My De Sardet boy as portrait practice <3 he's actually so similar to Constantin i am losing my mind

let's scream greedfall together

Hello! How've you been? Can you please write jealousy headcanons for lookism men with a female reader? The reader and they are not in a relationship but they have a crush on her and they get jealous when she hangs out with her guys best friend? Thank you ❤️

♡♡♡♡ Jealousy "Hey, would you please focus on me?" (Lookism Men x Female Reader)♡♡♡♡

A/N: Sorry for the really late reply @serenesoulseeker but I've been feeling a lot better lately! (been trying to recover from a cold rn) And sorry for the inconvenience bc I have other requests to do and other important tasks (this has been sitting on my drafts for a while -_-''''') but I hope my writing reaches your expectations. Ty! Genre: angst to fluff Warnings: jealousy and neediness (a bit of possessiveness), not in an established relationship with the character of choice at first, (yandere on Samuel, Olly, and Jiho's part), slight mentions of assault (night club), mentions of physical fighting, shouting, toxic relationship on the last part (NOT CONDONING THIS IN REAL LIFE) reader is gender neutral!

Daniel Park/Jay Hong/Zack Lee/Vasco (Lee Eun Tae)/Jace Park/Duke Pyeon/Eli Jang/Johan Seong/Jake Kim/Lineman/Brad Lee/Jerry Kwon/Jason Yoon/Jiho Park/Young Jinyeong Park/Yuseong

Getting to know him for a very long time is a ride. You've been childhood friends with him and he's one of the people you cherish a lot. You always got each other's back. You often scare those little bullies away when they're taking their insults personally again just to make him insecure. And at times you got to scold him while patching up his bruises when he gets beaten up by those thugs, he just really wants to protect you from those types of people.

He may get wounded because of his hero complex getting in the way at times, but it's just him being him. You may come out as strong and bold at times but he knows you got that soft spot in you once he gets to know you better. You're both glad that you get to know each other. In times in rich and wealth, in sickness and in health, in both of your ups and downs you're always partners in crime. Spending his extra time with you shows that he really values you as you're with him. Despite having your own business and focusing on both of your perspective goals, that spark just never faded away. You're both thankful that your friendship stays the same, even getting better even when you're not with him at most times.

Your relationship with him even developed the more you stayed beside him especially when he's down like there's a dark cloud above his head. You don't have to be there for him always, yet you chose to. That triggered something he never felt anything before. Something warm and exciting. He usually never engage in romance since he's afraid of getting rejected and hurt. But he felt so much in ease and comfortable with you. When you tease him he usually doesn't mind it since he knows that you don't mean it and you actually see the good in him. It took a while for him to realize that he's been crossing the line that he's not prepared for.

He's enlightened, nervous, and anything between scared and happy. If he confesses to you, will like him back just because of his looks? Or will you turn down his offer or live both of your best lives as lovers? Will you avoid him? He's not sure. Though he will respect your wishes if you want boundaries. But he can't help but to feel jealous when you mingle with other people, especially with other boys. He knows that your kind and uplifting spirit makes the other guys ask for help when they need to so he doesn't really have a problem with you spending time with them as long as they don't do anything scandalous to you. He knows that he's not your boyfriend and vice versa, so there's no need to feel jealous. Right? But he can't really control it at times. He wants to pin you on the wooden table as he wants to tell you his feelings, "Hey, would you please focus on me?" but he can't seem to tell it on your face. He doesn't mean to pout when you won't pay attention to him. But he gets really hot and sweaty when you lean closer to him when you're helping him out with his homework! Or he can't help but to admire your cute face that you make when he teases you.

He's really insecure about what he's feeling and about himself. But after collecting his courage, he decided to talk to you and face that wall that he's been trying to overcome. He doesn't care if you even reject him anymore. He's trying to act tough and strong so that he can keep up with his image and to your standards. But I guess it's now or never.

You are chatting with him as you view the beautiful scenery of the sun falling down as the moon starts to appear on the pinkish-blue hue of the sky. The wind's blowing is soft and gentle as leaves softly rustle and danced on the atmosphere falling off on the tall and strong trees. Birds are flying on the sky as children flew their kites and sweet couples enjoy their quality time with picnics or sitting on the bench, just chatting and laughing at pretty dumb stuff. Despite the background sounds getting a bit loud, he really enjoys this moment with you.

"Hey Y/N," "Hm? "I want to ask you a question." his voice became stern as you gave him your attention. "Yeah, what about that?" you can see him getting a bit sweaty as he gulped, not trying to be so harsh or obvious. "Ehem, do you have s-someone you like?" he asked as your eyes widened in surprise. "Oh about that," "Yeah?" "I-I have someone I really like." You replied feeling your own cheeks grew hot as his mouth curls into a frown. He shouldn't have been hoping for you reciprocating his feelings. But he can't help but to get curious about this type of yours. "Okay, what is he like?" he asked with a hint of discourage on his voice, his eyelashes fluttering as he tries to stop his tears from falling down on his soft face. He never meant to be overdramatic, but his jealousy along with his insecurities and personal problems consume him at times. "Well, he doesn't realize it but he's really handsome, nice, talented, smart in his own ways. But that's not the reason I started developing feelings for him. He's so soft and gentle at me all the time, even being patient when I'm acting like a drama queen/king. But he's been so understanding at my problems even when I'm at fault at times. He doesn't give up on me and he actually made me a better person in some ways." you replied honestly as both of you avoided eye contact. "And I don't mean to offend anybody but," "Huh?" you faced him as you leaned a bit closer to him as he panics. It doesn't mean that he hates it, it's in fact the opposite. He can't help but to stare at your pretty face, but as the guy/someone who developed feelings first, he should be making the first move! "What if I told you that it's you that I like?" "E-EH!"

Now after talking it through out you're going to be a lovey dovey couple. If you're the shy type you're going to be a blushing idiot around him and vice versa. Though after confessing to each other he wants to take things slowly and surely so both of you wouldn't hurt each other's feelings and waste your friendship, memories, and time at the end. He fully respects it if you want to focus on your studies, family, and with your future career but just remember that he's always here for you all the time even if you're lovers or not :) (but trust me he's going to be one of the most loving boyfriends in this verse so it's now or never ;)

Warren Chae/Zack Lee/James Lee/Goo Kim/Sinu Han/Jake Kim/Vin Jin/Young Elite & Tom Lee/Kuroda Ryuhei/Olly Wang/Yoojin/Gongseob Ji/Kwak Jihan &Jibeom

This f*cker is insane. If you met him on your middle school, high school or in your workplace one thing you know is that he's going to piss you off (in a really good and bad way). He doesn't usually engage with his love life, he might have flings and flirts there and then but he's not really emotionally ready for mature understandings in a couple relationship. And besides he doesn't really want to either, he has other plans, goals, and other businesses to handle before getting into a committed relationship. Having a crush is fine he guesses.

But meeting you for the first time is something that feels different yet familiar. Two things crossed on his mind. First, why the f*ck does he need a partner for his work/school activity? And second is that even if he didn't want to admit it but something about you looks interesting. You look like someone who's pretty chill, and even if you won't shut the hell up he has another bicker friend to make and chat with. So it's a 50/50 win.

But one thing he sure know he's wrong about. You're more than your skills, beauty, brains, and talents. Even if you're the introverted or extroverted type, one thing he knows is that you're actually helpful and reasonable. What he likes about you is that you're pretty realistic in some situations that most people can't handle with. And you might sound harsh at times but it's just you being honest and giving constructive criticisms. It might not be obvious that he likes you because of him making you loose your temper and patience at times, but it's just him being him (an annoying little brat). But whenever things get serious, you always got his back and vice versa. You and him are one hell of a disaster if someone or even many people tries to mess with your shit.

