “i’m your boyfriend - why wouldn’t i take care of you?”

you’re about to retort back before he cuts you off with a quick kiss on the lips. you gasp loudly as you look at him in horror “joshua!”

joshua just laughs at your reaction “you can pay me back when i get sick by taking care of me. besides - if i wasn’t here to take care of you who would be?”

you’re unable to think of a response as joshua wraps his arms around you to pull you in for a hug “don’t worry y/n - i’ll always be there to take care of you” he reassures, causing your shoulders to relax.

a week later, joshua catches your cold.

“i told you that this would happen.” you scold him as you bring a spoon of soup up to his lips. he just smiles cheekily at you as he sits warm in bed “i told you you’ll be paying me back. but you don’t need to take care of me either - i was just joking really”

a light laugh leaves your lips at his comment. you place the bowl down and turn to look at him, grabbing his face with your hands “and like you said - i’ll always be there to take care of you too”

his face turned from surprised to one filled with adoration quickly as he gives you a toothy smile “then we’ll be taking care of eachother until we’re old and wrinkly”

that was the third time you had realized just how much joshua loved you.

“did you make these cookies yourself y/n?” seungcheol asks as him and jeonghan take a bit out of the cookies that you just baked. you nod your head excitedly as you await for their responses “i did! what do you think?”

before anyone could say anything, jeonghan opens his mouth to spit out the cookie “what did you even put in this? poison?”

you frown at his comment as you turn to look at seungcheol “they can’t be that bad!” you retort, but the look of disgust on seungcheol’s face tells you otherwise. he places the bitten cookie back down as he looks at you with wariness “why is it… so salty…”

“what are you even talking -” you start off as you grab a cookie from the cooling rack, but you stop yourself once you take a bite - a bitter taste of salt filling up your mouth. you quickly spit it back out as you now understand what your friends meant “why is it so salty!”

jeonghan shakes his head at you as he picks up one of the cookies to inspect it “maybe you put in the wrong ingredient when you were making it?” this comment makes you gasp as you come to realize your mistake.

“i think i mixed up the salt and the sugar!”

both of your friends give you looks of pity as you drop your head into your hands “this is horrible how am i supposed to give them to joshua now! i spent the last three hours for nothing!” you groan. seungcheol claps his hands together as he thinks of an idea “i know! lets throw them away before he gets home! then he’ll never know of your failure!”

raising your head from your hands, you give seungcheol a deadly glare which causes him to freeze in his chair “was it necessary to say it like that”

before any other ideas are thrown, the sound of the front door opening is heard - causing the three of you to panic.

“i’m home!” a familiar voice calls out, and before any of you were able to even touch the cookies - joshua has already entered the kitchen “oh! seungcheol! jeonghan! what are you two doing here?”

“well you see, y/n here wanted us to try her oh so amazing and delicious cookies that she’s worked so hard on” jeonghan explains, a devilish look in his eyes. seungcheol sighs once he realizes what jeonghan was planning and joshua just looks surprised.

he turns to you with a curious look on his face, glancing back down at the cookies on the cooling rack “you made cookies y/n?” he questions and all you can do was nod sadly “i was planning on surprising you with them when you came home but -”

“y/n spent hours working on these wonderful cookies just for you shua - why don’t you try some?” jeonghan presses on to which joshua nods. you glare at jeonghan who just gives you mischievous look back. as joshua reaches over and grabs a cookie, panic settles inside of you,

“look you really don’t have to -”

“these are great!”

you pause from where you stood and jeonghan and seungcheol both have the same confused look on their faces as you. joshua gives you a genuine smile as he takes another bite out of the cookie in his hand.

“they’re - wait what did you say?”

he nods as he continues to eat it - no sign of hesitation or lie on his face “you did great on them baby! thank you for the cookies” he tells you, leaning over to place a kiss on your forehead. you just stand there confused as he ultimately finishes up the cookie before grabbing another one.

jeonghan and seungcheol share a look with each other before turning back to joshua.

“you really think they’re good?” seungcheol asks warily which joshua nods in response to “of course i do - anything that y/n makes from scratch is good”

you felt your heart flutter at his response as you just stare up at him with wide eyes. jeonghan stares at joshua intently as he watches him eat another cookie “don’t you think theres anything off about it? maybe it tastes a little - salty?”

joshua pauses from eating the cookie and you hold your breath as you wait for his response. he just shakes his head though as he continues to eat the rest of the cookie “hm, its a little bit salty - but i still like it anyways”

as he finishes off the salt cookie, he excuses himself and tells you that hes going to go change first and be right back. you nod in response and the three of you wait until he finally leaves the kitchen. once you realize hes out of range, all three of you turn towards the cooling rack - each shoving a piece of cookie in your mouths.

as if on cue, you all spit the cookie back out. seungcheol grabs a napkin and tries to wipe the taste out of his mouth “either joshua’s a really good liar and was trying to get back at hannie - or theres something off about his tastebuds.”

jeonghan nods in agreement as he throws away the leftover cookie that he had onto a paper towel “i have no idea how he was able to eat three of those biohazards without even flinching”.

“its literally a salt cookie what is wrong with him” seungcheol questions as he grabs a glass of water for him and jeonghan. as jeonghan reaches to take the glass of water from seungcheol’s hand, he shakes his head.

“theres no way he actually found that edible - he must’ve just lied so he wouldn’t hurt y/n’s feelings”

you just stare at the cookies in shock as you realized that joshua ate your cookies no matter how gross and salty it tasted - just because you made them. a soft smile slowly appears on your face as you recall watching him eat the cookies you made - going as far as complimenting and thanking you for them.

that was the fourth time you had realized just how much joshua loved you.

“guys shh!” someone says as joshua enters into his apartment that he shared with you. his eyebrows furrow together in confusion as he takes off his shoes and his coat.

“y/n? you there?” he calls out as he realizes just how dark the apartment was. he waits for you to answer and immediately fills up with worry once he doesn’t hear your reply. he’s about to take his phone out to call you, but is stopped once the lights suddenly turn on.

he covers his eyes as he tries to adjust to the brightness as loud pops suddenly filled his ears. moving his hands from his eyes, he is then met face to face with you holding a birthday cake along with the rest of his friends. confetti falls onto him as more party poppers were released.

