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deadcactuswalking · 3 months

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 20/01/2024 (Ariana Grande, 21 Savage's american dream, D-Block Europe)

The story of this week is… well, there are a lot of stories, and the moral of nearly all of them is: don’t get your hopes up. Noah Kahan’s “Stick Season” has halted a certain someone off the top spot, and welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

As always, we swiftly ignore you-know who and instead spend a little time on the notable dropouts, songs exiting the UK Top 75, which is what I cover (read the FAQ), after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40. As one would expect, there’s quite a lot of movement this week so we do have a hefty list, bidding farewell to… “Just Another Rainbow” by Liam Gallagher and John Squire after just one week at #16, “Entrapreneur” by Central Cee, “You’re Losing Me” (From the Vault) by Taylor Swift getting three-song-ruled out and exchanged for another Taylor song, and then “Standing Next to You” by Jung Kook, “Murdaside” by Mazza_l20 and friends, “First Person Shooter” by Drake featuring J. Cole, “adore u” by Fred again.. and Obongjayar, “Daylight” by David Kushner, “Flowers” by Miley Cyrus and the Selena Gomez-assisted “Calm Down” by Rema. Yeah, some massive losses this week, it really is ushering in the 2024 hit parade this quickly

As for our notable gains, well, we see a return for “Anti-Hero” by Taylor Swift at #69 due to the swap I talked about earlier - it really isn’t a good trade-off in my opinion. Aside from that, there are boosts for “Black Friday” by Tom Odell at #31 which I can’t complain about, and same goes for “Never Lose Me” by Flo Milli at #24. I will complain about “Unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield at #18, but that brings us neatly to our top five, where we have Teddy Swims fly in at #5 with “Lose Control”, followed by familiar faces, “Lovin’ on Me” by Jack Harlow at #4 and “Murder on the Dancefloor” by Sophie Ellis-Bextor at #3, and then, despite multiple versions and a music video, Noah Kahan fended off Ariana Grande’s comeback single “yes, and?”, stalling out narrowly at #2. It’s fully the season of the sticks, and also the season of 11 Goddamn song reviews, some of which were expected and don’t give me much to say, or much that I want to say, and some that just came out of thin air. I guess let’s just get this party started.

New Entries

#73 - “Scared to Start” - Michael Marcagi

Produced by David Baron

This episode is brought to you by our sponsor, Who the Hell is This Guy? So, Mr. Marcagi started out as the lead singer for non-starter indie rock band The Heavy Hours, before the release of two very recent and very obviously trend-chasing solo singer-songwriter singles. This is the second of them, and seems to have been his breakout and yeah, I suppose we have Noah Kahan at home. The song is overall about a youthful relationship that gets them into undetailed recklessness and escapism, particularly getting away from a small boring town into being on-the-road nomads, without much care for where the future actually takes them. I like the heartland rock pianos and the tried-and-true drop into half-time for the second chorus, though by the time he does it again in the final chorus, I mostly wish he just picked up the pace as the momentum needs to accelerate from there if it’s such a carpe diem track, it feels like a missed opportunity to really go hard at the final hustle, like Kahan would do. As a whole, it’s really not that difficult to see why this is here or even why people could love it, but I feel like it needed more refining to truly make it worthwhile.

