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#like she has seen me at my lowest. she literally sent me to the hospital in june. then she was my doctor while i was in the hospital too

varyen · 4 years

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as heavy as the snow falls (i fall for you)

„Hello Detective. I am Connor, the Android sent by CyberLife.“ The android sent to replace me, you think but it’s not what you say. Instead, you look up from your $1 instant noodles, and freeze. Oh god, you think. Oh god, fuck. They made it CUTE.

Chapter One; It's just another day to pretend (I’m feeling okay)

Hank had warned you.

“They sent one of those plastic pricks to help investigate that deviant shit”, he had told you.

You just thought he was messing with you, a good old joke to welcome you back. That was until you were officially allowed to get back to work;

you had annoyed your doctor into releasing you from sick-leave and partly got what you wanted — except that you were stuck on desk-duty. But that was better than being stuck at home. You never thought you’d be sick of your apartment walls but there you were.

After almost two and a half months, you finally walked back into the precinct.

Gavin was the first one to give that face — an ugly smirk, splitting open his mouth and showing his teeth, like a warning, like a threat. He didn’t say anything — he didn’t have to. That smirk alone, creepy enough to give you goose bumps, told you everything you need to know.

Hank didn’t mess with you. They sent an Android to replace you in your own investigation.

“Glad to see you’re back”, Gavin greeted you, though, and you forced a smile at your desk-partner. “Were you getting bored without me?”, you asked and tried to forget the obnoxious smirk he had thrown at you just a second ago. “You know me, baby”, he laughed and slapped on your shoulder. He disappeared behind you and you were left unguarded without any distraction. Everybody was staring at you and you weren’t sure if those looks were painted in relief or pity.

Silently you sat down at your desk, towers of paper stacked everywhere, and started to work. A few of your colleagues stopped by, asking how you were doing, being shot multiple times and all, and that they were happy you were back safe and sound – they didn’t say anything about Hank, or the Android. Their eyes, though, their eyes betrayed them.

Fowler called you in an hour later or so, asking how you do — not that he’d really care, anyway — before sending you back to work. He didn’t say a word about Hank, or the Android. His eyes did.

Nothing has happened since.

Now, it’s almost one pm and desk duty is more boring that you anticipated — so boring, in fact, that you decide to take your break. Usually Gavin and you keep each other entertained and airdrop each other memes out of the nowhere but he’s nowhere to be seen. Also, you’re hungry as shit, as you skipped the breakfast this morning. Not only because you overslept but you’re also not really a breakfast person.

There is no sign of Hank or that infamous Android so you decide to shrug it off and bury your concerns under the $1 instant noodles you got stored in the lowest drawer of your desk; your emergency food and snack box, as you like to call it. Sometimes Gavin raids it when he feels like it but he has kept his promise about not telling anyone about your emergency food and snack box — so far.

And while it’s generally not too bad to have him right in front of you most of the time, he’s the person you want to avoid the most because, honestly, you don’t need his mockery and you are not in the mood to endure that stupid smirk one more time. There is a possibility that you just try to punch it off his face.

He did leave the precinct when you entered it, so he’s probably off at some crime-scene.

You glance towards the empty Break Room and see your chance. You take one of the spicy chicken instant noodles, your all-time favorite, and speed as fast into the Break Room as your body allows you to; it’s still heavy sometimes and your movements are slowed by pain and stiffness.

Nobody disturbs you while you prepare the kettle and get a can of coke out of the fridge. The only sound remarkable to you is the news channel and by now the threat of a war outbreak has become too old to still be shocking.

You take your phone and skip through your messages, ignoring most of them except the ones from your mom to which you reply yes mom, work is going great so far. I’m stuck at desk-duty until my doctor gives me the green light, before you switch to your social media.

Caught up in some memes, you only notice Hank when he’s standing right in front of you.

“Listen kid”, he says, shrugging. “I didn’t ask for this either.” His voice sounds grumpy and unhappy and he looks like he just got out of bed which wouldn’t be a surprise, actually, and he still reeks a bit of beer.

And with that said, he leaves you alone again and you stay behind, slightly dumbfounded and just unnecessarily more confused than you already are. Why do they all behave like you’re already fired because some stupid robot took your cases?! Fuck them. As if there isn’t enough shit going on in Detroit. You could go back to work on the Red Ice cases with Gavin; Red Ice cases have everything you want – adrenalin, excitement, relentless pursuits, the subtle threat of danger and you get to bust high wanted criminals. The only thing that makes you avoid Gavin’s Red Ice cases is, in fact, Gavin himself.

It’s not like you don’t like Gavin; he is your desk-partner so you’re kind of forced to like him and you know you can count on him, he did save your life after all, and you like discussing the latest gossip with him — nobody would ever think that he is such a gossip bitch — and not only did he message you multiple times during the last weeks to make sure you’re good, he also stayed in the hospital until you woke up.

It’s just … It’s Reed, he’s a dickhead most of the time, and is only relaxed after he got laid or had at least 3.5 beers.

“The fuck’s going on”, you mutter under your breath. You’re annoyed and by now a thick, gray thunder cloud has formed over your head. Frustrated you stare into the still half-filled cup in front of you; that’s a very you thing to do – looking for answers in ramen soup.

„Hello Detective. I am Connor, the Android sent by CyberLife.“

The android sent to replace me, you think but it’s not what you say. Instead, you look up from your $1 instant noodles, and freeze.

Oh god, you think. Oh god, fuck. They made it CUTE.

For a moment, all you can do is stare at the Android in front of you; his innocent, deep eyes with just the right amount of honesty and the sparkle for fair justice within them, the faint freckles on his nose and the friendly, but still kind of forced smile on his lips — it looks a smile you’d give to Gavin sometimes. His LED blinks yellow for a second and you realize that that son of a bitch scanned you; you bite down a sneaky comment on how rude that is — he probably doesn’t know any better, you decide and you swallow the mean comment down before it can escape your mouth.

“Hi, Connor”, you manage to blur out instead. “You probably heard of me.” As you took all my open cases, thank you very much.

“Yes, I have. I am sorry to hear that you were fatally shot eleven weeks and three days ago. I am glad to see you recovered.” He smiles that forced smile again — seriously, where the hell did he pick that one up?! — and you raise your eyebrows at the weirdly accurate time span. “You are the Detective to have worked on the cases concerning Deviants before, correct?”

You take the still half-filled cup of instant noodles and throw them away, suddenly not hungry anymore.

“Correct”, you reply. “That was before I was shot. Seems like Hank and you took these cases.”

His LED flickers again, probably analyzing the darker tone hidden in your friendly voice and it seems like he wants to say something but Gavin interrupts him. “Seems like you have met your replacement, he?!”, he laughs in your face and slaps Connor hard on the back, way harder than necessary, and the Android is forced to move a step forwards.

“Fuck off Reed”, you mutter. You are absolutely not in the mood for his games. He laughs and the sound rings in your ears in an almost obnoxious way.

“I must correct you, Detective Reed. I am not anyone’s replacement”, Connor says, his voice neutral and even, like the voice of an Android is supposed to be. “Sure, you plastic fucker”, Gavin snorts. “Just stay the fuck away from me, got it?” — “For heaven’s sake, Gavin, leave it alone”, you sigh and shake your head. “It ain’t do anything to you personally. Take your issues out on someone else.”

Gavin throws a dark glare at you, one that says he’d wished you got shot with one more bullet, before releasing Connor from his hard grip and leaving the Break Room, cursing under his breath.

“Don’t mind him”, you say to Connor, shaking your head. “He likes to provoke.”

Connor tilts his head to the side. “Most humans are uncomfortable in the presence of Androids. Just as you, Detective.”

You cough. “Gavin isn’t uncomfortable, he’s just an asshole.”

You decide to ignore what he said about you — he’s partly right —but only partly, though you don’t feel like emphasizing this right now.

You yourself never had an Android, and you never saw why anyone would need one — that was until your parents had that car accident, your father died and your mother was left paralyzed and with only one arm. It was either giving up the job you love so much and not being able to afford literally anything, or getting an Android who would take care of her. You went for the latter option and it’s not like you regret it; the Android they recommend you at the CyberLife store is actually pretty sweet and sends you regular updates about your mother whenever she herself can’t find the strength to check on you. When you got shot and were in the hospital, it was the first time you felt truly thankful having that Android around — an AP something model, you don’t know jack shit about it. Your mother named her Hope. Thinking about it hurts you only a little.

You throw yourself back into reality and realize you have been just staring at Connor the past minute or so. You cough again, now being uncomfortable, and try to keep the red flash on your cheeks hidden.

“Do you already have a desk, Connor?”, you ask, changing the topic without even trying to be subtle.

“Yes, I use the one in front of Lieutenant Anderson.”

