🎵 Whirling in Rags, 8 AM

3. "Yeah, keep telling yourself that. I know for a fact there's still plenty of drugs out there."

TITUS HARDIE - "No, there aren't. Some little shit and his dad are doing speed. Boo-fucking-hoo. The stuff's probably from Jamrock."

EUGENE - "Whatever you've seen is peanuts. Look at the big picture, man. The place is a paradise -- and all thanks to Hardie boys!"

TITUS HARDIE - "Theoretically, of course. We're just talking politics here. My answer to your drug accusation is: *How dare you? Go fuck yourself!*"

KIM KITSURAGI - "Not quite yet, Mr. Hardie. There were eight sets of prints on the crime scene. There are only seven Hardie boys here."

"The eighth Hardie -- the one who's missing. She runs the thing, right?"

TITUS HARDIE - "My answer is: *fuck off*!" He takes a step closer. "Mind your own business. There is no *eighth Hardie*. I run this goddamn scene!"

SUGGESTION [Easy: Success] - Finally, you got something out of him. This could prove useful in the future.

ELIZABETH - "Aaaand here we go. Back to the usual." The woman sighs.

SHANKY - "I know, I know!" The little man raises his index finger excitedly. "Fattie walked on all fours. He's so fucking fat he left two sets of footprints."

FAT ANGUS - "Go fuck your mom, Dennis."

ELIZABETH - "That's more like it, boys." She turns to you. "You heard him, it was Angus on all fours. Anything else you need to know?"

Task complete: Confront Hardie boys about drug trade

+30 XP

Level up!

We've learned something. Let's go back and approach this from another angle.

2. "I want to talk about the hanging again."

TITUS HARDIE - "Again? Just get the dead guy's autograph -- since you're his biggest fan."

SHANKY - A burst of laughter in the room; the little guy is the loudest. "Good one, Titus!" he fawns.

Skipping ahead slightly...

(Address Titus.) "No, but seriously -- who calls the shots around here?"

TITUS HARDIE - "Who do you fucking think does?" He sounds more amused than angry.

AUTHORITY [Medium: Success] - He's so sure it's him -- but it's not that simple. There's someone above him (or beside him?) sharing the leadership. Hard to say who...

We now have a new option.

6. "It's the eighth Hardie boy. The one who's missing. The big dick."

GLEN - A moment of silence. The long haired one breaks it: "Titus, no one was thinking..."

+5 XP

AUTHORITY - That's it. There's some kind of power issue they don't want to admit -- and the missing Hardie is involved.

TITUS HARDIE - "No, no, no..." He shakes his head: "FUCK NO! The big dick is right here, asshole! You're looking at it!" He grabs his crotch. "Right fucking here!"

ELIZABETH - "Disregard the outburst, officer." She gives Titus a condescending glance. "None of the boys have any more comments on their power relations. That night they acted as one. That's all."

Back to the main hub.

3. "I talked to Joyce. The merc you hanged -- his friends are coming for you."

TITUS HARDIE - "Yeah?" He doesn't seem worried. "By friends you mean his squadmates from Krenel?"

EUGENE - "Wouldn't wanna beat up his grandma." There's snickering in the room. Some of the men put their beers down.

EMPATHY [Formidable: Success] - Titus did his best, but his men are a bit unsettled.

"Yes, they are forming some kind of *tribunal* -- and they're coming for you."

"Forget I mentioned it, it was probably nothing."

KIM KITSURAGI - "This is what happens if you take the law into your own hands. Other people start doing it too."

GLEN - "Let them come!" Blondie yells across the cafeteria. "The Hardie boys are right fucking here!"

TITUS HARDIE - "You heard the man -- right here." He points to the ground. "We're armed, we got the whole district behind us and Glen... Glen is fucking *crazy*."

ALAIN - "Yeah, a well oiled murder-machine!" He punches blondie on the shoulder.

"This Krenel is bad news. You know that, right?"

"The mercenaries are armed with automatic weapons."

"Joyce said they've gone rogue. Nobody is controlling them."

"Okay." (Conclude with a shrug.)

TITUS HARDIE - "Pft!" A spray of beer. "So were the local gangs. The fuckin' *Barmy Army* and the Madre scum. You've been out there. Seen any around?"

ALAIN - "Yeah? Where are they now, huh?" He points South. "Sent back to Madre in an airtight cargo crate."

KIM KITSURAGI - "These people are trained military professionals. Special forces, as you said. They're not a gang, or a *Barmy Army*."

TITUS HARDIE - "No, they're not. They're un-coordinated and drunk. We know more about them than you think."

2. "The mercenaries are armed with automatic weapons."

TITUS HARDIE - "We got weapons of our own." He cracks open his vest to give you a glimpse of his holster. "We got Ister 50s, Zielegers, Glen's got a nock-cannon at home..."

"Will they pierce ceramic armour?"

"Well if Glen has a *nock-cannon* at home I guess you'll be alright."

TITUS HARDIE - "I guess we're gonna see, aren't we?"

"See what? That they don't?"

"For your sake, I hope you're right."

TITUS HARDIE - "Yeah, like you've been up against ceramic armour..." He takes a sip of beer to bide his time, then tries to get the last word in.

"You haven't even seen the whole suit, right? I've seen the whole fucking thing and it didn't make him immortal."

3. "Joyce said they've gone rogue. Nobody is controlling them."

TITUS HARDIE - "Big fucking surprise..." He mutters. "They hire psycho scum, arm them to the teeth and let them loose in the city. What do you think is gonna happen?"

4. "Okay." (Conclude with a shrug.)

TITUS HARDIE - "What do you mean *okay*?" He jerks forward a bit.

a masterlist of misogynistic slurs used by dean winchester

a comprehensive list of every single time dean winchester used a misogynistic slur from s1-15

(i did not include the usages of the phrase ‘son of a bitch’ because if i did this list would have been far too long.)

“That Constance chick, what a bitch!” (1x01)

“Bitch” (1x01)

“Hey, you want some white meat, bitch! I'm right here!” (1x02)

“Oh, I'm gonna hunt that little bitch down.“ (1x12)

“Oh, these locks look like they’re gonna be a bitch.“ (1x15)

“What, were you bitchin’ about me to some chick?” (1x16)

“Hey, Sam? Don’t take this the wrong way, but your girlfriend...is a bitch.” (1x16)

“It's just a basement full of skank-filled jars in some crap farmhouse.“ (1x17)

“Where’s our father, bitch?” (1x21)

“I'm not that into prude chicks anyway.” (2x01)

“Shut your mouth, bitch.” (2x08)

“Bitch” (2x10)

“See, whatever bitch-boy master plan you demons are cooking up? You're not getting Sam.” (2x14)

“How could it get any worse? Some alien made you his bitch.” (2x15)

“Bitch” (2x20)

“Oh come on already. Show your face, you bitch!” (2x22)

“What are you smiling at, you little bitch?” (2x22)

“What are you laughing at, bitch? You're still trapped.” (3x04)

“It's better than rotting in some skank's basement.” (3x04)

“I knew you were an immoral thieving con artist bitch” (3x06)

“That bitch.” (3x07)

“You bitch!” (3x08)

“Blair bitch in the woods.” (3x09)

“And I'm telling you to shut up, bitch.” (3x09)

“You wanna kill me? Get in line bitch.” (3x09)

“Oh, I don't know maybe because he's my brother, you black-eyed skank!” (3x09)

“We're gonna go hunt the bitch down.” (3x10)

“That bitch!” (3x12)

“Well, I really don't care what that bitch thinks and neither should you, so…” (3x14)

“You know, this immortality thing is a bitch.” (3x15)

“But you know what the bitch of the bunch is?” (3x15)

“We're going off of Bela's intel? Now when that bitch breathes, the air comes out crooked.” (3x16)

“Drag me to hell. Kill Sam. And then what? Become queen bitch?” (3x16)

“So that's you, huh? Our slutty little Yoda.” (3x16)

“Come on man, she is the Miss Universe of lying skanks, okay.” (3x16)

“You're some demon's bitch-boy?” (4x01)

“Well, aren't you an obedient little bitch?” (4x04)

“There is no reason for a wicked bitch payback.” (4x07)

“Her friends don’t know where she is. It’s like the bitch popped a broomstick.” (4x07)

“Right. 'Cause as far as you're concerned, the hell-bitch is practically family.” (4x09)

“So far, all you've told me about is a manipulative bitch” (4x09)

“Bitch is a klepto.” (4x11)

“Evil bitches just keep piling out of the Volkswagen.” (4x12)

“One sip of Jesus juice, this evil bitch is gonna be in a world of hurt.” (4x19)

“I am on call. In my car, on my way to murder the bitch.” (4x21)

“Demon bitch is a dealbreaker. You kiss her goodbye, we can go right now.” (4x21)

“It's a lot better than being some stepford bitch in paradise.” (4x22)

“Are you jonesing for another hit of bitch blood or what?” (5x01)

“He turned it right before he made everybody hallucinate and go hellbitch.” (5x02)

“Oh, you're somebody's bitch.” (5x08)

“Oh that's it, I'm gonna deep fry this bitch extra crispy.” (5x09)

“No, or where the bitch is buried” (5x12)

“Adios, bitch!” (5x12)

“No one, just this psycho bitch who likes to boil rabbits.” (5x13)

“So, then, how do we go Pimp of Babylon all over this bitch?” (5x17)

“On a good day, you get to kill a whore.” (5x17)

“We can either take on the devil together, or you lame-ass bitches can eat me.” (5x19)

“God gives you a brand-new, shiny set of wings, and suddenly you're his bitch again.” (5x22)

“A car should drive, not be a little bitch.” (6x02)

“An attention whore.” (6x06)

“BITCH!” (6x09)

“Traffic was a bitch.” (6x10)

“Evil bitch.” (6x10)

“That little bitch is gonna screw us over so fast” (6x10)

“Karma’s a bitch, bitch.” (6x10)

“I'm just trying to make you feel better. Don't be a bitch.” (6x13)

“Oh, crap! I'm a painted whore!” (6x14)

“I mean, we better get some real info on this bitch before we do run into her.” (6x16)

“Who is she, this Eve bitch?” (6x16)

“I'd go so far as ‘bitch.’” (6x17)

“We'll "Star Trek IV" this bitch.” (6x18)

“fat lot of good it does us 'til we find the bitch.” (6x19)

“Oh, you bitch.” (6x19)

“We're not about to sign up for an evil bitch.” (6x19)

“You can go to hell, you black-eyed bitch.” (6x21)

“Death is our bitch.” (7x01)

“you can be pissed all you want, but quit being a bitch.” (7x07)

“ Oh, and it turns out that Kate was just trying to warn people about her evil bitch sister.” (7x07)

“Psychic ghost bitch on a leash.” (7x07)

“That's as far as you go, bitch.” (7x07)

“I think the bitchy mom” (7x14)

“What a bitch.” (7x18)

“I'd have bitch-slapped the hell out of Dick.” (7x20)

“We ganked those bitches once before.” (8x02)

“Or at least some sort of a heart-sucking, possessed, satanic, crack-whore bat.” (8x03)

“you're sulking around like a eunuch in a whorehouse” (8x06)

“Well, you camp here, figure out who whored their soul.” (8x14)

the claws and the teeth and the whole invisibility thing, those bitches can be... real bitches.” (8x14)

“Oh, so you’re Crowley's bitch.” (8x14)

“we get some red-eyed bitch in a trap” (8x14)

“That drive was a bitch.” (8x15)

“whatever shredded your friend and every other black-eyed bitch out there” (8x22)

“so you sit there like a good little bitch.” (8x22)

“Which pretty much means that you're our bitch.” (8x23)

“I would've loved nothing better than to ice that limey bitch.” (9x02)

“You're our bitch.” (9x02)

“Dennis DeYoung's not a punk. He's Mr. Roboto, bitch.” (9x05)

“Can I use it to kill that bitch?” (9x11)

“You had me at kill the bitch.” (9x11)

“Looks like it's a whore's bath for me.“ (9x13)

“I will shoot you... Bitches.” (9x15)

“Okay, this all sounds like sad times at Bitchmont High.” (9x15)

“'Cause I see a couple of fame whores who are pointing their camera at a mom who just lost her kid.” (9x15)

“You loan us that Blade, and we will stop the bitch.” (9x16)

“You bitch about the Men of Letters.” (9x16)

“Can I use it to kill that bitch?” (9x17)

“Look at me. Look at me, bitch!” (9x19)

“Are you ready to gut this bitch?” (9x23)

“Ain't that a bitch?” (9x23)

“The kind of guy who sleeps with every skank in every small-town dive that he passes through?” (10x01)

“Bitch” (10x01)

“Bitch” (10x03)

“Bitch” (10x05)

“Well, this Princess Elsa’s a bitch.” (10x13)

“Did I say ‘nice girl’? I meant ‘evil skank’" (10x17)

“Well, they let her leave the house looking like a whore.” (10x23)

“No wonder she put on that skank outfit and went out there looking for validation” (10x23)

“Night, bitch.“ (11x04)

“We’ve been hunting that bitch for weeks.” (11x05)

“Listen, bitch. I don't care who you are, I don't care what you want. You have my brother.” (12x01)

“Well, family drama's a bitch, ain't it?” (12x05)

“Straight Shawshank this bitch.“ (12x22)

“Bitch” (12x22)

“Ooh. Ouch. Breakups can be a bitch.” (13x06)

“That bitch set us up“ (15x13)

 “Oh, wow. Somebody’s shopping at Abercrombie and Bitch.” (15x14)

“Alright, well, you guys go "Highway to Heaven" that bitch.“ (15x15)

                                                                            MARCH    2020

PAGE RIB

 The Stones are touring the U.S. again.

