#like the safety of the whole world really
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Injured: Before
Alexia Putellas x Baby!Reader
Summary: Alexia struggles
Sometimes Alexia will look at you, asleep in your crib without a care in the world.
Sometimes, she will watch you and try to fathom how you came from her. Sometimes, she looks at you like you've come out with two heads and a tail. Sometimes, she will not see you as a baby.
But other times, she looks at your little fingers and little toes and tiny little feet and just be in awe of you. She laboured for hours to have you, cursing your existence in those painful moments before scolding herself for those words when she finally had you in her arms.
You were so beautiful then, passed out asleep on her chest after your stressful birth. You napped and napped and napped before finally awakening again.
Alexia expected to look at you and find everything slotting into place.
She expected to look at you and have the whole world stop in awe of you.
Her Mama had told her countless stories of what her own and Alba's births were like. She spoke at length about how magical it was to have her girls in her arms, for everything to finally make sense in the world, to be filled with such love for their tiny bodies that she couldn't help but stare at them.
Alexia had been ready for those feelings, for those months of indecision between giving you up for adoption and keeping you for herself to finally settle, to finally know that there was no way she could ever think about giving up the perfect little baby girl in her arms.
She had been excited for those feelings.
But they never came.
Not truly.
You looked into Alexia's eyes and...you looked like any other newborn in the world.
There was no instant connection.
There were no fireworks or bells ringing.
It was just you and her and the complete lack of recognition between you both.
You could have been any other baby in the world in that moment.
There were moments though, like now, that Alexia can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
You fit almost perfectly in her arms, wrapped in the almost perfect swaddle Alexia has made for you. Alexia looks at you now and sees her daughter. She can imagine you growing up with her. She knows in these moments that she did the right thing in not giving you up.
But Alexia knows that these feelings will disappear by the end of the week. She doesn't know what's wrong with her. Some days, she can do nothing but stare in awe at you but other days she can barely get out of bed. She can barely do anything but cry even as she feeds you and puts you down for naps.
It's like drowning, Alexia thinks. It's like drowning in a river.
She's fighting against the current carrying her downstream, to the waterfall at the end that will surely be her downfall. She fights it sometimes, desperate to surface for air before being forced under again.
There are longer moments of calm where she can grab onto a branch of a nearby tree and try to climb to the safety of the banks where you wait for her but the current is too strong and Alexia can only hold on for so long until the water claims her again.
She savours these moments with you, where she looks at you and can be so happy with your little eyes and your little nose.
You don't look like her yet but you are still practically a newborn, coming up on one month soon. Newborns don't really look like anyone in particular.
Alexia hopes that you will look like her soon. Maybe that's what she needs to pull herself out of the river. Maybe seeing you look like her will snap her out of whatever stupid daze she is. Maybe you looking like her will be what finally calms the current.
Alexia clings to a branch now as she settles down on the sofa with you, letting you latch on for one of your feeds.
The house has been on lockdown since your birth. Just you and Alexia.
Her Mama has tried to come around and weasel her way into helping but Alexia's adamant she can do this on her own. She doesn't need help. She doesn't want it.
But she also doesn't want anyone to see her like this, so broken and confused and unable to form a real, proper attachment to her newborn.
It's just a little hiccup, a bump in the road that will be over soon so Alexia can fully focus on you and love you like how you deserve to be loved.
As soon as this is over, as soon as the river calms or Alexia finally hauls herself out of it, she will let people visit.
She doesn't want anyone to see her like this.
You whine a little bit and Alexia winces.
Your latch isn't good.
"It's okay, it's okay," She says to you, forcing you to unlatch so she can adjust," Just give me a moment."
Her grip on the branch loosens.
You whine a bit more, growing fussy.
"I know," Alexia insists," Just...Just wait."
The current picks up and Alexia tries to hold on.
You try to latch again but it's even worse than before.
The current forces her off the branch.
You start crying.
"No," She says, panicked," No, wait. Wait. Please...Please!"
She's forced downstream again, dunked under the water.
You keep crying. You sob and you can't latch again no matter what Alexia tries.
"Come on," She begs," It's okay. See? You're nearly there! Just...Stop crying...You just need to stop crying..."
The stream takes her closer and closer to the waterfall and Alexia's sobs mingle with yours.
