#nor are they necessarily 'fair' and the same with our judgements. welcome to being a human being
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FANFIC WRITER INTERVIEW
With tagged by @captainkappa
Name: Sunset
Fandoms: Currently Dream SMP. I’ve previously written for Thrilling Intent and Mindcrack, but have lurked in many other fandoms.
Two-shot: I’ve never actually formally published/finished a two shot before. I guess my closest would be Hear Me Out and the previously unpublished and still incomplete sequel Two Truths and a Lie - I’m giving anyone who follows me a gdoc link for that because why not.
Most popular multichapter: The fic-writing side of Mindcrack was a tiny fandom - about 500-700 of us in total in its prime, so it’s no surprise that joining a mega fandom (Dream SMP) has launched my first multichapter fic for that fandom straight to ‘most popular multichapter’ by a long shot. That’ll be Daddy Issues.
Actual worst part of writing: Starting to write is always the worst part for me. No matter where I am in a fic - beginnning or almost finished - it takes a while of hammering out and deleting sentences before I get into the flow of things and actually start writing usable content.
How you choose your titles: I don’t really know. I’ve done a few lyric-based ones, but I guess I go for something thematically relavant and just play around with words, phrases, and ideas until something sounds write.
Do you outline: Practically never, even though the writing process is easier when I do. I spent nearly three years sitting down every lunch break in high school plotting out The Survival Saga. I’m not kidding when I say that was my baby. I have the other two arcs planned out in varying levels of detail, but I had a notebook filled with handwriting details for each chapter of the first arc, plus plot beats for the rest of it, as well as plenty of digital notes for it. The only other thing I’ve had to put a degree of outlining into is my current fic I’m working on for the DSMP Big Bang.
Ideas I probably won’t get around to, but wouldn’t it be nice?: Finishing the Survival Saga. The next two arc were gonna be called The Wither Effect and The Ender Complex and I’m still so excited about the ideas. But realisitcally, the Mindcrack fandom is practically dead and I really don’t have the motivation to write 60k words that all of 3 people are gonna read, especially since it already took me about 5 years to write the first 30k words. Fandom drama too means it’d be weird to have to write some of the characters in there now, plus so much has changed that the mechanics of the plot, as well as the charactisations I was using are very outdated. I also feel there’s a notable enough change to my tone in writing that I wouldn’t know how to carry over the same voice into the rest of the fic.
Callouts @ me: Spite is not a healthy motivator for writing. Being so judgemental about other people’s writing makes you snide and arrogant which just aren’t nice personality traits. It’s okay for the first draft to suck - editing is a useful tool and you’re more productive when you write something meh then edit it to hell then sit there expecting the first draft to be perfect and thus not being able to write at all when the first few sentences fail to meet that expectation.
Best writing traits: Not a particular part of my writing itself, but rather my reading process. I’m very analytical when I read things, constantly noting what works, and what doesn’t in other people’s fics, so reading fic for me is a constant learning and bettering process for my own writing. On one hand it means I have very particular standards about what fics I can read through to the end, on the other I at least hope that it means I don’t make a lot of the same mistakes often found in fanfic that people find makes for poor writing. I do also have a history of being known for my smut, but I still don’t know how much of that is influenced by lack of many better options in that fandom.
Spicy tangential opinion: I have some quite spicy opinions about boundaries in RPF, but I’m not gonna throw myself to wolves on this by saying anything more than: fanfiction is for the fans. the RP of RPF do not belong in fandom spaces, nor should they be welcomed into them. So long as we also do our fair share of keeping creators out of fandom spaces, then what we do in fandom spaces is none of their business.
Don’t like, don’t read. Dead dove, do not eat.
Fiction is not necessarily a reflection of a writer’s personal opinions. Someone can enjoy something in fiction while being horrified by it in real life scenarios.
No pressure tags: @theropodtheroblogs @solena2 @genofeve I have no idea who tf to tag for this lmao.
