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Six Baudelaires AU, Part Two: Reference Guide

A quick guide for everything I intentionally referenced in The Six Siblings, Part Two: This Tale is All Sorrows and Woes.

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MAJOR SPOILER WARNING - the plot twists from this section of the fanfiction will be discussed at length.

Without further ado…

Chapter One / Prologue - in which Lilac has to Older Sister

“Release Nick, you fiend!” Violet tackled Klaus to the ground, as both of her brothers burst into giggles. “Never! Nick’s my prisoner of war!” Klaus said, trying (and failing) to push her off.

Nick being the “captive” in the childrens’ game throughout the chapter is a bit of an obvious foreshadow to his captivity from Chapters 12-20... which meant it was really fun when none of you noticed until then and then tried to kill me. XD

A full reference of the books namedropped in the childrens’ game:

Violet and Nick’s kingdom, Terabithia, is from Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson. Their original characters, either Susan/Lucy and Peter/Edmund, are a reference to The Chronicles of Narnia by CS Lewis.

Lilac and Klaus’s kingdom, Gwyntystorm, and their characters, Irene and Curdie, are from The Princess and the Goblin and its sequel, The Princess and Curdie, by George MacDonald.

Lilac says she thought Nick was Eragon, from The Inheritance Cycle by Christopher Paolini, and Klaus says he was Aragorn, from The Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien. Nick’s suggestion for a new name, Glaedr, is also a character from The Inheritance Cycle. Nick finally decides to be Peter Pan, obviously from Peter Pan by JM Barrie.

“Naw, they definitely are.” Nick nodded. “When a new baby is born, one of the other children has to die. Everyone knows it.” [...] “Now, since it’s a girl maybe, they could take out one of them,” he gestured towards Violet and Lilac, “But you’re the most useless, Klaus, so-” [...] “But yeah. Babies suck and we should totally throw our sister off the roof.”

Direct reference to Addams Family Values (1993)

“Watch me.” Nick’s eyes lit up. “Wait, no, better plan. You guys remember Moses-”

Reference to the story of Moses, who was placed in a basket in a river as an infant.

Lilac quickly answered the phone, saying, “Baudelaire residence. This is Lilac Emily. To whom am I presently speaking?”

Lilac’s middle name is taken from her actress, Emily Browning.

“We’re sensible and proper!” Nick added.

A reference to S Theodora Markson’s catchphrase in All the Wrong Questions.

“What was that, Dad? No, no real ropes. Yeah, promise. We’ll go to bed on time, too. But you’ll all be back in the morning? Yeah, I know. Don’t open the windows.”

The Baudelaire parents don’t want to risk their children getting recruited.

“He said we have a new sister.” Lilac reported. “Solitude Theodora Baudelaire.”

A direct reference to S Theodora Markson.

“Can we make a blanket fort?” Klaus asked. “Like we used to?”

Much like the last prologue, this is a reference to the scene from the 2004 film.

Rest of the fic under the cut.

Chapter Two - in which the Baudelaires move into a nice Shack

As he stood, Nick turned to look at his brother, and after a second, he realized something. “Wait a minute.” he said. “Are you… taller than me?”

A reference to Louis Hynes’s growth spurt inbetween TMM and TAA in the Netflix series. (Though, fun fact, at this moment in time, Liam Aiken is currently taller than Louis Hynes, so I guess Nick eventually does end up taller.)

Violet groaned and stood, and Solitude said, “Winnie,” which meant, “We could have Babbitt judge; they’re good with numbers!”

A reference to the main character of Babbitt’s namesake, Tuck Everlasting by Natalie Babbitt.

After a moment, Nick said, “I’ll give you a tip.” “Yes?” Nick smiled slightly. “There’s a book, about the mother of a girl who reminds me a lot of you, in that everyone thinks she is adorable and perfect. The mother gets scared when the girl’s classmate drowns on a field trip and her daughter steals something shiny off of him, and she then finds out that she has a very suspicious genealogy.”

Nick giving tips in the form of book recommendations is a reference to Lemony’s habit of doing the same thing to Pip and Squeak in All the Wrong Questions. This is a double reference, as Liam Aiken, Nick’s actor, read the audiobooks for ATWQ.

The book he is referencing is The Bad Seed by William March.

“Gah-ahc.” said Solitude, which meant, “Let’s sleep outside.”

One of Soli’s lines in the 2004 film.

Chapter Three - in which the Baudelaires make new friends

Sunny narrowed her eyes. “Armoracia,” she muttered, which meant something like, “That doesn’t sound right. Apples and Horseradish taste very differently.”

Early foreshadowing for Sunny’s cooking interest.

“I can get the windows,” Lilac said, “Should be an ordinary-enough pin-tumbler lock.”

The phase “ordinary enough pin-tumbler lock” is repeated a lot, as a reference to the second All the Wrong Questions book, When Did You See Her Last?

“Yeah, there’s no locks.” Duncan said. “Bonnie said that they fell off a few years ago and never got replaced.”

A reference to a main character from The Wolves of Willoughby Chase by Joan Aiken.

Chapter Four - in which Duncan and Isadora break into a Library

“See? Researcher. Like Klaus.” Nick said. Klaus narrowed his eyes at his twin, trying to figure out what Nick was on about. “Is that… really important?” “Yes.” Nick said, and failed to elaborate. [...] “I think Klaus and Duncan should take the fungus.” Violet said, sharing a look with Nick. “The rest of us can keep an eye out for that book.” “Why should we take the fungus?” Violet held back a smile and shrugged, but Klaus quickly figured out what was going on. His face went red, and he glared at her, but Duncan said, “I’m fine with that,” so all he could do was shrug and keep shooting his siblings dark looks.

Violet and Nick are trying to set Duncan and Klaus up, much to Lilac’s horror.

“Like a little cat.” Duncan said. “One of those feral ones that are super tiny.”

A reference to the world’s smallest cat, the Rusty-spotted cat.

“That doesn’t sound right, but I really don’t give a shit.” Nick shrugged. “We’ll find it, won’t we, Soli?”

A reference to a line from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia episode 5x03, “The Great Recession”, which later became a meme - “That doesn’t sound right, but I don’t know enough about stars to dispute it.”

Chapter Five - in which the children run amok at Prufrock Prep

“You’re lucky.” Isadora said, sitting on the edge of the roof and kicking her legs as she looked down at the dying grass fields. “Our parents’ estate’s executor doesn’t give a fuck until orphans are ‘in’, whatever the hell that means.”

As revealed in The Slippery Slope book, Esme was left in charge of the Quagmires’ estate.

Lilac giggled. “Yeah. Mom used to have [a necklace] just like it, except instead of these gear patterns, it had her initials. I always thought it was pretty, but she never let me wear it, so I learned how to make my own. She was… so proud.”