Even if he seems to act bold, cold, intimidating and monstrous, he's actually a bit of a scared cat when you bring up the topic of him getting a girlfriend/boyfriend. His body just tenses when you talk about someone who looks physically attractive to you or when they show you acts of good and kind-hearted services. At first he conflicts to his subconscious that it's just him acting like an older brother to you as he scowls and hisses at them like a possessive cat. He can't help but to raise his eyebrows and roll his dark looking orbs when you giggle about your previous crushes, even cringing and boasting that he's a better man than that wimp will ever be. "HAH?! HIM?! REALLY?! Jesus Christ Y/N I didn't know that you have a really bad taste at picking men." he smirks as he bites on his strawberry-flavored lollipop while laughing at your grumpy looking form with him obviously being taller and muscular than you. "You don't even know him! He's not only kind but he's also helpful and bonus points, HOT!" he chokes on his sweet while he lets now a loud guffaw that can be probably heard at the whole building. This bastard really knows to piss you off. But it's just him being jealous. He thinks to himself that he may not be the best in showing affection and even coming out as arrogant at times, but he'll definitely change his misdeeds and wrong doings just to be a good influence on you. He might flirt there and then just to see you getting flustered while smacking his arms to stop. But he wouldn't go too far to make you feel uncomfortable around him. Respect.

Whoever tries to touch you without your permission gets smashed on the face by him. He may not be your boyfriend but whoever pervert who takes it too far and doesn't know boundaries deserves to feel his stinging and even gut-wrenching attacks.

It was on a late evening when you wear your clothing of choice to hang out on your own on a night club. You messaged him that you're going out on your own to get a few drinks with him answering that it's best if he can accompany you if you don't mind. But you reassured him that you'll be okay and you'll come home safe and sound. How wrong are you on that part. A skinny looking dude kept approaching you for your number while you politely decline that you're fine with your own. But he couldn't just stop bothering you, the fight have even turned into physical if you asked me. He was about to slap you on the face but then your friend stopped his attack by putting pressure on his wrist making the drunk bastard groan and grit his teeth. "Oi you dumb fuck, is that how you treat a person?" "Why the fuck are you getting out of the wa-" Your eyes widened as he landed an attack on the poor guy, but he just deserved it since he's not being responsible.

Both of you have to get out of that place filled with stench of smoke and alcohol. You're not really on the right mind either as the *alcohol/drink of choice* is starting to kick in your system. You crying and wailing on his arms like a little toddler when your toy is taken away from you. "WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU FOLLOW ME HERE?! I ASKED FOR MY OWN TIME! I COULD HAVE PROTECTED MY SELF THERE!" you sobbed as you keep hitting him on the arms as he tries to make you calm down. "OI YOU REALLY THINK THAT I CAN JUST LEAVE YOU ALONE THERE?! WHAT IF YOU GOT HURT OR WHAT IF SOMETHING ELSE HAPPENED TO YOU?!" he was about to scold you more before you hit him again despite not being hurtful at all before you puked on his new bought shirt, ah what a dumbass you are at times. "SCREW YOU! YOU ALWAYS GET IN MY WAY! EVEN TEASING ME WHEN MY FEELINGS ARE ALREADY GETTING HURT! YOU DON'T EVEN CARE WE ARE JUST CO-WORKERS/CLASSMATES!"

He'll make sure to give you every detail about what happened that night and he'll apologize on his shortcomings, even being honest about his mistakes which you can feel a bit uncanny since it's not like him. "Sorry Y/N for being an asshole at times. Sorry if I offended you. I may not be sounding sincere right now but I'll try my best to make it up to you. We're partners in crime after all". Nonetheless, if you and him can make it work out and talk about your problems with each other you and him will make a great couple :).

Gun Park/Kwak Jichang/Taesoo Ma/DG (Kang Dag Yeom)/Young Charles Choi (Elite)/Daniel Park (post-training with Gun arc)/Johan Seong/Cheon Taejin/Magami Kenta

He's another one who doesn't really focus on his love life. He does feel that being alone can be lonely at times but one main advantage of being single is that he can have quality time for himself and he can keep an eye on his goals. But he can definitely feel a spark between the two of you the more he gets to know you better if he really likes you. He's just him chilling in his own world I guess.

He doesn't really get jealous? At all? He might have some moments of feeling disappointed when you're busy with your schooling/work or when you turn your attention to your classmate/co-worker but he just wouldn't speak about it unless if you're doing it intentionally he still definitely gets jealous.

He can simply control his emotions in times especially when both of you are out for business. He maintains his professionalism intact with him since acting like a crybaby about it would just make a ruckus between the two of you and he doesn't want an argument in the first place. He wants to keep each others' boundaries, love, connection, and self respect for one another so he'll just ask about your day while he listens to your rumbles in your school/workplace as long as you listen to him as well ;3.

He's also very honest about his feelings and what upsets him the most. He wouldn't be afraid to voice out his concerns most of the times. At times he's feeling very hesitant to talk about his or your issues since he's already mentally exhausted and he doesn't want to bruise your heart. But he knows that running away from something won't make anything better. So as much as it hurts your part, he's willing to give some constructive criticisms even if you're the sensitive type and he'll also listen to your point of view in situations while he also explains his side of things (he doesn't emotionally abuse you don't worry).

And your friend might feel a little glare or you might see a little pout on his face when you don't give him attention. He really wants to get showered with love and care even though his inferior is tough and strong. But he's still a human, feeling emotions like jealousy so expect for him to gently grab your chin while he looks at you with that demanding and fierce, yet soft and sparkly eyes to lock on you especially when both of you are alone keeping each others' company. "Hey, did you take notes to what I am talking about?" "E-Eh?!" "Keep your focus on me even just for today, I'm not emotionally free when I'm out for work. So listen to me right now."

But his demeanor will completely change once a fucker who knows that you're in a relationship with him tries to flirt with you. It's not even a feeling of jealousy at this point. He's going to feel rage once someone tries to touch you inappropriately. It's going to be a massacre if you don't convince him to stop since he doesn't have a beating for a while now. Your one of the people whom he only listens to so as much as he wants to teach that guy a lesson he'll consider sparing them, he might not want to see their face though after he tries flirting and taking advantage of you.

Samuel Seo/Olly Wang/Jiho Park (villain arc)/Vin Jin (at start of Lookism when he's still super toxic unlike today he's still an asshole at times)

Oh girl/boy, do I even need to start? -_-'''' 🚩🚩🚩.

Literally the definition of "pure" red flag inside out.

This guy has daddy issues, family issues, mommy issues, inferiority complex issues, literally any issue. He also (probably) has abandonment issues so he pretty much won't let you go if he feels like you're the "one for him".

Pretty creepy with the face that he makes when he gets excited for beating someone when somebody tries to get closer to you (especially his rival). He might take this as a big challenge to see which one deserves to be with you.

A literal gangster inside out. Y'all saying that you can fix him, are you Bob the Builder or smth? Like there's a literal whole construction site dedicated for him 😭.

He MIGHT change his values and goals once you taught him how to love and appreciate his self for the way he is but so far it's probably going to be a toxic relationship if you're also a really hard headed person.

He easily gets jealous out of the bunch even at the smallest things. No matter how many times you try to convince him that you're not flirting with your schoolmate/co-worker, once he lost his cool he'll be literally scary and monstrous. Literal shouting, screaming and crying will be heard on your room while he throws things on the wall when he loose his temper at you. *Sigh* Idk about it.

Definition of insecure (I don't know if I'm describing or insulting them at this point).

A literal ass most at times. Yikes.

I look every romance or comedy manga/manhwa scene and see there is always a scene where guys want to lay thier head on the female thighs, I actually just thought what would lookism and Vhit reaction when Y/N invite them to lay thier head on thier thighs to clean thier ear or just let them rest.

Bonus: I just snickering on my imagination on what if reader booba squashed the head of the character lol. Thier face be like no reaction but in thier mind they go raving and fist bumping on the air as they basically active thier man's dream list.

