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anhed-nia · 6 months

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BLOGTOBER 10/16/2023: NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 4 - THE DREAM MASTER

One of the best movie posters ever, let's face it.

What does your slasher movie hierarchy look like? Which guy is your favorite, and is that guy's franchise your favorite over all, or is there a different one that you think is more consistently enjoyable? I have a hard time answering this question for myself. Some comparisons are too apples v. oranges; I mean, I think it's fair to pit Jason Voorhees against Michael Myers, but Leatherface has a really different vibe even though he's still technically a pretty basic slasher, and I cannot get what I get from HELLRAISER in almost any other movie or series. The CHILD'S PLAY franchise may have started out on more standard ground despite its oddball "voodoo doll" premise, but it has since transformed itself into a committedly queer campfest, and no one else in the slasher game is really doing the same thing in the same way. NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET is also in a class by itself on many levels, including but not limited to the originality of its premise, its allowance for wild fantasy sequences, and the platform it provides for a wonderful character actor to strut his stuff. I mean not to slight the great Brad Dourif, but every ELM STREET installment is basically the Robert Englund show, and we like it that way. NOES is probably my favorite over-all franchise, in part because I think it probably has the highest proportion of quality movies. Even a bad ELM STREET movie is kind of good because of its star, and its open field for filmmakers to be as imaginative as they want to be. It's like that thing people (erroneously) say about how sex is like pizza: Even when it's bad, it's still pretty good.

NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 4 was one of my first R-rated movies. I think I saw it when I was about 9, at the home of the first of of my many Bad Female Friends. Michelle was extremely controlling and a compulsive liar, and my weak ass has always been catnip to people like that. She lived with her mom who, despite her unpredictable temper, basically ran a house with no rules; most of the time I was there she was locked in her bedroom with her boyfriend, loudly watching game shows. Once in a while one of them would emerge in a bathing suit to get chips and dip and soda out of the fridge, and that's all I usually saw of them. The mom was also a den mother for the Brownies, which I was forced to participate in because my parents knew that otherwise I would just stay in my room for the rest of my life. I got out of it because Michelle's mom was always dropping her off at our house whenever she felt like getting rid of her kid, and the one time my parents wanted her to babysit me she said no arbitrarily, and they got in a huge grownup fight, and that was that. Uh anyway, where the hell was I going with this? Oh yeah, Michelle got to watch anything she wanted, which was Not Cool with my hippie media-phobic parents. I got in a huge amount of trouble for "letting" Michelle show me SLEEPAWAY CAMP 2--which, to be fair, is inappropriate for audiences of all ages (and is therefore great)--and NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 4: THE DREAM MASTER.

I vaguely remember my mom just being really upset on the phone with Michelle's mom, and trying to figure out how to instill in me that I should resist at all costs the contaminating effects of horror movies; even if somebody else was putting them in front of me without supervision, it was still my responsibility not to watch them. (My mom personally enjoyed John Waters movies and FLESH FOR FRANKENSTEIN and stuff like that, but she didn't want me to see PSYCHO until I was 18 years old--go figure!) But my dad's religion is Jungian psychoanalysis so he was intrigued by the dream-based plot, and he decided to actually watch the movie himself and come to his own conclusion about whether I might have been harmed by it. He didn't wind up liking it, but he did understand what made it interesting, and knowing that had a healing effect on me.

For my part, I liked everything about NOES4, not the least of which was that it's the ultimate '80s movie. I mean this thing was really programmed to go straight into the brain someone who was 7 in 1988 and just completely take over. The absolutely sick soundtrack, the very of-the-moment layered and over-accessorized fashions, the surreal neon-lit dream sequences, and...really just everything. Watching the movie today, it still presents as a perfect (albeit idealized) time capsule, and Renny Harlin was the perfect guy to create it. Harlin was a major league ham who knew no limits, and with a premise that is literally limitless--the whole idea is dreams made real--he did exactly what you'd want him to do, reputedly subbing in his own zany nightmare concepts when he felt the script didn't go far enough. I recently rewatched his acrophobic thriller CLIFFHANGER and read that the first stunt you see in the movie was only attempted once, and the stunt person received one million dollars to do it...which is easy to believe when you see it. That's the kind of filmmaker Renny Harlin is, and I think it shows even in an ELM STREET movie where everything is as artificial as possible.

Another way in which THE DREAM MASTER epitomizes its moment is that it has this perfectly motley ensemble. I feel like we don't have this anymore; a lot of films are very careful now to have a mix of ethnicities and sexual orientations in the cast, and yet in most cases this has not contributed to a feeling of having a lot of different kinds of people represented. I miss seeing movies where the friend group includes, like, a punk and a jock and a nerd and a goth and a normie and a dreamy loser. I miss movies where these two people can be best friends:

And at this point, you might have asked yourself why I didn't include SCREAM in my imaginary slasher franchise hierarchy. The answer is...I don't care about it. That first movie is fun and the series has its moments, but I'm not sure that it has much to offer once you get past the novelty of its self-awareness. That is, it doesn't have much to offer unless your main thing is seeing a bunch of cute friends hanging out together. Sure some of them are slightly nerdier or slightly more popular, but there's not a bunch of variance there; the main point seems to just be "attractive young people". And frankly, I just don't find that very interesting, and it's not that interesting to have a movie that just lists rules and then follows the rules, and it's not that interesting to have whodunnits where the main question is "which one of my cute friends is secretly mean". So there. I probably shouldn't write this down on the internet, but considering that we're probably all on some kind of list these days, I'll just say it: I'll take the undead soul-eating child molester over the homogeneous gang of fuckable friends any day of the week.

#blogtober #2023 #a nightmare on elm street #a nightmare on elm street 4: the dream master #slasher #franchise #horror #fantasy #robert englund #renny harlin

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denimbex1986 · 3 months

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'“I got called a gay elder the other day,” Andrew Haigh said. This title, bestowed by a group of younger gay men, initially rankled him. It’s true that Haigh — the director of acclaimed films like “45 Years” and “Weekend” — had recently turned 50, but he still found that landmark age hard to believe.

“I��m looking older,” he told me, “but it’s a strange thing to think that I’m not young anymore.”

That uncanny feeling is a key theme in Haigh’s latest film, “All of Us Strangers,” which he adapted from the 1987 novel “Strangers” by Taichi Yamada. Andrew Scott stars in the film as Adam, a screenwriter in his late 40s with a whole lot on his mind: As he entertains a tentative romance with his neighbor Harry (Paul Mescal), he returns to his childhood home and finds it somehow inhabited by the parents (Claire Foy and Jamie Bell) who died when he was young. Though this reunion summons Adam’s inner child to the fore — a transformation Scott sells with heartbreaking subtlety, even when dressed in Christmas pajamas — there are still tricky adult conversations to be had with his parents about his sexuality and lonely middle age.

“I knew that for this film to work, I had to throw myself into it on a very personal level,” Haigh said. “So much of the things they’re talking about and the memories that Adam has of being a kid are my memories.”

That commitment even extended to filming much of the movie in the house where Haigh grew up, a notion that astounded many of his actors.

“I always have this image of him losing one of his baby teeth in that house where the crew were stamping on the floor,” Scott said. “Isn’t it extraordinary that as you shoot a scene downstairs in the kitchen about a man coming out to his mother, he could have gone upstairs after he had actually done that and been upset in a small bathroom?”

In November, I met Haigh at an old-fashioned cafe in Hollywood where, as a young film student, he used to plop down in the corner booth and order the blackened chicken sandwich and too much coffee. (Haigh no longer eats meat, so during our lunch he had the veggie sandwich instead.) As we spoke about the personal stories from his youth he excavated for “All of Us Strangers,” he said he had started to come to grips with the journey he has traveled since and the nickname that long voyage had earned him.

“I might get a T-shirt that says ‘gay elder,’” he told me, chuckling.

Here are edited excerpts from our conversation.

A lot of this movie is inspired by your early life. What were you like as a child?

I think I was a sad kid. I was fine when I was younger, but my parents split up when I was 9, and I was being bullied at school. When you’re an unhappy child, it shapes everything. It doesn’t go away — it will always be there, the way you felt, and the instinct to repress yourself early on can affect everything.

How did their divorce affect you?

There was so much that I was made to push down and forget and not talk about. I don’t think I ever spoke to anybody about how I felt. And look, it doesn’t take a genius to look at my films and think that all of those themes come out within the stuff that I make about feeling alone, about searching for stability, about trying to understand the past and change it somehow in order for you to move forward. Pretty much the filmmaker I am now is because of how I was as a kid.

Why were you being bullied at school?

Because they knew I was gay, basically.

Did you know you were gay?

No. They could see my difference before I could. And I talk about it in the film, but it was the early ’80s and the mid-’80s in the U.K., this incredibly homophobic time. Everyone was terrified of AIDS and the government had Section 28, which was a law against teaching homosexuality in school. I think most queer kids from the ’80s kept everything very, very hidden. I was in relationships with girls all the way into my 20s, and I didn’t come out till my late 20s, till after university.

What happened when you told your parents you were gay?

They were good. They had to do a huge readjustment in their understanding of me, so that’s not easy for parents. You go through some strange questions, for sure, and it takes a bit of time, and you find your way through it. But it’s a strange thing because I know lots of people have very supportive families, and it doesn’t mean you don’t feel a little bit separate. Even in this age of acceptance, there is still often a line that you don’t want to cross. Or maybe it’s even that we feel uncomfortable, that we still want to hide elements of ourselves because we’re still afraid that they might not love us as much.

So frequently, we want to reassure everyone else not to worry. We’ve held this thing in, which almost makes you explode from being sick with the pressure building inside you, and still you’re like, “Oh, don’t worry, I’m really happy,” or “I’m going to be great.” And in retrospect I’m like, what was I doing? I wasn’t fine. I was a mess and I was terrified and all I was trying to do is make them feel better. For a lot of queer people, we’re doing that all the time, trying to walk this line of not pushing boundaries too much so we don’t get rejected.

When you were reading the novel that “All of Us Strangers” was based on, did you sense immediately that you could explore all these themes in an adaptation?

It definitely took a long time. It’s a good novel, but it’s very traditionally a ghost story. I thought about doing it as that to start with, but then I knew that I wanted the romantic relationship in the story to be queer, and I wanted it to be about the associations of family love and romantic love and how they’re all wrapped up together.

You shot the film in the house you grew up in, in Croydon in South London. Were you picturing that place when you wrote the script?

Yeah. I think I was rooting it to the idea of a childhood home, and then as we started trying to work out where to shoot it, I was like, “Well, why wouldn’t I go and shoot it there?” I knew it would be a strange experience, but I like how I feel when I’m a little bit terrified and emotionally fragile. The interesting ideas come from that.

What was it like when you first walked through that door?

I don’t really know how to explain it. It’s a very peculiar feeling. When I walked around by myself and I sat in what would have been my old bedroom and looked out the window, you just remember things. I remember standing at that window when I was a kid. There were some enormous trees outside, but when we lived there, those trees were only knee-high. Somehow that freaked me out more than anything else, that those trees were pretty much the exact age as me and they’ve been on this planet for 50 years, as I have.

You’ve cast Claire Foy and Jamie Bell as the parents. How much like your real parents are they?

Look, my dad’s from the north of England and sounds a bit like Jamie, and my mom sounds a bit like Claire. And they sort of look a bit like that and their personalities are quite similar. So there’s definitely a sense that they are related to my parents.

It’s interesting that when we first meet Jamie’s character, before you’ve revealed the familial relationship, it almost seems like he’s cruising Andrew’s character in the woods.

It always made me laugh that no one’s surprised when a straight guy goes for someone who’s a bit like their mom — that’s just like a natural thing — but no one ever says, “Well, gay guys and queer guys, maybe they quite like someone who’s a bit like their dad.” I wanted to play with that because, to me, love is rooted in feeling comforted and safe and understood. That is what your parents give you, and it’s no surprise that you might want it from a lover, too. And Jamie Bell looks super hot. Who doesn’t want to cruise him coming out of the trees?

Did the actors meet your parents?

No. I would never do that. I mean, my dad’s not well so he won’t get to see the film. But my mom’s seen the film and I’m sure she’ll meet the actors at some point.

What did she think of it?

She saw it with my brother in a screening room in London, and I think it was hard for her to watch. There was a lot of stuff that feels personal to her, and I don’t underestimate how strange that must be. There’s a scene that I have now made with some twisted version of me talking to a mother in the bed that used to be my mom’s bed. That’s not an easy thing for them to deal with, so I really do appreciate it. But she loves the film, she’s super excited about it.

It’s a shame my dad can’t see it because I feel like he would like it. My dad has quite bad dementia and it came on while I was making the film, just a strange time for it to happen. During the shoot, I went up to visit him because he’d just been put into hospital, and he’d completely forgotten that I was gay. Had no memory of it: “Oh, so you’ve got a wife? Are you married?” I was like, “Oh, Christ.” I didn’t tell him, I didn’t say that I was with my partner.

Why not?

I was terrified, I felt like I was 20-whatever again. I didn’t want to upset him because he’s in a care home now, but at the same time, you feel the same terror of, “Oh my God, is he going to reject me when I really don’t need this right now?” Then I came back to London and the next scene I shot was the scene with Jamie and Andrew talking [about his sexuality], a pretty tough emotional scene to have done the day after that. So it was a rough time.

I did see my dad again and I brought my partner with me, so he’s seen my partner now. It was interesting because he was like, “Well, as long as you found love, that’s the important thing. That’s all I care about.” I feel like some element of him still knew, and I’m glad I got to bring my partner to see him. It just shows how you always have to still keep coming out.

There’s always something that can reduce you to the state you were in before.

Exactly. That’s what this film is: It’s absolutely about being reduced to that state. And that’s why I thought it was so interesting to wrap it up in grief, because I think grief is such a similar thing. When you lose someone, it’s always just there as something in you. It felt like this film has such a perfect way to express how we can’t move on from things unless we’re helped to move on from those things.'