#woso x reader#alexia putellas x reader#alexia putellas#woso community#woso fanfics#woso imagine#woso
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NSFW Alphabet - Leviathan
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A/N: Sorry this took a long time. Been a busy and chaotic past month, but I'm working on things so hopefully they'll be ready to post soon. Also, Levi isn't exactly my favorite so I had hard time analyzing and accounting for all the lore we have so far.
⟡ Masterlist ⟡
‧₊˚✧ 18+ Minors Do Not Interact ✧˚₊‧
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A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)
If you had an intense encounter, you'd both need it, which is why he calls for his servants to come and care for the both of you. Otherwise, he doesn't mind to do some extra steps to get you comfortable.
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B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
Our nice piece of ass loves your neck. The loyalty noose would look amazing around it. Or maybe his hands?
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C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
I'd say his cum tastes like caviar. He's technically a fish too, after all. Definitely the king whose cum I'd enjoy the least. It's also not as opaque, but with a slight shimmer.
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D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
While he's having some me-time, sometimes he puts on a noose around his neck and orders himself to hang.
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E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)
With how rarely he trusts anyone, I'd say he barely has any. He gets the gist, knows many positions, but hasn't tried out most of them.
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F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)
Any position, really. As long as you're strangling him hard enough, he doesn't care.
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G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? Etc.)
No jokes here. In fact, no jokes ever. Besides like some special circumstances.
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H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? Etc.)
Perfectly silky smooth like the rest of him. There's no room for imperfection.
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I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
If he's bedding you, you're already doing something right. I imagine him being super vulnerable figuratively as well as literally with the strangling and all.
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J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
His main source of getting off. He can't even remember the last time he's slept with someone. Once you're in the picture, however, that immediately changes and his hands focus onto you.
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K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)
Beside the obvious breath control and getting beat up, he also strikes me as the type that would be into voyeurism as in getting watched fucking someone.
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L = Location (favorite places to do the do)
Public places are out of the question. The safety of his castle is the only place where he allows himself to get loose.
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M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
Jealousy, of course. But also public humiliation as long as he sees you as more than just his subject.
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N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
Share a partner. He'd get too jealous and possessive. Unless, of course, you tie him up as a punishment. HE would actually enjoy that.
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O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
Force him to go down on you and you'll have one of the best orgasms ever. In giving-head-contest he'd come close second (only beaten by the pussy devourer fly boy).
While giving him head, he'd get super whiny and needy. Tease him and he'll lose his mind.
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? Etc.)
There's two ways Levi can go. Either he's downright lovemaking with you or the bedroom is a whole ass battlefield.
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Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
Actually, thinking about the location again... I wanted to say that why have quickies when you're at his castle and have all the time in the world, but thinking about it, If the need arises and you're not in his chambers, he would definitely use his coffin to have a quickie with his partner.
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R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? Etc.)
Depending on the risk. He wouldn't mind seeing how long you can hang from the noose, but wouldn't try and introduce lovecraftian horrors in the bedroom.
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S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
Leviathan's energy is stored in that juicy ass of his and boy, can he go for long time. The thing is, that he will, however, start complaining that he's tired and that you have to do the rest yourself.
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T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
Levi doesn't really strike me as the type to use toys. His imagination is enough for him. In my mind he's more old fashioned and all these different toys are just a riffraff for him. (Meaning he's too shy to buy some and would be afraid to get caught using them.)
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U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
Oh this man *italian hand motion* loves to tease, but the moment you tease back you have no time to react before you're hanging from the ceiling.
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V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
Whimpers. This man whimpers and it's the best thing you've ever heard (besides Beel's purring). How loud, depends on the situation. If you're on the bottom, some might escape him. But if you're on top, oh boy, all the demons in the surrounding chambers know.
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W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)
Actually, not a hc, but more of an analysis of his H scene that I really want to talk about?
Okay, so Levi makes it really obvious that he wants to be beaten and straight up just abused. This just screams to me a trauma response, which is extremely sad to me. The amount of abuse he had to endure to the point where his mind equates it to pleasure just so he doesn't go bonkers?
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X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)
Once again, if you have the Erolabs version, you're lucky to see his sausage in the game itself. I personally agree with the ingame depiction of Levi's dick (unlike certain pierced someone's).
