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tiredstressedemotionalmess · 8 months

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4 11 21 43 for the ask game :P

4. Where do you find inspiration for new ideas?

i tend to get the most inspiration for new ideas late at night. my thoughts wander a lot when im trying to fall asleep- especially if im listening to music at the same time. sometimes a certain lyric or theme will get stuck in my head and that will lead me to thinking of something i wanna see in a story, or sometimes ill just be thinking abt cute little scenes/dialoauge for something im already planning, and that leads me don a rabbit hole of whats ifs until im thinking about an entirely new idea! and of course i get a lot of inspiration from other books/movies, especially when it comes to au's or ideas outside of what i normally write

11. Link your three favorite fics right now

- You Can't Change Fate by @bsideheart - literally one of my favorite fics of all time and ive been rereading it the most lately bc im trying to finish up making my physical copy and kaz ik youve read it before but for anyone who HASNT i need you to drop whatever youre doing and READ THIS MASTERPIECE RIGHT NOW OKAY? - Forget Me Not. by @wink-1-8-2 - I JUST READ THIS IN CLASS BC IVE BEEN MEANING TO FOR SO LONG AND THIS ASK REMINDED ME AND. LITERALLY JUST READ IT ITS SUCH A LOVELY LITTLE BITTERSWEET JETPOISON FIC AND THERES FLOWERS AND TATTOOS AND ITS EVERYTHING IVE EVER LOVED ALL ROLLED UP INTO ONE - Recovering the Satellites by YOU KAZ. ik i havent gotten the chance to leave the long ass comment i want to yet but i have been rereading this fucking DAILY its SO GOOD its SO PAINFUL it makes me need to fucking bite someone. me when stories about love that was real and there and maybe it wasnt permanent but its was REAL WHILE IT LASTED AND IT WILL LAST FOREVER IN A WAY BECAUSE OF THAT. FUCK OKAY ITS SO GOOD EVERYONE GO READ IT RN

21. Would you ever collaborate with another writer for a story?

YES OH MY GOD literally i would love to collab on or co write a story or with someone but i am Not Good at approaching people so like. if anyone's ever wanted to write something with me im hit me up?? bc i sure as hell cannot ask abt it myself lmao

43. Do you take a sadistic joy in whumping your characters, or are you more the "If you hurt them I would kill everyone and then myself" kind of person?

i need all of my characters to experience at least One (1) traumatic, heartbreaking, or otherwise extremely painful event per story or else i start experiencing withdrawals. i genuinely dont know if i have ever written something just purely fluffy without even the hint of angst yk? like. my fluffiest fic is What's In a Name and EVEN THEN it ends with the implication of everyone's past trauma sooo. yeah. i NEED my little guys to suffer i consider my most successful writing sessions to be the ones where i make myself cry :]

#asks #ask game #also for 11. obligatory uhv mention bc ive reread parts of that toooo many fucking times in the past week 💀

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slowdripsunrise · 4 months

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ooookkkkkk so its been like. months since i last updated this blog so here we go im just gonna write my feelings out about the books i've read i will try to get through all of them but maybe won't i'll stop writing when i get bored soz. spoilers for many various books under the cut!

ok. first book i read since i last updated my reads on here was i will greet the sun again by khashayar j khabushani! this was such a beautiful piece of work and i really recommend it for anyone who needs a good cry, but still wants a happy/not extremely tragic ending. the writing was beautiful and i think one of my favorite scenes/settings was the beach... the way it was described. as well as the way iran was described, it was so lovely even though there were many bad memories attached to it. that and the K's relationship with Johnny were my fave parts. it was so sweet reading about them and even tho i read this a while ago so i don't remember much, this story has stuck with me throughout... not so much as the exact scenes, but the feelings and emotions i was feeling while reading it. definitely recommend!!!

next i read the life changing magic of tidying up by marie kondo! this was a great little book about organization and lifestyle and i recommend to anyone who maybe wants to get a different perspective on organization! i read and finished this before bed one night, woke up, and started reorganizing and cleaning up my space lmao. no it didnt stay that way, but the effort was there. i don't think that this book is necessarily life changing, however it does offer new ideas about tidying up, and gives some good tips on how to go about it. one of the things i thought pretty relevant to me were the steps in which u should organize, or choosing one thing to organize and only doing that one thing. like doing all of the clothes in the house at once, or toys, etc. instead of a room at a time. for me, i get distracted very easily if i'm doing 4 different things at once, so this is something i wanna try out more! the way the book is set up too makes it easily rereadable, just for a refresher, which i like lol

next i read braiding sweetgrass by robin wall kimmerer!!! 5/5 stars one of my top books i read this year 100%. easily. this book was wonderful and engaging and informative and i absolutely loved it. the way the author weaves facts and information along with the story and narrative is so lovely and makes me want to pick up her other book, gathering moss (i think) immediately. this shit was addicting! the stories from her life and the stories from her culture and history were so captivating and immersive oh my god. i think some of my favorite stories of hers where the ones with her students. the camping trip in the marsh (i think it was a marsh. some sort of wetlands....) was lovely; as well as the stories with her daughters. AND THE ENDIGN OHGHHHH MY GOD i had shivers literally all over me. like almost cried not out of sadness but awe of her writing. there were times i almost cried of sadness tho. 5/5 i need to read more from this author.

