me after submitting my chemistry homework and it’s not right, not even a little bit, it is cmopletly wrong everything about it is wron g

i'm so normal and fine about the dawntrailer i'm totally and absolutely 100% average. absolutely fucking john doe over here.

i am excited to teach about oedipus and antigone tomorrow.  i love surprising my students about oedipus’s whole deal being that he desperately tried not to fuck his mom and kill his dad and yet 

literally soo weird still that i'm the type of guy people come up to in studio to ask questions.

one of the most cherished parts of my week is reading the nytimes "the hunt" column which is about people who have somehow gotten their hands on substantial amounts of money making bad real estate decisions. imagine my shock and distress when i opened it this week to see that a woman who i took latin with in undergrad is featured. knew something was wrong with her but didn't know hereditary wealth was the answer

Just realized the reason i’ve been spending so much time outside of my room even if it’s to just sit in the backseat of my car for a few hours. is literally because being in my room, at my grandparents house that i swore i wouldn’t still be living in two years later, makes me feel like a fucking failure.

~ Debt repaid in full ~

Yan!Childe x Weapon!Y/n 

Note: I’m trying to explore my SoulEaterXGenshin AU with this headcanon/fic. Sorry that it got kinda sloppy at the end!! I’ll probably publish my overview of the au sometime but I keep on adding to it with many big-brain ideas. I’ll be opening requests for the au or just suggestions or questions about it! The next character I’ll be exploring will be Zhongli because I’ve been basing all my Archon headcanons with him, so it’ll be the easiest to write for! Also, I wrote this with Y/N being a chain spear weapon but it’s only brought up once, so g/n weapon? 

Word Count: 1k

Warnings: semi-detailed gore (mostly just blood), nonmajor character death, unhealthy dynamic, and relationship, Mentions of heavy violence, Childe just being a menace <;/3

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

The tales from the few delusion weapons that have worked with Childe tell of the many bloodbaths they’ve witnessed. Stories ranging from how he laughed as an enemy begged for mercy before reveling in the final blow to the wet sounds of the blood splashing underneath his shoes following where ever he went. But you could never guess that the man who killed hundreds of Meisters and weapons with only his vision and delusion was the same with the ever-so-charming laugh and showed the utmost kindness to his family. The complete 180 in personality from a cold-blooded murderer to a charming young man could give anyone whiplash. Childe has never sought to make a contract with a weapon himself, only ever using his vision, which changed upon meeting you. 

He first took an interest in you when he was stationed in Lyiue, helping to collect debtors who had been causing issues for the Fatui. This client has been failing to repay the loan they took from the Northland Bank for a few months, so it was up to him to step in where his lackeys failed. But what he didn’t expect was for you to step between him and your friend. You’ve known of Fatui’s methods of collecting a debt; many people ‘suddenly go missing’ after getting behind on their payments. So when you saw your meister being cornered by one of them, you couldn’t just stand aside. Pleading, begging almost, that you would get the money to repay them, you just needed more time. 

He admired your will to be able to stand up to a harbinger. The wildfire that lit up your eyes caused his pulse to skip a beat, like the adrenaline rush from battle. That was the day your ‘love’ story began. 

His interest in you only grew the longer he watched you. How do you take up various jobs around Liuye to help your friend with their due debts? He was thrilled beyond belief when he watched you help clear out some hillcurlers bothering an elderly couple on the outskirts of town. The question of if he would ever make a contract with a weapon came back to him as he saw your arm shift into a chain spear. You moved akin to a dance, moving your body to the rhythm of your attacks, doing quick work of the hillcurlers. He was so fixated on you that he didn’t even notice how he had started to shake in anticipation and a growing beaming smile that uncannily stretched his face. 

After his little watching session, he researched everything about you that he could find, memorizing the tiniest details from your favorite flower to your preferred sleeping position. He even went as far as to show up unexpectedly by you, revealing how your body went stiff. He’d try his charms on you, mixing flirtatious remarks with the ever-so-present time limit until the debt was due. He was quickly becoming somewhat of an acquaintance, much to your disappointment. But what he didn’t think of (or want) was finding out that the friend he initially came to get debt from was your meister. He’d show at night when your returning from a job, taking advantage of your worn-out self to try and plant seeds of doubt in your mind about how you are so much better than your current meister. It didn’t matter whatever relationship you had with this person; the only thing that mattered was that they were in his way of making you his.