HAPPY FRIDAY SAM! Thanks for the ask (was it only last Friday with Jichang?!). Just done Lookism boys... But not me now imagining a conveyor belt of PTJ boys lining up to rest their head on your lap omg

Lookism boys... resting their head in your lap hc

(Johan Seong, Jake Kim, Gun Park, Goo Kim, Vasco, Vin Jin, Warren Chae)

Johan Seong

For a dog person, he's awful cat like

Takes this position initially with a lot of distrust

Ready to bolt even as you start stroking their hair

Huh??? This? is? nice???

Uh oh, look what you have started. It becomes routine

Will just wordlessly lie his head in your lap and stare at you until you start running your hands through his hair again

Jake Kim

Absolute favourite place

Will take advantage of the free spot whenever he can

Whether he gets your full attention or while you're watching TV or whatever

Not often he gets babied, especially not at his size

You ruffle his hair, trace his scars, pinch his cheeks

Nice for you too to have it all within reaching distance

Always results in Jake dozing off

Gun Park

You offered up your lap, and was surprised he took you up on it

Now he's here, Gun's not sure how he feels being in such a submissive position

It's a big shift in power dynamics until he catches the way you look down at him -

Tender and loving, the smile on your lips as you run your hands all over him

Ok. Fine. He can live with this for now

Goo Kim

This guy...

Tucks himself into your crotch 100% of the time

Maybe it's cos he's a pervert, more likely cos he thinks it's funny

Talks to your crotch too

"Hey cutie, how you doing? You want some attention?"

Completely up to chance whether he follows through

Vasco

Very hesitant at the intimacy at first

Now he views your lap as the most heavenly pillows known to man

Sees his life flash before his eyes when you lean over and squash your boobs in his face

Internal battle whether to get up or hope you do it again

"Wait hold on, Euntae - let me get this too" (more leaning)

Of course you knew what you were doing

Vin Jin

"Check my ears for me!"

"I wanted to lie down anyway, you got in the way"

"I'm tired, piss off if you don't like it"

This bastard, he's trapped your legs underneath him and he's not letting you go despite what he says

Very anxious in this position because of how easily you can see his eyes

Worth it though to see how much you let him get away with even if you look like you want to strangle him

Warren Chae (to my anon ask 💕)

Hasn't felt this closeness in probably ever

Used to looking after everyone. It's a change, but appreciates you doting on him in this position

Your calming hands and soothing voice washes over him

You don't expect much response from Warren. He puts his head on your lap for some peace

He stays quiet but the way he looks at you says more than enough

+ Reacting to your boobs squishing them

Bites (softly... ish)

Johan Seong, Gun Park, Goo Kim, Eli Jang, Ryuhei Kuroda, DG

Motorboats

Goo Kim, Jake Kim (mood dependent), Vin Jin, Ryuhei Kuroda

Malfunctions but replays it in their head over and over again

Jake Kim, Sinu Han, Vasco, Warren Chae, Zack Lee, Daniel Park, Jay Hong

Not sure how, but you will be the one squished

Samuel Seo

make some headcanons with the boys leaning down to give their fem s/o a kiss on the cheek <3 and she holds his face and gives him a big smooch on the lips lmao thought it was cute.

Danny,Eli,Zack,Jake and Vasco pls you can take zack out if is too much. Thx!

lookism boys leaning down to give reader a kiss

details: fluffy headcanons, gender neutral reader but written in 2nd pov, reader has been dating character for a while

a/n: sure, anon!! its a very cute scenario <3 and i only write for genderneutral, please check request rules T_T

the headcanons kind of came out as mini scenarios themselves;; hope that still works for you !

×

daniel

> ever since you two started your date, he's been wanting to lean down and kiss your cheek as a dating milestone for him but his nervousness kept stopping him

> believe me, he's attempted like 5 times but whenever you turned his way he'd straighten back up and exclaim something like, "n-nice weather out today, huh?"

> eventually he gets the courage to towards the end of the date out of a last minute pressure

> it's a quick, shy peck and he backs away pretty fast. his initial reaction is to scream internally and then feel proud of himself before immediately apologizing to you if the kiss was bad

> you just smile and cup his cheeks, gently leading him back down to give him a loving kiss on the lips as reassurance <3 he melts into the kiss and becomes like a lovesick puppy!

> when you two part and he heads home, he's rolling around in his blanket thinking about how much he likes you and how he can't believe you like him, too <3

eli

> being one of the few (the only? lmao) men with actual romantic experience, kisses come much more naturally and casually to him

> simple kisses are an easy way for him to be physically affectionate, alongside holding your hand

> so, it's not uncommon for him to greet you with a kiss! especially if you two have been apart for a while. he'll stroll over to you and lean down to kiss your cheek.

> "i missed you."

> of course, you missed him, too, but today the feeling was just stronger than usual. before he straightens back up, you hold his face in place before giving him a smooch on the lips <3

> he's pleasantly surprised, but kisses you back, smiling into the kiss. when he pulls away, he cups your face back and adds an extra kiss on your forehead while chuckling~

zack

> the kiss came as a surprise to both of you honestly

> at a carnival date, you end up scoring a high score with one of the games and he leans down to smooch your cheek before pulling away to exclaim in joy

> it's only after his adrenaline sizzles away does he realize what he did. he tries to play it cool though, like it was totally planned

> it's easy for you see through the act though and you decide to grab a hold of his face and kiss him on the lips in a sort of teasing way <3

> despite his shock, he doesn't waste a second before kissing you right back. when you pull away, he's grinning like a lovesick fool

> "if i win you a prize at a different game, will you kiss me again?"

jake

> he's very playful so he's almost always leaning down, pretending he's about to do something important when all he does is give your cheek a quick kiss (and occasionally he runs off after lol)

> now was one of those times: except this time his tactic was saying, "hey, you're missing something here," while tapping on your cheek.

> as soon as you reply, "and what is that exactly?" he leans down to kiss where he tapped and replies, "my kiss," with a smirk.

> deciding to be playful back, you quip, "well, you're missing something on your lips, too," and hold his face to smooch him on the lips <3

> he holds back a laugh so you can have your moment while kissing you back with the same enthusiasm

> after pulling away from each other, he laughs and pulls you in a bit. "we could do this all day, you know~"

vasco

> if there's anything this man knows about romance, it's that kisses = good and he's full of love so he'll express that 100% ^_^

> always asks for your consent first !! like he excitedly runs over to you, already bending down a bit to be at the same level as you before asking, "can i kiss your cheek?"

> you nod and he smiles before leaning forward to smooch your cheek!

> much to his surprise though, you decide to keep him in place for a moment by cupping his cheeks and moving to kiss his lips <3

> when you pull away, he's so giddy he straight up picks you up into a hug and spins you around. when he sets you back down, he asks, "oh, yeah! can i kiss you back?"

> you say yes, of course, and he's kissing you back while cupping your cheeks~ may be squishing them though lol

small scandals

f!De Sardet/Vasco, 2.5k. One of the most disgustingly fluffy things I've written. Based on the thought that Constantin would totally have opinions on who you romance.

A carriage rattles along the cobbles outside, and she lies there, half-listening to it. The few mornings she can be in her own bed, she’s come to know it; it’s the ten o’clock grain shipment. Ordinarily, she’d already be in a meeting somewhere, or traipsing along a dirt road, perhaps with Kurt and Vasco at her back. But she had a morning free, and this… is not an ordinary morning. She’d been settling in with paperwork and then she’d heard the knock at her door and… well.

She should move. Probably. But her bed is so warm, and – unusually, but in a wonderful development – it contains Vasco.

This really was meant to be a brief assignation. And she was sure they were meant to be talking about… something. Potential routes for tomorrow, perhaps. She has no idea why they’re lying next to each other, words barely thought-out and… comfortable, somehow.

She says with a lazy half-grin, “’Important business with the legate’? Did Cécile actually believe you?” She’d close her eyes, but she likes looking at him too much to manage it for long. Softness suits him. And besides, the thought of him politely tipping his hat and lying to her housekeeper...

He tilts his head, consideringly. “She sent me upstairs.” But his voice is wry.

“Mm. She definitely knows.”

He sighs, that long-suffering thing she’s learned to like far too much, and says, “Try living on a ship.”