*****

Paul Reubens is touring with Pee Wee’s Big Adventure.

*****

Al Franken is touring.

*****

Keenan Thompson and Hasan Minhaj are bringing comedy back to the White House Correspondents dinner on April 5.

*****

Days alert: There is some casting news but most of this won’t show up until the fall. Word is a couple of newbies will be Remington Hoffman who will play Li Shin, son of Mr. Shin and Emily O’Brien may join the cast. Nadia Bjorlin (Chloe) may be on her way back. Let’s bring the original Phillip back for her!!! Brandon Barash (Stefan) will return as well as Louise Sorel ( Vivian )and Alison Sweeney ( Sami). Judi Evans is headed back. Will she play Adrienne or Bonnie?? It looks like Casey Moss (JJ), Freddie Smith (Sonny), Chandler Massey (Will) and Galen Gering (Rafe) mill head out for awhile.

*****

It looks like Friends freaks will finally get their reunion on HBO. I am glad they aren’t bringing the characters back and are just getting together to talk about their time together.

*****

Downhill hit theatres on Valentine’s Day with Will Ferrell, Julia Louis- Dreyfus and Zoe Chao. The film was written and directed by Nat Faxon and Jim Rash.

*****

The more I see of it, the more I LOVE Stumptown, the best show that nobody seems to know about. Please renew ABC!!!!!

*****

So.. Rush Limbaugh got the Medal of Freedom.  Oh my.

*****

Shadow Inc. owned by former Clinton and Obama staffers made an app that thoroughly fucked up the Iowa caucus. It was good at calculating the results but not delivering them.  And hey.. Wolf Blitzer, stay off the phone with people that are trying to get those results. Let them just do their job!!

*****

Brooklyn 99 is back and Vanessa Bayer is there!!!

*****

Rod Blagojevich is out and hitting every show that will have him. Trump pardoned him along with 10 other criminals including Ed DeBartolo Jr., Mike Milken and Bernard Kerik.

*****

Forty thousand kids won’t get free lunch because Trump threw them off food stamps. The two usually go hand in hand. Getting food stamps automatically sets a kid up for the free lunch program.

*****

Over 1000 former DOJ officials have asked Bill Barr to resign.** 70 former Senators have written an open letter to congress to tell them they are not fulfilling their congressional duties.**” Yoo Hoo! Bush, Clinton, Carter, Obama, you’re up.” –Patricia Arquette

*****

Pete Davidson and Kaia Gerber have split.

*****

Indiana Beach is closing after 94 years.

*****

Denny Hamlin won the 2020 Daytona 500.

*****

Can’t we get some real gigs for Rainn Wilson and Curtis Armstrong? Ok, so Cyrtis Armstrong was on Stumptown so thank goodness for that! They can do better than Dominoes and Little Caesars ads. And how funny is it that Dominoes, known for its very Chrustian owners use a Risky Business ( a film about prostitutes) ad for their product. Hmm.

*****Hey.. Comics, quit bringing up Trump and his former womanizing. It didn’t work with Clinton and it won’t work here. People just don’t seem to care. Focus on the real damage he is doing.

*****

Scary Clown is working on opening nearly a million acres of land in Utah for energy exploration that had been a National monument. Redford and Romney can’t be happy about that.

*****

A new animated series from a brand new production company owned by Natasha Lyonne and Maya Rudolph looks promising. Look for The Hospital.

*****

Southern Illinois University is giving Bob Odenkirk an honorary degree.

*****

Ukranian immigrants Lt. Col. Vindman and his twin brother are out. Ambassador to the EU Sonland is out.

*****

The Democrats had a debate on Feb. 7 . At Andrew Yang’s first chance to speak, he rehashed his stump speech. I mean, c’mon give us something new. There really seemed to be a restrained nervousness on the stage that night. Klobachar seemed too needy but she got great reviews. Biden called Buttigieg ‘a friend ‘ a couple of times. Mayor Pete did quite well. ** Deval Patrick is out** Andrew Yang is out.**Michael Bennet is out** Another debate was on Feb. 19.** Bloomberg/Yang? Is this true?

*****

Check out the new series, Hunters. It is awesome, funny and terrifying!

*****

Dozens of Native American women and girls have disappeared from Big Horn county, Montana over the last few years. The victims were later found dead and Trump has put a federal task force together.

*****

Grassley and Wyden are trying to get lower prescription drug prices but Moscow Mitch won’t bring the proposal to the floor. Others are looking to get some traction on HR3.

*****

JSW Steel has sued the Trump administration for refusing to exempt it from paying the levies on slabs of steel that the company imports.

*****

64 women have filed sexual harassment or discrimination lawsuits against Mike Bloomberg. I’m not a fan of the guy but it does seem sort of coincidental.  It does not seem to matter cuz all his ads seem to be working, he is picking up steam. Tom Steyer is gaining a bit of momentum as well.

*****

The corona virus has brought us Covid 19. 600 people are being held in quarantine camps that the military has set up.  Italy has new cases and the disease is spreading. Scary Clown is trying to spin it all.

*****

ICE is being sent into sanctuary cities to cause trouble for immigrants.

*****

You have to check out Horse girl with Alison Brie, Molly Shannon and Matthew Gray Gubler on Netflix .

*****

Rapper Larry Sanders AKA LV is letting us in on a miscarriage of justice he has had to live thru. LV, best known for his work on Coolio’s Gangsters Paradise, was approached by police and later put on the Calgang database. The practice put about 80,000 mostly African Americans on a sort of gang list. In a 2016 audit it was found that there were many inaccuracies including the names of babes who could not possibly be gang affiliated.

*****

Nature does not need people. People need nature. –Harrison Ford

*****

The Clark bar is back. The roll out has started in Pittsburgh and will soon spread across the country.

*****

Scientists have found some turtle fossils that are the size of a car in South America.

*****

U can donate to the Trump campaign and may win a yaqut and hunting trip with Don Jr. The Beach Boys will perform.

*****

The Oscars were held Feb. 9. Brad Pitt and the production design team won for Once upon a Time in Hollywood. Woo Hoo! Word is that Pitt has hired a speech writer to write his acceptances. JoJo Rabbit won for adapted screenplay. Little Women won for Little Women and Toy Story 4 for animated film. Laura Dern won best supporting actress. Renee Zellweger and Joaquin Phoenix too home the top actor prizes. Parasite surprised everybody and won best pic and got Bong Joon Ho a best director statue. My best dressed were Billy Porter, Antonio Banderes and his date, Janelle Monae ( her opening seemed to make some in the audience uncomfortable), Robert DeNiro, Laura Dern, Diane Ladd, Geena Davis, Regina King, Charlize Theron, Adam Driver, Joanne Tucker, Cynthia Erivo, Scarlett Johansson, Natalie Portman and Kathy Bates, I don’t know what Kristen Wiig and Idina Menzel were thinking. Wiig always has a unique style so I have to admire that. ** The ratings were down. I have heard people saying they just don’t watch award shows or late night shows anymore because they are afraid things will get political. Funny, that is part of the reason I watch!

*****

Tom Papa was pontificating about a real dog show that should have REAL dogs. It would make a great weekly show with people bringing on their dogs.

*****

The goalies of the Hurricanes were out of commission and David Ayres, the Zamboni driver was brought in to help and the won against the Maple Leafs. Woo Hoo!!

*****

Hooray for New Hampshire and their use of paper ballots. Things in the campaign got a little shook up with Bernie taking the top followed by Pete and Amy.

*****

2 years of research in Canada has brought the announcement of a new discovery. Skull fragments  that were cleaned and collected about 10 years ago have been named Thanatotheristes or the reaper of death. The discovery helps us all learn more about the early times of Tyrannosaurids, a sub group that includes T.Rex.

*****

New Jersey has a ban on self- serve pumps and another state is talking about getting in on the action.  The gas station attendant act has been proposed in Illinois.

*****

Van Jones was right when he said we shouldn’t give Trump any press coverage for a week. He would hate it. Trump loves the old adage of bad publicity is better than none because he just must have attention. It would never work for they just can’t resist.** Joe Mcguire is out after he warned of Russian interference. If you want to keep your job in this administration, do not tell the truth. Now at the Department of National Intelligence is Johnny Mcentee , a 29 year old former football player who worked on the campaign. He immediately called department heads and said he wanted lists of never Trumpers in their offices. ** And who is in charge of weeding out the people in the government who may be disloyal to Scary Clown? Well, it is none other than Virginia Thomas, wife of Supreme Court justice Clarence. She calls it the list of snakes. Trump is now saying he even wants liberal judges on the Supreme Court to recuse themselves when it comes to “Trump related cases”. It just keeps getting worse.

*****

Trump had fun in India. He should, his business has 5 projects going there right now worth 1.5 billion.

*****

Harvey Weinstein was found guilty of rape and criminal sexual assault. He was not found guilty of all the charges that included predatory behavior.

*****

Andrew Yang is a new correspondent at CNN. He tells us that he is getting word from former donors that Bloomberg is calling those big donors. Allegedly he is telling them they do not have to donate to his campaign because he can afford his own campaign but he still won’t forget them. He would like them to save their money and not give money to other democrats running either.** And I am so sick of talking heads trying to tell us to play it safe. We are not as stupid as we look, thank you!! ** Now there is a firestorm about Bernie telling the world that the education program that Castro implemented was a good thing. I understand the anger and it could not have come at a worse time and he did it to himself. BUT..  We are adults and we have to be able to talk about things as they really are, not in sound bites. Castro sucked and history teaches us that bad people do good things occasionally and good people do bad things once in a while. ** It seems that everyone was in agreement that we would all gather behind the winner of the democratic campaign to beat Trump. Suddenly when it could be Bernie, everybody is bitching.

*****

This month held 2 more Democratic debates. The Nevada debate got pretty heated. I see that Mayor Pete and Bloomberg are lefties (left handed that is). Pete always looked poised and articulate which I appreciate and he got in a good one when he mentioned that the party should choose someone who is actually a democrat.  Bernie seemed a little rattled by that. Later Pete really dressed down Amy Klobuchar and made himself look like a dick. Joe Biden jumped in with his credits occasionally but often seemed a bit lost. He slammed back that they were all talking about the health care plane he helped to create and that he himself had dealt with the Mexican President. His name came up after it was mentioned that Amy could not remember the President’s name. The gloves were off with Bloomberg as Elizabeth Warren called him out on Billionaires and NDA’s. I loved the interaction but realistically Mr. Mike can’t just release people from agreements they made in an NDA, especially if it did not involve him. Bloomberg sounded pompous and clueless about the world outside of his company. He got a moan when he said he couldn’t exactly use turbo tax and when he said he may have told a few jokes that women didn’t like. He brushed off his taxes much like Trump does. The former mayor of NY called out socialists as communists. Klobuchar had the best comeback of the night when she was told her health care plan could fit on a post it. She proclaimed that the post it was invented in her state of Minnesota. Again, there were people shouting from the audience as Joe tried to talk. C’mon give everybody an equal chance.

