is it weird that my url says 80sphase even though i think my favorite era of iron maiden is 2000′s+?

Some first TTPD thoughts now that I’ve listened a few times and processed a bit:

- My fears of an album made mid tour coming off as rushed have been somewhat confirmed, there is a reason most artists don’t produce albums during an active tour. Taylor’s best written songs were made during the pandemic when she had to slow down, and it benefitted from a ton of collabs. That level of quality simply can’t be reached during a huge tour like this with her insane schedule.

-Lyrically, so much of this hits close to home as a woman around her age. As a 92 millennial, her albums are often released in perfect timing with a relevant chapter of my own life because she is about 2 years older than me, so when she releases an album expressing her feelings from 2 years prior it ends up being just in time for me, this album is no exception. Sentiments of being in a relationship with men who refuse therapy, trying to appease them, waiting for marriage or babies, that intuitive feeling of time running out: this was written for millennial women.

-That being said a poem is not a song, converting poetry to music that translates the original meaning isn’t easy, and it feels like she handed a book of completed poems and random verses to jack and asked him to produce music for it quickly. In songs where the lyrics are really strong it’s often overshadowed by repetitive music that doesn’t match the personality or the intricacy of the writing style. Some of the songs are actually more enjoyable to read as poetry which is what we’re all doing with lyrics we’re sharing and analyzing.

-Some of the lyrics feel rushed too, you can hear in songs like down bad that she meant what she said and it was raw and real and fully expressed from her insides, but then songs like alchemy are reciting a cringey conversation and it’s not even poetic, it just feels like filler in some spots

-the vibe is telling me she rushed this on purpose because she needs public closure of this chapter to start something new sooner than later, whether that’s career wise, family wise, or both

I’m not saying I don’t like it because I very much do, but I’m enjoying this album moreso as poetry with a little bit of background music, whereas albums like folklore felt whole with lyrics and music that complimented one another and translated the message more clearly. Overall though, I actually just wish she waited another year to release this so it could have been reworked one more time through and come out fully cooked. Folklore and evermore is some of her best work because of the world making us all pause and slow down, she was able to put her soul into the details, which is just impossible to do while also performing a massive production tour. It’s not a bad album but it could have been better and feels like a draft at times for me. That being said, the underlying tone of a chapter ending is not only emotional for me as a fan, but as a 32 year old woman who relates to this vague theme of transition wholeheartedly.

do you think the labels and such are actually pushing awsten to create another set of songs for the new album this fast or do you think hes actually taking his time and has some several ideas already? tbh isnt that what fbr is almost known for (maybe even mddn as management from what i recall?)

do you think if this is moreso forced than not the result will be low effort enough to backfire? mind you even this era cycle before the release he mentioned “yeah tbh im really not like Eager to release something new so fast because of xyz”

i think awsten really just has too many ideas for his own good tbh i really don't think many artists on fbr or mddn (or just. in general) have this sort of obsessive nature with work that there's this many releases in between a relatively short span of time for each album cycle

like airplane convos and black light both have a decent amount of time in between them mostly because of the amount of time it would have to take for them to fund and get everyone together from their normal jobs to record, but once they got signed in general they started releasing things very quickly. i mean cluster and double dare were released in the same goddamn year and they only came up on a year for releasing double dare once they started the cycle for entertainment.

i feel like even though awsten is always working and having ideas for the future, he partially pushes these new releases so soon because he's scared of becoming irrelevant if they're not in your face all the time and has a bad habit of ignoring the past instead of truly evolving and acknowledging it. maybe some part of him being the only one in la while the rest of his band is still back home in houston and not being able to do much with them in general outside of work anyways.

but going back to what you said, i don't think awsten is capable of releasing something that is low effort as stupid as the results may be because he thinks of all the elements and sounds meticulously (he's a perfectionist with varied results tbh). he really just has too many ideas not to get released but i think he's starting to get burnt out by the music industry as a whole, whatever the fuck la has, and the young fanbase he has that he's growing more and more distant from as he gets older - iz

hello! happy to be here as kang siyoung / sienna, angelic’s main rapper & dancer and a soloist in her own right. i was here before at famed as san, kami, xi and etc! i’m also bringing san and will be posting his intro as well! below the cut you’ll find links, some facts and a few idea bunnies! 

Profile / About / Career / Plots / Open Claims  ( i’ll be working on adding variety and extra things but right now it’s focused on music / choreo related things. not listed but also applies if you wanted a role in mv or directed one.  if people want to back-date working with her or if you’re thinking of bringing a new muse and want to add things to their career.) 

facts:

kang siyoung or sienna. sienna is her english name and she since used it as her stage name 

adopted at two years old by parents who’s relationship quickly went south. both still support her but their focus is moreso on their new families respectively. 

got into everlast and debuted in angelic as the groups youngest member, main rapper and dancer 

got into a bit of trouble in high-school because she went out of her way to take the boyfriend of a girl she thought was a bitch and bully. #noregrets 

started to work on the group’s sound in 2015. she since then she’s worked on every comeback in someway including, song-writing / producing, choreography, styling. she’s also done this for other groups canon groups in the rp as well as it being one of her main focuses of income for smaller npc groups in the universe 

random but she’s not good at variety, during promotions one or two shows that are in a group setting though, she does have a love for crime scene 

performances at underground clubs / small festivals and mainly college festivals, her biggest festival performance was this year at waterbomb 

her youtube channel has her personal videos, music videos, dance videos and etc. one stop shop 

is a perfectionist work-a-holic 

trying to work on not being so cold and deadpanned 

is a good artist and likes to go on live and sketch sometimes 

comes off a tad cold and honestly, she likes it that way but is less formal once you get to know her, unformal if they’re friends 

does NOT have a chip on her shoulder when it comes to family and how she feels about hers.

no chip

nope not a one

loves anything horror. listens to the true crime podcast, scream posters, watches the wailing like it’s a romantic comedy 

as a unique relationship with her fans as she’s always had boundaries. has a strict relationship with them in what she shares and how. 

was the sexy-cutie in her group and it fit her well. that being said, her solo popularity didn’t carry over to solo work. often dismissed for her looks but the bigger issue was that the concept didn’t work with her. she has seen a rise since curving out a concept for herself with culture creative. that being said, her reputation is fairly high. known by staff and idols as a hard-working. (still goes around to pass out her album) though people might not know her, they don’t hear bad about her. and then her fandom is pretty good all things considered, she has slightly above average sales for a soloist but a lot of her engagement comes from social media, her connections and etc. 

ideas: (copied from my plot page bc #lazy) 

family relation! she would be the oldest sibling on all sides, unless she step-siblings were older but any half-siblings would most likely be younger! including her birth siblings that she knows about but don’t know about her 

i have to check to see if she has any over-lapping credits, but any connections from them working on something together as creators or an artist or group she did work for!

a little gc of song-writer / producers and they send each other little audio snippets and be amazing together 

one or two ex’s, bc home girl did focus on her career more than her relationships, she also blew threw some people, thinking they were on the same page (they weren’t) 

the one that did break her heart (or will?)

that nice core group of 3-4 friends 

the one bff that you can’t replace

possible enemy? 

someone who catches her resting bitch face and now there is a problem 

featuring on her youtube channel? 

planning to release music together 

some friends or peeps from high school? 

related to the above fact, if your muse was a mean girl or mean girl ish in high school or the boyfriend that she stole and then dropped shortly after 

dancing related friends

stylist related friends 

art friends 

like this and i’ll come to you or if you see something that checks out, lemme know! 

Yes, let’s change the topic! If you had to pick one song each from midnights to go on a different album, how would you assign them?

oh, i love this, this is a fun mental exercise! i'm not sure if you meant go through the entire tracklist, but i wanted to lmao. and you know, i noticed while putting this together that the honest taylor expresses in these tracks is hard to fit into her career prior to 2016. she's older, more mature (midnight rain), more reflective (anti-hero), and i think also feels safer to explore some of these topics (like high infidelity.) and that makes it hard to imagine some of these tracks on, say, debut or fearless.

lavender haze - lover (for the ultraviolet morning light below vibes, or perhaps folklore for the purple-pink skies)

maroon - reputation

anti-hero - reputation (although, arguably, this song couldn't have appeared any earlier in her discography just due to how the subject matter was handled)

snow on the beach - lover (although i think its enchanting, fairytale-esque sound would be totally suitable on speak now)

you're on your own, kid - honestly, none, it belongs only on midnights

midnight rain - 1989 or red (i think this would have been fitting and thought-provoking on either, although it would have been completely misinterpreted for years had it shown up on 1989 without any extra explanation. this could've been a triplet to the lucky one or nothing new)

question...? - 1989 feels too easy 😏 so alternatively, red, even though the timeline wouldn't have made any damn sense

vigilante shit - reputation, duh

bejeweled - REPUTATION!!!!!!!!

labyrinth - evermore, because it gives me gold rush vibes

karma - speak now 😏😏😏 better than revenge's older sister who'se gone through hell and back

sweet nothing - folklore, although i do think it's interesting that this song shares a lot of thematic similarities to songs on folklore, but is much sweeter and content

mastermind - evermore

the great war - oof. folklore.

bigger than the whole sky - speak now, although i feel like this track could fit in in any of taylor's discography, because it has this heartbreaking tenderness that i feel she's always excelled at.

paris - lover, and that's a compliment

high infidelity - reputation makes most sense, but i feel like this would be a fantastic addition to 1989 sonically and thematically

glitch - reputation (it gives me so it goes vibes, moreso than closure, although i think evermore would also be a fine choice)

would've could've should've - folklore

dear reader - evermore

it's friday! i hope your week went well :) what's your #1 favorite twenty one pilots song and why? - 🪴

I honestly have no idea what my favourite song is... it was hard enough to pick my top five for the form! I like all of the songs they’ve made for different reasons, but I tend to gravitate to older songs because they tend to be more emotionally raw and straightforward with their messages. Don’t get me wrong, I love the lore and theories (also all of SAI is really compelling from the lore perspective, the framing of things through the narrative DEMA wants to push while the author wants to actively resist and break away from what they teach is an absolutely fascinating concept) but if I’m going to listen to music in the background like I normally do I tend to listen to the genre that their older music fits into moreso than the lore albums.  If I had to pick one just off the top of my head, i would probably say be concerned. I’ve grown up in a very religious household and as i learned that not everything I’ve been taught as a little kid was true the song has taken on a really personal meaning. Also maybe it’s time to say goodbye because the opera song that was used in it tickled my brain in a really fun way when i first listened to it.  That was way longer than i expected it to be haha, but if you want an even longer ramble on general lore thoughts I’m always down for a good ol’ infodump

Fury

(12/16/22, 1k) I had some thoughts, feelings. I needed to get her out of my head. So I tried sending a message, ostensibly. I'm sure it didn't go through and she'll never see it, which is for the best. But I've been feeling different.

