#monsterrat
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Gabe, 24
“I’m wearing almost entirely thrifted clothing. The earrings are from Value Village, top is from Beacon’s Closet, tulle skirt is from America's Thrift. My collar is designed by Romina Monsterrat, shoes are Steve Madden, and bag is Circus. My style has always been inspired by clowns. I love big theatrical silhouettes, patterns, and colors. My style very much feels like a different costume every day.”
Sep 11, 2022 ∙ Gramercy Park
#nyclooks#nyc looks#clown core#street style#thrifted#beacons closet#value village#monsterrat#steve madden#style#outfit#new york#nyfw#nyfw street style#nyfw 2022
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Ok, so I have changed Rat a lil bit.
Waaaaaa rat looks so pretty!
(Rats pronouns: rat/rats/ratself)
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"Barcelona" by Freddie Mercury and Monsterrat Caballe was playing on at Friday Night Out tonight!
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HERA photographed by Hélène Tchen Cardenas for Romina Monsterrat ss24
#hera#hera4president#Hélène Tchen Cardenas#helenetchen#natacha voranger#romina montserrat#magazine#pour toi magazine#pour toi#Helene tchen
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only thoughts about how Xaden came to Monsterrat so that Violet wouldn’t have to miss out and because he couldn’t stand being away from her.
“You’re not listening. I. Am. Here. Tairn didn’t drag her back to Basgiath. He didn’t break through her shields and pour his emotions into her. He didn’t demand she fly across the fucking kingdom. Your sister is still right here. I’m the one who left my post, my position, and my executive officer in charge of my wing. She’s not missing out on shit.”
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In 2010 there was a ceremony at the White House to award Paul McCartney with the Gershwin Prize. Full video here:
youtube
Things I found adorable:
04:08 Paul describes showing off to the mums at the school about the fact that he's going to the White House (this tickled me *so much*)
11:02 Paul singing along enthusiastically with Stevie Wonder's interpretation of We Can Work It Out
20:25 Jack White's little secret smile as he walks on stage (poor baby is so nervous, but he made excellent choices for what to sing, and got multiple whoops from Paul)
23:40 Faith Hill waves to Malia (not directly Paul related, but it was super cute)
32:00 Elvis Costello says "I love you" so sincerely, and Paul just puts his hand on his heart and rocks his head back with his eyes closed
33:45 The crowd cheers for Master Sgt. Matthew Harding's lovely piccolo trumpet high note
33:56 Elvis's raised-eyebrow knowing look at Paul for "finger pies"
49:35 Stevie Wonder reminiscing about Monsterrat
51:45 "Good n bayyd"
53:30 🎵 We love you Paul 🎵
54:14 Why are there lava lamps on stage?
1:02:33 "A song I have been itching to do at the White House"
1:08:25 The exchange about the whistle
1:17:05 Look how happy Jack White is to be na-na-naing on stage
Overall, a highly recommended watch. Paul is so genuinely happy and relaxed.
#paul mccartney#gershwin prize#imagine making small talk with paul mccartney at the school gate#and he feels the need to show off
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Moments from the behind the scenes content on the Ashes to Ashes DVDs that live rent free in my head:
Dean saying that the reason Gene doesn't slap Alex around like he would Sam isn't necessarily because she's a girl, it's because she'd fight back and win
Marshall and Montserrat literally always being together, like they're one single entity
"I've just shot Alex Drake. Not on purpose!! ...Well, maybe a bit on purpose, who knows. She is a bit annoying."
Marshall and Montserrat both passionately campaigning for Chris to get blonde highlights in the next series during the series one behind the scenes documentary (something that actually happened)
Dean passionately campaigning for Ray to get a love interest in the next series during both the series one AND two behind the scenes documentaries (something that never happened)
The sulky way Phil says "Well that's not fair." when he hears Marshall and Montserrat have won the quiz by working together, when everyone else was doing it individually
Dean, softly but with a lot of feeling: "Bugger."
Keeley going on a long and largely unprompted ramble about how sexy Gene Hunt is and how just about any woman would be attracted to him, right?
