#meanwhile rouge was fucking awesome
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Hey how come the Rouge class quests are so fucking good but the Ninja ones are sleep inducing
#well nin isnt that bad but like i sleep#meanwhile rouge was fucking awesome#could not understand a fucking thing they were saying to me but out of all the class quests#i felt way closer to the rouges than anyone else
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Con Man's Daughter
Posting this because there isn't enough biodad! John Constantine content.
[Masterlist]
(Part 2)
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I feel like this should be a Damianette story or just platonic relationship after Jon got aged-up to seventeen and Damian wanted a friend his age but doesn’t want to admit it.
So basically there is this big bad in Gotham using magic that Batman was fighting at the time and enlisted John Constantine to help out.
John realizes that the villain is using a Miraculous.
“Oh. I think I know how he gets his powers. And lucky for you, Bats, I know an expert on this special brand of magic.”
And he did the smart thing and called up Marinette who at the time was already Guardian and was looking for other lost Miraculouses like in the Treasure Hunter AU I wrote.
He calls her at a really bad time. She was in the process of being chased by the guardians of the place. Monsters and evil spirits.
“Hello, Dad. What do you need and can you do it quickly?”
“Hey, sweetheart, it’s me. How is my little cupcake up to these days?”
“You called at a bad time.” Gunshots.
“WAS THAT A GUN I HEARD? WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU, YOUNG LADY?!”
“Somewhere in Japan. Getting a Miraculous. And why can’t you call me to check in on me and not ask me to help you with whatever mess you got yourself into.” More gunshots sounds and it was telling that Marinette was using a gun.
“Where did you get a gun? And don’t you have school?”
“It’s summer break. Don’t worry Maman and Papa know. Well, the fact that I am in Japan anyways.” Marinette sounded a little out of breath. Roaring and horrifying sounds at the other end. “Can we do this later?”
“As it happens, there is a villain going around Gotham with what I think is a Miraculous.”
Swears on the other end.
“Oi. Watch your fucking language, young lady.”
“How about a No and move the fuck back, old man. I am coming over right now.”
“Old man? I am not that old-” as a magic blue portal opens up in the Bat Cave.
And a red Chinese dragon comes out with someone riding it.
Its rider was a black-haired girl. She had a trench coat similar to Constantine's. I imagine her with a fedora. Like Carmen Sandiego style but not red. Sometimes red but only when she has to steal it from a museum or high security places and she leaves a name card with the name Carmen Sandiego. A sword strapped to her back and a dagger to her thigh.
She had a gun in her hand which she used to shoot the monsters as it was halfway through the portal and yelled out the spell to close it.
“Brilliant entrance but you are in lots of trouble, little lady. What were you thinking about going to another country unsupervised? And isn’t there still a butterfly problem in Paris?”
“One, I wasn’t unsupervised. I had Tikki, a billion years old being and a sort of god. Two.Well, it got boring trying to track Hawk-bitch down. And I found this legend about a guy with a Miraculous who disappeared in the temple and thought hey, more miraculous could mean another edge to defeating Moth-man.”
More bickering and John grounding Marinette who was acting very nonchalant about it.
Okay, at this point, I should say that Batman and Robin are in the background trying to make some sense.
Batman is surprised to find out that Constantine has a daughter who is also involved in magic like her Father but an apparently more specialised kind called the Miraculous. He is a little miffed that he didn’t know about John having a daughter. He did consider it weird at first that she had a slight french accent unlike her father’s Liverpool accent although she pronounced some words like he does.
He also connected some dots that she is also the Parisian heroine, Lady Rouge who Wonder Woman introduced to the League a while back and had declined to join the Young Justice or Teen Titans until everything in Paris was resolved.
Damian on the other hand was suspicious of the new arrival and came to the same conclusion as his father about the daughter thing.
Batman after a few minutes, clears his throat.
The Constantines stop arguing.
“Bonjour. Batman. Robin. Pleasure to meet you. I am Mari Constantine and yes, I am this homeless looking man’s brilliant daughter.” “Hey”
“Well, Mari. Your father thinks you can help us with this new criminal turning Gotham upside down. Literally in some cases. He said that you might be able to help us.” Batman said as he pulled up zoomed in picture of the Miraculous.
Mari looks through the Miraculous grimoire and tells them all about it and power-ups, basically the most effective thing to defeat the guy is to get the Miraculous off them. Plus a spell that would make the Miraculous ineffective if casted within a certain radius of it.
“Thank you for the information, Mari. Constantine, let’s go.”
Mari made to follow them.
“You young lady are grounded and staying here.”
“I don’t need another supervillain using the Miraculous which are my responsibility as Guardian to retrieve them for their own misuse and wreaking havoc on the city. And what if there is an akuma in Paris? I can’t go there if I am grounded in the Batcave although it is a cool place to hang out.”
“You can portal back to Paris but you are not going to follow me. Understood?”
“yes. crystal”
“Good. After me and Batsy get the Miraculous, you can do your Guardian duties.”
Damian snickers. Until Batman cut his mood short, “You are staying behind too. Robin.”
“But Father, why? I am much more capable than Constantine.”
“Hey!” Both father and daughter.
Damian is staying behind too because of the Miraculous power or other reasons and keeps an eye on Mari.
Damian stays behind and there were some protests about mari mad about having a babysitter and Damian doesn’t want to be a babysitter. Despite the two of them being around the same age.
“I got an eye on you so no funny business.”
“Okay, Dad, I am not going to have sex with Robin.” Mari said with a shit- eating grin. Robin definitely didn’t blush.
“I hate you sometimes.”
“I love you too, Dad. Go save the world. Byee.”
John eyes her suspiciously because she is not one to give up that easily usually.
He casts a spell to watch her as they leave. and which she totally knew about.
“So...I have one question.”
“Tt, ask and don’t bother me anymore.”
“Is Batman Bruce Wayne?”
Damian looks up, totally caught off guard.
“I am going to take that as a yes.”
Puts sword at her neck. “How did you find out?!”
“Opened up Google Maps and saw that we are under Wayne Manor. Connected the dots. Also I already knew when Dad made a bet with me once to find out Batman’s secret identity but he never did confirm it for me. And can you please not tell your father about this? I don’t feel like being interrogated by the Bat in the future yet.”
“Father must know about this.”
“I saw you looking at Scarlet here. An animal lover then? You can give her some belly rubs. She deserves it after helping me outrun those monsters.”
His silence was brought. To pet a dragon.
One thing after another and he ends up bringing out his pets-Jerry the turkey, Goliath the dragon-bat, Titus- and her introducing him to her other pets like a hellhound, griffin and other mythical creatures who mostly roam free but come to her when she calls for them and also the kwamis, at least the ones who came with her.
After 30 mins have passed, “So Robin how do you feel about disobeying our fathers?”
“I am in.”
“Depends. Are we going after the (villain's name) ?”
“Yes.”
Awesome montage of them getting rid of the spell John casted and flying out of the Batcave on their respective giant flying pets to the villain’s base.
Meanwhile, their fathers are not doing so well and are trapped in a death trap. John can’t say the spell because the villain made him unable to talk.
“At least, the kids are staying put.”
Cut to Damian and Mari jumping off their pets and onto the roof. Taking out the guards posted there and going into the building all sneakily and also taking out the guards that come their way.
They dropped into the room where their fathers and the villain is.
“Why am I not surprised?”
Villain starts an evil monologue about his mastermind plan to which Damian cuts it short by trying to cut him down with his katana. Mari goes to deactivate the death trap.
They are evenly matched with Damian’s training and the Miraculous.
Mari steps in as Damian was about to be killed. Taps on the shoulder of the villain and when he turns around, gives an awesome right hook that knocks him out.
Takes away the Miraculous and curses him. Wiped the dude’s memories of it.
“When I said stay in the Batcave, I meant stay behind at the Batcave. What point of being grounded, don’t you understand?”
“You mean, Oh, Mari, light of my life, my wonderful daughter, thank you for saving my ass. You are the best.’ by that, right?”
-----
Mari and Damian exchanged numbers and email addresses.
As she was about to leave the Batcave, “It’s been nice meeting you, Mr. Wayne.” and leaves with a wink.
John ‘ungrounds’ her for the look on Batman’s face.
-----
After this, Marinette and Damian become friends who bitch and vent to each other about their alter egos and various villains of their respective cities. (In codes, just in case) They also share updates about their pets and love of drawings.
They have that type of friendship where they trade favors. Mari calls Damian to Paris sometimes to help out with the akuma of the day and Damian sometimes calls her in when Bruce doesn’t let him go investigate a case so he can sneak out by magical means or as back up for when his brothers were too annoying to deal with.
It’s summer break so no missing school.
John and Bruce are aware of their friendship and some of the shenanigans the pair gets into behind their back.
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Right. how this all started...
John and Sabine first met when the latter was still in college somewhere in France. John was tracking down a demonic entity which was targeting Sabine for some reason and she was the next target.
John saved her life and exorcised the demon. There was a heat of the moment thing and they had a one-night stand. There were a few more flings and hook-ups after that night.
And nine months later, Marinette Cheryl Cheng-Constantine was born.
When Sabine first found out, she called John to come over and he thought that it was a call for another hook-up and was very surprised to find out that it was not and that he was going to be a father.
