#no. fuck you. i am done. it's not my job to forgive you and validate you
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actually i hope that i never speak to the fucker again but if by any chance my father asks me if i am a man-hating lesbian because of him, i will simply tell him "yes"
#also like autumn last year i was stuck on loop in 'ineed to tell him i forgive him and it will all be normal'#'because he's been waiting to hear these words from me for a decade already'#and like. NO. NO???#it was actually your fault and i hope you live every day with that guilt and REALLY i hope it worsens and you can't fucking live with yours#oh you miss me?? oh you want to cry and apologize and beg at my feet?? AGAIN??#to betray my trust and shit on my forgiveness and fuck with my brain??? AGAIN???#well fucking suffer you deserve it#i want to heal and i think the only way i close this wound finally is by stopping to go out of my comfort zone and try for him#no matter how he fucking wails on the phone or bats his fucking lashes at me#no. fuck you. i am done. it's not my job to forgive you and validate you
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✨ episode 1/2 - running commentary✨
- ok so im slightly disappointed that it's the eps i watched in the screening BUT IM DETERMINED TO LOVE IT ANYWAY SO WE REMAIN OPTIMISTIC AND WE MOVE~~
- angel crowley is so young and innocent my poor boy he's been through so much
- like now im watching it, it feels like putting it in a cinema was a Bad Choice and maybe that's why I didn't like it??? it feels way more authentic and cosy on tv
- im sorry but crowley sounds like such an old man in the park scene, "frozen peas... it's good for them too🙂"
- seriously this is so much more palatable on tv format i can't get over it
- OH MAGGIE I LOVE YOU
- aziraphale god bless ur little cotton socks
- god crowley's legs got me SWEATIN
- ugh crowleys hand in the cafe is so FRUITY
- lmao "purely selfish action" aziraphale is so self aware and I love it
- no im sorry but goob is the fucking star of the show you cannot change my mind but dialogue and delivery wise he is currently CARRYING
- Dartmoor mention had me creasing, that's literally on my doorstep
- aziraphale's bitchy ass face then he sits down in the backroom honestly watered my crops and healed nature
- okay im sorry but the dialogue is still a little off for me I won't lie💀
- beelzebub's accent is just 😘👌 perfect, but equally feel like they'd be perfect in a production of oliver
- god believe me i feel for nina but... I... do not like her, and they are NOT suited for each other at all
- I LEARNT MY PASSION IN THE GOOD OLD FASHIONED SCHOOL OF LOVER BOYS
- that dance is so low effort I'm sorry it should have been the macarena or cha cha slide
- crowley's bow tho is so hot he's so graceful he looks like a swan
- and yeah the refs to the other years that aziraphale did the dance is GIVING ME HEART PALPITATIONS ugh
- he and goob are like cats on a hot tin roof like IMMEDIATE hissing vibes
- lmao ok so that episode does end there then... such a weird ending im sorry but yeah let's fully retract the alternate episode theory (but @prime you need to hire me for s3 just a thought bc 👀)
- anyway ep2 I'm sorry but the angelic herald speech thing is cute and funny but also so cringe hmmm
- gabriel is lord farquaad ugh
- I HAVE TO REMEMBER THIS IS A COMEDY UGH but i miss the slightly serious undertones in s1 sob god I hope they come back later on
- UGH THE TURTLENECK🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵
- shax is mommy I don't make the rules
- I noted it in the screening but angel wings for earrings, Maggie????
- nice job on the lie aziraphale well done once again making excellent choices you're so smart and valid (utter moron)
- "SOUNDS A BIT UNLIKELY" LMAO GET FUCKED CROWLEY
- oh goob you really are going through it my bby I love u
- crowley's face after may god forgive you KILLS ME this scene is honestly the stand out one in both ep1 and ep2 if you ask me
- TY TY TY god bless u but you also make me so uncomfortable
- jobs youngest kid truly gives me life
- lmao the fact that aziraphale does actually recognise when crowley tempts him is hilarious tho bc he just conveniently disregards it by the bench scene in s1 hmmm character development or character regression WHO KNOWS
- ok no I'm sorry but the mukbang scene is so unnecessary and uncomfortable
- "whack the kids" honestly the best line of this scene imo, but upon reflection and rewatching it, crowley's demeanour is rather heartbreaking whilst he's reclined getting ratted
- FRANCES FRANCES FRANCES ✨💓
- 'but just to be able to ask the question' UGH CROWLEY STOP
- lmao shoemaking and obstetrics what a combo god bless
- THEY CAN ARRIVE AT ANY SIZE lmao and Michael is too sharp for their own good... but I do hate that gabriel is utterly inept, he came across as cruel and calculating if a little ignorant in s1 but not this comedically stupid
- "yes I bloody am" TY MY LOVE
- Michael sheen and David Tennant deserve nominations for the children swap scene alone, imo the strongest bit of acting in the ep im sorry 'you have my word as an angel' KILL ME
- why is nina obsessed with crowley, like I get it babes but also why
- THEY ARE SO MARRIED MT PARTNER AND I ARGUE OVER THE CAR ALWAYS "our car" LMAO 💀💀💀
- ✨✨✨IT WAS A NICE DAY, ALL THE DAYS HAD BEEN NICE✨✨✨
- ok the rock scene is so much more emotional on tv, so much better
OKAY RIGHT EP3 LETS HAVE ITTTTT
#good omens#good omens season 2#go2 commentary#good omens spoilers#good omens 2 spoilers#not a shitpost but its good omens babyyyy#edit: it unnerves me that neil liked this cesspit of inner monologue but similarly the man's a madlad and cannot be contained#go off i guess
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Hi, my name is Sky-Chau. I've been on this platform since I was 13. I'm 20 now and as such I've learned a lot and come to realize a lot of the things I've said done and believed, in the past were genuinely fucked up and harmful to both myself and the people I've come to know as my friends. Some of it was ignorance and niavate, but not all of it. In the grand scheme of things, my intent at the time is irrelevant as none of that changes the negative impact it had on the people around me, and for that impact, I am deeply sorry.
I'm not perfect, no one is. I'm a firm believer that evil is not an inherent thing you are but rather a thing you do. By classifying evil as a behavior, it allows people to grow and change for the better. You don't have to forgive me or anyone else that's hurt you. That's up to you and your own personal comfort and safety. I'm not asking you to forgive anyone.
Forgiven or not, I'd like to make a few things clear going forward. Some of these are corrections to things I've said in the past and others are things that I want to make sure anyone who follows me understands. In no particular order:
1) Trans women are women, and whether or not any individual identifies as always having been a woman or having grown out of a comfortable agab childhood into a woman, doesn't change their current woman status and is ultimately none of my business as it's a descriptor of a lived experience.
The same goes for trans men and NBs.
Experiences of dysphoria and the choice to medically transition is none of anyone's business. Trans people can do whatever makes them comfortable, and anyone who insists there's such a thing as "faking it" is missing the point. It's about people's lives, for a lot of people it's not a choice. For other people being transgender is a choice and that's equally valid. People have a right to control and express their own gender identity in whatever way helps them thrive.
I can say without a doubt policing other people's identities, is most definitely not making your own life any better.
2) Black lives matter, the culture and dialects of black people are important. Any non-black person in America should be conscious of the safety, benefits, and advantages that we received from slavery, systemic exclusion of black people from economic opportunities, and inequality. (Note that consciousness doesn't mean personal guilt.)
3) Cis men and masculinity are not the enemy. The phrase toxic masculinity refers to the ways that our cultures idea of manhood harms society and individual men. Any proposed solutions for gender inequality under feminism need to do more than simply elevate women. In the same way the high matinence aesthetic expectations of femininity need to be abolished, the crushing and dangerous social expectations of masculinity need to be dissolved.
The construct of gender hurts everyone in different ways. Men shouldn't have to put themselves in danger by signing up for the draft or working construction. These should be opt in choices for anyone of any gender.
4) No culture is primitive. Every society holds a different set of values and priorities. A society that prioritizes the health of the earth is going to use their enginuity differently than a society that prioritizes wealth and the future of it's children.
5) Antisemitism is both very real and ancient. Listen to Jewish people when they voice their concerns.
6) My lesbian flag sucked. Despite my deep convictions about its design whilst I was in highschool. The symbolism comes off as rather performative in hindsight as yeah, that's the level of maturity and understanding of the world I was at when I made it. I can't stop you from using it but just know that I currently consider my plan to solve the "too many lesbian flags" problem by proposing yet another flag to be foolish and dumb.
7) Everyone is still learning, all the time. It's not your job to teach them, though kudos to you if you have the mental strength to try. For many people deep in an ideological rabbit hole, being taught will not necessarily make them learn. At least not right away. Ideological change doesn't happen overnight.
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In fiction there can be one dimension but in the real world there are no good people there are only people that are actively trying to be good and people that aren't trying, don't want to try and don't care about what their actions do to others.
You can shift from one position to another at any point in your life and mental health and circumstances around you makes it more difficult to change position but not impossible.
That said, this doesn't justify you hurting others and if you do you deserve to live with the consequences of your actions, you are not owed forgiveness from anybody, even less from the people you did hurt.
People have the right to defend themselves from you if they know you actively do or did something to hurt others and don't want to associate with you that's a valid choice they are making for their life, they are safeguarding their own mental health and well-being and every human being has that right.
Maybe this doesn't help your "healing journey" in your opinion and it makes you mad that you aren't immediately accepted into the group, but that's also how society survives- other people are not inherently responsible for your healing unless they are being paid to be, only your parents were responsible and they failed.
You will always find people that are kind and have that much heart to forgive you if you are actively trying to do better. They exist and many times they have done some shit themselves in the past so they are more prone to give opportunities to others, there are also people that give opportunities by looking at how you act day by day without completely trusting you, keeping up healthy boundaries for themselves.
There are also people that have trauma themselves that makes them too accepting and too trusting and see things too positively because they are not educated in mental health and believe that humans are fundamentally good and "even if they hurt me I can take it because who am I if I don't help them when they have suffered in the past this much, I have not so I should give all that I can give to help them or it means I'm bad"
( I was one of these people lost in that narcissistic and delusional "good Samaritan" mentality for 25 years of my life, giving so many second chances to others that I lost myself, burned out all that I had and after being forced to put up a wall to literally not die myself, is in the process of trying to reconstruct outside of that identity, with healthy boundaries, went to therapy for it and all... and it takes YEARS to dismantle that toxic thought process and it's a lonely as fuck journey! Still, I'm not going back, I will be giving respect, not forgiveness. I am trying to reach and keep being in the middle ground.)
Other people don't have to associate with you but they are responsible for how they treat you, like for any other human being, in the sense that they should not harass you with verbal or physical abuse.
Mental health should be looked after by people that are not connected to what you did, that are well rewarded for doing that job and that are protected by someone looking out for them so that you don't hurt them if you fall back on your pattern like many people with mental health problems do often.
Humans have also the right to feel anger towards people that hurt them or have hurt others that they love and they should be able to express that anger in healthy ways, one of the healthiest ways is through fiction... where if you're rooting for the villain that is fixed on his path of wanting to hurt others and likes the feeling that hurting others gives him, to die suffering, then you should be allowed to do it without that automatically meaning that you are wanting to hurt people in the real world.
How you act in real life is what's important.
But also in real life you don't have to necessarily have empathy for people that do bad shit like abusing, raping or killing someone, you don't owe them anything except the bare minimum of respect that it means you don't abuse them back. They can give you empathy and understanding and many will, not everyone will and they are allowed not to have empathy for you and if you're really in a healing path you will understand that.
At the same time if people are punching you first I will always encourage you to punch back, you will not find me on the "give the other cheek to be slapped" side of that spectrum, you will not find jesus in my blog.
I don't cry when abusers die, I am happy that there is one less abuser in the world. Does that make me "not good" ? Free to think that, I don't think it does.
I think that if you can't stop them from punching you punch back until they stop.
You should have the right to defend yourself when you don't have any other means to stop them and if you do something like killing them because you were defending yourself I will definitely forgive you more easily, you still need therapy and to be watched over for a while so that you can go back into society after all that trauma you just experienced, but I will not be as distrustful of you as I am of someone that hurts random innocent people to satisfy a personal urge inside of them even if I can recognize it's their poor mental health making them do that.