*****

The South Carolina debate was fiery as well. The CBS debate was hosted by Gayle King and Norah O’Donnell. Bloomberg was booed right off the bat about Russia helping Bernie but he late had many cheers. He and Biden and Steyer had some real support there. Tom Steyer was actually quite impressive and seemed well spoken.  He was the only one who brought up the impeachment. He had a great point that we all know that republicans who did not convict Trump are complicit in the Russian meddling. Then he ruined it all by being alarmist with his fear. He warned us off the former republican and the socialists. I loved Bernie’s ideas about small business’s getting in on the marijuana business and not letting big corporations taking it over. He is also the only one in debates that I have seen consistently bring up Native Americans.  Biden again kept jumping in to tell us that he did this or that. Amy disagreed about a bill he claimed to have written. Warren said “dig in” numerous times. She went for the jugular with Bloomberg when she said a former female employee of his said to “kill it” in response to her pregnancy. He denied it but it sure is memorable. She did make great points that he has given much money to Linsey Graham’s campaign as well as other republican runs including against her. BTW he also gave 2.3 mil to Rick Snyder, the Gov of Michigan after the water crisis was well known.  I love that Amy is always saying that we shouldn’t fight amongst ourselves but she just does not have the votes so she needs to go. Bernie got some boos about guns for he seems the softest in that area.

*****

Joe Biden won the South Carolina primary in a big way.

*****

Dick Van Dyke, Sarah Silverman and Public Enemy among others will be at the Bernie Sanders rally in L.A. on March 1.

*****

Just think what the 400 million that Bloomberg spent on his campaign could have done for the debt of the average American.  Instead of a campaign for a presidency that he can’t win, he could have helped so many get a leg up.

*****

I don’t understand why “respected” journalists like Chuck Todd don’t throw W H reps off the set when they disrespect him or his colleagues with fake news jabs.

*****

Bob Moore of Bob’s Red Mill is giving his company away to his employees. Now, that’s a boss!!

*****

Bone, Thugs and Harmony have made a deal with Buffalo Wild Wings to rename themselves Boneless thugs and Harmony. The publicity stunt is to promote boneless wings.

*****

NASA is hiring.

*****

Scotland has made feminine sanitary products free!!

*****

Is this true? There were pigeons in Nevada with MAGA hats glued to their heads??

*****

The final Criminal Minds has aired. CBS often aired double episodes which made it seem like they really wanted to get rid of it. Kirsten Vangsness and Erica Messer wrote the final episode which seemed to give special attention to Penelope and Reid as they were the originals. The other characters seemed a little overlooked but they all had happy endings. Where was Reid’s new girlfriend?  I was hoping to see Shemar Moore but it was great to see Reisgraf and Howell which are old favorites.

*****

Animal Kingdom returns to TNT on May 28.

*****

So there is a bit of a mess with the Roger Stone sentencing. Trump is hopping mad about the long sentence recommendation, Barr is said to be pretending to spar with the Prez, the DOJ is backing down and people are resigning.

*****

R.I.P. Shirley Jean Cade, Robert Conrad,  Katherine Johnson, Lyle Mays, B. Smith, A.E. Hotchner, Bashir Jackson, Ja’net Dubois, Pat Agee, victims of the Molson Coors shooting and Orson Bean.

I'd want to ask all of them, but let's see if I can pick out specific questions... 1-4, 11-12, 14-20, 22-24, 27-35, 37, and tell an anecdote about your partner, twins, and describe your school experience! (that's practically all + more but I am not good at narrowing down anything)

Hey, Dino! Thanks for the asks, you've rescued me from my pit of boredom haha

1. I have a few lol but let's see... I love Jason Momoa, he looks like a big ole teddy bear. I find Jude Law super sexy too. Singer Alina Baraz makes my heart skip a beat every time I see her.

2. I'm married! Been married for almost four years :)

3. I've been in a super depressive state as of late. I have so so many things that need to get done this year and so much has changed in my life in the past 2 years that I just don't feel like myself anymore. Like I lost myself. But I won't lie, since joining Tumblr I have been feeling like myself a little more.

4. I think it really depends on the "offense" that the artist has made (since this is obviously referring to when artists fuck up). I just think that it truly sucks to have to stop enjoying something someone made because of their bad choices. I don't know, this a tough one.

11. I'm ambidextrous! Its not a talent but it's really the only cool thing I can do. I can hold three cups in one hand? Um... oh I can chug beer really fast. Like, super fast lmao

12. So there was a huge scandal my junior year about the dance teacher being cheated on by her bf (who worked security at the school) with a substitute! I wish I remembered more details!

14. I actually don't drink coffee! I used to drink a lot of colada, which is a Cuban-style espresso, while working my 15-hour shifts at the bar. But I had an episode where my heart was palpitating, I was sweating and couldn't really breathe and that was the last time I drank I coffee. I do love black tea and macha tea!

15. Where I'm from -.- people are always super curious because I'm ethnically ambiguous. I'm Venezuelan, Italian and Lebanese.

16. Two red suns on my back, honoring my twins :)

17. "Gangsta's paradise" by Coolio 😂

18. I don't have a favorite musician! I love music a lot and I listen to such a wide variety of music that it would just be impossible lol I'll mention my fave songs atm: penelope by Col3trane, leftovers by Dennis Lloyd and stronger by Raveena.

19. Omg I could talk about Mr. Crespo for HOURS. I have him to thank for the creative woman I am today. He helped me open up and get out of my shell and really become comfortable with my brain. He pushed me gently into exploring the really dark corners of my mind.

20. Clusterfuck of randomness

22. Billie Eilish!

23. Going to bed at freaking 4am lmao

24. I have two left feet lmao I cannot dance. I can sing a little, but I know I'd be a lot better with classes.

27. Usually like 3 days before. I'm one of those people who gets scared they'll leave something important lol

28. None. Because I don't know what they really look like, ya know?

29. How when people say to not care about what others think. Like, sounds great on paper but no. We all care about what others think of us.

30. Blueeeeee! I've been dying to dye my hair blue! But I have hip-length dark brown hair and I dont wanna bleach it.

31. This one is a little too much for me so I'll skip it :)

32. I've been mistaken for 25 since I was like 15 lmao I'm actually 24 :)

33. The existential dread that lives inside me

34. I'm a Gryffindor! I think it's very fitting of my personality but I always wanted to be a Slytherin because I love Draco Malfoy lol (fun fact: I have a shirt that Tom Felton was selling for a while that says "mind if I Slytherin" with his face on it lol)

35. Home doesn't really evoke any feelings in me. I've moved around a lot and home just means a place where I sleep lol

37. Nope! I was always a good girl in school lol I actually had office aid my senior year and the principal loved me.

So I've said this before on here somewhere but the first time my partner told me he loved me, I replied with "thats a bad idea. Are you sure?" Because we were in a really complicated place romantically (mostly me) and I thought he was batshit crazy falling like that for me, but it worked out in the end lmao

With my twins, they were a huge surprise. So I never intended on having kids. Never wanted any. But accidents happen and I ended up pregnant. I spent the first 8 weeks of my pregnancy throwing up 7-10 times a day, every day. I thought I was going to die. No OBGYN would see me until I was 9 weeks because no insurance. I thought there was something really wrong with me, I lost 15 pounds. When I went to my first ultrasound, the doctor was like "do you have twins in your family?" I told him no (I thought he was just making small talk) and then he goes "so here is one heart.... and here is the other". My partner and I were literally speechless.

My school experience was... interesting. I was always a drifter. I hung out with the "emo" kids, with the jocks, with the cheerleaders... but I never had beat friends. Never had a ride or die. So I ended up having a pretty bland experience. I did, however, have some great teachers and had the pleasure of taking a forensics class in high school which was so much fun!

I really hope this didn't turn out ridiculously long :) and thank you again for the asks @natsspammityspamspamham

BLOGTOBER 10/1/2018: MANDY

I get a little intimidated by hype. A little very intimidated. I don’t like feeling like part of a crowd, even a virtual crowd, especially an aggressively overheated crowd whose fervor drives it to podium-pounding conclusions about what is “the Best ________ Ever.” The taint of public hysteria can kill even the most resonant buzz, and it becomes somehow more damaging when the movie in question is already so outrageous that you almost can’t overstate it. So, by the time I finally worked up the nerve to watch Panos Cosmatos’ second feature, which appears to have blown everybody’s brains out of their mind, I had forcibly lowered my expectations in hopes of being, at best, pleasantly surprised. As it turns out, I like this movie a whole lot--but not without certain reservations, about the very ways in which it is designed to cater to me, specifically.

On the whole, MANDY is a big beautiful van painting of a movie, lit by the smoldering embers of the psychedelic ‘70s, and pulsing with the doomy beat of yesteryear’s proto-metal. As opposed to Cosmatos’ relentlessly red first feature BEYOND THE BLACK RAINBOW, which can leave you feeling singed, MANDY warms your bones with a glow that radiates out from the screen, inviting you to vanish forever into its comforting, weedy haze. The overwhelming beauty of the world in which the eponymous fantasy nerd (the extraordinary Andrea Riseborough, an actual enchantress) and her bearish partner Red Miller (Nicolas Cage at his very best) live makes it effectively devastating when their rural sanctuary is violated by a savage hippie cult whose megalomaniacal leader wants Mandy for his latest acid queen. What follows is an unusually violent, semi-fantastical drug-fueled nightmare, the wilder details of which may already have reached the viewer via the aforementioned hype.

For all of its outsized sadism and transporting visual effects, MANDY is built on a curious foundation of both aching sincerity and winking irony, and this is where it trips me up. This is easily one of the best movies Nicolas Cage has ever made--and this comes from a dogged Cage apologist. His performance as a man deprived of his friend and lover, an irreplaceable individual with whom he had built a paradise apart from modern life, is brutally convincing. Unfortunately, I have a hard time staying in the moment with him, when Cosmatos won’t let me forget what a consummate nerd he is. At the beginning of the movie, when Cage casually invokes the intergalactic nightmare work of Jack Kirby while lying under the stars? I can deal with that kind of little nod. But like, the already-famous chainsaw duel toward the movie’s climax could probably stand on its own, so I don’t love being forced to think about Dennis Hopper’s similar scene in TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 2...which I am, because about a half hour earlier, I was forced to think about Dennis Hopper in BLUE VELVET when MANDY’s drugged out cult leader started screaming for nobody to fucking look at him. The Ralph Bakshi-esque animated sequences are sorta cool, sure, but every time they insert themselves into the movie’s organic flow, I feel like Cosmatos has appeared next to me on my couch and smashed the pause button just to rant about how much he loves HEAVY METAL and WIZARDS. I can figure out how to appreciate most of these dorky interruptions; it’s hard for me to deny the charm of watching a pair of really accomplished actors looking for all the world like they are profoundly moved by the cheapo 1982 alien rampage movie NIGHTBEAST. I also cannot resist the leatherbound appeal of the very cenobyte-esque gimps who are summoned with a special arcane instrument and who thrive on pain. Sure I felt a little jerked off, but...did I mind? Maybe just a little. That said, I don’t think all this flaunting of references is the best thing for a movie that is otherwise so successfully, uniquely tragic.

