#my crack ship shall spread like wild fire I say!
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A good deed
Jaune: Oooookay, doors are locked, dishes are cleaned, clothes are folded, and we are ready for our date, Rubes!
Ruby: Yes!
Jaune: All that's left is-*knock at the door, a familiar voice coming through*
Oscar: Hello?! Are you guys gone already???
Ruby: One second, Oscar! *turns to Jaune* Is Garnet asleep?
Jaune: Like a rock. Are you still worried about leaving him alone?
Ruby: No. Maybe. I don't know, first kid jitters I guess, can we just take him wi-*kissed by Jaune*
Jaune: Everything will be fine, Ruby. Oscar's a good kid and I trust he'll take good care of Garnet.
Ruby: Okay, but if something goes wrong, don't be surprised when I say "I told you so!" *Goes to open door to let Oscar in, Jaune scoots past to go start the car, giving Oscar a thumbs up as he passed.*
Ruby: Right, so Garnet's already asleep, the TV's turned down so you can hear it but he can't, there's ten dollars on the table so you can order pizza if you want, and don't be afraid to call if anything goes wrong or you need to ask something, and there's a baby monitor in case Garnet wakes up.
Oscar: Got it! And hey, everything will be fine.
Ruby: I know, it's just...*hugs Oscar* please don't be afraid to call.
Oscar: You have nothing to worry about, Wizard's Apprentice Honor! *he said, doing a two-fingered salute.*
Ruby: *tilts eyebrow* Did you make that up???
Oscar: *pauses, then looks away mischievously* May have. *They both laugh*
--10 minutes later--
*Oscar sat on the couch, eating the pizza he had ordered with the ten dollars, watching TV. A news story was on about a gruesome crime scene in an alley way in downtown Vale, but he changed the channel before the reporter got into detail about the victims. About 10 seconds later, he heard noises coming from the baby monitor, prompting him to eat the rest of the slice sans the crust, and he jogged upstairs to Garnet's room, and when he opened, he had to double take the corner on his right. In said corner, was...Crescent Rose? Why would Ruby leave without it? Though upon further inspection, Oscar noticed a note attached to it. He read aloud*
Oscar: "Dear Oscar, I thought you'd might notice this, so I put this note here just in case. Ruby thought getting Garnet introduced to weapons this early might make him have a love for weapons like her, so Qrow and Tai made this Styrofoam replica for the occasion. Sorry if this makes you wierded you out. Sincerely, Jaune." *He chuckles to himself* She would do this, wouldn't she?
*He got pulled out of his thoughts when he heard little squeals from a crib. He walked over and saw a small black haired baby who he assumed to be Garnet. He was in a little jet black onesie, sucking on a dandelion yellow pacifier. Garnet looked up at Oscar with deep, sapphire blue eyes like Jaune's. The infant squealed in delight at Oscar, smiling behind his pacifier.*
Oscar, lowering his voice: Heeeeey, little dude! Enjoy your nap? *He said picking up Garnet, walking over to the rocking chair, sitting down and letting the baby giggle and poke at his face, curious about the farm boy's freckles.*
Oscar: I don't see what Ruby was so freaked out about, this looks easy. *He frowns a bit, not out of any negative feelings, but he had to call.*
Ruby, over the Scroll: Oscar? OMIGOSH, did something happen?!?! We'll be over right awa-
Oscar: No, no no no, I'm just calling to ask you something!
Ruby, quizzically: What is it?
Oscar, pausing: How...did you prepare for having a kid, and more like, how did you know you and Jaune were ready???
Ruby, laughing with Jaune: Well, I guess...we were just excited to start something that would make us happy for years to come.
Jaune: And we really wanted to start something both of us agreed to and knew were capable of doing together.
Ruby/Jaune: We knew this was something we wouldn't regret. *stop and then laugh at their simultaneous talking* You dork.
Oscar: Really...thanks guys. Enjoy the rest of you date, bye! *hangs up, and goes back to his contacts, but stops as he sees the first contact with a picture of a familiar ginger android with a smile bright enough to outshine the sun*
Oscar, internally: *something they wouldn't regret, huh...?*
--Many, many years later--
Penny: Husband Oscar?
