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ofoceansandtombsanew · 5 months

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like fine wine (zeke jaeger x reader)

tags: fem!reader (afab, she/her), age gap (reader is in 20s, zeke in mid to late 30s), established relationship a/n: a little present for my friend @cafedanslanuit with her loser boyfriend who is doing something big this weekend and i'm really happy for her. love you bestie, good job you deserve everything you want in life and more!

“Not gonna lie,” you hold your wine glass closer to your lips to hide your smile from the room. Your eyes skirt from your boyfriend to a shorter man across the room. If looks could kill, you’re sure Zeke would have been killed a thousand times over when they first made eye contact with each other. “I would love to see what your interactions would look like if there weren’t any social obligations getting in the way.”

“It would be the ugliest bare knuckle fight,” Zeke chuckles in your ear and you suppress a shudder. “I hope that the prettiest in the room would bet on victory being in my favor.” Blue eyes look over your black dress and heels with thinly veiled lust and you feel a surge of satisfaction of how you dressed yourself for the occasion. It isn’t your first time being at one of these parties. You’ve been to some for your own companyー mandatory holiday parties to build ‘comradery’ and such.

This is the first time you’ve been to one so fancy, however. Still, your just-over-knee-length black dress number has once again proven to be your most trusted ally for such events.

Never doubt classic magic.

Your grin shifts into something more mischievous, “I don’t know,” you purr. “The shorter they are, the more aggressive they fight.”

Zeke takes your jest in stride, “I don’t think he could even reach my neck.” You can’t stop yourself from giggling.

Before you can reply with a zinger of your own, a voice pleasantly booming and jovial stops you. “Oh Zeke Jaeger, as I live and breathe,” a blond man calls, holding a glass of champagne. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you.”

Zeke returns the smile in full, “It’s nice seeing you, Willy Tybur,” a large hand presses on the small of your back as Zeke leads you both to the man. “[First], this is Willy Tybur, an old friend of mine from university.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Tybur,” you hold your hand out gracefully. You vaguely remember the name from the stories Zeke told you about his university days.

“Please, call me, Willy,” the blond man shakes your hand warmly. “It’s nice to see you finally settling down, Zeke. [First], if you ever want any stories about this guy back in our school days, just say the word. I have plenty.”

Your eyes widen in excitement, “I’d be happy to hear some now if you have any off the top of your head.”

“I’m sure you’d find those old stories boring,” Zeke tries to intervene.

“On the contrary,” your [color] eyes shine under the light of the chandelier. “I think I’ll find them plenty entertaining.”

The universe is on Zeke’s side, however, when Willy is serendipitously called over by a couple. You’ll get those stories somehow. I don’t know when, but somehow.

“Saved by bell, huh, Zeke,” you aren’t giggling but the urge is clearly there. You welcome your man’s look of exasperated amusement. “You know if Willy doesn’t tell me, I still have Eren to run to, right?” His younger brother has already given you plenty of fodder on the down low. “Unless you wanna save me all the effort and just divulge all your secrets yourself?”

You love the smirk on his face and you welcome the subtle caress down your sides. “You’re really trying to rile me up this evening, aren’t you?”

“Is it that obvious?” You ask coyly. “When does it become socially acceptable for the two of us to leave for the evening again?”

“30 minutes,” comes Zeke’s well-calculated answer.

“Think you can last?”

“Can you?” Zeke replies with a suggestive curl of his lips.

Oh, how the games are on.

#look she's writing #snk x reader #aot x reader #zeke x reader #zeke jaeger x reader #managed to successfully not spill the beans that this was in the works yay me #zeke was surprisingly hard to write for but i work harder

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artificialqueens · 6 years

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Love Shack (Trixya) - mallstars

AN: Hey guys, I’m back with a new chapter! If you like what I’m writing, please come over and talk to me over here. I’d love to hear from you! <3 This is chapter seven, and it’s sad af, yay! :’) i also publish on ao3 if you wanna read the whole thing again bc I know it’s been a while. I’m also mallstars on ao3.