At this point, the initiated reader may be wondering when I’m going to get around to talking about the real star of MANDY: the irresistible Cheddar Goblin. Brought to you by Casper Kelly, the genius behind the existentially horrifying Adult Swim cult classic TOO MANY COOKS, this film-within-a-film is intended as a grating TV commercial that insultingly snaps the traumatized Cage back to reality at the conclusion of the movie’s soul crushing first half. For better or worse, though, this glimpse of a hypnotizing advertisement for a subpar macaroni and cheese brand is instantly captivating. The idea is to pour salt in our hero’s psychic wounds with this crass commercialism, but the effect on me is that I am briskly seduced away from his plight, my heart carried off in the sinuous neon green talons of this infernal avatar for my favorite garbage food. I could think about Cheddar Goblin all goddamn day...and obviously I hate to kick him out of bed, but his delightful cameo, juxtaposed with the heartbreak of the ongoing plot, just leaves me emotionally scrambled. 

So, on the whole, Panos Cosmatos has successfully crafted a world where I am very happy to spend two hours, which I will certainly visit again and again. I just wish someone who cares about him would sit him down and gently let him know that he doesn’t have to be, you know, such a fucking nerd all the time. It’ll be ok, your movie is very good, you don’t have anything to prove about what an erudite dork you are. Actually, the movie’s non-movie gimmick--that its chapters are loosely construed as a series of imaginary fantasy paperback titles, each with its own excellent logo treatment on intermittent title cards--is really cool, and feels like a natural part of the story, even though it is fairly high concept. It’s all this movie trivia I can do without, as it distracts from all of Mr. Cage’s hard work, and all of Mr. Cosmatos’ legitimate originality, reminding me that I’m watching a movie made by a moviemaker who can’t stop telling me about all of his favorite movies. I’m not saying that I’d like to build a time machine, go back to 1962, and kill Quentin Tarantino’s would-be parents. I’m just saying that there’s a time and a place for all this referentiality, and I wish more directors would realize that that time and place is rapidly shrinking.

***

PS If you would like to know as much as I wanted to know about Cheddar Goblin, please to enjoy this fun oral history of its invention:

https://www.thrillist.com/entertainment/nation/mandy-movie-cheddar-goblin-too-many-cooks

As for the “must have merch” it mentions, I am still teetering on the brink of deciding that an authentically branded box of Cheddar Goblin mac and cheese alone is worth $30 to me. Spiritually.

Debunking the existence of Adam and Eve:

In genesis 2:7 it says, “then the Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground. He breathed the breath of life into the man’s nostrils, and the man became a living person,” and yes I know scripture because I was raised conservative Christian before I become an agnosticism, so this not anything new to me, but I only put this verse up as a starting point to this, so we can debunk it. The Bible then goes on to say that god then went on to create the opposite sex, which we all know as eve out of Adam’s rib. Can we all see the problem here? I’ll get to that in a second.

Polls were then conducted by the Gallup and pew research center, which are by the way, both Christian organizations, and they found that only 4 out of 10 Christians believed this to be true.

Even some conservative scholars including Dennis venema, a bioligist at trinity western university (a Christian college) don’t even believe it.

He believes that we cannot be traced back to a single couple. He believes that humans emerged from primates thousands of years before the genesis time frame.

He even had this to say about it, “you would have to postulate that there’s been this absolute astronomical mutation rate that has produced all these new variants in an incredibly short period of time. This types of mutation rates are just not possible. It would mutate us out of existence.”

Even John Schneider, who worked at Calvin college in Michigan as a theologist, says that, “there was no Adam and Eve, no serpent, no apple, and no fall that toppled man from a state of innocence.” He even says that there was no form of a paradise to be lost.

Fazale rana, Vice President of reasons to believe, has a a Ph.D in biochemistry from Ohio university, which scares me by the way that this stupid asshole has a Ph.D in biochemistry because he is an evangelical Christian that questions evolution. However, I will give it to him that he also questions many other scriptures in the Bible, which is why I included her in this blog.

There’s actually a quote that was included in the article that kind of pissed me off in which he says, and I’m gonna break it down into two parts because I have some commentary in between that I wanna put in. First, he says, “it (the Bible) tells a story of how evil came into the world, and it’s not a story in which god introduced evil through the process of evolution.” First of all, you see why him having a Ph.D scares me? YOU DUMB BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD DID NOT CREATE EVOLUTION BECAUSE THERE IS NO GOD!!!!!!!!!!! It is a gradual change overtime you stupid asshole. The second part of this quote was, “but one in which Adam and Eve decided to disobey god and eat the forbidden fruit.” my second commentary in this quote is, unless you can prove that there was in fact historically a forbidden fruit, or an Adam and Eve that bit into this forbidden fruit, then I ain’t believing in that shit.

Albert mohler, president of southern Baptist theological seminary in Louisville, says that rebellious choice affected all of human kind, and I would have to agree with him to a degree, however I have to say that my beliefs or lack there of are different so I wouldn’t exactly say that it’s rebellious because I’m not religious, but rather objective morality, which is a concept claimed to exist by those who believe that a set of morals are objective (not influenced by personal feelings or opinions in considering or representing facts), but I think what he is trying to say that because of objective wrong that it creates chaos throughout mankind including what we have seen recently with all of the violent protests, and just because I am BLM supportive like my pinned post says, does not mean I think that the violence is objectively right, but objective morality did not start with a man and a woman in a magical garden biting down into a poison apple.

Mohler then goes on to compare that in order to wipe away the sin of Adam’s time, Jesus had to die in the cross. *sigh* guy’s, I’m on my second glass of wine. Okay, so if we’re talking about a fairytale book, technically, Jesus dying on the cross happened over 100 years after the “fall of mankind,” and apparently Jesus dying on the cross didn’t work because not only was there no Jesus, but we still have a whole bunch of “objective wrong going on like robberies, rape, murder, and terrorism.

Venema argues that if you read the Bible as a history book that you can see god’s hand in evolution. No, no, no mr. venema, I mean yes, the Bible Is a historical book, but no, god did not create evolution. This god character was technically a 13.7 billion year old burst of energy known as Gargantuan that exploded from the CERN’s particle accelerator that created the whole universe and everything in its path, and that’s how evolution got started. Not by god, but by Gargantuan. That’s where you and I have to disagree, and I have agreed with you on a lot of things in this article so far.

This is why there is so much division between evangelical Christianity and agnosticism because Christians walk around like they’re SOOOO intelligent, but they believe in a magic wizard in the sky that waved his finger in order to create male and female human species.

Daniel Harlow, a religious professor at Calvin college even says, “evangelicalism has a tendency to devour its young.” Couldn’t have said it better myself.

He goes onto say that evangelicals push the envelope, and anybody that works in sensitive and difficult areas tend to get fired, dismissed, or pressured out. Again, couldn’t have said it better myself. I’ve been kicked out of my house twice this year for being agnosticism.

An example of this is Schneider who was forced to resign after 25 years at Calvin college for an article he wrote questioning the historical Adam. This is why I’m now agnosticism because religion is so hateful towards anybody that questions all of the bullshit in the Bible.

Several other Christians have been forced out of religious universities for conflicting with science and religious DOCTRINES.

Karl giberson who taught physics at the Nazarene college says that Christians are becoming uncomfortable with the fact that other Christians are trying to say that Adam and Eve may not be real and evolution is. It’s kind of like back in the 1600’s when Galileo said that the earth revolves around the sun and not the other way around, and he was condemned by the church for it.

Prepare for major smartass sarcasm in this paragraph:

This rana guy wants to be right so bad with his beliefs that Adam and Eve were real, and evolution was not by saying that science was correct in proving that Adam and Eve were real even though they never did, and it is going to be pivotal moment in history when science proves that Adam and Eve are real even though I already did science proves Adam and ever are real when we prove that evolution is bullshit even though there is scientific proof behind it and it doesn’t prove it for Adam and Eve even though I said it did, but then I changed my mind and said it isn’t therefore god. Not darwin or a bust of energy known as Gargantuan, but god because he’s real. Okay, I confess, I’M FULLY CREATIONIST NOW!!!!!!!!!!!! Rana’s points in this article saved my black agnosticism heart. 😂😂😂

Mr. Harlow then says, “evangelicals have to either face up to it, or they have to stick their head in the sand, and if they do that, they will lose whatever intellectual currency of respectability they have.” NOPE!!!!!!!! Sorry, they already lost my respect a long time ago including this shitty rana dude.

Albert mohler of the southern Baptist church then argues back, “the moment you say ‘we have to abandon this theology in order to have respect of the world’ you end up with neither biblical orthodoxy nor the respect of the world.” First of all, we are not saying that, and second of all, what do you do when religious people decide that they don’t want to be religious anymore because it’s all bullshit? As soon as we abandon that the theology that Adam and Eve were real humans created by a magic wizard in the sky like some Harry Potter shit, then you guys decide that we’re stupid and unintelligent even though you believe in a magical fairy in the sky, and not only that, you call us sinners and tell us we’re going to a place you made up called hell for believing in Darwin’s theory over a magical creature in the sky.

He then goes on to say that Protestants that believe in Darwin’s theory that they’re faith is going to unravel. Apparently it didn’t because some of these Christians I was reading about in the article believed in Darwin’s theory over an Adam and Eve, and they’re still Christians.

Look out for part 2 next ❤️❤️❤️

Ep 14: Paul Constant, Seattle Review of Books

Epigraph 

The Drunk Booksellers get stoned on this 4/20 themed episode with Paul Constant of the Seattle Review of Books.

Listen on iTunes, Stitcher, our website, or subscribe using your podcatcher of choice.

This episode is sponsored by Books & Whatnot, the newsletter dedicated to books, bookselling, and bookish folk; check out their newsletter archive here. Follow Books & Whatnot on Twitter at @booksandwhatnot.

If you want to get our show notes delivered directly to your inbox—with all the books mentioned on the podcast and links back to the bookstore we’re interviewing PLUS GIFs—sign up for our email newsletter.

Introduction

In which we make pot jokes and get excited about books

We're switching up our intoxicant of choice this episode and getting stoned rather than drunk (mostly). Paul's rocking Mr. Moxey's Mints (of the peppermint/sativa variety). Emma's smoking CBD (not to be confused with William Steig's children's picture book, CDB!). Kim stops talking while stoned—which would make for a really awkward podcast episode—so she's drinking the hoppiest IPA she could find instead. Everyone's a little too high to explain the varieties of weed particularly well, so you should just read David Schmader's Weed: The User's Guide: A 21st Century Handbook for Enjoying Marijuana.

Paul's Reading:

Up South by Robert Lashley

The Nameless City by Faith Erin Hicks

A collection of books from Mount Analogue Press

Manners by Ted Powers

Final Rose by Halie Theoharides (a comic book tone poem about love and loss made up screenshots from The Bachelor)

Reading Through It book club pick: What We Do Now: Standing Up for Your Values in Trump's America, edited by Dennis Johnson

Emma's Reading:

First Position by Melissa Brayden (thanks to a recommendation from our episode with The Ripped Bodice)

Giant Days 4 by John Allison, Max Sarin, Lissa Treiman, Liz Fleming, and Whitney Cogar

All the Lives I Want: Essays about My Best Friends Who Happen to Be Famous Strangers by Alana Massey (thanks to a recommendation from our episode with Amy Stephenson)

Kim's Reading:

We Should All Be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Hope in the Dark by Rebecca Solnit

On Tyranny: Twenty Lessons from the Twentieth Century by Timothy Snyder

The Aisles Have Eyes: How Retailers Track Your Shopping, Strip Your Privacy, and Define Your Power by Joseph Turow 

Forthcoming Titles We're Excited For:

You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me by Sherman Alexie (out June 13)

Love and Trouble: a Midlife Reckoning by Claire Dederer (out May 9)

also mentioned Poser: My Life in Twenty-Three Yoga Poses

Theft by Finding: Diaries (1977-2002) by David Sedaris (out May 30)

Hunger: a Memoir of (My) Body by Roxane Gay (out June 13)

Priestdaddy by Patricia Lockwood (out May 2)

Borne by Jeff VanderMeer (out April 25)

Book of Joan by Lidia Yuknavitch (out April 18)

Woman No. 17 by Edan Lepucki (out May 9)

Isadora by Amelia Gray (out May 23)

Dreaming the Beatles: the Love Story of One Band and the Whole World by Rob Sheffield (out April 25)

Witches, Sluts, Feminists: Conjuring the Sex Positive by Kristen J Sollee (out June 13)

Modern Tarot: Connecting with Your Higher Self Through the Wisdom of the Cards by Michelle Tea (out June 13)

The Perfect Mix: Everything I Know about Leadership I Learned as a Bartender by Helen Rothberg (out June 20)

Chapter I [18:50]

In which we learn what The Seattle Review of Books is, talk about book reviews as a meta art form, and get advice on promoting diversity and being a safe, welcoming place for people who aren't white bros

The Seattle Review of Books is a book news, review, and interviews site. This isn't consumer reports, with a thumbs up or down on each title; each review aims to have a conversation with the book. It's a site that aims to look like your bookshelf, without genre classification.