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Noticing (or a Case for Seinfeld Living)
It’s really impossible to know definitively, but I’d say I’m about halfway through the fourth or fifth season of the second reboot of my life’s tv show.
This is more of an estimate - I’m not really sure how I’ve been dividing up the seasons. Obviously, the first season was the 3-4 years at the beginning where nobody really knew what was going on and the protagonist was kind of just there. He was arguably, more of a blank canvas for the audience to see themselves through, as the real protagonists (his mom and dad) did all the expository heavy lifting. To be fair, this was just an introduction to the series and audiences were at least impressed enough for it to be renewed.
The formula found its bearings in the second season, as most successful shows tend to do, and stayed more or less on track for ten seasons till adolescence prompted a hard reboot. I can’t stress enough how much the show changed: episodes varied widely week to week, multiple characters were booted, the previously so-called co-protagonists of the show (those rascally parents) occasionally became outright antagonists, etc… It was quite frankly, not that great of a show, and in many ways traded the lack of conflict of its predecessor, with an abundance of conflict rarely resolved. It was not a show anyone was enjoying and the second college reboot was a welcome return to form.
This latest season is not half bad. We’ve got a lot of good series-wide story arcs going. There is a fair amount of midseason conflict, reoccurring characters that are staying relatively fresh (with the exception of Trevor), a decent theme song (it’s currently some experimental jazz from hell), and I’m really feeling like the protagonist is “starting to figure out what his deal is”, so to speak.
It is important to note that the protagonist has “started to figure out what his deal is” many times before this season, so I wouldn’t necessarily trust his judgement, but the confidence is remarkable.
He, at the very least, seems to finally be able to admit that he is not a cool person, which is certainly progress. Naively, though; he is convinced that this admission might very well be the first step to eventually becoming cool.
Most engaged viewers know this is a misstep.
~
“Life’s not like a movie” might be as useless of a phrase as it is pervasive. The assumption of the phrase implies that everyone is going around living their lives like the main character in a blockbuster comedy - cartoonishly pursuing their dreams, accidentally falling in love, and somehow, repeatedly being surprised when things don’t work out the way they think things should.
This is clearly false. No one thinks like this.
No one thinks everything will work out. No one thinks they’ll get everything they want. No one thinks their life is simple. No one thinks they’ll find the complete answer to the question they’ve been asking all along.
No one is nearly as naive about their existence as we seem to think they are. And I don’t think people watch movies and TV shows because they want these things either.
Sure, maybe there is someone out there who says they want life to be this uncomplicated, straightforward thing, but no one actually believes them. Nearly every person I’ve ever met genuinely believes that they are the true pragmatist. Has anyone ever actually met a consciously sincere idealist? Who wants to be the sucker?
Perhaps I’m generalizing, but I don’t think people watch television or movies, read books, and tell stories because they are innocently convinced of the simplicity of their narrative structure or because they want to vicariously live through that simplicity either. People are not starry-eyed, gullible children, nor do they wish they could be. People reflect their lives through story, not because they make life seem simple, but because these stories make life seem meaningful. I would go as far as to say - they don’t just make life seem meaningful, they remind them that it already is.
~
My friend Trevor and I believe genuinely, that we are this latest generation’s reincarnation of the 90’s sitcom, Seinfeld. He is George and I am Jerry, respectively. We’ve drawn out many of the parallels over the course of our friendship and I will list them here now:
- Trevor is short and stocky (George), while I am tall(er) and lanky (Jerry).
- My friend, Sam (Kramer) often walks into my house unannounced, hair lopsided, looking to “borrow” things from my kitchen.
- We routinely complain about our lives at various diners/coffee shops loudly and with little sympathy for the people around us. (The plot of the show)
- We improvise neurotic standup routines about the absurdity of mundane life and our own selfishness. (Much like George and Jerry, these routines are more sad than they are funny)
The only thing we’ve failed to find a direct parallel for is Elaine, as perhaps the most unrealistic aspect of the show, was the fantasy of anyone staying good friends with their ex.
