Mr Matt Tumblr ceo deleted the reblog where in I told him to sit and spin on a cactus lmfao. It's interesting that I, not a trans woman, make a "violent threat" equal to predstrogen's and the most I get is that and him blocking me.

I've been reading so many vashmeryl fics of late, thought I might as well do a fic rec. Enjoy!

Truth of Memory by FullCry (SpicyChestnut) | Fluff | Complete | This is pure fluff and yearning. So much yearning.

checkmate by ali_summerset | Fluff | Ongoing | This involves a very intense cuddle battle, that I am all too eager to see the resolution of. Everyone's characterisation is on point, and it nails the humour.

Saving Grace by Anonymous | Fluff, Light Angst | Complete | More cuddles! And soft making out. . .

Complicated by Hanari502 | Humour, Fluff | Complete | Short and sweet with a good helping of humour.

The thomas in the room by AnimeGrimmy | Fluff, Hurt Comfort | Complete | Teasing (so much teasing) with a very sweet ending.

Through the Door by deleria | Angst, Hurt Comfort | Complete | This one takes place during that one infamous scene from episode 25 of the 98 anime and goes for the throat. You have been warned.

Lionheart by Sango | Hurt Comfort | Complete | Ending of the 98 anime with a sweet ending for all your shipping needs.

The Difference A Touch Makes by Jasperk | Complete | Obligatory scar fic.

Summit by JustForgettheWorld09 | Fluff | Complete | Short but sweet.

Tension by SWP_Plus | Fluff, Humour, Adventure | Ongoing | At this point this is just a different version of canon to me. All of that did in fact happen. This fic puts Meryl front and centre to all the action and while I love and respect Nightow's vision (seriously, round of applause) I can't help but delight at the ways this fic expands upon the original story. Everything from the characterisation to the humour, plotting, action, and romance are going far harder than they needed to. Also Vash and Meryl in this fic are just . . . so unnecessarily close. All the time. It's great. Can be read on ffn (up to date) or ao3 (currently catching up).

anyways I showed a picture of Dazai (Bungo Stray Dogs) to my coworker today and she said "is that you? it looks like you." so that's how my life is going.

Can someone go to the store for me, I want junk food but I’m too lazy to get it :(

clioquevv -> vounnasi

Was on an excursion to Santorini today and literally all my thoughts as I looked out on the water was Sturmhond and his longing for the sea 🌊 the salty air, the sunbeams in the water, the vastness and infinity of the blue, the sea foam creating around the ship

(I bet the sunshine in the water made him think of Alina)

(I bet the salty wind made him think of Zoya)

(I bet he found himself in the freedom of the sea; I bet he wanted to gift this freedom to Mal)

Also I had my moment of glory when the guide literally asked the group what is the difference between a pirate and a privateer and the next second I found myself shouting “Privateer has a licence!” 😅😅

And then the guide continued to explain how the Saint Nicholas is a paitron saint of the sailors and that really almost brought me to tears 😂🥹 I also hope to God Nikolai does not become saint as those stories never end well

I just love Nikolai Lantsov so much 🫠🫠🫠

Sex? I actually miss the little murmurs we make to each other at early dawn while snuggling each other, half asleep and half awake...

Random Xpressions

I did Barbenheimer and it was overall a good double feature experience but I didn't like either movie quite as much as I thought I would, but I still did like both of them!

(Looong post, contains spoilers, rambling)

For Oppenheimer, I saw it in 70 mm which made it look really amazing, but I think might be the reason it sounded awful. There's a continuous score playing throughout most of the movie with very few breaks for silence, which influenced a lot of how I absorbed the movie. Much of the first like 45 minutes are vignettes of a younger Oppenheimer, but the continuous music, which never really broke for scene changes or anything, made them kind of muddle together in my mind? The first act felt very dreamlike and disjointed bc of this, to me. I also did not pick up on all the dialogue. Between the people talking rather quietly, and the music being so loud so, I honestly think that I was unlucky or something and saw a screening with pretty bad sound mixing.

I really liked some artistic choices and really disliked some others. The scene with the bleachers after the bombing? Amazing cinematography. The scene where he confesses to an affair and his wife is suddenly watching him have sex in the trial room? Beautiful, but also, felt completely out of place in the movie? Like seeing a cat in the ocean. I love cats, but that's not where they belong.