“happy birthday joshua!”

his eyes widen in shock once he realizes what was going on. a wide smile covers his face as he looks behind you to see his friends holding confetti poppers as well as a large banner saying ‘happy birthday shua!’ on it. looking around, he realizes the rest of the apartment was decorated as well. he then looks at the cake you were holding in your hands.

“did you do this all for me?” joshua asks you in disbelief. you nod your head as you smile back at him “of course i did! why wouldn’t i?”

joshua just shakes his head though, the smile never leaving his face “i totally forgot it was even my birthday today”

his friends just laugh at his reply as one of them points towards you “you should thank y/n! they were the one to plan all of this!” he looks back at you as you turn your head away from him sheepishly “did you really plan all of this for me?”

you nod your head shyly as you feel his gaze now on you “i mean… yeah… it’s really not that big of deal…”

somehow, the smile on his joshua’s face grew ten times bigger. he leans down and gives you kiss on the top of your head “thank you y/n, it truly means the world to me”

shaking your head though, you look at him with a soft smile on your face “i just wanted to show you just how much i loved you since you do it to me all the time” you reply back, causing joshua to laugh in response.

“you don’t have to do anything - i already know how much you love me.”

m.list

#kwritersworldnet #joshua hong #hong jisoo #joshua x reader #joshua x you #written fics #seventeen scenarios #seventeen imagines #seventeen oneshot #seventeen fics #svt scenarios #svt fics #svt imagines #svt oneshot

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ts-2020-olympics · 4 years

Text

EPISODE 3 - “Am I Old?” - Sarah

So far Shosha and Yujo haven’t lost any challenges, if we keep winning until the swap i fear that the other tribes will target our people because we’re all still intact. Maybe it would be a good thing to maybe lose one? I dunno

ちくしょう 😉

FUCK the hosts for this how many hours can you put in challenge this early in the game, i'm literally fucking pissed, FUMIN love! i knew we were gonna lose from early on but i still put in the time and hours to distract myself from this bitch ass boy who curved me yesterday night, whatever. i'm just so exhausted like of the constant losing, the tribal council, ugh. i haven't been on a losing tribe like this in SO long. and i'm so.. over it. i can't stand losing and i can't stand that emma is immune right now because deciding who to vote off is going to be impossible and people are going to be coming for me so i'm like, probably most definitely gone or whatever. and that means i'm going to have to do the arena challenge and NOT have a day off which... ugh....... dont get me wrong i know that ORGs are time commitments but usually i win the premerge challenges so THIS IS NEW OKAy kdhfnsdkfndkfndf. i'm just annoyed and i'm so over my tribe... and i didn't find any advantages at the olympic village i finally remembered to search in. anyway i dont even wanna THINK about tribal rn so this is just me saying fuck this challenge and ughhh i'm so TIRED just so fatigued of everything, i'll like come back tmrw and strategize or something. *throws a rock at the cameraman* fuck this shit i'm out, give me the osake RIGHT! GOD DAMN! NOW! (alcohol for all you non duolingo-ers)

i'm kinda happy that bailey was evacuated from the game, she would have been voted out regardless and this gives our tribe better odds at survival. even if we had gone to tribal i would've been comfortable, but now i feel like it's better than i try to prove my value as a player by competing in the arena! kinda excited.

tribal three times in a row check! 😍✨💋 LMAO no one is wanting to actually talk to me about it so i’m hoping that i can still sway the votes in my favor but we’ll see! i think landen would defiantly do his best to help keep me from going, but it’s all a matter of who would we send instead. so! we’ll see! at least i can say i did my best

So, for starters, the past round went pretty much as expected. Kathy was the vote off from my tribe, and she lost at the arena, as well, past round I found nothing yet again at the village. Now, right now in terms of this round, my tribe didn't win immunity, but Bailey ended up getting medically evacuated due to getting three inactivity strikes, so the tribal got cancelled for my tribe, and Beck ended up volunteering to do the arena. So basically, just awaiting to search Olympic Village again, and hoping to goodness there is a tribe swap next round, since right now my tribe is just my alliance with Ben and Beck, which will make things rough come another loss with no swap.

yep worst case scenario happened. My tribe lost with me sitting out and Will, my one main ally, not showing up to the challenge at all!! I was hoping it could be an easy vote so i didn’t have to vote and I could get the advantage but now it seems like my tribe is ready to boot Will and if I want that advantage I need two of those other three to vote against each other! God this is gonna be hard...

I’m in a tough predicament here. I could either A. play it safe, agree with everyone to vote will or B. try to save my ally and my advantage at the same time by getting Sarah and Eve to vote out Nik, risking my whole game. Godddd I don’t know!! aaaagh!

it's 10am, tribal is in 10 hours, and i've had about 10 separate heart attacks throughout the morning. i don't know what to do tonight. i'm really struggling to figure out what's right. my heart says jacob, that's definitely where i'm leaning. juls is my closest ally at this point, and after the whole debacle with Billy, voting him out, then instantly starting to bond with him and all that, and apologizing, and him sticking by me even after I voted him out first, I would feel terrible voting for him again and I want us to prove to eachother we can trust eachother. but the fact he said juls' name.. if that's who he's going to go for, i simply can't prove to him i will vote with him. i'm tight with juls, she saved me even over emma, and i just really feel a bond with her. we're both the youngest in this cast, we both have lots in common, it really do feel like we're the same person at times. at the same time, my head tells me jacob is good in challenges, and will be ok in arena, but that i really don't need a 3rd person upset at me for going to the arena, and if Emma is still coming after me, she could probably use me coming for Jacob to her advantage, but I don't even know where she's voting or what she's thinking. i'm torn about this vote, and it's all the more annoying that if emma just hadn't fucked up at the last challenge, we wouldn't be here without someone to vote right now. we'd all be able to agree on emma or jacob probably, and it would just... it would still suck complete ass, but it wouldn't be as complicated as it is now. with a tribe as tiny as 5 people, going to tribal THREE times, with all the same 5 people.. it's just not something we can afford. our tribe is being torn apart and... whew, i just need the swap. give it to me rn. as of now, i'm thinking i'm going to vote jacob, and i hope i can get billy on board for that and take his mind off juls. that's where my head is at right now... tribal is making me sick to my stomach

What the f does I stan you even mean? Am I old? And I no longer hip and down with the lingo? Bogus, man...

