#my fucking feels bruh
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uhh umm uhm random stuff
#jrwi riptide#my art#sketch#ships are so hard to draw. like. that's supposed to be a brigantine but its twice the size i wanted it to be and its sad.#i guess they can have a bigger boat 🙄...#they just keep fighting and running around on their ship and it feels like there's a lot of room for activities there when there really isn#idk man#i wanted to say that i need to draw more ships but i really dont. ships suck and drawing them is 90% pain and 9% holy shit i did something#and a secret third thing.....#AND NOW that I've said it i feel the sudden urge to draw more ships. ship combat. a giant port as a background. more scenes on a ship...#fuck my life bro#also. found out in the middle of writing the ids that i misspelled both the words millennium and albatross. bruh
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im not ok i will never be normal about this guy again happy disability month
#the specific feeling of telling urself over and over that __ will fix it#only to learn that nothing will fix it and even if you try it will still be there even if you try to push on and ignore it#that its not an injury that can be fixed with surgery or a diet issue or lack of exercise or psychosomatic… that its you. aaaaa#THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A COMEDY ANIME BRUH WTF WAS THAT#i felt his pain thru the screen his fucking face when kusuke said that….my heartttttt#saiki k#saiki kusuo#physically disabled#im so fucked up over this dumb show why did it hit so close 2 home
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Remember when in Mortal Kombat Conquest Reiko kisses Shao's sword lovingly like it's his dick haha because I do
#mortal kombat#shao kahn#reiko#mk reiko#general shao#shaoko#my shitposting#that's just war feeling man you don't get it#the fucking personal space lmao it doesn't exist#Shao's hand on Reiko's shoulder..they nearly started making out bruh
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#rock#rock wc#the ancients#tpot#oots#dovewing’s silence#little scrunkly freak who has a really fucking cool map centered around him#fallen leaves bro why’d you lie about the rain he didn’t want u to die bruh#also I made ‘stick’ not an actual Twig bc 1) it has years of claw marks in it I feel like a twig would’ve snapped by then#2) it was heavy when it fell into the lake and firestar had to get it for Jay#and 3) jayfeather had to use a rock to be able to snap it in half which implies it was fairly sturdy#those r my The Stick thoughts
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Thought about the toxic ep Almost died
#rick and morty#like jesus fucking christ whatd they put in that episode#my irrational attachments eye twitch while looking at toxic morty#im gripping my hair im clawinh at my face genuinely Rick being fully aware of his abuse of morty and doing nothing to stop it#fucking toxic morty as well bruh.#him immediatelly begging rick to save him once he re-fused#like loooolll this loser thinks asking for help is bad because his grandpa beat it into him loooolllllllll#me when im in most lifechanging events competition and rest and ricklaxation walks in#WHY DID THEY WRITE THAT. WERE THEY CRAZY. LIKE WHAT MOTIVATED THEM TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS#all sooo slash positive im feeling so. like im feeling so much right now#he was forced to think about rest and ricklaxation for 30 seconds
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catboy
#overwatch#lifeweaver#niran pruksamanee#i am so fucking normal about him#bruh this dudes design is hilarious#my respect to the poor sod at blizz who had to work with that design prompt#“give us an absurdly attractive effeminate bloke”#“but make it so you can tell his dick is huge from the very first glance”#also i main him and the gigabrain plays you can do with him are so good#i feel like a pokemon trainer every time i play him#ZARYA I CHOOSE YOU#art#digital#drawing#painting
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i seriously think its crazy sanji spent 2 years on Queer Island then came back parting his hair the same way his mom did and i just start tapping my chin in thought like .. what did oda mean by this?
#realized i can post my deranged sanji ramblings on here and not gaf because its tumblr and it feels like a light just opened up#snaji#he/her sanji is so fucking real to me nobody gets if#like sanji is some flavor of genderqueer that just cannot be described to the average mind#like you gotta be a certain type of crazy to understand my twisted mind……#sanji vinsmoke#even though thats not her fucking name.#wonder what she would make her last name after disowning the vinsmoke#i mean there is blackleg#yeah…#because like i cant see this chick seriously seriously getting married for a WHILE after the horrors of whole cake island#oh my god i can just fucking talk here 😭😭😭#HOLY SHIT😭😭😭😭#sora vinsmoke#more like sora VINGOAT#god….#bruh sora was rolling in her grave when sanji put on the raid suit#she was like GODDDD FUCKING DAMMITTTTT😭😭😭😭😭 NOT MY DAUGHTER!!