You stare over to Hank who is watching you with a certain glow in his eyes. “Of course”, you say, looking away from Hank and back at Connor. “Look”, you start, and shrug, “I’m on desk-duty for the next few weeks and officially off the cases anyway. They’re all yours, so I’ll transfer you all I have, evidence and personal notes I made. Maybe you’re luckier than me.” You shrug and leave the Break Room, leaving that Android, Connor, behind.

Obviously you are not happy to give up your open cases — you did work hard on them and all the evidence you collected wasn’t exactly easy to gather. Deviancy is a fresh and new thing and you were excited to be the Detective to figure it out. Then you got shot by some asshole because you grew too confident and thought you could take them on your own. You almost had to pay with your life for your cockiness, so maybe it’s better this way, you suppose.

Gavin doesn’t say anything to you when you sit down at your desk and stare blankly at the screen for a moment, not knowing what you’re supposed to do. Most paperwork is done and all your open cases have been reassigned. Seems like you’ll go back to investigate robberies.

You sigh deeply and send all the files and evidence you got saved on your terminal over to Hank before leaning back in your chair.

“Sorry for snapping at you earlier, Gav”, you say to Gavin who just rumbles something under his breath without looking at you. Without thinking about it, you open your emergency food and snack box, take the package of garlic bread and throw it at Gavin.

“Why don’t you have a piece of bread and maybe you’ll come down”, you laugh at him and now you at least get an annoyed grin. “Fuck you”, he says and you laugh.

“Hey”, he says then, “Tina told me about a series of robberies downtown. You should take those cases. It ain’t nothing too wild and it might get you back in shape.” He rips open the package.

You stare at him for a few seconds before realizing that you are indeed back on robberies. Great!

You sigh deeply.

“Sure”, is all you say and Gavin is smart enough to stay quiet, silently munching his garlic bread.

The excitement you felt this morning about going back to work has made room for nothing but frustration.

It’s eating you from the inside out, turns your lungs around and for a second you can feel the holes the bullets left in your body.

This week is starting great.

read on ao3.

#i am VERY much stuck in dbh hell again #cant blame me #detroit become meme #dbh #detroit become human fanfiction #detroit become human fanfic #detroit become human fic #dbh fanfic #dbh fic #dbh connor #connor rk800 #connor x reader #reader insert #my writing #hank anderson #hank detroit become human #gavin reed #gavin detroit become human

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kakashisavakening · 5 years

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Chapter 9 - Love Triangle

Dark clouds were gathering above Konoha, and Tsunade sent Kakashi on a mission with some Jonins. Sakura was once more alone, since Naruto went off with Jiraiya to gain some intel on the Akatsuki. Most of them were still in the wind.

"But master Tsunade, don't you think sending Naruto after his pursuers would be a bold and - quite frankly - a dumb move?" - Sakura asked as she gathered some papers the hokage has already reviewed.

"Don't question my decisions, Sakura." - She growled after taking a deep drink from a cup of tea. Lately she has been seen drinking way more tea than sake. But Sakura was smart enough to know what she kept in the lower drawers of her desk. There were eyes on her constantly, waiting for her to slip up, so it was understandable that she kept her alcohol consumption literally under the table. The pink haired kunoichi sighed at the unnecessarily angry response from the sannin. - "I think you need to practice some more, I haven't given you a proper beating in a while."

Tsunade's voice indicated that she was kidding, but her eyes said she was dead serious. And to a certain extent she was serious. There was still the matter of Kakashi and her - it was never discussed between Tsunade and Sakura. Heck, it was never even discussed between Kakashi and Sakura... after they were released from the hospital, Kakashi left to complete mission after mission, never letting the hokage assign him anything shorter than a 3 week job. Tunade never wanted to pry, but she felt responsible for pushing her into the arms of the copy-ninja. Sakura waited patiently, for she let herself believe at every single occasion that after the current mission he would come and talk to her.

But it has been literal hell for her. She would wake up in agony sometimes, feeling a kunai cut into her sides, or flames burn her skin... but eventually realise that it was not her experiencing these injuries, but her other half - Kakashi.

On the other side, she has stopped telling the details to Ino after a couple months, since all she said was that she should tell Tsunade about these side effects and that she should talk to Kakashi about it as well.... which was pretty obvious, and she knew it was logical, but she still couldn't bring herself to do that. Why?

Because Tsunade had warned her before all this began that going in for Kakashi came with great risks and that the jutsu, which she planned to use was not fully ready. She had also told them to let it burn out. Maybe that is what Kakashi was doing. Waiting for all this to disappear. However she felt as if the bond was getting stronger. She would sometimes feel more than the extreme pain of being injured. She would sometimes feel hungry after just finishing a meal or feel sadness out of the blue. The other reason was that she had walked by Kakashi's place on purpose so many times in hopes of running into the sensei that now she could not even bring herself to go near the neighbourhood anymore. The locals started to notice her, a lady in the small convenience store knew her by name and since she always pretended she was there to help someone, most people knew her for helping out wherever there was work to be done. It gained her a very positive reputation, but she was sure if the sensei wanted to notice her, he would have had plenty of opportunities. He never did, and because of that, she started going less and less until she gave up hope entirely.

I wish I would know why men tend to avoid me like this... even the sensei... Her thought trailed back to their one night stand - if it can be called as such. Physically, they only almost kissed. Mentally, they knew every inch of each other. She looked at the corner where she would take a left turn to walk to Kakashi's neighbourhood... and instead, she took the right. Going into a small bar, she ordered a bottle of sake with the clear intention of drinking away her sorrow and moving on from all and every heartbreak she has ever had to experience. But as soon as she poured her first cup, a figure slipped into the booth with her.

"I wouldn't advise you to do that." - Shikamaru said as he lit a cigarette. Ever since Asuma's death, he'd been smoking nonstop. Understandably so.

"I won't lecture you on the health risks of smoking, and you won't bug me for day-drinking... How does that sound, Nara?" - She said after throwing her first drink back.

"Like a deal, Haruno... Like a deal." - Shikamaru sighed and waved at the waitress to bring him a cup too. He poured them both the next round and drank his before Sakura could object.

"So what is the deal with you, why are you here?" - She inquired. Her pony tailed friend just shrugged his shoulders.

"You could say, life's being a drag." - He said, quickly drinking another round, catching up to her.

"Oh, I can relate." - She sighed.

After four bottles of sake, they were both extremely intoxicated. She had told Shikamaru everything about how she was connected with Kakashi and how they had a moment but months had since passed them by. He told her about how Ino got weird after he told her about his relationship with Temari.

“She was super supportive at first, always helping me figure out what that damned woman wated or meant... then when I asked for advice on what is the right time to suggest some more... intimate relations, she just dropped me like I was just some annoying dude she had to put up with.” - Shikamaru sighed - “She even said that she was only hanging out with me because the history of our families... because it was mandatory. A day or so after that she started sleeping with Genma. She seems happy, so I am sure he treats her right, but it’s... it’s GENMA for fuck’s sake. That man is a pain in the butt when it comes to women. Leaving the rest of the team the pick up the pieces when he is done with her.”

Sakura chuckled a bit. - “Ino can be harsh when she feels vulnerable.. and she does stupid things to hide her pain.” - she waved at the waitress and ordered a glass of water. She was sure this topic required a bit more attention than her drunk brain could manage.

“Pain?” - Shikamaru scoffed - “What about the pain she inflicts on the rest of us?”

“Nara, you are the smartest man in Konoha. Hell, maybe the smartest ninja alive right now... yet you still manage to be dumb when it comes to women.” - Sakura chugged her water and poured another glass from the pitcher the waitress (very considerately) brought instead of one single glass.

Shikamaru looked confused for a second then burried his face in his hands - “Please don’t tell me Ino...” - he started massaging his temples - “No, that cannot be. You are just messing with me.”

“I am her best friend. I know Ino like the back of my hand..” - she said and reached across the table to put her hand on his shoulders - “She might have acted like she never cared for you like that, because she felt like she had to go for the coolest man possible.. but it is not news.” - Sakura shrugged her shoulders. Ino has never told her she liked Shikamaru per se, but she did told her things that made it clear as day. The blonde admired his wit and strenght openly, looked up to him and complained about Temari to Sakura nonstop. She had even went as far as to say that the sand ninja is not worthy of her teammate’s attention - let alone his love. Obviously, ‘I love Shikamaru Nara’ never left her lips... it was possible even she didn’t know how obvious it was.

“It is news.” - Shikamaru growled. He was trying to make sense of it all. They have known each other since they were born. Their families were so intertwined they might as well be in the same clan. He has been around Ino through thick and thin, saw her at her lowest and they helped each other through more than one difficult situation. It would be a lie to say he has never once looked at her and thought about her in a different way than a friend or a comrade. She was extremely beautiful - that was undeniable, but he found her hunger for attention and twisted image of beauty repulsive. He had brought Ino home after countless times after she had a couple more drinks than she should have and he recalled that each and every time Ino tried to get him to bring her to his apartment rather than hers, but he thought it was because of her father being a drag when she was drunk. She did flirt with him openly when she wanted something, but again, she WANTED something. It was her way of GETTING what she wanted from every member of the opposite sex.