All of these specific comparisons aside, I think what Trevor and I really like about this joke, is the idea that the only difference between our lives “in the real world” and our lives as tv characters, is the perspective that comes with observing rather than experiencing. What I mean by that is to say, there is something inherently and beautifully constructive about observing years as seasons, days as episodes, and people as characters. They become features of the life we are actively noticing, not just necessities of the existence we are passively being forced to endure.
As many sad, 90s-sitcom-obsessives like myself know, the significance of the creation of the Seinfeld rested in the catchphrase Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld sold the show on - it’s “a show about nothing.” The idea of it was, if you take a comedian like Seinfeld and put him in a variety of mundane settings, the jokes will come, not from heightening his experiences, but by letting him endlessly interpose his observations on the absurdity of the mundane itself. But I don’t think that’s significant in the way people may think it is.
Yes, George/Jerry/Elaine/Kramer are funny, goofy people with above average neurotic tendencies. Yes, it is a situational comedy written by professional comedy writers, building narratives out of the ways standups get their material. Yes, it broke many mainstream television conventions and historically broke the formula of the sitcom. But I think the most brilliant thing Seinfeld did, is definitively inspire the tacit belief that everything is worth paying attention to. Maybe, it’s worth noticing because its infuriating, or ridiculous, or hilarious, or disturbing, etc… But absolutely everything demands to be noticed.
In the fourth season of Seinfeld (arguably the best and most influential season), George and Jerry begin developing a TV show in much the same way Seinfeld and Larry David did four years prior. Throughout episode after episode, they go back and forth trying to come up with some fresh idea to wow NBC executives. This goes on with some degree of expected laziness and hijinks till George finally has it. Ever the meta-self-referential goldmine, George decides it should be “a show about nothing.” NBC executives are neither wowed nor thrilled, but the pilot get’s made, and all the characters in Seinfeld get remade in the show-within-the-show - “Jerry”. This was genius for two reasons.
It justified itself as a show by explaining its own concept directly to the audience through the show itself. (Perhaps the reason why this season skyrocketed the shows viewership)
It explained how television works, and more importantly, it explained how stories work.
The characters of Seinfeld, much like the characters of any story where the writer takes the time to describe them, are just bizarre people living in our bizarre world. Brought to their logical conclusions, television characters are human beings incapable of not observing the particularities of their existence. They go to the same coffee shops, they hang out with the exact same people, and they can’t stop scrutinizing the smallest detail of, or change, to that reality. Television shows remind us that the details of our existence are interesting.
The characters we surround ourselves with can be the funniest people in the world when we notice why they do what they do. The job we spend thirty to seventy hours a week at can be the weirdest thing in the world when we notice how ridiculous it is. This year can be a not-so great season. Tomorrow can be a particularly great episode. The television show we’re participating in can be surprising and disappointing and funny and sad and predictable and strange, but its a show we choose whether or not to watch - just watch it!
~
Sometimes, when I have a bad day, I go home, I go to bed, and I narrate out loud, “Hudson was not having a good day.” It almost always helps. Not because it reminds me that I am an insane person and that’s funny, but because it reminds me that I am a character in a movie I am watching, not just playing a role in. I am the protagonist of my own movie, playing a character in other people’s movies, learning how to notice why we’re in a movie at all. Any moment that we don’t realize that, that the story is meaningful, whatever it is, is a moment lost to ourselves.
"Life’s not like a movie” is a pointless phrase that doesn’t mean anything about anyone. We know life is not simple, but we want life to be consequential. Stories tell us it is. So we remind ourselves by telling the stories and listening to the stories and vice versa and on and on till we're dead and death is always a pretty good story too. (Almost always a great tv show or movie)
Life may not be painless or easy, but it is certainly interesting. Movies, television, novels, myths, comics, plays, etc… Those things are at their best when they remind us that the only difference between letting living pass us by and actively choosing to experience existence, is the amount of attention we pay to it. The latest season of the tv show that is my being is sometimes pretty rough, especially when I’m arguing with Trevor about who the main character is, but it is not boring. I can’t ask for much else.