Chapter 8

In which Trixie is a good girlfriend

The next morning Trixie wakes up to her phone buzzing. Somehow, even with all the chaos in her mind after last night’s events, she was able to fall asleep. She can’t have slept for more than two hours, however. She wants to ignore her phone and go back to sleep until her alarm goes off, but the phone keeps on buzzing. She takes it out from under her pillow and forces her eyes open. There’s another message coming in. It’s Katya. Why is she always sending ten messages when she could just send one? It’s uncalled for. Trixie groans and closes her eyes again, a picture of Katya and Raja at the bar flashing before her inner eye. She decides to go back to sleep after all; but now her mind is awake, and racing, and it’s only a matter of minutes before she gives in and opens Katya’s texts.

Katya

Babe

Are you up?

I wanna talk

To you

I’m looking at the sunrise and it reminds me of you

You remember when we looked at the sunrise together? So beautiful

Please be here

Trixie sits up in her bed fast, her head spinning slightly. She tries to wrap her head around the messages, but doesn’t quite succeed. Katya is out there, thinking about her, wanting – no, needing – to talk to her. Katya called her Babe.Her heart is pounding in her chest. Before Trixie can think of a possible reply, three dots appear, showing that Katya is typing another message.

Katya

You’re not here

Of course not. I miss you.

I went to one of Adore’s gigs last night and met someone

They had the best tattoos. Raja. I think you would like them, they’re tall like you

I sucked their dick in the bathroom

It was so so good

I kinda want to do it again

Every new message has Trixie more confused. And more upset. She can already feel the tears well up in her eyes again, tears she didn’t cry last night after all, because she successfully managed to feel first too angry, and then too tired to cry. Why on earth would Katya tell her all this? Was she so drunk she forgot Trixie met Raja last night, Trixie saw everything? No, Katya doesn’t drink, Trixie remembers. There’s another text coming in.

Katya

I kinda want you to tell me not to.

Flooded with unwelcome emotions as she is, is takes Trixie another full minute to connect the dots. And, sure enough, her suspicion is confirmed right away.

Katya

Fuck Trixie

I’m so sorry

I’m used to Violet being the last person I texted and I didn’t check and clicked the wrong window

I’m so tired I’m so sorry

Sorry you had to read that. But I guess it’s better she didn’t get those, haha

What a mess

This is all it takes for Trixie to start full on ugly-crying. Thankfully, Kim wakes up from her sobbing and makes her way over to Trixie’s bed, bringing her blanket and wrapping Trixie in. She doesn’t ask any questions, just rubs Trixie’s back and sits with her until the tears stop coming and her breathing quiets down.

___

It is an awful day at Smiles for Miles. What kind of a stupid name for a day care is that anyway? Did Latrice come up with that shit? She would.

Earlier, Kim tried to convince her she didn’t need to go into work today, that it was okay to call in sick every once in a while, but the thought of spending all day in bed crying about Katya didn’t appeal to her. Also, Shangela has been absent from the day care the last couple of days, for reasons Trixie doesn’t know. This week it’s just her, Latrice, Betty, and a woman called Dela, who has a job at a different day care and only comes in when Latrice absolutely needs her to. So Trixie shows up.

Her main task today is to get the kids to draw self-portraits. It’s indicative of a child’s developmental stage to investigate how they perceive themselves, Latrice tells her, and gathers the first group of kids around at the drawing table.

Trixie is glad that she got the instruction to not interact with the kids too much as to not influence the outcome of their drawings. She doesn’t feel like interacting. The table they are sitting on is kid-size, as is her chair, so she’s only ever able to sit in a crouched sideways position, with her legs not fitting under the table. Her thighs look particularly huge today in a pair of creme coloured jeans. She wishes she could get her thighs under the table and out of her sight. Why does she have to sit at a kid’s table? Shouldn’t the kids have to sit at an adult’s table?

