#mockumentary au
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“I’ll admit,” Percy Weasley starts. He’s hardly paying attention to anything outside the documents he’s perusing, throwing occasional glances at the small, constantly updating graph shimmering in the air beside him. “When Granger came to me with this idea, I thought she had finally gone mad.”
He snorts to himself and flips to another page, “It’d be about time, honestly. Dating my brother really should have done her in sooner. But Granger is smart. She’s got a good head on her shoulders. So, even though I thought the time had finally come to declare the one sane addition to my family, insane—I gave her the benefit of the doubt.”
Someone off camera clears their throat, “Mr Weasley, could you clarify what idea Ms Granger had that you’re referring to?”
Percy looks up with furrowed brows. He tilts his head and asks, “What do you mean? It’s obvious.”
“It’s obvious to us but not to the audience.”
“Ah,” Percy nods sagely. “I understand. Right. I am referring to Hermione Granger’s idea of filming a documentary about life inside the Ministry of Magic in an attempt to raise recruitment across various departments, of course.”
-
“The ministry gets a bad rap,” Hermione Granger says while walking briskly down the halls of Level One. The cameras jostle as their operators and the rest of the crew rush to keep pace. “People think we’re secretly dark. They think that underhanded things are happening in the underbelly of our ministry. They think we don’t have their best interests at heart,” she sighs, dismayed.
“As Junior Undersecretary to the Minister, I oversee many finer details of our departments here. And, lately, overall interest to work for the ministry has suddenly declined.”
She pauses before a door. It causes a small traffic jam as the crew suddenly stop with her. With one hand on the knob, she turns to address the camera head-on, “Each year, more and more students graduate from Hogwarts. The wixen population in England has flourished, but we’re not seeing an influx of CVs.”
A parchment bird flaps its folded wings, gliding its way past the heads of crew members, and lands on the little bridge Hermione’s wrist makes, pecking at her sleeve for attention. She glances down at it and plucks the bird up; her magic smoothes out the folds until all that’s left is a small piece of blue parchment with a brief note scrawled in decidedly messy handwriting.
She reads it as she continues, “That’s where you all come in. PR is Percy’s job, but with the Minister’s upcoming reelection push, he hasn’t got the time to spare. So I’m counting on this inside look on the ministry to soften our public image and make us more approachable…,” her voice trails off as she finishes reading.
Hermione’s head lifts slowly and warily. “As an aside, please do not speak with the Head Auror until further notice,” she stresses and enters the doorway leaving the crew behind.
-
“Welcome to the DMLE. Can I help you?” The reception Auror frowns, “Wait. Is that a camera? This is a restricted area with highly confidential—“
A crew member holds up a document.
“Oh.” A quick spell is cast over the parchment, and all seems to be in order as the Auror simply shrugs, “Well, I can’t argue with that. What do you want, then?”
“We were looking for the Head Auror?”
“Head Auror Potter?” There is a sudden disquiet from the crew. Potter couldn’t mean Harry Potter, right? “He’s in T6. Follow the arrows, and don’t touch anything, please.”
-
The Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, Head Auror Harry Potter, stands casually in a training hall. He’s overseeing the strict regimen for the sparse few new Aurors. His robes are draped over his shoulders and not quite worn in accordance with uniform regulations, but no one has the guts to point it out.
He easily replies to the quietly asked question, “Hermione doesn’t want you speaking with me because she thinks nothing shifty is happening in the ministry. She also wants this documentary to go off without a hitch.”
Before he continues, Harry carefully shrugs, “Whereas I’m the opposite, really.”
Silence lingers before someone is brave enough to ask, “The opposite, Head Auror Potter-sir?”
Harry catches the eyes of the cameraperson who spoke up—they all flinch with the intensity of his stare—but he smiles softly and says, “Yeah. And just Harry is fine if you wouldn’t mind.”
A look is shared between the crew. Of course no one is ever going to address Head Auror Harry Potter as just Harry. That’s ludicrous.
There’s a brief moment where it looks like Harry is contemplating how to word his following sentence delicately, but his straightforward attitude seems to win out.
“Our Minister is a Dark Lord in disguise,” the unsaid ‘duh’ is loud and jaw-dropping even over the sounds of training spellfire, “so anyone with half a brain cell would be smart to keep away. And if we’re going to have a whole documentary trying to prove otherwise, I plan on doing everything I can to stop it.”
The camera slowly zooms in on Harry’s pleased little grin. And no one knows what to say for a long, long while.
-
Ron Weasley adjusts himself in the tall folding chair the crew set up in the Auror Break Area. He’s holding a small bag of crisps and diligently makes his way through it before straightening up in his seat.
His proper posture lasts all of three seconds before his shoulders droop like he’s carrying the weight of the world. Finally, Ron takes a deep breath, leans forward in his chair and cups a hand over one side of his mouth, preparing to whisper.
He looks very concerned and a touch manic as he says, “Harry is obsessed with the Minister.”
-
The Minister for Magic is unavailable for an interview at this time.
-
Draco Malfoy scoffs outside the Minister’s main offices. “Of course. The one time we finally get to have cameras following us around, and it’s for a bloody hiring campaign.”
A crew member mumbles a question off lens, and his eyebrows raise. Draco’s smile is wide with amusement when he says, “Oh? Haven’t you heard? Potter hates the Minister.”
He sets aside the Witch Weekly he’s reading to give the crew his undivided attention. “Truly, you don’t understand until you witness it first hand. Potter can be a bit of an idiot, a Gryffindor in the worst of ways, a bit of a hot head, a complete disgrace to the ministry, a—“
Someone clears their throat.
“—Potter is a disagreeable person by nature. He was probably born that way. But even I know that Potter has never hated someone as much as he hates the Minister. And you think it’s obvious now, but when they’re both in a room together,” Draco pauses to shake his head and lean back. His face takes on a dreamy sort of look like he’s lost in a memory, “the tension is absolutely ridiculous.”
The crew hasn’t seen any blatant hatred from either party. Though they’ve yet to meet the Minister, and looking back on Head Auror Harry Potter’s pleased face, maybe they should be a little more concerned.
Draco suddenly starts out of his daze, “Everything between them had been fine for years, supposedly. But then something happened the day Potter was invited to the manor to meet with Father and the Minister, and since then, he’s barely refrained from pursuing all-out war.”
-
The camera cuts to Lucius Malfoy. He crosses his legs and grips his cane with unexpected force.
“I refuse to think upon that dreadful day without copious amounts of alcohol,” he says and declines further comment.
-
“Strangely enough,” Draco ponders. “I don’t think the Minister really minds it.”
He reaches for his magazine once again, “Potter is probably like a small yapping crup to the Minister. Amusing and pitiable with floppy ears and a wagging tail.”
The crew waits silently for Draco to continue, but he seems to have gotten bored of the conversation and forgotten they are here.
-
“Harry’s relationship with the Minister before?” Ron asks. He’s still in the break area, and it seems he never left.
He scratches lightly at his cheek in thought. “Well, I guess Harry didn’t really talk to him much? They only saw each other rarely. Like during special Wizengamot hearings or ministry parties or for any Auror protection detail the Minister might need while travelling. From what I remember, there weren’t really any complaints. Hermione was more likely to have things to say with the Minister being her direct boss and all.”
A crew member mumbles quietly, “Would you say they were amicable, then, Mr Weasley?”
“Yeah, sure,” Ron shrugs. “They weren’t best mates or anything—Harry would never do that to me anyway—but Harry definitely wasn’t completely bonkers like he is now.”
Sirius Black walks into the room with a mug and halts. “Oh?” His eyes roam over the crew and Ron, “What’s going on in here?"
“Hey, Sirius,” Ron greets with a slight wave. “Don’t mind them; they’re just interviewing everyone about Harry.”
The crew debates whether they should correct Ron and diplomatically decide to see where this leads instead.
Sirius’ head cocks like a dog hearing a squeaking toy. He smiles something mischievous and plotting when he announces, “I happen to be Harry’s godfather.”
The crew quickly pans half their cameras toward Sirius.
“What exactly are you trying to learn about my dear godson?”
Ron snorts, “They want to know why Harry’s obsessed with the Minister.”
The crew really thinks someone should correct them before this gets out of hand. But…
Sirius whistles low and ominous. “I’m guessing you lot haven’t seen the room yet.”
The horror that alights Ron’s face at the mention of it is warning enough. But that doesn’t stop one of the crew members from asking, “What room?”
-
Pansy Parkinson stands before the alleged room with her hands on her hips.
“Listen to me and listen to me carefully,” she starts. Her tone leaves no space for hemming and hawing, “None of you will be stepping foot into this room. My boss would kill me.”
Ron nods quickly, bobbing his head up and down too many times to count. “She’s right. Harry won’t like it if we go in there. Especially without him.”
“Come on, Parkinson,” Sirius goads, “don’t tell me you’re scared of my little godson. Harry wouldn’t hurt a fly.”
-
The cameras cut to a scene from earlier this morning. Harry is filmed stunning a buzzing mid-flight fly with terrifying accuracy.
He shakes his head, “You’ve been faster, Harry,” and mumbles on about needing to get back into his twice-daily routine. Whatever that means.
-
Pansy looks at Sirius like he is dirt beneath her heels. “Black. He has explicitly instructed me that you shouldn’t even be within six metres of this door,” she pulls out her wand, “and that if I saw you, I’d have free reign to neutralise you however I see fit.”