They both like each other but do not want to be in a relationship together so they both remained as friends and John agreed after some strong-arming at the very least to meet his daughter before he goes to do his job. And pay for child support. And help Sabine during her pregnancy.
Pregnant Sabine was someone you don’t want to mess with. And John has never met a demon or anyone scarier than her.
He was at first not into meeting his child and there was a self-pity party he threw himself with how the child was going to live a bad life because he was the dad and how he destroyed every good thing in his life.
That’s why he is going to meet the baby once and leave maybe a letter and the occasional birthday present and stay out of their life. Forever.
The day Marinette was born and it took one look into her eyes for the HellBlazer to fall under the spell and all of his plans to stay out of her life to burn away.
At first, he tried. He really tried but he couldn’t do it.
Lasted 4 months before he came back, wanting to place protection spells on her and sigils around the house to keep away the forces of Heaven and Hell and other entities so they won’t use her against him as a bargaining chip.
Sabine calls him to babysit. He could have refused and Sabine would have easily found a babysitter. He moans and whines about how he is a great mage and not a bloody babysitter. Sabine retorts that it is actually called parenting since he is Marinette’s father. He grumbles but in the end, agrees.
The great John Constantine is wrapped around the little girl’s finger.
He was around for some of Marinette’s firsts. Her first word was “John”.
It made him cry. He wasn’t a good man and he doesn’t deserve someone this precious. His daughter doesn’t deserve someone like him as a father but fate made it that way and what can you do about it.
After an exhausting week of doing the usual and coming back from Hell, he saw that Sabine had sent him a video. It was Marinette taking her first steps.
Chas swears that in all the years that he has known John Constantine he has never seen the man look so happy.
------
When Tom came into the picture, John was there to take care of a toddler Marinette while Tom and Sabine went on dates.
Insert John threatening a much bigger Tom while holding a baby Marinette with wide eyes and hugging a teddy bear with the same coat as John’s. (It was something Sabine brought on a whim and to tease John when he came around.)
Tom is supportive and treats Marinette like his own flesh and blood.
John resolved to leave for good now that Tom would be there to be a father figure for Marinette.
That plan fell into the drain the moment he was going to leave for what was supposed to be the last time before Sabine pulled him back and knocked some sense into him.
His face was a big giveaway. Sabine knows that despite his claims of being a terrible father for Marinette, he was a good one and damnit she was going to make sure that Marinette would get to know her actual father.
Tom later made an awkward talk with John about how he was not going to replace John’s role as Marinette’s father.
Marinette was the flower girl at Tom and Sabine’s wedding. John was there too.
During bedtime, John would read her stories and use his magic to make it come to life. Although he would feel a little drained afterwards, it was worth it to see her smile.
Sometimes he told stories about his tamer adventures. (After cutting out some of the inappropriate bits)
------
When Marinette was about 5 or 6, Sabine was out on an errand and Tom was at home with Mari and helping her with her homework. There was a crash downstairs at the bakery. Tom went down to check it out to find John lying on the ground.
With a weak cough, he said, “Close the door. Close it.” Before losing consciousness
Tom did before a man with pitch black eyes slammed against it.
Thankfully John had installed heavy wards around the bakery when it first opened.
They held against the demon on John’s tail. Tom brought John inside and unsure of what to do, grabbed a rolling pin on the counter.
The man outside started pounding on the glass door and every time his hands touched the door, light glowed outwards, showing the invisible magic barrier around the bakery. Sparks and steams fizzled with every pound.
Despite the reddening and burns of his hands, the not-human didn’t slow down.
“ʝօɦռ....ʏօʊ ӄռօա ȶɦǟȶ ɨȶ'ֆ օռʟʏ ǟ ʍǟȶȶɛʀ օʄ ȶɨʍɛ ɮɛʄօʀɛ ɨ ɮʀɛǟӄ ȶɦʀօʊɢɦ ȶɦɛֆɛ աǟʀɖֆ. օռƈɛ ɨ ɢɛȶ ʏօʊ,” He laughs, the sound sends chills down the large man’s spine, “ȶɦɛʀɛ ǟʀɛ ֆօ ʍǟռʏ ȶɦɨռɢֆ ɨ ɦǟʋɛ քʟǟռռɛɖ ʄօʀ ʏօʊ.”
Tom knew that Marinette’s father was a con man. Come on, Master and Practitioner of the Dark Arts and Occult. But he was a good father nonetheless despite all his flaws and Sabine liked him enough so that was good enough for him.
Before today, magic was just the sleight of hands and use of fancy tools to sell the illusions. Now, with a could-be-a-demon knocking on his door to get to the father of the girl he sees as his daughter, he’s not so sure.
“Tom? Qu'est-ce qui se passe? (What’s going on?)” A little voice came from the stairs, “Dad!” Marinette padded across the floor to the body of her passed out father.
She shook him awake and there were a few soft slaps to the face.
“Dad, what’s happened?”
John mumbles, “Demon…. possessing some rich guy….. Exorcism…. Doesn’t like me very much…Don’t worry...wards going to hold.”
John manages to stand before falling down and Tom catches him before he hits the floor. He has a concussion. Tom turns to Marinette, “Go, Hide and don’t come out until It’s safe.” which she did
Unfortunately, a while later, Sabine returns from her night out and the demon upon seeing Sabine. “ɛӼƈɛʟʟɛռȶ..”
The demon possessed Sabine and the previously possessed dude hit the sidewalk with a thud.
“ɨռȶɛʀɛֆȶɨռɢ....” The voice coming out of Sabine didn’t sound like her mother which scared Marinette a lot. “օքɛռ ȶɦɨֆ ɖօօʀ օʀ,”the demon pulled a knife out of thin air, ,“ȶɦɨֆ ɮօɖʏ ɢɛȶֆ ɨȶ.”
Tom hesitated until the demon put the knife on Sabine’s neck and put enough force for a thin line of blood to be shown.
He opens the door and the demon knocks him out. Stepping over his unconscious body and looking down on it, “ʄօʀ ȶɦǟȶ, ɨ ǟʍ ɢօɨռɢ ȶօ ʟɛȶ ʏօʊ ʟɨʋɛ ʊռȶɨʟ ɨ ǟʍ ɖօռɛ աɨȶɦ ʝօɦռ, օʄ ƈօʊʀֆɛ.” and cackles. The sound was so wrong and unnerving and little Marinette tried very hard for her sobs not to be heard.
Too bad the demon had super hearing. “Come out, my little blossom. Maman is home. Why don’t you come out and give me a hug?”
It sounded so much like her mother and she nearly believed that it was her mother and not some entity in control of her body.
But she knew better from John’s stories of dealing with demons and how they would use the voice of loved ones to lure them out and into a trap. (Definitely not something one should tell as a bedtime story but Marinette was very different and had an unconventional childhood with John Constantine as her father.)
Wait...she got struck with an idea but she wasn’t sure if it would work.
Before she could do anything, the door of the cabinet she was hiding in was opened and she was dragged out.
The demon lifted her a few feet above the ground by the collar of her dress.
It heard Marinette saying something. “աɦǟȶ ǟʀɛ ʏօʊ ֆǟʏɨռɢ ƈɦɨʟɖ, ֆքɛǟӄ ʟօʊɖɛʀ?”
“Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, omnis legio, omnis congregatio et secta diabolica.” Marinette was now screaming the words at the top of her lungs. She repeated the spell over and over again with fierce determination.
John, being his paranoid self, taught her the spell for an exorcism, just in case. Demons spared no one, not even a girl.
It screamed “NO….” as Sabine’s body contorted in strange angles before a dark shadow seemed to be dragged down into the ground. It made a desperate attempt to possess John before it was pulled away and disappeared. There was no sign that there was a demon attack.
After John woke up, he managed to piece together that his 5-years-old (Sorry 5 and a half) daughter sent a demon back to hell.
He was a very proud dad. (He was a tad worried about the consequences from this event and demons hold one hell of a grudge. He wanted his daughter to live a very safe and happy life. The bakery’s wards also need an upgrade.)
He also got the job of explaining what he actually did to Tom. And lots of reassuring.
Sabine, on one hand, was not happy that Marinette knew how to do magic. That is until John told her that he did it just in case so she can protect herself and later it was agreed that Marinette can learn some Magic spells and charms to better protect herself and when she is older, she can decide if she wants to continue or not.
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(Part 2)
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A Daminette Penpal AU - Continuation
Continuation of this post
@ab-unreachablevoice @startouchedqueen1318 @lovemidnighteclipse12 you asked, I deliver.
Now, I want all of you to know this AU was made in a spur of moment. I’m totally winging it rn.
So obviously before the akuma class goes to Gotham, the months of texting have to have passed.
For Damian, those months are hell, because not only does he have to hear Jon’s gushing about his awesome penpal, but he has to endure Lila’s lies and her stories that keep only getting more ridiculous as the time passes too.
And it better be fucking worth it, because you have no idea how close he’s to flying to Paris and finally putting his assassin’s skills into use.
I mean, look at this!
Lila: HI Damian!!!! ❤💖💕💋💞
Damian, cringing at his phone: Yes?
Lila: How r u????