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Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
Actually, piggybacking off the wild card analysis, I think Levi can go anytime all the time. One of trauma responses tends to be hypersexuality (but I'm not a professional psychologist, so don't take my word for it). We even know about it from the Halloween event where Minhyeok says that Levi looks like he's in the mood despite fighting off angels.
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Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
Not really a sleep I'd say, but he wouldn't mind snuggling up after some exhausting workout. Just don't get too used to it since he's too busy.
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Charities and politics: the thin, red line
When you are a proven impostor and idiot and still you insist, it's time to remind you a simple Roman proverb: errare humanum est, perseverare diabolicum. In other, English, words: to err is human, but to persist is diabolical.
Or supremely stupid: your pick, Max.
This page is not into politics at all - and I explained why: this is a very familiar terrain to this blogger, who'd really like to enjoy her daily time off that particular kind of madding crowd. However, from time to time, reality manages to pierce the veil, such as today, when news of Humza Yousaf stepping down as Scottish First Minister made worldwide headlines - just a basic example: https://www.nytimes.com/2024/04/29/world/europe/scotland-humza-yousaf-resigns-snp.html
That does not mean that the whole Cabinet is bound to resign, unless next Wednesday's debate on a non confidence vote promoted by Scottish Labour is lost. By the way, non-Scottish Max.
Never mind Max very recently amused me to no tomorrow, with her color blind, non-European view of Scottish politics (and politics, in general). Never mind she wrote enormous things like the SNP and Greens being politically opposed Scottish parties, just because of Yousaf's recent horrible blunder kicking the Scottish Greens out of his coalition cabinet and trying to keep the steer of a minority SNP cabinet. The SNP & Scottish Greens coalition partnership is very likely to resume as soon as John Swinney (or perhaps Kate Forbes, but my money is not on her, for many reasons: too divisive, too close to elections, etc) is hastily anointed First Minister (https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2024/apr/29/snp-looks-to-unity-candidate-after-humza-yousaf-quits-as-first-minister). No Scottish person, living anywhere else than under a rock, would have aligned this intergalactic bullshit with such confidence and such bad syntax:
Angus Robertson is a shrewd politician. He needed to be seen doing exactly that, yesterday night: showing off at an event hosted by S, once a very vocal support of the Scottish Greens. Here is why, according to normal people, like the Guardian's Scottish Politics team:
[Source: https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2024/apr/29/snp-looks-to-unity-candidate-after-humza-yousaf-quits-as-first-minister]
How old is Max, anyways? Where do they live? I won't add insult to injury, but boy do they seem to write from an ever more far-flung corner of the world than me, and my money is on South America, for many reasons I will not develop here. I chose to be merciful, tonight.
Tonight, she comes back with a renewed batch of freshly half-baked ineptitude:
Please ignore the hideous word salad the two first sentences are. Google Translate would have done better. Who dunnit? Alexa, in the kitchen, with Colonel Mustard? Let's focus on the Big, Fat Lie, here:
'Any participation in events involving charities must be independent and must not support or be endorsed by any political party or be associated with any candidate or politician.'
This is simply not true. If that were to be true, on this planet, or at least in the UK or Scotland, we would never have any NGOs actively lobbying politicians, hosting debates with them or petitioning them on various issues ranging from road safety to global warming.
I will refer the definitely non-Scottish blogger Maximum Wobbling Bullshit to the official factsheet on this very topic, issued by the OSCR, the Scottish Charity Regulator (https://www.oscr.org.uk/media/2899/v14_faqs-charities-and-campaigning-on-political-issues.pdf):
The above rule is limited to the case of election campaigns, as it is logical to be, since a husting simply is another way to call a campaign meeting. There was no campaign related anything yesterday night, the comments were simply about a Scottish national policy that is anything but political (promote Scottish tourism!), Angus Robertson is not a candidate to be Scotland's next First Minister. And same goes for the WWF and Blood Cancer UK - if you think those people went to that gala without a mandate from their NGO Board, you are: a) 5; b) delusional; c) a foul-mouthed troll.