A camera quickly zooms in on Ron, who does quick work of leaving the immediate area. He two-finger salutes the camera crew as he slips out of the hall. He’s gone long before Sirius takes out his wand and spellfire is exchanged.
The crew decide over a few rounds of rock-paper-scissors who will stay to film the impending damage. A sacrifice is chosen and mourned. The rest break off before being caught in the crossfire or killed.
-
Percy sighs. “I’d like to take this time to remind you all that anything filmed for this documentary that paints the ministry in a bad light and doesn’t pass muster must be vanished or incendioed immediately.”
He pauses to jot something down on a piece of parchment and taps his wand to it, waiting as it arranges into a charming butterfly. When it flutters away, he continues, “The Minister and I may find some value in this idea, but we draw the line at anything potentially harmful to the reelection campaign.”
Percy stands and gathers his things; some additional ministry documents and that shimmery graph float beside him as he walks. “Granger thinks this is solely a recruitment push, but the Minister and I agree that this could also be great exposure to showcase how strong the ministry is under its current leadership.”
He pauses momentarily and speaks slowly and deliberately, “It is imperative that nothing untoward is shown to the public.”
-
The camera cuts. Sirius and Pansy are battered and bruised, nearly bloody. The floor around them is missing large sections, looking like moon craters or Swiss cheese, and somehow the door to the room still stands untouched.
Pansy blows a strand of hair out of her line of sight. “Sirius Black, you absolute (beep) (beep) of a (beep). I’m going to (beep) you (beep) and leave you out on the streets of muggle London where your body will (beep) (beep) (beep) (beep)—”
The rest of the footage is muted for general audiences.
-
“In fact.” Percy continues, “I recommend the whole documentary crew avoid the Auror Department altogether.” He shakes his head, “It is a wonder how Head Auror Potter gets anything done. The man is really a saint.”
Percy walks ahead of the crew and into a lift as he quietly mentions, “His numbers speak for themselves, though. It’s no wonder he’s the Minister’s favourite,” and the doors slowly close shut.
Someone from the back of the crew proclaims an eloquent, “What did he just say?”
-
The Minister for Magic continues to be unavailable for an interview at this time.
-
#tomarry#tomarrymort#harrymort#pov: multiple#my fic#mockumentary au#fic: life inside the ministry of magic#it's still unnamed but if i were to put it out in chapters this would be chapter one#i hope this is fun#i almost feel like i should delete the og post because this is pretty different
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The Rink
@hockeybuns wanted to see a mockumentary version of the locker room after Geno’s 1,200th point a la The Office—I had so much fun with this; I hope you like it!
“He’s just an elite player,” Sidney Crosby says about Evgeni Malkin’s recent 1,200-point milestone. Crosby is flushed, cheeks pink and lips red after the game. He sits in his stall in his base layer that has seen more NHL locker rooms than many players have; there is a tear in the sleeve that has been mended on more than one occasion. “He’s—it’s incredible that he’s able to still play at this level considering his age. He’s just as good as he was in our first few seasons together.”
Kris Letang, who did not play in the game due to illness, is standing near the doorway between the locker room and the showers. His arms are crossed; he is wearing one of his infamous custom-designed suits, and he gives a dead-eyed stare directly into the camera pointed at him while Crosby continues his effusive praise.
“I mean, 1,200 points, there are so many guys in the league who never get there. Geno is one of those guys whose name deserves to be on that list. It’s just a testament to his game and how he plays.” Crosby runs a hand through his sweat-soaked hair, licking his lips. His eyes fail to focus on any one spot in particular, darting from reporter to reporter. “I’m really glad we were able to get that win for him tonight.”
Kasperi Kapanen turns his phone to the camera. He swipes through a few photos, pointing out one in particular of Malkin playing poker in someone’s basement. “I take pictures when he hits milestones. This is when he won a poker game.” He swipes again; this one is of Malkin in a white shirt eating pasta, a forkful of spaghetti halfway to his mouth. “This is when he ate pasta without getting any sauce on his shirt.” The next picture is of the top of Malkin’s head, taken from above, on the team’s jet. “Obviously I couldn’t get one during the game, but I took this one on the plane earlier. Even though he was sitting down, I had to almost stand up on my seat to get the picture. I’m pretty proud of that one; not very many people get to see him at that angle.”
When it’s time for the helmet to pass hands, it’s delivered to P.O. Joseph out of thin air by the nonexistent entity that inhabits the net while Tristan Jarry is out with an injury. It’s Joseph’s first time with the helmet; he is smiling even when he puts it on. “Yeah, I’m really excited,” he says. “It’s a big honor, and these guys are so fun to play with. And of course Geno’s big milestone tonight—I’m just happy to have been part of it.”
Jason Zucker is a regular on Malkin’s second line. When asked for an interview, he sits down, wearing a paper mask of Malkin’s face with the mouth and eyes cut out. It is unclear where he got this mask, or who made it for him. “Geno best,” Zucker says simply, then immediately stands up and leaves the room. He is wearing the mask for the remainder of the night.
“I remember when Geno put on skates for the first time,” Letang says. His face is neutral; he looks into the camera with an easy disdain for it. “I felt an itch on the bottom of my left foot as a toddler. I knew then that he was gonna be the 101st best player in the league.” When asked how he knew this as a child, Letang answers in French, shrugging. He refuses to answer any other questions presented to him.
After Crosby finishes his lengthy and unprovoked interview regarding Malkin’s 1,200th point, he chats with Malkin in the corner briefly before they both head out to the hallway. Jake Guentzel enters the locker room from the showers just as they leave and, on realizing they’re heading out, follows them out of the room. Malkin and Crosby get several doors down the hall when Crosby shoves Malkin against the wall in one swift movement, reaching up on his toes to shove his tongue down Malkin’s throat. Malkin’s large hands fall to rest on the swell of Crosby’s ass; when Crosby pulls away panting, just for a moment, Malkin uses his grip to drag him back in again.
Guentzel stares at this scene, eyes huge and terrified, and as the camera pans to him, his face blanches and he swallows loudly.
Later, in the interview room, Guentzel stares into the camera for several moments, mouth agape. “I’m sorry,” he says after a few seconds. “I just—it’s like I just saw my parents having sex. Not that Dad’s my father—I mean, not that Dad’s my Sid—I mean—” Guentzel’s face turns the color of a tomato, and his eyes widen. “Not that Sid is my parent. Or that Geno is. It’s just.” A shudder takes over Guentzel’s body. “Sorry, I think I need another shower.”
Bryan Rust and P.O. Joseph glance at each other, then look into the camera. “We’d planned on doing a little party for Geno once we get to the hotel in L.A.,” Rust explains. “To celebrate and everything. But I don’t think that’s gonna be a good idea now.”
Joseph shakes his head. He’s still smiling, even if his eyes look like they have seen things they should not have seen. “Yeah, we, uh. I don’t think that’s gonna happen. Geno seems like he has other plans.”
When asked about his plans, Malkin smirks at the camera, tongue between his teeth. “I’m get best present tonight.”
#sidgeno#hockey rpf#hrpf#geno’s 1200th point#mockumentary au#prompt fill#my fic#trust vic to come thru w the most fun most ridiculous prompts#sorry i wont write about nico for u but i hope this makes up for it <3#also 🥴 can u tell i love semicolons too goddamn much#they need to be taken away from me yesterday
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to the handful of people who will understand this (@esquemeencanta and @waters-and-the-wilde) mockumentary au is slapping party hats onto Juno and Benzaiten's heads and singing them happy birthday and having a grand old time thanks very much
#juno steel#benzaiten steel#juno steel and the pilfered present#the penumbra podcast#tpp mockumentary au#ben is on mars (mostly) and his placeholder is a martian rabbit plushie wearing ballet shoes (flats?)#he shows up in hologram form
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Cold Case Crimes: The Archeron Sisters (Remains Unsolved)
Hello, hello, hello.
Welcome to the Spooky Speaks Podcast, hosted by me, Ae Neon. Thank you for everyone who's joined... Today I'm a little excited! Can you tell? Do you know whyyy??
Because today we're looking at the case that inspired me to make this podcast. A case that still gives me chills.
True crimer or not, everyone knows this case.
Okay so before we dive in, remember I'm gonna go over the general timeline first then a detailed analysis of all the parts and then we go into theories and call-ins. Okay? Okay.
Growing up in the 90s and early 2000s, everyone knew who the Archerons were. Their reality show, "All Day with the Archerons", aired for almost 6 years between '99 and '05 and every weekend millions of people around the world gathered to watch William and Elizabeth Archeron raise their 3 daughters.
The show was a hit and helped catapult the Archerons from a small business family to household names. Mrs Archeron became the face of Revlon's Modern Moms campaign, modelled for Dior and even had a guest appearance on Oprah while promoting her book, "How To Raise a Winner"
Though the book, and Elizabeth herself, were later criticised for harmful and abusive conduct towards children after her eldest daughter, Nesta, collapsed due to stress.
However, the controversy quickly died down after it was announced Elizabeth had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and the latest season would be the last.
The family moved to Williams' hometown and Elizabeth died later that year. Their businesses closed and the family retreated from public life altogether.
