#madd experiences
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being older than the age u originally imagined ur parame to be is so fucking wild
#I used to daydream abt being 16 but now I’m a fucking adult & it’s just the weirdest feeling of loss#like I missed out on something I didn’t ever have & will never have#like 16 was nothing how I imagined bc I was so captivated by a world that didn’t exist I was distraught when it was nothing alike#madd#maladaptive daydreaming#actually madd#maladaptive daydreaming disorder#maladaptive daydreamer#madd experiences#yet now I just age my parame with myself as if it’ll somehow change my life#like I’m the age I want to be now so surely my life will j be what I want it to be???? Idk it’s weird
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my daydreams have completely stopped :( i’m trying to explore more of honeycomb and bumble’s story but everytime i want to my brain just keeps pulling austin’s daydreams up and i can’t make it through the day without daydreaming any ideas to help?
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hey madd side of tumblr, i've got a weirdly specific experience for y'all that I'm dying to share with someone but nobody in my close proximity understands what madd even is
So my daydreaming style is generally very linear, in the sense that there's not much time jumping. Anything that happens adds to what I daydreamed before, usually directly, and even if I "rewrite" parts of history, where I am in the "present" doesn't change. A while back though, I had a random idea for a possible future for my paras - it was a fun thought to play with, but I knew it was too far off into the future, so I knew it couldn't become "canon" to my paracosm because of the time difference.
But what I hadn't expected was that I'd start molding the story so that this particular future could, some day, become the present. I hadn't even planned for it to actually take place, let alone me taking active steps in ensuring it does. And today, I finally arrived at making that possible future the present.
I keep track of my daydreams bc I'm terrified of forgetting anything of them, so I went back and checked - the idea first came to me roughly three years ago.
For the past three years, my daydreaming has been dictated by one random idea I had dismissed as unimportant and non-canon. And honestly? I have no idea how to feel about this.
For one, I am amazed of my dedication regarding something I'm literally doing as a coping mechanism (which is a whole another can of worms), and it feels strangely... exhilarating? To be in this position. Like finally! Years of planning and preparation has finally payed off! It feels so important to me and yet if I shared it with anyone they'd probably think I lost it.
And at the same time... for the past three years, I had a goal to fight towards, a definitive end point my paracosm was heading towards. A fallback plan in case I ran out of ideas at any time; if the story ever felt like closing I could always just point to this and say "hey, we can't end it yet, this still hasn't happened" and it was strangely calming. And now something that has been a stable point for so long is gone and it's kind of freaky.
And at the same time, in ensuring that this specific plotline could happen, I had to restrict the other events within my paracosm, and now that restraint is gone. So it's freaky but it's also very freeing?
I don't know, man. I just really wish it was easier to talk about this kind of stuff with people but as I said, it's very difficult to explain what a paracosm even is let alone my incredibly complicated relationship with it. I doubt anyone will even read this, but if you do, feel free to go wild in the reblogs/comments about your own similar (or wildly different but hard to explain regardless) experiences with your own paracosms
#madd#actually madd#maladaptive daydreaming#madd thoughts#madd experiences#man i really wish i had like. a daydreaming buddy#a friend of sorts but our only interactions are like#“hey guess what random shit happened in my daydreams lately”#no taboos. no stupid ideas. just getting excited over our own stories#our tiny people in our heads#in any case if any of you feel like in need of a daydreaming buddy my dms are open#(im slow to reply and physically incapable of being normal but shh)
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Why I create TIZZBERG (1)
I feel loneness, so I have my paras.
I still feel loneness, though, because I only have my paras.
So why couldn’t we interact with others by pretending to be our paras? Then I could talk about my paracosm, share my life, explore others’ worlds, and engage with other people’s paras.
Like every solitary paracosm finally could be connected together. We are not ALONE. We have each other.
#madd#actually madd#madd experiences#madd negativity#madd struggles#madd things#madd community#maladptive daydreaming#paracosm#daydreaming#my paras#madd parame#maladaptive daydreaming disorder#tizzberg
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they’re minor inconveniences to you. but to me they are months worth of daydream fuel.
