#maybe i just dont like long term committment | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jettblanche · 2 years

Text

Welcome to Phantasma Park

This is a nsfw RP blog run by @rottenmarquee . Minors/ageless bios pls dni

🎠 A mysterious amusement park appears seemingly out of thin air. No one ever saw any construction take place, and the location of the park is oddly remote. However, the ticket prices are fairly cheap and everyone leaves with a smile on their face. Maybe it's worth a try... 🎠

This is an RP blog with two characters, Blanche (he/they) the evil magician and Jett (he/they/it) his partner (in business) Dont be afraid to send asks or rp requests ! 😊

(these two characters are "played" by me and a headmate)

Dms are open, but please be respectful.

Dni/boundaries/body terms/titles under cut

DNI

Reposting bcs yall cant click a link

- minors

- ageless (no age listed in bio)

- terf/transmed/exclus/anti kink

- incest, pedophillea, stuff like tht

- bambi, neuroplex, or nimja blogs/supporters. While i wont blame you for being a victim, i dont want that spread on my posts

- pro involuntary committeement (trauma related. Sorry. I still have panic attacks about it. Actually said trauma is where these kinks came from lol.)

Limits:

- im good with dms or anything. U can be as nsfw as you want but pls no nudes without asking. I dont want to see that, i promise

- scat, piss, vore, cgl, diapers, sissy, race, pregnancy, detranitioning kink, vanilla. Nothing unsanitary. Nothing discriminatory either

- findom or anything that controls life 24/7 like tht. Id be more comfortable with tht as a sub (not findom stuff tho) but not unless i super trust that person.

- breeding ok, pregnancy not. Tokophobia.

- very open as a sub, very scared as a dom. You can do the most fucked up shit to me (within reason ofc) but i will not do it to you. Ill still do plenty as a dom, just not sure im comfortable with cnc or anything like tht as a dom, at least not unless things have been discussed

- i am okay with titles but i prefer not to be called them unless we actually like (in dms, not in post replies) Talked. Like we don't have to be besties yet but like at least say hello and introduce yourself first. When in doubt, ask. Im pretty chill abt it tbh, i just dont like ppl coming in my dms calling me sir when i havent spoken to them. U can call me tht on replies to posts tho !

- although not entirely opposed, jsut to make things simple, avoid feminine titles. Especially mistress. Also dont call me a femdom or anything.

- exclusivity. Im poly and have very bad experiences around it. You can say "you're mine" as long as it isnt followed by "and no one else's". Possessiveness is hot to me as long as you share me

- I dont do feminization, findom, or femdom (im a guy) so please stop asking

Body terms im ok with:

Tits, boytits, pussy, boypussy, boycunt, hole, boyhole, [generally, boy___ is safe], throbbing member /j

Titles im ok with:

Master (preferred), sir, anything masc rlly except i dont care for "Daddy" (i am not exactly bothered by it, it just doesnt do it for me bcs i am too used to hearing it in a funny context so its permanently a silly word for me)

#minors dni #hypnokink #hypnosis #mind control #brainwashing #hypnotized #nsft #rp #nsft rp

18 notes · View notes

for-the-brokenhearted · 4 years

Text

1/23/2020

i am actually getting freaked out about how much time is passing without me logging in or anything. a lot of course has happened in the 7+ months ive been gone. its like a fucking pregnancy

ive literally been gone almost long enough to have a fucking child. i should start writing in here more, bobbi even suggested that. i had a meltdown at her house a couple of weeks ago and she gave me some really great advice....jase too.

i was upset bc craig and i had another fight. we had just gotten back from ny and i got sick with sinus infection and pink eye. wonderful. he came over and gave me some schpeel about...wait...schpiel? shpealllll....shpiel??

*clears throat*

....about how he would like for us to be a couple that has great self discipline and shit... blah blah blah. im so annoyed. not only was it the most imperfect timing (me feeling as bad as i look) but as if i already didnt feel like shit.

this september, on MY birthday actually, we had a huge blowout bc i just couldnt take it anymore. i was sick of feeling fat, imperfect, ugly, not fit, all that jazz.

what caused it all was him pointing out how i had bad posture while driving to his house. i fucking lost my shit.

