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mmgwritings · 7 months

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RUIN ME, RUIN US

Characters: Kaz Brekker / Dreg ! Reader

Prompts: “I… I want you to touch me,” Kaz admits, while staring up at the ceiling, "There" cheeks reddening in an increasing show of embarrassment. (prompt created by @dumplingsjinson)

Warnings: Smut; Canon divergence; Obviously, I didn't proofread again; Masturbation; Oral Sex; NSFW; Really Long Text Sorry!

The streets were packed with people. Dazzled tourists, ravkan peasants, privileged and neglected children fought for space in the alleys with merchants, prostitutes and pickpockets - all the same, all too happy with the promises of the holiday. Nachtspel was an event during the Kerch year, in Ketterdam the party lasted for more than a week if you looked for the right club to spend money on frivolous pleasures.

This year people commented that the festival would last a month due to the visit of King Nikolai of Ravka, a tall man with a sarcastic smile who every now and then Y/N would bump into in the Slat - a place where kings didn't belong, that much she knew... at least not kings with a good reputation. The visit of the Ravkans was a promise of prosperity, King Nikolai and his entourage were in Ketterdam to bargain a spice trade line with the Council of Tides, a way of linking Ravka, Kerch and Shu Han in a triple alliance.

But it's interesting to think that King Nikolai is smart enough to also bargain with the real monarch of Kerch: Kaz Brekker. Y/N had not yet been in Ketterdam years ago when the Fold was destroyed, when a certain Ravkan prince needed the help of a small gang of thieves. But she heard about all this from Jesper, the Dregs' sharpshooter and part of Kaz's small retinue: the Crows. She also heard about the former king of Ketterdam, Pekka Rollins, and how Kaz made him beg, how he took everything from Rollins: clubs, indentures, friends in politics. Everything.

Well, almost everything. Kaz Brekker remains a mystery.

Y/N met Kaz a few days after arriving in Ketterdam, when he walked into the teashop she tended to. He needed a new waitress for the Crow Club, a seemingly simple job if the additional skill of the position wasn't listening to the conversations of some customers. She accepted, and here she is three years later. And she's dangerously involved with Kaz.

It all started very simply, they barely realized that they were spending too much time together. Y/N in the lounge, taking care of drinks or delivering envelopes to Kaz's office, or sharing a quiet living room in the Slat after everyone went to sleep.

One thing led to another over the years. A whispered conversation after the two drank too much, a longing look exchanged as they left for their posts at the Crow Club, a sleepless night on the building's terrace. But the moment they really realized, admitted, actually, having feelings for each other was when they realized that they needed each other.

For Y/N, their relationship was experienced at two peaks: the calm and comfort of knowing that they both loved each other and the turbulence and insecurity when dealing with Kaz's traumas. Y/N saw the way Jesper and Wylan, Nina and Matthias' relationship bothered Kaz, he wanted to be able to offer Y/N the same level of intimacy.

And that's why they've fought countless times. Silent wars where Kaz reluctantly tried to break up and Y/N pretended not to hear her boyfriend's stupid arguments. When Kaz tried to get away from her in vain, because Y/N always found a way to bother his heart with smiles, jokes and words of affection.

Kaz knew Y/N was patient. She was the best in his world. But, he knew that he needed to become a better man for her. What kind of relationship is this where he couldn't touch her without almost throwing up, fainting?

Y/N realized, just like she notices all the little things that make Kaz human, that he was trying to be more physical. Sometimes he would touch her hand gently, his fingertips gliding across her palm as if she were made of the most fragile glass. Other times he sat next to her on the window sill, too close that she felt his heat. Or when he suddenly decided that they would share the room, the same bed.

That was a difficult moment: Kaz gradually tried to stay close to her, until finally he managed to rest his arm on her throughout the night. But, all of this was done when he was fully dressed. Long-sleeved shirt, thick pants.

The kisses? Impossible. These took longer to go from merely touching lips to touching tongues. Let alone get lost in the moment. A kiss from Y/N would leave Kaz feverish, on the precipice between fainting from anxiety or lust. Sometimes he didn't even know if his trembling hands were a good or bad thing.

But it's over. Kaz, when properly warned, could get carried away. Y/N and Kaz occasionally had make-out sessions, one that left them panting, sweaty and craving for more. Wishing they were like all the other normal people, the ones they heard sighing in the dark alleys when they came back late at night from some mission. Those who occasionally locked themselves in the Crow Club bathroom and came out with a flushed face.

Would today be anything different? Y/N wondered as she went up to her room. Earlier, when she was still in stock at the Crow Club, Kaz spent time with her keeping her company while she counted the products. Y/N could tell he was a little nervous, but she didn't pressure him into saying anything.

So, he finally said a curt "Meet me in the bedroom later" and left for the office before Y/N could ask anything. And here she was, walking into the room and finding the sight of a Kaz Brekker sitting by the window, his eyes vacant into the night.

"Hey, how are you? Where's everyone?" Y/N said, taking off her coat and placing it on the trunk at the foot of the bed. When she arrived at Slat she noticed that it was strangely empty, even for a festival the house always had one or two people in the common rooms.