Anyways, to go to the bottom of it, I also looked in the Scottish Charity Register - because you never know what those people might come up with, again:
As I think we all know, MPC is a registered US Limited Liability Company (LLC), based in Delaware. Its California branch is now closed, but the Nevada one was still active, one hour ago, when I checked:
And in case you are still wondering, after all these years, about MPC's legal status, here is their legally impeccable FAQ answer to the people who subscribe and who would legitimately want to know where their money goes, after all:
An LLC is a relatively recent (1970s) hybrid type of legal entity, equivalent perhaps (give or take a couple of technicalities) to the UK's PLC. In my professional view, it offers the best legal framework for what S tried to achieve with it, allowing both for management flexibility and tax transparency. If MPC does not present itself as a charity, it has the entire right to do so and is, therefore, not a charity, from a legal point of view, unless otherwise successfully contended in court.
You are still an idiot and a liar, though.
PS: S has not shared Robertson's X message on his own socials. Just so you know, MAX. [Later edit: extensively quoting The Scottish Daily Express, the Scottish edition of The Daily Express, a notorious UKIP/Farage supporting media outlet, hate speech condemned by the UN High Commissioner on Human Rights, just tells me once more time what a color blind impostor you are, Max.]
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I've seen several Dr Who fans hate Twelve for what happened to Bill in World Enough And Time. And obviously you can hate characters for any reason at all (as long as you're not dicks to real people about it). But I really don't follow the logic of how it's his fault?
Like the episode itself plays with the idea of blaming the Doctor, with the hard cut between Bill entrusting her safety to him and the aftermath. But as for what actually happened: team TARDIS answered a distress call, and the Doctor stepped in as soon as things got actually dangerous. The whole episode could've just as easily happened the same way if Missy wasn't there. The way it turned out was bad luck (to put it mildly).
I just don't see how the Doctor was really at fault, and the episode might even have been a bit more interesting if he was more at fault. His companion coming to harm directly due to him trying to make the Master a better person (rather than coincidentally happening at the same time) is a really tragic idea. (That's not me saying that the series 10 finale isn't already interesting or tragic. I adore it.)
#doctor who#twelfth doctor#bill potts#missy#my posts#twelve#bill#sometimes I feel like the people hating twelve so vehemently are mostly projecting#which of course they're totally allowed to do. I'm just trying to understand#I imagine it would've been easy for Bill to hate and blame the Doctor given the circumstances#god just thinking too hard about the finale breaks my heart
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Some thoughts about Nordic Bunny. I apologize in advance for the disorganized thoughts I bunched up on the fly
It's easy to infer that he's been fighting the rockers for years and years. Potentially centuries. Perhaps even since the beginning.
However, it's not impossible that he was once part of the rock gods himself, cast out and turned into what he is now.
But I think it's more likely he's just been a guitar alien thing and they've just been passing down the torch of beating his ass.
He seems to have a personal hatred for not just Shred Force, but earth itself. World domination is a classic villain thing, but why does he want the world? Does he intend to bring about apocalypse, or does he just want to say he rules the planet and not much changes. Would he be a true evil villain? Or really does he just wanna hang out on the planet and chill?
And more importantly, what would he do with Shred Force if he got the planet?
He is relentless in his attempts for beating Shred Force and taking over. In the pilot, we can tell they're all familiar with each other and their fights are a common occurrence.
Shred Force clearly doesn't see him as much of a threat, as they don't actively try to capture him, just repel. To them, he's nothing but another silly villain in over his head; just go deal with him and he'll be back tomorrow or next week. Rinse and repeat.
He uses minions and machines to do his bidding, never directly engaging in combat himself. When the crab is about to be destroyed, he attempts to flee the scene immediately.
When Shred Force has him alone, they don't make any move to do anything else to him, they just zap him away after the famous "I'LL GET YOU NEXT TIME!"
Hank especially doesn't take his duty seriously. To him, it's all about awesome rock songs and beating up bad guys. Ron however is much more mature and aware of what he's doing. Cautious to not level the city, and take care of threats first and foremost.
Going back to NB's desire for world dominance, why is he so hellbent on it?
If some teenagers were part of a higher power and beating my ass all the time, I'd be stubborn enough to keep trying to rule the world too, but his methods do not work, and likely never have nor will. He's managed to create rock-resistant enemies, yet even that fails.
So why doesn't he just fight fire with fire? Why won't he use rock against them? Hes literally a guitar.