Damian, who absolutely hates when someone types like that: Have been better
Lila: Would u like to maybe video chat???? I could tell u about my trip to Achu !!!!!
Damian, a little shit™: Did “u” know that using more than three (3) exclamation (!) and question (?) marks means “u” may have a personality disorder? Maybe that’d explain the amount of lies “u” like to spew so much.
(Oof-)
[Message read. This user is offline.]
I’m convinced that if Damian knew how to use gifs, he would 100% use a lot, and I mean a lot, of cat gifs (honestly, animal gifs in general).
Lila: Hi Dami!!!! (She doesn’t learn, okay.)
Damian: I hope you can understand the message.
She can.
Lila: Hi dami. Can I call u Dami???
Damian: No.
Lila: I had so much fun this weekend Dami!!!! I went to Brazil Turns out Chris Pratt is filming a new movie there. Anyway, he recognized me and we started talking. His so much fun!!!!!! 🥰🤩😍😍🎉🎉
Damian: Fascinating. Please do not tell me more.
Damian: And it’s “he’s”, not “his”.
Heh.
Lila: Hiii Damiii
Damian: I literally hate you so much-
[Message not sent]
Lila: Dami????
Lila: ....
Lila: Um, Damian? U there????
[Message not read]
You have no idea how, much fun making these is-
Oh, and imagine, just imagine, if Lila told him about situation in Paris.
Lila: Sorry for texting you so late, damiboo. Got caught up in an akuma attack.
Damian, who by now is replying just to humor her (plus his father forced him): A what?
And then Lila starts explaining the situation in Paris. Of course, she adds a few stories about how she was akumas’ target or how she helped Chat Noir (weirdly she doesn’t talk much about Ladybug). It’s that one of really rare times she’s not lying (well, not that much). And how Damian reacts to it?
Damian, Done with Lies™: Do you ever stop lying? Because this, all of this, is absolutely and utterly ridiculous.
Cue Lila wishing she didn’t bullshit as much as she did Damian was just a little more gullible
Anyway.
I don’t know if you remember, but in the first part I said Damian ditched Lila for Marinette (but let’s be honest, wouldn’t we all?).
To clear things up, I kinda wanted the GA students to accompany their penpals throughout their time at school. It’d be nice, right?
So the scene is:
The principal has just announced that GA students have to keep company their penpals while they’re at the GA establishment. Lila’s feeling victorious, this is her chance to get her claws in Damian and his money- I mean, to get to know her lovely penpal. Yeah...
Lila, walking up to Damian, while trying to appear sexy and shy at the same time, and failing at both: So, shall we?
Damian, ostentatiously glancing at her before going to Marinette: Bye
Now, to spice things up, I decided imma get them caught up in a rouge attack/attacked by a rouge.
So somewhere a week in their stay, akuma class is held hostage by one of the Gotham’s criminals.
Because this is Gotham, y’all. You can’t be in Gotham and NOT get attacked some way or another. It’s impossible.
[Choose your villain. I have badass Marinette though, so we all know the winner here]
The moment it starts, Damian slips away and changes into Robin.
Meanwhile:
The class is screaming and panicking.
Lila is probably in the middle of a panic attack.
Marinette’s assessing the situation before striking.
The moment Robin arrives, he gets to witness Marinette, the sweet cinnamon roll Marinette, kicking ass and taking names. Adorable. He thinks he’s in love (and he so is).
Bats come. And they’re met with the dude dealt with and trembling in fear of a petite girl with pigtails, who’s standing next to him and a lovestruck Robin staring at said girl.
A sight to behold, truly.
Also, what if Damian accidentally texts Lila instead of Marinette after the attack? And Lila is so happy, because she thinks her plan’s finally working. But ohoho, does Damian have surprise for her.
Damian: Are you sure you’re okay? The attack was really dangerous, You’re sure you’re fine?
Lila, thinking ‘yes, fucking finally. Almost thought you have no feelings’ : Oh, it was so scary !!!!!! 😱😰😨😨😨 [just hella lot of emojis. She seems like that kind to me] I was absolutely terrified!!!! I’m just glad that it’s all over. After the attack Robin came up to check up on me. He even flirted with me, i think he likes me... Too bad I already like someone else 😘😘😘😘😘😘
Lila: But don’t worry, dami!!!! I’m a little shaken up, but overall okay. But if you want to we can facetime so you can make sure I’m not injured ;*
Damian, having to physically restrain himself fro throwing his phone against the wall: ...
Damian: Fuck.
Damian: Wrong number.
Lila: ಠ_ಠ
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And of course I’m involving Twitter. Who do you think I am?
At first it was one of of his siblings who posted a post about how he’s seething at his phone, probably his penpal texted him something again.
But do you seriously thing Damian would pass such an amazing opportunity?
Haha.
No.
He immediately posts his follow up and it goes downhill from here. He adds shit ton of tweets about her, making Lila famous (and she doesn’t even know she is).
People don’t know whom to pity more; Damian, for having a horrible and lying penpal, or said penpal, for having an enemy in the Ice Prince of Gotham?
The hashtags #IcePrince’sPenpal #PenpalNightmare #MenaceOfAPenpal are created and are trending every day.
Many say it’s the most active he’s ever been.
---------
Lila is not stupid in this, okay? A pathological liar and a manipulator, yes, but for that you need brain and she has one. Much to Damian’s surprise. And yeah, sometimes she lets her imagination get the best of her, but she’s cautious enough and has proof to often back her up.
She knows she screwed up. Her penpal doesn’t believe her and isn’t scared to call her out.
Due to him bluntly uncovering her lies, some of the classmates see through the blinds she’d put on their eyes and get suspicious of her.
If you have mercy on them, make them come to Marinette and apologize.
...
Yeah, I’m not doing that.
The class sticks to Lila’s version of every story and they don’t believe Damian is THE Damian Wayne, even when a fricking limousine drives up to the school and a butler comes out of it.
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Random notes and ideas that don’t really have any sense or anything tbh, but I had them so there you go
About the attack, obviously the school has to inform the parents, right? But, if you're salty enough, you can, oh i don't know, make bustier and/or Damocles not inform them thus creating even more problems for them in the near future. (Yes, i hate bustier and damocles with passion, they’re enablers and Damocles is a gold digger tbh)
*
One day the french class is at a random restaurant (I’m honestly tempted to put them in Red Robin just for my own entertainment) when the Wayne brothers come in. They recognize them and Lila sees the opportunity, so she goes up to them.
Lila: Hiii Damiii!!!! [Yes, I know this is a real life conversation]
Damian, just done with her: Ugh, not you again.
Tim just kinda glances at her and decides she’s not worth his time.
Jason: What the fuck do you have on your head?
Dick: Oh, Damian, is this your crush or the penpal you despise so much?
Damian: The latter. And i do not have a crush
Lila, who totally stopped listening after she heard “crush”: That’s me!!!!
[Silence]
Damian: Marinette’s over there. Let’s go.
Lila: ;_;
Yeah, it sucks to be Lila.
[I thought I posted this a month ago. I didn’t. What the hell]
#Daminette#damian x marinette#damian wayne#maridami#mlb class salt#lila salt#penpal AU#damian hates lila with burning passion#honestly same#badass marinette#Marinette deserves better#lila ross
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Reviewcaps: Mega Man: Fully Charged (BOOM!) #1
After 5 long years the Blue Bomber returns to comics and to the Fully Charged Universe! Things get a lot more grim as Aki grapples with a new robot army under actual robots, his buried past, and the fact Mega Mini is still around for some reason. Cracked skulls and dead cells under the cut.
So i’m a huge mega man fan. I haven’t really talked about video games here because this is my first video game adaptation, but yeah, I love em and Capcom’s vast and awesome franchise of robots and humanoids in blue, and in one case red, is one of my faviorites. From children blowing up tons of robots from a balding man who dosen’t get the hint already, to the pacifist soldier forced to fight in a war against robot whales, buffalo, mammoths, and other bizzare robot animals, to his best friend who has amnesia for some reason fighting more robot animals because capcom ran out, to his human sucessors wearing him like a hat, to some guy who turns out to be a war machine I haven’t played yet because I haven’t gotten the chance to and is the only part of the franchise I haven’t, to another universe where he’s the ai versoin of a dead child whose now a teenager mentally, to that ai’s sucessor a shy child whose dad was kidnapped by a space monster and fuses reguarly with a much cooler space monster. What i’m saying Is I deeply love this franchise, this franchise is complicated iwth all the branches, and it’s also full of lovely nonsense.
So naturally with that many versions and a decades long history Mega Man’s had a healthy life in one of my other faviorite meddieums: Comics. Over in his home country of Japan Mega Man’s had tons of Manga: The biggest and one of the few to make it here is Mega Man Megamix, a bunch of stories that, after the first two adapted the first two games in their own rough way, took place after each of the various games, and is pretty damn good. Others off the top of my head include a Mega Man x adaptation where X dates a mermaid, a weird mega man zero adaptation, and a longrunning adaptation of Mega Man Battle Network, all ones I need to read.
Even Brazil had a Mega Man Manga... which I need to cover too.. less because it’s actually good or notable, and more because it’s BATSHIT INSANE, and you can read about it here. But the cliffs notes: Roll is an adult woman who goes around naked half hte time and is the most importnat character, X is master roshi with all the restraint and panty snatching that implies, and ther’es a character that one writer tried to have kill everyone and take over the comic.. yes really. I go most of this .l from that page but it’s documented on various wikis that this did actually happen. Just.. why. All of it.