"Out" muttered Kaz "I gave them the night off." Then he finally looked at Y/N and there was something strange, it was as if he had never seen her in his life, as if he didn't know how to approach her.

"Cool… But, what happened to you? Did you want to tell me something?" Y/N said, approaching him slowly. Kaz sighed and held out his arms, an invitation for her to touch him, to hug him.

Y/N smiled, a gesture mirrored by Kaz, before surrendering to her arms. She was a little shorter than him, barely reaching her shoulders, the perfect height to fit in. Kaz placed a small kiss above her ear, a kiss that ended up trailing to her temple, her cheek, her jaw, the corners of her lips.

And then the famine came. The desire for more, much more. Kaz kissed Y/N's lips, a warm touch. Her hands, which had been clasped behind Kaz's back, moved up to his arms.

And then Kaz's tongue touched Y/N's parted lips strongly, a request, a promise. His tongue was everywhere: first sliding tentatively across her lips, then massaging, then sucking. It was so much more than they'd tried before, Y/N thought, as he nibbled on her bottom lip, pulling her closer into his arms, squeezing as if to make sure she was real.

Y/N didn't need to think much, she didn't want to stop and ask Kaz if everything was okay because, a second later, she felt one of his hands on her ass, groping. They had too many clothes on. Kaz wore a dark, velvety green vest over a white shirt with long sleeves buttoned over the wrist. The pants were black and made of thick material, the ones he usually wears in the invention. Y/N was already wearing a long blouse, the pants she wore were masculine enough to not receive more than two glances from Crow Club customers. But now, she wished there weren't so many layers between them, that the cloths would disappear.

Y/N's hands came up to Kaz's face with a caress, she wanted more than anything to slide her fingers through his hair… so she did, and he allowed it. His kisses were making her dizzy, fervent.

"Kaz," she whispered as he occupied his lips with a new target, her neck. The hands on her ass tensing in search of more, more closeness. "Slow down, Kaz," she protested.

Kaz listened and then stopped, looked at her with dark eyes, his face flushed and his lips red… lips that Y/N would never get tired of kissing. "I want you" he said "I want you to kiss me until you're sick of it, I want everything… more"

Y/N's heart lost a beat and then pulsed quickly. That was the kind of thing he said in her delirium, when she dreamed and woke up wishing she could just embrace the man who slept next to her. What else could she do upon hearing this request? She kissed him like she had never kissed him before, her fingers threading through his hair, down his neck, to his face.

A sloppy kiss because they've never done it before. Hands roaming each other's bodies more than they dared before. Kaz was all hands. Tightly squeezing her ass or reaching up to her waist, pulling her closer.

Then, one of Kaz's hands went to Y/N's hair, deftly removing the ribbon that held the curls in a messy braid, while his other hand went down to her right thigh, lifting her leg slightly so that he could get closer... Saints, she wanted to be able to melt and merge with Kaz.

Y/N could barely breathe between the kisses, Kaz's lips were all she wanted, she wanted them all over her body, for him to mark her. Then he pulled her towards the bed, bumping into the table, tripping over the carpet and laughing a little at his clumsiness.

She sat on the bed and looked at Kaz, her face flushed and a slight smile on her face. The street light that entered the room bathed him in a warm, golden light, Kaz had never seemed more alive than at that moment. He was the most beautiful person Y/N had ever seen in her life. He looked so carefree as he rested one of his knees between Y/N's legs, his hand tenderly caressing her face and brushing away stray strands of hair from the front of her forehead.

"You're so beautiful", Kaz murmured, his lips resting a soft peck on the tip of Y/N's nose.

"I can say the same", said Y/N. Pulling him to the middle of the bed so he was on top of her. "There are so many beautiful things I can tell you now. But none of them compare to you, Kaz Rietveld."

She kissed his cheek, then his nose, his chin, his mouth. Her hand, the one that wasn't busy cupping Kaz's face, slid down his back, feeling the muscles beneath his clothes tense slightly, then, at the base of his spine, she pushed him slowly until their body was pressed together. Too many clothes, Y/N thought.

Kaz must have had the same thought, because he deftly slipped his fingers between the top buttons of Y/N's blouse. Beneath it there was nothing but skin flushed with desire.

Well, they've seen a bit of each other's nudity over the years they've shared a room, but it's never been this explicit. So raw. Kaz's eyes slid over Y/N's breasts, his fingers following his gaze to her nipples, touching tentatively, seeing how far they could both go. When her only response was a sigh of pleasure, Kaz opened the rest of her blouse and clumsily pulled the fabric from her body.

Mouths, hands, sighs, moans. Kaz offered and received caresses as he rested his mouth on Y/N's nipples, his warm tongue sliding, sucking and nibbling mercilessly. Y/N's hands didn't know where to hold on in the material world, they were in his hair, keeping him as close as possible, on his shoulders, on his arms, pulling him for more.

Kaz realized that his favorite sound was her moans. It was a sound that reverberated through his body like an overwhelming storm that made his heart palpitate heavily, that made his brain melt and that somehow, caused a pleasant pressure to rest in his groin.