#Andrew Haigh #All of Us Strangers #Jamie Bell #Claire Foy #Taichi Yamada #Strangers #Andrew Scott #Paul Mescal #45 Years #Weekend

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samseabxrn · 6 months

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20 questions for fic writers

Thanks so much @rowanisawriter for the tag!!

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

2. what’s your total ao3 word count?

70,667

3. what fandoms do you write for?

Dragon Age, Mass Effect, a few Indian movies, and the list will be growing lol

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

rivers of bitter certainty

those who are in favour with their stars

a desperate light that since has died

a heart that laughter has made sweet

a rose by any other name

5. do you respond to comments?

Always! They make my day

6. what’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

gold dust woman - Dragon Age, Branka/Hespith, very proud of this one

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

a rose by any other name - which is also my fluffiest fic in general! again Dragon Age, Cullen/Adaar

8. do you get hate on fics?

not yet 😎

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

I suppose so, not often on its own but usually as part of the plot... character study through the bj 💀

10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I haven't written any crossovers yet!

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

No! I really like the idea, but I'm a bit worried because I write so sporadically when I get bursts of energy that I'm not sure if I'd make a great writing partner, haha

14. what’s your all-time favorite ship?

Ahh, I just love Romance, so I don't know if I can pick a favorite, but Katniss and Peeta from The Hunger Games are who got me into fandom, and they're who I always return to when I'm truly feeling discouraged. Most ships I've written for are a favorite for some facet of them.

15. what’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I have an AC3 AU fic just. Lingering on the hard drive. I do hope to finish this one eventually, but it keeps threatening to be longer and more convoluted than I expected.

16. what are your writing strengths?

I think describing emotion/character dynamics. I get really proud when I figure out the sort of dynamic I want to focus on, and then I can shape the fic around that. I also tend to like my dialogue, especially when I make myself laugh with something kind of cheesy.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

Definitely plot: I love focusing on characters, and as a result I do not develop plot as much as I'd like to. I think I tend to drag out scenes and sometimes I feel like I'm forcing it to lengthen the story or create some kind of action. I also really like including boring details and when I go back and edit I struggle to keep what's relevant, lol.

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Even if characters are talking in another language, I usually write in English except for a few words that don't translate well. I was trying to think of situations where I'd write full dialogue in another language and they were all very specific: maybe if it's an important part of the setting or a character's internal conflict. So I guess in those cases I would if I either knew the language well or could ask someone about context, etc. (This actually reminds me of another WIP I don't know if I'll finish, lol.)

19. first fandom you wrote for?

I think The Hunger Games, but I never posted any of it. So many talented people in that fandom!!

20. favorite fic you’ve ever written?

Again, probably the care and feeding of lovebirds! It’s such a comfort movie + fic, and I guess that shows in how quickly I wrote it haha. But going back to that one is soothing for me, and I do have more DDLJ fic in the works.

I'll tag anyone who wants to share!!

#my writing #tag games #thank you again!! this was so fun to think through

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conundrumoftime · 7 months

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If I may:

🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.

🧐 Do you spend much time researching for your stories?

🎯 Have any of your readers accurately guessed major plot points? Care to share which? (nb not asking for spoilers!)

🦅 Do you outline fics or fly by the seat of your pants?

cheers!

🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.

Things that turn up in a lot of my stories across fandoms/pairings/ships and gen, whether I mean them to or not!

The passage of time and how people relate to history, their own and other people’s.

Duty and what it means: whether that’s a duty to specific others, or your people more generally, or to yourself, or duty in the form of some kind of promise or oath

Long-term impacts of war

The importance of story and narrative and whether it’s a good idea to present your own experience/what you want it to be as a story

(since I had kids myself) More than I thought I’d ever include about parenting!

🧐 Do you spend much time researching for your stories?

I think I do when it feels like worldbuilding, and I don’t when it feels like checking for accuracy. And those can overlap - I have spent a lot of time measuring out Middle-earth distances to work out how long it would take people to get from A to B via various methods of transport, but what interests me about it is whether there’s a road and if so who built the road, what sort of state of repair is it in at this point, why; or like in the most recent chapter of Shadow-Bride where there’s a voyage by ship but it takes longer because they have to cling to the coast, because Pelargir at this point isn’t really seafaring.

A lot of my Babylon 5 WIP is set on a war cruiser spaceship, and for that one I did a lot of mental plotting out to think what kind of size crew it would have (it’s a really big ship! but it’s also not wartime and they have very advanced tech so would it need that many people?) and I looked a lot into things like what crew rotations and staffing and specialisations and training would be on a contemporary aircraft carrier or a submarine, etc., to build off for that. But it’s mostly to give depth and colour to a world I want to tell stories within, which for that fic is a lot about how the people who fought in the war are dealing/not dealing with peace; so I’m not set on accuracy as much as consistency.

Or for Tolkien: I tried really hard to get Quenya and Sindarin right for my Galadriel/Celeborn fic ‘Softest of Tongues’ because it’s about language and translation and telling stories through that. But when it comes to things like which First Age elf was born when, I’ll just handwave a lot of it as “eh it’s probably somewhere different in HoME anyway” if I check and it’s not convenient.

🎯 Have any of your readers accurately guessed major plot points? Care to share which? (nb not asking for spoilers!)

yes :)

🦅 Do you outline fics or fly by the seat of your pants?

Most of the time I have an ending in mind before I start - I find it really hard to begin a story without - but for a one-shot it’s sometimes very roughly sketched. For longer WIPs I do have the general outlines planned in advance and then let the story go where it wants in the middle.

Shadow-Bride is the most outlining I’ve ever done because of the structure it has with the present-tense bit as a framing device, so with that one I know exactly where it’s going and how it will end and what the epigraph is for the final chapter etc etc. It has expanded a LOT within that outline over time though (I think my initial chapter count was 9? and then 12? hahahaaaaaa). This does mean that when I get stuck in a scene I sometimes jump ahead a bit and write something from a chapter yet to come - I have lots of Elrond scenes in draft at the moment because I like writing him so much!

#eyeofacat writing process #fanfic #writing #writing process #ask me about things

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murfeelee · 1 year

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End of Year Asks

Saw this questionnaire on my dash, and couldn’t resist!

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1: Song of the year? The Rumbling (Attack on Titan OST). AoT started 2022 off CORRECT, lemme tell you.

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2: Album of the year? The Bleach Thousand Year Blood War OST. That Quincy Imperial March gets me going! I can’t wait for the official release.

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3: Favorite musical artist / group you started listening to this year? Kaho Nakamura, from the Belle (2021) OST. Every song she sang was EXCELLENT, her voice is LITERALLY a bell.

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4: Movie of the year? The only movies I’ve watched this year are anime, and Belle was my favorite, even though it came out in 2021.

5: TV show of the year? TV: AMC’s Interview with the Vampire. Anime: Bleach.

6: Episode of tv or webisode that defined the year for you? Bleach TYBW S01E01, the hype was real--Bleach is BACK, baby! \(^0^)/ This has been the year of astounding adaptations. We waited TEN YEARS for this, and it was PERFECTION.

7: Favorite actor of the year? Jacob Anderson. My mind was blown, seeing Grey Worm from Game of Thrones turn into THIIIIIIIIS sexy AF vampire, WTF?

8: Game of the year? God of War: Ragnarok. Only been waiting FOUR EFFING YEARS for the sequel.

9: Best month for you this year? June & July, when I was on Summer Break.

10: Something that made you cry this year? So much anime, too much homework.

11: Something you want to do again next year? Go to an anime convention.

12: Talk about a new friend you made this year. I met a nice girl in my Greek class who’s super sweet. We study together and spend most of the time fussing about how much we hate Greek. XD

13: How was your birthday this year? I don’t even remember. My Halloween was lovely though.

14: Favorite book you read this year? The only books I read lately are for school, and none of them are what I’d call favorites.

15: What’s a bad habit you picked up this year? Getting fat off of junk food. I’ve never been this big in my life. I’m depressed.

16: Post a picture from the beginning of the year:

I really didn’t sim much this year--the only pic I posted in January was from my New Years miniset. U_U

17: Post a picture from the end of the year:

My newest hyperfixation--I make myself tired.

18: A memorable meal this year? I ate raw fish at a sushi place for the first time. Never again. At least I wasn’t the one paying. DEEP FRY my food, please, thanks.

19: What’re you excited about for next year? My fave professor’s coming off sabbatical next year, so I’m stoked! I was dead bored this year.

20: What’s something you learned this year? A lot. How much of it will be relevant to my research though....? HA.

21: What’s something new about your place of residence (room, home, or general location) now vs the start of the year? The extra layer of dust over everything, cuz I ain’t in the mood to clean.

22: Favorite place you visited this year? My mom’s is the only place I ever travel to.

23: If you could send a message to yourself back on the first day of the year, what would it be? Get more sleep, idiot, and put the Pepsi down.

24: Did you keep any New Year’s Resolutions? Not really U_U I didn’t get around to doing any Dragon Age or Cyberpunk stuff this year. And I only did a little bit of the Untamed gameplay. The most headway I made was with Bleach, but I didn’t even finish the Substitute Arc--I really wanted to get to the Soul Society stuff.

25: Did you create any characters (in games, art, or writing) this year? Describe one: I REcreated plenty of sims from a bunch of new fandom INSP gameplays, including: Bleach, The Old Guard, Critical Role, and Interview with the Vampire. I think my favorite has been Caduceus from Critical Role.

I had a lot of fun making him and his CC with all the mushrooms, and the lot I built for him, full of plants and stuff. So rarely do I indulge in High Fantasy, because it’s HARD to do fanciful gameplay--especially for MEN, since everything’s female-oriented in The Sims 3 communitty--unless I make the CC myself--which I hate doing. But I really wanted Caduceus in my game, so, alas.

________________________________________________

Thanks for reading!

Happy Simming, and Happy New Year!

#questionnaire #I hate school #music

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everybodyknows-everybodydies · 1 year

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tagged by @jiubilant - thank you! :’D putting under the cut bc it got a touch long haha

1. describe one wip you’re planning to work on over the summer: (but she’s ever so convincing), as my current longfic and passion project since 2017... I stalled out a bit after my surgery bc the hospital setting was difficult to deal with and bc I’ve convinced myself the current chapter (the culmination of the Amanda Lee debacle) needs to be absolutely flawless as I’ve built it up so much in my head lol.

2. recommend a book: slams my hands on the table. obviously I would not be me if I did not recommend TLU. in effort to be less predictable some other favorites include Absent in the Spring, a deeply contemplative character study by Agatha Christie under her pseudonym Mary Westmacott; The Brief History of the Dead, a fairly short read that hits hard and does some really neat surreal bits by Kevin Brockmeier; and Nevada Barr’s Anna Pigeon series, starting with Track of the Cat, which is an utterly perfect introduction to the character (who is like catnip to me. middle-aged Woman With Problems? I’m there. set in the national parks?? I’M THERE). to circle back to TLU though because I am me and must be me at all times, anything by Beagle honestly has my recommendation. he is hash tag goals, as they say!

3. recommend a fic: obligatory fic rec tag drop for things that I happen across on here, but pulling from my AO3 bookmarks for some things I maybe have not mentioned before I also recommend:

- To Be Found (clenches fist. I went looking for Lyris/Sai and found it ALONGSIDE Lyris & Abnur Tharn frenemies-who-look-out-for-each-other?? AND some really excellent character work?? this characterization of Lyris is so good I literally couldn’t shut up about it to Knight the whole day I spent reading it, I still need to gather my thoughts into coherence to leave a proper comment but. it’s so good)

- Start the Count Anywhere (just a really nice moment between Schmendrick and Molly. the summary describes it as the two of them “mutilat[ing] some vegetables and discuss[ing] sawing oneself in half,” which never fails to make me smile. love a good concise summary!!)

- Eggsnog (THE Eggsnog!!!!! I didn’t realize Rocketlover was on AO3 until they commented on my fic and I was like. a legend has taken notice of me??? this is my absolute favorite of their work and I’m so glad it’s now on AO3 and not just FFN!)

4. recommend music: listen to Autoheart. pls. explosions in my head and in my heart. love is as love was. I don’t have the strength to pose as a saint. wailing.

5. share a piece of advice: if you work in a position where you have to talk to customers a lot and there’s a rush, say “thank you for your patience!” instead of “sorry for your wait!” this has, for me, visibly defused customers who were getting frustrated with an approximately 9/10 success rate. I started it a few years back bc I’ve been practicing apologizing less for things that are out of my control/not actually my fault and it had a noticeable effect!

and last line of a current wip:

Where has her eternal wry humor gone?

tagging anyone who wants to do it! ^^

#Mouse talks!#writing tag #there was another TLU fic I wanted to recommend but could not find it and am seized with terror it may have been deleted.#going to fervently tear through the tags in search of it bc it was so nice.

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nithhaiahh · 1 year

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TOP 5 SONG ASSOCIATIONS • share the top songs in your playlist that most inspire/represent your muse(s). bonus points if you include lyrics to go along with it!

OOOFFF, each chapter of her life is based in a song. I guess I’ll pick just a few... (literally 5 hours later because is hard to pick btw 559 songs so I’m sorry i got like 9 or 10 here)

Cadence of Her Last Breath - Nightwish

Running for her life / This piece pretty much shows The dark rain from her eyes still falls / how Nith felt during her last day Breathtaking butterfly / at home before her father killed Chose a dark day to live / her mother and so she had to run away

For her days serving Demacia there are too many... So I’m gonna make an honorable mention first:

- Persona 3 Ending / Memories of you This is Nith singing to the memory of her lost lover and her comrades who died during the Civil War on Demacia.

UNLIMITS - ハルカカナタ (Haruka Kanata)

In this town constructed with sweet and bitter concrete. / Nith’s last stand Into the far distance, towards the faraway sky, / against Demacia our voice will be able to fly away. / and it’s stupid It'll rise higher and reach anywhere, no matter how far. / rules.