Meanwhile in the US.. we didn’t get that many. No nintendo power adaptations despite being a huge franchise, no horrible malibu comics like street fighter got. There was one attempt by Dreamwave comics in the early 2000′s a series that only lasted 5 issues, and had mega man trying to go to school and some intresting if loose takes ont he franchise.. but the company bottomed out due to horirble mismanagment soon after and mega man sat ont he shelf for a while until the early 2010′s.
At a time when Capcom had given up on the franchise, which has thankfully changed dramatically with the release of 11 and the various mega collections, they still gave the liscence to Archie comics, who, wanting some more of that sweet money they were getting off of sonic, gladly took the lisence and gave it to Sonic Scribe and easily the best one the comic had during it’s long run, Ian Flynn, who set about adapting mega man from day 1, while incorperating nods and call forwards to the various other versions of the blue bomber, and adding his own nice touches. What i’ve read is really damn good and it’s a shame it got cut off right before the adaptation for mega man 4. I’m only being so brief as .. I intend to cover it like i’ve been saying. I love the character, Flynn’s comic was one of the best versions of him bar none, and I could use more comics content on here too. It’s a win win, smiles all around.
But yeah sadly Archie lost intrest in doing non-Archie stuff, with the Archie Horror Line proving a sucess and a reboot on the horizon. While I do LOVE Archie Comics, this edotiral decision still leaves a bad taste in my mouth and left fans without any mega man till 11 came out and any comics till this year, when the rights apparently lapsed and Boom! Studios, home of such great comics as the mighty morphing power rangers ongoing and JOhn Allison’s wonderful Giant Days, swept it up. Hopefully Boom! will reprint the archie comics eventually, but until then they decided to do a softish reboot of another version of the franchise, another one that like Archie had been given a raw deal.. but unlike Archie had issues: Mega Man; Fully Charged
While most of you probably know this as a refrsher Mega Man: Fully Charged was a cartoon from a few years back, a CGI adatpation of the games in an attempt to get in on that market by Ben 10 and Generator Rex maestro’s Man of Action. Like the Dreamwave comics it followed Mega Man, now Aki LIght as he went to school, did school stuff, and also fought rouge robots after school with secret powers he unlocked before the pilot and were never elaborated on in show.
The show kept Dr. Light, Mega Man’s creator and dad, and his dog Rush who while at first looking nothing like the games was later upgraded to resemble his game counterpart more from what i’ve heard and what’s present in this comic. Replacing Mega’s sister Roll, as his real name was Rock because the Mega Man staff loved musical puns, was Suna.. whos basically the same character but human and with an entirely diffrent design.
The show also, for whatever fucking reason, added... Mega Mini.. a tiny robot with a brooklyn accent who lived inside Aki, Mega Man’s regular name in this series which i’m fine with as while I do lik ehim going by Rock, I get that’s not really a name. Mini also manages his powers, makes stupid jokes and makes me pray for death but death won’t come. As you can tell I hate the little bugger from the handful of episodes i’ve watched. Rounding out our main heroes is Aki’s best friend Bert Wily, whose likely related to the canon wily and is your standard dorky best friend, but his roll as an inventor does come in handy since Mega hasn’t told his dad he’s a superhero, though it’s revealed in the end that he knows.. I did do my homework, even if i’ve only seen a handful of the series. More on that in a minute.
Opposing Mega Man were various robots from the games, adapted with varying degrees of design, from the good.
To the okay if a bit weird.
To the how the fuck is this airman. This is airman
Really good basic design. This is what fully charged calls airman,
Why.. why not just make him Wind Man. He looks more like Wind Man.. why did ... I can bitch about this later when I cover the series, which, yes AGAIN I intend to. BUt seriously he has an awesome looking fan for a face. How do you screw that up.
Behind the robot masters was Sgt. Night. See in a nice twist, and one of the things I like about the series, the world of Fully Charaged already had the kind of robot on human war that would plauge the main mega man timeline for centuries in the backstory, with LIght and Night being vetrans. Night being a racisit moron, wanted to keep robots apart and set up a false flag operation do do so as Commander Night. He however.. wasn’t a compelling vilian and apparnetly dosen’t really get better, not having any depth to his operations or actoins and his basic plan turns out to be, thank you research, to wipe all robots minds to be subservient.. he’s just.. bland compared to wily who while not complex in his motives, he just wants to take over the world, still has style and in some cases,real thought to his plans. Sure the vast majority are “blame it on someone else” but in a LOT of those cases, there’s still thorught and effort put into who he’s blaming to take doubt away from him. IN universe at least.
Helping night, is Namagem... yes Mega Man..spelled backwards and this series protoman, but hte character suprisingly DOES sound intresting... he just has one of the worst names in human history. Like my god, in god we trust why not just use proto man. the Character is basically proto man, with the interesting backstory of night kidnapping him, and apparently the series gets loads better once he arrives, so i’m not going to be too hard on the name, as the writers were likely stuck with it.
But as i’ve made apparent.. I haven’t watched much of the series. I do want to watch it all and i’m aware the second half is much better, but when trying to binge watch it at a friends house I only got about halfway through season 1, and then just forgot to keep going. And the series does have good pieces: a compelling background of a brutal war, mysteries to unlock, and a steady supply of new villians via the games long history and the series own original, and honestly intresting sounding and looking, robot masters... but it stapled all this to a “cocky hero fights vilians” every week setup we’ve seen a million times and didn’t grab me, but the intresting worldbuildnig and original bits do have me wanting to give it another try so look forward to that.
And with all the intresting bits i was truly invested to see a comic make more out of this part of the franchise,a nd was utterly excited, as it could be what the series could’ve been with less hampering by the various parties involved, as fully charged felt like it had a lot of executive madates slapped on. So free of those and free to be whatever it wants with Joe Kelly advising, what has fully charged become? let’s take a look.
We Open 6 months after the series with the comic helpfully catching us via news broadcast.. and the art being moody with washed out colors the tone having done a 180. Seriously it is kind of weird for this unvierse to go from early generator rex, a dark backstory with a bizzarely cheery tone to full on Blade Runner or to put it in mega man terms, The Megas. Seriously the breif bit of silicon city we see , the constant rain as a mysteroius figure whose revealed at the end of the next page to be Namagem.. I expect that a pretty hologram in a raincoat is going to pop up next to him any moment... what I can pick which blade runner I want to refrence. Shoo.
Anyways a broadcast debate between a human reporter and her robot coanchor , ron roburgundy as I will call him, fills us in on exposition, while Mega Man himself narrators like this is a noir.. again i’m half expecting harrison ford to show up. Aki muses about how the city, HIS CITY, almost fell.. oh god is frank miller writing this? Are we going to get a middle schooler talking about how much he wants to make love to a city because no one wants that.
Anyways, we get expostion, both for anyone who hadn’t watched the series to give us the cliff notes, and to also catch up returning fans on what they missed. I like it, despite not having watched fully charged to the end, or known exactly what happened until research, this fills it in nicely: At the end of season 1, as I explained earlier Night was arrested, and is thankfully not a part of it nor is his foghorn leghorn attempt at a southren accent. However the remaning Robot Masters are still rioting and a new army of them has started a legit revolution, vandalizing the good guild, which still has that name for some reason despite the tone shift, who are about as compitent as the name implies. Here’s file footage of them fighting Pharoah Man.
Anyways Dr. Light is going to negotiate peace and as I mentoned earlier nams is watching with a glare on his face. And yeah I .. I can’t keep calling him Namagem. That name is just bad and whoever came up with it is one of the biggest morons in marketing history as is whoever decided to force the poor creative team to use it. However while he is Protoman in ways.. it just dosen’t fit. The two were made together in this unvierse, maybe we’ll see as this comic fills in the blanks, and furthermore he’s a bit of protoman and bass.. and since protobass sounds stupid, and blues dosen’t work without the theme naming.. i’m going with Breakman, protoman’s disgusie from 3. With the heavy scaring, broken past and general state of him it just.. fits and HOPEFULLY the comic will give him a full on rename. If it does i’ll go with that but for now I just want to keep from slamming my head into a keyboard every time I have to type out NAMAGEM... excuse me.
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That’s better. Okay so moving on from my new headache, we cut to the desert where the good guild, which is somehow even worse than Breakman’s actual name, are escorting light to a bunker in the desert, where the robots outside tell light to leave the good guild inside. Just as well he’d be better protected with a paper mache sword anda note telling them to go away.
Naturally, not long inside the robot masters leader forces light to bow and handcuffs him, before revealing himself.
