Yeah idk I guess I’m just gonna go back to just reblogging things idk. Not really too in the UTMV fandom anymore and I still can’t get many interactions.

i honestly don’t even know where to begin with this post, so i guess i’ll start with hi! sorry, i’ve been gone so long, though probably most of you didn’t even notice i was gone lol. sorry for not giving any warning to my absence, and i am especially sorry to the mutuals who have reached out to me that i haven’t responded to. i was and still am struggling with anxiety and depression and towards the new year it was getting to be a bit much for me, so i decided to take a mental health break from social media.

i’d honestly been contemplating coming back, but today i received a dm from someone with a link to a post that was accusing me of bullying and creating fake accounts to bully other people in this fandom. first of all, i would like to emphasize that this is not true. attached below is a screenshot of all the blogs that i own (EDIT 2/9/24: i have since deleted the screenshot for my own privacy and i believe that since i made this post, there has been more than enough evidence to clear my name.) milfsociety is my main account, which i have linked before on this blog and many of my mutuals also follow me on my main, and the rest of them are just me saving my old usernames or other sideblogs that i rarely use, but all of them have been inactive for two months at least.

i do NOT condone bullying ever, and to be continually accused of it by this person is very disheartening. it started with this post (seen below) that i made back in november after seeing a post discrediting marie as the main character of gen v. i admit that my language was probably a bit harsher than was necessary, but honestly my intention was not to send hate to op (which is why i never tagged it with any gen v related tags) but to defend marie. it also wasn’t meant to be solely specific to this one person but as a general post because at the time, there were lots of accounts discrediting marie and to be honest, i was just kinda venting bc of how sick of it i was. (also, just to mention, i have intentionally left out their username because the last thing i want is to send hate to this person.) this was the only post i made on the topic and later i heard that apparently op blocked me afterward (which does not offend me in the slightest since i have since done the same thing) so this honestly should have been the end of it.

i honestly hadn’t given this post a second thought until a little under a month later i received this ask out of nowhere, accusing me of ableism and bullying. i replied to this ask, which i will link here. honestly this ask came as a complete shock to me, because i had honestly forgotten all about my previous post.

i responded to anon and in the reply i apologized to their friend for my hurtful comments and expressed that it was never my intention to attack anyone, especially anyone with a disability, which i did not know about when i initially made the first post. i also explained my side, stating why i made the post in the first place, which i still stand by. originally, i had linked their post in my reply, which in hindsight was a mistake that i regret and i should’ve known better. again, my last intention ever is to spread hate and negativity or to bully anyone, so i deleted the link when i was asked by a third party. this person has also since deleted that post about marie entirely.

shortly after i posted the reply, i guess i can only assume that whoever anon was told them about the reply. i’m honestly not sure if they’ve ever actually read this reply or not, but they made a response to my reply, accusing me of harassment and bullying. honestly, it really confused me at the time, since i’d only made two posts in reference to them, and one was a reply to an ask, but we ended up having a third party account who was mutuals with both of us acting as a mediator to settle things and i genuinely wanted to move on from the situation. we both had each other blocked and it seemed to me that anon was just trying to instigate more drama between us, so i thought it best to just leave it at that. i was also going through some mental health issues at the time (unrelated to this situation even though it didn’t help) and had been considering taking a break from tumblr, and so i thought it would be best to just go inactive for a while.

this is honestly the first time i’ve used tumblr in the two months since i’ve been gone, so i have no idea what else has been happening regarding any other blogs and this person, but apparently i am being named as the sole instigator here and i just wanted to once and for all clear up this issue and my name. i’m honestly not sure if this person will see this post or if they’ll even accept it as truth. i can’t force them or anyone to believe me as i really don’t know what else i’d have to do to prove that i don’t have any other secret accounts other than making this post.

i will probably continue to be inactive on this account as i think it is in everyone’s best interest. i never wanted to contribute or start any drama in this fandom, but i feel like i am partially responsible in how this situation has turned out, so i would also like to apologize to you all as well. i’ve never had an account of mine get as big as this one has (thank you to everyone who liked and supported my silly little ramblings!) and i can honestly say i have had the best time interacting and fangirling with you all about this show and these characters that i love so much and i will continue to enjoy and love gen v and marie from afar!

goodbye for now,

rose (aka mariejordans)

Heyo! Any advice on struggling to get your art seen in the world? I feel like no matter how much I post, or what I post, people never see it or seem to like it. I love art and am pursuing it as a career (hence why Im getting a degree in it currently lmao) but its kind of disheartening to work really hard on something, post it, and no one sees it.

oh, man. i'm afraid for this one i don't feel like i have a lot of solid advice. having a large-ish following online feels like something that kind of just, like, Happened to me, mostly on accident/in ways outside of my control, and even if i had some ideas on how to potentially replicate those gains i don't think they'd work consistently. (also, a lot of my large jumps in follower count came from mental health related work going viral bc it's #relatable; this is something i have complicated feelings about and it's absolutely not a viable, like, "strategy" or something that i would recommend, in the way that ppl can say like, "fanart gets attention!" or stuff like that.)

so, i don't have advice for how to actually GET those eyes on your art; i can maybe help with making ppl more likely to STAY once they do find you, and how to build a following that will actually help you maintain a living from your work -- bc i have TONS of peers w a following a fraction of the size of mine who get more jobs than me, are doing cooler/more "professional" stuff than me, etc! (heads up that most of my experience is on twitter; i know less than nothing about places like instagram + tiktok, and while tumblr functions very differently from twitter i feel like i handle things mostly the same here, aside from doing less personal posting/being less talkative and not 'networking' or following many people).

SCROLLING BACK UP TO ADD A SPOILER ALERT: AS ALWAYS I HAVE SAID "HAHA IDK I DON'T REALLY HAVE ANY ADVICE" AND THEN PROCEEDED TO TYPE A FULL ESSAY. IF YOU ARE ON DESKTOP YOU CAN HIT THE 'J' KEY TO SKIP THIS POST. IF YOU'RE ON MOBILE, I'M SORRY

a very important thing, especially professionally: it HAS to be easy to see what you do. (this is easier here on tumblr, where u can have a designated art tag etc, than on twitter, which is an awful website that sucks. <- guy who makes all his money on twitter) this means, like -- if i see something from you and get curious and click your profile, it should only take one more click to quickly see at least SOME of your art. on a professional account, it's probably best for your icon to be your own work, something snappy and memorable and eye-catching that reads well at a small size; people shouldn't have to dig for 20 minutes before they can start browsing your art. on twitter, this means TRY not to gunk up your media tab with a ton of reaction images/screencaps of your gacha pulls/etc; on here, it means make your art tag easy to find; on any website, a portfolio link, prominently displayed, is the best bet. (i am still working on that one myself lmao and i've been working professionally full time for a few years now so like, there are outliers and wiggle room on all of this).

next! it's great when your audience finds you, but you have to find them, too. find artists who do similar stuff to you and get into their stuff -- sincerely, not just as "networking." (like only do this with ppl whose stuff you actually think is cool, not just trying to get in mutuals with everyone you see in hopes of a bump, obviously.) get interested in other indie artists, find the people who are working/publishing in the spaces that are exciting and aspirational for you, and support them! i don't want it to sound cynical when i say there's a kind of give-and-take built into this; the point is not "well, if i reblog/retweet a bunch of YOUR stuff, maybe you'll feel obligated to boost mine in return," but that when you find other artists/creatives who are on the same wavelength as you, you will naturally stumble into pools of people who want to support art like yours, and you and your newfound peers will help each other when you hype each other's stuff up and direct followers to each other! (again re: things going differently on dif websites: this is twitter-specific for me, bc i use my tumblr as a gallery/portfolio. that doesn't mean it doesn't happen here tho! it can and does happen everywhere!)

it is really not a competition. i know that SOMETIMES it is in like, a really nitty-gritty numbers sense; people only have so much money to spare, they will make choices about whose patreon they can afford/what comic to buy/etc, that's true. but to me that's not competition. people who are sincerely into your stuff will hang on until they can afford it; maybe that means someone follows you for two whole years before the planets align and they have the budget/opportunity to commission you. by hanging out in similar circles you are not taking potential business or opportunities away from anyone else, nor are you risking leading your own audience to Someone They'll Like Better; you're just offering more options, and the internet is VAST and endless, and EVENTUALLY people will show up who are into YOUR STUFF, SPECIFICALLY. helping each other is never going to stifle or delay that!!

and my final chunk of advice is the one i give constantly that everyone is probably super sick of hearing but i just seriously seriously believe in it, even tho i know it's slow to pay off and hard to follow: keep doing exactly what you want to. keep doing it!!! you have to!!! yes, i mean the stuff that's getting like, 2 likes and 0 reblogs! the stuff that 'nobody likes!'

earlier i mentioned i have gotten big follower bumps from like adhd comics and stuff like that going viral. the thing is that, from a professional standpoint: my follower count has like, more than quintupled from where it was at a few years ago; my patreon income has absolutely NOT quintupled lmfao. it has less than doubled, over that same period of like... i wanna say over 4 years. that's still good, i'm grateful for it, and i owe a lot of it to the sheer numbers game (the more ppl see ur work, the more likely it is you'll reach someone who decides to support you), but there is absolutely not an actual direct correlation between numbers and career success/stability.

where there IS a direct correlation is between "people who give a shit about the art i really truly love making" and "people who like my art enough to support me professionally." HUGE chunks of the followers i get any time something goes viral slough off over time; there's nothing wrong with that, they just follow me bc something was funny/interesting and end up realizing my work's not actually their thing. but the ppl who follow me bc they're into all the stuff i post most consistently, the stuff i care about and am passionate about, stick around. and i would not have found them if i wasn't posting the shit i care about!

out there there are people who will be 100% crazy about the stuff that is 100% what you want to make. it's like actually statistically impossible for there not to be. the more niche your thing is, the longer it will take to find them, but they absolutely exist. but if you give up before you find them -- if you start saying, "well, i'll put in 50% of this idea that i love, but the other 50% is too weird and nobody's gonna like it and it'll flop" -- well, in that case, you can only ever find the ppl who are 50% into what you do. don't fuck yourself like that!! you cannot deny yourself the possibility (the INEVITABILITY!!! IMO!!!!!) of finding the people who will 100% get what you're doing.

so: on a pragmatic level, i'm sure there will be ppl who disagree with me on this, and who think it's absolutely mandatory to do fanart as a crowd draw or learn about algorithms and posting times and get on tiktok and do the visibility grind and everything and that it's stupid and irresponsible to tell people not to. i'm sure it's also easy to point out that i'm speaking from a place where i now have more eyes on my stuff than i know what to fucking do with so maybe i'm just totally out of touch and being naive or something. but for me the most important part of doing art now, ESPECIALLY as a career, is to keep loving it and to believe in what i'm doing and to build an audience that cares about the same things i do. and i think it is really really vital to make that your top priority. bc if you don't, then even if you DO crack the code to suddenly getting tons of notes on everything etc -- will you even keep wanting to do it?

this job is hard. it's lonely, in my experience; i spend so much time sitting in front of my computer alone. it's unstable, which is stressful and can be frightening. it's emotionally taxing, for me, because art is so important to me that it's hard to set boundaries and separate my identity from it and actually treat it like a job. it has taken me a long time to find success doing this; maybe i could have gotten there faster if i had tried to find ways to draw an audience specifically, but i think if i had somehow managed to get a big patreon following/tons of commissioners/etc by doing something formulaic or doing stuff that specifically gets tons of attention, but isn't what's natural for me -- i don't think i would have lasted very long that way. this is already hard and complicated enough; i don't think it's sustainable to give up any unnecessary ground on doing exactly what you're passionate about, bc at least in my case, that's mandatory for this even being a livable career for me. i would burn out and decide to do something else very quickly if the only way to succeed was to chase numbers/engagement.

doing it this way is very slow. if i hadn't been able to lean on family/my wife while starting up, i would have had to have a day job for much longer (like, years, probably) while saving up and preparing to go full time; for as long as you struggle to get traction, it may mean going full time has to be on the backburner. but the thing is that there's nothing wrong with that, it's the reality for the vast majority of us (from what i've seen) -- and you'll eventually build a career that can last way longer, i think.

okay oh my god i'm done. sorry about that. like i said this job is pretty lonely and i sit here all day and think about this stuff and then generally do not talk about it with anyone until somebody asks me about it and then i repeat myself at length again. like i did here. anyway have a good night sincerely and i hope some part of this was helpful!!!