Experiencing trauma in the past can explain why you become a perpetrator in the future even to people that have done nothing to you, but it doesn't justify the abuse you are doing and keep doing day by day, and it doesn't grant you forgiveness by others that need to defend themselves from your violent impulses.
#this is a#anti henry creel#post#if that wasn't clear enough#also anti Lonnie Byers#and every other abuser that doesn't want to change#your actions have consequences#and doing better doesn't delete the hurt you caused to others#if you're really doing better then you accept that#also trauma doesnt make you a perpetrator your choices do that#as#Will Byers#and#El Hopper#show!!!
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An Open Letter to Pete Kahle of Bloodshot Books
Dear Pete,
I was supposed to be writing about the dangers Artificial Intelligence presents to the gainful employment of full-time authors, but instead, I’m having to write this because of your bullshit. So you’ll forgive me if I’m less-than-fucking-polite.
Mary SanGiovanni, Cynthia Pelayo, Sonora Taylor and others who know me like to tell people: “Leave Brian alone. He’s retired, and spends his days caring for cats and playing with his ham radio station.” And they’re not wrong, Pete. I’ve worked very hard to get to the point where I am — a place where there’s enough of a backlist that I can count on it providing an income when I’m no longer able to write due to the forthcoming infirmities of old age, and I don’t have to deal with anyone’s bullshit anymore.
When I retired, Pete? When I killed off The Horror Show and stepped out of the spotlight and quit fighting the horror genre’’s battles for it? I did so with the knowledge that there was a whole new generation of writers, artists and filmmakers who were now empowered to do that for themselves and for the genre as a whole. And it’s been delightful watching them do just that over and over again these last three years. Sure, they check in with me once in a while — asking my advice or guidance on dealing with the nitwits and threats, and I’m happy to offer that advice and guidance, but make no mistake, Pete. They step up all on their own, and take the bull by the fucking horns.
Case in point is Todd Keisling putting you on blast yesterday evening on Twitter.
Which brings me to the point of this letter.
Now, I don’t know Adam Millard. To the best of my knowledge I’ve never met him (although it’s possible he’s come through my line at a signing or bought me a drink at a convention). But despite my not knowing him, I have no problem believing his allegations, Pete, because they’re the same allegations many other authors have been making about you for several years now, both publicly and in private. And I do know some of those other people. And I’ve seen your communications with them. Twice now, over the last two years, I was going to get involved in this (despite retirement) but both times I was asked to wait, and to give you a chance to rectify the situation. But you are either unwilling or unable to do so, so allow me to briefly step out of retirement and say hello.
Hello.
If your first reaction to this is to offer apologies and share whatever is going on in your personal life — don’t. You’ve done that repeatedly in the past, when other authors in your stable have raised these allegations. Personal problems — be they health, a loved one, depression, day job, etc — are all perfectly valid, but they lose that validity as months turn into years and you still haven’t rectified the problems. So don’t apologize. Don’t make excuses. We’re beyond that now, Pete.
What can you do to rectify the situation? What can you do to help the genre at a time when we’re seeing publishers begin to use A.I. to do the writing and drawing, and the global economy slides into recession, and a worldwide paper shortage plays havoc on release schedule, and Amazon seems intent on making it impossible for people to easily find or purchase our books, and we compete for the attention of an ever-increasingly distracted populace that has more entertainment choices than ever before?
Well, I’ll tell you what you can do, Pete. Here’s my advice, freely and earnestly given.
Step 1: Immediately send each and every one of your authors a royalty statement, accounting not only for online sales, but direct sales at places like the Merrimack Valley Halloween Book Festival and Camp Necon. If you can’t immediately provide each of them with a royalty statement, then immediately revert their rights, take their books out of print and out of distribution, and shut down Bloodshot Books.
Step 2. Pay them what you owe them. If you can’t pay them what you owe them, then immediately revert their rights, take their books out of print and out of distribution, and shut down Bloodshot Books.
Step 3: Once you’ve paid them what you owe them, immediately revert their rights, take their books out of print and out of distribution, and shut down Bloodshot Books.
Step 4: Shut down Bloodshot Books. If you can’t do that, then know that these people won’t be quiet any longer. And neither will I, Pete. I’ve got some free time, in between playing with my cats and my ham radio. Know that the next time you set up a table at a convention, there will be someone watching and taking note of every copy of every author’s book that you sold in real time, so that those authors can then be informed.
If you give a shit about this genre, about your own writing, or about your peers and the folks you call friends, then do the right thing, Pete. Because being a publisher? This is not for you.
— Brian Keene
PS: As we’ve seen time and time again over the last 25 years, whenever there’s trouble like this with a publisher, there are always one or two authors who say “Well I haven’t had a problem” and rush to the publisher’s defense. In advance of that, know that your peers see you, and will remember that you only care about yourself.
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just venting, idk. i usually do this in my journal but i'm refraining from adding any negativity into the one i currently write in, so of course logging back into my ghost town of a tumblr account is the only logical place to dump it all.
life fucking blows. i was researching examples of emotional abuse and i've experienced every single one. like, going down the list and feeling my heart drop a little bit more with each point was such a painful feeling. my abusers (which feels weird saying/writing for the first time, but it's appropriate, sadly) are in denial that they could have possibly done these things to me. and oh, how they love to tell me how responsible i am to continue going therapy to fix the wounds i have. it's up to me now. it's the truth, but i can't help but be extremely angry that they can say it with complete validity. because even though me getting help IS the appropriate next step, what about them? what about the actions they need to take, like apologizing? and meaning it? why aren't they doing research on whether or not what they did constitutes abuse? identifying to me exactly what they're sorry for instead of making absurdly vague blanket statements to hopefully get me to shut up about it forever and let it die in the past so they are never reminded of their own actions again?
i was so mad when i was forced to tell them how i felt only for them to say, "okay? well your only option now is to get help. the past already happened." like ... thank you for such a sensitive response to my feelings. this is why i never open up or ask for help. it's just not bound to end well. if you open up, people will use your sensitivities against you as a weapon. if you ask for help like you've been told to, you'll be gravely disappointed because you were expecting people to care, and they won't.
i believe in forgiveness. i firmly believe it is the most important virtue of all. but how do you forgive someone when they aren't even sorry? and more importantly, how do you forgive someone when their behaviors from 10 years ago still occur every now and again?
i'm 24 now and i want to let go of the pain so bad. my younger self was so much wiser. and i was always optimistic. i thought i would be that way forever. maybe i still can be. i remember being so happy when i was young, so full of joy and always in awe of the world around me. i loved music, i loved to sing into my nintendo dsi voice recorder. i loved learning about makeup and practicing it on myself. i thought the grass outside in the summer was such a beautiful green. i never failed to appreciate the little things.
then, i was mocked, bullied. all the time. every single day. and any passion of mine was never appreciated. i didn't know it at the time, but my parents were neglecting me and everyone else was bullying me. i was made to believe liking those things was wrong. i was made to believe that liking such normal things was not normal. one thing i've learned about myself is that i am very easily manipulated and i will quite absolutely believe anything people say about me. i was also always a shy girl to begin with, but i was made fun of for being quiet so i began to overcompensate and became the most nauseating, attention hungry teenager, and it still wasn't enough because of my physical appearance.
i was then bullied for being overweight. by peers, but also by my own family. i never felt so alone in the world. i felt like it was never going to end. the sad thing is, it kind of never really did end. i wish i had at least one friend to validate my feelings and tell me everything was going to be okay, but sadly i didn't even have that.
i've tried to take my trauma and become a better person out of it. my biggest fear was ending up becoming someone who inflicts harm onto others because of what they've experienced. i feel like i've done a pretty good job maintaining that, actually.
but now, i'm suffering. my self esteem has plummeted because everything i heard about myself when i was a child is so ingrained into my head. those people ruined such a sweet, young girl. i strongly believe those things about myself to this day, all these years later. when i have children of my own, i will instill so much confidence, praise, and love into them so they will never have to misunderstand their value in the world the way i did.
i'm hoping that i can teach myself to become whoever i want to be. fuck my abusers. fuck them for trying to take everything away from me. their failed attempt is pathetic. i've been abused by other people but i've let it go because they're no longer in my life. unfortunately, my worst abusers are the ones that are in my family, which are people i can't just easily cut off. but i don't care, them being "family" may make it harder to deal with because i can't escape them, but it doesn't mean i will ever accept the behavior. i still love them, but they have made it extremely difficult to do so. and if they ever tell me, "well, you don't show us you love us," like, hmm, why do you think?
pretty sure no one is reading this but thanks for letting me trauma dump <3
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Question 2: What is your greatest fear?
I could list all of my rational fears like no problem. But it’s my irrational fears that shake me to the core and make my blood run cold. Am I good enough, will something work out in my favor, and I trust this or that. Some of them could be classified as rational but to me the irrational fears are the ones that don’t make the most sense to me. Why am I scared of this or that, the only thing I could come up with is that it’s a trauma response and it’s my subconscious protecting me. Again getting off topic, the truth is I don’t know what I fear. I’m not afraid of death, I find it very welcoming and a place to meet the people I’ve missed or to meet my greatest heroes. Que that Harry Potter quote about how the guy with the cloak greeted death like an old friend. Heights don’t scare me TW- dark shit, it can either give you the best views or make sure the job gets done, “asphalt to me has never looked so soft” - Hollywood Undead (Bullet). Again I could list off a bunch of shit that doesn't scare me. I guess that's what you get for being 22 almost 23 and having been through a severe amount of trauma. Being bullied from the time i entered and departed school, in between all that
Found out that my only father like figure was leaving
Being touched in ways at the age of 6 that I didn't know about by other kids and being threatened and forced to do things I didn't want to do
My brother going through a divorce and being mentally abusive and couldn’t forgive him hell still can’t the divorce happened when I was 10
Having a 6th grade boyfriend for all the wrong reasons and being sexually harassed
My “Mother” dying
Between the ages of 15-17 looking for any sort of male validation in any way I could possibly have it
Admitting I had a crush on someone on paper and having them read it allowed and got made fun of it
Having a toxic best friend for 3 years and still miss them to this day
Have people whisper about me and only fake it to get shit from me
Had to start therapy with my mom to “fix our relationship and communicate” still upset that I didn't forgive my brother for years and still don't trust him to this day
Falling in love with someone I shouldn't have
Got punched in the stomach all over a slice of pizza jokingly but got scared by them gripping my wrist and in self defense dug nails in him and his first instinct was to wind his fist as far back as he could and hit me
Letting that same someone take advantage of me sexually after he knowingly knew how i felt about him and took it to his advantage
*Reminder I have been out of hospital 3 times between all of this.
Couldn’t handle junior year and asked to be hospitalized, my mother refused
Graduated
Had a girl from school get on her boyfriends socials and messaged me as him and did nasty things to me because the toxic 3 year best friend and her are buddies and still hated me
Lost contact from my only friend I had left at school
Breakup
Downhill slope y=mx+b
Got so low I didn’t even know if I should go to the hospital or not and cried 24/7
Got hospitalized
So like I said been through some fucking bullshit, but know actually listing all this shit off the one thing that I am truly fucking terrified, shaken and all the Merriam-Webster synonyms for terrified, it’s loving myself and having to be stable. I don’t know if it's because I've found peace and comfort in the instability. Got use to the violent thoughts of how I would kill myself or have flash ideas of “oh i hope this happens” “i hope we get into a car accident” all the dark scary things. But will ball my eyes out for weeks because you closed the door wrong or god forbid yell at me. Yes, things make me upset. I'm human and get over it but fear I just have the one.
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@weird-profiterole I've been traveling for a total of 31 hours. Enjoy my nonsense with our children
Michelangelo: *walks into a room swinging a huge bat* am I the only one here with an artistic vision?
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Salaì: what's a boy got to do to get flowers? Die?
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Leonardo: *googling* how to validate a child's work without swearing and saying "lil dude that's fucking sick"
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Michelangelo: *who has been moody all week* so it turns out that the bad vibes I've been having are just a result of my unresolved trauma.
Salaì: does that mean you're going to let me help you?
Michelangelo: what? No. Why would I do that
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Michelangelo: I can't believe I left you at the pub by yourself. Could you be any more irresponsible? You haven't stayed in one night this week
Salaì: *drunk as hell* wow ..that guy sounds like a dick
Michelangelo: I'm talking about you!