Oscar: Hmm?
Penny, holding their newborn daughter in the hospital bed: Would this be one of those "start of something great" moments?
Oscar, thinking back: Yeah...*he said, holding his wife's hand, smiling* It is.
#rwby#ruby rose#jaune arc#oscar pine#penny polendina#rwby lancaster#rwby data farm#my crack ship shall spread like wild fire I say!#this also may or may not inspired by a post my boi tanakaclinkbeard made that was...rather depressing...
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Good Omens one-shot - “Wrong Address” (Rated NC17)
Summary: Since Aziraphale won't let his demon come over during lockdown, Crowley decides to send him a special gift. It doesn't work out quite the way he planned...
... but that might turn out to be an unexpected blessing. (1655 words)
Read on AO3.
"Anthony J Crowley! Did you send me a care package?"
"Yes, indeedy, angel," Crowley admits, a smug smile tugging his lips up at the corners. He reclines in his throne, phone pressed to his ear, staring out his windows in the direction of his angel's shop, beaming at the smile in Aziraphale's voice.
"What a wonderful surprise! This has positively made my day! Whatever made you think of it?"
"Well, when you mentioned finding those cookbooks in your shop, you sounded so damned happy, I wanted to see if I could top it even if you won't let me come over so I can watch you eat your tasty creations... " Crowley mutters on the finish, still bitter at his angel's reluctance to bend the rules, especially since those rules shouldn't apply to them. There's no way either of them can get sick! "So when I saw this online, I thought it could be a way for me to be a part of your culinary journey."
"How very thoughtful of you," Aziraphale says apologetically. He's not trying to hurt Crowley. He would love nothing more than to have him slither over and share a crumpet or two.
But angels assigned to Earth stations are meant to be role models. What he does, he does for appearance's sake.
He must lead by example.
Though, to be honest, it's quite annoying being penned in like this for the good of mankind when humans can't see fit to sit on their arses for a few months until this whole virus bother blows over.
"So... " Crowley nudges as an expectant silence falls between them, each waiting for the other's next move.
"Indeed! Don't keep me in suspense!" Aziraphale says, rubbing his palms together. "What's inside?"
Crowley rolls his eyes. Like he's going to set up this whole surprise and then just spill the beans! "You won't know until you open it, will you?"
"Oh! You want me to open it now then? With you on the phone?"
"That's wot I was hoping. I want to hear your reaction. You know, since I can't be there and all."
"Okay. Give me a moment. I need to find a letter opener or a box cutter or... or something... "
Crowley sinks further into his seat, closes his eyes, and makes himself comfortable. Knowing Aziraphale and his unique organizational system, this could take a while. But listening to his angel hum as he roots through his desk drawers relaxes him. Crowley finds himself drifting off, lulled by the sounds of Aziraphale simply being Aziraphale. But he can't let himself get too cozy. It would be a shame if he knocked out and missed Aziraphale digging into his gift.
Crowley considers snapping his fingers and giving his angel a hand with the packing tape when he hears a dull pop! and a triumphant, "Success!" Unpacking noises follow - the crumpling of paper wrap being pulled apart, amplified through Crowley's phone, then a giggle that falls somewhere between nervousness and confusion. "Oh! Uh... "
Crowley sits up straight, peering into the distance as if he could see what Aziraphale sees from Mayfair if he tries hard enough. "Wot? Wot's going on?"
"I... I don't know how you intend on me making a meal with what's in this box. Or are you punishing me because I won't let you come over? That would be unnecessarily hurtful, even for a demon."
"Why?" Crowley springs up and stalks over to the glass, addressing the greying treetops below. "Wot'sss in the box?"
"Don't you know?" Aziraphale teases when he starts to suspect this as an honest mishap and not a ploy by his demon.
"Obviousssly I don't!"
"Let's sort through the contents together then, shall we?" Aziraphale reaches into the box, pulling out items one by one. "We have here a pair of silky black knickers. I think these would suit you more than me, my dear."
"You think so?" Crowley asks, annoyance replaced in an instant by intrigue over his angel's impression of him.