Phil claiming that they're going to bring out a Hunt & Drake cover of Save Your Love by Renée & Renato
Monsterrat softly going "Yayyyy ~" when she and Marshall get an answer right in the quiz
Keeley loudly yelling "YES!!!!" when she finds out she beat Dean and Phil in the quiz
"He doesn't want to. She drives him mad. BUT he adores her." 🥺🥺🥺
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Slight hold-up with Theo's RO POV as the fonts decided to be an absolute nightmare and I have awful timing. I have added the font Open Dyslexic as an option at the request of a few people, however.
It will now be included for all of my future IF releases along with EB Garamond and Monsterrat, though <3
Since that is mostly squared away, the RO POV will be uploaded tonight!
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3 12 14 NOT PURPLE
3. Who/what inspires your graphics / gifs?
answered with some people here, but i will GLADLY mention more gifmaker friends: you miles <3 and then also @benoitblanc @uservalerian @roykentt @userparamore @djarin @buckysbarnes @bylrndgm and @barbie-movie !!
12. Font(s) you like using
ohhhh i have a lot but i think out of the ones i use the most often (which you can most likely find somewhere in my fonts tag):
smaller/"basic" fonts: arial, intro, im fell dw dica, cocogoose, karla, poppins, lemon milk, moon, monsterrat
larger/"artsy" fonts: preta, monk, bigfat script, astigma, flames, fancytext, made bruno
14. Colour(s) you like
well BESIDES purple, i also really like giffing in blue, pink, and green!! so basically the bi flag + green hgsdjbfnlsdkfs
gifmaker asks
#kai.answer#ask game#took a second of me looking at my fonts being like. what do i use <3 HSVGDJBHSLD#intro is def one of the top fonts i use all the time tho i love that font even if apostrophes dont exist in it
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top 5 fonts 💚
ooh this one is so good but also i have SO many different faves lmao
Monsterrat
Adelia
Letter Magic
Perla
Sunroll
ask me my top 5 anything!
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Dare To Forget Me
Ch. 49: Coming Down
Previous chapters // Montserrat’s masterlist
Fandom: SVU // Pairing: Rafael Barba x OC
Warnings: Due to the nature of the series’ plots, I do have to rate this as ‘mature’ for constant mentions of rape.
Taglist: @ocappreciationtag @arrthurpendragon @anotherunreadblog @maaaaarveeeeel @stareyedplanet @averyhotchner @abzidabzy @hellofutur @foxesandmagic @xovalliegirlxo
[If you’d like to be added to this specific OC’s stories/edits, send me a message!]
Arraignment was early as usual. Charmaine Briggs was the last on the docket.
"Notice how calm she is," Amanda said to the others as they filed into the room. They went right to the first bench as Charmaine and her lawyer took their own spots.
"Years of practice, maybe?" Olivia asked.
"I don't know," Montserrat straightened in her spot. "I honestly can't read this woman. One moment, she looks honest and the other…" It would be one of those types of cases where half of them were split with each other and some, like her, was split with herself.
"Manslaughter in the second degree...does the defendant have a plea?" the judge commanded the entire room into silence.
"A plea for sanity, your honor," Charmaine's lawyer was a sharp-tongued woman even at the early hour that it was. "Mrs. Briggs is a widow whose husband died tragically of natural causes."
"Natural causes brought on by the reckless behavior of the defendant," Rafael said in case the two women forgot that important detail. "Her counsel might want to read the statute."
The woman sent him a glare. "The ADA might want to ditch the condescending attitude before it drips onto his suit."
"You two hash this out on your own time," the judge cut into what promised to be an interesting argument. "Assuming no objection, I'll enter a plea of not guilty. Bail is set at 100,000, cash or bond. Next."
"She promises a good fight," Montserrat purposely said loud enough for Rafael to hear. He turned around to see her, Olivia and Amanda giving him the same look.
"She's nothing," he said, almost waving the other woman off. "But I will be needing every last iota of evidence you have."
"You got it," Olivia said, but the look on her face told Rafael she had a lot more things to say, starting with the bail money. "Now about that—"
"Send me the paperwork," he said quickly on his way out.