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Salaì: *after being stabbed in the pub, which would have killed him* *pulls knife out of wound* finders keepers
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Michelangelo: I'm done trying to heal. I'm just going to be everyone's problem.
Salaì: hey! That's my job!
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Salaì: drug of choice?
Michelangelo: Leonardo complimenting our work
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Michelangelo: *is depressed*
Salaì: alcohol helps me feel better
Michelangelo: alcohol literally has made all of your issues worse
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Salaì: *first time meeting Faust* forgive me father for I have sinned in all the most exquisite and aesthetically pleasing ways I was capable of
Michelangelo: this isn't what I meant when I said you need Jesus.
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Salaì: I hate when people ask what sign I am. I'm a sign from god. Start running.
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Michelangelo: that awkward moment between birth and death
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Michelangelo: so what are you into?
Salaì: money and fighting people.
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Salaì: 5 years ago I was a complete mess, and now I'm even more of a mess but at peace with it and with a cooler fashion sense
Michelangelo: *looking at his clothes* you're still wearing the same things from the 1500s
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Michelangelo: I have nothing to wear!!
Salaì: *looking at his overflowing closet*
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Michelangelo: *snaps him out of a day dream* hey! Are you doing alright?
Salaì: I was until you ruined my emotional support unrealistic romantic daydream
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Michelangelo: another day has gone by and it pisses me off. If the sun comes up one more time I'm going to loose it
Salaì: you're going to hate what I'm about to tell you then
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Michelangelo: *wearing a whole new outfit* this must be what it feels like to be God
Salaì: this morning you were crying and saying how much you hated yourself.
Michelangelo: that was the old me. I'm hot now.
~~
Michelangelo: since the earth is always spinning, aren't we all gods little rotisserie chicken.
Salaì: ...when was the last time you slept
#ikevamp#ikemen vampire#ikevamp michelangelo#ikevamp salaì#lil italia villa#ikevamp oc#my head literally never stops thinking about these two#i really hope you enjoy my rambles Marine#because they will never truly stop
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Post Grondor Field AM Analysis
I'm prefacing this by saying that I'm still not sure I can write a good analysis of this scene for two reasons:
1. I don't know what comes after, and
2. I'm very emotionally involved in what happened.
But I tried my best. One thing is for sure though, what happened in Grondor in AM was an incredibly significant turning point for AM and Dimitri and my thoughts and analysis on it will definitely expand as I keep writing about and playing the game.
Part of me is just so happy I got to see Dimitri's supports, have the inevitable turn around, and get to do things like tea and dinner time again that it's hard to be objective about this scene.
And by "this scene," I don't mean that actual fight at Grondor, but everything from Fleche's attack to Byleth's words in the rain later.
It wasn't all about Byleth . . .
Given how poignant Dimitri's character arc has been so far, I had a deep rooted fear player-pandering would ruin it. Byleth, as a concept, isn't bad, but too often the heaps of praise feel underserved and other things (like Claude's intelligence, Edelgard's relationships with everyone else) get ignored to make more room for player-pandering.
Thankfully this did not happen. Byleth, throughout the early chapters of AM's part 2, failed to reach Dimitri. And, honestly, seeing Byleth actually struggle for once has done wonders for how I view her character. Still, I worried that player-pandering-power, rather than something that felt earned, would cause the inevitable eye-opener for Dimitri.
But it wasn't just Byleth. Fleche's vengeance kicked everything off, what veered Dimitri away from his fate in other routes. He accepted his death at her hands, not bothering to defend himself. Rodrigue stepping in the way and his parting words forced Dimitri to confront things he'd ignored. Throughout AM so far, people have posed questions to Dimitri who refused to answer them because he didn't want to face what they asked. But Rodrigue dying for him, spending his final words telling Dimitri to live for himself - combined with Fleche's attack - forced Dimitri to confront things he avoided. It wasn't until after all of that when Byleth steps in.
And Byleth didn't "fix" him either. Dimitri's supports show a young man who's still very much struggling with his mental health, poor self-image, his previous actions, and wondering if he deserves not only to live for himself - but if he even deserves to live. Byleth didn't hand-wave Dimitri's problems away.
Everything about the scene is stronger because it didn't fall back on player-pandering, but more earned, realistic, and dramatic actions and consequences - including Byleth's involvement which felt far more earned than usual because of prior failure.
But I wish Dimitri's friends played a bigger role.
Not everything was perfect though. I wish we got a little more than we did from Dimitri's house mates - especially his childhood friends Sylvain, Ingrid, and extra special mention to Felix and especially, especially Dedue.
Throughout all of AM, none of the above mentioned characters feel utilized to their full potential. This isn't a problem exclusive to AM, and by all means it's far from the biggest offender, but given how close all the ties are in AM, it's felt when it's not there.
I still don't know what exactly I would've done with them. Maybe I'd need to make the game an actual novel to do it, and you can't forget how perma-death has historically held back games at times, limiting major moments to a select few "retreat" candidates.
Still, though, getting a bit more from Ingrid, Sylvain, Felix, and Dedue would've made the scene even more powerful.
I actually really liked the scene in the rain.
I haven't made it a secret that I dislike Byleth. Or maybe disliked is more accurate. Lately I've been rethinking my stance on Byleth, in part because I've heard from people who like her or found ways to make her work and from my own thinking about the game while planning future write ups.
I don't think it's Byleth I really dislike, but the player-pandering. Separating the two isn't easy, but it's easier since I've starting coming around to seeing Byleth as her own character.
There's been a few moments that made me care for Byleth, and this scene in the rain was one of them. Because she didn't just fix everything. She tried and failed for months to reason with Dimitri, and despite everything she never gave up on him or failed to keep offering her hand.
I'm not going to lie. I got all the bubbly, heartwarming, heartbreaking feels the writers wanted me to in this scene. Seeing Byleth reach for something and fail, and then finally, finally get through was rewarding in a way many of Byleth's prior accomplishments aren't because this one felt earned. And by God did she earn it.
Some people will likely disagree with that last point, but I disagree with them. She asked Dimitri hard-hitting questions, forcing him to come to unpleasant conclusions rather than trying to force him into anything. She kept Dimitri from veering to far off course, even at expense to herself when she killed Randolph. She saved Dimitri from Fleche when he refused to save himself. She quietly supported him, coaxing out the good she knew was still there and refused to give up on.
I'd never in a million years say someone in real life should put up with Dimitri's toxic behavior and verbal abuse, even considering his extreme trauma and aggravated mental illness. But seeing someone fuck up so badly still get forgiven, still get supported, still struggle but honestly change for the good, still get loved, start to accept and forgive himself through the power of love and forgiveness from others is very powerful, especially since media so often downplays those "softer" things as weakness in comparison to the "badassery" of ambition and stoicism. Using Byleth, who previously had little experience with feelings, who was encouraged to experience them in healthy ways by Dimitri, return the favor isn't really the worst choice.
It's cliche, but cliches aren't always bad.
The mentor dies. Redemption in the rain. Revenge against the protagonist's actions opens their eyes. Etc . . . This scene was chuck full of cliches, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.
Tropes serve an important narrative purpose because a writer can rely on them to convey a message to the audience that either saves time or sets them up for something unexpected or even expected. Fire Emblem has always and will always be incredibly cliche and full of tropes. It loves tropes so much there's in-universe ones that make some unit or character discussions sound like a foreign language to people outside of or new to the fandom, talking about "Ests" and calling someone a "Camus."
What matters is if a story pulled something off well, not if it's terribly unique. A mentor dying is powerful because it forces the student to grow. Redemption in the rain is high symbolic of water washing things away + the somber atmosphere rain creates. Someone trying to get revenge against a character provides an eye-opening experience about the ripple effect of their actions. We see these things in fiction all the time because they work.
All the tropes worked like expected in this scene. Using images instead of cut scenes did make less of an impact, but more on that later.
Tl;dr: There's nothing unexpected or terribly unique about what happened. It was honestly painfully predictable, but that doesn't make it bad and is in a series that does this all of the time.
The voice acting carried because those images can't.
A major downside to this scene is that it used vague images instead of a cut scene. I get that budget and time were likely concerns, but many cut scenes from earlier in the game seem rather trivial. Did we really need that dance one? Really? I don't think so.
This was a hugely important, action heavy moment. Using one or two still images to convey everything that's happening and all those emotions, really makes it less than it could've been.
That said, the voice acting saves it. I've raved about how amazing Chris Hackeny is as Dimitri, so nothing new here. Rodrigue's and Fleche's VAs also did a fantastic job. No one oversold or undersold the emotions. Even without the cut scene, you felt what happened thanks to the skill of the actors. This scene would've been so much harder to engage with without them, if this was an older FE game where all you got was text. This is 100% one of the moments highly elevated by the decision to have a fully voiced game and choosing high caliber talent (let's not talk about Radiant Dawn's voice acting).
Questionable support timing.
One issue I had came right after the scene when I viewed Dimitri's supports. The nature of some - like his with Raphael and Alois - didn't quite line up with the character I saw in dialogue right after. I wish they staggered them a bit more or got picker about what you could get in part 1 or 2.
This isn't limited to Dimitri either. In the same support batch, I also got a Marianne B support where she still had no confidence or self-worth. And then like 10 minutes later I talk to her in the monastery and she mentions about how seeing all the death in Grondor made her value her life even more.
In the past, I've also received entirely valid opinions that Dorothea in part 2 is hard to understand because she's cherry and flirty in her supports, and morose and hates the war in her monastery stuff, making her seem inconsistent.
It's a bit jarring. It's not really an issue for characters who don't change much like Edelgard or Raphael, but even for characters with more subtle differences than Dimitri, Marianne, and Dorothea - like, say, Lorenz - you get a lot of weird stuff because of supports. I just think Dimitri's stands out because he's a main character with a really prominent, important turning point for his growth.
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When you kiss me, you speak to my soul
Summary:
5 times when Loki receives an unexpected kiss and once when he gives one. (or more)
______
This story inaugurates a new series.
"Together, for all time, always"
This series is my way out in case our boys don't canonically have a happy ending.Background: After the events of the TV show, all the members of the TVA are aware of their status as variants and decide to work together on a better TVA.
The main team is composed of Loki, Mobius, Sylvie and Miss Minute. The rest will come as time goes by.
The stories do not necessarily follow each other.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/32203465
3123 words - Rating G
1.
"Okay Loki! You know that in order to get your time travel pass, you have to prove that you know the rules perfectly."
Loki, annoyed, rolled his eyes and sighed,
"Honestly, I'm a rehabilitated variant, god of mischief, who saved the TVA from its slavery, that pass should be granted to me without going through any fucking tests!"
Miss Minutes jumped in front of Loki and pointed her little finger in the direction of Loki's nose, "Ttttt a god don't swear! And when the new TVA administration, of which you are a part, put the rules in place, you all decided to start over. With a new, admittedly less rigid, but still regulated basis that you signed up! Come on, only two more points to validate!"
Loki grumbled, itching to send the little clock flying.
Unperturbed, Miss Minutes continued, "Tell me the basic rules of time travel? "
Loki began to recite in a bored tone, "Do not interact with yourself, do not interact with your ancestors, do not interact with historical figures. Don't interact with the big events in history even if it means not being able to save everyone. Pay attention to small details and use your time wisely.
"Perfect my little Loki!"
"Hey, a little respect Miss Mimi!"
The little clock coughed and Loki noticed a slight flush on her little cheeks.
"Well, then explain to me the three major paradoxes of time travel."
Loki, keeping the same jaded look on his face, recited again, "The Grandfather Paradox, if you go back in time to kill your grandfather, you effectively kill your father, and therefore yourself. The Predestination Paradox is simply when your past self is the very cause of your need to travel back in time. This creates an endless loop of travel, which is why it is also called a closed causal loop. Finally, the Bootstrap Paradox. It occurs when something is returned, often to the traveler himself, negating the need for its creation in the first place."
The little clock jumped all over Loki's desk, clapping!
"Yay my little Loki! You'll be allowed to get your pass validated!"
Loki, happy but irritated by the little machine, asked him, "So that means I don't need your lessons anymore, right?"
"Absolutely!"
Loki rubbed his hands together as he said, "Perfect."
He began to move his hand, thinking of a spell to cast on the annoying little clock.
A voice whispered in his ear, "Loki... what did we say about spelling those weaker than ourselves?"