This town is filled with rules of the egoists. / The last bit of hope My hands and feet are tied down by these heavy chains. / she had about her Yet, because I don't want to be dragged by others, / freedom before... I'm still struggling hard to free myself. / Sylas happened.

During the years Nith loses her sanity:

- Hold on to You / NateWantsToBattle Nith trying her best to not forget about her fiance and herself. How deeply she loved him and how she promised him to be a good person... but is she still herself? Is she still human?

- Again / Araki She begins to lose her mind.

- For the Heart I once Had / Nightwish She accepts what she lost... that he is gone and so is her humanity.

Rest Calm - Nightwish

Every little memory resting calm in me / She is letting those memories die Resting in a dream / within her and only focus Smiling back at me / on remembering the bright The faces of the past keep / moments she had with them calling me to come back home / until the mist consumes her To caress the river with awe / completely.

Unleashe - Amanda ~ acoustic version here

Where was I meant to be? / Ever since she was born she was I feel I'm lost in a dream / blamed. It all felt unreal. She was Long for the day I can be myself / always used as a puppet, a doll. When I'm free / She wants to be herself, she wants When my sun has set / to be accepted for who she truly is. Released my soul forever / Human, undead, she just wants I'll have no regret / a place, someone, to care for To be free / her because of who is she.

And well I can’t pick a final song yet for the part of her accepting herself and finding a family who loves her so I’ll leave it with this two songs:

A New Age Dawns / Epica ~ acoustic version here

We can't undo what we have done / The lyrics are clear, she So show us now what we've become / finally accepted herself. Confront us with our viciousness And our weakness We can't evade our destiny So show responsibility For we all surely have a sense Of our consciousness

And this is pretty much the only happy cheerful song in this list:

Knew day / (K) NoW_NAME

The bonds we left gathering dust have connected; With our pasts and futures standing back to back, We’ll never turn our backs on that answer we’ll someday find, Grasping the light and going beyond tomorrow – as many times as it takes!

Tagged by: @infinite-xerath Tagging: (im sorry) @hook-and-chains , @luminaryxlight , @spiider-caller , @voidborn-terror , @corvoimperiale , @adventastic , @angelbroad

#nith reference~#a banshee's cry~#a banshee singing~

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emilieautumnarchives · 2 years

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EA for Lime Mascara

Archived from Lime Mascara, 2004 [warning: archive is broken] Last accessed: 8/2/2022

The Chelsea: Violin/Backing Vocals - Emilie Autumn

Lime Mascara: For those of us, like me, who hadn't heard of you until Courtney Love recruited you what should we know about you. Basically give us a mini bio.

EA: As much as I really want to spare you the whole “I was born at a very young age…” bit, I suppose it serves a purpose. I began with the violin at age 4, and I’ve been at that game ever since. I’ve been writing (music and words) most of my life as well, and singing for a small part of it. I’ve trained with master teachers from all over the world, but had some of the best and worst experiences of my life while studying as a teen at Indiana University’s School of Music. I sold my horse so that I could devote myself entirely to music to an unnatural degree. When I was 17, I got a phone call from Nigel Kennedy, my violin hero. Ecstatic. When I was 18, I moved to England and was utterly disappointed in the Royal College of Music. Horror. Home was Malibu, CA, though it is now Chicago, which I perfectly adore because of the CTA. I am expecting a shipment of essential oils right now, including oil of green tea which I am very much interested in, and which is to serve as an ingredient in “Mistress,” the perfume I am in the midst of designing. I am getting a puppy next weekend and do not want to go on tour for that reason alone. I ought to have been born in the 16th century so that I could have served at the court of my all-time idol, Queen Elizabeth I. I’m in love with my boyfriend, Annie Lennox, “So Hard” by The Pet Shop Boys, and high tea.

Lime Mascara: What kind of music can we find on your solo albums?

EA: My first release was purely classical, just fiddle and harpsichords and lutes and Bach and such. Very corsets-and-crumpets, my favorite. It does have a few of my own little compositions, which I suppose de-purifies it in the eyes of the classical cognoscenti, but whatever. My second release was an EP called “Chambermaid” because it featured the track of the same name (but in quite a different version) from my subsequent full-length album, “Enchant.” The EP is worth your time mainly because of all the crazy remixes it’s got on it, as well as a gothic cathedral choir number, and a sexy cover of a song from “Cabaret.” Then, I put out a charity single called “By The Sword,” which is all about avenging wrongs and female knights and things – it’s for the 9/11 victims. The best part of this single is the video extra of another cover, “I Know It’s Over,” by The Smiths. Then comes “Enchant,” my first full-length solo album in the alt-rock, or “fantasy-rock” vein. I love this record so much, I can’t even tell you. It’s not egotistical, I swear, it’s just that it took me something like five years to make it due to stops and starts and different labels and other yucky things.

Lime Mascara: Other than violin, what instruments can you play?

EA: I can play the sewing machine and the whistling teapot. I can also play classical and jazz piano, viol da gamba , harpsichord, viola, electric, baroque, and modern fiddles, all manner of keys and computers, a bit of mandolin, and the riding crop.

Lime Mascara: Will you be adding violin to classic Hole songs on tour with Courtney?

EA: Absolutely, yes. I’ve already played several Hole numbers with CL in concert, and I think they’ve gone really well. “Violet” and “Celebrity Skin” are some of my favorites because I get to sing pretty much everything as well. I’m waiting for “Northern Star” which I really love, but we’ve been waiting on that one for some unknown reason…The Chelsea is an amazing band, and playing anything with them is a perfect pleasure.

Lime Mascara: When is the tour "supposed" to start?

EA: The “tour” is “supposed” to “actually” “start” on June 18th in…let me see…oh, in New Haven, CT. We’ve got 24 dates all across the US thus far, and then we’re off to Japan for Fuji Fest where Belle & Sebastian is also playing, to my giddy delight.

Lime Mascara: How did Courtney find you?

EA: Courtney found me through my website, www.emilieautumn.com. The way she tells it, she was looking online at “gothic lolita” fashion sites, and it became apparent that those who like EGL also like EA, which I think is just lovely. She then wrote me a very long letter and the phone calls began. The first call I got was on the night of my CD release party for “Enchant,” which is to say that I’ve never promoted my album properly because I’ve been running around with CL. It was a compromise, but I’m happy to do it for a friend I believe in.

Lime Mascara: How did the first meeting go?

EA: The first meeting…ah, bittersweet memories… The first meeting took place in France over the recording of “America’s Sweetheart.” Courtney was doing vocals when I walked into the Chateau and she was a bit preoccupied, but then so was I because I had the sweetest little Frenchman for a driver and I wanted him to live in my handbag. She started calling me “princess” which is coincidentally the name of her lapdog, and then played for me all of the demos that had been recorded by that point. Her energy very nearly blew me out of the room, but I‘ve since gotten used to that.

Lime Mascara: Do you have a designer for your outfits or do you design everything yourself?

EA: I have this little faerie who sits in my closet and if I feed her muffins she makes me corsets. Other than that, I do design and sew everything I wear onstage, and frequently off as well. Check out www.willowtechhouse.com or www.punkatorian.com if you’re so inclined. It’s got a bunch of my creations, some of which you can have for your very own.

Lime Mascara: So far, what has Courtney taught you about the music industry?

EA: You learn so much just be being on the road, and with Courtney, it’s times ten. Sometimes I feel like I’m in the army, and others I just feel privileged to be playing with such a great group of ladies; it really depends on what day it is. I was no stranger to questionable industry dealings when I came into this, and certain bits of what I’ve seen behind the scenes has done nothing to elevate my opinions of the major music industry as a whole. However, I have met some fantastic people whom I greatly respect (Peter Asher and all at Sanctuary), and that’s given me a bit of hope that perhaps you can operate on a large scale without losing your dignity. And I suppose it’s hardly worth mentioning, but I’ve learned that the media is largely a misogynistic monstrosity that lies without shame on a regular basis (the microphone incident that never happened…). I’ve also learned that a girl band is so totally the way to go.

Lime Mascara: When can we expect your next solo record?

EA: Do you mind if I have breakfast while we chat? While I feel that “Enchant” had a good deal of wretchedness in it, my next rock release will certainly multiply that, for better or for worse. It’s to be called “Opheliac,” and it’s all about the state of being in what I call the ‘ophelia syndrome’ of knowing what’s right and what’s good for you, and yet putting yourself in harm’s way just so that you can later go mad on someone else’s dime. Tracks will include “If I Burn,” a sweet little number about the witch burnings of 1645, “Opheliac,” the title track about the concept above mentioned, and “Mad Girl,” a lullaby to that lunatic part of my psychology that I am constantly trying to put to sleep. I am also in the midst of writing a melodramatic track called “Willow” which is a duet I intend to beg Morrissey to record with me. I’m writing the part for him alone, and if he doesn’t do it, the song will sit at the bottom of my sock drawer until the end of time because I’m not sharing it with anybody else. I plan to begin recording the new album once we arrive safely home from this impending tour. While I’m on the road, my new producer, Stuart Holverson, will be doing the preliminary mixing for a side project of mine to be released within the next couple of months. It’s called “The Jane Brooks Project,” and all I can say is that it’s very, very divergent from anything else you’ve heard me do. I truly hope you like it. After that, I’m planning to record some more classical violin, namely, the complete unaccompanied Bach Sonatas & Partitas, and the Teleman unaccompanied as well. I figure you can never get too much of plain, unbuttered violin in your ear.

#2004 #lime mascara #interviews #enchant era #courtney love

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oti-blog1 · 2 months

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Transition to Professional Practise

Entry 1:

About me page including: a brief on your background, sports interest, work experience and careerambitions. In addition: a reflection on your study performance to date and areas to improve; expectations and aspirations this subject.

Coming from a diverse background and having grown up in a country foreign to both my parents, a key way to integrate into the community was via community sport. From a young age sport/physical activity was used as a gateway to meet new people and maintain a healthy lifestyle aligned with Australia culture like Emie et al. (2020) explains “most children and adults play sport” (p. 8).

Outside of academics and work, sport/physical activity have been an integral part of my life. This is because I learnt how to stay fit and work within a team.

Ever since a young age, I would complete swimming lessons and according to my mother I had started playing rugby as soon as I could pick up a ball and run. Sport is such an integral part of my childhood and adolescence as it taught me values of teamwork, discipline, respect and perseverance. Koon et al. (2017) states sport and physical activity can assist positive development for young people.

Throughout my academic journey I have been fortunate enough to complete work experience in various industries. From work experience with the King of the Court (basketball) and assisting St Kevin’s Old Boys Football Club. Having this industry experience has expanded my knowledge and expertise by highlighting the hard work and dedication with my deeply rooted connection with the sporting world.

Looking forward, my career ambitions revolve around either running my own business, becoming a player and investing further in my education and myself. I’m passionate about media and sales/marketing and committed to continuously developing and education myself to improve my abilities. As Shilbury states et al. (2020) sports agents have adapted their marketing strategies to maintain current sporting environments. This will assist me in executing my skills and knowledge during my internship and future career.

Reflecting on my study performance to date, I’m proud of the progress I’ve made, and the achievements accomplished along the journey. Whilst having a neurodevelopment disorder and specific learning disability it has provided various challenges throughout my studies. However, overcoming these obstacles has shown myself what I am capable of. Furthermore, there were times where minimal motivation and effort resulted in mediocre content and submitting assignments late. As I embark on Transition to Professional Practise and internship, I am excited for the challenges ahead. However, I hope to gain practical hands-on experiences and industry experience benefiting my future. Comparable to Ismail (2018, as cited in Galloway et al, 2014) who explains how internships create opportunities for students to gain skills, which cannot be taught in a classroom environment Ismail (2018, as cited in Galloway et al, 2014).

Additionally, the chance to learn under professionals in the field and expand my professional network is something I am excited for and think I will do well in, being personable. In conclusion, I am excited about the adventure ahead and look forward facing challenges ahead and developing along the way.

References

Eime, R., Harvey, J., & Charity, M, (2020). Where and ‘how’ do Australians play sport. BMC Public Health, 20(1), 1-9.https://doi.org/10.1186/s12889-020-09453-3

Koh, K T., Camire, M., Lim, R., Soon, W S, (2017). Implementations of values training programs in physical education and sport: a follow-up study. Physical Education and Sport Pedagogy, 22(4), 1-15. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/17408989.2014.990369

Shilbury, D., Westerbeek, H., Quick, S., Funk, D, (2020). Sport management series. Strategic Sport Marketing., 3(1), 1-58. (INSERT web link)

Ismail, Z. (2018). Benefits of Internships for Interns and Host Organisations.

https://opendocs.ids.ac.uk/opendocs/bitstream/handle/20.500.12413/13848/Internships.pdf?sequence=11

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druidx · 1 year

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Liebster Award

Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever gotten any kind of aware for my writing, so thank you @adelinemwriting :D

These are the questions that were posed:

1. The best advice you'd have to offer for any writer?

Bum in seat, words on page; fix it later. Honestly, the act of getting any words down is challenging enough, but too many of us fixate on them being perfect from the get-go (myself included!). So the best advice I can give is putting in the hours to get the words on the page to start with, then edit later.

2. Favorite songs, artists, genre, etc to listen to when writing?

My go-to's are soundtracks and movie scores, but I listen to a mix of genres depending on the mood I’m creating in the story at that time. I do like fast music as well; it makes me type faster!

3. How many WIPs do you have?

About 84 right now (they vary from one-shots to novels - I’m not writing 84 novels!).

4. Are you emotionally attached to your characters?

Oh, gods, yes. Some I love more than others, but they’re all my babies, even the mean ones.

5. Have you ever entered a piece of your writing in a contest?

Nope. Never had the courage, or I’ve seen the call for works too late to write anything new or fix something that might be close to the prompt.

6. Favorite book(s)?

Ah... Let’s see

The Shining Princess, a book of Japanese legends I’ve had since I was very small still carries a special place in my heart.

The Sixteen Trees of the Somme by Lars Mytting is such a perfectly wrought tragedy.