next - ok. OH KAY. oh also ive decided i'm just going to group all of the books in a series together, especially when i read them all pretty close in time to each other, because a lot of times they all blend together in my head. all this to say - i read the all for the game series by nora sakavic. i went into it knowing it was about gay people that play made up sports and maybe a little bit of mafia esque action was going on. i came out of it extremely entertained and needing to read the next one in the series LMAO this shit was so awesome and epic. 5/5 stars. i've aged out of YA so i usually steer clear of it (especially some of the newer ones. it feels like so much of YA has lost all amounts of trust in their readers and focuses more on publishers and algorithms and such but. whatever) however this is a tumblr classic and you know what i wanted to read something fun and entertaining so thats exactly what i did. i've seen a lot of people ok not a lot a couple people point out that the writing isn't good or isn't super high level or whatever. who give a shit. idk i feel like people are trying to justify liking or reading something that most would consider "bad" or "immature" or. idk the exact word im looking for, ig like a guilty pleasure?? theyre trying to justify it by saying things like "oh yeah, i know the writing is bad But the characters-" or "oh yeah its written like fanfic but-" like yall its fine. it's chill. calm down. personally i didn't think the writing was bad. i thought it was average. also there's nothing wrong with writing a fanfic-esque story, the problem is you people can't suspend ur damn disbelief for more than 2 minutes and have fun. sorry that was a huge rant that wasn't even about the book back to the books I HAD FUN. she did what she needed to to. will i read the sunshine court? yeah probably if i remember. would i recommend this to everyone? no. only people with taste. this was a blast definitely look up trigger warnings tho like. there was more mafia involvement than i originally thought there would be lol. characters slayed. relationships between them were fun to read about. go foxes.

ok this is long so i am going to end it here we are not even close to done but i will try to remember to continue going through everything and then maybe i'll try and compile some of my stats from storygraph for like an end of year thing even tho it's more than halfway through january lol.

#book review #thoughts.txt #i will greet the sun again #the life changing magic of tidying up #braiding sweetgrass #aftg

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alpaine · 1 year

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ao3 wrapped [writers edition]

answering all these just for funsies bc why not!! (original post here)

How many words have you written this year? 57,000. that's a whole book wow 😁 good job, self

How many works did you publish this year? 18 i believe?

What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)? of princes and potions. it's the longest and it took awhile to write :')

What work of yours has the most hits? for f1? say what you want. which i HATE but whatever im embracing her. my ugly child

What work of yours got more feedback than you expected? the first part of the hockey au. the lancenando fic. like wtf why did that get so many comments??? i will never understand (love it though)

Favorite title you used: power play ? i guess? i like the idea of naming all the fics in the series after hockey terms and the name power play cropped up before i'd even written the lancenando part of the au

If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most? abba. for sure

Pairing you wrote the most for this year? pierresteban of course

Favorite pairing you wrote for this year? also pierresteban. lmao im predictable

What work was the quickest to write? one of those 900 word fics. literally love them bc i just knock them out in one sitting and they take 2 seconds to edit. anything over 1.5k is like a mental hurdle when it comes to editing hhhh

What work took you the longest to write? power play. it's not my longest but for some reason it took forever to write. i'd write it in like 150 word increments.. which is rlly not my usual speed

How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year? none.

What’s your longest work of the year? of princes and potions. 8k, i believe

What’s your shortest work of the year? pennies and dimes (for a kiss). just over 900 words

What WIP are you taking into next year with you? none.

What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag? geez probably fluff? childhood friends to lovers is also assumed in literally all my fics. love that dynamic sm!!

Your favorite character to write this year? lance stroll 100% absolutely

The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year? esteban actually? why is he so confusing he's just a little guy...

What’s one pairing you want to explore next year? pierresteban OR idk. it'll come to me. i'll find some obscure obsession and explore it lmao

Which work of yours have you reread the most? oh geez i do not reread works i think i would simply break out in hives if i tried

How many kudos in total did you get this year? 1600. :)

Which work has the most comments? the lancenando hockey au (14). like it has literally almost 5x as many comments as the pierresteban pacrim au i wrote that has less hits than it. the ppl have a LOT of lancenando opinions clearly

Did you do any collaborative works this year? nop :^)

Did you write any gifts this year? nop :^(

Did you receive any gifts this year? nop,,

What’s your most common category? m/m ?

What do you listen to while writing? tbh i usually forget to put on music until after ive already finished writing what i want to write. i usually have some youtube video playing in the bg. or old f1 races

Favorite work you wrote this year? power play bc it's my newest baby <3

Favorite line/passage you wrote this year? i do not recall! and i'm not rereading my fics to find one lol :')

Biggest surprise while writing this year? that i was able to get past my writer's block and write!! i'm actually so happy about this ty f1 rpf for getting me out of my rut lmaoo

#i love. rambling to myself about writing. one of life's greatest joys

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makiswirl · 3 years

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Question for the q&a: Do you have any authors that have influenced your writing?

oh god DEFINITELY. there's some specific ones out there where i've looked at their writing and went "wow, i'm taking your writing style" but it's mostly published book authors? there are obvi some fma fic authors that've inspired me tho! putting this under a read more for yalls sanity

1. definitely stephen king! i mentioned it in the notes for chapter 14 of hölle but around that time i read the shining and i was in LOVE. there were specific things you could probably nitpick and go "wow that seems kind of new" at in that chapter and that would be because i pretty much.. looked at the writing in there and got Super Inspired.

when i was writing hölle it was my first Big Fic (patent pending) and i did NOT have a consistent writing style. like. at all. 90% of it was me improving my writing skills as i went and actually getting used to writing fics??? hence a lot of.. hiatus time and...... not very good scheduling or drafting.......... ...

so when i read the shining i went (!!!) BECAUSE I WAS FIXATING ON IT SUPER HARD like. watching the obscure MINI-SERIES hard. i still kind of am but i specifically noticed the way king seemed to exaggerate thoughts in a very specific way

and i RAN with that. this specifically shows in holes and i thought it worked pretty well for the genre

at the time??? also especially apt because i like. literally just reread the shining. like i finished the day i wrote holes chapter 3 and that's why it was more heavy theme-wise i think???? BUT EITHER WAY stephen king's writing (particularly in the shining) inspired me a hell of a lot!