Loki turned to Mobius with a pout, "but Mobiuuus, just a little spell!"
Mobius bent down and took the hand with which Loki was about to cast his spell.
He said softly, "These hands do such beautiful magic, it would be such a shame to make them cast second rate spells."
He laid a gentle kiss to the back of Loki's hand and then walked away with a quiet step.
Loki, slightly surprised, touched lightly with his other hand the place where Mobius' lips had lingered.
Then he got up quickly, knocked over his chair and ran behind him.
Miss Minute, who had witnessed the scene, raised her eyes to the sky and returned to her screen.
2.
Mobius was waiting outside the elevator.
"Mobius!"
Mobius turned around, Loki was coming towards him with a quick step. He looked at his watch and said with a slightly reproachful tone, "You'll really have to learn to be on time!"
Loki, with a cheeky grin on his face, replied, "I find I'm making progress, yesterday I was 13 minutes late and today only 11."
Mobius rolled his eyes and was about to answer him when they were interrupted by the voiceover from the elevator.
"The elevator is momentarily out of order, please use the service stairs."
Mobius walked to the door next to the elevator and held it open, waving his hand towards Loki.
"After you."
Loki walked past him and began to descend the stairs.
Almost arriving at the bottom, Mobius, on Loki's heels, put a hand on his shoulder and turned him to face him.
"What's wrong?" Loki asked him, surprised.
"Nothing's wrong. Everything's fine," Mobius replied softly before taking his face in his hands and leaning in to kiss him.
A few moments later, they separated to catch their breath.
Loki gasped slightly, asking Mobius, "I'm not complaining, but what was that for?"
As they finished descending the stairs Mobius replied, "It was the perfect opportunity to reverse the roles, for once I was the one who had to bend over to kiss you."
Loki was still smiling as they walked through the door.
As they passed by the elevator, the door opened to reveal the other members of their team.
"Huh? Is the elevator fixed yet? We took the stairs because they reported that the elevator was momentarily out of order, like... three minutes ago."
"What? But we got on it three minutes ago, four floors higher than you."
Loki looked back at Mobius with a little doubt.
Mobius replied, "Just because you're the god of mischief, doesn't mean you're the only one who can use it."
3.
"Argh, for crying out loud, dates, more dates, always dates!!!"
Loki rubbed his eyes trying to fight the fatigue that was overtaking him.
He stood up, took a few steps to stretch his legs before returning to his seat and continuing to flip through his files.
"Need a helping hand?"
Mobius put his hand on Loki's shoulder and gently squeezed it before sitting down across from him without waiting for an answer.
He continued, "I know this isn't your favorite part of the job, Loki, but it's part of it and I'm glad to see that despite your reluctance, you're not afraid to pitch in.
Loki grunted, "I just don't think it's fair, Sylvie never has to do this kind of work. She's always out there."
"Have you been traveling through time, through all kinds of apocalypses like her for that long?"
"Hmph!Always the voice of wisdom huh?"
Mobius snickered, "Me? No, of course not, but the wiser of the two of us, that I am."
"You prick!" muttered Loki.
"Hey, I heard that!"
They both immersed themselves in the files.
After two hours, Mobius saw Loki get up.
"I'm going to stretch my legs for two minutes."
"Okay."
Five minutes later he saw a small bowl of salad appear in front of his eyes.
Loki said to him as he sat down, "to make up for my bad mood of earlier."
Mobius put his hand on Loki's forearm, "Loki, there is nothing to forgive. You are allowed to have mood swings. I'm not asking you to be someone else. But thank you for the consideration."
He ate the salad Loki had brought him while the god got back to work.
A little later, he was disturbed in his research by a light snore, he looked up at the familiar sight of Loki asleep, his head on his crossed arms.
He had a fond smile. He knew that this kind of work must seem tedious to someone like Loki and yet, even though he grumbled and acted like a drama queen on a regular basis, it didn't stop him from working seriously.
Looking at the time, he thought they had worked enough for today.
He stood up and whispered in his partner's ear, "Loki, wake up. It's late. We're done for the day."
As Loki slowly opened his eyes, Mobius placed a kiss on the top of his head before getting up and going to put the files away.
Loki straightened up and was stretching again when Mobius returned.
"Was I dreaming or did you kiss me on the head?"
"Unfortunately my sleeping beauty's lips weren't accessible so I had to settle for kissing the top of her head to get her to wake up."
Mobius winked at her and headed for the door.
He turned and said again, "Are we going home?"
Loki, who still hadn't gotten used to the warmth these few words provoked in him, quickened his pace to join him.
4.
When Mobius arrived at the cafeteria, he saw Loki concentrating at the dessert counter.
He joined him, placing his hand on his lower back to signal his presence.
"You look completely absorbed in the contemplation of these desserts. Do you have a favorite?"
Loki turned his head toward him and grumbled, "There's always so much to choose from. And every time there's a new kind. I don't even know what to choose. In Asgard there was fruit and... fruit."
Mobius was amused every time Loki was faced with this kind of problem. He made it an insurmountable challenge. This time, Mobius offered to help him.
"If you want we'll take several and share."
Loki nodded, " You choose, because I don't know what to take."
"Okay, go sit down, I'll pick and join you."
Mobius took a sample of several desserts, located the table Loki was sitting at and joined him.
They spent the next hour sharing the dessert plate. It was just the two of them left in the cafeteria. Loki was finishing the tiramisu while Mobius was bringing a last spoonful of chocolate mousse to his mouth.
"So, have you made your choice? What's your favorite?"
Loki licked his lips and replied, "Undoubtedly the tiramisu."
He put his spoon down and asked Mobius, "What about you?"
Mobius, who was sitting next to him, moved closer and looking at Loki's lips, murmured softly, "I'm hesitating between the chocolate mousse and the tiramisu."
He closed the distance between them and placed his lips on Loki's. Loki parted his lips and let Mobius explore his mouth with his skilled tongue. Mobius finished the fierce kiss with a light bite on Loki's lower lip, soothing him with a final lick. Then he moved back.
"I think in the end, tiramisu is my favorite."
5.
They had just returned from the mission and were in the locker room.
Loki was putting his things away in his locker. As always after a successful mission, he was so excited that he was talking non-stop.
Replaying the events in detail, and because he was Loki, he didn't hesitate to emphasize the moments when he and Mobius had been particularly good.
The rest of the team was used to it and listened with one ear.
Mobius smiled fondly.
Continuing to babble, Loki followed the rest of the team for the post-mission debriefing.
As he walked out the door, he felt himself being pulled back. Then a hand reached into his hair and pulled out the tie that held it together.
He looked back at Mobius who was putting the rubber band in his pocket.
"Mobius?"
Mobius walked over to him.
"Why did you do that?"
Mobius replied with a mischievous smile, "Because when you have your hair tied back, I can't do that."
He raised his hand, and pushed behind Loki's ear the strands of hair that fell over Loki's face, letting his hand linger on the god's neck.
" Neither this."
With his hand on the back of Loki's neck, he ran his fingers through Loki's hair to comb it before gently grabbing it and pulling his head back slightly.
Having cleared with this gesture the throat of Loki, he deposited a rain of butterfly kisses.
Loki sighed, his lips parted, "Mobius..."
Mobius moved back again leaving his hand in Loki's hair.
"Nor this."
He raised his second hand and joined it with the first on the back of Loki's neck, tangling his fingers in the long black strands before pressing gently, forcing the god to tilt his head forward. Their lips were so close that each could feel the other's breath. Mobius pressed his lips to Loki's, his fingers clutching his hair as the god's hands found his waist.
Their kiss was long and slow, and when Mobius pulled back, nipping at Loki's bottom lip, He saw that his eyes were clouded and his mouth wide open.
"That's exactly why I like you better with your hair loose."
With a smile, he kissed Loki briefly on the cheek and headed for the locker room door, the bouncy step of one who has just won a victory, oblivious to Loki's hungry stare.
+1
Loki had had enough.
Mobius obviously enjoyed starting fires with Loki and never extinguished them.
Loki was on edge.
Not that Loki didn't appreciate Mobius' spontaneous displays of affection and kisses, the man was extremely inventive and talented, but he felt like a ball of clay in his hands.
His pride as a god of mischief was at stake!
He had to regain the upper hand, just a little, just a few moments.
"Hoho miss Minutes, looks like someone needs to get laid!"
"Hey Syl! I'm just a pure little watch. I don't want to know anything about your sex lives!"
Sylvie sitting with her feet up on Loki's desk fluttered a paper cutter in the air and snickered back, " Which sex life Mimi?"
The watch returned to the screen and grumbled, "Never mind, Loki and Mobius's love life is none of my business! Hmph!"
Loki with his hands on his hips and a dark look in his eyes, muttered to Sylvie, "Don't you have a job to do instead of gossiping with that piece of junk clock?"
"Hey jerk! I heard you!" Shouted the little voice from the monitor.
"It's so much more interesting to watch you mope about your mustachioed prince."
Loki slumped into the other chair, a sulky look on his face.
"It's not so bad though?" asked Sylvie, studying him, her chin on her hand.
Loki told her everything, from the kiss on his hand to the fiery kiss in the locker room.
"And you dare to complain?!" Sylvie asked him, quite irritated, "You have a man who is completely devoted to you, and full of attention for you. Do you realize how lucky you are?"
"Wait, Syl! It's not that I don't like it. On the contrary, but... argh" Loki tugged at his hair, "I don't know how to say it, before, the Loki before the TVA, I've always been a hedonist who enjoys the pleasures of life, who takes and throws, but now, even though I'm still a hedonist, I don't just want to consume anymore, I want to give too. And right now I feel like I'm the only one receiving."
"Aw, you're cute you know."
"Hey! Don't make fun of me!"
"But no, well just a little bit, but really Loki, the fact that you're thinking about this, shows how much you've evolved right? Have you even tried talking to Mobius about it?"
Loki shook his head, "You know me, I often talk a lot to mask my insecurities and also because I like to listen to myself talk, but anyway what I mean is that when it's serious I'm unable to express myself properly."
"And show him?"
"How?"
Sylvie rolled her eyes, "Loki, are you the god of mischief or not? You are capable of seducing anyone! Don't embarrass me!"
A few moments later, alone in his office, he thought back to this discussion.
How could he surprise Mobius?
Mobius who knew how to read all his tricks...
Of course! The answer was obvious!
What better way than a direct approach!
He waited for the right moment and went to Mobius' office, sure to find him there.
As he walked through the door, Mobius looked up, a smile blooming on his face as he saw Loki.
"Loki!" He wanted to stand up, Loki stopped him by waving his hand. With one hand he locked the office door and with the other, using a flick of his wrist, he turned Mobius's chair around before walking towards him.
Then, without warning his lover, he straddled Mobius' lap and framed his face with his hands before throwing himself on Mobius' mouth.
Mobius pushed him back slightly and managed to articulate, panting, "Wait, wait, wait Loki! What's the matter with you? Not that I'm against it, but I'm surprised, pleasantly surprised, that you'd take the initiative like this."
Loki with his forehead and lips against Mobius' replied, equally breathless, "The problem is that my lover has been teasing me all week, kissing me everywhere and at any time, and hasn't given me a chance to return the favor, so now you shut up and let me kiss you! It's my turn!"
As Loki resumed the interrupted kiss, Mobius decided, with the last fragment of coherent thought he possessed, that all he had to do was enjoy it. He just ran his hands over Loki's hips pressing him closer until there was no more space between them.
He tried to control the kiss, but Loki would not let him, and finally, after a brief struggle, he gave in to the kiss and the shivers of pleasure that ran down his spine.
He believed to be out of air when Loki moved back slightly and fixed him, the eyes shining with satisfaction, licking his lips like a cat which had just devoured a pot of cream.
They slowly caught their breath and Mobius couldn't help but gently tuck a lock of Loki's hair back behind his ear in a gesture that was becoming more and more familiar.
Loki leaned into Mobius' hand.
"Hey Loki, more seriously," Mobius told him softly, "does it bother you that I'm acting like this? Because you know you can tell me."
Loki sighed, "It doesn't bother me per se, it's just the lack of reciprocity, the fact that I'm receiving a lot and giving nothing."
Mobius shook his head with a smile, "Sweetheart," he couldn't help but notice that Loki seemed to appreciate the endearment, "that's not how it works. When you kissed me just now, did you feel pleasure?"