Y/N was lost, she didn't know she was so sensitive there. Or maybe this is just Kaz's effect, his talent. When his mouth was on her nipples everything was perfect and horrible, she felt out of control, completely at Kaz's mercy.

When he stopped kissing her was the moment she hated him, but when he looked at her with a shy look on her face, Y/N loved him more than anything. What happened? Y/N wanted to ask, but there was no time, Kaz let out a low, guttural sound when he moved over Y/N, she felt, through all the layers of clothes that still separated them, Kaz's cock pressed against her.

A shiver ran up her spine. Y/N kissed him hard, tongue lashing over Kaz's lips, her nails scratching his arms, pulling him, feeling him. A wave of pleasure coursed through her body as her sensitive nipples came into contact with the raised embroidery of Kaz's vest. She opened her legs wider to accommodate him between her and Kaz's hand went to her ass, pulling her towards his crotch.

Suddenly, Y/N pushed Kaz away. Turning his body so she was on top, she then quickly took off her pants. She's sick of so many clothes.

Kaz was in awe, looking at her body as if it were some kind of miracle, as if some saint was descending from heaven with an offer too good to be true. Or like a demon, leading him to a path of no return. For the first time in his life he felt nothing bad happening, no repulsion, no aversion at the thought of touching someone. He just wanted more from her, wanted to take everything from her, touch her everywhere, but more than anything, he wanted her to touch him.

Their relationship was always smooth, they never talked about sex or about anything other than kisses, but they both wanted the same feeling of fulfillment that all other couples had. So, it was not without shyness that Kaz, completely vulnerable to Y/N, looked at her with pious eyes and pleaded.

"I... I want you to touch me," Kaz admits, while staring up at the ceiling, "There" cheeks reddening in an increasing show of embarrassment.

It was selfish of him to ask that. It was malicious, negligent, narcissistic, asking for pleasure when she was the one who should be adored. But Kaz was never much for bending, he was never pious.

Little did he know that it was what Y/N wanted most.

She smiled and kissed Kaz, her light fingers opening the buttons of his pants, slipping down to his cock. The feeling was very different from what she had imagined, Kaz was warm, soft, firm and… big. Very.

Kaz let out a strangled sound, his hands that rested on her waist fluttered slightly. "Everything is fine?" she asked, the movements of her hand stopped completely, but she didn't remove it.

"Yes," he sighed, closing his eyes in pleasure.

Y/N then moved her hand slightly up and down, gently squeezing the base, sliding the tip of her thumb over the tip of his dick. Feeling the cum spread in his hand. Kaz was discreet, he was trying not to get carried away, she realized, but she could hear the light moans that escaped his lips, she could tell that he was really enjoying it when he tensed his jaw, when he squeezed her ass.

Daring the limits, Y/N lowered Kaz's pants further, finally seeing him completely. It was definitely not what she had imagined. Kaz was very thick, the tip was a dark pink color that glistened with cum and had some prominent veins. She wondered what it would feel like in her mouth.

When Y/N gave Kaz a peck on the crotch, just above the pubic hair line, she looked at him as if asking if she could continue. His eyes were moist, as if it was a difficult task to contain all of his impulses.

“Please,” he begged, one hand caressing Y/N’s cheek. "Please don't stop" he moaned.

She then tried putting just the tip of his dick in her mouth, her tongue testing the taste of his cum, then, tentatively, she saw how much it all fit.

It wasn't much. She didn't have that much experience, she couldn't take his entire dick in her mouth without feeling like she might choke. So, she took turns sucking and licking, from the base to the tip, then, when she saw that he liked it, she held his balls and massaged them lightly. But she never stopped moving her hand in a tempting gesture.

Kaz was getting carried away. When he became very impatient with Y/n's slow movements he begged to be rough, when he felt her tongue passing over the tip, sucking, and looking at him, he let the moans, previously low, sound at ease. Damn anyone who listens.

Please, please, please, he said. Hip thrusting, his dick entering her mouth even more. Beg, Y/N wanted to say, beg for more and maybe I'll let you cum, fill my mouth with it, let you see how you ruin me.

So, when she felt his hip thrusts become more sloppy, when his moans were lost between his panting, Y/N sucked hard on Kaz's cock and felt, in the back of her throat, his cum pooling on her tongue, sliding down her chin.

When his orgasm ended, he was panting and feverish, his hair messy, beads of sweat sliding down his forehead, his cheeks pink. He was a beautiful sight. He was a beautiful mess.

As for Y/N, she was strangely shy under Kaz's longing gaze, feeling cum slide down her chin and drip onto her breasts. "Beautiful" Kaz said, standing up and placing a sloppy kiss on her lips, his tempting tongue lashing into her mouth, both of them tasting him.

"All mine", he whispered, as he pulled her to saddle him. Y/N felt his dick brush against her pussy. "And I want all of you. I want you to ruin me, ruin us."