Our first tribal is tonight... I hate to say it, but I'm voting for Will. Nobody has heard from him in days, or for the last challenge, and tonight will be a second strike if he doesn't come back for tribal. WILL I'M SORRY. I definitely would not have voted him otherwise, he did great on the other challenges and is a great personality to have around. Come back for the next season Will..

I am the swing vote again lol Juls got blamed for messing up last vote by Emma and Billy, which considering Juls is beloved by everyone, PERFECT But now since we lost I need to pick a side, Landen and Juls or Emma and Billy. I like Emma, Billy sketches me out. Landen is the perfect meat shield for eternity. He's a bit of a blabbermouth. I watched the tapes of the live tribal, he sold me out unknowingly in front of Billy. How am I supposed to both sides these people now!? I could get sold onto a Landen vote, but that's not being sold, so WELL, who do I screw over. I feel so bad voting out Juls, but that's a reason to vote her out too, gah. GAH. Do I pick a side and lowkey goat, or do I make my control of the tribe forefront (but not evident because everyone hates each other) Time will tell. 1 Hour until tribal, and I have no idea what to do. inb4 voted out

why the FUCK does emma have immunity? she's literally so useless and does nothing in challenges... and the fact she already turned on juls, this quick, over practically nothing? im sick to my stomach, love. i know i said that already, but you know what? I must have the flu, because my nausea is neverending with this tribe and our constant spins at tribal council. as emma once said, we're basically taking turns sending people to the hellish arena. but the twist is so complex because you can't send someone you like there, because there IS always the very real chance that they lose the challenge. going there could be a good risk if you're smart with it, but it could be a risk that puts your entire game in jeopardy and i'm a KNOWN safe player when it comes to game mechanics ^_^ the only risks i take are in emotional labor! speaking of, myself and juls have both been working very hard to keep her safe from billy and emma's focused target on her, but i don't see it happening.. Billy and em seem to be tight now and it seems like they've convinced jacob to take out juls. The really horrible thing about all this, is that if i want to save juls.... i'm likely going to have to vote billy. and that is going to be aching, because i really like the guy, and i was being 100% honest and genuine with him saying i wanted to be on his side, to prove to him i have his trust and that i will be loyal to him and want to work with him til the endgame and be his ally. but if he's going to go against juls and i have to choose between the two of them..... i mean, i can't choose billy. it would be bad. so there's 30 minutes left and i don't have a clear idea of what's happening yet and any choice i make will permanently damage a tight connection that I thought I had heading into the later game. I guess in good news, Sammy, Caeleb, and a new friend, Jordan, ALL messaged me saying good luck at tribal, and talking to me a bit about it, saying they hope I'm safe. Forming those cross tribal bonds could be crucial in surviving the next stage of the game, which, god please, is happening VERY soon... *i bind myself to the cross* Give me strength to get through this, Japan. Onegaishimasu.

So far the game is makin me p sad, I’m super tired of going to tribal and having to send people to arena. And that Japanese challenge was so damn frustrating

so tribal last night.... i mean, uh, i guess my power, huh? lmao........... MESS!!! IM A MESS MY GAME IS A MESS THIS WHOLE DAMN THING IS A MESS. Someone get me a MOP rn because Sonkei-Matsing tribe is STRUGGLING and it's all EMMA'S FAULT!!!!! On the other hand, I'm very grateful Emma is an idiot, because Billy got to be safe!!! So let me explain what happened in that bonkers tribal council, from MY perspective... When I heard that my closest ally Juls had her name coming up, i was like, oh HELL. NO. So I put in the WORK to get Jacob and Billy to vote for eachother. Don't get me wrong, Juls worked hella hard on this too, she is a bad ass bitch and she deserves credit. But I do believe I was a major factor in swaying their votes as well as I'd built pretty close relationships with each of them in terms of strategy. But with Billy, that relationship wasn't a tight trusting one, more of a, please, I like you a lot, let me prove to you that I can be trusted and we can work together. Let us prove that to eachother. But here's how it happened. Even though Jacob and Billy DID vote for eachother... NEITHER OF THEM TOLD ME THEY WERE VOTING FOR EACH-OTHER. BILLY LED ME TO BELIEVE HE WAS VOTING JULS THE WHOLEEEEE TIME. And initially, I was fine with it, and i was STILL going to vote Jacob off with Juls!! Thinking there was nothing I could do and she would go 3-2. But then, 5 minutes into tribal, you'll see me furiously typing... Because Jacob FINALLY told me he was going to vote for Billy (and that's on Whispering!!! #LiveTribal!!) So from my perspective.... Billy and Emma are voting Juls. Juls is voting Jacob. Jacob is voting Billy. It's 2-1-1... and if I vote for Jacob, then Jacob and Juls can't vote, and Billy and Emma have the majority to send Juls out, saving Jacob on the revote. BUT if I vote for Billy, then Billy and Juls can't vote, and now me and Jacob have the majority over Emma. That was the thought process behind my initial vote for Billy. LITTLE DID I KNOW BILLY ACTUALLY WAS VOTING WITH ME AND NOW I FEEL HORRIBLE FOR VOTING FOR HIM AND I JUST WANT TO MAKE IT UP TO HIM BUT HE DIDN'T TEXT ME WHEN HE GOT OFF AND UGH, I NEED TO MAKE THIS RIGHT!!!! Emotional labor is the most annoying thing, and I'm really bad it. I'm terrible at apologizing and owning up to things, maybe that's why I just let my friendships fall apart in real life instead of doing the actual work to save them once a problem happens. because emotional labor is fucking annoying, exhausting, and stressful! I don't got time for it! But now, I need to have time for it, because our tribes are FIVE PEOPLE strong, and at the next tribal council, if I don't get my relationship with Billy in check, I WILL be gone. It is his vote that I need to help make sure Emma's psycho ass goes home, and if he, Jacob, and Emma all think they're on the bottom... Yikes. I hope Billy understands that I was absolutely disgusted it came down to him or Juls and I thought I was doing everything I could to save an ally.. I even swayed Juls to help save him with me, when she felt uncomfortable with him. He totally screwed up by like... not telling me he was voting with me, he said in tribal people just need to be real with where they're voting, and I agree! I wish he had just followed his own advice with me, because he would still be here right now. But his screw up does not at all compare to Emma... what the FUCK was she thinking, self-voting like that...? Like, HELLO? She throws out Juls' name all round, for I don't even know WHAT reason, since they were supposedly close, but it's implied she throws out Juls' name for getting 4 crowns on the challenge... Um, YOU STUPID BITCH YOU LITERALLY ONLY GOT ONE MORE CROWN THAN HER AND BEFORE THAT DID NOTHING ON THE SLIDE PUZZLE CHALLENGE OR THE TRIBE CHANT, DESPITE US KNOWING YOU CAN PUT IN THE TIME WHEN YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT IN THE ARENA :) Headass.... Then, after doing that all round, she SELF-VOTES??? WITH IMMUNITY AROUND HER NECK??? Girl you MUST be crazy, cus this is psychotic. Headass, deadass, she is gone the next time we lose tribal, which, lbr, is probably next time because we're LIT RALLY matsing. at least caeleb thinks i'm denise though. i feel like i have the same amount of wrinkles as her, after the stress of this game like 3 rounds in. imagine how tired i am.