Sakura watched with amusement as a storm of emotions stormed across the poor man’s face. Sure enough, Ino was a piece of work, and Shikamaru has always voiced his frustration with complicated women.

“But, if she wanted to get with me, what is the deal with her and Genma?” - He asked and poured himself another glass of sake. He was not going to stop just because his drinking buddy has. - “She should have known I won’t ever go for her like that. Genma is not just my elder and my superior. He is a friend.”

“Rebound.” - she said without looking up. He has realized that she has been playing with her fingers. The topic made her uncomfortable for some reason. Even she couldn’t explain why. - “Look, Ino is my best friend. I shouldn’t even tell any of this to you. She would squash me like a bug if she knew we talked about this. But I want her to be happy, and I guess I wanted you to see the whole picture. I’m sure you love Temari. You two have had chemistry since day one. But I would much rather see her with you than anyone else.”

“That’s not fair.” - Shikamaru said and lit another cigarette. - “Temari and I have had some sort of connection, sure. And dating her has been not awful either. But you know I would give anything up for my team.” - he blew out the smoke. That was true, he would have given up his life to protect Ino and Choji. But this was different. He was not obligated to chose. He could just go on and be with Temari, Ino would find a man easily. She would still live happily ever after. But blaming Sakura was easier. What he really blamed her for was giving him ideas rather than telling him the truth.

“Life’s not fair, Nara.” - She finished her drink, but despite her words, she did feel a bit guilty. It was not fair steering Shikamaru towards Ino when she was occupied with Genma. But her friend chose the biggest playboy in the village for a reason.

“So what about Kakashi?” - Shikamaru tried to turn the topic around.

“What about Kakashi?” - echoed a man standing by their table. He appeared there without them noticing. Kakashi. In the flesh. He wore baggy dark blue cargo pants and military boots and a sleeveless slik top that was in one with his mask. The top was thin and figure fitting. Every muscle visible underneath. Sakura felt her throat tighten as her eyes met his. She waited for so long. She longed for him to come to talk to her since he left. Now he was here, and she just wanted to run.

#kakasaku #fanfiction #sakura #fanfic #kakashi hatake #naruto #sakura haruno #shinobi #naruto fanfic #sakuraharuno #Ino #ino yamanaka #shikatema #shikaino #genma shiranui

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ashencreature · 5 years

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Important Update for partners across the board

This is long, and I’m sorry, but I just wanted everyone to know what’s going on. Honestly, I’m not expecting anyone to actually waste time reading through all this, but it’s just so I can try to ease my own anxiety in case the worst case scenario does come and I left some sort of explanation.

Ok, so, some of you know there’s been a lot going on for me at home in the last 3 or 4 years. But everything’s kind of getting worse by day and at this point, I’m not sure what to do anymore.

When I was 14, I moved in with my dad. We moved quite a few times in the first few years I was with him. Hell, that first year alone, I was in 3 different schools. All for Freshman year. And the last house we were in that year, we stayed in for maybe 2?

But when I was 16, the factory my dad worked at closed and he lost his job. That’s kind of where all this starts. Instead of getting a new job, he decided he wanted to spend all day drinking with his new friends and occasionally doing odd jobs for them or things with them. We had to move out of that house, take my dog to the shelter, and move into a trailer. It was only supposed to be for a year. But nearly 14 years later, and we’re still here.

Now the landlord here is a real prick. More like a slumlord if you ask me. He jacks the rent up for the dumbest reasons and acts like he’s god’s gift to humanity or some shit. He told us himself, and had the park manager tell us, that we couldn’t fix our roof to stop the leaking because the walls would collapse of we tried to move it. So literally the entire 14 years we’ve been here, the roof has been leaking. My dad tried everything he could think of, short of tearing it out and redoing it, to fix it. Nothing worked.

And in that time, the entire back half of the house got destroyed by mold. My bedroom, being the very last room, was the first to go. I think I slept in it for a year? And ever since, I’ve had to sleep in the living room because the walls had to be torn out due to the mold. It’s right down to the studs and the scant insulation. It’s been like that for over 10 years. Well, now the mold is spreading and getting worse. The bathroom is destroyed pretty much. The back hallway is the same. The floor’s rotting away, and the toilet is falling through the floor; again.

Now, I think my dad went to the garage he was at for the first time when I was maybe 18? I don’t remember exactly. I do remember being in junior year and my friends either having to buy me lunch, share theirs with me, or pray that we actually were cooking in cooking class; which happened a lot less than you’d think. Other than that, I didn’t eat. Senior year was a little better because I at least would get money dropped off to eat. Not that the cafeteria had a lot of choices for me to pick from. I pretty much ate nothing but gross excuse for pizza and occasionally pretzels, fries, or Belgian waffles.

Anyway, so senior year rolls around and we’re all prepping for college. At the time, I wanted to go to AMDA for musical theater, and managed to get an audition there for that March. I had to force my dad to go to the meeting about FAFSA and to fill out the paperwork. Which he said he did, but I don’t believe it because he says they denied me. And I’ve never heard of FAFSA being denied. Not that it mattered anyway, because I bombed the audition and didn’t get in. So graduation rolls around and all my friends go off to college. I haven’t seen or spoken to most of them since. They never stop to visit when they come home and they never try to reach out on Facebook. Eventually, I got sick of being the one to initiate and maintain all conversations, so I just gave up.

The 2 friends I still had at that time helped me to get jobs when I was 20/21 and living with them, in 2011/2012. This was because 2 of us and their mom were in a car accident on the way to my friend’s college at the time. We all nearly died. My friend had a concussion, their mom needed surgery, and I nearly got impaled by a fake Christmas tree. I ended up going to the hospital a lot later than they did with a copy of the report in the doctor’s hand and got told I wasn’t in an accident I had the flu, go home. Anyway, so after my friend’s mom’s surgery, I moved in to help around the house and look after my friend’s youngest sister. These jobs weren’t the best; Wendy’s and the deli department of one of the local grocery stores. But it was money.

For all the good it did. Because by that time, my dad had quit working at the garage. So here I was, paying for rent, bills, gas, food, and child support for my brother. All on $200 a week. My anxiety was driving me insane. And I came to find out that my dad was going in and threatening one of the store managers, which was probably why the guy was such a scumbag to me. But I digress. So I was in the store for a month shy of 2 years. I started at maybe $7.45 or $7.50. an hour when I started. It was slightly over the minimum wage at the time. By the time I left, 2 years later mind you, I wasn’t even making $8, and I was working full time hours while only being part time. Everything that went wrong got blamed on me, even when it was my day off and I wasn’t anywhere near the store. I liked most of the people that I worked with, even if I hated the job, and the assistant department manager became a really good friend. She was 2 years older than me, and we hung out a lot. I’d spend the night at her house, I was at her wedding, I’ve been to her daughter’s birthday parties and so on.

At one point, I was supposed to get training to be an assistant specialty cheese shop lead. They sent me to one class, told me about another, but never gave me any more details about it, even when I asked. Then they said they were going to train me over there, but never did. That was just the first of a long list of grievances. The culmination of which was on a Sunday night, our busiest day of the week. There was just me and 1 other guy in the department. Then 1 lady in the hot food section, 1 lady in the beer store, and no one in the bakery. But they expected me to take care of all 4 departments and still wait on the 20+ people that were at the counter the whole night. And I had an order to make and put away for the assistant department manager. Needless to said, I had a panic attack. I told my partner, and both of the other people nearby. They told the assistant store manager, and he didn’t care. They made me work for 3 and a half hours, through a panic attack, without a break. I couldn’t breathe and was on the verge of fainting. I finally had enough and told one of the ladies that I didn’t care what the store manager said, I was going to get my inhaler in the break room and get a drink at the water fountain, or I was going to faint.

A few days later, I got called to the main office to speak to the store manager, who I usually didn’t have a problem with. And unfortunately, since my anger receptors are evidently attached to my tear ducts, I broke down in tears when I wanted to be furious. He basically told me that I was going to the bakery or I was getting fired. So the next day, I quit. There was a lot of other stuff too but that doesn’t really matter. Including being so sick that I couldn’t eat for over a week, fainting in the back room because they wouldn’t let me take a day off, and not being able to talk for over a month. The assistant department manager almost called the ambulance when I fainted, but you know, I’m clearly the problem here.

So there we were, I didn’t have a job. My dad didn’t have a job. I was 23, and feeling just as helpless as I did at 16. I spent a year filling out job applications for a bunch of different things from craft stores to fast food to jewelry stores, but never heard back from any of them. The only interview I got was for Chipotle. But they wouldn’t even hire me. Naturally, cue the anxiety and depression getting worse. And around this time, our electric got shut off. This was in May I believe because it was just before my birthday.