2004 Film Violet does indeed have a necklace throughout the entire film; I just added a backstory.

“Nick Liam Baudelaire, what the hell is that?” Lilac shouted.

Nick’s middle name is in reference to his actor, Liam Aiken.

“Marbeau,” said Sunny, meaning, “Maybe they’ve finally opened a daycare or toddler school.”

A reference to Firmin Marbeau, who pioneered a forerunner of modern daycare.

Chapter Six - in which the Baudelaires have Gym Class

“Tik,” said Sunny, meaning, “No! Typing and stapling is so hard when we’re tired!”

“Tik” spelled backwards is “Kit”, which, no, is not a reference to Kit Snicket, but Kit Kittredge, who famously carries a typewriter.

“Say goodbye to Nick, Solitude.” Lilac said, grabbing the toddler’s hand and dragging her to her feet.

Another bit of foreshadowing for Nick’s capture.

“Olil.” Sunny groaned. “Leave me alone to die.”

“Olil” spelled backwards is “Lilo”, as Sunny is directly quoting a line from Lilo & Stitch (2002).

“Speaking of which,” Carmelita said, “As this is the second message I gave you, I really deserve a tip at this point.” “There’s a book about what happens when you let a bunch of schoolchildren run around unsupervised,” Klaus said, “And it features a pig’s head on a stick.”

Once again, the book recommendation instead of a tip is an All the Wrong Questions reference.

Klaus is recommending Lord of the Flies by William Golding.

Chapter Seven - in which Nick gets them all in Even More Trouble

“I’m just telling you what I was told to tell you.” Carmelita giggled. “And since this is my eleventh message, you’re overdue eleven tips.” “We gave you our tips.” Nick said, glaring at her. “But here’s today’s; there’s a book that was made into a popular film that is about a hound dog and a fox. In the book, at the end, the hound kills the fox.”

Once again, ATWQ reference with the tips.

The book he’s recommending is The Fox and the Hound by Daniel P Mannix; and, yes, that IS how the book ends. The Hound dies, too. You’re welcome for ruining your childhood.

“Klaus?” he sounded very uncharacteristically terrified. “Klaus? Are you okay?” Klaus, startled, quickly stumbled out, “Y-yeah, I’m fine…” as Lilac and Violet also jumped up, grabbing the infants, and the Quagmires hurried to their feet. “Did your glasses break?” “No, I’m-” “Are you hurt?” Nick pulled away from his slightly, his eyes moving fast as he scanned his brother.

While Nick’s PTSD worsens much later, the first signs of it start showing here; he’s still traumatized from Klaus’s hypnotism, which was always kicked off with him getting tripped and his glasses breaking.

“I wouldn’t say that.” said Nick, glaring down at the floor. He hadn’t looked anybody in the eye since he’d attacked Carmelita.

Nick isn’t ashamed of attacking Carmelita; he’s ashamed that he “overreacted” to something so minor. He doesn’t like admitting he needs help, which becomes a problem after his capture.

“We know what homeschooling is.” Violet said. “We were-”

In this continuity, the Baudelaires were homeschooled before the fire.

“Halloween, age nine,” Isadora said, “Was when we wanted to go as a certain family of six children. The problem being that there’re only three of us.”

A reference to The Brady Bunch.

“We know you’re not asking.” Isadora said, smiling. “We’re volunteering.”

whelp.

Chapter Eight - in which Lilac Snaps

No major references in this chapter.

Chapter Nine - in which the Baudelaires are given Fashion Lessons

They fell silent again, and then quietly, Lilac started to sing. She sang a song that was normally played very loud and energetic, but she gave it a slower melody, quietly soothing Sunny as they walked up and up the large staircase. It was a song about how everybody’s looking for something, and as they walked, listening to Lilac’s soft voice, they all really hoped that whoever was looking for the Quagmires would find them quickly.

A reference to “Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This)” by Eurythmics, but more specifically, a reference to Emily Browning’s cover version.

“Ah, you’re very adventurous!” Jerome said. “Just like your mother. We were friends a ways back. We hiked up Mount Fraught with some friends- gosh, it must have been twenty years ago-” [...] “Hmm? Oh, no, just the Snickets and that Markson boy.” Lilac narrowed her eyes. “Who?”

“That Markson boy” is a reference to the theory that Bertrand Baudelaire was adopted by S Theodora Markson’s family. Lilac’s recognition is not of her father’s maiden name, but of “Snicket”, which she vaguely remembers from her childhood.

Chapter Ten - in which the In Auction is planned

Currently, the Baudelaires were spread out in the living room. Nick and Klaus were trying to read through a book on Emily Dickinson that they’d bought the other day, while Violet and Lilac were going through the newspaper, trying to find something interesting, or some news on the search for Count Olaf.

The Baudelaires miss the Quagmires so much they’ve accidentally picked up their habits; Emily Dickinson is a famous poet, and Violet and Lilac are reading the newspaper.

“She seems like the kind of person who’d try to set me up with some rich kid.” Nick said. “And I’m never getting married, not even when I’m older. I’m gonna live alone in the woods, and the only one who can come visit me is Soli.”

Nick is aromantic.

“Ihering!” Soli said, which meant something like, “I’ll live with you and we can raise reptiles in the woods!”

A reference to Hermann von Ihering, a zoologist.

The waiter nodded. “I didn’t realize this was a sad occasion.” [...] “Did you say-?” Lilac began.

The waiter is a VFD agent; once again, Lilac vaguely recognizes the code phrase.

Chapter Eleven - in which Klaus finds an Ersatz Elevator

“I’m not going to let us chase red herrings!” Lilac shouted back, hurt.

Dark foreshadowing to the red herring statue.

“Solitude is,” Nick said, moving past him to find a pencil and paper, “Sunny is the albatross that curses us.” “Doom!” Sunny cheered.

A reference to The Rime of the Ancient Mariner by Samuel Taylor Coleridge.

“It worked.” Violet smiled. “We never expected otherwise.” Klaus said.

A reference to the line from “The Bad Beginning: Part One” in the Netflix series.

Chapter Twelve - in which the Baudelaires fall

“Not so bad.” Solitude muttered. Then, she said, “Radec,” which meant, “Just think of it as a ride, instead of an actual fall.”

“Radec” spelled backwards is “Cedar”; a lowkey reference to Cedar Point.

“No, we’re going to make a lockpick.” Lilac said. “Flamethrower’s too volatile. Besides, I don’t trust you with it.”

“Too volatile” is a reference to the phrase being used in The Grim Grotto.

She spun on her heel, exiting out a door behind them. As she did, Nick said, “Should I go after her and tell her the kitchen was out the other door?”

