#mathew barzal angst
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𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐔𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍 - 𝐐𝐔𝐈𝐍𝐍 𝐇𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐄𝐒
𝐎𝐍𝐄 - 𝐒𝐡𝐞’𝐬 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤!
ˏˋ°•*⁀➷
𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬 - 𝐀𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐨𝐟𝐟𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐜 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐩𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐚 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚 𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐟, 𝐘/𝐧 𝐘/𝐥/𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐧𝐞𝐰𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐡𝐮𝐦, 𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐨𝐬 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞!
𝐰𝐜 - 1.4𝐤 (𝐢 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐫 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐭𝐰𝐨 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐰𝐞 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐧𝐡𝐥 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐟𝐟!)
𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬 - 𝐮𝐧𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐝! 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐮𝐩 (𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲!), 𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐚𝐧𝐱𝐢𝐞𝐭𝐲, 𝐡𝐮𝐠𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐩𝐚𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐳𝐳𝐢, 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭’𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐥!
𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 - 𝐢 𝐚𝐥𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐲 𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐢𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐦 𝐬𝐨 𝐞𝐱𝐜𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐝𝐝𝐝𝐝 𝐢 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐝𝐞𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐥𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬!
𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 - 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 - 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭
𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 - @alwaysclassyeagle (𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰!)
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real life! december 10th, 2023. 8:23pm EST.
"I'm gonna fucking throw up. I can't do it."
You earned a slap on the back of the head after the loud proclamation. You turned to your best friend with wide eyes, rubbing the spot she made contact with.
"No you're not. And yes you can! Everyone's gonna go ballistic, they miss you babe!"
You stared down at your phone, gazing at the text messages between you and your manager, she'd just given you the go ahead to post the announcement for your new album.
In reality, you knew they did miss you, but you were so nervous. Your new album was so special to you, and you wanted it to be recieved well. Every song was so complex and unique to you. It was the first album you would release since the worst breakup of your life. After you'd finally broken up with Mat, all you wanted to do was crawl into a hole and not talk to anyone for a year. Honestly, that's kind of what you did.
"I know. I just want everyone to love it like I do."
"They will, I promise. Everyone's gonna freak! Now, I have an idea."
"What?"
"After you post, we leave our phones down here and while we go get ready, and go to that bar you love!"
You smiled, that sounded fun. You opened Instagram, sliding to create a post. After choosing the photo of the new album cover, you typed out a caption.
"Okay, we can do that! That'll take my mind off of this. Now I just need to post, shit, I'm nervous."
You looked over and your best friend just smiled and nodding towards your phone. You sighed, biting your lip before hitting the post button. You refreshed your profile to make sure it posted before shutting your phone off, dropping it next to you on the couch.
Your best friend jumped up, grabbing your hands and pulling you to stand.
"Let's go, sweetheart. We're gonna go get you happy and tipsy."
You followed her upstairs and into your bedroom, standing at the door of your closet while she grabbed outfits to offer you. You let her dress you up like a little doll. She put you in a little black dress with a white bow under the bust. She added black boots and your outfit was complete. You both fixed up your hair and makeup before putting together your going out bags.
Once you were downstairs all you did was throw your phone into your little purse, not caring to check any of the notifications you were receiving. You climbed into her Black SUV before she pulled out of your driveway, starting to the city. You lived in a few different places, having two homes and an apartment in three different cities. Currently, you were staying in your house in New York, in a more suburban and residential area farther from the city.
You also had a house in Palm Springs and an apartment in Seattle, since that's where lots of your family currently was. The drive to the bar was about 40 minutes, all spent singing and dancing with your phone connected to CarPlay. You guys parked in a large parking garage before heading down the street into the bar. You walked quickly to get away from the cold, shivering beneath your large leather jacket.
The bar was always less crowded than most, since it was higher end, and you knew some of the staff. Your face lit up as you saw your favorite bartender wiping down glasses as you sat at the bar.
"Hi lady!"
Her head snapped up, a smile gracing her face while she greeted you.
"Aw hi! Oh my gosh, girl. I saw your announcement! You don't know how excited I am!"
Your heart warmed. This being the first reaction you heard to your announcement was definitely sweet.
"Stop, thank you so much! I've definitely been really nervous about it. I haven't even checked my phone since I posted it."
"Well you are going crazy viral, everyone is freaking out!"
You best friend gave you a knowing look, she had told you so. You blushed, thinking about your fans loving the new album. You got your drinks and went to sit at an empty booth in the back of the bar, a Cosmopolitan and a lemonade, since your best friend was designated driver. There were only a couple other groups here, around 10 other people.
After a bit, you two took a trip to the restroom. You took your jacket off while you best friend took photos of you in the mirror to post later.
After around two hours, you exited the bar, the time nearing midnight. You were astounded when you saw flashes of light blinding you as you began the walk to the garage. Paparazzi. Thankfully, you were in New York, and knew the guys.
"Oh, hi guys! What's up?"
"Hey Y/n! What's up with us? What's up with you?! Everyone saw the announcement earlier tonight! Personally, I can't wait!"
You smile brightly, New York paparazzi weren't like Los Angeles paparazzi. These were the guys you knew through Taylor, they were respectful and not pushy.
"Thank you so much! I'm so excited! I literally have not looked at my notifications since posting it, I was too nervous!"
"Can you tell us what the album's gonna be about? Maybe a little insight?"
"Well, the songs are all pretty different from each other, honestly. Some are more personal than others. But the genre of music isn't too steady through on this album, I jumped around a bit!“
They nodded, laughing along with you. You answered a few more questions and took a few more pictures before they let you go. You felt happiness settle into your stomach when you got comfortable in the car.
It wasn't until after you got home, and got ready for bed that you started looking through your new notifications. Many texts from friends congratulating you, news that you were trending on Twitter, and that you post had 6 million likes in five hours.
Your manager had also texted you that sometime soon you should post the back cover, especially since the first post was so well received.
First you posted the photo from the bar to your story before going to post the back cover, some how more nervous than before. The back cover had the track list on it, it would reveal the whole album. Scary.
"Just post it! I'm not going through this with you again."
Your best friend gave you a look, one that heavily reminded you of her mother, with a hand on her hip before she climbed into your bed next to you. You nodded, sighing as you hit the post button.
The two of you laid close and talked quietly, giggling and shushing each other like little girls scared their moms were going to come in and tell them to go to sleep.
Eventually you did fall asleep, the do not disturb setting stopping your phone from buzzing off the table.
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𝘈𝘴 𝘐𝘵 𝘞𝘢𝘴
Mathew Barzal x GN!Reader
TW: Talks of depression. Talk of break up. Angst.
Word Count: 2.3k
The reader and Mat break up. Y/N starts going through a depression and hits a couple of rough patches, they start to withdraw from friends and family. Their friends start to notice, and try to talk to them but get no response. They decide to get Mat to try.
Dealing with depression is different for everyone. For some people, it may be just a wave of sadness that comes and goes, but for others it may be a dark cloud that constantly follows them around, hanging over their heads with every little move, and if you’re lucky enough you may not even know what depression is. For you, on the other hand, you were pretty well acquainted with depression, from the age of 13 you had been dealing with it, or as some people would say, battling it. At first, it was just a wave of sadness, you would have no motivation to do anything except lay in bed and sleep. You would go multiple days without showering, and maybe even eating. Then it turned into more, instead of just feeling that wave of sadness every so often, it turned into feeling that sadness every day. It would never leave you alone. At the time you didn’t know it was depression, I mean you were only 15, you just thought you were going through a phase, you thought maybe it was just hormones.
As time went on, and you got older, you decided to go to a therapist to see if they could help, that’s when you were diagnosed with depression. They gave you pills, telling you to take them every day and they’ll help you, they promised they’d help you. Instead, they made you feel worse, you practically turned into the walking dead. Some days you stayed in bed and were forced to call out of work, sick, other days you pulled yourself out and went to work anyway, these bills weren’t going to pay themselves. No matter what doctor you saw, or therapist you went to there would always be that pit in the bottom of your stomach, or a thought in the back of your mind that made you rethink every decision you made. You learned to live with it, time went on and it became a familiar feeling, that would never leave you.
That led you to where you were now. Sitting on the floor in your kitchen, tears running down your cheeks and your phone in your hand. Mental breakdowns were a frequent thing you had when dealing with your depression. You had highs and you had lows, and sometimes your lows ended up with you breaking down. Your depression had gotten worse this week, with the upcoming finals and the pressure of having to choose your special, you were going through a tough time. Not to mention you had also just gone through a breakup with your two-year partner, Mathew Barzal.
Your breakup was bad. You had forced yourself to push him away, to end things before they had gotten any worse, but in all honesty, you just wanted what was best for him, he needed better than you. No matter how many times he had tried to tell you he didn’t want anyone other than you, or he always wanted to marry you, it was a lie. In the end, he would leave you for somebody else, somebody who wasn’t depressed and didn’t have mental problems and you would rather that happen now than later in life when you have a family. You told him you never wanted to talk to him again, that you would never contact him again. You held up your end of the deal pretty well, it's been 3 weeks since this happened but, you just missed him.
Your thoughts were interrupted when the phone in your hand started ringing, it was your friend. They had been bugging you for the last week for you to come out to a bar or to a club to meet some of their new guy friends. You couldn’t leave your house, let alone your bed for that matter. You tried to explain to them that your depression had been worse this week, but you wanted to make it sound less depressing as you didn’t want them to know how bad it had been for you. It was working, or so you thought but it turns out they saw right through your lies. They knew it had to do with your breakup, that’s what sent you spiraling, seeing as it only happened a week ago and that’s how long it's been this bad.
You sighed, pressing the accept button and bringing the phone up to your ear, “Hello?” You say, attempting not to sound like you’ve been crying on your kitchen floor for the past hour.
“Y/N! I was calling to see if you wanted to come out to the bar on 12th street tonight, a bunch of the people from my dorm is here and I want you to meet a few of them!” Your friend says you could tell they were a little tipsy, the slurring in their voice, and the sounds of the loud thumping music coming from the bar gave off that vibe.
You chuckle lightly, “Ugh, I wish I could tonight but I’m studying, I’ve got that biology exam tomorrow you know?”, you quickly come up with a lie as you play with the string on your pants. You felt bad, you shouldn’t be treating them this badly, but you can’t help it. It was better to hurt them now than later in life.
“Y/N, It's been so long since you’ve come out with me, promise that you’ll come out to the bar with me after your exams?” They say. You could tell they were making sad, puppy dog eyes through the phone.
You close your eyes, leaning back and resting your head against the cabinet behind you, “I promise, we’ll go out next week and drink until we get blackout drunk.”
Your friend squeals loudly, causing you to pull the phone away from your ear, saying a quick, “Thank you!!”, before hanging up.
As you stared down at the numbers on your phone, reading 12:34 am, you began to wonder what Mat was doing. Was he with his new girlfriend? Was he hanging out with Anthony? Or was he living it up in whatever state the team was playing in today? You often wondered if he had found somebody else. Sometimes you’d stalk his Instagram, hoping one day he’d post her, though that day still hasn’t come. It was pathetic the fact that you sat around, waiting for him to post her but, at the same time, you figured it was just a common thing for exes to do.
After a few minutes, you began to drift off to sleep, not even realizing you were still on the floor of your kitchen as you continued to fall asleep. You were awoken by the sound of somebody knocking on your door, you shook your head slightly before tapping the screen of your phone looking to see the time. It read 2:47 am, you began to worry about the fact that somebody was pounding on your door at almost three am. You quietly get up and begin to walk to the door, trying to remain as quiet as possible you look through the peephole, only to discover the man you were just wondering about hours before, Mathew.
Your heart was in your throat, and the pit in your stomach had reappeared. What was he doing here? The last time you spoke to him, you told him you would never speak to him again, nor would you contact him. Yet here he is on your front doorstep? As you reach forward to open the door, you hear a quiet sigh leave his mouth as he begins to speak.
“Y/N, I don’t know if you can hear me and I know you said you wouldn’t talk to me again but, your friend called me. They're worried about you, and they told me what's been going on. I need you to open the door, we need to talk and I don’t want to do this while standing in the hallway of your apartment where all of your neighbors can hear me.” He says, looking around at all of the apartment doors that surrounded you.
You let out a deep breath before unlocking the door. He looks up at you slightly shocked, he didn't think you would open it, to be honest. His facial expression quickly shifted from being shocked to concern. You looked pale and fragile. He didn’t say it out loud, he knew better than that so he kept it to himself. As you pushed the door open, not saying a word, he steps inside, looking around your apartment as he does. It didn't look different one bit, except it was slightly messier than the last time he was here, which wasn't long ago only about three weeks.
You lock your door back before turning around, walking back to your kitchen, and sitting back down on the floor. Mathew didn’t question it, he didn't question most of the things you did as he knew there was some reason or comfort behind it, who was he to judge somebody for that?
He silently sat down beside you, before clearing his throat, “I know we didn't end on the best of terms but that doesn't mean I don't care about your well-being. I know it's cheesy and whenever couples break up they always say that to one another but I mean it. You were my life for two years and it fucking pains me to learn from your friend what you've been going through. I know you went through it when we were together but It wasn't as bad as what they told me…they told me you've been pulling away from everyone…That's not like you and I know that. I knew that right when they told me what you were going through. I remember what you told me when we first started dating, you told me that there would be times when you would pull yourself away from everyone and you would dig yourself into a hole where you ignored everyone and everything. When you told me that I made sure I did everything in my power to make sure you would never go through that again and I’m here to pull you out of that hole, I’m not letting you go through that again. Not on my watch.” Mathew says, tears forming in his eyes as he watches you. He was waiting for your reaction, he didn't know if it would be good or bad but, he didn't care. There was nothing you could do to make him leave. He was staying.
You look up at him with tears in your eyes, “Matty…” you go to say as your voice cracks. He quickly pulls you into his side, wrapping his arms around you and resting his chin on top of your head, as you bury your head into his chest. You couldn’t lie, you missed him, and he understood what you were going through, like he said, you were pushing others away and digging yourself a hole where you would eventually stay in forever. You didn’t want that, but you felt like you would never be able to stop that from happening. You never pictured yourself living past a certain age, nor did you ever picture yourself with a husband and kids. But, you always wanted to have that. You wanted to have that picture-perfect family, and you weren't going to lie to yourself, you wanted that with Mat.
You continued to cry into his chest, as the minutes went by he listened to your breathing slow, and your heart rate returned to normal. You had fallen asleep, he didn't mind though, he could tell you were exhausted just by the way you looked at him when he first walked into your apartment, but the bags under your eyes gave it away the most.
As he sat there for a few more minutes contemplating what he was going to do, he finally decided he was going to pick you up and take you into your room, so that's what he did. He tried lifting you as quietly as he could, almost tripping on a few things that were laying around the house, as he walked into your room. It was a mess, clothes were all over the room, along with a few cups and plates. He didn't mind, he knew it was a thing that came with depression, you didn't have the energy to get out of bed some days.
When he finally lays you down, tucking you in to the bed quietly, he leans over placing a soft kiss on your cheek before he turns around and begins to pick up some of the things lying around your room. As he picks up the clothes lying on your floor he throws the into the washer, he knew you wouldn’t mind, and he knew if you were awake you’d probably be trying to fight him, telling him you could do it yourself and it wasn’t a big deal. But he also knew you would appreciate it, and it would take some of the stress off of your shoulders, and that's all he wanted to do, and what he wanted to do was support you.
Even if that's what he would do for the rest of his life, and he wouldn't mind one bit, as long as you were by his side.