Loki, indignant, protested, "Yes, of course I-"
Mobius put a finger to his lips.
"It's the same for me, you know. I am aware that in your head the gears are spinning wildly non stop, but in such cases, don't think. Just enjoy it, there's nothing selfish about it."
Loki nodded, then passionately kissed his lover once more, until they were both out of breath again.
Then Loki traced a path of kisses from Mobius' chin to his ear and nibbled on his lobe before whispering, his breath making Mobius shudder, "The rest is for later my love..."
He stood up and headed for the door while swaying his hips, fully aware of the gaze that followed him.
Then before he walked through the door, he threw over his shoulder, with a mischievous smile, "I too can light a fire and make you burn for me."
_________
Not beta'd
I hope you enjoyed it 🥰
#loki#lokius fic#lokius#moki#wowki#loki x mobius#loki laufeyson#mobius m mobius#miss minutes#sylvie laufeydottir#established relationship#5+1 things
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Let’s talk about the GP zodiacs (Part 2)
HOLSY HSIT I LOVE THE GP KIDS SO MUCH AND THEIR SIGNS ARE SO INTERESTING
Thank u to puff-poff for shooting me with an ask about the gp kids, I think our brains just assimilated
One more note: I should’ve mentioned this in my last post but compatibility between signs doesn’t only apply to romantic relationships, it applies to any kind of relationship like friendships, family relations, etc. It’s just that when it comes to more platonic relationships, wholly incompatible signs are more likely to be able to work something out together. As an example, I’m a Gemini, and I’m about 300% certain I could never ever in my life date a Pisces, but I do have a few Pisces friends that I get along well enough with.
Okay same drill—sign, element, infodump, GO
Violet
Birthdate: June 12th
Sign: Gemini
Element: Air
Overview: SQUEALS GUYS ITS VIOLET MY BELOVED. WE’RE BOTH GEMINIS THEREFORE WE ARE THE SAME PERSON. I’m kidding but no, Violet being a Gemini makes her 100x easier to project onto. So I mentioned before that Air signs are the least in tune with their emotions, are the thinkers before they act, are horribly indecisive, and these very much apply to Geminis as well. However, the most iconic trait of a Gemini is the ability to switch personalities at the drop of a hat whenever it services the group of people they’re in—what most people call the ‘two-faced’ part of Geminis. Hey, I promise you that being two-faced is actually a pretty cool and useful asset when in the hands of a decent human being. It means we get along well with a lot of different people, and if we don’t, we can act like we do as if it’s nothing. This asset, however, can turn into a curse of sorts in that a lot of us have...NO IDEA what our actual personality is. We reshape and remold ourselves and copy traits from other signs to fit in so much that we lose sight of who we are as an individual, and therefore we have a very hard time figuring out what we truly want. This is where the indecisiveness comes into play—ask a Gemini what they want for lunch and you’ll get a “what? Huh? Oh, you pick. I’m fine with whatever.” I know Geminis best because I am one, pls forgive me for rambling so much more about them than the other signssss.
Okay so first of all, let’s talk about Violet adapting to other characters to ‘fit in’. It’s not as obvious because Violet DOES seem to have one very fixed personality, but Violet prefers to speak through actions rather than words, so I would call her following Emma to help the children at GP a Gemini move. She could’ve simply dragged her to Lucas—she’s probably strong enough to do so, but instead she decided to go along with her. This isn’t to say there’s no pushback of course, as Air signs Geminis aren’t idiots, so they’ll often try to reason with others (particularly fire signs cough cough) to try to bring logic and critical thinking into the conversation. However, when that fails, they can still be counted on to support their friends even if they disagree. This is why Geminis and Leos are soulmates you heard it here, the stars said Violemma is the way. BUT ALSO CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW VIOLET’S THE ONE ADAM LISTENS TO DURING THE LEUVIS BATTLE. YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT BEING ABLE TO GET ALONG WITH A LOT OF PEOPLE, THERE YOU GO.
Anyway it’s also very much worth noting that while Violet can seem very harsh at times (bc Geminis will put you in your PLACE), bringing her logical kind of advice into conversations can be a very helpful comforter.
On another note this scene is so gay?
Compatibility and ships: hellooooooo Air sign Violet you are compatible with other Air signs (Aquarius, Libra, and Gemini) as well as Fire signs (Leo, Sagittarius, and Aries). Usually you’ll see Aquarius and Sagittarius as the most compatible with Geminis but I disagree with that because I have never met a Sagittarius I like so I’m still pointing fervently at Leos and the fact that Emma is a Leo. Listen. Violemma is the way. I am determined to convert all of you to Violemma if it’s the last thing I do. Geminis simply cannot help themselves around Leos they fall like a fucking anvil for that bright, golden-hearted dumbass energy. If there’s any Leos in the tpn fandom let me know I might just propose to you.
Oliver
Birthdate: October 25th
Sign: Scorpio
Element: Water
Overview: the first time I looked up Oliver’s birthday I went “Scorpio???? REALLY????” but then this is another case where the more I think about it, it does indeed make sense. If Leos are the natural leaders of the Fire signs, then Scorpios are the natural leaders of the Water signs. Where Cancers and Pisces will often lose themselves to their emotions, Scorpios have a very strong handle on them. I mentioned before that Water signs are at the highest emotional level, but Scorpios are a bit of an interesting case because you oftentimes won’t even notice that they’re very emotional people. They try to act like Air signs in that way, but their true colors are always there, waiting to be coaxed out.
For Oliver, you can clearly tell that his emotional bond with his friends and especially with Lucas is very high—but even so, he doesn’t let his emotions cloud his judgment or his ability to adapt to the situation at hand. Where earth signs are very fixed and difficult to move, water signs are always moving and changing to find solutions best suited for new circumstances. The best example I can give is the part where the music plays early, and despite internally panicking about it, Oliver is the one who naturally steps up to calm everyone down.
Scorpios are great at handling others’ emotions as well as their own, which makes them marvelously empathetic leaders. We stan.
Compatibility and ships: as a Water sign, Oliver is compatible with other Water signs (Cancer, Pisces, and Scorpio) as well as Earth signs (Taurus, Virgo, and Capricorn) so speaking broadly that makes him compatible with Pepe (a Pisces) and Zack (a Cancer) but narrowing it down, Scorpios are usually best with Tauruses and Cancers. Idk if I’m the only one who ships Oliver with Pepe but I know there’s a few people who ship him with Zack—so congrats to you guys, you won the stars’ approval.
Lucas
Birthdate: November 28th
Sign: Sagittarius
Element: Fire
Overview: yall,,,, when I found out Lucas was a Saggy Titty I legitimately guffawed out loud. Lucas and Sagittarius is so funny.... because it’s so wrong. Saggy Titties are the definition of chaos, they’re brazen, impulsive, and constantly changing. Like think of a frat boy in a house full of beer and pool tables and hot girls and you get Sagittarius. This is why I have never met a Sagittarius I like—because they have frat boy energy, and even non-male Sagittariuses require wayyy too much energy for me to handle. I guess the only time Lucas really does act like a Sagittarius is in his childhood with Yuugo, and the way he’s a lot bolder and outgoing versus the quieter older Lucas we have now.
It is important to note that Lucas has been through a lot of trauma and lost a lot of comrades which could very well change the a person’s entire outlook and turn their personality 180 degrees—that could be a large factor, although on the flip side, Yuugo still fits his Capricorn sign even after going through what he’s been through. Different events affect different people differently. Lucas was most likely knocked entirely off his Sagittarius high-horse very quickly when he arrived in Goldy Pond. But if I had no prior knowledge of who he was beforehand, I very well might’ve pegged him a Leo like Emma or even another subtle Aries like Norman. So yes, he does indeed have fire energy, it’s just generally very lackluster and farrrr away from Sagittarius’ level.
Compatibility and ships: okay so I know the only Lucas ship with any weight to it in this fandom is Yuucas, and here’s the thing,,, A Sagittarius and Capricorn combo is the most horrifying fucking couple imaginable and I’m stan so hard. Realistically speaking, your Capricorns would try to put a leash on their Sagittariuses because man. I forgot to mention how childish Sagittariuses can be (though the frat boy comparison should’ve been a clue), and holy shit that poor Capricorn is gonna get ripped to shreds by their Sagittarius. Imagine like a super pompous cowboy trying to ride a furious bull that’s trying to buck him off like there’s no tomorrow. Capricorns are people who want complete control over themselves and their partners, while Sagittariuses,, Saggy Titties just want to see the world burn. Put them together and you could probably cause the End Times Apocalypse. But you know what? Good for them. I think Yuugo and Lucas love each other enough that the toxicity that comes with typical pairups with these two signs is about nonexistent between them. But I fully believe they could still destroy an entire planet and that’s valid of them to do so. Anyway moving on!
you wanna talk about another Sagittarius that makes absolutely no sense?
Paula
Birthdate: December 9th
Sign: Sagittarius
Element: Fire
Overview: My authors I am begging you, stop putting character birthdays in the Sagittarius zone you clearly don’t know what a Sagittarius is.
Since I refuse to acknowledge Paula as a Sagittarius, let’s talk about what sign she actually acts like because I said so. Paula’s a Virgo. Fight me Shirai. (Also im sus that shirai is virgophobic because where the fuck are my virgos. There’s like zero major characters that are virgos, and the characters that ARE don’t even act like virgos. I’m coming for your small intestine Shirai) so as earth signs, virgos are generally pretty resourceful and of course level-headed. They’re kinda shy and reserved, but they’re also very hard workers you can count on when you need to get a job done. Nary will you find a Virgo that procrastinates or attempts to weasel their way out of a mission they’ve been given. The unmovable earth in virgos shows through in how committed they are, and we can see all these traits in Paula. Though she’s a quieter member of the GP resistance, you can tell just how much of an asset she is to them. She doesn’t run, doesn’t lose her cool, and she’s good at pointing out important details.
Pls let me decide your characters’ birthdays for you Shirai I promise I am good at it.
Compatibility and ships: I guess, astrologically speaking, as a Sagittarius, Paula does fit pretty well with Sonya because she’s a Gemini. I actually know next to nothing about Paula ships but I do know she’s lesbian and her and Sonya are cute but I also ship her with Barbara because reasons don’t ask questions I WILL bite you anyway they’re compatible too because barb’s also a Gemini.
Lot of Geminis, don’t you think? Yes I do. Let’s talk about them.
Sonya and Sandy
Birthdates: June 3rd and May 22nd respectively
Signs: Gemini
Element: Air
Overview: these two are what I call the gemini twins bECAUSE THEYRE ALWAYS HANGING OUT AND ITS SO TRUE GEMINIS LOVE EACH OTHER BUT ALSO ITS SO WEIRD THAT WE GET ALONG. imagine like two of those one way mirrors facing each other where it just goes on and on and on for infinite mirror and that’s what two Geminis hanging out is like. Look, they’re literally thinking the same thing and it’s so great
Anyway there isn’t a whole lot of Sandy and Sonya content to go off of in the first place, but them being Geminis seems reasonable to me—at the very least they are indeed meant to get along well and they’re so in sync I could cry. Plus they’re pretty intuitive and able to think right on the spot as they’re facing Nous and Nouma (at least at first) My man Shirai also.. really likes Geminis for some reason because they keep popping up. So instead of one Spider-Man meme it looks more like this,
Compatibility and ships: not gonna dwell too long on this section because from previous ones you may already recall they’re compatible with each other and I guess with Paula as well as I must begrudgingly accept the fact that shes canonically a Sagittarius.
Pepe
Birthdate: February 19th
Sign: Pisces
Element: Water
Overview: so I mentioned before that water signs are at about the highest emotion level, which makes Pisces a very sensitive group like Cancers. But Pisces in general are known for being the kindest and most accepting people as well, which means they’re able to make a lot of friends very easily. They’re basically that one person you sat next to in class who started a conversation with you just to be nice. Now again, there’s not a whole lot of Pepe content to go off of, but we can tell he’s kind and loving to his friends and the other kids in GP. One thing I can mention is that Pisces usually are the one of the nosiest of the signs, and they get very bothered by lies and secrets (this is true for a lot of water signs, but Pisces are the worst in my experience) so we got this single piece that may have a little bit of the Pisces in Pepe showing:
Compatibility and ships: So as a Pisces, Pepe is only compatible with Oliver and Zack considering they’re also water signs. Everyone else is Fire and Air, funnily enough, but the Pepe ships with those two are super cute I think so it’s ok.
