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#my biology teacher was way more supportive of my decision actually! she understood me and my reasoning and i just-

tyongxnct · 3 years

Text

𝒔𝒖𝒏𝒔𝒆𝒕

pairing: Haechan x reader, Jaemin x reader

special guest: Jeno, Mark

summary: Haechan was your best friend, until he started dating Jung Youngmi, his longtime crush. One day, he told you to back off and give him space, apparently Youngmi was jealous and wanted him to spend time just with her and not with you. It broke your heart, the boy you loved left you for another girl. Your friendship ended and after a while, he left your mind and heart. You started hanging out with Na Jaemin and it felt different with him, a good different. High school is coming to an end and you go on your last school trip. Unfortunately, you had to do a project on your trip and your partner was none other than Lee Haechan. It was an opportunity to rekindle your friendship, but after everything Haechan did to you, could you forgive him?

genre: angst, fluff highschool!au, unrequited-love!au bestfriends-to-enemies!au bestfriends-to-lovers!au

warnings: making out, jealousy, alcohol consumption, swearing, almost sexual assault (reader runs away), Haechan is a jerk, stealing, a prank, some dirty jokes, (I guess that’s it)

word count: 14.8k

A/N: I’m not proud of this one lmao. This took me like a decade to write and I don’t even know If I like it, I hope you do. I’m sorry for the terrible fluff, I suck at writing fluff. kind of proofread, I’m sorry If there are any errors :)

“Look how pretty she is. She’s so pretty, (Y/n). Are you even listening?” Donghyuck poked your cheek with his finger to get your attention. “What were you saying?” you asked him even though you knew the answer. “I was talking about the prettiest girl on this planet; Jung Youngmi.” You could see his eyes form into hearts. “So, nothing new. When are you going to confess? You’ve been after her for months already.” Actually, you didn’t want to hear the answer, but you had to act like the supportive best friend, even though it hurt. “It takes time to ask out a girl like her. I need to be prepared, I’m working on it. But soon, I’ll call her mine.” He winked at you and continued staring at Youngmi. You didn’t even know If she knew about your or Donghyuck’s existence.

It’s been like this for a couple of months already. You are staring at Donghyuck and Donghyuck is staring at Youngmi, well you looked at Donghyuck that way for so many years already. It was your little secret and you shared it with no one. Donghyuck knew everything about you, but he didn’t need to know that you were head over heels for him.

You kept your little secret with you and when Donghyuck told you about his crush, you buried your feeling deep inside your heart. Every time he talked about Youngmi, you heart cracked a little open but somehow, it never broke completely. It was okay. Being Donghyuck’s best friend was great, but one day, you could hear your heart breaking into many shards.

“(Y/N)! OH MY GOD YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY I AM RIGHT NOW!” Donghyuck ran towards you while yelling all over the hallway. “I can see it. What’s up?” you asked him casually. You thought that he was going to talk about his biology project or his soccer training, but boy were you wrong.

“I’m going on a date with her! I asked her out and she said yes! Can you believe that?!” Donghyuck hugged you tightly and you would faint right then and there If you weren’t in his arms. You didn’t have the energy to hug him back, his words ripped your heart apart and you could feel the broken pieces stab your insides.

“I guess you are too shocked to say anything, don’t worry I also couldn’t say anything at all once she said yes. I have to get ready, I have to- fuck, I don’t know what to do. You are a girl, right? Tell me what girls like. Do you like flowers? Tulips? Sunflowers? Roses? What do you think?”

“Sunflowers.” You tried to hide the pain and act like the supportive best friend you are. “I like sunflowers.”

“Alright, and what about chocolate? Or champagne? Oh, hell, what the fuck am I saying? Alright, I’ll see you later! I have to get ready for my date tonight!”

After he left, you could finally breathe again. You walked home alone that day, for the first time in forever, and not even the loud music coming from your headphones, could distract you. This was the reality you had to live in. The reality of loving Donghyuck from afar.

A couple of weeks later, Haechan and Youngmi started dating and you felt invisible. Little did you know that it was Youngmi who told Donghyuck to stop hanging out with you that much, apparently, she was jealous of your relationship with Donghyuck, which was nothing more than being best friends, but Donghyuck was so blinded by love, that he believed her.

“What do you mean I’m a distraction and a threat? Do you hear yourself?” you were furious, how could he do that to your friendship.

“Look, you don’t understand because you never had a boyfriend before. I have to spend my whole time with Youngmi- there’s no time for you anymore. And I don’t want my girlfriend to hang out with other guys too. I understand her, why can’t you?” Donghyuck explained.

“Hyuck, this is so stupid. I don’t want anything from you, I am just your friend. We’ve been friends for so long and you want to throw that away because of her?!” you yelled at him, getting angrier every passing second.

“God, you are so exhausting. I would respect your decision If you had a boyfriend!” he yelled back. “I would never even think about pushing you away even If I had a boyfriend. I would rather break up with him!”

“That’s your fault. Maybe that’s the reason you never had a boyfriend! Stop clinging to me and leave me and Youngmi the fuck alone! Stop trying to destroy the best thing that happened to me! You know how much she means to me!”

“Seems like I never meant anything to you. Fine. Go fuck yourself, Haechan.” And with that, you turned on your heel and left his room. He wasn’t your hyuck anymore, he was Haechan from now on.

After your fight, you completely stopped talking to him, you ignored each other and switched seats in your shared classes. Haechan was always with Youngmi, trailing after her like a stupid lost puppy. You couldn’t believe that all of that was really happening. Some of your friends noticed the change between you and him, but after seeing him with Youngmi, they understood. He was sitting at the ‘cool kids’ table with Youngmi on his lap. Like right now, he was sitting right across from you. You didn’t know If your timing was bad or If he did it on purpose, but every time you accidentally looked at that direction, he kissed her on the lips.

“Hey, (Y/n), do you have time to study together today? But If you’re busy we can do it another time.” You thanked Jaemin for distracting you right now. “Today’s fine. Where do you wanna go?” you asked back. “Let’s go to the library and grab something to eat afterwards? What do you think?” food sounds perfect right now. “Sounds great. I’ll see you after school?” the bell rang and it was time for you to go to your class, which you unfortunately shared with Haechan. “Yeah, see you later.”

Jaemin was actually one of your close friends, but he was never as close as Haechan was. He was also friends with Haechan, but after Haechan changed tables, he stopped talking to your other friends, too.

You were the first one to enter history class, your teacher was also not there yet. You opened the window and looked out, it was raining, and you felt like you could breathe again after the cold hit your face. Your peaceful moment was interrupted by Haechan himself. “I see you finally started talking to other boys. Is Na Jaemin your new victim? That poor boy could actually get himself a girlfriend, but If you are trying to stop him from that like you did with me, it won’t be easy for him.” He said mockingly.

Ignore him, (Y/n). Just ignore him, you thought.

“I’m talking to you.” He said.

Someone’s going to enter, and you won’t hear his stupid voice anymore, you thought now.

“You have the chance to talk to me, (Y/n). Aren’t you going to take it?” he mocked you again.

This is not the boy you knew.

“(Y/n)- “before he could continue, the other students entered, and you thanked god.

You promised yourself to ignore him, to hate him, to stop loving him, and it’s going to be a long ride until you do.

“Hey, I hope you didn’t have to wait for me.” You greeted Jaemin, who was leaning against his car. “Oh no, don’t worry. So, you want to eat first? Or after?” he asked. “I’m actually starving right now, I feel like my brain won’t work If I study with an empty stomach. What do you think?”, you asked back as you entered his car. “I hoped you’d say that.” He smiled. You never noticed that Jaemin’s smile was that pretty.

You arrived at a cute little ramen restaurant and you got more excited to eat. “This place looks so cute.” You said. “Yeah, it’s actually my first time coming here but I heard it’s really good.” Jeno once told him about this place, well actually he told Jaemin to take his girlfriend here, but he thought he could take you here, too.

After ordering two bowls of ramen, you talked about so much. You learned so many things about Jaemin you didn’t know before and you were amazed. He was incredibly sweet and funny. Time was flying by and you didn’t notice that you spend hours at the ramen restaurant. You were so into the conversation, that you didn’t want it to end. But everything good must come to an end.

“Woah it’s almost 9 pm. I guess it’s a little too late to go study.” Jaemin looked at his watched. “We can go study tomorrow If you have time.” You said and at the same time the waiter arrived. “Sure, but we should eat afterwards, not before.” He laughed. You took out your wallet but Jaemin stopped you. “You really think I’ll let you pay?”

“Jaemin come on, it’s just ramen. Let me pay.”

“No way I’ll let you pay, put that back. I’m a gentleman” You laughed at his comment and put your wallet back into your bag.

He really is a gentleman.

You spend all of your time with Jaemin after your little failed study session, it’s almost the end of the school year and everything was going perfectly fine. You got closer and closer as you spend so much time together. Your little study sessions turned into hanging out at each other’s places, facetiming late at night until you fell asleep, having movie nights and late-night dates. But you never really called it a ‘date’, you never really talked about that thing going on between you two. The people around you noticed the change between you and Jaemin. Especially Haechan whose eyes were always on you, but you didn’t know that of course, because you simply didn’t care about him anymore. Your history with Haechan, well, was history and you were looking forward to the future.

“Did you pack your underwear?” your mother asked you, making Jaemin who was laying on your bed blush and giggle. “Of course, mom, god.” You punched Jaemin on the shoulder for giggling. “What about your toothbrush? And you should bring a bikini, too. I heard the beach there is beautiful. Especially in June.” Your mom checked the list she had made for your class trip. Jaemin and your friends were also going, and you were extremely excited. “Jaemin did you pack already?” she asked him. “Yes ma’am. My suitcase is ready.”

“Great. And Jaemin?” she asked.

“Yes ma’am?”

“Please take care of (Y/n), I don’t want her to get lost or kidnapped or something.”

“Mom, Jaemin’s not my babysitter.” You said annoyed as you entered your bathroom to check once again If you packed everything.

“Don’t worry, I’ll protect (Y/n) with my life.”

After you heard Jaemin’s words you felt so shy. You looked at the mirror and smiled widely as your heart started beating faster. Why is he so cute and why is my heart beating like that, you asked yourself.

Jaemin left after dinner and called you on facetime as soon as he arrived at home. You were so excited that you couldn’t fall asleep and Jaemin spend the whole night with you, awake.

“We’re going to be fucked in the morning.” You mumbled.

“Hey, don’t fall asleep now. We have one hour until we have to actually wake up. If you fall asleep now, it’ll be harder to wake up. You can sleep on the bus ride, baby.”

Your eyes sprung open when your heard him say ‘baby’, he never said something like that before. He’d call you (Y/n) or (Y/n)-ie but baby? That was new. You looked at Jaemin whose eyes were almost closed, and he probably didn’t even notice that he called you baby.

“Jaemin!” you screamed, loud enough for him to hear but not too loud to wake up your parents.

“I’m awake!” his eyes shot open after you scared him like that. “By the way, I downloaded our playlist for the ride, and I added some new songs. Do you want anything else for me to download?”

“Can you download a movie?”

“Why? Do you want to sneak into my room and watch movies with me while everyone’s sleeping?” he smirked at you.

“Who knows.”

“Are you flirting?” he asked, still smirking.

“Maybe. Are you?”

“Maybe.”

Maybe it was the lack of sleep or just the thing between you two, but sometimes you looked at each other without saying anything and that was everything you needed.

Almost two hours later, you found yourself at school, next to Jaemin with your suitcases. You were waiting for the bus and your legs were about to give up. “Jaem, can you carry me?” you mumbled.

“I’ll carry you If you carry me afterwards. Deal?” he said sleepily.

“How the fuck am I supposed to carry you?”

Before you could talk about the ways of you carrying Jaemin, the bus arrived, and all the students got on. You connected your Airpods to Jaemin’s iPhone and listened with him to the playlist he created for the ride. Your head was on his shoulder and his head was on yours, something you didn’t notice, because you were so exhausted, was the hand holding yours.

What you also didn’t notice was Youngmi glaring at you. Even though you didn’t talk to Haechan for months now, she still looked at you like the devil she was. Let’s not forget the comments she always makes whenever she sees you in school. She laughed at you with her friends and always mocked you. One time, Jaemin was about to throw a chair at her, but you stopped him.

Haechan stopped bothering you after a while, and sometimes he tried to shut his girlfriends’ mouth, but nobody was strong enough to stand against her. Not even her own boyfriend.

“Look how cute they are!” your teacher, Ms. Kim said and snapped a picture of you and Jaemin sleeping like that. You woke up to the sound of the other students and your friends ‘awing’ and your teacher’s excitement. Jaemin also woke up and blushed when he saw all the people looking at you two.

“I just wanted to give you the room distribution, but I had to take a picture of you two, so cute! Here (Y/n) this is your room, and this is yours Jaemin.”

You thought it was going to be a great trip, but after you saw Yougmi’s name and of course the names of her stupid friends, you thought It could only get worse. You looked over at Jaemin’s room and he had to share the room with Haechan. “Don’t worry, if we ignore them, we can still have a wonderful time.” Jaemin tried to cheer you up and after a while you forgot that you were going to share a room with that snake.

A couple of hours later, you finally arrived, and the weather was amazing. Your hotel looked great and you couldn’t wait to explore everything with Jaemin.

“Listen, everybody. We’ll give you the keys to your rooms and don’t forget that we are here to have fun and to be productive. We made plans for the time we’re going to be here- “Ms. Kim talked as Mr. Byun handed each student a pile of sheets. “For today, you are free to do whatever you want, but we are going to have dinner together at 6 pm. You have to be in your rooms at 11pm and we don’t want to disturb the other guests, so you’re not allowed to make any noise after 10pm. Please don’t sneak out and that’s it for now. We’ll see you at 6pm.” Mr. Byun finished.

You silently entered your room and ignored the other girls. You didn’t care which bed you’d get but apparently Youngmi wanted to have yours. “Move.”

“There are four other beds. Take one of them.” You said. “No. I want this bed. So, get the fuck up.” you sighed, how are you going to survive this? You changed your bed and your phone blinked.

Jaems [14:35] : Wanna go explore the city? Or do you want to unpack first?

(Y/n) [14:35] : I’ll change my clothes, let’s meet at the reception

Jaems [14:36] : alrigthy

You changed your sweatpants and hoodie to a pretty cute sundress, and you put on a little bit of make-up, and you were ready to go. Your suitcase was under your bed and you left without saying anything to the others.

When you entered the elevator, you thought that nothing, not even stupid Youngmi, could -your thoughts were interrupted by another person who entered the elevator with you.

Fucking Lee Haechan.

When he looked up and saw you standing there, he stopped breathing. It was awkward to share the elevator with you and it wasn’t a short ride. And of course, just like in movies, you wanted to press the button at the same time, slightly touching each other’s finger.

“Sorry, ladies first.” did Haechan really just say sorry?