Olivia was dumbfounded but nowhere near defeated. She ushered Montserrat out of the bench so she could get out.
"Someone's in trouble," Amanda remarked with a light smile. Montserrat hummed as the two followed after their Sergeant.
~ 0 ~
As of late, it seemed like Rafael felt like he was either running from women or to them. If it wasn't his family then it was Monsterrat and when it wasn't either side, it was Olivia. Right now, he spotted his mother coming at him from the opposite end of the hallway.
"We have to talk," Lucia came with a direct mission.
"Uh, okay — I'm a little busy right now."
"You're always busy! You don't think this is important?"
"Claro que si, of course I do—"
"Barba…" Olivia walked right up to the two, unknowingly stepping into their argument. Montserrat and Amanda weren't too far behind. "$100,000 for a homicide? Are you kidding me?"
"We're lucky we didn't get R.O.R.," Rafael said fast before Olivia went on about something else from the case. "Sergeant Benson, this is my mother, Lucia Barba."
The introduction certainly left Olivia dumbfounded but Lucia was more sharp than ever. "Oh. Benson...he talks about you. You drive him a little crazy."
Olivia met Rafael's look, unsurprisingly he wasn't embarrassed by the slip. He wouldn't be him if he wasn't. "Just doing my job. I'll give you a moment." She backtracked from the pair until she was beside her detectives again.
"Who's that?" Amanda asked soon enough.
"Mom."
Montserrat's eyes widened. "Seriously?" She had yet to see pictures of Rafael's family and now she had the first live shot. Despite being very far away from her, Montserrat felt a series of nerves hit her. Calm down! This is not about you right now! She couldn't hear what they were talking about but she just knew it had to do with the senior center Rafael had scoped out for his grandmother.
"We should go," Olivia pulled Montserrat out of her thoughts. "We need to get everything in order."
"Yeah," Amanda said as she followed Olivia down the hallway.
"I...need to go to the restroom first," Montserrat said when the idea struck her. It was stupid and probably unprofessional but right now she didn't care. Lucky for her, no one questioned that excuse.
She slowly, very slowly, walked for Rafael. She only heard the very last bits of his conversation — sounding very much like bickering — before Lucia left.
"Bye, ma," Rafael waved his mother goodbye and sighed.
"Not good, huh?" He heard Montserrat behind him.
He turned to find her just a few steps away from him. Right now, he would want nothing more than to be able to hug her. Professional lines were a nuisance at that moment.
"Whatever she said—"
"They're visiting," he cut Montserrat off. "It's all I asked and if they do that then...then maybe they'll see it's best."
"I know," Montserrat nodded. She absolutely hated that he still felt like he had to justify himself to her, like she was going to judge him. "Give me a call later," she smiled at him.
"Detective Novak, are you being professional right now?" he quirked an eyebrow at her. Montserrat laughed and suddenly, his pain lessened.
"You're a smartass," she shook her head as her laugh subsided.
"I have been told…" he bobbed his head side to side.
"I'll see you later," she flashed him a last smile before taking off. She hoped their small moment would be enough to lift his spirits a bit. Sometimes it was a pain having to follow the rules of their secret relationship.
~ 0 ~
Trial began and with all its markers on the spot. The housekeeper of the Briggs went up first and while she did good, the fact that she always had a disdain for Charmaine tainted the jury's perspective of her. It was the doctor who attended Walter's first heart attack who managed to do more damage to Charmaine's reputation.
But truth to be told, and he had mentioned it Montserrat already, a lot of his mind wasn't occupied with the case. He was honest with her one night about the probability of actually getting conviction. As always, she tried reassuring him that he was doing the best he could. He had other things on his mind and they were just as urgent.
After another trial date, Rafael was set to visit the facility with his mother and grandmother. He took his grandmother still abiding by the deal they made to visit as a huge win. As soon as they were in the facility, Catalina was taken for her own personal tour of the place. As far as he could see, the facility was fine. It was clean, the patients were very well attended to. It was lively enough to where no one seemed bored, or worse - no one would feel trapped.