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#nhl imagine#nhl fanfiction#nhl fic#mathew barzal#mathew barzal x reader#mathew barzal angst#mathew barzal imagines
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don’t tell me you’re my heartbreaker
Summary: You weren’t expecting Mat to come back to you.
Pairing: mat barzal x f!reader
Word Count: 10,251
Warnings: post breakup, verbal disagreement, angst, make up sex, angst with a happy ending, second chance romance
A/N: happy freaky friday, i have returned lol. thank you to @m00nlightdelights for beta reading this and being my hype person, ily<3
Why you had agreed to this, you had no idea.
Even now, sitting here, across from an unsurprisingly empty chair, every instinct, every nerve ending in your body is telling you to run, to flee, to get the fuck out of here and run down the few blocks it would take to get to the train station to get away from all of this.
From this, terrible, horrible, no good, very bad idea.
You anxiously checked the time on your watch once more, the glaring 6:28 PM letting you know there were exactly two minutes till the agreed time of 6:30 pm, and once that time arrived, you would start the timer for what you were considering a generous fifteen minutes.
If he wasn’t in this chair across from you at 6:45 pm, sharp, you would give into your body’s response and bolt.
And then that would be it, right? You’d be able to put everything that had happened into a box sealed with a neat little bow, store it away to be forgotten and move the fuck on.
You could deal with that.
…Right?
You checked your watch again.
6:29 PM.
The waiter comes back to your table, dropping off the two glasses of water, a basket of bread rolls and a little dish of butter, along with the diet coke and glass of wine you’d ordered for yourself, and the whiskey on the rocks you’d ordered for him.
You really shouldn’t have done it.
Would it send him the wrong message?
No. you chided yourself. There's nothing wrong with being polite. Be the bigger person.
Besides, if his tastes somehow changed in a month and a half, and if he wanted something else to drink, he could get it himself once he showed up.
If he showed up.
Immediately after the waiter turned his back on you, you reached for your wineglass and took a large gulp, trying to psych yourself up. Trying to remind yourself that despite what you were feeling, you did have the upper hand here. He asked you to be here, and you could leave at any time you wanted.
You checked your watch again as you put your wineglass back down to the table.
6:30 PM.
He gets a generous fifteen minutes and that’s it. You reminded yourself sternly.
The second the thought formed in your head, the door to the restaurant flew open and your eyes betrayed your attempt to appear nonchalant about all of this, immediately flying to the door and observing as Mat entered in a rush of limbs, pulling the toque off of his head and smoothing a gloved hand over his hair.
You continued to watch, keeping your expression blank as he weaved through the tables and straight for you, plopping down into his seat with a hushed but rushed, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t think traffic would be so crazy, had I known I swear I would’ve taken the subway or an Uber instead of taking my car, and-”
“Breathe,” you say gently, taking in the deepening flush of his cheeks. “It’s fine.”
Mat exhales, taking off his gloves and stuffing them in his jacket pocket, before shrugging it off and letting it hang on his seatback. He ruffles his hair anxiously one more time, then finally, finally looks at you.
Your stomach twists.
Shit.
You were worried about this. You’d managed to get over him - well, about eighty five percent of the way over him, at least - but you were worried that the minute he gave you his full attention, the minute you looked into his eyes, you’d be catapulted back into his orbit and it would be like the last month and a half you’d spent trying to exorcize him, your relationship, and all the memories tied up in between, would have been for nothing.
It’s not all of that quite yet, but your heart starts incessantly hammering against your ribcage anyway, and you fight to keep your expression blank, trying to resist the urge to be launched back into his gravitational pull.
His expression, however, falters, and the instant smile that spreads across his face when you manage to make and maintain eye contact for longer than a second is brilliantly bright.
“Hi,” Mat breathes. “Sorry I’m late.”
“You’re technically right on time.” You counter, then lower your gaze to the drinks and bread in front of you, trying to look anywhere but at him.
Gorgeous fucker.
Stupidly beautiful.
Annoyingly perfect.
His eyeline follows yours, and he frowns for a second, before a look that you can only describe as fond takes over his face. “You ordered for me?”
“Just the drinks,” you clarify. “The waiter said he’d be back to take our orders once you got here.”
“Well,” he says, looking into your eyes, “Thank you. I appreciate it.”
You shrug, not really considering it a big deal and he leans forward, clasping his hands on the table when he says “It really means a lot that you agreed to meet me here.”
You assess him a little, and when you find he’s being sincere, all you can do is nod. There's still a ball of anxiety in the pit of your stomach, and your walls climb all the way up, barricading what’s left of your heart behind its stone barriers, and keeping it close.
Mat can clearly sense this, can sense you keeping yourself at a distance if the small frown that starts to form on his lips is anything to go by, but it’s gone as quickly as it appeared, and he plows forward. “I know…I know that things didn’t exactly end well, and I wanted to apologize for that. I wanted…I wanted to talk this out. Talk about us.”
You nod again, because he’d said as much when he called you out of the blue this morning, but it’s what he says next that nearly gives you whiplash.
“I want to give this another shot.”
You blink, partially stunned.
That is…not what you expected him to say at all.
When he called, said he’d wanted to talk about everything, you assumed it was for closure, assumed it was so they could maybe finish the half-finished angry conversation you’d been having the day you broke up, when he called it quits out of nowhere and then walked out.
You hadn’t been expecting…this.
“You…what?” You stutter out.
He nods, vehement, grabbing a roll and his butter knife, stabbing a little ball of butter on the end of it and going about buttering a roll for you and then himself - a habit of his now, you’re sure - like this is all completely normal.
“Yeah,” Mat says, gaining confidence with each word he speaks. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said that day. About what you’d been trying to tell me this whole time, and you’re right. I wasn’t exactly the best boyfriend to you. I didn’t put you first, I took advantage of you, got scared, and when it mattered most to you, I couldn’t give you what you needed, but that’s not true anymore.”
He puts the roll on the little plate in front of you, then goes about making his own, continuing on like you’re not sitting there gaping at him. “I know I said a lot of things. A lot of awful things, no, horrible things, things that I didn’t mean. And I know I can never take it back, but I hope I can at least…try to make things better?”
Watching you, Mat takes a moment, gauges your reaction. You realize he’s waiting for you to say something, but the only thing you can manage is a small “huh.”
He swallows. “I uh, I know there's a lot to unpack, and I know I have a lot to explain to you, but I wanted to at least put all my cards on the table as to where I’m coming from.”
It’s all too much, and you feel like your body malfunctions a bit, your hands coming up to stop him from speaking any further. “I’m sorry…I just, I need a second to process.”
He closes his mouth, nodding, watching you closely, eyes getting a little wide as you grab your wine glass again to take another large gulp, nearly draining it before reaching for your buttered roll and taking a bite to try to calm your nerves. You both sit there, Mat watching you, and when you finish the roll after a couple of minutes and you manage to gather some semblance of sanity, you hesitantly meet his gaze.
“I don’t understand.” You say. “You…want to get back together?”
“Yeah,” he says, a little sheepish now. “I would like that.” When you don’t answer, or return his smile, it drops a little, only reaching the corners of his mouth. “Unless…unless you don’t want that?”
You grab your wineglass again, downing the last of it and trying to gather all of your thoughts.
There was…definitely a lot to unpack there.
You certainly hadn’t been prepared to discuss…getting back together with him. Even though there was a space in your still recovering heart that desperately ached for the prospect to be with him again, to go back to that little slice of paradise the two of you had managed to carve out for yourselves in the dreary winter of last year.
To go back to spending snowy days cuddled up together in his bed, to return to your spring outings in the many parks New York had to offer, to go back to Summer with him in Vancouver and spending days at the lake, spend fall with him cozied up with warm cups of coffee or hot chocolate or spiked cider.
But that was…gone now.
You’d worked hard in the last month and a half to convince yourself that this, him and you, your relationship and any chance of it coming back was gone.
Because it was. You’d fought, explained that you loved him but needed a little more from him, wanted more from him. He fought back, he’d said things, called it quits and then walked out because that was what he said he wanted. And if he was willing to go that far, you need to believe it was what you should want, too.
You were right to worry about agreeing to meet with him for dinner.
I should have left at 6:25, you curse yourself.
“I don’t know, Mat.” You say finally, honestly. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
The smile that had been lingering at the corner of his mouth slightly disappears. “What’s not a good idea?”
“Any of it,” you say honestly, pushing the words out of your mouth with a tired breath. “I just don’t think that’s a good idea.”
Mat’s quiet for a moment. You can’t read the expression on his face, can’t parse out what he’s thinking or what he’s feeling. It’s a little daunting, seeing as how you used to be able to read him like a book.
But trying to exorcize him from your mind when you were broken up meant forgetting, and you’d clearly managed to forget more than you originally thought.
His whiskey on the rocks be damned.
Said whiskey was still in his glass, untouched, and Mat stared at it for a second before looking at you, nodding. “Okay.”
You raised a brow in suspicion. “Okay?”
He nods, pulling out his wallet and flipping through a few bills. “Yeah, okay. I can respect that.”
You can’t help but stare at him, only a little confused.
When he’d called you out of the blue this morning, he seemed eager. He said he wanted to see you, have dinner, and talk to you about something important. You could practically sense the adrenaline running through his veins, could hear the hard thuds of his heartbeat through the phone. And while you knew Mat was always the kind of guy who was mature enough to take no for an answer, his response made you a little surprised that he wasn’t going down without a fight.
“Come on,” he says gently, placing a couple of bills on the table - more than enough to cover the drinks you’d ordered and a generous tip - before standing up, and extending his hand towards you. “I’ll bring you home.”
“Mat you don’t have to-”
“I’m going to,” he insists. “I asked you out, almost got here late. It’s the least I can do.”
With a moment’s hesitation you could tell Mat didn’t like by the flex of his jaw, you placed your hand in his, accepting his help as you stood up. Together, you both put on your own coats, gathered your things, and exited the restaurant.
You follow Mat to his car, thanking him as he opens your door, making sure you were secure before getting in on the driver’s side and peeling away from the curb.
“Do you want me to stop to get you something to eat?” He offers. “I just realized I all but dragged you out of there, but you probably didn’t even eat yet.”
“No, I’m okay.” You assure him, albeit lying a little. You had been starving, but his choice of conversation curbed your appetite quickly.
“Are you sure?” He offers. “I can stop somewhere, or order a pizza.”
You shake your head, “No, thank you. Just take me home.”
The rest of the drive is silent, save for Mat’s radio playing lowly in the background. You keep your eyes trained out the window, refusing to acknowledge Mat or his constant fidgeting. You know it’s a sign that he’s got something to say, probably wants to bring up your decision at the restaurant, or maybe insist on dinner, but thankfully, he keeps his mouth closed.
Once he gets to your apartment, he parks outside, making a point of saying “Stay right there,” as you reach for your door handle.
With a small roll of your eyes, you indulge him, waiting patiently for him to round the car and open your door for you. You take his outstretched hand, allowing him to help you onto the curb and dropping it the second you can stand upright.
He locks his car, escorting you into your building and following along with you in the elevator like he always used to.
“Always gotta make sure you get in safely,” he used to say when you chastised him about this before. “I need to see it with my own two eyes.”
When you finally reach your front door, you find that you just want him to leave, and can’t seem to get him out of your hair quick enough.
You reach for your keys in your purse, fumbling a couple of times trying to get the stupid thing into the lock.
“Let me get it,” he offers, reaching for your shaking hands, but you snatch them away before he can touch you, taking a step back.
“I don’t need your help, Mat!” You nearly shout, almost regretting it when you take in his expression.
Almost.
“Hey,” he says, hurt lacing his voice as he frowns. “I was just trying to-”
“I know!” You sigh out, frustrated and exhausted. “I know what you were trying to do, Mat. I appreciate it.”
“Then what’s the issue?” He asks, hands gesturing between the two of you.
“I thought tonight was about getting closure Mathew, not getting back together!” You exclaim, exasperated. You fall back against the wall closest to your door, head thumping gently back against it. “It took me by surprise and now I feel like everything is upside down.”
“It doesn’t have to be!” He counters, just as exasperated as you. “It can be simple, it can be easy, if you just let me-”
“Why would I let you say anything to me?” You snap, your angry gaze cutting him straight down the middle.
“Because I still love you!” His confession takes you by surprise, and he crowds into your space, the heat coming off of his body in waves. “I love you, and I want this. I want us back, and I just want to work this out.”
You can’t find the words for a small moment, taken aback by the sincerity in his eyes, and how he’s behaving like nothing happened. “After the way you spoke to me when we broke up? After the things you said?” That seems to shut him up. “You really think you deserve another chance?”
At your words, Mat could see the wall you were slowly building up to keep him away, to shut him out and push him away for good. If he wasn’t upset before, he definitely was now. He feels so close to seething, his chest rising up and down with every angry breath. He is angry, yes, but not at you, never at you. At himself. He presses his hands on either side of your head, resting on the very wall he had your body pressed up against so many times before.
Before, when he’d bring you home, press you against this wall by your door and make out with you for what felt like hours, before eventually dragging you inside when you could hear people coming up the stairs or when the elevator dinged.
But now, he was so livid, so fucking angry with himself that he felt like if he tried hard enough, he could push his hands through the brick, felt like if he closed his fists, he’d pound into the masonry until it was rubble.
“Don’t shut me out.” He pleads. “I know what I said was awful, but-”
“No buts.” You respond. Your tone was dry, your eyes empty. You were looking right at him, but all Mat felt was hollow, like you were looking right through him instead.
“Baby, I want to make you understand but-”
“No buts.” You repeat, a little firmer, a little louder. It took the breath right out of him. “Every time you say ‘but,’ it negates everything you said in front of it.”
You’d said that once before, he remembered. You were saying it to Tito, giving him advice on how to make up with a girl after they’d fought, explaining how to communicate better instead of making things worse. Mat remembers how tuned in he was to you talking to Tito about it, how he couldn’t help but feel like you were sharing a piece of yourself in turn, that he didn’t realize he was staring at you until someone cleared their throat.
Here and now, with your beautiful eyes looking through him like glass, he wishes he could’ve stayed in that moment. Wishes he listened to his gut all those months and didn’t take this risk.
That he didn’t risk losing you.
He was so sure all of this would have ended with him breaking your heart.
Now you were breaking his.
“Baby,” he chokes out. “I just didn’t think that I could be what you needed back then. I didn’t think I was good enough to be what you needed, okay?”
“But if you loved me, you would’ve at least tried.” You reason.
Mat shakes his head. “I do love you. Love you. I just didn’t want you to get hurt, can’t you see that? There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re beautiful, you’re perfect, so perfect it makes my chest ache.”
“Is that why you called me clingy?” You deadpan, recalling his exact words the last time you saw one another. “Is that why you said my emotions were too much? Why you said I was asking you for too much? Is that why you said it felt like I was suffocating you by asking you for more? I’m so perfect that it makes you feel sick just being so close to me all the time? Is that the ‘ache’ you were talking about? There’s nothing wrong with me now, but you weren’t willing to try to do anything more to be with me back then? Is that why you did all of this? Because the whole ‘it’s not you it’s me’ bullshit you’re spewing right now contradicts that a lot, you know.”
“I didn’t mean that.” He pleads. “I didn’t, I swear. I just said all of that-”
“To make me believe it.” There’s no emotion in your voice or your eyes, no light, no wonder, no window into what you’re thinking. All the fire and molten heat that’s usually there is gone.
It's all my fault. He thinks miserably.
Mat swallows thickly, hoping he didn’t snuff out your flame and make you shutter yourself away, but it’s no use. He knows it’s his fault. “Well,” you begin, placing one palm flat on his chest and pushing. “Congratulations. I do.”
