#neverisalongtime
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Chapter 43: Silver Lake Conservatory Gala
Read Chapter 42
- Are you going to the Silver Lake Conservatory Gala? – Mandy asked Anastasia while they were hanging out at the pink-haired-girl’s house in Hollywood Hills.
- I think so, Richard wants to go – Anastasia was looking at something on her computer.
- Wow! It’s gonna be like presenting him to society – Mandy laughed – What are you looking at?
- Melissa, my realtor, is looking at houses for me and she sent me some, wanna see?
- Are you going to move? – Mandy asked shocked.
- I think so. I love my house, I love the view but the neighborhood is being invaded by this litter of new young celebrities and the privacy of the community is at stake, so I really want to leave. Besides I want to live in a place far from anything. Look at this one; I’ve been seeing houses since yesterday and I always come back to this one, it’s in Topanga.
The house was located on the top of a hill with a view of the beautiful Topanga scenery, which was far different than the one Anastasia woke up to every day. This time she could enjoy seeing trees and nature everywhere. It was rustic styled with five bedrooms and five bathrooms, a pool and a spacious basement where she could put together a music studio, besides it was 5,500 sq ft, had a pool and a fully functional vineyard with a wine cellar included.
- It costs almost four million dollars, but according to Melissa my house is going to sell for three million and I can easily pay the rest – Anastasia said.
- The wine cellar is my favorite part – Mandy said.
- I know! Barbara is going to love it!
- We can make our own wine.
- We don’t know how to make wine.
- We will figure it out. It’s going to be called ‘Rich Bitch Wine’ – Anastasia started to laugh.
- Stop it! – She told her friend – So, what do you think?
- Do it! - Mandy said with enthusiasm – Topanga is beautiful, even though it’s far. I won’t be able to see you often…
- Your exaggeration knows no limits. It’s not as far by car.
- Almost a one-hour drive.
- That never stops us from going to Malibu every time we want.
- Well… I guess that’s true.
- Besides I’m going to be near my monster twins.
- Buy it! – Mandy said – I can’t wait to help you move.
- I give you six months for you to buy the house next door.
- Well, since I’m getting married I can convince Peyton in three months now – Both laughed.
Anastasia did not waste any time and called Melissa to confirm the purchase. She was feeling so good, getting her life in shape but a part of her couldn’t help but wonder how long it was going to last.
Things with Richard were going great as well, but the schedules were though on them, they could only be together a few days at a time. Soon, An would have to travel to New York to take part in The Meadows Festival with Dead Curse and Richard would travel to London for some concerts.
- Did I tell you that I bought a house in Topanga? – Anastasia told Richard one night having dinner at her Beverly Hills soon-to-be former home.
- Topanga is beautiful! We recorded there a few songs on the last record, our producer lives there – He answered – I’m so proud of you – Richard, who was just wearing a black tee shirt, very underdressed for his style, stared at Anastasia directly into her eyes. She just smiled – You just made an amazing record that’s going to take your band to the next level, you just bought another house… I could marry you right now – That took Anastasia by surprise. She laughed nervously. Was he just saying it or being real? It was definitely early in the relationship to talk about marriage and the guy got divorced a year ago. She decided to follow his lead.
- Well, let’s go to Vegas right now and get married – She couldn’t believe what she was saying but Richard laughed.
- You deserve so much more than a wedding in Vegas. Besides what would Mandy say if she finds out you got married without her?
- It’s true. I can’t do that to Mandy.
- But what do you say if we do a little trip to the desert right now and watch the sunrise there?
- I can’t believe we are talking about this – Anastasia ignored Richard’s petition.
- Why?
- Because you got divorced just a year ago.
- Darling, a year is enough time and I got over my divorce way long ago. My marriage was a mess, I already told you that.
- And you want to get married again?
- Why not? Just because I failed once doesn’t mean I’ll fail again – Richard smiled and his dimples appeared on his face, that always made her weak.
- I think I’ll take that sunrise in the desert.
- Grab a jacket then.
This time the vehicle was a lot more comfortable, it was a red roofless jeep Richard had, it was the perfect car for a good desert trip. Thank God she grabbed a warm, thick jacket because nights in the desert were really cold. Richard pulled up in a place away from the road, they just enjoyed the night with a bottle of wine he brought and she just imagined how living with him and making wine in her new Topanga house would be.
They watched the sunrise between kisses. Anastasia was never a romantic person but she found out it was because she hadn’t met the right man to be romantic with.
- Ready to see the house? – Mandy told Anastasia while standing at the door of her current house.
- Who is this? – Anastasia realized Mandy was carrying a dog in her arms, a very small Yorkshire terrier.
- His name is Hercules – Mandy said – Peyton gave him to me yesterday. He said that since we were going to be officially married we needed someone to take care of and practice for kids – Anastasia’s jaw went to the floor.
- Kids?! Mandy! We are kids!
- We aren’t. We are 28 years old. It’s time for you to realize that this adult thing is getting over us and we should embrace it!
- I know… Richard and I talked about marriage the other day…
- Really? – Mandy said with a confused look on her face – But you’ve only been dating for a couple of months.
- I know, but… Nothing seems strange with him. I remember one time Josh talked about marriage and kids and I freaked out, and now… I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
- It’s the 28th, my friend.
- But seriously… Hercules? – She asked her friend suspiciously.
- What? It’s my favorite Disney movie! – Mandy handed the dog over to her friend.
- He’s the cutest!
The house was more than what Anastasia could have expected. Barbara joined them to see the property, and, of course, she freaked out when it was time to check the wine cellar. The kitchen was quite small but it was open and connected to the living room and the dining room. The basement had an independent entry and it had the perfect size for a recording studio. She was over the moon. The place was incredibly beautiful and had a huge garden surrounded by a lot of nature. The only thing she would have to add was a strong, big fence, privacy was her main concern.
- I’ll see you tonight at the Silver Lake Gala? – Barbara asked Anastasia.
- Yes. I’m going with Richard – She answered.
- Great! Can’t wait to meet him.
- Don’t you dare scare him away – Mandy said to Barbara.
- Don’t worry. Not after I see the stupid in-love-face you make every time you talk about him – Barbara laughed.
Anastasia wore a red off-the-shoulder dress a pair of also red pumps, while Richard went for black trousers, a black shirt with a white print and a pink leather blazer. They looked amazing together and everybody at the Gala realized.
- Did you get inspired by my hair for your look? – Mandy asked Richard and he laughed – Meet Peyton – They shook hands. Now it was time to meet Barbara.
- This is my sister – Anastasia introduce them.
- I finally meet you – Barbara could say the strangest things sometimes so she was worried – I’ve been hearing such amazing things about you and I was dying to meet you – Richard smiled and Anastasia breathed.
- I’m so glad to meet you too. You are the favorite sister as I heard – He pointed to An.
- She is more like my only sister, actually – Anastasia said.
A large group of Anastasia’s friends from the music scene were present and she was happy that Flea managed to gather even more people than the year before, where she gave a speech; she couldn’t believe it had been over a year ago. One of those friends was John Mayer, who was auctioning some guitar lessons and his board price tag was: ‘Priceless,’ that made Anastasia laugh so hard.
- If I pay for you, are you mine? – She asked John while they were having a drink.
- I’m yours for free – He answered.
- Stay on your lane, boy – She said laughing – I’m a taken woman.
At the end she paid 50 thousand dollars for those guitar lessons, but she managed to give them to the best guitar student at the conservatory and she added some lessons of her own for the little boy. That gesture made Richard happy and even more proud of the woman he had by his side.
From a side of the venue, Josh never stopped looking at the couple, which was ironic enough since Lauren was joining him that night, wearing a silver sequin mini dress, flaunting her body for everybody in the room. But that made Anastasia relaxed; she wasn’t feeling guilty for being with Richard in front of Josh for once. As usual, the Peppers performed some songs and Lauren screamed and cheered with exaggeration, grabbing everyone’s attention.
Anastasia was amazed by how easy Richard joined conversations with her friends and family, he wasn’t that sociable but more political and that was great for her. She looked at Josh a couple of times and realized he wasn’t that happy but she didn’t let that ruin the moment for her.
Now it was time for The Meadows Music & Arts Festival in Queens, New York, and time to say goodbye to Richard again. Relationships in this business were hard because all of the time they had to spend apart, it was especially tough when the relationship was starting, but it would only be a couple of weeks, the guys in Richard’s band had children too, so they needed some time off now and then to see their families.
It was specially hot in New York that day, so An wore a pair of high-waisted leggings and a sports bra that read “Not your babe” in the front. She enjoyed the early hours of the festival, had some food and did an interview with an important magazine called “The Music Issue”. The show wasn’t as amazing as others, but the band gave their all. Then, it was time for the Peppers to take the stage but Anastasia preferred go sleep because she had to wake up early next day to attend the photoshoot for the interview she gave at the festival.
She walked out of her hotel room and faced Josh leaving his room too. That was an uncomfortable situation, but deep inside she was happy to see him and, apparently, he was glad too because he gave her a big smile.
- Where are you going this early? – Josh asked her while they were waiting for the elevator.
- I have a photoshoot. Promotion begins! – She said referring to the new record.
- Cool! – Josh looked at the floor.
- What about you?
- I’m just going for a walk.
- Do you want to walk with me to the photoshoot location? – She just asked without thinking.
- Yes! – Josh answer shockingly and smiling.
That walk was so easy, like the old times. Like when he and she walked through the cities they performed at on the tour. It was her friend Josh again. She told him she was going to move and he was glad to know she was leaving Beverly Hills, “I love your house but visiting you was a pain”, he said laughing and she punched him slightly on his shoulder.
- I wish I could take my house and put it somewhere else – Anastasia said.
- Like that episode of The Simpsons where Homer filled Springfield with garbage and they have to move the entire town away? – Anastasia was amazed by that Simpsons reference, because she loved the show.
- Yeah! And Then Homer says to Marge he is going to Moe’s and he just jumped from trailer to trailer on the highway – both laughed – We’re here – She said while they arrived to her destination.
- I’m going to have some coffee near here and maybe visit a museum. Give me a call if you need something – He told her.
- Alright – She hugged him and it felt like both wanted more than a hug but Richard’s face appeared on her mind violently, so only the hug happened.
The photoshoot was fun; she hadn’t had one in a while. It was everything pastels and she got to wear pretty clothes. Modeling was weird to her but her mom’s genes showed when she had a camera in front, it was awkward but easy. When she was done, Mandy texted her, telling her they were in a bar having some drinks. Anastasia decided to join them and after a while Josh did too. Everything just felt like months ago while they were touring. She was happy, she had peace… finally.
#josh klinghoffer#josh adam klinghoffer#joshklinghoffer#josh klinghoffer fanfiction#josh klinghoffer fanfic#josh klinghoffer fan fiction#JoshAn#never is a long time#neverisalongtime
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Happy Birthday Marie Fredricksson. We ❤ you Marie. ______________________________ #MarieFredriksson #Roxette #ListenToYourHeart #PerGessle #ItMustHaveBeenLove #Sweden #Joyride #HowDoYouDo #QueenOfTheRain #CrashBoomBang #TheLook #SpendingMyTime #SoFarAway #NeverIsALongTime https://www.instagram.com/p/ByFnTs9Aix8/?igshid=bntakf1ivob0
#mariefredriksson#roxette#listentoyourheart#pergessle#itmusthavebeenlove#sweden#joyride#howdoyoudo#queenoftherain#crashboombang#thelook#spendingmytime#sofaraway#neverisalongtime
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I was tagged by the amazing @captnandycalavera -3-
One Insecurity:
Not being the best friend I could be
Two Fears:
I’m afraid to love
I’m afraid to failure
Three Turn-Ons:
Intelligence, in any way... Clever guys who talk smart stuff are the best
Self confidence, because I’m tired of people who doesn’t know who they are
A gentleman is always a turn-on
(1000 extra points if he’s handsome and 1000 more if he has a sexy beard...)
Four Life Goals:
Get my degree...
... So I can work in what I love the most...
... To get money to travel the world...
... and walk in Los Angeles, wearing a bikini, a giant hat, big round sunglasses, with the RHCP after went to first line in one future concert in Venice Beach
Five Things I Like:
Books
New art supplies
Pizza
Hearing my steps on empy places
Take pictures of everything
Six Weaknesses:
Red Hot Chili Peppers
About Time
Pride And Prejudice
I cry of frustration
I don’t ask for help even if I need it
I can get mad to easily
Seven Things I Love (Things Not People): *I know it says things, not people, but I don’t give a damn <3 )
My mom
My TV shows
Traveling
When I finally do something good
When I learn something new
When someone uses peculiar words properly
Shiny happy people
Tag Eight People: (No pressure!)
I don’t know a lot of people here, buuut...
@molokoandcookies
@neverisalongtime-ja
@joshklingwaffle (I know we have never talked but I love your account <3)
@ghostypau
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47. If
Hey!
I’m so sorry that I let you wait for so long but I was a little bit busy in my “real life”. Plus, it took me some time to write this next chapter. I think it’s an emotional one and I really tried to write it as realistic as it can be.
Thank you for reading my story and giving me feedback! There are already 47 chapters! Wow, I never thought I would write so much when I started writing this story. So THANK YOU so much!
Now I hope you have fun reading!
And if you haven’t done it yet, then go and read @bemygetawayjz and @neverisalongtime-ja! I love both stories so much!
__________
August
“I can’t believe he did that to you” I said with a shocked face.
“I know….” Lara sighed.
“What an asshole! I never thought he would do that to you….how can he?”
“I don’t know….it’s still incomprehensible” Lara said. She looked so sad, tears were streaming down her face. I wish I could hug her. It was in the middle of the night here in LA and she just called me via Skype to tell me that her long time boyfriend Leon left her for a younger student.
“He’s just like any other guy” I said.
“No…actually I thought he’s not but….well, maybe he is”
“And he didn’t really give you another reason than telling you he fell in love with another girl?”
“He didn’t. He said he fell in love with her and that’s it”
“So he fell in love with one of his students he met as a teacher at university?”
“Kind of….he was at a workshop in Leipzig….it wasn’t at the uni he’s working for but….”
”But it’s still terrible! He cheated on you”
“Well, actually he didn’t. At least what he told me….he said he didn’t cheat on me. He only noticed that he developed feelings for this girl he met a few times in Leipzig and later on she came to Berlin and they hang out and….he fought against it but he couldn’t stop falling in love with her”
“And you believe him? Do you really believe that nothing happened between them until he broke up with you???” I asked her. I couldn’t believe him.
“Well….I don’t know. He said so but….”
”Yes of course he said so but you don’t really think it’s the truth, aren’t you? I mean come on Lara, he’s a man. He met a nice young girl who must’ve attracted him. Do you really think they only talked? I mean…maybe they talked but I believe they did other things as well….”
”Waaahhhhh, I don’t wanna think about it. I don’t wanna picture it. Since he told me it’s all in my head. I can’t delete the images of those two people kissing and having sex. It’s so painful”
”I know honey….I’ve been there before” I said and remembered my reaction when I found out about Josh and Chloe. Although we weren’t together at that time it hurt me so much.
“So what does it say about him? Why does a guy fall in love with someone else when he’s actually in a happy relationship?” I asked her.
“I don’t know….”
”He shouldn’t”
“Maybe he’s not that happy anymore…” Lara said and sighed.
“We won’t know until he won’t tell you more about it”
“I don’t wanna know more to be honest”
“I can totally relate to that…” I agreed with her.
“You know….I’m stalking this girl for hours and hours since he told me about her. I’m feeling like a stalker….like a looser”
“Honey, you’re not a looser!” I interrupted her. “Leon is the looser if he leaves you for another girl he accidentally met at a workshop in uni. And I mean actually girl and not woman”
“Yeah I know, but what if it’s my fault? I mean, we had so many discussions in the last months….we didn’t really talk much anymore. We only lived side by side but without sharing our lives with each other, you know?”
“Yes, I’m totally aware of this situation” I told her. It reminded me of my current situation with Josh. Since he came back from their festival tour in July it felt like we were strangers to each other. When he came back home we only had dinner and then went to bed. Of course we spent some time together in the following weeks but it wasn’t the same. It’s like something was missing and I didn’t know what it was. Josh shrank himself from me and the world outside. At least that’s what I was noticing. He didn’t talk much. We didn’t talk much. Although I had the feeling that he was still suffering from the loss of our baby I felt like I couldn’t approach him. He was lost in his bubble and he didn’t want to leave it. So I definitely knew the situation Lara was talking about.
“So he broke up with you and immediately started dating this girl? She’s a student from his class?” I kept asking.
“Not really….she was in his workshop last months. They went out at night together with some other students and he got to know her a little bit better. So she asked him for her number and she came to Berlin and….woaaaaah, I don’t wanna talk about it. I don’t wanna imagine. I already stalked all of her social media profiles. I’m feeling like an FBI agent”
“Well, sometimes you are” I joked and hoped to cheer her up – at least for some seconds.
It worked. Lara started chuckling. “Maybe” she grinned but then her face changed back to a serious mood.
“Do you think he’s really in love with her?” she asked me.
“I don’t think so. He only knows her for a month. He knows you for four years now!”
“Yeah, well I don’t know. Maybe, I mean, we were together for 3.5 years now….surely it isn’t the honeymoon phase anymore. But for me it was something serious. For the first time I felt like being home. Like he is my base, my best friend and my man. I don’t know what to do without him. How should I live without him?”
Wow, I never heard Lara talking like this before. To me she was always this though and strong woman who definitely knows what she wants. But now she was heartbroken and hurt. Leon broke her heart and I was sure he didn’t even know.
“Lara, please stop thinking about it, okay? I know it sounds hard but you will get over it. Someday. I know it because I’ve been there before” I told her and thought back about the day when Josh broke up with me. It’ already two years ago.
“Yes, but…in the end you got back together with Josh. I don’t think that this will ever gonna happen to Leon and me. I don’t even know if I want that”
“Well, now it’s still painful for you but it needs time. You will get over it and then you’ll have a great life without this coward, okay? Believe me. It will happen”
“I hope you’re right…..” she sighed.
“I wish I could hug you”
“Thank you….honestly Eileen. I don’t know what I would do without you in my life. Although we’re thousands of kilometers apart we’re always there for each other. It’s nothing naturally, you know”
“I know” I said smiling into the camera.
“So what’s wrong with you and Josh?” Lara changed the topic. Although I didn’t really wanna talk about it I couldn’t lie to her.
“Hm….well, it doesn’t work well at the moment but it’s not so important….”
”Eileen!” Lara said. “It is important. I noticed you’re not so happy right now….I knew it over the last weeks ever since you told me about your Rock am Ring weekend”
“Well….it’s just a tough time, you know”
“I can imagine….but you two have to talk”
“I wanna talk but I have the feeling he doesn’t want to! I wanna talk to him about what happened to us, about the last months…but to me it seems like he doesn’t want to”
“Well, maybe he doesn’t know how”
“Hm…”
”He’s a shy guy”
“Yes but I’m his girlfriend. He doesn’t have to be shy”
“Well….sometimes men are like this”
“Hm….maybe it will sort itself out”
“When will you go on holiday together?” Lara asked. Oh well I already forgot about that. A few weeks ago I told her about Josh and my plans to go on holidays for one week before he would leave for the last Europe festivals and the first tour concerts. We planned to go to Cuba for a week.
“Well….I don’t know if it will ever gonna happen this summer”
“What….why?”
“Because monsieur has to go to New York for a few days to make music with a friend. It’s the only week where we could go on a holiday together”
“Why don’t you join him? I mean you two could spend your time together after he’s done with making music”
“No…he doesn’t want that. He always tells me he needs a clear mind so he wants to be on his own”
“Whaaaat? Well men…you know, I will never understand them”
”Especially this specimen.”
“Yeah I know….musicians”
“Not only musicians….I have the feeling Josh is one extra category of musicians. He’s too extreme. Too into it”
“Maybe he is….he’s too passionate”
“Sometimes he is…”
“So how was touring with him? Didn’t you enjoy it to wake up in a new country every day?”
“Well…” I sighed and remembered the last weeks where I joined Josh on tour.
After Rock am Ring and Rock im Park we went to the Netherlands, Belgium and Denmark for a few shows. Then we went back home and Josh made the music video for “Dark Necessities” which was directed by Olivia Wilde. He was fancying about her when he came back home. Like he was totally in love with her work. I giggled the whole time he was telling me about her work because it was too cute to watch him doing it.
But after he left for the second festival leg I came back to my daily life. I was still looking for a new job and it frustrated me every day. I also spent most of the time back in my own apartment instead of Josh’s house. It felt good to be back home again. Back home at my real home. Although I loved Josh’s house so much I liked coming back to my apartment. I loved my balcony and the view. I just loved it that it was so tiny. Josh’s house was just too big for me.
While he was touring again I was thinking a lot about the last months. After all this crying and talking and wondering why it happened to me I finally came to terms with myself that I had to get over it. I completely distracted me from what happened and tried to live my life again. I think I needed this time on my own to realize what’s really important in life. I got to know myself a little bit better during these past four weeks without Josh.
We finally met each other again at Lollapalooza Festival. I enjoyed their concert and we had a great stay at the festival and even watched some other bands. But I have to admit that it was weird for me accompanying him on tour. I didn’t feel real to me. I just didn’t belong to this life.
After we came back to LA I noticed that something happened to Josh. He was quieter than before, didn’t laugh much and didn’t want to talk much. It’s like he was tired all the time. He also got angry and mad very fast. I didn’t pay much attention to it. Maybe he just needed his time. But I knew that there was something wrong with him.
“Maybe you two need time to get over everything that happened to you. I mean, you lost your baby in an accident. It’s a horrible situation. Even I can’t imagine how I would handle this situation – and I never wanted to have kids. So maybe it takes time until he’s the old Josh you used to know”
“Yes maybe you’re right” I sighed.
“Hey um, you know, I have an idea” I suddenly said.
“Okay, tell me!” Lara was excited to hear about my idea.
“What about visiting you in September? Josh will be touring Europe again and they will do a special show in Berlin so I could accompany him and then I could stay with you for a week or so”
“Ohhhh Eileen, that would be great! Bright spot for me right now! After everything that happened….”
”Yeah for me as well!” I agreed with her.
I told Josh about my plans to join him on tour again and then staying in Berlin for a week. He only smiled at me and said that it’s okay and he is happy that I will come with him again. But honestly, to me he didn’t seem very happy about it. It seemed like he didn’t even have any emotions right now.
“Josh, what’s wrong?” I asked him when he wanted to wash the dishes. He turned around and looked at me. “Why do you ask? Nothing’s wrong with me”
“Really? Because I don’t think so….You’re acting so weird since you’re back from tour. Did anything happen on tour?”
“No!” he answered. “Nothing happened. It was just exhausting flying all over the world. I get tired of doing it although I love playing music live”
“Well….I only wanted to let you know that I’m here for you, okay? If anything is wrong then you can talk to me. I’m your person. We almost live together. I’m your girlfriend. Still. Please talk to me if something is bothering you, okay?”
“I will” he smiled at me.
“Promise!”
“I promise!”
I tried to believe him but if I was honest I couldn’t.
The days went by and suddenly it was Molly’s and Eric’s wedding day! I was so excited because two of my best friends would get marry today. Molly was so happy and busy preparing everything for her special day.
Josh and I were dressing up for the wedding when suddenly he started talking about a topic I didn’t expect right now.
“So I only want to tell you that I will be in New York next week” he said while suiting up.
“Yeah you already told me that you will go there for two days. So I wondered what happened to our holiday. We already booked Cuba. Are you aware of it?”
“Well” Josh said. I saw it in his face. He didn’t have to tell me more, I already knew his answer. We wouldn’t go to Cuba.
“It’s not gonna happen, am I right?” I asked him with a serious look in my face.
“Well….I don’t think so. I’m very sorry but….these recordings have to happen in the next weeks and….I already planned it and we can’t postpone it to another date because of my tour schedule and”
“So we won’t go to Cuba, right?” I interrupted his ridiculous try to explain himself.
“No…” he said quietly.
“Great. That’s all I need to know. I don’t care why….honestly, I don’t care anymore” I said with a disappointed voice.
“Eileen, please listen to me. We can make our holiday in October”
“And what if I have to work because I find a job in the next weeks?”
“Then you can apply for leave…I mean everyone has the right to get some holidays, right?”
“Josh…this is not how life out of your little musician bubble works. You can’t apply for leave if you’re only there for a few weeks. I mean, sure you can but I don’t think that your boss will appreciate it”
He looked at me as if I would have told him that Santa Clause doesn’t exist.
“It’s just how the real world works, okay?” I said while grabbing my skirt to get dressed as well.
“Eileen, please I promise we will do our trip to Cuba” Josh said while following me around.
“I don’t think so”
“Please, listen to my explanation. I have to record these songs now. Otherwise I don’t have the time for it”
“Yeah but we already planned our trip. We already booked the hotel, didn’t we?”
“I know” he sighed. “I will cancel it and pay it”
“JOSH!” I screamed his name. “It’s not about paying it, I know that money isn’t a big deal for you but it’s about compromising. You and I booked this trip, we booked our flights and the hotel three weeks ago. And now you’re telling me you have to go to New York for recordings….for how long by the way?”
“A week”
“A week???? A fucking week? Are you serious. What’s your problem at all? You don’t even want me to be there….sorry but I don’t know what I mean to you right now!”
”You mean the world to me” he suddenly said. “You’re my everything. I don’t want any other person in my life, by my side. Only you”
“And why are you rejecting me so much in the last weeks?” I asked him and felt the tears in my eyes.
“I don’t do that!” he said with a shocked face. “When did I reject you?”
“Like….every time in the last weeks. When we were skyping you always told me you don’t have time and ended our conversation very quickly. When you came back from tour we only talked like we were some strangers. Something happened to you, am I right? What happened to you? Did you cheat on me? Did you meat a girl? Then please tell me because I don’t wanna live in a fucking lie”
“I didn’t cheat on you. I would never do that” Josh said terrified. “How can you think I would do that?”
“I don’t know….that’s why I ask you. I have the feeling I don’t even know you!”
“But Eileen, I’m still here. I’m Josh….” He said and I sighed. Josh put his arms around me and started kissing me softly. Although I was still mad at him I let him do it. I needed his closeness but at the same time I felt miserable. Josh and I kissed more widely and I tried to forget about our fight. It’s like he wanted to kiss our problems away. But I think that doesn’t work this way.