Several of the kids are sick, there’s sneezing and coughing on every side of the table. So many runny noses. Trixie watches in disgust as a drip of snot creeps out of Josie’s nose, runs down her mouth and her chin, and lands on her portrait, reuniting with its friends and colleagues on the thin paper.

There’s a fight over the pens again. There are eight kids at the table, and a box with at least a hundred colourful pens, but of course they all want the same three pens. Of course.

Kameko spills his juice over not only his own picture, but also Maisie’s. Trixie specifically told him to get his juice off the table not five minutes ago. Maisie hits Kameko with a ruler. Good for her. Trixie pretends not to see and has to stop herself from giving Maisie a thumbs up.

Opposite her, Liam is drawing what looks like a nightmare wearing Liam’s striped sweater. The head is formed like a bean, there’s hair spreading from the ears, and the body is shorter than the head. Trixie snorts.

The first group of kids finishes their portraits, and then the second, and then Betty comes over to relieve her. Good. Trixie doesn’t think she could stand watching another kid not knowing their arms don’t come out of their head. Betty brings over her office chair so she doesn’t have to sit like Trixie is sitting right now. Why doesn’t Trixie have one of those chairs? She should just take Betty’s. Betty isn’t tall, she isn’t big, she can sit on the damn kids’ chair.

Betty smiles at her, coffee in hand.

“Oh, Dana, look at you, you’re doing a wonderful job,” she says to one of the kids who had not only gotten her skin colour completely wrong but also forgot to draw feet. Then Betty turns to Trixie. “You look so good today” she gives her unwanted opinion. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you without all that makeup you always put on. You’re so pretty, you really don’t need it, don’t you think? It looks so nice today.” Trixie bites her lip, fighting a sudden urge to take Maisie’s example and hit Betty with a ruler. She isn’t wearing any makeup today because she’d been crying right until she had to leave and also just didn’t feel like making an effort at all today. Betty, being the natural flower she is, is wearing a generous amount of angry red eyeshadow and one of those glittering stones on her front teeth. Trixie just nods in acknowledgement and gets up without a word, leaving Betty with the group.

Trixie spends the rest of her shift mentally insulting Betty, having decided mean thoughts about Betty are still better than mean thoughts about the kids. When she finally gets home, she is in quite the mood.

“I’m not wearing too much makeup! I mean, I obviously am, but it’s on purpose, it’s supposed to be like this!” she announces loudly, slamming shut the door to her and Kim’s room and throwing her bag into a corner. It hits Kim’s ironing board, which collapses.

“Of course not,” Kim says earnestly, giving the ironing board only a short glance. “Your makeup is perfect.” She puts away the course work she has been working on, obviously getting that Trixie needs her attention right now. “So, uh. Did Katya insult your makeup last night? Is that why you were crying?”

Trixie almost laughs at that. Almost. Nobody had a right to come for her makeup but especially not Katya. And even more especially not Betty.

When Trixie doesn’t reply, Kim goes on: “Listen, I know you like her, but I think you might be giving her a little too much power here. And also, Katya says dumb stuff all the time, it’s not like she means it.”

“She didn’t. She didn’t say anything dumb. Or she did, maybe, but not about me.”

“Okay. Do you want to tell me what happened last night?”

“Yes.”

But she doesn’t start talking.

“Do you need cake before you do?”

“Yes. You have some?”

And she does. Trixie can always count on Kim to fill their place with delicious – and unhealthy – food.

Trixie is on her second piece of pecan pie when she starts telling Kim about the events from last night and this morning.

“I don’t know what the worst part is,” she says, after finishing the story, “the fact that she has a girlfriend, the fact that I’m not even an option next to her girlfriend, the fact that I had to see all of it, or the fact that Katya clearly has a type and I’m not it.” As soon as she finishes that sentence, Trixie knows what the worst part really is: having to witness first-hand the way Katya talks to Violet, having to witness Katya’s obvious pain and longing and feeling bad for her when she feels bad enough for herself already.

Kim chews her cake thoughtfully, pity clearly visible in her eyes.