You didn’t say anything back and just pressed the button. You were standing as far as you could from him, trying to avoid any more interaction with him. You didn’t notice Haechan’s eyes look you up and down, too focused on texting Jaemin. Haechan never saw you in a dress before, most of the times you wore jeans and a shirt and that’s it. He also noticed the red lipstick on your lips, which was also new for him. He always thought you looked pretty without any make up and in your hoodie and sweatpants, but his view right now took his breath away.

You finally arrived and left the elevator as fast as you could, Jaemin noticed Haechan getting off after you but he didn’t care, because you looked so fucking pretty in that dress.

“My pretty girl, are you ready to explore the city?” Jaemin offered you his hand and you took it with a smile on your face.

“With you, always.”

Haechan was waiting for Youngmi to get ready, but she always, always, takes so long. You on the other side, looked beautiful without doing much. Your natural wavy hair was always perfect, and your face always shined. Everything was so much easier with you, Haechan thought. Stop comparing your girlfriend to your ex-best-friend.

You and Jaemin had a list for the place you wanted to visit. But you were most excited to see the beach. Even though you weren’t wearing your bikini, you stepped into the water until it reached your knees. You pulled your dress a little higher, scared of getting it wet.

“It’s so beautiful, Jaems, I could stay here forever.”

Jaemin held your hand, he didn’t want you to fall into the water, but that was just an excuse to hold your hand. “Be careful, though, don’t want you to get wet.”

You looked at each other for a second, realizing how sexual that sounded. “I mean-“

“I know what you mean.” You said shyly. “Um, yeah.” He glanced at his watch, “We gotta go- it’s almost six.” He changed the topic.

You arrived at the restaurant and saw your teachers waiting there. Jeno, Mark, Yuna and Minji were already sitting at a table and they waved at you and Jaemin.

“Hi.” You greeted them. “Hey, we missed you guys.” Yuna said with a smirk. Your group of friends knew that there was something going on between you and Jaemin, they teased you always because, apparently, it was cute how you and Jaemin reacted.

“Yeah sorry, we just wanted to go to the beach. We’ll hang out with you guys from now on.” You said.

“No no don’t worry about us. Enjoy your time alone.” Minji wiggled her eyebrows. “Yeah, enjoy your time alone.” Jeno also said, emphasizing the word alone.

“Anyways, what do you guys want to eat?” Jaemin changed the topic.

After everyone ordered, you were so full, you decided to go for a walk together. Everyone was teasing you and Jaemin, but no one noticed Jeno and Yuna being really close. They were practically all over each other but only you and Jaemin got teased. Jaemin and you were walking after your friends, your hands slightly brushing but none of you taking the first step. And that’s how you walked back to the hotel.

Jaemin walked you to your room, making sure your roommates didn’t do anything stupid. “Don’t worry. They won’t kill me.” You assured him. “I wouldn’t be worried If your roommates were Yuna and Minji. Do you think I can sneak you in my room?” he asked as he leaned against the door.

“Yeah so Mrs. Kim and Mr. Byun can kill us?”

He stared at you and then he leaned down to your ear, “I’d take that risk.”

“I’ll text you If anything happens and we can facetime? Is that okay?” you asked with a little smile on your lips. “I guess that’s okay.”

“Jaemin? Go to your room, it’s almost ten.” You heard Ms. Kim saying. “Alrigty, Ms. Kim. See you later.” He slightly stroked your cheek bevor he left.

Your cheeks were burning as you entered your room, ready to facetime Jaemin as soon as he arrived at his room. You plugged in your headphones and ignored the three other girls and their stupid faces. You were almost asleep as you talked to Jaemin, but you were interrupted by Youngmi’s voice.

“If you don’t shut the fuck up right now, I’ll throw your phone against the wall. Some of us need their beauty sleep!” she yelled.

“And why is it so hard for you to ask me like a decent human?” you said back, Jaemin still on the phone.

“What did you just say?” Youngmi got up.

“I said ask me like a decent human and I will turn my phone off.”

Jaemin thought that you were actually kinda hot right now. The way you talked back to Youngmi- wow.

“You don’t want to mess with me.” Youngmi said through gritted teeth.

“FOR GOD’S SAKE YOU TURN YOUR FUCKING PHONE OFF AND YOUNGMI GO TO SLEEP! MY GOD!” one of your other roommates yelled.

Youngmi turned around and muttered a “Stupid bitch” which you heard.

“I’m sorry- Jaemin?” you whispered.

“What? Oh yeah- sorry. Are you alright?” he also whispered, even though he didn’t need to. His roommates were all awake. He got distracted by your beauty.

“Yeah, but I gotta hang up before she kills me with her claws.” You joked.

“Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow. Good night pretty.”

“Good night handsome.”

You were always flirting with each other, sometimes you didn’t know If he was serious or not, but you knew that you were serious. Jaemin is handsome.

You had a shitty night and the next morning was also shitty. Your teachers were talking about the project you had to do here, you weren’t here just to relax. It wouldn’t be that bad to do the project If your partner were Jaemin- or any other friend of yours.

“We still have to do some work and you’ll do that with a partner, assigned by us.” You really hoped to be with Jaemin of course, but destiny hated you. The moment you heard Haechan’s name and yours, time stopped. Almost an entire day in a foreign city with Haechan? Jaemin slightly squeezed your hand, to assure you that it’ll be okay. But you just pouted at him and ignored Haechan’s gaze on you. Jaemin’s partner was Jeno and Youngmi’s was Minjun, a really shy boy who was almost scared of Youngmi.

“Haechan, do something. I don’t want to be with him.” Youngmi was really annoyed. “What do you want me to do? I can’t change her mind. Just do it, it won’t be that horrible.” Haechan said back. He was kind of happy to spend time with you. You were almost glued to Jaemin, now he could hang out with you, but Youngmi had other plans. You were talking to Jeno and Jaemin as you waited for Haechan and Youngmi’s discussion to be over.

After a couple minutes, Haechan came over to you. “Are you, uhm, ready?” he said awkwardly. You nodded “Yeah. I’ll see you guys later.” You bid your goodbyes to Jaemin and Jeno and left the Hotel with Haechan by your side. It was really awkward. Ms. Kim gave you a map of the city and marked a couple places you had to visit, answer a question, and take a picture together.

The first hour was really awkward but after he tripped and almost fell, you laughed your asses off. It was like back then when you laughed together even though the situation wasn’t funny at all. Your next stop was a little arcade, well it wasn’t marked on your map but the moment you and Haechan saw that arcade, all the memories of your childhood came back. How you played with him and how you always lost against him, but he still bought you a stuffed toy (which you still kept) to make it up to you. He felt bad when you cried, and you always stopped crying after he won something for you. “I don’t know about you, but I’m going to play there.” He knew you would go with him, he knew how much you loved it. “Don’t worry, I’m going to beat your ass.”

You played for almost 4 hours, you really tried your best, but he still beat you at every game. “I didn’t play for years, of course I loose against you.” You tried to defend yourself, but Haechan didn’t go to the arcade after your fight. “The last time I went to an arcade was with you. You’re just bad at it. But don’t worry, I got you.”

Haechan almost put fifteen dollars into the claw machine until he got you a stuffed animal. “You didn’t have to.” You said but still accepted the cute little dog. “Well, I know that it’s not enough to make you forgive me, but I’m going to be honest with you now,” You didn’t except to hear that. “I’m so sorry for everything I said to you and how I acted. I was a bad best friend and I really really miss you. Like so much I can’t even describe how much I missed you.” Haechan really apologized and you were really taken aback. “W-What?”

“I’m sorry,” he took your hands in his. “I want my best friend back, I’m sorry. C-Can you give me another chance?” he kind of looked desperate, but the way he talked to you, really warmed your heart. Not like before, when your heart raced because of him. Now it just felt warm.

“Okay, I’ll give you another chance, because I know that you never would want to actually hurt me. I’m sorry that I didn’t accept your feelings for Youngmi. I should be a better best friend and just let you be with your girlfriend.” You also apologized.

“Since we are here, we should make great memories, right?” you smiled at him and Haechan just nodded, with a look on his face that you couldn’t really describe. “My phone’s battery is dead. Can we take the last few pictures with yours?” he asked you after a while. “Sure. My phone’s better anyway.” You were always team iPhone while Haechan sticked to his Samsung. “We’ll see about that.”

After many hours of having fun with Haechan, you realized how much you missed him. Of course, it wasn’t like before or how it is with Jaemin, but he was still important to you. You talked about all the things you couldn’t talk about when you were apart. No matter which show or movie, or memory you just wanted to share with him. Haechan also talked about a couple of things, but he told you his life was boring and wanted to hear more about you.

“So, you and Jaemin huh? Are you a thing now?” he asked after a while. A smile creeped to your face. “Well, we didn’t talk about anything like that we’re just (Y/n) and Jaemin. I don’t know. But he’s great. He’s super cute, funny, and handsome and he always makes sure that I’m happy. I feel alive when I’m with him and I just- oh sorry I just talk and talk. Tell me about your relationship. Is Youngmi treating you well?” You joked, but If you only knew.

Haechan felt jealous. Your eyes sparkled when you talked about Jaemin and he could see how much he means to you. It was always Haechan for you but know, you talked about another guy. You cared for another guy and you are in love with another guy. Haechan still didn’t knew that you had a crush on him, he only knew that you loved Jaemin.

Thinking of his girlfriend, he regrets dating her. He fell out of love almost a week after they started dating, but he always told himself that he always wanted this, so he should be happy and should stop acting like a fool. Her real self was- terrible. Youngmi was with Haechan just to use him. She wanted to be the most popular girl in school, and she couldn’t be on top without a boyfriend. So, she choose Haechan who was totally in love with her. Everyone knew that. Youngmi thought Haechan would last for a couple of weeks, but everyone called them the power couple, so she just sticked to him. She got everything she wanted. Whenever she called Haechan because she wanted something, whether it was a new bag, new shoes or just a coffee, Haechan bought it. Breaking up never crossed their minds.

“Well, we’re doing alright, I guess. I don’t know really.”

“Are you happy?”

Was he happy?

No, he wasn’t. He stopped being happy after he lost you.

“Yeah, I think so.” He lied. “Come on, let’s take another picture!” Haechan changed the topic. You were a little closer to him and he told himself that his heart was beating because of the thought of Youngmi, not because of you. You sent all the pictures you had taken to Haechan and Mrs. Kim.

You looked at the phone screen and zoomed in. “Oh my god, do I always look like this?” you laughed to yourself while walking after Haechan. Now you zoomed into Haechan’s face, he looked pretty cute, you thought. “You look so much better than me, we need to take a new pic- Haechan?” you looked up, but you couldn’t see Haechan. You turned around and there was still no sight of him. “Haechan?” you asked again, but still no answer. It was already a little dark outside and your eyesight was also terrible. You couldn’t see him, and you were about to call him, but you remembered that his phone battery was dead. Well fuck, you thought.

You had no idea where you were, and the map was also with Haechan. Maybe you should wait here until Haechan comes back, he was probably also looking for you. Almost two hours later, you were still sitting on a bench and waiting for him. Your phones battery was almost dead but that didn’t matter because you couldn’t even use your phone to call someone. Maybe Haechan’s lost and wandering through the streets looking for me, you thought. I have to find him.

You left the bench and walked around, nothing seemed familiar and it was really dark now. You looked at you watch- it was almost 11 pm. You walked around until your legs gave up. You were completely alone in a foreign city and you felt so small and you were scared. Scared that something happened to Haechan and scared that something’s going to happen to you.

You missed Jaemin. You wanted to hug him and cuddle with him, you wanted to feel his arms around you. You wanted to feel safe again, not scared. After you ten minutes break you tried to communicate with some people around your age, but they just laughed at you with their stupid accents, which you didn’t understand.

“Fuck you, assholes.” You mumbled and your stomach grumbled. You were so hungry, you haven’t eaten for hours. You had no money left, you couldn’t buy food nor could you take a taxi. The people you asked for help either laughed at you or just ignored you.

You were fucked.

Your mind drifted back to Haechan.

Was he also struggling like you to get back to the hotel? Was he also so hungry and exhausted? Was he also thinking of you?

Your legs hurt, your stomach hurt, and your head hurt. You started crying because you felt so helpless, there was nobody who could help you. It was getting colder and colder every second and you tried to keep walking to keep yourself warm, but the wind was strong.

“Look what we have here.” Someone said behind you.

“A pretty girl like you shouldn’t walk around in such alleys. Don’t you know that it can be dangerous here?” someone else said. You turned around and faced two guys, maybe a little older than you and they didn’t talk with an accent.

“Oh, I didn’t know.” You tried to stay away from them, but they stepped closer and closer. “Are you lost?” the guy asked with a smirk. “Uhm, not really but like, I was going to meet my friends, but they’re a little late.” You lied.

“You shouldn’t lie, Pinocchio.”

“I’m… I’m not lying. They’re going to be here any minute.” You lied again but you were so scared, your voice trembled.

Suddenly, one of the guys gripped your wrist and pulled you closer. With his thumb, he stroked your cheek and then your lower lip. “Please don’t touch me.” Even though you tried to sound strong, your voice betrayed you.

“Don’t worry, we’re just going to have a little fun with you, and then you can go.” The other guy pulled the straps of your dress down, exposing your shoulders. “I said stop!” you yelled now. You were struggling in his grip, but he was bigger and stronger than you. “No! Stop! I need help!” you were so scared that you just thought of kicking him in the balls. So, you kicked him as hard as you could in the balls and ran away as fast as you could. Your legs were wobbly, but the one guy was struggling to walk, and his friend tried to help him walk. “Stupid, go follow her!” he yelled at his friend, but you were long gone.

Your heart was beating heavily against your chest as you tried to calm down. You saw two girls around your age walking, and you tried your luck again. “S-Sorry can you help me?” you asked, and they finally understood you. “Yeah of course.”

You asked them how to get back to your hotel and they told you that it wasn’t that far. A 10 minutes’ walk and they even asked you If they should go with you, but you declined politely and thanked them. You could see the lights of the hotel and you could see Mr. Byun and Ms. Kim walking in circles. When they finally saw you and your state, Mr. Byun carried you to the hotel.

“H-Haechan?” you asked. “Haechan’s here. Don’t worry.” Mr. Byun assured you.

You were sitting at the reception with Mr. Byun and Ms. Kim. They were talking to some people on the phone about you. Probably the police and your family.

You saw Haechan, Youngmi, Jaemin, Jeno, Minji and Yuna entering the reception. Before they could say anything, you jumped into Haechan’s arms. “Oh my god Haechan, I was so worried!” you hugged him tightly and he wanted to hug you back, but he didn’t.

“Y-you were worried about me?” he whispered, you were the only one who heard him. You started tearing up again and Youngmi started laughing.

“Oh my god. You really are dumb.” Youngmi said. What? “You were worried for him? Even though he left you?”

You pulled away and looked at her. “What are you talking about? We lost each other in the crowd.” And she laughed again. “Haechan, why don’t you tell her the truth, baby?”

Everyone (except the teachers of course) looked curiously at Haechan. “Haechan what is she talking about?”