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📚 QUEERBOOK 2024 is hereee! We made a book by and for LGBTQ+ youth! 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈
Last year, we asked LGBTQ+ youth: what's your idea of a "queer utopia?"
Not gonna lie - with more than 150 bills introduced in 35 states in 2023 that aimed to restrict student access to inclusive and diverse books and other library materials, the theme felt pretty radical.
And you DELIVERED. With the help of our Youth Voices (amazing queer youth activists from across the country), we compiled your amazing submissions of poetry, short essays and letters, visual art, photography, and more into Queerbook 2024. Like a yearbook, it captures what queer youth are feeling, going through, and hoping for - right here, right now across the U.S.
It's also no accident that it's the perfect small-ish size to stash in your locker or backpack so you can crack it open any time you're looking for some queer connection. :3
Read some more about the book and grab your own limited-run copy of Queerbook 2024 now here.
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True Honest Marriage
The truth is most people lie about their marital happiness. Why? Because real commitment takes so much more work and energy then many are willing to do. So they prefer to appear picture perfect whenever they are being observed. Which often includes not letting their own family not know the truth.
After thirty years together we were once again faced with the big secret of our marriage. My husband Sven is bisexual. It's neither upsetting or a problem. It just simply is what it is. Sven has had some relationships throughout ours. It's never been an issue until this last time.
We are currently in the last time. It's so far been six weeks of trials and tribulations. For the last week we are in a very new place. We are in an open marriage. Which isn't what most think it is. It's not about whoring around. It's being honest sometimes we need more than what we have. It also isn't about being jealous. It's simple. Sven likes being with men. This time it may stay that way. Or we remain open and allow our boyfriends to be an actual part of our lives. For me it's simple. I've been faithful and that isn't from a place of self righteousness it's just a fact. I am perfectly happy pleasuring myself and going on with my day. However when I received a phone call from an old friend who I was with last time Sven was on a binder (hahahahaha). I didn't reach out to him he just happened to call at the right time.
Boris and I were involved in 1997. I flew to meet him. When we were together he was in his whore stage. Although I was originally probably planned to be another notch on the bed post we clicked. When I flew to see him we had a great time. When we broke it off he just stayed friends. We were now friends and Sven and he always had good communication. Me getting back with him somehow gave the new uncertainty in our marriage a bit of normality. It was with Sven's blessings we rekindled.
Sven was with a local guy, John. John was a piece of work. He was really the first scammer to cause chaos with us. So many are our to cause mayhem and he was a master.
I don't remember who stopped seeing who first but eventually we returned to a closed marriage. Both of us knew it would reopen. Neither of us did anything to keep it closed or reopen it. We grew older, had kids, moved out if state, bought a house. Lived. But marriage for Sven and I have always been full of challenges. Nothing with our feelings for or toward each other just external forces. I'm a brash bitch. I have lived through more shit than anyone I know. I make no excuses for others. If I can live through what I have so can others. It takes being honest with yourself and actually recognizing faults, then working to improve them. We have stumbled so many times. Surgeries, illness in both of us, both mental and physical. We have had financial problems. We have had friends try to turn us against each other, in fact we have even had family members do that to us also. But what we have always been able to do is once we are able to focus we are able to work through it.
So where are we now.. We are six weeks out of me picking up Sven's phone to see pics of a man. I knew immediately. Panic.. sheer panic. I don't even know why it hit me so hard other than he was hiding it. I was so bothered by him hiding. That one was Peter. Peter is a scammer from Tobo, Africa. He told Sven everything he ever wanted to hear. It ended when he requested even more money.. after the $100 he had already sent.
I was so conflicted when Peter was exposed. I suspected I was right about him, but me being right meant there was indeed a scam. I really didn't want to be right. It wasn't long before a new interest came along. Actually two, one is who knows where as his location on the app he is on fluctuates between 2500 miles and 5000 away. He goes by a letter. The letter B. Who knows what his deal is, the other is Roy. Roy ran a good game. I think part of Sven fell in love with Roy. However what Roy really needed was someone to run drugs with him. Which we learned when the police appeared here to inform me Sven was a person of interest in an investigation.