➡ Mutuals, followers, and anyone else with a sense of humanity, please read this! Especially if you've been avoiding what's been happening in Palestine! This is partially me expressing my thoughts/feelings, but I do have a good point and helpful links at the end!

I have to say I am so heartbroken and disappointed to see people here actively choosing to engage in their own privilege and turning a blind eye to this tragedy. Apparently even boosting posts by reblogging is too much?

And of course, many of these people are white and have never experienced the world outside of their own white privilege and individualistic mindset (which stems directly from white supremacy/capitalism), so the thought of having to break out of that and feel uncomfortable for the sake of trying to help other people that aren't like them is like asking them to cut off their fucking arm. Meanwhile, people of color across the world have been doing so much to try to push for change, even though it was the white powers of the world who started this mess and are continuing to support it. If anything, as white people, we have an even stronger responsibility to clean up the mess our ancestors started. ESPECIALLY when our corrupt white leaders refuse to stand up and do the right thing. It is unfortunate and unfair that the responsibility lands on us everyday people to try to stop a literal genocide, but it is the reality of our present times. And we must do the right thing!

Because what happens if we all don't contribute to this? What happens if this movement for change fizzles out bc people decide to turn away from it bc it's hard/uncomfortable/scary? Well, not only will Palestinians be potentially wiped out of existence, but our world as we know it will stand no chance at ever changing. If we don't come together as humans and form community (locally & internationally), if we don't stand by our fellow siblings from other parts of the world and fight for their lives/freedom, change will never happen. And we need change, on so many levels. Do you guys really think this doesn't affect you? It affects ALL OF US. If not now, then it will later. If we can't even come together against a genocide of people, how are we ever gonna be able to stand together for any other movement of change?

This is OUR responsibility, as humans, as people. Many of our world leaders and people in power lack humanity, but that doesn't mean we don't. Right? Please prove me right here. Because seeing some of my mutuals agreeing with posts about people saying "you don't have to engage in what's going on or try to help if it makes you uncomfy, guys 🥺" is so disheartening. And let me be clear, I am not encouraging you to doomscroll all day and throw away your personal lives and cause yourselves to mentally spiral and burn yourselves out (possibly even more than you already are). What each of us is capable of doing to help this movement is gonna look different, depending on the person. But doing something is better than nothing at all. And yes, if you have any empathy in your hearts, you are going to feel pain and heartache and rage over what is happening in Palestine. Good! Use those feelings to continue to push for change! Let's actually make good use of our humanity and our privilege!

Here are some small, but impactful ways to help:

BOOST POSTS (don't just like them, reblog! This helps more than you think it does, even if you don't have many followers! It's about making noise and not allowing social media to suppress our voices!) Tag them with things such as #palestine #free palestine #gaza #free gaza

Contact your representatives/government! (The US and Europe sites provided will write an automatic script for you, but you can also find a pre-written script for your country here if you don't know where to begin with writing your own!)

United States (At the end of the script, you should add something along the lines of "If you do not stand with Palestine and vote to stop funding Israel, I will not be voting for you next election.")

Europe (click on your country at the top of the page and it'll tell you who your representatives are, how to reach them, and provide a script that you can copy and paste!)

Australia

Canada

3. Take part in the BDS movement by choosing not to support as many brands on this list as you can!

4. Donate (free option included!)

Click the button on this site (can be done once every 24 hours) and you will be helping to donate to Palestinians for free! Every click takes money from the sponsors who support this cause and gives it to Palestinians. (I plan on setting an alarm every day to remind me to press this button, and I suggest you do too!)

If you have money to spare for this cause, donate to the Palestine Children's Relief Fund!

5. Finally, learn what you can, even in small doses! This guide gives great info on the past/present regarding Palestine and provides lots of sources! This is perfect if you're interested in learning more, but don't know where to begin.

Bottom line: it doesn't take a whole lot of effort to take action and contribute to this movement. Small action is still action and -with enough of it- can lead to big change! The hardest part is working to unwind/unlearn/recognize our individualistic mindsets and our privilege and choosing to do and be better! Change is only possible if we all do our part to make it happen. So let's make it happen! ❤️

just wanted to pop in to say i recently discovered your blog and i love it so much! you have a real talent and i feel like you get the characters just right!

i also wanted to say thank you for writing with an afab/gender neutral reader and for doing it in a very conscious way! i am not gender neutral or non-binary, but i know that a lot of people on here and many of my mutuals have felt disheartened in the past because many authors only write using afab cis* or feminine-presenting readers and they do not feel connected to it because of that. not saying there’s anything wrong with writing your reader the way you want to tho!

although i’m not able to fully relate, i do know it’s important for people to feel included/be able to relate to the reader. i also enjoy your use of a gn!reader because you use neutral descriptors aside from having certain length hair/female anatomy, which also allows people (even cis folks) to really insert themselves into the story when reading without feeling like they have to gloss over things like a certain body, look, or hair type.

for example (and i know this is very different than writing a gn!reader to allow for individuals to assign their own gender to the reader or not have to at all) because i have a handful of features that aren’t considered to be the beauty standard/don’t get a lot of representation. i often feel insecure or a little sad to see that many readers are written as having straight blonde hair with blue eyes and a vs model’s body - none of which i possess. but when people write with a gender neutral afab reader it’s super great!

TLDR: thanks sm :) so glad i found ur blog!

this is so sweet thank u sm it really means a lot!!!! really the only thing i generally keep in for the reader is that the reader is shorter than the cod men bc i like to imagine them so BEEFY no matter what LMAOOOOOOOOOO but i try my best to keep everything as neutral as i can in terms of readers appearance so anyone can read it without immediately being yanked out of the story like "oh 😐 yeah that's not me at all" LMAO 😭

BUT EITHER WAY i'm happy to be a place where ppl can find gn reader content 🥹

heey! please dont take this the wrong way but im genuinely curious why do you feel so empty on tumblr🥺 i mean your stories have more than a thousand likes and theres so many people who are clearly huge fans of your work… whatever the reason is, i really hope you stay on tumblr for a long time because you are really the sweetest:) (not pressuring you though, you do whats best for you!) 🥰

hi, my love!! i didn't take it the wrong way <3 i can explain what i mean.. so, this time it's not as much about interaction bc everyone's been very sweet and talks to me despite holiday season! i still have more msgs than i can answer (keep it all coming tho pls hehe :P), so the issue this time is more just.. how empty tumblr is. i scroll through my dash once and am already at a post that was posted/rbd an hour ago bc nobody's around (ccs and readers alike!!).

so many of my mutuals have left tumblr and so many readers have, too (i miss you all sm btw sigh) and watching tumblr die has been so disheartening. it's gotten very dry? and then, and that's a me problem, i also get so damn insecure all the time. i keep feeling like im unwanted here and get vv scared talking to people, bc there was so much negativity and hate on here for the past year that i constantly think twice before approaching someone. i just hate overthinking like, "does xy hate me? should i rather not interact" lol which sucks bc i like talking to people so much and used to be the most social butterfly.

so the loneliness just comes from the overall desert-like feeling on here combined with my own fears that tumblr's better off without me. it's stupid 😞

also! idc about notes tbh! e.g. i enjoyed dropping cmi11 more bc it got more love than idk cmi9.5 despite getting less likes. sometimes the 'getting thousands of likes' is super cool but also the problem bc of the lack of reblogs etc. (like there's a big difference between e.g. cmi9 and cmi11, even in the comment section). the only thing i wanna say about interaction, though, is: whenever i do attendance checks before posting a chapter, a lot of ppl (and new names) comment that they're excited — id absolutely love it if you reacted to the actual drop, too bc that's often met by silence by those who are super thrilled at first 🥺 and taglist readers!! where are you guysss lol lmk if you read, too!! writing is such a difficult hobby to indulge in, so writers just want to feel like people see it and that their effort is appreciated, even if thousands of words meet just a paragraph of feedback — we still love it 🥺 that's all. atm i don't have more to say about interaction bc everyone's been the sweetest.

hope that clears things up... thank you for reaching out and telling me you want me around 🥺 you're so sweet, as well 🤍

🦋🔪🎨

🦋 ⇢ share something that has been on your heart and mind lately 

a big thing that’s been on my mind lately is just how much nicer I wish people would be in this community, especially to writers. The amount of rude and straight up hateful anon asks I’ve seen mutuals and friends of mine receive, whether it be about the content of their fics, or people hounding them about when they’re going to update their fics, honestly saddens me :( because

a) if you don’t like something, you don’t have to read it !!!! no one is forcing you. and you certainly don’t need to go out of your way to spread negativity by going to the author and complaining or insulting their work bc you didn’t like something. It’s so easy to just keep scrolling and not read it !

b) writers are not content farms, they are people who have lives outside of tumblr and they are putting their precious time and energy into writing fics, for free, and I just think some people need to learn to be a bit more patient with them

I’m very grateful to have not dealt with any negativity like this firsthand on my own blog, but i can only imagine how disheartening that must be as a writer, and it just hurts my heart when i see writers say that they’re afraid to post a fic because they’re worried it’s going to be received negatively, and seeing how many people stop writing or leave tumblr altogether because of all the negativity

sorry, i didn’t mean for that to turn into a rant LOL, rant over 🙈 but yea just… everyone pls be nicer to each other !! 🫶🏼

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

honestly… i don’t think I’ve really had to look up anything that weird for a writing project lmao! like this def isn’t that weird, but i think i looked up what the cowboy hat rule is for a fic once lol

🎨 ⇢ link your favourite piece of fanart and explain why you like it

this one was tough for me bc there are sooo many that I really love 😭 but I’m gonna go with this one by @kenobiwanx of pedro pascal as Mr. Darcy bc I just love their art style and the colors, and because it combines two of my favorite things — Pedro and pride & prejudice 🥹

also gonna include this Ellie fanart by @lucylucius because it’s just SO COOL and so pretty and I’m obsessed with the coloring 🧡

thank you so much for sending these, lovely!! 🥰🧡

writers truth & dare ask game

lgbt person who was raised christian: even though i have nothing against christians i think i have the right to be distrustful and/or critical of christianity

christians:

How do you hold onto hope that anything will be done with Anti or any of Sean's Egos? I fell out of love for JSE and his content about three years ago due to.. I guess just growing up? But I used to check back in from time to time because he used to promise that "Big Thing's" we're coming for his Egos. (Mind you this was before the pandemic took full effect so there wasn't that as an excuse.) I just recently checked his channel and saw he has taken a step back (Good for him and his mental health if he needs that!) from making content. Did he burn out? Is he ever going to do anything with the Ego's? I don't even know why I care at this point? I guess I just want logical answers and you are the smartest JSE fan I know? Anywho. Sorry for the rant. I'll get out of your asks. 🌶

Oookay unpacking this ask time.

Anon thanks in advance for sending this because as feisty as I felt at first, it helped me get out a lot of things I've wanted to say in this regard for a Long Long Time so, yeah. Thank you.

1. Personally I don't like the term "grew up" in reference to CCs or much of anything tbh, because you're rarely too old to enjoy the things you love. But I get what you mean regardless. Just wanted to plop out my take on that topic in general. Never think you're too old to enjoy something harmless though. :)

2. I've been shaky on hope lately, to be honest. He's not been doing a ton of videos in general lately, minus some strays and the Deltarune Chapter 2 series (I genuinely didnt expect him to play it bc he hadnt played another recently released big game I wanted to see him play but he did, and I'm super grateful bc it was killing me lowkey). Which obviously the decision not to make a ton of content at the moment is okay. He's very burnt out, he's been having severe health issues both physically and on/off mentally. The lack of content and low energy he's had lately is just disheartening if that's the right word idk. BUT!! We DO have a MASSIVE Thankmas stream coming in December to look forward to!

I miss him and some days I get kinda,, idk, bitter? About the radio silence. But unlike a lot of people that have been in and out of the JSE Community between 2018 to now, I respect his health and the fact that he's a whole ass human being and has a life and other things he is more than free to do instead whenever the fuck he wants. TLDR I think have better critical thinking skills than some people on here and Twitter lmao. And the last few years have been shit, both in the world and- at least on here -in the community (dare I mention the t*ablogs). Though lately the community is quiet and very very peaceful and enjoyable again. At least in my corner here.