Haechan didn’t say anything. “Alright, let me tell you since he’s acting like a pussy. Haechan was with us after you got ‘lost’. He left you, on purpose and you were really stupid enough to look for him. You really thought that he wanted to be friends with you again? That he was really nice to you because he wanted you back? He just acted, to prank you.”

Your eyes widened, you didn’t want to believe her but after you looked at Haechan, you saw the truth in his eyes. She was telling the truth. The truth that Haechan’s a piece of shit.

“You’re a fucking asshole. You- I was walking around this stupid foreign city for hours to find you because I was so worried that you were lost because you always get lost at places you didn’t know. But you were probably laughing at me the whole time, how I walked around and asked people for help. I had no money, I had nothing! I was so scared, so fucking scared!” you were so angry and hurt, you didn’t even notice the tears. “I almost- “you yelled but stopped, your body was trembling, and you hugged yourself. “Almost what, (Y/n)?” Jaemin asked you, anger building in his body. “There were t-two guys who tried t-to...” You whispered and Haechan’s head shot up to look at you, his mouth slightly open.

That was enough for Jaemin. “You fucking- I’m going to kill you!” Jaemin pulled Haechan by his collar and punched him in the face. Haechan was in trance, you were alone, and anything could have happened to you because of him.

Jeno tried to stop Jaemin from killing Haechan and Youngmi was long gone. Mr. Byun came back and helped Jeno. “You never deserved her! You’re a fucking jerk! You’re going to pay for everything you did to her!” Jaemin yelled at Haechan who was trying hard not to cry. He went too far. Haechan realized he went too far.

You wanted to go to Jaemin, you wanted to hug him, but Ms. Kim told you it was better to leave the boys alone to calm down and get changed. Ms. Kim walked you to your room and she entered the room to stay with you and to calm you down.

You opened your suitcase and looked for a little money, to get yourself something to eat but the money was gone. “W-Where is it?” you asked yourself. “What’s wrong?” Ms. Kim asked. “My… My money’s gone, I can’t find it.”

After looking for it four times and Ms. Kim also looked for it, you could find your money. That was all the money you had bought with you. Youngmi looked away, but you knew that she took it.

“Ms. Kim, I need to talk to you outside.” You said. She nodded and you could see the worry in her eyes. “Ms. Kim, I don’t want to accuse my roommates of stealing, but I can’t stay with them, please.” You almost cried. You felt so humiliated, everything was too much for you.

“Of course, honey. And don’t worry about the money, we’ll figure something out.”

Ms. Kim rented a single room for you, she isn’t stupid, you were gone all day and your money was missing. It’s not a coincidence, she saw the way Youngmi looked at you when you noticed that your money was gone. That little smirk on Youngmi’s face could get her kicked out of school, but she would deal in morning with her, right now she wanted to be there for you and make sure you were safe.

“I’ll pay you back Ms. Kim. I promise as soon as I’m home I’ll give you the money you spent for this room.” You told her. Ms. Kim smiled “Don’t worry about that. I know what is happening around you and I’ll promise you I’ll take care of that. Now get some sleep. I’ll send Jaemin to you with some food. You must be starving.” You looked down to your feet, a little embarrassed when your stomach growled right after she said that. “Yeah… Thank you for everything Ms. Kim.”

You bought all your things that were left to your new room and changed your clothes. Your body was still shivering, and you decided to take a quick hot shower, maybe it could help you relax your shoulders. You slowly washed your body and your hair, your feet hurt so much, it was hard to stand. After you wrapped your body in a towel, your left your bathroom and you collided into someone. You were surprised and you couldn’t see the person who entered your room, you were about to scream, scared that the guys from earlier found you, but as soon as you saw Jaemin’s eyes, you relaxed.

“You scared me Jaemin!” you held your heart to calm it down. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. I bought food for you- shit you are shaking.” Jaemin held you by your shoulders as your body stiffened, you started freezing again. “Jaemin I’m so cold.” You slightly fell into his arms, your feet were arching and Jaemin slowly put you on the bed. “Y-You need to change. I’ll wait… outside.” He didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable, but you held his wrist bevor he could turn around and leave. “P-Please stay with me. I’m scared.” Your eyes teared up, you didn’t want to be alone.

Jaemin slowly nodded. “C-Can you help me?” you didn’t care about anything right now, you just wanted Jaemin with you. You didn’t care that you looked so helpless and that you couldn’t even change without his help. “In my suitcase, uhm, my underwear… C-can you…?” you said shyly and Jaemin blushed.

Jaemin handed you your panties, well, he almost threw it in your face. “And a bra, please.” You and Jaemin avoided eye contact, the atmosphere was awkward. Again, Jaemin almost threw your bra in your face. Your bra was black, and your panties were purple, it didn’t match but who cared at that moment?

Jaemin saw a couple bruises under your feet. His heart clenched, you’re hurt, and he wasn’t there to protect you. Jaemin felt guilty for leaving you with Haechan, he felt guilty for breaking his promise to protect you.

“Why didn’t you bring any hoodies?” Jaemin asked as he took his own hoodie off. “What are you doing?” you asked. “Just wear this, it’ll keep your warm.” Jaemin was wearing a t-shirt under the hoodie. Jaemin turned around so you could change to your underwear and the hoodie. You told him that he could turn around and he couldn’t stop staring at you. You looked so cute with just Jaemin’s big hoodie and your panties- Jaemin blushed again. You couldn’t stay like that, so he gave you your sweatpants and he hoped that it would keep you warm. Jaemin tucked you to bed.

“Eat before the food gets cold.” Jaemin bought you a cup tomato soup, he was sitting at the edge of the bed, next to you. “Open your mouth.” Jaemin held the spoon against your mouth. Your body ached and you just opened your mouth, slowly swallowing the soup. “Is it too hot?” he asked. “No, it’s good.” You smiled.

When you finished your soup, you tucked Jaemin shirt. “Are you all right? Do you want more soup?” he asked you. “No, it’s just- can we cuddle?” Jaemin smiled at you, how could he say no to you? “Of course.” You and Jaemin were together under your blanket and he hugged your from behind. You were still cold and having Jaemin close to you was everything you needed.

“I’m sorry that I couldn’t protect you like I promised. I’m sorry that I left you alone with him- I’m so sorry.” Jaemin pulled your closer and placed a kiss on your head. “I’ll never leave you again.” You turned around to face him. “It’s not your fault, I was just stupid. It was my fault.”

“No! Don’t say that. You just have a big heart and you only see the good in everyone. Even in assholes like him.” He stroked your cheek with his hand. “You are perfect and I’m sorry that you’re hurt. I can’t imagine how scared you were.”

“I-I thought that they were going to… I thought they’d…” you started sobbing, the memories of the night still haunting you. You tried to stop the tears from falling, but whenever you closed your eyes, you could see their faces. “It’s over now, everything’s going to be all right. You are safe now. Nobody’s going to hurt you anymore.” Jaemin pulled your closer and let you cry against his chest. He slowly stroked your back to calm you down. “I thought I’d never see you again and… and that scared me the most…” you gripped his shirt tightly, scared that he’d go away. “I’ll stay with you forever, even If you don’t want me anymore. I promise I’ll never leave you because- “He didn’t know If that was the right time to confess but he couldn’t take it anymore. It broke his heart to see you like this.

“B-Because?” you looked up to him. “Because I love you.”

“I love you too.” You whispered against his lips. You felt safe in his arms and you wanted to stay like this forever. The tears stopped falling and you slowly pressed your lips on his. Jaemin’s heart was racing and yours too. It was your first kiss, and it was perfect because it was with Jaemin. You gently pulled away to hide your face.

“I wanted to tell you that I love you for a long time now. I want you to know, that no matter what happens, I’ll love you and I want to do this properly. So, do you want to go on a date with me tomorrow?” he asked you. “Yes, I’d love to.” You looked up again and smiled at him.

“Sleep now, I’ll stay here with you.” Jaemin pressed his lips on your forehead and your heart fluttered. “Thank you Jaemin.” You closed your eyes and fell asleep in his arms. You felt safe, protected, and loved.

Haechan couldn’t sleep. He was in the bathroom and washed his face with icy water to calm down. He was thinking about you. Haechan felt guilty and he knew that he lost his last chance to get you back. How could he be stupid enough to play with you? What was he thinking? He was about to get out of the bathroom, but when he heard his roommates and ex-friends talking, he listened from the other side of the door.

“Jaemin’s staying with (Y/n). Mrs. Kim bought her a room because some idiot stole her money. We all know who that was. That’s so fucked up.” Jeno said.

“For real. How the fuck could that bitch manipulate him so much? We all know that they were best friends and boom the next second, he transformed to an asshole. Youngmi isn’t even that pretty. (Y/n)’s literally beautiful.” Mark looked at Jeno as they talked. “Imagine being best friends with (Y/n) and leaving her for Youngmi. I really don’t get it.”

Jeno agreed “Yeah. I hope Jaemin isn’t as dumb as Haechan and confesses now. I can’t watch them act like a couple and not confess to each other.”

Haechan bit his lip. Mark and Jeno were right. You are a goddess next to Youngmi, you are perfect. How could Haechan let you slip away from his hands? How could Haechan leave you to Jaemin? How could Haechan break your heart so many times?

So, you were staying with Jaemin. Jealousy bloomed in Haechan’s heart. Were you sleeping with him in the same bed? Were you hugging each other? Haechan wanted to be with you. He wanted to stay with you and ask for your forgiveness until he couldn’t breathe anymore.

But he couldn’t. After what he had done to you, he just couldn’t. But there was one thing he could and would do. Haechan pulled his phone out of his pocket and texted Youngmi to meet him in front of her room. He left the bathroom and Jeno and Mark stopped talking about you and Jaemin. Haechan couldn’t even look up, he looked at the floor as he left the room.

“What is it Haechan? I was going to sleep.” Youngmi said annoyed that she couldn’t have her beauty sleep.

“Where’s the money?” he asked straightforward.

“What money?” she played dumb.

“(Y/n)’s money. I know that you took it.”

“Oh, you mean that money. I’ve spent it already. I bought a new dress. Do you want to see it?” she was about to turn around to enter her room, but Haechan held her wrist.

“You’re crazy. You have to give her money back.”

“Stop being stupid, Haechannie. I’m sorry that I didn’t bought you anything with that money- “

“Are you actually dumb or are you just having fun acting like a stupid bitch?!” he raised his voice a little. “Excuse me?”

“You’re a fucking thieve and If you don’t tell Mrs. Kim that you stole (Y/n)’s money, I’m going to do it.” Haechan threatened her.

“You are a hypocrite! After everything you’ve done to her, I am a bitch now?! It’s funny actually. You destroyed your friendship with her and now you think she’ll want you back? Haechan sweetie, you’re worse than me. Do you really think she’s going to want you back after what you’ve done today? Do you really think after being an asshole she’s going to welcome you with open arms? Cute. She doesn’t need you and neither do I. And now go fuck yourself.” She ripped her wrist out of his.

“You made me do it! You made me act like an asshole! I liked you and you used me to hurt her because you knew that she’s better than you. You were fucking jealous and that’s why you wanted me to hurt her.” Haechan tried to defend himself, but deep down he knew. He knew that it was always his own decision to hurt you.

“Let me tell you one last thing,” She said and looked him deep in the eyes. “She’ll never be yours. You lost her to Jaemin, so you shouldn’t even try to get her back,” she winked at him with an evil grin on her evil face and left him alone.

Haechan silently entered his room while trying to hold in his tears. Youngmi’s right, he lost you to Jaemin and it was all his fault. He was the one who pushed you in his arms, who mocked and hurt you.

You woke up with Jaemin’s arms around your waist. You smiled softly, the warmth of Jaemin’s body felt like home. Jaemin was already wide awake, smiling like a fool because you were in his arms. Jaemin pressed little kisses on your face and you smiled wider. “Jaemin- I have morning breathe…” but still, he pressed his lips on yours. “I don’t care,” and he kissed your cheeks and then the tip of your nose.

“Go to your room before anybody sees you here. You could- “he pecked your lips “get in- “another peck “trouble- “and again. “I don’t care. I want to stay with you,” and another peck. “I want you to stay with me too, but we have to get ready. You know today’s plan, we’re stuck with Mr. Byun and Mrs. Kim.”

“I know, but we’re still going on a date tonight.” A date. With Jaemin.

“Do your feet still hurt? Do you need me to carry you?” he asked. “No, I think they’re fine now. Thank you.” This time you pecked his lips. “Ew morning breathe,” he joked, and you softly hit his shoulder. “Jokes aside, how are you feeling?” he was serious now. “Much better, don’t worry. Thank you for staying with me,” you smiled at him and you could your heartbeat increasing as you locked eyes.

“Even in the morning, you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.”

“D-Don’t do that!” you hid your face in your hands. “What? It’s the truth.”

“Stop it. Get out, I need to change.”

“Well, it’s not like I didn’t see anything yesterday-“ you slapped him on the arm again“Shut up.”

“Okay, love. I’ll see you later.” He pecked your lips one last time before leaving you with a racing heart in your room.

Today you were going to visit a couple places with your class. Even though you didn’t want to see Haechan and Youngmi, you couldn’t just stay in the hotel and you still had Jaemin with you and he was all you needed.

After getting ready, you texted Jaemin that you were waiting for him in your room. It took a little while until he texted you back, maybe he’s showering, you thought. Little did you know that he was currently fighting with Haechan.

“You are a stupid jerk, what were you even fucking thinking huh?!” Jaemin yelled at Haechan. “Leave me the fuck alone Jaemin.” Haechan was already at his limit and Jaemin pushing him to the edge didn’t help him calming down. “What would you do If anything had happened to her? What would you do? Huh? What If-“

“Shut up! Shut the fuck up! I know, okay?! I know that I fucked up! I know that I am a fucking asshole and If anything had happened to her, I would never forgive myself- now shut the fuck up!” Haechan was frustrated and yelled back at Jaemin, tears almost falling down his cheek.

“I don’t want to see you near her ever again, do you hear me?”

Jaemin looked at Haechan one last time before he left his room to meet you. He picked you up from your room and everyone was waiting for Mr. Byun in front of the hotel.

“I’m sorry you had to wait, but I’m here; so, let’s go!” Mr. Byun said happily. “Today’s going to be fun!”

Jaemin slowly held your hand and you smiled as he pulled you a little closer.

You were walking around the city and after a couple of hours, Mr. Byun and Mrs. Kim decided to go to a restaurant. But you had a little problem. How would you pay?

You were sitting at a table with your friends. Haechan was sitting behind you but you didn’t notice. Everyone ordered but you told the waiter that you weren’t hungry, even though you were really hungry.

“I’m not hungry, thank you.” You told Jaemin. “No, I know that you are hungry. Last time you ate was almost 2 days ago and soup doesn’t count as food.”

You sighed and pulled Jaemin a little closer. “Jaemin… I- I don’t have any money.” You whispered, but Haechan still listened to your conversation.

“What do you mean you have no money? When did you spent all of your money?” Jaemin asked confused. “I didn’t- it’s, shit, somebody stole it.” You whispered the last part. “What? Who? When?” he raised his voice a little. “I don’t know, I was looking for it in my bag and my suitcase last night in my old hotel room and I noticed that it was gone.”