#63 - “Praise Jah in the Moonlight” - YG Marley

Produced by Lauryn Hill, YG Marley and JohnnyG

When I say everything will chart in January, I mean everything. This is one of Bob Marley’s many grandchildren, and yes, that is the Lauryn Hill you’re thinking of. She married into the Marleys, this is her son, she co-produced and co-wrote the song, which additionally samples the original Marley’s “Crisis”, a 1978 track with the Wailers, an uplifiting song about living it up through crisis, staying aware of tragedy but taking time to yourself to allow for fun to be had, peace to be found. I like the song a lot, but it was an album track and hence never charted until it was sampled on this newer song from late last year, which - this is not the first time this week we’ll see this either - turns the otherwise conscious track into a love ballad, but sonically, it’s incredibly faithful, even down to the liquidy reggae groove and charming background singers. Sadly, YG does not have the presence of his grandfather, sounding mostly like a nervous, Auto-Tuned child stumbling onto the school talent show, but that’s also partly due to the mix crushing his nasal croon a bit, it feels smashed in between different elements of the mix instead of resting carefreely in it like Bob would. I do actually appreciate the shift in content for the second verse, which I can only assume was written by Ms. Lauryn Hill considering its cynical, conscious stabs at soul-taking and standing your ground. In fact, I actually like this song quite a lot - whilst it starts off as a love ballad, it ends up using more of an appreciative worship angle that fits much better with the lax, improvisational performance, especially once Lauryn comes in for the outro, it’s just nice to hear her singing again, to be honest. The guitars are also surprisingly sludgy by the end, it feels, fitting the mix’s general vibe, which makes it feel a tad sinister or at least defiant, which makes the sample flip - or really, recreation - a lot more sensible. So, yeah, I think this turns around to actually being quite good, if not great? I guess you can’t go wrong when you just plod in that classic Bob Marley tune as a loop for so long and get Lauryn Hill to do backup, I mean, it really does not seem like you can go wrong placing those two together on a track, albeit posthumously. I know it’s never coming but part of me wants to at least hope this may mean we get, if not a solo album, a wider array of collaborations from Lauryn Hill in the future.

#61 - “No Man’s Land” - Marshmello and venbee

Produced by Marshmello, Digital Farm Animals and Earwulf

To be completely honest, I thought Marshmello’s time in the Sun was over. He’s been latching onto Fuerza Regida and Latin music overall Stateside, so I figured his hit-making days could be far behind him, yet here he is without a reggaetónero or corrida band, and instead venbee, who has yet to really replicate the success of “messy in heaven”, but maybe this will be a winning combination and not another desperate last-minute attempt by Marshmello to find a final niche before the spark dies completely. Surely by now, you know where this is going. Mr. Mello even got Digital Farm Animals to co-write and produce so there really is a distant scent of imminent failure written into this one. That’s not to say the song isn’t good because, well, despite all my cynicism, it’s a damn good track, I actually really love this one. It has all the 2018 plastic tropical flavour but due to going for a faster-paced drum and bass rolick and surprisingly compressed and gross-sounding mix on venbee’s vocals, it doesn’t have any of the effortless sheen and instead sounds a bit rough around the edges, with even the little intricate details in that second verse sounding a bit out of place. That lines up pretty perfectly with venbee’s self-loathing that she feels has buried her into an isolation that she can’t really handle considering how much she hates that cycle. Now I don’t think this’ll be a hit: it sounds like something that could be a sleeper success, but by the time it would get much traction, the song is rather too depressive to be dropped into a Summer EDM mix, and honestly, we have no track record for venbee in terms of any consistent success, and it’s not like Marshmello is a pull anymore. So whilst I actually think this is brilliant, I would have to say to Marshmello: Maybe don’t get your hopes up.

#59 - “J CHRIST” - Lil Nas X

Produced by Omer Fedi, Gesaffelstein and Lil Nas X

“The biggest comeback” since Jesus and he couldn’t even break top 50? In this chart climate? In this economy? I did see a lot of social media disillusionment with Lil Nas’ religious angle, none of which I agreed with because really, it’s only his second time doing so and who decided that artists suddenly couldn’t use themes in their music? Yet that may explain the lack of success out of the gate for… “J CHRIST” - God, what a terrible song title - and I can’t say it’s unfortunate, this song is terrible, and not in an honest-sounding way either. LNX has never sounded more bored and typical, going for a vocal take that doesn’t even fully sound like him, as if he was pitched up in post, and the lyrics seem absolutely unfinished if not unchanged from a mumbling reference track. Even the catchy hook is pretty gimmicky with the “high note”, and the second verse just repeats itself sloppily over this piano-based trap beat, that doesn’t really go anywhere at all. In fact, if left on its own, one could consider this a bit of a feat: gawk in awe at Lil Nas X trying and failing to inject life into an amateur YouTube remake of “HUMBLE.” made by a guy with 12 subscribers! Yet due to the promising, alien outro from Gesaffelstein, we know that more effort could have been put into this to make it much more unique and refreshing, and his springy synth bounce lingers throughout the rest of the track, especially that pre-chorus, as a tease for something to come, which would be promising if that “something to come” wasn’t the absolute lowest barrier of entry for decent music: being interesting. Again, don’t get your hopes up.