"Oh, yes. I think they'd be most flattering on you. And here we have something called a Ben Wa ball, some... " Aziraphale clears his throat before he owns up to the next one "... anal beads... "
Crowley snickers, more at Aziraphale's tight tone than the item itself.
"... a Do Not Disturb sign with an illustration on it that’s anything but subtle, and an object I can only describe as a gel-filled self-pleasuring device. Oh... this one needs refrigeration."
Crowley's mouth goes dry, his imagination running wild with that description, trying to conjure a vision in his head of what such a thing might look like, and where it would go, especially cold. He presses a hot palm to the glass and shivers involuntarily. "Oh my... "
"You sound surprised. Is this not what you ordered, dear?"
"No!" Crowley squeaks. Aziraphale stifles a chuckle when his voice cracks. "No, I didn't," Crowley repeats, fighting for composure while the rest of him itches to bust through the window, unfurl his wings, and fly to his angel.
He could probably make it to him before the first splinter of glass hits the pavement.
But no.
Boundaries.
Aziraphale's determination to not have Crowley over is about more than protocol. Crowley knows this. Angel set up boundaries. And even though his reasons for doing so are ludicrous, Crowley needs to respect them. "Is there a company name on the box?"
"Let me check." Aziraphale mumbles as he searches the package for a name. "This end up, handle with care... here it is! Tantalize Me - the premium adult date night mystery box. Ooo! That sounds interesting! Do you think there could be a murder to sort out in all of this?"
"I don't think that's what they mean by mystery, angel," Crowley says, hearing Aziraphale dive back into the box.
"A-ha! I think I've found the problem."
"And that is... ?"
"I'm afraid this package was meant to go to another bookshop on my same block. It's entirely possible they may have my box."
"I think you learned some information about your competition that you maybe didn't want to know."
"Yes, I suppose I did."
Crowley sighs. "But now I feel like a heel."
"Why is that?"
"I promised you a meal and I didn't deliver."
"Pun intended?" Aziraphale asks with a snort.
"Not," Crowley replies, less than amused.
"I don't think you can be blamed for a mix-up with the post, my dear."
"Bet I can... " Crowley says, thoughts shuffling back to that awful Horizon IT scandal he lazily threw together that went, unfortunately, better than he'd planned.
"There is one thing to eat in here."
"Really?" Crowley grumbles, turning away from the glass and leaning his back against it, an intense chill seeping through his clothes and into his skin, its sting matching his rapidly fouling mood. "What's that?"
"A tube of personal lubricant. And it's chocolate flavored!" Crowley's eyes widen when he hears the telltale snap of a flip-top lid opening, followed by a wet squelch. "Mmm. It's not half bad."
"Are you actually eating that?" Crowley asks breathlessly.
"Only a little. I licked it off my finger."
Crowley fumbles his phone, catching it before it crashes to the floor. "A---Aziraphale... "
"Listen to this! It says on the label that it tingles with body heat. Isn't that interesting?"
Crowley's eyelids flutter shut and he swallows hard, his entire body becoming a solid, throbbing ache. Aziraphale doesn't have body heat. Not all that much. But as a demon, Crowley is full of Hellfire. What would it feel like to have his angel spread that lube on him, press his body against him with his skin tingling like crazy? Jesus Christ! "Aziraphale... "
"Whatever is the matter, my dear?"
"Nothing. Except now I think you're punishing me."
"Carl and Tish Lloyd are probably expecting their package. They must have some big plans. I should send it on its way," Aziraphale suggests with infuriating rationale. "Shouldn't I?"
"Th---that wouldn't be good form!" a desperate Crowley argues. "You've already opened it! And sampled it! You can't give it to them in that condition!"
"That is true. That wouldn't be very neighborly. But what to do with it? That's the question... " Aziraphale wonders while Crowley dies inside, a moan trapped in his throat struggling to break free every time he thinks about Aziraphale licking chocolate-flavored lube off his fingers. "Did you want to... uh... try a bit? Of the chocolate goo, I mean?"
"Are you going to ship it over?"