The cool night air served as a sort of tranquility that you could lose yourself in any day. That is if there wasn’t a menace walking beside you, serving as a walking reminder of the approaching due date for the mora. You had lost interest in whatever he was talking about, being too exhausted from clearing out monsters for the past few hours to care. You didn’t need to be nagged and taunted by some harbinger who took it upon himself to annoy you daily. 

Your autopilot walking was interrupted when the ginger abruptly stepped in front of you, leaning down to be at eye level with you. “I don’t get it, really,” he began, staring at you as if he could look into your soul for an answer, “ Why do you even stay with that meister? You’re practically being held back by them. You need someone more...experienced than them!” He chuckled, seeing you glare at him, trying to sidestep around him, but he got in front of you again. Being so close to his face, you could see his eyes' hollowness that you didn’t notice before. “Someone like me.” With how quickly he changed, he returned to the annoying carefree Childe you were used to—laughing at how you looked like you saw a ghost. 

The rest of the walk had a heavy air as his words echoed in your head.

When the extended time limit came, you and your meister brought the exact amount to the Northland bank where childe was uncharacteristically quiet when the sack of mora was laid out in front of him. You can feel as if time had stopped when Childe presents that while you had gotten the payment for the loan, it had increased in the extended time he gave you. But he is not anything but generous and offers a compromise, saying he’ll erase all of your meisters debt if you agree to unify your contract with them and, in return, make one with him♡.

You’re both stunned and bewildered by his proposal. However, from how a sly smile creeps up on his face, you know he means every word. The audacity of the man in front of you. He so casually dehumanized you into a simple object that could be traded in a contract. Thankfully you and your meister both rejected his proposal, asking if there was anything else. 

He pretended to ponder the idea before stating that there was a way to settle this fairly, practically eating up your full undivided attention on him. He would challenge your meister to a duel, hardly hiding the fact that this was his plan. The vision at his hip pulsing to life as your meister begrudgingly accepted. You could only watch as the gruesome match began. You wanted to look away so many times as the screams of your now late meister rang through the air.

You didn’t even notice the tears streaming down your face as Childe walked to you, his prize. Staring down at you with those soulless eyes looked down at your crouched figure. He took off his bloodied glove and brushed your tears off as he cradled your cheek. Tilting your face upwards to meet his gaze, “I look forward to our newly formed contract (first)!” beaming a smile that didn’t match his void-like eyes. 

Childe would make you his right hand in the Fatui, taking you away from Lyiue to his home in Snezhnaya. He doesn’t need to chain you down when your contract does it for him, detailing your obedience to stay by his side. He takes pride in wielding your weapon form, proving that he is better than your old partner. That you should be thankful, he decided to help bring out your true potential, only under him, of course. You’ve taken to just trying to block out all the cries and screams of the people victim to the harbinger, though you haven’t been able to wash the iron smell from you for months now. 

New rumors of the infamous 11th Harbinger started circling through the low-ranking members and weapons in the Fatui. Tales of how where ever he fought, there would only be him and his weapon standing victor in the end. Dancing in a blood-filled ballroom, the red floor reflecting the sinful dance like a mirror—capturing how his hands tighten around your hand and waist, pulling you along to his rhythm—a mere victim to the beat of his war drum.

hey, you posted something about your students and i was wondering what you teach! i feel like you write really eloquently so i bet you’re a good teacher who can explain topics well :) sorry if you’ve mentioned this before lol i haven’t been following you for too long.

hi!! im a grad student TA rn but i have done a few lectures for oceanography (my phd program rn). mainly stuff like fish/fisheries, ocean ecology to majors and nonmajors

Intro To Art For NonMajors by otatop

Derek has one more class to pass before he can finish his degree but he can't bring himself to give a shit about art. He can, however, give a shit about his professor.