At that time I started thinking about going back to school. So I looked at schools and degrees you could do all online, because I knew I could never afford to go on campus. And, as most of you know, I started at CTU in July of that year. Now the program I did was an accelerated one, which meant I could finish gen ed classes faster, be done faster, and lower my tuition. I did as many as I could, but only my admission adviser was any help. My actual student adviser was never around, never responded to my emails, never called me back. But whatever.

So for 3 years I spent pretty much all day, every god damn day doing schoolwork. I’d be at my local Dunkin from 3 in the afternoon until they closed at 11. Sometimes I’d be working even later next door because I still had stuff to do. The first year and a half I was fine. It didn’t bother mine, just like working didn’t bother me at first. But then, a year and a half after I started, I got sick. I couldn’t eat anything without my stomach cramping up and getting the worst migraines. It got so bad that one day at Dunkin, I felt like I was going to puke, and got up to go to the bathroom and almost fainted. Personally, I think it’s a combination of anxiety, depression, Celiac/gluten intolerance, anemia, and asthma. But I don’t know for sure because I haven’t had a doctor since I was going to the pediatrician. And even if I did, can’t afford it.

So I’ve just been getting sicker and sicker. I was 125 pounds in January of this year. 11 months later, and I’m down to 108.5 the last time I checked. I think the lowest I hit was 107, and that was all 6 months after the weight loss started. There’s times it’ll go back up, but I can’t get past 110 or 111 tops. Neighbors who used to live down the road came to visit earlier this week, and all the lady could say was how skinny I got. I’m like yeah, malnourishment’ll do that to you.

And to make things worse, my dad at some point went back to the garage and was working again, so things were slightly better. I say slightly in the loosest way possible. But, just after Christmas last year, my dad quit again. I’ve seen him apply to 1 job and go to 1 interview in the year since. Other than that, he’s been collecting scrap and doing shit for people who refuse to pay, including the landlord. In the last 7 or 8 months, despite how many times I’ve told him that my refund checks from the school aren’t free money I can spend however I want, my dad’s made me spend it. The $5,000 I had that was supposed to set me ahead for my student loans are gone. And I’m $5,000 deeper in the hole than I should be. Which means instead of being like $45 or 50 grand in debt I’m about $55 grand.

Then, because we haven’t had electricity in almost 4 years, and with the mold problem, everything in the house is ruined. We had only cold water, and I took cold showers for as long as I could. But last winter, the shower pipes froze and burst. So even if I wanted to, I can’t do that. Plus, because we can’t use the washer and dryer, or hook up a generator thanks to the scumbag landlord, or afford a laundromat, our clothes have gone unwashed for over a year. Most of mine were sitting in the tub, which got filled with mold and bugs. I have practically no clothes left, with no way to wash them, and no way to shower unless I go to someone else’s house. And even when I do, I still don’t feel clean. Even after washing my hair 4 times or more.

We were supposed to move into the place next door and tear this one down. But the landlord and my dad made a deal that he’d give it to us for the cost of the title transfer. Then suddenly, he wanted $600, then like $800 or $1,000. But he won’t stop asking about it, no matter how many times we tell him no. Him and his wife keep trying to say we’re $5,000 behind on rent which isn’t possible because with what rent is now, you can’t even get $5,000 as a total for a whole year, and this last year is the only time we fell behind because everything else was caught up. He gave us a bill full or errors. Payments that were made aren’t marked. Payments that weren’t made are. There’s random charges after the monthly rent cycle. Which I think are from when he was bitching about us paying the taxes for a place we didn’t even own and was still in his name. He told us we can’t run the generator for power because it was too loud. Though the noise ordinance here is 11, and it was always off by then. And when one of the neighbors asked how we were supposed to live, he told them it “Wasn’t his problem”.

So when I started getting really sick, and unable to leave the house to go to Dunkin for school because I was too gross, the neighbors next door let us run an extension cord over to their place. Not a lot. Just enough for the light in the living room, the fan, a mini fridge, and to plug in my phone and computer. OH WANNA HEAR A GOOD ONE. THE LANDLORD TOLD MY DAD 3 SEPARATE TIMES IF I NEED TO PLUG IN MY COMPUTER TO GET A LANTERN. YES THE OLD FASHIONED OIL OR CANDLE TYPE LANTERN. WHICH YOU CAN TOTALLY PLUG AN ELECTRONIC COMPUTER INTO. So because of that, I was able to finish school and graduate in June.

But, because I still can’t bathe or do laundry and have no clothes, I still can’t go to interviews. If I walked in with my arms, face, neck, and legs literally black from dirt, and reeking to high heaven, I’d fucking get laughed out of the place. My dad still refuses to get a real job and insists on hauling scrap or doing shit for people who won’t pay at all, or want to pay less than it’s worth. And guess what’s due this week? You got it, my first loan payment.

I can’t figure out how much I have to pay, work on getting it lowered or delayed, or even access my account info because there’s an issue with my birthday apparently, and they can’t find it even though they have my name and social and keep emailing me. I’ve been telling him this for months, and he still won’t come with me to try and sort it out. Because what he needs has to taken care of then and there and everything else can fuck all. He blew up at me the other day about it, blaming me for going, leaving him with payments, for my mother walking out 20 years ago even though they hated each other, and pretty much for being born. Because he resents having to take care of kids he made the choice to have. Not like I asked to be born, and I’ve been wishing I was dead since I was 9, but whatever.

Anyway.

So, the neighbor’s dad was diagnosed with lung cancer over the summer. Like 2 weeks later, he was dead. And she’s struggling just as much. We’ve been trying to help her and she’s been trying to help us. But her ex was paying her rent and some of the other bills until she found a job because they have a young son. But he started refusing to do that, which I honestly wouldn’t be surprised it if was the landlord’s doing cause they were talking. And he was telling her to “pull the plug” on us. And his wife started harassing her about rent like 2 weeks after her father died. Then, she went to Domestic relations earlier this week and then like the day after she goes, her ex somehow gets an emergency custody on the little guy. They came for him yesterday.

She’s most likely going to have to move, which means that we’ll be losing power and internet unless we can figure something out to get our power back on. But even then, the bill’s supposedly at least $1300, and that won’t fix the internet problem.

So... Needless to say, if I disappear suddenly in the near future, that’s why. I don’t want to go. I’ve spent too much time here, made too many friends, and put too much work into my muses. But everything is going to shit all at once. It’s just been building and building for the last 3 years, especially the last year, but my dad refuses to see and do anything about it. Instead, he’d rather blame everything on me and expect me to fix it. As if my mental health wasn’t bad enough from childhood abuse and being sick and stressed all the time. Now I’m too fucking scared to leave the house. I haven’t been outside since the midterms when I went to vote. But I honestly don’t know what’s going to happen now. And I just wanted everyone to know that I love them. And even if I do disappear, I still plan on keeping my muses and coming back when I can. Granted Tumblr doesn’t die before then. In which case the only blog i’m worried about losing is Elizabeth’s because of all the worldbuilding, metas, and headcanons I’ve done.

#Outofbelief

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somethinglacking · 6 years

Text

Cruel Angel’s Thesis Chapter 10

Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Category: F/M Fandom: Mystic Messenger (Video Game) Relationship:707 | Luciel Choi/Main Character Characters:707 | Luciel Choi, V | Jihyun Kim Mary, Vanderwood 3rd, Jumin Han, Zen | Hyun Ryu, Yoosung Kim, Jaehee Kang, Main Character, Rika, Saeran ChoiUnknown | Ray

Nari frowned at the charred remains before her. She felt like vomiting if she was being honest with herself, but this needed to be done, and the RFA trusted only her with this. She grabbed the materials she needed to extract the bone marrow from the remains. She gathered samples from femur; it was in the best shape. The bone was mostly white with fat and flesh still attached. She scrapped the narrow into a dish, and signals to the forensics that they could do what they pleased with the rest.

Nari walked into the lab where her friend Minji was running Saeyoung DNA in the systems. She silently handed the girl the sample from the body and sat in one of the empty chairs. They both where on Jumin’s pay right now seeing as this was completely secret and under the table. The two girls would run the DNA against the other anything under 70% matches threw the chances of it being Saeran out the window. That was the best case scenario.

Nari not being trained in this area was more an onlooker making sure her boyfriend’s DNA was properly destroyed upon the completion of the test. It was only after much deliberation and a huge leap of trust on Saeyoung part that she convinced him to allow her to take a sample from him. It'd be unfortunate if the agency had found out about this and the DNA lead them there. Nari frowned thinking about her boyfriend working while possibly going mad with wonder. Everyone, Saeyoung included, was positive the DNA would be a match and it was Saeran lying in there.

Minji hadn't asked questions when Nari called in a favor. She simply signed the contract Jumin had his lawyer whip up securing everyone's involvement with this.