For a while it seemed like the Archeron name might fade, relegated to nostalgia tidbits and C-list gossip columns who reported on Nesta's brief romance with notorious ice hockey player, Tomas Mandray.
Until, years later, their names began hitting the front pages once again.
On the morning of November 23rd, Elain Archeron filed a missing persons case with the police. Only a few hours later, the case was all over the local news.
Feyre Archeron, 19 at the time, hadn't come back from a night out with friends.
She was the only one of the 3 who remained in their family home, their father was living at a care facility a few minutes away and her 2 eldest sisters both lived out of town.
They were meant to gather for the holidays as they always did and Elain had arrived a little earlier than usual, the extra set of hands meant Feyre had time to go out with friends and she did, telling her sister she'd be back by morning.
But Feyre never returned.
The case ignited a wave of search efforts but after 4 months with almost zero evidence to go on, it began to die down.
Until, on March 8th, two young women reported their housemate missing. Nesta Archeron had disappeared.
This time police had more to go on, Nesta had not been the same since Feyre's disappearance. Her roommates reporting that she'd stopped eating and insisted that Feyre had been abducted. Workers at Sunnybrook Care, even reporting that they'd had to escort her off the premises when it seemed she might become violent in an argument with her father.
"She was screaming, kinda crazy, you know? But like really sad and angry too. Kept asking him if he was gonna 'sit back and watch like always'." One witness said to reporters, "Like she kept talking about her mom too and I think it's true, you know, the rumours that she was abused maybe."
Reports later released to the public include that Nesta had made strange purchases, withdrew large amounts of cash and frequented the dark web in search of help "hunting someone down".
In the end most people chalked it up to grief and long term stress disorders, with rumours of past abuse and even drug use surrounding the case.
The tragedy put the spotlight firmly on Elain Archeron and once again, the world fell in love with the family.
Elain had moved her father in with her after Nesta's disappearance as well as made several appearances on various talk and radio shows pleading for any information regarding her sisters.
She started up an organization aimed at using private security resources to track missing persons and suspects. And through this, she met Graysen. The two were instantly taken with one another and engaged 6 months later.
...Only one month before she too would disappear without a trace.
#acotar#the archeron sisters#nesta archeron#elain archeron#feyre archeron#mockumentary#acotar modern au#my edit#my writing#acotar fanfiction#fanfic
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So like has anyone made a mockumentary/The Office au for tma? If so can someone send me it?
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So what kind of moves Free Bird has? You know, from each branch.
Sorry for the long wait on the ask! I needed to... actually figure that part out. Luckily, Song names make for really good inspiration.
AND!
I dedicated a whole chapter to it!
So here it is!
Critiques and suggestions welcome, not an expert on game balance.
#live a live#livealive#live a live au#live a live oc#the free bird#writing#mockumentary style story#original story fanfic
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In Pursuit of Blood: A trip down goblin lane.
Pairing: Vampire! Hobie Brown x fem! Vampire hunter! Reader
Word count: 5.6k
Synopsis: You, an amateur vampire hunter, find it really hard to kill the one vampire you were tasked to kill.
Tags: Use of Y/N sparingly, no specific physical description of the reader (except for her clothing), same universe as the WWDITS series, CW blood, TW violence, CW suggestive, Mockumentary AU, established relationship, Fluff.
A/N: Special thanks to @al1x00 (ly fr) for the idea! Happy 1k! 🫶 (Enjoy my attempt at humor lol)
Navigation
Hobie's Masterlist
The camera focuses on a leather clad man sitting on a patchwork armrest. His long leg is crossed over the other, metal clinking against each other when he moves. He places his elbow on the armrest, hand under his chin, ringed fingers tapping on his cheek—bored and clearly disinterested. Red eyes lined with dark eyeliner, piercings glimmering under the camera lights, sharp nails painted, he makes the crew suck in a breath.
He's the perfect picture of a rockstar.
The dimly lit gothic home provides the perfect backdrop to the ‘confession booth’, various books, knick knacks from far flung places are littered all over the living room. A grand piano stands proudly to his left, dark oak polished and well taken care off. Tapestries from the sixteenth century are tacked on the walls next to seventies and eighties band posters. His coat rack is full of jackets that look like they come from different times in history.
The producer nods at him, asking for the man's name, his voice just above a whisper so that the microphones don't catch the sound.
He sighs, jaws tighten for a second. “Name's Hobie, Hobie Brown.” His voice shakes the crew's bones. The blond haired producer clears his throat and Hobie rolls his eyes like a spoiled celebrity. “And I'm a vampire.” he says flatly.
The blond gestures for him to continue, asking him how old he is. “Fuckin' hell.” Hobie says under his breath. “Were you not taught manners? Come off it, you don't ask a vampire their age.”
The clipboard holding man, who pretends to be important, asks him why he agreed to the interview if he's so disinterested.
“Fine,” He smiles, showing his sharp fangs, the simple act makes the documentary team's heart skip a beat. “Before you say ‘m following a trend of vampires givin' interviews and a ‘peak behind the cape’ like the wankers in staten island or the lovebirds in dubai. ‘m not, ‘m only doin' this because,” he points dramatically at the clipboard holding man. “Your director told me all proceeds from this goes to charity. And it better be—”
Something thumps outside. The camera sharply turns to the closed floor length curtains.
“Oi, eyes back ‘ere.” Hobie exclaims, the camera whizzes back to his figure. “Again, vampire, been alive for…” he inhales, “a long bloody time. Been a pirate, a cowboy, hell even a rockstar. But always an anarchist.” He says proudly. “I've been rebelling against the one who bit me for centuries,” the camera zooms in on his scowl. “Hate that knobhead.”
Something falls right outside his windows, a groan and a curse sounding out, voice muffled by the walls.
The crew expects Hobie to hiss or even deal with the intruder but he smiles, posture loosening up.
“That,” he points at the source of the ruckus. “That’s a vampire hunter.” Smiling, the crew could hear a muffled ‘fuck you’ behind the walls. “She's been hunting me for a few years now. She—eh, hasn't been close.”
The cursing was louder, camera swishing towards the source, your angry face peeking out from the curtains. The boom mic captures your annoyed growl clearly as you place your face as close as possible on the glass.
“Fuck you, Hobart!”
He chuckles as the crew's face grows with concern. “Don't worry, she's—I guess bad at her job. She's interestin’ though. Y’know what, let me just show you.” He stands up, the cameras and the entire crew follows him through the hallways of his home.
The cameraman almost trips on a stray guitar on the floor. “Careful now, that was a present from some rockstar in the seventies. That's why I leave it on the floor, it works best as a boot scraper.”
Hobie stops in front of double doors, scenes of a love story are carved on the wood.
“It was a gift.” He addresses the doors, “not my first choice but where else would I put the bloody thing?” With a small push, hands braced on both doors, he reveals the expansive room lined with hundreds of paintings and photographs.
He sucks in his teeth. “The entire house is a gift, I'd rather live in a boathouse honestly but this works fine I guess.” Shrugging, he points at the oldest looking wood carving hanging on the wall. A man kneels in front of a woman, rose in his hand as she looks down at him with glee.
“Yes, that's me courting. The wood carver fucked up the scene though, it was more like me ravaging– uh” he clears his throat “…this won't show in pbs right?”
The people behind the cameras shrug as Hobie looks to them for an answer.
“I'll tone it down then, for the children, just in case.” He continues down the lineup of pictures.
Stopping by a large painting of what looks like Hobie in medieval clothing. The painted version of him is surrounded by flowers and trees. His antlers protruding from his head, webs clings to his arms.
“This was when people thought I was fae.” He makes a face, “everyone was tripping on shrooms back then.” walking towards the middle of the room, passing by a few more paintings and tapestries, He pauses on a yellowed painting of a woman who looks similar to you, only less angry.
“Look at her,” sighing, the vampire has heart eyes while looking at the painting. “this was before she was cursed by that bitcharse jealous witch. Now every descendant of hers is cursed to never harm me or any of my spawns, which is bad because they all think I killed their ancestor, and all they want is to kill me. A consequence of dating a vampire hunter during the fifteenth century, I guess.”
“The curse is a two way street, they can't kill me, I can't hypnotize them. It's not that I want to anyway.” he continues.
Another ruckus echoes throughout the house. Hobie smiles again. “I believe she doesn't know about it, so hush, yeah?” He does a double take. “Wait, can you cut that part out?”
—
The second crew runs towards you as you climb the tresses of the house. The camera lens zooms in on your clumsy climbing. Looking down, hearing leaves crunch underfoot, you yelp in surprise.
“What—?!” Losing your hold, you fall on a bush, landing directly at his wild flowers. “Ow! Who the fuck—?!”
—
Now sitting down on a lawn chair, leaves stuck in your hair, face and clothes covered in dirt, you scowl at the producer behind the camera.
Sighing, clicking your tongue, you answer their questions with another question. “Who the fuck are you guys?”
You raise an eyebrow at the words ‘documentary crew’ uttered by the producer.
“Seriously? Who would want to interview Hobart? Scratch that, is it because of those fuckers in staten island?”
A cameraman answers, ‘for charity.’
You blink in surprise, “charity? You fuckin' kidding me? Well if it's for the kids then.” sighing, you resign, looking directly at the camera with disdain, you say your first name. “And I'm a vampire hunter, I mean obviously I am just looking at all the stakes and holy water strapped to me. I look like I'm very fun at parties.” You say jokingly, “and church, probably. Dunno never been.”