Sterek - Complete - Professor Stiles/Student Derek College AU - Words: 13,489 - Rating: Explicit

THOUGHTS: A very enjoyable oneshot. The sexual tension is there throughout, but also there’s a deeper attraction that I like. Professor Stiles is adorable and hot. Derek’s disdain for art had me questioning how he and Stiles could work together in a relationship long term, but the writer threw in a little twist that redeemed Derek and was super sweet. I enjoyed this quite a bit and laughed more than a few times.

MORE OF MY FAVORITES HERE  

ok anon who followed up with 2 long messages despite my response:

im sorry it came across that way to you but again, i post a personal vent on MY BLOG! about my personal frustrations . and a difference in credit load of 46 or more credits translates to OVER A YEARS WORTH OF CREDITS at my university. i think im allowed to say that the intensity of the courseload is fucking different jesus!!!!!

OF COURSE I USED EXAMPLES OF THINGS IVE OBSERVED AT MY UNIVERSITY, BECAUSE I AM TALKING ABOUT MY EXPERIENCES AT MY UNIVERSITY

also, seriously? you’ve extrapolated from my gripe about MY UNIVERSITYS COURSELOAD that i dont think arts studies are as vital????? every time ive tried to criticize university arts education for whatever reason im always hit with the “you think arts are inferior!!” meanwhile at my university so many arts courses are locked from nonmajors that i couldnt even take fucking INTRO GUITAR as a music minor. so yeah, i have fucking gripes about how MY UNIVERSITYYYYY manages courses. anyways, my stem department has artist residency programs qt field laboratories and on research cruises because we agree that art is, yknow, vital. and i never said my degree was more vital or important GODDDDD . sorry i had a long day and bitched on fucking tumblr dot com.

Whatever happened to the girlies 😟

i rarely feel like drawing nonmajor characters

Intro to Art for NonMajors by otatop (wc13489, explicit)

Summary: Derek has one more class to pass before he can finish his degree but he can't bring himself to give a shit about art. He can, however, give a shit about his professor.

Usually when it's a Sterek prof/student fic, Derek is the prof and Stiles is the student. I LOVE the change up here and I LOVE the dynamic. Also, if you're worried, nothing happens while Derek is still a student, AND the ages are normal - Derek is older.

Stone's indictment of the majors focuses on two types of crimes, which, to use his terms, might be divided into Thievery and Thuggery, although there seems to be some overlap. In the Thievery category is the formula the studios use to apportion the vast new millions that come from the videocassette market. The dastardly formula which perpetrates the thievery, Stone says, is called the "videocassette override."

"Major, major thievery," he says. "It's $12 million on [my film] Wall Street."

Twelve million dollars is a large sum to have been lost to "theft," even by Hollywood standards. I ask him how he calculated that.

"The majors declare that only 20 percent of a film's videocassette revenues are allocated back to the film's gross."

"I thought gross was gross," I say, relieved to have seen Speed-the-Plow.

Gross isn't gross when it comes to tape revenues because of the override formula, he says. "They keep 80 percent," which means that profit participants on the creative end—like the director and screenwriter, who start collecting only if the gross is massive—can end up shut out of the tape-revenue windfall. "They say they're treating videocassettes as a separate entity. It's been going on for years, but it's a complete misunderstanding of the way that videocassettes were originally supposed to be distributed. Wall Street's video revenues were more than $16 million in sales. They will allocate around $4 million. Ripping off $12 million." (Nick Counter, president of the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers, calls this account "confused." He says that "the formula is an industrywide negotiated figure which is the minimum and can be negotiated higher. The economics of the marketplace—marketing costs and the like— have justified the formula.")

Stone calls the other category of crime committed by the cocksucker vampires at the major studios Thuggery: using monopolistic muscle to strangle the once promising growth of nonmajor independents and boutique studios such as Hemdale (which brought out Salvador and Platoon when no one else would). "It's an incredible struggle that's going on," he says. "It's very subtle. Critics don't pick up on it. In 1985-86, the independent films started to break through. The Salvadors, the Room with a Views, the Platoons."

He contends the majors reacted to this by increasing the quantity of the films they release, which resulted in the independents' being squeezed out, because they're locked out of distribution to movie theaters. "Hemdale, Cannon, Dino [De Laurentiis], all of them have been hurting. They're hurting because they can't get the theater time." (In fact, a recent Variety story confirmed a "screen crunch'' for indies, although collusion is another question.)