Emma & Kim don't quite understand Paul's assertion that people don't organize their bookshelves, but we roll with it.

SRB makes all their money through a single sponsor (which changes each week). If you're interested in their sponsorship program, you can learn more here.

Paul wants to promote young, new writers and help them build up their clip file. So you should probably pitch him with your brilliant, bookish ideas. Email submissions@seattlereviewofbooks or fill in the contact form on their about page.

Emma particularly loves the Help Desk by Cienna Madrid. Ask Cienna an awkward book-related question at [email protected].

Being a couple of white guys, Paul and his co-founder Martin McClellan are extremely concerned with diverse representation. You can learn more about how SRB encourages diversity in both the books they review and the reviewers they publish on their about page (or by listening to this episode...). But you should know right off the bat, they are not here to promote the new Franzen novel and they will not pander to bros. 

Chapter II [33:10]

In which we talk about life in the US post-election, say something negative about a book, and discuss Paul's past (and current) life as a bookseller

Reading Through It is a post-election book club hosted by Seattle Review of Books, the Seattle Weekly, and Third Place Books Seward Park. They meet the first Wednesday of every month.

On our post-election world, Paul Constant says: "This is what books were made for. Books are engines of empathy... the only way to do a deep-dive into an issue. It's our stored knowledge... This is the moment for books."

The next Reading Through It book group pick is The Righteous Mind: Why Good People Are Divided by Politics and Religion by Jonathan Haidt. They'll be meeting Wednesday May 3rd at Third Place Books Seward Park.

Read Paul's article on his time at Borders: Books Without Borders: My Life at the World's Dumbest Bookstore Chain

Though he's not technically a bookseller anymore, Paul is still "on team books." Keep an eye out for our "I'm On Team Books" t-shirts, which may or may not be a thing we sell one day.

Chapter III [43:20]

In which Paul is better at explaining our questions than stoned Emma is at asking them, Emma and Kim give Paul major side-eye due to his bookseller confession, and Emma continues to push Uprooted by Naomi Novik

Desert Island Pick (what would you read that you never had the time to read before): The Years of Lyndon Johnson by Robert Caro (beginning with The Path to Power)

We couldn't find a video of the following clip of Caro on the Colbert Report, so we'll just leave you this series of gifs to explain why you, too, should consider bringing an epic five-volume biography of Lyndon Johnson as your desert beach read:

You're welcome. Now, back to your regularly scheduled show notes. 

Station Eleven Picks (the books to preserve for society) The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne (everything you need to know about living in a society) Great Expectations by Charles Dickens (everything you need to know about life and how it doesn’t always work out the way you want, but you should live it anyway)

Read Paul's essay about The Scarlet Letter, originally written for Scarecrow Video.

Wild Pick (traveling is about observing things... soaking everything in) We Tell Ourselves Stories In Order to Live by Joan Didion ("because she is the greatest observer on the planet and I would want to be like her when I was traveling")

Bookseller Confession  Once again, we have a guest who hasn't read Harry Potter. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? Paul also hasn't read Lord of the Rings and Kim proceeds to side-eye him from across the city.

(In case you were wondering, the title of the direct link to this gif is "wtf-i-cant-even-you-are-stupid." Just sayin'.)

Emma, naturally, tries to convert Paul to fantasy w/ an Uprooted recommendation because "nobody doesn't like it." Paul commits to reading it in order to prove her wrong.

Go-To Handsell  Fup by Jim Dodge Paul saved the book from going out of print and—arguably more importantly—he handsold a copy to Allison Hannigan.

Impossible Handsell  Paradise by AL Kennedy (and everything by AL Kennedy)

Book for Booksellers Saving Capitalism by Robert Reich

Favorite Bookstores Elliott Bay Ada’s Technical Books Third Place Ravenna

Favorite Literary Media

Not to brag, but, we’re the only podcast Paul listens to.

The Rumpus Lit Hub Book Forum Electric Literature Shelf Awareness

Epilogue

In which we tell you where to find us on the Internets

You can find Paul on:

Twitter

Seattle Review of Books is also on Twitter

Seattlereviewofbooks.com

You can find us on:

Twitter at @drunkbookseller

Litsy at @drunkbooksellers

Facebook

Instagram

Email

Newsletter

Website

Emma tweets @thebibliot and writes bookish things for Book Riot.

Kim tweets occasionally from @finaleofseem, but don’t expect too much 'cause she saves all of the interesting (ie. book-related) shizzle for Drunk Booksellers.

Subscribe and rate us on iTunes!

  Check out this episode!

Matilda all Grown Up

Six Years after Miss Edwards has revolutionized the school, she has managed to completely turn it around from its previous reign from the tyrant that was Miss Trunchbull. The once swamp like jailhouse, now changed to the liberated school. Following that glorious day Miss Trunchbull fled the school, the children could not get enough of the wonderful improvements. The truly liberated school was now so highly rated that a petition was signed, and approved in hours, developing the school into a college, with students never wanting to leave. The student body allowed Miss Edwards’ to develop and hand select every teacher, with the aim to continue her belief in doing right by the students and helping every way possible to reach their full potential, no matter the case.

It was not just Miss Trunchbull that has fled the scene, Matilda’s family were next to go, chased out by Mr. Wormwood’s angry customers from his dodgy dealing days. It was only a matter of time before it came crashing down on him and Matilda was ready with the get out of jail card that was moving in with Miss Edwards. To Miss Edwards’ delight, they helped one another grow, a partnership better than sweet and salted popcorn. They discussed the variety of books they read together, caught up on the soaps and cooked the finest lunches and dinners. With the help of Miss Edwards and her ever growing intelligence, Matilda leapfrogged the educational system. As expected she was excelling at anything she puts her mind to, and was now in her first year of college.

                                                            ***

“Good morning class. If you can all get to your seats, we are about to get started with some Spanish. So, if any of you have a holiday planned for the summer, you can be your parents own little translator” Miss Edwards says cheerfully to the class. Jamie’s hand shoots up like a rocket. “Miss, Miss, I mean Seňora. Can we learn about getting around, as last time me and my family got lost for ages trying to get back to our hotel?” Jamie asks. “Jamie, you must’ve read my lesson plan, we will get right into today’s topic of travel. If we can all turn to page 12 of your textbooks” Miss Edwards says smiling to the class. “We shall start off, with a nice and easy question. How do you say, ‘the Taxi’ en Espanol?” Miss Edwards continues. “El Taxi” the class say as they giggle together. “Very good class, what do you say to upping the level a bit with travel. Does anyone know how to say, the taxi is here, en Espanol?” Miss Edwards asks the class. Some of the pupils look around at each other not knowing the answer, but a couple of them raise their hands, trying to outstretch the other. ‘Yes, Susie. Dónde está el taxi?” Miss Edwards asks, as the remaining kids sigh as they drop their hands disappointed at not being picked. “El taxi está aqui! I went to Spain with my family and my older brother, taught me all he knew.” Susie says proudly as she looks smugly at the ones who didn’t raise their hands. “Well done Susie, that is better than I could do for my first time in Spain. Now can anyone else, describe the Taxi. Maybe with a colour or if it is big or small?” Miss Edwards says. This time, the majority of the pupils raise their hands itching to answer the question. “Ok, give it a go Dennis” Miss Edwards says as she gives Dennis the go ahead. “El Taxi es muy enorme, como un... monster truck” Dennis says as the class begin to laugh in a domino effect from front to back. “You have seen some interesting taxi’s Dennis” Miss Edwards replies as she calms the class down. The class continue to go through the textbook with Miss Edwards, learning all the different travel words. As the class is in its final minutes of the lesson, the whole class is beaming with confidence with the new words they have learnt. “I am really proud of you all, do we all think we are ready to give our Spanish song a try?” Miss Edwards asks. “Yes Miss Edwards” the class reply, excited to give the song a try. “uno, dos, tres  taxi. Todos los taxis son Amarillo-o-o-o, amarill-o-o-o. Puedo tener un taxi por dos personas, por favor. Por fav-o-o-o-r-r-r” the class sing out in a playful tune, as Miss Edwards is standing at the front of class mouthing the words to everyone at the same time. “Oh wonderful, you all sound so good. I think you are all ready now for a trip away to Spain! A couple more lessons and you will able to get around Spain with no hassle” Miss Edwards says smiling from ear to ear, pleased with how far they have come. As the bell rings, a groan is heard from the entire class not wanting to move onto a different teacher. As the kids walk out of the classroom, Miss Edwards high fives each pupil as they leave. “Miss, I forgot to give this apple to you at the beginning of class” Frances says reaching to the bottom of her bag, pulling out a dented and bruised apple with pieces of hair attached. Miss Edwards manages to hide her disgust of the un-edible apple, as her nose begins to twitch as it gets closer to her face. “You are far too kind Frances, thank you” Miss Edwards says as she accepts the apple and cautiously puts it on her desk. Frances stops and stares at the apple and then back at Miss Edwards “Are you not going to eat it now, Miss Edwards?” Frances asks all bright eyed. Miss Edwards looks back at the dented apple, which now looks as if it started to grow mouldy. “I’ve just had an apple before this class, I will save this special one for later. Oh, is that the time, you better be off to your next lesson Frances” Miss Edwards says whilst rubbing her belly. Happy with the response, Frances smiles and skips out of the classroom. “Phew, that was close” Miss Edwards laughs as she wipes the sweat off her brow. “Hey, you, have you got a free lesson next?” Matilda says, as she pokes her head through the door. “I do indeed. I am just going to be marking some papers, feel free to join if you are free?” Miss Edwards replies. “Oh no, I was just passing through before my English Lit class. We have just started reading ‘I know why the caged bird sings’ but I thought I’ll just pop in to say hi and more importantly see what you wanted for dinner tonight? I think I have mastered the way you make mac and cheese” Matilda says proudly. “Ooo, that does sound great. I cannot wait to try that, oo and some ribs on the side maybe. What do you think?” Miss Edwards says back to Matilda, rubbing her stomach as she dreams of the ribs. They continue to chat for a little while, before the bell rings for the next class.