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those last words ouch ouch ouch
#this was very liked on twitter so am gonna put it here now#i think out of everyone rage is the one that hurts me most#he tells you the worst shit and then he starts sobbing dramatically bruh your going through every emotion right there#i would hug him..#my stuff#lisa the painful#rage ironhead#brad armstrong#lisa rpg#also it hurts me sm cuz he seems so attached to brad shit's so sad#that one theory that he's only saying this to make brad not feel guilty about killing him fucks me up#lisa ramblings
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now that I'm done imagining a jar of peanut butter, can I just say that I love that Shane and Ryan have shifted away from traditional true crime to just shootin' the shit about weird-ass mysteries?
I always liked the "let's talk about weird mysteries" aspect of buzzfeed unsolved, but being real with you, I'm uncomfortable with true crime and the culture surrounding it. like... as someone who lost a loved one to a violent (and temporarily unsolved) crime, I've seen firsthand how internet theorizing can make a traumatizing time even harder and like. it's fucking rough, man.
I get that it makes money and all (which... is a whole other can of worms) but when you view human suffering as entertainment, it's so easy to forget about the real people who will actually be affected by what's put out there on the internet.
so I'm happy that Shane and Ryan seem to be leaning a lot more into "wow, some unhinged shit happened! how fucked up is that?" on mystery files. more of this, please!!
#watcher#mystery files#also like... anyone can make money off true crime if they're charismatic enough#which means that often those narratives end up mirroring real-life prejudices#I remember when my friend died people online were accusing his wife of doing it#solely because she was an immigrant#people kept talking about her shady accent and how she probably married him for his money and to get a green card or whatever#and how her wording was sometimes confusing so she must be lying#what money??? number one#she was ESL number two#but also this woman literally watched her husband bleed out and people all over the world were accusing her of murdering him#they figured out what happened later (shocker she was telling the truth the whole time) but it was so heartbreaking to watch#I hate that people feel entitled to the worst moments of strangers' lives y'know?#and to make MONEY off that...#bruh if someone ever tries to fucking make money off my murder while putting on makeup or whatever#I will haunt the fuck out of them#I don't even know if I believe in curses but I'll find a fucking way
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wait hello?
#im watching this only now cus of this guy who i just realized THREE of my friends have/had a crush on#anyway its SOOOO GOOD BRUH#its so pretty and artistic and all these religious motifs#THE SHOT WITH VI UNDER THE BLOODY WINDOW LIGHT..#im obsessed with how human everyone looks#like jace's big ass chin. altho i was wishing his mom looked more like him. but also like the white hair streak says sm#jinx's movement is sooooooooo good its so unique and u literally understand her like i get her#also the voice acting augh.. all the crying scenes are so good#powder just as little girl. i feel her tbh. im so..#i love the plot so bad im going crasyy#but im forreal so obsessed with the character designs its so good its sooo. its so.. like idk their personality shows so much idk..#like the goggles? augh#fuck its so good. the themes.#rex.txt#arcane#<- i intend to talk abt this more..#wait no sorry jace's chin isnt big its just so normal like its so perfect. but his mom's chin does look short in comparison
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Just Tonight (II)
✧ Nebarra x human!LDB
✧ Angst to comfort; 2k+ words
✧ Brief & very mild suggestive content, light swearing
♫ "My Blood" - Echos, "Mistake" - NF, "Stubborn" - Riell
✒ @candydreamer122, you asked to be notified when this dropped so here ya go!
Nebarra opened his eyes to the golden light of dawn, your head resting on his chest, bare legs intertwined with his. Your body pressed against his, warm and comforting, and when he glanced down at your face, he'd never seen it more peaceful. He reached up, brushing your cheek with his thumb, and even in your sleep, you leaned into his touch.
Gods, you took his breath away. But even as he lay there, admiring you in the soft morning light, a single, unpleasant thought wormed its way to the front.
He didn't deserve you.