The thing is, I'm not and was never here ONLY for egos. I love Sean and everything about him to bits. He made one of the worst few years I had in the 2010s infinitely more bearable and gave me an explosive amount of inspiration for creativity that I'd not really experienced before. And friends I'll never let go of.

I miss ego content. I want it to keep going. I'm extremely sad it might not continue. But as an artist, I know why he was promising big things once upon a time. When you're a creator and you have a story like this, you want to flesh it out. The motivation and muse is high. People are excited and you want to deliver. The difference with Sean is that he wanted it to be as high in quality as he could push for after all our excitement and incessant thirst for more. And his plans involved a budget and more than just himself and none of it was his main focus. It was a fun side project.

HOWEVER, big projects like this get interrupted by life, smaller projects, distractions and other things. Sean got SLAMMED by all of the above non-stop these last few years and then hit a bad burnout. I think that through it all, he hit that dreaded wall some artists with big, long term plans like the egos story hit and lost motivation. It got overhyped. Pressure got too crushing. Any plans he made to FINALLY continue the ego storyline got murdered by Covid more than once (which.. personally the term "excuse" sounds kinda shitty in reference to that imo but I digress). Making promises only to have outside variables beyond his control break them was killing him, so he just stopped promising. And people who have no respect or patience got annoying and some got straight up inexcusably vulgar, immature and hateful before dramatically fleeing the community in a tantrum like he'd personally come to their house and betrayed them. It was infuriating to watch go down.

But no matter how much it might hurt or be disappointing to see it die out, I'm here for Sean and his journey no matter where it takes him. I'm not sitting here being a stubborn beacon of anything. And I also recognize and (no matter how reluctantly) respect that we aren't OWED ego content. Never were. It was not an obligation no matter how many promises he made or how much hype he stirred up. And to be fair? We drove the hype a million miles further than he EVER did and we can't blame him for that. I hate the people who do. I'm grateful for the ego content we got and I'll cry if we ever get more. But if it's done, it's done and we just have to accept it. I, as sad as I am to, accept it. And we can always make our own.

And finally- thanks for the compliment. Idk if I'd say I'm the SMARTEST but that means a lot either way. :')

I hope this gave some answers even though it came out more of a vent/rant and PSA??

Obviously any JSE followers and mutuals please feel free to reblog this. But don't start any fights, not that I really expect there to be any?

KIRIPIMA! | TWO ⏤Eijiro K.

BAKUSQUAD ENDEARMENT SERIES PART 1 : EIJIRO KIRISHIMA

SUM. : after your son finally meets his favourite hero, red riot, he seems to be playing cupid.

PAIR. : pro hero eijiro kirishima x single mum reader

LENGTH : 3k

G. : fluff ; cuteness from baby boi ren ; turned baby cupid ; mutual pining ; ice cream parlor vibes ; reader's quirk is beautiful like her ; brain freezes can ruin ice cream dates but also make them memorable 

A/N : soo...i wrote the first part and asked if anyone was interested in a part 2. you have all voiced your desires and i am here to deliever! even if i’m losing sleep i was determined to write prt.2 as soon as possible bc this is a plot that i’ve been dying to write. i’m very soft for domestic, single mum/dad storylines and so even though i’m losing sleep and have other fics to write, this is my top priority right now

also! i wanna pace this story well so i’m gonna end up writing a part 3 and maybe more additional parts until i feel like this story has reached its end. this is so fun to write but also satisfies my need to write domestic fluff so i’m eager to write more! but please tell me if you guys have any ideas on what you want to see next with this story

anywho~ happy reading everyone! 

After Ren finally met his favorite hero in person at the park, he demands going every single day at the same time until he sees Kirishima once again. At first, you were worried that Ren would feel disheartened as heroes don't always have the pleasure of getting off days, however, not being able to see Kirishima only seemed to make him all the more determined to reunite with his hero once again.

It was a rather unorthodox method so, at first, you tried to convince your two-year-old to book a ticket for a meet and greet event that was happening for many heroes, including Red Riot, in two months' time, however, Ren flat out refused - much to your surprise.

"No!"

"But Ren-Darling, we know for sure that Kirishima will be there for you to greet-"

"No! Kiripima meet me in park!" his cheeks appeared to become even puffier and flushed pink as his brows furrowed in determination, expressing his stubborn resolve at encountering his hero at the park once again.

It was incredibly endearing to see so, no matter how out of schedule it was for you to go to the park on some days, you were determined to wait as long as your little lotus was. You wanted him to know that you support his choices and will be there for him no matter what so that he can feel comfortable going to you whenever he has troubles in the future. And also, you just couldn't resist his adorable look of commitment, it was contagious, even.

Time crawled by and two weeks later Ren was finally able to see Kirishima again, calling out in joy and cheering for his beloved sturdy hero the instant he caught sight of his red hair.

"KIRIPIMA!" Ren cried in happiness, running up to the casually dressed red-head once again but, this time, also tugging you along by the hand.

"Oh! Hey there again, little man," Kirishima grinned widely at the sight of your son, kneeling down to bring the little boy into a warm embrace. Ren, grinning brighter than ever, happily wrapped his little pudgy arms around Kirishima's neck as you came to a stop before them.

"Kiripima! Missed you," Ren cooed, holding Kirishima's face in his small hands as he nuzzled his nose into Kirishima's cheek to the point of getting the hero to close one eye. The gesture was shocking for you to witness at first but you really shouldn't have been surprised since Ren loved Red Riot so much. No matter how softly you chuckled at the scene, Kirishima was quick to pick up on it and asked for an explanation with a curious stare from his beautifully angular eyes.

"That's something we like to do to show how much we missed each other or whenever we want to show how much we love each other. It became a thing when Ren tried to give me a kiss on the cheek for the first time but did the kissing with his nose instead of his lips," you explained, loosely crossing your arms, "he won't stop until he thinks he's imprinted his face into your cheek," at your explanation, Kirishima laughs aloud. What a cute family.

"I missed you too, little man," it wasn't hard for Kirishima to admit because it was the truth. Over the past two weeks he had been anticipating another potential meeting with the adorable little boy, who called his name so cheerily despite his endearing mispronunciation, and his beautiful mother, who rivaled her son's own cuteness with her recurring flustered cheeks. The two of you couldn't escape his mind, not even in his dreams was he able to forget about you.

At Kirishima's statement, Rin grinned and turned his face to the side gesturing with his small pointer finger at his own cheek. Quickly reading the little boy's intentions, Kirishima didn't waste a second to nuzzle his nose into Rin's offered cheek, allowing a hearty laugh to escape under his breath while doing so. Not soon after Kirishima had his nose buried into Ren's chubby face did your son call out to you and gestured to his other cheek. Unable to resist and wanting to keep up the jovial mood of your little lotus, you leaned in as well and pressed your nose into his cheek, simultaneously giving him a kiss.

It was a sweet moment that had you blissfully floating on air. However, no matter how addictively precious the moment was when you opened your eyes and realized how close your face was to Kirishima's you immediately jump back with a yelp as the red-eyed hero chuckled timidly.

In the time that the adults were avoiding eye contact and being red in the face from embarrassment, little Ren absorbed the interaction with his big, round, doe eyes, It sent his mind racing with thoughts of his cherished mama and his beloved hero standing side by side, as close as could be, with him right in the middle, wrapped in their warm embrace, smiles stretched wide on each of their faces.

It was a picture of happiness. And Ren was determined to make it come true.

Soon after, meetings at the park every fortnight on Thursdays became a routine for you. It was the day that Kirishima originally had to himself but now was blithely sharing the time with a mother and son duo he found too irresistible to refuse to stroll around the park in.

It was Thursday, yet again, and you were happily taking a stroll through the floral fenced paths of the park with Kirishima and Ren. Your sweet little lotus was walking along between you and the sharp-toothed hero as he attempted to hold both of your hands, however, his hand wasn't big enough and so Ren settled for only gripping onto his mama and hero's pointer fingers. He was so happy he had no words and let the adults have their time to chat with one another.

"He always put up such a fuss when there weren't enough videos of you online," you chuckled as Kirishima felt his heartthrob with endearment, taking an affectionate glance at your son, "and that's how I ended up showing him clips of your sports festival at UA years ago,"

"Is that how Ren learned my name?"

"Yup!"

At the mention of his sports festival, Kirishima sighed in nostalgia, "It feels like it was just yesterday when I was still in my first year at UA and competing in the sports festival,"

"What was it like?" you hopped on the balls of your feet, eyes shining in eager curiosity. You had a quirk but not one fit for a hero, nevertheless, you were still fascinated by those that were able to undergo hero training.

"It was tough, I'll admit," Kirishima signed almost sadly, which you instantly picked up on and made sure to give your full attention to him; you don't want your son's hero getting upset, "it was even tougher because I don't really have a flashy quirk unlike my friends Ground Zero or Shoto or even Deku,"

"That doesn't matter," your voice reached out to him like a gentle breeze on a sunny day, comforting and kind, urging him to smile brightly. Upon looking your way, Kirishima loses his ability to breathe at the stunning smile on your already alluring face as the sun's golden rays rain upon you favorably through the leaves of the trees,  "what matters is what's in a person's heart. Everyone's quirk is different and that's what makes them special and eye-catching but that doesn't even amount to the exponential charm someone has when they have the heart of a hero," connecting eyes with the red-head, you send his heart racing dangerously fast, "you are the manliest, most righteous and most courageous hero I've ever seen, and I think that's why Ren fell so in love with you," you giggle, utterly ignorant to the awestruck expression of the hero to your left, "...you're the perfect father figure for Ren..." it was a whisper and you never intended for Kirishima to hear it but he did and it was like the final blow was dealt. He very well could have collapsed from his abnormally beating heart at that moment if it weren't for the mention of Ren's father.

"That's so unmanly..." Kirishima muttered in anger, his free hand clenching into a fist as he gritted his teeth. You had explained your situation to him the first few times after meeting him regularly at the park and Kirishima was very tempted to hunt the coward down and beat him to a pulp for abandoning you and Ren. It wouldn't be very heroic to do but it was an exception in Kirishima's book.

"What was that?"

"Nothing," the hero quickly backtracked, almost being sent into an uncontrolled stupor from your dulcet voice, "Thank you," he grinned after collecting himself, "I really needed to hear that. Now, I'm all fired up!"

You smiled at his expression of eagerness and was about to voice more of your admiring thoughts of him when you finally registered that Ren was no longer holding onto your pointer finger. Promptly sent into a panic, you and Kirishima begin frantically calling out to him as your eyes dart from place to place until you spot him crouched down before the flowers in the path ahead of you. Despite your quick feeling of relief, you rush over to your little lotus with Kirishima at your side.

"Ren, please don't just run off like that," you plead desperately as you kneel down to Ren's side as Kirishima does the same to his left.

"Sowy Mama. Sowy Kiripima," he turns to each of you and frowns guiltily at his actions.

"It's okay little man, but never do that again, okay? Your mama and I will be really worried if you do," Kirishima voiced your thoughts exactly as he lifted a hand to pet your son's soft locks. It was an image that had you sighing dreamily. If your inner instincts could take over you would have jumped him already and forced him into being Ren's father but that wouldn't be right. Besides, you were sure he already had a lot on his plate being a hero so a relationship with a single mother of a two-year-old wasn't going to be a productive addition to his already strenuous life. Wishing to be with him would be too selfish of you.

"Mama look!" Ren points to a bud that has yet to bloom and looks at you with eagerness, "Sing for pretty flower!"

"Sing?" Kirishima raises a brow as you blush softly. It was such a cute expression, it suited you a lot. He would shamelessly admit he could stare at your blushing face for however long and still be enchanted.