Trixie feels her agitation slowly give way to sadness, and tries to cling on to the agitation, preferring it by a long shot. “Violet fully doesn’t deserve Katya. God, why can’t Katya just dump this bitch and move on? What’s so fucking special about Violet, hmm?”

Kim sighs. “Trixie, I don’t want to, err, say anything wrong, but. I think you need to get over this.”

Trixie didn’t expect this. She thought friends were supposed to indulge each other about their crushes. Isn’t that why you had friends? She feels her mood shift suddenly, scoffs, and crosses her arms in front of her chest. “Excuse me?” she asks, her voice sounding indignant, “But I don’t think I need to get over this.”

She half expects Kim to apologize and ask her to talk more about her feelings, but she doesn’t. Instead Kim raises her eyebrows, a challenging expression on her face.

Trixie goes on. “Katya is not happy!”

“And you would change that?”

“Yes!” Trixie says, feeling more than a little uncertain about this. She raises her voice slightly to make up for that unwelcome feeling. “I am a great girlfriend.” She purses her lips.

“And what do you base that on? Your amazing track record?”

Trixie’s mouth falls open at that. This bitch. “It is not my fault I haven’t had the opportunity to be an amazing girlfriend yet!”

“Whose fault is it then?” Kim asks, her lisp heavy on that question. Why didn’t Kim’s parents ever think to send her to speech therapy? Then Trixie wouldn’t have to listen to that lisp all day.

“It’s fucking…I don’t know! That’s a stupid question. I am a good girlfriend because I say so!” She crosses her arms and stares Kim down. She’s being a brat right now, she knows this, but it’s not like she can stop herself.

Kim watches her, her eyebrows still raised slightly, and takes a long pause before her next comment. “You do know, Trixie, that even if Katya and Violet were to break up you wouldn’t be able to just sweep in and carry her into the sunset? I need to know that you know that, right? Katya is a person, a pretty complicated person, and I doubt you know her as well as you think you do.”

Trixie feels all energy leave her body and uncrosses her arms slowly. She wants to sit down again, but doesn’t feel like sharing the table with Kim, and remains on her feet, feeling drained. Kim, however, is apparently not done shutting her down yet. “Also, you don’t know Katya and Violet together. They really found each other. And yes, they are struggling right now, but I think they’ll pull through. And you need to start dealing with that. You hanging around Katya metaphorically holding her hand and more or less patiently waiting for her relationship to fall apart so that you can make a move is not cute, Trixie. It’s not cute.”

Where the fuck is all of this coming from? Trixie wants to ask Kim that question, but her stomach feels tight with anger and for the second time today she feels tears welling up in her eyes. She quickly considers her options. One, ask Kim what the fuck is wrong with her. Two, let the tears flow and hope Kim will go back to being nice to her. Three, considering Kim’s words.

She goes with four, storming out, slamming the door on the way. A dramatic exit.

___

It’s raining, of course, because this is the type of day Trixie is having. At least she was smart enough to pick up her coat before she got out of their apartment. She starts walking, not knowing where to go. She never made friends with anybody from her classes, doesn’t socialize with them past some small talk and god-awful group projects, and this comes around to bite her in the ass now. She can’t go to Katya’s, she can’t go home, she can’t go to their milkshake bar and she’s not pathetic enough to show up at work after her shift is over. It’s not like she wants to see anybody there anyway. This is how she ends up sitting on a bench, in the rain, cursing the way the rain messes with her hair, cursing Katya, cursing Violet, Raja, Kim, and Betty, cursing herself. She waits until she knows Kim is asleep and returns home, her hair wet and all kinds of messed up, and her feet soaked and freezing.

When she wakes up the next morning, she checks Kim’s bed first thing and sees with relief that Kim has left for classes already. It’s early and Trixie knows Kim will end up standing in front of a classroom for at least half an hour. Only to avoid Trixie. The second thing Trixie does is check her phone. There’s a text from Katya. Trixie groans. Waking up every morning to texts from Katya had once been a beautiful fantasy, but has turned out to be a nightmare.