Round 3's over! That's fun, innit? Glad we got rid of some dead weight in Bailey. As for friendships and alliances, I'm still slightly on edge about Darcy - I trust Beck over him. Got acquainted with Karen - they seem nice, but I'll keep an eye on them, too. Other than that, Nicole and Tommy are the people I'm mainly corresponding with. Seems like fun! :) Here's to a fun Round 4!

Okay so we won this round which is fun! Tommy went to the arena which gives me, Karen and Kevin a good chance to bond because Stoner just isn’t paying attention ever. I wonder if he has even made a confessional. Anyway, I’m going to be real annoyed if we lose and he whips out an idol. Also going to be mad if after this round there’s a swap and I’m swapfucked. I don’t think it really COULD happen to me though, because I’ve talked to at least one newbie on each of the tribes. Unless I’m stuck with Nik, Emma and Billy who have no interest in speaking to me, I think I’ll be fine. Speaking of newbies, I find myself talking to Ben a lot but I’m under the impression he talks to a lot of people. He reminds me of a lot of friendly pure men in this community like Joey, just very social and very nice! The only thing is sometimes he will say something in a conversation and I don’t necessarily know where to go with it. For example right now he’s having a full conversation with me in the village chat about pizza. I don’t know what to do with this and rather not be so vocal in the village chat. While the other newbies are increasingly hard to talk to, and sitting around all day waiting for the arena stuff is boring, Ben is a very nice person to talk to but I just wish we would talk like...about the game not what I’m eating. When it comes down to it I want to know I have an ally or two to bring to the end that might offset my immediate threat of being a winner, but not give them so much power that they win over jury votes. He seems to be showing his social side and not giving me any game info at the same time, which I have to look out for. All of the other newbies I’ve spoken to have talked game. He’s either playing a really good game by doing this or a really transparent one, I can’t tell yet. We will have to see!

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Last night proved something that I’ve been wondering about Landen for a while. He truly is a snake. I unintentionally made a really good move in keeping it mysterious on who I was voting. In order to make the vote go his way and to keep Juls, he instead changed the vote to ME and got Jacob to do the same. Sneaky mother fucker 😋 thank god Juls stayed the same though. I know for an absolute fact now that I won’t be able to trust him. As for Jacob, I do hope he comes back, because now that I know where the tribe stands I know I can get him on my side.

I don't know if I ever had such a frustrating round for challenges first duolingo and now the arena I was in the lead in front of everyone until the last clue and I lost it all I didn't get a medal. I'm so pissed, you really don't wanna @ me anytime soon because I'm at the point where I wanna go off on someone.

Love the tribe, so happy we 5-0d the last tribal!! it was a cute moment!! hehe, we seem to be very together as a unit

So Will’s gone, well he’s at the arena but i think he died so he’s probably out for good. Now that he’s out that leaves me on the bottom of my tribe as the next to go, my only hope is getting as close to sarah as I can and crossing my fingers for a swap! Due to that triple tribal I think it’s going to happen next... hopefully!

Ughh i keep forgetting to make confessionals until right before the round ends so im always like oh shit and then dont really know what im gonna talk about so its not good. hows things in the life of jordan pines? great thanks for asking, while i still feel on the bottom of my tirbe i definitly see a swap coming soon which i think depending on how it goes would be pretty good for me. Id ideally like to stay with most of the people ive been with plus new ones, becuse i think im seen as like an expendable numebr to caeleb and Jacob. I want them to keep thinking of me like this while I go out and start forming stronger relationships, keep bringing in those jordan pines minions, i got my sights set on billy right now, i like him but he makes me look as humble as they come and ive i could definitly turn him into a goat for me with the right coaxing. Im hoping will survives the arena cause hes for sure a number for me, but hes also a lil innactive so maybe he peaced. Im starting to build relationships with Landen who I like. I havent even looked at the all winners tribe holy shit. Karen and Stoner are gonna be my biggest obstacles as they dont necesarily love me. Im gonna try to work with Nicole for a bit if i can tbh. Thats really all im feeling right now. I think best cast scenario is people use me as a number and carry me just a little too far that I can turn shit around and fuck em over. It's definitely gonna be an uphill climb to the finish line, but the only way to do it is go step by step.

I feel like I am in a great position on my tribe! I trust Sarah and Eve a lot. Pete says he has my back so we can only hope that in the case of another tribal council, I will be safe! I’m still going to work my ass off and play my ass off to stay safe and not have to go to another tribal! This game is long and hard and I’m trying to see big picture. And within that big picture is a flashing sign that’s telling me there’s a tribe swap soon! Hopefully I’ll be able to work some magic and avoid being on a tribe with individuals that don’t like me. But overall I’m feeling pretty good after the last tribal!