While I was still thinking about our fight Josh started undressing me and him. Wow, I just dressed up in this beautiful rosé dress and now it was already lying on the floor. We fell into the bed and he kept kissing me. Now I started touching his body for the first time since we started making out. It felt weird. It didn’t feel good at all. I touched him and he let out a quiet moaning. I tried to distract me from my thoughts but it didn’t work. I wasn’t in the mood while Josh was already so horny I didn’t know how we should end this way. I just didn’t want anyone close to me right now.
“You’re so beautiful and so lovely….I just wanna feel you” Josh whispered in my ear. “Let’s forget about everything that happened in the past weeks”. I tried to but I couldn’t. Too much happened. I didn’t know how to handle it. While he was already enjoying what we did I was just laying there asking myself what I was doing here. And suddenly I feel disgust. Okay….this shouldn’t happen I thought.
So I suddenly stopped it and pushed him away.
“Eileen, what’s wrong?” Josh asked me shocked.
“I can’t do that” I told him. I was as shocked as he was. I didn’t know what I was doing here. It was just my body reacting this way.
“Did I do something wrong?”
“No….you didn’t. It’s me. I can’t do that” I said and left the bedroom.
Josh followed me to the bathroom but I closed the door.
“Eileen, honestly, I don’t know what’s wrong with you right now? I did everything you like and….I wasn’t egoistic or so….I just wanted to feel you again. I mean….it’s already been almost two months since we had sex and…””Wow really?” I opened the door and screamed at him. “You’re really complaining because we didn’t have sex in the last weeks. Did you EVER think why?”
“I did but I thought you’re ready for it….I mean, think of the festival weekend in Germany…”
”Yes I know but it changed a lot in the past weeks. My boyfriend acts completely different and I don’t know why and I just don’t feel like having someone close to me, okay? Accept it or not.” I let him know.
Then I went back to the bedroom to get into my dress. I dressed up again and made my hair and tried not to cry again because it would destroy my make-up completely.
Josh didn’t say anything. Not even a “sorry” or “I didn’t mean it”. Now I officially felt hurt by him. I knew he didn’t know how it feels to lose a baby that was supposed to grow in your belly but he was a grown up man. He should have some respect. But he didn’t. I was disappointed. I really wondered if he cut himself off from me because I didn’t sleep with him since he came back from tour? If this was the reason then I didn’t know how to feel and what to think about it. We weren’t twenty anymore. We already knew each other for three years now. I trusted him. He trusted me. And I really thought I would know him but right now I had the feeling that I didn’t.
We got both dressed up and drove to the church where the wedding would take place. I tried to act as happy as I could be when one of my best friends tied the knock. Josh did the same. We barely talk to each other. I didn’t care if anyone else noticed it. I just wanted to enjoy the day.
It was a romantic ceremony and finally Molly and Eric said “yes” to each other. Now Molly was official called Molly Jessica Gardner. I smiled at the bride and the groom and for a moment I felt the happiness they both shared with each other and with their guests.
The party went on and I tried the best dinner I ever had at a wedding. Josh was mostly talking to his friends so we didn’t really share some moments together. I didn’t care. I was still hurt and disappointed and excepted an apology from him. Maybe he would do it later, maybe not. Right now I didn’t know what I should feel about him.
Molly and Eric had their wedding dance to “Hero” by the Foo Fighters. It was a special song to them because they both met at a Foo Fighters concert when Dave Grohl performed the song only with an acoustic guitar. Molly lost her camera because a guy dig her. Eric saw it and gave her the camera back – but not before taking a pic of her. It was still his lock screen on his phone. Then they started singing loudly the chorus together. Well it lasted a few more years until they would finally fall in love with each other but they did. So this song was something very special to them.
I almost cried the whole song because I remembered the time I was standing in front of a big festival stage in California seeing the Foo Fighters live. I was single and didn’t think I would ever meet someone I could fall in love with after some guys really disappointed me. But now I had Josh and although I should be the happiest girl on earth I only felt disappointed and sad. He looked at me while Molly and Eric were dancing to this song. I felt his view at me but I didn’t look back. He should apologize and explain me why he acted so weird the last weeks. If he was still suffering from the loss of our baby then why didn’t he tell me? I couldn’t understand him. I just couldn’t. But I wish I could.
After we came back from the wedding which took place in Malibu at a beautiful resort near the beach I immediately went into the bathroom to have a shower.
“Eileen, can we talk?” I heard Josh asking from the hall.
I was only covered in a towel but I opened the door. I still felt uncomfortable being half naked.
“I’m sorry” he told me and looked into my eyes. It was the first time he did it since we started fighting before the wedding.
“I was an idiot. I reacted like a horny teenage boy. I think I was just frustrated because of so many things….I shouldn’t have done it. I know it must be hard to overcome a miscarriage and I totally respect it if you need more time for yourself and don’t want me close to you….”
”I want it” I said and hugged him. I laid my head on his shoulders and tried not to think about anything negative of the last weeks and months.
“Are you still mad at me? I was just overwhelmed by your reaction and your feelings and….I’m just a jerk”
“No you aren’t” I told him. “You’re my love. You’re my man. The man I love and I want you to be by my side. But right now I don’t feel like being close to someone, okay? I think I still need time. Back in the days at the festival weekend it was just something that happened naturally. But when I came back home I realized that I’m not ready yet. My body needs time, my mind needs time. I think I’m over the loss but not over the accident and my injuries….you know”
“I understand….I try to.” He promised me.
“Can we just sleep?”
“We can” he smiled at me and took my hand to walk me to the bed. We weren’t at home. Instead we booked a hotel room in Malibu to stay the night. The bed was so comfortable that I fell asleep immediately.
So we kind of got our shit together again. But still – it wasn’t the same for me. I didn’t know what I should do to talk to him. It felt like he was already far away from me again although he was sleeping next to me. Sometimes I cried myself to sleep and asked myself how long I could do it?
Josh left for their finale Europe festivals in the UK and their first Europe tour leg at the end of August. During that time I spent a lot of time with my brother. We went out much, had delicious dinner, spent some days at the beach together with his kids and Maggie. We spent some nights in the bars of Venice and finally went out to see Paul McCartney. I wished I could share it with Josh but he was thousands of miles away. I started crying when Paul sang “Blackbird” because this song always reminded me of Josh. I didn’t know why but every time I heard this song I thought of him.
“Did you enjoy our night out?” Marc asked me when we left the venue. I nodded. “Sure I did, why shouldn’t I?”
“Because I have the feeling that there is still something that bothers you”
“Yeah, but it’s okay….it’s just because of Josh”
“Do you miss him because he’s on tour?”
I didn’t tell Marc about my problems with Josh yet. I only wanted to distract me from it while spending time with my brother. But now I couldn’t lie to him anymore.
“No….actually I don’t really miss him at all”
“What?” he asked surprised. “But you were crying when Paul played Blackbird and when I asked you you told me you think of Josh”
“I did. But not in this missing-way….more in the where-did-the-good-times-go way. Do you understand?”
“So you have problems?”
“I don’t know”
“Is it because of the loss fo your baby?”
“Maybe….”
“Talk to him. It’s the only thing you can do. Only you two share these feelings. There wasn’t any other person involved. It will always be something that connects you. Even if you two will break up some day - which I hope you will never do but you’ll never know – then it will always be this thing you share with him. The darkest days of your life. You share it together with him. No one else can understand how you feel. Only him.”
“If even at all”
“He feels the pain, believe me. He lost his child as well”
“Yes but I have the feeling he doesn’t understand me. He doesn’t say a word. I don’t understand him either”
“Eileen, try to talk to him. That’s my only advice”
“I know….I will”
I was thinking about the words my brother told me today. Was he right? It will always be something that connects me to Josh? Maybe he was right. It will always be something we both share with each other. You always share the positive and the negative memories. But what if you never really talk about it? Although I didn’t wanna think about it anymore I wanted to have a final talk with Josh about it. But I think that’s never gonna happen since he was away on tour again.
Maybe some day I would wake up and remember that there was this guy I was expecting a child with and then I lost it. Would he still be by my side in twenty years or would he only be the guy I shared this experience with? Right now I didn’t know. I didn’t even know if we would even share our lives together in the next year.
I was so tired of him being away on tour. I felt exhausted although I wasn’t the one touring. When he was away I felt like being in a long distance relationship with the world. One day Europe, then east Europe, then Asia, then Canada. I didn’t even know where he was right now. I thought it was the UK but I wasn’t sure. I noticed that we had some serious problems because Josh didn’t text me after landing safety – just like he did before. We only skyped a few minutes and then I would fall asleep because it was already late at night here in LA while he just woke up. I hated it. I wanted my boyfriend back. But at the same time it felt good to be alone. I felt weird and confused.
September
Although I was still wondering what was going on with our relationship I took the flight to Berlin in September. The Chili Peppers would play there a special concert with only a few people in the audience. The band came from Prague to Berlin and I was tired when Josh welcomed me in the hotel lobby. We kissed and hugged each other just like we did every time we met again after a long time apart. But this time I didn’t feel anything.
We went to our hotel room and had sex. It was nothing special to me. By now I felt comfortable again being close to him. So I wanted it but I didn’t feel anything at all. I thought he liked it but I wasn’t sure. After we were done I wanted to sleep and he went away to have lunch with Sam.
Later that day Josh had some interviews so I took a walk through Berlin and finally met with him for dinner. We enjoyed typical German food and afterwards had some drinks at a bar in Kreuzberg. It felt good to be back in Berlin and I was so excited to see Lara again tomorrow. Josh organized her an All Access pass so we could watch the concert from the side of the stage together. After having a few drinks we went back to our hotel which was just next to the Brandenbourg Gate. It was late at night and there weren’t any people so Josh asked me to take some photos. Wow, he wanted to be photographed? He never wanted to. But we posed and did some couple selfies. Even Josh did some. I was surprised how happy it made him looking at our selfies. He smiled at me and gave me a kiss. I kissed him back and then he took my hand to walk me to the hotel room.
The porter at the entrance of the hotel grinned at us as if he would think that I was just a groupie Josh hooked up with tonight. He even wished us much fun for the night and told me I could stay as long as I want the next morning – the hotel wouldn’t kick me out in the morning. He made me so angry I couldn’t just laugh it away.
“Are you fucking kidding me? This is my boyfriend for two years now okay? Just because he’s a musician doesn’t mean he hooks up with a random girl every night, okay? So think before you’re saying these ugly words!”
“Okay, okay…..sorry I didn’t know. I thought you were….I mean I saw you kissing and you come here so late so….” He stuttered.
“Just shut the fuck up, okay?” I told him and took Josh’s hand so we walked to the elevator.
“Wow, I liked the angry Eileen” he smiled at me.
“Really?”
“Yes, she’s very cool. Very self confident”
“Yeah, well…..this guy just pissed me off. I’m no ones groupie and I never will be”
“Well but tonight you’re my groupie” Josh joked and kissed me so obviously that the porter could still see us. “And I hope it will never change”
“Let’s hope so” I grinned and put my arms around his neck.
The next day I finally met Lara! After such a long time we were finally back together. It made me so happy seeing her that I flung my arms around her and squeezed her for minutes.
“I’m so happy to see you” I let her know. I almost cried because we were apart for such a long time and only staying in contact via Skype sucks.
“Me too! Oh you don’t know how much I missed you! When was the last time we saw each other?”
“On my birthday last year” I told her.
“Oh my gosh, sooooo long!” she said and hugged me for the fifth time now.
We talked for a while and updated us about our life. Although I already knew about her break up with Leon it was good to see her in real life and give her a hug to cheer her up. He was such an asshole but to be honest, I wouldn’t have guessed that Leon would do that to her. Nevermind. Surely Lara knew everything about the last months of my life. She was the only person I could’ve confided in. She was always there. It wasn’t easy talking with Josh about the issue so I needed someone from outside of our trouble who I could talk to.
Lara and I went to the venue. It was a beautiful old industrial building. The people who would come here today could only tickets by winning them. The Chilis even had a Meet & Greet with some fans before the show plus some interviews so I didn’t see Josh since we had breakfast this morning.
“Wow, it’s beautiful here” Lara said when we inspired the venue. “Ha, we’re the firsts to come here” she laughed and took a picture of the empty venue that was already lightened in a colorful pink – the color of the company that sponsored the whole event.
“Who would’ve thought that I would be backstage at a Chili Peppers show someday” Lara said when we were entering the backstage area.
“Well, it’s nothing special” I let her know. “Only a few seats, some drinks and finger food and that’s it”
“But….it’s backstage”
“Yeah, not really. It’s only the Friends & Family zone. The band has a separate backstage area”
“But they will show up here later, right?”
“Maybe. Josh doesn’t really like to be surrounded by so many strangers”
“Well it’s the Family & Friends area” Lara laughed.
“Yes but also VIPs, people who are working for their label, people who have connections to people who are working at Warner…..see, I think he barely knows the people who are backstage”
“Oh okay” she laughed. “And I’m only here because my best friend is banging the guitarist”
“Heeeey! What are you talking?”
“Sorry, I always wanted to say it some day. I know you’re not just banging but….I just wanted to say it” she grinned.
“Well, if you really wanna see the actual backstage area, you should be nice to the girl who is banging the guitarist” I joked.
“Awww, really? Are you getting me there?”
“Only if you stop saying I’m banging the guitarist”
“I know you love him….sorry but right now I can’t handle happy couples”
“Yes, sorry honey” I said and put my arm around her shoulder while walking her to Josh’s dressing room.
“It’s okay. I’m trying to get used to it. You know, being single has it’s benefits”
“Oh definitely!”
We arrived at Josh’s dressing room. The door was open but he wasn’t there. So we entered it and sat down at the couch to wait for him. While I was typing something on my phone Lara was inspecting the room.
“Wow, so many guitars even here in the backstage room. And so many fruits!
Can I have one?”
“Sure, he doesn’t eat them at all” I laughed.
So Lara took an apple and kept looking around. “Does Josh really only have one backpack with clothes with him?” she asked surprised after finding his black backpack.
“Well, no” I grinned. “He has his suitcase at the hotel. But if he goes to the venue he only takes his backpack with him”
“So does he have actual stage outfits?”
“Hm….kind of. There are clothes he wears on stage and clothes he only wears in his daily life.”
“He’s so humble” Lara laughed.
“Yeah, very humble….” I said to myself.
“What’s wrong?”
“Hm?”
“You look so sad and a bit angry since we met this morning. I didn’t wanna come up with it but….what’s wrong with you? I mean, now you can be honest with me after bringing me to a room where we’re on our own”
“Well” I sighed. “I don’t know…I’m just a bit pissed off by Josh”
“Why?”
“You know” I started telling her. “Last night he was so cute and we took some pics after taking a walk though dark Berlin and we totally acted like a couple in love. But this morning after waking up he started touching me, so I woke up, we kissed, made out….blabla, you know. After we finished he took a shower and went to the breakfast without even waiting for me. Surely he sad there and when I came into the breakfast room fifteen minutes later he grinned at me and gave me my tea and some orange juice he had ordered for me….but I just felt so bad. Like a used paper who was thrown away….the same thing happened yesterday after I arrived here. A driver picked me up from the airport and brought me to the hotel where Josh was waiting. I felt like a girl who is invited to have fun in bed with, you know? We welcomed us and kissed and so on….then we had sex and then he just left. Just because I told him I’m tired and wanna sleep. He immediately left the bed after we were done, took a shower and then left without saying ANYTHING. I almost started crying because I was asking myself if I did something wrong….I knew he had lunch with Sammi but….he didn’t even say a word to me. I felt so bad. Like the groupie – even the porter called me like that”
“Oh honey, I’m so sorry to hear that. I didn’t know you were feeling this way” Lara said and put her arms around my neck. “But how bad is his behaviour? Wow, I didn’t think Josh would behave like that”
“Neither do I but…he changed a lot in the last weeks”
“I’m so sorry….maybe you two need time or a talk or whatever….maybe he isn’t ready to talk and you should give him the time he needs.”
“But I don’t know how long I can do this, you know”
“Yes, I know exactly what you’re talking about”
“I didn’t tell anyone….but you know, I felt so uncomfortable when he was leaving while I was still lying in bed naked. I mean, I’m his girlfriend and not some random girl, you know?”
“Definitely! You should talk to him otherwise it won’t work out in the end”
“Yeah if I would only knew how to talk to him. It’s like he built a wall around him”
“But maybe you did the same? Maybe you both did it and no one has the guts to ask why?”
“Hm….maybe”
And then someone interrupted me while entering the room.
“Lara!” it was Josh who was now hugging my friend. “Wow, long time no see. How are you?”
“Hey Josh, great to see you” she acted friendly. “By the way, thanks for the backstage pass”
“Well, yeah you’re welcome” he chuckled.
While the two chatted for a while I was watching Josh from the side. I wondered when he became such a stranger for me. He used to be my best friend, my love, but now it felt like a fucked up situation.
“So I have to leave now to prepare myself for the gig. See you later, okay?” Josh finally said and took his guitar with him to go the hall where he met Sami and Flea. They all started doing some warm up for their voices and fingers.
Meanwhile Lara and I went to the Friends & Family zone. We had some drinks and watched the people who were there tonight. After half an hour Lara agreed with me and said that it was nothing special being backstage. Mostly boring.
The concert started and Lara and I went to the VIP area at the side stage. I have to admit that I didn’t like watching concerts from the side of the stage because the sound here sucked most of the time. I preferred standing right in front of the stage.
The band played a great set but I had the feeling that the audience was very lame. Mostly German audiences started going crazy and even doing some pits to slow songs. But today nothing really happened here. I looked at Lara who was smiling all over her face. She was taking some photos and short videos as well but most of the time she was singing along and dancing. Yeah, that’s my girl!
After the concert we went back to the backstage room. I ordered us some drinks. It wasn’t all inclusive, you still had to pay for it – so backstage isn’t that great at all!
“I didn’t think that it’s so lame and boring here backstage” Lara said while we were drinking our beer.
“Well, it is”
“I mean, look who’s here. Some journalists, some people from Warner, some people from the Telekom.”
“You forgot the influencer!” I laughed. “All these fashion and lifestyle blogger who are invited”
“Surely! Do you think some of these girls are hoping to hook up with some of the guys?”
“Hm…maybe? I mean, why not? If you already backstage, everything can happen, right?” I laughed.
“Well, I wouldn’t say that. Even I would be too shy to hook up with a rockstar and I’m usually very extrovert and confident. I think I would be afraid to bother them”
“I know the feeling….I couldn’t do it either. But I think there are enough girls who know exactly how to do it!” I laughed.
“Well you already did it!” Laura laughed at me.
“Yes….um you know what I mean. I didn’t just end up in bed with Josh”
“I know….you two took a little bit longer” she reminded me of the first months of our dating time.
“Cheers!” Lara held her beer glass up in the air. “I’m glad we’re not like these girls” he said. “Oh by the way….Felix contacted me!” Lara suddenly told me.
“What? THE Felix?”
“Yes! He texted me a few weeks ago and started chatting a bit.”
“What did he say?”
“We talked a bit about our lives and so on….nothing special”
“Oh okay” I said and tried not starting grinning because I was the one who told him he should text her some day.
“Did you tell him to do it?”
“What? Noooooo!” I answered and drank my beer.
“Well, it’s interesting….whatever. I’m single. It’s funny that he texted me right after Leon broke up with me”
Yeah, maybe it’s because I told him to do it but I kept silent.
When Josh and the others were still absent Lara and I decided to go to Instagram and stalk some people. Surely Lara wanted to show me the girl Leon left her for.
“Wow, she looks so young! How old is she?”
“Hm, I guess 25”
“She’s older than Chloe??? She looks damn young!”
”Yes, she just started her PhD. His workshop was her last class for her Masters degree”
“And he fell for her after one fucking workshop?”
“It was a weekend workshop so he had almost three days to get to know her” Lara said sarcastically.
“I never thought Leon would be like that”
“Neither did I” she sighed. I noticed that she didn’t want to talk about it so I changed the topic and clicked on Chloe’s profile. I have to admit that I didn’t stalk her in a long time.
“Look, he’s definitely closer in being a fame whore than this young student” I said laughing and showed Lara Chloe’s profile.
First she laughed with me but then her face went to serious.
“Eileen” she suddenly said.
“Yeah, what’s wrong?”
“Why does she post pics from a Chili Peppers concert?”
This was the time I took a closer look at her profile. As I said I didn’t stalk her in the last months so I wasn’t aware of what was going on in her life.
“Look, these pics are from July. Only two months ago”
“You’re right” I said with my mouth wide open.
I took a closer look at her pics. One showed the Chili Peppers stage from the front. Another one showed the stage from the side while the band was already playing. Another one showed her with a friend at the side of the stage. Another one was a selfie of her and her friend at the Family & Friends zone. Then there was a pic of the dressing room zone. On one pic she was laughing crazy together with Anthony. But there was one pic that hit me completely. It didn’t show any person but it showed a specific room. Josh’s dressing room. She must’ve been sitting at the couch while taking this picture because you could see his guitars and the table with food.
“Wow, she was there” I said, still a bit in shock.
“Where was it?”
“I don’t know….it was in July….on one of the European shows”
“Who invited her? Do you think Josh was it?”
I shook my head. “I can’t imagine he would do that but….I don’t know”
“He’s a man….in the end he’s still a man”
“He is….”
“Do you think he would invite his ex?”
“I don’t know…maybe. If she’s blackmailing him” I joked but didn’t laugh.
“Yeah, maybe she has a sex tape” Lara laughed.
“Lara!” I said and looked at her with an angry face.
“Sorry” she answered. “I only wanted respond with sarcasm”
“I know….that’s the only way to react to this shit” I said and got up from my seat.
“Where are you going?”
“I don’t know….I need another beer” I told her and ordered one. “If Josh won’t show up here in the next minutes I will show up in his room” I said after drinking my beer in one gulp.
Josh did show up fifteen minutes later. He smiled at me and after greeting some other friends he came to us and sat down at our table.
“How was the concert?” he wanted to know after ordering a beer.
“It was good” Lara answered and looked at me. I didn’t say anything. I was still shocked because of the pics I just saw online. Maybe it was all just fake and the pics Chloe posted were old but I didn’t think so….it was the way how Josh looked right now, his hair was still a bit red.
“Hey um honey, are you feeling sick?” Josh asked me after a while. I was shaking my head and left the table. I just didn’t know how to start this conversation and I didn’t want to make a scene here.
I heard him asking Lara “What’s wrong with her?” and she told him “She has a huge problem with you!”.
So Josh followed me and five minutes later we were standing in his dressing room. He closed the door when he saw my angry face.
“What’s wrong? Why are you so angry? Did I do something wrong?”
“I don’t know….”
“Eileen, please, stop talking in riddles” Josh sighed.
“Okay, I thought I didn’t have to ask you this question but….did you invited Chloe to one of your concerts lately?”
“What? Why are you asking me this stupid question?”
“So….did you?”
���No I didn’t!” he told me.
“And why was she at one of your concerts in July?”
Josh sighed. “Well, Anthony invited her after meeting her in the city. She was
there…I don’t even know where it was….but yeah he invited her”
“So and that’s why she was at your dressing room as well?”
“WHAT?” Josh said. His face looked as if he couldn’t believe what I just said.
“No she wasn’t” he assured me.
“Come on Josh, there are pictures she posted straight outta your dressing room. How could this happen if you didn’t let her in? I know you mostly close your door. Well except for today”
“See….and that’s not the only day I forgot to. I didn’t let her in, I wasn’t even there when she was there”
“Are you sure. I mean, please be honest….” I sighed.
“I am honest with you Eileen!”
“Hm….so why was she even there? Why did she post so much stuff about it? I mean….Josh, she’s your ex!”
“I know and I’m not proud of this chapter of my lovelife but….she’s in the past now. I love you Eileen and I would never ever invite my ex. At least not this girl…”
He was right, I wouldn’t even be that pissed off it it would’ve been Mia who was there because I knew she was friends with the whole band and I knew that she was more grown up than this girl.
“Well….I have to believe you I guess”
“I beg you to believe me”
I looked away. I couldn’t look him in the eyes. Although I believed him that he didn’t invite her and that she went into his room secretly to take these pics – I could even picture it how she did it to be honest – I had the feeling that there were so many things wrong between us.
“So….what’s on your mind? I can read it” Josh seemed to notice my thoughts.
“I don’t know….I’m just feeling weird right now”
“Because my ex was at one of our shows? Eileen, honestly I have nothing to do
with that!”
“No….and I believe you but….it’s just….I have the feeling we’re drifting apart”
Josh looked at me in shock. “What do you mean?”
“We’re almost living together although you’re away every few weeks and although there were these tough months we shared together….but I don’t know what to think and feel anymore. I have the feeling we don’t talk anymore”
“But we do! Right now!”
“No….Josh, no….” I sighed and crossed my arms. He came closer but I didn’t want him to. “We don’t talk. For months we didn’t talk anymore. Only about daily things happening in our life but not about serious problems. I don’t even know how you’re feeling right now”
“I’m feeling quite good” he smiled.
“No I mean, because of our baby….we never really shared our feelings and thoughts about it. Our pain our fears. We didn’t. I often started talking to you but you just stopped it and went away. I have the feeling I don’t even know you. You drank a lot on tour…”
”What? I didn’t…..I….I didn’t drink.”
“Josh you did”
“Okay maybe a few drinks after a concert. Not every night”
“Josh….please be honest. You drank a lot recently, right? I know it. Sammi told me….and I smelled it when you came back from tour. Did you even drink on the plane?”
“No I didn’t” he said. “And why is Sammi telling you this bullshit?”
Sammi was calling me before I took my flight to Chicago for the Lollapalooza Festival in July. He seemed very worried and told me that Josh drank a lot of alcohol in the last weeks. Surely Sam accompanied him very often to the bars after a concert but he never drank as much as Josh. He tried to talk to him about his heavy excess but Josh didn’t want to talk about it. So when I met Josh at Lollapalooza after more than a month of touring I was quite shocked. He looked so fucked up. His face was thin and he looked tired and hangover. I didn’t ask him what happened because I didn’t want to start a fight. But I kept watching his behaviour – not to mention asking him how he was feeling, if something was wrong, but he never answered.
“I don’t think it’s bullshit. I think there is a friend who is worried and so am I” I said.
“I’m okay….believe me” Josh informed me.