“That bitch-“

“Jaemin!”

“What? We all know that it was that stupid bitch.” He said angrily.

Haechan was also angry. You had no money to buy food. You had no money to buy anything and he had to do something.

“Let me take care of you until I take care of her.” He said with a devil look on his face. “No Jaemin, I have no proof and it doesn’t matter. Just eat your food I’m fine.”

“No- babe, I’m not going to eat without you.” He said a little too loud. “Did he just call you babe?” Mark asked with a grin. You looked at Jaemin and Jaemin looked at you. “No?” he said unsure. “Of course, you did we heard it. What did you guys do last night for him to call you babe?” Jeno wiggled his brows.

“What the hell, dude. Just eat your food.” Jaemin blushed.

Haechan tensed up, they way Jaemin called you babe, the things Mark and Jeno said and the way you didn’t say anything. He gripped the armrest until his knuckles turned white.

“Just order whatever you want, okay? Please?” Jaemin asked with puppy eyes and you couldn’t resist him. “I can’t let you pay for everything, Jaem.”

“Yes, you can. It’s our last day here and I want you to have fun and be happy. Promise me that you’ll tell me If you want to buy anything okay?” he asked you sweetly and you nodded. “I promise.”

Haechan was impatient. He had to do something, anything. Anything to get your trust back. To get you back.

Jaemin paid for your burger and he even insisted to get ice cream. After that, he bought you two hoodies.

“But what If I only want to wear your hoodies?” you said with a grin. Jaemin looked at you for a second and then he tried to take off his hoodie. “Okay, here you can wear it now-“

“Jaemin what are you doing?! I wasn’t talking about right now. I want to wear your hoodie again when we sleep together.”

“Y-You want to sleep with me again?” he blushed.

“What?! No! I mean, yeah of course, but like, god-“ you ran back to the fitting room and closed the curtain as fast as you could to hide your face.

After you got dressed, you could convince him to stop buying so many things. Jaemin was just so excited to spend time with you in a foreign city, he wanted to see you smile.

“I’ll come and get you at 6, is that alright?” he asked you. You were in front of your hotel room, the two of you wanted to get ready for your date later.

“It’s perfect. I’ll see you then.” You quickly pressed your lips on his cheek and before he could even realize that you did that, you hurried in your room.

“This girl’s gonna be the death of me.”

After the fifth outfit, you were done. “He’ll probably like this one.” You were wearing another sundress, but this time it was wine red. Your left your hair open because you knew that Jaemin liked your long hair. After putting on some make-up, you were ready. Ready for your first official date with Jaemin.

He distracted you the whole day and you never thought about yesterday’s events. You ignored Haechan and Youngmi completely and just focused on having fun with your friends. Everything felt just right.

“So, your first date, right?” Mark asked. Jaemin nodded as he styled his hair back. Even though Haechan was also in the room, wearing his headphones, Jaemin told Mark and Jeno about his date with you. Haechan paused his music as soon as he heard your name, but he acted like he didn’t hear anything.

“Where are you taking her?” Jeno asked now. “I’ll take her to a little ramen restaurant because our first unofficial date was also at a ramen restaurant. After that, I’ll take her to the beach and yeah that’s it I guess.” Jaemin answered as he buttoned up his shirt. He was wearing simple blue jeans and a white button-up shirt.

“And then you’ll get some pussy- hey!” Jeno wiggled his eyebrows but got hit by Mark. “Shut up idiot. But he’s right maybe you’ll get some-“ before he could finish his sentence, an angry Haechan stormed out of the room, slamming the door shut.

Haechan couldn’t let that happen. Jaemin already got you as his best friend, he couldn’t let him have you as his girlfriend.

A harsh knock on your door startled you. “Holy shit.” You got up and opened the door, excepting to see a nervous Jaemin but your eyes met Haechan’s eyes. He looked you up and down, mouth slightly open and hands sweating.

“Wrong room.” You wanted to close the door, but he stopped you from doing so. “No, right room.” He entered your room without permission and your blood was boiling.

“Get out.”

“You have to listen to me-“

“No, I don’t. Now. Get. Out.” You said trough gritted teeth.

“D-don’t date Jaemin. Please- I… Jut please don’t date him.” Haechan begged.

“What? It is none of your business who I date, get out!”

“I can’t lose you-“

“Lose me? Haechan you lost me the second you ended our friendship.”

“I- I know but, fuck, I’m so sorry for what I did-“

“What exactly are you talking about? Are you sorry for treating me like trash after you ended our friendship? Or are you sorry for leaving me alone in a foreign city? There are still so many things on the list- but please, enlighten me.”

“For everything. I’m sorry for everything I’ve done to you and how I acted and treated you and I know I’m an asshole and I have no right to ask you for forgiveness but, please, don’t date Jaemin.” He stepped closer but you stepped back.

“Haechan! Leave me alone. Please.” You couldn’t take it anymore.

“I’m sorry. Can you just listen to me-”

“Leave!”

With one last look at your beautiful face, he left your room.

A couple minutes later you heard a knock on your door. The second you opened the door and saw Jaemin standing there, the sadness left your body and a smile placed on your lips.

“Wow, you look absolutely gorgeous. You’re so stunning- you just took my breath away.” He complimented you. “You also look stunning and really handsome.” You smiled. He also looked really hot, but he didn’t need to know that.

“Are you ready?” he asked and offered you his hand, which you took and nodded.

Your date with Jaemin was perfect, he was so sweet, and you just wanted to kiss him every time he looked at you.

“A ramen restaurant?” you smiled. “Yeah, I thought that it would be nice to go to a ramen restaurant since, you know, we kind of started spending time together after we ate at a ramen restaurant.” He smiled back at you. You quickly kissed his cheek and then you entered the restaurant, leaving Jaemin behind who smiled like a fool.

After eating dinner, you walked hand in hand to the beach. Your timing was perfect, the sun was slowly going down and the sunset looked beautiful. You took off your shoes and walked along the water with Jaemin by your side. You looked up to his face. Jaemin’s face was kissed by the sun and he looked eternal. He looked back at you.

“What?” he asked with a grin. “Nothing.” You said shyly.

Jaemin stopped walking and turned his body to you, standing directly in front of you. You didn’t look at him, you felt too shy with his gaze on you. His one hand was holding yours and with the other, he gently cupped your jaw and pushed your head up so you could look him in the eyes.

“Did you have fun today?” he asked you.

“Yes.” He was so close, you just wanted him to kiss you.

“I want to make you happy, I want to be with you and protect you, even though you’re the strongest girl I know. I want to hold your hand and hug you. I want to kiss your perfect lips until I can’t breathe anymore. You deserve happiness. You have a beautiful heart and every second I spend with you, makes me fall even harder for you. I don’t know If soulmates exists, but I know that you’d be mine. So, I’m asking you, do you want to be my girlfriend?”

Everything was perfect. The sunset was perfect, the person in front of you was perfect and his word were perfect.

“Jaemin… I don’t know what exactly to say, you always leave me speechless with your words. I love you and yeah, I’d love to be your girlfriend.” You smiled brightly.

“I love you.” He pulled you closer and kissed you on the lips. You just melted in his arms as he kissed you with so much passion, your heartbeat increased, and your hands travelled to his soft hair. You could see the stars every time he kissed you and you loved it. You loved how he made you feel, how your mind travelled to another galaxy. You slowly pulled away, but he was still close to your lips with his. He pecked your lips one last time before pulling you into his arms to hug you tightly.

On your way back to the hotel, Mark texted Jaemin to meet them at a bar, not far from the hotel you stayed at. “Do you want to go?” he asked you. “Yeah, let’s go and tell our friends that we are finally a couple.” You smirked at the thought.

“Alright, girlfriend.” He said and pressed his lips on your lips.

When you arrived at the bar, you immediately saw you friends waving at you. You could see almost the whole class in that little bar, hanging out and drinking. Even Youngmi and her friends were here, and of course, Haechan with his friends.

Jeno was the first one to see you holding Jaemin’s hand.

“Well, well, well. Look at this.” He said loudly.

Jaemin pulled you closer and smirked at his friend. “Yes, we’re dating. Are you guys happy now?”

“I told you it would happen this week.” Jeno yelled happily as Mark handed him ten bucks. “Yeah yeah shut up. It’s your time now.” Mark referred to Jeno’s relationship with Yuna.

Jaemin ordered you something to drink, something with no alcohol. “Sprite? I’m not a baby.” You complained. “Yes, you are. You are my baby.”

You pouted, “Not even a little bit alcohol?”

All of your other friends were drinking and even Jaemin ordered an alcoholic drink. Everyone was drinking and having fun. “Fine, but don’t leave my side.” He pecked your lips. “I’d never leave your side.”

You were drinking really slowly while the others were already tipsy. Jaemin’s cheeks were a little pink and he hugged your from behind and kissed your neck. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” You whispered as you turned around to hug him. That was a moment you’d never forget. Having fun with your friends and your boyfriend, you hadn’t felt this way since Haechan stopped being your best friend. The excitement you felt at that moment was always there when you were with Haechan, but right now, it was different, it was better.

Jeno and Yuna went outside to get some fresh air, which was a code for making out without everyone watching them. Mark and Minji were discussing about philosophy and Jaemin hugged you as he laughed at Mark’s drunk way of explaining Socrates’ philosophy.

“I need to go to the restroom.” You told Jaemin.

“Do you need me to go with you?” he asked.

You kissed his cheek, “No, I’ll be back in a minute.”

You regretted your decision going alone the second you entered the restroom.

“Look who we have here.” Youngmi was putting on her lipstick as she looked at you through the mirror. You ignored her as you looked at the mirror yourself, your make up was still there but you also needed to redo your lipstick.

“I heard you and Jaemin are a thing now. Congrats.” She said mockingly. “Did you change your room to fuck with him?” she asked bluntly. “How is he? Does he fuck you good? Better than Haechan?”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” you yelled. “What? Haechan told me you fucked with him.”

What the fuck?

“What? That’s not true!”

“Yeah, thought so. He fucked me like a virgin.” She said casually. What the hell is wrong with her?

“Why did… why would he tell you that we-“

“You know Haechan, he didn’t want to embarrass himself in front of me. He acts almighty but at the end of the day he’s a little pussy.” She turned to you.

“Well, he lied to you.”

“Just like he lied to you.” She smirked, “You think I stole your money, right? I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I don’t need your money. It was Haechan. He was in our room when you were gone, it was his idea. Everything. Leaving you alone, stealing your money, and all the other things he had done to you. He hates you, every inch of his body is filled with hatred. And our little naïve (Y/n) always fell for his lies.”

You tried your best to stop your tears from falling. The last thing you wanted is to cry in front of Youngmi, she’s a beast and your pain feeds her and makes her stronger.

She closed her clutch and turned to you. “It’s almost sad,” she chuckled, “but mostly it’s pathetic.”

Youngmi left you alone in the restroom, alone with your disappointment and anger. You had no idea, how long you were in the restroom with tears rolling down your cheek. Your hands were formed to fists, nails digging into your skin. Your thoughts were interrupted as Minji entered the restroom, looking for you.

“(Y/n)? What the hell, what happened? Jaemin’s worried sick!” she hugged you as your body started trembling in anger.

“I-I’m fine.” You lied. “Stop lying to me, tell me what happened.”

“Youngmi s-she… Haechan stole my money.” You whispered the last part, still not believing that he’d go this far.

“What?” he mouth widened in shook. “A-Are you sure?”

“Youngmi told me, and she told me that Haechan said that he and I… that we slept together. But I swear that’s not true!” you cried out.

“It’s alright I believe you-“

Suddenly someone entered the restroom, it was Jaemin. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t wait any longer- (Y/n)? W-Why are you crying?”

“I love you I didn’t sleep with him, I swear.” You ran into his arms and cried. Jaemin looked at Minji with confusion written all over his face. “It’s alright, I believe you.” He slowly stroked your hair as you tried to calm down. Minji left you and Jaemin alone, and when you finally calmed down, you told Jaemin everything that Youngmi told you.

“That son of a bitch.” He mumbled.

“I’m going to talk to him.” You said determined. “What? Let me-“

“No, I have to do this, I have to- I have to tell him to leave me the fuck alone, I need to do this.”

Jaemin pulled you closer and hugged you tightly, he pressed his lips on your temple and promised you that everything’s going to be alright.

In the meantime, Haechan sat on the bar and was drowning in his thoughts, the voice in his head telling him what a piece of shit he is and how he could hurt his best, ex-best-friend, like that. What was he scared of all the time? Losing you? No matter what he’d do, he’d lose you anyways. But hurting you was the wrong way, the wrong way of pushing you away to keep his heart safe, to keep his heart away from pain.

Youngmi was right, he thought. It was always Haechan’s decision to hurt you, it was always him. He was really a hypocrite, he blamed Youngmi for everything even though it was all his fault. You suffered because of him and he pushed you in Jaemin’s arms. Jaemin replaced him and it hurt. It hurt to see you smile at Jaemin like how you used to smile at him. Haechan always saw the universe in your eyes, and now, he only saw disgust and hate. Jaemin was now the one who could fly high whenever he looked you in the eyes.

Haechan was not drunk, but he had three drinks already and he planned on drinking more, he didn’t care about Ms. Kim and Mr. Byun, right now, nobody really did, but Haechan was different, he didn’t care about anyone except for you.

He was about to order his fourth drink, but then your face suddenly showed up next to him. He rubbed his eyes and when he looked again, you were still standing there. He knew that something was wrong when you looked at him without any emotion in your eyes.

“We need to talk, follow me.”

Without saying anything, he followed you out. Jaemin was watching you leave the bar with Haechan trailing after you. “It’s gonna be alright.” Minji assured him.

You walked to an alley next to the bar, but you stopped in your tracks as you saw Jeno and Yuna making out. They stopped as soon as they heard you coughing.

“Sorry to interrupt. But could you guys, leave us alone for a couple minutes?” you asked slowly. “Is everything alright?” Yuna asked. “Yeah.”

Jeno and Yuna left you and Haechan standing in the dark alley. You were standing there and just looking at him, it seemed like you were thinking really hard about what to do next.

“A-Are you alright?” he asked slowly.

You didn’t answer.

He stepped closer. “Don’t get closer to me.” You hissed and he stopped.

“I can’t believe you.” Your hands formed fists again. “Why did you change so much?” you asked him now, your voice trembled a little.

“I-I’m still Hyuck, I’m still Donghyuck, your best friend.” He whispered.

“No, you’re not. You’re Haechan, you’re far from being my best friend, from today on, you’re nothing to me. Not even a memory.”

“D-Don’t say that, please.” His eyes started tearing up, he looked down to his feet.

“Why did you tell Youngmi that we slept together?” you asked him. His head shot up. “H-How do you know that?”

“Is that important?!”

“I-I lied because… I didn’t want Youngmi to think that I was a virgin with no experience.” He was embarrassed.

“You’re a liar, that’s nothing new to me. But since when are you a thieve?” Haechan looked at you confused. “A- A thieve?”