For one, I like the irony of him being a guitar and not utilizing it. Maybe he physically cannot play for whatever reason, be it curse of Shred Force or personal inability. Or maybe he *refuses* to. The whole spite and stubbornness thing y'know.
And what if he doesn't truly wish to have earth and shred force beaten? What if he just says that to convince himself, and in actuality just wants an excuse to socialize with people in the only way he knows how
He's surrounded by those minion clones, which could possibly even be a hivemind, showing no regard for their health or safety. So what's the deal with them anyway?
Did he build that entire planet himself, being immortal, or was the torch of conquering planets passed to him? Is it like an invader Zim thing where he's gotta prove his worth by owning a planet before he can return home? Is it a personal reason?
Does he truly hate Shred Force and have it out for them, or does he have an ulterior motive?
Whether he's serious about taking earth or not, he doesn't do a good job at it. He's so pathetic I love him.
Can I have your number what's the area code
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Warrior Nun: Beatrice’s journey reconciling the mission with her love for Ava was beautiful to behold
#Warrior Nun#Avatrice#Ava Silva#Sister Beatrice#When Bea lashes out at Ava#it's 90% because she is angry at herself for letting her feelings for Ava cloud her judgment#and yet she can't deny to herself after Ava's fall just how profoundly she cares for Ava#but they still had a mission to complete#they still needed to defeat Adriel#In the end though#post-kiss#we see Bea fully accept that she will prioritize saving Ava's life#above everything else that used to rank more highly#like the safekeeping of the halo#like the safety of the whole world really#So saying I love you back isn't just the completion of a romantic gesture#but an endpoint to this struggle that we've seen the whole season#God it is so profound and beautiful I can barely stand it
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at first i was like mmmmmmm idk about this new scrappy skinny scrawny Jim Kirk but as I think about it as resident JTK expert (Phd) I am coming around to the accuracy of post-Tarsus massacre Commander Kirk desperate to embrace the fleeting impermance of happiness by embodying compassion (towards Uhura and La'an) and appreciation for transient silly pleasures (like cookies or hotdogs) AS WELL AS being actively hypervigilant towards his own & other's safety (La'an, The Enterprise vs the Romulans, Uhura) as a trauma response towards the horrors of genocide he experienced first hand.
Also his devil-may-care mien & deep respect towards command in TOS is replaced by a somewhat less likeable ambition to succeed in SNW... another off-shoot to this trauma. We see he has a desire to climb towards rank (for control & protection) yet does not fully embody the ability to handle it with the grace needed to become the legend just yet.
also I've ended up liking the inversion of TOS physical physique that SNW gives us with a more muscular/appearance-oriented (anxious) Spock & a small scrappy (traumatized) Jim ... it appears to be well thought out & a stepping stone to their eventual comfortable self-actualizations in TOS.
#strange new worlds#jim kirk#james t kirk#spock#spirk#star trek#teeny waif jim and buff spock a whole new dynamique to their decades long relationship#im like wow i didnt think i could like them more but here i an#am#the idea of them relaxing their paranoias over time and becoming who they are comfortable and strong and sharp#alongside their crew#👌#relaxing exhausting standards of perfection and learning safety and security#👏#it really speaks to how much they meant to one another
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[Tuvok & Janeway: Control, Distance, Duty & Connection.]