“Josh, if you have a problem you can talk to me, okay? But if you never talk to me then I don’t know how long I can live in this relationship. I mean, we don’t see each other very often in the last months and even in the next months it won’t change much so….we should be honest with each other, don’t you think?”
I looked him in the eyes hoping for an honest answer but instead I had the feeling he was still hiding the real Josh.
“Okay….yeah you’re right….and I will be honest with you if something is wrong with me okay?”
“Please….” I said.
When I was lying in bed that night I was thinking about our conversation and about the last months. It was obvious that Josh and I didn’t talk much lately. Maybe he was afraid of talking to me? Because I could come up with an emotional question about the accident? We never talked about our feelings, we never talked about how we would’ve called our child in the end….We never talked about any psychical problems we have since the accident. I already felt good, I handled the pain and tried to look forward to the next months. I even started liking my body again. I even stopped blaming my body and myself for loosing my child. I knew that it wasn’t my fault. I did nothing wrong. Only the driver of the other car did. But it took a long time to finally come to this conclusion. But now I felt more and more comfortable in my skin and even had fun while having sex. It wasn’t easy. But no one tells you about it.
But I didn’t have the feeling that Josh did the same. It was like he was still stuck in the pain.
I wondered how the next months would be like. He was on tour for the next months and I would be home alone still looking for a job. I felt tired and exhausted. I felt lonely and sometimes I hated myself. It wasn’t easy being home the whole day. You get bored so fast. I tried to look for some tasks to do every day but sometimes I just ended up watching Netflix in bed. Surely it was great but it sucked at the same time.
Also I felt so bad when Josh was paying for my dinner when we went out to a restaurant. He did it all the time in the last months. He always told me that I don’t have to pay because I don’t have a job. But he didn’t know that it made me feel even worse. I wanted to pay my own bills, I wanted to take care of myself. I didn’t want my boyfriend to do that. So I often felt frustrated when we were out together. We had such different lifestyles. It became clearer in the last months….while he was touring around the world I was the one who stayed home with no monthly salary. Surely I could join him on tour the whole time and I think he would welcome it but I didn’t want that. It just wasn’t my world he was living in. I knew that he always told me that it wasn’t his world either, that he only was living this life because he wanted to make music but it wasn’t the truth. He had a lot of money and if you have a lot of money your life will change – no matter if you want or not. He didn’t spent it for stupid and expensive things like a yacht or so but he bought so many guitars, he could eat in every restaurant of the city, he always flew first class – I could totally understand it. Maybe I would do the same if I would’ve so much money like him but….I felt so bad while looking at my bank account. I was already wondering what I could gave him for his birthday and what I could pay during our holiday in Cuba because I didn’t have much money right now. I knew Josh would pay everything for me but I didn’t want that. So I was hoping to find a new job really soon because I wanted to earn my own money again.
But while these problems were only luxury problems I was really asking myself where we made a wrong turn in the past months. Since the accident happened nothing was like it was before. I changed, Josh changed. Our relationship changed. Suddenly everything was so serious without even talking about it. First the shock with the pregnancy and then the shock of the loss of our baby….Maybe it was too much for our relationship. Maybe it was the wrong time. Maybe we would be better off our own?
I didn’t know.
_____________
“Too alarming now to talk about
Take your pictures down and shake it out
Truth or consequence, say it aloud
Use that evidence, race it around
There goes my hero
Watch him as he goes
There goes my hero
He's ordinary
Kudos, my hero
Leaving all the best
You know my hero
The one that's on”
(Foo Fighters - My Hero)
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Chapter 42: Album done
I just wanna take a moment to thank everyone for the feedback I’m receiving here and on Instagram.
Anastasia_Truman ❤️️
Thanks again to everyone who reads the fic, much love to you all! ♥
Read chapter 41
- I’m so happy you’re here – Richard told Anastasia during one of his many visits to the recording studio in Las Vegas.
- Do you realize you’ve told me that every single day since last week? – They had already been working there for a week – Not that I’m complaining, say it again – Anastasia said smiling.
- I’m so happy you’re here – This time Richard’s words came along with a small kiss.
- You are very cheesy for a grown-ass man – Mandy said as she sat down in a big couch behind the new couple.
- Look who’s talking? Miss Romanticism – Anastasia told her friend. Eric and Nick were trying new drum beats.
- When are you leaving? - Richard asked.
- In a couple of days – Anastasia answered – I’m not going far though. We are going to keep recording at Rancho de Luna, have you heard of it?
- Of course, near Joshua Tree. We have recorded there before. It’s an amazing place.
- I should have known because of your love for the desert.
- It’s a Vegas thing. You guys are pretty much done! – He said referring to the album.
- Yeah, we want Josh to just have to adjust things here and there when he comes.
- Josh? – Richard asked.
- Klinghoffer, he is co-producing the album – Mandy answered this time.
- Guess I won’t be visiting you at the Rancho then.
- Why? – Anastasia asked, surprised.
- He clearly doesn’t like me – Mandy and Anastasia looked at each other – Last time we met, in Chicago, he wasn’t the nicest guy.
- Well, Josh is a little weird like that – Mandy said – Don’t take it personal. Tour had us all angry by that point.
- Yeah, I understand. I was thinking – He looked at Anastasia – That maybe you’ll want to come to have lunch with Elijah and me tomorrow.
- Are you serious? – Anastasia was in shock. Meeting his son wasn’t something to take lightly.
- Yeah. He really wants to meet you.
- But Richard… I mean, I would love to! But he is your son. You can’t just introduce any girl to him like that – She said.
- But you are not any girl, you are my girlfriend – Anastasia’s and Mandy’s eyes opened like plates, he never called her like that before, he didn’t even asked her. He didn’t need to, for her was kind of tacit. A big smile appeared in her face and her eyes shone.
- Well, as I said I would love to, boyfriend – She answered and Richard gave her a big kiss, a kiss that made Mandy uncomfortable.
- Get a room! – She said laughing.
- I’ve been watching you kiss Peyton for seven years, deal with having to watch Richard kiss me – Anastasia said, laughing.
- I have to go. I promised Elijah I’d take him to the movies – Richard said – I’m going to say goodbye to Nick and Eric.
- I can’t fucking believe this – Mandy was still laughing while Richard was inside the recording boot.
- Did you hear that? – Anastasia said to her friend – I am Richard Austin’s motherfucking girlfriend! I must have done something amazing in life to deserve this – Anastasia walked towards Mandy and took her friend by the arms – He is Richard fucking Austin! – She said shaking her friend but stopped when Richard came back to the room.
- I love you. See you tomorrow – He took her by her waist and gave her another kiss – Bye Mandy!
- Bye Richard! Have fun at the movies – He disappeared behind the door – Let me tell you something – Mandy said to Anastasia – You’ve been through such a rough path in love, you fucking deserve this. You deserve someone that treats you right and gives you nothing but love and that person is Richard. Life is always surprising us, darling. Take him; take this because you have been so patient in this disastrous love life that the Universe has put you through. I can’t assure you that Richard is the man of your life but he respect you and love you endlessly, I can see that – By this point tears were running down Anastasia’s face – And always remember this, Jesus did not die for you to be a sidechick – Now Anastasia was laughing with tears on her eyes.
- Why are you making An cry? – Eric asked entering the room.
- Because she is just the sweetest friend anybody could ask for – Anastasia went to hug her friend in the couch.
- Richard officialized all this shit and called her his girlfriend today – Mandy told Nick and Eric.
- What?! – Nick said smiling – That’s amazing!
- Poor Josh – Eric said as a joke.
- Stop pulling the Josh card – Anastasia said – He couldn’t decide if he wanted to be with me or not and Richard is offering me something strong and real.
- We should celebrate! – Nick talked again.
- But I can’t stay up until late; I’m going to have lunch with Richard and his son tomorrow.
It’s almost as if Anastasia said “let’s stay up until late” instead. The foursome enjoyed a wild night of alcohol and clubs in Las Vegas and now her head was going to explode. She called room service for some pills and lots of water and did her best to hide the tiredness of her face with makeup. She let her hair down, put on a black Rolling Stones t-shirt, checkered gray pants and black vans, and big dark sunglasses to top it all.
Elijah was a sweet blonde kid, wearing glasses and a Foo Fighters tee. The first thing he told her was how much he liked her band.
- He is into loud rock right now, the Foos are the band of this week but it changes… a lot – Richard said and Elijah smiled – We are going to a place called Cantina Laredo because food choices change every week too and right now Mexican is the favorite – Anastasia was inside Richard’s SUV while Elijah was in the backseat asking her a bunch of music questions to her.
- So, are you going to be a musician when you grow up? – Anastasia asked Elijah while they were eating at the restaurant.
- Yeap! Like daddy – Eliajh answered.
- Would you let him? – This time she asked Richard.
- He can be whatever he wants to be but he must be the best at it.
- You can teach him – Anastasia said.
- Would you help me? – That question took her for surprise. Answering to that was like a long life commitment but something inside of her made her talk without thinking.
- Of course! – She saw Elijah’s smile again and Richard’s too – This reminds me of when I started asking dad to take me to the studio with him. That was the beginning of the best thing I could find in my life – She looked to Elijah – Music makes everything better, never forget that.
- I won’t – The kid answered.
For some reason that situation, being there with Richard and his son, didn’t feel weird to her. It actually made her realize that she wanted that, she wanted something to hold on to, a family, a strong bond, a stable love and maybe Richard was the one who would give her all that. She felt calm in that moment and she didn’t have any doubts about anything.
Richard was such a good father, always answering his son’s questions and helping him do mundane things. They went to a kid’s indoor playground after lunch and she had a lot of fun playing with Elijah. She was already trained for that, she took care of the twins with Barbara while Justin was nowhere to be seen, so being with kids wasn’t a strange ground for her. They ended the day at Richard’s house, which was beautiful, really well kept for a single man. He had a dog, a small dark French bulldog called Pete, and that was the main reason for them to be there, so Elijah could play a little with the dog.
She helped Richard cook dinner, and even though the panorama was unusual for somebody like Anastasia, she felt like she could fit perfectly in such lifestyle.
ooo
Anastasia and Mandy were driving to Rancho de Luna for the first day of recording sessions with Josh. An was nervous, she hadn’t seen him or even spoken to him since the past month, this was weird but she trusted Eric when he said that Josh wanted to do this.
As soon as they parked, An saw his car and a bunch of memories of her inside that car filled her mind and nostalgia made act of presence.
- Josh’s here – Anastasia said.
- How do you know? – Mandy asked.
- That’s his car.
- Oh, right! – Mandy said realizing how stupid she was – I have an idea! Let’s break the ice with a little joke.
- One of your jokes?
- Yeah! Let’s make him laugh so he forgets you ditched him.
- I didn’t ditch him! He just didn’t make up his mind!
- I was joking!
- I hate your jokes.
They entered the place and there he was, sitting in front of the console, with his headphones on, fiddling on his laptop.
- Thank the Lord you are here! I have a terrible dilemma – Mandy asked Josh and he smiled taking his headphones off – Listen, the meal that joins breakfast and lunch is called brunch, but how would you call the meal that joins lunch and dinner? “Diunch” or “Lunchnner”? – Josh looked so confused by Mandy but he decided to go along with her question.
- What about “early dinner”?
- But how do you know it’s not a “late lunch”?
- Well… In that case, “lunchnner” sounds better.
- Thank you Josh, this is why you are here, you have all the answers.
- I wish I did – He said now looking to Anastasia – Hi! – He smiled and she felt guilty for some reason.
- How are you? – She asked.
- Great! Really happy to be here – He said smiling some more – We are waiting for Nick, he’s on his way – Eric was already inside blasting the drums – I have to say that I’ve been listening to what you guys have done and it’s amazing. These are stadium anthems. Pure rock. I love it. How was Vegas?
- Amazing. Inspiring – She didn’t need to say more. Josh smiled and put his headphones back on.
The relationship between Josh and Anastasia was polite but not extremely friendly during the recording process. Josh had brought a lot of British bands to the table that definitely inspired the sound Dead Curse wanted to portray. An saw him happy, relaxed, music had an amazing effect on him as on her, and that environment helped them get along again, but the relationship, for sure, wasn’t what it was before.
The place also helped Josh get loose. He was a desert fan too and Joshua Tree was one of his favorite places in the world. He, Anastasia, Nick and Eric would go hiking in the mornings, then Josh would take them to places to eat and served as a tourist guide, not that any of them needed it, they all knew the area pretty well, but Josh was happy doing it and everybody just let him be.
At nighttime, they would record and produce and that was when everybody was at their happiest moment. Making music was something they all like to do and every song they made sounded stronger than the last one, so the excitement was in the air and the musical self-esteem was high, really high. By the end of that week the album was completely done and the smiles on everyone’s faces were big.
- I can’t thank you enough for doing this – Anastasia told Josh one afternoon while she was playing with the guitar he gave to her on her birthday inside the recording boot.
- Don’t worry! I’m glad I decided to do it – Josh told her, while sitting on one of Nick’s amplifiers.
- This place is great for recording! – She was trying to find any topic of conversation.
- Yeah. How was the Las Vegas place? – He asked.
- It was cool, small, warm, it actually has great technology. Elton John recorded there.
- Cool! It’s weird I never heard of it before.
- Actually it was Richard the one who told me about it.
- Oh… right – Josh lowered his voice. Things started to get weird.
- How’s Lauren? – For some reason that question popped in her brain and her mouth spit it without permission. He seemed shocked but answered anyway.
- Fine. She is releasing her album real soon, around October – He said. That let An know he and Lauren were still an item.
- Oh! We are planning to release the album on October 31st.
- Your favorite day of the year – He smiled.
- You know how much I love Halloween – She smiled too and he stared at her, like he didn’t want to forget her smile.
If things weren’t strange enough at that point, everything was about to go to hell when a familiar face appeared behind the crystal that separated the control room from the recording boot. It was Richard. Josh’s attitude took a 180° turn, his expression went blank and the air got heavy. Richard entered the place smiling and Anastasia smiled back, he was wearing a blue short-sleeved shirt with white stars and a pair of jeans that fitted him perfectly, black boots gave the final touch to such sleek look.
- I wanted to surprise you – Richard said after giving Anastasia a big kiss on her lips.
- You sure did! – She answered awkwardly – You remember Josh, right?
- Hey, man! – Richard said.
- How are you? – Josh was showing himself much more polite this time.
- Great and you?
- Good, having fun making an amazing record.
- Yes, what I heard in Las Vegas was magnificent, can’t wait to hear it all.
- It’s gonna knock you out – Josh said with half a smile – I’ll leave you two alone, I’m going out with Nick and Eric.
- Alright – Anastasia said and watched him walking out – Why do you look so hot? – Anastasia asked Richard, he laughed.
- I want to look good for you.
- You are doing a great job.
- You look amazing too.
- I’m wearing an oversized Dodgers sweater and Vans, no makeup and my hair is a mess.
- If I say you look good you take it and don’t say a word back – He put a finger in her lips and for some reason she thought that was incredible sexy �� Do you wanna go out for dinner tonight?
- Yes, but first let’s go to the house we rented here near so I can change, I’m not going out looking like this, at least a little bit of mascara I need.
They shared another kiss and joined the rest of the gang at the control room.
- We are going out tonight to celebrate finishing this record – Mandy told Anastasia and Richard.
- We already make plans for dinner – Anastasia answered.
- But we’ll join later – Richard told Anastasia.
- Yeah… ok – She said looking at Mandy.
Josh didn’t stop lookng at Anastasia the entire time they were there, so she hurried up in getting out and going to the house so she could change clothes. She put on a pair of black jeans with a mustard knit sweater and a pair of black ankle boots. Her blue hair was loose and her makeup minimum, she wasn’t great at makeup actually, that was Mandy’s thing.
- Now you look even more beautiful – Richard said when he saw her.
- Oh, stop it! – Richard hugged her tightly without noticing and she felt his warmth, his endearment. That man loved her; there was no doubt about it.
They ended up going to a place called Pie For The People that served New York Style pizza, “To remember our first date in New York”, as Richard said. Anastasia still had trouble finding this situation realistic, he was still Richard Austin, a face that used to be up a wall in her room back in the mid-2000s. And that day, in particular, she was having trouble understanding Josh’s attitude, he acted so polite and decent. She was glad, but she knew he was keeping some feelings and that always make her uncomfortable.
After dinner, they joined the rest of the group at Joshua Tree Salon, a nice pub downtown and she was amazed by how Josh was loosely talking with everyone, included Richard, and acting so relaxed.
- Glad you came! - Mandy said - We ordered some food but I guess you two already ate.
- You know? - Josh looked at Mandy – It’s not a “lunchnner” if is this late – They both laughed. Anastasia was happy that he was slowly turning back in the Josh she knew.
Definitely, producing the record had something to do with that. Anastasia also realized that having Josh around woke up some feelings she wanted to keep locked inside, after all it was Richard the one sleeping next to her that night in the house they rented at Joshua Tree.
#Josh Klinghoffer#JoshKlinghoffer#Josh Klinghoffer Fanfic#Josh Klinghoffer Fanfiction#Josh Klinghoffer Fan fic#Josh Klinghoffer Fan fiction#Klinghoffer#JoshAn#Never Is A Long Time#NeverIsALongTime#fanfic#fanfiction#Fan fic#Fan fiction
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Chapter 41: keeping distance
Hello everyone! Here we are once again with another #JoshAN chapter, tho the name of the fic is Never Is A Long Time I don’t use it as muchas I use JoshAn.
Before we go into this crazy love story I want to force you all to follow my girl Zara on Instagram because the author of Be My Getaway revamped her story and now is on whattpad
♥ Zara IG
♥ Whattpad Story
Read chapter 40
- I thought we were done with the whole dating-musicians thing after Josh – Barbara told Anastasia at her house in Malibu.
- He took you to Palm Springs at two in the morning?! – Mandy screamed. She was there too.
- Do you have any idea how dangerous that was? – Barbara spoke to Anastasia.
- How was sex? – Mandy asked and Barbara gave her a hard look – Oh come on! You want to know too.
- It was elegant – Anastasia answered. That was the first word she thought of.
- WHAT?! – Barbara and Mandy said at the same time.
- Yeah… it was nice and sweet and gentle. It was elegant.
- It was dreamy – Mandy talked supporting her face with her hands and smiling.
- What about Josh? – Barbara asked suddenly.
At that moment, Anastasia realized she hadn’t thought about Josh for days.
- I hope his thing with Lauren works out – Anastasia answered.
- Really? – Barbara was shocked.
- Yeah, I don’t really care. I haven’t talked to him in like a week.
- My girl just made all her sixteen year old wet dreams true, Barb, give her a break! – Mandy was now hugging Anastasia and Barbara was laughing.
The ultimate test was to see Josh again and keep her feelings at bay. And it was that time again… to go back on the road. She was tired, and she could see the rest of her band was tired too but something good was starting to happen, she had a bunch of songs ready and the guys in Dead Curse were so inspired to put music to those lyrics.
- I’m excited. For real, these lyrics are different and I want to make an album that doesn’t sound like any we have done before – Anastasia said in a luxurious hotel in Rome. They were waiting for the Peppers there since they were performing in festivals in Portugal and Spain without Dead Curse. Now Anastasia and company had a week off to spend in the Italian city.
- A real rock album – Eric said.
- I feel that we’ve been touring for so long that we need to finally put a stadium-anthem record together – Mandy said.
- Yeah! I want the same – Anastasia said.
- I got a bunch of hard guitar riffs to dust off in my pantry – Nick smiled.
- I feel like a mini Chad Smith and I wanna blast some drums – Eric was laughing now.
Anastasia loved those moments when the band got together and just talked about their music, each one of them were so talented individually. They brought a lot of equipment and set it up on An and Mandy’s bathroom, it was the place with the best acoustics to record and as soon as each one got their instruments in hand the melodies started flowing in the most natural way.
By the end of the week, they had five songs ready.
- I think we should go to the studio on August and finish this thing – Anastasia said while the band was having lunch at a restaurant near the hotel in Rome.
- Man! Are we going to launch another record this year? – Mandy said smiling.
- It wasn’t planned but we are in such an inspirational rush! – Anastasia said.
- We need to take advantage of it – Eric said drinking some wine.
- I’m so happy! – Anastasia said. Things were going good for her, as long as she had the band and a place to make music she was pleased.
- The Peppers arrive today here – Nick said after eating a pizza slide.
- Have you talked to Josh? – Eric asked.
- Nope – Anastasia said – But I’ve been talking to Richard almost every day – He was well aware of Anastasia while she was away. She smiled and kept looking at her phone.
- Uh! Look at that smile – Eric said laughing – Your love life is a mess – Everyone laughed.
- You know, last week I found out that the Hanson guys are still making music and they are all married with a bunch of kids each one. That made me realize that it is possible to have a stable love life while being in this business, so I’m pretty sure that the problem here is me.
- Don’t say that – Nick said – Things with this Richard guy are going good so far.
- I know, but… - Anastasia said.
- But he’s not Josh – Mandy talked looking straight to Anastasia’s eyes. She knew her so well.
- But I need to move on. Josh is not ready and Richard just makes me feel so good – Anastasia talked and saw Nick smiling.
- You look happy. You look better and you have improved on your songwriting skills – He said.
- But none of the songs are about Richard – She laughed.
- Instead, there are a couple about Josh – Mandy talked again.
- Well, cut it out with the Josh subject – Mandy’s tone was starting to annoy Anastasia.
When they came back to the hotel, there he was, at the lobby. Josh. Wearing his Yankees cap with a matching Yankees tee shirt and huge black pants. He wasn’t wearing any outerwear, it was a really hot Italian summer, it kind of shocked Anastasia since Josh was always seen wearing a jacket. It hasn’t been that long since she saw him for last time but she could swear his hair was longer. He turned his head and crossed his eyes with An’s, looked at her for a few seconds and then turned his head away and walked to the elevator with his back to her. She knew what that meant; it meant he was angry, she knew him so well. She thought about going after him but some invisible force stopped her from doing it.
That leg of the tour felt weird for Anastasia and her band. Live shows didn’t go well, the vibes were weird, the air was heavy and the lack of communication with Josh was driving her insane. Instead, she focused on recording some vocals for the new songs and changing the lyrics for others.
The only show that was amazing was Lollapalooza in Paris. Dead Curse had always been a festival band so they felt comfortable playing in such stage. But after all, they were happy to play in places they never been before like Riga in Latvia and Reykjavik in Iceland. The tour was practically over at that point. They still had to play in some festivals but not together. By the last day in Reykjavik, everyone was so tired. Anastasia was at the hotel restaurant talking to Richard on the phone, she was having dinner with Mandy but her friend was already on her way to her room. Conversations with Richard were deeper every time and the relationship was definitely growing, she was so comfortable with the situation, she just didn’t have any doubts, it was so different than when she started with Josh and all the things that filled her head at that time. This was the opposite of that, so easy.
Richard hung up the phone and then An started to walk to her room. On the hallway she saw Josh closing his door, he saw her too and a knot appeared on her stomach, so strong it hurt.
- Hey – An managed to say and he gave her a half smile – Going out? – Josh nodded – I thought that maybe you wanted to talk. We haven’t talked much these past weeks.
- I don’t feel like it. I’m going for a walk – He said passing by her on the way to the elevator.
- Don’t you want me to join you? – She asked.
- No. I prefer going alone – He answered and the elevator door closed on Anastasia’s face.
Now he was rejecting her, and for some strange reason that made her feel worse.
- �� He doesn’t know anything about my date with Richard in Palm Springs – Anastasia told Mandy when they were both in bed before sleeping.
- Maybe he just knows that you are better with Richard and he wants to keep distance, for his own sake – Mandy answered – Last time you two talked you had this huge fight – Mandy looked at her friend – What do you wanna do?
- What do you mean? – Anastasia knew perfectly what Mandy meant with her question.
- What do you wanna do? – Mandy asked again.
- I want to be with Richard – Anastasia answered – I feel is the right thing to do right now – Mandy smiled.
- You didn’t even think about it.
- I just feel it. I like him… a lot. He is growing on me and it’s like… it’s meant to be – Mandy hugged her friend with a smile – Do you remember all the doubts I had when this thing with Josh started?
- How can I forget that? I feel so guilty.
- No! It’s not your fault. But I don’t have any of those feelings with Richard – Mandy smiled again.
- Richard is so different from Josh – Mandy said.
- How?
- Even though Richard is younger than Josh in age, he is such a man – The pink haired friend pronounced “Man” elongating the “a” – You know, like an actual adult man – Anastasia laughed – He even has a kid and all!
- Yeah Richard is so much more mature that Josh, but what I like about Josh is just that, the youth in his heart, because he is pretty mature too if you think about it, his creativity, his art is mature enough.
- Yeah, but… Richard is a man – Mandy elongated the “a” again - I know that we’ll be in the studio next month but we need to focus on the wedding planning. I’m going to get married in December.
- So, has it been decided?
- Peyton decided it and I love that month so I’ll have a winter wedding in Malibu. I have the first dress fitting in mid-August. I’m so nervous.
- Can I go with you?
- I would be offended if you didn’t.
- I’ll cry.
- I’ll cry if you cry – Both friends laughed.
Josh didn’t speak to Anastasia even on the flight back. Truth was, she was stocked to see Richard again. He was traveling to London in a few days to do some promotion for his record so she wanted to spend those days with him.
- I can stay in LA until Friday because I want to be with Elijah a couple of days before I leave – Richard told An when she called him from LAX to let him know she was in town.
- Sounds cool! – She replied, getting in the van with the rest of her band.
- Guess I’ll see you tomorrow – He said.
- Sure! Let me know when you arrive.
- Can’t wait – He said and she just could imagine him smiling and his dimples appearing on his face.
They only spent three days together but they were so special. They had dates, he took her to the Hollywood Forever Cemetery where a company was showing movies from the 80s and 90s at open sky, they had a picnic and watched “The Craft” one of Anastasia’s ultimate favorites. They had wine and ate cheese and ended the night at Anastasia’s bed. Sex with Richard was great, but it wasn’t as wild as with Josh.
- I don’t want to leave – Richard said in the morning, resting his head on Anastasia’s shoulder while they were still in bed.
- Go and see your son – Anastasia said stroking her hands through his hair, which was a little bit longer and it wasn’t combed back with gel as he used to have it. It was wild bed hair and it made him look incredible sexy.
- I know. I’m going to miss you – He moved his head to be at Anastasia’s face level. He smiled. The gold chain he always wear shone when it was hit by sunlight – What are you doing to me, Anastasia Truman?