I feel hurt, angry. She fucking abandoned me, forced her way in and left me to rot. Didn't cut it off cleanly, ever. That's why I couldn't get over her. Earlier she lingered, and later didn't have the decency at least to tell me to fuck off. She strung me along. I'm done hating myself for not being able to figure out things that people won't explain to me. I'm done feeling guilty for every thought and feeling I have.

Directly: V, if "If you want me to" is what I think it's about then it's a sick fucking joke. I've long since blocked out whatever made me trust you so much, but I know friends don't fucking do that. You left me. I never wanted you to leave. You forced your way in, stayed just long enough to give me hope, and abandoned me. And you didn't just cut things off, you still.. something; I've blocked that out too. Later, you could have just told me at any point, to my face, to fuck off, and that would have been the end of it. But you kept talking without understanding, sharing without explaining. You left me hanging. It's taken sixteen years to get you out of my head. So, from the bottom of my cold black heart, you're a piece of shit.

I know I could have engaged more, I was afraid of hurting your feelings. Same as you apparently. But people find that condescending. I can't even ask basic questions without people taking offense. You want some actual feedback? Firstly, the mix is bad. On the EP it was fucking ass, but on the album it still sounds flat. It gets muddy in places, I think that's due to the frequencies of the various instruments blending together. Like, every instrument has a bunch of overtones, and then with the bass part you need to edit out everything that encroaches into the range of the guitar. That sort of thing. But in a lot of places I just can't make out what you're saying. None of the background vocals are comprehensible, same with that one song with an effect over your voice. Your dynamics have clearly improved but aren't great. You largely seem to just sit in the same range with the same intensity. And your impulses(?) are very short; the phrases don't flow well at all. An aside, on the EP your dynamics were virtually non-existent, lots of just singing the note. And I'm confused, because I'm pretty sure Mrs. K taught us better than that. Did you forget what you know just because it's a different instrument? Anyway. I recall on the older version the rest of the band was not up to par with you. So it seems like on the newer version either they were replaced or they got a lot better. But it sounds like the former. The songs do not sound consistent and in particular there's this one bassline that was clearly written by someone different. You write your melodies intuitively, right? Kinda sings what sounds good? It sounds like it, most of them are pretty same-y and again, you tend to sit in same range. The melody doesn't seem to be saying anything, generally. Like, if you cut out the words or gave the part to a viola or something, would it still be getting the message across? And your lyrics, or moreso your syllables, sound both stilted or way too drawn out in various parts. My impression is that you write the lyrics and melody in parallel and then try to stretch the former over the latter. I know words and rhythm don't get along and that that's an inherent compromise, and there's no one right answer. But the way you've chosen seem to be the worst way of doing it. Like, you could go all in starting with poetry like Poets of the Fall, and that sounds stilted to me but ya' know, some people like that. And you can go full Maynard and start with the music, put the rhythm on top, and only add the words at the end. And that sounds fucking lovely but it's also kinda hard to follow. So, great for a mood but not so great at conveying a message. And of course it seems like most people do something in between. But what you've done seems to have the worst qualities of both extremes while also being inconsistent. And the words themselves, since styles vary there's not much meaningful to say about it. But on Plead, surely you can be more creative than that. It doesn't seem like your heart's actually in it, that doesn't sound like hate.

And more personally, I was shocked at how closely Plead matched my own self-loathing. Really, it was surreal hearing the 'breathe my air' line. Except, you've never seem me raveled in the first place. That was the thing you found so offensive and pathetic and annoying. "Want to be ashamed" is straight up horseshit; one of those thing people just make up about others. And clearly you don't understand that the fairy tale cuts both ways. That's one of the pieces I remember, you just took it as me never understanding you. "I guess you're right" I think you said. I do appreciate the unintentional "they" however. And you have your timeline backwards with "comes back to you".

Although, I don't think I can blame adolescents for failing to communicate. And I know people just aren't capable of actually understanding. I don't see the point in holding a grudge over what someone is. It's not like they can do any better.

Day 30:  #mayvinylchallenge :  90s Day!  Album From 30 Years Ago 30 years ago I was a very different person.  In 1992, I was primarily a CD convert.  The excitement of said product for me was insane.  You mean this little silver thing has music on it and it gets played with a friggin' LASER!?!?  Sign me up! Needless to say there was little vinyl coming into the home at the time.  And even later when I started to acquire old favorites, I was (and still am) slow to getting things from this era.  However, my mind flashed back to my older brother bopping in with a record in that era that I still have.  Thus, this is the choice: 🔺️ Jodeci - Come And Talk To Me (12" Single) [1992] The 4th single from their debut album "Forever My Lady", "Come and Talk To Me" was a number one R&B hit, going Gold.  Written and produced by Al B. Sure! and Jodeci member DeVante Swing, the original song is an early 90s mid-tempo jam, laden with powerful drum machine hits and digital keyboards galore. However, the magic for me truly lies within the Radio and Hip Hop Remixes of the track, produced by Sean "Puffy" Combs.  Incorporating the "Impeach The President" drum break, a rap by Fat Doug and a woman moaning passionately, the remix was a total vibe, one which got played in my house moreso than the original. Shout out to McGiggles for finding the top I am wearing.  It is my hoodie...but I haven't worn it in over 20 years.  Lawd... Today's theme, brought to you by:  @alexwaxfinder Vinyl Challenge Conduit:  @jennn_erator 📷 :  @rosemcgiggles Album pics:  Wolvy Robinson #vinylcommunity #vinylchallenge #vinyllust #vinyllife #vinyl #vinylcollector #records #wreckastow #mayvinylchallenge #90sday #jodeci #comeandtalktome #albsure #devanteswing #kcandjojo #mrdalvin #fatdoug #seanpuffycombs #dopeness #chrislebrane https://www.instagram.com/p/CeMl_k4PlZX/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

somehow made it through february with all of its ups and downs, and so we’re here with another rec list! i didn’t consume as nearly as much media as i did in january because the semester is now in swing for me, but here’s the stuff i did manage to watch/listen to/read!

kdrama: 

all about my romance 

you know, i’m not the biggest fan of shows about politics, but . . . maybe i just kinda wanted to watch a fluffy rom-com and not think about much else, and so i watched all about my romance, which . . . tbh, isn’t exactly the best in rom-com genre, but shin ha kyun playing a fool in love with the idealistic and passionate representative no min young (lee min jung) was pretty cute. basically, this show is about two different politicians in different parties--kim soo young (shin ha kyun) being in what i think is meant to be the more conservative party, no min young being on the more liberal party. what’s interesting though is that kim soo young apparently used to be on the liberal party too before switching sides. of course, you wouldn’t think that these two would ever fall in love, but after some rather funny events, rep. kim falls in love with rep. no, and together, they do their best to keep a secret relationship while also pretending to be enemies in public. 

again, it’s probably not my favorite kdrama in the world, but it had its cute moments! not really sure if i would watch this again, but you know . . . shin ha kyun looked really good in this drama, so maybe watch it for that?

tv:

midnight mass 

even though i was spoiled for a good chunk of this show, i was still incredibly impressed with this story. mike flanagan truly knows how to combine horror with love (or maybe horror was always about love), and he’s really now my favorite director/creator because whoo boy-- 

but anyways, for those who somehow don’t know, this show is about a really sleepy, kinda downtrodden island town. and then the new priest comes to the town’s church: father paul (hamish linklater), who’s charismatic + influential and may or may not have his own agenda with the whole place. i don’t really want to spoil this show a whole ton, but it’s incredibly . . . powerful. granted, it’s very monologue-y (moreso than other of flanagan’s works), but given the atmosphere + the themes of the show, i feel like that was all warranted. it’s only 7 episodes, so it’s a pretty quick watch. it’s also not exactly . . . hm, even though it’s horror, there weren’t any jumpscares. i think this might actually be a good “horror” show for those who don’t really like horror--or it might be a good entrypoint into the genre. (lots of blood, maybe like one or two jump scares, so very few in comparison to other horror shows/works . . . and really, of course, rather beautiful. the last shot will always haunt me.)

movies:

i am easy to find 

this is an interesting short film--24 minutes long and unique in that it really is a very long music video of this album. i don’t really know how to describe it, except this is one of those short films where nothing happens but also everything happens. it’s just one woman living her whole life, from birth till death, and it really is something that made my head spin a little bit, because what is a life anyways? what makes a life? not surprised that this was directed by mike mills, the same man who directed one of my favorite movies of all time, beginners (2010), because these two pieces of his work are definitely in conversation with each other. (life, but now composed of so many little moments.) i don’t have much else to say except i think i’ll appreciate this short film more when i’m older, but right now, it was a quiet watch for when my brain was tired.

the present

this is a 40 minute samsung ad, but you know what? i’m not going to complain, because the whole cast was so cute, and i witnessed shin ha kyun being literally the cutest, and it was a funny feel-good short film that made me make a lot of “awww” sounds, so that’s all that matters. 

basically, this short film  is about a pair of young up-and-coming entrepreneurs oh ha neul (kim jun myon) and bo ra (kim seul gi), whose lives are temporarily interrupted by the sudden appearance of a man out of time (shin ha kyun). there’s not much more to it than that, but this short film was so cute, and it was def. made with the goal to encourage young entrepreneurs, and it made me so :’))

gerald’s game

. . . so this was a movie. that i watched. tbh, i was kinda watching it pretty fast and looking away from the most gruesome scenes (because there are gruesome scenes), so idk if i really watched the movie so much as just winced through it, but still, i think i appreciate this movie for how it so cleverly dug into dealing with trauma. also, it’s worth noting that gerald’s game, the novel by stephen king, was thought to be the book that couldn’t be adapted into a movie (easy to see why: very little change in scenery, very few characters, etc), but mike flanagan + carla gugino + bruce greenwood delivered. 

i kinda wish i liked this movie a bit more, bc it was clever, but also it made me so squeamish. basically, it’s about a married couple that go up to their lake house as a holiday (ie. fix their marriage). gerald (bruce greenwood), the husband, has a heart attack after chaining jessie (carla gugino) to the bed bc of a sex game . . . and so jessie’s stuck there with her dead husband and slowly goes mad bc . . . y’know, dehydration. also trauma. because of those super serious themes, major trigger warnings bc there’s quite . . . a lot of unsettling stuff here (gore, child molestation, etc). 

that said, i do appreciate the intense character-heavy focus on what trauma can do to a person, but also, there were some parts that i didn’t like. (specifically the weird serial killer subplot. because there’s a serial killer subplot and it doesn’t really do anything to the plot and i kinda wish it wasn’t there. but y’know, okay. i get it. also, this movie made me hate dogs. i didn’t think that was possible, but this movie really made me hate dogs.) so . . . idk, carla gugino + bruce greenwood are fantastic, and mike flagan’s fantastic in really depicting this story, but also, there’s . . . so many squicky things / elements to this story so i honestly wouldn’t watch it again, but i guess ? if you’re interested in flagan’s other stuff, then ? have fun ? (but also maybe be sure that uh . . . you don’t have anything in your stomach beforehand.)