“Was it fun? Leaving me alone in this city, stealing my money- was it fun?”

“Stealing your money? It wasn’t me!” he said as he shook his head. “Stop lying, Haechan. Be a man and stop lying, for once.”

“Youngmi told you that, am I right? You believe her but not me?” he was angry, not angry at you but Youngmi. “Why would I believe you after every lie you told me?!”

“I’m your best friend!” he yelled now. “No, you’re not! Why would she lie to me? She hates me, but the only liar here is you!” you yelled back furiously.

“I swear I didn’t steal your money, that… that bitch stole it and I told her that-“ you interrupted him, “Let’s say I believe you. You knew but you didn’t do anything?” you asked in disbelief.

“I-It’s not like that! I was going to tell you today b-but you were getting ready for your fucking date with Jaemin I was so angry and jealous I couldn’t focus on that all I could think about was you and him!” a tear dropped down to his cheek. “Please believe me.”

“Why would you…Why would you be jealous of Jaemin?” you were trying hard to hold back your tears.

“Because I love you! I love you so much that I did everything to hurt you and push you away because I’m a fucking idiot who’s scared to love his best friend! The way I feel for you is so fucking different than how I felt for Youngmi- I thought you’d get jealous… I-I thought you’d miss me, but you replaced me with Jaemin! Did I ever mean anything to you?!” he was crying now, his vision was blurry, he missed the tear falling down your cheek.

“I loved you, Haechan. I loved you but you broke my heart so many times, when I put the pieces back together, my heart was filled with disappointment. I was jealous and I missed you, but you slowly faded, and I stopped thinking about you. And Jaemin- I love Jaemin, I love him more than I’ve ever loved you. It’s different with him- better. He’s perfect. So, you have no right to tell me that you never meant anything to me!” you said raising your voice a little. You really loved Jaemin so much.

Haechan’s heart broke like yours every time he had told you about his crush on Youngmi.

Haechan’s heart broke because he could see the love for Jaemin in your eyes.

Haechan’s heart broke because once and for all, he lost you.

Haechan’s heart broke and it wouldn’t heal for a long time.

He remembered how much fun you had yesterday before he messed up, how it felt like months ago, just you two hanging out at the arcade and enjoying each other’s company. How he watched you as he hid behind a building, how lost you looked and how lonely you were.

He remembered how you hugged him because you were worried about him, even though he was with his so-called girlfriend and friends, laughing at how dumb you looked.

He remembered how you cried in his arms because you were so scared, because he had left you alone and god knows what could’ve happened to you.

Haechan looked at you with guilt, with pain and regret in his eyes.

You wiped away your tears with the back of your hand and next thing you knew, Haechan grabbed your wrists, pulled you closer and kissed you. He held your wrists against his chest as he kissed you on the lips. Your eyes widened, you tried to push him away, but he pulled you closer, even thought it was almost impossible.

You didn’t know what to do, so you bit his lip and he pulled away with a hiss. He still held your wrists but as he saw you sobbing, he loosened his grip. Haechan looked into your eyes, he looked for a sign, a reason to keep chasing after you, a glimpse of love you still felt for Haechan, but his eyes only saw tears and pain.

“I-I’m sorry… I just-“

“Let me go.” You whispered weakly.

“I’m sorry please I love you so much, please don’t leave me again, stay with me… p-please forgive me. I swear I didn’t steal your money- I would never… Y-You’re the best thing that happened to me- I need you please don’t go to him.” He was also sobbing now.

“I don’t want to see you ever again.” Were your last words before you pushed him slightly back, with the last bits of strength you had, and with one last look, you left him alone in the alley, alone with his arching heart.

You wiped away your tears as you entered the bar and almost ran Jaemin in the arms. Jaemin was sitting next to Jeno, his leg bouncing up and down as he nervously waited for you to come back. Jaemin saw you coming towards him and he saw the redness of your eyes. He pulled you into a hug and whispered in your ear that everything’s going to be alright.

“Please bring me back to the hotel.”

Ms. Kim and Mr. Byun didn’t know that almost the whole class was at the bar, they thought everyone was in their rooms, but they didn’t really care If the students stayed a little longer outside since it was their last day. You and Jaemin quickly entered your room, tiptoeing so nobody could hear Jaemin enter your room.

Jaemin sat on your bed and pulled you softly on his lap. “Do you want to talk about it?” he asked.

You nodded and started telling him what happened, what Haechan told you and what he did at the end.

“H-He kissed you?” Jaemin asked, anger boiling in him.

“Yes, but I tried to push him away, he was a little stronger and I just bit his lip. I’m sorry, I’m really sorry that he did that. I didn’t think he would do something like that. It just made me hate him even more.” You confessed.

“It’s alright, you didn’t do anything wrong. I just want to punch the shit out of him.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore, Haechan- he’s nothing more than a piece of our past. I don’t need and I don’t want him in my life,” You said as you breathed out, “I love you.” You added and kissed him on the lips.

“I just want your lips on mine.” You whispered against his lips and then you kissed him again.

Everything was spinning around, you could taste the alcohol on his lips and the way Jaemin held you in his arms, with you on his laps, made you forget everything that happened, every bad memory of Haechan just vanished.

Jaemin put you on the bed and hovered above you, his lips never leaving yours. His tongue slipped in your mouth and your tongues were dancing with each other, his hands travelled your body up and down and your sundress exposed your legs. His hand slowly stroked your thigh as he deepened the kiss.

Jaemin pulled back and looked at your rosy cheeks, your plump lips and your chest raising up and going down. He left your breathless.

“Mark me.” You said softly.

Jaemin’s lips travelled from your lips, to your cheek to your neck. He placed wet kisses on your neck and when he started sucking, you moaned. You never felt like this before and Jaemin brought you to the edge. His lips on you, sucking and licking at you neck, leaving marks. Your mind was full of Jaemin, Jaemin and Jaemin.

After leaving a couple love bites on your skin, his lips landed on yours again. He kissed you deeply and with so much love, you felt like you were on cloud nine. He pecked your lips one last time before locking his eyes with yours, looking deeply into your eyes and seeing a whole universe in them.

“I love you.” He said.

“I love you more.”

“I love you the most.” He grinned and pulled you closer to hug you with his whole body.

That night, all of your worried faded away, leaving you in the arms of your boyfriend, your safe place.

Your class trip, well, it wasn’t how you wanted it to be, but that was alright. Jaemin asked you to be his girlfriend, you had fun with your friends, and you could spend as much time with Jaemin as you wanted.

It was your last class trip before going to college, your last year of being a high-school student. You spend all of your time with Jaemin, studying until it was dark outside, making out until you needed to break apart because of the lack of oxygen, cuddling until you fell asleep in each other’s arms. It was too good to be true. You even got accepted to the same college with Jaemin and your other friends, everything was going amazingly well.

It was prom night, your date was, of course, Jaemin. You looked stunning and he looked incredibly handsome. He picked you up, and of course, your parents took millions of pictures of you together. Prom was breathtaking, everything looked so good and the mood was great. You danced with your friends and you slow-danced with Jaemin.

Jaemin held you close to his chest, your favorite song was playing, Jaemin paid the DJ to play this song for you. Your eyes were shining, and your smile reached your ears. You pulled him closer and pressed your lips on his. You felt like you were in a movie, the happiness you felt at that moment, it couldn’t be real. Jaemin deepened the kiss as his hands held you by your hips. Your arms were around his neck as you slowly danced with him. Jaemin pulled back and looked at you with so much love.

“I love you so much, you’re the most beautiful girl on this planet and I can’t wait to go to college with you and one day I’m going to marry you.” He promised you.

“I love you more, thank you for being with me.”

“I love you the most.”

After your dance with Jaemin, you excused yourself to go to the restroom, but you should’ve known that you’d see Youngmi there. “Hey.” She said and you looked at her, confused.

After your class trip, Youngmi lost many friends and, of course, her boyfriend Haechan. She focused on her studies and you almost forgot that she existed.

“Hi?”

She put on her lipstick and turned to you. “I know we are almost like enemies, but the last couple of months, I was all alone- I had no one, and I had time to think about everything I’ve done to you- or anyone on that matter. What I’m trying to say is; I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being a bitch and I’m sorry for just everything I’ve done. I was jealous, you know, of your relationship with Haechan and your friends, and I’m sorry for destroying your friendship with Haechan.” She almost cried.

You never thought that Youngmi would apologize to you.

“There’s another thing I have to tell you and If you want to hate me forever after that, I understand.” She looked down to her hands, “H-Haechan wasn’t the one who stole your money- it… it was me. I feel ashamed and I know that you hate me, I’m sorry, for telling you that it was Haechan, I’m sorry for stealing it in the first place, I want to give you your money back and I’m sorry for lying.” Youngmi grabbed her clutch, but you stopped her, “I don’t need it, and I don’t hate you. Thank you for telling me and thank you for apologizing.” You slightly smiled at her to show her that she shouldn’t be embarrassed.

“T-Thank you.” She whispered.

You left the restroom and went out to get some fresh air after the information you just got. It didn’t change much, you forgave Youngmi because you could see that she was being genuine, and about the Haechan thing, you let out the breathe you didn’t know you were holding.

You looked to your left, not excepting to see someone sitting on a bench, let alone excepting to see Haechan sitting there all alone. You wanted to apologize for accusing him as a thieve and you made your way to him.

“Can I sit here?” you asked.

He looked up and met your eyes with his, “S-Sure.” He stuttered, not excepting you to sit down next to him, well, you were sitting at the edge of the bench, too far for his liking.

“I talked to Youngmi just now, well, she apologized and told me that she lied to me.” You said as you looked up to the full moon.

“Lied about?” he asked.

“About you. About the class trip and my money. I’m sorry for accusing you, even though you didn’t do it.” You apologized. “But I did other stuff to you.” He mumbled.

“I know, I still wanted to apologize. It doesn’t change anything between us.” You said, maybe a little too harsh since you could almost hear Haechan’s heart breaking.

“Oh.” He looked also up now. “I’m sorry.” He breathed out a sorry before closing his eyes. He was tearing up again. “We could be here together, as a couple, If I hadn’t destroyed everything.”

“I could be the one slow-dancing with you and telling you how breathtaking you look. I could hold your hand, hug you and kiss you. But I fucked up, I never deserved you.”

You turned your face to him, you could see that he was suffering, but there was nothing you could do. He felt your eyes on him, he turned his face to you and opened his eyes, looking deeply into your eyes. He didn’t see hate or disgust anymore, he saw something else, something nice and warm.

You stood up and walked away. Haechan looked after you, his heart clenching because he knew, this was the last time he would see you. You looked breathtaking in that dress, the moon was shining brightly on you. You looked like an angel.

“I love you. Look how pretty you are. You’re so pretty, (Y/n).”

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attina-the-responsible · 3 years

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How to Tell Your Family You’re Moving Across the World According to Mermaids ~*~ [Merfam]

In which Attina and Panic make a big announcement...[takes place at the beginning of the summer.]

@arista-the-musical, @aquata-the-champ, @alana-the-brilliant, @melody-the-unwritten, @panicked-nights

[tw -- none]

ATTINA: Attina had cooked a nice salmon and tofu (for the veggies) dinner for everyone. It was almost easier to wrangle everyone now, because there were so few of them. Andrina and Adella were such big presences that dinners felt so small without them. But, she’d already called them both and told them that she was moving. It had been nice to slide into it that way, but they were also the oldest. She had no idea how the rest of her sisters were going to react.

It was nice to have Panic there for moral support. And her dad, of course. Who was aware that tonight was going to be the night.

Attina was not nervous that they were going to be angry with her. She was actually nervous of the opposite. That people would want her to leave. That they would tell her that why did it matter, why was she making a big deal of this?

She waited until the dinner was winding down. One of the sisters actually got up to put her plate up because Attina was procrastinating.

“Wait—“ she barked, when the sister stood. “Uh, please, sit. I, er—we—“ she glanced at Panic. “Have something to tell you.”

Attina took another breath. “PanicandIaremovingtoAustralia.”

AQUATA: Aquata almost choked on her salmon. “Australia?” she repeated.

This was the thing: Aquata was learning to let go of the idea that all of her sisters would stay in the same place forever. Especially after talking to her at the wedding, Aquata now understood that this wasn’t just a phase for Andy and she probably wasn’t coming back. And even though Adella had gotten the brunt of Aquata’s crisis about the family splitting up, Aquata had eventually made her peace with it.

She maybe expected Tina to leave, eventually, especially since she didn’t have her wedding in Swynlake. But Australia?

She coughed and cleared her throat, her expression going neutral. “That’s a long bloody plane ride.”

ARISTA: Arista chewed on her tofu, happy to just sit among her family. Dinner nights were always so lovely. It was how they all caught up on things. (Well, at least the ones who were still in town).

Her brows shot up, Aquata had a point. It was a long plane ride. “Australia? Like forever?” Australia seemed pretty permanently away from Swynlake. But she trusted her sister to not make decisions unless she had already thought it over like a million times. “You think you’ll be near where Jake’s from? Maybe he can give you some pointers or teach you slang.” She tilted her head, trying to think back to all the weird things she’d heard her sister’s boyfriend say over the years.

ALANA: "Australia?!"

To be honest, Alana had a moment of fear. It struck her suddenly and she looked at the dinner table, at the empty seats where Andrina and Adella once sat. She felt something twist in her gut, but then she looked at Tina and that twisting feeling transformed into a swell of pride.

"Ohmigosh that's so great!" she exclaimed. "Wow, more excuses for me to visit."

MELODY: Well, that was far. Was the first thought as Melody digested the news. She wasn't all that surprised though. Each of the girls were moving on in their own way she wondered who would be next truly.

But this wasn't supposed to be sad. Not at all. "When are you planning on moving?"

PANIC: Panic watched everyone's reactions grimacing ahead of time almost expecting for it to go terribly. Though it wasn't that bad not yet. "It's a long plane ride for sure but we're planning on getting a big enough place you guys can all visit whenever." Panic offered leaving Tina to answer Arista because really who knew especially with school.

"Toward the end of summer, we need to be there by Late August so we want to settle in a bit."

ATTINA: Attina hadn't announced something like this since...well, since her pregnancy. And she'd done that one on one, because as much as she insisted on these dinners and everyone sharing their lives with each other, she always found it a little overwhelming to be the focus of the attention.

It was nice to have Panic there to help her, because she was trying to untangle her tongue while all her sisters and cousin stared at her. She knew it must be shocking and probably felt like it was coming out of left field and she felt herself about to word vomit everywhere a bunch of excuses.

Panic corralled everyone first and Attina shot him a grateful look before nodding.

"Yes, late summer. I will, uhm, I'm--I accepted an PhD studies offer at the National Australia University in Canberra for Marine Biology. It's not near Jake's, unfortunately." She had already looked that up, because of course she knew where her sister's boyfriend was from. "But, I'm sure he can give us plenty of pointers."

AQUATA: Aquata was stunned.