He goes easily, taking a step back even though it feels like he’s putting miles between you both. It dawns on him when his hands fall to his sides lamely that he could have touched you, kissed you one last time just then, and since he didn’t, he probably never will again.
“You were right.” You say simply. “That day, when you said that when people show their true colors we should believe them. And I believe you, Mat. I believe all of you. Especially the version of you that you really are. And that version of you? Doesn’t want to be with me.”
After every word, all the fight dies out of him a little as you push yourself off the wall, not sparing a single glance at him as you walk away, dragging his battered heart with you as you enter your apartment, and lock him out.
~
Your heart pounds as you finally throw your apartment door shut behind you and lock it and struggle with everything in your power not to collapse to the floor.
Idiot.
Fucking beautiful idiot.
You can’t do this now, can’t cry and weep and mourn for something that was already over. But deep down, you still believed that what you both had was real. You hoped and prayed with the last shreds of positivity that you owned that for once, for one small moment, this thing with Mat would allow you to exist outside of yourself and have something real, something tangible. That he would fight for it.
And even that was taken away from you.
And yet, you should have known it was all too good to be true. Hell, you did know. And you hoped anyway.
A mild trill sounds from your purse - your phone - and you groan, trying so desperately to push the pain of your heartbreak away.
You wipe furiously at your face, willing away tears that threaten to surface while trying to shove your emotions down. You tear off your purse, coat, scarf, and make quick work of throwing your hair into a bun before wrenching open the closet and stripping down, tossing your clothes into your hamper before stomping into your bathroom.
Your phone rings again, and you let out a pathetic cry of frustration, stomping back to where you left it and fishing it out.
It’s Mat, and his name fills your screen with his text messages.
Please baby, please talk to me
Let me fix this baby
I need you to know how sorry I am
If anything baby, please believe I never meant to hurt you
I need you
You fling your phone toward your bed with an angry scream that turns into a sob, and you sink to your knees on the plush carpet of your bedroom.
Isn’t this what you wanted, once upon a time? Someone to fight for you, fight to keep you, fight to win you back, to be lusted after, desired.
You weren’t sure you wanted this anymore.
You’d dated others, but you never felt heartbreak with them.
You did with Mat, though. You felt every crack in your heart. Felt the sadness, the sorrow, the misery.
With Mat, he seemed to make you feel everything and more.
And that was why this hurt so bad.
Because you felt it all anyway.
You fell together anyway.
You loved him anyway.
Love him anyway.
Fuck.
~
It’s hours later, getting close to eleven at night and you’re sipping on your late night glass of wine when your apartment’s intercom buzzes.
Despite your better judgment, you get up from your spot on the couch to answer it, figuring it’s probably your neighbor two doors down who forgot her keys - again - after a night out.
You press the intercom to talk, saying “You owe me wine for this, Isabella.”
The voice that comes back is not Isabella’s at all.
“It’s me.”
You nearly drop your wine glass, what little alcohol you’ve had tonight rushing through your veins and to your brain quickly, too quickly, and you’re pressing the intercom again before you can register what you’re doing.
“Mathew?”
“Yeah. Can I come up? I was hoping we could talk…talk again, I mean. I didn’t like how I acted earlier, and I-”
You’re pressing the buzzer to let him in before he can finish his sentence, not necessarily needing or wanting to hear the rest of his plea. The last thing you need is for anyone to spot him on your doorstep this late at night.
There was a small part of you that was grateful you’d managed to shower after the little semi-breakdown you had after getting back from dinner. Although now you regretted putting on the silky tank top and shorts pajama set.
Definitely can’t open the door wearing that.
You quickly place your wineglass on your nightstand, running to your dresser fully intending to grab clothes to change, but then your doorbell rings, and, well.
You could stall, could change anyway, but you don’t need him in the hallway any longer than necessary in case your neighbors spot him.
So instead, you trod over to the door, opening it to find Mat standing there in black sweatpants and a black shirt, his hands in his pockets and his hair a little damp, though thoroughly disheveled, as if he’s been running his hands through it over and over again since getting out of the shower.
You step to the side, allowing him in, and he crosses the threshold, taking off his shoes and putting them next to yours like he’s done hundreds of times before. You shut the door behind him, taking your time locking it to try to catch your breath.
He goes to sit on your couch, then pauses halfway there, unsure.
This was where it happened, after all. In your living room.
Where you’d fought, he’d spewed his venom, broke your heart, then walked out.
Deciding you also don’t want to sit on the couch, you walk past him, leading him into your bedroom. It’s probably not the best idea, but it’s the safest alternative.
You sit at the edge of your bed, and Mat leans himself against your dresser, feeling too antsy to sit down.
“I’m sorry,” He starts. “For how I acted earlier, I didn’t mean to make it seem like I had a right to your time.”
You shrug. “It’s okay.”
Mat shakes his head. “It wasn’t. And it also wasn’t fair of me to ask you out to dinner and not explain my intentions behind it. Dropping that on you at dinner wasn’t fair either, and I didn’t mean to blindside you with it.”
You nod, reply on the tip of your tongue when Mat forges on. “I realize I have no right to ask anything of you, and no right to ask for the space to explain myself, but I’d like to, if you’d let me.”
It takes you a second, but you already know your answer before you’re speaking the words. “I’ll let you.” You say softly.
This conversation has the beginnings of closure to it, and no matter what direction it goes in, you need to hear what he has to say if there’s any hope for you to either move past this, or move on from him.
So you let him talk.
Mat takes a deep breath. “I was feeling a lot of things that day. Frustration over the season, how it ended, and then family stuff, more stuff with the surgery. And you were there every step of the way, and I appreciated it, I really did. I guess I just felt…overwhelmed? Overstimulated? There was so much to do and say and I felt like I just needed to be alone for a second, just to breathe.”
He takes another breath, his eyes furrowing as he tries to recall how it was for him back then, trying to say the right things the right way. “You weren’t clingy. You weren’t suffocating me. You weren’t too much, and your emotions weren’t too much. You were always enough, you were perfectly fine. I know you just wanted to be there for me, to support me and help me through what I was feeling, but I’ve never had anyone do that for me before. Every one I’d been with before just sort of…left me to deal with it on my own.”
Mat sighs, chancing a look at you. You’re sitting there, listening to him intently, giving him your full attention like you always used to do, allowing him the time and space to gather his thoughts and feelings.
When his gaze becomes too much, you find yourself tearing it away, staring at the floor of your bedroom instead. It stings, Mat realizes, not having you look at him like that, but he accepts it, knows he deserves it.
“I didn’t know what it felt like to have support like that.” He explains. “I wasn’t used to it, and I was wrong to think even for a second that you wanting to be there for me, or you wanting more from me once things got better, was you just wanting my attention, or you wanting anything other than to remind me that you loved me and that you were there to help me, but that you also had your own needs, and that they weren’t being met.”
He sighs, disappointed in himself. “You poured all of yourself into my cup, and I couldn’t return the favor when it mattered most to you. I’m sorry that I didn’t see that sooner, and it shouldn’t have taken me a month and a half to come to you and apologize. I thought I was doing the right thing, walking away, but I can see now that I wasn’t. And I’m selfish enough to admit that I don’t want to let you go.”
There’s a quiet sniffle from you, and Mat feels his gut twist uncomfortably. “I understand if you don’t want this,” he says. “If you don’t want us. I know I was an asshole, I know I took too long to get my shit together and tell you what a piece of shit I was, and probably still am. I still meant what I said, though. I do want you. I want us. And I know I’ll have to work hard to get you back, and I will put in the work, I swear it to you, if you’ll still have me.”
Another sniffle, but no words. He can see you swipe at your eyes, but no words come out.
His heart cracks in his chest.
“Please, baby.” Mat says softly. He gazes down at you, from where you sit on the edge of your bed, and wishes in his head that you’d just look at him. Even if it was just for a second, even if it would be the last time.
You shake your head softly, still cast to the side, those full lips beginning to pout, your bottom lip starting to tremble, and Mat feels like a knife just plunged into his heart and twisted.
Even when you two went through rough times, even when you broke up, he never made you cry.
And he wasn’t going to start now.
He takes a step forward, and then another, until he’s as close to you as he can be without touching you. He drops down to his knees then, and noticing there are tears beginning to well in your eyes, he decides he has to touch you.
Carefully, Mat reaches up with both hands, cupping your cheeks, and wiping gently at your tears with his thumbs. “I’m so sorry, baby.” He murmurs.
You let out a shaky breath. “It’s-”
“It’s not fine.” He insists. He applies gentle pressure behind his hands as he turns your head to face him. You blink when you meet his gaze, more tears falling onto Mat’s thumbs, and he wipes them away. When they keep coming, he lowers his hands a little and leans forward, gently kissing the tip of your nose, then the spots under your eyes, kissing your tears away.
“Tell me what I have to do, baby.” He pleads, moving closer, rising up a little on his knees to rest his forehead against yours. “I’ll do anything, I swear. Tell me what to do. Tell me what you need.”
There’s a small shake of your head, and he can feel you beginning to relax into him. “I don’t know.”
Before he can reason with himself if he should do it, if he’s lost the privilege to, he presses a soft kiss to your lips. He’s surprised when instead of shoving him away, or refusing his kiss, you kiss him back.
He can feel your hands move to his arms, gently pulling him forward, and he kisses you again, moving between your legs when you open them to press the two of you together. As the kiss deepens, he wraps one arm around your waist, banding the other across your back so he can gently grip the back of your neck, and your legs wrap around him, pulling him closer, your ankles locking at the base of his spine.
A small gasp escapes Mat when he feels you grind yourself against his shirt-covered abdomen, and the hand on the back of your neck creeps upward, grabbing a fistful of hair at the base of your skull, using it to anchor you both. At the tug of your hair, you moan, and Mat feels his whole body light up with electricity.
He murmurs your name against your lips, presses kisses there, to your chin, your cheek, working his way down to your neck, sucking little bruises into the skin. He releases your hair, trailing his hand down your arms, moves to your collarbone, sucking bruises, leaving little nips and bite marks as he goes, all the while you keep trying to tug at his hair to get him back to your lips.
Mat acquiesces once, brain going blank when your soft tongue grazes over his lips, and he accepts it, cupping the back of your head and sucking on your tongue lightly. Then, he’s pulling back just a little to kiss your lips, sucking your bottom one into his mouth, and then pulling it between his lips as he pulls away. You loosen your grip, but keep your hands in his hair, running the curls through your fingers.
“I’ll do anything.” Mat repeats the words against your skin, his hands running down your front, settling on your hips. Picking up from where he left off on your collarbone, he presses a sweet kiss to the skin before sinking his teeth in gently, enjoying your little moans of surprise before using his tongue to satiate the little pain from the wound. “Anything to make you forgive me.”
He starts to work his way down, leaving a trail of kisses on your chest, pulling the strap of your tank top off of your shoulder before pulling the neckline down, exposing the top of your breast and immediately sucking the skin into his mouth, hard.
You let out a small whine, arching your back and pressing further against his mouth, your hands tightening their grip in his hair and Mat groans from where he’s latched to your breasts.
He tugs at the hem of your tank top, and you both part for a small, torturous second, for you to all but tear it off, flinging it somewhere to your bedroom floor before his lips are immediately back on your skin, his hands cupping your breasts in both palms, kneading them in his hands before sucking on one nipple, then the other.
“I’ll do anything to have you again,” Mat begins, your nipple caught between his teeth. “To make you mine again.”
He rises up on his knees, his tongue purposely swiping over your nipple, your chest, your neck, and as he goes, your core throbs as you watch his tongue glide over your skin before he tucks it back into his mouth.
“I’m so fucking sorry baby,” he says when his mouth releases your skin. “I’m so sorry.”
His eyes lock onto yours and you meet his gaze straight on, watching, waiting, until he tilts his chin just so and you meet his lips, kissing him once, twice, three times before he presses his whole body against yours, hands disappearing from your breasts to cage your body against his once more.
His tongue slips into your mouth, hands roaming over your bare back before sneaking into your hair, grabbing a fistful at the nape of your neck and pulling your head backwards. He chases your mouth, biting your lip as he pulls away slowly, trailing his lips down your chin and then latching onto the particularly sensitive part of your neck, sucking the skin into his mouth hard.
You moan in response, can feel his tongue massaging over the spot as he continues to suck, and a sharp but delighted hiss leaves you when you feel his teeth scrape gently against the spot. His lips release you a moment later, and he eyes the blooming hickey with pride.
“Never should have let you go,” he murmurs, and then Mat’s arms move, releasing you from his caged embrace so his hands can coast down your sides, settling on your hips as he continues to leave bruising kisses on your neck, fingers dipping into the waistband of your silk sleep shorts.
“Can I take these off of you?” He murmurs against your collarbone, and you nod, lifting your hips just so, and Mat wastes no time in tearing the material down your legs and off of your body, flinging the things to some spot in your room.
Mat eyes your exposed pussy and can feel his heart thump against his chest. “God I missed you, missed seeing your pretty cunt every day.”
He moves to place his arms under your thighs, to pin them up next to you so he can devour you, right where you’re glistening and wet for him, but then you’re grabbing at his shirt. He thinks you want it off, so he complies, tearing it off and throwing it to wherever the rest of your clothes are, but then you’re beckoning him to you, reaching for him with your hands, and he smirks a little.
Mat presses a kiss to your pretty glistening heat, looking up at you from under his eyelashes. “I want to taste you baby, it’s been so long.”
You shake your head, a crease forming between your brows as you reach for him. He goes easily, reaching up to smooth that crease away beneath his thumb, and you cup his face, laying back on your bed and pulling him with you.
He climbs onto the bed, moving you both up the mattress until your head is resting on your pillows. He places his hands next to your face, propping himself up so he doesn’t crush you. Your legs wrap around his waist, pressing the two of you together as you kiss him, writhing beneath him like the hottest thing he’s ever seen in his life.
“It has been too long,” you say in agreement, lips ghosting over his as you speak. He can feel you trying to use the heels of your feet to push the band of his sweatpants down. “I need you now, Mat.”
“Okay baby, okay,” He acquiesces, repeating the word as he pushes his sweatpants and boxer briefs down just enough to free his cock, feels it throb once it’s pressed between the two of you, resting against the soft skin of your belly.
An excited noise trills from your mouth as you reach between you both, lining him up with your slick folds and grinding against him. The feeling is overwhelming, blinding Mat as he shuts his eyes and groans, rocking up against you, delirious with the friction. “Condom?” He asks belatedly, trying not to choke on his breath when the head of his cock nearly catches on the entrance to your pussy.
You shake your head emphatically, watching completely dazed as Mat reaches a hand between the two of you.
“No, it's just been you. Only you.” His head swims at your admission, and he dips a finger inside of you, then two, collecting the wetness before bringing his coated fingers to his mouth and sucking them clean. He groans, cock pulsing again as he grinds against you.
You reach for his face, chasing his mouth for a filthy open mouthed kiss that he’s happy to give to you.
“Had to taste you,” he explains. “Couldn’t wait another second.”
“Need you now, Mat.” You breathe against his lips, and he nods, pulling his hips back ever so slightly until the head of his cock rests against your entrance, and then he’s pushing forward, sliding inside of you slowly. Your breath catches in your throat, and Mat can’t look away, can’t stop watching the way your eyes glaze over before they roll back into your head.
“That’s it baby, take my cock.” He praises, eyes casting down to where he’s pushing inside of you.
You take every inch of him perfectly, as you always have, and once he’s fully inside, Mat gets in close. He’s on his knees, positioning his thighs under your own to both keep you propped up and open to him, and to keep himself close to you.