Esme went to call Olaf and the henchpeople, instead of going to the kitchen.

“Yeet Babbitt.” Solitude suggested.

A reference to the vine/meme.

They had to walk through a parlor to get to the door, and as they did, Nick stopped a moment, glancing at the phone. It didn’t look broken. “Hey, guys?” he called, but they didn’t hear him, so he started to run to catch up.

Nick started to run to catch up; he never did, because that’s when one of Olaf’s henchpeople grabs him.

And then, with a swish, there was a thump, thump, thump, and the Baudelaires stopped falling.

Only three thumps- because Klaus and Lilac were carrying the toddlers, and Nick didn’t fall, only three kids hit the net.

“Nhojnod!” Sunny shouted. “You bastard!”

“Njohnod” is “Don John” spelled backwards, a reference to the character from Much Ado About Nothing, who is a bastard in both the legal and ethical use of the term.

Chapter Thirteen - in which Sunny crawls up an elevator shaft

“Sunday Theodora Baudelaire!” Lilac shouted. “You get back down here right now!”

Sunny’s middle name, “Theodora”, is once again a reference to S Theodora Markson; even after her death, she’s still confusing people about what the S stood for.

Sunny sighed and turned slightly towards them, calling out, “Salvo!” which probably meant something like, “I’m going to go get us some rope and see if I can find Nick! I’ll be back soon!”

“Salvo” is a Latin verb, meaning “to save.”

Sunny bit her lip and shook her head. “Appentier,” she said, meaning, “He’s not in the penthouse, at least from what I saw.”

“Appentier” is a french word from which “penthouse apartment” is derived.

“Kim?” Sunny asked, meaning, “Wait, we get leeway for being kidnapped?”

“Kim” is the name of the girl who is kidnapped in the film Taken (2008).

Solitude glanced at her in confusion. “Greywater?” “Yes, Soli,” Violet said, “A word which here means, ‘basically piss and shit.’”

A reference to a line from IT: Chapter One (2017).

Chapter Fourteen - in which Some Children are sold at auction

“You’d be surprised what’s legal and what’s not, actually.” Esme said. “For instance, in our society, cannibalism is legal, but religiously frowned upon-”

A reference to the only ASOUE canon that matters, the Real-Time Fandub. (part one, part two)

“Very interesting.” Olaf said. “And I suppose you think that your dear sister Lilac will take care of you then?”

Olaf is taunting Nick here, as he’s about to drop quite a lot of secrets to him, but mainly that Lilac is his half-sister.

Notably, Nick is the only Baudelaire not present in this header image.

Chapter Fifteen - in which Nobody’s having a good time

No major references in this chapter.

Chapter Sixteen - in which Lilac has a bad plan

For sapphires and fortunes we are held in here. Only you can end our fear.

Isadora’s poems are ever-so-slightly different in this AU, due to Nick’s presence.

The addition of and fortunes indicates that Nick is still with them.

Until dawn comes, we cannot speak speak. No voices come from this sad beak.

“voices” is more specific than “words can”; Nick has already started to go nonverbal due to his trauma, and Duncan and Isadora are unable to yell through the statue.

Chapter Seventeen - in which the Village makes a Big Mistake

But as she passed the Baudelaires, her hand slipped, and the man turned and met Lilac’s eyes. He stared for a moment, as if he realized with a shock he recognized her from somewhere. Then, he said, very quietly, “The world is quiet here.”

Jacques is realizing that Lilac has Lemony’s eyes; if he hadn’t realized before she was his niece, he does now. He tries to signal her with a VFD codephrase.

“Now,” Lilac said, “We will need full access to all your inventing materials.” “And I’ll need blueprints of the uptown jail.” Klaus said. “Dead fly.” said Solitude.

While this is an obvious reference to Soli wanting to feed Babbitt, it is also a reference to a similar request made by Wednesday Addams in the 1964 sitcom The Addams Family, episode 1x10, “Wednesday Leaves Home.”

The first thing you read contains our clues: An initial way to speak to you.

“Our clues”, once again, signals that Nick is still with the Quagmires.

Chapter Eighteen - in which Count Olaf was not murdered

No major references in this chapter.

Chapter Nineteen - in which the Twins get a Birthday Present

“You won’t keep Nick.” Lilac added. “He’ll get away from you, and the Quagmires, too! We’re never going to give up, and neither are they!” “Baudelaires don’t give up!” Solitude shouted. Olaf just smiled. “I wouldn’t be too sure about that.”

Nick’s trauma has already caused him to shut down completely, and Olaf knows this.

Inside these letters the eye will see Nearby are your loved ones and the VFD

Nick and the Quagmires are still together.

Chapter Twenty - in which Sunny drives a Firetruck

“Nick, hey.” Isadora slowly pulled away from Violet and Lilac and stepped closer to the fountain, her voice very soft. “Your siblings found us. We were right. They found us.”

The Quagmires aren’t as traumatized as Nick; they’ve learned how to avoid the wrath of their captors, and have complete faith that the Baudelaires will save them. Nick’s been tortured and told quite a lot of things that temporarily broke him.

Duncan and Isadora shared a glance, and to the Baudelaires’ surprise, Nick flinched and also shared the triplets’ look. “Well, that’s not a surprise.” Duncan said. “He was the brother of a man who-”

Duncan, Isadora and Nick all know about Jacques Snicket, his relationship to Lemony, and Lemony’s relationship to Lilac.

Nick was backing away from the fence, eyes wide, gripping onto Solitude so hard his knuckles were white. Isadora ran forwards, and Lilac realized then that he was shaking uncontrollably. “Nick, Nick, it’s okay!” Isadora said. She reached forwards, grabbing his face. “Look at me! Look at me! Duncan-” Duncan ran over, putting a hand on Nick’s shoulder, as Nick said, “They’re going to find us. They’re going to catch us. They’re going to find us-”

A lot of Nick’s trauma came from punishments after he attempted to escape, so he goes into a panic whenever they’re about to be caught.

At that moment, Solitude pushed Babbitt onto Nick’s shoulder and said, “Hold this!” She immediately started running, jumping over Lilac and crawling through the window and onto the seat beside Sunny. Then she slid to the floor and jumped on the gas pedal, causing them to take off again.

A reference to Pip and Squeak from All the Wrong Questions, who drove their taxi in a similar way.

Klaus stared back, and then his gaze hardened, and his siblings had never seen him look so furious. “I’m going to kill them.” Klaus vowed, and he meant it. “I’m going to kill them, Nick.” Nick’s eyes widened, and for several seconds, he looked like he physically could not process what his brother had just said.

A running joke up to this point was that Nick would suggest murder and Klaus would remind him that was illegal; after seeing his brother in such a state of shock and fear, this gag drops as Klaus decides Olaf and his troupe have to die.