The Baby Bestiary, a TTRPG book, because it was the first book I was published in.

A Spy by Nature by Charles Cumming is what got me really interested in Espionage as a genre

7. What is your typical target reader (age, etc)?

Adult people who like fantasy (I don’t think too hard about it TBH)

8. Favorite trope of all time, no matter how cheesy?

Coffee Shop AU. I love the idea of two people finding themselves across universes like this, in situations were these two types of people wouldn’t otherwise meet unless their lives crossed in some unique happenstance.

9. Who in your WIP would tuck you in at night and kiss your forehead?

I’m currently focusing on The Ruby Falls, so that would be Baurus I think.

10. Who is the nerd, the muscle, the hero in your story?

Again for The Ruby Falls, that would be Martin, Baurus, and Aderyn, respectively.

#writeblr tag games #liebster award #this has been in my drafts so long #meta wandering words #meta writing

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blogsbyaauie · 1 year

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Realizations in the Midst of the Pandemic

It has been a year since the pandemic started, lockdowns, facemasks, face shields, and alcohol were the highlights during those days. Due to the lack of customers, some stores close permanently while others do so temporarily. Every person has a unique pandemic story to tell, whether it is one that is filled with tragedy, joy, or other horrific and memorable occurrences. I also have some tales to share.

When the lockdown began, I was in grade 9, but fortunately, the class was already out. When it comes to the return to school season, I am relieved at first because it basically means there won't be any face-to-face classes, however, I later realize how insensitive this is. I regret terribly that the lockdown made me happy for a short while.

While on vacation and in lockdown, I have some simple repetitive routines. I rise from bed every morning, check my phone, use the bathroom to get ready, and then go have breakfast. I would then complete all of my tasks, including sweeping, mopping, washing the dishes, and doing laundry. After that, I spend the remaining time watching TV, playing online games, and reading books that I enjoy. It resembled a typical life in the midst of the pandemic.

But I had no idea that it wasn't just an ordinary life. There are times when I am in a vulnerable state. For these past few weeks during the lockdown, I have had a terrible day and am always feeling down. I lost interest in what I am enjoying the most which is the really hard event that has ever happened. Never knew that the lockdown would be so cruel.

How should I spend my day? The question that I continually ask myself because, during the lockdown's first half-month, every day was becoming monotonous. I was stuck performing my daily tasks since I had no other ideas. I asked several questions to my friends during the lockdown so we could catch up before online school started, and many other individuals my age had similar experiences.

I recently read an article that I can really connect to. Brook (2020) stated that the lockdown made her ecstatic because it meant that her final year of school had ended early and that exams were being cancelled. She was simply happy and happy that everything would be alright. But as the lockdown situation began to sink in, she began to struggle and a number of unfortunate incidents began to occur.

I was in a position like that, just like Brook. At first, I'm glad that there is a lockdown, but later, I struggle and realize how insensitive I am. In addition to this struggle is the beginning of online classes. I'm glad I handled it properly because I had no idea it would be that difficult.

However, I know that I need to improve myself since I can’t go on like that forever. That is why I start to be a better version of myself.

I was able to learn and have fun during the lockdown. It makes me appreciate myself and my hobbies even more. I start to become more connected to myself since I know that I have to take action during my downtime while on lockdown. Though it was never easy, I tried to build myself many times and failed but luckily I still managed to handle it.

I begin by attempting to continue my hobbies while equally learning new things. I feel really active and happy now that I know I can accomplish more than what I usually do. I gradually learn to appreciate myself as well because when I am content not just with myself but also with those around me, I feel as though I am on the right path and growing as a person. Additionally, I started communicating with the people that matter to me the most. We learn through our shared experiences that we have similar situations. However, connecting with my family was the most important thing because they were the ones I spent the rest of my lockdown experience with and I never knew that we can be a lot closer. With that, I realized how important communication is. Basically, I adjust myself to the situation I am in during the lockdown.

Moving to the present, the new normal, I am really glad that I managed to survive the lockdown. I still am the better version of myself and will be always like that. I didn't initially enjoy the idea of taking classes in person. As the face-to-face classes draw near, I experienced three different emotions: anxiety, overthinking, and fear. I didn’t know what or how will I do when school starts.

It makes me overthink and have so many questions for a lot of different reasons, including what if I can't make new friends because it has been a while since I've spoken to other people, what if my grades become low since I know to myself that I am really talkative and shy to answer in recitation even if I knew the answer since I think it will be wrong and that kind of action can damage my grades and performance so bad, and most especially what if I disappoint my parents. But there is a part of me that misses face-to-face classes, so I prepared myself for any possible events that might happen.

All of my nervousness and overthinking fade away when school starts. Since I realized I can meet new people, learn a lot easier, and have fun at the same time, attending classes in person is still preferable to doing them online.

I adjust faster to this new normal situation since it is just like the past to which I can roam around, meet new people and friends, and bond with my family in different places but with a facemask and still be careful. While adjusting to this new normal, I continue to learn a lot. I also grow more independent and work harder anytime I want to accomplish something for myself.

Despite all the difficulties I had throughout the lockdown, I was able to live and get stronger. I came to understand how important it is to communicate and share when you've had enough since doing so will let you know that someone is paying attention to and caring about you.

Never imagined how much this pandemic lockdown and new normal would teach me. It makes me more resilient and independent than before, enables me to manage every situation expertly, and encourages me to make the best choices for myself. I can honestly say that I am appreciative and thankful for the journey I had because without it, I wouldn't have known if I was headed in the correct direction. I will carry the knowledge or lesson I learned from my experiences with me for the rest of my life. Can't wait to see what happens next.

#KabataanEssay #NewNormalNewMe

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funfunfuntillmydaddy · 3 years

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Few things are better in life than the feeling of a bare cock cumming in my pussy.

Of course some guys are a bit shy when it comes to sex and fucking a girl bareback. While not common for me, especially when I’m enticing them to cheat on their girlfriends with me, every once in a while a guy insists.

And that’s what happened with Eric. Eric was one of my ‘friends’ boyfriend. They had been together for ages. He was cute but a bit shy and a bit geeky. But he had all the right attributes for me, a cute face and big hands.

What also made him adorable was how loyal he was to Hannah. My flirting can be both persistent and pretty obvious. After over a year of trying to get his attention and have some fun with him.

I was almost going to give up until one night I found myself out with a bunch of our friends including him, but not Hannah. We had started early in a bar and it had all the hallmarks of one of those marathon, multi venue nights. I locked my sights on him and made sure the guys around him kept him well lubricated with alcohol

Luckily I had dressed for the occasion with a short leather skirt and a tight white top that was just a little see thru to my lace bra.

When darkness hit and we ended up in a dance club I started my campaign in earnest. Being the shy type that he was, dancing wasn’t too much his thing. So I had to drag him on to the floor along with some others in the group.

I’m of course I woman of restraint and patience so I didn’t launch straight into the bump and grind. But I did dance with him and around him so he could get used to it. His nervousness was palpable.

Fast forward a few hours, a few venues and quite a few drinks and we ended up in one of those clubs oozing sex and all sorts of natural and synthetic chemicals. We had lost quite a few from the group. But the hardcore remained. Eric and I had become one night drunken soulmates as we took turns helping each other navigate the treacherous drunken journeys faced by any seriously intrepid bar hopper.

And now the dancing was not restrained at all. We were not just touching, we were pressed into each other. His hands were glued to my hips as I pressed one way, when spun around and pressed back into him the other. I could feel his excitement. I could feel his stiff cock. We went on and on. The dancing getting more intense and his poor balls getting bluer.

When the last ones in our group called it a night and it was just us, I decided it was time to take this to the next level. I told him we should go. He was a little surprised it was so late and it was just us. So I said we should catch one cab and since I was closer, he could drop me off first and then head home. Of course that not what I actually thought.

We found a conveniently dodgy looking taxi and climbed in. As we set off, I gave the driver a flirty look and asked if he could turn the music up. He looked back at me and grinning turned up the dance station he had on.

I told Eric that I still felt like dancing and kinda wished we were back in the club. As soon as he nodded in agreement, I shuffled over to him before I moved up and sat on his lap. I moaned softly as I felt his semi hard cock under me. Then I squirmed to the music as I rubbed myself over his lap. Similar to the club but just with some different geometry.

I saw the taxi drivers eyes in the rear view mirror and I smiled to myself. Unfortunately, of course, the change in position caused my short skirt to ride up. But not quite fully. So I helped it along with some subtle sweeps of my hands. Suddenly my skirt was totally on my hips. My ass framed by a black lace thong on display for Eric.

My face turned on an even more wicked smirk when I felt Eric’s hands move to my hips and then down to my sides, touching at least some my bare ass cheeks.

We continued for another few blocks till we got to my apartment. Now it was crunch time. I told him this area was a bit dodgy and would he mind seeing me to the door. Or he could come up and sleep on the couch if he didn’t wanna waste money on taking the cab across town, reminding him Hannah was out of state with her family.

He was all hesitant and nervous. So sweet but he couldn’t not walk with me the short distance so he went to get out and I quickly gave the driver$20 and as Eric was out the door, told him to scram. He just laughed as I got myself out and repositioned my skirt.

As we walked the short distance through the front of the building, the taxi screamed off as the driver tooted his horn. I smirked at Eric as I said it looked like he was staying here now. Of course I had no intention of him sleeping on my couch. So I decided to ramp it all up right from there.

As we stood at the entrance of my building I leaned in to him and grabbed the front of his shirt pulling him down to me as I gave him a hard kiss. He pulled back slightly but then o could feel his urges take over as he leaned in. I let my tongue dance in his mouth as the sloppy and slutty kissing continued.

After a good moment or two of this, I broke away before taking his hand and pulling him into the mid sized apartment complex. As we waited for the lift and the kissing continued. The size and layout of the complex meant it was unusual to run into other people especially at this time of night. So with the assumption of privacy I gave him a big grin as the doors closed. We only had 9 floors to go but I still managed to get to my knees and unbuckle his jeans, pull his cock from his underwear and start sucking before the doors opened.

He tried to pull away at first but was already against the wall. By the time the doors were opening though, his hands were on the back of my head, encouraging his cock into my mouth. With no urgency at all as the lift shows no sign of moving I kept sucking his cock. But then the doors closed and the lift travelled back down. As it slowed I hurriedly put his cock away while I stood up and fixed myself up.

The doors opened and a couple walked in, surprised to see us there. I smiled back at them as I pressed back into Eric. Subtext reaching behind to feel his hardness. Through his still unbuckled jeans. This time we did get out on the 9th floor as our fellow travellers continued on.

I spun around and laughed as I lead Eric to my apartment. Eric’s face looked embarrassed but he showed no sign of retreat. So I continued my assault on his morals and I lifted up my skirt again so it was back over my hips. Then as I got to my door I reached behind me and pulled him into me. I grinded back into him, unlocking the door with one hand and and pulling his cock back out with the other.

We tumbled through the door into the small apartment. The couch was right in front of us. I turned to him and offered him the couch and then after a silent pause and a wicked grin, I offered an alternative.

Adorably, he told me the couch was fine. But I just smirked as I leaned back into him and meet his mouth as we kissed. I whispered into his ear that his cock is going feel so good when it’s in my pussy. He let out an groan and then I grabbed his hand and led him to my bedroom.

Once in there I pulled his jeans all the way down, pulling his boots off and helping him out of his jeans. Then I lifted the shirt up to help him remove it. Now he was completely naked and I admired his toned body with better muscle definition than I was expecting and a nice hard cock pointing out in front.

I feel back on the bed and gave him a wink as I pulled my thong to the side. That when he killed the mood and asked if I had a condom.

That’s killed the mood in the past, but I was committed to having fun with Eric so I took it in my stride. I told him he didn’t have to cause I was on the pill but like a good little boy he insisted.

So I went into my bathroom and returned with a condom. It wasn’t something I used that often. In fact this one had expired and was also a medium sized which I didn’t think was gonna work for him. Of course, I had a pack of large ones that were brand new in my cabinet, but Eric didn’t need to know that.

I sat on the bed in front of him as I removed the condom from the wrapper and placed it over his stiff cock. I struggled to get the condom stretched over his impressive size and I could tell it was already dry and brittle. But I managed to get it two thirds of the way over his cock.

Once I begrudgingly wrapped it up I pulled him on to the bed and on his back. I straddled him and lined up my dripping pussy with the head of his cock. I lock eyes with him as I lower myself down onto him. Both of us moan as the tension of the night now focuses on his cock and my pussy. I lift up and then push down. I keep going, quickening the pace and increasing the intensity.

I keep going harder to the point where the bed starts to creak and groan. Eric’s hands make their way to my breast through my top. I pull it off to let him have a more sensory experience as I keep fucking him. He pulls my bra down exposing my breasts allowing him to aggressively fondle them.

Our combined moaning continues to crescendo as I keep fucking him. Every once and a while checking the condom to see if it has given up yet. Alas, it holds on.

Eric is getting more and more into it now. Being very active in the fucking as he thrusts his hips up to meet me. I can feel him trying to reposition himself. So I pause my assault briefly.

He moves out from under me and roughly pushes me on my back. He quickly gets in between me and puts my ankles over his shoulders. He drives his cock deep inside me and instantly restarts the hard fucking in our new position. He keeps going and going. Now his assault on my pussy becomes relentless.

His stamina holds and his nice big cock gets me close to cumming. I’m moaning in ecstasy. As he slams into me as hard as ever, I feel something different. I move my hand to the base of his cock as it slams into me to confirm. Sure enough a broken condom is now bunched up at the base of his cock. It rubs against my lips as he drives his bare cock into me. A broad smile comes across my face as a guttural moan escapes me.

I look my legs around his waist keeping him against me. I tell him that I think the condom has broke but that I’m so close to cumming I plead with him to keep going.