2. john boyne! i reread the boy in the striped pajamas recently and. BOY i am so sad still. definitely wasn't as influential writing-wise but theres small influences here and there? specifically in the way i structure sentences i think & GOD how i love the ending of that book. like. it drives me to tears every time

whenever i reread the ending of the book i think of how STRONGLY it was written? like. the words were really impressing and strong and i kind of wanted to mimic that in my writing whenever the mood fit and i can really only think of the time being where i utilized that being the ending of holes? i don't really like the ending sentences of the fic itself but i remember thinking about skimming over the epilogue again when it came to writing the last bit

3. william shakespeare is super fucking funny to put on here but like. i'm currently taking pre-college classes and we reread romeo and juliet and some other sonnets that he wrote and ive like. never recovered since lmao

i can't state THAT much that i drew from him because i have brainfog from the entire past year but i remember the class heavily focused on refreshing us on poetry? like. we went over the old freshman year poets (edgar allen poe was also pretty "!!! urge to write !!! but wow hes kinda fucked up!!!!!!!!" tho specifically /w the raven and annabel lee when it came to me writing) and despite how incoherent that sentence sounds idk there was just SOMETHING abt that entire course that made me want to start writing a lot the professor was just super good i loved her come home 💔

4. OKAY SO FOR FMA FIC AUTHORS. i've read a LOT of fics (like ive been through the entire parental roy and edling tags consecutively) so it's.. very hard to keep track... ... there're a few that definitely stand out tho!

* alightintheshadows i remember specifically being like. one of the first fma fic authors i read from and their stuff is GREAT. someone please tell me if they have a tumblr because i want to gush about their content so bad it's so good but like. i think they're what got me INTO writing fma fics in the first place? especially horror/plot-heavy stuff like that? i first read the cult on ff.net and i would NOT shut up about it for like. a week. i got super excited when their fics came over to ao3 and im pretty sure you can still see them quite a bit in my rec bookmarks

* DEFINITELY @liathgray i love cece so much they're so nice and i'm glad i've gotten to talk to them it's unreal !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i think they're one of the authors who actually made me actually go "oh. wow the fandom is still alive!!!" when i was going thru ao3 after i watched both fmas last summer because i'm.. pretty sure giants in the forest was still going on iirc? that fic's definitely what dragged me into the hyperfixation and interacting /w the fandom super hard lol

also i just REALLY like blackwell springs????? can we talk about blackwell springs because blackwell springs is my SHIT.

like i get that these r all probably common picks for author inspos but i remember also being around for it when it first came out -> the end and i loved it sm and i got so excited EVERY time it updated. like i would liveblog it to my boyfriend or read it really fast half-asleep before driving to class and i'd shove it into his FACE. 90% sure that fic's what either struck me to write hölle or keep writing it (i can't remember when it originally came out???) but i really need to get on reading whatever series capra's part of even tho i don't particularly like crossover stuff bc i see it Everywhere and it looks so good

i think that's all??? there's definitely a lot of other authors that i've looked at and went "!!!" but my brain is.. so empty from dumping all of this.. hope this answers ur question tho!!!! ignore any typos i just feel very strongly ok but in like the best way possible ♥

#pip.txt #answering machine #holle #long post #like a REALLY long post #guess this half counts as book and fic recs in hindsight

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jensungf · 4 years

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10 questions tag pt.2

hoo boi okay so ive been tagged in this a lot so im going to split it up into parts but this is alr a lot to read so if u read all of this u deserve a cookie so reply back with cookie and ima send u kithes and hugs

thank u to every who tagged me!! @byunbaekby @neocitybynight @bumblebeenct

aurora’s questions (these r from awhile back hehe

what’s your favorite dish from your culture?

i like phở gà (chicken noodle soup) or bún bò huế (hhh idk it in english)

vegetables or fruit?

fruits? i don’t like either

what’s the last book you’ve read and did you like it?

i think i had to read frankenstein for decathalon before corona hit and no i did not ugh

what inscription would you like on your tombstone?

heart nutted too hard or leyna [redacted] ; jk i actually dont know, i guess in loving memory leyna her love shall forever be remembered thru photographs bc even when the people change, the memories still stay or something (my brain is chaotic rn)

what should they teach in high school but do’t?

definitely financial literacy and how to do taxes and whatnot

who would you most like to sit next to on a 10 hours flight and why?

probs jisung or renjun bc lbr jisung and i would be the type to play smash the entire time and snack (and also if i fell asleep on his shoulder that shit would be so cute omfg) but renjun and i could continue talking for hours hahahah

what skill would you like to master?

cooking/baking!

what movie title best describes your life?

to all the boys i’ve loved before (ok not rly but i couldn’t think of much)

what’s the best way to start your day?

waking up well rested with my outfit planned and no rush getting ready to go eat brunch w my friends

what pets did you have while you were growing up?

i never had any pets hehe i’m allergic and mis padres say no

milly’s questions

where is the favourite place you’ve ever been?

i think i really like the city in toronto!! it’s super aesthetic and the vibes are amazing but i didn’t get to explore :( @longassride kidnap me pls

what is your best school subject, and if it changed drastically why?

it’s always been english haha but i’m not even that good

animated or live action films?

i prefer animated tbh the live action films i’ve seen don’t do any justice

do you play any instruments, how long for?

i play the bassoon and it’s been like 6 years (don’t need fooled i hate it)

have you told anyone irl that you have a blog?

yeah lmao a lot of my irls know and i let some follow me but we dont talk about it too much

favourite social media?

instagram or tumblr

can you quote me something from your favourite book?