-Oliver Stone to Vanity Fair, January 1989 [x]

Commenting on the ongoing 11-week WGA strike, Stone suggested the roots of the current industrial action lie in the deal brokered to end the five-month writers strike in 1988. “There was a basic miscarriage of justice way back when, when Brian Walton was the head of the WGA, when we gave in. I wasn’t on the front line, but I supported that strike,” said Stone. “We gave in to the producers. They got away with murder on one of these deals where all that DVD money was deferred. They claimed they were in the hole, in the red, and that they had to get their money back from DVD. “I forgot what the percentage was, but they took something like the first 75% off the top. The DVD business was huge, especially for my films. So, the gross was never divided fairly.” Stone said this trend had continued with residuals and profits. “Not so much residuals, as profits really. Residuals are important for some of the writers who don’t make as much money. But people who do make money, they don’t touch the profits from the film, the studio does,” he said. “The studio is always telling you that they’re losing money, but they always find a way to make a new level of profit for 10, 15 years. … It’s that perpetual industrial problem with a capitalist group that pays its executives more and more money and screws the average writer.”

-Oliver Stone to Deadline, Jul 14 2023

Random Life Ramble under cut about this weekend. You can skip this entirely or just cut to the last two paragraphs (in italics) to get the ghist of it if you want! Anything's cool!❤️

Ok, so I really planned to try to catch up on fics I wanted to read tonight and tomorrow, but I honestly don't think that's gonna happen until maybe Sunday now.

Because today, we moved my twin sister into her apartment and I honestly am not sure how I feel about it. It's not because she's been disowned or hates out family or she's leaving in a negative manner. She's literally moving 12 minutes away and I'm still going to see her all the time until I leave for college again. She moved to college back home after her freshman year elsewhere and has been living at home again. And while she loves my parents and is so much happier back here than where she was, she just wants to be able to try living out of the house like so may of our friends are and that's totally fine. My parents agree that like we're twenty and it's normal for people to want to do that during college and it could be a good experience for when we're out of it and we're both good kids. So that happens today and it all went well and I really an estancia for her that she finally gets to do this. And I think that this will be something she enjoys and will be good for her to be independent like she wants to be a bit more of. She'll still be super close to everything she knows but she also gets to try stuff she hasn't before. And I think she'll do great. Because I adore her so much and I want her to be happy so badly. She is my twin and my other half in every sense of the word. Which is funny because we look nothing a like and 80% of the time we are the literal definition of the whole "The Brawn and The Brain" one athletic and one nerdy twin stereotype. My parents put us in separate rooms at like a year and a half old because she'd fall asleep like sleeping beauty and I'd take much longer to fall asleep and would keep her up too much while just messing around in my crib and it just wasn't working out at all. But as different as we are I wouldn't change a single thing about her for anything in the world. She is and always will be my best friend and I know without a doubt I would choose her above anyone else right now. And I'm so happy to see she's happy....But there is a part of me that fucking hates this. And I'm not really sure what to do right now.

Because if it hasn't been noticed, I really am not good at expressing my feelings out loud. In life or when reading things I'll have so many thoughts in my head about it and how much I feel about it and what I think. But when someone asks about it or if I want to tell them how I felt about it, I have a very hard time saying more than "it was good" "it was fine" "I loved it." Because really in the backwards way my brain sometimes works, those words are all that's needed to express exactly how I feel and anything else just wouldn't make sense or would be repetitive and my brain also gets on to be about being too repetitive or rambley especially when I'm nervous or excited. And so while it isn't always a bad thing, and I am able to control my emotions relatively well in many situations, I also tend to bottle the worse things up and I know that's not always good.

But I have briefly cried at least five times today when I made sure no one was looking. And I really don't cry a lot. I don't like crying because honestly nine times out of ten it's doesn't makes sense to me to do. Either my brain says that crying would not be productive to the situation so let's find a better solution or I would rather set aside what's bothering me and make myself focus on something different because I don't want to be sad. I like being happy and I really would rather just forgive and forget most nonmajor inconveniences instead of letting them bring me down. I like being a glass half full kind of person and I don't think that's a bad thing. And once again, bottling things up isn't good even if I can't help it sometimes.