Andy had always been a loose cannon. Adella had always wanted to get out of Swynlake from the beginning. But Tina? Tina, who basically ran Whosits and Whatsits, who went to every community event, who had a house here and friends and, okay, probably a lot of bad memories too, but who seemed more a part of Swynlake than anyone else?

It was like one of those moments when you were a kid and realized the teacher didn’t sleep at school. Attina had her own life. But.... Australia was really far.

Aquata didn’t really know what to say. She didn’t want to make a scene, or be the unsupportive one (again). But for someone who liked plans and routines, who liked being able to keep track of everyone, it was a lot to process.

“Congrats, Tina, that’s cool,” Aquata said flatly. She needed to go for a swim. She looked at Panic and smirked. Humor was a little easier than being sincere. “Better be a mansion. I’m not getting on a twenty-hour flight for any old cottage. Or maybe I’ll just swim there. Probably faster.”

Aquata made a face to show she was joking, because she didn’t want to freak Attina out, but honestly, it did sound like a fun idea.

ALANA: Alana was still processing this. First Andrina had left, which seemed like a given and honestly, Lana had been surprised it hadn't happened sooner. She missed Andrina so much, her absence like a loose tooth she kept on prodding with her tongue. Adella had left second, which hadn't been a surprise either; she'd already left once the first time and she'd never wanted to stay in Swynlake. She had big dreams and a little town in England didn't exactly lend itself to them.

And now Attina --

Maybe this had been coming from the beginning. Maybe Attina dreamed of things too, dreamed of the ocean and helping save it. Maybe it was obligation that had kept her trapped in Swynlake, that obligation growing into fear and spreading across the rest of them. Maybe that's why Andrina had broken away, why Adella had always dreamed of bigger things. Maybe it all went back to Attina and the fact that she had stayed in the first place, instead of leaving.

Alana always wondered why she was working in a shoppe when she had a Master's degree.

Alana didn't know what she'd do without her big sister. It was one thing for Andrina and Adella to go off -- but Attina?

She wasn't sure where to look. Looking at Attina might make her cry. Looking at Aquata might make her scared. So she looked at Arista, who was soft and smiling and with a deep breath, Lana tried to relax herself.

(She wondered, briefly, if she would ever leave Swynlake; she'd thought about it a lot as a teenager but now... well with her own place and her own life separate from the legacy of her family, it didn't really bother her as much. She wondered, out of all of them, who would go and who would remain).

"Oh my gosh, do you have a new place picked out already?" asked Alana. "Is it by the beach? Please tell me it's by the beach."

ARISTA: Arista, of course, was sad to see any of her sisters go. But she knew they all had to do some exploring of their own some time. She had left for a time to find perspective and where her music came from. Andy had left to grow and spread herself far and wide so she could experience everything the world had to offer. Adella had dreams that were outside of Swynlake. And so while she had been sad for those instances, she was happy for them because she knew they were becoming who they wanted to be most in the world.

And though the sadness over Tina hit her heart particularly hard as Tina had been the most patient and the most kind to her growing up (they of course were not without their fights as seen over the last couple years) but Arista knew that Tina had put a lot on hold and been through so much in town that it only made sense that she too at some point would want to find something different out there. And that didn’t mean they were losing her. They were just gaining distance while she became an even brighter version of herself.

She looked between her sisters, they all has their respective reactions but one thing was clear, they loved their sister and wanted to see her happy in their own ways.

She smiled softly, her voice matched her smile as she looked at her eldest sister, “I think you really deserve this, Teens.”

MELODY: Melody sighed softly but nodded, this was good. The degree was amazing. And it would be good for Attina and Panic, she was sure of it. Or at least she hoped. Just like she hoped all the others girls were happier doing whatever it was they were doing right now.

It felt lonely in a way, seeing everyone move on but making her life more steady here. Would she be like them too one day? Would the rest of the Triton's be like that?

"Congrats Tina. That's going to be such a cool program. " None the less Melody would take each day by day and today was Tina and Panic's day.

PANIC: Panic nodded giving the girls all a smile, a brief glance over to JEFF too. "We'll be near the water and no little cottage don't worry. Though maybe not a mansion big." Panic grinned with a raised eyebrow in Aquata's direction.

"Enough room and good scenery, it'll be worth the flight." Reaching over Panic gave Tina's hand a small squeeze. This was going a lot better than expected and part of him wondered if it was because some of the others girls had left. Strangely enough this was more common than you would first think.

ATTINA: No one was yelling. Everyone was smiling--some more reserved than others. The air was a little stilted, awkward, and nervous, but...no one was yelling. That let Attina know, more than anything else, that this was the right decision. She had let out the breath she was holding and managed a tentative smile herself.

There were little tears shining in the corner of her eyes, but she nodded, squeezing Panic's hand back when he reached for her.

"Yes, of course. You are all welcome to visit, at any time. And we'll all FaceTime and text. It will be like I'm not really gone at all."

"We'll miss you too, Tiny, but don't worry. You're going to do brilliantly," Daddy said, reaching over to squeeze Attina's shoulder. She smiled over at him. "Your mum would be proud."

"Daddy," Attina said, those tears trembling--much more closer to falling. "You must promise to keep me informed of everything. I'll miss you all so much."

#bdrparista #bdrpaquata #bdrpalana #attista #aquatina #atlanta #mersisters #merfam #bdrpmelody #melina #bdrppanic #siren #featuring triton #how to tell your family you're moving across the world according to mermaids #;-;

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x-men-x-imagines · 7 years

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Imagine #19 Charles Xavier (Request)

Requested by Anon: Could you please write a Charles Xavier x reader where the reader likes him but feels she has no chance so she pretends to hate him. But then he finds out the truth through mind reading? I'm sorry if this is complicated!! But thank you so much.

Not my gif

Words: 2622

Warnings: fem!reader, swearing, typos

A/N: So, first of all, I know that request is from literal months ago, and I’m really sorry, but I kinda put off writing it for the following reason... I actually did that once, pretended to hate someone I believed not to be good enough for (he was a dick and probably deserved it, but still) and it’s connected to some of the worst, most uncomfortable and regrettable situations of my life. If you find yourself in that kind of situation, and you think that it would be easier to just treat your crush like crap, DON’T! I’m all for making mistakes and learning from them, but I really recommend you just talk to the person or, if that’s easier, distance yourself, but being a dick towards them will just make you look and feel like... well, a dick. Don’t! And secondly, I am not incredibly proud of this fic. I don’t think it’s that great. I hope, I’m not disappointing anyone. xoxo

Charles had hired you because of the way you worked with the students, the way you treated the other teachers and the impression that you were one of the smartest, most dedicated people he had ever met. He had hired you despite the fact that you apparently couldn’t even be in the same room as him without shooting him glares and avoiding any kind of further interaction.

Charles understood that there were people, whom one just couldn’t stand. Attraction was biology after all, and maybe you just really didn’t like him, maybe semi-polite working-side-by-side was all you were able to with him, but it still bothered him.

You impressed him every time he heard you talk, every time he listened to one of your classes or your contributions in meetings. You area of expertise was the mutant’s role in the world’s biggest wars since the 15th century, your thesis being: There have always been mutants, fighting on both sides of each war, that have simply been erased from history like so many other minorities. You seemed determined to find, analyse and prove every single mutant’s appearance in history and there was nothing more fascinating to Charles, than listening to your passionate presentations on history, the way you saw it. It was such a shame, he thought, that you never agreed to meet him for a cup of tea and some collegial discussions. But he wasn’t going to lie to himself, what he found enchanting about you was way more than just your professional expertise.

It was something in the way you moved, the way you tilted your head when listening and lowered your gaze when smiling. It was the shape of your mouth and the look in your eyes. If someone had asked Charles to explain it, he wouldn’t have been able to put his finger on it. It always seemed right out of his reach. Quite like you, actually.

You had done your best to restrict your thoughts in the professor’s presence ever since you had started working for him. His ability, while being one of the most fascinating mutations you had ever encountered, formed quite the inconvenience for you, given the fact that all you were able to think about in his presence, were things that would practically file a restraining order all by themselves, if the professor ever found out about them.

You weren’t someone for cheesy clichés at all, but the phrase “so close, yet so far” had never made more sense to you, than at your first meeting with Charles Xavier. And what did the professional, grown-up woman do when having a completely unrealistic crush on a superior? Exactly, act like a cold, heartless prick towards him.

Looking back, you were really surprised, that he had hired you after all. Being charming wasn’t your forte as it was, and with him you hadn’t even tried! But somehow, the professor had still decided to keep you, which, today, had been exactly five months ago.

“Happy anniversary!”, someone mumbled in your ear and you turned around to look at Raven’s grin. She didn’t have a teaching position, but she visited Charles every once in a while. You two actually had quite a lot in common, as it turned out. Her activist enthusiasm being more focused on the present than your, as she jokingly called it, “moaning of dead kinsmen”, but you had mostly the same ideals. And the same shoe size, which you mentioned for no reason in particular.

“Thanks babe.”, you replied, because Raven hated that word. She rolled her eyes and stole your cup of coffee from the table. “The machine is right there.”, you murmured, focusing your eyes back on the book in front of you. “What’s that?” “Research.” You snatched your coffee back. “On…?”

You shut the book and pushed it over to her. “First appearances of the x-gene, by Charles Xavier. You’re only reading that now? It’s like fifteen years old!” You shot her a glare. “Have you read it?”, you asked and she laughed. “What do you think? So, how do you like his theory? You might be the one person, that is actually able to reasonably correct Charles on anything.” “Ha!”, you laughed, taking the book and turning it in your hands. Looking up at Raven, you realized that she was actually still waiting for an answer.

“I mean…”, you shrugged, “he does kind of imply that the x-gene, as he calls it, only developed in the beginning of the 20th century, which doesn’t at all fit my thesis…” “So he’s talking shit?” “I didn’t say that!” “I know. But I did. Isn’t it funny, how two people like you have contradictory theories about the exact same topic?”

“I mean, yeah, I guess. But that’s why we have science and not just some guy telling us, what’s right and wrong.” “You mean like the pope? Or Jesus?” “You’re in a critical mood today!”, you laughed, checking your watch. “Oh, I gotta run!” “I’ll tell Charles, you said ‘Hi’.”, she shouted after you as you hurried out the door and you immediately felt your face blush. You never talked about your crush on the professor, but you felt like she knew. He was her brother, which made the whole situation pretty awkward, but was there anything more awkward than having a crush on your boss?

“You’re in an odd mood today.”, Charles greeted Raven as she stormed through his office door and violently dropped down on the couch. “Thanks, y/n said the same. I’m supposed to send her regards.” “Are you?” She grinned. Charles hadn’t thought so either. “She was reading your book.”

He sighed. “Raven, you’ll have to be a little more specific.” “The one that completely contradicts her theory.” “Right. I was young and naïve back then, I didn’t know any better.”, he joked. “You should tell her about that. You can also congratulate her on her five months of teaching without getting fired.”

“Oh right, that’s today.” Of course, he remembered that. “While we’re talking, there is a debate in the auditorium this afternoon. Nature vs. Nurture, y/n prepared it with one of her classes. Care to accompany me?”

Raven furrowed her brows. “If I come, will you finally grow some balls and talk to y/n?”

Your day went by pretty uneventfully. You ignored several notes being passed in class and even collected two, because the student’s just weren’t trying hard enough. It was a matter of principle for you, being the unstoppable note-passing-queen yourself. Some people just needed a little motivation.

The debate was supposed to start at 5pm, so naturally the students showed up at 4:58, causing you to start late. You sat down by the side of the podium, crossing your legs and listening. You hadn’t heard all the contributions yet and even though none of your students had probably discovered a completely new approach on a subject that was about as old as humanity itself, you were still interested in the opinions and the way this discussion was heading. Right now, it looked a lot like Freud’s approach of ‘let’s blame the parents for everything!’ and you felt like you were watching a really eventful tennis match.

Eventually however, your eyes and thoughts trailed off as you subconsciously started searching the crowd – crowd being a rather wide term for the about fifteen people in the audience – for one specific face. The professor was seated in the front row, hands crossed in his lab above a folded grey jacket. You agreed with him, it was quite warm in the auditorium. His eyes were resting on the students, his lips forming a slight, almost unnoticeable smile.

Those lips, you thought, before you could stop yourself. You focused your eyes back on the discussion, but your mind wasn’t quite as easily restrained. You wondered, if the presentation bored him. He must have heard all of this before, in the minds of his students, but also in the minds of every person he had ever had a similar debate with. And still, you thought, here he was, supporting his students.

It had always impressed you, the way he smiled through everything, the way he managed all those things, his studies, this school, his political and scientific relations, everything, without ever even looking tired. Not to speak of all the shit he had to put up with! It had to be such a pain, listening to people’s thoughts all day. Damn, the poor man, you thought, smiling subconsciously. Sometimes – well, pretty often actually – you wished that you had just approached him, asked him out or something. He would have probably refused and then fired you, because it would have been way out of line, but at least you would have tried. You had always hated regretting decisions, but you felt like in this situation, you would have regretted your choice either way. Rather not be unemployed, you decided, focussing your thought back on the debate.

It was rare to hear you think personal things. Charles usually avoided rummaging through people’s minds, but to a certain extent, he couldn’t help but listen, it was like a constant murmur in a room full of people, and he couldn’t always block everything out. And sometimes he got to hear some rather personal details that he would have rather not found out about. But you were never one of those people, all you ever seemed to think about was work and science, sometimes the other teachers or some issues you had with a student, but never in a way that would have shown any kind of personal attachment.

Your thoughts always felt somewhat incomplete. Mainly because Charles knew that everyone had personal, private thoughts and therefore so did you, but also because you didn’t look like the cold type to him. Again, he couldn’t really explain it, but hearing your suddenly distracted mind showed, that he didn’t have to explain anything to know that he was right.

Those lips. The words wavered through his head and left him in a state of mind that could only be described as shocked. He saw his face flash through your thoughts, as he couldn’t help himself but dive a little deeper into your world. You were warm, just like him, he thought and grinned. You weren’t bored, just distracted. He had distracted you, he realized. You thought about the things he had done for the school, and how hard it must have been. Your words rang in deep admiration.

Charles felt his heart pound against his ribs and couldn’t help but shake his head over his own childish excitement. How old was he, twelve? But he couldn’t help it, as your mind moved on to more personal matters. Were you… were you thinking about asking him out?

Could he have been that wrong about the way you saw him? He thought you disliked him, because that was all he had ever seen in your mind and your eyes. Where was all this coming from? Better not be unemployed, he heard, furrowing his brows. Was that, why he had never seen any of your personal thoughts? Had you locked them up in his presence?

Would he have to fire you, if he went out with you, he asked himself. Was it amoral of him? No, he decided. No, that wasn’t the reason he hadn’t approached you. The reason for that had just disappeared into thin air, he realized and looked at you, as your attention shifted back to your students and your mind returned to things, that you weren’t trying to hide from him.

You actually seemed to believe that he would push you away and then fire you, which was absurd! Why should he ever reject you? But of course, you didn’t know that, he reminded himself. How could you, he hadn’t approached you either. He grinned as he realized, how much of a cliché this whole situation was. Maybe the two of you had more to discuss than your different opinions on mutant history.