“There comes a time when the world gets quiet and the only thing left is your own heart. So you'd better learn the sound of it. Otherwise you'll never understand what it's saying.” — Just Listen, Sarah Dessen

what was the last tv show you finished in its entirety?

fuck i have no idea i don’t even think ive ever finished a tv show... oops?

do you have an all time favourite nct fic on this site?

i have many so it’s so hard to choose but one of my all time favs might be @/starlightkun’s ayakashi series for jeno called featherbrain and @lovingyong’s tatbilb series for jaemin. i stayed up until 7am reading featherbrain and i didn’t stop rereading it for a wk bc it was everything i’ve ever liked in one story since i was super into otome games at one point and if i’m being honest, kelsie’s series helped move past a lot of hardships bahahah i could probably quote a few lines honestly bc they mean so much to me

if you could time travel, when would you go?

the 90s!!

sunny’s questions

If you could pick one artist to soundtrack your life, who would it be?

niki bc she is queen and relatable !!!

If you could have a Magic Eight Ball that really would answer your questions, what would you ask it?

am i going to be happy and successful?If you could bring one cryptid (supernatural creature) to life, what would you choose?

If you could bring one cryptid (supernatural creature) to life, what would you choose?

honestly that’s so hard ugh i might say angels/demons (i know that’s two but the concept has always intrigued me)

Coke or Pepsi?

coke but i don’t like either

What is your guilty pleasure?

otome games hehe but i guess just reading ff/webtoons all the time

If you had a title after your name (e.g. Alexander the Great) what would you want?

leyna the lover or some shit like that haha i rly dont know

Would you rather have a band who narrated all your movements through song or the paparazzi follow you around?

haksjsk i think band bc it doesn’t always have to be a literal narration and paparazzi would expose my every move

If you could be a K-Pop idol, would you be? Whether or not you answer yes, would you date an idol?

no i wouldn’t because it’s too much of a sacrifice to give up everything and dedicate my life to the toxic industry. and personally no i wouldn’t unless i rly loved them and it happened naturally bc it’s again a huge sacrifice and it’s difficult on both ends

When it rains, are you inside watching from the window or outside twirling in the puddles?

inside haha i could never go outside during rain

If you could time travel to any time period, which would you choose?

maybe the late 80s or 90s.. it seemed like a lot of fun to interact with people without technology. drive in movies, cheap candy, rollerskating down the boardwalk, the fashion and music, the vibes

my questions:

what is your usual resting facial expression?

what was your favorite childhood cartoon?

would you ever have kids? if so, do you have any baby names ready?

whats your favorite way to talk to people? (irl, text, call, ft, etc)

what color fits your vibe and why?

what is your preferred way to be comforted? emotional support or finding a solution?

how long have you been on tumblr?

do you wash your clothes right after you buy them or right after you wear them?

do you have an ideal type or any celeb that matches your ideal type?

do you believe in soulmates?

you’re under no obligation to do this but tagging: @lovelyjsuh @nanasarea @neolights @jaemallow @jaetyhm @glossyjaems @cherrysung @yongiefilms @juyeonzz @lovingyong @gohyuck @longassride

#leyna.txt #leyna.tags #i have more i swearrr #txt

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crafiet · 5 years

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1-50 of the writer’s ask thing, go!

BITCH UR RUDE AF

The Basics1. Do you listen to music when you write?mostly yeah but it depends on my mood2. Are you a pantser or plotter?both, i was a complete pantser up until recently but ive been trying to outline big scenes so i know where im going3. Computer or pen and paper?computer for drafting. pen and paper for outlining/planning4. Have you ever been published, or do you want to be published?not published, dont wanna be5. How much writing do you get done on an average day?none but yesterday i wrote 2k /shrug6. Single or multiple POV?usually single but ive been trying multiple!! its hard!!! idk what voice is!!7. Standalone or series?ugh again mostly standalone, but ive been dabbling in series8. Oldest WIPmy spies one which went though a fantasy and scifi phase and was originally dystopian9. Current WIPmy mages! i have no titles bc who10. Do you set yourself deadlines?nup

The Specifics11. Books and/or authors who influenced you the mostuhhhh to be fair im v easily influenced so if i read a book and really like it i subconsciously try to implement that style of writing or try out that genre in my own work12. Describe your perfect writing spacea desktop next to a big open window where i can play music without headphones13. Describe your writing process from idea to polisheduhhhh i dont have a finished wip yet so idk lol usually: idea→ characters→ plot→ spur of the moment 10k word vomit→ more planning, outlining→ more words→ repeat planning and drafting until finished14. How do you deal with self-doubts?i just take a break, read some bad books, read some good books, look at writing tumblrs and just marinate for a bit before going back in15. How do you deal with writer’s block?i perpetually have it and since i dont have deadlines or a publishing contract i just ride it out, writing is strictly a hobby for me16. How many drafts do you need until you’re satisfied with a project?i edit as i go, im onto draft 2 of my mages but its technically a rewrite bc i changed most of the plot17. What writing habits or rituals do you have?i have none atm, but i usually pick a time where i know i wont be disturbed/distracted so usually at night18. If you could collaborate with anyone, who would it be, and what would you write about?idw collab sdkksdlkbnsd die19. How do you keep yourself motivated?i just really really like my worlds lol conceited 20. How many WIPs and story ideas do you have?i have!!! 5?