And then there's a lot of stuff that boils down to personal preferences and issues. Again, the sound mixing was eeeuuugh. There was a lot of sudden, jarring noises (yeah yeah its a movie about a bomb so I should have expected that). It was a very bad sensory experience. I spent much of the movie plugging my ears and wishing I brought earplugs because it was just. So. Loud. Also, I didn't know much or have much interest in this part of history, from an American pov. I love movies like In This Corner of The World or Akira, which are literally and metaphorically about the effects of war and the bombs from Japan's perspective, but I have a level of hesitance around American WW2 stories because of how many tend to be propaganda. Oppenheimer did not seem like propaganda at all, but again, i just didn't have context, beforehand knowledge, or any preinvestment to the people, time, and story the movie was about. And I got up to pee during the testing scene which I've been assured was probably the best scene in the movie so. That might have added to my disappointment.

Ok on to Barbie.

I liked it! It was fun. Of course a lot of the more serious emotional notes and themes hit me. I definitely think that this is something that suffered from being overhyped. I think I would have liked it more had the marketing not built it up to be this perfect movie.

The casting was great. The production and visuals of the movie were perfect. I liked the general themes. I think the movie could have benefitted from committing to an adult audience instead of trying to waffle between age ranges. Not so they could have more "beach each other off" or gynecology jokes, but so they could explore the deep themes like, just a taaaad bit more in depth?

I remember seeing gerwigs quote about how the movie is very much about, paraphrasing here, how there's a certain point in a girl's life where she goes from feeling like she can do everything to feeling like she can't do anything. That feeling was very palpable in the movie. We see the barbified version of life that is often young girls primary context for how life is, with the pink and the kindness and the high level positions in careers. To being objectified for the first time and having all these new emotions for the first time and confronting your own mortality. All these experiences are firsts for our girl! Just like when you're growing up and everything is new. It's super relatable. This creeping yet sudden realization that the world is not inherently safe or kind like you're led to believe as a child. The understanding that you can't do everything. It's so good.

Um. But then it kind of shifts.

I think the handling of Ken and the Patriarchy was very good and funny in individual parts, but putting those parts together and making it the central conflict felt pretty thin. I love how Ken latches on to "patriarchy" because he feels hurt by Barbie constantly rejecting him. I love that he has that emotional, reactionary reason to adopt a superficial idea of "men ruling, actually". I love how cartoonish the movies version of patriarchy is with it kind of being reduced to saloon doors and film buffs and horses. I love how he admits that he stopped even being interested in it once he realized it wasn't about horses, but felt like he had to continue since he already invested a lot into it.

But I felt this was kind of lackluster for a couple reasons? One is like, it got me thinking a lot about like, ok, we've seen young girl culture and like, Barbie and princess culture, we have a frame of reference for that right, but what is the culture for young boys? Trucks and horses and dinosaurs? Those aren't things you can aspire to, and even their human-ish role models in media are very often superheroes, right? There's still a level of unattainability there. Girls have fairies and princesses, but Barbie itself touched almost every girl's childhood in a significant way, and its very much about girl power and that "you can do anything!!" (In a career way) attitude. (It's girlboss feminism at the end of the day, but it is more realistic than superheroes.)

And like historically this came from decades of women *not* being able to do anything, at all. So it makes sense that this push for confidence and self determined identity and positive role models was never made in the same way for young boys, but, ah, has a void been created in this process? Do they have any healthy ideals to aspire to? It's easy to look at, yes, the patriarchy and think "men are doing well enough for themselves, they don't need anything else" but that's very surface level, isn't it? And isn't this very vacuum of healthy aspirations what causes boys to latch onto toxic identities that hurt boys and girls? Isn't that what Ken did? Aren't we leaving young boys behind?

Uh, so I found the resolution of "maybe it's Barbie and it's ken" not wrong but, just, I wanted a little bit more I guess?

Ah, and they "solve" the problems by, using the Ken's insecurities to turn them against each other so they can't vote and make it a full barbie-ocracy again? I don't know it felt mean spirited in contrast to what it had caused me to think about. But that's not to say I have any ideas on how it could have been handled better.

And then, the other reason it felt meh as a central conflict to me is like, patriarchy is definitely a big part of all of those complicated, new, bad feelings that come with growing out of childhood as a girl, but not all of them. Irrepressible thoughts of death are not men's fault. Of course they handled all of these things pretty well in the post-conflict scene with Ruth, but it just felt a little forgotten by the main plot for a while.

I think maybe it could have benefitted by making barbies "human girl" not an adult woman but an actual girl, since a lot of the feelings it was exploring are pretty tied to puberty and coming of age, and to maybe make that human a more prominent character? Because as it was they felt pretty sidelined.

Ok anyway though I had a good time at the theaters xx

watching Colin finally get to smash walls with hammers

Ugh I’m wearing  a dip into my mattress and now it’s harder to get up :(

🤍the fatter, the better🤍