Your eyes are squeezed shut, your body consumed by the white out pleasure of Mat’s thick cock sliding into you. Your fingers are tangled in the sheets beneath you, back broken on an arch, mouth open in a silent cry. It’s been so long since you’ve taken him, and your body’s reacting like it’s the first time you’ve been with him all over again.
You’re so focused on his cock, on how full you feel, that you can barely register that he’s speaking to you, calling for you. His voice comes back to you as pleasure ripples through your body.
“-please honey. C’mon baby, breathe,” he encourages, cupping your face in his hands. “Breathe for me baby, you can do it.”
You inhale sharply, chest heaving, gathering air in your lungs as you can feel your body begin to adjust, the blinding pleasure of him being buried inside of you starting to replace the stretch and pressure of his welcomed intrusion.
“That’s it honey, that’s my girl.” He praises, thumbs caressing your cheeks as he slowly pulls his hips back, then pushes in again. His abdomen drags against your clit, and your eyes squeeze shut again, overwhelmed by everything Mat.
His hips move like that once, twice, three times before your orgasm shoots through you like a rocket. It’s so sudden, so unexpected that Mat nearly loses his pace. He has to bring his hands to the back of your knees and pin your legs down so he can continue to drive into you, flexing his hips and fighting past the tight squeeze of your cunt on his cock, fucking you through your orgasm just the way you love as you cry out.
Your name falls from his lips, completely dazed as he watches you. Your cry evens out into a whine, your grip on him loosening a little, and Mat bends his head to kiss you, laughing softly as when your eyes slowly blink open as he pulls away.
“Good baby?” He asks, and you can only manage a small nod in response.
Your blood feels like syrup in your veins now that he’s made you come once, and Mat loves you like this. Loves when you go soft and pliant under him, loves that you trust him to make sure he takes care of you like this.
“More,” you beg, and Mat nods, bending once for another open mouthed kiss, his tongue dragging over yours before you part.
“Love it when you come for me,” he says against your lips, moving his hips so he can fuck you with slow strokes. “Have to fight my way in every time, just to keep fucking you, just to make sure you keep coming all over me.”
“Mat!” You cry out, his hips driving into that spot inside of you that makes you see stars.
“You’re gonna deny me this?” He asks, a slight taunt to his voice, but you can hear past it, can hear the plea in his voice, the desperation. “You’re gonna take this away from me baby?”
You’re shaking your head before he can even finish the question. It’s no use.
While you were alone after dinner, you’d had way too much time to yourself, to think, to overthink, to mull over every single second from the fight, to the break up, to tonight, to slamming the door in Mat’s face.
You knew, somewhere in your heart, that you’d already forgiven Mat before he came back. That whatever his excuse, whatever his reasoning, you’d forgiven him for what had happened.
And it wasn’t until he came back asking for a second chance that you realized you’d give him that, too. You’d give him anything he asked for.
Because you loved him.
He drove you batshit crazy, but you loved him.
And you hadn’t exorcized him out of your life, not really. No matter how much you tried to pretend like you had.
Maybe it was your greatest flaw, but you were too forgiving of a person.
You couldn’t deny Mat a damn thing if you tried.
And you didn’t want to deny him, not anymore.
“Answer me,” Mat demands through clenched teeth, pressing down on the backs of your thighs as he begins to drive into you, merciless and desperate. “Am I going to have to fuck you like this is the last time?”
He punctuates his question with a particularly hard thrust, pushing a choked sound out of you as your pleasure starts to build and twist.
“I want to hear you say it,” he orders, pistoning in and out of you. You can only watch him, stunned.
It was no secret he was beautiful, no secret he was stunning. But only you got to see this, this moment where he looked like a god among men.
The sweat at his hairline, the pinched look of concentration, the veins along the muscles in his arms straining as he holds you down, holds you open so he can fuck you the way he knows you like, the way he pleases you best. The way his eyes flame as he watches your every move, tracks your face so he can be sure he’s bringing you nothing but pleasure.
“Tell me,” he insists, bending his head a little to press a kiss to the inside of your knee, and you don’t miss the way it still sounds like a plea. “Tell me you’re mine.”
You nod, brows pinching together as the delicious drag of his cock brings you higher and higher, closer to your next orgasm. Mat can tell, knows exactly what you need, but he won’t give it to you.
Not yet.
“You don’t get to come again unless you say what I want to hear.” Mat says, slowing his pace to emphasize his point.
A whine sounds in your throat, and he laughs a little, resting his forehead against yours. “I know baby, I know. I know exactly what you need, everything you need. In this bedroom, in this bed, and outside of it. I know everything that you need and I promise I’ll give it to you. But I need to hear you say it. Need to hear you tell me what I want to hear.”
You can only manage a whine, too focused on the slow drag of his cock, the way it feels like you can feel every hard vein and ridge of it slowly fucking into you. Mat shakes his head at your broken noises. “I know it feels good, baby, but you can do it. Use your words, pretty girl.”
“I’m yours.” It comes out as a whisper at first, too overwhelmed by the feeling of his cock, the friction of his solid abdominal muscles against your clit as he writhes against you slowly.
“You’re mine?” He repeats, not even trying to hide the bit of disbelief in his voice, the uncertainty. “Yeah? You’re mine? Look at me baby.” Your eyes lock onto his, and he holds your gaze as his hips grind into you. “Are you mine?” He punctuates his question with a particularly hard thrust. “Am I yours?”
You nod again, crying out “Yes!” when he starts to fuck you again. His pace is unrelenting, his hips unforgiving as he moves, driving his cock in and out of you, consistently hitting that spot deep inside you that makes you see the sun, the stars, the moon, the whole galaxy with each thrust.
“Tell me what I need to do.” He says to you. You blink lazily at him, lost in the way he fucks you, and he crowds his body in closer, dropping your thighs and cupping your face in his hands, using the muscles in his hips to fuck you deep, grinding his cock into you some more.
“What do I need to do baby?” Mat asks again, voice a little softer. His words are loaded, multiple meanings behind the question, and you know what to say to answer them all. He waits as patiently as he can, his mouth locking yours in a deep kiss as you start to squeeze down on him. He can tell you’re getting closer, can tell you’re right on the edge, but he still needs to hear you say it.
“Need you to make me come.” You answer finally, lips brushing against his as you speak. He nods, forehead brushing against yours from where it rests. His hand snakes between you both as he circles your clit, applying just the right amount of pressure to the sensitive bud. Your back arches up in response, moving further into his touch.
“Come for me, pretty girl,” Mat pleads, keeping his hips in time with the circle he’s drawing against your clit, swallowing your cries with a kiss. “I wanna feel you come for me again.”
The dam breaks, your mouth opening on another silent cry as you breath gets caught in your throat, white light bursting as your eyes fall shut, cunt squeezing his cock impossibly tight.
Mat’s orgasm hits him like a freight train and he groans out loud, doing his best to keep his eyes open so he can watch every second of you coming all over him. His cock pulses, his come spilling inside of you in thick ropes, and he can barely breathe as your pussy squeezes around him, like you’re trying to pull him deeper inside of you.
When your orgasms subside, Mat goes to pull out of you so he can lay beside you, but your legs lock around his waist, and you pull him down to you, taking him by surprise with a sweet and gentle kiss. That gentle kiss morphs into the both of you making out lazily, you winding your hips, grinding against him while his cock rests inside of you.
You both remain like that for what feels like hours, but is probably more like fifteen minutes straight, Mat’s cock getting hard all over again, and you can feel your arousal slowly returning, ready for a round two, if needed. Eventually, Mat’s lips trail lazily from your mouth to your cheek, chin, neck, shoulders, collarbone, moving across your chest to reach your other shoulder, other side of your neck, and so on then back again, leaving kisses in each place as he goes.
After a little while longer, your post orgasm high subsides a little and your head starts to clear bit by bit. When you manage to come back to yourself, you realize Mat’s been murmuring his apologies into your skin, over and over, only pausing when he gets back to your lips, then resuming his apologies as his lips follow the little trail he’s made.
On what you think is his eighth loop around, you tangle your hands in the curls near the nape of his neck and tug a little, removing his lips from their place against your shoulder, dragging him to your mouth and kissing him again.
You roll the two of you so he’s on his back, his now half hard cock still nestled inside of you and your thighs bracketing his torso. Mat’s hands rest on your hips as he looks up at you, his lips a bright pink from all of the kissing. He looks dazed still, like he isn’t sure if this is all real, then his brow furrows, and regret slashes across his features.
He moves his mouth to form another apology, but you rest a single finger against his mouth, shaking your head softly.
“I know,” you tell him. “I know you’re sorry, baby.” Slowly, you start to wind your waist, watching Mat’s eyes roll into the back of his head, his fingers digging into the flesh of your hips and trying his damndest not to thrust up into you. There’s a hiss that leaves his mouth when you squeeze, and a harsh breath is punched out of his lungs.
“I’m sensitive pretty girl,” he says, definitely not half hard anymore. Mat can’t tear his eyes away from where the two of you are joined together, where he can see his own come starting to drip down his cock, watching as you fuck it back into yourself as your drop your hips down.
“Just need one more.” You promise, can already feel your body chasing after the next orgasm as you move.
Mat nods, pupils blown wide as he watches. “Take what you need baby.”
And you do, planting your hands on his chest as you begin to bounce. Your nails dig into his skin a little, dragging them down his pecs and to his lower abdomen, watching in delight as red marks bloom in their wake, Mat groaning out loud, low and deep, his hips bucking up into you.
He always did love it when you scratched him up like this.
“More,” he pleads, and you slowly glide your palms back up to his collarbone, digging your nails in once more and dragging them back down in the same path. His body jerks a little when he moans, and then he’s grabbing your hips and sitting up, laying you down and getting onto his knees to fuck you all over again.
Your hands move to his ass, pulling him in deeper, your nails sinking into the hard muscled flesh and dragging up to his waist, and Mat’s thrusts become harder, sharper, and your orgasm rips through you like a lightning strike.
He follows close behind, fucking past the tight grip of your pussy and coming with a hoarse shout, pinning his hips against you as his cock throbs.
You move your hands then, cupping his face and pulling him down to you, allowing him to bury his face into your neck as he tries to recover. You both breathe deeply for a while, heated skin cooling as the time passes. Eventually, Mat presses soft kisses to your neck, then shoulder, before propping himself up above you by his hands.
“We should probably shower, shouldn’t we?” He suggests, and you nod. He carefully pulls out of you, but when you move to sit up, he gently pushes you back down, eyes glued to your pussy, where his two loads start to slowly leak out. Mat takes two fingers, gathering what’s coming out and pushes it back into you. Your back arches in response, a small hiss pushing through your clenched teeth.
He removes his fingers, bringing them to his mouth and sucking them clean before leaning over you again, capturing your mouth with his, sharing your combined release.
“Want some more?” He murmurs against your lips, and you nod, your eyes locked on one another as he reaches down, his fingers pushing back in, stroking you a couple of times before pulling them out. This time, when he brings his fingers back up, you grab his wrist before he can put them in his mouth, bringing them to your lips instead, sucking them clean. Mat’s eyes flutter, glazing over and you can feel his cock start to come back to life where it rests against your thigh.
Once his fingers drop from your mouth, he surges forward, kissing you again and you both fall back onto the bed, all thoughts of doing anything but making out leaving your minds for the next ten minutes.
Eventually, you manage to pull away, resting a hand on his chest as you part. “It’s getting late,” quickly adding, “we should probably shower now, so we can head to bed.” when you see Mat panic a little, thinking you were going to try to kick him out.
He smiles a little, nodding. He gets up first, reaching out a hand for you to take. Once you’re both upright, Mat looks down at you and smiles a little, brushing some hair away from your face then pressing a kiss to your forehead. “You go first, I’ll gather up the clothes and get the bed ready.”
You nod with a small smile, heading into your bathroom to pee and start the shower as Mat busies himself with gathering up your clothes, tossing them into the hamper in the corner of your room. He feels his heart thump in his chest at the familiarity of taking your decorative pillows off of your bed, putting them on their designated shelf in your closet, then fluffing the pillows you actually use before bringing your comforter down.
When he finally makes his way into your bathroom, he finds you standing under the spray of the shower, watching through the glass as the water cascades down your body.
A body he almost let go, a body he knows he’s honored to be able to worship again.
He wastes no further time in stepping into the shower with you, wrapping his arms around you to pull you in close, resting his cheek on the top of your head.
“I’ll do better, I’ll be better.” He swears to you.
Your hands rub up and down his back in a soothing pattern. “I know, Mat.” Your name falls off his lips in a soft murmur, and you pull away a little, tipping your head back just so to look up at him. “We’ll be okay,” you promise, nodding to reassure him.
He nods back, cupping the back of your head in his hand, resting it against his chest. “I know we will, baby. I’ll make sure of it.”
~
A week later, you wake up to soft and gentle fingers dancing up your bare back, winding into your hair and twirling a strand around it before working its way back down, gently stroking into the dip of your back.
The sheets are tangled around you, the curtains in your bedroom drawn to let the mid morning sunlight pour in, and Mat is sitting on your side of the bed, his hand moving to gently caress your face when he sees he’s managed to cajole you into opening your eyes.
“Good morning beautiful,” his voice is soft in the quiet of your room.
You smile in turn, rasping out your own “good morning” before turning onto your side to face him fully. “What got you up so early?
He shrugs, pulling your sheets down to your waist, running his hands over your skin. “Made you breakfast.”
“Breakfast?” You ask, playfully skeptic.
“I think I can manage a few eggs, bacon, and premade waffle mix pretty well, but that’s just my opinion.” He says with a small smirk, and your heart nearly leaps out of your chest.
The daylight surrounds him from behind, creating a beautiful glow around him and that’s a sign if you’ve ever seen one. You’ve always liked Mat best like this - soft and boyish in his features, but relaxed, a kind of comfort you’ve always felt from material things but never from a person.
It makes your heart skip a beat, and distantly you think, maybe this is what you’ll remember in the future - this moment, Mat surrounded by sunlight, soft skin, bed head, and waking you up for breakfast.
Maybe you’ll remember this exact moment and know, that’s when you realized you’d always be in love with him, and neither of you ever stood a chance at anything different.
#mathew barzal#mat barzal#mathew barzal x reader#mat barzal x reader#new york islanders#mat barzal smut#mat barzal angst#angst with a happy ending#angst with a hopeful ending#angst with smut#post break up#make up sex#hockey writing#hockey fanfiction#hockey blurb
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WHEN PUSH COMES TO SHOVE
Mat Barzal
I love writing angst and I haven’t done it in so long
“You pick her every time” I exclaim, throwing my hands in the air from my frustrations, “it will never be me! Will it? It won’t!”
“Would you just listen?” He asks, reaching for my hand and I pull away again, “fucking listen to me!” He shouts, “it is you, but you act so jealous all the god damn time”
“Me? Jealous? Well of fucking corse!” I groan, pacing around the living room, “you’re surrounded by these women who are obviously better than me and Sarah” her name comes out as a whisper against my breath. Like a word that can’t be spoken. A name that shouldn’t be said.
“Sarah? This is all about Sarah?” He doesn’t treat her name with the same weight I do.
“Yes! You didn’t come home until morning because you were busy with her! Not me. Her! You text her good morning not me! On Roadies and shit I feel like is her you talk to not me” I cry out, thick hot tears fall down my face. He reaches for me and I pull away again.
“What the hell does that even mean?” He asks, “you think I should just date her? Instead of you?”