Somehow, Lucia didn't see it that way. In fact, it turned out they were on completely opposite pages. "Look, I know what you're thinking. I should take her in to live with me…"
Rafael shook his head at her as soon as she started with that mindset. She thought he was blaming her for the situation. "Absolutely not—"
"Other people put their families in places like this. We do not put our family in places like this!" Lucia exclaimed.
"That's not what this is about," Rafael stopped them in the middle of the hallway. "I promise." It was their cultural mindset that their elderly family members shouldn't, under any circumstances, step foot in a senior center and that honestly wasn't the best way to think. Of course there were going to be situations where a senior center was the only option and it shouldn't be viewed as something bad.
They spotted Catalina talking to one of the employees not too far from where they stood.
"I understand what you mean but we also have to be realistic that sometimes we just can't handle it all," Rafael tried to explain but was already Lucia fervently shaking her head. "You are single handedly keeping a charter school alive. You only go home to sleep. How are you supposed to take care of her?"
"I could retire—"
"No, you couldn't," Rafael leveled his mother with a sharp look. They both knew that, like him, Lucia was very dedicated to her work. She had long hours just like her son. "Mira, it's not so bad. Maybe she'll like it."
The two walked to meet Catalina after she let the employee go. "It smells," she complained.
Rafael sighed. "They're cooking lunch, abuelita."
"What are they cooking, skunk?"
"Mamá,"he turned to Lucia for some help. Luckily, she at least tried to help.
"Rafie has gone through a lot of trouble to arrange this for you…"
Catalina still didn't seem pleased enough. "I didn't ask him to. Why should I move after 40 years?"
"Because here, nobody has to carry groceries up six flights of stairs, abuelita." Rafael tried to step closer to her but she looked away from him, an action that stung more than she thought. Still, he continued to try and show her it wasn't all that bad. "They have activities. Mira, movies. If you fall down again, pasa cualquier cosa aquí - anything - you just push a button."
"If I fall down at home, I bang on the floor…" Catalina made a show of hitting the ground with her cane. "Mrs. Rivera hears."
It was like he was talking to a wall. He glanced at his mother again. "Mamá?"
Lucia seemed to feel some sympathy for him in the matter. "We'll think about it."
"I'm just trying to help both of you," he said in case they hadn't gotten that. It honestly felt like they hadn't, especially with the way his grandmother was looking at him. "Bye. I have to go. I have some work to do before court tomorrow."
"Good, go help somebody else," Catalina coldly said, waving him off to leave. There was hardly anything else to say after that.
~0~
Later that night, without really thinking about it, Rafael ended up calling Montserrat. He felt completely terrible after she made it clear that she was on her way to his place. He was aware of the many times he had called her this week and forced her to drop what she was doing for him. He wasn't used to it and he shouldn't be. Montserrat didn't have to do anything yet here she was.
She showed up at his door with a bag over her shoulder. "I'm here until tomorrow."
"You don't have to…" He sighed as she walked in.
"Oh, don't even bother with me," she let the bag drop beside the couch. She came back for him and tugged him with her to the couch. The back of her knees were leaning against the armrest of the couch. Her hands were soothingly running up and down Rafael's arms. "I'm here now," she said, her voice gentle. "And I don't want to hear any of that nonsense that I don't have to be here. Need I remind you of all the times you've been here for me?"
"You don't have to complicate your life because I can't solve my family issues," he barely turned his head away when Montserrat cupped his face and forced his gaze back.
"You're used to doing things on your own but you don't have to anymore. I'm here to help. I can...build arguments with you, remember?" she smiled at him and hoped she would get one in return. "You say I have a big mouth, I might as well do something productive with it."
"I said that?" A ghost of a smile may have played at his lips.
Montserrat hummed with a slow nod. "Yes, you did."
"I didn't mean it…"
"Mhm, sure…" she leaned closer, her hands still cupping his face, "And I never mean it when I call you a smartass." That made him laugh. "There we are," she planted a kiss on his lips. "I think some dinner is in place…"
"I'm not very hungry," Rafael said as she tugged him for the kitchen.