Katya

Are you mad at me?

Trixie never replied to Katya yesterday, but she will now.

Trixie

You mean me or Violet?

Katya

You.

Come on, don’t tell me you never sent a text to the wrong person

It happens

Let’s go out for milkshakes and talk a little? I need someone to talk to today

The words ‘wrong person’ hits Trixie right in the heart and edge her on.

Trixie

Call Violet.

Katya

So you are mad at me

May I ask why

I really don’t get why

Trixie stops replying. She doesn’t see this conversation go anywhere, not in her current mood. She’s vaguely aware that she’s not in the right here. For a moment she is able to look at things from Katya’s perspective. Katya needs somebody to talk to, reaches out to a friend, is rejected, knows her friend is mad at her but doesn’t know why. That certainly isn’t fair, Trixie knows this. She also knows, however, that she feels okay with not being fair right now. She feels bad, she feels fucking terrible, and even if things aren’t Katya’s fault they certainly surround Katya, and Trixie just needs a moment away from her. Also, she reminds herself when she still feels a little guilty, it’s not like Katya doesn’t have anybody else to reach out to. She has a whole house of people who love her. She has a fucking girlfriend even.

Trixie spends the next of couple of days trying to push everything surrounding Katya – and Kim – out of her mind. Kim spends an excessive amount of time away, probably at The Love Shack. The little time they spend in their room together is filled with icy silence. Katya leaves her alone with the exception of one text she gets the morning after their fight:

Katya

I’m in nyc for a while

If you want to talk, you can always call me

The fact that Katya is, very clearly, the bigger person here is not helping Trixie’s mood. She tries not to think too much about what Katya is up to in New York (she knows who she is with, of course she knows), and throws herself into her studies. She has a midterm coming up that focuses mainly on children’s brain activities while learning and taking in information. It’s abstract, difficult, barely relevant, and Trixie hates it, but when she hands in her test a week later she knows she aced it. Apparently, replacing a social life with studying does that. But shit, Trixie decides, she’s not going to let her bitterness ruin this success for her. She should treat herself. She deserves it.

Trixie has some money saved, partly because of her old job at the hotel, and partly because working three days a week is enough for her rent – and also, and she tries not to acknowledge that thought, she barely spends anything on groceries and mooches off Kim quite a lot.

Trixie doesn’t need a lot of time to figure how she wants to spend her money to make herself feel good: after some googling and a bus ride to a shop that was recommended to her, she treats herself to a beautiful white western guitar, and it’s the first good day she has had all week.

#trixya #trixie mattel #katya zamolodchikova #kim chi #college au #fluff #smut #angst #pining #mallstars #rpdr fanfiction #love shack

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survivor-switzerland · 7 years

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EPISODE 10: FEELINGS DON’T MEAN ANYTHING IN SURVIVOR - LUKE

So Ben was voted out as planned. It sucked doing that to him, but I needed to keep Ashley safe and ain't no way am I gonna be labeled a meninist again! On Monte Rosa Max was voted out which brings me happiness because Tyler is safe.

AND THEN WE MERGE!! Finally! But wait these hosts then throws us a curve ball that Ben or Max will be coming back. So while we waited for the results of the buyback, the H4rmony alliance was finally reunited!! I touched bases with Zack and say generic merge stuff like "omg we made it ahhh". In the end Ben returned which I'm quite happy for him but I'm worried that since we just voted him out he might be weary of us and possibly flip. Max would have been better because from what I hear they hated the 4 matterhorn people, but what's done is done.

I also talked with my Mystic Falls peeps Abel and Luke and I managed to gather some info from Abel about what went down on Matterhorn. Apparently Daisy was after his behind from the beginning of the game. That sort of connects to the story Nick told about Abel pinning Daisy on the idol back on Monte Rosa 2.0

So like Brett and Nick are insisting on an alliance of OG Monte Rosa which is not a bad idea but the problem is Ben. I mean we voted him out and he's gonna feel a bit isolated and likely to be scooped up by the Matterhorn 4 which cannot happen!!