I see the flash of fear on his face as I tell him. He slows briefly but my pleads and moans convince him to keep going. I’m so close to cumming but need a bit more from him. My breathing is so ragged and my moaning intense. I can sense he is close to. I squeeze my pelvic muscles as much as possible to clamp his cock. He starts grunting and I feel his cock swell. I plead with him to keep fucking me and he does, with more intensity than ever. He grunts and groans loudly. We are both totally entranced.

I scream obscenities as I go over the edge. Then i feel him slam deep inside me and hold it there. My orgasm floods my body as I feel him empty himself directly into my unprotected pussy. I look at his face and smile as I see the annalistic pleasure travel through him.

We hold it there for a few moments before he pulls out and collapses next to me.

........

As the light comes into my room, I slowly open my eyes. It must be mid morning. I feel Eric spooning me and I feel his cock pressing into my ass. I’m still wearing my skirt around my hubs and my bra only slightly higher up around my waist.

I get up trying not to disturb him and go and have a shower.

I’m a little bit nervous about what his more sober and stress relieved attitude will be. I decide a cooked breakfast might help him process it and recover. So I put on a short bath robe and go to the kitchen to make breakfast.

A short while later he emerges from the bedroom wearing his boxer shorts, looking sheepish. I smile at him and tell him I’ve got some bacon on the go. He walks over and stands behind me telling me how good it smells. Then he presses his body into mine.

20 seconds later he has me bent over the kitchen bench. His bare cock driving into my unprotected pussy. I smile to myself through my moaning and groaning

#cheating #impreg kink #affair #condom

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h2ojustaddmako · 2 years

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Headcanon: Dr. Denman Is A Psychopath

First, I have to say, I missed making these kind of posts. We’re back for a few more though, still have a lot to talk about. Like Dr. Denman being a total psychopath I know, I know - this sounds like a stretch. Big title to get attention. But hear me out...

First I’d like to establish who Linda Denman is - what we know about her, her life and her motives.

Linda Denman was born in the early 1980′s according to the H2O wiki, which puts her in her late 20′s - 26-27-28ish, around the time of her appearance on the show, which checks out. For a character who only featured in 3 episodes total, and was never spoken about outside of those episodes, there isn’t much to learn about her. But there is some key intel that we can pick up.

One of the most important things we can learn about her is something Lewis drops quite casually - she got her PhD at 21 years old(!). Marine biology studies take 3 years per diploma, and a PhD would take 9 years of college. That means she started her studies at 12 years old(!!), the latest. Figuring this, puts her into the category of a “child genius”, means she must’ve been a very gifted and smart child to get such opportunities thrown at her at such a young age. This makes her a fairly remarkable scientist. Ever since getting her degree in marine biology, she worked around the world, and ended up doing some field work in the Galapagos islands, including an award winning discovery regarding the cellular evolution of marine mammals, which made her a big name in the scientific community. We don’t know much about her upbringings, but given her accent, we can assume she was born and raised in Australia.

That alone might give us a big clue about what kind of childhood she had. Being an A+ student, had to spend a lot of time studying and staying on top of the game, maintaining her name and record, working thrice as hard on her academics as other kids her age. Add the fact that she must’ve not had a lot of people her age in university, and the very little free time she had, she must’ve had a very lonely childhood, and it’s safe to assume she must lack a lot of social skills, which is also heavily implied in her working alone (scientists rarely do research on their own, especially big projects like the one she takes).

So now that her upbringing’s out of the way, let’s analyse what we can from the episodes themselves. In her first episode, “The Denman Affair”, I’ll quickly skip ahead to the first time she sees Lewis’ DNA sample. While simply taking a look at what he was working on is perfectly understandable, the fact she manipulated him by “giving it back” while keeping a piece for herself, leaves the viewer uneasy. But this is not the juice. Later when Lewis questions her about whether or not she kept the specimen she doesn’t hesitate to admit she lied, and didn’t see anything wrong with it. But I do find things getting weirder. When Dr. Denman learns about how unique Lewis’ specimen is, she doesn’t hesitate before offering a 15 year old boy before inviting him to the Galapagos islands with her for 6 months, contacting his teachers for him, before even ASKING HIM if he’s interested, all because she wants to blackmail information from him. The lengths she’d go to feel a tad... unhealthy. But while her behaviour in this episode is surly questionable, it really becomes problematic in future episodes.

Jump a couple months into the future, Dr. Denman, who took up an offer for a six month study at the Galapagos returns to the Gold Coast after receiving funding from Harrison Bennett to perform an environmental impact study (following Rikki and Emma’s protest at the business lunch he held a few episodes earlier, I love it when it all comes together!) While at first she seems to be fully focused on the work she was hired to do, diving around Mako leads her back the an old question she had left unanswered, and her reintrest in Lewis’ sample returns. Now, as a person of science, and specifically marine biology myself, I 100% find her drive to learn, explore and discover more and more about this incredible finding she had very admirable. However, science should never come in place of human rights, and the moment she finds out about Cleo, Rikki and Emma, her real self starts to come through.

You see, holding teenage girls against their will in an underwater pool, threatening she’d hurt them if they won’t play along, kidnapping a teenage boy, stealing his phone and using it to manipulate and blackmail his friends, and more - all in the name of science is not a healthy was to handle said drive to learn, explore and discover. Even Harrison, who isn’t an angel himself, told her that he doesn’t want any a harm done to the girls, as he could sense she might be going to far. And he too finally understood that what she did wasn’t right and pulled off. Easily in a real world situation that woman would have to be arrested, but the mermaid secret doesn’t really leave room for telling the police.

Her lying, manipulative nature, her drive for success and to getting what she wants no matter what human rights she takes, legal rules she crosses and people she hurts and harms is frightening. Her intense lack of empathy and using science as a justification to horrible acts against human rights (and underaged minors especially) are common traits with a lot of “evil geniuses” from history, a lot of people who did horrible things in the sake of science or discovery or a set of beliefs they wanna to prove. History is filled with truly mad scientists raging from the times of the black plague to WW2 who saw their crafts and beliefs as a means to go to the extreme. All those people had deep rooted psychological issues in common. I find that if Denman got what she wanted, if she had any power over the girls, they’d be in a much deeper issue moving forward. She is a criminal, she is psycho, and she is by far the most unsettling villain in the show’s history.

#h2o just add water #Headcanon #dr denman

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writernada · 3 years

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10 Times Yuzuru Hanyu Was Inspiring

Yuzuru Hanyu (26 years old) is a Japanese figure skater. He is a two-time Olympic champion, two- time World champion, Four Continent champion, four times Grand Prix Final champion and five times national champion. He is the only male skater that has achieved a grand slam (won all major competitions in both junior and senior circus). In 2018, he won the People's Honor Award given by the Japanese Prime Minister and became the youngest recipient of this award. He also won the award of the most valuable skater at the International Skating Union Awards for the season 2019-2020. Since his debut in the senior circus in 2011-2012 and until now, Yuzuru's performances have always made a great impact on the audience; allowing him to have the biggest fan base ever in the history of figure skating. His fans are not only from Japan but from all around the world; including other skaters and coaches. The reason behind all of this love is that Yuzuru touches the hearts by performing like an artist, hitting every note, being super passionate about what he does and combining a competitive spirit with a sport soul. On top of all of that, he has an ability to inspire people. His road has never been easy. It is full of injuries, surgeries, illnesses, strong competitors, mistakes and losses. However, he always perserves, pushes through his limits, overcomes adversity and rises in an inspiring way.

Here are the ten times Yuzuru Hanyu was an icon of inspiration:

1- Winning his first medal in the World Championship in 2012 despite having an injury and low stamina.

In his debut in the World championship (senior circus) in 2012, Yuzuru (17) sprained his right ankle during the official practice the day before the short program. His foot swelled up but he decided not to withdraw, taking into account all the effort he has made for this competition and all the people who came here for him (coach, mom and officials). He went ahead and competed. He was ranked seventh in the short program, third in the free program and third overall, winning the bronze medal.

Yuzuru commented on that competition in his autobiography book "Aoi Hono ll":

"Because I was injured the day before the short, I felt that even in that kind of situation 'I landed my quad, I did well’. I felt that I had worked really hard by myself. However, my mother told me, "That is wrong.” Getting injured was my own fault, but there were many people who helped and supported me. That is the reason why I could come to this point. Until about 9 o'clock that night, we were talking about this while having dinner, and in the end, I realized that my thinking was wrong."

Yuzuru was about to get full of himself and let arrogance take over him. However, his mother helped him stay grounded. Thus, he was able to face the free program with a humble attitude. He put out a passionate performance that many people still remember until this day and consider as one of their favorites. During that performance, he tried not to put a lot of pressure on the injured foot so he shifted all the pressure on the other one until it got exhausted and gave up on him. As a result, he fell all of a sudden in the middle of the performance, but he managed to get up right away and perform a great jump right after.

In his autobiography book that was mentioned earlier, Yuzuru talked about this fall and said: "Later, when I watched the videos, I saw that the fall did not take up much time. I was standing up again quickly. But to me, it felt like a long time. When I fell, the feeling was like flying mid-air. Like this (he re-enacts the fall in slow motion), 'ahh, I am stumbling~~’ (laughs). After the fall, I was thinking 'what should I do from here’, many thoughts circled around. Thinking that I won’t make it in time for the next axel jump, I shortened the path by going straight instead of curved. I can jump even a 3A+3A (in practice), so I thought I will be alright. (laughs)”.

One of the most exciting moments during the performance is when Yuzuru shouted out aloud before the choreographic sequence. The shout seemed like a great expression of the emotions of his character (Romeo). It made him look like he was totally into character. However, he clarified that it was unintentional. He said: "I felt like I couldn’t breathe, so I thought, for now just let the breath out. (laughs)"

Yuzuru is known to be suffering from asthma and because of it he had a low stamina at the time. However, even after finding out that the shout wasn't done to express the character's emotions, viewers still find it impactful because it is a genuine expression of Yuzuru's fight against his limits.

That night, Yuzuru made a name for himself internationally. He shed tears of happiness after getting his scores and so did his coach. He also got praised by the winner that night who said: "the one shining the most is Yuzuru".

2- Breaking a World Record and winning gold in his first participation in the winter Olympic Games.

At the age of 19, Yuzuru participated for the first time in the Olympic Games. Young male skaters like him who participate for the first time usually don't dare to dream about winning. The big scale of the competition gets athletes nervous and shaken, even the great and experienced ones of them. Therefore, the young newcomers usually consider their first participation as an experience to have under their belt while preparing for the next Olympic. However, Yuzuru was determind to win. His choreographer at the time, David Wilson, talked about his intense determination in an interview: "he wrote me an email letter that was so touching. He was like please help me do this because I'm ready. I'll do anything. I will die. I'll do anything to be the Olympic Champion. I don't want to wait until 2018. I want it now and I'll do anything. I'm willing to die for it. Anything you tell me, I'll do it but help me."

David Wilson talking about Yuzuru's determination to win the 2014 Olympics

Yuzuru performed a marvelous short program and came out of the rink saying: "I did it!" to which his coach replied: "you certainly did". He broke the world record in his first participation at the Olympics despite his young age. He did get nervous and made mistakes at the free program. However, what he did in the short program was enough to bring him the gold medal and make him achieve his childhood dream.

Yuzuru (11) saying that his dream is to win the Olympics

Yuzuru performing his short program at the 2014 Olympics:

Other Skaters reacting to Yuzuru's World Record at the Olympics:

The moment when Yuzuru finds out he won the 2014 Olympics:

3- Continuing to compete after a pretty bad collusion with another skater during Cup of China 2014:

In 2014, Yuzuru took part in Cup of China, which is one of the events of the Grand Prix Series. Yuzuru was in second place after the short program and during the 6 minuets warm up before the long program he had an accident. He collided with the Chinese skater Han Yan. They were looking at opposite sides and couldn't see each other until it was too late.

Yuzuru talked about the incident in his autobiography book and said: "My stomach hit the ice (when I fell) and so it felt like I received a body blow. My stomach was hurting so much; I could not breathe nor get up. Then, when I tried standing up, my chin was hurting and bleeding. My head was panicking and I didn’t know exactly where all the pain was coming from."

After a few minutes, Yuzuru stood up on his own despite the arrival of medical helpers. He preferred to exit the rink on his own instead of being carried. Backstage, he was examined and given first aid by American doctors.

The Collusion incident at CoC 2014:

In his biography book, Yuzuru gave some details about what happened backstage after the incident:

"I really gave a lot of trouble to the people around me. They told me ‘Don’t compete’. The doctors also said, 'It is not a concussion, so it is possible to skate but we do not recommend it.’Coach Orser also said, 'Now you don’t need to be a hero. You still have more after this, you still can do a lot as a skater.’But 'it has nothing to do with that. I will skate because I want to go to GP Final.’ I think I might have said that to him in Japanese. I wanted to go to the Final somehow. Here, 5th or 4th place is good enough, I can get 1st place in the next competition, so for now I just want to remain connected. If I compete at GPF, I definitely want to have a second consecutive victory. I also want to win the triple crown again (Worlds, GPF, Nationals). I had those kind of thoughts. Now when I look back I think, 'ah I skated well’."

Yuzuru decided to skate his free program and the people around him respected his decision and allowed him to go. He made sure to meet Han Yan before competing again and they exchanged apologies. After that, Yuzuru showed up in the rink with a bandage on his head and a small band on his chin. He skated his free program bravely after making some changes on the layout to adjust to his condition. He fell on five jumps but did full rotations and got grades for that. He also was able to land some jumps in the latter half of the program, which got him extra points. After the performance, his coach Orser was worried about his feelings if he gets a bad score for falling five times so he was preparing him mentally by saying stuff like: "scores don't matter. What matter is what you did out there" but it turned out Orser had nothing to worry about as Yuzuru received a high score. Yuzuru was so surprised and relieved when he saw his score and he burst into tears after holding on for a long time. He won the silver medal in that event.

Yuzuru performing his free program and receiving his score at CoC 2014:

After the competition, American doctors prepared the massage room to do stitches for Yuzuru. He received 7 stitches on his chin with anesthetics and 3 staples on his head without any anesthetics, which was really painful to him! The next day, he traveled to Japan for a medical examination in a trip that he described as hell. The result of the examination was "head contusion (or bruise), chin contusion, abdominal contusion, left thigh contusion and right ankle sprain’.