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#zestypowerfuluniqueflavorfulhealthy #confessionals

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gracelessknights · 7 years

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NONE OF THESE QUOTES ARE RELATED

“Oh, Garrett, let’s not talk about the time we ‘got to know’ one another. I know forty-five seconds was probably an all-time high for you, but trust me; most girls would prefer at least a minute,”

“I’m gonna be sick,” I say. “I’m ordering you not to,” says Obi. “Ah, don’t say that,” says Dee-Dum. “She’s a born rebel. She’ll puke just to make a point.”

“Maybe he just has a type,” I challenge. “The only type Carrick has is pretty with a vagina that’s open for business.”

The promise of a cheap beer and a joint win out over chivalry.

“When I was in town earlier, I went to that store that sells English food, and you’ll never guess what they had.” Her face is all lit up. “Alcohol?” That’s just my wishful thinking that she bought me some.

Lisa trails after me, oblivious to my sarcasm and still gushing about Graham. “He’s so gorgeous. Like unbelievably gorgeous.” Her voice lowers to a whisper. “And I hear he’s amazing in bed.” I snort. “He probably started that rumor himself.”

“We don’t need alcohol to have fun, Reagan.” “You sound like an after-school special.”

“You look damn good in a Sentinel uniform.” A hot flush that had nothing to do with embarrassment spread over me. “So do you.” “I know.” I laughed outright. “Wow. Healthy ego there.”

“Stop being a bitch,” Magda spoke up, contributing her first words for the day. “What? You got a patent on it or something?” Zoe returned

Him: How bout tmrw night? I’m free at eight. Me: Can’t. I have the Spanish Flu. Highly contagious. I just saved your life, dude. Him: Aw, I appreciate the concern. But I’m immune to pandemics that wiped out 40-mil ppl from 1918 to 1919. Me: How is it u know so much about pandemics? Him: I’m a history major, baby. I know tons of useless facts.

Shaking my head, I laugh. “God, you’re so—” “Good-looking? Hot?“ “I was going to say cocky.” “Endearing, isn’t it?”

“Just out of curiosity,” she says, “after you wake up in the morning, do you admire yourself in the mirror for one hour or two?” “Two,” I reply cheerfully. “Do you high five yourself?” “Of course not.” I smirk. “I kiss each of my biceps and then point to the ceiling and thank the big man upstairs for creating such a perfect male specimen.”

So he’s a mutt,” he said. “No,” I said, looking at the shaggy bundle still baring his teeth in Jude’s direction. “He’s well-rounded,” I added.

I fingered the lid of my coffee cup. “He introduced me to that Blaze reastaurant on Thayer. It was really good.” “I think it was the company more than anything,” Jared said, his eyes softening.

I explained his mistake and started writing it down in my own girlie script. “Do you see how I got there?” Ryan nodded, unsure. “I see how you got there, getting there on my own is the persistent problem.”

“You’re not old enough to drink,” he grimaced, ignoring my accusation. I leaned closer to him. “We don’t tell the bartender that,” I whispered.

I just have a bad habit of lashing out at those I care about. It’s a piss-poor excuse, I know, but I am sorry,”

“You can’t make her drink that many shots,” Shepley said. “Travis. Tell him.” Brazil held up his hand. “I’m not making her do anything. For every shot she drinks, she gets a twenty. It’s our present to her.” His smile faded when he noticed Shepley’s frown. “Your present is alcohol poisoning?”

“I drink,” he said. “I also smoke. But that’s one thing they won’t let me do in here.” “Disgusting. I’m even less attracted to you than before.” “What are you smiling about?” “You just said you were attracted to me.” His self-satisfied smile was contagious. “Yeah, but that was before you spoke.”

“Intimate relations. Intercourse. Coitus. Doing the deed. Nookie. Fornicating. Laying pipe. Screwing. Sex. Tapping that ass. Fucking. Need I go on?”

“I don’t like country music.” “No one does. Just roll with it.”

Football is a religion around here, and he is the chosen messiah. Which sounds kind of sacrilegious considering the fact that he’s smacking a brunette on her ass as he leaves her at the classroom door.

"Nicknames are important. Feel free to pick one out for me. I can provide a list of suggestions. Big Guy. God. Master. Awesome Master.” “How about overweening ego?” I offer.

So if I did what my dad always wanted, I’d be married, with two kids, no education, wondering which strand of pearls I should choke myself with before my husband comes home smelling like his secretary.

I feigned disinterest, kicked out my legs and got more comfortable on Dad’s recliner. “Her name’s Lois, not Laney.” Mom smiled. “Well, I think I’m going to call her Laney. I like it better. It suits her.” I scoffed. “You can’t just go changing people’s names, Ma.” “Why not, Bobby Jo?” she sang. “Who the hell is Bobby Jo?” She laughed under her breath. “You are now.” I laughed with her. “I think I prefer Lucas.” “You still didn’t answer my question, Bobby Jo.”

"Garray already got to you, huh?” “I think he must be an acquired taste,” I mumbled.

She sighs. Then a slight smile breaks through. “I’m going to miss seeing your ugly face every day.” “Shut up. You love my face.” Her eyes roll. “Yeah, it’s like looking into the sun.” “So beautiful it hurts?” I ask, unable to contain my smirk. “Blindingly painful.”

“Next question?” “Why are you such an ass?” I laughed under my breath. “Everyone has to excel at something, right?” “Well, you’re doing a great job.”

Johnson pulls out some bills. “My treat this time, yeah?” “Excuse me while I take in this moment,” Rolondo says expansively, his arms open wide. “Johnson—punk ass, cheap motherfucker Johnson—is paying.”

Gray and Ivy’s wedding. Now that was a drunken blur. Good times.

“I was thinking—” “Uh-oh. This can’t be good.” “Smartass.” She grinned.

“Your team definitely has… potential.” “I don’t know if potential is the right word,” I tell her.

“Okay, but you’re going to have to snap the ball to me.” “Snap the ball?” I make a face. “Like bend over…” His grin is evil. “And I put my hands between your legs. Don’t give me that look. Dex does this for me every game.” “Is this the point where I launch into a diatribe about the blatant homoeroticism found in football?”