#*takes every negative experience and turns it into a daydream plot to cope*#madd#maladaptive daydreaming#maladaptive daydreaming disorder#actuallymadd#actually madd#immersive daydreaming
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DAYDREAMING IN THE BATHROOM IS SO GOOD!!!!!!!!!! i love dissociating in the Echo Room for an hour
#i need a spare bathroom just for daydreaming in i think#the maladaptive daydreaming experience#madd#maladaptive daydreamer#maladaptive daydreaming#maladapting daydreaming disorder#actually madd#madd things#actuallymadd#madd memes
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Psyaffect Para & Psyaffect Paracosm
Psyaffected Para/Psyaffect Para/PApara is a term for a para ("daydream character") that is in some way affected/related/linked to the daydreamer's psychosis.
Psyaffected Paracosm/Psyaffect Paracosm/PAparacosm is a term for a paracosm ("daydream world") that is in some way affected/related/linked to the daydreamer's psychosis.
The specifics of what these terms mean/the experiences of them depend on the person experiencing it.
This term is exclusive to those with psychosis. It can be used by anyone who has psychosis and Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder or is an psychotic Immersive Daydreamer or Neuronarrator.
Flags: PApara main + icon variants, PAparacosm main +icon variants.
#very nervous posting these because nonpsychotics can be mean abt psychosis experiences having a non-psychiatry term & a flag for it but#weve had our psychosis n madd interact in various ways for all our life and we cant just pretend they dont.#term coining#flag coining#maladaptive daydreaming disorder#maladaptive daydreamer#maladaptive daydreaming#madd#actually madd#neuronarration#neuronarrator#immersive daydreamer#immersive daydreaming#psychosis#psychosis spectrum#actually psychotic#schizo spectrum#mad pride
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I want to go to the museum on a rainy day. I want to visit the botanical garden in the midst of winter and feel the warm humid air in the greenhouse. I want to go on a date in the café with the artisan macarons on display. I want to find a hand to hold, to never let go of. I want to feel alive. And yet, I can barely leave the house. The watchful eyes of strangers and friends follow my every step. Afraid of doing something wrong, I resort to doing nothing instead. Will I ever truly live?
#avpd#avoidant personality disorder#actually avpd#mental illness#cluster c#social anxiety#depression#avoidant#madd#by me#i wish i could experience these things#cptsd#trauma
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Those with MADD, how long have you had your paracosm? How often does it change? Do you have permanent characters who are always present?
Like, for me, Latria (my realm/world) has been with me for as long as I can remember. She doesn't change with my interests, the stories shift from day to day, and most characters come and go, but Latria remains the same. The same Lunar Sea, the same mountains, the same forests, heck even the castle and the wyverns are permanent. While most characters fade in tandem with my interests, characters such as my husband (Solaris) and my doctor (Corvus), are permanent residents of Latria.
The only major change is the narrative.
(If you feel it's too personal, you don't have to interact)
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I am going to be deleting Tumblr to recuperate brain cells. It has also been a huge daydream trigger for me. Which is why I’m losing those brain cells at a rapid rate! I’ll be back in a month though.
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did anyone else think when they hit a certain age their daydreams would idk manifest themselves into reality or some shit
#I fully believed they’d just become real#love a bit of delusion 😍#madd#maladaptive daydreaming#actually madd#maladaptive daydreaming disorder#maladaptive daydreamer#madd experiences
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omori's inclinations towards self isolation is so realistic and similar to my own it's almost disturbing and very nearly triggering... very. nearly.