You made a mental note to give all the students that had participated in the discussion some extra points. You also decided not to tell them until the end of term. Some of them were in for a pleasant surprise, you smiled while applauding alongside the audience. Your students had done a great job. And it had been nice to see them go back to things that you had taught them in class. This was, why you had decided to become a teacher.

The people in the audience started chatting and moving towards the exit. The one person that wasn’t doing either and instead heading towards you, as you realized with a confusing mix of nervousness and excitement, was the professor. Suddenly, you remembered the things you had thought about during the debate, when your mind had wandered off. Stupid, you scolded yourself, turning around to not look at the professor’s gentle expression. Oh God, he must have heard something!

“Y/n.”, you heard his voice behind you and immediately banned every thought regarding him or his beautiful eyes, only to have them return seconds later. Shit.

“Professor.”, you turned around and smiled at him as professionally as possible. “You did great work, as usual.”

“Oh, it was mostly the students.”, you replied. “But thank you.” “You’re very welcome. Raven told me that you are reading my expertise on the mutant’s origin.” “I am. I don’t agree.” It came out way too harsh, but Charles laughed, finally taking his eyes off you for one moment, allowing you to get your shit together. “I thought so. I would love to discuss some of the aspects, although I have to say that my beliefs regarding that subject have changed drastically, since I heard your point of view.”

“Uhm…”, you said, asking yourself, where all your brain went, whenever you needed it. “Thank you. But if you have already changed your mind, my work is done, so…”

“And if I wanted to talk about other things?”, Charles interrupted, raising an eyebrow and making you blush in a way that was impossible to hide. Damn it, you cursed, he had heard you. He had probably heard every… word, thought, whatever. “I… I am not as informed regarding other topics…”, you murmured, mentally screaming at him to just get it over with. To just tell you, how inappropriate and unrealistic your thoughts had been, ideally before you melted into a puddle of shame and disappointment. But of course, whenever you wanted him to read your thoughts, he wasn’t there, or he at least didn’t grant your wish.

“If I want to ask you out for dinner? Let’s say, in half an hour?”

Charles saw your face drop in shock and for a second, he worried, if he had misunderstood your intentions, but then your cheeks turned even darker, to a shade of red that actually complimented your eyes quite well.

“I…” He waited, but you didn’t seem to plan on finishing your sentence anytime soon.

Y/n, I know, you think that I am going to fire you, but I really do not plan on doing so, he explained, grinning as he saw your face light up in relief. “Not after this debate at least.”, he added. “But I would love to go out with you.”

You didn’t look him in the eyes, which bothered him more than he had expected. “We don’t even need to talk about mutants, if you don’t want to.” A smile spread over your face and you nodded slightly. “But only, if you promise not to kick me out, professor.”, you joked, making him smile triumphantly. As if he would ever reject you, he thought.

#xmen #xmen imagine #charles xavier #charles xavier imagine #charles xavier x reader

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thesquidwizard · 3 years

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I was told reading Philosophical problems with blah blah blah would answer why making 500 genders would solve gender stereotypes I am petty and affable so I read it

If you want my opinions and my mind slowly melting i am kindly putting this under a read more cuz its fucking long as shit

the TLDR is : this drivel doesnt mention the problems of gender stereotypes or neogenders at all its just some guy wanking on why women need to give up their spaces because he thinks their wrong and annoying ( Kathleen Stock especially)

I’d love to @ you lake-lady, but you blocked me for thought crimes and im to lazy to try to get around that ( if you actually read this before recommending it to me, you are very very strong and very very brainwashed)

the first 14 paragraphs are circle talk "GC feminists are wrong, i will prove their wrong, they think "this" it is wrong ill prove its wrong etc etc etc" if you survive that that, They focus on Kathleen Stock in their words "Stock presents an articulate, relatively comprehensive, and moderate form of gender-critical feminism" first: If Margie’s self-diagnosis (“I’m a boy”) is questioned by the therapist, the therapist can be construed as . . . “converting” . . . a trans child to a “cis” one. If, on the other hand, Margie’s self-diagnosis is affirmed unquestioningly, the therapist is effectively failing to affirm Margie in a sexual orientation of lesbianism; something which also looks like conversion by omission. (Stock, 2018e) -They spend 5 paragraphs explaining why Stocks hypothetical girl^ isnt converted to male heterosexualness by transitioning, and not affirming Marges Gender identity is Dangerous They do not address Stocks ACTUAL concern that Gender Affirming Therapy without any kind of therapy and research on GNC and SSA children is conversion by omission because it doesnt take into account if these feelings stem from gender stereotypes and homophobia. Stocks is not concerned that you are converting this girl straight( sex is real she would be SSA either way) she is concerned your transitioning her without affirming her sexuality and giving her support in the knowledge that being a lesbian is okay and perfectly normal.-

Next: concern about female-only spaces is about legal self-identification without any period of “living as a woman,” prior male socialisation in a way which exacerbates the tendency to violence against female bodies, and the fact that many self-identifying trans women . . . retain both male genitalia and a sexual orientation towards females. (stock) If the evidence shows (as, in fact, it is already showing) that some males—whether genuinely “truly” trans or just pretending—turn out to pose a threat to females, and it’s really hard to tell in advance which ones will, can’t we then make a social norm and/or law to exclude all [natal] males from female-only spaces . . . ? (also stock)

-Quotes are separated by garbage but this whole section is what we have all seen before " why must trans woman suffer, just because cis men hurt woman" except its really long it acknowledges male violence rates but refuses to acknowledge we have already seen men (and identified transwoman) taking advantage to hurt woman. This whole chunk is just SOME woman must be sacrificed for Trans feelings-

They do put: Finally, we know that some men who come into contact with children in their work will offend against them. Yet we do not exclude all men from working with children, even if using gender as a watershed would prevent those offenses. Why does the good of minimizing child sexual abuse not lead us inexorably to the conclusion that we must outlaw all male teachers and coaches? Because our practical reason recognizes complexity: We readily see that even the most highly desirable states of affairs (minimizing abuse of children) do not have simple, quasi-mechanistic implications for policy or decision-making, and that they do not justify the indiscriminate suppression of other goods (even less important ones, such as professional vocations).

-And id like to add with the rise in pedo crimes I am 100% down with separating men from children because i do not think any child should be endangered just to keep men in jobs.-

They also put this quote in:

there is clearly a difference between the experience of a child who is treated by others in way that are characteristic of boys and also feels like a boy, and a child who is treated by others in ways that are characteristic of boys whilst feeling that they are really a girl. (Finlayson et al., 2018)

-And are you sure? are you really sure? I feel like there might be differences between social conditioning, experience and feelings. A boy treated like a boy and a boy(who feels like a girl) treated like a boy are still experiencing being treated and raised like a boy?? one just has emotional differences (is it internalized homophobia, Gender non conformity, a developed fetish?? who knows but they still experienced boyhood)-

-Next section says we cant make single stall or any other kind of netrual or trans bathrooms because its to hard? and it hurts trans feels reminding them that they have birth sexes because thats hate speech???-

also this: Our social world is arranged in a way that makes exclusion from the sex/gender they claim—on the basis of a lack of “authentic” belonging (Serano, 2007)—central to trans subordination. As with other forms of social subordination, trans exclusion has not only material dimensions (Blair & Hoskin, 2018; Hargie et al., 2017; Moolchaem et al., 2015; Movement Advancement Project and GLSEN, 2017; Rondón Garcia & Martin Romero, 2016; Serano, 2013; Stonewall, n.d.; Yona, 2015), but also discursive ones that work in accordance with the logic of so-called performatives. Performatives are utterances that do things with words: specifically, they accomplish something in the act of saying it (Austin, 1975). The classical example is marriage—in the act of declaring a couple married, a celebrant brings about a change in their normative status, provided the celebrant is the right person in the right circumstances. This presupposes a normative background (that is a set of laws, conventions, or other rules) governing all those matters: who qualifies as a legitimate celebrant, what the right circumstances are for the performative to do its work, what marriage status means in terms of spouses’ rights and obligations, etc.

-Celebrating a Marriage is celebrating a couples chosen form of representing their relationship publicly and adding each other to their legal family, how is that the same as letting men into woman's bathrooms because they have feelings??-

-Theres more babblery about subjugating trans people by not pretending biology is fake, and that saying they cant just taking womans rights and spaces is denying their reality and existence we find out the author is a gay(cis) man so why does he have opinions on womans spaces and issues who fucking knows ( he really likes the word unintelligible)-

-Im tired, Ive taken several breaks just to stay clear headed( mildly sane) and now we are onto why Trans inclusive practices dont threaten the concept of female, male, lesbian and gay. Okay buddy ole pal bring it on-

Stock (2018b) has also argued that trans inclusion on the ground of self-identification/declaration threatens “a secure understanding” of concepts intimately related to “woman”—namely, “female” and “lesbian.” It is hard to see this threat as a real one. After all, conceptually, “trans maleness” and “trans femaleness” presuppose “cis maleness” and “cis femaleness” as their other—namely, the case of female and male for which no transition, no reaching across, is required: the case of femaleness and maleness already on this side of (= “cis”) their sex.

-At some point i expect to find out Stock implied his dick is tiny or something " gender crit feminists are wrong im gonna argue with just this one" In this section he manages to be long winded and say nothing have a taste:

Stock (2019b) argues, correctly, that “sex [i.e., maleness and femaleness] is not determined by any single, unitary set of essential criteria,” and that “there is no single set of features a person must have in order to count as male or female.” She goes on to state that: (a) “you do still need to possess some” female (biological) sex characteristics to count as female; (b) that this is “a real, material condition upon sex-category-membership”; and (c) that “medical professionals [assigning sex]. . . rely upon an established methodology, aimed at capturing pre-existing biological facts” (Stock 2019b). Stock presents (a), (b), and (c) as if they were true without qualification. In fact, they only describe how, for very legitimate reasons, sex is understood and assigned within the discourses of biology and medicine; but our everyday usages of “male” and “female” may well be more capacious. It does not follow, of course, that there is no connection at all between these discursive domains—biology and the everyday. Rather, something like the biological meaning of “male” and “female” refer to the central cases of “male” and “female” as those terms feature in everyday usages. But those usages, if trans-inclusive (as they should be), will also cover, legitimately and usefully, noncentral cases of those selfsame terms.

-Yes you need to be female to be female, it doesnt matter what you look like how much you weigh your hobbies or tastes you just need to be female. Observed Biology is observed not assigned we dont pop out blank slates until someone says "ya this ones a girl"-

There really is no good reason to fear that such trans-inclusive practices will imperil “maleness” and “femaleness” as concepts. It is the very fact that those concepts have and will retain central cases that puts to rest any such fear. What makes something like the biological meanings of “male” and “female” the central cases of everyday usages of those words is “[o]rdinary-life truth seeking, a certain level of which is essential for survival”; this “involves a swift instinctive testing of innumerable kinds of coherence against innumerable kinds of extra-linguistic data” (Murdoch, 1992). Reproduction is a key aspect of human experience: The existence of each of us and the perpetuation of the human species presuppose it. The extra-linguistic reality of the dioecious configuration of human bodies, which is functional to human reproduction, means both that the concept of “female” and “male” are here to stay, and that their central cases will remain well-understood, even after we give up on trans-exclusionary attitudes, practices, and policies. To put it another way: trans-inclusive linguistic usages, policies, and so on, cannot threaten the distinction between the concepts of “male” and “female,” which hinges on the nondisposability of the central cases of those concepts.

For similar reasons, it is difficult to agree with Stock that characterizing as “gay” trans men attracted to men, and as “lesbian” trans women attracted to women, “leaves us with no linguistic resources to talk about that form of sexual orientation that continues to arouse the distinctive kind of bigotry known as homophobia” (Stock, 2019d). After all, our linguistic conventions make cissexual womanhood and manhood the central or paradigmatic cases of “womanhood” and “manhood”; cissexual (though not necessarily gender-conforming) lesbianism and male homosexuality the central or paradigmatic cases of “lesbianism” and “male homosexuality,” and so on. This will not change. First because of the prevalence of cissexual women/men and cissexual lesbians/gay men, in terms of sheer numbers, relative to trans women/men and trans lesbians/gay men. Second, because of the ways in which the concepts of “man,” “woman,” “gay,” “lesbian,” “cis,” and “trans” sit together with the concepts of “male” and “female,” which reference an extra-linguistic reality, of which, as we have already seen, we cannot but take notice. Given these linguistic and empirical facts, a trans-inclusive use of the terms “lesbian” and “gay” does not carry the dangers Stock (2019d) worries about.

-I keep going back and checking the date this was published in 2020 clearly this man has neither been online except to stalk Stock, nor talked to a human who actually believes what he is arguing against. No one is mad at transwoman for liking woman or vise versa its the kind of woman and men they go after and EXPECT romance and validation from ( ie lesbians and gay men, ie threatening what lesbian and gay mean in "inclusive" climates) fucking knob.-

I dunno if this is translated or the writer isnt english but he keeps using subordination where "opression" would be used and umm. anyway onto "Overemphasizing Sex-Based Subordination"

first he explains the difference between paranoid and paranoid structuralism there is so much fucking bullshit then we get to some quotes! that are bullshit-

Even assuming that the socialization of trans girls mirrors that of cis boys, the fact that trans girls do not identify with maleness can be expected to make a difference to the outcomes of such socialization (Finlayson et al., 2018).

-this guys back, love this guy doesnt know you dont fucking socialize yourself-

It is a mistake to treat “violence and discrimination against trans women . . . as if it were unconnected to that faced by cis women” (Finlayson et al., 2018).

-Finlayson marry me your so smart, that big brain of yours is sooo sexy. Anyway transwoman and "cis" woman face violence from the same people.. Men. but it is not for the same reasons and most transwoman who face violence are brown and black sex workers( if your gonna care go wholesys not halfseys). As opposed to woman who face violence no matter their class, race, nationality, age.. etc etc etc-

Saying “Not giving people everything they desire is not a denial of their humanity” (Allen et al., 2019) amounts to an insensitive dismissal of the serious argument that trans exclusion is ipso facto harmful.

-I want an affordable home and access to food and water whenever i am hungry, you want me to pretend reality doesnt exist so your feefees dont get hurt-

The claim that women “are a culturally subordinated group . . . [while] at best, trans women are a distinct subordinated group; at worst . . . members of the dominant group” entirely discounts the ways in which sex, gender, and cis/trans status intersect. These intersections produce more complex, shifting, and context-dependent power relationships than are captured by the M > F formula.

-Sex based oppression is actually like jello, sometimes woman are less oppressed or oppressed slightly more to the left, I too can just kinda say words-

A dubious assumption underlies this statement: “[T]he fact that our concept-application [of, e.g., ‘woman’] might indirectly convey disadvantage towards some social groups [e.g., trans women] is not itself a reason to criticise the concept use, because the concept use has a further valuable point” (such as “to pick out a distinctive group, relative to recognisably important interests”) (Stock, 2019e). The dubious assumption here is that the “valuable point” of a restrictive use of the concept will be lost if the concept is broadened. The assumption is dubious because even in its broad, inclusive use, the concept retains a readily identifiable central case.