Zack
Birthdate: July 7th
Sign: Cancer
Element: Water
Overview: so do I think Zack fits his sign? Yes, in a way I do. I already went into Cancers when I explained Don, so quick recap: Cancers are some of the most sensitive and empathetic, so their loyalty to their loved ones is pretty close to on-par with an Aries. And while Zack isn’t as outwardly emotional as someone like Don, the Cancer in him shows up well in that he’s constantly taking extremely difficult missions he doesn’t want his friends to risk, and he shrugs off any injury to himself.
This might just be a me thing but almost every Cancer I’ve met has a habit of doing That. I am so concerned for their safety. I guess though, if I hadn’t known his sign beforehand, I 100% would’ve pegged him an Aries.
Compatibility and ships: I already went over this with Pepe, but Zack is compatible with Pepe and Oliver. Y’all ok listen to me. OT3. Make it happen. Between them they have every sign in the element of water. They’d be unstoppable.
Gillian
Birthdate: September 30th
Sign: Libra
Element: Air
Overview: here’s a fun one. So as I previously stated, air signs are usually out of tune with their emotions, but where that causes Aquariuses and Geminis to repress or hide them, Libras,,,, just dump them everywhere. Listen I know Libras are supposed to be the sign of the balance scales and they have a thing about the world being perfectly balanced which makes them more prone to revenge bUT ALSO. MY first and foremost takeaway from Libras is that they all suffer from Rich Bitch syndrome, in which they obsess over material items and every Libra has a thing about cute girly stuff change my mind. HOWEVER, they’re often very chaotic as well, the kinda Sagittarius of the Air signs. So like a super cute and seemingly fun girl who will probably murder you in your sleep.

I’m sorry I can’t take it I’ve been laughing at this for the past fifteen minutes it’s too funny. Anyway, Gillian’s Rich Bitch Syndrome appears through her fashion statement. Her PINS. omg. Gillian your Libra is showing.
Compatibility and ships: as a Libra Gillian is compatible with other Air signs (Aquarius, Gemini, Libra) as well as Fire signs (Aries, Sagittarius, Leo) but she’s most compatible with Aries and Sagittarius so—— Paula yes, but also Nigel because he’s an Aries! Speaking of Nigel,
Nigel
Birthdate: March 27th
Sign: Aries
Element: Fire
Overview: Aries Nigel doesn’t come as a surprise, let’s be real here. I delved into Aries before with Norman, so just as a recap: Aries are so intensely loyal to the ones they love and would do absolutely anything for them even at the cost of their lives, and this can make them prone to outbursts of anger and/or impulsivity. Here’s your one image of Aries Nigel, I don’t even have to explain:
Compatibility and ships: so I already said this but Nigel is at his most compatible with Gillian. Are there other Nigel ships?? Pls let me know I’m very curious.
Aw, it’s over now :(
I loved talking about the GP kids they fill the void in my heart. Now to move onto talking about the demons because the silliest idiot requested it and I am beyond ecstatic to spout pure headcanon bullshit. If you’re feelin excited then feel free to keep sending characters my way I will be happy to ramble about their canon zodiac or my headcanon for their zodiac
Edit: i forgot to link part 1 to anyone who wants it and doesn’t want to stalk my profile to find it
#the promised neverland#yakusoku no neverland#tpn analysis#tpn#goldy pond#you have no idea the trouble tumblr put me through attempting to put only ten images in this giant post#fuck u tumbley for having a limit#but i also took the extra effort to make unnecessary memes so that ones on me#hope y’all like#ugh this made me think about GP ships and how much i wanna draw them#especially the new OT3 I can hyperfixate on#also can we talk about Sagittarius erasure in media#the only Sagittarius I know who actually acts like a Sagittarius in his respective show is Shou from mp100#but he’s also one of my favorites so I guess not all sagittariuses (derogatory)#what was i talking about#tpn manga spoilers#mal rants#man I wanted to wait a little longer to post this but I’m literally on the brink of passing out I’m so tired#so here ya go take it#idk if I’ve made errors I was like half-awake when I proofread it#but anyway g’night I’m gonna go into a coma
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I know GRRM has previously stated that ADwD!Tyrion is at his lowest point, but I find it very hard to see how he will ever redeem himself given what he has done and what he has participated in. Do you believe readers gloss over the tragedies he faces i.e. slavery, the Tysha revelation, and do you see path for redemption?
I think with the fandom in general there does seem to be a proportional relationship to the amount of careful consideration people give their problematic favs versus how little they give to a character that is decidedly not their fav. Full disclosure: Tyrion is not one of my favs. There are moments I don’t like him and I don’t personally connect with him. He’s deliberately written to be someone most readers will wrestle with. Out of all the POVs, he’s probably the most psychologically complex and fraught with a minefield of trauma-induced hot buttons. As we know, profound trauma and horrific family dynamics rarely produce saintly victims who suffer beautifully, quietly, and always behave magnanimously. I am by no means an expert on Tyrion; however, I do know he definitely started out as a good person. Early AGOT Tyrion is a pretty decent fellow who validated Jon’s feelings of anger and resentment and designed a saddle to accommodate Bran’s disability for no other reason than he just empathized with them both. Even later on, he does stand up for Sansa against Joffrey’s cruelty, even though their marriage was a miserable farce and act of war against her family. Sansa seems to bear no personal ill-will toward him despite it. I think we should leave room for the possibility the impression he made with small kindnesses in the beginning could come back around to foster peace and mutual forgiveness between the Starks and Lannisters toward the end.
But before that he was a sweet, loving kid until he was brutally disabused of the notion that anyone could possibly love him. I can’t imagine anything worse than your own father violently raping by proxy two innocent kids for the crime of his son being happy and believing for one single second that he was loved for himself. He’s experienced a lifetime of continuous physical, sexual, mental, and verbal abuse on top of ableist bigotry and repeated scapegoating that nearly cost him his life more than once. For all his dark gray, unlikable moments, it’s actually kind of a miracle that Tyrion still retains what goodness he does have when he could have been totally fucked up beyond repair, without any pity or compassion left in him, and hating all of humanity with every fiber of his being.
GRRM does a good job of delivering blow after intensifying blow leading up to the moment he snaps and murders Tywin and Shae.There’s the overwhelming stress of the trial for the regicide he was framed for, one where his guilt and conviction is a foregone conclusion. The public humiliation and betrayal of Shae’s false testimony where his sexuality is served up for mockery. The people of KL are literally bloodthirsty and cheering for his death. There’s the momentary hope and crushing defeat of Oberyn Martell championing him in the trial by combat. Then finally Jaime drops the Tysha bomb. I mean, wow... it’s a lot. It’s totally understandable why he goes to the Hand’s tower to confront his father instead of escaping immediately. Personally, I don’t think he has to be sorry about killing Tywin at all. That pile of excrement had it coming and deserved a painful, ignoble death on the shitter at minimum. Shae is the only one there that has enough mitigating factors to say she definitely didn’t deserve to be strangled to death, though I get how it happened in the heat of the moment under intense mental duress. I think he needs to atone for that one, and I say that as someone who thinks Shae is a callous, conniving, greedy, low-level bloodsucker without any redeeming qualities. Yet, killing either of them, especially Tywin, didn’t bring Tyrion any peace or satisfaction whatsoever. Kinslaying is still up there with the most cursed of transgressions. It’s major part of his spiral into the tormented abyss we see in ADWD.
It’s been a long time since I read ADWD as it’s not my favorite part of the series, so my memory of all the details is not the best. And like I said, I am not an expert on Tyrion. The general impression I get is that Tyrion thinks that he thinks he hates humanity and he’s finally become the monster everyone believed him to be. So he rages against practically everything and everyone. He certainly harbors a hatred for the people of KL and the sister sitting on the throne. There is a high probability he acts upon those feelings and helps usher in a catastrophic tragedy out of vengeance. Just as an example, he is aware of the wildfire cache sitting under KL and that knowledge can be used in a really bad way. Might be that crossing a point of no return, which may feel glorious in the moment, is ironically the thing that causes him to recoil in horror and regret after the dust settles. Consider Tyrion’s dream about the duality of himself:
That night Tyrion Lannister dreamed of a battle that turned the hills of Westeros as red as blood. He was in the midst of it, dealing death with an axe as big as he was, fighting side by side with Barristan the Bold and Bittersteel as dragons wheeled across the sky above them. In the dream he had two heads, both noseless. His father led the enemy, so he slew him once again. Then he killed his brother, Jaime, hacking at his face until it was a red ruin, laughing every time he struck a blow. Only when the fight was finished did he realize that his second head was weeping.
If the two heads are both noseless, then they are both present day Tyrion. There are two sides of him right now that are equally capable of reveling in bloody vengeance and weeping for someone he still loves even though they wounded him deeply.
Then what? Well, the thing about hitting your lowest point is that you can either dwell there until you fatally self-destruct or you can find your way back up. Granted, ADWD Tyrion is in a dark place, but there’s still space to get even darker for at least a little while in TWOW. It is possible Tyrion spends the rest of his life atoning for his worst actions during this period, using his intellectual gifts (even the parts that are Tywin writ small) to serve the needs of the people he has harmed. And it does make good story sense for someone who grew to hate humanity for very understandable reasons still found it in himself to care about it enough to save it. Even sacrifice himself for it if necessary since there’s a strong possibility he is a dragon rider. Since all signs seem to point to him ultimately playing a heroic role against the Others, we can rule out the idea that he just says good riddance to bad rubbish and laughs while the world ends. That has to mean something, right?
There is always a path for redemption for anyone who sees the wrong of what they’ve done, has heartfelt remorse, and commits themselves to meaningful and lasting change. It’s not really about forgiveness at all, although that sometimes happens alongside redemption and it’s certainly easier for people to forgive once they see change. Redemption is work the character must do themselves for the right reasons. It’s not a status granted to them by other people. In fact, it’s probably more sincere when someone decides to do right anyway even if no one ever thinks better of them. If Tyrion (or any other character) is unforgivable to you, then the best worst thing that could happen is that they have to live a long life and spend all of it repaying their karmic debt. Even if he’s not my fav or your fav, a lot of people out there still do relate to him and the things he’s been through. A lot of people are not okay and not good victims from the trauma they’ve suffered. Fiction with redemption that is possible for anyone gives people hope that they could be better too, and there’s no other instance in the books that makes me think GRRM is cynical about redemption. The only way redemption isn’t happening for Tyrion is if he choses not pursue it.
#Anonymous#valyrianscrolls#tyrion lannister#asoiaf meta#redemption in asoiaf#not my area of expertise but I'm trying my best here#my meta
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dear spencer- part two
Spencer Reid x Fem! Reader
masterlist
(part one)
Summery: Spencer’s initial reaction to what happens, and him going through the five stages of grief
Genre: heavy angst
WARINGINGS: suicude, language, cheating, grief
Word Count: 1.4k
thanks to @dreatine for suggesting a part two
A/N: again, this pic deals with really heavy topics, including the grief process. If you ever need anyone to talk to, or be there for you, I am here, and you can message me any time.
Spencer’s mind was in a frenzy. He couldn’t focus on anything, and all he felt was pure panic and anguish. So, he just sat there, on the bathroom floor, curled in a ball, just hoping for this to all be a dream.
If asked why he cheated on Y/n, he couldn’t give a valid answer, his mind drew blanks, which was rare for the doctor. All he could say is that he couldn’t help himself. He couldn’t help it when a pretty girl was all over him. He couldn’t help it, even when he was lying to his girlfriend, and defying all the moral codes he had ever lived by. At the moment he thought that she was so much prettier than Y/n, but looking over at Y/n’s dead body, he wondered how he could have ever thought that.
Logistically, Spencer knew he was smart, but he felt like the dumbest person on Earth. How could he have done this to her?
He felt a surplus of emotions hit him like a truck. Guilt, grief, shock, and just pain.
Dr. Spencer Reid was not new to trauma, but this was worse than all the other things he had experienced, combined because it was his fault.
He remembered with Meave, he always said that it was his fault, that he had done something different, she could have survived. But he saw now that it wasn't really his fault. But this time, it unequivocally, was his fault.