"It's my quirk...but I know I'm not allowed to use it in public,"

"It's alright, I'm here and I wanna see," Kirishima rests his chin on his palm and grins at you with his eyes wrinkled happily at the edges. It wasn't very helpful since his charming smile had you needing to catch your breath first before you could demonstrate your quirk. When you were finally able to sing, your sweet voice instantly had Kirishima in a trance, a trance that expanded onto the flora around him as they seemed to rise up with life and all the buds slowly blossomed to reveal the most beautiful flowers he had ever seen. All flowers that bloomed around him, however, couldn't even begin to compare to the gorgeous image of you singing vibrancy and additional life into their stems, leaves, and velvet petals. The image of you replicated portraits and marble statues depicting ethereal goddesses.  

Amongst all the flowers, you were the most precious.

"There's a new ice cream parlor that opened up close to the entrance of the park if you want to check it out," Kirishima suggested on yet another Thursday afternoon. The day had been hotter than usual, which made it easier to catch a sweat but it also blessed Kirishima with the image of you in a beautiful, flowing, white sundress. The delicate material complimented your kind and motherly personality as the little sailor boy outfit you dressed Ren in seemed to bring out a more playful side to the usually well behaved two-year-old.

"That sounds great, would you like that, little lotus?"

"Ice cream!" Ren cheered as you and Eijiro shared a smile. Through your time spent together, he had allowed you to call him by his first name in exchange for being able to know your name. Despite you urging him to call you by your first name equally, Eijiro persisted with calling you a multitude of other nicknames. The main ones being 'pebble' and 'pretty mama'. You weren't one to complain about being called such cordial names, however, it never failed to make your cheeks blossom a bright red. Red. The color suited you well and, if those nicknames were going to continue eliciting such cute reactions from you, Kirishima wasn't going to stop.  

Making it into the ice cream parlor, Ren couldn't stop bouncing around and had to be held by the hand as you and Eijiro decided to order a big sundae to share between the three of you. Whilst you waited for your order to be assembled, the cashier politely handed over a table number and gestured to some of the empty chairs and booths around the parlor. You decided to sit at a booth so that there was enough room for everyone to relax into their seat. Principally, you sat on one side with Ren as Eijiro sat on the opposite side but Ren wasn't having any of it.

"Kiripima, here" Ren patted the little space left on his right.

"Sorry little man, but there doesn't seem to be much room left," Ren pouted at his hero's courteous decline and hopped out of the booth to pull Kirishima out of his seat by the hand. Once Ren had seated him beside you, he proceeded climbed onto his hero's lap and, once comfortably seated, leaned back in content. That was until he saw how far away you were from him and the red-haired hero.

"Mama, sit close!" you connect eyes with Eijiro who nodded with a soft smile as if to say 'it's okay'. But it wasn't okay, if you continued staying so close beside him any longer, you may really fall for the man. It was all futile, however, since you'd already fallen in spite of your intent refusal. Unable to resist your adorable son's command, you sat closer and closer and closer until Ren was finally smiling brightly in satisfaction.

"Is this good, baby?" you asked with a hint of nervousness as Ren practically had you pressed up against the pro-hero's arm.

"Good!"

"Here," Kirishima uttered as he brought his arm up to rest at the back of the booth and urged you to move in closer. At the gesture, Ren clapped happily and stared up at his hero with starry eyes before tugging on your arm to pull you in. From the outside, the three of you looked like a picture-perfect family and it also felt blissfully like a whole, unbroken family. Your heart was full. It was an addictive feeling that you wanted to relish in for as long as possible and, judging from the wide smile on Ren's face, your son was keen on the feeling too.

Sometimes people are allowed to be selfish and you hope you're allowed to, for this moment only, selfishly delude yourself into thinking that you're a complete family with Kirishima as Ren's father, unknowing of a similarly selfish and fanciful notion the red-head was equally wallowing in. With you tucked into his side and under his arm as Ren sits atop his lap whilst being pressed into his torso with his other hand, Kirishima felt the missing patches in his life become filled with the shape of you and your son.

Blissfully losing yourselves in each other's warm collective embrace, it didn't take long until your multi-colored sundae was placed before you on the table with three long-handled spoons already tucked into it.

"Let's dig in!" you cheer as Ren throws his arms up in joy.

"Ice cream!" You took one side as Kirishima took the other and Ren devoured the middle.

"Slow down okay, Ren? You might get a brain free-" unfortunately, your warning came too late as your little lotus clutched at his head painfully, the gesture leading your eyes to an equally in-pain Kirishima. He may have been a grown adult but the allure of a delicious ice cream sundae got to him like a child, "Aww~ My poor boys," you reached up and petted their heads, "it's okay, it'll go away soon," you say comfortingly although you were, somewhat, teasing, towards Kirishima, who gave you a half-hearted glare back.

"Mama kiss away please," Ren pouted, motioning to his forehead. With a giggle, you lean down and press a kiss to his forehead.

"Go away brain freeze!" you playfully demand, watching Ren took a moment to blink several times before smiling brightly up at you.

"Gone now. Thank you, Mama," he cheered before gesturing to Kirishima's forehead, "mama kiss away for kiripima please,"

It took a lot to overcome the sudden redness in your cheeks but as soon as you closed your eyes and with a surge of confidence you were leaning in to kiss away the hero's brain freeze as quickly as possible, ignoring the flustered look of shock he directed towards you. He wanted a kiss too but didn't know if he would be asking too much or taking advantage of the situation.

Unfortunately, although a more shameless part of you would argue, fortunately, Kirishima was a lot taller than you and your kiss ended up missing his forehead by a lot. It's strange how the taste of strawberry ice cream from your side of the sundae seemed more sugary-sweet on your lips than the same strawberry ice cream on Kirishima's side of the sundae.

PREV. | NEXT.

BNHA MLIST | ENDEARMENT MLIST

It’s the “blank makes you crazy” anon again (but not anon this time, cuz, why not? A little nervous to be saying stuff off anon tbh bc I usually don’t but hey, thought I’d put myself out there for once!) anyway your response to my last ask made me wanna write a serious answer bc I can definitely understand not getting many asks and sometimes it can be a little disheartening so I wanted to come back and say something for real. Anyway… I think you’re the relatable and kind blog! (Hope I did that right lmao) You give off such a warm energy imo and I LOVE it. Haven’t been mutuals for very long but I enjoy seeing your posts on my dash because you just seem like a really fun and friendly presence <3

No need to be nervous, you can go right back to anon if you plan on asking me something else, I don’t mind

And that response was super long and super sweet because I think people in real life portray me as like a cold hearted bitch because of well a lot of reasons, so I’m kind of different on here but it’s nice that you think I’m warm like hot coco! This for sure made my day considering I only shitpost, have a nice day!

The One Where The Reader Finds Out

A/N: Sooooo sorry this took so long to post but it’s finally done! I was actually kinda struggling with this request a bit bc I couldn’t see Jack as a pinning type of guy (he’s just so frickin smooth and handsome how come ppl aren’t throwing themselves at him??) but this was actually really fun to write once i got stuff in order. It’s kinda modeled after this episode of Friends (The One Where Ross Finds Out) so you’ll see some similarities if you’ve seen the show. This is my first ever Jack Traven imagine so i really hope i got his character right or at the very least you guys kinda enjoy it. Feedback is always appreciated but now I leave you to it! <3333

Words: 4.2k

Jack Traven can be described as many things. His fellow colleagues at the LAPD often use words such as reckless, bold, and dauntless to describe their fellow comrade. His close friend and supervisor Harry would call him straight up crazy but also very intuitive and clever. As for you, his best friend, you would say that Jack Traven is nothing short of compassionate, valiant, and brilliant. For the most part, all of these descriptions of Jack do not fall short of his actual disposition. But what would best describe him in his current situation is painfully conscious of how painfully oblivious he has been. 

It has been nearly two months since Jack had the brilliant idea to go on a double date with you, your current boyfriend Ian, and his then girlfriend Scarlett. Although you weren’t initially too fond of the idea he meant no harm by it. All he wanted to do was meet the new man in your life and judge if he was good enough to be with his best friend. His vigilant nature is something you’ve always admired about him and it is because of this that you agreed to the double date.

“So,” Ian turned forward in his seat to face Jack now that you and Scarlett have excused yourselves to the ladies' room, “you’re the infamous Jack Traven, (Y/N)’s mentioned you a lot and to be honest, I was a little intimidated by you.”

“Don’t sweat it, man, (Y/N) likes you a lot, I can tell.”

“I sure hope so,” he sheepishly smiled. “So you two are childhood friends?”

“Yeah, I’ve known her for most of my life. We met when we were kids through mutual friends, we lost touch after high school but reconnected when I joined the force a few years ago and found her in the forensics team.”

“And the bond has been restrengthening ever since, huh?”

“Yes it definitely has,” Jack chuckled briefly before taking on a more serious demeanor. “Listen, Ian, (Y/N) is really important to me. She is an amazing, smart, beautiful, and extremely down to earth woman who doesn’t deserve to have her heart broken.”

“Don’t worry Jack, I know I’d be a fool to not recognize (Y/N)’s worth. I know we haven’t been together for long but I really care for her.”

“I’m glad to hear it. It would be a real shame if I have to kick your ass,” he joked. 

He remembers laughing and even toasting in your honor with Ian that night shortly after that conversation. He remembers the great food, good service, and the exuberant vibes of the restaurant. For the most part, everything was going great that night. Then he saw Ian wrap an arm around your shoulder, effectively bringing you in closer to him, and stirring feelings of unease deep within Jack. At that moment, Jack mentally reasoned with himself that he was simply being protective of you. However, he wasn’t able to conjure another sound explanation for why he’d feel a tug at his heart strings whenever he’d catch you smile at Ian or interlock your hands with his. 

Jack rubs at his temples, recalling the night of your double date and mentally kicking himself for not reacting to his own signs sooner. 

“Sir,” the waiter calls out to Jack, pulling him out of his reverie. “Are you ready to order or would you prefer to give your party some more time to arrive?”

Jack pensively casts his eyes on the empty seat opposite of him, a seat reserved for an already late blind date Harry had arranged for him due to being tired of seeing Jack “all mopey and sad about (Y/N).” 

“Y’know,” he sucks at his teeth, “if I’m gonna eat alone tonight I’m gonna do it right. I’ll have the steak with steamed potatoes, a side of mac and cheese, and a beer. You guys have that here right?” 

“Yes we do, sir. Which one would you like?”

“Surprise me,” Jack hands his menu to the waiter and the waiter disappears into the kitchen to post the order.

A moment later, the waiter returns with a beer for Jack and he wastes no time in opening it and gulping it down. He stares at the empty seat in front of him and continues to ponder on you and the rather disheartening news you had given him earlier in the week. 

“He asked you to go on a vacation with him?” 

“Yeah!” you beamed. 

“A vacation,” he repeated in feigned joy. “Together… with Ian?”

“Yes, Jack,” you laughed. “For about a week I believe.”

“And only after two months together…. Wow…. Things are getting pretty serious between you guys, huh?”

“Well, two and a half months now and I guess so,” you shrugged. “I mean, I really like him. He’s one of the sweetest guys I’ve ever met, after you of course. Plus, I’ve been feeling really stressed out with things lately so a few days off and being in different setting just might be what I need right now.”

Jack motions to the waiter for another beer and the waiter readily complies. Once again Jack downs the drink as quickly as he received it in an attempt to drown his sorrows and his longing to be with you.

Moments later a slender, short-haired brunette donning a chic black dress hurriedly enters the restaurant. 

“Good evening, ma’am,” says the hostess, stopping the mysterious brunette before she can venture too far, “can I help you?”

“Yes, Hi. I’m really late for a date,” she replies, her eyes surveying the restaurant for her date, “he’s probably- Oh! He’s over there!” 

The waiter is handing Jack another beer and taking the empty bottle to discard it when the brunette approaches his table and introduces herself. 

“Hi, you’re Jack right?”

“Yeah,” he looks up at her in question.”Are you Annie?”

“Yeah I am and really late, sorry about that but my bus caught some traffic on the highway.”

“It’s no problem,” Jack rises from his seat and quickly straightens out his brown suit jacket before shaking her hand and pulling out her chair in which she gladly sits on. 

Jack signals for the waiter and he promptly returns with a menu for Annie and waits patiently for her to order. Since Jack already finished his second beer he requested a bottle of wine for him and Annie and once the waiter exits their date resumes. 

“So Harry tells me you’re in the force with him,” Annie starts.

“Yes, I am. What else did he tell you?”