“Where have you been?” she asked. I arched a brow, fighting a laugh as the heat raced across her cheeks and down her throat. “Well hello, honey, I’ve been out boozing and whoring. I know my priorities are pretty off.”

“Sara, you know you’re the only girl for me.” He laid a hand over his heart. “I’m just passing time until you realize that.” Out of the corner of my eye I saw two girls at a nearby table watching his display with equal expressions of jealousy and dismay. “Yeah ok. Cool it Romeo,” I said, laughing. “Before you break every heart in here and start a lynch mob after me.”

“You’re such a dick sometimes.” I didn’t lift my head. “Don’t really think that’s breaking news.”

And I like sex. Love good sex, elusive as it is.

“Sex shouldn’t be work,” he insists. “It should be easy. Girls come to us, give us a good time, and we send them on their way with a nice thank you and maybe a pat on the ass if they’re extra special.” “I pity your bed partners.” “They have a good time,” Gray says. “A great time.” “Sure. You let them do all the work while you lay back like a lazy shit. Sounds awesome for them.” He gives me a sour look. “Well, you sound like a girl.” “If I was one, I wouldn’t be f**king you.”

“But Henry really wanted me to go, and you’ve been moping around the house lately.” “I have not been moping!” “Staring out the window,” she insists. “Like some tragic Jane Austen heroine.” “Austen’s heroines aren’t tragic. They are empowered.” “Says you. All those repressed feelings and prideful denials.” Her snub nose wrinkles. “Pathetic. Just own your emotions already.”

“Hey.” His smile grows. “I’ve been thinking about you, Jones.” “Don’t strain yourself.”

I kissed her cheek and stood. “Besides, you’re the best mom I’ve ever had.” “I bet you say that to all your moms.”

(In reference to the baby he’s carrying) He raised his cynical eyes to her and grunted. "If he gives any indication that he’s going to shit or vomit, I’m pointing him in your direction.” “And they say chivalry’s dead.”

“What happened?” asked Hermione, her tone inevitably concerned. “I barely touched you.” “Shoulder…dislocated,” he rasped out. “You let me slap you when you’re injured?” “I didn’t let you slap me,” he replied drolly. “Evidently, it’s just a habit you have regardless of whether we’re in a relationship or not. Charming, by the way.” “How did you dislocate your shoulder?” “Folk dancing.” “Draco.” “Fighting bloody Death Eaters. Obviously.”

Today I wore a pair of white jeans and a black sweater that made me feel as if I was seconds away from stripping off my clothes and finding the nearest pole. I glanced over my shoulder and Roth raised a brow as one side of his lips slipped up. “Can you walk in front of me?”

He chuckled deeply. “Not in this lifetime.”

On why he doesnt wanna be a gynaecologist : “But if I’m going to have my hand inside a woman’s honeypot, I’d much rather it be for pleasure than for work.”

The music is soft in the background, but soulful and deep. I like it. “What’s this? A study playlist?” He shakes his head. “A playlist? Nah. It’s the Black Keys. I buy whole albums, not individual songs. I’m not afraid of commitment, babe.” I smirk at his strange innuendo. “Good to know.”

“What will they do once I take you off the market?” I ask. “I can only imagine the poor girls wandering around like a lost herd of sheep all summer, wondering where you went.” I risk another glance at the staring girls and shudder. “Do they even blink? Baa. Baa. Baa.”

“How long do I have to keep up the happy part? I’m getting a cramp.” “That’s the spirit.” He chuckles,

Matt helped her with her golf swing in the auditorium at lunch. Matt was the captain of the golf team, and Ariadne was thinking about joining, although first she had to learn how to play. “Cassie, why don’t you put that book down and come learn how to golf?” Ariadne called to her cousin. In response, Cassandra opened another book.

"Sound jealous, don’t you?” “Not likely,” I replied, turning my e-reader back on. “Uh-huh. Keep telling yourself that, sweetheart. One of these days you’re going to admit that you’re madly, deeply in love with me. It’s my boyish charm—hard to resist.” “If you’d gone with your body being irresistible, it would’ve been more believable.”

"You’re going to do fine,” he says, rubbing my arms. “Do not give me a half-time inspirational speech,” I order. The last thing I need is some rah-rah-rah about being my best.” “Sure. We can go to the bathroom and fuck away your nervousness.”

“In my head, this went a lot smoother,” I offer. “How so?” “Um, I guess I throw up my arms and say ‘surprise,’ and you say, ‘Goldie, you’re a sight for sore eyes,’ and then I respond with, ‘you, too.’ After we get those awkward, trite greetings out of the way, you haul me into your arms and give me a movie star kiss. We pretend it’s raining and that we’re at the end of a Nicholas Sparks movie and you swear your undying devotion.” “According to my mom, everyone dies at the end of a Sparks movie, so my devotion appears to be short-lived.” “True, but the promised love is undying, so even after your ticker gives out, the devotion lives on.”

On the other side of the kitchen, Tucker finishes loading the dishwasher and turns to frown at me. “What the hell are you doing over there, anyway? You’ve been scribbling on that notepad for the past hour.” “I’m writing a love poem,” I answer without thinking. Then I slam my lips together, realizing what I’ve done. “I just have one question,” Garrett starts. “Really?” Tuck says. “Because I have many.” […] “Hey,” I say as inspiration strikes. “What if I steal the words to “Amazing Grace”? I can change it to…um…Terrific Grace.” “Yup,” Garrett cracks. “Pure gold right there. Terrific Grace.” I ponder the next line. “How sweet…” “Your ass,” Tucker supplies. Garrett snorts. “Brilliant minds at work. Terrific Grace, how sweet your ass.” He types on his phone again. “Jesus Christ, will you quit dictating this conversation to Hannah?” I grumble. “Bros before hos, dude.” “Call my girlfriend a ho one more time and you won’t have a bro.” […] (He texted her the love poem) Her: Don’t quit your day job, Emily Dickinson. Me: Hey, u didn’t say it had to be GOOD. Her: Touché. D- on the poem. Can’t wait to see your collage. Me: How do u feel about glitter? And dick pics? Her: If there’s a pic of your dick on that collage, I’m photocopying it and passing it around in the student center. Me: Bad idea. You’ll give all the other dudes an inferiority complex. Her: Or an ego boost.