Chapter Twenty-One - in which Nick is not feeling great

Meanwhile, Klaus was leaning against the wall, with Nick leaning onto his shoulder, curled up so he could be as close to his brother as possible. He had his eyes shut, but Lilac knew he wasn’t asleep; she didn’t think he’d slept at all.

A symptom of severe trauma is the loss of sleep, either because of nightmares, or fear of what could happen while in such a defenseless position. This will be explored in Part Three.

Nick bit his lip, and then nodded and said, “I-I’m sorry-”

Nick’s gotten over the initial shock of his rescue, and he’s starting to regret breaking down and starting to hate being so obviously traumatized.

“Wait, Li…” Nick paused. “Can I… can I talk to you?” “Of course.” Lilac said softly. Nick glanced from Klaus to Violet to the toddlers. “Alone?”

Nick has decided it’s Lilac’s right to know she has a different (possibly living?) biological dad than the rest of them, but he also knows it’s her decision who else she wants to know, hence why he wants to tell her alone.

Nick looked up at Klaus, and said, “I-I…” he shut his eyes. “I thought I heard… no, no, I must’ve… I thought I heard her, but… I had to… she wouldn’t… have found us this fast…”

Esme and Olaf were Nick’s main tormentors; they trigger his panic attacks more than the presence of the rest of the troupe.

“No! No, don’t leave!” Nick shouted, leaping forwards and grabbing Klaus’s arm.

Nick is absolutely terrified of isolation/abandonment, especially in enclosed spaces.

“Never!” Klaus pushed Nick farther, incredibly terrified by just how quiet his brother was.

Nick was punished a lot for “backtalking” his captors, so when he’s around Olaf and Esme, he almost never speaks.

Chapter Twenty-Two - in which the Baudelaires break into a Hospital

“Dimidium,” Sunny said, which meant, “Well, it’s only half a hospital.”

“Dimidium” is a Latin noun, meaning “half.”

“We could kick down the door.” Lilac suggested. Then, she gave Nick a small smile. “Remember, Nick? When you were locked in the closet and wanted Mom to kick down the door?”

A reference to a previous one-shot for the Six Baudelaires AU.

“Do you think that’ll have the information we need?” Violet asked. Nick flinched again, and then he said, “Um-”

Nick heard the word “Snicket”, and immediately assumes the worst- that it’ll out Lilac to the rest of their siblings.

Chapter Twenty-Three - in which Solitude steals some shit

Nick still didn’t respond, and Violet’s voice broke. “You have to remember. You couldn’t have been younger than… six or seven. Mother and Father were so mad, when they found us I thought they were going to explode… but you weren’t even upset, I cried but you just said you’d… you’d heard some kind of animal cry, and you thought it might need help, and I was the only one awake to help you… they got even madder, told you you should’ve stayed with them, but you didn’t see anything wrong, and… Nick, please tell me you remember that…”

An animal cry is a signal from VFD recruiters to prompt the children to say the codephrase that begins recruitment. The Baudelaire parents don’t want their children recruited, and were terrified to wake up and find their children gone on a night that they could have been kidnapped.

Violet carefully pulled the scraps from her pocket, spreading them out in front of her, while Klaus turned to Nick. “Did they tell you anything?” he asked. “While you were… with them? About VFD, or this whole ‘Snicket’ thing, or Olaf?” Nick didn’t look anyone in the eye. “There wasn’t… much time to chat. I only… Lilac, can we talk?”

Pretty much all of Nick’s pleas for Lilac to talk to her are brought on when Snicket is mentioned.

Nick pulled away, scratching at his arm, “That’s not…”

POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNING: IMPLIED SELF HARM

Nick’s arm scratches are a tic he picked up during his captivity; he starts to scratch whenever his captors are mentioned, to keep himself alert. This will be discussed and resolved in Part Three.

Nick looked sharply up at her and said, “Mom stole from Esme. She wouldn’t give a shit.”

Nick knows about the theft of the sugar bowl, as well as the Opera Night. (which are separate incidents, fuck you Netflix.) He’s very pissed at his parents for keeping vital information from them.

Chapter Twenty-Four - in which Violet makes a decision

They went to the Js. Then, quietly, Nick said, “Can we go to the L cabinets?” “Why?” Lilac asked. Nick glanced towards his siblings, and then away. “Just a guess.” Lilac shrugged directed them to the Ls, and Nick flipped through one drawer, eyes narrowed. Then he shook his head. “Nothing here.”

He’s looking under both “Lemony” and “Lilac.”

Nick paused. “I mean… we don’t have to- to watch it right away.” [...] “Li, please,” he said, “Can we talk? Just outside, just the two of us, there’s something-”

Nick wants to be able to tell Lilac about the whole “Lemony Snicket” thing before they can risk having her find out from the file.

“I did.” Jacques nodded. “I managed to contact-”

He managed to contact Quigley.

“We’ll find them.” Lilac swore. “Are you okay?” “Yeah.” “Are you scared?” “I’m scared you won’t let me make a flamethrower and turn it on that bitch.”

A reference to this incorrect quote, which is, of itself, a reference to a line from the television show Brooklyn Nine-Nine, episode 3x10, “Yippie Kayak.”

Still no response. Lilac looked around in terror, her hand flying to her necklace. “Violet Malina Baudelaire! You get the fuck out here!”

Violet’s middle name is taken from her actress, Malina Weissman.

Chapter Twenty-Five - in which Lilac breaks down

“I’m not…” Lilac sniffled. “I’m not like you.” Nick froze. “What does that mean?” “You all are so close.” Lilac shut her eyes. “You and Solitude, you and Klaus, you and Violet, Violet and Klaus, Klaus and Sunny, Solitude and Sunny… all of you. You’re all each others’ best friends. None of you care about me like that. [...] I just… feel like… like there’s this wall between us. That we can’t see, but we can’t cross. And I can see you all… you all together. And I just… can’t be like that. Cause I have to be responsible? Cause I’m the oldest? Cause… cause I just can’t be loved?” “Li!” Nick put a hand on her cheek, turning her towards him. “Li, we do love you. You’re our big sister! You’re our sister! You are our family! Sure, we pick on you, but not because we hate you! We all love you, too!”

This is why Nick doesn’t take the opportunity to tell her about her heritage; he wants to wait for a moment where the information won’t give her more anxiety, or make her think she’s somehow less family.

Nick paused a moment, and then he leaned his head on her shoulder, shut his eyes, and said, “They fuck you up, your Mom and Dad. [...] They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had, then add some extra, just for you.” Lilac stiffened for a second, and then carefully put an arm around Nick. “Where… where’d you learn that?” “The Library.” Nick lied.