Minji had been sitting here with her for over 34 hours. Nari had left the RFA meeting and rushed straight to the hospital. The team recovering the body from the ruins kept bringing more and more burnt disfigured Parts. The femur was their best bet to find healthy DNA strands to compare to Saeyoung. Identical twins had identical DNA and a match lower than 70% even given the damage to the body wouldn't do. So far the highest match they've come across was 6.72% and that's including damage.

"The femur had a tissue, dried blood in the marrow?" Minji asked eyeing the sample beginning the process to extract the DNA from it.

"Yeah, so if it doesn't match, it means it's not who we thought it was," Nari explained rubbing her dry eyes watching the computer systems run her boyfriend DNA and biome. She saw literally every genetic thing that made her lover who he was. She smiled snapping a picture of all His biome and sent to him in a text.

Nari- I hacked into your genetic code! I've literally seen every genetic thing that makes you, you. I love you <3

707- that's actually really cool! You should tell me what these things mean sometimes. I love you too <3

707- Have you eaten? Have you slept? I just checked the time...

Nari- I can sleep when I'm dead. Can't eat because I don't want to go through sanitizing myself again. Bio shitz...

707- Hah, I love you. So baby can you please take care of yourself.

Nari- fine, but we should be wrapping up here soon anyway. Don't you work yourself to death? Mwah!!!

707- Mwah!!!

Minji had the DNA up and running through the systems about three hours later. She was humming watching the Biome and DNA try to make matches

"Match is 9.65% there is no way they are identical twins," Minji concluded typing notes and printing them. She added them to the file as a tear rolled down Naris face.

"It's positively not his brother. Of thank fucking god!" Nari sobbed covering her face with her hands.

"Yeah, honestly it could be a distant relative or just some stranger that carries a similar DNA make-up," Minji explained grinning handing the file to Nari. "From my hands to yours to Mr. Han."

"Yes before that. We have to destroy Luciel's DNA." Nari informed her and Minji giggled picking up some liquid and poured it on all the samples.

"Oops, I'm such a klutz." Minji gasped and Nari giggled gathering the samples and putting them in a container.

"I'll burn them too," Nari said shrugging. "Thank you so much Minji."

"I should thank you I made three months’ salary in 40 hours!" Minji giggled gathering her things.

Nari enters the chatroom.

Jaehee-Welcome Nari. Here for a status report?

Nari- 38 hours later and the match is only 9.65% match. Given damage caused by the flames and just living the lowest possibility was 70%. It's positively not Saeran.

707 has entered the chatroom

707- Where the fuck is Saeran?

Nari- good question

Jaehee- shouldn't the match be 100%

707- I honestly thought so...

Nari- Doctor Mode activated. Allow me to educate you.

707- I love playing doctor with you baby

707 hearts emoji

Jaehee sighing Emoji.

Jaehee- please just answer the question.

Nari- Identical twins come from the same zygote. This means that the egg and sperm are the exact same, which equates to identical DNA. They are always of the same sex and are monozygotic or MZ twins (mono = one; zygote = fertilized egg) Sperm carry either the X or Y chromosome determining the baby's gender.

707- Which means we have the same DNA...

Jaehee- we already knew that. You basically retold us they have identical DNA which we were aware of

Nari-From birth, yes they should be 100% genetically identical. However, they aren't necessarily genetically identical as life progresses. Mutations will occur as their body grows through mitotic processes.

707- Have to use Google. One second

Jaehee- just a moment, please.

Nari-Most of these mutations are automatically fixed, but some of them stay, such as when ultraviolet rays from the sun rearrange epithelial cell DNA. Also the drugs he's on, and the age he started taking said drugs can deteriorate his DNA and genetic makeup. In short, genetic variability in twins results from mutations during the lifespan.

707- mind was blown

Jaehee- you seem well educated in the area of twins

Nari- Honestly in med-school, I had a fascination with Twins after doing a report.

707- You just love me because of science!

Nari- shit Jaehee he's onto me...

Nari- Identical twins are random and universal. And the only increased chance of multiples is fraternal twins because two eggs and two sperm are required for fraternal. That's if they ran on the mother's side of the family, or you use fertility treatments. Fun facts!

707- I'm a rarity!

707- well I guess Saeran is too...

Nari-Yup just one second

Nari- I know I have a master ball laying around here somewhere! I'll need my spare one for when we see Saeran

707 heart emoji

707- So that's how you captured my heart <3

Nari- gotta catch em all!

707- be sure to capture Jumin in luxury ball, or he'll throw a tantrum.

Nari- who’s to say I haven't already

Nari wink Emoji

Jaehee- Mr.Han had asked if you have the reports.

Nari-I’m getting into my car as we speak so I'll see you soon.

Nari- Saeyoung, we will find him. I love you. Eat something other than Honey Budda chips. And drink some water!

707- I know we will. I love you, drive safe.

Nari has left the chatroom.

Nari walked into C&R looking around the reception area in awe. It was clean and light. Plants scattered about yet seemed well placed. There where Crystal chandeliers in a business building. Talk about luxury Nari would laugh if it was actual diamonds hanging above her head. That would be so, Jumin Han.

"Good to see you again, Nari." A feminine voice spoke out. Naris eyes met with Jaehee as her grin spread further.

"Jaehee!" She exclaimed walking over to hug her friend. Jaehee seemed hesitant but hugged her back.

"Mr. Han is awaiting you in his office. Allow me to escort you." Jaehee was truly a professional woman.

"Lead the way." Nari giggled following the assistant into the elevator.

"You look tired," Jaehee commented pressing the 17 button and the elevator roared bringing them upward.

"I haven't slept since before the RFA meeting two days ago. I'm functioning loudly on adrenalin and energy drinks." Nari sighed smiling at the other woman.

"I completely understand that!" Jaehee giggled. "It's nice to have another workaholic in the RFA with unreasonable hours."

"Hah~ these hours where on Jumin’s wallet!" Nari giggled. "Truly though having another woman in the RFA saved it from being a sausage fest!"

"Mmmm... It is a comfort. Thank you for stay with us despite the situation." Jaehee hummed looking at the doctor.

"I owe the RFA plenty. Plus my boyfriend pretty much makes it’s physically impossible to leave. I'm the RFA's hostage now, but I don't mind." Nari laughed.

“If I may, I raise concerns for you sanity choosing Luciel for a lover. How should I put it... he is an enigma with a very colorful and eccentric personality." Jaehee raised her mock concerns with a wicked smiled causing Nari to double over with laughter as they stepped off the elevator.

"But that's why I love him~" Nari sang between giggles and Jaehee laughed herself walking toward a door with 'the office of Jumin Han.' Plated on it. Jaehee knocked firmly.

"Enter." Jumin’s monotone voice called out.

Both women stepped into the office and Jumin vaulted whatever paperwork he was reading and signing. He folded his hands together on the desk providing them with his full attention.

"This is all of our genetic findings," Nari spoke first stepping forward setting the file on his desk. Jumin nodded skimming through the file.

"Wonderful work Doctor Choe." Jumin complimented.

"Nah, I'm not forensics. Thank Doctor Minji Park. She was the mastermind." Nari waved her hand in front of her face. "Though if you need an appendix removed, or a liver transplant I'm your gal!"

"Very well. Now raises the question of where Luciel’s brother ended up." Jumin spoke clear but mostly to himself.

"Wouldn't it be wonderful if we knew?" Nari sighed. "Saeyoung's going to work himself to death trying to trace him and completing his agency work at the same time."

"Yes, I'll gather some people to aid in the search." Jumin clarified.

"Another important question. Whose body was I harvesting bone marrow samples from for the past two days?" Nari asked clearly surprising the businessman.

"We will exhaust every possibility and hopefully identify the body," Jumin assured her. Nari smiled sadly.

"I'm sure Nari is very tired Mr. Han. Why don't we allow her to head home and get some rest." Jaehee than spoke up and Jumin nodded.

"Yes, assistant Kang is correct. Nari please be careful on your way home and take care of yourself. Until we speak again take care." Jumin finalized dismissing her. Nari nodded.

"Let me know if there is anything I can do to help. Have a good day Jumin." Nari said turning to excuse herself from his office. Jaehee was on her heel.

"Please travel safe, and again thank you for everything you've done to help us." Jaehee than bowed causing Nari to laugh.

"So formal. Alright, I'm out." Nari shot the businesswoman a peace sign and excused herself from the building.

Nari stumbled into her high-end apartment an hour later. Traffic had been at its worse. Nari kicked off her heels and locked the deadbolt before wandering into her kitchen. She noted the place seemed cleaned a smelt fresh despite her not residing there for 2 weeks. Curiously she grabbed the note on the fridge and smiled. Miu had tidy and restocked her fridge for her. As she grabbed a glass of water her phone started ringing.

"Hello~ this is the very tired corpses of Doctor Choe. Please hang up and don't try your call again." She chimed than took a sip of water listening to the laughter on the other end.

"I got worried when you didn't return to the bunker." Seven stated and Nari blushed.

"Hmm?" She hummed.

"Don't make that noise!" He sputtered to her amusement.