“Don’t worry, it was all the good stuff,” she smiles and Jack gives her a small smile back.

“In that case, he probably didn’t have a lot to say,” he jests.

“Don’t sell yourself too short now, it was enough to get me to come here.”

“Well, since you know about me, why don’t you tell me about yourself?”

Annie starts to go on about her interests, her job, how her day went, and her connection to Harry and his wife, Patty. Her connection to Harry and Patty is actually a pretty good story. Too bad Jack is too zoned out to pay attention to it. Annie is by no doubt charming and attractive but Jack can’t help his thoughts and attention from shifting back to you and Ian. 

I’m not just jealous. How can you go on a vacation with someone you’ve only known for like two months?

But how can an idiot like me not have notice he’s in love with his best friend?

Time passes and the waiter stops by to collect their now empty plates. Jack nods every now and then and has been downing cups of wine quicker than he can notice. However, Annie does.

“Um, are you okay?” she questions.

“Hmm what? Yeah, why?”

“Oh, I don’t know, you just seem a little-” 

Jack’s cup makes a loud clinking sound with the now empty wine bottle as he attempts to pour himself every last drop of the bottle before haphazardly tossing it into the ice bucket and chugging his cup of wine. 

“Jack,” Annie calls for his attention. 

His drunken eyes shoot up in question before releasing a tired sigh, finally recognizing what he’s doing.

“I’m sorry. I’m not normally like this on dates, or in life, I don’t even drink wine like that. You’re great, you’re beautiful, it’s not you,” he rambles.

“What is it then?”

“It’s me-– well, it’s this friend of mine.”

Annie, knowing exactly where this conversation is heading, props her elbow on the table and rests her head on her hand.

“Does this friend happen to be an ex-girlfriend by any chance?”

“Not exactly,” he looks down. “She’s my best friend. We’ve been friends since we were kids so we’re really close. She’s always been the one person I know I could trust indefinitely and she’s always been there for me, she just… she means so much to me.”

“Oh, I see, and what’s the issue with this best friend?”

“She’s going on a vacation with her boyfriend.”

“Wow, no, yeah, that seems,” she furrows her brows in confusion, “awful?”

“I mean they just started going out,” he motions with his hands. “Would you go on a vacation with a guy you knew for only, like, two months?”

“No, not really–”

“Exactly! He exclaims. “Why do they even have to go on a vacation? Why can’t they just go on another date or just hang out, something less serious than a vacation, why not go out to dinner or something, do one of those… what are they called? What are they called? What are they called?” he snaps his fingers, trying to think of the word he wants to say and not realizing he just said it.

“Uh, a date?”

“Yes!” he exclaims again. “Man, you’re so smart.” 

“Yeah,” she flatly says. “Listen, you clearly have feelings for this friend of yours. Why don’t you just, I don’t know, tell her how you feel?”

“It’s too late for that,” he slumps in his chair. “(Y/N) has a boyfriend now and I’m just an idiot who didn’t know about his feelings soon enough. And she’s happy, she looks happy. It’s not right of me to ruin her happiness just because I want to be with her. I just wish I could get over her, why can’t I get over her?”

Annie huffs and her bangs gently fly up. 

“Look, Jack, I’ve been where you’re at. You’ll get over her. You just feel like this now because you haven’t gotten any closure–”

“Closure!” he enthusiastically points at her. “That’s it! I need that! How do I get that?” 

“Well, there’s no one way to it. Really it’s just whatever it takes so that you can finally say ‘I’m over you.’”

“I’m over you,” he repeats and motions with his hands. “That simple.”

Jack begins to look around his surroundings and an idea strikes him when he sees a man behind him talking on his cellular phone. 

“Excuse me, sir,” he calls for the stranger’s attention but when that doesn’t work he scoots his seat closer to the man, nearly falling off from it, and continues to call for his attention until he finally turns around.

“Hold on a second,” the man says into his phone before directing his attention to Jack. “What?”

“Hi sir,” he slurs, “can I please borrow your phone? It’ll only be a minute.”

‘“I don’t know if you noticed but I’m currently using it”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed but you’re in the middle of having dinner with a pretty lady and you being on your phone right now is rude.”

After bickering with the stranger for a few minutes, and being quite unsuccessful in getting him to give him his phone, Jack grunts in frustration and begins to search for his badge. 

“Look I didn’t wanna do this but,” he flashes his badge to the now startled stranger, “LAPD, sir, I'm gonna need you to surrender your phone to me right now, I don’t wanna have to call for backup.”

“Oh my god,” Annie murmurs under her breath, rubbing at her temples with her hands.

As expected, the man finally yields his phone to Jack and he quickly thanks him for it before turning back to Annie in his seat and dialing your number. His eyes are squinted and he messes up the first two times when marking your number but he finally gets it right the third time. He gets your answering machine and patiently waits to leave you a message. 

“Hey (Y/N), it’s Jack. Just calling to let you know that I’m good. Everything is all good now. I’m really happy for you and Ian and the sudden vacation you’re both gonna go on. Feel free to bring me a keychain from wherever you go because I’m over you. That’s right. I am over you. And that, my darling (Y/N), is what we call closure.”

Jack lazily holds the phone above the ice bucket before dropping it in and leaning back in his chair and Annie immediately calls the waiter for the check. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The next day….. 

Jack is awakened by a pounding ache in his head and the sudden exposure to daylight makes him cringe in pain even more. He slowly rises from his bed, closes his curtains, and goes to his medicine cabinet in the bathroom to search for some aspirin. Upon finding the desired drug, he pops one into his mouth, turns on his bathroom sink, and uses his hand to cup the water to drink and swallow the pill. He takes a few more gulps, finding himself suddenly incredibly thirsty, before brushing his teeth and putting back the aspirin. It’s when he closes the medicine cabinet and sees his reflection in the mirror that he realizes he’s still dressed in last his clothes from last night which prompts an important question in his mind.

How did I get home? 

Jack cautiously opens part of his curtain and searches his neighborhood for his car. When he doesn’t find it he assumes his date called him a cab and is actually grateful she didn’t allow him to drive himself. 

His date. 

What was her name?... Andrea?... Or was it Anne?... Annie?

Immediately he begins to feel embarrassed for how foolish he must’ve acted last night. He already knows he’s gonna be getting an earful from Harry since he’s the one that set up the whole thing in hopes of helping John move on from you. Yet, it’s not like he didn’t want to try. 

Jack sluggishly makes his way towards his kitchen heading specifically towards his refrigerator for a hangover cure. Right as he’s opening the door to his fridge he hears someone knock on his door. He glances at his watch, noting that it’s only a little past eight thirty in the morning, and wonders who could be at his door so early. 

“Morning, sunshine,” you greet Jack when he opens the door.

“(Y/N)?” 

You give Jack a quick once-over.

“You’re dressed a bit formal for our breakfast plan but I’m digging the dapper look,” you make your way to enter his apartment and he quickly moves aside, letting you in and leading you to his kitchen.

“Breakfast plan?” he questions again.

“Yeah, we were supposed to get breakfast today, don't you remember?” Jack stays silent with a pensive look on his face and you have your answer. “From the look on your face I take that as a no. Oh, how did your date go last night?”

“How’d you know about that?”

“You told me about it,” you chuckle. “Jesus, how much did you drink last night, you seem pretty out of it.”

“I might’ve drunk a little bit past the average standard of too much.”

“Wow, was the date really going that bad?”

“I honestly can’t remember much but I know it was less than ideal and I know for a fact it was my fault.”

“Why do you say that?” you wonder and suddenly you find yourself being looked at rather oddly by Jack. “And why are you staring at me like that?” 

“I Just– I think I had a weird dream about you but I can’t remember.”

“Well that sounds fun. Maybe you can tell me about it over breakfast, if you’re still up for it?”

“Yeah, of course,” he nods. “Honestly food is just what I need right now. Just let me change,” Jack turns around and makes his way to his room but abruptly stops to turn towards you once more. “Did you and I speak on the phone last night by any chance?”

“No, I spent the night at Ian's. I actually haven't even had a chance to check my messages yet, mind if I use your phone?”

“Yeah sure, I’ll be out in a few,” Jack casually swats his hand in the air as an okay before retreating to his room.

You thank him as you move to retrieve his phone and dial your number and code to your answering machine. After about a minute you’re finally able to check your messages and smile in delight upon hearing Jack’s voice. 

“Jack, I got a message from you.”

Immediately Jack comes out of his room, wearing only a tank top and his dress pants from last night and a look of panic on his face. 

“You sound so wasted,” you giggle. 

“(Y/N), give me the phone,” he quickly makes his way over to you but you start to move away towards the living room.

“No way, I love listening to your drunken rambles,” with a secure grip on the phone you run to one side of the couch and Jack anxiously follows. 

“(Y/N), I need the phone, give me the phone, give me the phone now,” he pleads, anxiety clear as day in his voice.

Committed to retrieving the phone from you, Jack chases you in circles around the couch until he’s finally able to tackle you onto the couch and swat the phone away from you. However, by the look of pure shock on your face, he knows he’s too late.

“Shit,” he starts, rising from the couch and running a hand down his distressed face, “fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!…” 

“You… you’re over me?” you slowly start to sit up on the couch. “When–when were you… under me?”

Jack continues to groan and pace the area, “You weren’t supposed to hear that.”

“I mean… it was only a message addressed to me. But… Jack… do you… are you … Jack,” you stand up and grab his arm, stopping his pacing and implore him to explain.

“Okay… okay fine,” he clears his throat. “So-uh basically, lately I realized I have-uh feelings for you…” 

“Oh...,” you slowly sit back down to process Jack’s confession and Jack joins you on the couch.

“(Y/N), please say something.”

“.... Pineapple.” 

“What?”

“You said say something and I can’t really think of anything to say at the moment.”

“Okay, that’s fair, this is all pretty sudden.”

“Ya think?” you scoff. 

“(Y/N), I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do this or Ian. I didn’t mean for you to find out this way. Actually I didn’t mean for you to find out about this ever, I know Ian is a good guy and he makes you happy–”

“Yeah, he is a great guy and he does make me happy,” you say aloud, yet it’s more to yourself as you’re struggling to make sense of all this. “Oh god, Ian,” you rub your temples. “Why now, Jack? Why couldn’t you realize all this before?”

“I mean, what difference does it make now… unless…. do you?... (Y/N)....” 

You sit silently hug yourself. 

“(Y/N), do you have feelings for me?”

“Yes, Jack, I’ve had feelings for you for the past I don’t know how many years now,” you snap, standing from your seat and pacing back and forth. 

“Wait what?” now Jack stands from his seat and stops right in front of you accidentally causing you to collide with him and he instinctively holds you to steady you. “You–you’ve had feelings for me? Are they… are they over?”

“Are you over me?” 

You gaze into each others’ eyes, each searching for an answer to their question. You catch Jack look at your lips and you can’t help but look back to his. Before either of you know it you’re slowly leaning into each other until there’s nothing left between you and your lips finally meet. Jack’s arms immediately snake around, bringing you in closer as he kisses you hungrily. You kiss him with the same craving and hunger as this is what you’ve wanted for so long. Yet, after a few seconds you pull back breaking the kiss and turning away from him. 

“I’m sorry,” you turn once more to look at him before heading for the door, “I have to go… I just can’t right now, Jack.”

With that said, you exit his apartment and Jack slumps down onto his couch. He traces his lips with his fingertips recalling the taste and feel of yours lips on his before throwing his head back and sighing. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Later that day….. 

Jack enters his apartment with Harry following behind him. 

“You want a beer?” he asks Harry.

“Can’t.”

“What are you practicing sobriety all of a sudden?”

“Yeah, when the Nile runs dry.”

Jack laughs as he enters his kitchen and opens a beer for himself, Harry leans on a counter and Jack joins him to stand on the opposite side.

“I actually can’t right now. Patty and I have dinner plans in about an hour and I can’t be late or I’ll miss the earful she’s gonna give me for how drunk you were on your date with Annie and if I miss that it’s only gonna be worse when I get home.”

“Yeah, sorry about that. I really did want to try and move on but the entire night I couldn’t get (Y/N) out of my mind. I still haven’t talked to her since this morning ...” 

“(Y/N) just needs time, Jack,” Harry reaches over the counter and comfortingly pats Jack’s shoulder. 