#46 - “Alibi” - Ella Henderson featuring Rudimental

Produced by Aidan Glover, Cliff Masterson, Rudimental and Punctual

It is with the deepest of sighs that I say the late Coolio’s iconic Dangerous Minds soundtrack cut “Gangsta’s Paradise”, that has long outlasted its film companion, debuted at #1 upon release in 1995 and stayed there for two weeks total, and has returned intermittently to the UK Singles Chart since 2009 due to just how great of a song it is, a timeless Stevie Wonder flip with L.V. on the chorus and some of the most harrowing yet accessible conscious verses that have ever appeared on a chart hit. Ella Henderson, we are not doing this. Why Rudimental decided to credit themselves onto this… thing they barely produced is beyond me, because this is a worthless parody of the original, a dead-on-arrival concept with little respect for its source material… but that makes it sound cool, doesn’t it? It makes it sound risky, like it’s trying new things, when in reality, that’s far from the case. Ms. Henderson copies inflections and melodies directly from L.V., who already took them from Stevie, and replaces the lyrics with meaningless relationship platitudes. The beat is stock drum and bass, the main lead sample is from the most famous and memed part of the song. This kind of song makes me question whether I can even consider it art at all because what human aspect could have possibly been involved in this? Ella’s singing, sure, but not only are the vocals touched-up in post, it’s not like she or her choir care all too much about emoting these lyrics, and they really shouldn’t. Sure, a human - or several, according to the credits - programmed this song, but would you really be surprised if it was done algorithmically based on a TikTok search of the original song? I love sampling, it’s possibly the most interesting thing about popular music past the 1990s, but some reinventions are little more than fleeting insults at artists not alive to repel them. The man rejected Weird Al’s parody and even after he’d lightened up about that, I have serious doubt he would sign off on this garbage. May he rest in peace - I personally really love his other single “Fantastic Voyage”, maybe even more than “Gangsta’s Paradise”, and I’ll always remember his voice performance as the Kwanzaabot in Futurama. This? I’m trying not to remember it. Hopefully the UK can realise this for its cheap distasteful novelty and leave it buried in the dregs of Spotify where it belongs.

#42 - “Heather on the Hill” - Nathan Evans

Produced by Alan Jukes and Stevie Jukes

I’m… genuinely surprised Nathan Evans is still popping up, especially with a song like this. The title may be referring to the song of the same name in the 1947 musical Brigadoon, set in the Scottish Highlands, perhaps most well known in its version by Grace Kelly. Now that is a beautiful composition with a surprisingly frail performance in the verses that really gives a lot of lackadaisical charm to the track, even if I’ve never even heard of the musical before. This track by everyone’s favourite sea-shantier has nothing to do with that song. The traditional Scottish folk strings may interpolate the original slightly but this is a pop song through and through, with Lewis Capaldi-esque vocal and guitar production, it’s all compressed and staccato and aimless but at least you can tell Evans is Scottish given all the references which would seem tacky if there weren’t just so many of them, and Hell, I’m not Scottish, I can’t judge how a Scotsman expresses his Scottishness. There is a great dramatic charm in the absolute joyfulness this seems to at least want to display, especially with the Scottish folk chaos in the back of the mix and Evans just giving it all he can. In fact, I kind of love this: it’s an adorable love song that ends very abruptly for no good reason, is littered with little Scottish lyrical details, and whilst it doesn’t hit the same as the song from the musical, it’s going for an entirely different vibe: one of folkish lovestruckness and awe, admiration. This feels like a first crush, if my first crush was from Orkney. She wasn’t, of course, but I can dream; both songs I discovered from this entry I appreciate in largely different ways but are pretty admirable all the same.