#mmgwbrekker #six of crows #grishaverse #kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker smut #shadow and bone #kaz brekker imagine #kinktober #kaz brekker kinktober

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mmgwritings · 7 months

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UNKNOWN / NTH

Characters: Kaz Brekker / Sun Summoner ! Reader

Prompt: when alina starkov fails to destroy the fold, kaz brekker discovers the true power of the saints.

Warnings: angst, canon divergence, shadow and bone season 2, main character death, definitely didn't proof read, kaz suffering, fjerda sun summoner.

The nichevo'ya bore down upon us and Sankta Alina was struggling to wield her power while shielding the group from the volcras. Waves of terror swept over us when the screeches of the volcras echoed around in the dark. Beside me, Jesper whispered curses as he loaded more bullets into his pistols and Wylan knelt down to search for more gunpowder in the bag.

"Got everything we need, Wylan? We're not going to a picnic, you know" Jesper quipped, a nervous grim in his face. "We're definitely going to die"

Then, the nichevo'ya breached Alina's protection with the Darkling behind them. Inej, quick as lightning, drew her sword "neshyenyer" and sprang into action. With the blade gleaming in the dim light she enganged the shadow monsters in a fight which each swing of her sword was precise.

Y/N didn't wait and started shooting at the shadows. Jesper's pistols were also aimed and ready. He stood at the forefront of the remains of the First Army, with King Nikolai at his side, shooting and desperately trying to get a clear shot amidst the chaos of battle.

Nothing was working. It seems that don't matter how hard we fight the darkness didn't falter, and then, as if and overwhelming force had descedend upon us, Alina's light protection crumbled completely. We were now exposed to all the horrors of the Fold.

"Come on, run!" screamed Nina. She grabbed my hand and pushed me through a door in the fortress as the battalion scattered, desperately seeking refuge in other rooms. Jesper, Wylan, and Kaz ran close behind us, with Zoya supporting Nikolai's injured side and Mal dragging Alina.

We entered a training courtyard, with the remnants of the battle between the Darkling's Grisha and the First Army still visible. Volcra dragged the bodies of the fallen and descended from the skies in droves. The place was engulfed in chaos, and the sounds of combat reverberated all around. A volcra swooped over our group, seizing one of Nikolai's soldiers. His screams faded into the darkness.

"We're too exposed here!" Kaz shouted as he began striking his cane against the old door lock, which gave way without much effort. "Let's go, get inside!"

Kaz led us through a series of corridors, candles still burned and provided a faint glow to guide our way. The air was heavy with tension, and the sounds of death echoed from outside.

In a small, dimly lit room, we finally regrouped. Mal and Alina were gasping for breath, their faces pale, while Nikolai's wound was tended to by Zoya and Nina. Kaz was busy devising a plan, the gears of his mind turning even in the midst of chaos. Jesper and Wylan stood ready, pistols and bombs in hand, guarding the entrance.

Alina, even though visibly shaken, looked at each of us with fierce determination. "We may be cornered, but we're not done yet," she declared. "We fight, and we survive. This is not how our story ends."

"Well, whatever your plan is, Sanka, you'd better make it quick," Kaz said coldly. He had never believe in saints; this wouldn't be the moment. "You have amplifiers, don't you? Why aren't they working?"

Alina paled. "Mal... Mal is the third amplifier. Baghra told me that only with his death will I have enough power to destroy the Fold." A heavy silence settled in the room.

Alina would have to kill Mal, the man she loved. Y/N had always known that a Grisha's powers were cursed. She was born in a village in Fjerda, raised under the belief of Djel, but saw her world shattered when she discovered her powers. For her sins, for her curse, her family was murdered by the villagers. In a last desperate attempt, her sister handed her over to a Kaelish slave trader, which is how she ended up in the pleasure houses of Ketterdam.

Y/N had suppressed her powers since then, rarely using, and no one knew about them... no one except Kaz Brekker, the man who set her free. Kaz needed a spy, and she was perfect for the mission. Years later, Y/N was still working for Kaz — murdering for Kaz.

Kaz discovered Y/N's sun summoner powers by chance when a mission went awry, and they needed to escape. SHe had to blind two of their pursuers from the stadwatch and for the first time, she feared Kaz. She thought he might sell her, turn her over to Ravka, or auction her off to the Drüskelle.

But that day never came. He never spoke a word about Y/N being Grisha, never asked her to use her powers... and that was how she began to fall in love with Kaz.

Alina's eyes welled with tears as she looked at Mal, her voice trembling. "I know, but I can't bear the thought of losing you."

Mal reached out, gently wiping away her tears. "We've faced so much together, Alina. This is just one more sacrifice we must make for the greater good."

Kaz, still resolute, added, "We don't have much time. We have to make a plan"

Tears streamed down Alina's face as she nodded, knowing the weight of the decision they had to make.

That's not fair, i thought. And, as she was capable of reading my mind, Inej, who had been quietly listening, spoke softly, "Life isn't always fair, but the choices we make define us. We'll support you, Sankta Alina, no matter what you decide."

Zoya, her expression soft, added, "It's a hard choice, but it's one that could save countless lives. Or, maybe we can find a way... Nina, how fast can you cure him?"