- I’m just being cute and lovely for you – She smiled too looking straight to his eyes.
- You are an expert. This is so strange for me. After being with the same woman since I was a teenager… - He still mentioned his ex-wife now and then and that bothered Anastasia but she could understand that they had a very long relationship.
An didn’t answer; instead she kissed Richard, with passion, hard, trying to make him not forget her.
- What are you going to do this month here in LA? – He answered trying to contain himself after that kiss.
- I’m going to make a new record – She answered.
- A new record! Already?! – She nodded – Wow, talk about efficiency.
- We’ve been having a good inspirational rush. We don’t want to wait to put these songs out.
- Can’t wait to hear them – Richard kissed Anastasia again – I’m going to leave.
He got up of the bed and started to gather his clothes scattered around the room, he looked so funny doing it and Anastasia smiled. She got up from the bed too, grabbed an oversized sweater over a chair near to her and put it on.
- I’ll call you – He said at the door of the house.
- And I will answer – That was probably the cheesiest moment she ever had but he smiled.
- I love you – He said, sound and clear without stopping to think about it.
- I love you too – She didn’t even take a second to answer. Richard looked relieved by her answer and kissed her goodbye.
She went next day to the studio in Hollywood with the biggest smile on her face.
- Someone is happy today! – Mandy told her when she entered the recording room.
- I just spent three days with Richard and it was magical – Anastasia was still smiling.
- Well, Eric is about to destroy that smile – Nick said and Eric laughed.
- Listen, I was thinking that we need help for the finishing touches on some songs and we need somebody outside this band that can give us an honest and different view – Eric said sitting behind his drum set. Anastasia knew what he was about to say next – I thought that Josh would be the right person for that job.
- Do you want Josh to produce our album? – An asked.
- Yes – Eric said.
- But Josh is not speaking to me. He won’t agree.
- He already said yes – Eric said and Anastasia’s chin went to the floor – He is going to be in New York for about two weeks, which will give us time to record so he can come and just adjust everything.
- Wait, wait, wait… He said yes? – Anastasia couldn’t believe it. Josh’s sudden change of heart was making her ill.
- If you don’t want to, I’m sure we can find someone else – Nick said.
- No, no! I want to; I would like it to be Josh. It’s fine by me – It was going to be a strange situation but luckily with all the vocals recorded she wouldn’t have to spend a lot of time with him in the studio, she thought.
They were trying hard to make the songs work, but nothing was going well for the band that day. Anastasia’s mind was blocked and so was the rest of the band.
- What if we change studios? – Eric said at night after not accomplishing anything that day.
- What do you mean? – Anastasia asked.
- We can go to Rancho de Luna and do some recording there – Eric talked again. The idea of the dessert just made its way to Anastasia’s mind.
- Richard told me about a studio in Las Vegas – An said.
- The Battle Born Studios?
- Yeah, that one! We can try it out too.
- Yes! Let’s do a trip to Vegas. If we want to make this powerful show-inspired record what better place for big shows than Vegas?
All Dead Curse members agreed and the little experiment began.
#JoshAn#Josh Klinghoffer#Josh Klinghoffer Fan Fic#Josh Klinghoffer Fanfic#Josh Klinghoffer Fanfiction#Josh Klinghoffer Fan Fiction#JoshKlinghoffer#FanFic#Fan fic#FanFiction#Fan Fiction#Never Is A Long Time#Neverisalongtime
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Chapter 40: Just ride
Her I am with another chapter! I never going to stop thanking all for all the support and the feedback! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Read chapter 39
- Josh is out of control! How fucking dare he! – Anastasia was telling Mandy while both were swimming at Anastasia’s house pool.
- I have to admit that I wasn’t team Richard before but now I totally support him – Mandy answered lying on a float with the shape of a sea shell – Josh is acting like a baby, so immature. He wants to have it all, he wants Lauren and he wants you but he didn’t see Richard coming.
- You should have seen him begging me not to leave him and to be patient with him, but I’m done – Anastasia said with anger – I honestly didn’t see Richard coming either but everything happens for a reason.
- He is so sweet – Mandy said.
- And dreamy – Anastasia said.
- And fun.
- And talented.
- And easy to talk to.
- And easy to be around.
- And so handsome.
- And so perfect – Both friends looked at each other and laughed – This is exactly like when we were sixteen – Anastasia said – It’s so crazy we’re talking about the same guy.
- I never would have thought Richard Austin would fall for you.
- He hasn’t fallen for me.
- An… the way he put his hand around your waist when you were watching the Peppers, and the way you two sang and looked at each other at the show. At Glasto he looked at you with such lovely eyes. He is incredible but, for now, I’m going to abstain from telling you what to do because I told you to let Josh into your heart and that didn’t go well at all. I’m sorry for that.
- You don’t have to apologize, neither one of us would’ve thought that Josh would do such things. – Mandy nodded at her friend’s words.
- Have you talked to him? To Richard?
- He texts me or calls me every day. He is going to be in Los Angeles next week so maybe we’ll go out or something. He actually has a show at the Fonda Theater, we should go!
- That would be amazing.
Richard was truly amazing to Anastasia, and after all her love-life-craziness in the past years, it was nice for her to have someone solid around. Richard was so sure of himself and so sure of what he wanted. As he told her, he was going to be in Los Angeles for about a week for the Fonda show and some promotion for the new record, so Anastasia thought it would be cool to invite him for dinner at her place. She told him she would “cook” for him, but what she actually meant was she would buy food to make him think she cooked it.
Richard arrived at An’s house wearing a green tee shirt and a jean jacket with the sleeves rolled up and holding a bottle of champagne.
- You cooking for me is so special that I thought champagne would be perfect – He said at the door with half a smile.
- It goes perfectly with the seafood I made – Anastasia laughed because she didn’t cook any of it. She was wearing a jean pinafore dress with high-heeled green velvet sandals and her hair tied up in a ponytail.
- Your house is beautiful – He said looking and the backyard and the skyline of the city.
- Thank you – Anastasia said looking at his face, he had a Marlon Brandon kind of aura – Come take a seat, the table’s set and the food is ready.
She decided to go with all kind of seafood, crab, oysters, lobster and more. The food was delicious and the conversation with Richard was easy, intelligent and nice as usual. She learned that Richard’s parents were Vegas natives and he was born and raised there too, his dad use to be a doorman at the Flamingo and his mom use to be a waitress at the same hotel and they met there. He also had two older sisters so he grew up in a very feminine environment; he had one niece and two nephews. His son’s name was Elijah and he was nine years old. He met his ex-wife in high school so he hadn’t been with a lot of women during his life, “Maybe two”, he said.
Growing up in Las Vegas was fun because of the culture, he did a lot of crazy stuff as a teenager, of course, but the glamour and the lights and all the big shows always had his attention and he loved that. His band got together because all the members were neighbors and they knew each other since they were kids; that meant they were tight as friends just as Dead Curse was. He wasn’t proud of the beginnings of the band because as they got famous he developed a very arrogant ego and that brought a lot of negativity to the image of The Genius Sex Poets but all of that was in the past now.
Although he played guitar, bass and piano, he wasn’t that much of a music geek. It was a huge part of his life but now family was his priority. The way he talked about his son captivated Anastasia’s mind. He loved to travel and driving in the dessert, because having grown up in Las Vegas apparently being in the dessert was a huge thing to do, “It’s like escaping, leaving all the craziness behind. I go there every time I need to have a minute and breathe”, he told her. Apparently, he did that a lot during his divorce.
- I really thought I was going to spend my life with her – He said at the table – But she never got used to this kind of life style, of me not being around as I would wanted. She wanted me to quit and have a business or something, but that’s not me, I couldn’t do that. Music has giving me so many great things and I won’t leave it for anything – Anastasia felt the same, she couldn’t see her doing anything else.
After dinner, he opened the bottle he brought and they enjoyed it on the backyard with the stars as a roof and moonshine as illumination. The natural element conspired to create a romantic aura.
- I really have to say that you look especially beautiful tonight – He said tucking some of her loose hairs around the ponytail behind her left ear.
- Maybe is it because I cooked you all that food – She lied and laughed.
- I always have such a great time with you – Richard, tucking more of An’s hairs behind her hear, he was searching for excuses to keep touching her. Anastasia had a pleasant feeling in her stomach and smiled.
- I really enjoy your company too. You are so easy going and… I don’t know – Anastasia said as Richard started to get close – It’s like we have this… - Richard brought his face really close to Anastasia’s and talked.
- … Strong connection – He said before kissing her.
It was the most romantic kiss Anastasia have ever received, so different from Josh’s. So delicate, so respectful. He grabbed her firmly by her waist with his left hand and positioned his right hand on the back of her neck while she hugged him on his torso. Their mouths were doing a dance of their own and after almost a minute she broke the kiss to gasp for air. He looked at her straight to her eyes and smiled, she did the same.
- I have never received a kiss like that before – She said and he smiled wider – So… so…
- Meaningful – He said a word that wouldn’t pass through An’s mind but was the perfect word to describe it: meaningful – After everything that happened to me last year – He was still close to her face - I really thought I wouldn’t fall in love ever again but how wrong I was.
Did he just say that he was in love with her? Anastasia’s mind started to work fast. She definitely had feelings for Richard, but Josh was still in her heart. Josh was with Lauren at that precise moment… and then An got it: she deserved, for once, a man that was just for her (like she told Josh before), and Richard was everything she needed at that moment, the Universe was handing her a pair of arms where she could heal and restore her love life.
- I’m sorry – Richard broke the hug and gave a few steps back because of the lack of response from her – I think I came too straight – He was ashamed - She grabbed his face with both arms and smiled.
- I like straightforward people – And kissed him again.
Nothing else happened that night; Richard was too much of a gentleman to let it go further and that actually attracted her more to him. Once in bed, ready for sleep she couldn’t stop thinking about what just happened, Richard fucking Austin kissed her, her teenage crush kissed her. She thought that maybe this is how some Josh’s younger fans fantasize with him, she use to fantasize with Richard and now he just told her that he loved her. That smile stayed tattooed on her face until the day of the Richard’s band show.
By then Josh has texted her at least twice per day but she didn’t feel the need to reply. If he wanted to act like a jealous kid he had to do it on his own, she wasn’t going to play around that attitude. He had Lauren and now Richard was part of Anastasia’s life, she was sure it was time to cut the cord with Josh, especially for her mental stability.
Richard was very happy to have her on the show, Mandy and Mark tagged along. Unfortunately, Steph had to stay in London for work, she was also doing a Major in English Literature and conducting an investigation with the Oxford University, Mark couldn’t choose better.
- Steph and I decided we want a small wedding in the English countryside – Mark said at the bar inside the Fonda while waiting for The Genius Sex Poets to take the stage – Maybe we’ll rent a house there and spend a whole weekend celebrating. What about you? – He asked Mandy.
- I’m getting married in Malibu, there’s no doubt about it – The pink-haired girl answered with a smile - I actually found an amazing venue, a mansion at the shore that is very private, perfect for me to get ready there and have the ceremony and the reception at the same place.
- I’m gonna give you your honeymoon so think where you want to go – Anastasia said and Mandy opened her eyes big.
- Are you serious? – She said.
- I’ll pay for everything – Anastasia was laughing because of Mandy’s reaction.
- I can’t accept that!
- Shut up! – Anastasia said – Think where you wanna go and I’ll pay and you can’t say no.
- God gave me the best best friend someone could ask and I don’t really need to tell you but it’s obvious you will be my maid of honor – Even though Anastasia supposed it, hearing Mandy say it brought her a wind whirl of emotions and her eyes got watery.
- Oh, stop you two, I’m going to cry too! – Mark said and laughed. Anastasia hugged her friend, nodded and tried to wipe the tears without destroying her makeup - I’m pretty sure Stephanie will ask you to be one of her bridesmaids too.
- I’m going to cry more! – Anastasia said – Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.
- Maybe that will change – Mark said pointing to the stage where Richard was coming out through the lights.
He was amazing on stage, not only he moved with confidence, his voice was to die for, so strong, so trained and so different from Josh’s. Mandy and Anastasia knew all the songs except for the new ones; they were listening to the classics since they were teenagers. Richard found An in the crowd even though she was far from the stage, and he locked eyes with her a couple of times giving her a couple of smiles.
After the last song, An, Mandy and Mark walked backstage. Richard, now with his clothes changed, gave Anastasia a tight hug and a big kiss on the lips which took her by surprise, that display of affection in front of his band mates, but she responded in the same way, kissing him back. Mandy was shocked but the rest of the people in that room didn’t seem to care a bit.
- That was an amazing show! – Mark said breaking the spell between Richard and Anastasia.
- The new songs are incredible – Mandy talked.
- That’s all because of Mark – Richard said with a smile, a pair of dimples formed in his cheeks every time he smiled – He and his damn amazing ear for music made them.
- Time to boost the producer’s ego – Mark laughed.
- Let’s head to the bar for drinks – Richard said putting his arm on Anastasia’s back, she felt such comfort in that action.
Richard was very sociable, and although he talked with a bunch of people that night, he kept coming back to Anastasia’s side to share a drink with her or to make sure she had everything she needed. He was certainly giving her all the attention in the world and that made her feel good.
- Anastasia, marry that guy right now! – Mandy was a bit tipsy – No! Forget it! I already told you I wasn’t going to give you any more advice on love.
- I think we are ready to leave – Mark said and Anastasia saw Richard talking with some friends in the distance. He looked back at her.
- I think I’m going to stay a little bit more – Anastasia said to Mark – I’ll call an Uber. Can you safely take Mandy back to her place? – She asked her brother.
- Like the old days! – Mark answered – Say bye to Richard from us.
- I will – Anastasia said and waved goodbye as her friend and Mark leave the place.
At that moment, Richard went back to An’s side.
- What happened to Mandy and Mark? – He asked.
- Mandy wasn’t feeling well so Mark took her home.
- And you decided to stay – He smiled again and the dimples appeared again she felt the pleasant tingling in her stomach again.
- Yeah… - She didn’t know what to answer.
- Listen, I had a crazy idea – Richard smiled again – I have my motorcycle parked outside, what do you say if we ride to Palm Springs and spend the entire day there tomorrow? – It sounded like an amazing plan.
- Yes! Sounds amazing! What time do we leave? – She didn’t get the whole idea.
- Right now!
- What?! That’s crazy! Richard, Palm Springs is two hours away! – She said but she wasn’t worried at all. She actually wanted to do it – Well, let’s go now, then! – He smiled and kissed her.
Now, An was wearing his leather jacket and riding his Indian Chief Dark Horse motorcycle through the 10 Route, leaving Los Angeles behind and entering the dessert, that place Richard loved. This was crazy, it was almost two in the morning, it was dark and that gave a special aura to the road, but she didn’t care about it, she felt safe with him. Anastasia had forgotten the last time she rode a motorcycle, probably when she was thirteen.
She was hugging Richard tight and saw him smiling; he stroked her arms from time to time. They arrived to the Palm Springs’ Marriott Hotel at almost four in the morning.
- Thank God they had rooms available because I didn’t plan any of this – He said laughing and opening the door to the suite with an amazing view to the pool. Everything was so peaceful at that hour.
- This is crazy. We both had drinks at The Fonda – Anastasia said entering.
- I only had one drink – He put his arms around her - I told you, coming to the dessert is like escaping, leaving the craziness behind…
They looked at each other; she knew what was going to happen. All the thrill of that night was reaching its peak. She loved that Richard acted that way, so impulsive, so unpredictable; she saw it when he appeared at Glastonbury Festival just to see her and now she was standing in front of her teenage crush naked, ready to give herself to him, not worrying about what happened to both in the past. The connection she had with Richard made her feel like she knew him during her whole life, in a way it was, but this was deep and special and the best of all she was happy.
She woke up feeling Richard’s lips on her neck. He was such a gentleman and treated her like she was a china doll, delicate. Although Richard was younger than Josh, the way he acted and talked and made love to her was so much mature. She was over the moon.
- I want to spend the day at the pool – Richard said smiling.
- Do you realize we didn’t pack anything? – She rolled over only to faint at his dimples.
- We can fix that, one call to front desk and they can bring us bathing suits and everything we need – Yeah, Richard’s band was in a much higher position, he was definitely more famous than her so in the hotel they knew who he was.
He did his thing and the hotel gave then swimming suits from one of the boutiques inside, she had the most relaxing day at the pool and the spa. That night they made their way back to Los Angeles. She was hugging Richard on his motorcycle feeling like a whole new Anastasia. This was solid; she could feel it and the most important thing of all: this time she was calm about the future.
Read chapter 41
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Chapter 37: Ice Cream with Josh
Hello everyone! I’m back and I’m so sorry I kept you all waiting for this new chapter but here it is! This chapter is so sweet and I hope you all like it!
Remember to check Anastasia’s Instagram that is on fire:
Anastasia_Truman ❤️️
Thanks to everyone who reads the fic, much love to you all! ♥
Read chapter 36
Next morning, Anastasia woke up feeling in heaven. She was trying to process the weekend she just had. Not only she met her lifetime crush, she worked with him and they shared a drinking session. Cloud nine was such a small place for all the joy and happiness she was feeling. She even managed to get Josh out of her head for a while; the constant knot on her stomach was fully undone while she was in Las Vegas.
She brushed her teeth, tied her hair up in a bun, took a quick shower and grabbed a long Pilots tee shirt (Her dad’s legendary rock band), put it on and went downstairs, When she was walking through her living room she saw a pink spot on her kitchen that wasn’t normally there, she smiled and walked towards her best friend.
- I’m gonna take all of your keys back. I’m tired of you all sneaking into my house! – Anastasia said smiling.
- I woke up extremely happy this morning and I wanted to have a great breakfast but Peyton wasn’t there so I came here to have breakfast together – Mandy said turning around to see Anastasia but the midnight-blue-haired girl notice that her friend wasn’t, in fact, happy. Mandy showed a serious face.
- What’s wrong? – Anastasia asked. She really wanted that breakfast.
- This is wrong! – Mandy said showing a little orange jar on her right hand.
Anastasia understood everything then. Mandy found her Xanax jar and it was empty. But it wasn’t because Anastasia took them all. After that afternoon with Josh in Orlando she never took another Xanax, instead as soon as she got to LA she threw the pills on the crusher on her kitchen sink but she never got rid of the jar. How stupid she felt in that moment. If she explained that to Mandy, her friend wouldn’t believe her because of the addiction she had on the past.
- I’m sorry. I took them on the tour but I swear I won’t do it again – Anastasia told her friend.
- I’m so disappointed and so angry right now, An – Mandy said – You know that if you have any issue, any problem you can come and talk to me and I will help you find a solution, I will cheer you up! Don’t go back to Xanax. It cost you a lot to get out of it years ago – Mandy’s face showed her rage.
- I’m sorry. I swear that it was just one time – Anastasia was begging her friend for comprehension.
- I just feel so mad that you didn’t come to me – Mandy said.
- Sometimes I think I’m a load to you.
- Never! I don’t want to see you bad – Mandy walked to Anastasia and gave her a tight hug, Anastasia embraced her friend like there was no tomorrow. They had a long time without giving themselves that kind of hugs that goes straight to the soul.
- I’m fine. Believe me, especially after this weekend! – Anastasia said with a smile.
- I’m going to serve breakfast and you have to tell me everything – Mandy said.
The two friends had some eggs, bacon and waffles and Anastasia told Mandy every single little detail about her weekend in Las Vegas.
- I saw the picture on your Instagram with the red wig – Mandy said laughing – I miss your red hair, which was the beginning of your witch-to-be look.
- I know! I looked amazing, don’t you think?
- You did! But how is he? – Mandy wanted to know.
- He is even better than I imagined. He is so sweet and so nice. He is not that cocky asshole we saw on stage or videos. We had dinner, we made the video and then we had some drinks and we talked about everything you can imagine, especially his divorce – Mandy opened her mouth big.
- He got divorced? – She was shocked.
- Yes! He has been divorced for around a year – Anastasia said sipping some coffee from her cup – Their new album is about that… Oh! – She almost forgot – He kissed my hand twice!
- What a gentleman! – Mandy said
- It was incredible! And I had a great time with Steph too.
- Time is always great if you spend it with Steph! – Mandy laughed – I’m so happy for you! You got out of the drama for at least three days.
- I know – Anastasia smiled – I’m still over the moon! – Mandy smiled too.
- I gotta go because Peyton’s mom is in town and we are going to have lunch and then we hit the stadium for the game tonight.
- Sounds fun! – Anastasia said.
- It is fun! My mother in law is so sweet. I’m so lucky.
- You are, my friend, you are!
- I’ll leave the dishes to you.
- That’s the problem with people sneaking into my house to make breakfast… I have to clean later.
- I love you! – Mandy closed the door behind her.
Anastasia sighed, looked at the mess Mandy had left in the kitchen and began to clean it. But she was still happy, even doing the dishes. She heard her phone ringing and something inside told her that it was Josh, she left the dishes half done and ran to answer the phone and, in fact, it was him calling.
- Hey! – He said.
- Hi – Was all she managed to say.
- I was about to do some grocery shopping and I decided to call you to see if you wanted to join me – That was weird – If you aren’t busy, of course.
- No. I’m not busy – Anastasia said – pick me up.
- That was easy – He said as a joke but it made Anastasia feel a little bit ashamed – I’ll be there in ten.
She ran upstairs to change into more appropriate clothes for leaving the house. She chose a pair of black joggers and a black tee shirt with the word “witch” in front, just as the one she used to wear onstage sometimes. In exactly ten minutes Josh was blowing the horn in front of her house.
- My favorite witch – He said looking at her tee shirt.
- My favorite… guitarist? – She said mocking him and laughing.
- At least I’m your favorite something.
- Don’t be silly, you are my favorite in so many things like… - She mimicked the process of thinking – Like… You are in one of my favorites bands, does that count?
- You are so funny today! – He said faking a smile.
- Why are you buying groceries if we’re leaving on Friday again? – Anastasia said.
- I’m tired of eating out – He answered.
- Did Lauren leave? – She had to ask because the matter was in her head for a long time that morning. He looked at her before answering.
- Yes. She flew back to New York last night.
- Cool – An wasn’t going to prolong subject. Josh looked at her again like waiting for a further answer but she didn’t give it to him.
Josh drove to a grocery shop in downtown Santa Monica. It felt so weird for Anastasia do mundane things like groceries with Josh. She was buying some things for herself too and they looked like a couple buying food for their home. And the atmosphere was so tense, as if Josh wanted to say something and he just couldn’t get it out of his chest, at the same time that they were there trying to choose if coconut shampoo smelled better than aloe shampoo.
- Aloe doesn’t have any smell – Anastasia said – And you know how I love coconut.
- You know what was cool? Those kid’s shampoos that smelled like watermelon or bubblegum – Josh said.
- Yes! Let’s find those! I used to use the watermelon one and my hair smelled great the entire day!
- Are we actually going to buy kid’s shampoo? – Josh said laughing.
- Yes! – Anastasia confirmed it laughing too.
- You’re crazy!
- You already know that – She found the shampoo – Take the watermelon one and I’ll take the bubblegum one – Josh looked at her with an incredulous look – I’m being serious.
- Alright… I’ll take it – He was laughing.
- Your hair will smell amazing! – Anastasia said smiling.
- Let’s have lunch together! – Josh said suddenly – I’ll cook you something. What do you want to eat?
- For real? – Anastasia was accepting all his propositions that day like it wasn’t a big deal but inside of her it was a huge deal, indeed – Mmm, I don’t know… What about some grilled steaks and roasted veggies?
- Sounds good. Deal.
- At your place? – Josh looked at her straight into her eyes like if the answer was obvious.
- Of course!
Josh started cooking the steaks at the grill in his beautiful backyard, the only place that wasn’t filled with instruments, while Anastasia was cleaning and chopping some peppers, tomatoes, onions and corn cobs to roast then in the oven. Not only they went to shop for groceries like a couple, now they were cooking lunch like if that parallel universe where Josh having a girlfriend and An having experienced a weekend with the love of her teenage years didn’t exist.
- Did you have fun this weekend? – Josh asked suddenly when they were seating at his dining table. It felt like a release, she knew he’d wanted to bring it up the whole day.
- More than you can ever imagine – She answered.
- You really like his band – Josh said looking and the food on his plate.
- I do. Well, it was one of those bands you like when you are a teenager. I use to love them then I lost track of what they were doing, but now Mark is working in the studio with them.
- Cool – Josh said, the same cold way An replied to him when he told her about Lauren a couple of hours ago – And what did you do? – He went on with it.
- We mostly filmed, but in our spare time we had dinner with Richard, the lead singer…
- ‘We’?
- Yes, Mark and Stephanie were there too. They got engaged! – The situation was as weird as you could get.
- That’s amazing! – Josh said – They seem so in love.
- They are! They were born to be together.
- Yeah. Some people are – He stopped eating and kept looking at her – What else did you do in Vegas?
- Well, we had lunch and when we were done filming the video – She stopped for a moment, doubting if she should continue talking but she liked to push Josh’s buttons and deep inside her brain, and her heart, she was angry for the time he spent with Lauren – I had some drinks with Richard… just to celebrate – Anastasia felt as if Josh’s stare was piercing her brain.
- Cool – he said again before giving a big bite to his corn cob.
They didn’t say another word until the plates were empty.
- That was so good! – She said taking the plates from the table – Here, I’ll do the dishes – She took a plate from Josh’s hands.
- Wanna watch a movie or something? – He asked her – I don’t know if you have any plans but…
- I don’t have any plans but why don’t we go to the beach? – She asked him.
- The beach?
- Yeah. Let’s go and just lay on the sand. It’s a nice day out – She was finishing cleaning.
- Alright. It’s a good idea.
And so they went. On the way to Venice Beach, Anastasia’s phone began buzzing and as she grabbed it she saw a couple of messages from Richard, she felt bad about reading them while on Josh’s car but the curiosity was huge.
“Hey. Hope you are well, I just wanted to tell you that I’ve seen some scenes from the video and you look beautiful”. She read the first.
“You will be the first to watch it when is out”, the second one said and she smiled like a child.
- Do you smile like that when you read my texts? – Josh asked.
- What? – She thought she heard wrong.
- You read that text with such a smile on your face – She heard right.
- Is that a wrong thing?
- No. It’s the face I make when I read your texts – He was impossible.
- I’m going to leave the facial expression I make when I read your text to your imagination – She said but Josh didn’t take it as well as she thought. He started to drive faster, as he did when he was angry. She decided not to reply to Richard right away.