The Favourites21. Who is/are your favourite character(s) to write?oh mannngggg i like all my protagonists, ary is the easiest bc shes the one i work with the most, but its super entertaining to be in remy’s head, and i like calyp’s bc hers is so different AAHH22. Who is/are your favourite pairing(s) to write?remy and seth orrr red and kieran. if im answering this correctly? or do u mean types of pairings lol idk23. Favourite authorhummm idk every author i really like have books i dont like so i cant say24. Favourite genre to write and readfantasy25. Favourite part of writingworldbuilding *.*26. Favourite writing programgoogle docs. it would be word but im too poor to buy it lol27. Favourite line/sceneidk if this is my favourite but“I am at least trying to be civil.”“I am being civil. You want me to yell at you? Turn into a wolf and fight it out like you’d want?”Kieran closed the file and stood. “I don’t—rem—”“Remember.”“I don’t remember you being so—” He searched for a word, but gave up and growled instead. Red got the idea.“Angry? Callous? I ought to reteach you the English language.”“I know how to speak,” Kieran blurted. “Remember, I spent twenty-four years a full human.”“And look how fast that’s disappeared.”28. Favourite side characterwhat are side characters lol ENSEMBLE CASTS29. Favourite villainossssshhhh probably michael bc i love him30. Favourite idea you haven’t started on yetive started on all my wips im one of those bastards who can multitask

The Dark31. Least favourite part of writingactually drafting lmao32. Most difficult character to writeprobably christine bc shes meant to be relatable and down to earth and thats boring smh33. Have you ever killed a main character?yes, not a pov one though34. What was the hardest scene you ever had to write?probably any scene that requires a lot of research on a topic i know nothing about, like hacking or sword fighting or whatever35. What scene/story are you least looking forward to writing?bridging scenes suck theyre necessary but they SUCK

The Fun36. Last sentence you wrote“My plan would go smoother with you involved, but I can find others. Many want his head.”37. First sentence or your current WIPShe squinted in the harsh light.38. Weirdest story idea you’ve ever hadugh this girl who could see deaths coming and she worked for the fbi but she was like 15 so she still had to go to highschool lol39. Weirdest character concept you’ve ever hadprobably her, only bc i was 13 when i created her and was reading this banshee series but somehow didnt connect??? and didnt realise she was a banshee?? without the screaming40. Share some backstory for one of your charactersomg all of my characters have purposefully murky backstories bc i find that trope cool af lol. i guess ary has that typical woe-is-me backstory where her parents were killed, she spiraled and got involved with the wrong people and then was betrayed and arrested lol

The Rest of It41. Any advice for new/beginning/young writers?literally i swear by: trying anything out. fiddle with pov, tense, perspective, genre, character identity, hell take a story you like and try to put your own spin on it. writing as a craft only gets better with practice and my best work is when im going outside of the box/my comfort zone42. How do you feel about love triangles?is this even a debate anymore, this trope got flamed so hard i havent seen it in ya in years. i dont really care about it43. What do you do if/when characters don’t follow the outline?good lol my outlines are usually done on the spot and i come up with more creative plots/scenes if i can think on it a bit44. How much research do you do?i edit as i go so i research as i go. my pre-drafting research extends to saving links on things i might wanna write about and thats it lol. i would say i dont do as much as i should45. How much world building do you do?a lot lol i LOVE worldbuilding. but i find it hard to incorporate it into my draft naturally so a lot of minute details get cut 46. Do you reread your own stories?all the time lol i forget what i wrote half the time47. Best way to procrastinatetwitter–OR if u wanna seem “productive”, writing blogs are a good way to get distracted48. What’s the most self-insert character/scene you’ve ever written?bitch there was a time where i only wrote self insert characters lol49. Which character would you most want to be friends with, if they were real?im too lame to hang out with any of my characters. they would be nice to me but i wouldnt get to know them like how i know them from an author perspective50. [Other question—ask me anything]u didnt ho

#writing #cloudybookash #sorry for the long post

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lesbeet · 6 years

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long post ahead

ive been thinking nonstop about the possibility of me having adhd since my sister and her boyfriend brought it up to me last week (i’m FINALLY seeing my therapist today so we can talk about it) and i’ve been doing a lot of research and i found the howtoadhd channel on youtube

and literally the number of times in the past 2 hours alone that i’ve teared up or started legitimately crying because of how much i relate to things that these videos are saying is ridiculous, like some of them are word-for-word things i’ve said that i had NO inkling of an idea could be related to adhd

like this one video of this guy who was diagnosed at 43 and said that prior to his diagnosis he had just accepted that he would feel dissatisfied for his whole life, that he would never feel content, i’ve been saying that for YEARS and just was resigned to it and chalked it up solely to my depression