Montserrat stopped and looked back at him. "If you're saying that then you really feel bad. Let's wait a bit and you can tell me what happened."
Usually he would put up some protests but tonight Rafael was just too tired for such a thing. He let Montserrat bring them back to the couch and sat down together. It only took one more time of her asking what happened for him to spill everything.
His grandmother had hated the facility and more than that, she was angry with him. She had the idea that he was trying to lock her away. Lucia hadn't said the same thing but she wasn't exactly defending him either. He didn't blame her — she was stuck in the middle with her son and mother on opposite sides. None of it was easy and it was taking a toll on him.
Montserrat couldn't say it out loud that she was seeing it all on his face. She had never seen him in a state like that and she would've been quite angry if it wasn't his family responsible for it. They weren't trying to argue. They just didn't see eye to eye.
"I'm really not that hungry," Rafael said an hour later when Montserrat suggested ordering out. He felt incredibly guilty when he kept turning her offers down. "You should go home, have a night with Kara or something."
"I am not going anywhere," Montserrat repeated. "How about we turn in early?"
"You don't have to—"
"Stop," she touched his arm. "Let me be here with you. Please."
The concern on her face was touching and at that moment, he wanted nothing more than to kiss her. So, he did. His hands found the sides of her face while he kissed her soft lips.
"C'mon," she whispered in-between kisses.
He protested no more afterwards. They got up together, collected Montserrat's duffel bag on the side and headed for the room. Rafael only let her go so she could get changed in the bathroom and he in his room. He'd never felt so worn out when he climbed into bed.
Montserrat returned ten minutes later with her bag. She retrieved her phone from the bag before letting it drop on the floor. "Just texting Kara," she said as she made way for the bed. She left her phone on the night stand then got into bed.
"Thanks for being here," Rafael murmured later on. She had draped an arm over him. He had practically retreated into her body. All he felt was her and all he smelled was her. Nothing else would make him feel better.
Montserrat moved her other arm over his head and let her fingers find his hair. "I wouldn't be anywhere else."
Silence ensued afterwards. The lights had been turned off. There were no movements and the only noise was their collective breathing.
"Do you think I'm being unfair to her?" Rafael suddenly asked. One of his arms had wrapped around her waist.
Montserrat would've shaken her head if they weren't so close to each other. "No, of course not."
"It feels like it. Maybe I pushed too much…"
"You didn't, it's just hard for both sides."
"She's lived in the same apartment for 40 years. I get why she doesn't want to move. As ruddy as the place is...I spent a lot of my childhood there. After school when my mom was still working...we used to make desserts."
Montserrat smiled. "The sweet tooth." Her fingers were still threading through his hair.
"Yeah…"
"What would you bake?"
"Everything." Rafael didn't think he'd ever remember something so vividly the way he was right now. It was like everything he'd tried making with his grandmother was fresh in his mind despite it being more than 20 years ago. "I liked the chocolate cake the best."
Montserrat lost against a laugh. "Oh, of course. Why am I not surprised?"
"Hey, it was delicious!"
"I bet it was—the pictures say it all."
There was a slight silence before Rafael spoke again and when he did, it was a complete change of topics. "Did you do any of that stuff with your grandmothers? Or grandparents?"
Montserrat hummed. Her fingers stopped running through Rafael's hair for a second while she thought. "I mean...my grandmother in Slovakia — Zofie — didn't really bake. She cooked. I learned how to make Kapustnica from her."
"And what's that?" Rafael asked.
"It's soup, basically. It's got mushrooms, sausages, pork, potatoes and all this other stuff. We always had that for Christmas whenever my grandparents came to New York or we went to Slovakia."
Mm, sounds interesting," Rafael said, making a mental note to bring up that precise soup for their next Christmas.
"The soup, yes, grandma Zofie, though?" Montserrat shuddered, making Rafael chuckle.
"What?"
"She can be kind of mean when she's teaching," Montserrat explained, "I may not remember my maternal grandmother that much but I know that she was a lot nicer when it came to cooking and baking."
"Yeah, and what did she teach you?"