They arrived at Venice Beach and the beach was mostly empty, which was always something amazing to catch. Josh brought a big towel with him so they could sit on the sand.
- I love this place so much – Anastasia said.
- Why? – Josh asked looking at the sand.
- Why? – She looked at him – There is such beauty in this place. So many things happening, so many people from so many places around the world. There’s the city and there’s the beach…
- It is a place with so much falseness – Josh said still looking at the sand. He didn’t catch Anastasia’s eyes even though she was looking at him. She knew he was angry.
- There’s falseness everywhere, not just here. But you need to only see the good. All the people that move here to make their dreams true…
- How many actually achieve that?
- What’s wrong? – Anastasia was done – I only wanted to get some peace at the beach shore. I mean, look! The beach is empty; do you know how rare is that? And you are there, looking at the sand being angry for some reason…
- I’m not angry – He looked at her straight to her eyes for the first time since they arrived to the beach – It’s just… I don’t know. It’s hard to explain.
- I’m here to listen.
- I know but I also know you won’t be there for too long.
- What do you mean? – Anastasia was confused.
- I feel like I’m losing you, An – He said without breaking the eye contact.
- Losing me? From what?
- From whom…
- Josh, is this because of my weekend at Vegas?
- It’s about everything you will do. I feel like I can’t make up my mind and I know you won’t here forever, I know that if somebody appears and wants to take you he’s going to do it because I can’t make up my fucking mind.
- I’m going to ask you something crazy – He looked back to the sand – By any chance did you read my writing notebook that Eric has because he’s making notes for some new songs? I wrote a song called ‘Make Up Your Mind’ and it’s about you – Josh looked at An again – I promised myself that I wasn’t going to write songs about any other guy but this thing that I have with you has turned into a fucking roller coaster – She laughed.
- Would you be mad if I did?
- Well… I know Eric didn’t give you permission to read it because he knows I don’t like people to sneak into my lyric notebook – He looked at her again – But no. I wouldn’t be mad about it.
- I’m sorry. I just couldn’t resist. I’m so jealous of the way you write songs that I wanted to see if I could learn something. I guess I got more than what I was looking for.
- That will teach you to stay away from other people’s notebooks – Anastasia laughed but Josh looked to the floor one more time and she just hugged him – Look at me – She said to him without breaking the hug. Their faces were so close – I don’t know what’s going to happen, you don’t know what’s going to happen so why not just enjoy this moment, right now, without worrying about an uncertain future? – He just looked at her with the tenderest eyes and that gave Anastasia the push to kiss him. It wasn’t a long kiss but it was meaningful, it was one of those kisses that made both smile after, and they did. She saw Josh smiling for the first time that afternoon – Let’s enjoy today and this beautiful sunset.
Sunsets in California were something out of this world. The sky turned into so many shades of blue and pink and red, it didn’t matter where in the state you were, at sunset it was mandatory to stop and look at the sky for a few minutes. Josh put his arm around Anastasia while she rested her head on his chest to view that show the sky was giving to them. After that she remembered the ice cream shop she discovered with Mandy last time they were there and Josh obviously agreed to go and get one.
- Guess I should take you home – Josh said while getting into his car.
- Yes, you should – Anastasia laughed – I need to start packing because we aren’t coming back to LA before going to London and I need to pack a whole shitload of things.
- I’m so sad I’m going to miss Glasto – He started to drive.
- You can watch it, there’ll be a livestream!
- Really? I need to plan that. I’m so damn proud of you all, how far Dead Curse have come.
- I know. I will probably cry on that stage. It has been a personal dream for a long time.
- You deserve it. You all do. I’m so jealous of what you guys have with DC.
- You have that with Dot Hacker.
- It’s not the same. I mean it fulfills me… to a certain point.
- You’ll never be content with anything you do, will ya? – Josh shrugged.
Anastasia wanted to ask Josh if he wanted to stay the night at her place, but she felt that with everything that happened that afternoon it was enough Josh for a day. They shared another kiss in the car once they were in front of her house and it was a much more passionate one. To her, it felt like he didn’t want to let her go, the way he grabbed her lips with his lips woke up a bunch of emotions inside of her, but it had been enough for that day.
This chapter was inspired by a particular Florence and The Machine songe (By now you all guessed that I LOVE Flo) I couldn’t find a good video on Youtube but here is a LINK to the lyrics, sorry for that. This is also the song that Josh read on Anastasia’s notebook.
#Josh Klinghoffer#JoshKlinghoffer#JoshKlinghofferFanFic#JoshKlinghofferFanFiction#Josh Klinghoffer Fan Fic#Josh Klinghoffer fan Fiction#FanFic#Fan Fic#FanFiction#Fan Fiction#Klinghoffer#Red Hot Chili Peppers#RedHotChiliPeppers#RHCP#JoshAn#NeverIsALongTime#Never Is A Long Time
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Chapter 36: The video
I’m so so sorry for not posting yesterday. The amount of work I had was insane! But here it is: Chapter 36!
I wanna let you all know that I’m gonna be traveling next week so is very possible that I wont post next week. Sorry for that! I’ll still active on Instagram, tho.
Hope you all enjoy this chapter ‘cuz I loved it!
Remember to check Anastasia’s Instagram that is on fire:
Anastasia_Truman ❤️️
Thanks to everyone who reads the fic, much love to you all! ♥
That Thursday she woke up early and full of energy, she was living a dream. She asked Mandy to come with her but the pink haired girl preferred to stay in Los Angeles with Peyton, An understood her and didn’t get mad about it; at least Mark was going to make her company and he was taking Stephanie with him. She was nervous, she didn’t know why, she had met some of the greatest names in music before: Bowie used to read with her when she was little, McCartney was always there on Christmas at her father’s house to party, even Elton John says she is his niece, but this was different, she was going to meet her lifetime crush.
- This is weird! – She said to Mark at the lobby of the Palms Hotel in Las Vegas – A hotel room just for me… Alone!
- You have been in hotel rooms alone before – Mark said to her taking the elevator.
- Not in the last year – She answered – I stayed with either Mandy or Josh, never alone.
- How is the Josh thing going? – Stephanie had to ask.
- He is in Los Angeles with his girlfriend and I’m here to meet my longtime crush and to get drunk with you – She said clapping hands with Stephanie.
- I don’t agree with the last part – Mark said as the elevator doors opened at their floor. The penthouse – You have two hours to get ready and then we’ll meet at Nove for dinner with Richard.
- Thank God I packed my good dresses.
An could see the entire city from her room, it was almost nighttime and the lights from the casinos and hotels were starting to shine. Las Vegas was an amazing city; it was an escape for her and her LA friends when they were in high school. She had a bath, put on a short black deep neckline loose dress with a dark blue velvet bralette underneath and killer black stiletto heels (with red soles, of course). She met Mark and Steph, who was glowing in a silver long sleeve dress, and took the elevator together to the restaurant. Nove was located at the top of the Fantasy Tower in the hotel and it mainly served Italian food. They walked into the fine decoration and to a table, next to a giant picture window where they had a panoramic view of Las Vegas. There was Richard Austin, looking as dapper as he could with a pair of black skinny jeans, a black t-shirt and a leather jacket, his hair was combed back and his brown eyes were shining with the help of the restaurant’s lighting. He got up from his chair to receive them.
- Hey! – He said stretching Mark’s hand – I’m glad you all made it!
- Yes. We’d never say no to a trip to Vegas – Mark said – This is my fiancée Stephanie – He introduce her with such pride – And this is my little sis, Anastasia – She was shaking.
- Not so little! – Richard said laughing but then he took An’s right hand and kissed it. She automatically blushed – Let’s take a seat – He moved a chair so Anastasia could take it, such a gentleman. Better for her she got to sit next to him. She was in heaven – I already ordered a bottle of wine so I hope there’s no problem with it.
- I never have problems with wine – Anastasia said and Richard smiled but her brother gave her a hard look. She and Stephanie laughed.
They talked about any topic one can possibly imagine and Anastasia realize that Richard’s cockiness was just a stage thing, he wasn’t like that at all in real life; he was nice and sweet and had this manly man portrait perfect for his 36 years of age. Something Josh didn’t have, he still looked like he was 25 in her eyes.
- We went to Italy last year with the tour and I swear you can’t find pasta like the one you find there but I have to say that this is so close! – Anastasia said talking about the Amatriciana pasta she was eating at the moment.
- I have to agree – Richard said – Where in Italy?
- We went to Turin and Bologna, beautiful places, not so great to play… at least for us – She said after sipping from her wine glass.
- Why? – Richard wanted to know.
- We didn’t connect with the audience there – She answered.
- So, we’re here for business – Mark said breaking the spell of the conversation between Anastasia and Richard.
- Right! The video! – Richard said – I’m so glad that you had the time to do this because I’ve been following your career and when I saw you on Mark’s Instagram I knew I had to have you on this. The song is a satire of being this extremely confident rock star but the video story is about two hotel workers that enter one of the rooms and rob the guests while they are out. The thing is that you’re going to be singing in the video and going to be like the master planner of everything, I’m just there to help you. But we are going to be a couple and I must warn you that there may be a kiss… or two – Her mind was about to explode, she would get to kiss the guy of her dreams? Life was perfect.
- I must warn you that I’m a terrible actress – She said to him.
- You are not. I’ve seen your videos – She felt ashamed that he saw her in Dead Curse’s videos – I’m a diehard Dead Curse fan.
- No, you are not! You’re just saying that! – She laughed.
- I am! Ask your brother – Richard said pointing to Mark.
- All he did in the studio was saying how much he liked your voice and the way you wrote your songs and how magnificent everyone sounded in that band.
- You guys are a work of art – Richard said.
After dinner, Richard excused himself to go home and have some sleep since they were going to start shooting early the next day. Mark was tired too but Stephanie and Anastasia decided to stay a little bit longer at the bar.
- Let me see that ring! – Mark gave Stephanie a Claddagh ring; it was an Irish tradition since her family was from Ireland. The ring was silver and had two hands holding a diamond in the shape of a heart. Claddagh rings had lots of meanings but wearing it with the point of the heart towards the fingertip on the left hand meant engagement.
- Oh God! He thinks about every freaking little detail!
- It was perfect! – Stephanie said.
- I wanna hear everything about it – Anastasia said to her smiling wide.
- Not only did I meet U2, which is my favorite band in the universe, but he proposed to me while they were performing “Where the Streets Have No Name”, which is my favorite song from The Joshua Tree – little did Steph know it was all Anastasia’s idea – They played the record in order so “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” followed and I swear I could have died in that moment and I’d be gone happily.
- Now we have a wedding to plan!
- I have no idea what I want – Steph said drinking champagne.
- We’ll figure it out – Anastasia said to her. Barbara is perfect for those things, ask her for help!
- She was over the moon with the news! – Stephanie talked again.
- Because we all love you so much, sweetie!
- What about you? This guy was flirting with you blatantly!
- No, he wasn’t! – Anastasia laughed.
- He was! Believe me; I know it when I see it.
- Should I tell him that I used to have his face plastered on my bedroom wall when I was sixteen?
- Oh my God! No! – Stephanie was laughing hard.
- You don’t know where that may lead me! – Anastasia was laughing too. In that moment she received a message on her phone, she looked at the screen and saw it was from Josh, “What are you doing? I miss you”. She didn’t reply. She hadn’t told him that she’d be going to Vegas for the weekend, it didn’t matter because he was with Lauren.
- Is it Josh? – Stephanie asked and Anastasia nodded – Forget about him - The girls got up to pay for their drinks and started to walk to take the elevator back to the floor where their rooms were located - Try luck with Richard! – Anastasia laughed hard.
- Richard is married and has two kids and that’s a territory I won’t enter – Anastasia said entering the elevator.
- He is not! He got divorced when they started to record, actually many songs on the album are about that.
- Didn’t know that! – A smile appeared on Anastasia’s face – Do you think I have a chance with him? – Anastasia said while walking to the hallway.
- Look at you! You have a chance with any guy you want!
- Do you realize I use to have wet dreams about him when I was younger?
- Even better, you know what to expect!
- Shut up! You sound like Mandy – She was laughing hard – I’m going to sleep. I have a video to film tomorrow – She hugged Stephanie in front of the door of the room she shared with Mark – I love you!
- Love you too! See you tomorrow!
She entered her room, changed into her pajamas, removed her makeup, put on a face mask and grabbed her phone to read Josh’s messages again, she thought if it was a good idea to reply to him, it was midnight but she was sure he was awake so she decided to text him.
An: Sorry for the delay. I’ve been busy. I’m in Vegas for the weekend, working on some stuff – She sent it.
Josh: Wow! Vegas? You didn’t tell me anything – He answered back, she couldn’t tell if he was angry or not.
An: Sorry, it was a last minute thing – Why did he care? He was with Lauren, she thought.
Josh: Fun stuff?
An: I’m filming a video for a band.
Josh: Which band? – He always had to ask everything.
An: The Genius Sex Poets, they’ve been my favorite band since I was 16, so this is like a dream come true.
Josh: That’s a very stupid name for a band – She knew he was laughing even if she couldn’t see him – Where did they get that from?
An: From The Killers’ video “Mr. Brightside”, that’s the name of the fictional band on it.
Josh: I’m not a fan of The Killers, at all – He was being arrogant.
An: I love them! They also got their name from a fictional band on a New Order video.
Josh: The battle of the fictional band names. I’m stuck in the Joy Division era.
An: Not everyone has the luck of having a drummer with a grandmother called Dorothy – She said it because that’s the story behind Dot Hacker’s name.
Josh: He is your drummer too!
An: I like my band’s name better.
Josh: You know? I thought Fleetwood Mac was your favorite band.
An: Well, you have lots of favorite bands too, but this is different, I’ve had a platonic crush on Richard the lead singer FOR YEARS.
Josh: Mm… ok – He was definitely mad now – When are you coming back?
An: Is Lauren gone? – She had to ask. She didn’t expect him to text her while she was there.
Josh: No, but I miss you even with her next to me.
An: You know that’s fucking confusing, huh?
Josh: Yes, I am aware of that…
An: I’ll be back on Sunday, probably. If the filming doesn’t extend.
Josh: Good to know!
An: I’m going to sleep since we start shooting tomorrow early.
Josh: Dream of me. Love you – Anastasia felt that message so awkward she didn’t even smiled.
An: Love you too.
Next day she woke up early, tired and angry thanks to last night conversation with Josh. She didn’t expect him to write to her while Lauren was in town, she actually didn’t want him to do it. She didn’t want to think about it, to think about him. Above all that she was happy, it had been a glorious night: meeting Richard Austin, her platonic love and thinking about him asking her to be on his band’s video, it was a dream come true.
She put on a pair of jeans and a Red Hot Chili Peppers t-shirt, she had tons of them after the tour, this one was white with the logo in red and black. She paired the outfit with black vans and she hit the road. They were filming in the same hotel so Mark led her to a room in the third floor where the production was being held. She saw Richard and he hugged her like they’d known each other for years (she was shaking), then he introduced her to the rest of the band. She had seen them live so many times before but never got the chance to actually meet them, she never idolized anyone but this was a big moment in her life. |Then it was time to meet the director, a friend of Richard’s. He explained the story to her: she was going to be a cleaning girl from the hotel and Richard was going to be working at the reception. After spotting a rich couple that was staying there, they decided to rob them. Anastasia’s character was going to be in charge of the operation and she was going to be singing like it was her song. She was excited and agreed with everything. It was then time to start and the first step was hair and makeup.
- We were thinking about changing the color of your hair but we wanted to consult it with you first – The director told her – We have a couple of wigs – He pointed to a corner when they had a caramel wig, a blond one and a red one. She chose the red one as soon as she saw it.
- I had red hair once, years ago – Anastasia said.
- I would have liked to meet you then – Richard said smiling. And she blushed. “What is wrong?” She thought. She didn’t use to blush that often.
A hair dresser put her wig on and a makeup artist did magic on her face and after wearing a cleaning service uniform she was ready to film. She had time to hear the song on repeat while she was getting ready so now she knew it as if she’d written it herself.
First day of shooting went great. An and Richard were having great chemistry, which got more intense next day when they had to film in one of the hotel rooms, where they were stealing the jewelry and cash from the “rich couple.” On the script she would get to try on one of the wife’s gowns, a beautiful green dress that contrasted heavenly - or more like devilishly - with the red hair. Of course she took a million pictures and selfies during breaks.
In that part of the video they had to dance and enjoy the clothes and things from the guests they were stealing. Anastasia had to try on Swarovski necklaces and diamond earrings and she was in heaven. They had a bunch of fake cash and she kept throwing it to Richard, they were having fun until a part of the video where he hugged her after a dance and he put his face close to hers, it was pure tension, she looked into his eyes and he looked back into her big, turquoise eyes and almost, almost kissed her but the director yelled “Cut!” breaking the spell.
- Thank you so much for doing this – Richard said after shooting was done.
- You don’t have to thank me, I had so much fun doing it! – She had so much fun two days had gone by without her thinking about Josh.
- I think I’m going to hit the ‘Ghostbar’ at the Ivory Tower – Richard said looking at her straight – Would you like to join me?
- Yes! – She said without even thinking about it. Mark and Stephanie were enjoying the city so she didn’t have to worry about them.
The Ghostbar was a beautiful place, extravagant and fancy just like every other place in Las Vegas. They got a spot at the actual bar, Richard ordered a Margarita for her and a beer for himself. She liked that, him taking charge. But she didn’t know why.
- Mark told me you guys where touring right now – Richard said.
- Yes! We’re opening for the Red Hot Chili Peppers – She said.
- That’s why you’re wearing that tee shirt? – She laughed and realized she wasn’t properly dressed for such a fancy place like that.
- I have a ton now! Nah, but I’m a fan, I love them.
- They must be fun people to tour with.
- I thought they were going to be wilder – Anastasia had a drink from her Margarita glass, it tasted like heaven – They are all fathers now and are into this natural vibe. I was expecting Flea running naked around at every venue – He laughed.
- I like the Peppers! Haven’t seen them live in a while though. You guys are going to play Glastonbury soon, right?
- That’s a dream come true…
- We played there a couple of times before and there’s not a better crowd in the entire world.
- I know, I’ve seen you guys in Glasto a bunch of times.
- Oh, are you a fan? – He laughed after drinking some beer.
- The biggest! I used to have your face plastered on my bedroom wall when I was sixteen – She stopped – And I can’t believe I just told you that – Richard started laughing hard – Not in a creepy way, though!
- That’s awesome – Richard was still laughing – I would like to say the same but you weren’t around when I was a teenager. I would love to have that beautiful face on my wall without a doubt – She couldn’t help but smile.
- Thank you – She drank more of her cocktail.
Being with Richard was so easy. They talked about everything; even his divorce and about how hard it was to have a real relationship being a musician, even harder with somebody that’s not in the same business. He had been separated from his ex-wife for almost a year, and was the father of a boy. An told him that she knew people that managed to have successful relationships being in this industry (Eric, Mandy and even Mark) but she totally understood him because for her father it had been a hard issue all of his life; even though it had something to do with the fact that her father was a fucking man-whore sometimes.
They connected, and connected well. At the end of the night he thanked her again kissing her hand and they even exchanged numbers.
She came back to her room with a big smile on her face. It wasn’t about love; it was about having a great time with an amazing person. She was happy and on top of all she was calm and Josh didn’t appear in her mind – or her phone – for the rest of Vegas trip.
That Sunday she managed to have an amazing shopping spree with Stephanie in some of the most exclusive stores in Sin City. After that, Mark joined them for a late lunch, and that night they flew back to Los Angeles. Once at home she received a text: “Hope you made it home safe, thanks for joining me and everyone this weekend”, it was from Richard and she just stood there, in her kitchen, smiling like an idiot.
Read chapter 37
#josh klinghoffer#josh klinghoffer fanfiction#josh klinghoffer fanfic#joshklinghoffer#joshklinghofferfanfic#joshklinghoffer fanfic#joshklinghofferfanfiction#joshklinghoffer fanfiction#klinghoffer#joshan#joshanchapter#neverisalongtime#never is a long time#rhcp#red hot chili peppers#redhotchilipeppers
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Chapter 35: Richard
Hello everyone! Her I am again, as every Thursday. I’m so in love with today’s chapter! Y’all can even imagine.
I wanna say thanks for the huge suppor I received after last week’s words. You all are angels sent by the Universe to make me happy!
Remember to check Anastasia’s Instagram that is on fire:
Anastasia_Truman ❤️️
Thanks to everyone who reads the fic, much love to you all! ♥
Read chapter 34
- I’m so tired of this week-on-week-off thing – Josh told Anastasia on the bus on the way to Pittsburg, as he laid his head on her lap, while she was playing with his hair.
- Yeah. I know what you mean – Mandy spoke from the couch in front of them. Nick and Eric were there also.
- It’s like you get used to the touring routine and then it’s cut down and then you get used to the home routine and it’s also cut down – Anastasia told them.
- I never thought we were going to be here at this point of the tour – Eric said.
- None of us – Josh said smiling and looking into An’s eyes – But the crew love you all so much and people like to see you onstage so…
- It has been an incredible experience so far, though – Mandy talked again.
- It’s been a dream come true – Nick said this time.
- Aw! That was the sweetest thing you could ever fucking say – Anastasia said while everyone was laughing.
- I’m working on my sweet side – Nick said smiling.
- Work a little harder – Mandy said.
The group was trying hard to kill time on the road, they packed the tour bus with a great videogame system, they spent time listening to music, Anastasia was having a big inspirational streak at writing and Mandy consumed her time watching Drag Queen makeup tutorials on Youtube, since she was the makeup artist of the band. Josh and Anastasia kept sharing glances during the whole trip, she knew that as soon as they’d arrive and people or crew started to gather around they were going to be back to friends mode, it was a new situation for her but somehow it wasn’t bothering her, she was even enjoying it.
Tiredness was a real issue and it was starting to show on everybody. They’d been touring for almost a year and people (especially Josh) were starting to get angry about everything and anything. Sometimes he didn’t measure the words out of his mouth and, even if he didn’t meant to, he was starting to treat people around him in not the nicest way. He wasn’t the only one, Flea and Anthony retraced themselves in such a way that none left their dressing rooms, backstage. Chad, on the other hand, was always Chad, he always had a good laugh to share and a joke to make.
One night, in Louisville, Mandy and Anastasia were having a total girl’s night wearing onesies, doing facials, eating pizza, drinking champagne (the best combination) and watching RuPaul’s Drag Race again; they were obsessed with the show. Just the two of them; like the old times. Anastasia loved spending time like that with Mandy.
- I think if I were a drag queen my name would be “Pussy Galore” – Anastasia said sipping from her glass.
- Oh my God! I love it! – Mandy said.
- She would be a retired super model – Anastasia got up from the bed – From the 90’s. She used to hang out with Kate, Claudia and Linda and maybe – she walked to the window – she received a phone hit from Naomi, but she got over it now. She would have that Versace catwalk sass – She started to walk as if the room were a runway, making exaggerated poses.
- Love that Versace sass – Mandy said while she started to clap and laugh at the same time – Pussy Galore will need a lot of padding, since you are British and God didn’t help you in that area.
- Are you reading me? – Anastasia said turning around and looking her from her back.
- The library is open, baby – Mandy was making a reference to one of the segments of the show – She would wear designer clothes.
- Only big brands. Moschino – Anastasia said – And Versace, of course – This time both friends talked at the same time. Anastasia throw herself at the bed again and they both laughed. In that moment Anastasia’s phone rang and Josh’s picture appeared on the screen, he was calling. Mandy looked at her friend suspiciously – I’m gonna put him on speaker but don’t talk!
- Hey! – Josh’s voice could be heard – What are you doing?
- I’m having a girl’s night with Mandy and watching RuPaul’s Drag Race while I pretend I am one of them.
- Weird, but coming from you it’s perfectly normal – He said – Is there a way you can skip that and come to my room? I got wine.
- Mmm – The two friends shared a glance – No, Josh. Not tonight. I already told you that I’m with Mandy and we’re already drinking champagne.
- Are you serious? – He asked and Mandy opened her mouth shocked.
- Dead serious – Anastasia was mad he asked that.
- Come on, An! – He said – I know you want to. Come over! – He said raising his voice - I’ll fuck you like I did in Miami.
- I think I’m missing some kind of cue here – Anastasia was really angry at that point – I’m not some kind of mistress you call to have sex like that, Josh. What the fuck?
- Fine! – He hung up the call.
- Good luck with the hand, bro! – Mandy was laughing – What was that? – Mandy asked.
- A booty call?
- A sassy booty call, as we say in Drag Race.
- I feel offended.
- I’m offended too. Who does he thinks you are? His sex doll?
- I mean, that’s basically what we have. Our relationship is based on sex, at the moment; but for him to call me the way he did, I don’t know. It was uncomfortable, awkward.
- Forget about it, let’s continue to watch our queens, they don’t hurt us like boys do – Mandy said to her friend. But as much as that Anastasia tried, she couldn’t shake that weird feeling off her.
She tried to sleep that night but Josh’s voice didn’t leave her mind alone. She kept hearing that phone call over and over and over again. He treated her like she was some kind of score girl that was going to be ready for sex whenever he wanted. She can understand that he was tired and angry about the tour but that didn’t give him the right to refer to her that way. In her opinion, he minimized her and she wasn’t going to allow that. Not now, not never, especially not him. If she agreed to have this relationship with Josh, where she clearly was the side chick, it was going to be under her rules, and if she didn’t feel like being with him she wasn’t going to.
“How ironic”, she thought; she went from being the girlfriend to being the other woman in less than a year. There was no point in trying, she couldn’t sleep that night. Thank the Universe next day was off and she decided to spend the whole day in bed. Josh’s attitude the night before still bothered her, so at noon she had a shower, got dressed and went straight to Josh’s room. When he opened the door she could tell he had been sleeping the entire day too, his face was bloated and his eyes were red, she knew right there that he drank that wine last night, after all.
- I was sleeping – He said at the door – But come in.
- Yeah. I can tell – She entered the room – Can you tell me what the fuck was going through your mind last night? – She asked turning to be in front of him.
- I know… Sorry – Josh said walking to the bedroom.
- Josh, I’m not a fucking prostitute – She followed him.
- I just had a rough day and I wanted to be with you – He said getting back into the bed – Maybe the words I used weren’t the right ones. I’m sorry – He was grabbed the sheets and blankets and covered himself up to his neck.
