20/2/2022

Sẽ không có ai thực sự hiểu nỗi đau của người mẹ mất đi 2 đứa con là như thế nào trừ khi đã trải qua nó, và mình không mong mọi người trên thế giới này phải hiểu được cảm giác đó, mình mình hiểu cũng đc rồi.

Thường thì những gì k vui k nên chia sẻ, mình hiểu cảm giác đó và không mong mọi người hiểu giùm mình hay hiểu cho mình.

Chuyện đã gần tháng rồi, nhưng nỗi đau thì vẫn còn đó. Miễn là mình có việc này việc kia làm thì thôi, cỏn khi ở một mình, ban đêm, mà k ngủ lại lôi kéo những nỗi đau trở về.

Bây giờ, mỗi khi lướt fb hay instagram thì đều thấy hình con nít, vì bạn bè tuổi mình cũng tới tuổi sinh con hết rồi. Riết rồi k muốn lên fb luôn, vì lên thế nào cũng sẽ thấy, và mình bị chạnh lòng lắm. Mình không chịu được và cảm thấy trống rỗng. Thật sự, tường chừng mọi chuyện đã qua đi, mọi thứ đều trở lại bình thường. Nhưng không, trong thâm tâm mình vẫn còn một khoảng trống, một lỗ hỗng mà không thể lấp đầy được.

Mình nói nếu mình có con, k biết lúc đó sao, chứ mình sẽ k up nhiều lên fb đâu, vì biết đâu có những mẹ mất con như mình, hay những người khó có con hoặc k có khả năng làm mẹ, họ sẽ buồn biết bao nhiêu. Nên thôi, hình con lâu lâu để lên cũng dc. Bởi vì mình đã trải qua cảm giác này rồi, nên mình biết

Viết cho những bà mẹ mất con.

Coming Back Up

I am still not back fully. There is still a lot "I owe" to others, so many promises I broke. Blog, Podcast what I neglected big time and before all this I was doing so well, was so proud of myself for keep going. And then I lost myself. I lost my WHYs, what driven me to reach my dreams. I've lost my WHY; and I find it hard to get back on the path without all these what was make me be driven for it all. Small steps I can only take for now, I guess. So, I'm fighting for coming back to the surface, and preparing myself to go even higher. One step at the time. One thing for one day!   Peace&Love Miti Read the full article

I am so broken and destroyed beyond anything. Anya baby mommy loves you so much and I miss you terribly. You were a pain in the ass but I loved you. You were so beautiful and you learned so quickly. I remember teaching you to sit in the kitchen and within 5 mins you learned it. I remember teaching you to high five and you were so cute with it. I had you 4 months and that’s not enough. I should have had you longer, you should have lived your life here and now your gone. I love you baby girl and there is not a day that will go by that I won’t think of you. I won’t think about watching the life slip away from you. I won’t think about that bad night. I will think about getting you and you wagging your tail because you knew I would love you and take care of you. I will remember always having your right next to me sleeping, waking up during the night because you just had to be right next to my face, I will remember watching you grow from that baby to big 4 month old you were. I will remember all the good times and how you loved Tucker and Laila and they loved you even if you annoyed them because they are old. I love you baby girl more than everything and I know your up in heaven now and you will have Sushey and precious with you. I hope I see you again one day.

PEOPLE PLEASE CHECK YOUR BACKYARD FOR PECANS AND ESPECIALLY MAKE SURE NONE ARE MOLDING. A MOLDING PECAN WILL KILL A DOG IF INGESTED. THE MOLD CAUSES A TOXIC POISONING AND IF ENOUGH ARE EATEN LIKE MY BABYGIRL DID BECAUSE WE DID NOT KNOW SHE ATE THEM THERE IS NOTHING THAT CAN BE DONE. PLEASE HOLD YOUR FURBABIES CLOSER TONIGHT AND GIVE THEM ALL LOVE FROM ME AND FOR MY SWEET BABY ANYA.

“PLEASE DO NOT REBLOG”

And before someone comes to me saying well you should have checked your backyard. We had just moved into this house. Our backyard is huge. Even after what happened to her we cannot find were the pecans came from. We do not see a tree or anything in our backyard and yes they are pecans. My mother came and helped me look because she used to have pecans trees in her yard and knows what they are. We cannot find where she got them. So please if you have any negative things to say please keep them to yourself. I am devastated and beyond broken.

I miss her so very much.

Lost in the Labyrinth of Mind

I know there are others who has way worse than I am. But right now I feel so lost.. All my positivity and confidence, all my dreams and why's are seems to be so far … that I barley can see the way out of this labyrinth where I fell in a few weeks ago. And it just got worse. I having hard time with dealing my emotions, with my feelings and fears and worries. I am very intentional about to find what I had to learn from this all(???), but the pain seems to be greater than anything I ever had to deal with… Not sure how am I suppose to get out of this state.. I broke all promises I made to myself and to others. Can't seem to find way out.   Am I going to smile from the inside again? Am I going to feel happiness again?   Something happens when you lose the most important person from your life, something breaks, more like shattered what you won't be able to put back together ever again. Will I be able to tell my story one day without breaking down? I'm trying to get back up and continue where I left of with my life (I don't even know anymore what I suppose to do with it... I lost my purpose of life) and that takes me a while; and I apologise from all of you who waiting for me to deliver a few work of mine.   Being so lost in my own body, I am not in control, Feel like I lost my soul.. All the dark places  where my mind goes….. Losing myself over my thoughts,   I need to breath, but bad thoughts in my mind, It's like they got me blind. Read the full article