The school has been Miss Trunchbull free for six years, four months and thirty-three days. The memory of Miss Trunchbull flying out of the classroom window is still edged into their minds. However, not a second has gone passed, where the students have missed the delightful change. The school never thought this day would come. The dark clouds followed her banged up car en route to the school, the car sounded like chitty chitty bang bang as it repeatedly stopped to Miss Trunchbull’s anger before she was able to get it started again. “I should’ve got rid of you a long time ago, you piece of junk!” Miss Trunchbull angrily says as she pounds the steering wheel. As she pulls up to the school gates, a dragon of dark clouds appears above her, heavily breathing in and out simultaneously with Miss Trunchbull. So much so, that her car windows have now steamed up preventing anyone from seeing inside. Pupils are walking passed on their break, unaware of what awaits inside the car. Unfortunately for the school, only Miss Edwards and Matilda are aware of Miss Trunchbull's oncoming arrival. Miss Trunchbull slowly marches through the hallway, taking in all the changes since she left, grinning at every pupil she passes that is rushing to their last class. Gasping at the sight of her, six years on and her presence still sends shivers down the spines of whoever she passes. Some freeze like they are doing the mannequin challenge just at the sight of her. Other are unable to stay put, even pushing friends over to ensure their safety. “Why is she here?” a pupil whispers. “No, no, no, this can’t be real” another pupil whispers as they rub their eyes, trying to wake up from this horrible dream. Miss Trunchbull quickly turns her head, without breaking her stride to the stunned pupils and grins before knocking onto Miss Edward’s door. “Excuse me, please may I come in?” Miss Trunchbull says using her most posh voice. “Of course, please come in” Miss Edwards replies. Miss Trunchbull gingerly opens the door as she walks through smiling at Miss Edwards, sitting at her desk. She gazes at the changes Miss Edwards has made to her old hunting ground. No dart board, with numerous holes on the wall from missed shots. No Olympic pictures of her past triumphs as a champion thrower. Now the pristine sanctuary, filled with birds of paradise, empowering black artwork on the walls and an array of books. The sunshine beams through the windows, something that was never allowed in during Miss Trunchbull’s reign. “What marvelous changes you have made to my room?” Miss Trunchbull says as she continues to look around. “Yes, after you left. I thought it would be best to make certain adjustments to MY room and make it a bit more...welcoming” Miss Edwards says as she instructs her to sit on the chair opposite hers. “Well…yes, it all looks lovely…Anyway, I would like to start off by saying how am so grateful for this second chance within the school. These past six years have allowed me to really dwell on how I conducted myself as a headteacher and how I treated the students. After going through a vigorous anger management course, I feel as if I am reborn. I am here to show you and the rest of the school how I’ve changed!” Miss Trunchbull says as she proudly passes over certificate from the anger management course. “If it was down to me you would not be here. However, as the educational board have ordered you to have another chance. I will go as far a trial within the school, as a teacher. Any bad reports from you, will have you out the doors like Jazz in The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Well, hopefully not exiting the same way you did last time you were here” Miss Edwards says sternly. “Of course, I wouldn’t expect anything less. I hope you can see how I have changed and before you know it, I will be back as headteacher...I mean back as a great teacher. I wouldn’t want to take over from what a wonderful job I have heard and know you have been doing here” Miss Trunchbull says with an awkward smile. “Yes... I hope so... I look forward to you seeing how well you do, when you start” Miss Edwards says as she leans forward with her outstretched hand, awaiting to shake Miss Trunchbull’s hand, before leading her out.

On Miss Trunchbull’s journey back to her car, she passes a group of college girls laughing together. Matilda is walking slightly behind, with her head swallowed by a book, as she holds a couple of books to her side. Not spotting a stone on the ground, Matilda trips causing one of the books to drop to the floor. Miss Trunchbull’s cat like reflexes, allows her to quickly swoops down and picks up the book. “Oh, ‘I know why the caged bird sings’, this is a fantastic book. O to be stuck in a cage, aye Matilda” Miss Trunchbull says with an evil laugh. The pre-warning Miss Edwards gave, was not enough for seeing her again with her own eyes. She stands speechless. Her mind vividly replaying all the terrible things she did as her headteacher.  Miss Trunchbull stood with the book held out towards Matilda, after waiting a while, she gently places it onto top of her other books. “I look forward to seeing you around the school. Matilda.” Miss Trunchbull says patting her on the head. Matilda has not made a sound or moved since she passed the book over, hoping that this bad dream would go away.

Matilda grips the books as tight as she can as she rushes back into the school, still shaken up by her encounter with Miss Trunchbull. “Miss Edwards, Miss Edwards. We can’t have it go back to the way it was last time! Why does she have to come back, is there not anything you can do?” Matilda pleads, as she uses her powers to throw her bag in the corner of the room. “Please calm down Matilda. I know this is not what any of us want, but the educational board went over my head on this. We must look at the brighter side of things, Miss Trunchbull is only a trial. If she has really been reformed into a pleasant teacher, great. If not, we will see her true colours soon enough and she will be gone for good” Miss Edwards says as she tries to ease Matilda’s mind, as well as hers. Matilda stands there gazing out the window wondering what Miss Trunchbull’s is scheming, knowing the way she treated the children before. Baffled at why she is back, let alone able to return. Matilda’s mind continues to wonder, as she ponders ways that she can get her to reveal her true self. “No powers this time!” Miss Edwards cheekily snaps at Matilda, as she places a calming hand on her shoulder. Matilda collects her bags from the room and smiles back at Miss Edwards, “Ok. We can do this” Matilda says.

Before the school day starts, the children are laughing and playing together in the playground. The sight of Miss Trunchbull forcing herself out of her small car, causes the children to abruptly stop. Crows call out as she steps through the school gates. Even the pupils who have only heard stories of Miss Trunchbull, instantly know who she is just from the aura she gives. The students who have colorful plaited hair quickly tuck them into their tops, hiding them away. Miss Trunchbull trudges through the playground, doing her best to smile at every child that she passes. “Good Morning. Hello. Hi. Good to see you. Looking good” Miss Trunchbull says as she makes her way through. No one is brave enough to reply, not knowing what is going to happen with her reappearance. “Dotty said that she saw Miss Trunchbull walk into Miss Edwards’s room before, I thought she was just trying to trick me like she always does” Kameron whispers. Miss Trunchbull quickly turns towards Kameron, making him jump out of his skin. She stops and stares at him for a second before smiling, showing all her shark like teeth. Kameron faints backwards from the view of imminent danger. Miss Trunchbull jumps to action like the flash, catching him before he drops to the ground “Clear some room children. Has anyone got some water?” Miss Trunchbull eagerly says in a sympathetic tone. As a child rushes over with some water, Miss Trunchbull whips out a handkerchief from her pocket and wets it with the water. She softly places it on his head as she fans him gently with her other hand. Kameron slowly wakes up puzzled on what happened and with Miss Trunchbull now cradling him, with a creepy smile. “I am glad you are okay. Please be careful next time.” Miss Trunchbull says as she helps him back to his feet. The entire playground stands stunned by the whole scenario, something that would have never happened before. Miss Trunchbull wipes of the dust from her suit trousers and continues to stroll to the school doors. “Are you okay, Kameron?” Harry asks. “Mentally, no. But I was just saved by Miss Trunchbull. I thought she was going to eat me alive just then, but she saved me and was nice to me” Kameron says still baffled by what has happened. The bell rings for the start of the school day, waking the kids out of their shocked state, as they pick up their belongings and head in to class all still chatting about what went on. The college students enter the class to see Miss Trunchbull welcoming then in with a heartfelt smile “Welcome, everybody. When you can, please take a seat. For those of you who don’t know, my name is Miss Trunchbull” Miss Trunchbull says as she writes her name on the board with flowers around it. With all the kids now seated, they are still wary of the changed Miss Trunchbull. “Good Morning, Miss Trunchbull. I hope you don’t mind, I will be sitting in on your first lesson” Miss Edwards says as she smiles at the class. “Phew” Poppy says from the back of the class, “feel much safer now that Miss Edwards is in the class. I know she just helped Kameron earlier, but I am not believing this act just yet” Poppy continues to whisper under her breath. “Right, as you may know I will be taking over for Mrs. Wick, who is currently off on long-term sick leave. I really do hope she has a speedy recovery.” Miss Trunchbull sympathetically says. “Let us open our history books to page thirty-two, I have been told you are all very accomplished historians. I have provided some questions papers for you all to have a go at, if you struggle at any questions, raise your hand and we will go through it as a class how to solve it” Miss Trunchbull says smiling to all, as they get stuck into the worksheet. “Miss, I never knew that you were in the roman times?” Riley says pointing at a large gladiator wielding a javelin on their sheet. The class burst into laughter as they cannot contain themselves, with Miss Edwards putting her hand over her mouth. “Please behave, Riley. That is not a nice thing to say” Miss Edwards interrupts silencing the class. Miss Trunchbull clenches her fist, which strikes fear into the all the children's faces. But as her eyes widen in anger, she quickly calms herself down by tapping her leg. “Now, now, that was a good joke Riley. Let’s back on with these questions” Miss Trunchbull says clenching her teeth as she forces a smile. Everyone is surprised by her reaction, expecting the worse from her previous antics as judge and executioner. The class continue to complete the questions with the help of Miss Trunchbull as they warm to her changed persona. “Thank you for today, Miss Trunchbull... Sorry about my earlier comment also” Riley says smiling as they all pack up. “Thanks Miss” A group of students say as they leave the class. Miss Edwards sits back for a while. “Do you mind if I have a quick word before I go?” Miss Edwards asks. “Of course, I hope I was okay for my first lesson back. Under your guidance, I can better myself here as a teacher” Miss Trunchbull replies. “I have got to say, I am rather impressed with the way you handled yourself and the class today. Now, this does not mean that I have my full trust in you, the memories of your past still weigh heavily on my mind. I will continue to keep my eye on you” Miss Edwards says.

“What’s for dinner tonight?” Matilda asks Miss Edwards as she walks through the front door of their house. “Vegetable lasagna, nice and cheesy. I am just about to finish up. Can you lay the table for us please?” Miss Edwards says. Matilda begins to set the table with her powers, moving all the cutlery and table mats into position whilst dancing around. “Oh, did you hear all about what happened with Kameron today? I cannot believe it, not what I was expecting to hear about Miss Trunchbull on her first day back” Matilda says. “I know, I know it amazed me too, I was fearing the worst when I first heard. I will still be keeping an eye on her though. However, I was impressed in the way she conducted herself in class today. It was completely out of character for her” Miss Edwards says as she brings out the dish. “You must’ve rubbed off on her” Matilda laughs. Sitting at the table they both munch down on the hot meal as the cheese oozes out of the lasagna. “Anyway, that is enough talk about Miss Trunchbull at the dinner table. How’s ‘I know why the caged bird sings’ going in class?” Miss Edwards asks as she puts her half-eaten plate to side and rubs her belly. “I am really enjoying it, Maya Angelou is incredible. ‘Hoping for the best, prepared for the worst, and unsurprised by anything in between’. I think it is rather fitting, with the whole Miss Trunchbull situation” Matilda says. “Matilda, please no more about Miss Trunchbull tonight. Although, I am glad to hear you are enjoying the book. I am not sure if I ever did finish that. It was so many years ago that I read the book” Miss Edwards says still rubbing her outstretched belly poking out of her top. As she stares the plate down, it is only a matter of moments before she is pulling the plate back to demolish.