All in all, Ellis seems like a decent man, and when the kids thunder out of the locker room and greet him like he’s Jesus Christ brought back to life, my opinion of him climbs higher.

“My mom has officially dubbed you a ‘good catch.’” Dani takes a seat next to me on the back steps of the small two-story house where I’ve lived all my life. I tap my glass of sangria against hers. “That’s solid. I’m going to put that on my Tinder profile.”

“Jesus, she’s hot!” Dani grabs my phone to pinch and zoom, first on Sabrina’s face and then the rest of her body. “Are you sure she’s not bi? Because it’s a crime that she has to suffer through life with a man.”

“I thought maybe you’d want to spend the weekend with me.” And he’s quick to offer that reassurance again, adding, “No expectations, by the way. I’m not inviting you to, like, a three-day fuck fest or anything.” I snort. My boyfriend, ever the wordsmith.

Hunter snaps, “It’s that we suck.” Hollis tips his head. “You got laid last night, didn’t ya?” The dark-haired freshman furrows his brow. “What does that have to do with anything?” “Everything. We embarrassed ourselves in that game, got our asses kicked, and you still had chicks lining up to suck on your knob. Doesn’t matter if we win or lose—we’re still hockey players. We rule this school, dude.” “Spoken like a man without ambition,” Garrett says, his lips twitching.

"Uh-huh,” Logan says as if he’s in agreement, but I’ve known him long enough to be able to pick up on his sarcasm. “Anyway, this girl…she’s the love of my life. She’s smart and funny and unbelievably compassionate. She forgives people even when they don’t deserve it. She—” “Good lay?” Pace interrupts. “Oh yeah. The best.”

"Was the sex really boring?” “Why is everything with you always about sex?” I pass the joint back. “And FYI—the sex was fine.” “Fine?” He snickers. “Wow, what a ringing endorsement.”

(Garrett when texting his ‘manwhore’ friend) Garrett: Allie’s gonna crash in my room. Garrett: Your dick can stay in your room.

"Did you have a girlfriend in high school?” I ask. He waggles his eyebrows. “I had many.” “Oooh, what a stud.”

He sighed. “Fine. I spoke with Hestia about your history lessons, arranged for you to begin self-defense lessons with Charon—” “What?” Charon piped up from his end of the table. “When did that happen?” “Just now,” Hades said around a bite of chicken. “I’m multitasking.”

“You know, I don’t actually have sex with every woman I talk to, Chess.” “You don’t?” “So dubious.” He nudges me with his shoulder. “I do have some standards.” “And they are?” He gives me a cheeky look. “Whether or not I want to have sex with them.” “Your vetting processes is foolproof, I’ll give you that.”

She exhales heavily. “I’m babbling.” “I’m used to it,” I say, shrugging. “A lot of women lose their shit around me.” Cassie rolls her eyes. “They probably lose their lunches too.”

I interrupt her, clearing my throat loudly. “No names,” I say, looking around. “A code name, then,” she suggests. “I want to know if Horse –“ I roll my eyes. “Do I need to ask why you picked that as a code name?” “I was trying not to be subtle.“ She runs her finger along the rim of her margarita glass and licks salt off her fingertip. “Because he’s hung like a horse, obviously.” “Yes. I got the joke.” “Yeah, you should have, especially given the fact that you’ve seen all of the goods.” “I’m not referring to him as Horse,” I protest. “Donkey would be more appropriate, since he’s a jackass.” “Oh, that fits, too,” she says, laughing. “Donkeys have huge dicks.” “Conversation with you is always so classy, Sable. It’s really a testament to how you were raised. Those classes in etiquette must have taught you a lot.”

“You brought flowers,” I note flatly. Flowers from a football player? What kind of warped parallel universe did I just enter? He shrugs. “Chicks like flowers, don’t they?” “Your charm is overwhelming, only surpassed by your sexism.”

“If you want, I can take these pants off and remind you what you were looking at.” “Thanks, but I had a late lunch. I’m hoping not to vomit it up today.”

-Just a compilation of (I think) really great one-liners from books/fanfictions I’ve read

#you can ignore it idm #i just want it for reference #sorry its so long #yes #quips #ref #roast

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landloopers · 7 years

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QUIPS

I kissed her cheek and stood. “Besides, you’re the best mom I’ve ever had.” “I bet you say that to all your moms.”

(In reference to the baby he’s carrying) He raised his cynical eyes to her and grunted. “If he gives any indication that he’s going to shit or vomit, I’m pointing him in your direction.” “And they say chivalry’s dead.”

“Well, maybe in the master bedroom. That bed is more comfortable.” The haze of sleep was easing away, and I found myself grinning at him like an utter doofus. “I thought this bed was nice.” “Because I was in it?” “Wow.” My goofy grin spread. “Good to see your ego is still functioning normally.”

(her but looked great in her jeans)

Today I wore a pair of white jeans and a black sweater that made me feel as if I was seconds away from stripping off my clothes and finding the nearest pole.

I glanced over my shoulder and Roth raised a brow as one side of his lips slipped up. “Can you walk in front of me?”

He chuckled deeply. “Not in this lifetime.”

(Why a pre-med student does not want to be a gynecologist)

If I’m going to have my hand inside a woman’s honeypot, I’d much rather it be for pleasure than for work.

“How long do I have to keep up the happy part? I’m getting a cramp.” “That’s the spirit.” He chuckles,

“Sound jealous, don’t you?” “Not likely,” I replied, turning my e-reader back on. “Uh-huh. Keep telling yourself that, sweetheart. One of these days you’re going to admit that you’re madly, deeply in love with me. It’s my boyish charm—hard to resist.” “If you’d gone with your body being irresistible, it would’ve been more believable.”

“Nicknames are important. Feel free to pick one out for me. I can provide a list of suggestions. Big Guy. God. Master. Awesome Master.” “How about overweening ego?” I offer.

"Garray already got to you, huh?” “I think he must be an acquired taste,” I mumbled.

“Next question?” “Why are you such an ass?” I laughed under my breath. “Everyone has to excel at something, right?” “Well, you’re doing a great job.”