It made him pause, something turning sour in the pit of his stomach. No... Please, no...
He didn't want the moment to end. Didn't want the thoughts he knew would turn his happiness to ash. But for years they had whispered in his mind, been his constant companions, bitter and selfish lovers that left him with nothing in return but pain and cynicism. They would not let him go so easily, relinquish the control he has given them long ago.
All the more reason he couldn't, shouldn't have you.
Because, really, what could he offer you? He had nothing but his past, his bitterness, his selfish nature. Even last night had been spurred on by his own selfish desires, exacerbated further still by drink. He was nothing but thorns, rough and crude, the blood of hundreds on his hands – and he felt no guilt over them.
...Most of them.
You didn't deserve someone like that. You could do so much better than him.
Why did you want him, at all?
And as he lay there, hand cupping your face, his eyes drinking in every curve and contour – your own slowly fluttered open.
His breath caught. Sunlight danced across your irises, and he could see himself reflected in your gaze. For a few moments, you simply blinked at him, and he could see every minute shift in your expression. Emptiness, confusion, sudden realisation – and then you smiled.
Nebarra had seen many things in life. Many ugly things, things that he'd tried to forget, that haunted him until he drowned them in drink. The few beautiful things he'd seen, though... those, he remembered clearly, and often. Fought to carve them into every facet of his memory, to allow himself the slightest hope, to give himself the smallest of reasons to keep going. And the smile you gave him...
It was the most beautiful of them all.
There was life in your smile. Vast, vibrant, and beautiful, your face haloed in the golden light of morning, you looked... divine.
And then, you spoke, words low and husky from sleep, a laugh rumbling in your throat: "And you call me guar-face." Slowly, you raised a hand, gentle fingers brushing his cheeks, smile growing ever wider.
...He wanted you. Gods, how he wanted you. His heart ached with the thorns of longing, with the knowledge that he couldn't, shouldn't have you.
So, he turned away, pulled back from your touch. Forced an empty expression on his face, in his eyes. Grunted a simple, "Morning." And carefully, oh so carefully, pushed you off him.
"...Nebarra?"
Unwelcome. Outsider. All he was ever meant to be.
"What?" The word was heavy on his tongue, deadened in tone as he sat up, got off the bet, and set to collecting his clothes from the floor.
"Nebarra... What's wrong?"
Everything. "Nothing." He fumbled with his trousers, nearly falling as he tugged them on, still scanning the floor for his shirt. Anything to avoid meeting your eyes.
"Bullshit." Sheets rustled as you leaned forward, and he could practically hear your brows furrow at him. "Is it... because of last night?"
"No." Yes.
"I think it is. And I think we should talk about it – about this."
"There's nothing to talk about," he grunted, still pacing the floor, eyes roving everywhere but the bed. Where was his damn shirt?
"Oh, I think we have a lot to talk about."
He didn't answer, and in the silence, fabric rustled some more. Then, your voice, "...Looking for this?"
Finally, slowly, Nebarra looked at you. You were sitting upright on the bed, and in one hand you held up his shirt, winkled and dusty from the floor.
And you... were still very much naked. Your chest was on blatant display, the blankets pooled low around your hips, deep purple teethmarks scattered over your skin – his doing. Nebarra swallowed, averting his gaze back to the tunic.
Wordlessly, he stalked over, reaching out for it – only for you to snap your hand back, away from him. He sighed. "What are you doing?"
You didn't answer, though he could feel your gaze burning into him. Reluctantly, he returned it – and the storm in your eyes sent a shock down his spine.
Oh...
Oh, no.
Before he could even begin to pick apart what he saw in there, you raised your arms, slid them through the holes of the shirt, and pulled it down over your head.
You... were wearing his shirt.
Still holding his gaze, there was something like a challenge in your eyes. Nebarra grit his teeth and, for once in his life, held his tongue, unsure if he could win this one.
The thought... unsettled him.
But... maybe not as much as it should have.
"Nebarra."
No. No, no no no. You couldn't do that to him – say his name in that tone, in that way.
"What?" he snapped, harsher than intended.
Maybe he should have just been born mute.
"We need to talk about this."
"No, we don't."
"Why not?"