#27 - “n.h.i.e.” - 21 Savage and Doja Cat

Produced by Kurtis McKenzie, Scribz Riley, Jonah and Nineteen85

Okay, so 21 Savage released a new album, american dream, last Friday, and it debuts at #2 on the UK albums chart, with three new songs debuting here because the entire album was new material, and quite frankly, next to none of it fit the concept of the album, and that includes pretty much everything we have here. It’s really frustrating when ambition, especially conceptual ambition, seems to be promised and whilst the product itself is completely fine, serviceable and in the case of this 21 album, frankly quite good, it does not abide by the ideas that were presented in, say, the introduction, the soundtrack connection, how 21’s mother appears on both the opener and closer to speak frankly about her experiences and how they relate to her son’s, especially in regards to travelling from London to the US. Given that 21’s finally gained US residency and this seemed like his way of commemorating his escape from the confusing citizenship debacle, wherein he can be proud of both his British and American heritage, I was quite disappointed when it was 90% a typical rap album with soul samples, trap beats, flexing on haters, having sex with women, killing people in comical detail and even having a second half largely consisting of R&B just for the ladies, I suppose. With all that, like I said, I enjoyed the album! 21 is a lyrically and vocally quite fun presence nowadays, and the production was incredibly cohesive in its sound despite trying out some different rhythms and vibes throughout. It is, by all means, a good 21 Savage album, but if you’re hoping for more than that, again, don’t get your hopes up. As for the tracks that debuted, they are by far the least interesting and actually some of my least favourites. This one has an eerie guitar lick but also Doja Cat all over the track just whispering and distractingly so, with 21 kind of on autopilot, even if his short verse is pretty good. Doja is doing the whole quirked-up not-a-rapper schtick with the “ad-lib!” ad-lib and basic flow accentuated by again, those multi-tracked whispers and outright refusal to write a verse of considerable length. It’s just lazy on mostly her part but pretty much everyone else as well, there’s little to care for here.

#23 - “née-nah” - 21 Savage, Travis Scott and Metro Boomin

Produced by Metro Boomin

Why is the song called that? Anyway, this is my least favourite track easily. You have a straight minute of Travis wasting my time - without the Auto-Tune, without the spacey production, without the atmospheric concepts and ambition, who even IS this guy, really, other than an unconvincing cornball who never decides on a solid flow and fills up time with ad-libs, including some weird Westside Gunn riffing this time around? Also, considering how much time he’s spent with Kanye, I’m getting slightly worried to who this villainous “they” he’s referring to in this verse all the time might actually be, he’s been oddly defensive and conspiratory since UTOPIA at least. This is a completely serviceable Metro beat, though it actually gets kind of hard on the ears midway through due to that shrill sample that doesn’t really have much to blend with when the chopped, vintage sample isn’t present. It’s a shame that the rest of the track is pretty much garbage because 21 delivers some of his most violently funny and out-of-pocket verses on this whole album, with a cold-as-Hell chorus and lines about Virgil Abloh and Usher that hit pretty hard as punchlines. Again, a shame it’s all placed here on what was for everyone else, a throwaway track.