spencer

i watched this movie on a really cloudy day, which i think was appropriate. it was just really . . . slow-moving and kind of chilling (it’s always cold) in the first 3/4 of the film, but i think it’s appropriate. this film is basically about princess diana (played by kristen stewart) and her christmas weekend, presumably the one that kind of defined for her to divorce prince charles. 

okay, so for starters . . . i didn’t really think i’d like this movie at first, in part because the beginning is pretty slow, but as i kept watching, i just found myself getting very slowly sucked in. there are some really amazing scenes in this movie (god . . . i can’t talk about them normally), and more than anything though, i just felt very sad about princess diana. that said, a really beautifully made film. the music and the writing and kristen stewart . . . everything just slowly comes together in this really phenomenal way, and when i tell you there are some excellent scenes in this movie--there are some genuinely excellent scenes in this movie (god, the dining room scene . . . the pearls . . . that whole sequence might have driven me insane). 

minari 

there are very few movies that genuinely makes me feel like a whole person, but minari made me feel like a whole person. something that was just so beautifully made and done with so much honesty and love and also made me feel like . . . a person. which is to say, korean-american. which is to say, there are very few american movies with korean american characters that actually makes me feel real (instead of a caricature or a stereotype). it’s not surprising that minari is one of those films, seeing that it’s made by lee isaac chung, himself being korean-american growing up in arkansas. 

god, i can’t talk about this movie without getting insanely personal, but basically: this movie is about a korean-american family moving out to arkansas to start a farm growing korean vegetables and fruits. the father, jacob (steven yeun), is optimistic, ready to start this new life. his wife monica (han ye ri (my BELOVED)) is much more anxious about this chapter, while their children anne (noel cho) and david (alan kim) take in this new environment like any other korean-american kid. (partial bewilderment, partial excitement, but also concern about their parents’ straining relationship in the face of this sudden shift in their lives.) in an effort to make this transition easier, monica’s mother (youn yuh jung) moves in, and the story really starts from there. 

everything about this movie is just excellent. the acting is amazing, the camerawork and the music is stellar, and the way this is very much a film about the korean-american experience is just . . . well, to be said simply, i’ve never seen a film that’s really got at the heart of being korean-american besides this one. i kind of can’t talk normally about this film because i’ll just get overwhelmed and lie down, but even if you’re not korean-american, i highly recommend this film, just because i think in general, it’s one of those insanely wonderful films that i think everyone and anyone should watch. it’s about a family, it’s about new beginnings, it’s about the hardship of new beginnings, it’s about dreams and failed dreams, it’s about a desire to have a better life, it’s about starting over and over again despite it all, it’s about what you do when you need to start over again . . . god. what a beautiful film.

the secret life of walter mitty 

i watched this movie for the first time in theaters when it came out. i was probably 12, maybe 13 years old, and back then, i didn’t really understand the entirety of the movie. i just thought that the music was cool, and i liked the settings, but that was about it. then i rewatched it when i was 13, 14 in a hotel room, and i remember i was sick that day, and i was feeling really alone, but i found myself falling in love a little more with this movie. 

i watched it again, now at 22, and i discovered that i couldn’t really move after the film, just because i felt really. emotional. basically, for those who don’t know, this movie is about this kinda ordinary guy named walter mitty (ben stiller). he seems to zone out every now and then, fantasizing all these dramatic and cool moments in his mundane life. then something happens at work, which leads him down this wild goose chase to find a guy that he’s been working with for the last 16 years. this goose chase leads him to all sorts of places: greenland, iceland, afghanistan . . . and yet while this film is very much about being brave and doing something stupid and impulsive, it’s also very much about finding something beautiful even in the quieter moments of your life. or like. what makes a life a life. 

music:

laurel hell by mitski

god. how do i describe how this album makes me feel? i was writing my first paper of the semester (my first paper of the last semester undergrad, no less) when this album came out, and i just kind of felt myself get swept away. as always, mitski really is this poetic force. her sounds and her lyrics are just so interesting to me in that all her songs are so short, but i still feel so full after listening to them, which i think is the sign of really good songwriting. jarring, cutting straight to the bone and yet able to fit so many complex emotions . . . god, that’s mitski. anyways. my favorite tracks are love me more and i guess, both of which absolutely wrecked me. also there’s nothing left for you. i cried a lot listening to there’s nothing left for you. and i guess. and love me more. just something about burn out, something about feeling like everyone’s moving on, and you’re moving on too, but kind of in this tired way. something about feeling thankful but also a bit sad because there’s some chapter ending or your life’s moving in a direction that you’ve predicted for a while now, but it’s finally becoming a reality and you don’t know what to do with all these feelings. 

even if things fall apart by lee seung yoon 

so, i knew lee seung yoon first from his fantastic song we are on the law school ost, and then the touching the giving tree from the our beloved summer ost, but when i came back home for break this month, my mom showed me a bunch of lee seung yoon’s videos from his time as a jtbc show contestant, where he made his big hit. my mom really loved his story (33 years old, singing not inside cafes, but outside them because cafes didn’t accept him . . . going on this show as one last attempt on his singing before finally calling it quits on his dream), and i found myself so pleasantly surprised by his voice and my personal connection to him as an artist (i was like “EOMMA I WAS APPARENTLY ALREADY LISTENING TO HIM?”). he’s so incredibly versatile, and this album of his really shows that. there’s something so . . . satisfying about his voice, and he’s able to touch different styles so well. he can do the teasing growl, the soulful mellow thingie (besties. ... i’m not a singer idk) . . . his songs are so sweepingly optimistic and soft and bright, despite his own hardships, and i think i would rather like to hear his music forever. a true gem. even if you don’t understand korean, i recommend giving his stuff a listen, especially his title song even if things fall apart. 

sleep well beast by the national

you know, i was familiar with some of the national’s songs, but i got properly into them this month, maybe because i watched i am easy to find (and they did the soundtrack for that short film). i was already familiar with some of the songs from sleep well beast, but i gave the whole album a real listen and just quietly fell in love with them. the national is just one of those bands where the lyrics and sounds weave into this really long, really beautiful poem, and i just found myself getting really lost in the music. there were lots of cloudy days this month, so i found myself sometimes just waking up and listening to them for hours during those days and nights. my favorite tracks include nobody else will be there and guilty party.

books: (because oh my god, i actually read a book this month? thank goodness, because i missed reading) 

this is how you lose the time war by amal el-mohtar and max gladstone 

i think someone reviewed this book as just poetry disguised as genre fiction, because that is exactly how i can describe this book. poetry, but disguised as genre fiction. something to do with a war in time and space. two different people, presumably women, who are apparently the best of the best and writing letters to one another from different sides of the war. 

i don’t really know how else to describe this book other than insane. but a brilliant, exciting insane. i am reading the letters between lovers, and what’s weird is that i think a lot of these kinds of books (the epistolary novel) can get boring rather quickly--or they can attempt to stuff in some kind of plot, although it doesn’t always work (at least not for me). 

but this book really gets away with it in that in these letters themselves, there’s not so much plot as there is just really witty, really lovely banter but also, somehow, miraculously, you can tell these characters are growing fonder and fonder for each other. their letters to one another are snappy, quick to the bone--and then you’ll read a line that’ll just make you sink and hold your breath because ah, that’s what it means to be truly in love with someone. and i dunno--i suppose i truly am a hopeless romantic, because i am and always will always find something so lovely and endearing about falling in love with someone’s voice before actually hearing it first. 

i don’t really have much more to say about this book other than that if you really want to read a book that’s relatively short (and this book is really short--only 200 pages!) and just full of incredibly lyrical writing, then i highly recommend this book. 

🎵🌼💫🔥 for Agliata and Lila <3

hii rosa thank u <333

🎵 - What are 3 songs you associate with them?

Agliata- Endlessly by Mercury Rev, Here He Comes by Brian Eno, and On Some Faraway Beach also by Brian Eno. A lot of the Deserters Songs album by Mercury Rev fits them well and was a lot of what I listened to when I was making them!

Lila- To very much contrast the sadder songs for Agliata, I do associate some goofier songs w Lila. Would You Like to Take a Walk (esp the Annette Hanshaw cover), Daddy Won't You Please Come Home (didn't fully promise the non sad songs <3 but i rly rly associate Annette Hanshaw's covers with Lila) and Pistol Packin' Mama (again w how like older songs are with a million covers, I really associate the Andrews Sisters/Bing Crosby ver w Lila). Not related but I will always take the opportunity to say that the goofy and fun songs from this time period are so so fun to work with character playlist wise.

🌼 - What is their voice like?

Agliata- It definitely depends on who they're with, if they're around people that they don't know/don't care to know, they keep their voice relatively monotone and flat. If it's around people they trust, their voice is a lot less monotone and changes pitch if they get excited (as well as talking quicker). I'd say in terms of musicians, it's closest to Fiona Apple?

Lila- I think her voice is somewhat low? I feel somewhat close to Sophie Tucker (20's musician) is about the closest that I can think of. I don't think her voice changes volume a lot, she's used to keeping her voice at a relatively normal volume, maybe a bit louder than a conversational volume. She doesn't talk very fast, normally being rather leisurely with how fast she says things.

💫 - What would a stranger's first impression of them be?

Agliata- Agliata is really closed off but polite around new people, so unless they happened to meet a stranger when out with people that they felt comfortable with, it would probably be a situation where the person just thought they were well behaved and kind enough. The RBF does not help in any positive impressions, but they just don't particularly enjoy talking with a ton of strangers, so probably don't entirely leave a super lasting impression.

Lila- Lila is a very very cheerful person and very friendly so I can definitely see anyone meeting her getting a really positive impression. She's really sweet so she makes friends easily, and I can't really think of a situation where she wouldn't leave a positive impression on a stranger!

🔥 - What makes them angry?

Agliata- Xe isn't necessarily like the kind of person to get angry really easily, just kind of a violent person. A lot of stuff really just doesn't bother them, and if something does bother them, they just stab to solve their problems. I do however think that if they reflect on their past too much, it does make them angry, moreso at themselves than anything else. They really live with a lot of regrets about how things turned out and have a lot of buried deep down rage about it.

Lila- Honestly, there's quite a bit right now, but the biggest thing is definitely Leo dragging her to Italy, which does kind of stem from how she hates to be tied down. Being forced to be in this place she does NOT want to be in and having to live with someone that pretty much hates her is something that really really irritates her. Lila really is not the kind of person that likes to have things that necessarily tie her to a place, including a twin brother that is forcing her to stay there.