Nick is quoting “This Be the Verse” by Philip Larkin, which is later quoted by Olaf in “The End.” He learned the poem during his captivity.

“Nick.” Lilac wiped her eyes, and then put her hands on his. “It’s okay to… to talk about what happened to you.” Nick bit his lip. “That’s…” “I’ve been busy, yes, but I’ve also been scared. Scared that I’ll… I’ll hear something that makes everything worse.” Lilac’s eyes darted to the ground a moment, before going back up to Nick. “But I’ll listen. I want to hear you. I want you to tell me.”

TRIGGER WARNING: CSA MENTION

Lilac has been avoiding Nick in fear that he’ll explain what he suffered under Olaf. While she knows learning the details can help her better protect her brother, she is terrified that she won’t be able to handle it, and she’s completely terrified he might have been sexually assaulted, seeing as Olaf threatened to do that to Violet specifically to punish Lilac, and he had Nick under his control for a while.

Nick smiled at her. “You can do anything, sis.”

Nick knows she’s biologically his half-sister, but he wants to make completely sure she knows he will always consider her his sister and his family, and nothing can change that.

Chapter Twenty-Six - in which Klaus impersonates a Doctor

Nick flinched. “You want to be like him?”

Something to note: After his capture, Nick never refers to Olaf or Esme by their names; just him or her.

Nick took a deep breath. “These vents are a lot bigger than I thought, but, um… they’re still pretty cramped.” Solitude shrugged. Of course it didn’t seem cramped to her, she was only a little over two feet tall. “I was just… I’m not sure I like how small it is.”

Nick’s claustrophobia, gained from being trapped in a red herring, a statue, and possibly other small spaces inbetween, is starting up.

“Doctor Howser.” Lilac said in an austrailian accent, thinking very fast. “We’re going to perform surgery soon.”

A reference to Doogie Howser, MD, which starred a young Neil Patrick Harris, who played Olaf in the Netflix series.

“Since when could you do an Austrailian accent?” “You don’t know everything about me.” Lilac scanned the list.

Lilac’s actress, Emily Browning, is Australian.

Chapter Twenty-Seven - in which the Baudelaires jump out a window

Nick had placed Solitude onto the ground and now held Violet by the shoulders, shaking her slightly as he shouted. “What did they do to you, Vi? Vi, what did they do?”

Nick knows exactly what could have happened to Violet in captivity, so he’s completely and utterly panicked.

“I’m with Klaus.” Nick said shakily. “We go together or not at all.”

A reference to the track “Together or Not at All” from Doctor Who, by Murray Gold.

Chapter Twenty-Eight - in which the Baudelaires visit a Carnival

No major references in this chapter.

Chapter Twenty-Nine - in which Solitude finally morphs into a reptile

“Well, if they…” Nick shut his eyes. “We just… better get there before they drink too much, that’s all.”

Nick has had experience with the troupe while drunk, and would rather attempt to speak with them before it goes too far.

“Well, then,” Lulu said, stepping forwards and looking a bit confused, “What exactly are you, please?” “You can call me Babydoll.” Lilac said.

A very clear reference to the character that Emily Browning played in Sucker Punch (2011).

Surprisingly, the henchpeople looked a little startled at that, as did Lulu, but Esme laughed. “Sounds like my kind of girl!” she said. “I drowned an ex once. So did you, dear, right?” Olaf was taking another swig of wine, so they couldn’t exactly see his reaction.

Olaf “drowning an ex” is a reference to the Netflix show canon, where he left Georgina Orwell under a bridge to drown.

His reaction being hidden is because, for obvious reasons, he doesn’t quite want to talk about murdered parents.

“Well, I’m Elliot,” Klaus said, “And this is my other head, Janus.”

Janus was a Roman god with two faces.

“And that down there,” Lilac said, pointing her thumb at Solitude, “Is our little pet gorgon. We call ‘er Euryale, cause her actual name is just a buncha hisses.”

Euryale was one of Medusa’s sisters in Greek Mythology.

Chapter Thirty - in which the Baudelaires put on a show

But as they started to leave, they heard a low rumble, and Nick immediately grabbed onto Klaus’s arm and let out a nervous gasp that was, thankfully, missed in the noise.

Nick recognizes the sound of Olaf’s car.

Chapter Thirty-One - in which the Baudelaires play fortune teller

“Or maybe,” Nick said, very quietly, keeping his eyes shut tight, “They were told not to find us.”

Nick learned a lot about VFD during his captivity, including their recruitment. He’s worried that their surviving parent may be ready to give them up to the organization.

Nick grabbed a selection of paper, staring curiously, and then he quickly tried to shove it back, but Klaus’s eyes widened as he caught a glimpse of it, and he grabbed it from his brother.

Nick, once again, sees the name “Snicket” and assumes the worst.

Chapter Thirty-Two - in which the Baudelaires are asked to murder

“No, thank you.” Esme said, looking down a Sunny and frowning. “I’m afraid I don’t like cinnamon in chocolate anymore, the woman who introduced it to me recently perished in a fire. But it’s very kind of you to offer.”

The Baudelaires received their taste for cinnamon in hot chocolate from their mother.

“Sounds good.” Kevin said. “I’ve committed crimes before. Why, when I was no older than Elliot and Janus-”

A reference to the theory that Kevin from ASOUE is the same as Kevin Old from File Under: 13 Suspicious Incidents, who committed vandalism and thievery.

Chapter Thirty-Three - in which someone is pushed to the lions

“I’m sure you are.” Olaf smirked, and he reached forwards and put a cold hand on Nick’s cheek. Nick tried very hard not to cry, but he wasn’t succeeding very well. “Now go jump into that pit. We want to see you devoured by lions.”

Olaf, who knows that the freaks are the Baudelaires, specifically picked Klaus and Nick to sacrifice to the lions specifically to torment Nick more; he knows what effect he has on him, and is relishing it. Once the boys are gone, they can grab the rest of the Baudelaires and escape.

“I wish we had a cartographer with us.” Violet sighed.

A reference to the next book, where Violet will have a relationship with Quigley, a cartographer.

Chapter Thirty-Four / Epilogue - in which they should have said something

“Come on.” Bertrand said, taking Violet’s hands and spinning her as she giggled. “It’s Duke Ellington. That’s your fav, Li.”

A reference to All the Wrong Questions.

“What song is this?” Violet asked. Beatrice smiled over at Soli, who was curled up on Nick’s lap, biting his sweater. “It’s got a very special name, isn’t that right, dear?” Solitude giggled.

“Solitude”, by Duke Ellington, likely Ellington’s song in All the Wrong Questions.

“Dashiell if it’s a boy,” Bertrand replied, “Sunny if it’s a girl.”

“Dashiell” after Dashiell Qwerty from All the Wrong Questions.