The camera cuts back to Hobie still in the large room full of paintings and memorabilia.
“— I didn't do anythin’ wrong. They're absolutely mad at me for no reason—” he stops, thinking. “But I guess I was the reason their family was cursed innit?”
He changes subjects, showing the camera a painting near the end of the room.
“Oh this? This is when her great great great great grandfather almost got me, memories huh? He was mighty fit.” The crew zooms in on a gorgeous painting of a man trying to put a stake through Hobie's heart while he smiles up at him like he's smitten.
“Good times.” He chuckles.
—
“Fuck this.” You say, standing up from the chair, grabbing the mic off from your shirt abruptly. The camera follows you as you grab the lawn chair that you were just sitting on. You then proceed to throw it at a stained glass window. Giving you entry to his abode.
“It was gaudy anyway.” Entering the house, your shoes crunch the broken glass.
—
“Huh, she's inside. That's a record.” Hobie says almost excitedly. “I'll show you the rest of the room after this—.”
The double doors burst open, the camera swivels to you and the camera crew behind you. Holding a stake, you scowl at Hobie.
“Hello, darling, how was your commute?” He genuinely smiles.
“I have a car now, fuck you!” You lunge at him.
Lightning fast, he grabs your wrist right before the stake kisses his chest. The camera crews film on the sides, avoiding getting hit themselves.
“Good for you, finally saved up then?”
Lifting your legs, you kick his chest, you tumble, landing on your feet, staring at him menacingly. “Yes! It's a kia!” you scream before you run full speed at him.
“You got a good deal on it? Automatic or manual?”
“No!” You swing at him, he dodges. “I think I got swindled!” Kick “And it's a manual!” Punch “I’m not a pussy!”
Hobie clicks his tongue, avoiding the pointed edge of the stake. “Point ‘em to me, love, maybe I can get you your money back.”
Stepping back further away, you pause while he stands at the end of the room. Changing your hold on the sharp wood, you throw it at him, he leans slightly, dodging the projectile. it hits the wall right next to your ancestor’s portrait.
“You'll just drink him dry like the last guy!”
He shrugs, making a face that makes you want to punch him harder. “Not my fault he was a knobhead.”
You bounce on your feet, pouncing at him. “He was my dentist!”
He moves to the side, seeing you running towards one of the paintings, in danger of getting smashed by you. In his panic, he raises his arm to stop you, accidentally clothes lining you. His wall-like arm hits you right on your face.
Falling harshly on the floor, you're completely unconscious.
Hobie looks at the cameras with concern. “Shit.”
—
You wake up on an ancient looking couch, it's soft despite its appearance. Lifting your head with a groan, headache punching through the back of your head, you grimace loudly at the camera crew still filming in the corner.
Falling back on the couch, you hide your flustered face with your arm, pulling the blanket further up your chest.
“I promise I'm not that bad at fighting.” You murmur, still hiding your face from the cameras. “You just caught me at a bad time.”
Hobie suddenly appears with a whoosh, he holds a metal tray with tea and a hot compress placed on it.
“Who's giving you a bad time?”
You audibly groan. “No one.”
He places the tray on the coffee table, sparing a quick glance at the camera. “I caught you lackin’ you're not always that bad. Tea?”
Wordlessly reaching up, you flip him the bird. Hobie smiles softly, tapping your legs to give him space on the settee. The documentary crew is surprised that you actually move to give way to him.
He sits by your legs, preparing your tea just like how you always take it. Two sugars and a dash of milk. The entire production staff is perplexed to say the least.
With a clink of the tea spoon against the cup, you sit up, wincing slightly. “Can I get another sugar cube?”
Hobie raises a brow, “it's that kind of day huh? What's bothering you, love?”
You scoff, taking a cube for yourself then plopping it in your tea cup. “Nothing.”
He flicks his eyes at the camera with a knowing glance. Resting his elbow atop his thigh, chin placed on his hand, he pokes at your leg using his foot. Wordlessly having a conversation. With a sigh and a frown, you sip at your tea.
“Ex kicked me out. Now I'm living with the family again.”
Hobie's nonchalance drops, hand instinctively reaching out to you until he realizes what he's doing, he retracts his hand back.
“Shit, ‘m sorry. Their loss.”
“Mm-hmm, consequences of living with someone you've only dated for three months.” You finish your drink in one gulp. “‘sides, I don't have to pay rent anymore.”
“You've got shitty taste in partners.” You snort, half agreeing with him. “But you have to live with your psycho family so there's that.”
You laugh, the camera zooms in on Hobie's pleased expression.
“They're tolerable now, mellowed out after they took out count Belois.” You look at Hobie, copying his position like a mirror.
“He was an arse, did all of us a favour.” he stares at your eyes while the camera continues to film, yet you two don't seem to notice them anymore.
“Yeah, wish I was there though.” You say in a small voice. “They never invite me to those hunts. Always left watching outside.”
Hobie reaches towards you again, this time he actually holds you. Long fingers curling around your wrist, his thumb rubbing gently. “If only they know how hard you could kick.”
“You barely moved when I kicked you.” Chuckling, your eyes sparkle under the dim lights.
“Well it's me,” he inches closer to you in the seat, knee brushing against yours. “But if it was any other vampire out there they would have flown.”
You scrunch your face. Laying your hand down to your thigh, Hobie intertwined his fingers around yours properly this time. The camera captures the confusing scene.
“Because they turned into a bat?”
He grins, showing you his teeth, you don't even flinch. “Nah, because you kicked ‘em too hard. Did you hit your head that hard?” Knocking his knuckles against your temple softly, you move back like lightning has struck you.
“No, I'm actually okay, thanks.” You take your hand away, eyes flitting nervously at the camera then to Hobie. “I gotta go, dinner with the psycho family.” Standing up, you take your belongings from the floor. “You know how it is.”
He looks up at you with an unreadable expression, “yeah, I know how it is.” He says forlornly.
Patting his shoulder awkwardly, your hand lingers for a half second. “Bye,” you stare at the crew in the corner, “bye to all of you, I guess. Don't get eaten.”
The camera pans towards Hobie who just shrugs, fangs poking out of his lips.
—
Hobie eats alone in his empty dining room. The table is long, made of strong narra, designed to sit a dozen or so people. He sits in the head of the table, utensils scraping against the bloodied plate. His goblet is full, untouched.
He looks up at the camera on the other side of the table, observing his every move.
“The table's a gift too.” He says before continuing to eat silently.
—
The camera follows Hobie throughout his day. Roaming aimlessly around the house, he floats above the ground, hand and feet sticking on the wall while he dusts pictures that's placed on the highest shelf.
In the afternoon, he writes music on his piano while he flashes back and forth towards the drums and guitar, testing the music he wrote.
The crew captures Hobie burying something in the backyard. Jacket off, tank top and bare arms in full display. Moonlight illuminating his skin. His necklaces clink together as he shovels in dirt, packing the hole in tightly. The producer asks something about familiars and Hobie scowls at the word.
“No, just no. ‘m fully against havin’ familiars, it's fuckin' wrong.” He sticks the shovel harshly on the soil when the producer questions him again. “Ask me again and you'll be the one ‘m burying next.”
The camera shuts off abruptly.
—
The small supermarket's repetitive jingle from the nineties irks Hobie as he shops for some meat. But what irks him more is the documentary crew finding him especially after he went out of his way to hide from them.
He tosses a box of your favourite tea in the basket, annoyed at the team behind the cameras and boom mics. “Do the lot of you have a tracker on me or somethin’?” Shaking his head, he stomps down the aisle, heavy boots thudding loudly on the floor.
With his leather jacket plus all the metal and spikes on him, Hobie looks like a regular punk shopping for groceries. But if you looked closer, stayed too long in his presence, your flight or fight response kicks in, rendering anyone frozen on the spot.
His ruby eyes scan around the soap display, trying to ignore the cameras and people trailing after him, he gets a whiff of a familiar scent: strawberries and cream, it's you.
Hobie's feet move on its own, carrying him towards your direction. He spots you standing in the fruit section, weighing a watermelon in your hands, knocking on it then listening to the sound closely like you're trying to eavesdrop.
“What's the watermelon saying?”
“Christ!” You jump, dropping the watermelon.
Thankfully he catches it before the fruit splatters on the linoleum. “Just me, love.”
Clutching your chest, you take deep breaths. “I thought I smelled something rotten.” He raises a brow at your comment. “What are you doing here? This is far from your place.”
“First of all, I smell like sandalwood and fresh linen, fuck you.” You snort, rolling your eyes. “And ‘m tryin' to avoid them.” He points behind him, towards the cameras.
“Augh, they're still following you?”
“Apparently I signed a contract, it's not a one time thing.” He places the watermelon back to the crate, taking one that is riper and sweeter just for you. He then gently drops it in your cart, you nod a thanks.
“I told you before don't sign anything when you're drunk off of alcohol filled blood.”
“You're right, lovie, should've listened to you. Can't blame me when I only hear music whenever you open your pretty mouth.” He leans on your cart nonchalantly, giving you his signature smirk that has people falling over themselves for centuries.