“The way you act right now Mat? Yeah I think you should” I choke out, I don’t wait for his response
“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” He asks, he doesn’t block my path but he tries to
“Im going to Nico’s” I respond dryly as I grab my overnight bag and stuff some clothes in quickly.
“You accuse me of cheating and then you go to Nico’s?” He retorts; scoffing a little
“Don’t start with this right now!” I shout out, “at least I haven’t been caught with him this fucking close to my face like we’re kissing!”
He sighs and I drop my ring by the key bowl, “I need to get out”
New Jersey isn’t much of a drive but I end up there in morning. “What’s wrong?” Nico asks as he lets me inside
“Mat. He I think he’s cheating on me and I asked him about it and he kept denying it and then he accused me of cheating on him with you” I hiccup out
“I told you he was an ass” Nico says as I flop onto his couch, “but I don’t know.. why would he go through the trouble of proposing then cheating on you?” He reasons
“I just…” I lay down, “why am I so insecure? Why does it always feel that he picks her?” I ask
“Because he does”
I sigh, and roll onto my back, “I want to keep loving him. I want to always love him. But each time I keep getting hurt”
“Maybe you’re not meant to be”
Another tear sheds, “don’t say that Nico”
“Ok” he sighs softly
I spend the weekend there and the door rings and I really don’t want to answer it, “mat” I whisper
“I’m sorry, don’t let this be the end of us. I fucked up and I’m sorry I cheated”
The words barely register in my brain, “so you did cheat”
“I did”
“Leave”
“Y/n”
“Wait-“
“Get the fuck out right now”
“She told you to leave mat”
“Stay out of this Hischier!”
“Get out of my house Barzal”
#hockey#nhl#nhl fanfiction#nhl blurb#mat barzal#mat barzal my beloved#mat barzal x reader#mathew barzal#nico hischer x reader#new jersey devils nico hischier x reader#nico hischier x y/n#nico hischier x reader#nico hischier imagine#mathew barzal imagine#angst#no happy ending#mat Barzal Angst
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Black and White - Mat Barzal x Reader
Hockey Masterlist
Warnings: Swearing, mentions anxiety, almost pg13
Words: 1385
Summary: After attending one of the isles’ many fundraising events, a simple walk in the park turns into a moment the two of you will never forget.
A/n: I’m like 90% done with finals and so I’m filling this anonymous request as a result. I hope y’all like this quick little fic and as an update there’s a fluffy Zegras fic in the works.
“Thank you for coming with me tonight,” Mat says from behind a fleeting scoop of bubblegum ice cream. The Islanders fundraising gala was fun and all but Mat and I dipped out before closing remarks in favor of grabbing ice cream before Baskin Robbins closed. So now we’re walking around a random park, black tie attire, in the cold Long Island night.
“You don’t have to thank me, I’m your girlfriend. Being your plus one is part of the gig, and I’m more than happy to do it.” Mat lets go of my hand to lift his arm and gesture me over. I gladly accept the warmth as I’m nearly freezing from walking around at night in a light coat while eating ice cream. He hugs me into his side and kisses my cheek gently. I breathe a small laugh as his lips are still cold.
“How do you know if you want to marry someone?” Mat asks out of nowhere. I hesitate for a second, jarred by his candidness.
“Are you asking me specifically or like the general ‘you’?”
“I’m asking you specifically.” I pause to collect my thoughts and Mat watches me carefully.
“...Well…I think for me specifically…I want an equal relationship where I feel like I lean on them as much as they lean on me for support. I want someone who respects my boundaries and knows I’m their partner and not their therapist. Whoever it is will get along with my family and at the very least tolerate my friends,” we share a small laugh amidst the tense moment. “I want someone who understands how I give love and helps me understand how to give them love and- why are you looking at me like that?” Mat barks out a nervous laugh. He takes his arm off of my shoulders and messes with his hair a bit. One of his nervous habits that I’m not sure he realizes he has.
“Do you think… I meet those requirements?” I hesitate but only because I’m trying to remember everything that I said.
“Yes, I think you do.” Mat smiles relieved before taking my hand in his own once more, placing a kiss on the top of it. We continue through the park, heading back to the car when a sudden flash of light catches our attention. Looking to the source, we see that a gazebo covered in christmas lights had previously not been lit. I snap my head around to look at Mat and the look on his face tells me he already knows just how excited I am about it.
“I don’t know how I didn’t notice this before!” I say as I’m pulling Mat along with me. His pace was too casual for the kind of urgency this sight has instilled in me. As we get closer, someone stands up and I stop in my place. I don’t want to impose on someone else’s time with the pretty lights. Opening my mouth to speak, I immediately cut myself off when I recognize the not so unfamiliar stranger.
“Beau?” I ask when he turns around. He looks at me, slightly panicked. “What are you doing here?”
“Oh my god, no way!” I hear a woman’s voice from behind me and Mat. I turn around to see it’s Emma emerging from a weird angle. She’s coming at us from behind rather than from the parking lot or from the shops.
“Long time no see,” I joke, happy to see our friends despite just spending the last three hours with them. “What’s up? Are you guys also on a walk… at the same park?” Beau and Emma share a look before she gestures him over to where she’s standing.
“Yeah, I was telling him about this gazebo because I drove by one night and the lights were just so pretty I wanted to show him.”
“Gotcha. Well if you want, I can take some cute pictures of the two of you!” I offer happily and Emma and Beau share another look.
“That… would be great, thank you! Beau?” She looks at him and nods over to the gazebo. He looks at Mat with the most confused look I’ve ever seen.
“You okay?” I ask as Emma hands me her phone. She has to physically walk over and grab Beau which snaps him back into reality.
“Yeah I’m good,” he replies quietly and walks into the gazebo. Emma barely poses and I’m about to snap the third photo when she breaks away and walks over to get her phone from me.
“That should be good, thank you.”
“Are you sure? I only took like three-”
“Yeah, no, we’re good! Your turn!” She says urgently and nudges me toward the gazebo. I decide not to push back and when I turn to beckon Mat over, he doesn’t follow.
“I’ll hold your coat so you can get outfit pictures first.” I reluctantly nod and then shrug off my jacket. Why is everyone being so weird?
“You gotta hurry because I am FREEZING!” I instruct Emma and she laughs before nodding.
“Copy that.”
“Okay, I want full fit and shoes for some and then just waist up in the others,” I speak quickly before posing and trying not to shiver violently. “Fuuuuuucckk it’s so cold.” All three of them laugh at my dramatics. Mat shakes his head amusedly and then hands my coat to Beau so he can get in the pictures. He wraps an arm around my waist for a few pictures and Emma snaps approximately two before putting on her director hat.
“Okay, Y/n stay where you are. Mat can I have you stand to the side of her but take a tiny little step back?”
“How should I pose without him…?” I ask skeptically. I don’t think I can see the creative vision and I hope Mat is also a little lost so I don’t just look like an idiot. When I turn to see if he’s also puzzled, I don’t get the moment I’m hoping for. Rather than sharing a confused look and laughing about it, I find him placed just out of my line of sight on one knee with one hand tucked into his jacket pocket.
My eyes go wide for a millisecond before welling up so full of tears that I can no longer see. I hold my right hand over my mouth to keep myself from crying harder. Mat has small tears in his eyes as he holds a small velvet box the color of the Isles signature blue.
“Y/n… you are the love of my life. I remember the first time you came over to my apartment. It was date number four. I made us dinner and you went to the bathroom and when you came back you were very anxious.” I laugh through my tears as I recall the evening and how the story went.
“You were acting weird the entire night and when I asked what was wrong, you were silent for a minute before asking if I “actually” used 3-in-1 shampoo. I laughed so hard I nearly cried and from that moment on, I knew you were endgame.” His simple word choice makes me laugh and the swelling of emotions in my chest makes me forget just how cold I was before.
“Y/n Y/l/n, will you marry me?” I begin to sob so uncontrollably that I can’t speak so I just nod an emphatic yes. Mat smiles brightly before taking the ring out of the box and sliding it onto it’s permanent spot on my left hand.
I don’t even wait for him to stand up before grabbing his face and kissing him with the passion only two people madly in love could ever know. He kisses me back and places his hands on my waist. Emma and Beau cheer and I remember they’ve been here the whole time.
“You motherfuckers! You knew, didn’t you?” They laugh at my outburst and confirm my suspicion. Mat rises to his full height and when he’s standing I playfully shove his chest. “That’s why you were being so weird today!”
“How does it feel to be engaged, man?” Beau asks and Mat huffs a long sigh.
“I don’t know, I think I blacked out.”
#NHL imagine#NHL hockey#NHL x reader#nhl fanfiction#Mat Barzal#Mat Barzal fanfiction#Mat Barzal fanfic#Mat Barzal fic#Mat Barzal writing#Mat Barzal imagine#Mat Barzal oneshot#Mat Barzal one shot#Mat Barzal fluff#Mat Barzal smut#Mat Barzal angst#Mat Barzal x reader#Mat Barzal x y/n#Mathew Barzal#Mathew Barzal fanfiction#Mathew Barzal fanfic#Mathew Barzal fic#Mathew Barzal writing#Mathew Barzal imagine#Mathew Barzal oneshot#Mathew Barzal one shot#Mathew Barzal x reader#Mathew Barzal x y/n#Mathew Barzal fluff#Mathew Barzal smut#Mathew Barzal angst
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can you do prompt “i just wanted to say thank you for protecting me” for mat barzal where he gets in a fight at a game and you find out it’s a player was talking bad about you
finallyyy i'm able to post this!! i was very excited with this request honestly, this plot is just so *chefs kiss*
I Did It For You
warnigns: language, angst
word count: 1,5k
The drive back home from the game against Boston was weird, to say the least. Mathew drove with both his hands gripping the steering wheel as if it was going to run away, and you couldn’t look at him, not like that. You turned your head to your right, taking in the view of the streets of New York that you were so used to by then.
"Are you going to ignore me the rest of the way?" You asked him, expecting a sincere answer. Instead, you got only more silence. "Fine." You reached for the radio, turning it up to eleven.
Of course your relationship with Mathew wasn't perfect. You fought from time to time, both of you being a little too stubborn for your own good. This time, though, it was different. It was like he had completely disregarded all of your feelings, and you didn't want to turn out like one of those WAGs that let themselves be treated badly by their boyfriends and husbands. You knew your worth, and if Mathew didn't apologise… Well, you'd have to have a serious conversation about it.
"I didn't really have an option." He muttered, you could barely hear his voice over the music, so you tuned it down and asked him to repeat, which he did, his tone a little more impatient.
"Mathew, you lashed over the guy. You were the one picking a fight. He hadn't done anything." His jaw clenching when he heard you call him by his actual name, instead of one of the many nicknames you had for him.
You had lost count of how many times the two of you had had that conversation. Mat was never one to pick fights at games, even though it was fairly common for other players to do so. Actually, most of the times someone tried to pick a fight with him the rest of the team jumped to his defence, and Mathew came out of it unharmed.
That was exactly how you wanted it. It was a foolish thought, but in your opinion, his face was just too beautiful to be beaten up for such stupid reasons. Thought, now you looked at him and his black eye. The one that as soon as the other player took his fist out, immediately started to swell and darken. Being stubborn like he is, Mat didn't even let you drive home.
Besides the fact that you didn’t want to see your boyfriend beaten up, you’ve actually always had a pretty settled opinion on unnecessary fights in hockey games, and until now you thought Mathew shared it with you. You started to question it half an hour ago when you saw him skating towards an unaware player and landing a right hook on him before the man could even know he was beside him.
The other player’s helmet went flying off on the ice, and he instantly dropped his gloves at the same time Mathew did. Your boyfriend held the other by the jersey, bringing him closer and hitting him right in his left eye with his bare first shut. The Boston player closed his eyes in pain, but quickly opened it again to fit Mathew in rage. Mat didn’t even see anything happen before his sight went black, but when he heard the player say something no one else could hear, he hit him in the nose with such force that the other player dropped down to his knees, both hands covering his nose as the camera showed to all the arena the blood on the ice in front of him.
“Sure.” He spit before taking a turn left and entering the garage of your shared apartment. In silence, he parked the car, turned off the radio and got off, leaving you sitting in the passenger seat.
“Do you have to be such an asshole about it?” You walked fast to catch up with him as he made his way towards the elevator and pressed the button. “You know I get like this because I don’t want your career to end because of a stupid right hook.” Mathew didn’t say a word as he got inside the big cubicle and pressed the button to the 24th floor, looking at its ceiling as if you hadn’t said a word. “Damn it, Mathew. You act like such a child sometimes.” You crossed your arms in front of your chest, and cursed the heavens for that elevator being so old and slow.
All you wanted to do was get home, take a hot shower and lay in bed to ignore everything that happened. Though you knew that was not going to happen, because your boyfriend was hurt and you were going to take care of him like you always do. Yes, you were mad at him, and yes, you wanted to make his other eye black too, but no, you weren’t going to do that and neither were you going to let him take care of his bruises by himself. The boy didn’t even know where you kept the first aid kit.
The door opened, and you took the keys off of your purse, quickly walking towards the 24B door and opening it, going inside the apartment and leaving Mathew to close it by himself. You made your way slowly to the bathroom, took out the first aid kit from the cabinet behind the mirror and walked back to the living room, where you saw Mathew sitting down on the couch staring at the wall with no expression on his face.
“I’ll do it.” He said, when he noticed you holding the kit as you made your way around the couch.
“I’m mad at you, but I won’t just leave you to fix yourself.” You spat out.
“I said I’ll do it, y/n.” His tone was harsher this time, and also louder. You had never heard him talk to you like that. You stared at him like he was someone you didn’t recognise.
“Then fucking do it yourself.” You threw the kit over the couch next to him and busted out the room, making your way to your ensuite.
“You want to know why I hit him like that?” Mathew got up from the couch, turning to you. You stopped on your tracks, not even turning back to face him.
“Honestly? I don’t think I even care anymore.” You mumbled, looking down at your shoes.
“I fucking did that because of you, y/k.”
You frowned, trying to understand what he had just told you. How could that be your fault? He had massacred another player and he had the audacity to say it was because of you?
“How on Earth could that be my fucking fault?” You grunted, turning to face him with bloodshot eyes.
“I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I did it because of you.” You couldn't bear looking at his swollen black eye. Infact, you couldn't bear looking at him anymore. You motioned to turn around before Mathew stopped you with his words. “He called you a slut.”
You stared at him blankly, confused and perplexed. Before you could even understand his words properly, Mathew continued.
“In his own words, he said: ‘Go back to that fucking slut of yours’. I wasn’t about to let him call you that and walk free.” Mathew picked up the kit from the couch, and stormed out of the living room into your bedroom, leaving you by yourself in the poorly lit living room to think about what had just happened.
“Yeah, that was a bad one, y/k.” You told yourself as you sat down on the couch.
You heard the shower being turned on, and imagined how painful it would be for Mathew to wash his face with those bruises. You got up, walked over to your bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed, taking the kit he had left over it in your hand and opening it. You took out everything you would need to clean and bandage his bruises properly, and patiently waited for your boyfriend to leave the bathroom.
Soon, Mathew stood at the door frame, drying his hair with a towel. He looked at you with no expression in his face as you noticed the bruises on his naked chest. You wondered if his legs, covered by his grey sweatpants, had any bruises on them as well.
Quickly, he sat next to you on the edge of the bed, placing his hands over his thighs as you both eyes the black and blue shades that painted his knuckles.
“I just wanted to say…” You started, your voice cracking when he turned his head to face you and stared into your eyes with his own dark ones. “Thank you for protecting me.”