But thinking about Maeve, just made him remember all the times Y/n comforted him when he was grieving the loss of Maeve. All the times that she stayed up, and just held him, when he was having a nightmare, or when she was talking him through a panic attack. He remembered how patient and kind she was, and that just piled onto the grief he was already feeling.
He looked over to the floor and saw her letter, crumpled up, with both his own, and her tears on it, and he just felt numb.
Spencer just stayed there, hugging your body, until Derek eventually found him, and forced him to let go.
Denial:
Shortly after Derek finally got Spencer to let go of her body, they both received a text, informing them that they had a case.
Spencer then began to gather his stuff, in order to leave for the case. But as he went to grab his go-bag, Derek stopped him.
“Hey. Where do you think you're going?” He questioned.
“Uhh to go work the case,” Spencer replied as if it were quite obvious.
“Listen Spencer. We both know you can’t work this case. You’re in shock and denial, so I’m going to drop you off at Penelope’s, while we’re on the case. Kevin will cover for her. Ok?” Derek told Spencer in the same tone he would use with a little kid.
Spencer nodded and slowly began walking towards the door, almost like a mummy.
Anger:
Because Derek had called Penelope before they got to her home, she knew all about what had happened, even the cheating part.
Penelope thought about all the things she could have done to make her feel more loved. She was never mean to her, but she still felt like she never did anything super nice either, to show her that she cared, which she did.
Penelope also felt very conflicted about Spencer. She knew in her head that Spencer cheated on her, and that was one of the reasons she killed herself. But she also loved Spencer. That’s why when Spencer arrived at her home, she couldn’t look him in the eye.
When Spencer walked in, the first thing he did was flung himself on to her couch, and curled up in a ball, with tears streaming down his neck.
Penelope didn’t know what to do, so she thought about what she did when she was stressed, and that was tea.
Penelope began boiling the water as Spencer laid on the couch, she steeped the tea bags as he silently sobbed, and she brought the teacups over as he stared into her beige couch.
“Here. I made you some herbal tea,” Penelope said gently, as she handed him the cup.
Something in Spencer snapped at that moment. He swatted his hand out, causing the cup of tea to fall and shatter on the floor, seemingly making him even angrier.
“I don’t need fucking tea! I need my fucking girlfriend back!” Spencer exclaimed, startling Penelope.
“I-I’m sorry,” Penelope stuttered out.
“My girlfriend is gone, and it’s all my fucking fault. She’s dead because I slept with some- some- slut!” Spencer yelled out, angry tears falling out of his eyes.
“Spence, it's not your fault-” Penelope tried to say.
“But it is though. I cheated on her, and she killed herself. It’s my fault, and I know you know it. I mean you can’t even look me in the eyes for God’s sake.” Spencer scoffed out.
Penelope didn’t say anything. She just sat there, and let him take his anger out on her. It was hard for her, seeing as she was very sensitive, but she knew it had to happen.
Bargaining:
In the weeks ensuing, Spencer was snappy with everyone, but they took it, knowing it was a part of the healing process. But one night, Spencer reached the bargaining stage, during a long case.
Spencer had just gotten super angry at everyone and snapped. Hotch had sent him back to the hotel room.
Once he got back, he thought of her again. And the hurt began all over again. But this time he did something unexpected. He prayed.
Now Spencer was a religious person, but he was so desperate. So he did it. He prayed:
“Dear God,
Umm, I don’t know if you’re there or not. But I just miss her so much. I know that it was my mistakes that cost her, her life, but I hope you can forgive me.
I’ll do anything for her back. I’ll never get angry ever again if you bring her back. Can you even do that? Just, please! I can’t do this without her. I can’t live my life without her.
It’s selfish, I know. But she was the light of my world. I messed everything up.
I’d do anything to start over. Please, just give me the chance to. I’ll do anything. Please. God…
Amen?”
Depression:
Weeks later, Spencer felt so empty. He was so tired of the tears, of the loneliness, and of the pain. He felt like his heart was in chains, and he was incapable of ever being happy again, and then he thought that he didn’t deserve to be happy.
He thought about who he could go to, and he thought about all the times that JJ had provided him comfort, so he decided it couldn’t hurt.
When he arrived at JJ’s house, he was sobbing, crying. When JJ answered the door, she saw Spencer, and just led him to the couch and just held him, and let him cry.
“Spence, just let it out. Calm down. It’s ok” she whispered to him, in an attempt to calm him down.
Her attempt to calm him down did not work. He just sat there in her arms, for a long time.
Acceptance:
Spencer spent the longest time in the depression stage. He spent the longest time numb, and in anguish, for a long time. But now, it was time for his psych evaluation. Luckily, it was Hotch who was doing it.
When Spencer walked into Hotch’s office, he was nervous. He didn’t want to lose the ability to do his job, it was important to him.
Spencer sat down, and Hotch gave him a small smile, before starting. He began asking the standard questions, before getting to the point where he needed Spencer to tell him what happened in his own words. To judge his behavior while telling the story.
“Reid. I need you to explain what happened, in your own words. It’s going to be hard. But you need to do it.” Hotch told Spencer.
Spencer took a deep breath, and then began, “Umm I cheated on my girlfriend, Y/n, and umm I told Derek, and he told her. Then umm she uhh,” Spencer closed his eyes for a second to collect himself, “She uhh killed herself. Because of what I did.”, he finished.
This was the first time Spencer had been able to tell the story, without lashing out or anything. Hotch noticed, and gave him a hug. Hotch then whispered in Spencer’s ear,
“I’m proud of you”.
#spencer reid#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid angst#spencer reid fanfic#spencer x you#criminal minds fanfiction#criminal minds imagine#criminal minds
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Beautiful, Beloved | Berlin
Requested by anon: Hello!!! How are you? I hope good!! May I ask for 10 18 and 23 from the prompt list with a Berlin x f reader? I just need me some angst with a fluffy ending hehe, it's completely fine if not tho!!! Keep up with the amazing work!!
Word count: 1.8k
Warning: angst
Note: not my gif! Didn’t proof read so sorry for any typo’s!
I chose not to do prompt 18, because I’ve already done that one for Berlin. Hope that’s okay! Enjoy x
#10 - ‘You know we’re supposed to be together. I knew the first time I saw you and you know it too. I know you do.’
#23 - ‘Why choose me?’
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It was one of those nights again. You and Berlin were fighting, because he couldn’t keep it in his pants. He didn’t cheat though, but it was the hundreth time that he had women practically throwing themselves at him. You couldn’t blame the women though, he was a handsome man and you basically did the same when you first saw him. But the problem was that he didn’t even try to push them away or tell them he was in a relationship.
‘My God, you were basically fucking them with your eyes, Andrès! How do you expect me not to get mad at that?!’ you yelled. You tried to walk away from him, but he followed you everywhere.
‘Oh come on, I did the same to you!’ he laughed, pointing at you.
‘Because you were single! You can’t behave the same you did when you were single, because you’re not single anymore!’ you groaned, while throwing your hands up. You took a deep breath and lowered your voice. ‘If you so desperately want to be single again, that’s fine, but just tell me. It’s the least I deserve.’
Once the words left your lips, you saw his expression change from smug to shock. You breath hitched and a sudden burning in your eyes ruined your tough façade. Berlin’s heart stung while he looked at your broken state. It was just now that he noticed how tired you looked. Big, dark circles marked your eyes, the light had left it’s orbs and your cheeks were hollow. You had definitely lost a few pounds and your body was trembling.
‘I-’ he stuttered. He tried to explain to you how you were his world and there was no way he would let any woman destroy the strong bond you had, but he couldn’t. He was stuck in his own words and he was terrified he would lose you because of it.
‘I love you with all my heart, but I can’t keep doing this to myself. It leaves more damage than it does good. It’s okay if you fell out of love or if your preferences have changed, but just tell me. Please,’ you pleaded, the volume of your voice lowering with every word you spoke. Tears cascaded down your cheeks as you tried to work this out, but he just stood there. No emotion on his face, no moving towards you, no words. You sadly nodded and lowered your head.
‘It’s okay. I’ll go,’ you whispered. ‘Just know that nothing has changed for me. I still love you the same as I did before. If you change your mind, you’ll know where to find me.’
You turned around and tightly squeezed your eyes shut, hoping with all your heart he would come running after you and hold you close ‘till the sun came up. But he didn’t. You wandered around the mansion you two lived in until you arrived in the garden. On the right there was a little cottage. It was your favourite part of the whole house. It had a big bedroom, a little living area, a kitchen and a bathroom with a bubble bath and sauna.
You smiled at the faint memories you’d shared with Andrès here. Dining with lit candles around you, sitting in the sauna, making love in the bubble bath and cuddling in bed. It was your safe haven. You went here to clear your head or just to be alone and work on your book.
Sighing, you closed the door behind you, shut the blinds and ran yourself a hot bath. You knew you didn’t have to pack your bags, because something inside you said that he would come around. You sunk in the bathtub and turned on the bubbles. You closed your eys and bubbles away until the water turned cold. After you dried yourself off and put on your pyjama’s, you dove in the bed and dozed off into sleep.
-
The next morning you were awoken by a knock on the door. You groaned and burried yourself deeper in the mattress. The knocking continued and you heard the voice of Greta, one of the maids in the mansion.
‘Darling? Breakfast is ready,’ she softly called through the door. You sighed and carefully opened your eyes. You loved Greta. She was an elderly woman, one you’d see in the movies, with snow white hair, dark red lips and big glasses sitting on the bridge of her nose. You loved her to death. She was like a grandmother to you and whenever you had a question or needed advice, she had the answer.
You got off the bed, put on your robe and glasses and went to the door. You unlocked it and was met by the elderly woman smiling sadly at you. She knew you would only come to the cottage when you weren’t feeling great, so she knew exactly what had happened.
‘Again?’ she asked and all you could do was nod your head. You felt ashamed and stupid. This had happened so many times already, you truly couldn’t wrap your head around the fact that you still tried your hardest with him.
‘Thank you, Greta. I can’t remember I requested breakfast, though,’ you frowned, taking the tray from her that displayed all your favourite foods.
‘Andrès requested it. He knew you would be here,’ she said, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. It took everything in you not to start crying again. ‘He also wanted me to give you this. Stayed up all night writing it for you. He didn’t sleep.’ She handed you an envelope with the words ‘My dearest’ written on top of it.
You sighed, ‘What do I do, Greta?’ She smiled softly at you and you could see the little twinkle in her eyes.
‘You know what to do, darling. If you need anything, just call and I’ll be here,’ she said, kissing you on the cheek and turning around to leave. You watched as she disappeared inside and you closed the door. You set down the tray on the bed and hesitated to open the letter. Was is really worth going through this again? You opened the letter and read it.
To my dearest Y/N,
Words cannot explain how sorry I am. I hurt you in a way I never wanted to hurt you and I can never forgive myself for that. I betrayed your trust multiple times and I want you to know that I am incredibly sorry for doing that. All this time I thought I needed to earn my validation from others, when all I truly needed was yours. I didn’t see what I had right in front of me and by doing that I hurt you. I see now that you have always accepted me for the way I am - my good and bad side. You’ve seen me at my best and my worst. You keep me sane and stay with me in my darkest hours. You never complain about how I wake you up in the middle of the nigh or how I always leave my underwear spread around the room. I’m sorry for not seeing how incredible you are. I’m sorry for not appreciating you enough. I’m sorry I’m not the man you deserve. I hope you can forgive me and give me one last chance to prove to you how much you mean to me.
I love you with all my heart.
A.
Tears welled up in your eyes. Never had Belin been so vulnerable and open to you. It showed you he really was trying his hardest this time. Times before he just got you a bunch of roses and that was his apology, but this time it was really different. He was sincere.
You munched your breakfast and changed into the summer dress you wore yesterday. You made the bed, brushed your teeth and left the cottage, taking the tray of now all-eaten food with you. When you were just about to enter the house again, you saw him sitting on the terrace, a glass of red wine sitting next to him while he held his head in his hands. You placed the tray down gently and approached him. He didn’t seem to notice you as you sat down beside him.
‘Why choose me?’ you asked him softly, not trying to scare him. He tensed up when he heard your voice and slowly lifted his head. He didn’t look at you, he just stared into the distance. His eyes were puffy and you could tell he hadn’t slept.