“What if I lose her, Harry? And I mean completely. What if she doesn’t even want to keep me as a friend?” 

“That’s not gonna happen. No matter what she decides, you guys have been friends for years and I know (Y/N), she’s not just gonna throw all that down the drain. You guys will get through this.”

Harry glances at his watch and begins to straighten himself out to leave.

“I gotta go. You’ll be okay?” 

“I’ll find a way to be fro tonight,” Jack takes a few gulps of his beer. “Thanks again for taking me to bring my car back from the restaurant.”

“You can just pay me back a beer some other day. See you tomorrow, Jack.”

Harry exits Jack’s apartment and he’s about to go into his room until he hears a knock on his door. Thinking it’s Harry, he puts down his beer and goes to open the door.

“Rethought that beer did you– (Y/N)...,” he momentarily freezes.

“Hey, Jack, can I come in?”

“Yeah, of course,” Jack moves aside allowing you to walk in and you stand by his kitchen counter. “How are you?”

“Honestly? A lot better. And you?”

“At the moment I’m just really glad to see you. (Y/N), can we just forget what happened this morning?”

“Jack–”

“I don’t wanna lose you, (Y/N), I know you’re with Ian and I know things could probably get kinda weird because of what I said but I don’t want to not be with you in any way.”

You smile at his sincerity and your heart flutters within you as you say your next words. 

“I don’t want to not be with you either,” Jack grins in relief at your words. “And as for Ian, he really is a great guy… but he’s not you.”

Jack’s eyes light up at your words.

“You mean?...”

You nod.

“I broke up with Ian. It’s always been you, Jack.” 

Instantly Jack wraps his arms around you bringing you in for a tight, warm hug and briefly lifting you up. You happily giggle and hug him back, blushing when he pulls back to kiss your forehead. 

“You have no idea how happy you’ve just made me,” he kisses your forehead once more. “Aw man, poor Ian, though.” 

“Don’t worry, he’ll be fine. Now that I’ve had time to think about it we were moving kinda too fast with the vacation, he’s great but I did kinda just meet him.” 

“Well his loss is my gain and I am not letting you go,” he looks lovingly into your eyes before slowly leaning in and capturing you both in an ardent kiss. 

The first kiss of many that is to happen in your newfound relationship and the kiss that is to kickstart the new chapter in your lives together.

Neighbor!Woozi

based on this post hehehe

i just fed yall TWICE. in the span of just 2 DAYS!!! AND THEY’RE BOTH MORE OR LESS THE SAME LONG ASS LENGTH!!! yeah that’s right i went overboard again gtg

happy happy bday to the lovely admin bee of @mansaeboysbe you are such a beautiful person inside and out, and im incredibly proud to know someone like you :’))) i’ve already sent a bday message to you so im not tryna redo it LOL but just know that i love you a whole lot and i always will! 💗💗💗💗💓💓 (she’s also the same person who gave me those beautiful headers on my mlist so please give her tons of love <333) love you sm hub hope you have a wonderful and fantastic day!!!

*to all the mutuals with bdays that have either passed or are coming up, i love you all SO FREAKING MUCH so pls dont feel left out!! it just so happened that i wanted to write this au for a long time and i wanted to present it as a bday gift for this jihoon stan hehe but i rlly love each every single one of u ok babes? <333*

warnings: i feel like i dragged this on for too long but i hope it’s still cute :’)) also i put in a joke like twice LOL anyways lil wooz only gets tongue-tied around you so you become his muse for songs

You were looking for a place to stay in bc “I am a grown adult i am not living with yall anymore” you @ your parents

And they’re like lol ok Good Luck Kiddo

After a month and a half of deeeeep searching you finally find a reasonably priced place to live in

It’s quite a distance from your parents’ home but it’s the point of you moving out to begin with

On the move-in day, you’re carrying your boxes up to your new apartment complex and you hear some tunes drifting from your next door neighbor

And you’re like hey this is actually really good music but i’ve never heard of it

You shrug it off and continue settling in

Once you finished hauling your boxes, you were about to pass out on your couch

Ok you actually did pass out on your couch

But you had to unpack some necessities later that night for bathroom and bedroom purposes

All you had for dinner was pop in some instant ramen and call it a night. You then hopped in the shower and got ready for bed

The following morning it was primarily you unpacking and shifting around your furniture a little but it was challenging by yourself

You were making a good amount of noise and in the middle of the day you were met with a very loud knock on your door

And you were in the middle of unpacking your kitchenware so you were like oh shoot ahh i’ll be right there!!

Little did you know your next door neighbor wasn’t having any of it

Can’t I get some peace and quiet around here? He grumbled as he impatiently waited for you to open the door

I swear, I’m gonna tell them off they won’t even knOW what will hit--

You finally opened the door, and he’s like oh. My gosh.

You had a few pieces of hair sticking to your forehead and your hair was tied back in a messy bun

You were dressed in a faded coral tee underneath a pair of worn-out denim overalls with house slippers

Everything he planned to complain about suddenly vanished and his first thought was:

“Is that Pikachu on your front pocket?”

Apparently he said that aloud, which he didn’t register until he saw you giggling

“Yeah, it was a hand-me-down! Still cute, right?”

And he’s kinda still just staring at you with his mouth slightly agape

And you’re like oh right ahem did you need anything?

That’s when he notices the utter mess behind you: plastic covering still over some of your furniture, half-emptied boxes littered in almost every inch of the floor, etc.

And that’s when it hits him: all that noise was you unpacking

“O-oh yeah, I just,, wanted to let you know that it was getting a little loud since I live right next door”

He silently curses at himself like i almost went off at my new neighbor rip that wasn’t gonna be a good first impression

Luckily for him, you were chill about it and you’re like omg sorry!!! It’s a little tough doing this by myself, sorry for the ruckus

Before he could stop himself, he blurted out, “do you need any help?”

Jihoon internally: u doofus u have an album to produce whAT ARE U DOING

Jihoon externally: i can help you :))) no matter how smol i may be

But that internal reprimanding melted away when he saw your eyes light up in relief and you’re practically bouncing up and down

“Would you, really??? It would be great if I had another hand around! Oh, but you’re probably occupied doing something, right??” and you feel bad that a stranger, your next door neighbor nonetheless, was about to abandon his work just for you

A cute neighbor, at that

Jihoon is like ok this is your chance to get away and go back to work cmon man

But there’s just something about you that pulls him in magnetically and he finds himself trying to reason internally that it’ll just be for a “few moments”

Yyyeaaahhh that doesn’t happen lmao rip Jihoon’s songs

Jihoon is just like “nah it’s fine I can help out for a bit” and you’re like god bless this human being

When you open your door further to let him in, he’s like oh right btw I’m Jihoon

“I’m y/n! Sorry about the mess, I only got here yesterday evening”

He shakes his head and quirks up his lips ever so slightly, “i remember when my place looked like this too except replace this space with music production things”

And you’re like ooOOoOoOO you make songs??? That’s amazing!!

And that’s when you got the ball rolling!!!

“A few moments” turn into hours and the next thing you know it’s dinnertime

“Oh crap sorry for keeping you for this long,,, those songs won’t produce themselves, right? I think I can take it from here”

Admittedly, jihoon didn’t wanna leave just yet bc he actually enjoyed your company and it was nice taking a break from staring at his screen frustratedly

“Well, I don’t mind helping out. I could show you my work one day if you want”

And you’re like holy cheeseballs yES

He starts getting up and brushing off his clothes and you’re a little sad that he’s leaving and he kinda is too :(

“If you’re not too busy tomorrow, you’re welcome to help me out more! I mean, you already helped me a whole lot today, but there’s still some things left to do”

As much as his brain is telling him to NOT DO IT,,,,

He does it

Next thing you know, jihoon is at your door again around the same time and he has something in his hand

As you let him inside, you ask him what it is and he’s like ;))))

“It’s a CD that compiled just a few songs I thought you might like”

And you’re #shook bc did he really just have a CD like this out in the open or did he really take his time yesterday to transfer songs on it??

“Do you have a player or a laptop?”

“Yeah, my laptop is on my bed, you can bring it out here!” You shout over your shoulder as you arrange your things in the living room

Shortly afterwards he emerges from the hallway and he presses a few buttons and clicks here and there and beautiful melodies ring out from your speakers

You can’t help but stop rustling to take in the sweet tunes and you’re just like :’))) have i heard anything so beautiful??? :’)))

One of the songs sound vaguely familiar and you realize it’s what you heard when you first arrived here

“Did you actually produce this??? This sounds like an actual song you can hear on the radio”

And he’s like yep made by yours truly!!!

He was only using “yours truly” half-metaphorically if you know what I mean ;)))

You keep bouncing to all the catchy tunes and swaying to the soulful ones

And in all honesty, seeing your reactions makes Jihoon feel really warm and even a little proud bc it’s one of the biggest reasons why he loves his job so much

He makes eye contact with you and you’re like :D and he’s like ahEM COuGh coUGh i’m gonna dust this shelf over here

He suddenly stands up and busies himself and you’re like ???? okie dokie

He’s a real help around the place and you’re practically done settling in

As you survey your fresh living space, you can’t help but feel a little…. Disheartened?

Bc it was actually really fun to have him around even while he made blunt remarks about your taste of decorations

“This looks like something my five-year-old niece would have”

“For your information, I got that from a five-year-old!! It’s cute, alright!”

You spent the past three days with Jihoon unpacking and talking about whatever comes to mind

Jihoon is pretty devastated that he has to go back to his makeshift studio in his room as much as he will never admit it

He eventually leaves your place and the both of you are just sad little puppies

From then on, every time you pass by each other, you greet him with a friendly smile and wave and you never fail to make his heart skip several beats

You don’t talk as much as how you first started bc he’s gotten much busier trying to mass-produce a lot of songs

For some strange reason, every time you hear a melody coming from the other side of the walls, you feel like you’re somehow connected with him

Well, except for the muffled cursing LMAO

And sometimes you would also hear several male voices at once and you’re guessing they’re his friends or the people he’s working with on the song, but based on their friendly banter and the constant run-throughs, it’s probably both

You would hear the same melody play over and over again, and you’re guessing he’s stuck on a certain part of a song as he tries to recreate new melodies from that point on

“aaAAGHGHHHGGHHHH” *deep sigh* me trying to overcome writer’s block LMAO

This would happen for about half an hour and you can’t help but wanting to reach out to him, but you’re not exactly the most musically-inclined person sadly

When he ultimately calms down, he goes back to working on the song until he finally gets the results he desires

More often than not, you fall asleep from hearing the slow ballads he creates with a smile on your face

Lil Jihoon does try to visit you and vice versa!! He sometimes shows up with random food and more CDs and you’re wondering just how many songs has this guy produced in his lifetime??? He looks around the same age as you but he’s probably produced 26+ songs by the way he packs a decent amount on each CD

Usually his excuse to sharing a meal with you is that “the guys brought over too much and i have a ton of leftovers that i can’t finish by myself”

In reality, he stared at a restaurant’s menu and contemplated for about twenty minutes about what you would like. This guy’s got dedication not just for work

“Would it be weird if i get fried chicken?? Maybe just a bowl of noodles?? What if soup is better??? It would give weird vibes if i bought drinks too, right?? Or should i just go ahead and buy them???”

Regardless of what he buys, you’re eager to eat anything and everything with your fav neighbor *wink wonk*

You feel bad when he would do that though, so you try to return the favor every so often as well

One time, you ordered some takeout but the servings were waaaaay bigger than advertised and you’re like Idea!! Let’s head over next door!! So you took the plastic bags and put in some drinks before heading out the door

You knocked on the door and that was when you heard light chatter on the other side of the door

You’re like sldjfljds i hope im not interrupting anything aaa mAYBE I SHOULD JUST LEAVE--

Too late, someone’s voice rang out “I’ll get it!” and next thing you know, the door swings out to reveal a face you’ve never seen before

“Oh, hi!” He says a little surprisedly but with a smile nevertheless

“H-hi, umm,,,, is Jihoon there?”

The guy is nodding his head in the direction of the back hallway, “yeah, he’s in the bathroom” and that’s when he looks down at your hands and his eyes instantly light up

“Omg did you bring food?? You’re so thoughtful!! Come in, come in!!” and before you could protest he literally drags you in and you’re met with a bunch of other strangers who are staring back at you like :oooo????