But when it comes to my sister I don't have that issue at all apparently. I like to joke that she's the biggest reason I ever cry and not because she's tossing the remote at me from across the couch. But it's also true because when it comes to her I can't actually hold stuff in and just the thought of something happening to her worries me so much at times even if I know she's going to be fine. I think the biggest thing this time is that she won't be as close to me anymore. Like us going to different colleges was one thing, but it also wasn't too bad because on top of texts and calls and stuff, I knew that when I came home from the holidays she'd still be sleeping right down the way like she'd been quiet literally since ever. And now that's not gonna happen anymore and while I understand that it will even have to happen one day and we will both move out and not live in the house we've grown up in. There's something about it that just makes me uncomfortable. Because I think the last thing in this world I want is to lose anything with my sister because we've move apart.

But yeah. So honestly today has been a good day. Work was good and her move in was easy and my family had pizza dinner at the apartment and this day really couldn't have gone smoother. And I've talked to a lot of great people today too. I think the biggest issue today has been the ten minute power outage that happens while writing this and tumblr being a little ass about me trying to edit a post and organise it the way I like. Like really? Why is it shoving over my bolded text to stuff I didn't chose and why is it shifting where my hyperlink? Though again. In the span of things those aren't really big deals. They won't affect me forever and all in all they didn't do anything to dampen the good that happens today.

But something about today has just drained me and so I want to wait until Sunday or Monday to read things when I can fully focus on them without my anxiety in the background. And I feel bad about it because I like everything y'all do and I want to see more of it but I just can't do that today and I don't want anyone to think I'm ignoring them or am not interested. I am, but I just don't think I'll be able to fully focus and respond and process on what I'm reading tonight and stuff.

Finally, I do however, have two things in my queue for this weekend but haven't gotten around to it until now. Mainly because I wasn't sure if anyone would be interested or if it would be worth it. But I've made them and I've been meaning to post them for a few days and don't want to let my self chicken out about it again But the first post is a WIP list of the stories I haven't published, the ones I've started writing, and some ideas I have planned next. I think it would maybe help people seen what I'm working on, and also be a place for me to semi store ideas that I make up. The second post is just something about tags list I'm going to start making. Because I haven't actually form that yet, and while I've had people asked to be tagged in stuff before, an actual for stuff didn't occur to me until recently and I was always worried that I would forget someone who asked. And I'm not sure how may people would want to be on them but I figured it could actually help me organise things a bit!

And yeah! That's it. If you've read this all or even a bit I'm sorry for rambling. But I love all of y'all, all of y'all are brilliant and amazing and I can't what to see what happens next with all of y'all lovely people! ❤️❤️ Have a good weekend!!

white knuckled fingers digging into my thighs telling myself i don't need to apply to even kcai because yr undergrad doesn't necessarily mean anything about what yr skill or future will look like & it's genuinely so lucky that i don't have to pay any tuition outside of like a couple hundred in art fees & i just need to do my best here with what ive got & make connections outside of school & that will be enough even though all i fucking want is to study art & illustration all day every day & have good faculty who will actually help me learn & improve & be better & be able to actually take classes in the things i want to learn rather than me being the only one who pushes things to my limits in classes because everyone else is liberal arts nonmajor fuckheads who aren't interested at all in anything other than remixing kincade & painting saints with acrylic & i have to take every single slog of a class im not interested in bc there's a mandatory core curriculum & not even a portfolio requirement for the art department!!!!

Teaching the Peloponnesian War sucks this shit is so complicated I have trouble understanding it despite having covered it in two classes I’ve taken and like trying to explain it to my class of nonmajors requires so many tangents for context. Like I need to explain the Delian and Peloponnesian leagues and then also the expectation vs reality of mother city and colony city relations and then I need to explain ostraca and then I realized that they don’t know what their boats look like so I have to talk about triremes and why they’re expensive and then I need to explain siege warfare and then I have to explain what Thucydides whole deal is and then I have to cover Cimon and the Spartans dealing with the Helot revolt and then all the battles are a mess and then like plague and sicily and Persia comes back and the mytilene debate and Alcibiades and the herms and so many generals and statesmen and just….. Like it’s the WWI of ancient wars for complex politics and events.