Anyway Tyler brings us tea that Zack has the Matterhorn idol. This is excellent because Tyler is like our little mole in that foursome and we need that idol flushed or better yet Zack out of this game because apparently he's the head of that alliance and once he's gone, that leaves a lot options for me to work with my Mystic falls peeps :). BUT I'll still be loyal to my H4rmony alliance!!

UGH, I know it's been like three rounds but I'm still depressed on Renee leaving. :(

That was the worst tribal ever. I am so sad that ben had to go. I love everyone left so I hate one of us has to leave

Ben why did you have to go??? I feel so bad!!!! I just wanted to place higher than last time!!! Maybe 6th?????

What??? Ben can return???? Please win Ben!!!!!!! I am so sorry!!!!!

Now it's finally merge!!!! Yay!!!! I'm really nervous about how this will go but I'm hoping that I can at least get through a couple tribals. With so much talent here it's gonna be rough but I'm trying to get as close as I can to high placing!!!!

I MADE THE MERGE!!! My first goal for the season was to make the merge and I did that so that's so amazing. My next goal is to make jury (unless it's already started and we just don't know it yet) and then after that it's to make finals and win this game whew.

Coming into the merge tribe there is a very clear disadvantage for the original Matterhorn members. We are outnumbered quite significantly but who knows how some of the original Monte Rosa people are feeling toward one another. Again, I had another call with Tyler and we talked about what our plan of attack is and we're going to downplay my role in the vote offs that have happened. We're going to lie and say that Zack is the head of the snake with Jev and Abel as his followers with me being on the outs of the 4 so that they'll keep me around long enough. Working my relationships with Brett and Ashley seems to be going well and I know Nick and Dom outside of this so maybe they'll wanna save me too. I know Nick will probably want to get revenge for Logan but damn, he can choke and leave before I do!!! Since Zack and Brett both have idols it's going to be hard taking them out but I have my lovely advantage in my pocket so who knows when that will make an appearance. All I know is that Tyler and I are going to the end of this game together and we'll do whatever it takes!!!!!

Yesssss we finally made merge!! I'm so so happy but also, kinda bummed because JUST as I beat my placement of 11th, that binch Benjamin comes strutting back in and bumps us back up to 11 people, meaning I'm once again in danger of being 1st Jury Member & 11th place.

I have no idea what's going to go on for this first vote, I really hope it doesn't revert back to being OG Matterhorn vs OG Monte-Rosa because the numbers are NOT on my side in that case, and Me, Luke and Zack could be in serious danger. Welp.

asdfghjk so I went for the three searches for the idol hoping it would pay off but it didn't. So now all these fuckers now I went searching for the idol, but at least it wasn't only me. Benjamin and then later Zack also went searching so hopefully that doesn't make people too suspicious of me.

Brett comes in and tell us he has a necklace that negates idols! (AHEM! That's vervain Drew) And now we have the advantage that can guarantee Zack is gone, I mean if Brett's up for it.

For this immunity challenge I set my goal to be 500, I messed up at 456 because I'm messed up on the packing because I ended up typing 77 instead of 76. UGH, damn it. :(

I just wish Zack doesn't win immunity because I want him GONE.

I rocked that challenge but I never seem to win anything. It would be nice to finally win immunity since I have absolutely no luck finding idols. Even when I had a clue I didn't get it cause it involved losing the challenge so I've been sucking. My only hope is that everyone else went fast and messed up. Slow may not get me high numbers but at least I managed to use whole time and not mess up.

Ben doesn't want to flip on the tribe that voted him out lmao dumbass I'm gonna make him. Maybe not this round...but soon.

...

[6/3/17, 9:09:29 PM] Brett Hawkins: Y'all can vote me out now

[6/3/17, 9:09:36 PM] Brett Hawkins: Because I know I played better this time around

[6/3/17, 9:09:46 PM] Abel: i don’t think anyone wants to do that rehfjsdna

[6/3/17, 9:09:54 PM] Brett Hawkins: You're sweet

[6/3/17, 9:10:40 PM] Abel: i’m honest*

me lying

So I need to get this outta my system before my internet goes wack.