and just like. having been able to do well in school as a kid but constantly being told that i’m “not living up to [my] potential” and now that i’m in my early 20s and my intelligence can’t compensate for like....not being able to regulate my emotions and not being able to organize my life and not being able to motivate myself to do things, which is supposedly why a number of people get diagnosed around this time, because metrics for success are different in adulthood (you can’t just take a test and rely on being smart to compensate for all the other problems), and i was always just. thinking that i fucked up and wasted my life through laziness or whatever the case may be

i’ve always considered myself to be “crafty” and “resourceful” in the sense that i may not go about doing things in the typical way but i can almost always find a way to accomplish what i need accomplished, even if it’s unconventional -- apparently that’s common with adhd too! like i’ll say “oh i couldn’t figure out how to do [x] so i did [y and z]” and someone will be like “why didn’t you just do [thing everyone else does]” and usually i either couldn’t figure out how, or it didn’t occur to me, and my way was weird and unconventional, but it worked for me!

and then of course i’m just recognizing all these signs that have always been there that i either didn’t notice or attributed to other things -- i’ve been trying to observe the way my attention functions this week and literally i space out and miss things SO much more often than i ever realized, like i miss so much information because i’ve drifted off. or i get really stuck on things in conversations and even after everyone else has moved on i have this urge to bring it back so i can say that last thing i’ve been rehearsing over and over for the past 5 minutes so i didn’t forget it, and now it’s in my head and everyone is talking about something else and it’s SO inconsequential but i have to forcibly drag myself away from whatever the thing is (yesterday my sister and her friend and i were talking about early 2000′s fashion and i wanted to make a comment about wearing ugly scarves as belts and they saw a dog and moved on to talking about cute things our dogs have done and i just couldn’t stop thinking about the scarves as belts thing for like 10 minutes until i just had to sigh and be like...well i can’t bring that up again now)

when i was younger i would rush through tests so i could go back to whatever book i was reading and i just thought it was a silly quirk like “oh i just like to read lol” but i realized i still do similar things -- if i’m reading a book or watching a show or working on something, THAT is what i’m doing. anything else, whether it’s work or sleep or eating or hanging out with a friend or fulfilling any sort of responsibility? that’s a break from the thing i’m doing. if i’m reading a book, even if it’s the 3rd time i’m rereading harry potter for the year, for example, then in my head, i’m reading harry potter. i have to go to work all day but then i can read harry potter. all i’m doing is thinking about reading harry potter. i rush through my responsibilities so i can go BACK to reading harry potter, because that’s what i’m doing and anything else is just taking a break from reading harry potter. (you see how this can negatively affect the accomplishment/fulfillment of important tasks and responsibilities)

and my sister has pointed out things that i didn’t really notice, like she said it’s really difficult to hold a conversation with me when i’m excited about something because i can’t calm down enough to let the other person talk. and i’ve always known that i tend to finish peoples’ sentences for them during conversations, which i always thought was a way of showing that i’m listening! but ive realized it’s actually that, if i already know what you’re going to say, and you’re saying it too slowly, i get impatient and i need to blurt out the rest for you so we can move on and i can say my next thing before i forget it

and like obviously all people experience some symptoms some of the time, daydreaming isn’t exclusive to adhd, neither is walking into a room and forgetting what you’re doing there. but this week as i’ve been paying attention, i notice i do it CONSTANTLY. the other night i opened up my phone before bed because i remembered i hadn’t set my alarm, so i picked it up from where i place it for the night (i was about to go to sleep). 15 minutes later i put my phone back down and decided to turn in for the night again, and then realized i still had never turned the alarm on because i got distracted and did other stuff. and things like that happen with almost comical regularity, now that i know to look for it.

i’ve known i have executive dysfunction issues for a long time so i won’t go into those, but like we’ve known i have problems with directions and organization and spatial processing and knowing how to complete tasks for a long time

the rejection-sensitive dysphoria is something i didn’t really realize was part of adhd, but it makes SO much sense. i think it’s part of why i thought i had bpd for a while, because a lot of the symptoms were similar and i knew i was dealing with something more than just depression and anxiety but didn’t know what, and a lot of the symptoms i experienced also seemed to fit the bpd diagnosis even if my actual behavior and personality didn’t seem to

there are so many more things i’ve noticed this week and thought about differently but i literally can’t remember what they are lmao i think i’m gonna try to write stuff down so i don’t forget to tell my therapist today but like.

so many of these things i didn’t realize had anything to do with adhd, like emotional dysregulation, i’ve always known i have horrible mood swings and trouble regulating my emotions, i’ve always noticed a lot of these different symptoms but it never occurred to me that they could all be part of the same thing??

like i haven’t been tested or diagnosed yet and i’m worried i’m getting carried away but the only time i’ve ever felt this sort of relief was a few months ago when realizing my dad is a narcissist. like the feeling of “oh my god, i knew this was something i experienced but i didn’t think i could attribute it to anything” and “oh my god, this is word for word something i say all the time, i didn’t realize it was part of a pattern”

and it genuinely made me cry! hearing people talk about things that describe me that i never would have guessed might have to do with adhd, finding something that seems to encompass a very broad range of symptoms that i previously thought were unrelated or results of a myriad of things (and obviously they all play off of one another but that’s a whole separate issue)

but it would explain so much of my behavior and challenges -- why i struggle with finishing up a task or project once the big, complicated part is done; why i get super obsessed with something and then once it wears off i never mention or think about it again; why i’ve always needed my mom’s help to clean my closet or pack for a trip, even though i felt like i was way too old to need help with that; why people constantly are like “i know you heard me say this because you said ‘ok’” about things i genuinely have no recollection of

but i just can’t stop thinking about that guy talking about how he was just resigned to thinking he would never been satisfied or content with his life because that is something i have been feeling and saying FOREVER, for years ive just been like “everything is so hard, the idea of spending the rest of my life struggling to get up in the morning and going to work every day, dealing with all my responsibilities, i feel like i’m exhausted and underwater just thinking about it, i’m never going to feel fulfilled or satisfied, it’s always just going to be slogging through my responsibilities and it’s never going to end” and apparently that’s....a normal thing, and i just thought it was depression and maybe part of it is, but maybe the reason i struggle so much with those every day things is because my brain is wired differently?