“WHY THE FUCK DO YOU KEEP POINTING OUT MY INSECURITIES I FEEL LIKE IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU IM SICK OF THIS SHIT I SHOULD NOT FEEL THIS BAD ABOUT MYSELF ALL THE TIME AND IM SICK OF THE PASSIVE AGRESSIVE COMMENTS YOU MAKE ABOUT ME AND MY BODY AND I FEEL LIK EVERY TIME YOU TOUCH ME ITS LIKE YOU’RE EVALUATING MY BODY FAT”

to be fair, i shoudlnt have blown the fuck up. but come on. i had been dealing with this shit for over two years. since float fest, maybe even before that. which is awful bc i shouldnt feel so bad everytime i look in the mirror.

when im with my boyfriend or future husband or whatever...i should feel like the most beatufiyl person, inside and out. like i can tell him EVERYTHING and not feel like i have to lie to protect myself.

this is just scary bc the bottom line is lately i havent felt like that. in a long time. like prob over a year. which sucks.

anyways, the solution i came up with was to not talk about food, health, or fitness for 3 months. yup. i laid down the law.

but at the same time, i needed to. this had really manifested itself into something super super ugly. where when we went out to eat i would order what i would think he would WANT me to order, not bc he said anything, but bc of the pressure i felt whether that was coming from him or me.

i would also lie about getting fast food by myself or feel happy when i would skip a meal bc it was less calories- these are very unhealthy behaviors and i did tons more.

i felt like the little commesnt like grande girl or glutton girl really got to me and he probably felt like he could make those comments safely bc i wasnt fat or unhealthy. but he made me feel like it.

im still working on it everyday, but right now im hitting a wall.

Bobbi told me to start writing more bc i think the stream of consciousness helps me cope. and i know shes right. i tell craig the same thing and he says it helps him gather his thoughts and whatnot.

i went over to her house freaking out bc i found myself in a state where i’m afraid of everything- this is actually my current state. i just had a major realization.

im afraid of love. marriage. committment.. running. exercising. living together. moving forward- even though that's everything i want

craig also said that he felt like hes not allowed to touch me and we havent had sex in a while. bobbi pointed out that this is probably bc i wasnt taking care of myself and bc I didnt like MYSELF so i didnt want anyone near me.

she was def right about that.

so i started doing more for myself and prioritizing the things i needed to do over everything else. its been nice. i even took a bath today. and the thing is craig is happy when i do things for myself like that. which is great.

but im still defensive and i still reject physical touch. i dont feel that kind of love i felt for craig at the beginning and he probably knows that. weve been through so much and ifeel like i dont know what to do.

i feel like were so unhealthy and i feel like things are always so fucking hard. i mean you know whats batshit crazy....? weve been dating for almost 5 motherfucking years.

im so upset. not that weve been dating for that long, but because i feel like were still in such a juvenile spot. i got made earlier in 2019 bc craig is JUST NOW thinking about marriage and is having a forward thinking mindset. justnow. i am 25. im just sick of dating someone younger than me sometimes.

i want to be lead. i want someone whos there for me. i want security, reliabiolity, etc.

last night we atually got into an arguemnt over bobbi and jase: tl;dr i feel like hes weird aroudn them and didnt liek the fact that he says a ton of outlandish negative untrue bullshit about jase and its not even true. its just based off of the “vibes” he gets. i dont do that. i try to be as kind as i can to everyone and i just feel like he has a lack of tolerance. i dont like that. i want him to have a good heart and treat everyone as they should be regardless of their background, unhealthy habits etc.

i just feel like maybe the more we grow old or whatever, the less compatible were getting. and im exhausted. i dont feel like dating anyone else i dont even feel like dating him sometimes.

something cool we did discover, along with the fact that i need to take care of myself more is that in the relationship i have alwasy been “on” or “on call” in a way of alwasy being alert and never at rest bc i feel like he needs me to show up somewhere and in a way it was my way of showing that i cared about the relationship bc it was always top of mind, wrong. i am tired and maybe thats why i always got on his ass about random bullshit bc i felt like i was always putting in way more effort than he was, bc i was. in a bad way.

I'm really lost and i don't know what to do. I've been in new Orleans (still am) for Kaltura connect and its been super fun to meet a ton of cool people. but i am so tired, I worked almost a 12 hour day yesterday and conferences are exhausting.

maybe im feeling this way bc I'm tired? i just hope we get it back even though sometimes it feels like we wont’. our relationship has always been so volatile form the very beginning and i was hoping that over time it would get better. in some ways it has, in some ways it hasnt.