Mathew's hurting hand made its way to your right cheek, making you feel its heat. He brought your faces closer to each other's, your foreheads touching only slightly.
“Always.” He whispered.
#nhl imagine#nhl fic#hockey fic#hockey imagine#nhl fluff#hockey#hockey fanfiction#nhl writing#mathew barzal#mathew barzal imagine#new york islanders#nhl angst
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Requested: no
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Champagne Problems - Mathew Barzal
Ib: "she would've made such a lovely bride, what a shame she's fucked in the head" -T.S
A/n: on the verge of making a pt. 2. Should I?
warnings: toxic family, swearing, angst with a slightly fluff ending
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
It's been ten months since me and Mathew broke up. We both thought it was for the better. Me and Mathew don't really talk much ever since we broke up, but it was for the better. With both of us being busy, it was just so chaotic.
I recently got invited to one of my best friends wedding. It so happens to be Mathews cousin Olivia. Me and Oliva have been friends before I met Mathew. It just happened to be that he was her cousin.
Olivia's family was going to be there. So I knew that Mathew and his family was going to be there. I wasn't going to let stop me from going to support my friend on her big day. Her parents loved me and had no problem with me. It was Mathews. They think I'm a monster for breaking up with him even though it was a mutual agreement.
I was going to try my best to push through it all for her. I'm not going to let something in the past effect me.
On the invitation it said I was more than welcomed to bring a plus one but I wasn't dating anyone and if I brought someone who wasn't Mathew it would cause so much drama. Olivia asked me if I wanted to be a bridesmaids but I told her no. It would just stir the pot and I wouldn't want her to deal with that stress.
Today was the day of her wedding. I had a nice elegant lavender dress. Wasn't too revealing. Just nice and cute for a wedding. I didn't have high hopes things were going to gosp smoothly. You know what they say, fake it till you make it.
**
Things started to sail smoothly before the wedding. I got their at the time she told me to be there. Three o'clock in the afternoon. My eyes immediately drawed to Mathew as soon as I walked in. Glaring at him before sitting on the grooms side. I didn't sit on the brides because I was already getting stares and hearing gossip about myself.
**
The ceremony was great. No drama caused a burst of anger from anyone. Now, it was time for the reception. It was just right next store in a gathering hall next to the chapel. Hopefully things don't go down hill.
I took my time getting out of the chapel. Making sure I didn't exit at the same time Mathew and his family did. I guess I was wrong because as I was leaving Mathew came up behind me.
"Why are you here?" He whispers to me as he walks next to me trying not to draw attention. Not even looking at me.
"Olivia asked me to be here. I've known her longer than I've known you Mathew. I came here to support my friend. I would appreciate if you and your mother would stop making horrendous comments about me ans just let Olivia enjoy her day." I told while walking away from him and entering the hallway leading into the gathering room where it was a bit dim.
Partying has started. For majority of the reception I was sitting down at my table. It was very awkward for me to be here but I did it for Olivia.
But when I did decide to go on the dance floor I heard Mathews family talking badly about me almost yelling it as if everyone needed to hear it. I just ignored it until I heard something I couldn't unhear. My name and slut should not be used in the same sentence.
I quickly went to go find Olivia to tell her I was going to leave. Trying not to cause a big scene.
"Aww but we haven't had cake yet!" She told me.
"I know Livvy. I'm sorry but I'm just feeling tired tonight." I was faking it so hard. I honestly felt bad for her.
"Well it's okay. Thank you for coming!" We exchanged in a hug before I went back over to my table. Grabbing my coat and purse and heading out.
As I walked out I went to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. Wiping away my tears as some softly left me eyes. I sniffled before walking out.
Walking out of the bathroom on my way out to the parking lot, I wasn't expecting to see Mathew waiting there for me.
"What do you want? You've already ruined my night. What else could you possibly want from me!"I exclaimed at him in anger. More tears streaming down my face.
"I'm sorry about them. I told them to drop it but they wouldn't. I'm sorry (y/n). Sorry for everything."
"Bullshit! If you where sorry you would've never let this happen! You fucking talked shit about me to your entire family and now they hate me!" I am hurt by this. You can hear the pain in my voice.
"Just hug me." He held his arms out for me. I walked into his arms. Wrapping my arms around him. Feeling his arms around me, pulling me closer to him, gave me flashbacks.
Crying in his arms made me feel a bit better. No way I was going back in there but I just needed this.
"Thank you." I said while pulling away from him wiping the tears off of my face.
"I still love you." He says. The tone in his voice is soft.
"I know. I do too." I looked at him trying not cry again.
"Is this goodbye for now?"
"Yes. Goodbye Mathew."
"Goodbye (y/n)."
Walking past him and exiting the building. I looked back at him before I left. He let a tear race down himself face as I left. This was not goodbye for ever. Perhaps one day we'll meet again.
#nhl hockey#nhl x reader#ryeriy#nhl fanfiction#hockey#mathew barzal#mathew barzal x reader#sad angst
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NEW YORK ISLANDERS
This is the list of only New York Islanders player's imagines/fics.
✶ = smut
♡ = fluff
✰ = angst
MATTHEW BARZAL
(COMING SOON)
BO HORVAT
➮ Packing up ♡
#nhl smut#nhl hockey#hockey#nhl imagine#angst#pure angst#fluff#nhl#hockey imagine#hockey smut#hockey fluff#hockey fic#nhl fic#nhl imagines#nhl fanfiction#mathew barzal#ny islanders#new york islanders#mat barzal#bo horvat fic#bo horvat family dairy#bo horvat#islanders
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girl at home | mat barzal | part 4
pairing: mat barzal x fem!reader
summary: you’re eighteen when you find yourself pregnant after Mat leaves for hockey. nearly eight years later, Mat finds out about your daughter and you have to deal with the consequences of not telling him about her.
warnings: not edited, angst, mentions of alcohol, pregnancy, food
word count: 1.3k
authors note: sorry it's late & short but i was sick and then had writers block. i hope u guys like it!! if u like it let me know but if you hate it also let me know.
also HUGE thanks to @barzysbaby for the help with this chapter!! it probably wouldn't have been finished without your help!
if anyone wants to be added or taken off the tag list, let me know! you can shoot me a dm, send an ask or fill out my tag list form.
requests are open 🫶🏻
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After your unexpected heart-to-heart with Mat, you begin to realize that you’re starting to tread on some thin ice with your relationship with him. Letting those feelings you’d tucked away start to come back was a recipe for disaster because you had Nora to think about. If he really wanted to be a part of her life, the two of you couldn’t start a relationship because if it went wrong, it would ruin the opportunity for him to be in her life comfortably.
However, the problem is how perceptive Nora can be.
Letting yourself have ‘just one moment’ with Mat last night was a bad idea because you wake up on the couch the next morning, Mat holding you close, and a grumpy six-year-old demanding breakfast.
“Eggs please,” Nora demands, curious eyes watching you and Mat. When you make no move to get up off the couch and get her breakfast, she stomps a foot and crosses her arms.
“Grandma said I could have eggs for breakfast,” she says and then pauses before adding: “and she said I could have pancakes. Chocolate chip pancakes.”
“You’re not at grandma’s, are you?” you reply, watching her frown.
“Well then can you bring me to grandma’s?” she replies without missing a beat.
You open your mouth to tell her no, you won’t be bringing her to grandmas with that attitude when Mat interrupts.
“I’ll make some pancakes,” he mumbles sleepily, sitting up and pulling you with him. You turn to tell him no but your mouth goes dry because you forgot how good he looks in the morning. You’re staring long enough that he notices and a smirk tugs at his mouth but he doesn’t say anything, instead standing up and offering a hand to Nora.
“Let’s go make mom some pancakes,” he says and she smiles up at him and it’s just so damn domestic that you want to cry.
You watch them walk over to the kitchen and start preparing the ingredients while you sit there, trying to pull yourself together. He’s falling so seamlessly into being a parent that you can’t decide how to feel. His attentiveness and patience with her could be temporary and then when he realizes how hard being a parent really is, you’ll be left to clean up the mess he leaves behind. On the other hand, he might be serious about the entire thing and everything could work out.
Nora's giggles catch your attention and you look to see Mat cracking an egg on her forehead like the video he had sent you a few days ago, claiming that he would try it on Nora. Almost as if he can sense that you’re watching them, he looks up and catches your eye and grins, tilting his head slightly.
“You wanna help or just sit there all morning?” he teases so you stand up and make your way to the kitchen to stand next to Nora, kissing the forehead when she grins up at you.
“How can I help?”
. . .
It was inevitable that the hockey world would catch wind that Mathew Barzal had a child. Whether it was his now ex-girlfriend, or just someone from home that spilled the beans, suddenly all the sports sites had articles up about it. They can't legally say Nora’s name or show photos of her because she’s still a minor, but they can definitely dig up old high school pictures and find your instagram.
It wasn’t hard to put the pieces together for people to realize that you were his baby mama. You had to turn your social media accounts private because you were suddenly having people comment on your photos, and sending DM’s. Most of them weren’t the nicest, accusing you of kid-trapping Mat and while you knew that it was useless to be upset over it, it was hard. They didn’t and would never know the details but it bothered you to no end, and unfortunately, you took your frustration out on Mat, who took whatever you threw at him. You said things you regretted the next morning and he would just smile and tell you it was fine.
But it wasn’t, and everything crashed down about two weeks after the first article was posted. You woke up to your phone buzzing, calls and texts from your mom, Jax, some other friends and even Liana.
And a single text from Mat that had just two words, and a link attached.
baby daddy: I'm sorry. instagram.com/matbarzal
It was a statement, clearly written by a PR Manager from the Islanders organization. The statement basically said that Mathew Barzal did not in fact have a child. It was just a rumor floating around that a disgruntled fan spread. A lot of people called it bullshit, saying that it was PR cleaning up a mess, which technically they were doing. Then, there were the fans and journalists who did believe the statement and tried to take back whatever they may have said that was mean.
It wasn’t the things other people were saying about it though, it was what Mat wasn’t saying. After the post, he ghosted you for four days, ignoring all the texts and calls even when they were about Nora. Liana and Nadia still asked to see Nora on the weekend that she normally does so you dropped her off Friday evening, noticing that Mat’s car was nowhere to be seen. Nadia and Liana didn’t say anything about the situation, just thanking you for letting Nora stay over for the night and promising to call if anything came up. You didn’t have anything planned so you went back to your apartment, hoping to catch up on some overdue work you’d been letting pile up.
Halfway through writing a draft for a chapter, there’s a knock on your door. You’re once again suspecting it to be Nadia or Liana with Nora but you come face to face with Mat.
Again.
His eyes are trained on the ground, refusing to meet yours. There are a thousand things you want to say, most of them not nice at all but what comes out is: “beer?”
His head shoots up, clearly not expecting that response from you but he nods his head and walks in when you step to the side. He toes off his shoes and walks straight towards the kitchen. By instinct, he opens the fridge to get himself a drink and then pauses, looking at you sheepishly.
“Beer?”
“Water,” you reply and he nods, passing you a bottle of water. You both sit at the kitchen island, drinking your respectable drinks in silence until he clears his throat.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “I didn’t know that they were going to write that. Our public relations manager wrote it and just told me to post it. My agent asked her to clean things up a little because it was getting out of hand. I didn’t want to hurt you or Nora, I swear.”
“It’s too late for that,” you say sharply. “You said you want to be in Nora’s life but she can’t be a secret, Mat! You can’t say you want to try, and then turn around and tell the world that she’s not yours. If you’re not going to be in this one-hundred percent, then you shouldn’t be here at all.”
He must take your last statement as a dismissal because he stands up, slips his shoes on and leaves, closing the door a little harder than necessary.
You sit in silence far too long, part of you foolishly hoping that Mat will come back but you know he won’t. Not today at least. So, you go back to working on your draft but you can’t focus. Part of you wants to try and put yourself in his shoes, to try and understand why he didn’t fight harder against what public relations wanted but you can’t. You can’t imagine not being Nora’s mom and you wonder if maybe this is the way out he was hoping for. Maybe he decided that being a parent was fun for a little while, but when he understood the real consequences and struggles that come along with it, he realized he didn’t want it. That he didn’t want Nora.
Maybe this is his out.
tag list: @literatureluster @dasiysthings @barzyblogbabe @teapartydreams @diary-of-jj @heatherawoowoo @fallinallincurls @topguncultleader @shadowsndaisies @lovinbarzal
#hockey imagines#allies writing#nhl fanfiction#hockey fanfiction#nhl imagines#hockey imagine#mat barzal x reader#mat barzal imagine#mat barzal fic#mat barzal fanfiction#hockey fics#hockey fic
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jo's nhl fic rec list !
hi - welcome to my attempt at being a fic writer again. i have a wip list in the works but first things first: my fic rec list of all the works i've found and adored.
if you don't know yet, you will know soon that i am such a sucker for angst. i hope you find something new to love from the list below !
i will aim to update this weekly with new additions have NEW tagged next to it. additionally, if any fics become archived / deleted i will also tag it as such.
* updated thursday 25 april 2024 *
weekly note: so, i've sadly had to remove summaries of each fic to make way for new fics. i'm going to think of a solution to work around this, but whatever i do, this will still remain the masterlist for my fic recs!
like my selection of fic recs? have a player who's not been featured? let me know and i'll go on a deep dive for you!