Skull Man. Who looks really badass in this thought, the skulls themed scrap throne, his regal posture and his speeches about how he feels that the only way things will be right, and settled is not by the fragile peace silicon city has but by humans beneath his rather sizable boots. And honestly.. he was a good choice for the main robot antagonist: Skull Man’s always had a cool look to him and most versions of him have been pretty cool, and the Megas gave him one hell of a theme song. If you haven’t heard of htem the Megas are an indie rock band that do reworkings of the various songs from mega man games, at the time of this recording a full album for 2, two full albums for 3, an ep for 1, and scattered other songs since the second 3 album, with plans to do their next full album on mega man x. Each of the stage themes for the robot masters is from the prosepctive of one of them and are really damn good and I’d recommend thema nd skullman’s.. really fits him here. take a listen.
youtube
But yeah Skull Man feels like a good choice for a menacing revolutionary, as well as a former combat robot as he himself was apparently in the hard wars. He honestly reminds me a lot of more than meets the eye megatron in flashbacks.. just good stuff. But being in the wars, he’s naturally not too fond of repetant vetran light and plans to kill him as an example. Light however.. isn’t an idiot.. a good man who seeks to do his best, who came in good faith.. but just in case he put some sort of device under his skin and presses it, signaling his son to come save his ass. And thus he does come ...
And one of skullman’s minons mistakes him for a bomb.. which light clarifies i’ts a BLUE BOMBER. To skullman’s credit his response is to just order them to go full throttle showing no panic as Mega Man makes his entrance.
Light thanks him by.. asking what took him so long.. when his son, whose a middle schooler mind you, had to fight through a bunch of armed assholes to get in here most likely. Mini shows up to my annoyance.. though credit where it’s do his zinger of what took so long “some birds, a plane, some guy in a cape” is actually.. really funny. I question why they kept him at ALL, but hey, at least he’s less grating and isn’t around long.. more on that in a minute.
A really well drawn action scene insues.. while the expressions vary for this comic, I will give the fight scnee, I will give the artist credit for having fluid motion and nice pops of color, most things are kind of blendy into the background other than major character but the color pops where it should.. not exactly my style but it works okay. In a nice change of his character though, Aki offers to spare the various robots there of a fight and possible death, as while he already attacked them it was in self defense.
And while it is a 180 from the show.. it’s not only a welcome change as it’s closer to the games canon and a more intersting personality.. it also still works. Aki went through a LOT at the end of season 1: while he did win, he found out he had a brother, his dad knew who he was but was never honest with him about it and also likely knows where his power came from but hasn’t told him, and has had to deal with 6 months worth of rioting where he’s unsure what side he’s on, machine like he is or man like his family. He’s trying to find the right ballance; be the hero his city needs.. but be the man he needs to be, one who will spare his enemies and won’t fight unless he needs to, for the good fo everyone, His friends, his family, everyone in the city who deserves to sleep soundly. And he’s also starting to wonder, via narration of course, if he’s a hero.. or even a kid.. or a weapon> Which again while a bit of a shift from the series again makes sense: he’s a middle school aged boy who started this jsut fighting random assholes and some idiot racist who was transparently evil and had selfish goals.. now he’s fighting against a revolution who MIGHT have a point. While Silcion city seemd fine and equal.. there wer eplenty of idiot swilling to listen to night. As the real world has proven over the last few months, just because things have gotten better, dosen’t mean that things are 100% or that prejudice is just gone. He’s a 12 year old asked to take a stand in a messy conflict that lead to war in the past with his father offering no answers and growing colder. While I thought his angst was bit overblown on first reading the more I think about it the more it fits.
Anyways Mega makes short work of the skull squad after they refuse to back down, but while Mega Man’s ready to ghost.. Skull Man’s not done and drills into mega man’s head... and reveals something. Flashbacks.
But yeah, Skull Man’s either implanted or restored some memory of Aki fighting in the hard wars.. right alongside dr. light.. with a drill because science. DR. Light then gets REALLY badass, breaking out of the robot restraining him’s grip before fucking UPERCUTTING Skull Man.. jesus christ, Dr.Light clearly traded his empathy for miraclo pills holy balls.
Rush helps him escape and take Aki with him but skull man’s confident, he lost the battle but won Mega’s mind. On the way home Mega Man tells dr.light what he saw and isn’t sure if it’s the past the future or something else but Dr.Light assures him..
Even though his eyes give away he’s clearly hiding something. Also I haven’t mentioned it yet but Dr.Light looks like santa in this sisue, red shirt, blue pants, big white beard. Just.. why though. Just put him in a suit or something. Also Mini crawls out of Mega’s head and passes out due to the memory restoration.. a nice way to write him out while still giving it weight since while the audience is presumibly cheering his long overdue demise, he is aki’s friend.. why I have no idea but he is.
Back at the lighthouse, the light’s home and home base, which is admitely a really good alternate name for light labs and a better one in my opinon. Light brushes off Suna, telling her to go to bed and avoiding telling her anything. Yeahhh.. while it could be the pressure of the situation I really dont’ like dr.light’s characterization before. Fully Charged, outside of the whole secret identity thing which at least was expalined as Aki not knowing if his dad would let him continue as mega man if he knew, though it extended clearly past the point he was clearly supporting mega man’s actions so I dunno. But he was a compationste scientest, deeply ashamed of his past in the war and wanting to make peace, he was done really well and peformed well by gary chalk. Here? He’s a dick who clearly did something terrible in the past and treats his kids like crap. It’s okay to be suspcious of him given the flashback but he’s given us no reason to like him or want to hear his side eventually, and hopefully that changes.
Suna talks to Aki who tells her what happened and both side give out good arguments; Suna points out she reallyc an’t trust what some creepy asshole put in his head, as Skull Man could just want to brainwash him.. but Aki counters easily and quietly: How’s he supposed to know what’s real if his dad won’t tell him anything? He took months to tell Aki he knew about his alter ego, and even before his id came out avoided talking about the hard war, which hasn’t changed. He vows to find out though, and Suna naturally is helpful, pointing out there’s more people to ask and since she actually pays attention in school she knwos just who.. Dr. Wily. Yup he’s finally here. dun dun dun. We then close as Breakman watches and tells his brother he can’t stop what’s started. And we’re out.
Mega Final Thoughts:
This was a decent issue, doing a fair job of bringing in new readers, and the art was decent and matched the tone.. which If elt was a bit too bleak at times. Better than say a Zack Snyder film at least, but still a bit too close to that form of edgelord for my case. That said it opens up some intresting mysteries and has me at least willing to give it another shot next month and was a solid opener, which while not having the best charcterzation for dr light, vastly improved Aki and Suna’s while giving us a far more intersting villian in Skull Man. If this holds, we’ll see. But until then I plan to cover more mega man comics, as well as my continued weekly coverage of amphibia. Until I see you again, stay safe, wear a mask and later days
#aki light#suna light#dr light#thomas light#rush#skull man#the megas#dr wily#namagem#breakman#capcom#boom studios#comics#reviews#recaps#mega man#mega man fully charged#megaman#video games#video game adaptations
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Parkner/Spiderlad soulmate AU idea
Disclaimer: I made this at 1 in the morning while I was exhausted and I don’t have the motivation to edit it so it might not make much sense
-Harley has a Spider on his chest while Peter has an arc reactor
-Peter always been nervous about who his soulmate will be because the only people he’s seen with arc reactors were Tony Stark, James Rhodes, and that one villain from Iron man 2
-all of those people are old enough to be Peters dad
-he’s rightfully scared about his soulmate being old
-so he does everything he can to hide his soulmark, after all he doesn’t want to be forced to be with someone three times his age
-he never takes off his shirt in public, he doesn’t wear v-necks, he doesn’t even wear light colored shirts just in case water gets on it and turns it see through
-when Peter gets bitten by the spider and gains his powers his first thought is to hide his powers
-he thinks that if he uses his powers it will put him on peoples radars and it will lead to people will discovering his soulmark
-that all comes crashing down when Peters uncle Ben is shot in front of him
-after all, how could he continue doing nothing when there’s people out there like Ben, people who will get hurt if he doesn’t use his powers to help
-so Peter becomes Spider-Man
-he’s super cautious about anyone discovering his identity
-he always wears a mask and tries as hard as possible to disguise his voice
-he even sews a black cloth cutout of a spider to the front of his suit to avoid his soulmark ever being seen
-what he doesn’t account for is back alley cameras which is what leads Tony Stark to finding out his identity
-when he first sees Tony Stark in his living room his first thought is that he found out about his soulmark
-when it becomes clear to Peter that Tony knows nothing about his soulmark his first feeling is relief
-his relief is short lived since it turns out Tony (Mr.Stark?) knows he’s Spider-Man and wants his help fighting the avengers
-Peters hesitant but agrees to go since it’ll be suspicious if he doesn’t go
-(plus it means he’ll hopefully be able to join the avengers someday)
-onto Harley
-Harley was super excited about his soulmate as a kid because “Spiders are super cool and awesome! Stop laughing at me mom!”
-he has a rude awakening when his dad abandons his family
-he gets angry and resentful about the whole concept of soulmates because how could someone just leave the person they’re destined to be with
-he’s still an angry kid when Tony Stark breaks into his garage
-while Tony’s there, Tony talks nonstop about his soulmate Pepper, “She’s just so amazingly brilliant and I need to get back to her!”