“We could adopt one of the outdoors animals.” Nick suggested. Beatrice and Bertrand turned to look at him. “The what?” Bertrand asked. “I keep hearing animals outside my window, every now and again.” Nick shrugged. “Howling or yipping or sometimes breaking a branch. Maybe if we brought them into the house, they wouldn’t get in so much trouble.”

Recruitment attempts that have not been working, because Beatrice and Bertrand refuse to let their children join VFD.

She turned to a selection of beach photos, slowly pulling out a small picture of baby Lilac, sitting on Briny Beach. It hadn’t been the first time she’d seen the ocean, but she’d still been so excited to splash in the water.

Since Lilac was born eleven months before Violet, it’s likely she was born on the island.

#asoue #asoue netflix #asoue movie #a series of unfortunate events #six baudelaires au #six baudelaires bonus #six baudelaires official fic #six baudelaires reference guide #mine

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angelofberlin2000 · 5 years

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In his 14 minutes of screentime in Always Be My Maybe, Netflix’s latest rom-com phenomenon, 54-year-old Keanu Reeves — now 30 years into his stardom — skewers and subverts the personas we’ve come to attach to him.

Reeves, playing an outsized version of himself, cuts an imposing figure in his introduction. Time slows to a crawl. All eyes gravitate toward the velvet-jacketed figure with striking beauty and prickly charisma. After his entrance — a show for everyone in the farcical restaurant Maximal — he slides toward Ali Wong’s celebrity chef Sasha, offering spiritual platitudes in the face of her unfettered lust. “I missed your thumbs,” she breathily exhales. “I missed your soul” is his reply.

It’s a maniacally delightful performance that both reminds audiences of Reeves’s place in Asian-American Hollywood history and allows him to flex improvisational skills as he cycles through the various masks we have grafted onto him. There’s the impossibly otherworldly Keanu, who says with utmost sincerity, “The only stars that matter are the ones that you see when you dream.” There’s action-star Keanu, who smashes a vase against his own head in a game of Icebreaker and easily puts the jealous protagonist, Marcus (Randall Park), in a headlock — fully committed, physically graceful, and beautifully dangerous. The Keanu of internet memes and viral threads is here, too, in the very fact that he’s playing himself.

Reeves is having a dynamite year with the success of Always Be My Maybe, the outrageously violent John Wick Chapter 3: Parabellum, and Toy Story 4, in which he plays Canada’s greatest stunt driver, Duke Caboom. (Another sly nod perhaps? While born in Beirut, Reeves — who is of Chinese-Hawaiian and British ancestry — was raised in Toronto.) The actor’s more recent evolution into a meme may flatten his complexities, but it does signal why he has endured all this time, despite the persistent claim that he’s a bad actor, or just a limited one. As I’ve contended in the past, this is a gross misreading of a great actor. In her tremendous 2007 masterwork The Star Machine, film professor and historian Jeanine Basinger praises Reeves amongst his generational contemporaries: “Reeves is a neo-star fighting the concept of stardom itself, working steadily against persona to the point where no one has a clear idea of who Reeves is onscreen anymore. This has hurt him, but it has also allowed him to maintain versatility that means more to him than fame. […] His career would have been limited, and thus short lived. Instead, he has used his freedom to move on and slowly force audiences to accept him as a real actor.”

Just take a look at the arc of his career — as a teenager going through an existential crisis in the blackhearted wonder River’s Edge (1986); the affably dimwitted Theodore “Ted” Logan from Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1989) and its sequel; the bodaciously supple and yearning FBI agent and surfer Johnny Utah in Point Break (1991); a bruisingly courteous SWAT officer in Speed (1994); the beatific savior Neo in The Matrix (1999); the violent redneck in The Gift (2000); an occult detective radiating self-loathing and suicidal yearnings in Constantine (2005); and of course, the titular tenderhearted and violently dangerous assassin of the John Wick franchise. In looking at all of his performances, I am reminded of what the great Roger Ebert wrote in his review of the Bill & Ted sequel back in the early ‘90s: “I have seen Keanu Reeves in vastly different roles (the FBI man in the current Point Break, for example), and am a little astonished by the range of these performances.”

Throughout his career, Reeves has eschewed obvious transformation in favor of something trickier and more subtle. What has allowed him to remain a star, 30 years later, is a blend of virility, vulnerability, and an aura of mystery, hearkening to a bygone era of stardom that contradicts the current moment, which requires stars to seem endlessly accessible; his sheer joy for the medium that makes him a cinematic sensualist; his racial dimensions as a star; and his gimlet-eyed understanding of the female gaze. These qualities are unique in the current market of stardom in Hollywood, allowing him to straddle various cinematic contexts with ease — mainstream romantic comedies, somber indie flicks, gloriously decadent action flicks.

They come through in one of his earliest films, My Own Private Idaho, a meditative character study about two young hustlers — Mike Waters (River Phoenix), a shy narcoleptic in search of a sense of home, and the strikingly beautiful Scott Favor (Reeves), a trust-fund kid slumming it until his inheritance kicks in at 21. Reeves and his late co-star imbue their characters with a particular mix of virility, vulnerability, and mystery. I’d argue that all the greatest leading men in the annals of Hollywood stardom have existed at this intersection to varying degrees — something I feel has been lacking from modern male stars, partially because they are being formed in franchises that lack interest in the visceral aspects of humanity. (It helps that Reeves has declined offers to join Marvel, even though they’ve been trying to woo him to their stable for years.) Humphrey Bogart’s cool is consistently undercut by his own anger and self-loathing. William Holden held something dark behind his megawatt smile and gleaming blond locks. Paul Newman always felt a touch remote, like he was hiding bruised aspects of himself from the audience. Marlon Brando, of course, epitomizes these qualities. Reeves is brimming with similar contradictions. He reflects this tradition by being at once beatifically still and emotionally expressive, defined by loneliness and a yearning to be saved from it.

In My Own Private Idaho, Reeves is the object of desire not only for Mike but the camera itself. Deep into the film, Mike timidly reveals his love to Scott while they camp out in the desert, a fire crackling before them. Phoenix plays Mike as wild with energy he has no real outlet for, leading to an awkward physicality. Reeves grants his character a languid brio. He takes up space, laying close to the fire, his head dipped back to study Mike as he timidly expresses his feelings. He’s outstretched, willowy, and aware of Mike’s gaze; he examines the weight of it. The scene reveals one of Reeves’s greatest skills as an actor: being an active listener. As he studies Mike, he invites and toys with his feelings. “I only have sex with a guy for money,” he notes offhandedly as if it were a random truth, not a response to a declaration of love. But just as the prickliness of his character comes into view (foreshadowing later betrayals), Reeves displays a burnishing sincerity. Arms outstretched, he says, “Let’s go to sleep,” and proceeds to cradle Mike.