For ten days, Yuzuru was unable to walk and the recovery took more time than expected. Every time he finds himself able to walk, he would go to the rink, but once he steps his foot into the rink the pain comes back. He thought that he would never be able to skate again, felt so depressed and wanted to quit skating all together. However, his mother told him "how about just giving it a try anyway? If you skate just a little on the ice every day with the intention of rehabilitation, the situation may change for the better" her response surprised him because she never tried to stop him from quitting in the past whenever he said he wanted to quit. With that new attitude of his mother, Yuzuru became optimistic about being able to skate again, and found the willpower to try and even aim to win at the next competition of the Grand Prix Series, which was NHK.

At NHK, Unfortunately, Yuzuru wasn't able to present great performances and once he finished his free program he thought to himself: "ah, the final is gone!" he thought that all his efforts in Cup of China were for nothing, but luckily, the total of his points combined from the two competitions made him the last qualified skater for the final. Thus, he was able to take part in the final, presented great performnces and won the gold medal after all the struggles he went through.

4- Winning at Nationals 2014 despite bleeding and needing a surgery:

After the short program at the Grand Prix Final, Yuzuru felt some kind of pain in his stomach whenever he stretched or pressed on it. He thought that it must be a damage in the muscle tissue but after the free program, he found something that looks like a Ping Pong ball sticking out beneath his navel. It was so painful to the extent that he couldn't sleep on his flight back to Japan. When he landed, he went to the hospital right away and was told that he might have Urachal Remnant Disorder. He was given some antibiotic and sent home because his condition wasn't bad. However, once he returned home, and got into the shower, his navel burst and started bleeding. He went back to the hospital and it was confirmed that he has Urachal Remnant. He needed to undergo a surgery but he couldn't afford to have it any time soon because the Japanese national competition (All Japan) was a few weeks away. He was determined to attend it so he decided to bear with the pain and delay the surgery. Without telling anybody about his problem, he attended his trainings after wrapping himself with gauze to prevent blood from staining his clothes. That didn't work out well and blood still got to his clothes so when it was time for the competition, he was worried that his costume might get stained. To prevent that from happening, he put a strong tape on top of the gauze, which was painful, but did the job. In this condition, Yuzuru took part in the Japanese national competition, and despite a few mistakes in both of his programs, his endurance of pain didn't go in vain, and he actually won.

Yuzuru commented about this situation in his book by saying: "It was painful to bend forward and backward, but I tried to do whatever I could in that situation. I even did the Ina bauer, but I could not arch back at all. In fact, I also intended to do the biellmann spin! However, when I started the spin, I changed it into an A-line"

Yuzuru performing his free program and putting his hand on his stomach while leaving the ice during All Japan 2014:

5- Rising from fifth place to first in the World Championships 2017:

At the World Championship in 2017, Yuzuru made some mistakes in the short program that left him sitting in fifth place behind his rivals. The gap between him and the first place was around 11 points. He was so disappointed in himself but didn't give up. He wanted to go practice harder. However, his coaches stopped him from overworking himself and made sure that he takes a good rest and goes through a normal practice. After that, he collected himself, focused, stayed calm and presented one of the greatest performances ever. It was flawless and magnificent. His coach Brian Orser said that he felt privileged to have witnessed this performance. Yuzuru got a very high score that made him scream and left him on the verge of shedding happy tears. His coach Brian Orser was speechless while his other coach Tracy Wilson had her mouth wide open in astonishment. With that, Yuzuru was able to rise from fifth place to first and win the championship.

Yuzuru performing his free program and receiving his score at the WC 2017:

6- Winning the second Olympic title right after being away from the ice for 3 months due to a severe injury:

Before the beginning of the Olympic season, Yuzuru was done with his preparation very early and was all ready to compete. His coach Brian Orser couldn't believe how smoothly things were going and felt a little uneasy about the fact that Yuzuru was ready very early. His worry wasn't pointless because soon enough Yuzuru sustained a severe injury. It happened during the official practice before NHK. Yuzuru was practicing (4Lutz) which was a new jump he has been practicing that season. He landed the jump in a wrong way causing ligament damage to his right ankle. The injury forced him out of competition for the rest of the season.

Yuzuru's fall and injury at NHK 2017:

Yuzuru disappeared and was away from the ice for three months. During that time, he didn't make any T.V appearances or interviews. Thus, nobody knew anything about him and his condition. His participation in the Olympics and the mere ability to perform again became uncertain. A lot of people doubted he would be able to comeback. However, he showed up at Incheon Airport in South Korea surrounded by guards and declared that he was ready to compete and that he believes he has the potential to win more than any other skater. After that, he avoided talking to the press until the end of the competition.

Yuzuru's arrival at Incheon Airport to participate at the 2018 Olympics:

According to his coach, Brian Orser, Yuzuru returned to the ice only six weeks before the Olympics and had to relearn everything and take baby steps to be able to perform again. He was practicing strokes, single and double jumps while watching his training mate and rival, Javier Fernandez, do a full run through of his programs with triples and quads. Yuzuru was able to land triples only three weeks before the Olympics and started landing quads just two weeks before the Olympics.

During the official open practice before the competition, Yuzuru made sure not to reveal his abilities and current condition nor his planned layout. He simply did some strokes and single jumps then left the rink. He chose his layout after studying his rivals and calculating how many points he would potentially need to win. He did his calculations on an app that he developed as part of his studies at the university.

In the short program segment, Yuzuru put out a great performance that was so close to the world record (which he holds). He won first place at this segment. Seeing the results, he felt relieved and assured so he allowed himself to reduce the difficulty of his free program. He was one-step away from winning the Olympics again. He needed to put out another great performance during the free program, and fortunately, that's exactly what he did. He performed a memorable free program filled with emotions, and once he finished, he screamed: "I won. I won!" which was true! He became the first skater to win the Olympics consecutively in 66 years.

Yuzuru's free program at the 2018 Olympics:

The moment that Yuzuru is announced as the winner of the 2018 Olympics:

7- Receiving the gold medal on crutches during Rostelecom Cup 2018:

After winning the Olympics, Yuzuru decided to pay tribute to his role models in figure skating; the Russian legend Evgeny Plushenko and the American Johnny Weir. He chose one of Plushenko's programs as his free program and one of Weir's as his short. He adapted the programs to his own style but still kept some touches from the original ones. Since it was a tribute, he decided to perform his free program in the hometown of his Russian idol and in front of his people. That is why he chose to participate in Rostelecom Cup, which is one of the events of the Grand Prix Series, and is held in Russia. He performed a great short program and everything was going well until he injured his right foot again during the practice before the free program. He was advised to withdraw. However, he absolutely wanted to perform his tribute to the Russian legend, Plushenko, in Russia. He has prepared a lot for this performance and came all the way to Russia to do it so he didn't want all of that to be pointless. He decided to take strong painkillers and perform his free program. He lowered the difficulty of the program and then presented a great performance in front of the Russian crowd that brought him the gold medal. After the performance, he started moving on crutches and admitted that without the painkillers, he wouldn't have been able to skate. He received the gold medal that night on crutches with fans cheering for him and holding up signs that says: "Yuzu we love you from all over the world".

Yuzuru receiving the gold medal on crutches at Rostelecom 2018:

8- Conquering his fears during the season of 2019-2020:

Yuzuru has suffered from a lot of injuries throughout his career. More than once, he thought that he is facing the end of his career because of an injury. Therefore, his main goal during the season of 2019-2020 was to finish the season without injuries. He finished his first two competitions safely and arrived at Japan to participate in NHK, which was his second Grand Prix assignment. Many of his injuries happened in his second GP event and he was conscious about this fact. He was afraid of getting hurt again and was visibly shaking before the beginning of his free program. As a result of his nervousness he missed a combination. However, he pulled himself together and improvised a new combination to recover the points he missed. He thought of the new combination, calculated its points and made sure that it's not repeated all while performing amazingly. Once he came out of the rink, his coach Ghislain gave him a hug and said: "You know what? You conquered your fear!".

Yuzuru shaking before performing his free program at NHK 2019 + full performance:

Yuzuru continued to overcome his fears in the final of the Grand Prix. He was setting in second place after the short program and the gap of points between him and his rival was big. He felt that winning may not be possible this time; nonetheless, he still wanted to do his best and give a respectable performance. He decided to raise the number of quad jumps in his program to five for the first time ever in his career. In addition, he declared that he will bring back the quad Lutz, which is the jump that caused his injury before the 2018 Olympics. It's a jump that he never dared to perform again in competitions since that incident. However, he overcame his fear and performed a flawless quad Lutz during the free program with four other quad jumps in the GPF, challenging not only his fear, but also his stamina that has always been an obstacle for him. He did not win the gold medal, but won his own fight against his fears and limits as well as the hearts and respect of the audience.

Yuzuru performing quad Lutz+ full performance of the free program at GPF2019:

9- Winning the bronze medal in the World Championship 2021 despite an asthma attack and many other hurdles.

During the 2020-2021 season, the whole world was going through struggles because of Corona Virus and Yuzuru was no exception. He had to train on his own in Japan all year long away from his coaches and physical therapist in Canada. He prepared new programs for the season with his choreographers by receiving videos and training accordingly without any supervision. During the season, his hometown was struck by an earthquake twice. The last struck happened right before he traveled to Stockholm to participate in the WC. According to him, the inside of his home was a mess and he couldn't use the train to go to Tokyo and board the plane as planned. As a result, he arrived to Stockholm one day later than planned, thus, he had to change his training plans as well. However, his coach Brian Oreser said that Yuzuru is not the type of athlete who gets phased by such problems and he was right. Yuzuru did perfect run through of his programs during his official practices. He also performed his lively short program very well and won the small gold medal of the segment.

Yuzuru performing his short program at WC 2021:

Yuzuru was all set to win the World Championship for the third time, but something unexpected happened before the free program. He was supposed to start warming up one hour prior the turn of his group (the last group), but he was nowhere to be seen at the venue until it was almost time for the last group to compete. His coach Brian Orser said that he was worried and didn't know where Yuzuru was. He asked the head of the Japanese team but they simply told him: "He is somewhere else". Brian kept on going back and forth between the rink where two of his students were competing and the warm up area where Yuzuru was supposed to be, but Yuzuru did not show up. After Brian's students finished their turn, it was almost time for Yuzuru's group so Brian went to the locker room to see if Yuzuru was there. Usually, Yuzuru would put his skating boots in the locker room before the six-minuets warm up of his group and Brian would come to carry his tissue box, and then they would head to the rink together. However, Brian didn't find Yuzuru in the locker room. Yuzuru was caught on camera sitting on a chair at the warm up area, resting his head on the wall and looking exhausted while taking off his mask impatiently. At that time, the announcement of Keegan Messing's score from the group before the last one, could be heard in the background.

Yuzuru at the warm up area before skating his free program at the WC 2021:

When Brian finally found Yuzuru at the warm up area, he said that he knew something must have happened to him but he didn't ask him about it. Instead, he tried to encourage him by saying energetically: "Let's go!"

Yuzuru showed up at the rink without styling his hair unlike the norm. He made a lot of mistakes in the first part of his free program as if he was not the same person who did a perfect run through one day ago. He said that he suddenly couldn't find his balance but he did try his best. He explained that with every mistake, he tried to at least not fall. Later on, the Russian media reported that the Russian doctor who was accompanying their team at the competition said that Yuzuru has had an asthma attack right before coming to the venue and has asked for his help. Yuzuru never talked to the media about what happened before the free program and why he was late. When he was asked about his asthma he only admitted to feeling a little asthmatic after the free program. Despite all of that, Yuzuru managed to win the bronze medal and contribute in securing three spots to team Japan at the Olympics.

The mystery of what happened to Yuzuru before the free program would have stayed unsolved if it wasn't for the Russian doctor. The reason is that Yuzuru doesn't like to make excuses for himself. He once said in an old interview that he used to make a lot of excuses for himself when he was young but then he realized that real strong skaters don't do that and that he wouldn't learn anything if he keeps on making excuses. He took the renowned Japanese skater Mao Asada as an example when she competed with a bone fracture without uttering a word about it. That must be the reason why he never takes his asthma as an excuse or talks about it.

10- Achieving his childhood dreams one by one:

Since ever Yuzuru was young he declared that he wants to be the Olympic champion and he wants to land a quad Axel. He went on to achieve his Olympic dream in 2014; making history by being the first Japanese male skater to win an Olympic gold medal ever. However, he said that it’s not over yet because the plan in his head is to win the Olympics twice. He kept on improving himself and walking towards his dream while making a lot of sacrifices and overcoming injuries. At the end, he achieved his dream and made history once again by being the first skater in 66 years to win the gold medal at the Olympics consecutively. He then made a statement saying that he feels happy and that this happiness is what he gets in return to the sacrifices he made. After that, he said that he feels freed from the pressure of having to produce results. Thus, he announced that he is going to skate for himself from then on. It was time for him to start focusing on the other dream of his childhood which was the quad Axel. He made it clear that landing it in a competition is his next goal and didn’t allow himself to get swayed by what others are doing or what competitions he is losing. He stayed focused on his goal and is reported to be getting closer to achieving it.

Yuzuru's path has never been covered with flowers. It was hard and painful most of the time but yuzuru always turns the pain into success and fulfillment with his perseverance, becoming an icon of inspiration to many people. We wish him a lot of happiness and success in the future.

Translation of Yuzuru's book is from:

https://bit.ly/3vSGgBz

#yuzuru hanyu #brian orser #javier fernandez

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imagining-in-the-margins · 4 years

Text

Here to Misbehave (Pt. 19 | S.R.)