-it makes Harley realize that maybe not all soulmates are like his mom and dad were and maybe he can be happy with his
-when Tony leaves he promises to keep in contact with Harley and starts calling weekly without fail
-he even visits Harley when he has the time and by the time Harley is 13 they’ve built the first working Ironlad suit
-(the actual first one didn’t work because Harley tried to do it alone and when Tony saw it he decided to scrap the whole thing and help make him one that will be better)
-by the time Civil War rolls around Harley’s been training to be Ironlad for 2 years and is basically a master with the armor
-Tony asks him to help out with the fight in Germany since he doesn’t think his former teammates will actually go as far as to seriously hurt anyone
-Harley obviously agrees cause it’ll be his first real fight and he’s been wanting to punch Captain America ever since he saw his first PSA
-Tony tells him that the team will consist of him, Ironlad, War Machine, Vision, Black Widow, the king of Wakanda (who is apparently some type of superhero??), and a new superhero called Spider-Man
-as soon as Harley sees his first video of Spider-Man something inside of him clicks and he realizes Spider-Mans symbol is his soulmark
-he comes to the conclusion that Spider-Man is his soulmate and gets super nervous and excited for Germany
-after all, he’s gonna meet his soulmate soon and his soulmate is apparently young and strong enough to lift cars!
-(Harley falls in love just a bit when he hears about Spider-Man developing his own web fluid)
-meanwhile Peter is freaking out, cause Tony fucking Stark just asked him to go to Germany and help him beat up Captain America
-He’ll be forced to spend time around the 2 people (that he knows of) that have an arc reactor
-he’s super scared about one of them finding out about his soulmark and either A) one of them being a match or B) having it be an unrequited mark
-at this point he doesn’t know which one is worse
-when he gets to Germany he doesn’t have time to worry because as soon as he lands he’s being whisked off to fight the rouge Avengers
-when the fight starts he can barely focus on the things going on around him because apparently there’s 3 people with Iron Man armor now
-the person inside the new armor sounds young and Peter can hear Tony call him Ironlad over the comms
-when Peter starts making pop culture references while fighting Ironlad understands them and actively responds
-when the rouges surrender and the fight is over (team Ironman won in this due to Harley’s help) the Ironlad armor opens and out of it comes a boy Peters age
-oh no he’s hot
-and he’s heading right towards Peter
-while Peters having a inner freak out Harley gets to Peter and of since he’s a disaster of a human the first words out of his mouth are “Hi, I’m Harely Keener and I think you might be my soulmate”
- Peter is S T U N N E D
-this cute boy in front of him just said that he thinks they’re soulmates???
-at first Peter doesn’t believe him because there’s no way this gorgeous boy could be his soulmate, Parker luck wouldn’t allow it
-after Peter thinks about it for a bit he realizes that it’s probably true since the boy was wearing Iron Man armor which has an arc reactor in the exact location Peters soulmark is
-plus if the boy had come to the conclusion that they’re soulmates the boys soulmark probably has something to do with Spider-Man
-Peter agrees to compare soulmark once they get back to the hotel to make sure they’re a match
-low and behold, turns out they are a match!
-Peters never been happier, he lived his entire life thinking he’d be stuck with some dude three times his age and it turns out his soulmark is a hot dude that’s only a year older than him
-He’s so happy that in that moment he knows that everything will be fine
I might turn this into a full fic if I have enough motivation, for now I just had to get my ideas down. Y’all are welcome to use this concept for your own fics as well.
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Teen Titans Spotlight #3: Jericho
I've always loved Jericho's look. Nothing says "I'm a superhero!" less.
Look at that outfit! No wonder he spends the majority of his time inside other people's minds.
This issue is called "The Past is Prologue" and I just went into a profundity coma. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
How much prologue can a teenager have built up? I suppose it depends on your life experiences. Joseph had his throat slit by one of Jackal's henchmen, developed the ability to enter a person's mind and take control of their body, had a father who was the greatest mercenary in the world, and was able to grow fantastic facial hair at an early age. He's probably got some good prologue. But take another teenager like Rebecca Black and you realize sometimes there's not a whole lot of prologue. I mean, I guess she learned the order the days come in the week, how to eat cereal, and the ability to count seats in a vehicle. Not that I'm taking a shot at Rebecca Black! I was probably one of the only people to defend her when it was all the Internet rage to shit on her song "Friday." Sure, the lyrics were inane. But she was young and the song was as catchy as any hit pop song. Sometimes people are just generally assholes. I guess they needed to prove their intelligence by pointing out how they couldn't be fooled into enjoying a song with insipid lyrics. Fuck them. Rebecca Black, I'm a fan!
The story begins in Paris so obviously the scene opens on the Eiffel Tower. Sure, the characters could have been at the Louvre or the Moulin Rouge or Notre Dame or the Arc de Triomphe but how many readers would instantly realize the characters were in Paris then? Aside from the narration box saying, "You can actually feel Paris come alive at night." Which is kind of a gross sentence when the scene opens up on a huge phallus straining to fuck the sky.
Now, now! Don't be hurt that I assumed most people wouldn't recognize Paris by famous Paris landmarks other than the Eiffel Tower. I didn't mean you, of course! I meant all of the other readers! Try to remember that the main audience for this story are comic book readers and Americans. If the third circle of that Venn Diagram is "ignorant," it would subsume the other two circles.
Ha ha! Just kidding, comic book readers! Just yanking your Yankee chain, Americans! Ha ha! Good times.
This is Curt and Penny. They're, I don't know, international spies or something.
Penny's help comes in the form of Adeline Kane and her investigative agency, Searchers, Inc. But there's a dramatic love problem! Joseph (Jericho, for you know-nothings!) was in love with Penny two years ago but it ended when he thought she died. Marv Wolfman does remember Jericho is a teenager, right? I guess that's why, two years later, he's still pining over his dead girlfriend. Love seems more love-y when you're young! But sheesh, Joey! Get over it! It's not like you lost your cat!
Listening? He's been signing "Let me fuck your titties" for the last twenty minutes!
Penny likes Jericho because he doesn't speak, he apparently listens, he paints, he writes poetry, and he can grow underwear soaking facial hair. And since he can't say anything, they just go out to the garden and fuck.
Meanwhile, Penny's dad pays Adeline to fake his and his daughter's death. Adeline sees her son fucking Penny and says, "Yeah, whatever. Cash is awesome."
But that's all prologue! In the logue, Penny's father is amassing an army for some shenanigans he's getting up to. But instead of hiring a bunch of warriors, he's making the warriors all fight to the death so that he's only left with a few warriors who are the best warriors from dozens! Or the luckiest, maybe. I don't know. I'd rather have a bigger army with a bunch of guys ready to fight to the death than a small army of guys cocky from fighting other guys to the death and somehow surviving. But then, I've never considered myself arch-villain material.
Penny's father tells her to get to Searchers, Inc. to help find Curt. He's busy watching dozens of perfectly good soldiers die for his cause. She has a bit of unbelievable trouble on the way to the airport that I don't want to talk about. Seriously, you don't want me to talk about it either. Especially since I know nothing about how cars work so even though I feel like a car wouldn't suddenly go out of control if a person in the back seat managed to aim at and hit the gas line while shooting through the floor, I can't be sure and I'm not willing to watch any YouTube videos on the subject. Plus after she shoots the gas line, the driver says, "You're crazy! We'll both die!" as the car heads for a cliff which he drives right over. Because somehow shooting the gas line means the brakes and the steering suddenly don't work? I suppose it's possible since, as I said, I know nothing about cars! She shoots the lock on the back door to get out but the driver can't open his door because she shot the gas line. Man, I'm glad I know how to completely disable a car and trap the driver in it now! I'd better memorize where this deus ex gaslina sits in every make and model of car! I'll never be kidnapped again!
Back in the prologue, Penny learns that Joey can enter people's minds and take over their body's actions. But the person he controls can still speak because, lacking vocal cords or something, he can't control their vocal cords. Penny gets super excited thinking about all of the sex stuff they could do with that power. Or, I guess, the one sex thing where he takes over her body and jerks her off while she moans loudly.
Does this sign mean "Mom, I fucked my girlfriend's tits!"?
On the night Adeline intends to fake Penny and her father's deaths, Joey proposes to Penelope. Adeline sees him propose and thinks, "Yeah, whatever. Cash is awesome." Adeline blows up Penny's father's boat with Penny and her father on it just as she and Joey leave. I guess that was to really twist the knife in the son she apparently hates. Or at least doesn't love as much as money?
So that's the prologue and the past! Moving on to the logue and the present, Joey still mourns for his lover. But he's going to be in for a big surprise when she shows up alive at the door to Searchers, Inc. Especially since she didn't think he died and has been mourning him for two years. No, she knew he was alive and she was off getting finger-banged by Curt.
Penny is probably thinking, "Curt who?!"
Teen Titans Spotlight #3: Jericho Rating: C. Oh, the teenage sex drama! The longing! The pining! The fake deaths! The strange fucking way gas lines work! This is more like the Marv Wolfman I'm used to!
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Shadow, Rouge, Vector, Espio, and Charmy!
give me five ships, characters, or shows and I will rank them from my favorite to my least favorite.
