I'm sure there are many more factors at play than merely the rise of trope publishing and booktok demand, but the older I get, the more content I am with the notion of just. never getting published?

at this current moment, posting my stories fanfic-style on some online platform for the select few who are already invested in them sounds 100 times more appealing and fulfilling than going through all the stress of getting traditionally or self- published only to never hit the shelves of a Barnes & Noble

Last year I drew a pic of catboy detective grimoire and then completely forgot about it other than it just popping in my head randomly a few times, but a few weeks ago when I was in a call with one of my friends, he mentioned it up and I was like "DON'T REMIND ME."

i think its so funny when someone say they like a movie but can't defend it saying i like it but i know its bad i mean then you dont like it lmao ??

Still far from done with Baldur's Gate but if I had a nitpick with anything about the game it's the lack of character building opportunites for non-durge tav. The available backgrounds only really contribute to skills and inspiration points but nowhere can you inject more nuanced character into your tav's roleplaying through unique dialogue choices.

Like, in Dragon Age origins when I was playing as a Surana romancing Alistair, I had a few options to tell a classmate NPC what my hometown was while in the mage tower and to tell Alistair whether or not I had ever been in an intimate relationship before him. Both ultimately don't make any difference to the story or even the resulting npc dialogue but it was still fun to answer, still felt like I was establishing some sort of character to my warden even where they didn't narratively need it. With Baldur's Gate I feel like I can only ask about other characters but other characters never ask about me, and when they do, like Halsin asking me what my deepest fear is, I only ever get one possible answer (a kraken) which doesn't make my tav feel unique to others. It kinda makes every npc relationship feel superficially one-sided.

I'm having so much fun reading Blue Moon Rising by Simon R. Green (published in 1991), and it feels like it was written exactly for me and my taste <3 (but I'm only 130 pages in)

I actually read this book when I was a teenager, and it just stayed with me since then. I forgot everything about the story, but the feelings have remained and I'm glad that reading the book again isn't disappointing and I'm probably getting more out of it now than when I was around 15, since it's aimed at adults.

"Your taste hasn't change since you were a teenager?" lol

HEY CEEEE happy storyteller Saturday!! >w<

You're now in the rewriting stage of your writing!! Congrats!! 🥳

Now that the dreadful first draft is done and dusted, tell us about your journey! And has there been anything you learnt or realised? 💖

heyyyy Tate, thanks for the ask!!<3

thank you!! it's great:DD my journey has been... surprisingly steady so far. whilst writing the entire first draft, I might have taken... a couple of weeks off in the middle of it? otherwise, I'd managed to keep up a very steady and consistent pace :v I cannot emphasize enough how unusual that is for me lol. honestly, that's part of the reason why I'm feeling so optimistic about this story. it just Speaks to me on a level unlike any other I've written, so I can't help but feel optimistic haha

this was also the first time I tried documenting my journey by keeping a writing journal. I've made around 40 entries this year, which isn't all that much, but still good! and I definitely recommend other people do this, too. It's very fun and interesting to look back on what you were working at a given time, how you were feeling about it, how those feelings changed, etc. I definitely plan on doing the same with my future projects:D

in terms of what I've realized/learnt... hm. ok I'm about to get a little existential here lol. putting this under 'read more' because this is getting kinda long aee

some personal stuff about me - I have friends, sure, but I'm otherwise a pretty solitary person. I've never had any partners; for whatever reason, that sort of connection tends to elude me lol. the fact that I can't seem to connect to a person on such a level has bothered me for a long, long while, mostly because of how society treats these connections. you won't feel truly happy without a partner (or two); you shouldn't stay on your own, you need someone else by your side. this Special person. while I understand that different people are different, I still got very frustrated with my inability to have this Special person. what, was I meant to never be truly satisfied with life if I don't? if I stay alone, do I not have a chance at True Happiness?

everyone around me always treats people who never marry or choose to live alone as somehow... less fortunate. oh, this person doesn't have a family of their own - that's a shame. and it's hard not to internalize that! but this year... it's like something Clicked for me. I realized that, when writing, when I'm striving for a career in something I truly love doing, while talking to like-minded people, sharing our stories and that passion - I don't feel like I'm missing something in life. I don't feel incomplete. I can truly imagine myself doing this for years on end. storytelling is my meaning in life, you know? that's what I want to focus all my energy and time on. that's what I want to leave after myself. that's what truly makes me happy. sure, maybe finding someone to love would make me a different kind of happy, but I already feel love! maybe it's just inevitable that I would connect more with ideas and art than people, maybe my brain is unable to work differently, but the fact that I can connect to something already makes me very happy:)

Got a paramount+ trial subscription. Just finished watching all of Strange New Worlds (review: solid star trek shenanigans, pretty much all bangers with the exception of the Spock-is-human episode which just suuuuuucked and the Klingon war trauma episode about which I have let's say Philosophical Reservations in that it could have been more Space M*A*S*H. not as gay as I was promised, in fact I would say disappointingly heterosexual. adore uhura, hemmer and la'an. cannot believe they gorned my boy 😢)

Off sick all week with COVID can't really do anything except lie around and watch TV.

Sometimes I think about how, in another world, Gus Fring got cucked by Ted Beneke

Song of the Day: March 26

"Songs About Rain" by Gary Allan

I hate the "I have to be the best cosplayer" mindset bc it always comes from someone with a crappy wig and it's like.... this is proof that everyone should just be in it for the fun....

twink to twink communication

one of the Bad Feelings is when you're having a real body dysphoria moment and you gotta pack for a trip

aaaaaaa

aarghh, I made the mistake of looking at beautiful hardcovers and now I want to buy them.

to add insult to injury 3/4 of the books are in public domain and I've got an e-reader. so it would be a double waste of my budget to buy them... but...

hmmmmmmm