Montserrat had to think for a couple minutes before something came to mind. It was hard remembering a woman she hadn't seen in over 20 years. "Umm, I'm pretty sure she's the one who taught me how to make carrot cake."
"You've never made me carrot cake," Rafael accused. Montserrat didn't have to look at his face to know he was frowning.
"Scuse me, but you're always the one drinking coffee or alcohol," Montserrat retorted, "That doesn't exactly leave much room for carrot cake." Rafael's response was to hold her tighter. Montserrat laughed softly and pressed a kiss on his forehead. "Okay, tell you what, I'll make some carrot cake when I get the chance this week."
Rafael agreed. "Can I make some suggestions?"
"Sure, why not," Montserrat shrugged and listened to his 'suggestions' about what to add and what not to. She let him talk and talk until he eventually drifted off. In another situation she would've loved to point out that he practically talked himself to sleep. But things were too grim for that and she herself wasn't too happy.
She couldn't bear to see Rafael spiral the way he was. This wasn't him and the fact it was his own family doing this broke her heart. She couldn't be angry with them but she couldn't not not feel something alike either. There had to be something she could do.
She shifted enough to reach for her cellphone on the nightstand and was extra careful not to wake Rafael up in the process. She turned the brightness screen all the way down to avoid that altogether. She found Kara's number and opened up a new text.
'I need Caroline's number.'
A few minutes later, Kara responded.
'Sure thing! What for?'
Montserrat hesitated to answer. She looked down at Rafael sleeping but still shifting every now and then. It seemed like even his dreams were going to be against him tonight.
'I need to ask her for a favor.' She typed the response and waited anxiously for the number.
#ocappreciation#fd: svu#svu#rafael barba#rafael barba fics#rafael barba imagines#svu fics#svu imagines#law and order svu#rafael barba x oc#svu x oc#svu ocs#law and order svu fics#law and order svu imagines#oc: Montserrat Novak#fic: dare to forget me
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Aaaand now Rat lives in my sketchbook :D
Also, MonsterRat is asian - rat comes from Korea!
(forgive me the quality of this photo lol)
#zofikart#alexart#MonsterRat#art#traditional art#alt#rat#ratgender#neptunic#xenogender#neopronouns#sketchbook#oc#original character
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another extremely good picture of me by my friend and artist monsterrat
#like im sorry im not self obsessed they are just great photos okay 🙄#need to find an appropriate tag for this#need to reorganinze my personal art posts.....#art logs#logs
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Yousra Youssoufo photographed by Hélène Tchen Cardenas for Romina Monsterrat ss24
#yousra youssoufo#yousnao#Hélène Tchen cardenas#helenetchen#natacha voranger#romina montserrat#pour toi#magazine#pour toi magazine
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Are there any fonts people like to have as an option that makes stories more readable?
For the new project I currently have smth in the Sans-serif family, Serif, Open-dyslexic and Monsterrat.
Are there any more options you would like? If you want, you can let me know and I can possibly add them!
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Fic Preview
A sneak peek at an upcoming chapter in Safe Ship, Harbored, my introduction of Anne Bonny and Mary Read to the canon timeline!
When Anne Cormac was a child, her mother held her close and told her stories of pirate queens and mermaids and sea monsters. Of lands far away and long ago. Anne fantasized about the ship she would one day captain, about the fortune she would amass, about the big house that she would buy for her mother, just for the two of them. Of the sea she would one day cross to bring her mother back to see her home again.
When her mother died, she devised a plan to find the life she wanted, away from the Carolina colony and her father’s suffocating scrutiny, disapproval, resentment. Resentment for not being born a son, resentment for the life and wealth her existence had cost him, resentment at being left to raise his bastard daughter alone.
She was consumed by her own resentments of the man she watched ruin her mother.
When a handsome sailor asked her to run away with him to the Caribbean, she thought that her plan was finally falling into place.
Anne Cormac died, and Anne Bonny replaced her.
And when that sailor turned out to be a bootlicking bastard, and when she just so happened to meet ‘Calico’ Jack Rackham, who just so happened to know of a ship in desperate need of a crew, well, who could blame her for running to the sea or his bed?