- I’m so angry right now. It seems you’re just ignoring me – Anastasia was just standing there – It’s obvious I’m interrupting your rest, I’ll leave.
- No! – Josh jumped out of bed and got on his knees over the mattress – Stay. I’m not ignoring you. I’m just tired.
- I’m tired too… - Anastasia said.
- Come here, lay with me – Josh said opening his arms – We’ll watch one of those documentaries on Netflix that will make us feel bad about ourselves for a couple of days. We’ll have room service – The smile on Josh’s face was something hard to resist.
Anastasia just nodded with her head and went straight to him. He hugged her and helped her to get in bed with him. He took his laptop to put Netflix on and they decided to watch a documentary about vegans and how animals were murdered to make food. She loved that, days like those when doing nothing was the norm. She turned her face to see Josh and he was watching the screen of his notebook with the covers up to his neck, he looked so incredible cute, she looked at his jaw line, the thing she liked most, his small brown but bright eyes, his nose that he hated, she liked every inch of it. She got closer and kissed him on the cheek; he turned and looked at her smiling.
- What was that for? – He asked smiling still. How she loved that smile.
- I don’t need a reason to give you a kiss – She said.
- Good to know – He put an arm around her shoulders and pushed her to him. She rested her head on his chest and kept watching the documentary.
- Are we clear that this isn’t going to stop me from eating meat? – She said – Yes, the thing is terrible but… dude. I can’t live without meat.
- You just read my mind – He said.
Before the documentary ended, both fell asleep in a hug.
Next morning, Anastasia woke up with an arm around her waist and turned her body to see Josh in front of her opening his eyes also, but she had the feeling he’s been awake for a couple of minutes. She just stared into his eyes, looked to his soul and realized the she loved that guy so much, but she needed to put distance between them if she wanted to maintain the relationship the way it was. Truth was she was falling again and falling hard, and she couldn’t afford to go deep in love with Josh again, not at the moment, not knowing that maybe in a couple of weeks he was going to be sleeping with another woman in his bed.
- Waking up next to you is the best way to start the day – He said making what Anastasia was about to say even harder to say.
- Josh – She smiled – I’ve been sleeping next to you almost every night on this leg of the tour – He smiled – And I don’t think it’s healthy for my mental stability – His smile disappeared.
- What you mean? – He asked.
- I like what we have now. No attachments, no responsibilities. But the truth is that we used to have a relationship, a serious one, and I loved you with all my heart, and then I thought that I was over that but I wasn’t, I still love you and I can’t do it. Not with this depth and this devotion – Anastasia sat on the bed – Lauren is going to LA to be with you, and then what am I gonna do? – He looked away from her – I’m not cutting this off, I’m just saying that it’s better for me if I have some space.
- You’re right – Josh said looking into her eyes again – I’m sorry.
- Don’t be sorry. I know what I was getting into and as I said I’m not ending this, it’s just that I think it’s better if I share some nights with Mandy and maybe go out with the boys, not devoting myself to you as the way I’m doing it right now. I need to know that I’m gonna be ok without you also.
- But don’t walk away from me – There it was again, that plead. Josh pronounced these words with fear on his voice.
- Believe me when I say that I couldn’t even if I wanted to – She leaned over him and gave him a small kiss on his lips, he smiled afterwards – I’m going to my room and get ready to go to the venue. See you there!
- Wait – He grabbed her right arm and pushed her back to him and gave her a much more passionate kiss.
That tour leg was being quite boring but the shows came out really good even though the crowd in most cities didn’t even know who Dead Curse was. They ended up in Canada, where they performed in Winnipeg, Edmonton and Calgary. Winnipeg went light, but in Edmonton Anthony decided to go around the city with Flea, Josh, Carl and some crew guys. Anastasia, Mandy and Eric decided to join them and it was quite a revolution of people filming them and taking pictures; they went to the farmers market and then had lunch at a Mexican place. Apparently, Mexican food was becoming the norm at the tour.
Despite the bunch of pictures that appeared on the web and that really bothered Josh, the last shows were the best of that part of the tour. Anastasia was keeping her word and didn’t spend much time in Josh’s room, instead, she went shopping with Mandy in Kansas City and went to have a couple of drinks with Eric, Nick and some crew people. They were the best guys she had worked on a tour ever so it wasn’t hard to make time to spend with them.
Then it was time to take another plain to go back home. She needed it, she needed to sleep in her bed and restore her body and soul.
- I won’t leave my bed in three days – Anastasia told Mandy during the flight.
At that moment, her phone made a short sound to alert her she had a new message: “Call me when you’re in LA. You are going to love me”, it was from her brother Mark. She waited to be home and after a bath she called him back.
- I already love you but if I’m going to love you more I’m interested – An said when Mark picked up the phone.
- I have two pieces of news for you – Mark said – First, Steph said yes…
- Well, duh! – She said after a laugh – I’M SO FUCKING HAPPY FOR YOU AND STEPH! – She screamed through her smartphone. What’s the other one?
- I’ve been working in the studio with your favorite band since you were sixteen…
- Oh my God! The Genius Sex Poets? – She opened her eyes big like plates.
- That’s right! – Mark said laughing.
- Why didn’t you tell me anything?
- Because you were going to be busy and wouldn’t have time to be at the studio – Mark answered – Thing is, they are going to film the video for their first single this weekend in Las Vegas and Richard saw a picture of you on my Instagram profile and he wants you to appear on it.
- Richard fucking Austin? – Anastasia asked incredulous – Shut up, Mark! You’re joking!
- I’m not! – He said laughing.
- He has been my platonic love since I was a teenager!
- I know. I took you to their concerts.
- I love them so much!
- The new record sounds amazing!
- Can’t wait to hear it.
- So… what do I say to Richard?
- Say hell yeah! – She heard her brother laughing hard on the phone.
- We’ll leave to Vegas this Thursday.
She couldn’t believe it! She wasn’t a person that idolized other people, but The Genius Sex Poets always had a place in her heart. They played rock music with a couple of synthesizers and made some of the catchiest songs she ever heard; they were amazing on record and even better live. Richard Austin was the front man, the lead singer, and he had this amazingly arrogant stage persona that melted her heart every time she saw them in concert, so sure of himself, cocky, his eyes were light brown as his hair, all sleek to the back. He wasn’t tall but his smile could light up the city were they came from: Las Vegas. She used to have a huge poster with his face in her room when she was a teenager, they were definitely one of her favorite bands in life.
That was perfect, because Lauren was already in town with Josh and this was the ideal plan for her to keep her mind busy and not even think about those two. She was feeling strange about it, she thought she was going to feel depressed and full of rage by Josh being with her those weeks, but in reality she was pretty laid back about it. She had a knot in her stomach but it wasn’t as heavy as other times before.
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Chapter Index
I’m here to make your life easy, so If you are starting to read the #JoshAn story here I give you a recap with the links of the 31 chapters published so far.
Chapter 1: And we met again
Chapter 2: Working on it
Chapter 3: Recovering from the past
Chapter 4: Angry released
Chapter 5: Tour life
Chapter 6: The perks of being a Truman
Chapter 7: Russia
Chapter 8: Back to LA
Chapter 9: I’ve wanted this for so long
Chapter 10: Celebrity status
Chapter 11: An English man and an American girl
Chapter 12: The words
Chapter 13: The friends
Chapter 14: Italy
Chapter 15: Separate paths
Chapter 16: Back to normality
Chapter 17: A ghost from the past
Chapter 18: This could mean the end of the tour
Chapter 19: A family thing
Chapter 20: New Year, new disappointment
Chapter 21: Hello old love
Chapter 22: Dot Hacker surprises
Chapter 23: Where everything started and ended
Chapter 24: Hurricane Drunk
Chapter 25: #ThePinkAndBlueDay
Chapter 26: Seeing your face every day (Josh POV)
Chapter 27: Landslide
Chapter 28: A date?
Chapter 29: 90’s babe
Chapter 30: LA – Venice is the new London - Dubai
Chapter 31: I’ll post whatever I want
Which one is your favorite so far?
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Chapter 29: 90’s babe
I know I'm uploading super late today but the internet connection has been so bad the whole day. But here it is: chapter 29!
Thank you so much to everyone who write me here and on Instagram! It makes my heart so happy!
Remember to visit Anastasia’s IG profile:
Anastasia_Truman ❤️️
Thanks to everyone who reads the fic, much love to you all! ♥
Read chapter 28
Before the show in San Diego, Anastasia discovered a sweet surprise at her dressing room in the Valley View Casino Center. It was filled with red roses, at least five huge bouquets. She was thrilled, although she didn’t like roses. She walked to the flowers and spotted a small card, she read it was actually Peyton who sent them to Mandy. Anastasia couldn’t help but smile like an idiot, she was feeling so happy by the relationship her friend had until she heard a voice behind her that brought her back to earth.
- Wow, what’s all this? – Josh asked entering the room.
- Someone sent flowers – She said trying to ignore him and hiding part of the story.
- But… roses? You hate roses – He said making Anastasia remember how well he knew her – You only like wild flowers, you always say that roses are basic and…
- Yes, Josh, I know what I said before – She cut him off – But this is a nice thing.
- Are you seeing someone? – He went straight forward.
- Well… you could say so – She said lying and not knowing why.
- Well, this guy doesn’t know you at all. He didn’t investigate you like I did.
- What?! Investigate me? – She asked kind of annoyed.
- Yeah, and one of the first things I learned about you is that you hate roses – Josh said smiling and Anastasia was confused by the direction of this conversation – By the way I didn’t have the chance to ask you, but what did you think about Dot Hacker’s new record?
- I liked it so much I destroyed my turntable listening to it – She said even more confused by the question.
- How come?
- Because of the messages in the songs. I was angry – Maybe this was the moment for them to talk straight.
- Sorry to hear that – Was all that Josh managed to say – Your turntable was a historic piece.
- Josh, you wrote songs about feeling bad in our relationship, about how it wasn’t working, but you never talked to me about it! – There she was, giving her attention to the white elephant in the room.
- I know and I can’t apologize to you enough – Josh said looking to the floor like he always did when he was ashamed. - But of all the people in the world, you know how great it is to put your feelings in a song. I wrote about loving you too.
- I know and it made everything much more confusing – Anastasia said angry.
- I’m sorry… - Josh couldn’t finish his sentence because Mandy entered the room screaming.
- Oh my God! What is this? – She asked looking at the flowers and realizing Josh’s presence
- It wasn’t me – He said looking at Mandy.
- It’s obvious – She said taking the card from Anastasia’s hands. Now Josh would know the truth – They are from Peyton! – Mandy said overly excited – Oh my God! That little fucker! I love him so much! – She screamed.
Anastasia saw Josh smiling wide, almost laughing, and then leaving. She felt so stupid.
- Josh thought they were for me – Anastasia told Mandy.
- Sweetie! Oh God! Sorry! – Mandy said checking the roses – I would have followed the lead.
- Don’t worry, that would have been childish – Anastasia said laughing.
After the show that night everyone was ready for a long break. They’d be out for about three weeks. Anastasia was going to be busy for the next few days, her birthday was coming up and she was preparing a big party to turn 28. She followed Mandy’s advice and invited Alex but he respectfully declined saying that he needed to go back to Miami for work. She felt disappointed but totally understood; that’s a doctor’s lifestyle.
One Friday in Los Angeles, with the party a week away, Nick invited Anastasia to a bar where he, Eric and some friends were going to see a local band play. Mandy joined her as Peyton was extremely busy with the start of the baseball season. It was a nice bar in Pasadena and the band played a soft rock kind of music, they were good and Anastasia realized they could be a great add to her label. The night was being fun and she was chatting with Eric’s friends including Clint and Jonathan. Hannah was there too and suddenly all the happiness went to hell when she saw Josh entering the place holding hands with Lauren; she was wearing the tightest pony tail in history and a pair of black leather pants with a pink crop top and, again, she thought how despair the two looked together. She felt Mandy’s arms around her as they walked away to avoid them.
- How can she be so tacky? – Mandy said while ordering two mojitos at the bar.
- I don’t wanna make this sound like I’m jealous but they aren’t meant for each other! – Anastasia said.
- I know and you are jealous anyway – Mandy said giving Anastasia her glass.
- What?! – Anastasia asked.
- It’s normal – Mandy said – I know you are over it, but it’s normal to have those feelings.
- I’m not jealous! – Anastasia screamed as she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned around to see Josh and Lauren standing there and that made her furious.
- Hi! – Josh said. How dare he flaunt Lauren in Anastasia’s face?
- How are you? – Anastasia asked without any emotion.
- We wanted to say hi! – Lauren said with her annoying voice – Because I’m a huge fan and I think I already told you that and I’m so happy you are friends with Josh – Anastasia could hear Mandy burst into laughter behind her.
- Oh well… hi! – Anastasia said.
- Do you want something to drink? – Mandy asked Lauren to be polite.
- Oh no. I’m on an alcohol-free diet – Lauren asked as Josh turned to talk with one of his friends leaving them in this awkward conversation.
- Is that the Pre-Euthanasia Diet? – Anastasia asked finding her sarcastic spot - ‘Cuz that would be the only way I’ll be alcohol free. If I was going to die.
- Be real, not even in that moment would you knock off alcohol – Mandy said to Anastasia laughing.
- Do you have any idea how many calories alcohol has? – Lauren asked really concerned, demonstrating she didn’t understand sarcasm.
- Lauren, my friend, you are funny – Anastasia put a hand on Lauren’s right shoulder - and I’m pretty sure you don’t even know what euthanasia is. Live life! Have fun! Drink the alcohol! Practice euthanasia! – She and Mandy laughed hard and Lauren tried to follow them laughing too but not knowing what about.
- Ok, we’ll see you around, girls – Josh said realizing the situation and taking Lauren far.
- That was so epic! – A voice said behind Anastasia and she saw Kelly.
- Your fucking hair! – Anastasia screamed touching Kelly’s hair which was lavender now.
- Welcome to the cool hair color club! – Mandy said hugging Kelly.
- I need one of those mojitos because I’m not on the Pre-Euthanasia Diet – The three friends burst into a hard and loud laugh.
The party was almost set and Anastasia’s birthday – April 1st – was a Saturday which made everything more perfect. The theme of the night was the 90’s and everyone should dress according to that decade. Mark prepared a bunch of amazing 90’s mixes and Barbara took care of the food and the drinks. The party was going to be held at Anastasia’s home in Beverly Hills, she hasn’t thrown a party there since she was in college. She and Mandy were really excited for their outfits: plaid miniskirts, tight sweaters, thigh-high socks and heeled ankle boots, combat style, an outfit that would had made Cher Horowitz burn with envy.
When Anastasia got downstairs a nice group of friends and family were already there: her dad, Mark and Stephanie (who was looking amazing with a long spaghetti-strap dress with a daisy print), Barbara and even Chad, his wife and Anthony made it to the party. Flea couldn’t go but Clara could make it, she brought her boyfriend with her; many high school friends were there too and some from college and in a corner of her backyard she saw a lavender head and next to her she spotted Josh, joined by Nick, Eric, Hannah and thankfully no Lauren to be seen. That would have been a slap in her face (seeing Lauren there), but Josh didn’t play that low.
Everyone greeted Anastasia and praised her outfit choice, especially Josh who couldn’t keep his eyes off of her. That made her feel powerful but she didn’t let it go to her head. She was having too much fun singing TLC songs with Mandy and Kelly while Josh recorded them with his phone. Everyone was having a nice time. But suddenly, she found herself alone with Josh in a corner of the backyard. She felt nervous so she started to talk about anything.
- I wanted to wear a cute Stones’ t-shirt I own but then I remember I left it at your house. I never went to pick up my stuff from your place, sorry about that – Anastasia said.
- Don’t worry, they’re still there for whenever you want to come by – Josh said – Do you have the stuff I left here?
- No. I threw it away – Anastasia said and Josh looked surprised – Joking, Mandy put it in a box in the basement and that’s how I knew I had a basement!
- What? – Josh laughed.
- I always knew there was one extra door in this house – She was barely sober by that moment.
- You’re crazy – Josh was laughing hard – Hey, come with me so I can give you your gifts.
And just like that, without any warning, Josh took her right hand and walked her out of the house to his car: He opened the trunk and two big boxes laid there, wrapped in black wrapping paper with a silver moon print and silver bows on top.
- You need to open them now – Josh said – I want you to do it here, with no one around.
- Really? – She looked at him.
He nodded as she proceeded to open the boxes. She chose the small one first, even though it was still big, tearing the paper like a small kid on Christmas, it was a new turntable, all crystal clear, perfect size.
- It was my fault you destroyed yours, so… - Josh said scratching his head with his free hand (he had his drink in the other) – It’s the same I have at home, it sounds like heaven.
She smiled and looked at the other box, it was larger and she destroyed the paper with little patience. It was a guitar case. Josh helped put it near her on the trunk so she could open it. It was dark outside but she could see that the case was made in dark blue synthetic leather and had a pattern of half-moons all over.
- I know you like moons – He said smiling.
Anastasia’s chin went straight to the floor when she opened the case. It was a custom made Fender Stratocaster guitar, with a mirror finish and a bird and a flower print. The scratch plate was made in mother-of-pearl. It was the most beautiful guitar she had ever seen.
- Look at this – Josh said pointing at the head were her name was engraved in gold.
- Josh, this is beautiful! – She picked the guitar, the strap had moons all over too – I have no words.
- Just say thanks and let’s go back to the party – Josh took the guitar and placed it on the case, but Anastasia couldn’t take it anymore and hugged him. She hugged him so tightly while tears started to run from her eyes – Don’t cry!
- It’s just that this is so beautiful! – She said – When did you have it made?
- Around October – He answered.
- Is this because I gave you a custom made guitar too?
- No! Not at all. I just thought that it was going to be something you would appreciate. I wanted it to be ready for Christmas, but the team couldn’t do it so I saved it for your birthday.
- This is so special! – She was feeling all kinds of things inside her brain by that moment and mixed with alcohol it made more tears run down her face.
- You are special – He said and took her by her chin to wipe her tears away.
They locked eyes and stared at each other for what it seemed an eternity. Anastasia wanted to kiss Josh but she knew it wasn’t the most intelligent thing to do. However, he surprised her coming closer and joining his lips with her. She missed him, she missed that. Josh gave her the most sweet, caring kiss she had had in a long time. Not even when they were a couple did he kiss her that way. It was slow but full of passion. Josh broke away and ran his thumb over Anastasia’s lips, looking into her eyes with desire.
- I think we should go back inside – He was the first to talk, breaking the spell.
- Yes – She agreed, breathing heavily. She attempted to grab her gifts but Josh stopped her.
- Don’t worry, I’ll carry them inside before I leave, later.
Anastasia smiled and walked back to the house without even noticing if Josh was following her. She was shocked, smiling like she hadn’t smiled in weeks. She decided to not say anything to anyone, to keep the surprise for later but she was the one about to be surprised again that night.
Later, when most of the guest had already left, she was inside the living room when her father approached her.
- Come with me – An’s dad said – I have a surprise for you.
He walked with her to the garden where she saw Mark, Stephanie, Nick, Eric, Hannah, Kelly, Josh, Barbara, Anthony, Mandy, Peyton, Clara and her boyfriend, Chad and his wife and a blond lady in the middle of them. Anastasia recognized her and stood still abruptly. She couldn’t believe it, it was Stevie Nicks, wearing the most gorgeous blue shawl she had ever seen, with fringes all over. Anastasia looked at his father who laughed because she must have the most stupid look on her face by now. Stevie walked towards her and gave the birthday girl a warm hug; it was just how she imagined it would be. Anastasia wasn’t a girl with idols and she wasn’t a fan of anything, but Stevie Nicks was in a whole other level. She touched Stevie’s face, then regretted it and said sorry, but the “White Witch,” as some called Nicks, just laughed.
- Mister Nick here told me it was your birthday – Stevie said – And I wanted to come and say hi since I heard you are a big fan.
- The biggest! – She said without thinking about it and everyone laughed. Anastasia could see Mandy was crying and smiling.
- I must admit that I’m your fan too – Stevie said – I love your music, it’s so pure and the way you sing it is magical.
- I can’t believe you are saying this – Anastasia said – Have you listened to us?
- All your records – Stevie answered smiling.
- Shut up! – Anastasia smiled wider.
- I think we should go inside and play some music – Anastasia’s dad said – Would you like that? – She didn’t answer; instead she jumped into his arms giving him a big hug.
Once everyone found a place in the living room, Nick handle a guitar to Stevie and Anastasia sat next to her in the big central couch. Stevie started to play the first notes of “Landslide” and the midnight-blue-haired girl looked at Josh instantly, he smiled tenderly at her. Both singers recited every word on that song. After that “Dreams” followed, then it was the turn for “Sara,” in “Gypsy” Stevie gave the guitar to An, she played and they finished with everyone singing along to “The Chain.”
That was the best birthday Anastasia could have had, without a doubt. She went to sleep that night with the biggest smile on her face and next morning when she walked downstairs and saw Josh’s gifts near her kitchen that smile became wider.
But, above all, she wasn’t going to get over that fact that Stevie “Dame” Nicks had been at her place the night before to serenade her on her birthday. That was the best gift of all without a doubt.
Read chapter 30
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Chapter 28: A date?
Another week, another chapter. Y’all have no idea how much fun I’m having writing this thing and I really hope you all are having tons of fun reading it!
Thanks to everybody who send me DM’s on Instgram I love to meet RHCP fans all over the world! And of course I live for your comments and questions here on Tumblr so keep it up!
Remember to visit Anastasia’s IG profile:
Anastasia_Truman ❤️️
Thanks to everyone who reads the fic, much love to you all! ♥
Read chapter 27
And just like that it was time to tour again. Anastasia was feeling anxious and confused about the whole Josh situation, one day she hated him for being a fucking cheating asshole and the next she was thanking him for singing Landslide to her in a concert. She couldn’t believe he involved something so holy like Fleetwood Mac was for her. Truth is, now she was stuck in two long weeks of seeing him every day. She could deal with that, at least she was preparing her mind for it. She wasn’t sure if his girlfriend would be there; she didn’t show up for the Los Angeles shows, which was a great thing because An didn’t want that to ruin those for her. She meditated a lot and then some more before taking the bus to Oakland.
For this part of the tour they would be traveling in amazing busses that looked almost like houses, each Chili Pepper member had one and all the Dead Curse members would go in one, it wasn’t something they hadn’t done before. At their first local tour they rented a black Chevrolet van and traveled all over California and the nearby states. Now, they had a huge bus for themselves. Dead Curse didn’t waste time and started the party right away. It was nice, just the four of them there, having drinks and talking about the first tours almost ten years ago. Eric, whatsoever, was looking at his phone a lot.
- Is there something wrong with Hannah? – Anastasia couldn’t help but ask.
- No – Eric laughed – It’s Josh, he is bored and I told him we are kind of having a party here.
- Well, that happens when you are too famous you’ve got your own bus – Mandy said.
It was an almost seven hour drive to Oakland, so it was normal that everyone had to make a couple stops on the way there. With that in mind, Anastasia had an idea she never thought it would cross her mind.
- Why don’t you tell Josh to come join us the next stop? – She suddenly said and everyone looked at her.
- Are you sure? – Eric asked with a derisive smile on his face.
- Look, I’ll be stuck here with him for the rest of the tour, which is gonna take us a least two more months and before having whatever the hell we had, Josh and I were really good friends, why can’t we be friends now? – Anastasia said while the rest of her bandmates looked at her in disbelief.
- That’s very mature of you – Nick was the first to talk.
- Or very stupid – Mandy said.
- I can’t get away from him, Mandy. We are both here – Anastasia said to her friend – Besides, I’m cool with the whole Josh issue, believe me. I’m ready for the next step. It didn’t even last that long, anyway.
Mandy didn’t dare to say anything else, she always knew when to give Anastasia the space she needed and this was one of those moments. As much as they both loved and supported each other, they always respected each other’s decisions and they were always there for the consequences. Eric did what Anastasia told him and, apparently, Josh was more than happy for the invitation. And in the first stop next to Bakersfield, Josh came over to the opening band’s bus. He sure seemed happy to be there.
- I was so bored at that damn bus by myself – Josh said while Nick handled him a beer.
- Welcome to the party, bro! – Eric said laughing.
- Well, it’s not like a real party but at least you’ll have company – Nick said.
- That’s what you get for being famous – Anastasia told Josh faking a big smile.
- You are famous too, so… - Josh said smiling wider.
- Who’s on the main band of this tour? – Anastasia asked
- Oh yeah, I forgot you are just opening for me – Josh said laughing and Eric and Nick joined him.
- Wow, Joshua is back at it again with the low curves – Anastasia said taking a seat in front of him at a small table where Nick and Eric were already sitting.
- My name is not Joshua, it’s just Josh – He said with a serious face.
- I’ll call you whatever I want to call you – Anastasia said.
- What about Jak? – Josh said smiling sweet and looking through her eyes – That’s how I’m saved on your phone, isn’t it? – That was a real low blow for Anastasia, she wasn’t expecting for him to say such thing. It was a dumb thing but she then remembered that time at Moscow when they went out to eat and she told him that he was Jak on her phone because that’s how she wanted to call him when they met at an Eric’s birthday party in 2011.
- Fine, Joshua – Anastasia said getting up from the table as Josh laughed making an eye roll – I’m gonna get some rest, you can continue the party.
- I’ll go with you – Mandy said.
There were four individual beds on the bus and a double one at the back, Mandy and Anastasia walked straight to that one.
- There is so much tension between you too – Mandy started to say lying in bed next to Anastasia.
- Oh, shut up… - Her friend answered.
- For real, An – Mandy said – You know I don’t like to stick my nose into your business but be careful, you promise me? – Anastasia looked at her fixedly.
- I promise you – Anastasia said – Pinky promise.
Both friends smiled and joined pinkies.
They arrived in Oakland at night and everyone was very tired to do anything so they decided to go to their rooms and just sleep. Besides, Eric, Nick and Josh were a little bit tipsy from the ride.
The show next day was amazing, everybody bonded again; Anastasia and Mandy even joked a little bit with Flea and Anthony using two big cardboards with their faces on it. It was like they never left and everybody was having fun on tour once again.