#not really a vent jus. hm.#its not surprising or anything. omoris a good game. its been praised for how it deals with and portrays this stuff.#im watching the sleepy crest black space ii vid#my shut in life will turn into a rock /lyrref#thinking about it is a little difficult. its hard to without becoming. consumed.. with desires i know. can be destructive#that said are but i changed it to 'can be'. so i can have plausible deniability when i relapse into madd&shut in and pretend its ok ^^#because i know its not good to anticipate failure or relapse or whatever. but its like. that desire feels so base level for me.#its the safest i feel and relapse is inevitable and.... welcomed. almost. it cant last because i have people whod be hurt by it.#so welcoming it doesnt feel dangerous. i have people with me that i have a duty not to shut out. (i can wait until they leave me just fine)#but i like making friends. so i know realistically its somewhat unlikely ill ever feel like i dont have a 'duty' not to shut in for others.#and my family actually like..... has a substantial relationship with me now. but i think my dissociation can take care of that problem#rather easily. ive always planned the potential for them. not my friends though. so i cant shut in yet ^^#though i do technically..... have a plan if even they become too unbearable as well. that goes back.. years at this point#but it has less to do with disconnection on my part and instead more to do with festering disconnection on their part#i know whats good for them i know whats good for me and thats hikikomori ^^#haha i jus said that cus it rhymed lol ignore me#does the post above even hold up at this point.#well. i think so. i dont think the game itself is triggering. i think im digging this well myself. and its not like ill be stuck here#i dont feel as though i am going to be consumed either. i think im just making noise. for the post. and to talk about this experience#since its something i struggle with quite a bit. but i dont tell my friends or stuff about it. because that feels..... mean. almost#like. oh ya by the way i fantasize a lot about you leaving my life. ya you should feel bad for me or something. idfk#really. really. the only feeling i have thinking about this shut in life is...... almost warmth. i think.#i dont think i could ever see the idea completely negatively. ive lived in a haze of drugs daydreams secrets and self isolation before.#its just. safe. it doesnt matter how the days blend together. your brain crowded and constantly foggy with dissociation.#youre somewhere else. somewhere where these things dont matter... those things help you get there. theyre tools of equivalent exchange#give your life up and you can create a new one. that idea had always permeated through my life in a manner of styles#but this is probably the most.... sensical and safe manifestation of that idea ^^#anyways. i like chatting about this stuff with people who relate#so hmu i guess.#vent in tags
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I know we tend to joke abt how much we love to traumatise our paras but how tf am I supposed to explain triggering daydreams to others? Like, "hi, I just spent the last few hours willingly imagining deeply emotionally scarring scenarios that will leave me spiraling for weeks. Yes, I highly enjoyed doing so, and I will most definitely do it again. Please do not disturb me I am in a very dark place rn" just doesn't really roll off the tongue now does it
#madd#actually madd#maladaptive daydreaming#maddnegative#idk if this makes any sense#or if anyone else experiences this#it's such an insidious thing too. like i'll have the most fucked up daydreams#and suddenly my only safe space isn't safe anymore#and i can't even tell others bc. well. how do you go about that
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does anyone else w/ocd get intrusive paracosms. for me specifically i'll take in some media or some experience and get an idea. and it will not leave me. and i will have to think about it and it feels like it is. encompassing me. taking away the autonomy of my others. like it is the only real one. and i've gotten better at ignoring them but i was just wondering. anyone else?
#ocd#obsessive compulsive disorder#madd#maladaptive daydreaming#paracosm#death tw#tw death#specifically one for feels like summer and hidden in the sand where there's summer love and then a breakup and then a death. don't want it#another experience is the uncontrollable incorrectness that occurs sometimes. like lights are supposed to be off but they keep coming on
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okay has anyone else thought that the amount of daydreaming you do is normal for a writer/creative person, so when you finally meet someone else thats a writer irl, you talk about ALL your daydreams to the point that your relationship with them implodes in on itself?
and then realize after several failed attempts to fix said relationship (including shutting up about the daydreams, trying to Stop the daydreams) that Hey, Maybe I Have A Problem?
#maladaptive daydreaming#madd#actually madd#i think so at least???#anyways hi!!! im new here#discovering this term was an. experience
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(If this is outside your comfort zone, my apologies, just ignore it if that's the case lol)
Just wanted to pop in and say that I genuinely love following your blog. Especially your recent reblogs about the emotional abuse and grooming towards abuse that children face as well as stuff about MaDD that has really gotten me more educated on the subject as well as encouraged me to seek out an actual psychologist. I know this is super irrelevant from a complete stranger but I just really wanted to thank you and let you know that it helps quite a lot by just reblogging this stuff because otherwise, I really don't know where to start on my own :]
Aw thank you! I’m glad you like my blog :] also your message is not irrelevant! It’s very helpful knowing that the stuff I reblog is getting more people to look into stuff and be a little more knowledgeable. I send you the best of luck and good vibes in finding a psychologist. 🍀💖🌈
#I’ve been dealing with a lot of self worth issues recently#(so thx for sending this in it made me feel a little bit better!)#I’ve been considering myself to seek out a therapist again#my first experience with one was not good#but Im gonna try again✨👌#MaDD#child abuse#ask#don’t have a name yet for stuff in my inbox-#maladaptive daydreaming
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