i'm so out of art shape. no damn stamina for it anymore. i color for ten minutes and i'm like "ughhhhh are we done yet"

I was super anxious, and then I took an anxiety med, and now I’m super loopy and dizzy and can’t understand any of my homework

Wheeeeeeeeee

kinda personal but i wish i’d seen literally anyone talking abt this when i was younger...it’s fuckt up that i spent like 7 years on birth control starting when i was a young teen “to help w acne.” with NO education abt how it can affect mood + its definite effects on um certain identity things i was puzzling out as a kid. at no point did i think abt how wild messing w my hormones for 1/3 of my life was but now that i’m off it wtf

thank god I got a prescription for real anti-anxiety meds on Monday

but anyway day 1 of buspirone: took in evening, everything still on fire

Anyway an update on this medication is: 1) I am no longer miserable all of the time 2) I have Way more physical energy 3) definitely my anxiety is a little less. Some things that testosterone/a combination of the two has done for me is: 4) I'm no longer furious all of the time 5) my mood swings have calmed way down 6) I don't spiral every time I have an emotion [though.... like half of the time I still do]. Things it hasn't fixed is: 1) I still have very little motivation?? And combined with lessened anxiety, I'm getting less and less done 2) I haven't gotten my attention span back. I still can't really read a book. I still spend a lot of time staring into space. Those are not great things? And I would definitely like them to be better, but also it is so incredible to not be miserable and exhausted all the time?? I don't really want to give that up to try a different medication??

omg... i started taking that anti-depressant again bc i’m basically done having bronchitis and less than an hour later my stomach is killing me and i’m spewing Vile Liquids. it says take with fatty foods but i literally had ice cream for breakfast, like what do you want from me. anyway i guess it’s time to try to write despite being dizzy af from stomach pains??

i'm in the slough part of writing a new fun fic ugh. might also be a medication issue (i'm trying to find the right dosage but the pharmacy keeps ghosting me) but there's nothing i can do about that

i wish there was a simple and easy way to keep my motivation up. i don't want to rush it but i do want to finish the fucking thing. and it helps that i have a few friends who i can chat with about it, but i feel like i need something i don't have (again, maybe medication? idk here)

..............................anyone got any neat tips and tricks? or maybe even just some cheerleading? anyone want to hear about a horror-esque batfam soulmate au??

on my meds i dont rly function all that much better but they make my head clear enough for me to know just how fucked up i am and it sucks tbh

help i can't remember if i took my meds last night? D: 

i don't remember taking them, i remember turning off my alarm for them...i have like vague memories of like the possibility of taking them?? but i think they're like leftover from other times when i actually took them??

but then at the same time i feel fine? which would be weird if i hadn't taken my meds???? also idk how the time-release thing works really so i mean at this point should i just wait until i'm normally supposed to take them. also what if this means i'm going to crash and feel terrible like in the middle of class

so like i'm not sure? but i think i didn't take them. but wHAT IF I DID

EDIT: ok i took it!!!! hopefully i don't like...die...

do you know who the cutest guy is

do you

it's sam

in case you didn't know

which you should

well now you do

so you have no reason to be ignorant anymore

sometimes i think about cytokine my oc and go a little nuts inside. someone remind me to tell you guys about her i think some of you might find her Neat :)

7 and 8!

OH HECK YEAH!!  THANK YOU OMFG

7) When is your preferred time to write?

Honestly………………. like one hour after I take my meds is PRIME writing time.

8) Where do you take your inspiration from?

E V E R Y W H E R E.  I mean, often from books and anime and other media, but honestly I’ll be out walking down the street and see someone riding a bike and my brain is like HELLO YES TIME TO BUILD AN ENTIRE WORLD, at which point I’m like YES OKAY LET’S DO IT.  I’m the type of adhd individual who constantly has something going on in their brainspace because if they didn’t they’d just, idk, die maybe?  If I’m out and about and I’m NOT thinking about how to turn something into a story something is very wrong.

took my meds today fucking finally and wrote 3k words in various malec oneshots

which is nice, but also now that my meds have worn off i’m left with this intense feeling of aimlessness and discontent and don’t know what to do with myself

i finished a thing and did another thing and now i don’t know what to do

tfw you think you have your shit together but you really don’t

i want more interaction with my fics so bad???  like i need people to talk to me about my fics akdskdsklklskdkdksls 

i was honestly hoping people would read Hum My Spirit Down to Sleep and then come talk to me about the spectral-verse but noooo sometimes people tell me that the fic made them cry but no one gets fucken Into It

ugh 

i mean part of this is that i’m having a bad time without my mmmeds but even with them i haunt my email hoping for comments on my fics haha i’m a wreck