That night after the concert Anastasia started to feel a little bit ill, she felt her throat sore and started to sneeze constantly. She knew the flu was coming, and the universe added a bad allergy just to spice things up. Next morning they traveled to Portland and once there, Carl took her to see the tour doctor. She had visited him before, Doctor Ramos, because of her allergy issues. He was a sweet old guy with an incredible temperament and an answer always ready on his sleeve. But when she got to his consulting room she didn’t see him, instead there was a younger man; he was wearing a black scrub and his skin was tanned, his eyes were brown and big and the smile on his face was friendly and wide, he was a shocking view. Anastasia could see his well build arms behind that scrub; he had an undeniable Latin vibe.
- Hi! You must be Anastasia – The man said looking at a piece of paper.
- Yes. Where is Doctor Ramos? – Anastasia could barely talk because of her sore throat.
- I am Doctor Ramos – He laughed – But you must be asking for my dad – Anastasia could notice an accent on his voice – Sit here, please – He showed her the small bed on a side – Let’s see that throat. My dad told me you had a couple of serious allergies during last year’s tour – Anastasia nodded – But for what I see here – He was inspecting her throat with a small light – this is a case of the flu. I’m gonna give you a B12 shot, you’ve got tattoos so you aren’t afraid of needles – Anastasia said no with her head while he proceeded to give her the vitamin shot – Also I’m going to give you this, but don’t tell my father – He handled her a couple of small pink pills, Anastasia looked at him with a worried face – Don’t worry, these are ginger toffee, they will make miracles to your throat so you can sing tomorrow. The thing is that my dad doesn’t believe in natural remedies – He put one in Anastasia’s mouth and she felt instant relief – I’m Alex, by the way. Well my name’s Alejandro but Alex is easier for everybody around here to pronounce – They stretched hands. He smiled again and Anastasia felt she could stay there, watching him forever.
- What happened with Doctor Ramos? – Anastasia had to ask.
- He is on a well deserved vacation in the French Riviera at the moment, I’m gonna take care of everything around here for a while. I would like to recommend you not to ingest dairy nor any alcoholic beverage and that you come and see me tomorrow before the show – He smiled again.
- Where are you from? – Anastasia asked not listening to what he just said; she was lost in his face and watched him get confused – I mean you have an accent.
- Oh – Alex laughed – I’m from Venezuela, well my whole family are – She didn’t recall hearing an accent on Doctor Ramos’ voice, actually she never paid any attention to it, she was always sneezing on that consulting room – I’ve been living here for two years, well, in Miami, actually.
- Wow! That’s so cool, we are going to Miami for this tour – She just wanted to stay there talking to him.
- I know… - He said smiling.
- Well, I think I should go – She said a little bit ashamed – No dairy, no booze…
- And eat another ginger candy tonight before sleep…
- And coming to see you before the show tomorrow – She was walking backwards to the door praying to not trip on any machine.
- You got it.
- Thank you very much – Anastasia talked fast and disappeared at the door.
That guy sure made an impact in Anastasia’s day; she couldn’t stop thinking about him in all day. He seemed so sweet and looked incredible hot with his tanned skin, he had an amazing aura around him.
- We have Doctor McDreamy on tour now! – Anastasia said once in Eric’s Hotel room where Nick, Josh and Mandy were hanging.
- How come? – Mandy asked.
- Doctor Ramos is on vacation so his son is now the tour doctor who is also called Doctor Ramos, well his name is Alejandro – She said struggling with the pronunciation – The point here is that he’s fucking hot! – Anastasia said sitting on Mandy's legs.
- Really? – Josh asked.
- I mean look at me! Just by seeing him I feel so much better – Anastasia and Mandy laughed.
- I gotta get sick too – Mandy said.
- Back off. You got Peyton, I have nobody – The friends laughed again and Josh looked to the floor – But for real, I need some rest so I’ll probably sleep for a while, wake me up if you come up with plans to do something today.
- We will – Nick said and Anastasia left the room.
She had to admit to herself that the faces Josh made when she was talking about the new doctor gave her some rejoicing, but she wasn’t totally happy, it would be a childish move from her to make Josh feel jealous, but Alex did leave an impact in her. She went to her room, closed the curtains, took her ginger candy (which tasted terrible), and got in her bed. She felt asleep and dreamed about Alex.
By the time of the show in Portland, Anastasia was feeling fine, her voice was back to normal, although she had to do more warming that she used to but in general it was an amazing show. The camaraderie backstage between both bands, Dead Curse and Red Hot Chili Peppers, was at its highest peak, everybody was having the time of their life and Anastasia was usually joking with Anthony and Chad or going out to eat with their manager, Nick, Eric and Josh and having girls nights with Mandy, all the things she didn’t enjoy before because she was always with Josh. This is the touring life she loved and surprisingly she was getting along with Josh scarily well. The two were always joking and making musical comparisons, Anastasia was always explaining new pop songs to him and he would always answer “I’m too old to know that group / singer”, but then Anastasia would play some 90’s pop and would sing it and dance it to Josh and he would laugh a lot watching her. She felt nervous at first but frankly being around Josh was so easy for her and he seemed to feel the same.
The band traveled to Canada and gave a show in Vancouver, they had a concert the night before too so everyone was kind of tired, but that morning Alex knocked on Anastasia’s dressing room at the venue.
- How are you feeling? – He asked once she opened the door for him.
- Great! I can sing like angels again – She answered smiling.
- Yes, I heard you, it was amazing – He said without entering the room, because Anastasia never told him to and he was a Latin gentleman – Listen I know that you have a show tonight and you had one last night also and you’re probably tired, but I have a friend who owns a Venezuelan restaurant nearby and I was wondering if you wanted to join me in lunch.
- Of course! – Anastasia was enthusiastic about it – I love to try new foods all the time.
And so they went. Alex took her to a small but picturesque place one block from the stadium, there he saluted a couple of guys behind the bar who looked shocked when they saw her and then the two sat on a small table at a corner.
- Do you know anything about Venezuelan food? – Alex asked giving her another smooth smile.
- I know about arepas because there is a small place near my house that sells them. I always eat one with avocado, they are delicious – She answered and he looked surprised.
- Well, I’m going to show you something more, even better than arepas – He laughed and walked to the ordering bar.
Once there, he started to talk with the guys he greeted before, they were speaking Spanish and even though Anastasia knew some of the language they were far enough from her to properly understand, they were laughing now and Alex gave Anastasia a cute look. She wasn’t sure what this was, she definitely didn’t want to get involved with someone, her heart wasn’t properly restored after Josh but she was enjoying it, Alex was an easy going guy, relaxed and incredibly good looking. After a few minutes he came back with two trays.
- Try this first – He said handling her a plate with some kind of tortilla with cheese to her. She tasted it, it was sweet and the mix with the white cheese was perfect, she smiled as a sign of approval – That’s a cachapa, it’s made with sweet corn. And now taste one of this, my favorites – She picked a fried dough stick and gave it a bite, she felt like her life was making sense again, it was the most delicious thing she ever had. It was filled with white cheese again and tasted so, so good. Her smile must have been wide because he laughed.
- What are these? – She said before take another bite.
- That is a tequeño, it’s filled with cheese and it is the official Venezuelan party food – Alex answered while he was eating his own cachapa.
- Guess this is a party then – Both laughed.
Alex and An had the most varied conversation, they went through as many topics as they could. Talking and talking the hours went by fast and then she realized it was late and she needed to go back to the venue. Alex paid the check and he walked her back to the stadium. Once there, she realized she had the first date in a long time, or maybe she was unconsciously being expectant about this whole Alex deal.
- Where were you? – Mandy asked Anastasia when she came back to the dressing room – We take the stage in an hour. Nobody could find you for interviews.
- Interviews? – Anastasia asked.
- Yes, Eric and Nick had to take care of that – Mandy was doing her makeup.
- Wow, for once? – Anastasia answered sarcastically – Poor guys, they had to do an interview. It must have been a pain.
- You know they don’t like it
- Welcome to the music business…
- What the fuck is wrong with you? – Mandy asked angry.
- Nothing – Anastasia looked to the floor – I’m just confused, that’s all. I had a date with Alex.
- Doctor McDreamy? – Mandy’s face lit up.
- Yes – Anastasia smiled stupidly.
- How was it? – Mandy asked.
- Fun. Easy.
- Why don’t you invite him to your birthday party? – Mandy asked excited.
- He doesn’t live in LA. I don’t know if he can make it – Anastasia said.
- You won’t lose anything by just asking – Mandy got up from the chair – Now, come here so I can do your makeup. We don’t have enough time.
The Vancouver show felt amazing, people there weren’t that familiarized with Dead Curse but that didn’t stopped them from having fun.
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Chapter 27: Landslide
Thanks to everyone who reads the fic, much love to you all! ♥
Remember to visit Anastasia’s IG profile:
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Read chapter 26
“That was an extremely awkward conversation”, Anastasia thought. She would have liked to avoid Josh but she found him suddenly walking through the Staples Center and she couldn’t hide from him. She was polite and he was nice and that was weird. They didn’t speak to each other the rest of the dates in Los Angeles, now it was Friday, March 10th and it was time for the last show at Staples. Even though Anastasia didn’t get to see Josh again the conversation they had that Wednesday rumbled in her head.
- I forgot to tell you but I had the strangest encounter with Josh the other day – Anastasia told Mandy in her dressing room.
- How in the world do you forget to tell me that? What did he say? – Mandy wanted to know.
- He was nice, he liked my tattoos.
- He’s still a douche. Don’t forget that – Mandy said – Is everything ready for the party?
- Of course! Barbara handled everything like the boss she is. Once the Chilis end their set, we are out to party!
Anastasia thought that it was a good idea to host a party for everyone in the tour to celebrate the LA dates and as a way to thank the band for letting them back. Yes, it was kind of a suck up move but they really had a lot of love for everyone involved in the tour and Anastasia wanted to have a moment of joy with her friends before starting traveling again.
The last show at the Staples was incredible. Anastasia wore a pair of sequin hot pants with a Rolling Stone t-shirt and a pair of thigh-high black boots. Dead Curse played a lot of old songs and the entire venue sang along to them, the energy was incredible and the band had never been so happy. She saw the smiles in Nick’s, Eric’s and Mandy’s faces and knew that it was a great place and moment to be at. As usual they watched the Chili Peppers set afterwards but this time they enjoyed it with family and friends so the vibe was a lot better. Mark and his friend Andrew were going crazy singing to every song they performed that night, they did the same in New York but this time Anastasia was feeling a little bit better so she decided to join them in jumping and singing at the side of the stage until it was time for Josh’s solo. He had a tradition of singing small parts of some covers while the band took a break and came back to stage to finish the show.
Anastasia saw him grabbing the blue D’Angelo guitar she gave him for his birthday last year and she felt a knot in her stomach. “This isn’t good”, she thought and then she heard the first notes of a song she knew very well: Landslide by Fleetwood Mac.
- How dare he?! – She told Mark.
I took my love, I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
'Til the landslide brought it down.
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changin' ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
Well, I've been afraid of changin'
'Cause I've built my life around you
Josh was singing better than ever before. Anastasia could tell he had rehearsed the song before the show. She listened to him and got lost in the melody but far from making her happy, it made her very angry. She couldn’t believe Josh was ruining Fleetwood for her. “Why would he do this? And with that guitar, precisely?” It was obviously about her, but she didn’t want to admit that to herself. After Josh finished his number she walked backstage to her dressing room and just laid there, waiting for the show to finish and leave for the party so she could focus her thoughts on something more than Josh.
Barbara set everything up in a cool place in Hollywood and Mark was going to be in charge of the music. Everybody was there, friends, family, coworkers, all enjoining and drinking on a relaxed Friday night. Mandy, Anastasia and Kelly were going crazy dancing and laughing and for a short while An even forgot Josh was there. She avoided him all night, talking to her family, having a drink with some friends from high school, joking with Clara, Flea’s daughter, laughing with Chad and his wife, playing nineties songs with Mark and Andrew, trying to keep her mind busy and praying to not run into him.
While Anastasia was having an entertaining conversation with Barbara, Anthony, Chad and his wife, Flea, Clara, Mandy and some of her high school friends about how much of a pain in the neck she was in her teenage year, a Security guy called her to a side to tell her that there was a situation at the door. Apparently someone was trying to get in uninvited. She joined the guy to the door without a clue on who it could be, but the Universe likes a laugh and when she saw the person in question she knew this must be the biggest joke of all.
- What are you doing here? – She asked Valentine who was at the door looking like a deer in headlights. He was wearing a navy blue shirt with the sleeves rolled up and a pair of dark jeans and brown shoes, he looked so stylish. His beard was gone, his hair was still long and he looked like the Valentine Anastasia fell in love with. – This is a private party – She grabbed him by an arm and pulled him away from the door a little bit.
- I just wanted to see you. I was at the show but couldn’t get backstage to congratulate you – Valentine said with the most stupid smile on his face.
- Wow, that’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard – Anastasia said sarcastically.
- You look beautiful – He said.
- And that’s even sadder – Anastasia was losing her patience. She didn’t want Valentine there; she didn’t want to see him ever again. She was having so much fun and there he was ruining everything again, but the Universe’s joke was just starting – I thought I’d been clear the last time, I don’t want to see you again in my life!
- Is everything alright? – She heard a voice in the back, she turned and she couldn’t believe it.
- Yes, Josh, don’t worry – She said without looking at him.
- So this is the Josh – Valentine said laughing and Anastasia could smell the alcohol in his breath – Nice to meet you – Josh didn’t answer.
- Valentine was just leaving – Anastasia said looking at Josh. The light outside wasn’t bright but she could see the anger on Josh’s face and that made her very nervous.
- Me? I ain’t going nowhere, I’m here to see you – Valentine said.
- I think it’s better you leave, man – Josh talked and that increased Anastasia’s nervousness.
- You don’t get to decide that! – Valentine told Josh with a violent attitude.
- Relax, there’s no need to get rude – Anastasia said trying to calm him down. She had seen Valentine angry before and it wasn’t pleasant at all. She felt a hand on her waist and turned to see Josh trying to get her away from Valentine.
- Oh, I see – Valentine said looking at the scene – Did you already tell your boyfriend right here – She never told him about their break up – That I took you to eat at your favorite sushi restaurant at Venice, which I’m sure he has no clue what it is? Did you tell him that we kissed and you told me how much you had been missing me? – Valentine started to lie and that ignited the fury in Anastasia.
- What the fuck, Valentine?! – She didn’t care what Josh was thinking but Valentine didn’t have the right to say such lies and he started to walk towards her.
- Tell him how much you love me! – Valentine screamed and that was trying to grab her by an arm.
- Don’t you even dare to touch her! – Josh screamed while putting himself in front of Anastasia.
She saw Josh stopping Valentine’s arm by moving his own arms, then Valentine positioned to punch Josh but in a fast move she saw Josh giving Valentine a hard hit on his face and that petrified her. The guy had to hold onto the wall to not fall on his ass but when she saw him recovering strength to go after Josh it was time for her to take action.
- Stop! This is absurd! – She said hugging Josh and separating him from Valentine. Her mind just automatically chose Josh to hug – Valentine, just leave, goddamn it! The next time I have to tell you to leave me alone I will do it with the police by my side.
She saw the fury in Valentine’s eyes as he checked his mouth and noticed he was bleeding from it. He didn’t say a thing but looked at Josh with rage before walking the opposite way.
- What was that? – Anastasia asked Josh while still outside, in the street.
- You’re asking me?! – Josh said confused as he looked at his hand, he was bleeding too.
Anastasia grabbed him and they walked to the parking lot. She always carried a first aid kit in her car, thankfully the wound wasn’t deep and she just cleaned and put a couple of band aids over his knuckles. Then they looked at each other at the same time.
- Valentine was lying – Anastasia said to him.
- I know – Josh said with a serious face.
- I never kissed him nor told him that I missed him, that was fucking nuts – She said.
- Don’t worry, you don’t have to give me any explanations – Josh said and started walking back to the club. Anastasia knew she didn’t have to give him any explanations of what happened with Valentine but she just did it, she felt her mind was forcing her to do it – But you did go eat with him? – Josh suddenly stopped walking and turned around to look at her again.
- Yes, I did – Anastasia answered walking towards him, again she felt she was being forced.
- Why? – Josh asked.
- I’m not sure. I guess I wanted to close the Valentine circle.
- I thought that circle was closed when we started dating.
- It wasn’t, Josh – She said walking again.
- Did you succeed? – He asked her walking next to her.
- Yes.
- And what about our circle? – He asked again. She stopped and looked at him.
- I think you know the answer to that – Josh looked to the floor and she could swear she saw a small smile on his face. Before entering the club again she looked at him and said, – By the way, thanks for Landslide – And then his smile was real.
Next morning when Anastasia told Mandy what happened outside the party, the pink haired girl couldn´t believe it.
- You are joking, right? – Mandy asked confused with a smile on her face.
- I wish I were – Anastasia said containing the laughter seeing her friend’s face – Josh was like this super hot, badass human being and punched Val in the face – She made a mimic of the moment – Split his lips and all!
- And then he smiled when you thanked him for Landslide?
- Yes!
- So he sang it for you?
- He used the guitar I gave him, the one “he’s always going to see and think of me because it reminds him of the color of my hair” – Anastasia did the quotation marks with her fingers.
- What do you think that means? This is so fucked up in so many levels.
- I don’t know, but I won’t let him play with my head.
- Pff… Not even you believe that – Mandy said rolling her eyes slightly.
- No! For real! I don’t want to allow it. He made a choice and needs to stick with it.
- You will fall again, my friend. Mark my words!
- I don’t think my mind is ready to be involved with him again – Anastasia looked at the floor – But… sleeping with him again is a serious present possibility. I’m weak for him, I can’t deny that.
- You are weak in general. That guy cheated on you with this stupid girl and yet you are here talking about sleeping with him again.
- Yeah, but he never stopped loving me, Mandy, we read the conversation he had with Eric. He was just confused because he has self-esteem issues.
- Yes, and because you are too much for him.
- I don’t think so. I think he has to deal with it but it wasn’t like he said bad things to me, like Valentine who used to say I’d be worthless without him. Anyway, I don’t think that the Josh/Lauren thing is that serious.
- Believe me when I say that no one sees a future in that.
- At the same time I don’t want to keep that thought on my mind, instead I like to think he is in a great relationship so I can build up this wall and keep myself far away from him.
- What? I know you and you are fucking weak.
- You are such a supportive friend – Anastasia said sarcastically.
- Always – Mandy said giving Anastasia a kiss in the cheek and both friends laughed.
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Chapter 26: Seeing your face every day (Josh POV)
Some of you requested it and I deliver. I must say it was super hard for me to write the Josh’s point of view of this whole story because Anastasia is my baby and I only care for her. Haha
I hope you all like it and don’t forget to leave the feedback!
Thanks to everyone who reads the fic, much love to you all! ♥
Remember to visit Anastasia’s IG profile:
Anastasia_Truman ❤️️
Read chapter 25
“Hey, I hope you are fine. I know I owe you some explanations about New York and these past months in general and I hope we can get the chance to talk now that we are going back on tour and I get to see your face again everyday”.
Josh texted Anastasia that Monday, the last day of February, like it was an impulse he couldn’t control. Her image had not left his mind since that time he shattered her heart on the first day of the year, what a way to destroy somebody’s year. He wasn’t proud of it, his heart was broken too, he had loved that blue-haired girl for so long only to realize he wasn’t worthy of her. After seeing her again in New York, his world was upside down.
He met Lauren when he was helping his friend who was producing her first studio album. She had all this confidence and sensuality that it was impossible not to look at her. Her looks compensated for her lack of talent; she is young and vibrant and it makes him feel young too. In a way he was still young, he kept doing the same dumb shit he did back in the day, like letting people he cared about down. Lauren was so different from Anastasia. He put his phone down on the nightstand and rolled over to face Lauren, who was peacefully sleeping next to him in that hotel room in New York.
Even after looking at Lauren, he couldn’t keep Anastasia away from his thoughts. He wondered what she was doing in Los Angeles. She was probably with Mandy or making music. That was the most remarkable difference between her and Lauren: Anastasia could make great songs as fast as a finger snap, she was loaded with talent and that was something that always drove Josh crazy. In a way, he always felt jealous of what she had in Dead Curse, her own band, her own very successful band.
He felt like a coward, but he wasn’t what Anastasia was expecting him to be so it was better to end it now than later and cause less damage. He and Lauren had sex the first day they met, that was something he wasn’t proud of but he was feeling so low not being up to An’s level. Lauren was under that line, besides, it was Lauren who threw herself at him. Yes, sex was great. Her youth made her capable to do amazing things, but he had that with Anastasia too, that and much more.
He spent an hour laying there, in bed, looking at the ceiling and didn’t get a reply from Anastasia.
- Good morning, bae – He hated being called that.
- Hi – Josh said smiling, pretending he just woke up.
- Last night was amazing – Lauren said hugging him – I say let’s do it again – She started to kiss his neck – Like right now.
- I’m not feeling too well – Josh answered.
- Is there something wrong? – Lauren asked while still kissing him, now on his chest.
- No, but I’m not in the mood now, Lauren – He said, trying to make her stop.
- But bae! – She went back to kissing his neck.
- Lauren, I said no! – He said getting up from bed and walking to the bathroom.
He turned on the shower and just stood there, letting the water run down his body, hoping it washed away Anastasia from his memory but it wasn’t working. “God, she is so beautiful!” He wished she was there right now; even if to hit him like she did in the elevator almost a week ago. He definitely deserved those blows for being a total asshole, he thought. Now he had to live with his decision and Lauren was waiting outside to have another fun day around New York when all he wanted to do was to stay in bed not doing anything. He loved not doing anything with Anastasia. Another big difference between those two: Lauren needed constant activity, while Anastasia had a special love for days when she could do nothing and just sleep next to him or lay down and watch some Netflix with him. The girl worked so hard that off days were so precious to her.
He got dressed in his many layers (it was still very cold in New York), while Lauren chose to wear a tank top under a light sweater and the tightest skinny jeans in history. She looked rather hot, but she always did. That was the image she wanted to sell.
- It is really cold outside – Josh said to her.
- I’m from Texas, baby, we have hot blood – She answered lowing the cleavage of her tank top. At that moment, he missed Anastasia’s class to get dressed – You know there is this bar at the top of the Renaissance with an amazing view of Times Square that I really want to try tonight.
- I was thinking about staying in and maybe watching a movie or something – Josh said walking to the elevator.
- Really? How old are we? Forty? – Lauren said – Well, you kind of are – She laughed, Josh didn’t – Come on, Josh! In a few days you’ll be back to touring and I will have to stay here working on the record and I don’t know when I’m going to see you again. If you are nice – She put her arms around his neck – maybe you’ll get a treat tonight – She whispered.
- We’ll see how tired we are tonight – Josh said. He could control Lauren so he was sure they weren’t going anywhere that night.
- You know I’m never tired! – She said with her high pitch voice tone that sometimes bothered him so damn much.
It was a museum kind of day and they visited the MoMa and the Met (classic tourist sightings) just like he did with Anastasia when they were in Europe last year. The big difference was that Anastasia did enjoy museums and art and Lauren had a blank stare and looked so bored, she didn’t quite seem to understand some of the pieces, she just talked about fancy restaurants and bars she wanted to go the whole time. Then they went to have lunch to a salad place because Lauren didn’t eat much (another reason to miss the midnight blue-haired girl), and they spent the rest of the afternoon shopping. Well Lauren did, he just felt miserable waiting for her to try all those clothes he was going to pay for. But he liked it, he was taking care of her, giving her what she wanted and that made him feel good.
- You know, I think I saw a jacket like this at your place once – Lauren was trying on a Gucci green bomber jacket.
- Yes, it’s Anastasia’s – Josh remembered that An never went to pick up her stuff from his place, he didn’t want her to, though.
- Truman? – Lauren asked with a confused expression.
- Yes – Now he had to lie again because he never told Lauren that he and Anastasia had been in a relationship – She is always wandering around and she leaves things everywhere. I’m pretty sure she left it there and forgot about it.
- Oh, I see – Lauren said – You two are good friends, right? Because to leave her jacket at your place and not worrying about getting it back it means you two must be very good friends.
- Mm… yeah, I think – He lied again – What were you doing snooping through my things in my house anyway?
- I wasn’t snooping, I just saw it – Lauren said going back into the fitting room – And I don’t see any problem with it since I’m your girlfriend – Josh opened his eyes big,
- Woah, woah! Hold on there, little lady! – He said shocked – We never talked about that.
- But I thought I was, since we’ve been kind of living together and all.
- Yes, because I’m spending this time off in New York and because the label paid for an apartment you don’t want to use.
- It’s in a horrible location!
- I’m leaving in a couple of days and you are going to live there – He said – Truth is, Lauren, I don’t like to put on labels – He lied once more.
Lauren took his answer really well; he felt she actually didn’t even care as long as he paid for all the clothes. He won that night and they didn’t go to that fancy bar, instead they stayed in the hotel room, he ate a pizza, she had a salad. “If Anastasia could watch her she would be laughing right now,” he thought. After watching a boring movie with Channing Tatum on Netflix (Lauren’s pick), they had sex until he fell asleep.
He really wanted to go to Los Angeles, he was so bored, so he made up a stupid excuse to Lauren and brought forward his flight back home. How could somebody make New York boring to him? A city he loved so much. He missed Anastasia again and remembered the last time they were there together last year, and the long, crazy road trip to Chicago. He wasn’t sure on how to ask her, since he thought she liked to travel comfy in first class flights although she hated flying, but she was so excited to do it and he got a glimpse of her musical taste which was so wide, from Britney to Metallica. She was crazy and he missed her. There was one consistent taste in her: her love for Fleetwood Mac, so in her honor he decided to listen to them on the flight to LA and had a crazy idea.
Josh checked his phone for the tenth time that day and yet no message from Anastasia. He knew he did the same days ago, when she congratulated him for the album but he knew she was going to listen to it and was so scared to say anything to her, cowardice ruled his life again. He understood why she didn’t reply to his text but it made him so angry. Instead, Lauren didn’t stop messaging him saying things like “I miss you”, “I hope I get the chance to see you soon” and more inappropriate things, but he liked that about her. He didn’t love Lauren, he was sure about that, but he felt undeniably attracted to her and the way she made him feel. Lauren made him feel so good about himself, out of the fact that he was giving her everything she ever wanted. He couldn’t do that with Anastasia, she already had seen the world and she was very capable to get everything she could ever want by herself. Even his dad said it once: Anastasia didn’t need him. However, Lauren did. He took her to fancy restaurants and bought her amazing things, and that made him feel so almighty.