Summary: Reader and Spencer share the night together following her doctor’s appointment. Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader Category: Smut (NSFW, 18+) Content Warning: Fingering, penetrative sex, degradation, daddy kink, Adults w/ Age Gap (10yr), spitting kink, unprotected sex (creampie), vague mention of subdrop, aftercare included Word Count: 6.2k

MASTERLIST

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There was something about the BAU bullpen that felt like another world. The open layout and the way it could shift from frantic rushing to bored silence in seconds sometimes made me feel like I was the most normal person contained within its walls. It was a rare sight, to see me there, and for good reason. I didn’t like to be there, considering most of my time there had been spent being questioned about homicide.

But it wasn’t like that, not that morning. I’d finished my doctor’s appointment early enough that I could hopefully locate the elusive Dr. Reid before he took off for lunch. And sure enough, just as I excitedly bounced over to his desk, I heard the ever-excited, yet comforting squeak of my boyfriend as he returned with a freshly poured cup of coffee.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” he practically yelled through a smile, rushing over to drop the mug on his desk. He couldn’t do it fast enough and barely made it. Once the mug was barely safe on the desk, his arms raced to wrap around me.

I giggled at the enthusiasm, considering it’d only been a couple hours since I saw him. But I was ecstatic to be with him and share the news I’d tucked away to keep safe on the way over. It was too much to bear by myself for long, and I knew he would be happy to help carry the load.

“I finished my appointment early and since I was in the neighborhood, I wanted to come see my boyfriend and give him the good news in person.” I explained. Spencer eyed me cautiously, careful not to get too far ahead of himself. I looked back with what I’d hoped was a cheeky grin, but I had a feeling it just turned into a goofy, toothy grin. Just as Spencer figured it out and his eyebrows shot up, another voice joined us.

“Mia stellina!” Rossi boomed, the bass carrying through the room like it always seemed to. It was the kind of joyful exclamation that demanded your attention, no matter how dark the circumstances surrounding you were. I knew that from personal experience.

I laughed again as he enveloped both me and Spencer in a hug that the latter only kind-of-sort-of cringed away from.

“Reid didn’t tell us that you were coming in today! I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

I snorted at the implication, stepping back to buy back my breathing space. “You’re never a bother, Rossi.” And I meant it, even if he had just interrupted mine and Spencer’s very important conversation. I could table it for a moment, though. There hadn’t been many chances for me to talk to Rossi since the hospital. Although he'd visited less frequently than Derek or Hotch, he'd still come by often enough for me to miss him. He was, by far, the most unique member of the team. People always assumed it would be Penelope, but I stuck with my contention that it’s the quieter ones you have to keep an eye on. Not that Rossi didn’t love to talk, and especially when it granted him the ability to name-drop.

“This is why I like you,” he casually reminded, waving off a slightly offended Spencer on his side. “And I trust that Reid already told you about the plans for next weekend.”

As soon as I turned to look at Spencer, he immediately looked away.

Luckily, Rossi wasn’t obtuse and quickly recognized the display of guilt. “I stand corrected.”

“What plans?” I butted in before either of them could speak. Spencer grimaced at the monotone, as he was fully aware of the level of annoyed it signaled.

“I told him to extend you an invite to the next family dinner, but it seems like he’s selfishly planning on keeping you all to himself.” Rossi’s playful tone was his way of requesting I give Spencer a break, but I wasn’t in the mood for forgiveness just yet. After spending months trapped in my bed, I was always looking for an excuse to talk to anyone that wasn’t my roommate. And when it came to the team... I mean, they were like his family. It made sense I wanted their approval, right? Or was I really, honestly just seeking the approval of men like Hotch and Rossi because of my “daddy issues?” And oh, god, I didn’t want to delve into that psychology.

“How rude,” I deadpanned, instead, elbowing Spencer’s side just enough to elicit a pained exhale and an explanation.

“I was going to tell her. I was just waiting until we actually knew when it was going to happen.”

“He’s lying,” I told Rossi, earning a very adamant, denial from Spencer in the process that I brushed off. We both did. The pout that immediately followed was harder to ignore, but I could be strong.

Honestly, it was just funny to see him in this environment. When he was alone with me, he was usually the one in charge, but at work, Spencer was hardly that. It was the only chance I had to tease the ever living shit out of him with little chance of immediate consequences.

“Yeah, he’s lying,” Rossi easily deduced, waving a dismissive hand at Spencer before continuing, “But luckily, you were here. And whenever it happens, I hope that you’ll be there, too. It’s important for you to have a chance to socialize with us outside of the job.”

I smiled, finally looping my arm around Spencer’s to hopefully ease the pain caused by being ignored. Rossi, however, didn’t seem to be on the same wavelength, considering he gave another quick quip. “Hopefully you’ll bring the kid with you,” he teased as he turned away, pointing to the notably older and larger man at my side.

“How am I the kid in this scenario?” Spencer muttered under his breath, the pout still on his face, and still just as cute.

“Will do, Rossi,” I happily chirped.

“Thank you, stellina.” Rossi said with a wink, casually bringing both hands to his lips to blow each of us a kiss.

Once Rossi was fully out of earshot, Spencer sighed in resignation. He had complained before about the fact that the team had immediately felt comfortable with me, contrary to his own experience. But of course, it wasn’t fair to compare. I'd come into their lives piggybacking on their close relationship with him. Spencer didn’t see it that way, though.

“Why do you get a nickname?” he grumbled, dropping his head to the side to rest atop mine.

I didn’t let him rest there long, pushing him back away from me so that I could stand before him again. With my fingers under my chin, I flashed the brightest smile I could while dramatically emphasizing, “Because I’m a little star.”

Spencer looked down at me with a gentle adoration, his hand coming up to brush over my cheek. My face followed after him, desperate for any contact he could offer in the sterile environment. It didn’t really make much sense how touch starved I was; it wasn’t like he hadn’t touched me over the past couple months. Or even that he'd touched me any less-- if anything, it had been more.

But then again, how could I ever get enough? I was certain Spencer would call me spoiled, and in many ways, I was, but I didn’t care. If I could find a way to bottle up the way I felt when he held me, I would. Lord knows there were so many times when I'd needed it and he wasn’t there. I wouldn’t ever admit that to him, though. What would be the point?

He couldn’t always be there. Sometimes he would have to leave.

Unaware of the dramatic monologue in my head, my boyfriend sighed. His lips pursed again while he watched my eyes soften the longer that he held my face. “You certainly are little,” he concluded. I knew he wanted to say more but feared doing so might lead the conversation down a path less suited for work. Although, what I had planned wasn’t exactly work appropriate, either.

“You know we’re definitely going, right?” I replied, peeking my tongue out from behind my lips.

With a loud groan, he took his hand back like the question had burned him. “Fine,” he conceded before quickly shifting the conversation, “but I’m more interested in what you came here to tell me. How did your appointment go?”

“It went very well. I got wonderful news,” I beamed. There were many idiosyncrasies of Dr. Spencer Reid that I absolutely adored, but one of my favorites happened to be the one where his eyebrows jumped halfway up his forehead, his eyes going wide with a curious glint. Just like they did then.

“Does this news mean you’ll be staying at my place tonight?”

“It can…” As I spoke, I wrapped both of my arms around his arm and pulled him down to whisper in his ear, “unless you want to take a long lunch break and get a head start.”

“Someone’s eager,” he replied with a snort that didn’t sound nearly as promising as I’d hoped.

“Can you blame me?”

Before I could sulk too hard, he poked me on the forehead and chuckled at the resistance I gave to the action. “Lunch, unfortunately, would not give me enough time for what I want to do to you,” he practically purred in a barely-there whisper against my ear. “When I get home, I want to find you on my bed with nothing on. Do you understand me, little girl?”

“Yes.” I had to stop myself from making too much noise, but a pathetic whimper slipped out before I could stop it.

“Good girl,” he whispered with his retreat, “I’ll see you then.”

Suddenly, I couldn’t wait for the hours to pass me by. I couldn’t stay at the BAU for long, recognizing a sudden shift of energy as JJ began rushing them into the office right before I left. At first, I thought it was a case, but Spencer assured me it wasn’t. He promised me that he would be home that night, and that I didn’t need to worry.

But the hours did not fly by; they took their sweet fucking time. I didn’t even bother waiting in the bed for most of them. I honestly spent nearly 8 of them rifling through the shelves in his living room, looking for a book that was both from this century and actually in English.

After I’d rifled through his cupboards and realized that he didn’t have any food, I went to the grocery store and bought food, returned, unloaded the bags, cooked and ate dinner before I came to one simple conclusion:

Spencer Reid was a filthy goddamn liar.

That was my admittedly grumpy thought when I finally crawled into his still empty bed in his even lonelier apartment. His pillow smelled enough like him that I could hug it and pretend that I wasn’t waiting for someone who was probably not going to come back anytime soon. I thought about going home, but I decided being lonely in his bed was better than being alone in my own.

My temper tantrum kept my face sulkily buried in his pillow, so when my phone started to ring, I didn’t notice it. I didn’t notice much of anything, and before I knew it, I’d drifted off into a world where Spencer could keep his promises because his job didn’t suck.

Of course, even in my sadness my mind drifted to other memories spent there. I’d fallen back into the loop of memories of the last time we were together. I could almost feel his breath against my thighs and his hands raking over my hips. And like it always seemed to, reality and fantasy began to blur. Spencer’s hand on my thigh felt so hot, I was burning beneath it. My whole body tensed, my back arching in the hopes of finding him.

I wasn’t sure which woke me first, the low, gentle chuckle, or the whisper in my ear.

“Maybe I should change your nickname to Aurora.”

I sat up before I even registered the words. Reacting to his voice alone, my arms were already around him and dragging him back down before he could say anything else.

“You’re home!” I shouted, groggy but happy to not be alone. If I’d looked at the clock, I would have seen the hands pointing to the early hours of the next day, but it hardly mattered anymore. All that mattered to me was that he was there, in my arms.

“I guess it’s my fault for not specifying that you should be awake when I got home.”

Answering him with a sloppy, sleepy kiss on the lips, I relished the way he couldn’t stop himself from laughing through it. “I’m awake now,” I answered with a very poorly timed yawn. It luckily didn’t dissuade him, and his hands quickly worked up over my hips and beneath the sheer negligee I’d worn to bed hours earlier.

“What’s this? I could have sworn my instructions were to not wear anything,” he chastised with a smile.

“I don’t follow instructions. You already knew that,” I mumbled back. It wasn’t until I ran my hands through his hair that I realized that he’d already stripped down to nothing before waking me up.

How considerate.

His curls seemed so much longer than before, and the movements seemed to distract him enough to grant me some mercy. We both knew why I didn’t want to be naked yet. And it really was a ‘yet.’ I truly believed that I’d eventually be able to own my body again, but that point just seemed so far in the future. Spencer didn’t want to push it. Not that night.

“I’ll let it slide this time.” He shared the words with kisses over my jaw and neck, his hands growing hungrier by the second. They skipped straight from my hips to my chest, grabbing hold of my breasts through the thin fabric. He was almost out of breath already when he murmured, “Before we do anything, you have to promise me you’ll stop me if it hurts.”

“I know, Spencer,” I droned, but he kept going.

“I mean it. Any sign of discomfort, you have to tell me.”

“I know!” I shouted with a laugh, struggling to push him away while he continued to cling to me. Finally having managed to do it, I promptly fell back onto the pillow. As I rolled my body over to lay flat, I managed to grab hold well enough that I could pull him over top of me. “Don’t ruin the mood!”

He stopped to admire the sight before him. All I could see, though, was the way he looked at me. The rest of the world seemed to fade away, and I wondered what he saw when he looked at me like that. He looked at me like he loved me so much he wanted to break me. I wished he would.

“How could I ruin anything when you look so fucking perfect laid out in my bed for me?” He growled, his nails dragging over the sensitive skin of my chest.

I couldn’t tell if it was his intention or some kind of Freudian slip, but I was reminded of the day I marred his chest with a necklace-shaped mark in a very similar fashion. The memory made me giggle. “I’m not so innocent.” The understatement of the century.

“Maybe not, but there are still a lot of things I’ve yet to show you.”

I was waiting for the but. I knew it was coming.

“But for now, we’re going to go slow.”

And there it was. I thought to myself how ridiculously unfair it was that having a good boyfriend meant actually being able to rely on them to take care of you. Even armed with the knowledge of my masochistic tendencies, Spencer was too scared to seriously hurt me. Thankfully, though, he wasn’t scared enough to stop him from sliding his hand up my thigh and slipping his finger into my drenched heat.

“The question is how slow?” he teased, recognizing from the rocking of my hips that I was more than prepared to have him then. “How much should I torture you, little girl?”

“Please,” was the only word I could whine at first, but I still saw too much restraint in his eyes. I knew that if I didn’t convince him now, I might be there for hours before he gave me what I wanted. It wasn’t the worst idea, but judging by his already bloodshot eyes, I figured I might as well speed things along.

“Please, daddy,” I whimpered much louder, tilting my hips up to present myself to him. I could feel his erection pressed against me, his palm pressing down as he struggled to decide if he even wanted to keep me in place. I could see that desire to destroy me return to his eye with a vengeance. He knew that I was challenging him, but then again, when did I not?

“Take care of me,” I begged. That was the way I succeeded in breaking Spencer; in turn, he would break me.

He grabbed my legs so quickly and roughly that I was almost dizzy with it. Wrapping them around his own hips, he lined himself up and began dragging the head of his cock over my sex. Low and wildly shaking, Spencer’s words were only barely audible over the sound of the blood rushing in my veins.

“Are you ready?” he asked, like my answer would ever change.

“Yes!” I shouted, nodding like my words wouldn’t be enough.

Spencer had barely waited for the confirmation. Inch by inch, he slowly stretched me open like it was the very first time he touched me. His movements were so precise, so gentle and undoubtedly tender, that I thought I might actually cry.

I had almost forgotten what it felt like when he touched me like that. I would never admit it to him, but with every passing second, I could feel the love rushing back to me. That connection that had felt strained was reinforced and reasserted.

He just felt so fucking good. And apparently, Spencer had similar thoughts in mind.