Nina, her face filled with concern, replied, "I'll do my best, Zoya, but it might take time. We can't afford to wait too long."

The room was filled with a shared sense of determination as they began to explore every possibility, but we didn't have time. Outside a cry pierced the air. It was the Darkling, leading the charge of the dark forces.

It won't work. I realized this just by looking at the determined way Alina gazed at Mal – she would never sacrifice him to save the world. She's not capable, just like Nina isn't capable of healing him in time. Mal would have to die, and Alina couldn't be the one to kill him.

"Maybe there's another way" I whispered.

Inej, her eyes filled with hope, asked, "What do you have in mind?" at the same time that Kaz a loudly "No"

My voice gained a touch of determination as I responded, "We can't let Mal die, but we also can't let the Darkling win. We need to find a different source of amplification, something that doesn't involve taking a life."

Confusion hung heavy in the room as Kaz stepped forward, his face masked by controlled fury. "You're not going to," he said "I'll not allow it"

"It's not your decision to make, Kaz," I replied, my tone resolute.

Kaz's eyes bore into mine, a battle of wills silently raging between us. "You can't expect me to stand by while you kill yourself."

"Believe me, that's not my intention," I said with a sly smile. But smiles never fooled Kaz. He know me, perhaps the only person in the world who truly know me.

We're complicated people, each with our own traumas, but over the years, we've learned to share some of our past. Kaz told me about Jordie, the farm, the con and I told him about fjerda, the blood, the slavery.

Once, at the slat, on a rainy night, Kaz's expression softened slightly as he said "We've both carried our burdens, but it's made us who we are. It's what's kept us alive in this unforgiving world."

We became friends, confidants, and slowly, we tried to be something more. He can't stand being touched, and I can't stand being seen — two of the most broken people in the Barrel, trying to shed their armor.

In the quiet of that rainy night in the Slat's office, we dared to be vulnerable. Kaz's gloved hand hesitated, almost touching mine, as if testing the boundaries of his aversion to contact.

I whispered, "Kaz, it's okay. You can trust me."

He looked into my eyes, a storm of emotions flickering in his gaze, but he didn't pull away. His gloved hand met mine, the moment felt like a breakthrough, a chink in the armor we had built around ourselves.

In that fragile connection, we found solace in each other's company, knowing that we didn't have to be alone in the darkness of the world.

I let the memories fade away. Kaz was standing in front of me, shielding me from the eyes of the others.

"I have to do this, Kaz. You know that," I whispered, moving closer to him, my hand softly touching his fingers.

Kaz, his gaze unwavering, finally nodded in reluctant agreement. "I know, but it doesn't mean I have to let you go alone"

Dread coursed through my body when I realized that Kaz was going with me. If I couldn't make it, he would end up dying with me.

"No, you're staying here," I said, but Kaz simply turned his back and began giving orders to Jesper and Wylan to prepare reinforcements. "KAZ!" I shouted, panic-stricken. I ran over and stood in his way, and I did something I had never dared before – I held his face.

"You're not going alone, Y/N" he said, his eyes locked onto mine, "If you go, I'm going with you."

I removed my hands from Kaz's face when I noticed he was turning pale. Jesper, like everyone else, was confused, so he said "I'm not sure what's happening."

I couldn't explain further because, at that moment, a terrible noise descended upon us. Something was tearing the door apart. We all rushed towards the other exit leading to the hill. The Darkling's nichevo'ya circled the grass like vultures, destroying any form of life. Nikolai, Mal, and Jesper began firing their pistols.

Then, he appeared. The Darkling was still handsome, even with his face partially marred by the corruption of merzost. His eyes blazed with fury as he spoke to Alina.

"You can't escape me, Alina. Your powers belong to me, and you will give them willingly or by force."

Sankta Alina, her voice filled with defiance said "I'll never willingly give you anything, and you'll never control me again."

She then attempted to strike him with a beam of light, but it was strangely weak. When it hit the Darkling, he absorbed the light as if it were nothing.

A twisted smile appeared on the herege face. "You see, my little saint, you can't fight destiny. Your powers are mine to command."

Sankta Alina couldn't do anything to stop him. Y/N had to intervene while the Darkling believed he had everything in his grasp.

She looked at Kaz and whispered a "I'm sorry" with a small smile o her face, one that Kaz knew it was filled with sorrow.

Kaz expression hardened, he simply nodded and said, "Just make it count."

Y/N, being more experienced in sun summons than Alina, definitely didn't need an amplifier to perform the cut.

With confidence born of her expertise, Y/N channeled her power, a blinding ray of red sunlight cutting through the room and striking the Darkling. He let out a searing scream as the light consumed him, writhing in pain. It was a scream of pain and surprise. As the rest of the world, he believe that existed only one sun summoner.

The room was filled with a blinding radiance, and for a moment, it seemed like the Darkling's corruption might be purged. But as the light dimmed, his sinister form slowly re-emerged, and it became apparent that the battle was far from over.

"Alright, let's see how strong you are," Y/N said as she unleashed waves of light upon the nichevo'ya.