"Because... it was a mistake." He looked away, unable to meet your gaze, tearing a hand through his hair. Coward, coward, coward. "That's all there is – was – to it. We were drunk, and tired, and maybe... just maybe... a little lonely. So we made a bad decision – one we should just forget about, move on from. Because ultimately... it meant nothing. Not a damn thing."
It felt like an eternity passed before you answered, and when you did, your voice was heavy, rasping with emotion. "...If that's how you really feel, then–"
You choked. Nebarra could practically hear the words catch in your throat, dying before they could pass your lips. Instead, a low, bitter laugh rose suddenly in their place; the sound scraped his wounded heart raw. "Gods damn you, Nebarra. You're... really selfish, you know that?"
"Yeah," he mumbled. "I know."
But you weren't done. Because as you rose from the bed, the floorboards creaking beneath your feet, you continued, "You're also... a really shit liar."
And then you were standing before him, your hand on his chin, turning his face towards you, your gaze searching his. He couldn't avoid your eyes this time, couldn't look away from the storm raging within them: hurt, anger, confusion.
Because of him. Him, and his stupid decisions, and his even stupider words.
Yet, even as he stared, he could see something else in them, too.
Affection. Care. Passion. And... lo–
Why? Why him? Of all the people on Nirn you could want, how could you want the mess that was him?
"I don't know," you said softly, and Nebarra realised with horror that he'd spoken his thoughts aloud. "Because, gods, you really are a mess, aren't you? You're bitter, cynical, surly, arrogant, selfish, flawed to the moons and back, but..." Your hand shifted, brushing upwards to cradle his cheek, and the Altmer found himself holding his breath, afraid of what you'd say next, needing to hear what you'd say next.
Only, you didn't say anything. Instead, you simply leaned in, pulled him close – and kissed him. Before he even knew what he was doing, Nebarra found himself returning it, pulling you in closer, hands falling to your waist –
Wait.
No.
Stop.
What was he doing?
Breathless, he pulled away, nearly stumbling over his own feet. His mind spun; he couldn't seem to form a single coherent though. "What – what was that?"
Your eyes seemed to stare right down to his soul, burning with intensity, filled with both pain and longing. Yet a faint, bittersweet smile ghosted across your face as you answered, "Nothing, apparently."
...Damn you.
Before he could change his mind, think himself out of it, Nebarra caught your arm and tugged you sharply back towards him, crashing his lips back against yours. You stumbled from the initial force of it, but he followed your motion, keeping your lips on his.
After a moment, your arms slipped around his neck, one hand cradling the back of his head, the other tickling his nape. He grunted into the kiss, pulling you back towards the bed; you didn't resist, and readily fell back on it.
Nebarra fell with you, straddling your prone form, brushing his lips from your mouth to your jaw, nipping gently as he went. A soft gasp escaped you; his hands slid down, tugging your shirt – his shirt – gradually upward, pulling it off of you.
And immediately he sat up, got off the bed, and tugged it over his own head. Without a word, he walked away to the other side of the room, leaving you naked and stunned on the bed.
"...Nebarra!"
"Like you said," he muttered, stalking across the room and far from you, "I'm selfish."
He could hear a frustrated breath hissing through your teeth. "Damn you! Why can't you just admit what you feel, what you want? What are you so afraid of?"
The elf froze.
You could see right through him, couldn't you?
"You don't... even know me," he managed at last, keeping his back towards you. "You don't even know my name, my real name."
"I don't need a name to know you, though. Names aren't what define us – we define them. It doesn't matter to me whether you're Nebarra or... or Nico, or something else entirely. Because you're still, and always will be you, regardless of what name you answer to."
Gods, why did you have to be so damn stubborn?
"Pot, kettle, black," you sniffed, and Nebarra realised that yet again, he'd spoken aloud. "And who knows, maybe I picked some of it up from you in the first place."
Sighing heavily, Nebarra leaned forwards and let his forehead thunk against the wall. He stayed like that for a long moment, counting his breaths, trying to collect his thoughts.
"I'm not... suited for a relationship," he slowly began. "I wouldn't be... you have better options than me. People who could give you what you want far better than I could."
At that, you actually laughed, and he turned to look at you despite himself. There was no smile on your face, only pain and mockery; the sight drove thorns through his chest. "Who, then, O wise one, most knowledgeable of relationships? Who on Nirn can give me what I want, when what I want – is you."