"I guess I could do that," Aziraphale muses. "But who's to say it will get there? What with the post office making such tragic errors. No. I think there's only one way we can ensure that you get your fair share."
Crowley's brow furrows, his brain cluttered with mixed signals. "Are you asking me... ? Can I come over?"
"I have some conditions."
"Name them," Crowley says, prepared to bolt the second Aziraphale gives him the go-ahead.
"You can come over only if you can make it here without being seen. No giving the humans irresponsible ideas. I know that's your job, but I can't be a party to that. Deal?"
"Deal." A snap of his fingers and a second later, Crowley snatches the tube of lubricant out of Aziraphale's hand. He takes Aziraphale's right wrist gingerly in his grasp, squeezes a dollop of lube on it, then licks it slowly off, amber eyes locking on his angel's blue gaze. Aziraphale's whole body shudders from a single swipe of his tongue, Crowley's tastebuds tingling on the finish. He licks his lips, depositing a thin layer of the lube, which fires across his skin like firecrackers. He sees his angel tremble, sees the white glow of lust in his eyes, and he grins.
Crowley is about to enjoy the best meal of his life.
#good omens#good omens fanfiction#ineffable husbands#ineffable lovers#azirapahle#crowley#aziraphale x crowley#crowley x aziraphale
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Imagine: Sea Salt.
Requested by Anon.
Includes: Jasper Jordan x Reader.
Request:
* Hey can I make request where Jasper stays with Luna's clan and meets the reader there and they're pretty happy for a while until radiated fish fuck em up (but happy ending pls my boy deserves some happiness please and thank you)
Note: oh would you look at that? Trash dad is living up to his name. I didn't know how to end it. Sue me, I'm worth nothing.
The first thing that you used to smell when you woke up was the salt from the water, the faint smell of fish being smoked near the mess hall and the smell of freshly baked bread from the main kitchen on the oil rig. But that was before. Now, as your eyes slowly blinked open, with your fingers rubbing away the sleep from your eyes, the first thing you could smell was the lingering scent of wild berries that surrounded Jasper as he slept beside you. When he first arrived with the others, he had short brown hair, but it had begun to grow out more, and it stuck out in different directions, a few strands hung over his forehead, not quite reaching his eyes yet. At some point, during the night, he had pulled you closer to himself. His right arm hung across your side as you faced him, your hands bunched in the middle of the two of you. Jasper's mouth was parted as he breathed, but he wasn't snoring, he was just breathing deeper than usual.
The birds, outside the window, chirped loudly, waking Jasper up. He closed his mouth and swallowed the saliva that almost dribbled onto the pillow. Turning on his back, with a sharp intake of air, his left arm remained trapped under your body as he struggled to stretch. As his eyes lazily blinked open, he ran his hand through his hair, pushing it back before he rolled over to face you again, closing his eyes as he tried to get more sleep. A smile spread across your face as you placed your left hand on his cheek and stroked gently, feeling the rough, unshaven skin beneath your fingertips. Jasper hummed, edging closer to you. He had a tired, dopey, smile on his face as one eye opened, his other eye squeezed shut still. He hummed to himself again and pulled you closer, tangling your legs together.
"Morning," he croaked out, sighing to himself.
"Do you want to get breakfast?" You asked, knowing the answer already.
"Five more minutes."
Jasper squeezed you softly, moving his head to lay on your pillow as he moved closer. He smiled to himself and breathed deeply as your fingers softly moved through his hair, massaging his scalp before you pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead, resting your own against his as your fingers travelled back to his unshaven jaw. It had become a routine for the two of you, laying in bed together in the early hours of the morning when you both woke up. Sometimes, on the rare occasion, if Jasper woke up before you, he would whisper all the things he wouldn't dare say to you out loud when you were awake. But you always heard him, always. You just never told him, because you knew that if you did, he would stop, and you didn't want him to stop. The sweet words and loving touches were rare, so you let them continue.
"You say that all the time," you reminded him.
"I know."
"Just five more minutes then."
"Thank you."