“Who’s this?? Jihoon never mentioned someone coming over today,, AND YOU CAN’T JUST DRAG SOMEONE IN THIS ISN’T YOUR HOME”

And you’re like ya i didnt know either lmao

You’re awkwardly shifting on your feet and praying jihoon will pop up instantaneously bc you’re gonna melt in embarrassment

“I just wanted to give him some of this,” you hold up your hands to gesture your food, “since it’s too much for me to finish on my own”

“Oh that’s cool! Some of the other guys are actually out to get more lunch, but food goes out fast with all of us here,” another guy says as he pats your shoulder reassuringly. “Well, since you’re already here, you can join us!”

“I-it’s ok! I hope I wasn’t interrupting anything, I just wanted to deliver this,,, I’ll get going” and you’re about to zOOM outta there but the same guy who ushered you in is like nO DONT LEAVE

“We’re taking a lunch break, so it’s cool if you join us! I’m Soonyoung” and he’s like :DDD and you’re just like ,,,, what a hyper guy but i like him

Everyone goes around to introducing themselves

you do a headcount of 8 and you remember there’s more guys getting food for them,,,, holy heck how many people do they have???? You’re about to introduce yourself after them but then

“Soonyoung, who was at the door--” a familiar voice calls out in the hallway before he emerges

And jihoon is like dsljLSJDF what the hELL

“Y/N??? What are you doing here???” *side eyes soonyoung*

And everyone’s making eyes at each other like waIT WAIT THIS IS Y/N???

“Soonyoung dragged me inside”

“Gdi soonyoung, how many times do i have to tell you that you can’t go around dragging people to join us???”

This guy who you think is named Seokmin pipes up, “yeah he does this all the time at our workplace too. A lot of our coworkers always end up extending their stay for far too long” and you’re nodding slowly like yeahhh i can see that happening

Soonyoung’s eyes are widened and he turns to jihoon like “is this the y/n that inspired your recent so--”

And jihoon is quick to cover his mouth so his voice is all muffled

“aHahaAHHAH soonyoung’s always the joker, april fools day!!! Let’s set the table, the others should be back soon”

jihoon whispering to soonyoung: you better sleep with one eye open tonight boi

And you’re like uhh alrighty :)))???

About twenty minutes after you’ve arrived, there’s another knock on the door

Soonyoung is practically bouncing on his way to the door and you can hear more unknown voices

They’re filing in and they suddenly stop and look at you like wait what

Them: :o????

You: :))),,, what up

Jeonghan briefly explains the situation to the guy who came in the door first and you’re lowkey intimidated bc he seems to be eldest and looks like he could beat you up to a pulp

BOY WERE YOU WRONG

After jeonghan tells him, he breaks out into this gigantic, cute gummy smile like welcome!! :DD i’m seungcheol! And the other guys behind him follow suit

Jeonghan’s like “this is,, y/n” and everyone tries to be subtle and nods like they didn’t hear jihoon babble on and on about you for weeks

You: ok why do yall act all weird when my name is brought up whAT DID JIHOON TELL YOU

Them: i would tell you but i don’t wanna die just yet sorry dude

Jihoon, somewhere in the kitchen: SET! THE! TABLE!

You end up staying there for a pretty long time, bonding over the whole feast you have and it’s really lively and fun, not to mention super loud with 13 guys in the same room,,, but you’re genuinely having a good time

Jihoon would glance at you nervously occasionally to check on you if you’re uncomfortable in any way

Jeonghan, who’s sitting next to him, notices jihoon’s eyes are practically glued to you and he’s like “is this the part where you confess your undying love and propose”

And jihoon is like shUT UP NO WHAT this chicken tastes great *quickly chugs down water*

You look back at jihoon sometimes and see he looks flushed but it’s not like he’s drinking alcohol

“Jihoon are you feeling ok?? Your ears are bright red” which obviously makes them redder rip

“I-i’m fine,, wow is it hot in here maybe it’s just the spiciness of the chicken let’s open the windows”

You eventually leave them as much as they protest and even try to get Jihoon to guilt trip you (unsuccessfully)

“Don’t leave just yet y/n!! You should stay, right Jihoon???”

“Huh?? O-oh yeah, I mean, you can if you want,,,,, we kinda need to work though”

Everyone’s looking at jihoon like bro wTF are u kidding me

Rip reader i can feel your heart drop :’(((

You’re feeling slightly dejected but you nod understandingly. You’ve already stayed far longer than you anticipated anyways, and work comes first for Jihoon

“Yeah, I totally get it! Good luck on the album guys!” You put on your shoes and close the door

When they finally hear your own door close, they’re attacking jihoon like

“SO Y/N IS THE ONE BEHIND ALL YOUR SAPPY LOVE SONGS HUH!!!”

“I knew it, the lyrics just suddenly got cheesier -- there had to be someone behind all of that”

And jihoon is just praying you won’t hear what they’re saying like “SHUT UP THESE WALLS ARE THIN”

Back at your apartment, it suddenly feels much emptier and lonelier

“What am i doing,,, I just met the guys for like two hours???”

You sigh and you try to busy yourself doing other things but you hear a loud commotion on the other side of the walls with just a bunch of incoherent shouting

You smile and laugh to yourself when you think about how close they all are

Your smile slowly fades when you start wishing you wanna be close to Jihoon and you’re like snAP OUT OF IT!!!

A couple of weeks pass by uneventfully but you notice that Jihoon has gotten more reserved around you

It’s just him being bashful around you and he panics every time he sees you but obviously he doesn’t want you to know that

You’re standing at your little mini balcony and admiring your cute little cactus plants

Just as you start thinking about him and his wellbeing, you hear your name and you’re like wHO’S THERE

You look down and see Jihoon staring back at you and honestly he looks like he’s awestruck by your whole beauty bc seriously everything you wear always looks super good to him

[insert photo]

(also pretend he’s holding plastic bags)

He holds up his hands and you’re laughing bc you know exactly what that means

“Come on up!”

There’s a knock on your door promptly afterwards and what do you know!!! It’s the man himself!!!

It’s just funny how the both of you have this ongoing routine that you know what to expect

When you let him in, he places the bags on your table and quickly smiles to himself when he sees your laptop on your bed

You and Jihoon both mindlessly do your respective roles as usual

He slowly comes out in the living room with your laptop and he’s like “so the album is pretty much done now,,, i can’t release all of the songs yet but there’s one i want you to listen to. I’ll show you after we eat”

You’re like ooo im excited and you start catching up with him as you’re eating

You can’t contain your excitement any longer, so as soon as you eat the last bit of your food, you’re like “oKAY SHOW ME IT NOW” as you’re restlessly shifting on your legs

He nods and pulls up the media player on your laptop. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before pressing play

It’s a melody you’re quite acquaintanced with after hearing it countless times at night, the same tune that lulls you to sleep

You have high expectations for this song, and surely he surpasses them with flying colors

You’re enjoying the song and telling him “wow this is a really good song!” when suddenly some lyrics catch your attention

You hear something about messy hair pulled back, ruffled clothes, eating meals

And you’re like huh that sounds a lot like us haha is that supposed to be me??

Jihoon is avoiding eye contact with you and looking down at his fidgeting hands as the song progresses in its later verses

The lyrics talk about wanting to develop a deeper relationship, one where “it’s okay to tell me anything, your hardships and desires. I just want to see you smile” and you’re like wait,,,,

And one of the final lyrics says something about “i can’t help feeling like this, will you accept my hand?” and you’re like wait wait w a i t

The song comes to an end and silence fills the room

You’re not sure whether you should speak up first or wait for him, but either way you’re speechless and wouldn’t know what to say anyways

Jihoon clears his throat awkwardly and stumbles on his words poor bby

“S-so, yeah,,,, I’ve been working on this one the longest,,,, umm do you,,, like it?”

But you know better that he’s not just talking about the song

“Nah sorry man i’m not interested”

“O.”

April fools kiddos ofc you are

“....yeah. I do like it”

And he finally brings himself to look at you and he’s like !!!!! really????

“Wait, for real??? You actually like it???”

He’s pretty much paralyzed in shock and all he can do is watch your hand move towards his and hold it

“I like it a lot, Jihoon :)”

He blinks slowly and he can’t fight the grin that spreads on his face as he grips your hand back

“I’m accepting your hand now heehee ^^”

“Okay let’s not talk about that”

Since a lot of asks are centered around dark content and the such, i gotta ask for advice. I want to start writing and posting on tumblr and I feel like some of my first few works wont be nsfw or smut but I do want to write stuff that will have “dark content” in the future. Should I make a headstart and make it a rule on my blog that minors shouldnt interact?? Other blogs just monitor the notes and block minors in their nsfw content so...

Also, i feel scared bc i dont want my work being shared outside of tumblr but i see authors who make it a rule that they don’t want their content to be shared but they keep ending up on tiktok. Any advice on how to cope with that issue??

I would day just go ahead and make it easy on yourself and start as an 18+ and block minors. I sometimes don't block people that happen to like smth that isn't nsfw but I usually just do anyways!

I just don't want minors interacting with me period especially since I create 18+ content. Idk there's a maturity disconnect there and I just dont want to entertain it. Like I know some 17 year old are mature and such but like... high school still? No thank you!

So being reposted and having your rules being blatantly ignored is really a day ruiner. It just hurts on such a weird level because we state everywhere that we don't want stuff reposted or modified and people disregard that so readily it's wack. The only thing I can say is that for me, some people have reposted on wattpad which was taken care of quickly, and some people posted on tiktok which was taken care of relatively quickly. I have a rule that as long as it isn't my dark content and ONLY recommended via Ao3 then it's okay (like someone recommended My Little Fiancé on tiktok and they were an adult and I was like ok that's fine, and someone on Special in the comments on Ao3 said they recommended me on tiktok which is fine. Please just ask first just in case!)

So it is disheartening when people blatantly disregard that but I think since I block so avidly I can avoid things like this often. It's hard but thankfully I have a wonderful little community here that can help report things and such. Even when stuff like that happens and it hurts I can't help but continue writing because all my mutuals and followers are so encouraging and wow.

Basically focus on the good, monitor stuff, friends are helpful! And enjoy what you write.

Yes definitely start as a nsfw 18+ and make it clear you interact and will make dark content. That's probably how I avoided so much hate is because I made it very clear in the beginning that my blog was include dark content even though my first work was sfw!

I hope this helps!! <3 it's a little scary at first but just make what you like and the ones you are of similar mindsets come to you and you gather the people you like around you. It's the best, being surrounded by so many good and nice people even if some of them may not adventure into the kinks I do!

Thoughts on t100 Fandom

Hey y’all,

I’ve been mulling over the following for a while and wasn’t sure if I was going to post it, but I’ve seen a few things on my dash lately that have swayed me to make this public. These thoughts aren’t directed at anyone in particular, just general Tumblr culture and t100 fandom specifically. I am not positioning myself as an authority on either in any way, but there are troubling trends even within my small fandom circle. I’ve seen too many people get hurt over misunderstandings and petty drama, but it doesn't have to be that way. Please know that I say all of these things with love and humility.

If you have an issue with someone that can be resolved privately, please consider resolving it that way. It keeps everyone else’s dash free of unnecessary drama and keeps things from spiraling out of control. 

Along the same lines, if you see some vague posts flying around or accusations being levied against someone, talk to those people in private rather than contributing to an unfounded public discussion. Oftentimes those posts are misleading and end up damaging someone’s reputation for no reason.

Don’t hijack someone’s post. This means: if you have a strongly contradictory opinion about someone’s post, a negative opinion, or just an off topic response inspired by the post make your own post instead of reblogging theirs with your comment (esp if you don’t know the OP)--it’s just self preservation, honestly. Make sure you fully understand what the OP is saying you choose to reference it in any way. Things get twisted so easily on this site and before you know it you’ve started The Discourse.

Don’t speak over people and don’t discredit them for their age, race, sexuality, you name it. No one should feel ashamed to speak their mind especially in regards to fandom opinions (except literal nazis, fuck those guys). Tumblr culture encourages people to jump down each other’s throats rather than engaging in actual conversation. This competition to be the most progressive doesn’t translate to the way people are treated in these exchanges. Its very disheartening because often real issues are being discussed but the thread gets overtaken by name-calling and ad hominem attacks. 