Gray and Ivy’s wedding. Now that was a drunken blur. Good times.

“I was thinking—” “Uh-oh. This can’t be good.” “Smartass.” She grinned.

“Your team definitely has… potential.” “I don’t know if potential is the right word,” I tell her.

“You’re such a dick sometimes.” I didn’t lift my head. “Don’t really think that’s breaking news.”

“I pity your bed partners.”

“They have a good time,” Gray says. “A great time.”

“Sure. You let them do all the work while you lay back like a lazy shit. Sounds awesome for them.” He gives me a sour look. “Well, you sound like a girl.” “If I was one, I wouldn’t be f**king you.”

“Hey.” His smile grows. “I’ve been thinking about you, Jones.” “Don’t strain yourself.”

"Oh, Garrett, let’s not talk about the time we ‘got to know’ one another. I know forty-five seconds was probably an all-time high for you, but trust me; most girls would prefer at least a minute,”

"I’m gonna be sick,” I say. “I’m ordering you not to,” says Obi. “Ah, don’t say that,” says Dee-Dum. “She’s a born rebel. She’ll puke just to make a point.”

“Maybe he just has a type,” I challenge. “The only type Carrick has is pretty with a vagina that’s open for business.”

The promise of a cheap beer and a joint win out over chivalry.

“We don’t need alcohol to have fun, Reagan.” “You sound like an after-school special.”

“You look damn good in a Sentinel uniform.” A hot flush that had nothing to do with embarrassment spread over me. “So do you.” “I know.” I laughed outright. “Wow. Healthy ego there.”

“Stop being a bitch,” Magda spoke up, contributing her first words for the day. “What? You got a patent on it or something?” Zoe returned

Shaking my head, I laugh. “God, you’re so—” “Good-looking? Hot?“ “I was going to say cocky.” “Endearing, isn’t it?”

So he’s a mutt,” he said. “No,” I said, looking at the shaggy bundle still baring his teeth in Jude’s direction. “He’s well-rounded,” I added.

(teaching a maths question)

“You’re not old enough to drink,” he grimaced, ignoring my accusation. I leaned closer to him. “We don’t tell the bartender that,” I whispered.

“Intimate relations. Intercourse. Coitus. Doing the deed. Nookie. Fornicating. Laying pipe. Screwing. Sex. Tapping that ass. Fucking. Need I go on?”

“I don’t like country music.” “No one does. Just roll with it.”

“What rhymes with insensitive?” I tap my pen on the kitchen table, beyond frustrated with my current task. Who knew rhyming was so fucking difficult? Garrett, who’s dicing onions at the counter, glances over. “Sensitive,” he says helpfully. “Yes, G, I’ll be sure to rhyme insensitive with sensitive. Gold star for you.” On the other side of the kitchen, Tucker finishes loading the dishwasher and turns to frown at me. “What the hell are you doing over there, anyway? You’ve been scribbling on that notepad for the past hour.” “I’m writing a love poem,” I answer without thinking. Then I slam my lips together, realizing what I’ve done. “I just have one question,” Garrett starts. “Really?” Tuck says. “Because I have many.” [...] “Hey,” I say as inspiration strikes. “What if I steal the words to “Amazing Grace”? I can change it to…um…Terrific Grace.” “Yup,” Garrett cracks. “Pure gold right there. Terrific Grace.” I ponder the next line. “How sweet…” “Your ass,” Tucker supplies. Garrett snorts. “Brilliant minds at work. Terrific Grace, how sweet your ass.” He types on his phone again. “Jesus Christ, will you quit dictating this conversation to Hannah?” I grumble. “Bros before hos, dude.” "Call my girlfriend a ho one more time and you won’t have a bro.” [...] (He texted her the love poem) Her: Don’t quit your day job, Emily Dickinson. Me: Hey, u didn’t say it had to be GOOD. Her: Touché. D- on the poem. Can’t wait to see your collage. Me: How do u feel about glitter? And dick pics? Her: If there’s a pic of your dick on that collage, I’m photocopying it and passing it around in the student center. Me: Bad idea. You’ll give all the other dudes an inferiority complex. Her: Or an ego boost. All in all, Ellis seems like a decent man, and when the kids thunder out of the locker room and greet him like he’s Jesus Christ brought back to life, my opinion of him climbs higher. “My mom has officially dubbed you a ‘good catch.’” Dani takes a seat next to me on the back steps of the small two-story house where I’ve lived all my life. I tap my glass of sangria against hers. “That’s solid. I’m going to put that on my Tinder profile.” “Jesus, she’s hot!” Dani grabs my phone to pinch and zoom, first on Sabrina’s face and then the rest of her body. “Are you sure she’s not bi? Because it’s a crime that she has to suffer through life with a man.” “I thought maybe you’d want to spend the weekend with me.” And he’s quick to offer that reassurance again, adding, “No expectations, by the way. I’m not inviting you to, like, a three-day fuck fest or anything.” I snort. My boyfriend, ever the wordsmith. Hunter snaps, “It’s that we suck.” Hollis tips his head. “You got laid last night, didn’t ya?” The dark-haired freshman furrows his brow. “What does that have to do with anything?” “Everything. We embarrassed ourselves in that game, got our asses kicked, and you still had chicks lining up to suck on your knob. Doesn’t matter if we win or lose—we’re still hockey players. We rule this school, dude.” “Spoken like a man without ambition,” Garrett says, his lips twitching. "Uh-huh,” Logan says as if he’s in agreement, but I’ve known him long enough to be able to pick up on his sarcasm. “Anyway, this girl…she’s the love of my life. She’s smart and funny and unbelievably compassionate. She forgives people even when they don’t deserve it. She—” “Good lay?” Pace interrupts. “Oh yeah. The best.” "Was the sex really boring?” “Why is everything with you always about sex?” I pass the joint back. “And FYI—the sex was fine.” “Fine?” He snickers. “Wow, what a ringing endorsement.” (Texting a manwhore) Garrett: Allie’s gonna crash in my room. Garrett: Your dick can stay in your room. "Did you have a girlfriend in high school?” I ask. He waggles his eyebrows. “I had many.” “Oooh, what a stud.”

#roast #yes #personal collection #bad day ref

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