“That's not much of a compliment.” You grimace, unaffected by his charm. “Listen, since we're in a public place I'm not gonna try to kill you so please get off my cart, I've got some shopping to do.” Shaking the trolley, he leans away, dismayed. “Also, the owner seems to like me, which is rare enough, so I don't want to ruin my relationship with the old lady. Shoo, Hobart, I'm off the clock.”
“You've got two people who like you now. One more than the other, I suppose.”
You narrow your eyes towards the vampire. “Who's the second one.”
Hobie walks backwards, arm wrapped around his basket, smile blinding everyone in its vicinity. “Me, darling, isn't it obvious?”
The bright fluorescent lights shouldn't do him any favours but by god, he looks amazing under it.
You don't answer, the camera zooms into your hands gripping the handles of the shopping cart, chest heaving, swallowing thickly.
He leaves, going towards the cashier to pay for his groceries. And you spot a sign that's labeled ‘50% off on garlic!’ you glare at the camera, pushing the cart towards the display.
—
Hobie sits on his work table, pieces of a TV are jumbled out on the table as he tinkers with them. His hands shake slightly, he should really feed.
“—‘m pretty good with technology, not like the other vampires. I've adapted well with—” he sniffs, “wait, what's that smell?”
He opens the door to find thousands of garlic circling around his house, “what—?”
“Tada!” You pop out from the side, hands carrying bushels of garlic, no doubt smelling like it too. “Wait, no, not tada, that's in poor taste because you hate them.”
Hobie gags at the smell, eyes watery and irritated. “This is a bad idea!” He rubs at his eyes, tears fully streaming on his cheeks.
“Why? Because it's working?!” You cackle, throwing the vegetable like confetti, one lands right on top of your head.
“Because it attracts—!”
You screech when you feel a sharp tug at your coat. A little green creature shrieks at you, the sound rings your eardrums, almost breaking the boom mic. Its eyes are dark and glassy, ears pointed, teeth sharp.
“A Goblin?!” Falling on your ass, you crawl backwards, watching as more and more of them appear from the bushes.
“I'm a goblin.” The one with a worn out party hat says, voice cracking like foil.
“What are you a Pokémon?!”
Hobie runs after you as fast as he can with the garlic hindering him. “Get inside!” He yells, dragging you towards the door. His hands sizzle atop your arms, the garlic searing his skin.
The creatures skidaddles towards you, towards the smell of garlic. Waves upon waves of green skitter and crawl on all limbs, eyes hungry, mouths agape.
“Hobie!” You hold on to his wrists as the ground scratches your back. Kicking an incoming goblin, you yelp as the door closes at the nick of time.
Claws scratch at the windows and walls. One of them even bangs its head hard on the glass just to get to you.
Hobie hides you behind him, eyes still stinging and skin aflame. “Get to the basement!” He screams when one breaches the house with glass shattering. “Go!”
Running down, Hobie lets you and the crew go first. He grabs a cutlass from the wall, chopping one that comes a little too close to your leg.
You look back at him with worry. “Hobie!”
“I'll be there! Just go!” He grabs one by the neck, throwing it away haphazardly.
It yells a faint ‘whee’ as it sails through the house.
Reaching the large basement, you search for the light switch, a cameraman beats you to it and you yelp at the sudden brightness.
The basement is full of things from different centuries. An iron maiden lays discarded on the corner, its steel rusted and brown. A sculpture of a woman sits on a shelf, it looks like it's a long lost work of Rodin. There's a large tapestry depicting a vampire war that is now collecting dust on the wall.
But the thing that catches your eyes is the massive metal cage that sits in the middle of the room. You would gawk but the swarm of goblins are nearing the basement. The familiar thumping of boots shakes you with relief.
“Cage!” Hobie grabs you effortlessly, you have no time to react as he carries you like a duffel bag by your waist.
The crew follows frantically, closing the metal doors shut behind them just as the swarm gets close. They shriek and bang on the bars, little arms trying to reach towards you.
He lays you back to your feet, dropping the drenched sword on the ground, palms still healing. He cups your face, searching for any injuries.
“You alright?” He heaves, out of breath, legs covered in goblin bites and palms searing but he looks at you like you're the one who's bleeding.
Staring at him with your irises blown out, mouth slightly parted, you embrace him to his surprise and the crew's.
“I'm okay,” you lean away before he could hug back. Hands placed on his shoulders, nails digging into him like he's about to be yanked away from you. “Are you?”
Hobie forgets about the other people inside the cage and the goblins trying to nibble at him. It's only you in his hands, even though the pungent smell of garlic makes his nose itch. Eyes tender, touch gentle, he could only nod.
“Yeah, I'm good now.” His voice lacks the usual charm.
You can finally breathe. “I thought…I'm the only one that's allowed to kill you.”
Chuckling, he traces your jaw with his thumb. “I know. You're first in line, darling.”
The crew stands near the sides awkwardly.
—
The goblins are trashing Hobie's basement, and based on the sounds from upstairs, they're also wreaking havoc in the entire house.
You sit back to back with Hobie in the middle of the cage, away from the bars, hands braced to your sides, his own are mere inches away from yours. He's glad that the garlic smell has wafted away from you, but not enough to get rid of the goblins still hankering for your flesh.
The crew stays away from the openings of the cage whilst a handful of the creatures try to grab at their equipment. It's been hours since the initial attack and everyone's getting hungry and thirsty, including Hobie.
“Why do you even have a dungeon in your basement—? Wait, scratch that, don't answer.” You try to pass the time.
“It was for your great great uncle—”
“Ew!”
“Get your head out of the gutter.” He says flatly, hands shaking from hunger. “I got it so he has a safe place to transform every full moon.”
“What? Huh, so that's why that branch of the family is so hairy.”
He changes the subject. “What were you thinkin’ with the garlic?” Hobie lays his head right on your shoulder, craning his neck to face you, he uses the closeness to memorize your face. His crimson eyes are dimmer than you're used to.
“I dunno, I thought it was a genius idea back then. Y’know, trap you inside, starve you then when you're weak enough I'd put a stake through your heart.”
“It's a good thing you're bloody fit.” He murmurs, chuckling quietly. “You almost got me though.” Your ears pick up the fatigue in his voice.
“And here I thought you fancy me for my amazing personality.”
“That too.” He smiles weakly, feeling the ache in his bones. “We need to get out of here.” His jaw visibly tightens, wanting to get away from you and your scent. Unfortunately it's not so easy when you're trapped.
“I know,” You sigh, Hobie sits up, covering his ears with the heels of his palms. “You okay?”
“I can hear your blood rushing through your veins.” He bites the inside of his cheeks. “Fuck, we really need to get out of here.” Standing up on wobbly feet, you help him up while the crew stands as far as they can without getting slashed by goblin claws.
“You're hungry.” You state the obvious.
“Starvin’” his red eyes flick down to your neck, already feeling guilty from the simple look.
You swallow thickly. “When was the last time you drank?”
“A couple days ago.” His vision blurs.
“Why are you starving yourself?” Scolding him, you guide him back down on the cold granite. “Hobart.”
“Why do you keep callin' me that?” Cold hands against your own, his eyes zeroes in on your face, avoiding the veins in your neck. “You sound like her when you call me that.”
Your eyes soften, warming him with your palms atop his cheeks, you worry. “You haven't answered my question.”
He groans, head lolling backwards. “Got busy, forgot what day it was.”
“Busy with what?” You click your tongue, lifting his head back up with your hands under his head. You search his hungry eyes, making a decision you could regret in the long run.
“If I let you feed, will you be able to get rid of the goblins?”
That has him picking his head back up, waking him up from his hungry stupor. “What—?”
You reiterate, voice determined. “If I let you drink from me can you get your strength back and get rid of the little fuckers?”
“Y/N, I can't let you do that.”
“I know what happens if you don't feed and judging by how the goblins are devouring your entire house like some frat, they aren't leaving soon enough.” You ball his shirt in your hands for emphasis. “I'm letting you drink, just this one time so we could all go home.”
“Are you really sure?”
“Just don't turn me into your spawn, deal?”
Hobie cracks a smile, fangs glinting off the basement lights. You suddenly feel your nerves kicking in.
“I promise I won't. Just tell me if it gets too much, yeah?”
“Okay,” you inhale deeply, tugging down the collar of your shirt, showing him what he needs. “Don't drink me dry.”
“That depends, for all I know you taste brilliantly.” His joke alleviates your fear a little. You're both unaware of the cameras watching, recording everything. Even forgetting that they were there in the first place.
His hand is on the back of your neck, the other is gripping on to your arm like his life depends on it. Eyeing your skin, lips brushing along it, fangs barely piercing, he gives you enough time to lean away.
“Hurry on with it, I need to pee.”
With a deep chuckle, he sinks his teeth in you.
Gasping, you bite down on your bottom lip, stifling any sounds. But Hobie can hear them from your chest, feel how your body quivers with every suck and nip from his teeth.
You whimper and he holds on to you tighter.
He wants to devour you whole, his instincts tell him to ravage you until you're dry and limp in his arms— to rip you apart with his bare teeth. But he doesn't, he's careful and gentle like he's drinking nectar straight from a flower.
“F-fuck…” you let out, hands shaking, sliding down to the back of his neck, pressing him closer.
He turns warmer with your crimson flowing through him, not letting a single drop of the precious liquid dribble from his mouth.
Hobie feels like his dead heart beats once again after centuries.
Eyes closed, you feel like you're on cloud nine. You look like it too, eyes hazy, lips parted, hand holding on to him weakly.