Nobody gets to speak for everybody. Learn to discern between real issues (and there sure are some!) and personal drama dressed up as as discussion of gospel truth. You are not obligated to agree with anyone else’s opinion, despite how much righteous anger might emanate from their post.

When it comes to criticism: everyone comes at fandom from a different perspective and background, and we all should be able to respect each other’s POV without immediately jumping to “You’re wrong bc you’re X” or “I’m right bc I’m Y.” There is a wonderful diversity in this fandom, and we need to appreciate that by listening to each other, not attacking each other.   **Please understand I am not excusing any bigoted behavior, for which I absolutely will not stand, or trying to invalidate anyone’s point of view, but too often this fandom jumps with a hive mind mentality to “this person is sexist bc they disagree with this person or this argument,” etc.**

Don’t be an asshole. Don’t send someone unsolicited negative opinions no matter how much you hate their ship or favorite character or interpretation of the show. It’s rude and unnecessary and creates a very toxic culture. Be snarky all you want with people who agree with you over private messages or on your own blog (we all need this, I repeat, WE ALL NEED THIS), but don’t shit in people’s inboxes and don’t drag people who like what you hate into it. No one ever had their mind changed by a nasty message, anon or not.

If one of your mutuals or friends engages in any of these destructive behaviors, talk to them! It’s possible that you don’t know the whole situation, but its also possible that they didn’t realize how they were coming across. It’s much better to have a friend approach you than to have your post taken out of context or turned into discourse. We all make mistakes, and it’s so easy for people to take things the wrong way when all you have is text.

Don’t let the negativity in your feed discourage you. The people who make fandom less fun only get air time if we let them, so instead of reblogging shitty posts because you like the drama, focus your energy on people who are making this fandom better.

Curate your dash. Follow who you want, don’t just follow people because they are popular if you don’t like what they post. If seeing someone or something in your feed bums you out, unfollow/block/blacklist that shit. It will improve your life SO MUCH, I promise.

You’re not a bad person because you like a fictional character or ship. Anyone who tell you that or gives you hate for it is wrong.  Especially with a show like t100, where it’s messy and fucked up and all our faves make all the wrong choices sometimes. Do I have characters I really dislike? Sure, of course I do. But I’m not going to think less of anyone who likes those characters. I will, however, think less of people who attack or belittle others for their character or ship preferences. Real people matter more than fictional characters, no matter what.

This fandom has so many amazing people in it, don’t forget that!! And the content creators...we are BLESSED. The fanart, fanfic, meta, edits, playlists, etc that y’all create blow me away each and every day. Keep reblogging the shit you like, because its amazing and it deserves all the credit in the world.

Every little act of kindness truly matters. Take minute to send a kind message to a friend, leave a review on AO3, submit compliments about underrated bloggers to t100positivity.

I hope this makes sense. I think we can work together to build a better fandom for everyone. I don’t want these types of habits to ruin anyone’s fandom experience or worse, especially as we head into s5. I’m always here if you need to talk, and I really appreciate everyone who has made my fandom experience so positive. Thank you ❤️

Manchester ❤️

When you pray what are you actually praying for? If your praying for things to be different you'll be disheartened time and time again. There is no doubt that the recent events in Manchester is a result of the worst kind of human behaviour the world has known. I read that a young girl the age of 8 died at the scene, what comments or thoughts could possibly be said about this? If there was one way I could illustrate how I feel then if I was at the scene of the incident and I saw someone mourning then id reach out my hand to them, I'd reach out my hand to someone I don't know. In this day and age something as small and humble as this is remarkable in itself. I don't have prayers about the event certainly not in the way nearly everyone is using the word 'pray'. I'm not heartbroken either and I don't send out my thoughts to anyone I don't even know what that means to send out thoughts. 'Sending you good thoughts' - great thanks can you give me your soul instead, your unconditional love, your nonjudgemental true nature, your pure essence? Can you love me and support me however tormented I feel and whatever I may say or do as a result? Are you going to be there when this is all blown over? Sure I could think 'I hope this all heals', 'I wish you and your family the best' and you could say this is caring but it can be either. It can be something thought because one feels they should in order to be a good person or it could be thought with a beautiful witnessing presence behind it. In which case if you are the presence behind your thoughts then you know words are insignificant to being, words can't really hurt or heal either only your presence to them can heal you. So how do you possibly help someone feel this peaceful presence in their self? You either help them to go beyond words too or you hope your words will comfort them to make them feel better, to feel safe and loved. I don't want anyone to be comforted by my words I want them to know they don't need my comfort or anyone else's, I want them to know it in their very soul. The word namaste is one of the oldest symbols/gestures in existence it dates back to 3000 BC to 2000 BC it means I can see the divine in you. That is the greatest thing we could say to anyone 'I can see the divine in you' but hardly anyone knows what it means and we will probably be looked upon strangely for saying it and in a situation like this the cliche phrases that are expected from people would be more respected. 'I hope you feel better soon' - thank you but what does that mean? How can that help me when I'm in utter turmoil? Saying something that appears caring isn't really usually about the person suffering it's usually about the person saying it - they feel better for saying it, it's for them. If you truly want to help someone help them find their love, hold their hand, see through everything they throw at you, share the moment with them whatever, help them see the peace in this very moment, help them silence their destructive mind even just a little, even just for a short time. I can imagine it's very unlikely none of the families affected have anyone around them who just listens and listens and listens without adding anything not one single thing. Maybe just gets up and asks if they want a coffee or some food but then just listens and stays beautifully silent and non judgmental, there is no need to add 'I hope you feel better soon' are you truly sure this will help? That it will add value to their lives? Just feel your best around them, be a light for them. Being silent doesn't mean we can't take action either but any action we take that isn't peaceful is deviated. I'm sure the families of the victims have heard enough thoughts and opinions already, they deserve silence and peace and lightness we all do. I don't connect with the idea of being heartbroken I only want to live and love in gratitude in every single moment, there are so few moments for us to experience compared to existence. Of course the recent events are sad and if I could of prevented it I would of but no one deserves to feel heartbroken or in any pain what so ever. I see people talk about not letting it effect their lives but at the same time they exude fear and worry, I see people trying not to be effected, hopelessness is everywhere. I'm not saying this is a bad thing I'm saying it's not prayer. It may sound shocking to hear me say I'm not heartbroken but it's beautiful to live in a state of gratitude no matter what happens. 'But guy, an innocent young girl aged 8 died at the scene and your not heartbroken for her'. If I was there and the murderer said to me 'either you die or she does' then I would unquestionably give my life for her so me not feeling heartbroken is nothing to do with love. The word heartbroken means suffering and suffering is a choice. Many people uninvolved in the incident feel tormented and my compassion goes out to them as well as the families involved. Of course I'm not against anyone who is heartbroken I truly understand but I'm saying you deserve your gratefulness, always. The other part of this is the hate directed towards the deluded terrorist, I don't connect with it either. Seeing people calling someone with severe delusions and severe mental health issues a monster and vile isn't a pleasant read. This only adds fuel to the fear and it has an adverse effect too because it is likely to encourage terrorism more. When people say they are standing together I don't know what this means either - am I meant to stand with normal human beings as opposed to terrorists? Is this what this means? If it does I have no wish to be involved. I'm not saying I stand with the terrorists haha I'm saying the world doesn't need more segregation it needs silence and peace. Even if standing together meant to ALL stand against hate I still wouldn't be involved, I'm not against hate I embrace hate, I accept it. To be against hate only drives more hate and that's what events like these bring out in so many - more hate and difference. Go on Ariana grandes twitter you will see argument after argument ha who cares, drop your ego, drop your opinions. How can you pray for the world to be better and safe and loving and at the same time 'see' how beautiful this world is? You can't they conflict. One is wanting the other is gratitude. Of course it would be lovely if the world was in harmony and not in chaos but what happens around us doesn't need to change how we feel. Its not easy to connect with much from the Manchester incident, I did like seeing the peaceful crowds joining together in the city centre and Jamie Laing did share something rather endearing too. He just put up a picture of Manchester and a love heart, one of very few who didn't have anything heavy to add - what more needs to be said on the matter ❤️. Also I thought I'd share some beautiful humble words on prayer from a beautiful being - "What is prayer? Ordinarily we think prayer is asking for something, demanding, complaining: you have desires and God can help you to fulfill them. You go to God’s door to ask for something, you go as a beggar. For you prayer is begging, but prayer can never be begging; prayer can only be a thankfulness, a gratitude. But these are totally different: when you go to beg, your prayer is not the end, it is just a means. The prayer is not significant because you are praying to get something; that something is significant, not prayer. And many times you go and your desire is not fulfilled. Then you will drop praying, you will say ”Useless!” For you it is a means. Prayer can never be a means, just as love can never be a means. Love is the end: you love, not for something else; love in itself has an intrinsic value – you simply love. It is so blissful. Nothing is beyond it, there is no result to be sought through it. It is not a means to some end, it is the end. And prayer is love – you simply go and enjoy it, not asking, not begging. Prayer itself, intrinsically, is so beautiful, you feel so ecstatic and happy, that you simply go and give thanks to the divine that he allowed you to be, he allowed you to breathe, he allowed you to see – what colors! – he allowed you to listen, he allowed you to be aware. You have not earned it, this is a gift. You go to the temple with a deep thankfulness, just to give thanks: ”Whatsoever you have given me, it is too much. I never deserved it!” Do you deserve anything? Can you find that you are deserving in any way? If you were not here, could you say that some injustice had been done to you? No! All that you have got is simply a gift, it is out of the divine love. You don’t deserve it. God overflows with his love. When you understand this a quality is born in you: the quality of being grateful. Then you simply go to give him your thanks, then you simply feel gratitude. Gratitude is prayer, and it is so beautiful to feel grateful that nothing can be compared to it, there is nothing in comparison to it. Prayer is the climax of your happiness, it cannot become a means to some other end. Jesus says: AND IF YOU PRAY YOU WILL BE CONDEMNED, because your prayer will be wrong. Jesus knows well that whenever you go to the temple you will go to beg something, to ask for something. It will be a means, and if you make prayer a means, it is a sin. What is your love? because through love you can understand what happens in prayer. Do you love a person – really? Do you love, or does something else exist there? A mutual gratification? When you love a person, do you really love the person? Do you give out of your heart, or do you just exploit the other in the name of love? You use the other in the name of love. It may be sexual, it may be some other use, but you use the other. And if the other says, ”No, don’t use me!” will your love continue to be there, or will it disappear? Then you will say, ”What is the use?” If the other appreciates you, if a beautiful woman appreciates you, your ego is fulfilled. A beautiful woman looks up to you and you feel for the first time that you are a man. But if she does not appreciate you, does not look up to you, love disappears. If a beautiful man, a strong man, looks up to you as a beautiful woman, appreciates you continuously, you feel gratified because ego is fulfilled. This is mutual exploitation – you call it love. And if it creates hell there is no wonder about it; it has to create hell because love is just the name, and under the name something else is hidden. Love can never create hell, love is the very quality of heaven. If you love you are happy; your happiness will show that you are in love. But look at lovers: they don’t seem to be happy – only in the beginning when they are just planning, unknowingly, unconsciously throwing nets to catch each other; but their poetry and their romance and all their nonsense is just to catch the other. Once the fish is caught then they are unhappy, then they feel as if they are in a bondage. Each other���s ego becomes a bondage, and both try to dominate and possess each other. This love becomes condemnation. If your love is wrong your prayer cannot be right, because prayer means love to the whole – and if you have been a failure in love with an ordinary human being, how can you succeed in your love with the divine? Love is just a step towards prayer; you have to learn. If you can love a human being, you know a secret. The same key is to be used with the divine, millions of times magnified and multiplied of course. The dimension is great but the key remains the same. ’Love’ means this is the end, and there is no ego in it. When you are egoless there is love. Then you simply give without asking, without any return. You simply give because giving is so beautiful, you share because sharing is so wonderful – then there is no bargain. When there is no bargain, no ego, love flows – then you are not frozen, then you melt. This melting has to be learned because only then can you pray." Copyright Osho, The Mustard Seed.