“Try living around nobles,” she counters, and laughs at his pained expression. “Exactly.”

He says, quietly, “They can’t all be that bad. Rumour is, there’s one that some Naut captain’s fond of.”

She says, “That legate’s always been an odd one.” But she presses her forehead to his, eyes sliding closed, and she feels his hand stroke through her hair.

The gentleness should surprise her – almost did, at first, coming from the frustrated, tattooed sailor who’d barked orders at his crew – but she realised soon into their acquaintance that he is gentle. Subtle as he tries to be, and much as he’d probably mutter something offhand and drily amused about it. That same sailor was worried for a cabin boy. And he was horrified at the Guard’s ghost camps, asked her to avoid bloodshed at every turn and stepped forward for his brother without a moment’s doubt. He tossed her antidotes in the middle of battle and held off beasts for her; he apologised for his early shortness, called her a good person without hesitation, argued to a Naut that the noble who’d caused him so much trouble was sea-born, and we always help one of our own. She'd dared to suspect, but still, that gentleness was far more than she’d ever have imagined, turned on her.

She’s half-dozing when she wakes up and says, startled, “Constantin." She reaches out of bed and gropes for her watch. "I’ve got a meeting in…” She flips it open, checking. “Ten minutes. Damn.”

A quiet, displeased noise from next to her, and Vasco mutters, “Can I at least get dressed before we have to think of your cousin?”

She pauses, looks back to him… and has some trouble looking away. “Don’t strain yourself on my account.”

He raises a brow, but there’s wryness lurking around the corners of his mouth.

She only smiles at him. She was aiming for lascivious, but it softens into something fonder before she can help it. She probably shouldn’t tell the truth quite so easily, what with being a diplomat, but around him it always slips out. Generally meetings aren’t such a trial, tired as she is - but generally she doesn’t have an unnecessarily handsome Naut stretched out in her bed, wild-haired and with the sunlight clinging to his skin.

She shifts across to kiss him, and for a golden moment, he responds in kind, a hand under her chin.

(She’s still not used to that. It was the sort of idle daydream she always told herself would never come to fruition, even if he was sarcastic in turn, even if he smiled at her and she wondered…)

Then he pulls away. “You should go,” he says. She suspects he's trying for gently chiding, but it lands in amused instead.

“I won’t be long,” she says, and the words come out too hopeful.

It’s not that she expects him to stay like some sort of bedwarmer, she just…

Well, she thinks, considering him again, she wouldn’t entirely mind.

But she knows he’s not made to be idle. Neither is she, normally; it was one of the reasons they understood each other, and one of the things she could tell surprised him at first, when he was used to the thoughtlessness of nobility. And she hadn’t quite meant to lose track of time, she’d just…

“I’ll meet you at the docks,” he says. “I need to check in on a shipment. The Guard are lying in the ledgers again.” He adds, in a mutter, “Not that that’s unusual.”

She nods. “Of course.” And then she drags herself away to hunt for her clothing.

She can feel him watching her; it prickles up her spine, a certain warmth that’s growing familiar. She should probably be more self-conscious. She was often teased about her lack of delicacy, growing up in court. She’s about six feet of lankiness and leg – excellent for her reach with a rapier, but not ideal for a court lady. Also, since she’s come here, new scars, and lean muscle that some would say makes her look like a labourer. But he’s called her beautiful more than once, kissing the word breathlessly into her skin, and somehow, she believes him. She certainly believes the way his eyes linger. She looks over her shoulder and his gaze meets hers, without a hint of shame. Then he rolls out of her bed, too.

She’s buttoning her doublet when she feels his hand against hers. She looks down, and takes her hat from him with a nod of thanks. He half-smiles at her, with the ruefulness that comes from having to snatch these moments while they can, in between governors and dantrigs and narrowly-averted civil wars. She places it on her head, idly watching him re-tie his hair and start to re-don the mantle of the quiet, hawk-eyed shadow at her back.

She tries not to be embarrassed. Neither of them is entirely used to this, not yet. They’ve only managed perhaps three occasions where the world has relented enough to give them any time together; they’ve only had one night sleeping in the same bed. And her previous dalliances were at court, not with a friend who knows her, who looks at her like… that. Not with a man who read her poetry and actually seemed to mean it.

She can’t help but step forwards, pretending to pull up the collar of his coat, adjusting a buckle. Absolutely because they’re trying for some measure of discretion, and not because she’d like to touch him again, for as long as she can.

He knows, of course. He’s spent long enough watching her back, and he’s always been good with people - differently from the way she is, but good all the same. When she looks up from her work, his eyes are warm and a little amused on hers.

And then he’s pulling her in, gently but inexorably, and kissing her. It’s a slow, lingering thing that makes them both breathless, and he holds her there, a gloved hand smoothing down her lapel. Suddenly she suspects she isn’t the only one having trouble tearing herself away.

When they part, he stares at her for a moment, dark-eyed - then reaches up and swiftly adjusts her hat where it’s been knocked askew. She can’t help grinning stupidly at him.

And then he takes his own tricorne from her bedside table and pulls it on, and they leave the house with the ease of their usual missions. She pretends not to have a spring in her step. And she certainly doesn’t look over her shoulder when they part in the square.

-

Constantin is, for once, not holding court. She finds him in his office, he greets her - as usual - as if she’s just come back after being thought dead at sea, and they make an itinerary of which higher-ups she’ll have to meet in Hikmet.

All in all, entirely normal, until she says, standing, “Well, I ought to be off. I’ll take Aphra and Vasco; they might be useful.”

And Constantin smiles at her and says, “Of course. Take care of yourself! And give my regards to your Naut.’”

She freezes mid-way through reaching for her hat.

Their eyes meet. She carefully doesn't say anything.

Then she breaks. “He’s not my - “

He’s lazing in his chair, with the smugness of victory. In that obnoxiously cheerful I know something you don’t way, the one that makes her fingers itch to push him out of a tree.

She raises an eyebrow. “Should I ask how you know?”

“Oh, no,” he waves a hand, “you were both being very discreet. You remember the time I asked you if you wanted to go out drinking?”

She sits down, slowly, and tries not to feel like a mouse lowering itself into a trap. She says, with gentle understatement, “There were a few.”

“Yes, well. The most recent one. The one where you refused, because you had terribly important business to attend to.” He looks like some sort of painting of innocence, and that’s how she knows she’s damned to never, ever live this down. “You might have left his poisons belt on the bannister.”

She’s too court-trained to blush, but she feels heat trying to crawl into her face all the same. “There’s more than one poisons belt in New Serene.”

“Only a few with a Naut’s compass carved into them. And what were you talking about a few weeks ago? Your painstaking modifications…”

She tries to regain her equilibrium. “I… We’re Merchants. We give gifts.”

“I know, cousin, and I’m very grateful for my last two hats. The feather was a lovely touch.” He leans his chin on his hand. “But the last time I saw you, you were inexplicably cheerful. Normally I like watching all the longing gazes, while he stares nobly elsewhere or prepares your maps. It’s the best entertainment I’ve had in years. Only, all those had stopped, and suddenly you were studiously trying not to look at him.” He tilts his head, and grins like the cat that’s caught the canary. “And you’re blushing. Adorable.”

“Constantin...” She attempts to hide from the onslaught, but there really isn’t anywhere to go.

“I only wanted to offer my congratulations.” He stands, as if propelled from his chair by the force of his own smugness. “My father would kill you, of course. It’s rather marvellous, really. You were always the one he never had to worry about. I was so certain you’d end up single, or with one of those dreadfully dull nobles from a court somewhere.” He pauses like he’s just remembered she’s there. “Nice, of course, and as long as you were happy – But to think, a Naut! Usually I’m the resident disappointment. Was it the tattoos? They are so very fascinating...” And then he must catch sight of her face, because that pulls him to a stop. “I’m sorry. I’ve got ahead of myself.” And he sits, just a little deflated.

“He’s not some scandal,” she says, quietly. “He’s my – He’s Vasco.”