i look at couples and marriage photos and see the love and the joy these other people experience and i wonder if i will ever get that. sometimes with craig i think yes, but sometimes i think no. what if this ends. i know ill be okay if it does but obviously thats not ideal. the thing is that were not even married and i dont feel that now, will i ever? will it come back? im praying for an amazing and safe but spontaneous love and ive been praying that for a while, i just dont know if ill ever get that with him. is this God telling me this is the end? then again, ive felt like this before

like last year 12.23.18 when craig called me a slut and called my family psychos at the slc track bc i accidentally threw keys at my face. it took me the majority of 2019 to get over that. and to get over the fact that 4 months later i was going to be fired from wells fargo.

bottom line is im getting older and i feel like i don't have time for stupid bullshit or to feeol bad about myself, but the problem is that i still do. maybe this is just the beginning of the end. we love each other so much- i really do and i mean it. sometimes i feel like i could never be this comfortable with anyone ever again, but then again i said that last time with chad.

fuckkkkkkkkk i hate feeling like this. i hate being so unsure about everything and feeling like shit. i feel lonely bc sometimes our disagreements are so bad. i just want him to grow up and get over htis shit or maybe its just time to move on.

hes already done some growing up but i cant keep banking on that to happen in a long term plan bc what happens if he doesnt..... then what.

0 notes

anfionnius · 5 years

Text

Love and Marriage.

Lets talk marriage, you and I.

This is part of my ongoing attempt to wrap an aging country catholic brain around this brave new world we live and navigate in.

Lets figure this out.

Lets start with old marriage.

Pre tinder, pre contraception, pre industrialisation. pre social welfare.

So we posit a village, reasonable prosporous of say a 1000 people.

Some 100 quite well off, some 100 not so well off, the rest in the middle.

There will be kids, who will become teenagers, become interested in the opposite sex.

There will be the male dream of lots of sex with many different hot women, maybe some atavistic impulses to hit other monkeys with thigh bone.

There will be the womans dream of lots of sex with a high status man, who is ready to commit, and maybe more sex with even higher status men, commitment Love, babies, attention.

There will be sex.

There will be babies.(as a consequence of the sex)

Once pregnancy is confirmed, or once sexual activity is noted or suspected by the parents. they need to consider marrying the two people off.

If you dont have marriage, you have a lot of single mothers, and men denying they are the fathers, so dead babies,

Commitment, is then more important (survivalwise) for women than for men.

Males, will like the people they sleep with more than the ones they dont, although they may desire them more.

single mothers,

Poverty and singlemotherhood are a good recipe for undernourished children, prostitute or beggar mothers. The children of single parents, are more likely to have risky sex, be involved in crime and generally do less well, so you have a vicious circle here.

uncertain parentage,

general irritation,

Lets introduce marriage.

Its a potentially bad deal for everyone.

But

Its a deal that delivers, the essentials.

Its more or less marriage, for raising babies together, man in charge of the world outside, woman in charge of the home, different arrangements for different people.

For the man, marriage, gives access to sex. In a small town with no contraception.

Otherwise sex is not so readily available, or its with less than ideal mates.

For the woman, it gives access to sex, and someone who will provide for her and the babies.

The man gains, an obedient wife, and children, the woman gains, a sexual partner, status, and the means to raise great children to continue the familial gathering of wealth, and increasing inequality.

Downsides, both people are locked into monogamy, and locked to each other,

The woman is subject to the man.

The man, has to provide for himself, his wife, and his children,

The woman is assumed to not be the main provider due to frequent pregnancies and general childrearing duties.

As people marry off, the remaining singles, would hasten to get in on this deal,

Going down by order of desirability.

Fertility for women, Status for men. (or proxies)

The above are merely the primary attributes

Its not great for the guy, he is programmed for sex with lots of people, more fertile the better.

He gets one.

Its not great for the woman, who will be drawn, to other more desirable men, but denied her loins/wombs secret desire, she will be subject to her man, and subject to society, for her adultery would damage every womans reputation by extension, cause every man to gain secret hope.

Her adultery is also a double blow, if she becomes pregnant, she has broken her vows, lied to her husband, and now asks he raise another mans child as his own. Not great.

For the man, well, if its with another mans wife, he hasnt made a friend.

But the pregnancy will be her problem, not his.

This deal, lets smart long term thinking families, reliably accrue wealth, while maintaining a safety net.

There are an interesting series of scenarios.

True love, no problems,

Woman dies in childbirth, man has children, but still status, remarriage is possible.

Man dies in war, or of injury, or of just dying before women in general.

Woman gains house, status as widow, and children.

Woman or man want out, this is very frowned on, the woman leaving her man, will get little, and possibly not the children.

Upsides is that generationally, if wealth defaults with the man not the woman, a family built by men, could continue to accumulate wealth and status over time, helped (and often succeeded by their) by their women.