In Defense of Teenagers:

Ok so. There seems to be a general consensus that Teenagers doesn’t fit on the black parade or that it ruins the trajectory of the album or that the song order of bp needs to be changed to fit the b-sides and drop Teenagers, or it should have just been a single- basically any option other than its inclusion between Sleep and Disenchanted would have been better. now, i’m not here to tell anyone that they’re wrong- i just want to offer an alternative perspective because i truly believe Teenagers is right where it belongs and that its inclusion on that album is, in my opinion, completely necessary to the album’s narrative arc. I want to focus on the way Teenagers builds into the foundation of the Concept Record, the way it bridges the gap between Sleep and Disenchanted so as not to delegitimize Disenchanted’s impact, and the fact that no other available material fits into the struggle the Patient endures at the end of the narrative (sorry this got LONG here’s a read more)

So, before we get into the meat of Teenager’s narrative significance, i wanted to briefly mention the way it makes Black Parade a more cohesive whole in relation to the material it is mimicking. Like Black Parade as an album is structured very differently from Pink Floyd’s The Wall- but it takes a lot of the same beats and recontextualizes them for a new purpose. Both records use war and relationship troubles and school and drugs to create an atmosphere that leads to disillusionment. In The Wall, this is quite literally the protagonist, Pink, building up “bricks in the wall” that isolates him from the rest of society and lead to a downward spiral into cynicism and hate. But Black Parade uses the same tools that The Wall does to say something different- things, specifically the actions you've made or the trauma you've endured, haunts you and makes your life seem insignificant in the face of what happens to you and those regrets are what causes the Patient to fall into a cycle of damnation and cynicism. This is representative of the Patient's descent through the afterlife- each new "layer" of the Patient's exploration is equivalent to a brick in The Wall's metaphor. Additionally, in this new context, this song in particular takes The Wall’s discussions of adolescence and the vice-grip control older generations attempt to force on teens and the disillusionment with the future and retells it from a new perspective- both literally in the fact the song is now more reflective of the 2000s post-9/11 and post-columbine culture, but its also literally from the perspective of the Patient as an adult. Teenagers, as a result, becomes a necessary piece of that puzzle- it is the refraction of Another Brick in the Wall repurposed to mean something new entirely- it’s no longer about kids being forced into complacency by a cruel education system from their own perspective (the children’s choir allows them to speak for themselves) but about the ways in which adults see those kids and why they decide to enact actions similar to those within The Wall. I mean even the imagery used in the song’s music video is purposely almost plagiarizing The Wall- it feeds into a separate analysis of the video and song outside the narrative as well- which i don’t have time right now to get into, its just very interesting that the band is bodily removed from their instruments at the end of the video and the teenagers in the audience have rendered them incapacitated (“they’re looking for a rockstar to kill” anyone?) it's the metaphorical tearing down of the wall from a completely different perspective. Anyway, the work Teenagers does for the narrative is it fits the album into the Concept Record Cinematic Universe- it is a piece that evokes the material it is influenced by to build off of the old to create the new- without it, the connections to The Wall would still be there, sure, but it wouldn’t be as complete- you cannot recontextualize the album without the foundation of Teenagers.

Teenagers is also, at its core, a subtle subversion of genre- using the blueprint of a specific kind of song to center the song within the timeline/narrative. In this case, the same way I Don’t Love You mimics and exaggerates the emotive and plaintive 80s rock ballad, Teenagers twists the classic rock of a bygone era to specifically call back on the stadium rock anthem.  Black Parade, on the whole, does this quite frequently- most of its songs take pre-existing genre cues and subverts them in ways that play off of the expected tapestry of a concept record to create individual sounding songs that seamlessly transition into one another yet remain entirely separate. It maintains their presence as scenes in a larger tapestry- specifically the fabric of the Black Parade being a morality play. This serves two purposes, it allows for this exaggeration of genre to become a motif within the work (see mama, cancer, house of wolves, i don’t love you, wttbp -> they all play with a different, varied song type/structure that is distinct from each other) and it plays off of existing genre-stereotypes in ways that contribute to the songs overall function. I Don’t Love You, for example, undermines the fundamental purposes of sappy power ballads- to express one of the two dualities of love songs: the cheesy unconditional “i will love you forever” types or the plaintive, melancholic end-of-relationship song by instead focusing on the complexity of a not-quite-finished relationship. The ballad then shifts from an expression of love to one of human loss- and the loss is less about the individual speaking, but moreso about what the other character has become - it’s a mourning not for the relationship, but for the person themselves, who they used to be in a way. It shifts from the one-dimensional view of what a ballad can achieve and instead infuses the anger, the resignation, the drama, the transformation- it humanizes a very stock genre full of platitudes and uses our expectations to create something more interesting. Similarly, Teenagers takes a tired genre and utilizes the working mechanisms of its typical song structure to subvert and repurpose those into commentary- its literally a stadium rock song that devolves into a chant. Looking at the loud drumbeat that resonates in your chest, the all together now as a command that lures the listener into singing along, the addition of more chorus vocals at the end like a crowd is shouting along, the screaming and the solo on after another like the song is falling apart a little bit, all of these elements build into a song literally meant to be infectious and replicated by the audience. Herein lies one of the songs many interpretations- humans can be easily influenced by the media they consume, the perspectives they are fed. What happens when the view that we have of adolescence is cloaked in mistrust and violence? This aspect of the song is less about the band reconciling teenagers being moved to committing acts of violence and more in analyzing how an audience can be persuaded into believing the erroneous view of teens as fundamentally destructive- are you not repeating the chorus? do teenagers not “scare the shit out of you”? Obviously the band doesn’t want you to believe this but it does what you to think about why this perspective is so common. It's a cultural subliminal message that is present in songs and tv and books that we simply do not question- it is a chant we cannot help but join in on. Teenagers is a replication of that process, but is clearly just subversive enough (both as a piece of genre and just as a song in general terms) that the listener knows its commentary and not itself propagating that viewpoint. Every song on Black Parade does this kind of “genre-bending” to make a point in some way or another, so it's a significant reason Teenagers fits into the albums cohesion.

But,Teenagers isn’t just important to the album in its sound- it lyrically parallels Disenchanted in a way that effectively moves on from Sleep without losing the album’s emotional momentum. Sleep, conceptually and lyrically, is a very heavy track- its influence from the Dune soundtrack’s Final Dream turn a cinematic, swelling piece of instrumentation into an oppressive blanket of noise that bears down on the listener and the lyrics are referential to the patient believing themselves to be irredeemable and monstrous. It's also inspired directly from Gerard’s vivid and violent night terrors during his stay at the paramour- including a recording of Gerard’s recollection of those dreams, that mentions being choked, seeing loved ones die, burning alive, etc. To transition directly from such a dark, personal subject into a reflective acoustic number about the narrator’s adolescence would be tonally inappropriate and almost laughable- it would stop the progression in its tracks, while also doing a disservice to Disenchanted. Having a break is necessary! And it's even more appropriate for that break to be a song about teenagers considering Disenchanted is so nostalgic. Additionally, Teenagers brings up a really interesting narrative thread about the Patient becoming disenchanted with the youth that then directly transitions into a song about him losing faith in his values and sense of self- they are directly correlated conceptually. Looking deeper, Disenchanted is a punk song. sort of. more specifically, it is the foundation of a punk song that becomes a ballad through narrative framing- it takes punk cliches (running from the cops, the crowds, the imagery of guillotining traitorous rich celebrities) and turns them wistful and sad because the Patient is looking back at something they no longer understand or identify with, it allows the narrative to illustrate how the Patient feels like their life was worthless and didn’t amount to much and they’re just another stupid punk kid who grew up and didn’t achieve anything. and you can’t get to this point from Sleep because it would weaken Disenchanted’s impact, make it seem insignificant and petulant in the face of Sleep’s heavy and grand sorrow. Lyrically, you need Teenagers to bridge the gap between the war metaphors and the visualizations of hell and the all-encompassing nature of cancer in order to redirect the focus to the Patient and limit the scope of the narrative at the end of the album. Teenagers, within the story, then functions as the Patient reflecting on the nature of youth and, in the wake of Mama’s “we all go to hell” rhetoric, comes to the conclusion that teenagers are wholly violent, easily manipulated, and unsympathetic. It's another step in the Patient removing his own agency and viewing his life as predestined at the same time it allows the “plot” to focus back on the more nostalgic and mundane aspects of the patient’s life. Doing so makes Famous Last Words so much more significant because it forces the Patient to reconcile with his past before he can move forward (whether that's living or dying its still applicable). so, Teenagers is very important to the overall “plot” of Black Parade- it is fundamentally necessary for the pieces to fit together.

Another larger aspect of Teenagers' importance is that it introduces the fate versus free will internal debate central to the ending fourth of the record. The song lays the foundation for this thematic idea by being about the fated violence of the youth and how they cannot help but to respond to their world with anger and cruelty. This realization about adolescence by the Patient leads to him perceiving his own youth as destructive and worthless and in following the themes of guilt/regret and damnation it's this violence that began his path to hell or his current state of suffering.  In that vein, Teenagers leads into the idea that your life is predetermined or that there is a destiny that we all have (in the Patient’s case its the absence of a future, or “a lifelong wait for a hospital stay”) and no matter what, you cannot fight that. While Mama gives a blanket statement about how "we all go to hell", Disenchanted centers the Patient's specific destiny by saying his whole life has led up to his illness and, looking further, there is the implication that life before that was retrospectively pointless. So, as previously mentioned, Disenchanted begins, structurally and lyrically, as a punk song- this sort of expression of youthful existence that, in any other song or under another faster instrumentation, would fit on some basement demo from 1986. But it doesn't stay that way, instead it actively subverts the genre it's cliches are lifted from- thinking specifically about “we ran from the cops” and the “roar of the crowd” that is juxtaposed with the change in structure  or theme. Namely, punk songs (speaking generally here) aren’t wistful because there isn't really a sense of legacy in punk music. There's history yes, but most songs are about the immediacy of emotion, not existential questioning. The retrospective nature and the shift into a ballad structure are elements reflective of a change in the main character brought on by the disillusionment present in teenagers from a punk kid to a dying young man looking back on the banality of youth and the hypocrisy, the trauma and the lack of agency. It's so much easier to think that nothing matters and the perspective makes it so much easier to give up.