He’s sober, now, watching her softly. “I know. And I really am pleased for you both.” He looks back to his own papers. “You may have to be subtle, to prevent accusations of favouritism for the Nauts, but… you certainly don’t have to hide it from me. I’ve seen how he looks at you. He’s almost worthy of you.”

She squints at that. “How does he look at me?”

“I thought you’d have noticed! That said, he is rather subtle, isn’t he?” He grins at her. “Hmm… Like a man who’s been hit about the head with something heavy. That sort of not-quite-dazed look. He looks” – and he considers the bookshelves, mouth a theatrical moue of contemplation – “like a man startled by his own luck. I’ve seen enough winners at cards. Only the odd moment, of course, and then he wipes it away and pretends to be very solemn and businesslike.”

She stares, warming at the thought despite herself. “I… he does?”

“He's not bad. I’m sure anyone else wouldn’t catch it. But we, dear cousin, were raised at court.” He looks at her - incredulous, delighted. “And you call yourself a diplomat!”

“I was… busy.”

“Yes. Throwing him your own adoring looks.”

“Being a diplomatic envoy.” She’s quite sure her shade of purple is clashing violently with her coat.

He ostentatiously checks his nails. “Do Nauts marry, perchance?”

“So help me, Constantin, I will leave your court and never come back - “

And then he’s laughing, rich and uninhibited, and it rings like a bell off the high ceiling. It’s been too long since she’s heard that.

-

“Constantin knows,” she announces, when they’re in a camp a quarter of the way to Hikmet, and Aphra’s left to answer a call of nature. “And he’s laughing at us both.”

Vasco’s brows raise, and then he says, flatly, “I’m not surprised. The man’s been smirking at me in the throne room for a month.”

“I…That’s just his face.”

“To you, it might be. He’s worse than my crew.”

“I... think he’s threatening to buy you a drink.” Grimacing, she admits, “I might have fled before he finished talking.”

He considers her, sharp-eyed and face carefully straight, and says, “I could poison him, if you like.”

“Please don’t. They might make me governor.”

The facade cracks, and he smiles at her, broadly and all sharp teeth. Then it fades. “Do you mind him knowing?” And his voice is quiet, that sort of carefully brisk that means he’s trying to bandage being businesslike over potential hurt. The same tentativeness she saw when he asked her what she thought of the poem, as if he had any hope of hiding what he really meant.

Her first instinct has always been to try charm, and when words fail her, to joke; that’ll end with her in a duel someday. “That I’m with a brave, dashing captain who’s one of the best in the fleet? No. I was just trying not to make him jealous.” She says, with her own uncertainty, “Why? Do you mind him knowing?”

He looks surprised at the question – and then thoughtful, and more than a little fond. “I’ve weathered worse than a bit of scuttlebutt,” he says, stepping forwards to close the distance between them, his hand drifting upwards to map her jaw, her cheek. He smiles when she leans into it, and then he’s kissing her, gentle and far too sweet for a man who can terrify bandits. “My tempest,” he says softly, against her skin, resting there.

A man startled by his own luck.

And now she’s certain her smile must make her look like a fool and would have her pilloried at court, but she can’t bring herself to care. She just lets the silence grow for a moment, and leans into the warmth of him.

Even so, she can’t quite help herself: “I’ve changed my mind. You can poison him, if it would make you feel better.”

He laughs at that, one of her favourite sounds in the world. But he doesn’t let go of her.

Because I feel like it, I’m going to list possible ship biases for all my muses including tropes for OCs. Obviously, every ship bias requires plotting but I thought this might help me get my mind around shippy stuff. (As an ace of questionable romantic attraction, shipping is hard.) These are in no particular order, just as I think of them as I type

PRIMARY

Eliana Mahariel - Alistair, Tamlen, good hearted prankster, Soft boy/girl, Merrill

Atena Hawke - Anders, Isabela, Leliana, rogue chick, nerd boy, boy who needs physical protection

Rajmahel Lavellan - Dorian, Josephine, Zevran, nerd boy/girl, pretty boy/girl, honestly he’s just very easy to ship just be nice, sexy, and good with kids

SECONDARY

Arik Tabris - Morrigan, Zevran, Leliana, Krem, goth/punk type characters for sure, (I would ship him with Idrilla if she wasn’t my own OC)

Aurora Amell - Cullen, Josephine, Soft/Romantic types give her flowers

Dazbo Amell - Fenris, Isabela (the only chick I think I can remotely ship him with), Dorian, tough boys who can also be soft but only in private, fashionistas

 Idrilla Lavellan - Solas, Zevran, elves only, nerds, artists, I’m a bit weak for flirty guy/stoic girl, (I would ship her with Arik if he weren’t my own OC)

Seigfried Trevelyan - Cassandra, ladies who can pin him can win him, Aveline, Independent women who like a little romance as a treat, just think of Phoebus in The Hunchback of Notre Dame saying ‘What a Woman’

Zoria Amell - Zevran, Morrigan, Isabela, Iron Bull, fiesty energy chick with other fiesty types, also friends-with-benefits types, people who respect her desire for independence

BY REQUEST

Alric Hawke - generally see him as disinterested in sex asexual but open to romance. Aveline, Sebastian, Alistair, Cassandra, he’s a good boy so good characters trying their best but staying in the lines

Antoinette de Ghislain - Make a Scandal, not-a-gentleman/woman, Mutual Desire for Freedom. Would require plotting since she is married for political gain

Dalineva - Someone as depraved as she is but elf

Dimetrea Brosca - Leliana, Merrill, soft but capable ladies

Emrys Moysten - Fellow Nerd, Someone who tells him he’s impossible, someone who tells him to talk to them about what’s traumatized him

Etienne de Rousseau - Classy person, Excitable Nerd, Regency style yearning romance

Falon’Din - I have no ship biases for him because I don’t feel like shipping him tbqh

Fenvir - Independent person, Secret nerd, Argumentive Couple due to stubbornness

Hildegard Cadash - Blackwall, Bull, gruff person, side-by-side warriors

Inatar Adaar - Sera, rebel girls, Outcast ladies

Katarina Anhalt - Sebastian, Cullen, Goodie-two-shoes who questions society but wants to play by the rules, good heart to push her out of her boundaries

Lir Cousland - Zevran, Leliana, Anora, Fenris, easily flustered people, Romantics, Fellow fighter to fight side-by-side with and have his back

Mathras Myriani - very hard to ship with honestly, just let him be the weird uncle who sometimes visits your muse

Sasha Fitz - Merrill, Josephine, good-hearted people, nobles who need a rogue in their life, cute person

Selena Porter - Isabela, Saucilious ladies, Ladies she can fluster by flirting

Sergio di Vasco - Josephine, Nobles who need a rogue, Romantics, Caring/soft people

Shalelan Amalasis - none, he’s pretty much not interested

Shamut Adaar - Bull, Secret nerd guys, fellow shy guys, friends nerding out over stuff together but touch hands and are like ‘oh’

Vincentius Titus - someone who matches his ambitions the issue with that is he won’t trust them, rare but someone who’ll tell him he’s an ass and put him in his place (he has to respect them enough to consider it though)

Game BF’s - Romance in Gaming

I was just thinking to myself earlier about games that allow you to romance companions or NPC’s. 

The very first time I discovered romance was possible in a game (as in, the player can choose who to romance - not part of the over-arching plot) was the first Knights of the Old Republic from BioWare.

I romanced one Carth Onasi and never really looked back after that. Unfortunately, the sequel didn’t really allow for romance. It was a bit of a rushed game - flawed but definitely had a lot of potential, alas Obsidian (who developed the sequel) are not really fond of romance in games and romance arcs were not fully developed. That didn’t stop me from shipping my Exile with bad boy Atton Rand.

I never played the first Neverwinter Nights but I did play the second game. My character much preferred the antisocial malcontent Bishop over saintly Casavir (seriously, I blame my youth for that preference - although Casavir still doesn’t appeal even now...) Though Bishop wasn’t technically a romance (although there was definitely hints of it in the main game) it didn’t stop my character from pining - even when a certain betrayal occurred... Again though, this is Obsidian and romance is not a priority.