ANAHEIM DUCKS
better man (trevor zegras) by @starry-hughes
hard to forget (trevor zegras) by @hockey-fics
something about the sunshine (trevor zegras) by @huggybug
word count: 3k
last night in anaheim (trevor zegras) by @itsjusthockey
word count: 2.3k
CAROLINA CANES
do i really have to tell you (brady skjei) by @senditcolton
this is how it ends (sebastian aho) by @silverstonesainz-archive
i could love you with my eyes closed (sebastian aho) by @matthewtkachuk
finish line (sebastian aho) by @silverstonesainz-archive
lover boy (seth jarvis) by @sydnikov
being bold (seth jarvis) by @sydnikov
9PM in Vancouver (andrei svechnikov) by @thewintersoldierdisaster
in five (andrei svechnikov) by @sydnikov
NEW - sunkissed: pt 1, pt 2 & pt 3 (andrei svechnikov) by @sydnikov
NEW - all the pretty girls (pyotr kotchetkov) by @unluckyhoneybee
COLORADO AVS
summers back home (nathan mackinnon) by @happer08
crushes with beefcake (nathan mackinnon) by @ohmyeyesmyeyes
i didn't have it in myself to go with grace (nathan mackinnon) by @mattyanonwrites
monday morning (nathan mackinnon) by @matthewtkachuk
colorado (for the first time) (nathan mackinnon) by @withwritersblock
FLORIDA PANTHERS
subtle (matthew tkachuk) by @hockey-hoe-24-7
word count: 3.1k
you say you hate me (matthew tkachuk) by @pucksnsticksnhockeyboys
all for you (4 times you tried to tell Brady you loved him, and one time matty did it for you): pt 1, pt 2, pt 3, pt 4 & pt 5 (matthew tkachuk) by @comphersjost
4 times you fake a relationship + 1 time you didn't (matthew tkachuk) by @hockeywhy
4 times you didn;t find the one + 1 time you did (matthew tkachuk) by @hockeywhy
homecoming (matthew tkachuk) by @doc-pickles
NEW JERSEY DEVS
gin, tonic, and tequila shots (jack hughes) by @hockey-fics
stay the night (jack hughes) by @eyesthatroll
everybody wants you, but i don't like a gold rush (jack hughes) by @sunkissed-zegras
invisible string (luke hughes) by @hugshughes
tidal wave (luke hughes) by @babydollmarauders
drops of jupiter: pt 1 & pt 2 (jack hughes) by @youunravelme
breakable heaven series: pt 1, pt 2, pt 3, pt 4 & pt 5 (jack hughes) by @chewingcyanide
hey, i can be your boyfriend (nico hischier) by @theemporium
second best (jack hughes) by @chewingcyanideA
my heart's racing, and it isn't the exercise (luke hughes) by @sunnyskiesscareme
head start (jack hughes) by @youunravelme
first rule of fight club (jack hughes) by @thatintrovertedwriter
valentines (nico hischier) by @hischierdevils
reaching out (jack hughes) by @bedsyandco
clumsy (jack hughes) by @babydollmarauders
a walk down memory lane (jack hughes) by @letsgetrowdy43
lover of mine (nico hischier) by @ohmyeyesmyeyes
you're not the one (nico hischier) by @ladylooch
moth to a flame (jack hughes & trevor zegras) by @itsjusthockey
when the party's finally over: pt 1 & pt2 (jack hughes) by @itsjusthockey
NEW - off limits: pt 1 & pt 2 (nico hischier) by @hischierhoney
NEW YORK ISLANDERS
five times everyone knew mat loved you & the one time mat realized himself (mathew barzal) by @idontgiveaflyinggrayson69
bad luck charm (mathew barzal) by @matwith1t
show you (mathew barzal) by @islesnucks
to all the girls you've loved before: pt 1, pt 2, pt 3, pt 4, pt 5, pt 6 (mathew barzal) by @youunravelme
the word wing-woman (mathew barzal) by @youunravelme
this is how you fall in love (mathew barzal) by @youunravelme
it's nice to have a friend (mathew barzal) by @youunravelme
we've come so far baby (mathew barzal) by @mendeshoney
TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS
cause i'm not ready (auston matthews) by @misshoneyimhome
3 times people asked you if you an auston were together + 1 time you finally are? (auston matthews) by @bedsyandco
we're parents? like actually parents? (auston matthews) by @austonwithan-o
moth to a flame (auston matthews ft mitch marner) by @marnerparty
VANCOUVER CANUCKS
lucky (quinn hughes) by @43-hugs
4 times everyone else caught on before the 1 time you and quinn finally did (quinn hughes) by @mrsensitive
5 times Quinn wanted to kiss you + 1 time he finally did (quinn hughes) by @bedsyandco
friend's don't (quinn highes) by @hischierdevils
third time's the charm (quinn hughes) by @thatintrovertedwriter
fearless (quinn hughes) by @theemporium
plus one (quinn hughes) by @bagopucks
growing up is (quinn hughes) by @adoristsposts
NEW - home (brock boeser) by @bedsyandco
NEW - nothing but love (quinn hughes) by @starry-hughes
NEW - can i be close to you? (quinn hughes) by @43-hugs
#nhl imagine#nhl fic rec#nhl fic#hockey imagine#trevor zegras fic#trevor zegras imagine#brady skjei fic#brady skjei imagine#sebastian aho fic#sebastian aho imagine#andrei svechnikov fic#andrei svechnikov imagine#seth jarvis fic#seth jarvis imagine#nathan mackinnon fic#nathan mackinnon imagine#matthew tkachuk fic#matthew tkachuk imagine#luke hughes fic#luke hughes imagine#jack hughes fic#jack hughes imagine#nico hischier fic#nico hischier imagine#mat barzal fic#mat barzal imagine#auston matthews fic#auston matthews imagine#quinn hughes fic#quinn hughes imagine
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𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐔𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍 - 𝐐𝐔𝐈𝐍𝐍 𝐇𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐄𝐒
𝐙𝐄𝐑𝐎 - 𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘
ˏˋ°•*⁀➷
𝐐𝐮𝐢𝐧𝐧 𝐇𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐞𝐬 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐨𝐮𝐬!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐞𝐱!𝐌𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐰 𝐁𝐚𝐫𝐳𝐚𝐥 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐨𝐮𝐬!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫
𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬 - 𝐘/𝐧 𝐘/𝐥/𝐧'𝐬 𝐕𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞 𝐛𝐢𝐨.
𝐰𝐜 - 600 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐬𝐨 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐭 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐘/𝐧 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭! 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐨𝐝𝐚𝐲!
𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬 - 𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐢 𝐠𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐚 𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐈𝐌 𝐒𝐎𝐑𝐑𝐘!!!!!, 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐜𝐫𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐞!𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐰 𝐛𝐚𝐫𝐳𝐚𝐥, 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡 ��𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫, 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐚 𝐛𝐚𝐝 𝐛𝐚𝐝 𝐛𝐚𝐝 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐲 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐩, 𝐚 𝐛𝐢𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭, 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐜𝐫𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐢 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐞𝐥𝐬𝐞(?)
𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 - 𝐨𝐟 𝐜𝐨𝐮��𝐬𝐞 𝐢 𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐨𝐰𝐧/𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐦 𝐭𝐨 𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐢𝐜! 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬!
𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 - 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭
𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 - 𝐧𝐨 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐲𝐞𝐭. 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰!
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Social Media!
thevogue.com/artists/yn-yln/#bio
Artists / Y/n Y/l/n
Pop Female Vocalist Indie Folk Post-teen Pop Singer-songwriter
Published December 2nd, 2023. 11:29AM PST
Y/n Y/m/n Y/l/n (born January 11, 2001, in Annapolis, Maryland) is an American singer-songwriter. Y/l/n is a 3-time Grammy winner with a total of 11 nominations (as of October, 2023). As of October, 2023, Y/l/n has sold 26 million albums and 88 million singles worldwide.
Y/n Y/l/n is a internationally praised pop-indie phenomena. She quickly rose to fame at only 17 when she released her debut album Pause (February 19, 2018). Pause sold over a million copies in less than 48 hours, soaring to the top of the Billboard Hot 100 chart. 8 of Y/n's songs took place on the top ten and it took 41 weeks for Y/n's songs to exit the top 10. Pause racked up 3 Platinum singles, including Blouse, Innocent, and Bags.
Y/n Y/l/n's fame somehow skyrocketed higher when she released her second album Chaser (January 19th, 2020). The album features mostly love songs, rumored to be about her then boyfriend, NHL player Mathew Barzal. The album featured best sellers such as Cruel Simmer, Habits, and Happiness is a Butterfly.
As we stay on the topic of her ex boyfriend, she has been stuck in one scandal regarding her love life. In September of 2021, 20 months after releasing Chaser, there were paparazzi videos released of the IT couple in a shouting match on the street outside of popular restaurant, BOA Steakhouse, in Los Angeles, California. Video depicted Y/l/n crying as she fought with the hockey player, who was caught insulting Y/n very explicitly. The video ends with Barzal storming back into BOA Steakhouse, and Y/l/n sitting on the curb, awaiting her ride after the NHL star shouted, "Get a f***ing Uber back if you're going to be a b***h and embarrass me like this!" Bystanders watch as Y/l/n entered long time friend Tate McRae's car.
Less than a week later Y/n confirmed the end of the three year long relationship, with no further comments. While there have been no albums released since Chaser, in January 2020. Y/l/n has released two singles, Memories, and The Cut That Always Bleeds, both released in the summer of 2022.
As of now, December 2023, there has yet to be any major news of new music, but there's always the tiny bits and rumors that get down to the public. While Y/n has promised an album in 2024, she has yet to set a release, causing fans to believe it will come in the later months of the new year.
All in all, Y/n Y/l/n is a talented, young superstar. She captivates audiences like few can, and with the way her career is going now, could be one of the biggest star the world's ever seen. Most recently, Y/n was spotted in a cozy Baltimore suburb alongside Taylor Swift, who Y/n has repeatedly mentioned as her biggest influence when it comes to music, as well as her biggest fan. Swift seemed to take Y/n under her wing in 2019, even having Y/n open a stretch of her shows at The Eras Tour, in 2023, as well as the US shows in late 2024!
There are obviously large things in store for this young influential woman, and I can't help but applaud all of her hard work and dedication to her work.
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#persuasion au#hugshughes#quinn hughes#mathew barzal#quinn hughes fluff#quinn hughes au#quinn hughes blurb#quinn hughes imagine#quinn hughes x reader#quinn hughes smut#quinn hughes angst#mathew barzal x reader#mathew barzal angst#vancouver canucks#nhl#nhl draft 2023#nhl blurb#nhl imagine#nhl x reader#nhl fic#jack hughes#jack hughes angst#jack hughes blurb
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Right Where You Left Me
mat barzal x model!fem!reader
a visceral in doses fic
warnings: angst, self inflicted doubts, slight jealousy, lack of communication, age gaps, break ups, alcohol consumption, and I think that’s all
this takes place when they were just dating
You sit in your bedroom, trying to stop your tears from falling as you look out your window. It’s to no avail.
How could a perfect night end up so terribly wrong? You were meant to celebrate your latest magazine cover with Mat in attendance. Now you’re crying your eyes out, wishing you never invited him along.
The night started off great. You and Mat walked around, socializing with everyone there. You both had a couple drinks and Mat quite literally never left your side. He was proud of you and wanted to see how appreciated you are. You’re the one who left his side. Never in your life have you been the jealous type, but when you walked back to Mat after getting you and him drinks from the bar, you weren’t expecting to see him so enthusiastically talking to another woman. His smile is wide to the point you can see his dimples. His body language is relaxed and her’s is laced with interest. Why wouldn’t she be?
You linger back, halting your steps in favor of letting the crowd drown you out from where you’re witnessing Mat and the woman’s conversation. Deciding to avoid them, you turn and find someone to talk to. Your conversation is only a distraction especially when you can hear the distinct sound of your boyfriend’s laughter. You peek over your shoulder only to regret it the second you catch a glance at the woman he’s talking to. She’s a woman. In every sense. Her makeup is so elegant and light. Her hair is perfectly curled and pinned, and her outfit looks like it was designed just for her. She’s everything you’re insecure about- especially in regard to your relationship and age gap with Mat.
You bite the bullet and excuse yourself from who you were talking to, making your way to the person you wish you didn’t want to avoid.
“Hi,” you mumble and mentally slap yourself for coming off as shy or intimidated.
“Y/n! Hi, honey. Your cover is fantastic! For a young model you sure do have an amazing resume,” she compliments you, her words have a way of punching your gut.
“Thank you! That means a lot,” you try to fake a smile and she buys it, but you can see Mat look at you from the corner of your eye.
“I am so sorry. Where are my manners? This is Mathew Barzal, he’s a hockey player. I don’t know how he ended up at an event like this, but we were just talking about hockey. As an older Canadian who grew up around hockey, I was attempting to school him. I wanted to see if he knew his own game as well as I do,” the woman says, cocking her head to the side in utter confidence.
You knew she was older.
You give her another faint smile before responding.
“He’s a great hockey player. Mat’s my boyfriend,” you state and watch as realization crosses her facial features.
“My goodness, sorry. He didn’t mention he was here with his girlfriend, but I guess it never really came up. Wow! How did a man like you end up with a girl like Y/n? I would’ve expected you to be with someone around your age and not as busy,” she has the audacity to say to your face.
“I can keep up with him just fine, thanks for your concern,” you bite, smiling sarcastically.
“She’s the best girlfriend,” Mat finally decided to contribute to the conversation. He throws an arm over your shoulders, but you quickly remove yourself after bidding a quick goodbye to the woman whose name you’re glad you didn’t learn.
You never wanted to see her again.
“Are you okay?” Mat asks, catching up to you and resting a hand on your arm.
“I’m fine,” you say stoically.
“No you’re not,” he points out.
“Then why’d you ask?” You snap, still facing away from him.
“What the hell is going on?” He grabs your shoulders and turns you towards him.
“What the hell is going on with you and that lady?” You question.
Mat looks confused because why are you angry about him talking to someone else. Mat looks confused because why are you tearing up and not making eye contact with him?
“What are you talking about?” He tries to reach for your hands, but you pull them away from him before he can touch you.
“Stop doing that,” he whispers.
His veins on his neck are already starting to pop out and his face is getting flushed. He’s having a hard time being patient with you.
“Can you take me home?” You ask silently.
“Can you answer my question?”
“No, because if I do, we’re just going to fight,” you answer.
“Why would you, answering my question, make us fight? If anything, you not answering my question and ignoring me is what’s pissing me off,” he claims, a warning in his tone.
You drag your fingers through your hair and turn away from him again. You can feel your chest heave even though you’re trying to hide it. You face him again, your teary eyes flashing up at him. The crinkle in between your eyebrows gets Mat to close the distance and smooth out the skin with his thumb. You hold onto his wrist and push his hand away.
“You looked like you were really enjoying your conversation with her. Like I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so animated, not even with me,” you whisper and shut your eyes.
Mat’s eyebrows turn down in a frown and his lips form into a semi-frown.
“That can’t be true, and we were just talking about hockey. You know I love hockey,” he says.
“You never talk with me about hockey, besides game details. I know you know that hockey isn’t my favorite, but when it comes to you I’d talk about anything.”
“I don’t mean to not talk about hockey with you. I can change that, though, easily,” he tries to calm your worries, but you can’t stop the thoughts in your head.
“The thing is that you can find it so easy to talk to another woman about something that you find hard to talk about with me,” you counter. Your face pinches up in discomfort.
“You can’t place all of that blame on me,” he responds.
“I’m not trying to blame just you. She just seemed really interested in you and what she said was bitchy. She made it seem like you both were flirting,” you stress.
“That wasn’t my case. I was just talking to her about hockey,” Mat defends himself. You believe him but those damn thoughts in your head can’t be silenced.
“I just can’t get over the vibe I got from the way you looked so cozy.”
“I don’t know what to tell you to make you believe me. I’m telling the truth that nothing was or is going on with that woman. It was just a conversation. I don’t know how to get through to you,” he says through clenched teeth.
You grab onto his hand for the first time since you started this conversation. You squeeze them gently before looking into Mat’s eyes.
“That’s my fault. I just- I thought maybe you didn’t know how to handle me, but maybe I don’t know how to handle you. You and all that you come with. Maybe you should be with someone older and not some little girl who doesn’t know what she’s dealing with,” you admit through soft cracks of your voice.
Mat wipes away your tears, looking down at you with a saddened expression.
“No. No, please don’t do this. You are perfect for me. I don’t want a girlfriend if it’s not you, you know me,” he argues, shaking his head repeatedly and continuously wiping away your tears.
“We’re at different stages in life. You need someone older. Someone who isn’t me! I’m not right for you and clearly that’s noticeable to everyone except us,” you explain, flitting your eyes up to his only to regret it once you see nothing but pain in them.
“Why are you doing this? Why are you giving up on us? You’re the love of my life, that much I’m sure of. It’s only 5 years. We’re both adults,” he states, holding onto your face even though it’s no use.
“Can you please just take me home?”
Mat doesn’t say anything. He bitterly nods his head and moves away from you, begrudgingly walking to his car.
The car ride is quiet and tense. The air condition isn’t enough to drown out the silence or your sniffles. Each time Mat hears you, he flinches and recoils his hands before he can fully reach out to touch you.
When he parks outside of your apartment, he hastily gets out to open your door for you. Your heart twists in an ache that seems like it’ll be a permanent visitor. You’re going to miss him so much.
“I can get up by myself,” you mutter when you realize he’s following you inside.
“Please, Y/n. I love you,” he pulls you back by your hand, a hand going to your waist because he physically can’t let go of you.
“And I love you. That’s why we can’t be together. You deserve someone better,” you stress.
“You don’t get it. There is no one better. There is just you. You, Y/n L/n, the love of my life. What do I need to do to make you believe that? What have I done to make you doubt me?”