“Fuck, you’re so tight,” he groaned, his head falling forward to knock our foreheads together. There was clearly so much effort going into not hurting me that I just found myself hoping he was still enjoying it. That train of thought made it more difficult when his next question came. “Does it hurt?”

“No, it feels so fucking good,” I sobbed, and it was the truth. My hips, though already growing tired thanks to the months of disuse, struggled to try and take more of him. And even when he was fully inside me, I still cried out to him. “Please, Spencer!”

“Be patient,” he said with a grunt, his hips pulling back just enough for him to slam into me with more force. “I’m going to enjoy this.”

The words made a swarm of butterflies burst through my lower half that already felt so full with him. The statement just sounded so perfectly selfish in a way I’d been dying to feel for months. I wanted him to reap the rewards he’d so obviously earned. I wanted to give them to him, really, but I just couldn’t make it too easy. It wasn’t our style.

“So it’s not about taking care of me anymore, is it?” I pouted, although my lips quickly parted again as Spencer increased his pace in response.

“Are you not satisfied, little girl?” he teased, reaching up with one hand to wrap around my hair, forcing my head back among the pillows while he started to drive into me at a reckless pace. “Do you need me to fuck you harder?”

“Yes!” I yelled, my hands reaching for him, digging into his skin and bringing him closer to me. “I want it. Give it to me.”

Whether he sensed the desperation in my voice or simply couldn’t hold it back any longer, Spencer showed an uncharacteristic level of mercy on me. He barely protested at all before giving into my demands. Holding my head back in that same craned position, he laid sloppy kisses over my throat before whispering, “My little girl gets whatever she wants.”

There were no more words on my mind besides his name, which I recited over and over like a prayer. Each time he filled me, my eyes could barely stay open and my lips were nearly bruised from my constant biting. It was easy to forget that the rest of the world existed— that it was past midnight on a weeknight and everyone in the surrounding apartments would probably fucking hate us.

But Spencer didn’t seem to care either. Well, that’s a misstatement. Spencer definitely cared about my volume, but he didn’t care about other people not being able to hear it. He made that quite clear when he gripped my lower jaw in one hand and pulled it down, forcing my mouth open for him.

He had that look in his eyes again. The one that told me there were entire worlds in his mind that I hadn’t seen. Deeply hidden desires lurking just under the rippling surface. I wondered how far they went and just how much Spencer would hurt me if I could convince him to.

“Tell me what you want,” he ordered through clenched teeth, his jaw tensed and eyes still burning. There was a hurricane happening behind those hazel rings, and I wanted him to let it out.

I didn’t know how to ask him to do that; to convince him to break me even while I lay before him already broken and barely keeping it together. I did the only thing I could think to do with his hand still holding my mouth open to him and presented my tongue to him.

Spencer tried to remain composed and stoic as ever, but his body betrayed in him the same way it always did. His eyes. From the second they flickered down to see what I was asking for, his pupils blew out and swallowed the comforting toffee color of his irises.

With an even darker tone, Spencer chuckled, “You’re a filthy, greedy bitch.”

It’s hard to explain how much the words filled every part of my body. The way goosebumps rippled over my skin and an undeniable, almost unbearable heat burned at my face. It only got worse when Spencer finally did as I asked, gathering the saliva in his mouth just to drop it into my own.

The second it hit my tongue, I felt so irrefutably his that I was high with it. My eyes rolled to the back of my head as I swallowed between hungry gasps for air. And when it was over, I presented my tongue to him again.

I did so good, sir. Please tell me that I’m good, sir.

There were no words, but Spencer praised me in his actions. He lowered his mouth to mine, his tongue sliding against mine until our mouths were connected in the basest manner. For all the destructive power he held, he kissed me so softly. He still kissed me like he loved me.

Neither of us lasted much longer. Spencer’s hand slid from my jaw to rest on my neck, and a moan tore through my chest. Even though he applied no pressure, the casual reminder of what he could do to me was all that I needed. I lost myself in the bliss of him, my hands tangled in his hair and holding his mouth against mine even when I couldn’t kiss him anymore.

His eyes watched me, still covered in the blackness of his pupils and that animalistic desire to claim me however possible. I watched those eyes the entire time I came, wanting to both grant him the submission he deserved while also selfishly wanting to see the control I had over him, too.

Spencer kept his eyes open as he followed after me, unable to resist the calling of my body, begging him to mark, use, and fill it however he pleased. I watched his eyes roll back ever so slightly, his breath hitching as he pulsed inside me in tandem with my walls that held onto him for dear life.

I was his. I'd known that before, but how easily I’d forgotten. How quickly I’d let some stranger and some lead lay claim to me and make me believe that I could be anything but Spencer’s beautiful little girl.

When all semblance of fight left our bodies, Spencer still managed not to collapse on top of me. Apparently not even me letting him spit in my mouth was enough to convince him I was alright. I wrapped my arms around him and tugged him down on top of me, feeling the comfortable weight of him holding my chest down to more manageable breaths.

That was all there was for a while; our heavy breath breezing over sweat-covered skin as we lay tangled together under the sheets. I soaked in the feeling of slightly uncomfortable bliss, enjoying the way that we didn’t care if it wasn’t perfect because it felt close enough to us.

“I missed this,” Spencer said under his breath. It was a rare showing of selfish honesty— the first time he’d admitted to me that he had been having to hold part of himself back for months. He hadn’t been able to love me like he wanted, either. He might have been worried that I would take it the wrong way, but in reality, I had never felt so relieved to hear it.

“Me too.” I returned, trying to assuage his guilt as much as I could. I knew it wouldn’t do much, but I needed him to understand how grateful I was to share the moment with him.

Then again… They do say that laughter is the best medicine. So with a bit of a giggle, I mumbled, “Not so much the next part, but this one, yeah.”

With a small, sleepy chuckle, Spencer slurred against the pillow, “You’re such a romantic.”

“Says the asshole who doesn’t have to get up,” I reminded him. I struggled to move underneath him as he seemed to drop even more dead weight on top of me.

Like I said: Asshole.

“I wish you didn’t have to get up. I don’t want to let you go yet.”

I rolled my eyes, continuing to push at his stubborn shoulders while huffing back, “It’ll only be a few minutes, Spencer. The bathroom is right there.”

Nuzzling his face into my neck, he mumbled back, “Too long.”

“I can never tell if you’re more of an old man or a big baby.”

“I don’t know, let’s stay here and talk about it for a long time,” he answered with a laugh. I hated the fact that I laughed too, my attempts to shove him off finally ceasing. He pulled his head back, looking at me with all the love in the world.

I wasn’t ready for him to look at me like that. I couldn’t explain why, but the idea of him loving me still felt so terrifying. That fear was compounded by the realization that he might see it.

“Get up, idiot,” I replied to hide that emotion. It also helped to distract me from my own thoughts, and I ended up biting on my bottom lip to stop myself from smiling. It didn’t work.

“You’re so mean to me,” Spencer whined as he slowly removed himself with a small grunt.

“Only when you deserve it.”

Normally I would have eagerly gotten up myself, but I realized then just how painful it was to move. Spencer watched me with a massive, overwhelming guilt that formed before I could even think of how to prevent it. I decided it wasn’t worth it to try. It wouldn’t work. I just let him guide my legs off the bed so that I could shakily stand and shuffle off to the bathroom.

The best part about the time alone was being able to pull myself together and massage the angry scar tissue.

It won’t always be like this, I reminded myself, we can be beautiful again without it hurting.

That was the pep talk, anyway. It was the thing that got me back into the room and under the covers. Curling up by his side was like nature’s medicine. All of my muscles relaxed against him... until he turned around and ruined the perfect comfortable position.

Groaning in the least attractive manner, I pouted the entire time we readjusted. But despite my protests, Spencer looked as happy and comfortable as ever. Plopping my head back down on the pillow, I narrowed my eyes at his contemplation.

“What?”

“L’amor che move il sole e l’altre stelle,” he answered, which really only led to my confused face shifting to confused and incredibly turned on again. But one word in particular sounded familiar, as reminded by Rossi earlier in the day. Or rather, the day before.

“I recognize that last word. What are you saying about me, Dr. Reid?”

“It’s the final line in Divina Commedia by Dante Alighieri.” He was doing that cryptic thing again, having apparently not learned his lesson that I would always beat the answer out of him eventually, one way or another

Through a yawn, I mumbled, “What is that, Dante’s Inferno?”

“Well, Inferno is the first section, but I’m quoting Paradiso, which is the third and final installment of the overall work.” And apparently, he was also doing that thing where he taught me really interesting new things when I definitely did not have the brain capacity to understand or retain the information. We both knew I would have to Google it later, so there was no point in lingering.

“Okay, so what does it mean?”

Spencer paused, his gaze sweeping back and forth across my face like he was searching for the proper translation. Like the real answer he sought was something that could only be seen by his eyes. Eventually, he settled on a simpler and equally romantic response.

“It’s the way he describes the piece of Heaven he saw.”

But that still wasn’t good enough for my constantly curious self. It might have been the brat in me, but it was almost like he was avoiding the direct translation. Like I wasn’t smart enough to come to my own conclusion about it. “I’m going to keep asking until you answer me,” I droned, more reminiscent of a nagging two year old rather than a twenty year old.

“Spoiled,” he remarked, lightly tapping on my nose before he sighed. “It means ‘the love which moves the sun and the other stars.’”

I thought about the words for a minute. Or rather, I thought about trying to think about the words. Unfortunately, my exhaustion and blissed-out brain got the better of me, and the beautiful words whispered, in English this time, went in one ear and out the other. Spencer was giving me a smug little smile, like he could see my cluelessness written on my face.

“I like the Heaven explanation better,” I sneered, trying not to let him win this one just yet. But it was obvious from the way his smile grew that he’d already won.

“Yeah, I knew you would. You just had to keep asking.”

Snaking my hand around his waist, I pulled myself flush against him. “I’m a very curious kitten, Dr. Reid,” I purred, gently rubbing our noses together in a very successful attempt to distract him from gloating.

And in a brief flash of self-awareness, I realized how utterly normal I felt. It wasn’t just average; unlike the domestic moments we’d shared over the recovery, this one felt so... natural. There was nothing foreign about his hand on the small of my back, and the rhythm his fingertips tapped felt like a lullaby I’d heard a million times before.

“I wouldn’t want you any other way,” Spencer whispered, breaking me from the brief aside and back into the present.

“I’m pretty sure you’d have me in any form.” I didn’t laugh yet, but once Spencer joined in, there was no hope left for me.

“Yeah, probably, but you don’t have to point it out!” he whined.

I watched as the color started to form on his face, first starting with his ears and nose before spreading out across his cheeks. That blush, still visible in the dim light, was still one of the most beautiful things in the world to me. I never tired of it. Paired with his embarrassed giggles mingled with my own, I felt the undeniable and overwhelming emotion that could only be described as ‘love.’

When the laughter finally ceased, it was just the two of us in silence again, although now we were so close together that we might as well have been one person. It felt that way sometimes. Not like one might think— it was not the supposedly romantic but strangely depressing idea that we aren’t whole without another. It was more like knowing that I would never be more myself than I was when I was in his arms.

Comfortable. Safe. At home.

“Spencer?” I spoke before he could fully close his eyes that he somehow kept open for me.

“What’s up?”

“Thank you.”

That seemed to wake him up, which was not at all my intention. In fact, I'd hoped he wouldn’t respond at all and let the words stand. But he must have heard the hidden message behind it, the fear that all good things must come to an end.

“For what?” he asked. His hand on my back started to make soothing strokes under the negligee, reasserting his presence with me.

I considered answering. I thought about word vomiting all of my fears of inadequacy and broken promises and a future of settling for me. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t ruin the moment with such stupid things. The feelings would pass with enough time, right? I didn’t want to bother him with it. I didn’t even know if the problems were problems at all.

“I just wanted you to know that I’m happy and I love you,” I said, instead.

Spencer still saw that I was hiding something, but we were both too tired to push it. We could always talk about it in the morning if we remembered, which I was hoping we wouldn’t.

“I wish I could help you understand how much I love you,” he murmured, removing his hand from my back to trace my jaw. “I can tell you that I want to marry you and raise a family with you but… I don’t think it’s enough.

My stomach immediately dropped. It fell so hard that I actually flinched from his hand, my face twisting into an even more obvious grimace. If my hope was for Spencer to sleep, I’d made a grave error. He immediately shot up onto his arm, cupping my face and inspecting my eyes for any persisting sign of pain.

“What’s wrong?” he pressed, his eyes bouncing back and forth between my stomach and eyes. “Are you okay?”

“Nothing is wrong!” I squeaked, my hands flying to his shoulders to pull him back down. “I’m fine. I’m just tired.”

Our eyes locked in a challenge; a silent back and forth of wills and pleas. And eventually, Spencer started to lower back on the pillow. He’d let me win this one.

“It is past your bedtime,” he said with only a whisper of defeat in his voice.

“It’s past every normal human being’s bedtime, Spencer,” I said before turning away from him in the hope that it would make that concern in his eyes hurt less. It didn’t.

“And you think I’m the old man,” he joked back, snuggling up behind me and sighing into my neck as his hand rested on my hip. “Goodnight, little girl.”

So soon after he spoke, he was already asleep. Unfortunately, it wasn’t so simple for me. Even in his sleep, Spencer’s hands found their way to my stomach. His fingers spread over the expanse of skin like the scars didn’t exist at all. Like it was just as perfect a placement for him to hold onto me as it ever was before. Spencer had a tendency to hold me with so much love that I no longer felt capable of containing it.

It was... suffocating. It took my mind back to images of his blood soaked hands in much of the same position. His hands felt foreign again, and I felt even further away. Like Spencer wasn’t actually there, and neither was I. All that he was holding onto was memory instead of me.

He said he loved me, but he didn’t say why. The only answers my mind would consider were things that had already died months ago. Things that his hands and kisses couldn't fix.

I couldn’t ask him why. I was too afraid of the answer.

—————————————————

| Part 20 |

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