The day Anne chose Jack, she also chose the sea.
She and Jack fit together oh-so-well, together quickly earning themselves a reputation throughout the Caribbean, so much so that her name always accompanied his in the whispers spread across the sea. Eventually, their marriage of convenience turned into one of partnership. She could sail and he made her laugh. He didn’t demand.
And she could mostly accept the numbness that settled in, deep in her bones. The numbness that kept her alive.
The day Anne Bonny chose the sea, she also chose her freedom.
Anne Bonny became a legend, whispered across campfires and over bar tops, no one brave enough to look her in the eye. ‘The Red Death’ was ruthless. She captured man-o-wars, raided frigates, burned galleons. Took no prisoners. The enemy of any Crown. Equal to any man. Anne Bonny was full of rage and fire and fury.
But it wasn’t rage. Not really.
Anne had spent her life searching for a balm to soothe the ache she felt inside, a distraction from the perpetual swirling whirlpool of grief which threatened to pull her under. A never ending chase to find anything that would make her feel something, to convince her to not just end it all.
She chased it from Carolina to Nassau, from Nassau to the Marianne, from the Marianne to Monsterrat to the William. She chased it from the men who always ultimately disappointed her: her father, James, Jack.
Anne Bonny had been dying for years, killing the pieces of herself she needed to in order to survive. She clawed and fought and screamed her way towards the life she wanted, not looking back at the carnage left behind, at the corpse trail of herself left in her wake.
And when she thought there wasn’t anything left to destroy, anything left that could hurt, when she thought she had finally been consumed by the darkness ever-threatening in her periphery, she found Mary.
Mary Read had been an unexpected addition to Anne’s plan. Mary slotted herself into Anne’s life so seamlessly it seemed like she had always been there. Mary touched a part of Anne that she didn’t even realize was there, until it was laid bare and bleeding, vulnerable for the taking. But Mary cradled it so gently it hurt, wrapping herself around it, protecting it from the rest of the world.
Mary soothed. Mary kept her afloat. Mary made Anne feel something.
Mary sighed as Anne slipped back into bed, skin cool from her early morning watch. Anne kicked off her boots before sliding back into bed, leaning over the still-half sleeping woman, gently brushing a stray lock of hair out of her face. Mary whined, blindly reaching out with her eyes still closed to pull Anne back down behind her.
Anne obliged with a huff, wrapping her arms around Mary from behind as she pulled her closer in bed as the dawn began to peek through the curtains. Anne pressed feather light kisses across her shoulders, nuzzling her face into Mary’s neck. Mary found Anne’s hand and threaded their fingers together, resting both of them across her stomach, legs already entangled. They stayed like that, wrapped in each other’s embrace, until the sun fell fully on their faces.
The day Anne chose Mary, she also chose her peace.
Groaning, Mary rolled over until they were laying face to face. Anne leaned in, kissing her sleep-drunk smile, savoring the small noise she made in response.
Anne still aches inside, but this ache was new. Different. Because now she ached for Mary. Because now she ached under the weight of how much she loved Mary. Because now she ached for the life she could never give Mary. Of the pretty blue house they’d never paint with the red shutters, in view of the ocean for the rest of their days. Of the garden she’d never grow herbs in for Mary to cook with. Of the lazy mornings in bed they’d never get, with no ship or crew who needed them. Of the yard they’d never have, full of chickens and goats and…
They’d tried that once, tried to build that life for themselves. As a child she’d be taught to never turn her back on the ocean. And every time she tried, tried to walk away, tried to start again, she was inextricably pulled back out with the tide.
Now Anne ached inside because pirates don’t get peace, don’t get pretty blue houses with red shutters. Pirates don’t get to fall in love, don’t get happy endings. Pirates live on borrowed time.
But she would choose Mary every time, in every lifetime. She would choose whatever length of time the universe graced them with, if it meant getting to be with her.
She could live on borrowed time for Mary.
#ofmd fanfic#ofmd#our flag means death#ao3#ao3 writer#fanfiction#fanfic#fic#my writing#wip#anne bonny#mary read#calico jack#gay pirates#lesbians
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