Lets throw a jaded eye over new marriage.

I guess.

Marriage is no longer the gateway to sex.

(sex is only sometimes the gateway to marriage)

Sex is no longer a certain gateway to children

Children are not a gateway to marriage.

The optimal number of parents is not to be discussed.

Marriage, is dissolvable, by either partner, seperation is half the assets, and the man to continue his support( we have to think of the children.)

There is also a new player, the state.

The state provides money for mothers, and more money for single mothers.

Single mother hood, becomes viable.

Sex without marriage becomes viable, marriage as no longer a requirement for sex becomes devalued.

Sex, no longer fettered by marriage becomes devalued.

We can add in, the attention economy, where in the time of newspapers, there was a newspapers worth of information, books maybe.

Now there are more diversions, accessible, 24/7 catering to every single conceivable wish desire belief, desire or need.

Tinder exists.

Tinder is a killer app for marriage.

It only works for the top 20% of men, the most desired marriage material.

And

All women.

Suddenly, women can have all the sex, and babies, they desire.

With the most desirable men, (well sex certainly, babies depends also on the man)

But commitment, becomes much harder to acquire.

But much more lucrative.

Because marriage is dissolvable in favour of the woman.

She can have a man work for her support,

Then seperate, get half his belongings, and have him continue to work for her support.

This is a good deal, but raises the risk factor for high status men, (their family could lose half its accumulated capital to some hussy golddigger)

She can then theoretically go back on tinder and continue playing the premarriage game, but this time supported by her former husband

The top 20% of men, can play for quite some time.

Some may chip out, ( I know one gentleman, of lucrative means who is paying 3 small fortunes a month to the 3 mothers of his children)

And I should hasten to add, quite rightly.

So then with that board set,

Optimum play for hot men.

Take the free sex, dont marry.

Optimum play for hot women, take the hot sex, try it out, then marry a high status man.

optimum play for less hot women, continue to use sex to get committment and then marriage.

Optimum play for less high status men, get higher status to the point of getting sex, then commit, marry if necessary.

(assuming the objective is to optimize sexual satisfaction, and material gains.)

Women want babies also though I presume (the human races existence strongly suggests this)

So the shortest iteration of the marriage equation.(sans love Im afraid)

2 party game.

Both parties want sex.

Just with different people.

Men, want, sex.

Women, want sex with men who can provide for them in the event of pregnancy,

Or who excite them sexually, or ideally, both.

In a scenario where women and children are valued, they would presumably prefer, the more sexually interesting option, when sex is of most interest to them.

Anyway back to sex.

The women want it with the best.(makes sense to me)

Women being the gatekeepers of sex, women the flame, men the moth so to speak.

If you want to test this, create 2 tinder profiles, one for each gender, of equal attractiveness, and guage the response rates.

Marriage, is and always will be a viable play for high status males, as long as the woman and her family are playing the same game.

The marry, grow the family, accumulate game.

If not as long as the woman

And low status males, as sex is more important than material goods, and a hot girlfriend confers status, ( as does a hot successful boyfriend) (less than a husband)

High status males will do fine, low status males will do less well.

Status being a proxy for the ability to support a wife and child.

Female hotness, is I presume primarily a product of fertility and fitness, and pleasantness, someone who is easy to get along with, and who can replace a mothers love.. (maybe)

Social group is a proxy for support network.

Intelligence works for both groups, mainly as it allows them to correctly analyze the game being played and the optimum play.

Womens and mens intelligences work differently, so different strategies work for both.

On an unrelated note.

Men will always pay for women, on a related note, and we are fine with that we love women, were born of one, raised by one, have siblings nieces, children, loved ones, crushes friends of that gender.

(this is a factual, I think, rather than or albeit, a sexist comment)

In marriage, the man will work more than the woman, because babies.

Pregnancy, and periods. Absent social welfare, this puts the payer, and the payee together.

In modern times, taxes from both genders pay for child support, men still support their women, but also, through their taxes, other women, they support their children and others, this deal is worse for single sexless men, who pay for other mens children,and women, and dont even get laid.

(this argument can be used for all social welfare payments)

If the fair approach of single men and married men, and childless women not being asked to pay for the sins of others. There would be ignorant, angry children, prostitute parents, and street crime.

Well, more of them, I suppose.

Men and women play a game with each other and against each other, with advantages and disadvantages in different areas, historically as now, we work together, for the children and the family.

With changing times will come changing ideas, that will be tested, and kept or discarded depending on their utility.

0 notes