The following day, Miss Trunchbull’s enters through the school completely different from the previous day. No student stunned in fear. Everyone continuing as normal. The previous was testament to how she has transformed. Kids now brave enough to run around her as they play a game of ‘it’, an unimaginable thought previously. Miss Trunchbull takes it all in her stride, chuckling as she watches them play and makes her way through the playground. “Heads up” a kid shouts, as a football comes flying overhead and hits Miss Trunchbull in the head. The children pause, like they are stuck in the mud. All the positivity they had, sapped out of them. Now back to expecting the worst, starting with the destruction of the ball within her hands and a punishment pending. Miss Trunchbull slowly reaches down to pick the ball up “Who kicked this ball?” Miss Trunchbull asks looking in the kid’s direction. The group of kids playing instantly push Nicky forward. “Sorry Miss, I-I-I-t was me” Nicky says stuttering as she tries to contain her fright. “Good kick but remember there are smaller children playing, so please be careful next time” Miss Trunchbull pleasantly says as she places the ball into her hands. “...Thank you, Miss Trunchbull.” Nicky says. Shocked by the response she quickly runs back to her friends. The kids around Miss Trunchbull have not taken their eyes off Miss Trunchbull this whole time, but as Nicky runs away with the ball their eyes light up, delighted on the outcome. One child starts a slow clap, with Miss Trunchbull setting off through the school doors. The other kids continue the clap as some even cheer from the bottom of their lungs. “I don’t know what happened to her in those six years away, I think my mum should go there” a child says to the group he is in. “Good morning class are you all ready to learn about the past?” Miss Trunchbull says. Miss Edwards enters the classroom to see everyone smiling and joking with Miss Trunchbull. “Have you seen Riley today, Miss Edwards. I have heard your classes are normally very punctual?” Miss Trunchbull asks as she stacks the sheets of paper on her desk. “Riley’s father called in earlier actually. Even Riley’s father did not sound well at all. From what I heard on the phone, looks like the family have caught something bad, so he won’t be in for a while” Miss Edwards says making her way to the corner of the room to observe the class. “I see, that is a shame. Well Friends, Romans, countrymen lend me your ears. Today we will be continuing our Roman adventure, hopefully we can find something that can cure Riley with these ancient methods and medicine” Miss Trunchbull says, as the students laugh in response. “I wouldn’t want to be ill in those times. I’ve read into the horror treatment that they tried, even the common cold would have been deadly” Amie calls out. “That is right Amie, so I bet Riley is happy that we have developed our medicine over the years. I’m sure he will have a speedy recovery” Miss Trunchbull says. The class continue to discuss the Romans, detailing how life was in those times. Miss Trunchbull pulls out a large shield from her bag, almost imitating Mary Poppins magic bag trick. The shield is passed around the room for all the kids to see and marvel at the design. “Romans such as Julius Caesar made great use of shields in battle, it was not always the use of the swords/spears or any weapon that won the battles for these Emperors” Miss Trunchbull says as they continue through the remainder of the lesson. “Is the lesson finished already? Felt like we were only here for ten minutes!” Yolande exclaims as the bell goes. Miss Edwards waits for everyone to leave before approaching Miss Trunchbull. Miss Edwards just stares at Miss Trunchbull for a moment as she taps her book with her pen. “I will have to go on what I can see and what I have seen is a great improvement, so I don’t think I need to be in anymore of your classes...for now. Your lessons have been very impressive, but you have really excelled in this one. Well done.” Miss Edwards says as she smiles at Miss Trunchbull and proceeds to leave the class. Miss Trunchbull watches her leave, waving until she cannot hear her footsteps. “It is really happening. My shield is in full force now.” Miss Trunchbull laughs as she bounces around like a lunatic. Matilda hears the witches laugh, walking to her next class. Interested to see who would be making such noises in school, she sneakily pokes her head through the glass of the door. Spotting Miss Trunchbull mumbling and laughing to herself, she quickly draws back so she is not seen. Memories rush back into her mind, from the pain she caused the school. “This is not right” Matilda whispers to herself. Bzzt Bzzt, Miss Trunchbull’s vibrates in her pocket. “What is it, you little worm? That child better still be in that chokey when I get back! I have another brat to keep them company that I will be bringing back later so be prepared” Miss Trunchbull shouts down the phone. Even though Matilda stood shocked by what she just heard, it was only a matter of time before Miss Trunchbull showed her true self again. Her mind automatically goes to pick up a book from the shelf. The book steadily floats out, aimed right at Miss Trunchbull. “Matilda!” Miss Edwards shouts. The book instantly drops to the ground, startling Miss Trunchbull. “I thought I told you no powers?” Miss Edwards continues as Matilda jumps out of her ninja pose and straightens up. “you wouldn’t be saying this if you knew what I just heard. Ask her who she has been talking to on the phone. I reckon she is doing some shady business. She mentioned something about a child already taken and another that she is planning on taking!” Matilda says. Miss Trunchbull slowly walks closer to them. “What do you mean? Matilda, I did not expect you to eavesdrop on my conversation...it was with the adoption agency. I am in the final stages right now, it has been rather stressful. After seeing how well it has turned out with you and Matilda, you inspired me to do better. Be better” Miss Trunchbull says as she puts on a childlike voice. “Huh. What games are you trying to play here? You will not get away with this one, we are not the same naive people you knew six years ago” Matilda confidently says. “I am a changed person Matilda, why do not believe me. Here call the last number that called, and you will see” Miss Trunchbull says as she passes the phone over. Miss Edwards pauses for a moment, before pressing the most recent contact. Matilda eagerly leans forward expecting her accomplice to reveal her evil plan. “Hello, ‘The right choice’ adoption agency, Gavin speaking. How can I help?” the man politely says answering the phone. “Oh, sorry I didn’t mean to disturb you. I just wanted to clarify that this was an adoption agency?” Miss Edwards awkwardly replies. “It is indeed, how may I assist you today?” the man continues. “Ask him if he is dealing with Miss Trunchbull, this could all be a ruse” Matilda jumps in. “We are trying to get to the bottom of a serious school issue, that involves one of our members of staff. Have you been in contact with a Miss Trunchbull, going through the adoption process?” Miss Edwards asks. “The details of our members are strictly confidential. However, I appreciate that this is a serious matter within your school, so, I can confirm that Miss Trunchbull is currently on file within adoption agency. Unfortunately, due to the nature of this I am not able to provide you with further information. All I can say though, is whenever Miss Trunchbull is in she brightens up our office and would be a great fit for any child.” The man says. Matilda looks up at Miss Trunchbull bewildered by what has been said. “I think we should all leave it there. I do apologise for this game of cluedo, Miss Trunchbull and I wish you the best of luck in your process.” Miss Edwards says as she passes the phone back to Miss Trunchbull. “Come on you, we need to have a chat” Miss Edwards says to Matilda as she guides her out of the room. “I know she is not our biggest fan in this school, but you can’t go accusing her of these things, without any hard evidence.” Miss Edwards sternly states to Matilda as they enter her room. “She is planning something terrible, I just know it. I will get to the bottom of this” Matilda cries out. “Look, I do believe you. However, like I said we need the hard evidence. The voice on the phone did sound somewhat off and rather familiar and to get that information that easily. I have a feeling she is up to no good as usual. We have to find out what is really going on here...but in the right way” Miss Edwards says.

“Miss Edwards, Miss Edwards!” Thomas says barging through the door. “Woah, slow down Thomas. What is wrong?” Miss Edwards says startled by his entrance. “Sorry Miss, but we can’t find Nicky anywhere. All teachers are searching everywhere, so Mrs. Judy asked me to find you immediately, everybody is worried. Nobody has seen her after the break and we have heard rumours that someone snatched her from inside the school!” Thomas says panting from running in. Matilda and Miss Edwards both look at each other, sacred for Nicky. “Miss Trunchbull!” they say in unison. “Huh. Yes, Miss Trunchbull is out helping us look too” Thomas says confused. “Ok, let’s get moving, we need to find Nicky” Miss Edwards says. The three of them rush out the door, to join the search team. Outside Miss Edwards room, the majority of the pupils are also out on search. Looking in to every room in detail, with teachers pulling out ladders to check  the out of reach places. Others checking in every cupboard, closed door and hidden compartments. “This is a bit excessive don’t you think. Police normally only wait 24-48 hours for a missing person and we have the whole school looking for Nicky in under 2 hours. Especially, when we all know who the culprit is” Matilda says staring across to Miss Trunchbull, who is exploring the playground like the famous five with the other pupils. “I heard, Miss Trunchbull was the one who reported this” Thomas says. “I think we better go speak to Miss Trunchbull” Miss Edwards says. “Why me, Miss” Thomas says baffled. “Not you Thomas, thank you for your help” Miss Edwards chuckles. They march over to Miss Trunchbull side by side like they are connected by string. “Such terrible news, we have been out here looking for a while now but have seen no signs of the poor girl” Miss Trunchbull says empathetically. “Stop playing around and just tell us where Nicky is! You are not fooling me” Matilda says, crossing her arms in anger. “My dear child, what do you mean? Why would I ever do such a horrible thing? In fact, I was with you earlier, when could I have done all of this?” Miss Trunchbull innocently replies. Matilda pauses for a moment, trying to calculate it all in her head. “What about when we left, that must have been your time to strike. I heard earlier that Nicky accidentally kicked a ball that hit you in the playground. I would guess that this is your revenge, just like with Riley. I cannot prove it now, but I know what you’re capable of” Matilda says, stepping closer to Miss Trunchbull. “I am trying to be a better person, I have done nothing but positive things since I have come back, and you persist to bring me down. Something has changed over these years, I thought you were a lovely little child. Can someone not change?” Miss Trunchbull says as she falls into the oncoming teachers’ shoulders. “Miss Edwards, please. I think you need to control Matilda. I know Miss Trunchbull the ghastly things Miss Trunchbull has done in the past. However, this was the past, we must move forward and especially in times like these. The main goal now is to find Nicky, not to start a witch hunt” Mr. Awana says. Miss Edwards has been inquisitively staring across the gate like a zombie during this whole conversation. “oh...Thank you, Mr. Awana...I will take Matilda away and think of a punishment for all of this. Again, apologies for the accusations Miss Trunchbull. Everyone keep your eye out for Nicky, that is our main priority!” Miss Edwards says, as she leads Matilda over in the direction of the gates. “But…” Matilda tries to continue talking but the speed at which she is being pulled prevents her from getting a sentence out. Arriving at the gate, Miss Edwards scans around to make sure that nobody is watching. “Remember Matilda, you can’t accuse like that without hard evidence… but I think I have just found our evidence” Miss Edwards whispers as she points over at Miss Trunchbull’s car. A short and stocky man appears to walk towards the boot of the car, struggling to pick up a large suitcase, as he uses the keys to open the boot. “Work your magic Matilda” Miss Edwards says, giving her the go ahead with a little wink. Matilda fixes in on to the man, staring at him with great concentration. A stone begins to float in the air, hitting him on the shoulder. He quickly turns around searching around scared he has been spotted. “Who is there? I am a black belt in karate you know, my small height will only help me catch, I’m like a squirrel. So, come out now if you know what’s good for you!” the man calls out whilst he does a few karate chops in the air showing off his skills. Matilda and Miss Edwards barely contain their laughter. Matilda continues to play, as she flings the keys out of his hands and into the boot. “How much grease was on that burger?” the man asks himself, as he wipes his hands and reaches into the boot to retrieve the keys. Leaning further in, Matilda brings the boot crashing down “Ouch! This stupid car, I don’t know why she still has this hunk of junk” the man says angrily. The man tries to hold the boot up, but his short arms are preventing him from reaching. Matilda uses her powers to swoop him right in, shutting the boot right after. “Make sure you lock it, until we check out what is in the suitcase” Miss Edwards says. They both race over to the car, looking left to right to make sure they have not been spotted. “Is that you, moving the suitcase Matilda?” Miss Edwards asks. Surprised, Matilda slowly turns towards Miss Edwards worryingly. Panicking, they both open the suitcase like a child opening mouse trap at Christmas. “Nicky!” Matilda says, as Nicky looks up at her delighted to see a friendly face. “I knew it. Well, looks like we have our hard evidence now!” Matilda says with a beaming smile as Miss Edwards removes the duct tape from Nicky’s mouth. “Ok, ok no need to gloat. Let’s help Nicky out first before we go ruin Miss Trunchbull’s fun” Miss Edwards says as she carefully lifts her out of the suitcase. “Thank – you – I - thought - I - would never be free. Miss Trunchbull, blindsided me in the hallway, lulled me into a false sense of security by laughing and joking. Then she offered me a sweet and then all I can remember is a man trapping me in here. My mum always says don’t accept sweets from strangers, but I think I need to extend that to evil teachers as well!” Nicky says. “What should we do about the man in the boot?” Matilda asks. “I think it would be best to confront Miss Trunchbull and get the police involved here. You wait here with Nicky and I will go get Miss Trunchbull and the rest of the teachers, to show what she has been up to” Miss Edwards says. Matilda pulls out a packet of skittles from her pocket and passes it to the relieved but deflated Nicky sat on the curb. “Everything is going to be alright now, me and Miss Edwards are the dream team that once rivalled Scooby doo and the gang for their investigative skills. Now, let’s wait and enjoy these sweets as you can’t go wrong with a packet of skittles from someone you trust.” Matilda says smiling back at Nicky. “Excuse me” Miss Edwards calls out to all on the playground searching, but no one has heard or seen her to pay any attention. “Everyone...people ‘dem. Ahem.” Miss Edwards continues as she finally gets the attention of the pupils and teachers roaming about. As Miss Edwards begins to flap her arms about, instructing them in her direction. Everyone starts to run towards her, excited to know what the fuss is about. Miss Trunchbull pauses for a moment, knowing that it is in the direction of her car. She knows this can go two ways and as she does not have much faith in her minion, worry starts to set in. Miss Edwards leads the school to where Nicky and Matilda have been waiting. “It’s me. Miss Edwards and Matilda saved me! “Nicky says cheerfully as she runs over to her friends and does a little boogie in excitement. Miss Edwards leads Miss Trunchbull through the crowd of people to the front. “How could you? I thought you changed. After all that you are still the same, I cannot believe I trusted you!” Nicky says to Miss Trunchbull as she holds onto her friends. “Oh, stop your sniveling, you little brat. I would’ve gotten away with it if it wasn’t for you meddling, Matilda! I was going to take over this school again. Removing all who thought you could mess with or tease me. I run this place. This is my castle. You cannot kick me out of this place again!” Miss Trunchbull shouts, keeping her eyes locked on Matilda as she struggles within Miss Edwards grasp. “Now I don’t want to blow my own trumpet here but…toot, toot. I had the pleasure of calling the police you for you. Squirm all you want, but the only castle you will have is in a prison cell” Miss Edwards says confidently. The sound of police sirens come from around the corner, as Miss Trunchbull continues to wiggle. Upon their arrival, Miss Edwards breaks down all that has occurred as the police handcuff both Miss Trunchbull and her minion all to the school’s delight. Everyone breaks out in dance like a flash mob, as they celebrate Miss Trunchbull’s exit for the second and hopefully final time. “She had me under a mind control spell…can you not see how much bigger she is too me, I couldn’t say no to her. She would eat me alive…C’mon, it was only two kids, one is safe now. I will tell you where the second one is, if you not let me free?” The man says panicking. “Oh my. Riley! Where have you left Riley?” Miss Edwards says as she storms to the front. “Oh, quit your whining, that little twerp shouldn’t have called me a gladiator. If you ever find Riley, tell that brat it’s their own fault and I hope I hope they have learnt their lesson” Miss Trunchbull says as she is jammed into the back off the police car. From around the corner, three students are carrying Riley between them calling for help. Miss Trunchbull’s face immediately drops, not knowing how they managed to find Riley so quickly. Riley stands in front of the crowd exhausted after the ordeal of standing in fear of falling into one of sharp nails in the inside the chokey. “I am glad you didn’t forget about me. Thought I would be stuck in there forever!” Riley says faintly. “You could’ve been anything that you wanted to be and it looks like it is too late to change. I’d be delighted, to give it some thought maybe you’ll agree that we ought two...three.. Four…” Sam sings. “Send you to jail” the entire school sings as they wave Miss Trunchbull and her minion away.