"Wasn't aware I was supposed to return to your place. I'm home." Nari explained and he groaned.

"I can't protect you there! I don't even know your address!" He barked in concern making her frown.

"I'm sorry. I felt like I was really imposing on your space. I thought I should come home." Nari started listening to her boyfriend’s typing.

"You're never imposing. My place is your place, always feel comfortable being here." He murmured sweetly and she smiled.

"I love you, you dork." Nari giggled and he groaned again.

"I love that you love me. I love you more than anything. When this is all over I'm taking you to a space station to marry you." Saeyoung spoke clear and determinedly causing Naris breath to get caught in her throat.

"Yes." She muttered and he hummed slightly confused.

"Yes?" He questioned after a moment and Nari found her voice.

"Yes, I'll marry you." Nari clarified and noise could be heard from the other end of the phone.

"Nari? Shit sorry, I dropped the phone and restarted my heart!" He stammered on sounding embarrassed.

"It's okay." Nari murmured quietly and there was a heavy sigh.

"Thank you. But don't say yes right now. Don't get me wrong I love that you did, but I want to do things more proper." His voice was broken. "I love you, so much and hearing you so willingly agree to spend your love with me for a lifetime makes me happy. So unbearably happy I might burst. Wait for me a little longer and then you'll be my priority." He was sniffling on the other end and Nari smiled warmly.

"Saeyoung," Nari whispered hearing him take a sharp intake of air. "I'll be waiting for you, right beside you honey. I love you, much more than I could ever fathom. You're my future and soulmate."

"God! My chest feels tight and I find it hard to breathe. I feel so complicated when I can’t see you. What's wrong with me?" He questioned himself and Nari giggled.

"My diagnosis is that you're experiencing unconditional love for the first time," Nari spoke in a matter of fact tone and he sighed.

"I'm clueless on how I got you, but I'm so happy, I don't care." He murmured and Nari smiled.

"I'll go grab a shower and clothes and be there soon." Nari decided and he chuckled sadly.

"I look forward to seeing you. Drive safe." Saeyoung mumbled and ended the call. Nari wiped her eyes and calming herself down.

Nari pulled into the garage after the gate had a pretty intense argument with her. She giggled to herself thinking out the rude gate. She parked her car and opened the door to be created with a whistle. She stepped out a caught her red-headed dork of a boyfriend ogling her silver Lexus. She smirked shutting and locked the doors.

"Like what you see?" She asked in a mock-seductive tone.

"Yes, ma'am." He muttered with a grin without lifting his eyes from the car.

"I mean it's not flashy like your cars, but she is pretty huh?" Nari smirked as he circled the car.

"Can I modify her?" Saeyoung asked lifting the hood completely inspired.

"She shy! Gotta wine and dine her first!" Nari hissed playfully closing the hood and he grinned at her.

Saeyoung wrapped his arm around Nari pulling her close smelling her freshly washed hair. He let out a content sigh pressing a kiss to the top of her head. Nari hummed running kisses of her own up his jaw. His hands traced the curve of her back as his lips met hers in a sweet kiss. Nari smiled relishing in it before she pulled away.

"Oh before I forget," Nari mumbled digging in her jacket pocket and Saeyoung raised his eyebrow. She grabbed his hand and slid a key into it. "It's too my apartment." His eyes widened before he grabbed her in a bone-crushing hug.

"Thank you. I won't abuse it, I promise." He whispered and she nodded allowing herself to be held, safe, and secure in his arms.

"You're always welcome to be there," Nari whispered and his breath hitched.

"Home number 2." He agreed with a chuckle.

"Can you put me to bed? I am running on fumes, energy level dropping. Eyelids are definitely heavy." She half whined and he smiled lazily down at her.

"Sure, princess. Let's go." He agreed to trace his fingers along her cheek before lifting her into his arms. She realized a pleased sigh as he whisked her away.

Luciel laid her on the bed tucking his blanket around her before flipping off the light. "Join me..." She whispered snuggling in his bed enjoying the smell of him that lingered there.

"I can't, my love. I have agency work to complete. But I'll use the computer in here. You sleep." Saeyoung assured her as the computer hummed to life and a faint glow lit up the room. When Luciel looked toward the bed again she was already gone. He smiled turning back to his computer turning off the monitor before crawling in beside his slumbering lover. He wrapped her in his arms spooning her from behind after setting a quiet alarm for himself. A few hours of sleep couldn't hurt after all.

They both groaned as the sound of boots came toward then and bedroom door flew open. Nari rolled over snuggling her face into Seven as he chuckled sitting up slightly.

"At least we weren't screwing. Madam Vanderwood, what do we owe the pleasure?" Luciel greeted their unwanted guest.

"For the love of- How's the job coming along," Vanderwood asked in a stern voice.

"I'll probably have it completed in a few hours." Seven explained Stroking Naris head causing her to him rubbing her nose in his chest.

"That's three days ahead of schedule. Good work Zero Seven." Vander wood complimented him clearly surprised. "Also did you get a new car because I look the leopard print one?"

"Nah, that's this lovely ladies." Seven clarified and Nari raised a finger. “OH and Vanderwood." Seven called after his handler as he tried to retreat.

"What now!?" Vanderwood snapped.

"Since Nari could be here knock in the future." Seven stated in a cheerful tone and Vanderwood sighed.

"You're right. Sorry, Nari." Vanderwood apologized and Nari snorted.

"S'all good," Nari assured the older male with a wave not bothering to turn to face him. She smirked as the door close. "How long have we been asleep?" Nari asked yawning clinging herself to her boyfriend as he moved to grab his phone.

"Five hours." He informed her and she groaned.

"When did you crawl in?" Mark's very tired voice asked.

"Five minutes after you fell asleep." He confessed and she hummed.

"Good you need to sleep." Nari yawned stretching before rolling over allowing herself to fall asleep yet again.

It was dust and Nari returned to her own space. She needed a moment to herself after the day she had. The hospital agreed to not terminate her contract if she would see one of the phycologists twice a week for 2 hours. She was spender from the O.R and gallery overlooking until she completes her therapy and the doctor cleared her for surgery. It was annoying, but after Jumin explained her kidnapping and the Mint-Eye downfall (which was all over the news with Rika and Saeran still at large) they deemed her mentally unstable and ban her access to the surgical floor.

Nari sighed walking Toward Her Apartment Door When She Stepped on a package. She cocked an eyebrow picking up the box looking it over. Nothing was writing on the box, how curious. She unlocked her door shutting it behind her locking the deadbolt as she kicked off her shoes. She examined the box debating if she should open it or call Seven. She chewed on her cheek as she uses her key to break the tap setting the box on her kitchen table. She cautiously opened the box to be greeted with a children's storybook.

More confused Nari picked up the book and laid it on the table. It appeared to be a harmless children's fairy tale. She opened the cover and tears pricked her eyes as she gasps. There pressed to the cover was a beautiful blue and orange rose. Her breathing picked up as she traced her finger over them. Saeran had to of left this for her. He had told her he was drying and pressing the rose she adored from his garden. And Saeran always kept a blue rose in his suit pocket.

Her hands shacked as she slightly cried. She turned the pages; it was clearly an old and well-loved book. The pages coming off the seam slightly, a few stains here and there. She frowned some of which looked like dried blood. Tears streamed down her face as she ran her finger over a stained pool of blood. Those poor boys, she thought to herself.

When she hit the back cover her breath completely left her. There is childish scroll was some writing looking rather faded and blood spatter made it harder to make out. She frowned squinting bring it close to her face when her eyes widened. She felt I'll like she had been punched in the gut.

Saeyoung and Saeran Choi- age 7

Nari covered her mouth as she took a picture with her phone and sent it to her boyfriend. She felt breathless as she awaited the response. She stared at her phone as her heart threatened to jump out of her chest. What felt like eons later the phone rang?

"Sae-"

"Where did you get that?" His voice was a whisper and shaky.

"It was left in a box in front of my door." Nari murmured softly and his breath hitched.

"Pack your things. You can't stay there right now, it's not safe." He hissed quietly and Nari moved on impulse to start collecting her things.

"I understand, but Sae-" he cut her off again.

"Fuck...FUCK!" He yelled and the sound of him hitting his fist against his desk. Nari flinched. "It... It has to be him. He's not a safe person right now. Nari, I'm so fucking sorry I-" she cut him off.

"Stop taking all the guilt on yourself!" She barked and he groaned. "This is not your fault. You were a kid! Saeyoung you were a child and you couldn't possibly know this is how it would turn out. This isn't your fault." Nari assured him and his breathing became uneven.

"You know what I've done, what I do, and what I am. How can you love me despite all of this?" He asked clearly bewildered and she sighed.

"I love you for all you've done, what you do, and what you are. I don't love you in spite of it. I love you for all of it. I love who you are, I just wished you could see yourself the way I do. You'd realize you're a person that deserves my love, and you deserve to be in my life, and you deserve my friendship." Nari informed him.