He landed at LAX, took an Uber to his house in El Sereno and suddenly felt so alone. He hadn’t been on his own since he broke up with Anastasia, he missed her again and that made him look at his phone screen only to see that she hadn’t replied to his text, so he decided to go for the usual ex-boyfriend move: to check her Instagram profile. Josh sometimes used the Dot Hacker Instagram page. He followed most of his friends from that profile and the rest of the band’s friends. He also followed Anastasia’s profile from it. He saw that she had posted some pictures from New York with her brother, friends, bandmates and his sister. They had so much fun in the city while he had to deal with Lauren and his parents. Anastasia hadn’t posted much since that New Years’ Eve party at Eric’s house, an evening Josh decided to spend with Lauren when he should have been with An. She called him so many times that night, he felt ashamed. Checking further, he noticed she hadn’t deleted the pictures she took of him: she had some of him playing onstage and others backstage, another one of him hugging her that Mandy took when they were in Berlin, another one on the road trip to Chicago; him playing the piano and some more on private planes. He had always been OK with it. Anastasia’s Instagram account was private and all the people that she allowed to follow her were people she knew well. She was very private after all, and Josh didn’t realize that before. The fact that she hadn’t deleted him from her social media must mean something beyond and Josh held on tight to that thought.
He kept checking her pictures, seeing how beautiful and joyous she looked in every single one of them. Suddenly he thought about calling her but deep inside he knew she wouldn’t answer, so he decided to call his sister instead. She was younger than him but much wiser.
- Hi - She picked up her phone with a low voice.
- I’m already in LA, can we catch up? - He asked her.
- Wow, what happened? I didn't expect you here until next week! - Kelly said with evident surprise in her voice.
- Nothing happened, why would it? I just wanted to come back early to have some rest before the tour starts again - Josh said.
- Sure? I know you.
- Damn, Kelly, can you come or not? - Josh said frustrated; there was something about siblings that couldn’t hide anything from each other.
- Well, not right now, I'm at Anastasia's place and we are about to have some girl time and drink mimosas.
- Wow I didn't know you were that close to her.
- I know what happened between you two but she is so nice, Josh, and I don't have a lot of girlfriends and sometimes I need them. I really like her. Does it bother you?
- No, it’s OK - He said, not really convinced of his words but he couldn’t keep Kelly from having any friends she wanted even if it was Anastasia - Talk to you later, then.
- Sure, bye!
She hung up before he could say goodbye. He wasn't sure how to feel about this, about Kelly being friends with his ex-girlfriend, an ex-girlfriend he couldn’t get out of his head yet. He started to wander around his house. He walked to the living room, his kitchen, his backyard… Every place had a memory attached to Anastasia. He swore he could still smell her essence. He saw her lying in his couch, sitting at the backyard, cooking something in his kitchen, even though cooking wasn’t her forte.
He needed to get out of there so he called Eric, the only one who knew everything and had a glimpse at Anastasia's version too.
- Dude! - Josh said when Eric picked up his phone.
- What’s up? Are you back in LA? - Eric asked.
- How do you know? - Josh asked back.
- I sensed it! - Josh laughed.
- Are you busy right now?
- Not at all, Hannah is at Anastasia's house having a girl's afternoon, whatever that is.
- Guess she's gonna be part of my friend's group, huh?
- Anastasia was part of your friend's group way before you two were together - Eric laughed.
- Do you want to go to the bar down the street? - Josh asked - The usual place? - The two lived near each other and that sport bar had became an usual place for them to have good nights and they could come back drunk after walking home.
- See you there in 30! - Eric said and hung up.
...
- Josh! You fucked it up big time! - Eric said while drinking a pint of Irish beer.
- I know, believe me, I know - Josh said drinking his beer.
- The bad thing is that once Anastasia is over you, it’s over! - Eric said, making emphasis in the last "over" - There's no turning back at that point.
- I made my decision and I have to live with it - Josh said, showing the sadness in his eyes.
Eric just confirmed what Josh was already thinking, if Anastasia forgot about him it was over. He knew her, he knew so well, after New York she probably wasn’t thinking about him anymore. She was so angry in that elevator and at the Madison Square Garden, and even in that state she gave such amazing performances, he watched them all partly because he wanted to see her and the way she moved on stage, and partly because Lauren was a big fan… How ironic!
He got really drunk that night, it was a good way to forget everything. Reality hit him next morning and it was hard for him to even open his eyes so he decided to sleep in the whole day and the next one too. Then he woke up feeling disoriented. He walked to his kitchen to have a bite of something, anything; he realized that his fridge was empty and then thought of calling Anastasia to go and grab some food, and he stopped sharp, his mind had to get rid of all the things he used to do with her. He felt so stupid. He wanted to be with her but couldn’t, he was with Lauren now and his brain needed to stick to that.
Days passed by and now it was time to go back to touring. Josh was excited; he’d be getting to see Anastasia every day again, but he was scared because she never answered his text and the two hadn’t spoken since New York, she probably hated him and he knew it was his fault.
As a magical move from the Universe, the first person he ran into when he arrived to the Staples Center that morning was Anastasia. She was wearing a t-shirt with the phrase “There is a light that never goes out”, she even liked The Smiths, how more perfect could she be? He admitted to himself that it was a much better t-shirt that the one she wore in New York with the words “Players only love you when they’re playing”. He knew how much she liked Fleetwood but he was also aware that it was a message for him. He got really angry when he saw her wearing it; he wasn’t a player, he didn’t play with her! He broke up with her because he didn’t want to hurt her.
Anastasia walked by without even looking at him once. He was devastated, so he ran to his dressing room to set everything to get ready for that night. He was happy to play at the Staples, though. Playing in Los Angeles had always felt special to him no matter if it was for twenty people or twenty thousand, LA was home and he embraced it, besides, some friends and family were going to join him there. After a couple of hours at the dressing room he decided to take a walk around the venue, he liked to do that, it helped him to start catching the energy of the place; he gave a few steps and ran into another person he actually didn’t want to face: Mark, Anastasia’s brother.
He met Mark years ago at a New York bar when he was touring with Gnarls Barkley, Mark was a DJ at the place and Josh was there with Eric and Clint having some drinks. Josh was amazed by the mix of rhythms and sounds Mark was throwing that night so they started to talk and a great friendship developed when they went back to Los Angeles. Funny how life joined them again.
- Man! – Mark was the first to talk.
- Hey! – Was all Josh could say.
- How’s everything? – Mark asked.
- Well… you know. Trying to carry on – It was an awkward way to reply to that, and Josh knew it.
- I can imagine – Mark said realizing it was an uncomfortable situation.
- I’m a little bit nervous about tonight, to be honest – Josh tried to carry the conversation.
- You? Nervous? Yeah, right. You have played so many shows, Klinghoffer!
- Yeah, but, you know. It’s home.
- Are you sure you aren’t nervous by a certain Truman?
“Does everybody have to mention her?” Josh asked himself.
- Yeah, about that…
- Don’t worry, Josh. It’s not me you have to give explanations to – Mark said and Josh was shocked by his laid back reaction – You’re still my friend – It was nice to hear that.
- Is she alright with that? – He had to ask.
- Anastasia is a very mature woman – Mark laughed – She knows you are on her circle and yes, she is OK with it.
- Everything feels weird right now – Josh said looking at the floor.
- I can imagine – Mark said – You look confused and I understand that. I was confused once about Stephanie and look at me now, I’m going to ask her to marry me.
- What?! – Josh said shocked and couldn’t hide the smile.
- You are the first to know, actually. Don’t tell my sister, that would be something she won’t forgive me for.
- Man, I’m so happy! – Josh hugged Mark – And don’t worry, I won’t tell her. We aren’t communicating much right now.
Josh was happy for Mark, indeed, but it was a low blow. A good percentage of his friends were married by then or had babies and he felt left behind. He wanted that, a family he could go back to after the touring madness but now, more than ever, he was far from that. Anastasia was very clear she didn’t want children anytime soon and that was another thing that made him walk away from her. On the other hand, Lauren wasn’t going to give him a child soon neither, she was so, so, so young and starting her career. But, to be honest, he didn’t want Lauren to be the mother of his kids; she could barely take care of herself. That place belonged and still belongs to Anastasia in his heart, until his mind decided it was time to move on or until he met someone else, which was going to be really hard since he kept comparing every woman to her.
Josh saw Anastasia again, and this time she saw him too, so he walked up to her without even thinking about it. It was like if his legs knew exactly where to go. She was alone, wandering around the venue too because she also like to catch the vibe of the place before a show, they were so alike. She got nervous, he could tell, he knew her so well; he was nervous too, more than he would like to admit; it was like every time he ran into her in the past, at a party or event, she always made him feel nervous but in the good sense.
- Hi! – She said without hesitating.
- How are you? – Josh asked smiling.
- I’m a wreck right now, I never thought I would sing in a sold out Staples Center – She said scratching her left arm with her right hand and he noticed something different.
- Look at that! – He said – New tattoos! – They made her look even better.
- Oh, yeah – She showed them to him. He first saw the two circles that belonged to the Dead Curse logo, and then she showed him the little heart on her ring finger – This is for Mandy – She clarified before he could even ask.
- They are amazing! – Josh couldn’t stop smiling, looking like a maniac – And the heart is extremely cute.
- Mandy got one too, but her heart is blue – She was hardly looking at him.
- You two are crazy! I like your t-shirt too! – He was running out of conversation topics but he didn’t want to let her go.
- Oh, thanks – She said looking at the t-shirt and then at him. He could see her eyes and the world stopped spinning for those seconds: How much he loved those giant turquoise eyes. He loved to get lost in them just like he was now… But she took him out of his reverie with only a few words.
- I’ve got to go – She said and she turned and left him there standing, alone again.
Josh couldn’t speak to An again neither that day nor the next. But he could watch her splashing sensuality and elegance on stage, breaking the silence with her melodious and powerful voice. She was wearing a long purple Lakers t-shirt with embroidered fishnet stockings and some black vans. Her stage outfit choices were always diverse and you never knew what she was going to wear but she always managed to look amazing on them. The second night she chose a black light short dress with dark blue thigh-high boots, seeing her in those boots always drove him crazy and that night wasn’t the exception. She even played guitar in some songs and then he remembered, Anastasia’s birthday gift, it was something he sent to be custom made for her last December and now he didn’t know what to do with it.
Read chapter 27
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Chapter 25: #ThePinkAndBlueDay
Hello everyone! I want to say that today’s chapter is on of my all time favorite! I love it, is different but is so cool! I want to read what you think about it so leave feedback!
BTW Next week is the turn of the Josh POV chapter so I hope you all are as excited as I am!
Thanks to everyone who reads the fic, much love to you all! ♥
Remember to visit Anastasia’s IG profile:
Anastasia_Truman ❤️️
Read chapter 24
Those days in Los Angeles were weird for Anastasia. She didn’t feel comfortable with herself, she couldn’t stop comparing to Josh’s new girl, who was younger and obviously more vibrant than her. She locked herself in her house for a couple of days, alone. She did it as an exercise to find herself again, to learn and love herself again. She took long baths, cooked nice food, watched Netflix, wrote songs, recorded some of them and even swam in her heated pool.
She was starting to enjoy being alone. The past months she spent all of her nights with either Josh or Mandy. This time, she was all by herself and by the third day she was liking it. That didn’t mean she was over the situation, the image of Josh and Lauren didn’t leave her head for a second. Anastasia kept feeling empty, sad and hopeless, the natural stages of a breakup, a breakup that happened almost two months ago and that she was still suffering from. When she thought she was over it she found out that Josh had cheated on her and she believed things couldn’t get worse, but she didn’t want to say it because things could always get worse.
One Thursday morning, the blue-haired girl received a call from Eric, saying that in the afternoon they would have an appointment to get matching tattoos with the band logo. It was something they’d been planning for a while, it had been Mandy’s idea and finally Eric made the appointment. The band’s logo was Nick’s creation, Anastasia has always been obsessed with the moon as it involved an important part of her life and beliefs. One night at Nick and Mandy’s childhood house, looking at a sky dressed with plenty stars and a full moon in all its glory, the blonde guy came up with the idea of two circles forming a full and crescent moon, representing ups and downs of the career they chose to have. It was an instant yes for the rest of the band members and now they were on the way to have it forever on their skin.
It was the first tattoo for Eric and Anastasia; the siblings were much familiarized with ink. Mandy already had seven small tattoos and Nick had four large marks on his right arm and on his back. Anastasia was excited and nervous, which was normal, Eric had a little more confidence. Anastasia decided to make her double moon in dark blue with four vertical dots in the lower part representing the four members of Dead Curse; she chose to have it on her right forearm, in the middle of it. Mandy had it on her left ribs and the design was the logo in light blue with a watercolor style background simulating the night sky, remembering the day the sign was created. Nick chose the circles in black on his right shoulder with four stars also in black, and the spot chosen by Eric was under his left elbow, just the circles in dark blue because he like it how it looked on Anastasia’s skin.
That was a great afternoon, the four Dead Curse members were already very close but to share that experience created a new bond between them.
- How have you been feeling? – Eric asked Anastasia while giving her a ride back home, just the two of them.
- I don’t know, I fear this is a never ending thing – Anastasia said.
- With Josh? – Eric asked again.
- I don’t know what’s next and at the same time I’m afraid there’ll be nothing more – She said looking out the window – Like he’s going on with his life and I’m stuck in this hole waiting for… I don’t know what I’m waiting for to be honest.
- You hope to be back with him – Eric said as if he were reading Anastasia’s mind. She looked at him.
- That’s not gonna happen – Anastasia said – I don’t want it to happen. I don’t know if I can forgive him. How can I trust him again?
- Time heals – Eric said – And I recognize real love when I see it, I have it with Hannah and I know you had it with Josh.
- You said it: had it.
- You don’t love him anymore? – Eric said and laughed – Bullshit – He parked his car in front of Anastasia’s house – Do you want to know the reason he broke up with you?
- He found a better girl.
- No. I had a conversation with him last night, I’m gonna email it to you – He said taking his phone. Anastasia’s phone beeped letting her know she had new mail – Read it.
- Thanks for the ride, it was a great day – She said, shut the car door and didn’t look back.
Maybe Eric was right. No, Eric was definitely right. She still loved Josh and she didn’t want to because it was very obvious that he didn’t love her back. He loved a younger, fitter, blonder girl and that’s the scene she tried to tattoo on her mind, she wanted it to be etched in her head like the mark that had been made on her arm that afternoon: forever, so to have a reason to lose the love she had for Josh.
She looked at her phone and saw the message with the conversation Eric sent to her. She was tempted to open it but after thinking about it she let her phone down. She just wanted to forget Josh and maybe that email wouldn’t help. She walked up the stairs to do the tattoo cleaning proceeding the tattoo artist instructed her to do. She took a bath, laid down in her bed, and turned on the TV, on a channel that just showed old movies. Breakfast at Tiffany’s appeared on the screen, she stayed there watching her favorite movie about a high level prostitute, because that’s what Audrey Hepburn character was, read between the lines. After the movie she felt asleep.
Next day she woke up late, her phone alarm didn’t go off and then she remembered she left her phone downstairs the night before. She brushed her teeth thinking about that damn email Eric sent her yesterday. She still wasn’t sure about reading it, it could change everything… or it could change absolutely nothing. She decided to have breakfast first, a nice avocado toast, well, she went for two avocado toasts, orange juice and a banana; she felt so healthy it was weird. She did the dishes and then she noticed the phone on her kitchen island, she took it impulsively, moved her fingertip to the mail app and opened it, and at that moment, at that precise moment, the screen turned black and a call went through. It was Mandy. Anastasia, frustrated, picked it up.
- What are you doing? – Mandy asked with her sweet voice.
- I just had breakfast and you? – Anastasia asked back.
- Not much – Her friend replied – Do you want to spend the day at Venice with me?
- Even if I want to say no, I can’t – Anastasia replied with a laugh.
- You can but I wouldn’t accept it – Mandy said – I’ll pick you up in half hour, is that alright?
- Sure!
The phone went back to the original position and Anastasia ran upstairs to get a shower and dress up forgetting about the email.
Venice was a place where the two friends always found peace. That crazy place filled with unique people, the shore and all the activities around made them feel like it was home. Venice was the place they went when they sneaked out of class back in the day; if they didn’t have plans on a Saturday they always visited Venice Beach.
Mandy always had this dream of living in a colorful house in front of the Venice canals, with flowers in every window and a small boat on the canal in front of her porch.
The girls were thrift shopping on the main street in Venice near Pacific Ave, thrifting was a hobby they both had, finding amazing pieces with history always filled Anastasia with joy; she was a real fashion lover.
- Look at this jacket! – Anastasia said to Mandy showing her a biker jacket in electric metallic blue.
- I love it – Mandy said going through her own rack of clothes – Oh my God! Look! – Mandy opened her eyes big; she found the same jacket in metallic pink.
- It’s like heaven sent – Anastasia said and both laughed.
- We should stop wearing clothes the same color of our hair, though – Mandy said.
- Says who? – Anastasia asked looking at a pile of t-shirts.
- Yeah… That’s not going to happen – Mandy said.
After buying five pairs of pants, four skirts, the two jackets and almost ten t-shirts between the two, the friends walked to a sunglasses vendor spot on the boardwalk.
- Look, nineties babe – Anastasia said showing Mandy a pair of round sunglasses with a white frame.
- Every damn shape of sunglasses looks good on your face. How is that possible? – Mandy said.
- It is what it is – Anastasia said shrugging and trying on a wood frame this time.
- Do you think that we’re childish? – Mandy suddenly dropped while trying on a heart-shaped frame in pastel pink.
- No! – Anastasia answered – Why do you ask?
- I had a fight with Peyton this morning – Anastasia understood why Mandy wanted to go to Venice – And he told me that I needed to grow up and stop wearing “stupid pink hair” – She said making quotation marks with her fingers.
- I think Peyton is stupid – Anastasia was also wearing heart-shaped sunglasses in blue – Does Peyton think it’s stupid to match your clothes with your hair too? – Anastasia asked remembering the comment Mandy made at the thrift shop earlier.
- Yes, he said that too – Mandy said still wearing the pink glasses.
- Mandy! You don’t have to change because a man says so. Peyton felt in love with who you are, no matter if your hair is blonde, like when you met him, or pink – Anastasia said.
- I know…
- Why was the fight for?
- I don’t really remember, something really stupid like leaving a glass were he doesn’t like – Mandy said – Every start of a season is the same. He becomes this anxious monster and everything bothers him.
- It’s normal. He is nervous.
- Yes, but he doesn’t need to take it on me.
- I know, what an asshole – Anastasia saw her friend smile – I say you are going to buy those pink heart sunglasses and the ones with the blue crystal, and I’m going to get these ones in blue – She referred to the also heart-shaped glasses – and the ones with the white frame. But you have to wear the pink ones right now and I’ll be wearing the blue heart-shaped sunglasses.
- We should wear our pink and blue jackets too! – Mandy said smiling.
And so they did. The two girls looked like cartoon characters with jackets and sunglasses matching their hair but they were in Venice Beach so they blended right with the rest of the people there.
- Did you like your tattoo? – Mandy asked Anastasia walking on the boardwalk again.
- I love it. It wasn’t half bad as I thought it would be – Anastasia answered.
- See? I told ya – Mandy said – You know what I’m thinking? We have been friends for so long and have shared so many things, we shared high school, we share our career, we tried to share a house once, didn’t work out as we thought, but anyway. You’ve been a huge part of my life and have helped me during so many times of awe and suffering, you are my rock and I know I’m all of that to you too.
- Oh God! Are you going to propose to me?
- Anastasia Truman – Both girls stopped walking – Would you like to make me the happiest girl in the world and share a friendship tattoo with me so you can take me with you to eternity? – Anastasia covered her face with her hands and faked a huge smile.
- YES! – She screamed – Aren’t you going to bend on one knee?
- No, that would be too much.
- That’s probably the only half proposition I will have in my life.
- Let’s find a tattoo shop.
- Oh! Are we gonna do it right now?
- Yes! – Mandy laughed – There are many shops here, but I know one! Nick has a friend there.
The two girls walked a little bit more until they found the tattoo shop Mandy was referring to. They went in and saw the guy Mandy was talking about
- Fred! – She called him. He was sitting on a table working on some drawings.
- Amanda! – The guy said Mandy’s full name back. He was short, with short black hair and green emerald eyes in glasses with thick black frame, he was wearing a shirt with a black and white grip print and black pants. His body was full of tattoos, obviously.
- Nobody calls me that way so don’t start – Mandy said – Fred did some of my ink work and some of Nick’s too. This is my friend Anastasia – Mandy introduced her to the guy, she smiled and they shook hands – We want tattoos, like right now.
- Well, I don’t work on anybody without an appointment but for your luck I’m very free today, what do you want? – The girls looked at each other.
- Good question – Anastasia said.
- I don’t know. Not our names, that would be too cliché – Mandy said and Anastasia noticed she was still wearing her sunglasses.
- I know! Hearts! A heart! In the left ring finger! It has the love vein which is connected to the heart – Anastasia said excited.
- That’s why she is my friend; she’s the smart one – Mandy said to Fred.
- Let me guess, you – he pointed to Anastasia – want it in blue and you – He pointed to Mandy – want it in pink – Fred said making reference to their outfits.
- No – Mandy said – I will have the blue one and she will have the pink one – Anastasia smiled.
- Let me warn you that fingers are a little bit painful but it will be alright because it’s just a small heart.
- God! I’m so excited! – Mandy said hugging Anastasia – I’ll go first!
Mandy took her turn and then it was time for Anastasia to sit. Fred was right, it hurt as hell but in a couple of minutes the pain was over and the tiny pink heart looked really cute in contrast with her pale skin, it almost looked like a birth mark, she was pleased and happy to see Mandy so joyful. They girls thanked Fred and hit the boardwalk one more time. Mandy took more snaps than Anastasia could count and posted a handful on Instagram, declaring that Friday with the hashtag #ThePinkAndBlueDay.
Anastasia heard her stomach roar and decided it was time for food, they walked to a very nice place on Rose Avenue, it was a colourful café with a wall full of neon color graphic art and mini cars full of books. Everything was overwhelming at first, those bright tones, but once inside it fell cozy. Service was fast even though the place was crowded, within minutes Anastasia was enjoying a plate of Bucatini Carbonara and Mandy went for spaghetti with a miso sauce that was, surprisingly, pretty good. After a couple of drinks Anastasia remembered the email Eric sent her the day before.
- You know – Anastasia started to say – Yesterday while Eric was giving me a ride home he said that he knew the reason why Josh broke up with me and sent me an email of a convo they had.
- And what does it say? – Mandy wanted to know.
- I don’t know. I haven’t read it – Anastasia said.
- Do you want to know the reason after all?
- I’m a little bit curious, to be honest.
- Well I’m curious too. Why lie?
- What if it makes me feel worse?
- What if it makes you feel better?
- Do you really think knowing the real reason Josh broke up with me will make me feel better?
- I don’t know. Maybe the reason is that he got into some kind of trouble with the mafia and he was forced to date the young daughter of the mob boss to pay for his debt.
- Mandy! – Anastasia said laughing hard.
- You’ll never know! You should read it and then think about it. I will be here to support you – Anastasia grabbed her phone – No! Not here. I don’t want people see us cry.
- Do you think it will make me cry?
- You never know – Mandy said repeating herself – Let’s go to your place and read it there. With a bottle of wine just in case.
- You are quite a character – Anastasia kept laughing.
- But before that, you have been through so much pain today – Mandy said pointing at her new tattoo– And you deserve ice cream.
Before heading home the friends did a pit stop at an ice cream shop on Abbot Kinney Boulevard to grab some “Wildflower Honey Ricotta Walnut Cookies” ice cream for Anastasia and “Strawberry Honey Balsamic” for Mandy.
- Man! I didn’t even understand the name of the flavor but is so good – Mandy said while both tried each other’s choices of ice cream.
The ride back home was filled with happiness. Anastasia loved to spend days like that with Mandy and she was more than happy with her new tattoo. It’s true what people said, the first time after having some ink it creates a kind of addiction and so far her ink marks were very pretty. Now they were at her place, sitting on her couch with her Macbook on her lap opening Eric’s email. Before clicking on it, she took a large sip of wine and opened the message. There was no turning back.
It was a series of screenshots. Josh and Eric were having a conversation by text. Eric asked him about Anastasia and then the text exchange took a wild turn.
Eric: How are things going?
Josh: Well... You know.
Eric: Did you get to talk to Anastasia in New York?
Josh: I didn’t have the balls to do it. Are you going to question that too?
Eric: No man, you are my friend after all.
Josh: She is too.
Eric: I’m not here to judge anybody. You must have a reason to do what you did.
Josh: I can control Lauren. Anastasia is a girl with her shit too together. – Anastasia and Mandy shared a glance.
Eric: Don’t you want a girl with her shit together?
Josh: An doesn’t need me. I have nothing to offer her. I’m making Lauren’s dreams come true. Which dreams can I make come true for Anastasia, a girl who has it all?
Eric: The dream of having a relationship?
Josh: I don’t know. I can’t assure you anything right now ‘cuz I know as soon as she comes back to regular touring I’m gonna fall for her again. I don’t know how to explain this. I love her but I can’t be with her, not right now. All the fame and the magazines thing don’t help. It freaks me out that she is too strong; she doesn’t need me, Eric. She doesn’t need me.
Eric: A relationship isn’t about needing, it’s about loving and you two love the shit out of each other. You literally have NOTHING in common with this girl yet you share so many passions with An.
Josh: I don’t know. I’m happy, though.
Eric: You are?
Josh: I’m having fun!
Eric: I have no doubt about that.
- So Josh is a pussy – Mandy said sipping some wine.
- I don’t even understand. He left me because he can’t control me? – Anastasia said indignant – What kind of misogynist shit this is?
- I don’t think it’s that way. I believe it has more to do with his low self-esteem. He found a girl, you, who was at his level, a little higher I would say, and he freaked about because he didn’t know how to handle himself in the relationship. I do believe he loves you, though. He is just lost.
- I don’t give a fuck. He can get lost out of my life right now.
- You know that’s going to be hard; especially now that we are gonna start touring again.
- You’re right but this was an eye opener, definitely. I mean… Josh is a pussy – Both friends laughed. And after all Mandy was right, Anastasia felt immensely better now.
Read chapter 26
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