Sources: St Voyager Transcripts / Mitski 'First Love Late Spring' / Disco Elysium
#web weaving#star trek web weaving#st voyager#Kathryn Janeway#Tuvok#be the change you want to see in the world - make a long post about Tuvok & Janeway's similarities <- angel on my shoulder#I feel like a lot of people see them as 'opposites attract' sort of friends where Janeway is unhinged & Tuvok reigns her in#but in reality I think that while there is that element in there (exacerbated HEAVILY by their delta quad circumstances)#what I see most in their relationship is how they both value loyalty and duty above all and are extremely rigid with themselves#and the people around them. How they both have to maintain distance from others bc of their positions as captain & vulcan#I hate when people dismiss Tuvok as not being remotely interested in Maryana or Noss - it erases an interesting struggle that he and Janewa#both share - their desire to stay loyal to their spouses vs the 70 years of loneliness that that loyalty demands of them#But they BOTH triumph and they BOTH remain loyal (Tuvok until he returns to T'Pel and Janeway until Mark informs her that it's over)#and for both of them it's a little bit insane for them to do that.#Isn't it more interesting that Janeway and Tuvok both have feelings for people other than their spouses but don't give in#to that temptation?#They're both people who live very fastidiously by codes. Either written codes or moral codes - they very rarely if ever do things because#it's what THEY want to do. I'd say they're the least emotion-driven members of the crew and yes I'm including Seven because Seven#has a very...how to describe? It's a blunt and insular selfishness. She does what SHE wants to do and doesn't really care about others.#To me that's emotion-driven. Or...personal desire-driven? Not a bad thing at all but very different from Janeway & Tuvok who#are always more 'this is logical' or 'this is for the crew' rarely do they think 'this is what I want' bc they can't afford to#for different reasons (captain & vulcan)#they both also are in the most 'caretaking' positions on the ship from my POV. Security and Captain - both are directly in charge of#ship and crew safety.#Janeway & Tuvok#star trek voyager#st voy#when I say caretaking I'm NOT saying they're everyone's mom and dad or whatever - I'm saying they're in positions where they always#have to think about the greater good and the crew as a whole and how much danger is acceptable etc etc.#Janeway is always killing herself for the crew but Tuvok is right there beside her
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Everything is so hard right now.
#it's like no one is seeing i'm broken#and i just can't handle much right now#it was already hard enough to just work 40 hours this week and pretend I was okay#it feels like my whole world is crumbling around me and I just have to pretend everything is fine and carry on as usual#I feel really alone and like I have to be stronger than I can be right now#people don't realize how hard loss is unless it has happened to them#and even still how many people in their early 30s have lost both parents?#how could I expect anyone to really understand that I have no family no safety net no place to go if life goes to shit#i just need rest and someone to treat me gently#i hate that i need comfort but yeah#kfi txt#tw parent death
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ok i dont want to be the language police or whatever and bitch is a really good curse in the right context but could we all remember that it is also a gendered insult and calling women "bitches" when theyre angry or when they get assertive in a way you dont like has some bad undertones.
#someone on reddit just called melanie king a bitch and i got so angry i threw up#slash exaggerated#but they were like oooh how DARE she not be thrilled to see the antichrist during the apocalypse. how dare she be concerned for her own#safety as well as the safety of everyone she holds dear. during the apocalypse. which was brought about by the guy she has mixed feelings#about hanging out with. shes such a bitch#and its like. have you considered you just hate women#also they were talking about how they hate how alll the mean women are mean to jon and its like. its not gendered thing#it just so happens that jon himself and his literal love interest make up 2/3s of the male protagonists#and the remaining 1/3 is also mean to him#and the whole. women hating jon thing is so. it completely ignores the nuances of his dynamics with the rest of the cast#which are all incredibly complex. and different. and they dont hate him besides#melanie and georgie just want to like. not be dragged into (or back into) a world of unimaginable horrors#daisy was a literal monster blinded by her bloodlust and incapable of seeing jon as a person until he rescued her from the buried#and after that they got along fine#and basira. well. shes just not really great at seeing anyone as people. cop mentality
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OOC. Quietly thinking about Sam’s mom and how she had to work hard to live in the states, about all the sacrifices she had to made to stay there ( with marrying Sam’s father being one of them ). Thinking about the guilt Sam feels now that she’s able to think about her mom and what she’s done, and how Sam regrets how she’s acted before when she was still alive—-how that plays in to her old dreams of being an artist before everything just... fell apart.