The nichevo'ya screeched in agony as they were engulfed by the brilliant light, their dark forms dissipating in its radiance. In the midst of the battle, the Grisha and first army all rallied behind her, recognizing that Y/N's power might just be the key to turning the tide against the Darkling's forces.

The sky crackled with energy as she fought the darkness. Y/N unleashed all her power, releasing every ounce of her strength, and gradually, with bursts of radiant lightning, the Fold dissipated. Volcras burned and plummeted from the skies.

Volcras and nichevo'ya fell one after the other, their malevolent forms vanquished by the searing light.

Y/N's power illuminated the battlefield, then, as a final blow, Y/N performed the cut, unlike the initial one which was merely to test the strength of the heretic. This one was hot, sharp, and incredibly potent.

But it wasn't enough. Remnants of the Darkling's cut hit her chest. She fell to the ground, struggling to breathe, her chest burning.

In her most haunting nightmares, Y/N is always alone when she die. Typically, it begins with a startling realization that her demise is finally upon her. She feel her heart struggling to keep beating, even under the weight of a perfectly aimed dagger. The cries of my family have faded into silence, and Y/N, like any other ordinary person, is capable of facing death.

But this time, everything feels too vivid, too different, as if a new nightmare is taking shape. She taste the metallic tang of blood in her mouth, choking and bringing tears to her eyes. Strangely, she don't experience any pain; in fact, she doesn't feel much of anything except an intense cold, even though the sun shines brightly above.

What makes this new nightmare the worst is his presence.

Kaz looms above Y/N, his brown eyes hidden behind unshed tears. His voice sounds muffled, as if speaking from beneath murky waters. He speaks in desperation, making threats and offering impossible promises... promises about love.

Y/N, gasping for breath, managed a weak smile. "Not... on your... watch."

Kaz, his usual mask of indifference cracking, held her hand tightly, his gloved fingers trembling. "You better not."

But Y/N wasn't feeling the warmth of his hands and breathing was becoming a difficult task. Blood coated her mouth, and her vision blurred as Kaz's face slowly faded from focus, Nina was by his side, trying to tend to the gaping wound in Y/N's chest.

Nothing seemed to work; there was some kind of dark poison, a residue of the Darkling's merzost, in her body preventing the wound from closing.

Y/N loved Kaz's eyes; often, they couldn't lie as convincingly as his words. It was through Kaz's eyes that she knew. Kaz couldn't hide the worry and helplessness in his gaze. For the first time, he wasn't able to find a solution to the problem at hand, and it weighed heavily on him.

It didn't hurt, it wasn't tumultuous at all.

Yet, it was bittersweet to know that someone who had never believed in saints, who had never begged, and who had never touched another person for fear of the dead, had done all of that for her.

For the first time that year, the sun shone in Ravka, but when Y/N opened her eyes, winter was closing in around her.

In the distance, an ash tree stood tall, beckoning like an invitation.

#mmgwbrekker #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x you #shadow and bone #six of crows #kaz brekker #ineje ghafa #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #alina starkov #mal oretsev #malina #the darkling #darklina #nikolai lantsov #zoya nazyalensky

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mmgwritings · 6 months

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I'M GONNA TAKE MINE OF YOU WITH ME

Character: Kaz Brekker / Wife! Reader

Prompts: There is a word for children who lose their parents, but there is none for parents who lose a child.

Warnings: Canon divergence; Angst; Character death; Grief; Kaz suffering; i'm sorry :(

Never trust the Saints; they give and take away.

Initially, a curfew was imposed. Without prior warning, patrol officers closed all clubs, brothels and merchant mansions, causing a commotion among the population that was soon violently suppressed. Later, when the disease spread from the interior of Kesh to the suburbs of Ketterdam, the healers' homes became crowded, and before long even the healers needed the assistance of the Grisha in the merchants' hospital.

Thus, Ketterdam remembered how to act. They had faced an epidemic before and would face this one with the same practicality. The funeral bells echoed incessantly throughout the day, while the bay south of the city was used to transport the bodies, piled on fishing vessels confiscated by the Council of the Tides. The former party town, Ketterdam, has transformed into a highly efficient funeral operation.

Burials were strictly prohibited. Thus, when the boats failed to remove bodies from the city quickly enough, in less favored neighborhoods, residents were forced to dispose of their loved ones on improvised pyres in the middle of the street.

This was the first scene we saw upon arriving in Ketterdam through the northwest gate, when the carriage had to make an abrupt stop in front of a pile of twisted ashes, which at first glance appeared to be the remains of slaughtered animals. However, horror soon hit us when the coachman, in a state of shock, vomited and exclaimed: “They are people, Saints, they are people!”

From the windows of the houses along the street, I could briefly see thin faces peering through the cracks in the windows. They were, without a doubt, the relatives of those poor burned creatures. Their looks were blank, as if they had already resigned themselves to the idea that the remains of their loved ones would end up on the street. I hastily closed the windows to hide the cruelty, but it remained etched in my eyes even when I closed them.

