I made a sandwich.

Ah an agent got back to me about my manuscript and she had nice things to say but ! Ultimately rejected me. That’s like a month’s worth of hopes going down the drain. It’s my own fault for being hopeful tho. I’m going to be sulking like a baby for the rest of the day thank u

Maybe I shouldn't have eaten multiple spoonfuls of plain chocolate frosting..

Juust maaybe..

i tried soy sauce for the first time today and yesterday and it is fine. i put just 2 drops in my ramen yesterday because i was worried if i dont like but it was fine. so i put a few drops in the water today when inwas boiling it, and some in the egg to put on my ramen

Had so many calories today I don’t even want to think about it.

We had an early Christmas dinner with my housemates and I ate so much. I swear I forgot I was supposed to be limiting my calories and ate a massive portion.

Me after puking my guts out last night

episode 12 just….disappeared out of thin air😀

i write it out on my notes first and when i went to copy and paste it was gone. i checked the recently deleted and there was nothing

i’m actually gonna go fucking insane oh my GOD

this ep may be late sorry guys

I was just eating a lollipop and I got to the center and notices there was something in it. I thought it was like a tootsie pop with a different kind of candy with it, so I just started eating it like normal and thinking to myself, “Damn, this stuff taste weird…” Turns out it was gum in the middle and I was just fucking eating it like a chocolate bar.

When you disassociated heavily for ten minutes straight and then you have to spend the next five minutes convincing yourself that you're not dead.

there was absolutely no reason at all of me to just go downstairs make a grilled turkey and cheese sandwich and actually eat too

whole time I'm cooking it I'm thinking I'm not gonna eat this who the hell wanted this

but I ate it and i enjoyed it

now sleep for real

Oof I had more thoughts & accidentally made this is a diary entry…anyway. Personal Post:

This is actually helping me realize not how much more resentment I have towards my mom vs my dad but why that is since from an outside pov it didn’t make much sense because we’re less “close” and see each other less. even though my dad is reserved and doesn’t have a lot of deep emotional conversations with me, he is still more emotionally mature than my mother based solely on the fact that he is capable of self reflection, improvement and can accept mistakes/criticism without being defensive. Not to dismiss his shortcomings but it is stark and apparent based on how my relationship to my dad has only improved with age vs the way I’ve distanced myself from my mother. I don’t resent him because I know the extent of what is possible for us to have and I always felt “heard” when I did share something with him that I never felt from mom. I have a distinct memory of my dad telling me him and my mom were getting a divorce because I was the only child who did not know. He cried and talked to me about it. I never once had a serious conversation with my mom where she cared how I was processing it. She only ever avoided it or talked shit about him. and that is so fucked up!

My dad is still not very emotionally mature but there is a bare minimum that is just not present for my mother. Though me and my dad's relationship is more limited, it’s more reciprocal. And that’s the key difference that’s literally IT. I can see how he matured emotionally and improved as a person after they divorced in a way my mom did not. She only ever blamed it on him and, until recently, she would not listen whenever I would tell her he is not/does not x, y, z anymore or as much. But I lived with him for over a month last year so I can see that he is consistently the way he is. I almost let her gaslight me into thinking I was excusing his bad parenting when in reality she was jealous that I liked him and my stepmom more and she refused to recognize or understand how they could give me something she didn’t, when she’s the one doing “more” 🙄 more harm...

some-fucking-how I inherited my moms IQ but my dads EQ (to simplify it) so I am luckily the only person in my family that has a chance at ending the cycle of emotional neglect. Side note: I’m like 90% sure I inherited my ADHD from my dad and that would explain sooooOOOOO much in hindsight

Annnd the magic wore off!

Fun.

Feel... Bad

Gangrel is officially gone.

Good morning goth mutuals

I do believe I’m really over thinking it rn