This build from Teenagers into Disenchanted regarding the Patient's fate allows Famous Last Words to become an even stronger end because it's in direct opposition to that perspective. Famous Last Words is a song that screams fuck fate and fuck the past- the only thing that matters is moving forward. The image of the Patient keeping on whether he’s walking into the afterlife or continuing to stay alive as long as possible becomes something difficult, something he had to fight to achieve - he had to struggle to find a new understanding. That he can't be "afraid to keep living" or "going home" and that these are concrete actions, a use of free will. And that free will is very specifically defiant. Regardless of how you view the Patient's end, he makes the conscious decision to accept the present and move forward. We are not fated to die alone, nor is life worthless. Black Parade proves that the opposite is true, that we must grow to accept the value of life, and it's so much stronger having the Patient actively reject nihilism and apathy. Ultimately, Teenagers introduces the main thread of the final songs and without it, those songs would be narrative incomplete.

So, Teenagers has a valued place on the album sonically and within the narrative whole, that much is clear. But another reason that the album order of Sleep, Teenagers and Disenchanted is important is that none of the other material written for the album comes close to filling its place. In this case, I am going to be specifically talking about the b-sides since the demos are incomplete and we have no idea what the final version would have sounded like (but I would contend they don’t fit either). Beginning with the easiest song to discard from the narrative- My Way Home Is Through You has its moments in the lyrics but it's completely out of place musically- plus the tone is a little too hopeful for this point in the album which does not gel with Disenchanted’s hopelessness. It's also incongruent with the album since Disenchanted is effective as the only “punk” song on a record that plays with and explores genre and having this come before it would ruin the previously mentioned motif of each of the songs being individual and unique in form. Also, it really adds nothing to the fate vs free will theme- meaning its placement would weaken the disenchanted/flw combo ending. Moving forward, Kill All Your Friends seems to fit, considering its cynicism and nostalgia, but the bridge (“you’ll never get me alive, you’ll never take me alive, do what it takes to survive and I'm still here") doesn’t fit the Patient’s slow decent into apathy at all and contradicts Disenchanted’s loss of faith in the idea of living- it's too hopeful and centers survival and resilience in a way that makes it an ineffective substitute for Teenagers as a bridge song. And finally, Heaven Help Us is too religiously centered- it would refocus the fate vs free will discussion in the context of god/angels when that isn’t a theme in the album up to this point (hell is the grounded point of the album- the protagonist has already accepted their fate by Mama- having a reconciliation with a lack of faith or the absence of God seems completely out of left field when its just not an established part of the narrative) Black Parade is actually one of the mcr albums with the least references to god/angels in the heavenly religious sense- more centered around the human struggle against determinism: the usage of damnation is Catholic inspired but divorced from the division of hell vs heaven and is instead about guilt and worthiness and agency. The presence of angels or god or any divinity would simply weaken the narrative by expanding the album's focus outside its own limitations. Also, the Patient isn't ever a martyred figure, if anything he is purposely pathetic. Including any comparison of the Patient to Christ ("give you all the nails you need") or a saint unravels the key feature of the Patient's character: that he is insignificant. His insignificance and his struggles with his past actions make him a character who must find the strength to live through the guilt and pain to prove that everyone is worthy of life. The overarching purpose of Black Parade is emphasizing that no matter what we've done and how dirty we feel, we can move forward and either accept our afterlife or we can find value in being alive. Because of this contradiction, Heaven Help Us destroys the central theme of the entire album if it is included. With all of this in mind, it seems to me that the b-sides are their own nebulous thing- they don’t tonally fit on Black Parade (though I do think they fit together and are interconnected thematically) but any of them would break the flow since they seem angrier and gritter in a way that is noticeably absent and would be at odds with from a lot of Parade’s resignation. They also just do not complete the narrative, they are simple not as good as Teenagers at bringing all the pieces together.

If I still haven’t convinced you, a bonus reason Teenagers is a valuable memeber of the Black Parade tracklist, Ray was the only one who believed in the song- he called it genius (x) so listen to mr chemical romance himself telling you the song is Good and Important :)

anyway now you should, at the very least respect teenagers based on a couple thematic ideas expressed here, if not also understand why it’s imperative to black parade as an album, as well as the narrative itself. <3

Wow, this latest BAT chapter made me emotional. When I got into Hypmic, I didn't expect it to be so dark; it's hard to imagine a series that talks about family issues, trauma, depression, etc. also has lyrics like, "GLUG GLUG GLUG GLUG GOOBY GOOBY GOO!" XD Thanks to everybody for your hard work! <3 I was wondering if you/the team are okay with the content? It never bothers you? Idk why I'm concerned haha but I don't want you to be stuck translating something that makes you uncomfy. Take care :)

Answers from the team members who were online at the time:

Ray: i was a little emotional shaken by [DH/BAT 5] tbh staring at jyushi crying and writing the awful stuff the characters were saying to him  was so [broken heart emoji]. i think w tsting the distance from what is on the content of the pages is a bit.. bc u have to be very cautious w what is being said whos saying it how theyre saying it etc 

Suwa: hifumi was spitting bars wdym. all i feel is rage whenever i see iyogis face i hate that bitch so much, but like? the content is ok lol you dont rlly feel anything after staring at the same page for 3 hours a day to try and fill in the screentones

Aura: I can't say it "bothers" me, but all the trauma causes damage to my mental health, like I had depression for two or three months after Fling Posse's before the 2nd rap battle album released But I'm totally ok with it since I love to see their bonds and friendship, I really enjoy the fact that they all found a family for themselves So I'll be ok 

Mora: me personally i think the content is poggers. i usually just clean and try to guess what's going on. sometimes i tell slug my interpretation of the chapter. [And they are the best interpretations - Slug]

Ren: It makes me sad to see a character go through that kind of manipulation and trauma but it doesn't bother me to work on it because as a cleaner it's my job. I'm pretty thick-skinned. 

Utsura: I think that the material is very good at invoking an emotional response when I'm in the moment, but I'm good at compartmentalizing the events in the material so it doesn't affect my mental health outside of when I'm directly engaged w the media. Like I have issues w listening to School of IKB & Stella bc they make me emotional, but i won't deny they are super good & i appreciate them. [Here Ray said, “ i think they mean how it affects us when ur directly working on it :0″] OH LMAO LIKE IK WHATS GOING ON WHEN I CLEAN. I'm usually too busy swearing at screentones to process. Even then, i look at the art on a very objective level, so I'm moreso analyzing how composition will illicit an emotional response & stuff.

Slug: Like Utsura says, I approach text more from an analytical standpoint than from anything else most of the time. It’s not like reading a book where I experience it passively - I’m actively thinking, “What is the purpose of this? What emotions are the characters feeling, and how does this text and this art combined create an emotional response in the reader? What can I do to create these emotional responses in English readers?” and so on. Because there’s that distraction factor, I’m not usually bothered by any of the content, even when some of the situations hit close to home. I remember that BB/MTC chapter 7′s war scene was uncomfortable to work on because it dragged painful memories up to the surface and put me back in an older mindset for a couple of days. But for the most part, that doesn’t happen. I’m very lucky that my few experiences with bullying didn’t affect me in the slightest, so none of the DH/BAT content is emotionally draining for me.

Thank you for your concern!

This week on Great Albums: we are FINALLY talking about the Pet Shop Boys! They’ve only been my favourite band since I was, like, eight. Whether you want to understand the hype or you’re already Team PSB, come check out this video and hear all about 1990′s Behaviour. (Or read the transcript, below the break.)

Welcome to Passionate Reply, and welcome to Great Albums! It’s time for me to finally do a video on one of my favourite bands of all time, and the very first band I obsessed over when I was a kid: the Pet Shop Boys! Their fourth LP, 1990’s Behaviour, is considered by many to be their best work, and it’s also one of my personal favourites of theirs, so it seems like a great place to start.

The preceding Pet Shop Boys LP, 1988’s Introspective, was their deepest dive into densely-arranged, nightclub-ready post-disco compositions. Nowadays, people tend to praise it for its more experimental and baroque qualities, but it’s also very much a party album, blending synth-pop with house and rave influences.

Music: “Domino Dancing”

At the cusp of the 1990s, there was certainly no shortage of interest in upbeat, rave-y party music, and the so-called “Madchester” scene was in full swing. But the Pet Shop Boys’ follow-up to Introspective would take their sound in a different direction. They went to Germany to work with Harold Faltermeyer, best known for his instrumental synth smash “Axel F.” There, surrounded by Faltermeyer’s collection of analogue synthesisers, they would create an album that was...well, kind of a downer.

Music: “Being Boring”

Behaviour’s opener, “Being Boring,” is a track whose reputation probably precedes it--it’s one of the best known Pet Shop Boys songs, and over the last thirty years, it’s become emblematic of its era. “Being Boring” is a stark and pensive reflection on the tragedy of the young lives lost to the AIDS epidemic, and the uncanny strangeness of getting older while knowing a lot of others didn’t have that luxury. But at the same time, there’s something surprisingly jubilant and triumphant about the way that chorus rises up, almost like exultation at having survived, even though the verses feel more downbeat. Lyrically, the focus on “having never been boring” puts focus on having lived a vibrant life moreso than it does the silence of the crypt. Behaviour might be a somber album, but it’s not without a sense of hope or optimism; just listen to the track “The End of the World.”

Music: “The End of the World”

While “Being Boring” deals with the very adult gravity of death, grief, and survivorship, “The End of the World” asks us to imagine the petty romantic squabblings of teenagers, and their magnified sense of importance. While its title is a bit ambiguous, the song itself is quite clear: what is going on here is, by no means, the end of the world! Like I said, Behaviour is far from all doom and gloom, though it has sort of gotten that reputation. While acclaim for Behaviour is certainly as common among hardcore Pet Shop Boys fans as it is anyone else, I’m tempted to think that some of the praise it receives from relative outsiders is connected to this perception of it as the “serious” Pet Shop Boys album, that deals with real issues instead of being packed with fun pop songs. While I like gloomy, serious music as much as anybody, and personally prefer it to the more light-hearted releases, there’s no reason to predicate appreciation for the Pet Shop Boys on their being cerebral or high-minded. But that seems to be a common plague of a lot of music criticism, particularly of that rockist sort. The track “How Can You Expect To Be Taken Seriously?” serves as its own sort of commentary on rock culture.

Music: “How Can You Expect To Be Taken Seriously?”

In “How Can You Expect To Be Taken Seriously?”, the titular question is posed to rock stars whose inflated egos make them think they have something meaningful to say about big issues like politics. The song’s rougher soundscape stands out against dreamier tracks like “Being Boring,” and perhaps kicks it slightly closer to sounding like a rock song. While I can certainly get behind a song that mocks rock and roll self-righteousness, it does seem a bit ironic in the context of Behaviour, an album that would see the Pet Shop Boys making a clear effort to tackle meaty, real-world issues. I suppose that any album released by artists who were already established in their career might be expected to include some consideration for the dilemmas that come with that territory. Another track that explores this theme is “My October Symphony.”