Before he could drown in you, Hobie carefully eases his teeth out from your pierced skin, maw covered in your blood, thumb pressing down to your wounds to stop the bleeding.
It will scar, but you're alright with that thought.
He feels anew. His eyes are sharper, adrenaline coursing through him like your blood in his system. His ears perked at every breath you let out. Eyes blown up like the size of dinner plates, his warm breath fans your cheeks.
Half of him regrets doing it, now that he has gotten a taste, he can't go back to biting random rich assholes. His other half delights in your after taste, so sweet and nectarine that makes him crave more.
You crane your neck slowly like molasses to look at him sweetly through your half lidded eyes, and a soft yet tired smile on your lips. Still clinging into euphoria, vision swirling and heart beating a thousand times per second. You feel like you've ascended and you'll never go down from it.
Licking his teeth, Hobie resists the urge to dive back in. But he's more than that, you're more than a blood bag.
“You alright?” He whispers, he smells like you.
You hum, smiling giddily like a child who just got what she wanted.
“‘m gonna go and kill some goblins now. Stay here for me?”
You hum a tune that sounds like a rendition of ‘happy birthday.’ Giggling, you pat his cheek.
“Yeah, you'll be alright. I'll get you some orange juice after this.”
“Orange sounds nice… such a pretty color. And cookies, yum.” You chortle like you just heard the best joke. “Oh handsome, so handsome. I'm gonna bite you back one day.” Staring up at him, your eyes roll back, falling unconscious.
“Lookin' forward to it.”
Hobie gently lays you down on the floor, standing up, ears listening to your fast heart beat, but it's not enough proof for him. Eyes observing your chest, watching it go up and down, making sure he didn't go too far. Satisfied, he points at the crew cowering in the corner, their cameras still rolling. The documentary won't air anywhere at this rate.
“Watch her.” He says sternly, eyes glaring.
They all nod frantically.
With a swift kick to the metal door, he strikes down every goblin he sees.
—
You sit on the same patchwork armchair, sipping on a warm cup of tea, comfortable and content in your seat. The two pin prick scars on your neck peeks under your collar. The camera has you in the spotlight, zoomed in on your freshly washed face.
“Do you know about the curse?” The man behind the camera asks, his voice wavering with every word like it's taboo to mention it.
“What curse?” You watch as their faces morph into panic. “I'm fucking with you,” you laugh at their expense.
“Of course I know about it. Why do you think I hunt him down? For fun? Well, partly because of it but we broke that curse like five generations ago when my ancestor figured it all out and made friends with the witch.”
Smiling fondly, you continue. “She's my godmother now. Don't tell him.” You warn. “Hunting him down is an initiation for us really, a tradition to try and kill him, just really doing our best to cause damage. He's pretty powerful.”
Laying your elbows on your knees, you look directly at the camera.
“I mean you've seen the room right? He's fucking obsessed, someone has to off him or just—I honestly think he should just move on.” shrugging you sip your tea that he made for you.
“Is that why you're living with him?” They ask unabashedly. The camera zooms out, showing you still in your pajamas, complete with fluffy slippers.
“Uh—”
Hobie appears in the corner, leaning on the doorway casually, a similar pajama pants hanging low on his hips.
“Darling, have you seen my good jumper—?”
You take your crossbow from under the chair, twisting in your seat, you aim it at his head, shooting, the arrow whizzes past him, he ducks down as the arrow imbeds into the oak.
Hobie laughs on the floor, lifting up a black and red jumper. “Found it!”
“Goddamnit.” The word is laced with endearment. You turn back towards the crew, eyes narrowed at them. “Wait, why are you guys here so early?”
Support banner by @/cafekitsune
A/N: Thank you for reading! And happy 1k! 🎉
#in pursuit of blood#in pursuit of blood series#the kr8tor's creations#hobie brown x reader#spider punk x reader#hobie brown#atsv fanfiction#atsv fanfic#atsv x reader#atsv hobie#spider punk#spider punk x you#hobie brown x you#hobie brown x fem!reader#spider punk x fem!reader#vampire!au#vampire! hobie brown#vampire! hobie brown x reader#vampire! hobie#vampire hunter! reader#cw blood#tw violence#WWDITS AU#mockumentary au#1k special#hobie fluff#hobie x reader#fanfic
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Hope you all enjoy our recs for November ❤️ (even though they're a little late!!)
Incenatus by @missgeevious (book/movie-verse)
@suseagull04: I can't recommend this fic enough! If you love Twilight and The Phantom of the Opera, this fic is for you! A mysterious masquerade, a soulmate connection, and chemistry that's off the charts all culminate to make this one of my new all-time favorite fics!
Meaning Something by bleedingballroomfloor (book-verse)
@dot524: Really enjoyed this Liam POV that goes deeper into what actually happened with Alex and Liam, his relationship with Spencer, and how Liam reacts to Alex & Henry during the book. The feelings & coming out are really well done.
Needy & Greedy by @clottedcreamfudge (book-verse)
@heybuddy-drabbles: It's been HELL of a month in good and bad ways so I didn't have time to read much. I'm choosing to recommend a series of unconnected one shots, all steamy and delicious and fun and short for casual reading when you don't have much time to commit to a 70k fic. If you like smut tis for you!
Taste the Way You Bleed by @cha-melodious (book-verse)
@myheartalivewrites: a super fun What We Do In the Shadows AU, written for the RWRB halloween fest. Alex and Henry are oblivious vampires, pining for centuries, and the rest of the super-six turn up in hilarious mockumentary-style interviews. The summary alone had me HOOKED.
Camp Llwynywermod by bleedingballroomfloor (book-verse)
@myheartalivewrites: one of my go-to for comfort, all time fave fics. Alex and Henry as co summer camp counsellors, pining and bickering for years. The tension is top notch!
@dot524: It’s funny and I really enjoyed the camp setting and their journey from enemies to friends to lovers. This is a fun and cute fic.
Downburst by @cricketnationrise (book-verse)
@rmd-writes: an AU of The West Wing ep 'In the Shadow of Two Gunmen' - mind the tags, this is an angsty but beautifully written fic with very clever use of multiple POVs to tell several stories of love (including platonic love). This is so good I was mad I didn't write several lines in it myself.
@thesleepyskipper: Truly an incredible and unique work that was done with care. The way the various memories/flashbacks are done and how they are used as part of the storytelling absolutely blew me away. Loved that we got multiple POVs here too!
Underground by @zwiazdziarka (book-verse)
@suseagull04: An adorable kid, fantasy (including mentions of fantasy classics!) and a rescue mission make this such a fun read! The world building in this fic is phenomenal too.
A Long Way From the Playground by @three-drink-amy (book-verse)
@dot524: This is a getting-back-together AU where Alex & Henry were childhood friends who grew apart in college and then unexpectedly are neighbors. I enjoyed the slow burn here and the payoff — it’s just a comforting feel-good fic!
Five-Drink Henry by @whimsymanaged (book-verse)
@daisymae-12: I was honestly already hooked from the title and the fic did not disappoint – so much so that I’ve reread it so many times the past month. Loved everything about this fic!!
The Domestication of Household Spiders by @cultofsappho (book-verse)
@daisymae-12: This was everything I didn’t know I needed from a spiderman AU! Loved it so much. There’s also 2 new recent fics published in this series – plenty of spiderman Alex to read!!
you make it look so easy, i know it's not by @anincompletelist (book-verse)
@daisymae-12: A really fun fic about Henry’s first American Thanksgiving not quite going to plan. I was already laughing from the summary alone
The great turkey calamity? by @smblmn (book-verse)
@zwiazdziarka: This fic tells us what is actually means to talk turkey and this once Cornbread is a star he deserves to be. It's crack, it's exsistential crisis, it's hilarious. Oh, and Alex and Henry fall in love here too.
Lay You Down by ronans (book-verse)
@inexplicablymine: when I tell you the fluff is fluffing, Henry runs a sleep YouTube and Alex is in his comment section and in his DM’s and in his head. Do yourself a favor if you need a sweet treat today and read this work
@thesleepyskipper: OMG this could not be any cuter. I loved the way we got to see their relationship grow as they got to know each other online. Truly an adorable, well-written story that will plaster a smile on your face throughout.
Risk is Just a Board Game by @three-drink-amy (book-verse)
@suseagull04: Angst, domestic fluff, college AU, the holidays- this fic has it all! A look at why friends with benefits isn't always the best idea that culminates in an ending reminiscent of a Hallmark movie.
On My Mind (Let's Go) by @sparklepocalypse (movie-verse)
@zwiazdziarka: contrary to popular fanon, Henry can dance and here he uses that to get what he wants on New Year's Eve party. No notes, just go and read it.
check out our past Monthly Faves here ❤️
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Okay imagine House of Mouse!Au but it’s filmed as a mockumentary - Barbie: Life in the Dreamhouse/Modern Family style - with the staff as the main characters.
Minnie: Don’t you think it’s strange that Yuu is so close to the villains?
Max: Naah. I’m sure it’s fine.