When he first arrived on the oil rig, he had been joined with Clarke, Bellamy, and Octavia. But when they got ready to leave, he told them that he wanted to stay, that he was tired of fighting, that he was tired of waking up every day in a place that he felt he didn't belong. They understood, waving goodbye to him, but it was clear that they didn't want to leave him behind. Even Jasper saw their hesitation but knew that they wouldn't force him to go back with them if he really didn't want to.
It was when Luna brought him into the small mess hall that he had spotted you. Luna had been explaining a few things to him as she showed him around, but she stopped and turned around to face him when she didn't hear him following her. A small smile etched on her face as she walked back over to him and told him your name. He repeated it, testing how it sounded rolling off the tip of his tongue, and before he knew it, he found himself repeating it more until he accidentally caught your attention. His cheeks flared up in a pink hue and his eyes widened while his mouth hung ajar. Luna patted his back gently before her attention was drawn away by a few of the children who called out to her. Jasper gulped as you stood up and walked over to him with a light smile, introducing yourself formally with a soft handshake, one that Jasper forgot was only meant to last a few seconds, and that he was meant to let go of your hand and not run his thumb across your skin causing goosebumps and your own cheeks to darken.
After that encounter, you knew you were a goner. He had been on your mind non-stop after that, and you were the same for him.
Jasper would never admit it, but you helped keep his mind off Maya. He didn't talk about her because he feared that you would feel like he was just using you, but it was also because you numbed the pain, you brought him back into the light, back above the water. He needed you more than either of you knew it. In a way, you helped him save himself, and for that, he was forever grateful.
It was almost a week later when he had found you again, you were separating the fishing nets to clean them, hanging them up to be ready for their next use. Jasper didn't have any control over his own body when he confidently walked up to you, clearing his throat as he crossed his arms and leaned against one of the wooden beams that were used to hang the nets. When your eyes met his, he could feel his heart rate pick up, and his confidence falter slightly.
"Are you okay, Jasper?" You asked after a minute’s silence, while he just stood there staring at you.
There was a sudden jolt inside of him, and before he was able to register what it was that he was doing, he pushed off the wooden beam and cupped your face with his hands and pressed his lips to yours, his eyes tightly shut. A few seconds later, you closed your eyes and kissed him back, grabbing onto the fabric of his shirt to pull him closer while you stood on your tip toes so he didn't have to bend down as much. He didn't care that you had a hint of salt on your lips, or that it smelt of fish around the two of you, he didn't want the moment to stop.
Another smile rose to your lips as you thought back to that moment, and you brought your lower lip between your teeth, trying to stop your smile from growing.
"What's got you so happy?" Jasper questioned.
When you opened your eyes, you noticed that he saw already looking at you with his own smile. "You," you responded.
"Shall we get breakfast then?"
With a nod and a groan, you both sat up. A yawn escaped your lips and Jasper wrapped his arms around you before pulling you back down to the bed. "Jasper!"
He laughed to himself, loosening his grip on you. "It was too tempting," he admitted before he rolled over on top of you. "So, I had to do it."
"I'm sure you did." You rolled your eyes playfully, laughing quietly to yourself as well.
Jasper hummed before he sat up again, this time taking your hands in his to pull you up with him. After you both got dressed and quickly brushed your teeth, you left your shared room and made your way over to the mess hall. Jasper's hand automatically entwined with yours and you rested your head on his upper arm as you walked. Most people had already left by the time the two of you walked in, considering how Jasper's 'five minutes' may have lasted longer than five minutes. You both sat down at a small table and picked up two bowls and two cups of water.
When you first started having meals together, Jasper mentioned something about chocolate cake and roast chicken for dinner but quietened down after it. There was never any need to press on about what he was talking about, which he was thankful for. He soon started making jokes about having fish for every meal, and something about turning into one by the end of the week.
"Are you feeling okay?" Jasper asked out of the blue.
"I'm fine, why?" You looked up at him from your bowl.
He shrugged. "No reason."
You continued to look at him carefully, just to see if he would crack and tell you what it was that was on his mind. But he never did. He just continued to eat, occasionally clearing his throat and tugging at his shirt collar.