The trip was quick and extremely stressful, from Lij to the capital it was just two days of march that lasted the longest a lifetime. The exhausted horses showed visible signs of fatigue when the coachman left us at the hospital doors. However, as quick as it was, it apparently wasn't enough. The little girl was remarkably pale, her lips were dyed purple and her eyes were trembling under the weight of nightmares caused by the fever. My dear girl, a gift bestowed by the saints, the reward for any act of benevolence I have done in this world.

My mother used to say that the saints' mercy was unfair to mortals, because, as divine beings, they no longer understood the pain of any sacrifice, they no longer understood what it was like to lose someone. They were above everything and everyone. But I was a stupid young woman, I ignored my poor mother's advice because I thought it was the condescending words of a woman with pagan customs.

“Mommy,” she whispered, her voice hoarse with exhaustion, her eyes barely opening.

"I'm here my love. It’s going to be okay,” I whispered as I took her small, feverish body into my arms. At the beginning of the year, I could barely hold her on my lap for long, she was growing fast and turning into a beautiful, healthy five year old. Now, feeling how light her body was in my arms, my heart squeezed with pain.

Despite it being the early hours of the morning, a small crowd was sitting on the steps. They were probably sick people, but not sick enough to get a bed inside the hospital. I was trying to carefully pass between them, when, at the door, Nina appeared.

She was dressed in the black clothes of the doctors, with the distinctive blue apron of the merchants' wing, stained with small drops of blood.

“Y/N, come this way, sweetheart. I’ve already prepared everything for her,” said Nina, her kind face and caring voice leading me down a corridor to the east of the main hall. She was different since the last time I saw her, during the holidays. She looked sterner than ever.

“Any news from him? Did Kaz send any letters? Do you think he will arrive today?” I asked as I followed Nina through a corridor packed with doctors, heartrenders, healers and all sorts of people. I must admit that, little by little, the composure I had managed to maintain during the last two days of the journey from Lij to Ketterdam was starting to crumble. Felt like I was on the edge of an abyss, spiraling into darkness.

Nina looked at me with sadness as she led me into a small, but well-lit room with a comfortable bed, where I rested my daughter. She was in a restless sleep and quietly muttering nonsense words, the fever must be getting worse.

“Kaz didn't send any letters, none of them. Y/N, they must be on the way,” Nina reassured me. “Now, I need you to stay calm for her, please. We will examine her immediately, but you also need to undergo tests. You could be as sick as she is.”

“No, you don’t need to. I'm not going to leave her alone here” I said, freeing myself from Nina's hands the moment when a tall, tired-looking man entered the room, he seemed to be middle-aged, even though he was visibly a Grisha.

Nina walked over to him and they started talking in whispers, probably discussing the situation. It was not uncommon for merchants and their families to seek privileges in cases of calamity, but being Kaz Brekker's family, these privileges often extended to any kind of perk. Obviously, by now, the entire hospital knows that the wife and daughter of Ketterdam's biggest criminal are looking for help.

I sat next to my daughter, holding her soft hand and massaging her temple with my fingertips. Just like she is my joy, she is Kaz’s world. The gravity, the humanity, the warmth that keeps him alive. She looks much more like him: her light eyes, her dark hair and even her pert nose. At times, they seemed to share the same thoughts, to the point where I felt like I was somehow invading their space. She was his world.

Kaz would be able to destroy cities to protect her from her enemies, but that would not be enough to protect her from death.

Death came. It invaded my life so abruptly that I didn't even have time to cry for mercy. One moment, my daughter was in a restless sleep, and the next, she was convulsing, with blood pouring from her eyes and nose... The harrowing sounds were the most terrifying, they seemed to echo endlessly in my mind; it was the sound of her choking as she tried to breathe through vomit.

When it was all over, as my daughter lay on the bed with her head at an awkward angle, a horrible sound filled the room, resembling a wounded animal. I couldn't take my eyes off her to find the source of that sound. Only then did I realize that I was the one issuing it.

Once, when I was a child and still enjoying my hunting adventures with my brothers, we witnessed a fox with its cub in a trap set by my father. The cub was trapped, one of its paws shattered between the iron teeth of the trap, it was still too small to understand human antics, and its mother, whether out of compassion or instinct, killed it before we could get closer.

In those minutes when I was afflicted with acute pain, I reflected on that fox mother facing the suffering of her cub. I thought about how I didn't have the same courage as her, about how I would rather rip my own legs off with my teeth and offer myself to the hunters in exchange for freeing my cub from his torment.

Later, when Nina released me from her embrace with a pale, tearful face, speaking words I could barely understand, I considered how naive both I and the hypothetical fox were being in placing our faith in the benevolence of a superior, divine being. Tearing out my legs, my heart, begging, crawling – would that make any difference? Probably not. Yet even so, I would be willing to sacrifice myself for centuries on end in exchange for my daughter's life.

When I got up from the ground, with shaky legs and still immersed in a painful lethargy, I walked over to my daughter. The heartrender had cleaned her face, but there were still bloodstains on the collar of her blue dress, the same one she had received as a birthday present from her father and which she loved because it made her feel like a fairy.