He shook his head. "Well... you shouldn't. I can give you nothing."
"You aren't nothing," you said softly. "Your heart isn't nothing. Don't you get that yet, Nebs?"
"My... heart," he echoed, staring blankly at you. "My heart."
Shifting, you rose from the bed, wrapping a blanket around yourself as you approached. "Yeah, your heart. This thing–" you placed a hand over his chest "–that's beating right here, going at a million miles a second." Your eyes locked with his once more, and somehow, even before you spoke, he knew. He knew.
"I love you, you miserable bastard. And I want you, not for anything you can offer me, but for who you are. There's no doubt in my mind about that. Now, the only question left is... how do you feel? What do you want?"
He couldn't hide from it any longer. The truth was on his tongue, escaping his lips before he even had to think about it. "You. I just... gods damn it, I just want you," he rasped. "But..."
You placed a gentle finger against his mouth. "Shh," you murmured. "No buts."
Slowly, Nebarra raised a hand, brought it up to yours, and pulled it away from his lips, instead lacing his fingers with yours. "No, listen. I... this... is going to be complicated, if we really do this. And... you're probably going to get hurt and disappointed because of me. There's a lot you don't know–"
"And you can tell me when you're ready," you soothed, brushing your thumb across the back of his hand. "We'll cross all those bridges when we get to them. And yes, before you protest any further," you added, when his mouth opened to do just that, "I'm aware of the emotional risks. But that's part of every relationship, Nebarra, and you know that. So, again, when they do inevitably arrive, we'll cross those bridges together."
...He really didn't deserve you. Didn't understand how or why you wanted him, of all people. But as you rested your forehead against his, breaths mingling, eyes full of nothing but each other – Nebarra realised he didn't care, anymore.
The voices in his head, all the doubts and fears – they still hissed their poison, and he knew it would be a long, long time before they stopped. But a new voice had joined the mix, soft but confident, telling him that maybe, just maybe, life wasn't about "deserving" things, but appreciating them. That maybe, amid the bleak desert of his past, he could still find a lone rose of happiness.
And that voice... sounded an awful lot like yours.
#nebarra#nebarra skyrim#skyrim nebarra#whisper writes#finally. its done.#i feel like this ended up so out of character and im so so sorry about that but man i'm tired. i ran out of steam weeks ago.#i didn't even edit this bruh#i just wanted to FINISH it#sigh. anyway#i hope yall are listening to the songs i list on the fics cause dAMN theyre good and the entire reason these shity little scribbles exist#this one took. SO MANY SONGS to keep me going.. to give me the ideas and motivation to finish#the three i listed were just the biggest contributors#but there were LOTS more believe me lol#i go to sleep now. it is 11am and my sleep schedule is FUCKED mate#woke up at like 6pm yesterday evening#my whole system's wrecked#im rambling again lol gnight gnight i hope yall have a good one
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This is a very old and tired complaint but Shaun really was the stupidest thing about fallout 4. The synths were pretty bad too but the synths weren't supposed to be the characters motivation for doing anything. Shaun was several jukes in a contrivance trench coat that clashed with...everything else, to be honest.
So anyway, some dumb ideas i came up with in ten minutes to replace the "Find your son" plot, still using the basic ideas
The SS is still pre-war, and still is the only survivor of Vault 111. This time, they're the ones taken by Kellogg, and after undergoing something (basically just being conscious in the Institute for a bit) before getting thrown back out into the Wasteland. The motivation is figuring out who those science guys were, what they wanted with you, and later, are you a synth?
The SS is not pre-war. Game starts with you traveling with some merc group (gunners maybe?) told to investigate Vault 111 and get out any survivors of the cryo chambers. You find the cryo'd people, but the Institute and Kellogg are right behind you. Kellogg kills everyone in your band, leaving only you, as you hide or play dead or whatever. The Institute takes all of the people you were supposed to save. Motivation is 1: avenging your team and killing Kellogg, 2: figuring out why you were sent to Vault 111 in the first place, and if this job was a set-up.