and maybe i’ve fucked up because at this point i think i’ll be really disappointed if i don’t get the diagnosis because i’m not really sure what else could explain these issues, it certainly makes sense and i feel like it fits and i feel relieved just thinking about having that answer, and it certainly negatively impacts almost every aspect (if not every aspect) of my life. so like if i don’t get diagnosed idk what i’m gonna do and i probably fucked up by spending the last week obsessing over it lol

but like....the relief i feel every time i read or hear or see someone with adhd say “i experience [x]” and i’m like holy shit??? me too???? and it just. feels like maybe there’s an explanation for all this horrible dissatisfaction and unhappiness i thought i was going to be stuck with for the rest of my life, and there are other people who experience these things and there are things that can be done, medication and therapy and strategies and...my whole life doesn’t NEED to feel like a challenge, maybe it’s not an indisputable fact that i’m just going to have to live with forever.

if you read this far and you have adhd (especially if you were diagnosed after childhood) i would love to hear your thoughts on this, obviously i didn’t list every single symptom and experience and i know there are more but these are all i could think of at the moment, if i seem like i’m way off base obviously please let me know

#me.txt #adhd #long post //#honestly if you read this whole thing....thank you #also don't rb obviously #adhd tag

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gray-anxiety · 5 years

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No Sympathy Facts/ the chaos of my brain

I kept forgetting the damn name

Legit

Like “No… no wHAT????? Oh”

Aella is a name associated with storms and wind, so I gave her that name because I wanted someone who really did embody that

I kept wanting to spell Aella’s name allen smh

This book started when i finally got off my ass and convinced myself to do a mafia au. The entire plot was pulled out of my ass in a period of brainstorming that kept me up until 5:30 the next morning

I actually sketched out the apartment’s layout so I could see it better.

later I actually designed a messy version of what it’d somewhat be like in the sims

Karanese is actually a district in the Attack on Titan universe :)

Each chapter takes me like 2 hours to write simply because I play out each and every ending in my head and choose the best one I’d want to see in a story

Other times I legit just have a feeling like I absolutely know how a chapter plays out like Chapter 3’s murder fight scene. It just came to me and all I had to do was describe it like I had just watched a movie

Chapter one took a total of seven hours to write

The plot twists were created when I asked myself what cliche can I change?

(Except I kept a few just to make fun of it I.E. roommates and badboy x nerdy character because that shit is hilarious and can really show the dynamic of how different each character really is)

Chapter two bore me to death to be honest

An actual example of my brainstorming while writing down facts:

I have no idea what the fuck to do after chapter 3 help

I pretty much said fuck it to planning out a plot and just wung it

Where am I gonna place Hange and the others

What about Eren lol

OH SHIT I JUST HAD THE IDEA THAT HANGE AND AELLA WERE FRIENDS BEFORE AELLA WAS KICKED OUT AOUFHALIUEHFALIUEHF

THEY’D TOTALLY BE LESBIANS FOR EACH OTHER

How’d you come up with the name for No Sympathy?

hilarious answer, actually. I spent two damn hours laying on my bed googling “what’s your mafia nickname” to just messing around with broken languages on google translate until it just popped in my head. Pretty much I was like “oh shit that sounds lit and fearsome lets do it bois” and yeah

I’m actually making this list of fun facts while writing each chapter. I’m going to start working on chapter 4 tomorrow and hopefully get my shit together to make a somewhat good plot??

Lmao I lied I got really fucking lazy and wrote the chapter at 11 at night and published it at midnight

I wrote everything about no sympathy in one iCloud note and titled it “No sympathy; the complete chaos of making a book”

The true main character of No Sympathy is actually Levi since I feel like I understand him completely since I relate to him so much; making Levi the easiest character I’ve written about ever. Though, his true character (in my opinion) doesn’t necessarily shine through in the beginning chapters as Levi don’t get along with new people, but you can see him warm up to Aella by doing her homework, dragging her out of the party, etc.

I’ve realized I have a distinct writing pattern while writing No Sympathy: comma, semi-colon, double dash. (Chapters two and three really showcase it as I wrote those two back to back in the car)

Had I actually had the inspiration and the motivation to write this almost a year ago, I would’ve been writing about the mafia at 13, which is an absolute hilarious thought to think about when I look back to my previous fanfics. Then again, my dumbass 14-year-old self is just as clingy as my dumbass 13-year-old self lmaoo

I gave Aella the same birth day (not year lmao) as mine (September 10) so she’d be 17 during the first month of school and 18 for the rest of the book

Going off of that fact, Levi is exactly 1 year and 8 months older than Aella (I kept his original birthday)

My cat demanded that I gave him cuddles and attention so I had to stop writing for one entire day because he wanted cuddles

Normally my cat just lays on my chest while I write b u t n o he wanted cuddles

If Levi never came into the picture Aella would probably date Hanji (for all of those fellow LGBTQIA+ readers and readers that really love Hanji)

While writing chapter 1 I listened to Ghost by Halsey on repeat and I think if you read while playing the exact song it somewhat shows in the pace I set for readers.