When I held her little face between my hands she was still warm, it seemed like at any moment she would wake up and smile and tell me it was just a trick. But it wasn't, I spent a long time holding her face waiting for this trick to end and it didn't happen.

When I placed a kiss on her forehead, my tears fell on her face. It was an eternal kiss, I didn't want it to end, I didn't want it to be the last. However, when I pulled away, Nina wrapped me in a comforting hug. Finally, she retreated to a corner of the room, leaving me alone to watch over my pain.

I held my daughter in my arms, I ran my fingers through her hair, her face, memorizing every little detail of her. Finally, when she was starting to feel cold and heavy, I moved closer to give her another kiss, and this time, it was Kaz's goodbye kiss.

It was outside the hospital that Kaz found me. Nina took me outside when a team of healers told us they needed the room. In Ketterdam, the city of death, they are very practical about sorting things out. I was sitting on one of the steps, trying to catch my breath and looking at nothing, when Kaz, Inej, Wylan and Jesper arrived in a grain truck.

I didn't understand what emptiness was, nor how distressing it could be. I had no idea that it could be deafening, that the blood would rush through my veins and that everything around me would feel cold to the touch. Emptiness was the absence of all emotions, and at the same time, it contained them all. And the pain of emptiness made it extraordinarily difficult to notice anything around me other than the image of Kaz.

He was disheveled, his black coat was dirty with dust, and his hair was messy, as if he had spent the last few hours pulling out the strands. His usually restrained blue eyes were showing all of his emotions. A shadow hovered over them, something I had never seen before: fear. And I didn't know how to act other than getting up, walking a few steps, and finally succumbing at Kaz's feet in the hope that the ground would swallow me.

My breathing is heavy and shallow, sobs tear from my throat. There were no more tears, it seems that I was no longer able to produce them, however, a rain began to fall on us, as if it could cry what I was unable to. Above me, Kaz was standing still. He was like a wall that refused to fall under a storm, under the weight of reality. He refuses to vocalize whatever he's thinking, I think he's also feeling empty. It's as if any trace of humanity has been drained from him.

Would he become Dirtyhands, being all practical while he waits for the poor creature I've become at his feet to pull herself together? Or would he become the fox cub caught in the trap, hoping I could rip his throat out when he, for the first time in his life, didn't have a plan to get around the situation?

“Y/N, darling,” whispered Inej, as if calling my name could tie me to the ropes of the earth again. Besides, what else could she say?

Is this the moment when I would hear the lamentations, the pity, that would follow me for the rest of my life when they found out about the daughter I lost?

“She's gone,” I said, lifting my head and looking at Kaz. “We were waiting for you... but she got worse, so I came to Ketterdam. I really thought she would get better, but she's gone, Kaz” my voice broke completely.

I think whatever strength had kept Kaz up until that moment was gone. He turned his back on us, walking toward the side of the building, his steps swaying as if he were drunk, until finally he collapsed. A scream tore through his chest, a scream of rage, of frustration and sadness. But above all pain.

There is a definition for children who lose their parents, but there is none for parents who lose their children.

What are we now? A mother without a child? What would I do now? Just go home and put all her things together in a box like party decorations?

I got up and walked over to Kaz, hugging him from behind. We lay huddled in the rain, me holding Kaz's body as he thrashed about in a horrible cry. I offered whatever comfort I had: I kissed his head, whispered empty words, held him close to me. If I wasn't a mom, then Kaz wasn't a dad.

He would never hold her in his arms again, he wouldn't smile when she played with his gloves, which were too big, and he wouldn't stand by her bed on sleepless nights, watching her sleep.

“Kaz, she loves you more than anything” I said. Loved, whispered my treacherous brain. Then, fighting the lump in my throat, I said, “They've already put her with the dead people.”

Kaz shuddered, the crying became silent. The vision no parent, least of all Kaz, wants to imagine. Like any other death in Ketterdem, whether of the poor or the rich, our daughter's would be treated with little ceremony. No mourning, no funeral.

She, who was always warm, was now alone in the cold of the Harbor.

On the days when Kaz couldn't bear any touch, she was the one who defied him by clasping her little hands around his neck. Or on the worst days, when he came from the Barrel with someone's blood on his sleeve, she covered him with kisses and smiles. Kaz loved her the moment he saw her, covered in blood, wet, crying... and warm. When she was a baby he treated her like porcelain, if he could he wouldn't even let me touch her.

My hands met Kaz's, he was clutching his chest as if he wanted to rip out his own heart. I held him, afraid that he would somehow disappear under the weight of his own grief. If he leaves too...

“On the trip, when she was awake, I told her that you love her. That you love her so, so much,” I whispered in his ear. Then, the worst. “I gave her your kiss goodbye”

How can we survive this?

“No, Y/N,” Kaz said in a pleading tone, “I’m sorry, please. I'm so sorry"

When we lack words, guilt appears. It's our fault? Were we really that horrible?

The Saints. They give and they take.

#mmgwbrekker #six of crows #grishaverse #kaz brekker #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker x reader #shadow and bone

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