Cut to confession cam
Max: I mean, it’s not like they sit around making friendship bracelets or anything
Camera switches to Yuu’s interview
Yuu: *holds up an arm covered in bracelets with various degrees of skilled thread braiding* look at all of the bracelets Pain, Panic, Lefou and Dr Facilier made with me :D
——-
Yuu: *over the phone* Are you sure you will be okay if I call in sick today? It’s just a small cold. I’m sure well enough-
Minnie: Don’t worry, Yuu. You just stay there and rest. Everything will be just fine 😊
Cut to confession couch
Minnie: I give it five minutes before the club descends into chaos *sighs* I better get Mickey’s wheel ready
——
Pete: That damn mutt just pushed me!
Yuu: *hugging Pluto* I’m sure he didn’t mean to
Cut to confession cam
Pluto: *barks as tail happily wags behind him* (subtitles: I definitely meant to)
Side note: one of the penguin waiters is the camera man
You had me at Life in the Dreamhouse.
Hades: You sure this is your first time playing poker, Alice?
Alice: Absolutely. *starts shuffling like a pro* Next hand, Albuquerque hold 'em, aces high, nothing wild.
*Camera cut to the confession*
Alice: Wild cards are for pre-schoolers.
----
Daisy: So, having trouble figuring out who Yuus BFF is?
Queen Grimhilde: It's me!
Ursula: It's me!
Maleficent: Its me!
-Camera cut to Frollo-
Frollo: It's probably not me
---
Idk maybe a tv network wanted to make a reality show of the House of Mouse because it's so popular and this is the result. It's supposed to be about the inner workings of Disneys hottest club, only to find the misadventures and love life of a teenage girl.
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OKAY PAUSE!!! because a famous steddie AU with Musician!Steve and Rockstar!Eddie!
Steve's famous from Broadway and he starts transitioning to TV shows and Eddie's just a little rockstar that got his offered his first acting job and was like, "Why not?"
You know how Hollywood gets 25 year olds to play college students? Yeah, it's that kind of show. In my head it's like HSMTMTS plus New Girl. So there's the musical element, they're living on a dorm together and it's a mockumentary following their college life.
The premise is funny and every episode they get into new shenanigans together. Steve's the character that does the Jim Halpert thing that he looks at the camera and gives a look like "what the fuck?" Eddie's the quirky, theater kid that pulls Steve into a song and dance number every episode. There's other characters of course, maybe a dorm neighbor that joins them in the shenanigans.
And holy shit, the fans are just eating this shit up. Steddie's chemistry in the show is AMAZING and the slow burn with the pining is so good. It becomes the most watched series in Netflix in one day, the site crashes and two weeks later Netflix green lights two more seasons. The fans want the second season IMMEDIATELY because they still haven't kissed after 22 episodes!
People start looking up this two like. How the hell did they not know that Eddie Munson from Corroded Coffin can fucking act?! And Dear Evan Hansen's Steve can do comedy like that? One person on tiktok does this little edit of the two of them in one of the press interviews before the show goes viral and the tiktok goes viral.
The chemistry in the show is amazing but outside??? OH MY GOD HELL FUCKING YES. The interviews are amazing. Eddie is relentlessly flirting and Steve's always just a blushing mess. They had to do the Buzzfeed puppy interview and Eddie was too distracted with watching Steve play with the puppies. The whole comment section is just full with screaming people about "DO YOU SEE HOW EDDIE LOOKS AT STEVE OH MY GOOOOOD" They did one song collab that was uploaded on Steve's youtube channel and it becomes the highest watched video on the channel after a matter of days.
Everyone just ships them. In TikTok they're the hottest topic and you'll randomly get an analysis of one of their interviews on FYP. Maybe some edits of just them flirting with each other or edits of them looking at each other when the others not looking. They get coffee together once and it breaks twitter. They're trending #1 worldwide within 3 minutes. Even the darkest parts of facebook where it's your cousin's mom's sister's aunt's neighbor and they're sharing snippets of the show and they SHIP the two gay boys 😭
#steddie rants#daeheadcanons#steddie#steve harrington x eddie munson fluff#steddie headcanon#steddie fic rec#steddie fic#steve harrington x eddie munson
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Chapters: 5/?
Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Harry Potter/Tom Riddle | Voldemort
Characters: Percy Weasley, Hermione Granger, Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Tom Riddle | Voldemort, Draco Malfoy, Lucius Malfoy, Sirius Black, Pansy Parkinson, Ginny Weasley, Bellatrix Black Lestrange, Albus Dumbledore, Ministry of Magic Employees (Harry Potter), Unspeakable Characters (Harry Potter), Camera Crew - Character, Luna Lovegood
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, mockumentary, Attempt at Humor, Enemies to Lovers, Head Auror Harry Potter, Minister for Magic Tom Riddle, Ministry of Magic Employee Percy Weasley, Ministry of Magic Employee Hermione Granger, Ministry of Magic Employee Draco Malfoy, Auror Ron Weasley, Auror Sirius Black, Auror Pansy Parkinson, Auror Bellatrix Black Lestrange, Unspeakable Luna Lovegood
Summary:
To get more people working for the ministry, Hermione suggests filming a documentary to help soften their public image. She's determined to show the good wixen of their community that the ministry isn't secretly operating in the shadows or being generally shifty and dark.
But maybe things aren't what they seem. And maybe Harry is well aware of that.
#tomarry#tomarrymort#harrymort#my fic#fic: life inside the ministry of magic#mockumentary au#pov: multiple#new chapter and it's the longest yet#sorry in advance
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What to watch next?
kdrama edition
hey! just got done with a mainstream drama and looking for some drama with the same feels? got it!
comment the drama below if it’s not in this list
1. weightlifting fairy kim bok joo
lighthearted, funny, strong fl with simp male
watch next : strong woman do bong soon
where : bilibili.com
2. business proposal
office romance, strong second couple chemistry, savage fl and a bit airheaded ml
watch next : what’s wrong with secretary kim?, descendants of the sun, love to hate you (the misandry is a bit high for the first eps, bear with it if you can), romance is a bonus book, king the land
where : netflix, bilibili.com
3. vincenzo
ACTION!!! good looking men in suits, strong fl with senti dad arc, men with questionable morals
watch next : my name (contains triggering themes, watch at own discretion), the k2
where : netflix, bilibili
4. guardian : the lonely and great god
fantasy, meant-to-be pairings, AMAZING second lead romances
watch next : touch your heart (sort of like a grim reaper sunny au), the king - eternal monarch, tale of the nine tailed, doom at your service, my demon
where : netflix, bilibili
5. reply 1988
feel good, group of friends, slice of life, AMAZING platonic chemistry
watch next : hospital playlist
where : netflix, bilibili
6. true beauty
bromance, love triangle with happy ending
watch next : the heirs, boys over flowers (if you can handle lee min ho’s horrendous perm), f4 thailand (if youre interested in thai dramas)
where : netflix, bilibili
7. all of us are dead
zombie, romance, political/military questionable
watch next : happiness
8. crash course in romance
(requested by @starryalpacasstuff )
famous ml, headstrong and self reliant fl, both place value in their work and respect each other (at the end)
watch next : love to hate you, or if you want a mockumentary-style romance, lovestruck in the city is my go to!
9. bad and crazy
(requested by @hyeon-yi )
crackhead duo, bromance~, MENtal issues, crime crime, stabby stabby
watch next : the worst of evil, dp, the devil judge, beyond evil
10. hometown cha cha cha
feel good vibes, seaside town, sappy romance, CUTEST couple
watch next : welcome to samdalri
tell me other kdramas youve seen in the comments and ill add recommendations!
#kdrama recommendations#crash course in romance#strong woman do bong soon#weightlifting fairy kim bok joo#vincenzo#the king: eternal monarch#the k2#my name#guardian the lonely and great god#tale of the nine tailed#a business proposal#descendants of the sun#love to hate you kdrama#what’s wrong with secretary kim#romance is a bonus book#reply 1988#hospital playlist#true beauty#the heirs#boys over flowers#all of us are dead#happiness kdrama#love to hate you#king the land#bad and crazy#beyond evil#welcome to samdalri#my demon#doom at your service#hometown cha cha cha
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i fully realize i'm swinging at the hornet's nest here but ghost lore is so fractured and contradictory and borderline incomprehensible that to suggest there's some elevated crime in writing or drawing a copia/terzo AU when we regularly ignore/make up other shit is just. dbsjdkkd. what
and what do we even consider canon? the stage shows? the chapters? promotional material like photoshoots and magazine covers? music videos? interviews? comic books? what about when those sources frequently undercut or contradict each other? which one do you prioritize? is canon important? what about fanon? who even cares????
remember how the mockumentary said (with apparent canonical certainty) that ghouls were actually resurrected papas? haven't really seen anyone run with that one. and the ghouls are nameless and haven't had alchemical symbols since, god, what? 2017? also not important to the fandom. primo seems to be schrodinger's son depending on whether or not it fits the vibe the fan is going with. nihil's implied outsider status in the dance macabre music video directly contradicts his father's father speech in the chapters. this is all just calvinball!
no disrespect to tobias but ghost is at best a potpourri sachet of vague concepts and vibes that are 1) in frequent conflict with each other and 2) that the fandom seems to pretty freely cherry-pick to better suit their fanwork. "what if this guy wasn't related to the other guys (which we're not even sure about) and kissed one of them" is just an extension of that. if it's not to your taste (w/e! live your life) that's all well and good. i highly encourage you to block, mute, and avoid as needed. that's exactly why we have tags like the one on AO3.