"Come to me then, my love. I'll protect you with my life. I'll gladly die for you if it comes to it." He declared and Nari sobbed quietly.

"Then I'll have to protect you too, a world without you isn't one I'm interested in." Nari declared and his breathing stops.

"I'll come pick you up. Wear something pretty. There is somewhere if like to take you." Saeyoung informed her and the line was dead.

Nari stared at her phone for a moment before scurrying into her room. By the way, he drives she had limited time to ready herself. She hauled the sides of her hair back and secured it in a white bow. She peaked off her clothes and exchanged them with a white frilly dress she's be dying a wear. Next, she fixed her makeup applying some red lipstick before deeming herself ready.

She moved and in zipped her suitcase throwing random items into it when her door clicked and opened. She popped her head out her bedroom door to see Saeyoung taking in her rather nice apartment. She giggled alerting the man to her location. He smiled at her and walked to join her.

"Hey!" She smiled placing more items into we suitcase. Saeyoung wondered around her bedroom seemingly analyzing everything his eyes met with.

"Nice place." He finally spoke and Nari giggled again zipping up her bag and stood. His eyes widen slightly as a blush settled on his face. "You're so beautiful."

"You look handsome." She met him in stride looking him up and down. He had chosen to wear white as well. He looked good in his button-up dress shirt and black jeans. He flushed at her compliment.

"Where is It?" Saeyoung asked quietly looking at the ground.

Nari smiled grabbing his hand and leading him to the kitchen table. He eyed the storybook that once belonged to him. He realized his hold on Nari and walked silently to the table. Nari stood in awe watching him touch the cover. He opened the front cover being greeted by the beautiful flowers. He frowned while his eyebrows knitting together.

"Saeran always had a blue rose on him, and the orange one was from his garden. He took me for a walk one night and I kept eyeing that one rose." Nari explained walking up behind him placing her hand on his arm as she looked down at the book.

His fingers brushed the roses one more time before he turned the pages. Every stain of blood caused his breath to hitch. Finally, he made it to the back cover. The faded ink of his childhood writing covered in spattered blood was his name along with his brothers. He squeezed his eyes shut and silent tears rolled down his cheeks. Nari embraced him burying her nose in his back as every horrible childhood memory flooded back to him.

#Mystic Messenger #mysme 707 #707 x mc #707 X Custom MC #Spoilers #Another Story Retelling

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violetfaust · 7 years

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My headcanon with most of Rumple's mistreatment of Regina in Storybrooke is that it comes mostly from never really forgiving her for what she did to Belle.

Okay, so. I think that Rumple blamed Regina (more rightfully than he knew) in part for what he thought happened in the EF, though not more than he blamed and hated himself, and I think that affected their relationship through the end of S1. And when he found out that she had kept Belle prisoner he was murderously angry and sent the wraith after he. There is no doubt he was angry for much of S2.

But honestly, after S1 I don’t think he did mistreat her in Storybrooke. It’s certainly possible that I am forgetting things, and there were times that they were at odds, but I don’t recall any murder attempts or indeed much more than pointed barbs. The worst things he did was try to hurt Henry, which had nothing to do with Regina at all but was an attempt to save his own life (and he stopped himself in time, anyway) and threaten Robin--which he was forced to do by Zelena (and in fact, he protected Robin and Roland by not warning Zelena that SQ were on their way to rescue them). When Rumple convinced Snow to kill Cora, he was trying to save his own life and keep her from becoming the DO--but I don’t think there’s any indication that he knows Snow will use Regina to restore Cora’s heart, thus killing her. At least he doesn’t outright tell Snow to do that.

And we see quite a few examples in SB of Rumple caring about Regina. After Cora’s death he warns her about revenge. They work together in Neverland (and come to an understanding about Belle). He tells Zelena how proud he is of Regina as his pupil. In S4, at almost his lowest point, he tells her he wants her to be happy. In NYC, he essentially tells Robin to go back to Regina (Robin of course interprets his advice in exactly the wrong way). And Rumple doesn’t disagree when Regina accuses him of making her a monster. In S5 they barely interacted until the finale, if I recall.

And the finale is quite interesting. No, I don’t believe that Rumple had any intention of actually fireballing SQ before Henry stepped in. Rumple in S5B has basically embraced being the DO (which makes no sense after S4, but whatevs...) and he is projecting a LOT on Regina about how she’s not as good a sorceress as she was as the Evil Queen. I don’t think that can be considered mistreatment, though.

Then we come to S6, and to the Evil Queen, and there is a LOT going on. For one thing, I don’t think he sees the Queen as an actual human being--he is both familiar enough with the effects of the potion to know that she is not complete, and he is a person who shares his consciousness with a literal inhuman demon (squad) so he is used to distinguishing between what is a person and what is their evil half. (Although in Regina’s case, he is wrong, as we learn there is “good” and “evil,” love and hatred in both halves.)

And yes, the Evil Queen persona he does blame for what she did to Belle. But there’s more to his using her against Zelena than that, IMO.

Rumple himself was in a terrible place in 6A. He is barely six months on from being caged, insane, enslaved, tortured, and molested for months. He watched his son die twice. He tried to be a hero, was almost sent to hell for his trouble (and nearly had to watch Belle die), and took back the curse because he’d lost everything else. Then he’s blackmailed into another realm, enslaved AGAIN, forced to re-kill Milah when he had forgiven her, almost loses another child, and has all the “heroes” unite against him and try everything in their power to keep him from saving Belle and their baby. THEN his unborn child supposedly rejects him! Rumple has been abused over and over, he has failed himself and more important failed his family (which has been the only way he measures his self-worth for the last 250 years), he is utterly heartbroken, he has given up on Belle loving him, and he is afraid that his child never will.

And then the Queen starts TOUCHING him. And she kisses him.

Ever since his imprisonment by Zelena, we have seen Rumple literally shrink back from physical contact with anyone other than Belle and on anything other than his terms. He shrugged off Isaac trying to help him; he flinched when Dark Swan woke him up; he literally flatlined from terror when Zelena crawled all over him in the hospital.

We know that Zelena molested him, and more than once--we saw it onscreen. We know that Rumple thought that the only way he could get away from her was by distracting her with a kiss. (Imagine how he learned that.) The best part of 6A for me was learning that at least Zelena had not raped him and forced actual intercourse. But the fact that she even says they “almost” had sex once reveals at best that she intended to rape him when he tried his escape attempt. (If she’s referring to some other offscreen encounter it’s even worse, IMO, because Rumple wasn’t even in a position when he could PRETEND to be consenting.)

The first time the Queen makes advances on Rumple he is holding himself so still that he nearly bounces when she lets go of his tie. The first time she kisses him, he literally cringes back. These certainly look like the reactions of a person who has suffered sexual trauma.

Then in their next encounter those reactions are gone and he seems (ugh) willing. Setting aside my pet headcanon that Rumple took out his own heart at around the time of the haircut: he ran into Zelena and realized that he could use the Queen against her. I’m really sorry they cut the Zee/Rumple scene at Granny’s because it makes his motivation very clear--but I guess it’s harder to demonize someone when his motivation is clear...

I think it was ONLY with this goal in mind that Rumple was able to control his trauma--his “weakness” as he would see it. And he was desperately eager to keep that weakness from being visible to anyone, especially his enemies.

For the record, I don’t think the Queen was deliberately exploiting his PTSD--it seemed she was motivated by their usual FTL one-upsmanship as well as a crush that Regina had long buried. I think her spa chat with Zee established that. (Which I’m grateful for.) That crush combined with her longing for love and her feeling that she had finally gotten power over Rumple proved to be her undoing.

TL:DR: There was a lot going on in Rumple’s head during the GQ mess, and it was more about surviving his own trauma than getting revenge for what the Queen did to Belle.

#anti-zelena #rumplestiltskin #anti-goldencest #anti-gq #op #Anonymous

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dailyaudiobible · 6 years

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04/26/2018 DAB Transcript

Judges 6:1-40, Luke 22:55-23:10, Psalms 95:1-96:13, Proverbs 14:5-6

Today is April 26th. Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I am Brian. It is good to be here around the global campfire. I just threw another log on. It's burning bright. I see that I'm not the only one that's around here. Some logs have been thrown on and we keep this thing going constantly, day and night. So, I’m glad that we can take the next step forward in the Scriptures. We’re moving through the Judges and we’ll read Judges chapter 6 today. And we’ve been reading from the God's Word translation this week.