#19 - “Eagle” - D-Block Europe and Noizy

Produced by Da Beatfreakz

DBE sold like 10 million USB sticks or something, their album is #1 yet here’s their sole track in the top 75. Now this is the kind of so-bad-it’s-enjoyable DBE I like to hear, with Beatfreakz on production, an unusually long, minimal intro, an array of deranged ad-libs, terrible Auto-Tune, Young Adz stammering helplessly and not understanding how disparate some of the consecutive lyrics are from each other. He barely sticks to a coherent flow and starts the chorus with declaring that he thinks he’s Albanian, but he doesn’t enunciate so it sounds like he just calls himself the country of Albania. We even have Dirtbike Lb going for a verse that completely washes whatever Youthful Advertisement was doing, he actually kind of kills his verse, it’s impressive. The flow switch is much clearer and well-done than whatever Adz tries his hand at, his slurring and naturally slow, droning delivery is used to its best extent here. Oh, and like half the song belongs to this one extended verse from an actual Albanian rapper, Noizy, who goes in… I think? He says near the end, “I’m Albanian, you’re not supposed to like me” and I really don’t know what to make of that, or this song in general, it’s kind of a fascinating mess with some genuine flow highlights but mostly just bizarre choices. In that regard, classic DBE.

#11 - “redrum” - 21 Savage

Produced by London on da Track and Peeb

My favourite track from this album is “see the real”, a sassy, witty and dismissive hyphy-esque bop that inflects a lot of melody into 21’s sound but not enough to dissuade you from his cold demeanour. Some of my other favourite tracks include the sincere PSA “dark days”, the needlessly catchy R&B track “should’ve wore a bonnet” and yeah, “redrum” has none of what I just described. It’s pure violence, it got the music video set in London, so here it is, with its Italian classical music sample in the intro that just eventually forms into a menacing, unchanging loop. It sounds great, but with the caveat that it also just sounds like that the whole time. If 21 weren’t generally an incredibly compelling and more importantly convincing presence as a killer on the mic, this would be a pretty unimpressive beat, so it really shows how much better an instrumental can sound when the right pocket’s found, and for 21, who is on his A-game punchline and ad-lib wise on this track, it seems almost effortless. I’ve obviously not got much else to say about this song or the album as a whole, but I do think it’s a shame that its most unique and enlightening moments didn’t make their way to the charts, or that they were so few and far between to begin with. Hey, at least we didn’t get any shreds of that terrible Kid Cudi project, right? Sheesh.

#2 - “yes, and?” - Ariana Grande

Produced by Ariana Grande, Max Martin and ILYA

It’s fine. I know it’s the big story of the week but there’s nothing too celebratory, triumphant, badass or even interesting about this comeback single from Ariana, that clearly goes for an attitude it couldn’t fully commit to, given the cheaper-than-usual sounding vocaloid chop behind the diva house pianos and a cooing that sems to miss the point of its own genre. Lyrically, it’s self-motivation but I mean, we have “BREAK MY SOUL”, and the genuinely experimental and explorative RENAISSANCE from just two years ago, we really don’t need a lacklustre Ariana Grande rendition of this genre, especially when she’s completely phoning it in. She’s not someone who’s meant to chant mantras, that’s not the kind of loose, parading singer she is, it’s why she never worked on trap beats. The spoken word bridge is pitched-up - because sure, Ariana needs pitching up of all singers - and practically egregious: going for the censor during the Ethan Slater-related line is exactly the “serve” it was intended to be, given that it’s the one time the song actually feels like it exists, but it also just drills this hole further that Ari cannot sell this at all, and should absolutely not be trying to when the audience, even if invested in the “I’m fucking the SpongeBob guy” drama, cannot find themselves motivated by because, well, last time I checked, the only other person fucking the SpongeBob guy was the mother of his child. If someone can point me to the passion and empowerment in this song and its seven other versions instead of a lingering tinge of desperate acting-out, please do, because every listen just leaves an even sourer note in my mouth. Ugh, let’s move on.

Conclusion

I actually did not dislike “yes, and?” before writing this episode, but several listens and caring to look at the lyrics more have really prevented me from enjoying it the way I wanted to so, yes, it will get the Dishonourable Mention, with the Worst of the Week being so obvious I really don’t have to say it, do I? Best of the Week goes to Marshmello and venbee for “No Man’s Land” with an Honourable Mention to Nathan Evans of all people with “Heather on the Hill” and I suppose that’s it. It was a bit of a long ordeal this week, but thank you for reading, see you… a bit earlier than next Friday, I think, but still, next week.

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