By the time it was evening, your body felt like it was on fire. Your eyes stung, your lungs felt like they were filling up with the sea water, and your skin felt irritated by everything, even if nothing was touching it. Jasper complained of being too hot, yet shivering and feeling too cold at the same time. He had small blisters on his neck and face, some along his arms, and that was just what you were able to see. You had red patches and scabs forming along the broken skin on your face and body. The two of you left your room and saw other people had the same problem. Jasper grabbed hold of your hand quickly as the crowd began to grow, and people pushed forward towards where the shipping containers came in.
Luna was stood on top of one of the crates, yelling over the panicked screaming and loud complaints. You stayed close to Jasper and Luna instructed people inside the containers to head to the mainland. Everyone seemed to be getting worse by the second, and when Luna told you both that she was going to help, Jasper squeezed your hand and stood rigid.
"Jasper?" You asked quietly, not knowing what was wrong.
He remained silent, watching as a few shipping containers left and headed off to the mainland. He knew exactly where they were going, and he had a feeling that he knew what was happening to everyone. But he would be damned if he wouldn't go with them, with you, to try and fix what was happening to them.
"Looks like I'm going back to Arkadia after all."
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Then receding to get it is the phantom cold
Beside your head,
at nightly do inherit neuer sleeps alone her mistress fame:
But, as they bore mayet think (and we)
entered: “Ha!”
‘Then stealing on his face it wistfully,
And bloom of stars were blowes both holds her falls
To roll by the breaks:
I want of my life.
End:’
And candle-lights and pain;
The lone will.
The earth some piracy,
Left the boats courtesy.
Not for hymns, or a guest for this altars kept an army tails all aloof his heiress of heroic syllables that it sent, etc. Re overrun all ‘belli’-
Thou Angela gives talk of you
With doating places, little and hanging,
swallow, flying without a spacious of old’
To go with lasting at they nearly rue
My very shape
With become vision so innocence my eyes mak’st thou art by form, her mix’d conne no more, thought,
That wisdom, I shall pay they have fled, but always sought from the island virgins too much delight
With poynt of love, in pity ‘s for the parting grace:
And, not Number, and scarce enough his the longest lips, since swearing much,
Had left,
Bowed on my ears:
The come to the words, and graveyard.
At night, jewel on he spring; and feedeth love,
That all stay
From the appalling bell.
Here one.
Enquired she shore;’
Then take,
and she may be said to me,
And longing at last
To hint thy Mother cheekes lyke the sun and stooped to be what by a fire indulged his hands!
—The wean himself when should love where one dozen nighties vew,
Of hell and that space she without a woman’s bed, the floral pride, our battle and pray
For where to sudden pale as smooth’d in held a burning family
Sort of their weakling royall bloud full
Of force and up the least of the strange cup of common day;
For when I pull it.
“Over wings in all?
But she’s height the stars do despatch!
That al the world is set;
And what I was their money where I said, hadst not avail
To—say my Innocent!
The Dunghill’s soil,
Than by their shadow heavenly child:
The glint of many worship them as each test of the statute-book,
That all the neyghbouring squares feeling spreads th’hill’s shadowings sadly though
Death its own.
His bell,
You’d been passion tear;
Above about your fate.
And would cram our second fears would arrived things turn to see a plaintive canonical,
Or wild, so my stranger.”
Death darksome looking, thought mellow stars go squares
By Homer’s day;
But why?
This is so much in royal bed by this:
This triumphs, mornings,
And ye this,
Faintly
Beneath music swims back he hath she, and Florian, but yeeres morn or we’ll crack,
Such the ship well night in the forester,—
For breasts
I drew nighting home
To see that first ordain’d!
And yet the air,—when lo!
Aboon the waters clear,
Through it might like a twig.
If ceremonies thou be gone to Wámik—“Oh Thou, sweete,
Makes you to be sustain’d them make us sigh
Even nature’s truth is some diver’s lot,”
Far-off sail,
That stir thick branch.
Philosophers have comfort he country ants to heares.
The kind of you
A tale the sky,
but wants to swim an honest Arab with blindly face is lost like mistake.
#poetry#automatically generated text#Patrick Mooney#Markov chains#old textual selection method#Markov chain length: 6#348 texts
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