So Brett wins immunity and I came in second. Good for Brett but I wanted to win.

Now Ashley comes to me that Abel is throwing my name around and it pisses me off. Word has it that Abel is one messy mess of messes and I'm getting rattled and Josh is now telling me I'm going home. asdfghjk I cannot be voted in double digits!!

Now the plan is to organize us OG monte rosa and vote out Zack with his idol, but the risk is that Ben might flip and spill the beans. Now I'm nervous as hell that this might be my last confessional. I pray that ain't the case for me.

So today's the day, the first merge vote...

I came into the merge knowing that I was going to have both sides thinking I'm a number for each of them. But the fact is I've had way too many connections and commitments to my original tribe members to even think about joining Zack, Jev, and Abel. And the fact that their entire original tribe was almost wiped out doesn't help their cause bc they nearly have no numbers to work with even if I join them.

I'm glad that Zack and I were able to talk in this game and settle any animosity we might of had outside of this game. For the record, yes I was complelty willing to work with Zack in this game. But I feel like the pieces for us to work long term in this game just didn't add up. And like I said I appreciate the conversation we did have bc I felt like they were important to us outside of this game.

But none the less this is a game and I'm gonna do whatever I have to do to win. And I decided that Zack is gonna have to go home tonight. I've reconnected with my original alliance of Ashley, Ian, and Brett, and I've filled them in on the dynamic of the Matterhorn people. Luckily as of now, Nick and Dom seem to be on board too. And Luke and I are a pair, there's no way we aren't voting together.

So basically I spent all of yesterday trying to point the votes in the direction of Zack who thinks he has the votes of Luke and myself along with Abel and Jev. But tonight, Matterhorn is in for a rude awakening, especially Zack. The merge is about to get gaggy!

Super nervous about voting tonite trying to pump myself up!!! No clue what will happen but def a distance from some people

OKAY LISTEN TO THIS MESS!

So, Brett/Ian/Tyler/Ashley have been exposed as being a four piece alliance and according to Luke their plan is to take out Zack, Abel and then me in that order. SO... we've had to scramble to figure out a plan that saves Luke while protecting us at the same time.

So as of now, we know that Zack and Brett have the idols, BUT if Zack plays his this round it will be a waste because Brett has an advantage that can negate an idol play so there'll be no point. SO we've managed to rope in Benjamin and Abel into our plan, and we're gonna use Luke's advantage to steal someone's vote from the other side (Tyler's) so then the 5 of us, coupled with Luke's stolen vote makes 6 votes and that gives us the majority this week.

I spoke briefly (like very briefly) to Tyler who said "We're voting Ian right?" So if anybody asks I'll just say I voted for Ian because Tyler told me to!

PLUS what's good for me in this round is my ass will be covered as I won't be playing any kind of idol or advantage to benefit anybody at all, so hopefully I'll be able to play up to the other side to be like "oh my god what just happened!" and then I can use Tyler as my little scapegoat!!!

I'm submitting this here now because I'm going to make a lovely video confessional for y'all tomorrow but something that's going to sum up this entire vote? Feelings don't mean anything in Survivor!

I am literally lying my ASS off to Brett, Nick and Tyler right now. They are 100% convinced that I'm working with Zack and Abel so I need to try and show them otherwise and so I'm going to them all "I'm so alone! I have nobody! Give me ideas and guidance" and they're aaaall telling me Abel so they aren't budging. But am I gonna give up my game to keep Zack, Luke and Abel safe forever? No. When the time comes I'll do whatever I have to.

EPISODE 10

We successfully voted out Benjamin 5-1. He took it well. And Maximilian was tossed to the curb unanimously by Monte Rosa 3.0. They then had to compete to return to the game on the new merged tribe of 11 and I was so conflicted about what I wanted. On one hand, Maximilian is a massive downer, but I truly feel that Max would have been better for my game because none of us had wronged Max before while we all just voted out Ben. Finally, when it counted, Ben was useful in a challenge and he won his way back into the game.