-Yes you dunder head if we start calling lizards mammals we lose the point of what makes a mammal a mammal, which complicates and endangers our way of researching and understanding mammals by making woman "whoever the fucks wants to be one" we loss the ability to easily talk about things that are exclusive to woman the more female language is edified the harder it is for females to unite to talk about womans issues, womans health, girls puberty, womans oppression etc etc.-

-my fuck i dont even care to learn this mans name and i have a personal hatred just for him, i hope ya'll have noticed he uses several different "sources" for his arguments and yet pins GC feminism on Stock alone. Anyway here we go into Doing Philosophy and Debating Policy in the Age of Social Media and Digital Platforms ( i think this man nuts every time he types out philosophy)-

my god we have brough Plato into this, Stocks must stand alone but we are at fucking plato, anyway this section actually has some brains in it there drivel but also truth:

Needless to say, in real-world face-to-face exchanges, unalloyed communicative action is known only by approximation. But there are very good reasons to think that the distance between the ideal (namely, communicative action) and the real is especially wide in the context of the quasi-spoken digital media used to construct (and respond to) the gender-critical case against trans inclusion. Stock (2019f) herself, discussing the reception of her arguments, has complained about countless “half-arsed takedown attempts” by “online philosophers,” crediting, conversely, philosophers she meets offline with “interesting, constructive, and charitable” objections. She also notes that social media siphons “users into paranoid, angry silos” (Stock, 2019d), and that “when reading disembodied words on a screen” it is “easy enough” to engage in “projection” (Stock, 2019a). Why and how do social media and allied platforms have this potential for distorting genuine communicative action?

First, they enable new manipulative communication practices, such as flaming and trolling. The popular support base of gender-critical academics makes ample use of these, though gender-critical scholars are also at the receiving end. Rather than using the quasi-spoken features of social media and allied platforms with a view to genuinely advancing understanding, online activists may exploit these features for strategic aims. Common techniques include drowning a post or blog with irrelevant comments; exposing the blogger to ridicule; deflecting attention from the point she made; forcing her to address spurious objections; pretextually professing a failure to understand, demanding endless further explanations; and so on. Some of these techniques are available in spoken exchanges, but social media and allied platforms magnify their power by enabling “widely-distributed individuals to organize and galvanize around issues of common interest [or] political advocacy” (Stewart, 2016); and by facilitating the use of nonverbal or nonargument-based, but effective, communicative devices, such as memes, gifs, and emoticons.

Another way in which these digital media distort genuine communicative action is by affecting the motivations of the blogger, or micro-blogger, herself. Specifically, they facilitate the interference with genuinely communicative goals (reaching understanding) by noncommunicative, strategic aims. I will discuss three: acquiring influence, career progression, and venting.

In traditional academic communicative practice, one’s recognition as an expert is supposed to follow from the credit that accrues to one as a result of the soundness of one’s research methods and arguments, judged through peer-review processes. But “in the era of social media there are now many different ways that a scientist can build their public profile; the publication of high-quality scientific papers being just one” (Hall, 2014). Veletsianos and Kimmons (2016) have found, by examining a large data set of education scholars’ participation on Twitter, that

being widely followed on social media is impacted by many factors that may have little to do with the quality of scholarly work . . . and . . . that participation and popularity may be impacted by a number of additional factors unrelated to scholarly merit (e.g., wit, controversy, longevity; p. 6).

-This section like every section goes on forever but we finally finally reach our conclusion-

Cooper (2019) has invoked a legal pluralist perspective to argue that it is possible, and may be desirable, for gender as conceived by gender-critical feminists (as “sex-based domination”) and gender as conceived in trans-affirming terms (as “identity diversity”) to coexist side-by-side in the law. Access to women’s spaces is just the kind of policy matter that need not choose between one conception of gender and the other: it can and should be granted on the basis of both. While a compelling feminist case has been made for inclusion (Finlayson et al., 2018), the best feminist case against inclusion suffers from a number of argumentative fallacies (Aristotle, n.d.), and is at odds with well-established and sound uses of practical reason. Many problems in gender-critical thought are consistent with the explanation that paranoid structuralism is too often presupposed in gender-critical work, rather than being treated, productively, as a hypothesis. The nature of the publication outlets favored by gender-critical feminists (social media, blogs, etc.) is also likely to be implicated in generating some of these problems.

I think one of the things i would like anyone who managed to read this entire thing to take away from this is that not ONCE were male bathrooms or male spaces mentioned, not once did this apparently "cis" gay man say that he welcomes and wants transmen in HIS spaces or that he has even thought about it

(((( also he didnt even mention neo genders so my original question 100% unanswered, even fuckface magee doesnt think demiboys are real. He doesnt want to or even mention solving sex based oppression he just wants woman to stop fighting to keep men out))))

#gender critical #gender critical feminism #GC #radfem #terf friendly #anyone with a strong brain try to read the original piece its contras brother i swear to fucking god #id say radfem friendly but he doesnt touch womans issues he doesnt care #trans exclusive

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poisonedpan · 7 years

Text

Twinning - 03/2016 - Section 33

The beginning of March was quickly around the corner. School was nothing to me anymore. Sometimes I went to class and sometimes I didn’t. Most of the time, Trevor spent the night at my house and I’d make a few classes, but stopped going when he got off work. I was trying to balance having a healthy relationship with David in San Francisco, while still maintaining my school credibility, while still hanging out with friends. Life doesn’t work like that though. Nothing is equally balanced. Sacrifice happens.

Savannah, one of my best friends from Florida, was moving in with me. I didn’t tell my roommates at first. I just told them that she was visiting and what they had thought about it. Savannah had lived a pretty hard life. Some of it was decisions that she made, but they weren’t any worst then the ones I’ve made. They weren’t any worst then the ones anyone else makes. Her luck isn’t anywhere near mine. She doesn’t have the support from her family and friends to fall back on. She was alone in the world. I didn’t hesitate on my decision to let her live with me. I thought she needed it. I kind of needed it.

Trevor and I started to document everything. We started filming for a few reasons. I mocked that it was for my kids that I wanted to have in the future. It wasn’t a complete lie though. I didn’t want to hide who I was to my future kids. I didn’t want to mask my depression and pain, because I wanted to shelter them from the world. Sheltering doesn’t work. If anything, it makes the kids more fucked up. It makes them feel different or wrong, and alone in the world because they have nobody to talk to about things. I know if I have kids, they’re going to share the same mind that I did. Maybe they’d react to things different - and I really hope that they do. I want the best for my kids, but I’m not going to act like I was a saint. Especially in this time, young adults need to know that they aren’t alone in the world.

Trevor and I went to darts until Savannah got in. Trevor was pretty amazing at darts - which makes me laugh sometimes to say. But I respect anyone that’s actually talented at something, even if it’s something I’d normally make fun of. I liked the idea that Savannah was going to be here soon. It was almost as having a piece of home into my new home.

Out of anywhere I’ve lived other than Fresno, the only one that felt like home was Florida. It wasn’t because I wanted to be there. It wasn’t because I was from there. In reality, I hated literally everything about Florida. Although, Florida was the place that I started to discover myself. Instead of trying to be anyone other than myself, I let myself fall into my crazy mind. Things started to change. I got into more trouble. I experimented with things I probably shouldn’t have. Although, I felt like I was actually “Chance.” I wasn’t being shaped and molded by everyone anymore. I started to make some of my own decisions.

Savannah got in around ten that night. Trevor and I had been doing some blow, and we picked her up downtown Fresno. She got off the bus and ran into my arms. This is where things were going to change. We both were going to change a lot from this situation.

For the better.

For the worst.

We got back to the apartment. I wanted Gabriel and Brittany to come over to meet Savannah. Savannah was a piece of me that most people didn’t know about. She understood a lot about me, in ways that most people wouldn’t. She gets my mind - even the most twisted parts of it. I think that’s one of the things that kept me wanting to do this. I wanted these people to get to know me. All of me.

Gabriel and Savannah got along. Gabriel was someone that loved to talk to people, and he was good at it. His communication skills were out of this world. I could listen to him talk to people for hours. He always knew what to say. He knew what jokes to say, or he knew what questions to ask to get to know someone. Gabriel made it hard for me to ever have a bad day, because of the light that he continuously brought into my life.

The first night wasn’t that crazy. We didn’t do anything dramatic, like have a huge party. It was mostly a chill night, drinking fireball and eating chips. Savannah was probably tired after being on the greyhound for so long. There was something really special about introducing someone that watched me transform into the person that I am to the people that have helped me start putting together my life.

I loved it.

It felt like home.

Everyone went home, besides Trevor. Trevor practically lived at my apartment now. He said it was because it was so close to his work, but his work was in the middle of our houses. It didn’t bother me though. I liked having him here. He was good company, and one of my best friends. If it wasn’t for the fact that I was already breaking the rules of my lease, I’d let him just move in too.

The following day, we all decided to go up to the mountains. It all started with us pregaming at the house. Trevor and I broke the camera out. I liked documenting this stuff, because these are memories that I want to keep forever. Life’s not going to be this lit when I have to work a full time job. I want to enjoy my college years, live it the fuck up. I wanted to spend it with the most amazing group of people too.

Gabriel came over. I honestly asked him to come over every day. I wasn’t sure if it was feelings that I was starting to get for him, or if it was just because I got so comfortable around him. There was something there though. I wasn’t sure if it was something to act on, or just let things fall where they will.

When Brittany got there, we continued to drink fireball from the night before. We bought a handle of it and I was surprised that it hadn’t been finished yet. Especially with the way that we all drink.

I want to make a note right here, and say don’t drink and drive. Yeah, I’ve done it. My friends have done it. Most people have done it. It’s not just about how intoxicated you may be, or if you’re a good driver even when you’re impaired. It’s about being aware of everything going on around you -“ which nobody is aware of everything when they’re drinking. Drink and don’t drive.

Fresno doesn’t have that much to do. Although, you can make an adventure out of everything when you’e with the right people. I was. We drove up to the mountains, blasting music. I was sitting in the backseat with Gabriel. We were singing Justin Bieber, holding hands, and making out occasionally. Gabriel was like my boyfriend, but without the going on dates part. I liked making out with him. It wasn’t every day that I was making out with someone that I actually genuinely liked.

The mountains were so pretty, all the time. I loved the way the sunset was falling down alongside of them. It was beautiful. That’s one of the cool parts of the valley. You can live in a pretty cheap place, but drive like an hour in any direction and there’s something so beautiful.

We smoked some pot and then started heading back down the mountains. We didn’t spend that much time up there, as it was getting dark. Most of us wanted to get back to my house and continue drinking. There was something a little nerve wrecking about drinking and driving through the mountains.

We got to the corner of my house.

“There’s a cop behind me,” Trevor said. My drunk ass didn’t really let it connect with what was actually going on. I was too busy making out with Gabriel.

“I’m being pulled over.” Trevor said.

That’s when everything changed.

Long story short, Trevor got a DUI. They towed his car, and told him that whatever he wants to take out of the car to go ahead and take. With that being said, we took all the liquor and alcohol. Trevor took his pot and the bong, with the cocaine still in our possession. The situation could have been really fucking bad. Also, I didn��t make it any better. The cop told me to go inside, because I lived there and was drunk out of my mind. I continued arguing with her, saying it’s a public sidewalk. Eventually, I went inside (which was smart, because the last thing I needed was to get arrested). While most of this was going on, I was standing on my balcony yelling “Free Trevor.” All in all, I didn’t want the cops to arrest my cousin. I didn’t want anything to look bad on me with the family. I know someone was going to spin it, saying that I was one of the reasons he was drinking and driving. I wanted to wake up, from being blacked out in the backseat and realize that none of this happened. That didn’t happen though.

A DUI sucks, but at least he wasn’t arrested.

The rest of the night, it was like we all wanted to get super smashed to forget what happened. I felt bad for Trevor, because I knew that it hadn’t really hit him yet. I know that’s why he was slamming the fireball like there was no tomorrow. I didn’t stop making out with Gabriel, at all. Making out wasn’t a huge deal to me, or a huge deal to any gay person in my opinion. It’s just another form of like hugging.

The following day, Trevor went to work. His girlfriend picked him up. I know he hasn’t told anyone anything yet, and probably wasn’t going to until he knew what he was going to do. I was going to school. It wasn’t like I had been going every day, but I liked making special appearances here and there to show my teachers I’m still alive. Also, Kylie makes me like going to Biology. We’ve been talking more. My sexuality is literally the definition of gray area. I prefer being labeled as guys. I think most guys are hot. I like fucking guys. Girls, on the other hand, were a little different. I only liked very select few. Although, the few I liked, I really liked. It was almost obsessively weird. It didn’t help that I was bad at flirting, and I was probably the gayest guy in Fresno.

After school, Trevor and I went to get his car out of the impound. I was going to pay for it, because I had the money right now. It was 700 something. It didn’t really bother me, because David had just sent me another two thousand. Trevor said he’d pay me back, and I believed him. I figured that if the situation was reversed that he’d do the same thing for me. The girl at the impound was telling us about how bad drinking and driving was.

To be honest, we knew that. Especially now. The thing that was overlooked throughout this was that we were all lucky that we weren’t in an accident or didn’t die. We were lucky that we had made it home safely.

We hopped in the car and drove back to my house. So, Trevor was going to lose his license. The weird thing to me was that he wasn’t going to lose it until the middle of April. Which was like a month and a half away. I didn’t understand how it worked. I didn’t question it, because at least we were still driving around. We got back to my house.

It didn’t take long for us to not learn our lesson.

As soon as we walked in the door, we cracked open beers. I had a long day at school, and I didn’t even have a car to drive so I didn’t really feel bad about it. I knew that Trevor was more than likely going to keep staying over. Especially for a little bit.

I noticed that my camera had been in the back of the car. I wanted to see the footage that we had taken from the night. Which was when I realized that the camera had recorded the whole DUI. It was amusing to see me and Gabriel making out right before we got pulled over. It was weird to hear the cops yelling at Trevor. It was just weird that I had left it on. I usually was pretty good at keeping it off. I was kind of glad that it had stayed on though. This is something that I want to look back on in thirty years and talk to my kids about how fucking stupid we were sometimes.

Trevor eventually told his parents - which made for an awkward conversation when I went to hang out with them for my little cousins birthday. I wasn’t sure if Trevor told them the truth, which he probably left some parts out. There were things he didn’t really need to tell them, what happened already happened. The details were just irrelevant. I was careful with what I had said when they asked me about it. The last thing I wanted to do was get him caught in a web of whatever he said.

I missed seeing my family though. There was something so peaceful about spending time with my Aunt Betty, and my cousins. It kind of made up for my parents not living anywhere near me. I felt like I had an adult that was always watching over me, that really cared for me. It was something that helped me stay a little out of trouble.

I drank a beer at the party, and let myself fall back into serenity with the people that mattered the most.

#personal #poison #booozeboy #chance conley #chances world #gay #journal

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