“Nothing. Follow me or don’t follow me up, but we’re done, okay?” You pull out of his grasp, hoping and begging that he doesn’t follow you.
When you get to your door, your shaking hands fumble the keys and struggle to unlock your door. You can feel his presence behind you and it makes you feel worse. You rip the door open, hoping that behind it there’s fresh air. You turn to close it, rapidly blinking your tears away as you stare into Mat’s eyes. You see his red rimmed eyes and the defeated gaze in his face, but you don’t have it in yourself to say anything. You close the door in his face and wait a few minutes for him to leave so you can break down completely. You had no idea that he spent the entire night outside your front door, hearing you sob and fighting with himself to find a way to comfort you.
a/n: Enjoy some Mat and model!reader angst!
#mat barzal#mat barzal fanfiction#mat barzal fic#mat barzal fluff#mat barzal angst#mat barzal blurb#mat barzal x reader#mat barzal smut#mat barzal imagine#nhl imagine#nhl fic#new york islanders#visceral in doses
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hey mat(t)hew
mat barzal x reader, matthew tkachuk x reader
warnings: cheating, angst, mentions of sex, more angst, barzy ends up heartbroken but so does tkachuk, inspired by the song hey ben (games we play & hoodie allen)
summary: matthew finds out you have another boyfriend who happens to be closer to him than he would have ever guessed.
navigation
I got some things that I've been meaning to get off my chest. Been holding on to this so long, I've never been so stressed.
Mathew Barzal was never expecting a text from a random number addressing him as Mathew. He didn’t even know who this was. Why was this person addressing him as if they knew one another, as if they had something in common?
“Hey Mathew… hate to be the bearer of bad news..”
That’s how the text started.
And this might just weird you out, But I flagged you down to say, I know we haven't met, But we've got tons of friends in common, And lying isn't me, so I'll just be completely honest.
You had wanted to get out of Fort Lauderdale since you were a teenager. As soon as the opportunity presented itself, acceptance to NYU and funding from your parents, you were in New York. The plan wasn’t to find a job right out of graduation and work for a company based in Fort Lauderdale. Luckily, you didn’t have to return there often, just for the occasional, one-time-a-month trip, your job letting you work remotely for the most part.
Your life was perfect. A college degree, a job, and a hot boyfriend, Mathew Barzal. Your life was enjoyable, being a hockey girlfriend and successful. It wasn’t that Mat was a bad boyfriend. He was great. He would buy expensive gifts, tell you that he loves you, everything you could ask for.
Both traveling for work, it wasn’t out of the ordinary to go down to Florida for work while Mat was traveling as well, he’d be on the West Coast while you were down in Florida, sitting through boring meetings. He’d text you good morning and good night, call you if he could, and tell you he loved you.
You weren’t sure what had gotten into you. Maybe it was the fact that a minor argument had happened while you were packing to leave on your work trip of the month and Mathew was staying in New York for the week. You were staying at a rental house, paid for by your company, it was a nice place in a nice area: Sunrise, Florida.
Hey Ben, I'm sorry, but I might have slept with your girlfriend I was under the impression she was my girlfriend. Don't worry, it won't happen again. But, hey Ben, I can't make any promises.
Matthew Tkachuk had been on the Florida Panthers for a short time when he stumbled into you. You were on a jog, needing to clear your head about your rocky relationship back home. Matthew was rounding his car, walking to the trunk when you jogged by and startled him. You ripped out your headphones, huffing an apology. “It’s okay,” Matthew flashed a smile at you, “I’ve never seen you around here.”
With your hands on your hips, you suddenly feel something, lust. “Just here on a work trip, can I help you with groceries? Since I startled you.” He had completely forgotten about the groceries in his trunk, the Publix bags staring at him.
You ended up sleeping with Matthew Tkachuk that night.
You felt guilty. Horrible. But the sex was too good. It would be a secret, one you wanted to take to the grave. A one-time thing. You’d delete his number, forget his name and the way his beard scratched your thighs.
Hey Ben, I'm sorry, but I might have slept with your girlfriend. I guess she went and fucked around with both our heads, I think I might have ruined your day. Hey Ben, I'm sorry that you found out from me.
Mathew didn’t notice anything was off. You had decided not to tell him. You got home and everything was fine. He apologized, gave you a pretty necklace and told you he loved you. Everything was fine.
Except when your phone would buzz in the middle of the night. You had hidden WhatsApp in one of your app folders, Mathew believed it was for work. Matthew, from Florida, would send texts, saying he was thinking about you, thinking about the night you shared.
You knew it was wrong, but when your boyfriend fell asleep next to you, you were texting Matthew. Scandalous pictures of your clevage exchanged when Mathew was on a roadie, texts regarding your next visit to Florida, and he was totally convinced you lived in a studio apartment in New York City.
You let it continue. Every trip for work, you would spend your nights, telling Mathew you were going to bed, and then ending up in Matthew’s bed. You even had the excuse in your head, their names were the same, it wasn’t like you were moaning someone else’s name during the night. You could use autocorrect as an excuse, telling your boyfriend that your phone corrected his name from Mathew to Matthew.
It wasn't that Mathew was a bad boyfriend. He gave you love through gifts and kind words. But with Matthew it was different, everything was different. He wasn't telling you that he loved you but he cared. Mathew was soft and Matthew was rough, polar opposites. And having one was not good enough for you apparently.
Your fault in everything was never paying enough attention to your boyfriend’s career. He didn’t mind it. Mathew was fine if you missed his game and didn’t even care to watch from home. You didn’t bother asking Matthew what he did for work, but god there was just something familiar about his face. You shrugged off all the feelings though. But, you let Matthew call you his girlfriend, it was easier to say than situtionship. You told him you didn’t have a social media presence and he fully believed you.
And I know we've never met But we have so much in common. If you don't believe me, check to see my skeleton in her closet.
Matthew had found out through someone else. His teammate, Sam Reinhart, next to him on the plane to Dallas, scrolling through Instagram. Matthew saw your face, saw you smiling in the picture, Mathew Barzal kissing your cheek, a piece of jewlery on your finger. And his stomach dropped.
How do you tell someone you’re the side piece? Matthew fell down the rabbit hole of Mat Barzal’s social media, finding your private Instagram, the one you claimed you didn’t have. Pictures and pictures on Barzal’s Instagram, featuring you, featuring you and him in the summers, Italian vacations, wearing a WAG jacket during the playoffs.
Matthew’s jaw clenched, he was better than Barzal, hell his team made it further in the 2022-2023 playoffs. He was obviously better at something, why else would you be calling him every time you were in Florida. He knew it was wrong at the end of the day, he didn’t stand for cheaters, and he wouldn’t be a dick and keep his knowledge to himself.
A couple of texts later, Matthew was granted Mathew’s number. “Hey Mathew… Hate to be the bearer of bad news… but, I think you should know this. I kinda slept with your girlfriend.”
And I know you'll find the dirt behind The dates and times, the alibis The text she sent November 9th. I dare you, ask to read it.
Mathew Barzal didn’t want to believe it at first. He had just proposed, everything was perfect in his opinion. He wanted to believe it was a prank. He didn’t want to think his girlfriend, who was sleeping besides him in his shirt was cheating on him.
Matthew Tkachuk was angry, he was upset. He knew if he was in Mat’s spot, he wouldn’t want to believe it either. But suddenly everything became so clear. How he ignored the shoes in the background of your picture, how he once saw you answering a text about spending the summer in Coquitlam. How you would suddenly text him more the nights that the New York Islanders play.
November 9, 2022
“I’ll be in Florida tomorrow.” You had texted him.
November 9, 2023
“You okay?” You texted when you realized he hadn’t texted you back in a while, leaving your last flirty text on read.
The screenshots of the texts made Mathew sick to his stomach. In less than a month, he’d be in Florida, sharing the ice with Matthew. He didn’t know if he could make it through a game with this knowledge. The two boys had agreed on telling you they knew.
Hey Ben, I'm sorry, but I might have slept with your girlfriend. I guess she went and fucked around with both our heads.
Sweet revenge for them both came December 2. You had panicked when Mathew told you he’d be in Florida at the same time you’d be on your work trip. You couldn’t just go and sleep with Matthew at the same time you fiance was in the city. The large diamond ring on your finger suddenly feeling very heavy.
“How about we stay at the house your company rents you?” Mathew pressed a kiss to your lips. Even though he was about to change things, he still kissed you. “In Sunrise?” you squeaked. “Yeah, it’s not that much further from our arena.”
You felt sick the whole time, making an excuse to Mathew. He was just in town for the night, just for the Panthers game. Then he’d be gone. “I’m going to shower,” you kissed his cheek. He nodded and as soon as you disappeared from sight, he texted the man down the street.
“Mat? Baby? Have you seen my hairbrush?” your hair was wet still, you were so focused on drying the tips of your hair that you didn’t even realize Mat had removed his duffle bag from the bedroom. And the engagement ring you left on the dresser had been removed.
You could have laughed at everything. At the end of the day, it was your doing. “Hey baby, did you know Matthew lives down the road? He plays with the Panthers, knows Reinhart.”
It was ironic. Your perfect life crumbling in front of you. It was your fault. Why did it hurt? The room was painfully silent as your mouth went dry and the food you’d eaten hours before seemed to be ready to exit out of your mouth. “I, I-” you stuttered, tears filling your eyes as Matthew nodded, jaw clenched.
“Well,” Matthew’s voice boomed, “I should go, considering you guys probably have a lot more to discuss.” Matthew brushed by you and let himself out. There would be no hard feelings between the two boys.
“Mat baby I didn’t-”
“I’ll be back on Long Island Sunday night. I’ll pack your things.”
“Mathew.”
He shook his head, eyes full of tears of betrayal and hurt. “No, you don’t get to fix this. I saw the texts, I know everything.”
“Mathew please,” you dry heaved. “Was it worth it?” Mat’s words laced with venom, “I hope it was worth it.”
#mathew barzal#matthew tkachuk#mat barzal#mat barzal imagine#matthew tkachuk imagine#mat barzal x reader#matthew tkachuk x reader#hockey imagine#nhl fic#nhl fanfic#hockey fic#mathew barzal imagine#matthew tkachuk fic
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make roll angst pls to deal with what your going through (sorry that you’re going through it i’ve been there and it’s not easy, sending you love) where they have to think about putting rolo down but they don’t have too and the barzals cope with getting rolo a friend
“We can’t put the dog down!”
“You heard what the vet said mat”
Mat sighed “you have to tell Ivy”
“Mat!” “What?! She’s going to cry and then I’ll cry”
You scowled “Mathew…”
He put his hands up “Babe I mean it, I’ve delivered bad news but this? It’ll kill me”
The two of you went back and forth for about an hour before the vet called you, you expected the worst
“Hello?”
You watched Mat’s face as he discussed the dog with the vet.
When he hung up he was silent until you yell
“Speak! C’mon!”
“He said Rolo is fine, he did an X-ray and that he has Lego in his bowel but it can be removed”
You let out the loudest sigh of relief “Oh thank fuck!”
Later; when you’d gone to pick Rolo up from the vet the technician joked with you “While you’re here we have an adoption event going on, care for a puppy?” All while staring at Wyatt, only seven months old in your arms.
When hearing puppy Wyatt smiled and clapped her hands and Mat couldn’t resist “You want a puppy Wy? Shall we get a puppy for WyWy?”
And that’s how you ended up with two dogs and three less legos in your home.
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You're being way too nice to me - with Mat Barzal
(sad/angst blurb weekend)
“Is your girlfriend going to let you go out tonight or do you have to stay home and play house?”
“Come on, man, not in front of her.”
Anthony pulls you into him and guides you away from Mat. He kisses the side of your head and apologizes for his Mat’s words. It doesn’t make you feel any better.
You’ve been with Anthony for nearly a year and Mathew is his closest friend in New York and he hates you. He hates you and he doesn’t bother to hide it. He’s rude to you and short with you and generally mean spirited when you’re around.
It’s weird because everyone else sings Mat’s praises and says he’s this funny, charming, happy guy that doesn’t dislike anyone but you know better. Mat may not dislike anyone else in the world, but he definitely dislikes you.
“You don’t have to stay home tonight.”
“We had plans though.”
“We can watch a TV show whenever. You guys won tonight, you should go celebrate.”
It hurts a little when Anthony happily agrees with you and whisks you back to your shared apartment, only to get showered and changed and disappear out the door to meet with Mat and the others. Truthfully, you’d been looking forward to tonight’s former plans for several days. You and Anthony were going to start watching a new series on Netflix that you were both hyped over. It was fine though, you didn’t want the guys on the team to think you were overbearing or controlling.
What you didn’t know was that they didn’t. No one found you to be any different than any of the other partners, except for Mat. Mat thought you were annoying and clingy and he couldn’t even stand to be in the same room as you for a lengthy period of time. He wasn’t sure why Beau was slumming it with you when he could do so much better.
You were fast asleep when Anthony came home, with a drunken Mat in tow, and didn’t hear the small argument they got into.
“I’m not breaking up with her, fuck man, I love her. What is your problem?”
“She’s my problem. You can do better. We see better every single night and they throw themselves at us man, time to level up.”
“Go to bed,” Anthony hastily guided Mat into the guest room, “and stop being so goddamn mean to my girlfriend. She’s not fucking going anywhere.”
*
“Good morning love,” you burst into the kitchen expecting to see Anthony. Disappointment and embarrassment crept into your cheeks as soon as you realized that the man pouring himself a cup of coffee wasn’t Anthony, it was Mat.
“You wish,” he scoffs and turns around to lean against the counter as he brings the mug up to his lips.
“I absolutely don’t wish anything of the sort. Get out of the way. I want some coffee too.”
“Coffee’s for decent people only, you should drink some water or motor oil or something.”
He doesn’t meet your eyes as he fires off his insults and you’re pretty damn tired of it.
“Shut up Mat, where’s Anthony?”
“He went to find a new girl.”
“You wish,” you mimicked him and shoved him aside as you grabbed a mug of your own and poured yourself some coffee.
“Maybe so,” he mumbled to himself as he headed toward the living room.
*
It was the first time in a long time that you’d witnessed a game so physical. The Avalanche were beating the shit out of the Islanders, both on the scoreboard and on the ice. Anthony had managed to play unscathed for the most part, but it felt like every Avalanche player was breathing down Mat’s neck.
They were aggressive for the majority of the game and it wasn’t until the end that Nathan MacKinnon decided to start a fight. Mat gave it his all but he wasn’t a fighter. MacKinnon won the fight and Mat skated away with blood dripping from his nose and lips.
Mat didn’t like you, he never had. You shouldn’t have cared but the look you shared with Anthony made it clear that you needed to intervene. The game wasn’t over and Anthony couldn’t leave the ice, so you had to be the one to do it.
It wasn’t your first time making your way down the tunnel but it was the first time you were seeking Mat out and it felt weird. This man didn’t care for you at all.
“Hey.”
“Hi.”
One of the staff members let you into the small room where Mat sat nursing his wounds.
“You okay?”
“Do I look okay?”
He chuckled softly before dropping the towel from his face and giving you what should have been a smile but was more like a grimace, “am I missing any teeth?”
“Not that I can see, there’s quite a lot of blood though.”
“Comes with the territory. Hockey player and all that.”
“Yeah.”
It’s awkward, you feel awkward because for the first in what you think is forever, Mat is being nice to you.
“You’re being way too nice to me.”
“I know. It’s weird, right?”
“It is actually.”
“I’m working on my personal bullshit. Also my feelings for my best friend’s girl. It’s complicated.”
-
should I do more of these blurb weekends?
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