SS is a traveler who stumbles upon Garvey in Concord. You save him and his group, and can join the Minutemen as usual. If you accept, the Settlement radiant quests start to involve the Institute. Synths are constantly attacking your farms, you keep finding replacements in your settlements trying to kill the original people, and the Institute sends you letters requesting your cooperation or to disband the Minutemen, depending on your actions. Kellogg also keeps showing up and throwing wrenches in Minutemen business. Now, as the General, you're trying to find the Institute to make them stop fucking with your people. If you decline the Minutemen, the Institute starts attacking the major settlements, and now the Commonwealth is under invasion. The Brotherhood rolls in with no fake niceties, and you get roped into it by either the Railroad or BOS in a random encounter.
Back to Pre-war SS. The cryo chambers open after 200 years on their own, and all of the 'residents' stumble out to find the Vault staff dead. Someone has to go see what its like topside. You can volunteer, or everyone draws straws/flips a coin/etc and you lose, having to go up. You go find Codsworth, he tells you there are people in Concord. Find Garvey, etc etc. Vault 111 is now up and operational by Pre-war civilians, but you're tasking with getting supplies for them. Joining the Minutemen makes this easier, as you can send supply routes rather than do it yourself. The Vault interests the Institute, who send Kellogg to attack Sanctuary and the Vault after hitting a certain threshold of success. You go after the Institute once it looks like the Institute, before the war, had something to do with Vault 111, and are now trying to come collect those results. Motivation is figuring out what the Institute is actually planning for the Commonwealth, and why Vault 111 and its people seem to be their ticket to that future.
#fallout 4#fo4#this is coming from someone who does use the vanilla story for their sosu#like it works for me but it still feels hamfisted#'i must find my son' as i travel with preston to make settlements#'i must find my son' as i painstakingly decorate every settlement and play dress up with the settlers#'i must find my son' as i scour the Commonwealth for bobbleheads to fill my handcrafted stand for them#like bruh. linear stories go in linear games.#non linear stories go in non linear games#like. i can get MARRIED before i find shaun. how does oldman shaun feel about danse or curie or hancock being his step parent#SHAUN. I AM FUCKING ONE OF YOUR SYNTHS/A CHEM ADDICT GHOUL LARPING AS JOHN HANCOCK.#ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT ME TO TAKE OVER AS DIRECTOR???
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#candyredtext#i have applied to well over like 20 jobs in the last lkike 3-4 weeks.#and only maybe like 5 ever even got back to me.#i got 4 interviews overall. one in person. 2 on phone. and one was pre-recording video responses#either the job declined me. the job's pay wasn't in my range. or the job didnt seem like a fit for me.#i have 6-ish years of customer service bruh. why am I so unhire-able#im so sad i fucking dont think im gettin that hotel job.#i thought i nailed that interview.#this is what i get for being so sure of myself for it </3#please i just wanna get a job i dont feel fuckin miserable at#and where i am not the only one carrying the entire damn fucking team.
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my partner is going to be looking for a part time job (wfh atm) and im bawling at my job bc i dont want us to have conflicting schedules bc if we do im going to be so fucking alone at the apartment and i cant deal with myself alone
#im so worried#i am just#i do not want to be alone i am not ok being left alone#bad shit always happens and i always get left alone#and forgotten and idk just i cant fucking bear it#shutup sensitive#god#im jsut#bruh#and i fucking#changed my life and it was just fetting better#it was juuust tfndndnf i moved away two yesrs ago and i jsut#i dont have a good feeling about this#uuuuugggh
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Still cant believe a fucking terf is in fallout fandom intecacting with trans creators and drawing her ugly stereotypical twink transmasc character. You should be ashamed
What is even happening to my inbox anymore. Idk if it's the same person that asked about Sharky or not, but it really makes me uncomfortable.
I don't know where the TERF stuff even come from, but I'm very open with my political views and yeah, I was a radfem in 2019 or something. I also was a very vulnerable sad russian teenager. I know not a lot of people on tumblr aware of all the intricacies of russian internet scene, but I assume you, anon, have some knowledge, because you called me a TERF in the first place.