The second time they came for the evening I was so livid with the whole deal i spilled the beans. I told them he was not doing whatever they thought he was doing. He was just either giving or getting a blow job. The cops didn't know what to say but they did tell me he should get better company, which to I replied ya think??
So how did we get to where we are now.
Day by day, minute by minute we hashed shit out. We fought. But we never said or did anything to actually harm each other. We never said anything in malice. But we did indeed butt heads.
I journal. I have to. I need to get ideas and thoughts out. If I can't say them I have to write them.
This is what I sent Sven the evening this started.
Ok here's what I think.. financially you can't leave till I get my associates preferably my bachelor's..we need to get Steven in college and Richard into high school. We appear us when we go out. What we do in private is our business. We can set you up in Steven's room when he leaves blame the mattress.. then Richard is good for high school, Steven has his associates and I can support them and the house. It's most fair to them.
You do what you do but be discreet untill then.
It's the best bet for the boys. You go now Steven will get a job and never do college.
Where I was so proud of this I now see how completely unfair it was of me. It took a few weeks to see.
Written less than 48 hours after discovery I spoke this to my phone on my way to my friend Dennis' house. Dennis is one of my best friends. While we are both friends with him I hang out with him more. Mostly because we catch up during the week and when Sven joins us he can't make work the next day. While he knows we are currently arguing niether he or his wife know the sexual aspect of our relationship. I don't necessarily share that because I don't find it all that relevant. The other reason is sadly many men become squirrelly when they are friends with a bisexual.
last night I said be careful what you wish for and you want you wanted to think it was something that I was saying nasty but as I'm driving to Dennis's right now I'm thinking about everything and I'm so proud of you because like it's amazing to that you actually listen. I think that's so fucking awesome because it is. Anyway what you wished for a very long time ago was for me to be healthy and I'm here but what you didn't realize what is for me to be healthy. I had to become a new person. Each day as I made steps forward you still saw me as the broken person making improvements and it's not anybody's fault it's just what it is. Now the kids are taking your lead on this which is what my frustration always is. So I kind of need you to stay in this state of heightened Enlightenment because I need you to see who I am. Because one of the reasons why I get so angry is the person I improved for doesn't say it so I need you to see it because you wished for it and now you have it.
I didn't correct the insane tone that has because it's important to see how manic I was the first few days.
Three days into the journey
Ok I'm know you are confused. So I'll put it in writing so maybe you will understand. None of what I just said is said or meant nasty. Ok. Read it again without the attitude you read it with the first time. Ok if you are not angry read more. If you are angry or upset do not read anymore till you can.
Ok we have mutually agreed the best interest of the kids is we are normal for them. We have also agreed to treat this time as counciling. It doesn't matter what either of us thinks we want. We have agreed we will be friends or married at the end. But we have to work at either.
Read no more for at least an hour.
Has it been an hour? Are you either mad or upset. Are you confused? If none of those are applicable read more..
When we are alone with Sue and Marc we are raw. We are working on learning who we have become the past few years. We have both had a metaphorasis.
Read no more for a while.
Ok same question as before mad? Confused?
We need to get through this ugly muddy part. We will. But you can't think I am being controling when I am asking you to do things they are only something we already agreed with.
I know you are mentally exhausted. I know you had a bit too much to drink. But it was the idea that although we made a verbal agreement and you didn't honor it..All yiu needed to do was text or call and say just come here..it felt like you were avoiding me and trying to make me act angry
Break time.
Same deal read on as long as you are not angry or anything.
Remember we talked about cunt Mia. She isn't welcome in this. And how as long as I am navigating the waters I can do this. When this happened she tried to come out. I fought her off but it caused me to have a very emotional night with very little sleep. I need to remain level headed and although it feels like I was being controling I was actually fighting off cunt Mia. I am very proud of myself because I did. I did not do anything old Mia would have done.