#;; ᴀᴍᴏɴɢ ᴜs ( ooc. )#;; 🇹🇭🇮🇸 🇮🇸 🇼🇭🇴 🇮 🇦🇲 ( headcanon. )#sort of??#but yeah#there's just#this whole thing sam has never really confronted herself about because of her dimension hopping#and it's her dreams and aspirations for the future#a permanent job? why? it's not like she'll stay in a world forever#why waste time thinking about who she wants to be when she's struggling enough just to /survive/?#but the moment she /does/ find a way to stay put/not be warped away forcefully#the moment she realizes she does have a future to plan for?#everything's going to bubble up back to the surface#and she'll have no idea how to handle it#in a way I think she'd be jealous of beings that were made with a purpose in mind#because at least they're /good/ at something--at least they have that safety net to fall back on#because she /doesn't/#at least not to her knowldege
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Girl who has severe social anxiety when it comes to talking to people online and has to close her eyes to press the send button whenever she writes a message to anyone 😔
#That girl is me btw. I am that girl#Irl I'm pretty normal when I talk to people (unless it's like super serious school stuff and then I'm a stuttering mess)#But I think my mom instilled the ''Never talk to anyone online or you'll compromise your internet safety'' into me too far#And now it's like. Debilitating. I can't send messages on private Discord servers or dm people on social media anymore#I was active on miiverse back when that uh. Like existed? Well a little active. Well actually that's an overstatement#I also was active on the Nookazon discord but like. At first I was really nervous but then I found a Business Persona that made me normal#But anyway I made this post because I've done this like twice in the past two days#Once when I was trying to finally introduce myself in a rp server I joined a month ago#And once today right now like. Sending a message to a mutual. Hi thousand yeah it's about the comment on your post lol#It took me like a whole day after seeing my mutual respond to my ask to get the courage to say like. Yayy I love emperor on their post#I feel like an anime girl saying kyun or something every time I do it so it's funny but like. It also worries me#Since we live in a very virtual world and. How am I going to make connections in the future when I'm like this#Uhh anyway. 🐙 Oo octopus emoji weehoo#Nebbie text posting#Nebbie posts#I think I kind of derailed this I meant this to be a funny meme so. RIP anyway send post *closes my eyes as I hit post now*#Send fucking post#<- I'm making this my terrible late night decision tag vents tag now. Hopefully I will not have many posts for it.
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God it'd be cool if there was this dude who had a fridged wife arc except his wife was abusive and his whole deal is trying to accept that
#random thoughts#like okay hold on#and im gonna talk about this in terms of rick and morty cuz i just watched a few episodes of it#so like i hate rick's backstory right#fucking hate how they gave him a dead wife and called it a day#but like. i think it'd be interesting if OKAY SO YOU KNOW BECKY BARNES FROM BLACK FRIDAY#I WANT RICK TO BE BARNES EXCEPT 250% MORE FUCKED UP#okay so like diane and rick got together when rick was in high school and she was in college#and they met at a party and started dating and diane started seperating rick from his friends and family#and started pressuring him into getting into the science field#because even though rick liked and was really good at science he didn't want to pursue it professionally because like#you know how artistic kids will have adults asking them 'oh are you gonna be an artist when you grow up?'#and then they try it and they burn out? rick was like that#he was trying out an internship and it wasn't going great but diane pressured him to keep at it and go to college and get a degree and shit#anyway so she seperates him from his friends and family when they move to a new city#specifically because the whole thing about trauma is the severity of it depends on what your safety net is like#and rick is like humongo bananas fucked up so he had like no safety net when diane died#and so diane gets pregnant and they get married and have beth and diane keeps pressuring him because he can't get a steady job#and rick is like so stressed about it he starts to control the only thing he can: his daughter#so he becomes like OBSESSED with protecting beth from the world#so he's designing this like safety backpack thing? that she can put in her backpack to and from school in case anyone tries to attack her#and she's like. a baby at this point so MEGA unneeded so whatever#and so diane is physically abusive but that kind where it only comes out in huge bursts followed by crying and 'you know i didnt mean it'#so he's working on robopack and diane comes into the garage and it like slowly builds into yelling and she shoves him#and the backpack. basically degloves her#and that's how rick killed his wife!!!#guess what motherfuckers it's blue man time#and then you know he's all fucked up about it because he killed his wife!!! he can't be allowed around a fucking baby!!!#so he abandons beth and like everyone just assumes it was an animal attack because the pack basically rampaged through the house#so beth gets placed with her grandma and grandpa
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I love deltarune and undertale as pacifist media because A) literally at no point are the people you're sparing bigots and dictators avoiding most pacifist media's biggest pit fall and B) the presence of the genocide routes goes to show that like... yeah the world IS a horrible place sometimes, the potential is there. Things CAN be horrible it doesn't shy away from that but it also goes above and beyond to say that when you find common ground with people who are otherwise well intentioned things can be better and like yeah your actions have consequences.
Also because it's game mechanic says here's some funny guys :D and then you also get to be their friends and this is immaculate.