Music: “My October Symphony”

While never released as a single, “My October Symphony” is a popular track nonetheless. It was inspired by the life of the great Russian composer, Dmitri Shostakovich, and portrays the grave uncertainties presented to the artist by the collapse of Communism, and with it, the prevailing sense of mythology and moral values. Given the themes involved, many have interpreted it as a track that obliquely questions where famous queer artists like the Pet Shop Boys were going, in a world that had been devastated by AIDS. While it’s about a very different kind of musician, I certainly like to think it’s a track that “rhymes” with “How Can You Expect To Be Taken Seriously?”, in that it also questions the relationship between artists and the values of the society around them.

Behaviour’s cover art recalls that of the Pet Shop Boys’ 1986 debut, Please, with a strong emphasis on empty, white space, and a small design in the center. While the relationship of its four panels is ambiguous, it could be interpreted as a representation of death--as a face turns away, the human figures disappear, leaving the still, unchanged inanimate objects behind. As children, we quickly learn that not being able to see something doesn’t mean the thing is truly gone, but nevertheless, we sometimes have a tendency to ignore things we wish would go away. Perhaps the cover of Behaviour is an allusion to the way world governments buried their heads in the sand, so to speak, regarding the AIDS crisis, hoping it would conveniently die down and vanish when it wasn’t being observed.

The title of “Behaviour” is perhaps even more mysterious and up to interpretation than the cover. There’s something very detached and clinical about that word--an impersonal ambiance. I’m reminded of the seemingly unsympathetic narrators of several tracks, such as “The End of the World” and “How Can You Expect To Be Taken Seriously?”, that seem to cast judgment on the actions of others without taking an interest in their emotional internality. They discuss “behaviours” as cut and dry phenomena, and focus on the actions that people take. While neutrality can be cold and condemnatory, it can also be a welcome change when introduced to a subject traditionally treated with hostility. In that light, I’m tempted to think of the title as referring to homosexual “behaviour,” contextualizing sexuality as less of a fixed identity, and something that one intrinsically “is,” and more about an action, a decision, something that one “does”--a mentality that a lot of people find rather liberating.

In introducing Behaviour, I described it as an album that’s often considered the Pet Shop Boys’ best work. But their 1993 followup to it, Very, is also a strong contender for that title, in the hearts of many of their biggest fans. *Very* has a lot more in common with *Introspective* than it does Behaviour, going back to rich, dense productions and upbeat, poppy love songs. The fact that the Pet Shop Boys managed to pull off two very different, but both very acclaimed, releases back to back speaks volumes about why people love them as much as they do. Whether you like them or not, they’re undoubtedly one of those artists who some people can turn to in just about any mood, or any season of life, and that’s a powerful thing.

Music: “I Wouldn’t Normally Do This Kind of Thing”

My favourite track on Behaviour is its lead single, “So Hard.” It’s one of my all-time favourite Pet Shop Boys tracks, and almost certainly my favourite of their singles. With its wryly bitter narrative of two-timing lovers, and harsh, clattering analogue synthesiser soundscape, “So Hard” has a pretty different feel to the rest of the album--dark and ominous, without that wistful, sentimental aura. But that’s exactly why I like it. The Pet Shop Boys were among the first artists to deliberately adopt analogue synths for the subjective qualities of their sound, and this track employs them in a way that’s reminiscent of what artists tend to do with them nowadays. It’s punchy, with that clunky, mechanistic analogue quality to it. Not a typical Pet Shop Boys song, but a damn good one nonetheless! That’s all I’ve got for today, thanks for listening.

Outro: “So Hard”

Original Versions of Songs You Didn’t Know were Covers

Originally published for Geeks and Beats, August 2017.

https://www.geeksandbeats.com/2017/08/songs-didnt-know-covers/

I love a well-done cover song, and I especially love a well-done cover that deviates from the original. There’s something endlessly fascinating about how two different people can arrange such dramatically different interpretations of the same source material. What makes this especially fun is when you discover that a song you’ve been enjoying for years is itself a reinterpretation. Sometimes it even goes a step further, and a song that you knew as a cover turns out to be a cover of a cover. Researching this list became a much more involved “rabbit hole” than I ever anticipated, and I am delighted to share my findings with you. I’m confident that, like me, you’ll have more than a few “whoa, I didn’t know that!” moments. 

Bruce Springsteen – Blinded by the Light

When a WatchMojo video got me digging into this awhile back, this was the one that surprised me most. This is one of those songs that I feel like I’ve been aware of for as long as I’ve cared about music. So it was a bit of a shock to discover in my 40s that, not only is it a cover, but it was originally by The Boss. There are differences in the arrangement and the lyrics, but the Manfred Mann version is generally considered the definitive rendition. 

Tina Turner – Don’t Turn Around

While “Blinded by the Light” was the big surprise on my first dive into this topic, this next one blew me away even moreso. Ace of Base’s third most successful single was originally a Tina Turner song, the B-side of her 1986 single “Typical Male”. Bonnie Tyler, whose repertoire of covers is expansive and impressive, also did her own interpretation on 1988’s Hide Your Heart. 

I’ve Got My Mind Set On You – James Ray 

Time for a little history about “Weird Al” Yankovic. In 1988, Al released his album Even Worse. The title had two meanings. First of all, the lead single was “Fat”, a parody of Michael Jackson’s “Bad”, and the album cover was also a direct parody of Jackson’s Bad cover. In other words, since Jackson was declaring himself to be “Bad”, Al decided he was “Even Worse”. Second, all of the other parodies were of covers that had recently been hit singles, by Tiffany, Billy Idol, Los Lobos, and George Harrison.

The last one was the one that surprised me. Harrison’s most solid 80s hit was actually a cover. I owned 45s of the originals of all the others, but I had never heard James Ray’s original of “I’ve Got My Mind Set On You” (which Al turned into “(This Song’s Just) Six Words Long“). 

The Tide is High – The Paragons 

One of Blondie’s most distinctive qualities was, and still is, a blending of several sounds and moods. As such, this reggae ditty, which was their third #1 single on the Billboard Hot 100, didn’t raise many eyebrows. So, few at the time knew that it was a cover of a 1966 rocksteady song by The Paragons. Although, the fact that the gender-swap screwed up the rhyme scheme could have been a clue. 

Torn – Ednaswap 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9OoEdfB7l18

This one’s a little weird. Shortly after Natalie Imbruglia had her breakthrough hit with “Torn” in 1997, there was a short-lived minor controversy. Apparently, some people were upset when they found out that Imbruglia didn’t write the song. It was a cover of a 1995 song by a relatively unknown alternative act called Ednaswap. Nobody claimed had that she wrote the song, however, and there was nothing new about singers having a cover be their first hit. So the “controversy” was quickly reduced to a footnote, whose most prominent documentation is a mention on Pop-Up Video.

 Adding to the weirdness, Ednaswap’s “original” wasn’t technically the first recording of the song. Two years before they got around to releasing it, a Danish translation,“Brændt” (“Burned”), was released by Lis Sørensen. 

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun – Robert Hazard 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5aLNwOxPsjg

I almost didn’t include this one because, quite frankly, the original is awful. And, let’s be real, there’s something creepy about a guy breathily singing about what girls want. Thankfully, Hazard’s recording never got past the demo stage, so I’ll choose to consider Lauper’s version “technically a cover but sort of not really”. 

Downtown Train – Tom Waits

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLtZKkCIVmI

If you asked a random sampling of people around you, there’s a good chance that many of them wouldn’t be able to name a Tom Waits song. On the other hand, it’s almost a guarantee that they’re familiar with at least one of his songs, but covered by someone else. The Eagles, Alison Krauss, Sarah McLachlan, Bruce Springsteen, and The Ramones are among the many big names to contribute to this. Heck, actress Scarlett Johansson recorded an entire album of Tom Waits songs (it was kind of awful, but I digress). 

One of the most successful Waits covers is Rod Stewart’s “Downtown Train”. The original was a standout track and minorly-successful single from Waits’ 1985 masterpiece Rain Dogs. Stewart’s 1991 cover starts off with a similarly restrained sound, but gradually swells into a much “bigger”, almost celebratory sound. 

Piece of My Heart – Erma Franklin 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0QAxIKf8G4

First off, the more well-known recording, with Janis Joplin on vocals, is properly credited to her band Big Brother and the Holding Company. Second, covers generally draw from that 1968 version, but the original was by Erma Franklin (Aretha Franklin’s older sister). Faith Hill’s 1994 atrocity seemed to be an attempt to destroy the song’s legacy, but Melissa Etheridge managed to restore it a little bit in 2005, even though it was a clumsy attempt at a comeback for Etheridge.

The First Cut is the Deepest – P.P. Arnold 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1-g5VG2pWg

This is one of my favourites. With many of the entries on this list, it’s fun to play the original for someone and watch their face as they slowly realize what they’re hearing. P.P. Arnold’s original recording of “The First Cut is the Deepest” (written by Cat Stevens) also happens to be a fantastic song in its own right. 

In 1977, Rod Stewart (him again?) released what most would consider the definitive version, and in 2003 Sheryl Crow covered it as one of two new songs recorded for her best-of collection. 

Nothing Compares 2 U – The Family 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ZlzN0Gtpp8

In the 80s, there were a lot of Prince side projects and spin-offs. Morris Day and The Time may be the most memorable, with their mega-hit “Jungle Love“. Wendy & Lisa, Vanity 6, and Apollonia 5 also enjoyed a little time in the spotlight. One of the lesser-known projects, however, was The Family. The Family was often tasked with bringing life to songs that Prince wrote but wasn’t interested in doing himself. So even if you knew that Prince wrote Sinéad O’Connor’s 1990 breakthrough hit “Nothing Compares 2 U“, you might not have known that The Family had recorded it 5 years prior. 

Prince would eventually record a live version as a duet with Rosie Gaines, which was included on the various iterations of his 1993 compilation The Hits. Also included on this compilation were Prince’s originals of “I Feel 4 U” (covered by Chaka Khan in 1984), and “When U Were Mine” (covered by Cyndi Lauper in 1983). 

Killing Me Softly – Lori Lieberman 

In 1996, the Fugees released their breakthrough mega-hit, “Killing Me Softly“. Not everyone knew it was a cover of a 1973 Roberta Flack song, but many did. Even fewer knew, however, that Flack’s rendition was itself a cover. The original, by Lori Lieberman in 1972, was a soft acoustic rendition of a poem. “His song” was Don McLean’s “Empty Chairs”. 

The first cover could have turned out quite differently; according to Wikipedia: 

Helen Reddy has said she was sent the song, but “the demo… sat on my turntable for months without being played because I didn’t like the title”. 

Roberta Flack’s successful 1973 cover is still soft, but with some defining chord changes, and a slightly more soulful sound.

Further mutating the tune, The Fugees laid down their hip-hop version in 1996, to much acclaim. 