The term ‘block class’ is actually derived from what my own high school (even though I’m not even fully considered a freshman yet jfc) uses when referring to a 90 minute class

The book Technically begins on a Saturday with Levi — the actual power duo meet that Monday (because unlike dumbass schools in real life, their first day of school was on a Monday instead of the Friday before.) on their first day. That Tuesday was chapter 4, Wednesday being chapter 5, Thursday being chapter 6 (we skip Friday because it doesn’t fucking matter in the story lmao), and Saturday being the day of the party.

Writing an x reader but without the reader was really fucking hard, honestly. I couldn’t just randomly say ‘Levi looked over at the H/C girl working on her homework across from him’ as it’d just be weird, so I thought of the next best thing and never described Aella — making her free for interpretation of her looks.

I was going to have Aella have a name reveal like ‘my real name is Y/N…’ but then I was like “No what? Fuck it. Levi already knew from the beginning after looking at her documents.”

No Sympathy was actually going to be an original story, but Levi’s character fit so well I decided to make it a fanfic.

I actually wanted to stop writing after chapter 3 because I didn’t know what to do with the plot, but I asked my friend for help coming up with the plot using the paragraphs of ideas I had to make an actual plot. So, I can successfully say I owe it to her for helping and the one sentence that kept me going in my head: “I want to make a story I’m proud of.” So I fucked up my (nonexistent, really lmao) sleeping and eating schedules and started working on this book everyday even when I didn’t post a chapter that day.

Though, it’s not really specified in the early chapters, Aella was bullied into being hated by the entire school — leaving her to be all alone, which actually happened to me and gave me PTSD after transferring.

Ironically, I gave Aella a ton of reactions and characteristics I would/ just generally have, but I see myself more in Levi, which is probably why I prefer writing about him over Aella.

As of writing this, chapter 5 is currently my favorite chapter as it is a mix of a filler chapter and a regular important chapter still just as important as the rest.

Depression and PTSD actually got in the way of writing so many times I actually am surprised I’ve written so much

As writing has always been my go to for letting out everything (as I have z e r o close friends lmao) I actually don’t realize when I’m done with each chapter until I realize I’m out of ideas for said chapter.

I don’t even realize I write about 2,000 words until it’s like “oh,,”

No Sympathy wasn’t just any fanfic for me, it was like I was actually Aella seeing the entire story unfold from beginning to finish

I tried to push myself to describe more, as I’ve noted while rereading my previous shitty fanfics — I struggled describing everything.

I tried to not have the basic “tch”, “brat”, and just random cursing from Levi unless it was at the exact wrong time (or I just put it in because I could totally see him saying that in said situation)

I tried characterizing Hanji as someone who wasn’t the basic overexcited dumbass most fanfics portray her as — instead I tried thinking of her as an actual person with reactions and different moods and tried to embody that each time I wrote her

Character development is a huge thing Ive been trying to work on ever since I wrote A Valkyrie and a Mischievous God (though that character development and story sucked ass and I cringe at how popular it’s gotten), and a huge target for it was none other than Aella. At the beginning you could see she felt trapped in an endless cycle of stress and fending for herself, but when Levi came in and was like “lmao I have money you don’t have to stress” she felt like she was in an odd spot, and eventually after she reunited with Hanji she started to feel more free

Parents were completely cut out of this story because I genuinely don’t know how to write them as mine are either states away by choice or always working, so I just had Aella get kicked out and had her entire family gone.

My best ideas surface at 4 am when I’m trying to fucking sleep

Help me

But hey I now have a new passion for this book

I generally didn’t know how to end it

buT THEN I D I D

A huge thing for me, and my entire driving motion for writing this was a simple sentence: “I want to write something I’m proud of.”

Am I proud of this?

Eh. It’s not shitty, I suppose. I could always do better.

Characterization was so difficult for me. I wanted to stray from basic fanfics of an overly hyper Hange (though, I couldn’t help in some situations, but after watching an entire season and a half in one day, you notice personality changes) and write and more serious one — except I’m a damn shitty author with so many grammatical mistakes my ex-mentor would literally rip her hair out.

Writing a book has always been my goal, and I know this is the only thing that will ever come close to it.

I have another Levi x reader planned, but I always hate doing the basic ‘_____’ ‘Y/N’, etc because it literally drives my depressed self I n s a n e when writing

Most times for my outline summaries of the chapters I just put my name in place of Aella lmao

I actually struggled a lot when writing this; sometimes I even broke down thinking no one liked this book or I wasn’t a good enough author to write anymore.

My asshole self mainly spent my summer writing this rip

Currently, as it is July 2nd, I am literally hoping to Levi that I fucking get this done before August or else I’m so fucking screwed with beginning high school and shit.

Oh yeah btw, I’M NOT FUCKING READY FOR THE FINAL SEASON. I’LL BE A DAMN SOPHOMORE AND THAT IN ITSELF K I L L S ME

I don’t know if I’m actually going to continue with this book, but have these collected facts I started writing the moment the first chapter was out :,) It’s already September and my past dumbass was right

High school is kicking my ass

I have another story idea/plot written out and I really like it so idk. I think I’d stop halfway again because I’d think that no one would like it

#no sympathy

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