Merging is literally the worst. It's the first day of school all over again and right when you're feeling comfortable managing the personalities of small groups of people, maybe 5-6, and then suddenly your population doubles and you have to be nice and pretend to care about 10-11 other people and it's so exhausting being social with all of them. It really is. I have a squad established already; I'm not looking to expand it.

I met Luke and Abel for the first time since before the game began. Luke is sweet. Abel is a charmer--very charismatic, very warm and friendly. Zack and Jevvon are there as well: cool cool. And I got Tyler back!

A few other updates. I had to tell Nick about the idol because he's done the math and figured me out and holding it back makes me look shady. As a result, I also told Dom. So now Dom, Nick, and Tyler know I have an idol. That's a lot of people in the know, but what can I do? If you've been discovered, you've been discovered. And if you can't handle the pressure or repercussions, maybe you shouldn't have an idol or an advantage?

Benjamin has told us no hard feelings about the vote and that he wants to still work with us. We'll see if there's truth to that or not. Meh. He'd be foolish to willingly want to be bottom rung to a strong group of 4. The 7 of us are more likely fracture and shift allegiances so his best bet is to stick it out with us for a bit, but we'll see if he's that smart.

The challenge was a 1-hour test of focus, speed, and accuracy. In the end, I destroyed everyone. The second place finisher got less than half of my score. I'm not really known for being a challenge beast at all and so it feels amazing to win an individual immunity so handily. I feel so happy and lucky.

Furthermore, there's a new grid and I used one search and found another game advantage! The Garlic Necklace when played will negate and eliminate all played idols at a given tribal council. This is so huge for me. With immunity around my neck, an idol in my pocket, and this advantage, I am so ready to neutralize Zack's idol and extend the lead for the people I am playing this game with.

Tyler, Ashley, and Ian are all happy with voting for Zack. Nick and Dom are fine with it, too. Ben seems okay, but he's more enigmatic. Then the paranoia party begins. People are wary of Ben. Nick is extremely wary of Tyler. Tyler is wary of Nick. I'm wary of Nick because he keeps telling Ashley things like "I think Brett has an idol" and "Brett wants to target Zack." He's so messy and loose-lipped and I don't appreciate it.

Oh and here's more. Nick comes to me with a terrible idea to make a fake advantage to try to scare Tyler into staying loyal and he wants ME to present him with the falsified information. I could barely articulate a declination to this, I was so baffled that was his idea. Absolutely not. Under no circumstances.

Tyler did a solid by talking to Ben and discussing playing the middle with him at the right time--I think that was a tremendous move on Tyler's part and I hope he managed to convince him.

Jevvon is paranoid. Luke is paranoid. The disease is seriously annoying and spreading everywhere. No one feels comfortable. There's so much riding on this vote for the course of the game and everyone wants to be okay. Thank goodness I've won immunity. If I hadn't, I'd probably be in that same maelstrom.

Lastly, and this one is fun. Nick found a disadvantage in the plains and is ineligible to vote. Jesus Christ. Fine. Not his fault. But here's what is literally the dumbest thing I've ever heard. This guy tells BENJAMIN that he cannot vote. What in the actual FUCK?! Nick is killing me very very rapidly with his rampant paranoia and his inability to keep any secret whatsoever. All of a sudden, Ben flipping became a lot easier with Nick being ineligible to vote. I have no idea where Nick gets these really bad ideas.

I can't wait for this round to be over. So that I can learn where I stand and where people's loyalties are. I know I can count on Dom, Ashley, Ian, and Tyler. Hopefully that will carry me through. Hopefully we can progress. Take out Abel next round. Then perhaps get rid of Benjamin again. Take care of Luke. Then blindside Nick. Save Jevvon for last. Maybe Ian's in there too. All I know is that I'm ready for some of these people to begin leaving. Let's make it happen.

#ihopeiseeyounever #confessionals

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