If you poke around YouTube looking for versions of this song, you’ll probably find about a dozen copies of a crooner version credited to Frank Sinatra. It does kind of sound like The Chairman, but he never actually recorded it. That’s Perry Como, from his 1973 album And I Love You So. 

Some Guys Have All The Luck – Persuaders 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W3NWbvFsBVo

First released in 1973 by R&B group The Persuaders, Rod Stewart’s cover of “Some Guys Have All the Luck” served as one of the important hits of his 80s comeback (and his third time appearing on this list, what is it with this guy and covers?) In between those two versions, Robert Palmer also recorded his own version, with significantly altered lyrics and arrangement. Palmer’s version is probably the strangest, kind of a gritty new wave thing, reminiscent of Pete Shelley’s “Homosapien“. 

There have been several other covers, including a gender swapped country version. Of special note is Maxi Priest’s 1987 rendition, which (mostly) returned to the original lyrics and arrangement, but with Maxi’s signature “reggae fusion” sound. 

Tainted Love – Gloria Jones

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NSehtaY6k1U

When Marilyn Manson covered “Tainted Love” in 2001 for the Not Another Teen Movie soundtrack, it was fairly common knowledge that he was covering a Soft Cell song. Soft Cell’s 1981 arrangement, however, was not the original. American soul singer Gloria Jones’ Motown-influenced version was a B-side for “My Bad Boy’s Comin’ Home”, which failed to make a lasting impression domestically. Jones herself, however, had very much made an impression in England, where she was dubbed the “Northern Queen of Soul”. 

Eventually the song entered the radar of the synth-pop duo Soft Cell. Their 1981 version became their only major hit in North America, and one of the defining songs of the 80s. 

Side notes and honorable mentions: 

You might already knew that The Isley Brothers recorded “Twist and Shout” a year before The Beatles, but did you know that a group called The Top Notes recorded it a year before that? 

“I Love Rock n Roll” by Joan Jett & the Blackhearts, arguably one of the most ubiquitous and recognized songs of the modern era, was originally released by The Arrows in 1975. 

Animotion’s “Obsession”, unofficial theme song of the fashion world for more than 30 years, was originally recorded by Michael Des Barres & Holly Knight.

Madonna’s “Ray of Light” was adapted from “Sepheryn” by Curtiss Maldoon, though it’s not a direct cover. 

Led Zeppelin have a storied history of borrowing, adapting, and straight-up stealing. A cursory Google search will provide many articles and videos discussing this, but the two examples which I think best fit the theme are “Dazed and Confused”, originally by Jake Holmes, and “Stairway to Heaven”, adapted from “Taurus” by Spirit. 

Johnny Cash’s “Folsom Prison Blues” was adapted from “Crescent City Blues“, written by Gordon Jenkins and sung by Beverly Mahr. Also, more than half the songs on Cash’s 5 American Recordings albums are reinterpretations of a diverse selection of songs.

Hi!! I love your work sm dude! QwQ Your Running Blind series is legitmately incredible! (It had me crying hadhs) I always get super excited whenever you talk about it or update it, Taking Shots is so creative and funny and sweet just AAGH I love it so much- It is probably my favourite fanfic in this entire fandom. If you are at all taking requests, I would like to ask if you could do an EngieSpy fic with Spy knowing exactly how to get Engie all flustered cus I think that would be cute -w- Ty!

ahgfdsj don’t mind that this took forever,,,, here’s some cheesy cheesy romance ft. a cheesy romantic

(no warnings)

-

Dell Conagher was a 45 year old man. He had more degrees than fingers (including the false ones) and a considerable amount of respect and acclaim in the wide majority of academic communities. And besides that, he made himself a formidable opponent in combat, taking no prisoners and becoming a tactical nightmare to deal with, able to push and direct in a way that others couldn’t do so effectively single-handedly.

So you’d think that there wasn’t much that would leave him flustered, but figures—there were people who could fluster bigshots like him just as much as there were people to fluster your average Joe. Maybe he should consider it a humbling experience, but he was plenty humble already.

What he hated was that it was so predictable of him, the things that made him blush. Nothing unusual—some of the other members of the team had initially assumed from his accent and general demeanor that surely he would balk and blush at more risqué jokes and shenanigans, but he could swear and chuckle just as much as the rest of them. And while he occasionally got fired up over things, he didn’t tend to get hot when he got angry so much as stern and then very much cold.

No, what got him to stammer and make a damn fool of himself was just the thing that not many people had the guts to do to him over the course of his life—goopy, sappy, extremely romantic displays.

Just his luck that he’d fall for a Frenchman.

Part of what got him so flustered—and therefore more frustrated with himself—was the fact that he was smart enough to figure out that it probably took an awful lot of work to do the things Spy did for him. He didn’t know of a good florist in a hundred mile radius of their base, and Spy had ranted about it enough that he’d also gathered there were no particularly good wineries around either. And you probably had to take a class to get as good as Spy at decoration and whatnot, surely, and cooking too. Setting a whole table and room and making a romantic dinner with wine older than his grandad with a whole bouquet as a centerpiece, well, it must’ve taken Spy all day, or, or maybe even weeks of planning and plotting and scheming—

And he tried to dissuade Spy from going to all that trouble, every time he pulled off some stunt like that. Shook his head and called him a sentimental old fool. But it never made Spy’s grin budge, maybe because Spy could tell the comment reflected right back onto the Engineer too. And he didn’t let up.

Instead he walked straight up to the Engineer and took his right hand, bending at the waist and lifting his hand to lay a brief but meaningful kiss on his knuckles, and already Dell was flushing, even before Spy got to the verbal part of his greeting. “Hello, mon cher Monsieur Conagher,” he said, smirking a little.

“I can’t feel that, you know,” he reminded, keeping his voice level and glancing between his gloved hand and Spy’s face.

“Oh? I’d disagree,” Spy purred, and guided him a half step forward before kissing each knuckle in turn one more time in succession. “I’d say you must be feeling something, at least.”

“What makes you say that?” he asked, brows furrowing just a touch.

“Why else would you be so red?” Spy teased, the slightest further uptick at the corner of his mouth, and the Engineer huffed, pulling back his hand and looking away.

“Hush, you,” he muttered, flustered, moreso as that just made Spy laugh.

“Mon cher, don’t tell me this makes you embarrassed,” Spy said, looking well amused by the idea.

“Well, you’re the one making a damn fool of the both of us, right where anyone on the team could see,” Dell pointed out.

Spy raised an eyebrow. “Is this your way of asking me to stop?” he asked.

“Well—yes! It is!” he said, even though a significant portion of him immediately protested.

“Understood,” Spy said, and the word was tailed by a little grin that told him he’d just gotten himself waist-deep in some new kind of trouble.

He waited for the kicker, when Spy did immediately stop with the showy displays of affection and admiration. The punchline ended up showing up relatively quickly in the form of a bouquet in a vase there on a workbench right in the middle of his workshop, unannounced and unprompted, without even a note. But he knew who it was from, even if he had no idea when Spy snuck past his security—or how long Spy had known how to sneak past his security.

And after that first gift, he found others cropping up in similar fashions for a while—most often flowers, and occasionally wine, chocolate, other luxury goods he’d never buy for himself but couldn’t help but be delighted by when he received them as a gift, especially from his lover. They appeared occasionally in his workshop, or sometimes beside the coffee maker (presumably because he tended to be the first one there, the first one awake in the morning). And the one thing he could count himself being lucky about was the fact that Spy didn’t seem to be there to catch how it made him blush, every single time.

He tried to bring it up, when he and Spy were together, and Spy perfectly feigned ignorance and misunderstanding, as well as confusion and amusement. He stopped bringing it up, knowing it wouldn’t get him anywhere.

And then one day, for reasons he didn’t understand, the gifts shifted. He still got roses and flowers, usually just in time to replace the previous bouquet in the vase that had made a home in his workshop (although moved somewhere they would be less of a fire hazard). But less often did he get the wine and chocolates and similar classic romantic fare. Instead he found, occasionally, that he would glance up from his work in the workshop at the clock on the wall, and he would realize he’d worked straight through dinner again, and he’d curse his iron-clad focus for a moment before his eyes fell to the counter below the clock to land on a plate containing a full and well-rounded meal, covered in plastic so as to protect it from sawdust or similar mess.

He found that, suddenly and for reasons he couldn’t immediately explain, he tended to have leftovers waiting, labeled with his name, in the fridge despite him not having put them there. He found the shirt he’d discarded as a lost cause after a bad tear washed and stitched cleanly and sitting on top of his pile of clean laundry. He found a spare set of new laces just when he started to wonder if the ones in his boots needed replacing, and his supply of water bottles he kept near his station to stave off dehydration mysteriously never getting any emptier.

And for some reason that flustered him all the more, because flowers and wine and kisses on the back of the hand were nice, were a lovely display to think of and accomplish. But to be thinking of him so often, to notice such tiny details and to keep on top of them and to fix them—without even saying anything, at that! To notice those things meant that Spy was thinking of him so much more than he expected, than he’d ever feel right expecting, was more than he could ever ask from any partner and it just...

He found himself bringing it up one day, chest filled to the bursting and needing somewhere for it to go. He and Spy were sitting together in the smoking room, and Spy had some album playing—worn enough by then that Dell could just barely understand it well enough to parse out that it wasn’t English. Whatever it was, it was low and soothing and non-distracting and filled the room just as much as the warmth of the fire and the lingering smell of exotic spices from some point in the past.

Stronger was the smell of Spy’s cologne, though, there sat next to him, warm against his shoulder. He couldn’t tell much about what it was that Spy was reading, just that it looked to be a play of some kind based on the spacing of phrases, and that it was in Russian. He was sure his own reading was probably significantly less interesting, just being the order form for the next month’s shipment of parts that he needed to parse through.

Easy to get distracted from, was a way he could refer to it. Easy to stop thinking about it and to instead think about the man leaning against him.

“Spy?” he asked softly.

“Hm?” Spy hummed, looking up from his book.

“Why do you keep doing things for me?”

“I’m sure I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Spy smirked.

“I’m being serious,” Dell said, voice still quiet.

Spy’s expression didn’t so much fall as it did relax. “Are you?” he asked. “Isn’t it obvious?”

When Dell just frowned, Spy deigned to elaborate.

“I do these things because I care about you, mon cher,” he said simply. “To make you happy, because I want you to be happy, because I care about you and you deserve to be happy. If I’m not doing a good job, correct me so I can do better.”

“It’s not that,” he said quickly, and hesitated. “I just, I don’t understand—“

“—What, why I care? Why you deserve to be happy?” he asked outright, and maybe that was it. Maybe that really was all. And maybe it showed on his face. “Laborer, have you considered that your reluctance to accept my gifts and acts of appreciation are because you’re uncomfortable with the idea of someone holding you to such high value in such a real and tangible way?”