I'm still so angry here and Sven was so obstinate. But we were at least attempting to communicate.
Sven found excuses to go sleep at Marc's. I suspect he was equally overwhelmed but at the other angle. But he was also communicating with Peter and it was clouding his judgement. Scammers are good. They are everything you are missing in your life. Sadly because most humans react the same to certain stimuli it is really textbook how they gain trust so quickly. Sven has never really shared the intimate details of any of this nor does he have to. Simply put its intimate and that is his.
Over the next few days and weeks we really talked. The most of the time it was civil and just talking. But more importantly we begin listening to each other. We figured out neither one of us were listening to the other. We were slowly becoming complacent in our relationship. It sounds so cliche but we were just going through the motions. A long time ago I heard an interview of a women who said basically no one is always in love with their mate. It's a series of falling in and out of love. Sadly somtimes the back in love doesn't always happen. We have shed so many tears the last few weeks. I really don't even want to remember all of them. However the past two weekends were the most meaningful. Sven processed so much last weekend that he began talking my anxiety meds. It was raw. He apologizes for his sexuality. How insane is that. Being sorry for who you are. I refuse to accept such a silly apology. It's like I'm sorry I am left handed. But he knows there is a part of this that means I have to be different in our relationship than people in other relationships. I really am at peace with it. He has a need.
Three weeks into it Peters scam blew up. He asked Sven for more money, Sven ghosted him. In true form however he got back on the apps and started looking again. Along comes Roy. A trainwreck in disguise. Roy was close living less than a half hour away. They messaged often. I knew shit wasn't adding up but he must of had Sven's eyes covered with his balls. They did get one night together. Although I knew there was bad intent with Roy I was happy Sven was at least able to be intimate with someone. He so badly needed it and it definitely helped things at home.
Roy convinced Sven he needed to go to rehab and needed a ride. The biggest flaw Sven has is he is gullible. He wants to see the best in everyone, because of this he is so easy to manipulate. So to a known drug trafficking place Sven drove Roy believing he was taking him to rehab. Within a few hours he was calling with more lies. It's a doozy. He was too late to check in so his probation officer came to get him and brought him back to the abandoned house he was squatting in. He would have to check into rehab next week and of course need a ride. Fortunately when they went back out that night the police alerted us to the situation. It was tough the next day or so. They connected or at least thought they did. One evening a few days later we he gets a call from some inmate phone service, he was trying to make contact and thought we should pay for that contact. Whew.
Which brings us to now.
This was the best weekend we have had in a long time.
Friday was a normal day. But he was still seeking someone. We heard about a local place who is very gender fluid and it was hosting a party. We bought tickets and went. We had a blast. We danced and laughed. He was himself.
We came home and he got a message from a local guy who he has hooked up with a few times. He asked me if I could give him privacy and I did. I kissed him and went to my room. I called Boris and we had phone sex. We have always been good at that. I enjoy it with him. I enjoy fucking him in person also but ya know that isn't always doable. We were talking and Sven messaged me that Ethan left. I knew it was too quick for him so I joined him to see why. Apparently Ethan is a bit gunshy and saw a shadow got spooked and ran off. Sven was hot and bothered. I generally don't have relations with him when he is in this mode. But this time I needed to suck his dick. He needed it. It was odd at first then he got into it. We were connecting. It felt good. He came and I needed to take it all the more he came the deeper I went on him. Swallowing so much of him. It was so amazing I get wet just thinking about it. Boris actually called while I was busy. I swept the call away and finished. Sometime later I called him back. Told him I couldn't take the call cause I was sucking a dick. He wanted to know if we could send him a video next time. We accommodated his request.
So we are a bit out there with our sex lives. But what I learned with the literal few days I was on dating apps is there are many unhappy married people. Unhappy and lying to their spouses. Creating a false reality in their world. There are so many people who seek porn daily just to wack off.
We won't live in dishonesty. We will live in the light of our truth..
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