1. Rouge (She’s a spy who can LITERALLY kick ass like nobody’s business. And on top of that, she’s incredibly intelligent and very deceptive, which is another really good quality about spies. I used to compare her to Black Widow because of those things, but there’s something extra about Rouge that Black Widow can’t touch, and that is Rouge’s sheer confidence. Rouge is one smug motherfucker and she knows it. But does she give any fucks? Absolutely not. She knows whether or not things are gonna go her way and she can play that up to the absolute max. She can play up that she looks like a dainty, pretty, seductive lady who doesn’t do fights because she doesn’t wanna get her nails dirty. And that shit WORKS. EVERY. DAMN. TIME. People fall for it left and right, and once their guard is down, she gets the job done quickly. Don’t fucking mess with Rouge. Ever ever ever. But by all means, just go ahead and tell me how she’s basically Knuckles with bat wings and boobs again. I’ll wait.)2. Shadow (He’s got a fantastic backstory that he’s been able to overcome. He’s got PTSD after seeing his little sister-figure murdered before his eyes and the only good father-figure in his life was executed. Meanwhile, his biological father (and possibly Eggman, to a degree) has emotionally abused him several times. So Shadow has to deal with a shit-ton of mental illness. But neither the characters nor the series itself degrade him or make him any less of an individual because of that. He’s still super powerful and he’s definitely still a thing to be feared. Because at the end of the day, he’s still stronger, quicker, and far smarter than the average creature. And overcoming emotional abuse and mental illness to kick ass only makes him stronger.)3. Espio (Ninja characters are automatically bad-ass in my book, and Espio is no exception to that rule. It’s also nice to know that he’s got a good gut feeling he can trust when something is wrong, because most of the time, his gut feeling is right. Oh, Espio; what would the Chaotix Detective Agency do without you?)4. Vector (Gosh, I love this dude. He’s funny enough to classify as a comic relief character, but he’s also the kind of person who knows when to get serious when things need to get done. And what a nice guy he is, to do a whole bunch of volunteer work for the community, without anything in return but the gratitude and thanks of the locals! Although work that actually pays, and pays WELL, would definitely be a great thing every now and then. Wouldn’t want those guys to go hungry, ya know?)5. Charmy (Look, dude, I love you, but the series isn’t treating you very well. They’re treating you more like the annoying and scatterbrained little kid brother instead of the kid who can fire a good one-liner every now and then, much how like the typical 6-year old kid is wont to do. You’ve got so much potential! And Sonic Heroes was such a good forum for that! But…that’s about it, from what I’ve witnessed :( Hopefully there are more forums for you to really find out what awesome stuff you can do with Vector and Espio! We’re all here rooting for you, little guy!)
#ask me things#kaotickanine#shadow the hedgehog#ow the edge#rouge the bat#vector the crocodile#espio the chameleon#charmy bee
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~♥ PRIVACY PLEASE ♥~
[Okay, here we go. Here’s the thing. I’ve watched Moulin Rogue twice in less than twelve hours in preparation for this. I hope you’re not expecting gifs, because the myriad of emotions a certain someone will be feeling is not conducive for gifs. Okay.
So, when Lucy showed up to the Stove/Maddox place, we had a bright and shining Maddox, all excited until Lucy held out her copy of Moulin Rouge, and then we got a groan, and a ‘I really hoped you were gonna forget about that.’, to which Lucy replies ‘Nope, I’d never forget about Moulin Rouge’. So, she wasted no time in setting the thing up, and meanwhile Maddox was grumbling to himself on the couch.
As soon as the thing was beginning, and Nature Boy was being sung, she sat down beside him, she gave his shoulder a little shove.]
You’re gonna like it. Shut up.
Says you. [Is what he says with a lip up-turned in disgust, though he wraps an arm around her and pulls her close to his side through it.]
[Christian was now giving his introductory monologue, and, given how many times Lucy had seen this movie in the past, she was quietly quoting the thing under her breath, bUT, the words ‘The woman I loved is dead’ came from Christian’s mouth, and there was a scoff from Maddox.]
Oh, she dies. Great. Not only is it a musical, it’s a sob story musical. That’s awesome. [Sarcasm af, probably an eye roll.]
It’s a good story. Stop your judging.
~The love interest dies~~~ It’s a great story, Maddox~~~~.
Watch the movie before I make you sit on the floor.
[A ‘hmph’ from Maddox as he settles further into the couch as if to say ‘Make me get on the floor. Just try it.’ But he does stop the talking (for the time being.) And off the movie goes into the introductions of the Argentinean and Toulouse, and the arguments of lyric changes, and job offers, and ‘Above all things, I believe in love’, all without a word from Maddox.
But, as soon as the Green Fairy made her appearance, she could hear just the quietest ‘.. thefuck’ from Maddox, which made her giggle.
Still, he watched silently, though tiny glances up to his face showed that his expression all throughout the introduction of the Moulin Rogue itself was one of pure confusion. Like, he didn’t know what to make of the guy with the crazy facial hair and ladies singing Patti Labelle songs. Which, no, he probably didn’t know what to make of it.
Then the men started singing alongside the ladies, and she could feel him perk up.]
Is that... Nirvana? Are they singing Nirvana in this thing? [Another upturning of the lip.]
Yes, Maddox. It’s Nirvana.
This is sacrilege.
It’s fine. Don’t be so musically pretentious. [Eye roll.]
[More dancing, and more dancing, and some can-can-ing, and some Christian moving around the place, and some Toulouse beckoning him, and then we have the Sparkling Diamond herself appearing on screen, singing about girls’ best friends, and all that. aND THEN, Narrator!Christian mentions the less savory character in this movie. There went his face. Maddox has something to say about this.]
Who’s that asshole, Lucy? He looks like a mole rat with a mustache. He looks stupid.
Christian’ll tell you if you stop talking~.
[’The Duke’ comes from Narrator!Christian’s mouth just as soon as Lucy says that.] ‘The Duke’. Sounds like a douche. I don’t like him.
[Lucy snorts, because boy does he have good judgment. Off goes more singing, and off goes ~Harold telling Satine about said Duke man, and there goes the mix-up with Christian and the Duke, and the dance time with the Christian man, all the sex-mix up talk, and the rest of the song, and doWN SHE GOES OFF THAT TRAPEZE, MY DUDE.]
Oh, cool. So, she’s, like, sick. Right. Got it. Great story so far, Luce.
I’m gonna kick your ass if you keep judging it before you’ve seen the whole thing, sweetie~.
[This shuts him up for a few more minutes, at least. Now we’re with the lovely couple up in the elephant, and Christian is being himself, and talking about poetry while Satine is talking about sex. Nervous af Christian, rolling on the floor Satine. ‘It’s a lil bit funny’ ya know.]
Elton John too. This movie has it all, doesn’t it?
It’s g r e a t.
[Now, Lucy loves this part of the movie (or any part where it’s overtly romantic, actually. Funny how she loves this romantic stuff so much when just three months ago she was scoffing about love to her brother. hm.), so she’s focusing real hard on it, probably with some doofy grin on, and looking all sparkly-eyed at the beautiful Ewan Mcgregor’s voice, and sighing at how BEAUTIFUL this scene is in general.
Maddox must have glanced down at her love-struck expression, because she heard an ‘eugh’, and then looked away from the screen to look at him.]
What?
You like this? Enough to look like that?
It’s ~romantic, Maddox.
Romantic? [A scoff-laugh as he turns back to the screen.] Yeah.
[She doesn’t respond because this little asshole wasn’t gonna ruin her favorite movie. So, it’s out that Christian’s not the Duke, and now the real Duke has come to chill, and it’s all fun and games trying to get Christian out of the room, but OOp, there’s the bodyguard, and you know the movie, Jerica, I can’t keep writing synopses. You know how it goes. The Duke leaves and comes back, and ohboy now we’re ~rehearsING~. And it’s that repetitive stuff, you know the deal, it’ll run for fifty years, and all that good stuff. And boy do I mean they say that a lot, because it’s effecting our pretentious snot on the couch.]
I think my brain is melting.
They have to sell the idea.
Doesn’t stop my brain from melting. And you know what? This Duke guy is a giant creep. I don’t like him.
You’re not supposed to like him.
Well, I don’t.
Shhhh.
[So, One Day I’ll Fly Away, and all of that. Then we’re onto Elephant Love Medley (AKA, fuck me up. Lucy too. Like I said, any romantic song gets her.) Lucy’s fully immersed, and maybe even leaning in a little bit, and then ‘you crazy fool. I won’t give into you.’. Guess who has something to add?]
Wow, it’s like a conversation with you. I can’t believe you’re in this movie.
Don’t mess up this part. I like this part.
[He doesn’t like this lack of attention on himself, tbh, but he’s gonna stay quiet, and watch the seen, and perhaps get a little immersed into it himself. Lucy’s leaned far forward now, and as soon as the fireworks are going off behind Christian and Satine, she’s crying real tears. It’s just too much, every time. (I sympathize.) This doesn’t escape Maddox’s notice, even though she’s leaning forward now.]
Are you... crying? Are you crying over that?
IT’S SWEET, ASSHOLE.
[Hands up.] Right. Sorry. [He starts pulling her back into his arms.] Come cry over here though, you wimp.
I hate you. [But she goes willingly.]
No ya don’t~.
[Elephant Love Medley has left us, and by this point, Maddox is maybe possibly just a little bit invested in the Satine and Christian relationship. Just a little bit, though. So, here, when we are with Zidler and The Duke, the air of ‘da fuck’ is rolling off of Maddox strong.]