“I—I don’t—that’s—“ he stammered, face going red.

“That perhaps others caring about and valuing you has been either a distant dream or something you imagined to be a reality because you needed the morale to get through the day, and now your mind and emotions are significantly freed up and you don’t quite know what to do with yourself, which is something both new and intimidating for you, someone who always tries to be so in control of your own life?”

“Why the sudden psychoanalysis?” he managed, feeling more than a little bit tense.

“Because I have a feeling you intended for this conversation to be your asking me to not do things for you because you feel you don’t deserve them, and quite frankly I’m stubborn enough that you will never change my mind,” Spy said, and leaned in to kiss him, an ice pack on a sucker punch, startling and disorienting and...

And nice.

When Spy pulled back, he seemed to see the disorientation, and he smiled. “It’s alright that you don’t know what to do yet. It’s alright if you never know. I simply enjoy doing these things for you, as often as I can without treading on your toes or making you feel smothered.”

“You never do,” Dell assured with the part of his brain that was still functioning.

Spy kissed him on the cheek gently. “You are very sweet, Dell Conagher,” he said simply.

“Me? You’re the one who—“

“Shush,” Spy laughed, and gave him another peck. “Just accept that making you happy is what makes me happy, oui? Is that such a strange thing to ask?”

“It feels like it,” Dell admitted.

“Well, perhaps the millionth time I say it, it won’t,” Spy teased.

“You’ll say that a million times?” he asked, incredulous.

“I’ll say it as many times as you’ll tolerate. I’ll say it on the hour every day until you get entirely tired of me or die, whichever comes first—or perhaps at the exact same moment. I’ll learn every language on the planet and say it in each and every one until you can repeat it back to me fluently. Because, mon cher, I mean it, and when I mean something, there isn’t a soul on the planet who can stop me from making it absolutely clear that I mean it, not even the person I love most in the world and his ridiculous, skewed lack of ego. Do you understand?”

The Engineer kissed him, and kissed him, and kissed him, and yeah, he understood. He really did. And maybe Spy was right—maybe he would believe it someday. Maybe someone that stubborn was the only type of person who could convince him.

Time would tell.

To celebrate the re-release of all the HS music on Bandcamp, here is a list (with links!) of my favorite HS music. There’s talent and heart in the vast Homestuck musicverse, and I highly recommend exploring it if you haven’t, returning to it if it’s been a while, and sharing your own favorites if they’re still in your mix today.

So here are my top 25 favorite Homestuck songs, including fan material:

In comic | On albums | On fan album* | Not in any collection**

Doctor | Candles and Potency** | Planet Healer | Pale Rapture | Trepidation | Voidlight / Whispers in the Voidlight** / Haven** |  Carne Vale | Austin, Atlantis / piano duet** | Crystalanthemums / Crystalguitarthemums* | The Lyrist | Skaian Birth / Skaian Dreams Remix / Skies of Skaia | Ascend | Terezi’s Theme | Sburban Jungle / Sburban Countdown | Renewed Return | Another Chance | Knight in Two Dreams** | Seer of Same-Colored Scalemate Combos** | Cuddlefish* | Purple Bard |  Forever / Beta Version / The Deeper You Go | Three in the Morning (RJ's I Can Barely Sleep In This Casino Remix) | Superego |  Skaia Ad Infinitum* | Dreamers and the Dead

Short but somehow very long descriptions of why I love each track under the cut:

1. Doctor | George Buzinkai | Homestuck Vol. 1-4 The original. The iconic. A genuinely haunting and atmospheric track, I think this was a big part of what really drew me into the story when first reading it.

2. Candles and Potency | Jeremy “Solatrus” Iamurri | (Youtube) I’ve posted this here before but like. This is still such a mystery to me. It was played as part of the stream leading up to the release of Volume 10. Why...was it not part of Volume 10. Why does it have no official release.  I live in terror this video source for it will be taken down. It’s a stunning remix of Candles and Clockwork (x / x). Listen to it all the way through - the piano bit is my favorite.

3. Planet Healer | Seth “Beetfox” Peelle | Homestuck Vol. 5 Changes the mood of Doctor from “mysterious” to “inviting.” Great soundtrack for a playable segment of the comic, great to listen to on its own.

4. Pale Rapture | The Black Curtain | coloUrs and mayhem: Universe B This song has a noticeable physiological calming affect on me. I also just like it.

5. Trepidation | Svix | Homestuck Vol. 9 Energetic and uplifting. One of my cheer-up songs.

6. Voidlight | Thomas Ferkol | Homestuck Vol. 10 (Whispers in the Voidlight / Haven) I think I’m okay admitting that I like the preview version of this better than the final - because I still like the final great deal. I like that Whispers in the Voidlight has less layer, but I like the ending that was added to Voidlight. I’m pretty happy having both versions in my mix. It is a very comforting song to me.

7. Carne Vale | Malcolm Brown | Cherubim Still gives me shivers. This was the standout for me when Cherubim was released, and I’m glad it was put in the comic later - it made [S] Game Over. more palatable. 

8. Austin, Atlantis | Clark “Plazmataz” Powell | Homestuck Vol. 9 (Austin, Atlantis (piano duet)) I cried the first time I listened to this. That’s...a recommendation. Sometimes the titles of instrumental songs don’t affect my impressions of them on a conscious level, but this one definitely did, and I actually felt an emotion like looking at a sunken city that I used to be able to walk though. Both versions are very good.

9.  Crystalanthemums | Alex Rosetti | Homestuck Vol. 5 (Crystalguitarthemums* | Eric “Jit” Scheele | Land of Fans and Music 2) Another iconic leitmotif. I love the track itself, and Crystalguitarthemums is a fan release that has a similar mood of tranquility. 

10. The Lyrist | Thomas "EidolonOrpheus" Ferkol | Cherubim I tended to skip the less exciting tracks on Cherubim at first, but now I love this for being sad and sweet and very pretty.

11.  Skaian Birth | Mark Hadley | Song of Skaia

(Skaian Dreams Remix | Homestuck Vol. 2 (original), Skies of Skaia | Mark Hadley | Homestuck Vol. 1-4) The “Skaian” motif is very magical sounding. Like Voidlight, I find Skaian Birth very comforting. As of the posting of this, the Song of Skaia album seams to have bean eaten by the mass-reuploading...I hope it gets reuploaded as well.

12. Ascend | Joren “Tensei” de Bruin | Homestuck Vol. 10 This was such a good medley track. It was so ambitious in how many motifs it tried to pull together, and the fact that Tensei said they were tackling a music style that they hadn’t seen much in HS music before...and it all paid off spectacularly.

13. Terezi’s Theme | Toby “Radiation” Fox | Alterniabound  What a great character theme. It’s pretty busy for a VG theme, but it seems to tell a whole story. I think it was The Lemonsnout Turnabout that established the harpsichord as a Terezi sound, and that was also a Toby Fox track, and it’s very effective.

14. Sburban Jungle | Michael Guy Bowman | Homestuck Vol. 1-4 (Sburban Countdown | Michael Guy Bowman | Homestuck Vol. 1-4) Early on I considered this just as iconic as Doctor, and I was surprised it didn’t get used more. (If you want to see it used effectively as a motif, check out #21 on this list.) It really helped the mood shift as the comic got more serious and dramatic.

15. Renewed Return | Marcy Nabors | Homestuck Vol. 10 Another great medley track. Whereas Ascend has kind of a party atmosphere, Renewed Return is solemn and dignified in a way that is very satisfying as a conclusion to a long narrative.

16. Another Chance | Eston Schweickart, Erik “Jit” Scheele | One Year Older Homestuck is freaking long, and very meandering, and I’ve forgotten many of the plot beats. But one way to remember them is if they have a killer tribute song. Another Chance always reminds me of a time when achieving god tier still felt like an incredible achievement, of how menacing Bec Noir was, and of the feeling of seeing a character resurrected. One Year Older appears to be another casualty of the reuploading...this was a beautifully cohesive solo album, and I hope it comes back somehow. Please give it another chance.

17. Knight in Two Dreams** | Malcolm Brown | (Tumblr) Hm. I think what I love about is that this track makes the time spent on the meteor feel real. The rhythm makes me thing of the passage of a lot of time. The music also makes me think of a sort of unease with being in close quarters with people and not being able to leave. And finally, it also has the sense it is waiting for something...as they are all waiting for their journey to be over.

18. Seer of Same-Colored Scalemate Combos | Alex Rosetti | (Tumblr) Speaking of Terezi’s harpsichord...This was the theme for a fun tile-swapping puzzle game made by insecureillustrator, which sadly I think is defunct now. In any event, the song is really fun.

19. Cuddlefish | Thomas Ferkol | Land of Fans and Music 2 Very sweet and calming. I like thinking of quieter moments in the HS multiverse, like the trolls started SGRUB.

20. Purple Bard | Gec | coloUrs and mayhem: Universe A I wish I knew more music words because I want to say what I like about this song is...the...mixing?? It’s very immersive, there are a lot of layers to it that contribute to making it creepy and kind of hypnotic.

21. Forever / Beta Version / The Deeper You Go | Michael Guy Bowman | Moebius Trip and Hadron Kaleido The instrumental tracks on MTAHK all give me a sense of depth of time, the remoteness of Skaia and the Medium, and the cyclical nature of SBURB. Spooky. It all makes the story seem much bigger somehow.

22. Three in the Morning (RJ's I Can Barely Sleep In This Casino Remix) | Clark “Plazmataz” Powell, Robert J! Lake | Homestuck Vol. 1-4 I love this one largely because it is nostalgic from when I first got into Homestuck in 2012 and for a while only had Volumes 1-4 to listen to (I didn’t discover the Bandcamp page until later). It might have to do with the fact that it’s sandwiched between Sburban Jungle and Doctor on the album, but it’s a fun and yet soothing track.

23. Superego | Yan "Nucleose" Rodriguez | coloUrs and mayhem: Universe A This captures a mood that I can’t put into words. I’m not sure if this was composed as a Vriska track, but if it wasn’t I’m glad it ended up as one, because it’s a feeling I don’t think any other song has. 

24. Skaia Ad Infinitum | Andromeda's Cadre | Beforus This reminds me of all my old favorite DDR tracks. The melody makes me think of the changing Spirograph that represents Skaia.

25. Dreamers and the Dead | Thomas "EidolonOrpheus" Ferkol | Alterniabound This and Cuddlefish have always had a similar feeling to me (moreso than other Thomas Ferkol tracks). I like to think about exploring the dream bubbles as analogous to swimming through Alternia’s oceans.

Honorable mentions to Rustblood and It Be Like That Sometimes, which are only not on this list because they are technically Hiveswap and not Homestuck. If Homestuck really is continuing, and if there’s going to be more Hiveswap, I’m very much looking forward to more music.