We then move on to Dragon Age (my favourite fantasy game). The first time I played DA: Origins, Alistair was my bae (I have romanced all the available characters but he remains my favourite from the first entry). He is such a sweet dork!

Dragon Age 2 is my favourite game of the series (unpopular opinion I know, but I stand by my choice!) I honestly cannot romance anyone but Fenris. I’ve tried (and failed!) so many times. Fenris is just... I can’t explain it. The voice, the backstory, it’s just too hard to romance anyone else.

Lastly, Dragon Age Inquisition. I romanced Cullen when I first played this game (as I had been wanting to do so since he appeared in the first game!) However, I then gave the Solas romance a whirl... and loved it even more. Oh the angst, the sweet, sweet angst! I’m a sucker for it.

Mass Effect is probably the game that set the romance standard for me (as well as being one of my favourite all-time RPGs). The only male love interest in the first game was Kaidan. It was a sweet romance and I did like it overall but my favourite romance option has to be Garrus Vakarian - who finally (FINALLY!) became an option in the second game. Garrus is my favourite ever romance (well, tied with Fenris from DA2). 

BioWare games kinda set the standard for romancing characters with your PC but many other games have also included some fun romances.

Fallout 4 had romance options (even though they were a little thin on material). I particularly enjoyed the MacCready character and his romance was kinda sweet although there wasn’t a heck of a lot of actual content.

I really liked romancing Andrew in The Technomancer with my Zachariah (a set main character but there were still multiple options for him). Andrew was my favourite companion and romance.

I also really enjoyed the Kurt romance in GreedFall. I wasn’t expecting to (I thought Vasco was going to steal my De Sardet’s attention) but that loyal master of arms snuck into her affections!

Honestly, I’m not really sure what the point of this rambling is (except to wax poetic about my favourite gaming love interests haha!) but there you have it - a list of my favourite romances in some of my favourite games.

*EDIT* Argh, forgot Mass Effect Andromeda!! (though I think many people do!! or at least, would prefer to lol!!) I couldn’t actually pick a favourite LI from that game - I liked Liam, Jaal, and Reyes about the same!!

De Sardet Questionnaire

Original questionnaire can be found here, put together by @visceralcoma​!

This got a little long (as is usual with me) but here’s the questionnaire for my De Sardet, Caleb!

1. What is De Sardet’s given name? Caleb De Sardet. 2. What is the name Arelwin would have given De Sardet (assuming Petrus told them and its different than their given name)? Arelwin would have named him Tawa, which means sun. 3. What was their relationship with Constantin like when they were teens? Caleb and Constantin always had a near inseparable connection to one another. Where one was you'd usually find the other, and that didn't change as they grew older. Caleb was the one to always make sure Constantin wasn't doing anything too stupid or questionable, and Constantin was the one who helped to gently pull Caleb out of the shy shell he cocooned himself in throughout his childhood, making sure Caleb found a comfort with himself. Together the both of them built a unique level of trust and comfort, as well as a safe space where they could just be themselves without any of the judgements and expectations of the outside world. 4. What is a special heartwarming memory of your De Sardet and Constantin? As children, both Caleb and Constantin were obsessed with adventure. They'd play make believe games where they were explorers or heroes, and such games usually involved the two of them running around the house brandishing wooden swords. On one day in particular, the two of them were playing in the gardens. As was usual a young Constantin was trying to play a noble hero, brandishing his sword and speaking some over the top soliloquy. Something that was said started Caleb laughing, and Constantin's shocked reactions to his humour only set Caleb off further. Constantin didn't really mind however (even if he did act offended - his growing grin and eventual own laughter was a big give away to his lack of true annoyance), he was just happy to hear his cousin laughing so freely. 

5. Did your De Sardet and Constantin ever have a fight? If so, about what?Nothing really serious that would have caused any strain or lasting effect on their relationship, but there were of course some disagreements. Caleb would point out when Constantin was being particularly reckless to the point he would be putting himself in danger - but mostly Caleb's annoyances would be born out of concern over Constantin's well being. Constantin might occasionally push Caleb too much when it came to moments where Caleb wanted to be left alone, and that could often spark some bickering between them. They always apologised and made up not much later though. They didn't much like being angry or upset with the other for too long. 6. What was the relationship like with Princess Livie (their adoptive mother)? Caleb and her were very close. She always had a caring hand to offer him, and Livie was very much a source of comfort for Caleb. Livie would always tell Caleb how proud she was of him, and as he grew older how much she admired the man he grew up to become. Some of Caleb's kindness and compassion comes from that which Livie showed towards him growing up, and Caleb more or less adored her. 7. Did De Sardet ever have a pet growing up? What happened to it? Nope, Caleb never had any pets. 8. What was De Sardet’s relationship with their uncle (Constantin’s father)?Uncomfortable. There was always something about his uncle that unnerved Caleb, but as a child he could never really put his finger on what the underlying problem he had of him was. He assumed it was simply because he didn't understand nor like how he treated Constantin, but that didn't stop the squirming discomfort Caleb would feel when it came to his uncle's behaviour towards himself. Caleb always felt he was under some kind of scrutiny or trail. It's not until Caleb learns the truth later that he realised that the reason he never felt comfortable in the presence of his uncle was because his uncle never saw either Constantin or he as people, but rather as pawns in his own political game. Caleb was very much seen as an asset, and Constantin was just 'the child he resented had lived while his oldest son had died'. 9. Did De Sardet ever get into trouble with their mother and uncle? Were they a frequent troublemaker? There were ... instances where Caleb would end up being told off by his uncle. Those occasions usually involved Constantin, and his uncle would always manage to say something like 'I suspected it of you, son, but not of my dear nephew'. It was always words used to wound Constantin, and there were many times where afterwards Caleb would end up hugging him as his cousin cried, wanting to know why his father detested him so much. Caleb's mother on the other hand was more lenient with the boys. She wasn't blind to how her brother treated his son, and could see no harm in Constantin and Caleb playing and acting like the children their age should be. Of course there were times where she would remind one or both of them that they were of noble standing and had to be a little more respectable, but otherwise she left them to it. 10. Did De Sardet have many other friends? He didn't have any other friends. Only Constantin. 11. How did they handle growing up with their mark? Did people mention it? Talk about? Treat them differently? How did De Sardet respond to them? Badly. The mark was always something that unsettled people. Children would whisper, laugh or outright avoid him, and even adults would occasionally comment on how strange and unusual it was. It frustrated and upset Caleb, so much so that both his mother and Constantin would find him crying over it. Constantin would often defend him from the other children, feeling a protective streak over his cousin. Livie would rub his back as he cried into his pillow or his sheets, telling him things like how beautiful a boy he was both inside and out in an attempt to make him feel better. When he got older, Caleb grew his facial hair out in an attempt to try and cover most of the mark up. It ... helped stop some of the staring, enough that Caleb learnt not to care about what other people thought. 12. What are De Sardet’s favourite: food, colour, music (genre/instrument), weather, season, and animal? Food: Crab. Wine. Colour: Blue & Red Music: Piano. Weather: Sunny. Season: Autumn. Caleb likes the different colours of the leaves that fall. Animal: Horses. 13. What was their first thought of Vasco, Siora, Aphra, and Petrus when they met them? Vasco: I don't think we're going to get along, he seemed quite upset that I called his ship a boat. Siora: I have only been in this city for five minutes, but I will already try my best to help you in whatever way I can. Aphra: ... Still not convinced she wasn't going to shoot me if her gun hadn't fallen in the water. Petrus: Not quite sure what to make of you, but for now I'll leave my suspicions be. After all, diplomacy amongst our allies is imperative right now. 14. If they had one, who was De Sardet’s first kiss and/or love? You know, I don't think Caleb's had any real love or romance before heading to the island. I always imagine that Constantin is the one that's had many lovers, and then comes back and ends up telling Caleb about the newest person he's 'in love with' (it never lasts. A few days later and Constantin's found something else to fascinate him). Caleb listens to Constantin because he doesn't have much choice likes to see Constantin happy, even if he there a lot of moments that end up like: Constantin: Cousin! I'm in love with them! Caleb: ((shrugs)) okay fine you're in love with them - you've been with them a day. Do you even really know them?? Then one day after a 'breakup' (that's not really a breakup but rather Constantin getting bored of his most recent lover), Constantin's complaining to Caleb about them, and it comes up that they weren't even a good kisser. And Constantin is like 'you know when you find someone and you kiss them and it's like ... magic?', and Caleb's like 'I don't, actually'. At first Constantin is sad for his cousin because he thinks Caleb means he's never had a lover or someone whose kissed him that way, but then he realises that no, Caleb means he's never been kissed full stop. Constantin is shocked, but then considers how Caleb never talks about his love interests and realises it's because he hasn't had any, and suddenly Constantin is determined because 'this won't do. You can't never experience a first kiss, cousin." Constantin ends up being his first kiss, and Caleb still doesn't really understand how. ... Caleb also never acknowledges how he felt in that moment and shoves his feelings away into a box and locks it away to the back of his mind because that is Constantin and he certainly shouldn't be having confusing thoughts over him. Caleb's first love is Vasco. He ends up falling pretty deep into that love.   15. Did De Sardet have any childhood/teen crushes on anyone? Describe how they realized it and how they behaved. Hmmmm not really? I reckon there were some visitors that Caleb ended up thinking 'oh wow' about, but not in any real attraction or 'oh no I like them' way. He wasn't really interested when he was younger, and tended to avoid a lot of people until his mid teens. 16. What subjects were their favourite to learn while being taught by Sir De Courcillion? History and magical studies. 17. What was their relationship with Kurt initially like when he became their bodyguard and/or when he became their Master of Arms? At first Kurt intimidated him, but that quickly dissipated once he got to know him. Caleb really respected Kurt's talents and training - even if he did push him to the limits a lot of the time. He could tell Kurt was passionate about his swordsmanship, and although he couldn't really see why a bodyguard had been assigned to him, Caleb eventually learnt to appreciate it. The two of them got along well and developed a friendship. I imagine Kurt was one of the first to discover Caleb's interest in pistols, and ended up gifting him his very first one. It was very much a 'you're better with it than you are with a sword, Greenblood'. Caleb later adapted his fighting ability to include it alongside his magic ring. 18. What was Kurt’s initial assessment of De Sardet when he began teaching them to fight? That Caleb was absolutely useless with a real sword. It was very much that 'hands on hips and long suffering sigh as he mutters 'we have a long way ahead of us'' type of feeling for Kurt, knowing he had a lot of work cut out for him in order for Caleb to be able to defend himself in a way that was actually half decent. 19. What did De Sardet specialize into first and why? Magic ring, mostly because it was a big interest of his. There was ... a lot of trail and error. Courcillion still has a burn mark on his desk from a rather significant failure of a magic lesson. 20. What did they feel when they learned they were adopted and the circumstances behind it? Oh, Caleb was absolutely crushed and so lost. He didn't really know where he belonged for a while knowing that the family he thought was his by blood never was. He felt too much ingrained with the Congregation to ever find acceptance with the Natives anymore, and he didn't feel as if he would ever really fit in as a Naut - even if Vasco assured him he would be accepted with open arms. Yet at the same time he began to understand why he felt like an outcast growing up - because he was never truly meant to be a part of the Congregation. Vasco, Kurt and Siora really helped him get through things, and Constantin's reassurances that nothing changed between them even if they weren't cousins by blood helped. But it wasn't until he met his true aunt that Caleb found a peace in himself. While it was nice knowing that he still had a familial connection alive and well, it was one of the first pieces in a wheel that allowed him to realise that it didn't matter where he came from or where his origins stemmed from, at the end of the day he would set his own path to become the person he wanted to be. Him and Vasco had a long talk the night after returning to New Sérène over their familiar feelings.