BIND SATINE TO HIM? OH, REALLY? [The Duke’s rant goes on, and Lucy is amused that Maddox has reacted that way, considering he keeps trashing the movie.] Oh, he doesn’t like other people touching HIS things? HIS? Nope. Fuck this guy. He’s gross. I don’t like him.
You already said that~.
I’m just driving home the point. He’s a piece of shit. I don’t like him.
[Lucy just grins and rolls her eyes, because the strong reaction meant he was actually interested in the story. So, she was being proven right, and it was great. So, off the movie goes into the ~montage~ of sorts to show off all the gr8 make out opportunities, and just how blinD af The Duke is.
And onto the 8 o’ clock plans, and the supper oh boy, but she can’t make it to the supper, Duke. She’s got to reHEARSE~.]
That’s right. Ghost his ass.
Would you stop? [But she’s smiling and laughing, because she’s super-amused by all of this, if I didn’t say so before.]
Bye, asshole.
[Lucy decided to let him express himself however he wanted. Like, oh boy. So, there’s more making out, and there’s a Harry, and a Harry’s telling a Satine she’s being cray, and all that. Here comes Maddox again.]
Don’t be a little bitCH, HAROLD. [Lucy snorts a laugh as good ol’ Harry is telling Satine to end the things.] She’s not actually gonna, like, break it off, is she? Luce, that’s bullshit.
I think you should just watch the movie.
uGH.
[Satine is singing and coughing, and our good friend Narrator!Christian has come back, talking about ‘last, fatal days’, and as soon as those words are heard, Maddox’s head drops into his hands, with an even louder ‘uGGGGH’ sound coming from him. Lucy pats his back and then pulls him back up.]
It’ll be alright, hon~.
This movie is fucking dumb.
Mhmmm.
[Now here comes the second worst scene in this whole movie, and you know what it is. Zidler and all his brilliant lies, my dude. Lucy can feel Maddox tensing up beside her, and when she looks up at him, there is nothing but disgust on that face. (Same, Maddox.) It only worsened the further the number goes on.]
I’m gonna vomit. Tell me when it’s over. [He puts a pillow in front of his face. Not joking. Lucy takes the pillow away.]
Don’t be a baby. It’s almost over now.
I can’t even look at this guy’s face.
[And then it’s over, and Maddox is breathing a sigh of relief until the doctor is on the screen saying the bad things. He’s up in arms again.]
He’s nOT EVEN gonna tell her she’s dyING? Selfish asshole, I SWEAR. Dumb ass movie characters in a dumb ass movie. [Irritated sigh af.]
[Next scene af, cold stabs of jealousy, Satine, ‘we have to end it’.]
She is actually doing it are you kidding me. [’i have to sleep with the duke’] You do not have to sleep with the fuCKING DUKE.
Maddox, shhh. Listen to the movie.
You want me to listen to this buLL?
Pay attention~.
[So, he does, though huffy, and now it’s the other scene to make me and Lucy rip hearts out of our chests, and Christian is singing, and now there are loving glances exchanged across rehearsal.]
I’m getting whiplash. Oh my God.
I told you to pay attention~.
[The song is being sung, and Lucy’s giving it her full attention, and Maddox seems to be doing the same thing. He actually looks... interested now? Like, he’s fully enraptured in these lyrics, and what’s going on on the screen, and like he’s deep in thought, and his eyes are SET ON THE SCREEN.
Then Nini has to come in and RUIN THE WHOLE THING. ‘penniless writer, OH I MEAN SITAR PLAYER HUHUHUH’. Maddox sits up.]
THAT. BITCH.
[Full-on laugh from Lucy now as the number ends, and The Duke starts in on his whole bit, and then Christian says the thing. ‘shE DOESN’T LOVE U’.]
FUCKING RIGHT. TELL HIS ASS. [the duke is going onnnn.] This guy is a dick head. Why do you liKE THIS MOVIE, LUCY?
I told you. It’s a great movie, Maddox.
It’s a fucking infuriating movie is what it is. I swear to Christ, if the mole rat so much as gets to touch her...
[He trails off, shaking his head. Again, Lucy smiles, because she knows that this all means he’s feeling something about the story. (Even if he does keep interrupting her favorite movie.) So guess what scene it’s time for now??? You know the one.
IT BEGINS, and for a second time, Lucy can feel Maddox tense up beside her. So, she looks up as the Argentinean begins to sing ‘rOOOOXANNE’, and she had never seen him look that MAD in all the time she’d known him. Like, teeth and fists clenched, and all that good stuff. She’s full-on worried about whether or not he’s gonna burst a blood vessel, or something. Because, I’m telling you. The boy is pissed.
And as Christian starts to sing, and there are flashes to Satine and the Duke, a cushion is thrown at the TV.]
FUCK THIS STUPID FUCKING MOVIE.
Maddox, it’s fine. I promise. [She pats his shoulder.]
It’s not even. [And he pulls her back closer into his side.]
It is. [Maybe she realizes he’s projecting onto this a little bit. Just maybe.]
[So, you know what goes on here, and Maddox is wincing, and he doesn’t want to look as it kEEPS GOING, and internally he probably looks a lot like Christian does towards the end of this number.]
OH MY GOD. IS IT EVER GONNA END?? I CAN’T LOOK AT IT ANYMORE.
It’s almost over.
[SO THANKS, IT’S OVER. Maddox slumps, because he’s been tense that whole time.] Oh thank Christ, he knocked him out. [Breath of relief, and Lucy leans on his shoulder, because yup that totally wasn’t taxing on his emotions at all.] Have I mentioned how fucking stupid this movie is?
A couple of times, yeah.
Just checking.
[Next scene, there is a Maddox looking probably more invested than he has through the whole movie, and Lucy is also able to pay attention for the first time in a few minutes, but she could hear him mumbling things like ‘oh what the fuck even is gonna happen now?’ and ‘yeah, running away. bet that’s gonna work’. And once the Duke has given the threat about Christian, there is an outburst of ‘THIS ASSHOLE’, but he immediately settles back down.
Off to Harry telling Satine all of the good stuff, like ‘someone gon get killed’ and ‘oh boy you’re dying’, and then ‘hurt him to save him’, and all that.]
Hurt him to save him? This is buLLSHIT. Let him make his owN FUCKING CHOICE? Harold is a fucKING SHIT.
[Lucy can’t find it in her to answer, because, well, yeah-- he’s not wrong, but oh WELL, just let the poor boy do his ranting and raving.]
Lucy. She’s not doing this shit. She’s not-- this is fucking dumb.
I know. She just doesn’t think she has another choice.
She should’ve just let it be his choice.
She loves him. She doesn’t want him to get hurt.
Hmph.
[He turns back to the movie, and Christian makes his plans to go on back to the good ol’ MR.]
GET HER, YOU IDIOT. FOR FUCK’S SAKE.
[Fun show time, and all that, and more grumbles and grimaces from Maddox. Another cushion is thrown at the screen when the Duke, from the audience, insists ‘she’s mine’, and Lucy moves any other thing around Maddox away from him so he can’t throw anything else.
Christian is with Satine now, ‘pay his bill’, and all that, and Maddox throws his hands up.]
Jesus, what a fucking MORON. [All that fun continues.] I’m gonna scream. I’m gonna.
Shhhh.
[So Christian and Satine are revealed on the stage, and there’s the ‘paid my whore’ bit.]
This is. so. stupid.
[And on goes Christian, and the show must go on, eh? Satine starts singing~.]
It’s the fucking song. [His head goes into his hands again.]
[So that beauty happens, and we have an enraptured Maddox and Lucy again, but then the gun is getting flung everywhere, and Maddox is on edge again.]
Oh, no they’re not. That’s not gonna happen. Lucy. [He looks at her, she avoids looking at him, since she knOWS what happens.] Nope. It’s not. [The duke now has the gun, stalking up upon the the stage.] I’m gonna throw something again. [And then Zidler punches him, yup.]
Harry is gOOD FOR SOMETHING. FOR FUCK’S SAKE.
[The curtain falls, and Maddox is in a false sense of security here. And then the bad thing happens.]
Hold on SHIT.
[Lucy has already started crying, since she knows what’s coming, so she’s not talking to Maddox, and it’s like she’s almost forgotten she was with anyone else. She’s just sobbing to herself, because DAMN THIS MOVIE, i’m crying just writing about it. I hate.
So, there it ends with ‘the grEEEatest thing u’ll eeeeever learn is jUST to love and be loOOVed in reee turrnnnn. And Lucy’s a heap, but brought back to earth by the credits rolling, and by sniffing sounds beside her. She looks over to her boy, and does she see a tear being wiped. You betcha.]
Are you... Maddox, are you crying?
[Like he’s guilty, because he is. He reaches up to get any trace of dumb tears off his face.] NO. No, that was-- I’m not crying. It was just stupid. It was so stupid. I hated it.
No, you are crying. Ohhhh. [She’s teasing him, tbh.]
Fuck. OFF. That was the worst thing I’ve ever fucking seen.
It’s alright, sweetie~.
It’s fucking not. That was-- traumatizing. I never want to see that again.
It’s just a movie, Maddox~.
Give me just, like, five fucking minutes to process what I just saw, okay? [His head is in his hands AGAIN.]
Ooookay~.
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