#media cw#I am so normal about these media/j#I do not have a whole analysis about how Fr!sk is implied to be an abuse survivor and how their character arc separate from your own is#learning that there is goodness in the world like T0r1el finds it funny in the end how if they chose to stay from the start if that's what#they wanted but the whole point is that they didn't know what they wanted they never knew safety was an option#like really just was simulator of being a traumatized kid but this time you make a bunch of cool monster friends and learn about#found family and it's just wow.... ok ok
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wish I was capable of articulating why I've been nonstop head in my hands about YJTV Bart and Jaime the last week or so but honestly I've got nothing. they're a lot and I dunno how to explain it. very important to me though
#give me like another week maybe idk i need to figure out why exactly I'm so emotional over them#it's like... jaime's a normal kid until he's Not and lbr he gets less normal by the day#and then bam there's suddenly a kid from the literal future who came back JUST FOR HIM#like... WILD#and bart? 100% did not plan to imprint on the guy he's trying to keep from going evil#and you can TELL but you can also tell he doesn't actually mind. jaime is nice to him and doesn't mind being attached at the hip#and that's enough for bart. they become besties in like 0.5 seconds and it's precious actually#like... idk man the fact that their friendship is actually a core detail in the whole yknow saving the world thing???#bc if bart HADN'T gotten to friendly would things have gone differently?? if jaime was less open to said friendship??#if they weren't both so willing to be open with each other and then stick together??? how much longer would it have taken#for the rest of the team to find out about the reach's control of the scarab? how much less prepared would jaime have been#for basically everything that happens all season??#like yeah he gets all anxious about practically having a prophecy over his head but at the same time the fact that bart is even THERE#is proof that said ''prophecy'' isn't set in stone.#bart sticks real close to jaime both bc 1) jaime is his mission objective as it were) and also 2) he's kinda a lonely kid#and he and jaime have a connection from the get-go bc of the time travel thing#and has bart ever really had friends his own age before???#lowkey it's almost like they're each other's security blanket of a person#not in a weird codependent way just in a friends who relax a bit more when they're together than with anyone else#bc bart can (theoretically) help and/or stop jaime if his scarab takes over which = success and safety for him (and everyone else)#and jaime KNOWS that and knows bart is prepared for the eventuality which also puts him a bit more at ease#idk I'm just throwing stones at the water and hoping they skip but OUGH peak dynamic actually#Lu rambles#...slightly more unhingedly than normal maybe#yjtv#meta finding tag#for my tags#yeah idk just. many thoughts and feels :)
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had such a good day today feeling very healed but then on my way to the station there were these 7th day adventists preaching and handing out books and leaflets so obviously i took them because im curious but its crazy it was actually just like that tone deaf comment about antisemitism for catholics ... the leaflet was just very like theres secret catholics running every world government and doing satanic rituals and theres a shadow government based in the vatican city that secretly pulls all the strings of the world and they had big posters with like the pope superimposed on a background of hellfire and illuminati symbols and so on well you get the picture. but they actually didnt mention jewish or lgbt people in their booklet at all so i was like maybe this is awesome like the catholics can take the heat for once.....
#but i just dont get it because i was like barely able to follow#with my farely decent background understanding of like the kinds of things these people believe#so if you had like no idea about xtianity at all#youd just be like what in the world does any of this mean#but if you did have an idea youd most likely find some of it to be blasphemous i think#so im not sure who they are successfully recruiting because i feel it was quite offputting to everyone really#i need to post pics of the booklet because its insane its like blurry clipart of the world ending#and then some guys insane rambling#and then its liek check out thsi website for more#and itll be like a written link to a wikipedia page#it made me kind of sad really because it seemed like#well just kind of like a seriously mentally ill person whos terrified the world is about to end and really trying to save me because they#are actually worried for everyones safety...obviously not defending their actions but it wa slike wow this is really sad#theyre spending their whole saturday every saturday standing on the streets probably being treated really badly by most people dfhgiudhgf#the guy who gave me the book was very young and really friendly even though i was obviously like taking pictures of their weird stand#and i just felt so sad for him idk id just had such a lovely day and then itwas like this reminder of everything people in these groups#are deprived of idkkk#i feel kindof sad now
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