Hey, I noticed that you reblogged greedfall and wasn't sure if you knew that it is actually a really racist game- it acts like native people and colonizers are on equal footing and pushes ""grey morality"" when really, native people have always suffered at the hands of colonizers. A lot of native people have spoken out about the game and explain it in better detail than I have

In the interest of being both honest and probably not appreciated on tumblr- I’ve played about a third of Greedfall. I preordered it before I’d heard about all the ‘good people on both sides’ shit and since I owned it and was curious I wanted to play a bit of it.

I haven’t finished it yet, but I probably will since I like Siora and Vasco a lot. I did put it down for a reason (two, technically), and I wasn’t always comfortable with what was on screen.

One thing that I’ve found so far- helping the native people of Ter Frade is always portrayed as the morally good thing to do. Not necessarily the politically smart thing, but the morally good thing. De Sardet is wishy washy about it sometimes instead of letting the player just beat down, but it feels honest enough for their character at the time in the game I’m in (only first third, so still quite loyal to their country).

Siora, in particular, calls out a lot of people, including other companions. It’s the argument of- it’s placed in a racist setting, but acknowledges the racism in it. Does that stop everyone in the setting from being racist? No, unfortunately. De Sardet can’t call out racism themselves, and I think the game would’ve been stronger if you could.

unfortunately, a lot of the game is, “but it’s okay because I’M not like that’. It happens notably to a companion of yours, Aphra’s personal quest line, which is sort of about her studying the native people’s magical powers. In one of them, you rescue a few young adults, and the conversation goes something like this “hey not all of my country are like that” / “true, you are not”. Which- as a white woman benefiting from the colonisation of Australia- I’m not really equipped to fully criticise, but boy howdy, it definitely weakens the critical acknowledgement of the setting in the game.

I’ve found is that the game is definitely pushing a ‘walk the middle line and prevent war by staying neutral’. I expect that there’s an ending where you don’t have to- where you get to side with the native people and fight for them. But, on the flip side, there’s likely an ending where you side with fucking Themele, so.

What matters, I think, is how they’re portrayed, and which one is acknowledged in the text as the ‘good ending’. I heavily suspect that the ‘middle ground’ option is. I don’t think Spiders had either the guts or understanding to write a game that needed to address the things it didn’t to make this setting appropriate especially since I don’t think there were Indigenous writers on staff. The portrayal of some of the side character native people often rings of infantilisation. I think a more linear game where De Sardet’s quest is meeting their family and discovering their origins would’ve been stronger and better because it would’ve allowed for a more comprehensive commentary on the setting rather than only getting it if you bring one character to basically all the quests.

That said, thinking about what the game could have been with Indigenous writers/consultants isn’t the question at hand. I think it could’ve been an excellent critique of colonisation. Is it there, at least in the first third? …eh? It tips the hat. It doesn’t mean it goes there.

Then- at what point does a game wanting to be about choice need to stop? Needs to disallow the player from going that far? Or needs to make it crystal clear you are taking the evil choice? Fallout, for all it’s faults, generally acknowledges evil actions as evil. It allows you to do them, but the wasteland sure isn’t going to like you for it. Then again, Fallout doesn’t have the same kind of ‘real life’ setting as Greedfall.

Furthermore- there’s the critical consideration of a hero complex gamers have in video games, and being able to swoop in and save them (even as the MC is native themselves), because the one playing it isn’t likely to be. Is it a white saviour complex? It’s something I have to acknowledge as a personal thing here too, because I’m playing the game, aren’t i? I’m siding with the native people because it’s the right thing to do. What are my motives in continuing to play? (admittedly, they’re gay motives, I want to romance the queer characters).

Then, upon that consideration- I heard about an amazing game with TERF developers, and promptly decided never to play it. What’s different about one and not the other? I owned Greedfall before I’d heard about it, maybe? Greedfall is more my type of game than sprite platformer in terms of gameplay/narrative so I’m more willing to ignore problems in favour of a good gameplay experience? It’s something I have to address and be aware of.