‘Sometimes.. there isn’t really a reason. There’s just this feeling burning inside of you when you catch someone’s eye or hold their hand. It..’ he sighed, trying to come up with words that would make sence. He usually knew exactly what to say and how to say it, but now he just blocked. ‘It feels so right. The moment I saw you for the first time, you looked so stunning. Not because you wore a fancy dress or had your hair done nicely, but because you were you. You never once changed yourself. You were just this twenty year old that lived her life exactly the way she wanted to live it without any regrets and living like there was no tomorrow. I instantly fell in love. My mouth dried up and my heart beat out of my chest.
‘When I went to talk to you, you saw right through me. You knew exactly what kind of man I was, but you made it your mission to break through those walls and find the real me. You did one hell of a job for that one, princess. You showed me that I’m not just this ladies man with a constant need for attention and drive for sex and money,’ he chuckled. He turned around and looked at you. He bit the inside of his cheek - something he did when he was nervous.
‘I don’t mind the sex part, though,’ you whispered, making him chuckle and you giggle.
‘What I’m actually trying to say is that I’m sorry for everthing I’ve done that hurt you. I was a dick and didn’t realize how much you mean to me. You know we’re supposed to be together. I knew the first time I saw you and you know it too. I know you do.’
You let his words sink in. You could feel his heavy heartbeat next to you so you placed your hand over his, on his knee.
‘I forgive you. Just please promise me you’ll try to talk to me more. I feel like I hardly know you anymore. I’ll be here for the rest of your life if you want me to, but don’t push me away,’ you pleaded. He could see your eyes filling with tears again, so he quickly wrapped his arms around you.
‘I promise, princess. I will never let you go again.’
.. .. .. .. ..
Berlin Taglist
@nkjktk - @michaellangdonenthusiast - @hamiltonsofcrap
#la casa de papel#lcdp imagine#berlin x reader#berlin imagine#pedro alonso#lcdp x reader#lcdp#prompt 10#prompt 23
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My thoughts on “Buddie”
1. I think if Fox could realize that sometimes you can’t *plan* for chemistry, it just happens, and when it does it’s magic and you need to let it play out, they would be so far ahead of the curve of other shows and fans beyond their core audience would take notice. The material IS there to defend it actually happening against claims that they just bowed down to the shippers.
2. On the one hand, I believe that the writers are very deliberately writing a lot of subtext and the directors are leaving in scenes where the actors are making certain choices, both Ryan/Oliver and Peter/Kenneth/Aisha/JLH. But is it just as a “shout out” to the Buddie shippers, or an actual deliberate effort to make a point of how close they are and how dependent they’ve become on their relationship?
3. I’ve talked before how I think deciding on your character’s sexuality before you actually write them out for a while just doesn’t make for believable humanity based on reality. If we’re looking at these two examples,
Buck has been written in a way that could very well make him bi/pan and not everybody who is and is secure in their identity will go and talk about it constantly. I would also like to remind everyone that bi does not mean you have to stick to a certain quota, like keep your relationships 50/50 male/female. There are many people who are bi who tend to end up in more relationships/even just sexual ones with one gender, and that doesn’t make them less bi or pan. So just because we have only seen him have female love interests during the show, there are some scenes (”Your man crush on Eddie”/”I’m not setting you up with my brother/Hey Now”) that could be interpreted to mean that might not always have been the case, Maddie being the one who would have been there to witness it. We also see Buck not really caring about the social conventions - not only of who he dates - he is consistently written as meeting every person he meets on eye level - even making sure the guy who stole his identity to catfish women wouldn’t lose his dignity in death, but also romantically, we can see him building a connection with Abby through the phone first and falling in love with her as a person, and not caring about her being quite a lot older.
Eddie, and I’ve written about this before, is a little bit of an enigma. Again, we have only seen him in one relationship, and while it doesn’t seem like it was the happiest of marriages, in the end it really did seem like he loved Shannon and wanted to make it work. Up until Ms. Florez we have also seen him almost making a point of not looking to date (”They’re not my type”/”You didn’t set me up, did you?”), and that is pretty much all we know about him. Again, the fact that he was married to a woman and once flirted with one briefly, does not prove or disprove anything. He grew up in Texas, in latino culture, and spent a good amount of his formative years in the US Army, all of these can traditionally be quite conservative. From personal experience even I have seen many people who grew up in conservative environments fall in line with the expectations set for them by their communities (often very early, and Eddie and Shannon did get married quite young), especially if their community doesn’t provide a lot of LGBTQ-visibility or role models. Yes, Eddie does “act” straight, whatever that means and whether that is an actual concept, but the way he behaves in a lot of scenes with Buck, and I’ll get back to this in point 8., could be interpreted in other ways.
4. TV today has gotten a lot better at showing LGBTQ relationships that aren’t a) just on the sidelines b) serving as collateral emotional damage to drive the plot or c) are written in a way that is basically just taking a hetero-couple-storyline and casting two people of the same gender in it. I am worried that they think they can’t do the “coming out later in life” storyline again with Buddie because they already have Michael (which brings me back to point 1. Let the damn magic happen when it’s right in front of your eyes), and they can’t have another main cast LGBTQ character - or two - because they already have Hen (and Karen). Obviously these are not valid reasons, look at other shows like 911 Lone star for representation within the main cast, but of course, this is a double edged sword because there is a concern that they gave us 911 Lone Star to do what they wouldn’t or couldn’t do with the original. (On a side note, Owen Strand is the fairy godfather of Texas and I live for that show)
5. Parallels. This has been talked about a lot, and there are much better posts about it than this one. But writers aren’t stupid, or careless, so I do believe that to a certain extent they’re aware of how they are setting up parallels between Buck and Eddie’s love lives. We have them agreeing to “have each other’s backs” in contrast to Shannon telling Eddie that he never had hers. We have Eddie telling Buck that there is no one he trusts more with Christopher than him, while he makes it clear that while he thinks he can forgive Shannon, he doesn’t think he can trust her. We had Shannon coming back just as Buck decides to leave Abby behind finally, and we had Ali showing up when Shannon dies, and now Ana when the writers point out how single Buck is.
6. Themes. The episode themes in 9-1-1 are kinda like horoscopes, they’re meant to be able to work for multiple storylines and connect all the main characters through one focus. But we’ve seen a lot of themes surrounding family or trust or love that have an obvious connection to a Buddie moment on the show. Chosen Family. Home. Being able to trust your partner. Seizing the day. And even when it’s something that doesn’t immediately connect the two, the scenes are cut in a way that imply there’s a connection, like Eddie telling Chim to tell Maddie he loves her, because tomorrow isn’t promised. Chim calls Maddie to invite her to dinner to finally do this, and right before this we see Eddie asking Buck to lunch - this is probably just a coincidence, right? But we can be sure that the director, writers and cutters were aware of this, and made the choice to do it this way, for whatever reason. Because this is their exact job, telling stories through how they cut scenes together.
7. Christopher. So this might be what makes Buddie a little more unique compared to the, admittedly, dozens of other seemingly “straight bromances” that people have shipped. Most scenes we get with Buck and Eddie that are outside of work, involve Chris in some way. It’s probably safe to say that part of the reason they became so close is because Buck and Chris have a connection that I would wager goes beyond what most friends have with their single-dad-friend’s kid. We see how important Buck becomes in Christopher’s life, and vice versa, pretty much a few episodes after they meet for the first time. Eddie trusts Buck with Chris’ life, and he trusts him with any problems relating to Christopher that he needs to work through. Buck’s his sounding board for his role as a parent, which is interesting considering Eddie has other friends at the 118 that actually are parents? *cough* Chosen family *cough*
8. Closeness. As I said above, sometimes writers plan one storyline, but the magic happens somewhere they didn’t expect, and if that is the case, and you want to be faithful to your characters, you should seize that opportunity. I think we can all agree this is one of those cases where the chemistry is just off the charts. There are long looks, there is a lot of being in sync, there’s constant physical contact when they’re sitting or walking next to each other. Personal space, who? Again, this is something the director could discourage, or use a take that didn’t have Buck grab his belt buckle and invading Eddie’s personal space in his own kitchen, but they decided on this take. They decided on the take of Eddie clearly checking out Buck’s behind and Chim noticing. Now Buck seems to be pretty comfortable with closeness anyway, but Eddie isn’t the most touchy guy with anyone else, so this is noticeable. And it works.
9. Look. Somebody sat down and wrote “You want to go for the title?” and I would pay a lot of money to see the stage directions on that script because holy fuck. There’s a lot of info in their exchanges - and it implies that there are lots of moments that these two talk that we don’t get to see - Buck immediately knows about Eddie and Ana, and he knew about the situation with Shannon too (and didn’t hide his jealousy very well). When they don’t talk, it clearly gets to Eddie, who doesn’t have that many other people he really trusts and can open up to. Cue “husbands fighting in the supermarket”. But what’s also interesting to me is that their dynamic involves a lot of Eddie teasing Buck. “Exoskeleton” “Aren’t you still in that phase?” “You would have talked me into buying a more expensive one”.. and Eddie sometimes uses it to keep their conversations from getting into dangerous, emotional territory, like during the kitchen scene. And I don’t know about y’all, but that sounds like something I’ve done before when I knew there was something to get into, and I just didn’t know how or when.
_______________________________________
Wow I could keep going but this is already so long. I’m so sorry everyone. But I figured we all now have two weeks so we have time to do a lot of reading 😅Thanks everybody for reminding me about the things that do make it seem like Buddie is an actual possibility, because most of the time, I have to admit, I’m like 70/30 against the hope of it becoming reality. Long live fanfiction! In conclusion, please make it happen, or explain all the choices you have made. YOU CAN’T!
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I have been making excuses for perpetrators all my life. I have been making excuses for unkind behaviour from people all my life.
When I was 7 I was sexually assaulted by my maternal uncle. Several times. I made excuse. I thought to myself, it's because I was there when he was horny. I was available around him. Even though I was small, I was made to think it was my fault to be at my own home with only him present. I was made to think, that it wasn't his unkindness. Rather it was just me being not careful enough.
Growing up, I had trouble making friends. I always hear the complaints that I am too sensitive. I was made to think that calling me fat is not bodyshaming me. Rather reacting to being called fat is unnecessary and is just plainly overreaction. Over sensitive. Cry baby.
I had a few close friends when I hit my 20s. Maintaining friendships with them felt a full time job. Their unkindness was supposed to be translated as a form of poking fun at each other. I was supposed to laugh off at remarks regarding my acne, love life and whatever choices I made. It felt emotionally draining because if I ever say the slightest thing, it was made out to be rude and said out of spite. But interestingly whatever they say about me, its all in good fun. In friendship, I am never the sharer. Always the listener. Always the punching bag.
When I started my adult life. I had a fall out with one of my closest friends. Now that I look back. I wonder if I deserved her unkindness ever. If she deserved my kindness ever. I can't remember how many times I was there for her. Breakups, frustration about career, family drama, husband cheating on her, miscarriage, whatnot. But I only remember her backlashing at me. Repeatedly. Time after time. What a toxic situation it was. I never felt safe with my thoughts sharing with her. I wasn't looking for her validation in life. But I wasn't letting go of her completely either. It felt a huge waste of time, if I had ended the friendship. I kept making excuses for her. I still do.
When I was 23, I was called an ugly whore. For breaking up with a guy who was two-timing with me. It was more of a headache rather than a proper heartache. I still think for hours that he does owe me in apology. In some religion they say, that if someone doesn't forgive you for your wrong doing, even God cannot erase it. I wanted to forgive him. So I made excuses for him. Young me was naive. I taught myself that I was antagonist to come between two soulmates. They were meant to be. I was a villain of sort. But the truth is I was never a home wrecking bitch. Men like him, have their bitches in the leashes. And also stick their tongues and fingers whenever and wherever they can. I kept blaming myself for a relationship which I didn't even want to be a part of. A man chased me, had an affair with me, I didn't know about his bitch, I got rid of him, he called me names. This is the simple story. To make excuses for his actions, I have to be a manipulative Medusa who can lure men in her vagina. Which I never was. Plus, how can I ever be? I am ugly, remember? Quoting him.
The people I have done a lot for. Financially, physically, mentally, emotionally. They have always backstabbed me and I have always made excuses. Okay, maybe they're acting from their own insecure place. I should be more kinder. No. Fucking hell. No. They are misbehaving. Leave. You're not their therapist!
Today, I vow to stop making excuses for people.
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