The full-bodied listening Reeves exhibits in My Own Private Idaho is a hallmark of his work opposite women as well. Reeves is a great example of what Roswell New Mexico writer Alanna Bennett deemed The Look: “The number one thing a man in a romcom needs, TV or movie, is the ability to look at their love interest REALLY WELL. The man barely even needs to speak if he just knows how LOOK at a person.” Reeves has given that look in multiple contexts — his face is bright with awe when he looks at Carrie-Anne Moss’s Trinity in the Matrix films; it has a touch of admiration when he gazes at Sandra Bullock in Speed; and it is filled with unmitigated desire for Diane Keaton’s Erica Barry in Something’s Gotta Give.

Nancy Meyer’s 2003 ode to beachside property and an older woman’s sensual awakening stars Keaton as a successful playwright who finds herself falling for two very different men — Harry Sanborn (Jack Nicholson), who briefly dated her daughter (how this didn’t disqualify him immediately continues to baffle me) and has to go through a damn heart attack before he can see what’s attractive in a woman around his own age; and Julian Mercer (Reeves), a sweet doctor with a penchant for black turtlenecks who is immediately smitten when they meet.

In the film, Reeves is attuned to the female gaze in its most literal incarnation — an understanding of how women see the world, what they want from it, and how they make sense of desire. During a dinner scene with Julian, Erica’s face and neck are flush. She’s skittish and nervous in the face of his undeniable — but never disrespectful — sexual and romantic interest. Reeves’s face shows the depth and breadth of The Look, as he glides from teasing lust to a spark of genuine intellectual attraction. At one point, when their conversations turns to women his own age, he says, “I’ve never met one I’ve reacted to” — stumbling for a moment, as if shocked by the depth of his own feeling — “… quite like this. When something happens to you that hasn’t happened before, don’t you have to at least find out what it is?” He’s a man overcome and humbled by his own desire. Is there anything sexier? Then he leans in, his face going soft, gently kissing the groove where her neck meets her shoulder. “I knew you’d smell good,” he whispers. Only Reeves could pull off a line like that.

Many actors of Reeves’s caliber are too invested in being in the spotlight of a scene to play a romantic lead like this. After the fall of the studio system in the 1960s, Hollywood no longer looked at women as a viable market, and while romantic comedies continued to get made, going forward, there was a notable shift in whose desire was centered — and how little male actors seemed interested in exploring romance and desire. Reeves’s willingness brought another layer of intimacy to his relationship with his audience, offering a more flexible, vulnerable portrait of masculinity that sets him apart from other name stars.

That intimacy is key to Reeves’s longevity. It’s what makes him such a great cinematic sensualist. In 2009, Matt Zoller Seitz argued that directors Michael Mann, Terrence Malick, David Lynch, Wong Kar-wai, and Hou Hsiao-hsien were the “the decade’s best sensualists filmmakers.” He wrote, “They share a defining trait: a lyrical gift for showing life in the moment, for capturing experience as it happens and as we remember it. The sensualists are bored with dramatic housekeeping. They’re interested in sensations and emotions, occurrences and memories of occurrences.” I’d argue that being a cinematic sensualist is a distinction that can apply to acting as well. For actors, it is about bringing texture and complication to a film, existing wholly in the moment, and a keen interest in the human body.

When we watch films, the body keeps score as much as the mind does. Reeves demonstrates an understanding of this. This is apparent in the delicate neck kiss in Something’s Gotta Give; the careful way his hand skitters across broken glass before deciding on which shard to slit his wrists with in Constantine; the calm he engenders with merely the sound of his voice in Thumbsucker. But it’s most impactful in his career as an action star. In many ways, the John Wick franchise is the perfect marriage of director and star. The third film is a tactile feast. Consider a scene early in John Wick 3, in which Reeves methodically takes apart and reassembles a gun for a single shot. This scene is, of course, a testament to the character’s skill as an assassin. But it also acts as a reminder of how out of step John is with the world around him, betraying a desire for the quieter moments in life — despite the brutal milieu he finds himself in — and a strange empathy for the world around him, whether it be object or animal. This allows a humanity to glitter throughout his performances that often feels absent from many action franchises that sacrifice character on the altar of plot.

There’s another part of Reeves’s star image I suspect has played into our abiding fascination with him. Until Always Be My Maybe, the most under-discussed part of Reeves’s persona was his race. Late in his slim but potent book-length essay Mixed-Race Superman: Keanu, Obama, and Multicultural Experience, Will Harris astutely writes about a particular aspect of the 2005 film A Scanner Darkly that, metatextually, speaks to Reeves’s whole career:

“To be mixed-race is to exist in a state of paradox. Race is an illusion that depends on purity and singleness. […] In A Scanner Darkly, set in a paranoid surveillance state in the near-future, Keanu plays a government agent called Bob Arctor, who because he works undercover, has to wear a ‘scramble suit’ in the office. The suit projecting 1.5 million constantly shifting representations of different people — male and female, black, white, Latinx — keeps his identity cloaked. Even the people he works with have no idea who he is.”

Like his persona, Reeves’s face itself is considered unplaceable. Growing up, he never read as white to me, but he has read that way to Hollywood, which allowed his career to be mutable in ways that very few people of color ever experience. But for much of the moviegoing audience, seeing his face has always been a point of connection. It’s the undercurrent of why his turn in Always Be My Maybe felt like such a significant moment in his career. It was as though something had been revealed about him for the first time, even though it had been present all along. That it was such a joyful, brazenly comedic role added yet another twist on his image. There was a sense that, even after 30 years in the spotlight, Reeves can still surprise us.

#keanu reeves #why we can't stop watching keanu reeves #angelica jade bastien #vulture

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discursivities · 7 years

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From Baudrillard we’ve inherited a number of terms, the one relevant to this post being ‘hyper-real’ (sometimes ‘hyper-reality’). By ‘hyper-real’ what we mean to denote is a resemblance to The Real—unmediated reality—that is, for some very basic reasons, ‘better’ or ‘preferable’, but ultimately gives the impression of being ‘more real than The Real’. A hyper-real experience of some x is an experience of x that is preferable—given its increased vivacity, sharpness etc.—to an experience of that same x in actual ‘The Real’ reality.