Finally… I don’t think the setting is necessarily an issue. The way the setting is handled, yes. Ultimately, that’s what the make-or-break is. How does it handle the setting? How does it handle the characters? Is it performative or critical? Does Greedfall, in the second half of the game, make De Sardet acknowledge what harm they’re doing, and make them a hero or villain depending on their path, and address the horrors of colonisation?

I’m inclined to think that it doesn’t, but I also don’t know for sure since I’ve avoided all but two spoilers. 

So… yeah. I’ve played Greedfall. As a white woman, I’ve read some of the critiques although to be fair not a lot of them, and still chose to play it. I like to think I’m playing it with a critical lens, because I don’t think that problematic media shouldn’t be avoided, but acknowledged and criticised for how they handle the problematic themes. Greedfall, so far, hasn’t shown the understanding it needed, but I still want to finish it in order to know for sure. I’m likely to still reblog art/gifs of Vasco & Siora. I understand if people would prefer not to follow me for that.

Congratulations MERLYN! You’ve been accepted as Siobhan Byrne.  Below the cut is a sample application for you to view and use to your advantage. If you have any questions, feel free to contact me. 

          OOC INFORMATION -

NAME: Merlyn, she/her

AGE: Twenty-Two

TIMEZONE: Eastern Time.

ACTIVITY LEVEL: I’m a full time University student in my fourth year! I’ll be fairly busy with that, but since most of my classes are online, I have quite a bit of free time that I can dedicate to the game. 

ANYTHING ELSE? Not that I can think of!

          IC INFORMATION -

DESIRED ROLE: Siobhan Byrne.

WHO ARE THEY TO YOU? 

Siobhan is still growing. She has a vision of who she wants to be and just needs to find a way to get there. She’s kind and wants the best for those around her. She’s not blind to what her family does, and while she doesn’t agree or want any part of it, she understands that hating her family for doing things she sees as wrong will only hurt her in the long run. 

Since her brother’s death, Siobhan has been changing. Slowly but surely, she’s becoming a different person and the next few months of her life will shape who she will be in the future. She’s started drinking, sometimes so much she can’t remember the night before. She tries to hide it from her family and friends, but deep down, she knows they notice something is off. Though, Siobhan is good at pretending. “I’m okay,” will leave her lips, with a small somber smile. “It’s just hard getting over Cillian.” That typically ends the conversation. “She’s grieving,” they say. “People do it in their own ways.” She hasn’t touched drugs. Not yet, at least.

The two things that keep Siobhan going is hope for a better future and Henry. Columbia kept her occupied. She made beautiful art in her small apartment while listening to Lila’s music. She studied the great artists that came before her, from Ancient Greece to the Renaissance to modern minimalists and everything that came in between. Her econ homework was stressful and complex, her lowest grades she received, but she knew it would help with her end goal. Her dream has always been to run her own Art Gallery. She would have a small cafe where local musicians could play their music while patrons browsed beautiful works, sometimes maybe even her own. 

Her family’s business made the world an ugly place. She wanted to make it a bit more beautiful. No matter how small her impact may be. Though, with the looming darkness that surrounds her, she’s not sure she’s capable of achieving her dream anymore. But, that certainly hasn’t stopped her from trying.

CONNECTIONS: 

DANTE VASCO - Crush Siobhan has had a crush on Dante since she met him. Young and oblivious, she just saw a pretty face and large biceps. She remembered giggling obnoxiously at every stupid thing that left his mouth, hopelessly infatuated with the man. He was older and dangerous. The brother of her future sister-in-law. Dante was everything Siobhan would _never _have. Since her brother’s murder, she likes to pretend that Dante doesn’t have the same effect on her; he’s a Vasco. The enemy. But, Siobhan knows if she ever bumps into him, she’ll revert back to the same little girl she was when they first met. 

DARCY BYRNE - Father Siobhan is a daddy’s girl. Or, she always tried to be. While she was growing up, Siobhan knew she didn’t fit the Byrne dynamic. Her brothers and father would always have inside jokes that she was never a part of and go to sporting events and movies she wasn’t old enough to see without her. Cillian always tried to mend the gap between them, but her father, in her eyes, never seemed to catch on. She always wanted to be “one of the guys” but she just didn’t have the personality for it. Of course, she knew that he loved her and supported everything she did, she just didn’t have the relationship with him that she wanted. She wasn’t a son. She was the only daughter that he had to keep safe. Sheltered. They were never buddies; they were just father and daughter.

MORAL ALIGNMENT: 

Siobhan is a Chaotic Good Alignment. While at first I thought she would be Neutral Good, I believe Chaotic Good is the better fit; Siobhan believes that every law has their biases. She has her own moral code, but is undoubtedly good. 

EXTRAS: all my graphic content for Siobhan can be found here. Below, you will find my written content for her.

FUTURE PLANS:

I really want to explore Siobhan delving deeper into her own twisted spiral. Whether this means going into the business to feel a bit closer to Cillian, or finding herself lost in her own mind, numbed by drugs and alcohol.

Alternatively, I think Siobhan would start to distance herself from her family. The business got her brother killed, why wouldn’t her other siblings, parents, or even her nephew, be at risk, too? Siobhan can’t handle that kind of heartbreak again. Maybe leaving her family behind is the best way to save herself.

I also want to develop Siobhan’s relationships with other people. Now that she doesn’t have Cillian, there is a gap in her life. She has Lila, her closest (or only) true friend and roommate, as well as Henry, the little boy she adores, but there will always be something missing. I think she’ll try to fill this hole with one of two things: romance or family. She’ll either find someone who will hold her while she cries and kiss her tears away or find a way to connect with her brothers or parents. Maybe even both. Though, her family has always been exhausting for Siobhan, the true introvert in a family of extroverts.

WRITING SAMPLE: 

1:03 AM

The glow of Siobhan’s bedside clock stung her groggy eyes. 

Lila was out at another music party. “It’s a fundraiser,” she said, taking her third shot of the night as she put on her coat. “This band is raising money for studio time. I think,” she shrugged heading out the door. “Any excuse to drink, is good enough for me.”

Siobhan laughed at her roommate before returning to her somber state. Now, hours later, without being able to sleep, with no inspiration to sketch or paint, Siobhan wished she went with her overzealous roommate to the unknown apartment filled with all the people she didn’t know and who didn’t know her. At least then, Siobhan would be doing something other than melt away into her sheets, slowly turning into nothing.

Exactly eight minutes later, when the red numbers made a clean 1:11 AM, Siobhan tore off her sheets and went to her closet, finding the bottle of 19 year old scotch Cillian bought for her as a joke on her nineteenth birthday. She didn’t plan on drinking it so soon, but after his death, she’s consumed half of the bottle. 

Siobhan took her scotch and brought it to the kitchen. She filled a small tumbler and took a sip, letting the liquid burn her tongue and her throat as it went down. She gagged. The amber drink swirled in her glass after she put it down. If there was one thing she was taught growing up, not through lectures, but through simple observation, it was to always pace yourself when drinking. But, lately, Siobhan has let most of her ideologies go. So, she picked up her glass and drank every last drop.

Her face felt hot and her body tensed, but she filled her glass again and shot it down as cleanly as Lila did hers. Though, Siobhan coughed much more than what she would consider normal or acceptable. 

She looked at the bottle and started to feel tears drip onto her cheeks. She quickly wiped them away, sick of crying alone in the dark. She started to feel lightheaded, not quite dizzy, but her body didn’t feel her own. That was how she knew the drinks were working.

Another glass later, Siobhan was on the floor, a large piece of canvas on the ground and a paintbrush in her hand. 

Black. Siobhan needed black. She mixed it with her blues and reds, used it on its own and even mixed it with white to get a desolate grey. She wasn’t painting to make a picture. She didn’t have the energy for that. No, Siobhan was painting what she felt. Hard lines and splatter, mixed with finger painting and tears made for a messy product. 

By the time Lila came home, Siobhan was sleeping on the couch, covered in colours while her work and bottle of scotch sat next to her on the floor.

Lila didn’t mention it the next morning.

Siobhan was truly grateful.