#kim there's people that are dying#aren't you tired of the manufactured outrage#don't you want to just create something /you/ enjoy instead?#honestly ghost fans have done the lion's share of fleshing out this world#i feel like there's so little tobias has actually confirmed. why not have fun with that and just opt out of what you don't like
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Let me properly introduce the
Persona Firehouse Mockumentary AU
The main focus is on Firehouse 05, where their Captain is newly retired, and their two LTs are competing for the open hole. That's Joker and Goro Akechi. They also don't have a Sgt, and the drama of filling that hole
Starring, Futaba, who manages their systems and calls.
Haru, who acts as their den mother of sorts, learning from their retired Captain, Sojiro Sakura, on how to care for these dummies
Ann and Ryuji, who've been there the longest, beat bros, Ann is trying to get Ryuji laid/a partner and Ryuji is trying to help Shiho propose without Ann's knowledge
Yusuke, who just showed up one day and lives there. He. He was homeless and showed up and they didn't notice so now he's a firefighter??
Makoto! Their newest full timer, switched over after dropping out of the police academy, the only one of them that would fit in a drama show version unchanged. Also learning how to have fun and not be in charge! Learning to break rules
There's a cat that lives in the firehouse named Mona, and a tween boy named Morgana that hangs around a lot
Other characters that appear often would be the 04 and 03 firehouses, with the Persona 3 and 4 casts, Tae Takemi as a doctor and Sae Niijima the first responder. News reporter Yuuki Mishima, gym teacher Shiho Suzui, and a revolving cast of Volunteer firefighters, like Munehisa Iwai, or Sumire Yoshizawa
So yeah. What do y'all think? Opinions? Ideas? Feedback? Hit me up
#persona 5#makoto niijima#haru okumura#yusuke kitagawa#ryuji sakamoto#ann takamaki#goro akechi#futaba sakura#joker p5#akira kurusu#persona firehouse au
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Escapade Dance Party 2023 Writeup 3/3
Second Half
Jaskier has no more fucks to give by Gondolin AMV
Obviously, having just shown the other Witcher, I had to open with the more familiar one.
Vids under 2 minutes also aren't actually danceable no matter the tempo, so this makes a good upbeat intro to a section.
Grandmaster of Troublemaking (The Untamed) by NKZephyr Edits
I love the enthusiasm and goofiness of this vid.
Goncharov (1973) | Read the description! by Etoile
Come on, we had to have Goncharov!
TBH, there were other vids, but basically none of them were danceable.
【HIStory3-圈套】On a daily by Nerjaveika
Trapped's moment seems to have passed, but the combination of great use of text and this fun song made this one a perfect fit.
Ego | AMV | Mo dao zu shi & Heaven Official's Blessing (CC Lyrics) by Nitisha Donghua Productions
I was more looking for Heaven Official's Blessing alone, but most of the options I was finding weren't really danceable. I love this song and was looking for a vid to it anyway.
trouble in my head | lan jue & zhang ping | a league of nobleman by Victoria
I have no clue what this is. I probably found it in the sidebar while searching something else, but it's such a pretty vid.
История Бай Ци (AU, Bai Qi/Shen Zui) by Kemriko
What is this? Who knows. I liked it, and it was m/m, so people got to watch it.
BTS Jhope • Gasolina• |FMV|• by kookie taex
In a concession to how many people the previous song would inevitably chase from the dance floor, I wanted to follow it with something much more booty-shaking. I fucking love Gasolina and am always looking for more vids to it. Tragically, a lot of English-speaking vidding fandom has No Taste and does not vid this kind of music.
Yes, this is a vertical vid of J-Hope dancing to Daddy Yankee. No regrets!
Мания Хирото by Fausthaus
Ah, my favorite source of vids: Russian fandom combats. Are they on AO3? Yes. Have English speakers gone anywhere near their vast stores of battshit content? No, absolutely not.
No one at the con, including me, knows anything about this fandom. Too bad. The music is great, and I wanted to dance to it.
Отступники by fandom Vampires of Central Russia 2021
This is another fandom I spotted in the fandom combats. The vid is shorter than I'd normally show, but I wanted to showcase this interesting vampire fandom that I didn't think most people at Escapade had heard of yet.
Sex and Violence by bironic
Another one breaking my rules. Nandermo was a must-have for a vampire-themed year, but mockumentaries are shot like ass on purpose, and that makes them hard to vid, so my options were limited. Bironic's always a sure thing, if not exactly obscure to an Escapade audience.
Sadly, the embed seems to be dead at the moment.
Sex Drive by Franzeska
Yes, I will always play my own vids when I need to fill a hole in a playlist.
Night Watch was such a passion of mine for a while and the source of my ill-fated attempt to learn Russian. I always meant to go back and add text to this vid to echo the weird subtitles they did for the movie, but I never got around to it. Oh well.
【盾冬衍生】no body no crime 黑暗爽文利刃出鞘兰森/我们一直住在城堡里表哥 by 蜜桃奶霉包
Batshit AUs are my favorite. When I found this, I knew I had to inflict it on everyone.
The Hunger - Say Yes To Heaven by themaybatatter
I had a long list of vampire fandoms, most of which I never did find a vid for, but The Hunger was at the absolute top of my list. After scouring the internet, this was the only arguably danceable vid I could come up with and one of the few in general. What the hell, internet? What the hell?!
“你不了解你的妻子，我吻过她” by 没饭呲了
This would be a lot more danceable if it weren't quite so plastered with show audio… but too bad. As usual, sufficiently horny femslash gets an automatic pass. Everyone swayed vaguely on the edges of the dance floor staring, so I still consider it a success.
【巍澜】这可是极限拉扯的鼻祖！！！ by 甜飞惹
Guardian is another fandom where I'm spoiled for choice, but the Chinese vidders do like to include an awful lot of dialogue. This vid stood out for great dance party music and no audio clips.
Morpheus & Hob | The Night We Met by WolfPhoenixWriter
A lot of people were into Sandman this year. I liked this vid for making me feel a lot of feelings despite never having seen the show and barely remembering the comic.
It's a bit slow dance for Escapade, but I loved the emotion in the song too much to not include it.
Boyfriend | FMV | Yan Wei X Xu YouYi by Nitisha Donghua Productions
I guess this was my horny femslash year.
Lee Soo Hyuk - Gwi (Scholar Who Walks the Night) Savage by Serendipity
What's this? Dunno, but it's got a vampire and this great song.
The Monster by frayadjacent
This one was pure self-indulgence on my part. It was made for a con by a vidder everybody knows, but the vidder felt it required too many content warnings and didn't send it in the end. I, however, reserve the end of the dance party to show more content warnings-heavy things if I feel like it. I despise how fandom has turned into a "compromise" where anything that reaches into my soul is never on the table while pabulum always is. Fuck that. I am the arbiter of what's normal.
This vid lit me up in places I'd forgotten.
Ahs Hotel :| Tear you Apart by xxxxxx
This song was used in the show and there are a billion vids to it, but this one is far better than the others aside from how it just cuts off.
AHS isn't a fandom most at the con are in, but I just had to include its vampire season.
A Shot for the Pain by Franzeska
I honestly did go looking for other Penny Dreadful vids. Sadly, the selection was not impressive, and most of it was not to anything danceable, let alone goth club-appropriate music.
【拔杯|暗黑慎入】你是我奇怪的瘾症 by 两只阿夏跑不快
I've seen a lot of Hannibal vids. Almost all of them are gross. Few are as interestingly edited as this one.
Twilight Zone by hmmyeahokay
Okay, this one is a massive blast from the past. Do people outside of Highlander fandom even remember this bad 2001 movie?
I loved the song, and I appreciated that there was a black lead. That and vampires trump the fact that it's a het vid (ish).
Supernatural ►Cry Little Sister by Gwen
I scoured Youtube for vids to this song. I thought this was a particularly interesting take out of the extensive genre of horror set to Cry Little Sister. (No, seriously, it's a genre.)
【荣耀向我俯首｜kinnporsche】没长出恋爱脑前的少爷们怎么能错过这首BGM by 旧城与笙Zz
Kinnporsche hit big this year. I wanted a really fantastic vid that people hadn't seen. I love that this one is by a Chinese vidder (probably) to a French song.
Sadly no longer online, probably for being of a horny BL series and posted on a Chinese site
Kingdom come by fandom ATEEZ 2022
Okay, ATEEZ isn't a big fandom at the con, but this vid is some sort of kink AU, and I'm always weak for that. It's also to a Taylor song everybody loves.
Last of the Real Ones by colls
I cheated again and included a well-known vidder, but do you know how hard it is to find stormpilot vids? Kylux has like eight billion genius animatics and fan art vids. Finnpoe? Bupkis!
I don't know if people still care about this part of Star Wars, but all of the Bandom trash immediately rushed the dance floor when the song started playing.
louis & lestat | take my breath away (interview with the vampire) by ScribbledDreaming
I have ended with this song before, with finnpoe in fact, so that's a little in-joke for myself.
What better way to end the vampire party than the new IWTV and the most over-the-top vid I could find?
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Let's really get to meet The Band now, shall we?
#LIVE A LIVE#live a live oc#live a live AU#The Free Bird#writing#mockumentary style story#original story#fanfic
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Last Seen Blogs
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WHAT IS HERE WAS DANGEROUS AND REPULSIVE TO US.