There's an internet phenomenon called "alt-right pipeline" and I fell in the simular thing called "TERF pipeline". This shit is inevitable for every single afab person that speaks russian. It's a really big thing. I don't say it's an excuse to be a bigot, but I was 12 when i first touched the internet. I was insecure, very fucking poor and spiteful. Also I had and (still have) some hormone problems and was generally a pretty ugly girl so coped with it by drawing ponies and hating on elusive and mysterious "men in skirts" these smart twitter girlies always talked about.
To be perfectly honest, I genuinely don't understand what russian TERFs are fighting for or against, I was in this shit for solid few years and still have no idea. I mean, now it's illegal to be transgender in Russia (a real law), but it wasn't a win for these angry teenage girls, it was a win for genocidal bigoted russian government, the same one that legalized domestic violence (also a law. its officially not a real crime in this country). I went off the topic and started ranting about my frustrations with the government again FUCK 😭
I tried to say that russian internet is genuinely a fucked up place, but I lived in the middle of Siberia in a village, ideologically only had my orthodox grandma, racist older brother and TERFs on the internet. I only started to learn english a few years ago, so i didn't have enough options before that. Or, to better words, didn't have enough knowledge to be a better person.
I'm really really and sincerely fucking sorry for that. Like, truly. It was really fucked up and I'm ashamed of stuff I said and supported blindly. I now have resources and have some media literacy in my disposal and basic understanding of english to educate myself about the topics I'm talking about. I'm trying my hardest to show support and love to all my queer friends and mutuals, and as an artist I do all I can to be inclusive, not because I feel the need to, but because I want to.
I have no right to speak about trans people and their issues and I won't. I don't know if Sharky is as bad as anon described, because I'm biased (this is my character after all) and not educated enough to acknowledge all the stereotypes associated with transmasculinity. I would really enjoy to hear opinions of my fellow transmen. To address some of my choices regarding his design and writing:
- He wears pink, because it's a quirky color that doesn't show up much in Fallout. Never meant to de-masculate him or to ridicule him. It's my favorite color, after red and brown, which are the primary colors of Wendy.
- He has a silly personality and a carefree attitude because 1) I'm projecting and 2) Wendy needed a character to balance out her awkward and moody autism
- He's a girl's boy and has wives. I didn't have the reason to make him not like girls. I wanted him to be an example of positive masculinity and solidarity. He is a straight dude who loves women. Not just sexually attracted to them or sees them as pets. They are his partners. With their own personalities and lives. Also I wanted to make a full circle 😭😭😭 I'm asexual and bi-romantic. I like boys, girls, all between and beyond boys and girls and don't really think sex is a big thing for me. Aletus likes boys, Sharky likes girls and Wendy likes when there's no sex. Pretty simple, I think.
Hope this explains why Sharky is the way he is. Would still really appreciate an opinion from a trans person. Or any kind of feedback really, because I've been feeling really fucking bad lately and can't objectively reflect on my choices. Also more questions about my OCs are very much welcome. There's a lot of stuff that made me feel like I've been misiforming people, including this anonymous message, and I will specify anything you want to know. Thank you all a lot.
#at least i got this little rant of my chest#but i dont know anymore#ive been feeling shameful for a lot of my posts here lately#i feel like no one really wants to see me post stupid ass oc sketches for another gajilliomillionth time this week#i know its not true but im angry at myself that i just cant draw shit anymore#considered taking a break but what will i do bruh#in moments like these i truly fucking wish i had friends#<- cringe emo shit I prohibited myself from saying
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????? ok fuck me ig this year is crazy
#so first my moms husband dies. then turns out my grandpa has cancer too and wont see the end of this year. my grandma's also dying.#NOW MY MOST BELOVED PIANIST LEAVES TILL THE END OF THE YEAR???????????? health issues. bruh. ill get health issues if you leave me.#im obsessed with him he restored my love for singing i would have quit if not for him </3#my voice teacher is leaving for the rest of the month cause she's singing in latvia. good for her i love her so much it hurts so its ok#but still :((#and like. god. im fucking up left and right and it feels like everything is literally crumbling to dust around me#cant catch a break can i#ughhhhhhhhhh#also i literally took the 'ah non lasciarmi no' concert aria to her last time we saw each other asking if i can do it#and now what? both her AND MISTAH [redacted] ARE LEAVING ME.#di vita mancherei nel dirti addio fr ah no non lasciarmi ah no </3
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