157 Bboy Tracks That You Must Listen to Before You Die

(This post was originally published on breakdancedecoded.com)

In 1972, a man of towering physique – and street influence – travelled the Bronx with the loudest sound system (within the neighbourhood) in his car. Wherever he went, young boys and girls would flock around him, as if he were a real life Pied Piper.

This man had an acute sense of what made the young ones tick. And he knew how to get people’s feet moving. By looping the heavily percussive parts of certain funk tracks, you would have seen a sea of humans going wild.

In other words, just by repeating the ‘breaks’ of a song… It got everyone dancing in a frenzy.

It was pure magic – and it hasn’t stopped since!

So what is the particular cause-effect relationship that I’m highlighting here?

Since the birth of bboying, people created movement as a reaction to music.

That is the relationship. Music = cause; dance = effect. No music, no dance.

If there’s any one thing you MUST know inside out, it’s the music.

You don’t watch bboy videos without turning on the audio.

You don’t feel the hype without the music during your practice. You don’t feel the funk and energy during a jam without a bboy track in the background.

James Brown wouldn’t have his footwork without his music in the first place. Kool Herc wouldn’t have been able to call anyone a “breakboy” if not for the young kids going wild to the beat.

The bottomline is, music is the bloodline of bboying (or any dance for that matter). No music, no bboy.

And I want to inject more life into your breaking, so here’s a list of beats that bboys are lining up to kill. It includes both classics and new beats, both funk and unconventional genres. Some names appear just once, others might come up a dozen times.

Buckle up, bookmark this page, and amp up your speakers. Because this list consists of some of the greatest tunes to have landed in the pages of humanity’s history.

The 157 Songs That Should Be On Your Breaking Playlist

Fred Karlin – You’re Hip Miss Pastorfield

Kraak and Smaak – Squeeze Me

Eruption – Funky Lover

Franki Valli and the Four Seasons – Beggin’

Budos Band – Up From the South

The Lovomaniacs – Sex

MOP – Ante Up (Remix)

Eric B & Rakim – Juice (Know the Ledge)

Dave Cortez – Happy Soul

James Brown – Sex Machine

Kool G Rap and Polo – Poison

Run DMC – Beats to the Rhyme

The Apples – Killing

Arthur Baker – Breaker’s Revenge

Black Heat – Love the Life You Live

KRS One – The Sound of Da Police

Noisette – Bridge to Canada

Head Automatica – Brooklyn is Burning

Incredible Bongo Band – Apache

Eric B & Rakim – Don’t Sweat the Technique

Johnny Bristol – Lusty Lady

Dennis Coffey – Scorpio

The Souljazz Orchestra – Insurrection

Laura Vane & The Vipertones – Man Of Your Word

A Tribe Called Quest – Scenario

Waheymi – Underdog

Isaac Hayes – Disco Connection

Badder Than Evil – Hot Wheels (The Chase)

Pete Rock and C.L. Smooth – The Creator

Curtis Mayfield – Move On Up

Black Sheep – Strobelight Honey

Laura Vane and the Vipers – Roof Off

Frankie Cutlass – Puerto Rico

Binary Star – Masters of the Universe

Manu Dibango – African Battle

Mobb Deep – The Learning (Burn)

Dennis Coffey – Theme from Blackbelt Jones

Mr Wiggles – The Spaniard

Baby Huey – Listen to Me

Manu Dibango – Soul Makossa

DJ Shadow – Organ Donor (Remix)

Cypress Hill – Latin Thugs

Aretha Franklin – Rock Steady

Nice and Smooth – Old to the New

Beastie Boys – No Sleep Till Brooklyn

Cookin’ on 3 Burners – Feel Good Inc.

Cut Chemist – Drums of Fire

Mark Ronson – Ooh Wee (ft. Nate Dogg and Ghostface Killah)

Masta Killa – Masta Killa

The Mohawks – Champ

Toploader – Dancing in the Moonlight

Mr. Wiggles – Top Rock and Roll

Uptown – Dope on Plastic

Yellow Sunshine – Yellow Sunshine

The Blackbyrds – Rock Creek Park

Pete Rock and C.L. Smooth – T.R.O.Y.

Exit 9 – Fly

Mongo Santamaria – Cloud Nine

Wu Tang Clan – C.R.E.A.M.

Danny Hibrid & James Brown – I Feel Alright

The Fatback Band – Spanish Hustle

Das EFX – They Want EFX

Osibisa – Fire

Bobby Byrd – I Need Help (I Can’t Do It Alone)

The Bamboos – Tighten Up

Candido – Soulwanco

Big Daddy Kane – Set It Off

Edwin Starr – I Just Wanna Do My Thing

Babe Ruth – The Mexican

Roxanne Shante – Have a Nice Day

Ray Baretto – Pasttime Paradise

Tower of Power- There’s Only So Much Oil In The Ground

BT Express – Energy Level

King Khan – On The Street Where I Live

Jackson 5 – What You Don’t Know

Eric B & Rakim – I Know You Got Soul

Crazy Elephant – Pam

James Brown – Get Up Offa That Thing

Nice and Smooth – Dope Not Hype

Esperanto – Night of the Wolf

Big Daddy Kane – The Wrath of Kane

Poets of Rhythm – Funky, Funky, North Carolina

Nicole Willis and The Soul Investigators – Holdin’ On

Greenwood Rhythm Coalition & Luz Mob – Guajira 78

Masta Killa – No Said Date

The Dap Kings – Nervous Like Me

Fusik – Higher

Esther Williams – Last Night Changed It All

Bob James – Farandole

Electric Light Orchestra – Fire on High

Black Sheep – The Choice is Yours

Chuck Brown & the Soul Searchers – Blow Your Whistle

Roberto Roena – Que Se Sepa

James Brown – Superbad

Herman Kelly and Life – Dance to the Drummer’s Beat

Breakout – Planet Rock Part 2

Breakestra – You Don’t Need a Dance

Mongo Santamaria – Crazy Lady

Run DMC – It’s Like That

Frank Ferrer – Pa’ Los Obreros

Jackson 5 – Life of the Party

The Sound Stylistics – The Taking of Peckham 343

The Pharcyde – Passing Me By

Edwin Starr – Time

Los Tios Queridos – Si Me Ves Volar

Breakestra – Humpty Dump

Wu Tang Clan – Ain’t Nuthing ta  Fuck Wit’

The Mike Theodore Orchestra – The Bull

The Heavy – How You Like Me Now?

Climax Blues Band – Sense of Direction (Looped Version)

DJ Nas’D – It’s A Great Situation

Lack of Afro – The Outsider

James Brown – Get on the Good Foot

Brownout – Homenaje

The Prodigy – Invaders Must Die

Rhythm Heritage – Blockbuster

The Soul Searcher – We The People Side B

Sam & Dave – Hold On, I’m Comin’

Nas – Made You Look

Jimmy Castor Bunch – It’s Just Begun

LL Cool J – Mama Said Knock You Out

Fusik – Fusik For The B-boys

The New Mastersounds – Bondo Sama

Rhythm Heritage – Theme from S.W.A.T.

Redman – Time 4 Sum Aksion

Cookin’ on 3 Burners – Tokyo Saucer

Run DMC – It’s Tricky

Black Grass – Queztalcoatl Returns

Spanky Wilson – Sunshine of Your Love

Jun Mayuzumi – Black Room

George Benson – Water Brother

Rufus Thomas – Itch and Scratch

Can – Vitamin C

RJD2 – 1976

The Roots – Here I Come (ft. Dice Raw)

Mark Ronson – God Put A Smile On Your Face (ft. the Daptone Horns)

Lords of the Underground – Chief Rocka

Smoove – I’m a Man

Fusik – Funktana

Gary’s Gang – Do It at the Disco

Nas – Hip Hop is Dead

Alice Russell – All Over Now

Mountain Mocha Killimanjaro – Yellow Soul Force

J-Walk – Soul Vibration

Gwen McRae – All This Love That I’m Giving

Harvey Averne Barrio Band – Cucaraca Macara

Ashley MacIsaac – Sleepy Maggie

Hawkeye – Still Jivin’

Jackson Sisters – I Believe in Miracles

Naughty by Nature – Hip Hop Hooray

Brian Auger & Julie Driscoll – Let the Sunshine

DJ Premier – Classic (ft. Rakim, KRS-One, Nas, Kanye West)

Gang Starr – Full Clip

Big Boss Man – Kelvin Stardust

Chuck Brown and the Soul Searchers – Bustin’ Loose

James Brown – Give It Up or Turn It Loose

Coke Escovedo – I Wouldn’t Change a Thing

After listening to the entire treasure trove above, I’m sure you have a greater appreciation of music in bboying. Obviously 1 listening session isn’t going to dramatically change the way you approach music, but these bboy tracks are to be enjoyed over and over. Because good music speaks to people without becoming stale; it’s timeless.

Listening to music is just one half of how you engage with the dance that is breaking. How you interpret the mood, how much fire or energy you put into your steps… All of these take guidance and training; it’s a tedious process that you’ll learn to love.

By the way, you can even play the above list of bboy tracks at your next practice or house party! I created a playlist of all 157 songs just for your next practice, so check it out by clicking this little link filled with bboy tracks.

Have I missed out any of the classic beats? Share it below in the comments section!

Just remember your priorities… It’s music then dance.

P.S. In case you haven’t already noticed, the man at the beginning of the story was also known as Kool Herc, one of the pioneer DJs to cut the breaks and develop music in hip-hop.