An example will make the distinction clear. Our ‘post-modern’ father, who finds himself absurdly competing everyday for the affections of his son against the most impossible alternatives—video games, television, the internet, etc.—decides to disconnect the boy for a few hours and take him to a baseball game. The boy, who actually knows quite a bit about baseball and even claims to be a fan of the game, quickly grows bored and even slightly annoyed with his father for bringing him outside. His annoyance is the product of a very telling insight—that is: the boy realizes that, had he been left to his own devices (note the lack of idiom), he could have stimulated himself much more effectively and with greater enjoyment. This knowledge, almost over-whelming in its force, prompts the boy to finally proclaim to his father (not half-way through the third inning, we might imagine): ‘This has been fun and all, but you should play MLB2K13 if you really like baseball.’ The absurdity of this statement is all the more difficult to bear because we understand exactly what he means. If he was in a more ironic mood, then he might say: ‘This has been fun and all, but it doesn’t come close to the real thing.’ This wording brings out sharpest the consequences of hyper-reality. The actual game of baseball being played out on the field, under the sun, with bats, balls, and sponsors—this constitutes, for our purposes, The Real. The video-game, which began as a mere simulation of reality, has transcended its status of being a simple ‘resemblance’. The hyper-focused, beautiful, lush visuals; the ease and comfort with which the game is played; the total engagement and over-stimulation—these factors conspire in bringing the game to the position of ‘hyper-reality’. It is the trademark of hyper-reality that it seems ‘more real than real’—and this is a matter of perfection. Where an actual game of baseball may be sloppy, start-and-stop, and uncomfortable to watch (heat, lack of shade, inability to hit pause and go grab a snack, etc.), the hyper-real experience on the other hand has none of these deficiencies.

Hyper-reality is present in those movies ‘based on a true story’, especially if the events depicted happened in your lifetime and—at the time they were happening—you couldn’t be bothered to watch the news. The eagerness with which we line up outside the theater on opening night is an irony lost on just about everyone.

A very standard ‘post-modern’ critique of the hyper-real concerns the spectator’s propensity to reproduce inauthentic experience. If the hyper-real is so compelling, then our construction of experience (day-to-day) will inevitably converge upon trying to re-create the hyper-real. The two obvious problems to arise from this treatment of experience are: first, it is very seldom that the hyper-real can be recreated spontaneously; the almost inevitable failure to do so leads to disappointment and depression. Second, all experience will be mediated by a host of ‘ideal’ versions of that experience which, if allowed to mediate, will provide for the same outputs every time. What you eventually get is repetition and an inability to see yourself out of that repetition. So we become trapped in a cycle of creating inauthentic experiences that will never be enough to satisfy. You can guess what many will find to be the solution: rejection of experience in total—authentic or inauthentic (which is the only type they have any inkling of how to create)—and a return to the solitude of hyper-reality.

I think, by this point, the direction I’m taking is fairly obvious with regards to social media (and Tumblr in particular). Whereas with such media as movies, video games, books (to a diminished degree), etc. we are given a pretty well structured set of parameters to reproduce, the same cannot be said of social media. Let’s say that I’m a fan of sit-coms that revolve around some setting like, for example, a café. Now, when I visit cafes, I have these shows in mind—their general plots, dialogue and the types of characters typically involved—so that I begin to reproduce what I’ve seen. (It must be noted that this isn’t an explicitly conscious project, although it can be, however commonly operating as if by reflex). While it is impossible to perfectly mimic the hyper-real experience of watching the show, I may come close. This is because the dimensions of a ‘café-centered sit-com’ are finite and rather easily recognizable. So much so, in fact, that I could reasonably become annoyed if my friend—who I’ve arranged to meet at some café—‘drops the ball’, so to speak, and does something out of line with the re-creation. (A situation of this sort was humorously depicted in Sartre’s Nausea, when the protagonist’s lover complained that he was always ruining her cinematic moments, usually by saying something banal).

Social media (now: SM) either doesn’t have—or doesn’t have very clear—parameters of this sort. It would appear that SM is the hyper-real replica of reality’s social aspect itself. It is no wonder, then, that we cannot enumerate all of its dimensions, because doing so would be to list everything that is of and in society. I hope the horror of the situation is becoming clear. This is what we are faced with: if SM takes the place of ‘the hyper-real version of ‘social interaction’/’society’’, then all future social interactions (happening in good old capital-R Reality) will be mediated by the glowing ideal of the Internet. And I do believe SM is hyper-real. It provides for all of the benefits of social interaction—communication, solidarity, friendship, etc.—without any of the hairy details involved in actually going outside and maybe being stood-up or bored. If you’re not convinced SM is hyper-real, then consider the following examples that would be impossible in an unmediated interaction.

You’re talking to your best friend online. Knowing each other as well as you two do is great, the conversations are funny and everyone’s always on the same page, but naturally things become formulaic and after a bit of interaction you need a break. No problem. Open a new tab, watch a video, listen to music, read an article, play a game, etc. They’re still there in the chat-window for whenever you want to resume the conversation (in fact, they’re probably doing the same thing on their end). Further, Internet etiquette has evolved to the point where we don’t even have to say ‘bye’ or ‘I’ll be back in a second’ or anything. You can drop a conversation at any time, and pick it back up at any time, and no one cares.

Another example. If you really wanted (and if you had a bit of an inferiority complex) you could easily appear as a very smart, hip, well-informed person. You can see where I’m going with this. If there is ever, in the course of your conversation, a term you’re unfamiliar with you can look it up and appear an expert within seconds. Ditto re ‘have you seen/heard/read the new ____’

Imagine trying to import these examples into a real, unmediated, social experience. It can’t be done. So what happens? The two consequences of hyper-reality still take effect, but more destructively since our attempts are from the outset more futile. We are condemned to a reality where all of our attempts at unmediated social interaction fall utterly flat. What we put in place of authentic social interaction is the creation of semblances. I’m sure you’ve seen this, or perhaps you’ve done it, where you go to some social event (not online) and see people consumed with creating the semblance of a good time for their profiles. This horror reaches, for me, a nasty pitch at concerts where the crowd is more interested in producing a quality youtube video than enjoy the performance. The youtube video becomes more real than the real.

What was the pessimistic solution again? Reject ‘The Real’ altogether and retreat into the solitude of hyper-reality. In other words, log back onto Tumblr. I pick on Tumblr because, I think, it has the most diverse functions—especially when compared to Facebook or Twitter—and so also has the greatest potential to do damage. One fairly easy to spot consequence of this retreat back to the Internet is the complex of memes, in-jokes, codes-of-conduct, and what might be called the new ‘net dialect’ that has sprung up through SM. What has happened is an utter rejection of The Real by deciding to live and flourish in the hyper-real (what we might think of, not without some hesitation, as the ‘cyber-real’). The anxiety and disappointment common to all experiences with The Real, especially after prolonged exposure to the hyper-real, can only grow disproportionally more hideous as social media expands its influence. I’m worried and feel that more solutions are in order. It is my intuition that the most elegant solution won’t be one that does away with social media, but one that can fit it most succinctly into our delegations of various types of ‘reals’.

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