Commentary:

Okay. So, in the book of Judges we read chapter 6 today, which launches us into the story of the Judge, Gideon. And man, it is quite a twisty-turn-y story that is out in front of us. But we laid the groundwork today by just simply understanding where we are in the story. The children of Israel are indeed in the Promised Land but they are indeed doing exactly what they swore to God that they wouldn't do. Alright, so, all of the effort of the early leaders like Moses and Joshua have come to this. The people were constantly reminded of who they are and where they've come from and where they're going. You know, they’ve built monument stones all over the place to retell the story. They know who they are but they have forgotten who they are. All of a sudden the story starts sounding familiar because we spend time in our lives in the same situation. We know who we are, but we’ve forgotten anyway. And what has subsequently happened is exactly what they were warned against, they have turned to other god's. They have intermingled with the people around them and have turned to other gods, which was exactly what they were warned about and it. And it has caused their demise. They are no longer strong and feared, right? They’re just being completely taken over. And in this case, at this time, in Gideon's time it's Midian who has power over them and they like…they to come in with their friends and destroy the crops every year. This is how they keep the people under control and subservient. So, when we find Gideon he's down in a wine press not crushing grapes or anything like that, he's threshing wheat to stay hidden so that they can eat. And this is when God comes to him and says, you’re going to be the catalyst, you’re gonna set the people free. And Gideon's response is very much like our own responses, I know the old stories but where is God now? And even if God is among us, who am I to do anything like that? Like, I’m the lowest of the low. My family is the least of the families in my tribe and I'm the least of my family. And also in many ways mimics the kinds of things that we say and the kinds of postures of heart that we have when where called. So, as we leave the story today, Gideon's convinced that he has been visited by God. And God has confirmed to Gideon, strengthening his faith through some signs. Bit what is yet out in front of us is one of the most counterintuitive stories that we’ll find in the Bible and that we will unfold in the coming days.

Of course, in the gospel of Luke we are entering the territory of Christ's last few days, the story of Jesus passion, the story of his arrest and his accusation and his trial and all of the maneuvering around all of that. And Jesus is sent from Pilate's presence to King Herod's presence. And Herod, he's…you know…he’s been wanting to see the magic show around Jesus, but Jesus isn't doing anything. He’s just…he's there…and so they mock him just like Pilate's people had, just like the Jewish people had. I mean, the verbal contempt and abuse that Jesus is enduring is something that we often overlook because we know that he's going to suffer so unspeakably in his body that we don't always pay attention to the fact that he was beaten down with words as well. And, so, what we see as we conclude today's reading is that Herod and all of his friends and soldiers treat Jesus with contempt, that they scorn Him, they make fun of Him, they ridicule Him, and then they throw a royal robe over the top of Him and send Him back to Pilate, which is an inside joke, right? So, the accusation that the Jewish people, the Jewish religious leaders have brought to pilot is that Jesus is guilty of insurrection, that he's stirring up problems for the Empire. And one of the ways that this is happening is that people are calling Him the king of the Jews. He's claiming that He's a king. So, Pilate asks Him about this and then sends Him to Herod and Herod asks Him about this and then at the end of the day, because Jesus is talking much, Herod puts this royal robe on Jesus and sends Him back to Herod. And the joke is that Herod has indeed found Jesus to be the king of the Jews, which would be an inside joke and irony because Herod was the king of the Jews. So, Herod's sending Jesus back to Pilate to say, oh my gosh, we found the king of the Jews. This is really the king of the Jews. This crazy present from Galilee who won't say a word, He is the king of the Jews. So, we see just the constant ridicule and verbal abuse that Jesus is undergoing and, I mean, I find it hard to imagine that anyone hasn't had anything mean ever said to them in their lives. But when you're in those kind of moments where it’s just beating down upon you, words are coming like fists, I mean, that just…that weakens you and tears you down. And, so, we need to understand that Jesus is suffering. Jesus is suffering in His mind and His body and His Spirit. He is enduring much even before whips start cracking and skin starts being torn. He’s still suffering. He’s watching His friends abandon Him. He's watching His friends deny Him. It’s important that we don't skip this stuff. We can we can think, well, I’ve read the story a thousand times. I mean, it's like, it's everywhere and we've already read it several times this year in the Gospels. And, so, we can kind of tune out, when actually we need to try to tune in, because a slow and careful understanding of all of the different facets of Jesus suffering, the different things that He went through verbally, physically, spiritually, they give us incredible clues about the heart of God and especially about the heart of God toward His people, which means me and you. And we’re watching God in the flesh endure all of this as a human being, which is simply demonstrating clearly that God is willing to go there with us. And there is nothing that he isn't willing to go through and into with us, that there is nothing, humanly speaking, that he didn't already endure, which makes it very, very difficult for us to begin shaking our fists at the sky and claiming that He's abandoned us and doesn't know what we’re going through. That’s just not the truth. And we believe that we’re literally believing a lie. And that lie is going to do nothing but isolate us from God. So, may we pay attention as we move through this story in Luke's gospel.

Prayer:

Father, we thank You for Your word. We thank You for the stories and the people that we meet along the way and the kind of questions that they had because they’re the same kinds of things we’re asking. The same kinds of stories that are being told in the Scriptures are the same kinds of stories that we walk through in our own lives. And Your word gives us such counsel. So, come Holy Spirit, as we continue to take this journey through Your word in community. We ask this in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is the website, it’s home base,it’s where you find out what’s going on around here.

And I have to tell you about something that we have in the Daily Audio Bible shop that won't last long simply because we have so few. But let’s go back to the beginning and let me tell you the story real quick. I’ve told this story every time I talk about the Daily Audio Bible journals because, you know, because December 2016, we were, we were in the final weeks of my mom's life. And it was Christmas time. It was one of the strangest Christmas celebrations I have…I mean…it’s just the strangest of celebrations ever. My mom, she had been in and out of a mental hospital and that was just a horrible, horrible experience as she declined into becoming less and less tethered to any kind of reality, where, you know, her kind of dementia had kind of spread…I'm not sure of the right terminology…not sure spread is the right word… it’s that she was declining into it and miserable…horrified…having a really hard time. And during this time she finally got out of that hospital was in a regular hospital and the funny thing is, even though she's intensive care and really failing fast, it was almost a relief because it was so hard to move through that stuff. And, so, it’s the Christmas season and Jill and I are trying to be in the Christmas spirit and we had just gotten back from Israel in November. And, so, iIt was just kind of moving through this Christmas celebration that looked so different. All the materialism that goes along Christmas and all the gift giving and stuff like that juts seemed so much less important than some of the other things were going on. And we went for a drive and went to an art gallery in this little town in the rolling hills here called Leapers Fork and I found these Black Wing pencils. I’ve told that story, how those pencils were a rescue because I found them intriguing. They were just the most interesting pencils I'd ever seen. And I read their story and I was intrigued and I bought a box of them and then I bought another box of them and started journaling with a pencil. And the pencils kind of became a rescue. They were just this cathartic thing. Sharpening a well-crafted pencil with really strong graphite and writing old school. Just kind of going back to childhood almost and writing with a pencil. I fell in love with it. I fell in love with all the tactile aspects of it. And it rejuvenated my journaling process. And I tried…you know…I’ve filled journals over the years with whatever I could write with. And I’ve tried the digital thing, keeping a digital journal, which is not quite as…I don't know…it's not quite as satisfying, at least to me. And then I found these and I just began to Journal. And, so, with a pencil I journaled the last weeks of my mom's life and I’ve captured that and at some point I'll go back and read all of that, but I captured it all. But it got me thinking. We were in the process of wanting to design specific journals for writing in any way. And, so, we continued that process and made the new Daily Audio Bible journals, which are elegant and really beautiful to fill with the story of your life and all that God is doing in your life and we paired them with the Black Wing pencils, made them available. I called up Black Wing and just asked them, you know, what do we gotta do? And, so, they let us make them available. So, all that story is telling you how we have journals and Black Wing pencils and all the writing paraphernalia in the shop and why, why we have them because they're just a great thing to write with. And we encourage journaling. We encourage memorial stones as it were from the Bible. We encourage writing things down so that we don't forget them. But as I was becoming intrigued with these Black Wing pencils, I realized okay, they have these three main pencils and their amazing, but every three months they come out with a special addition. And, so, we started collecting them…I mean…almost a year ago now. And, so, we've been collecting these special addition Black Wing pencils. What happens with these things? And I did not realize this. But what happens with these things is there made in limited quantities anyway. And when they're sold out you can never get them again because Black Wing doesn't make them again. So, all of the dealers who deal with Black Wing pencils all across the world, if they want these they can get them but that's all they're ever going to get. And I had heard these were like collectors additions and I went on eBay and looked and sure enough they are…once…they are like…I mean…people pay hundreds of dollars for a box of certain black wing pencils. And soon as these additions sell out then they escalate and escalate and escalate until there are none left. But those who have them have them. And, so, for the first time…we’re going to make our stash available. So, we have 24 boxes of the black wing 530, which is…which is a gold pencil, because each of these special editions have a specific meaning. So this one represents when gold was discovered in Northern California. And what we here in the United States would call the gold rush began and changed…it would just define California and changed the culture in the United States in the mid-1800s. And back then there was this word, eureka, right? I found it. I found what I was looking for. I stumbled upon gold. Tthat is what this pencil is meant to represent to those who write poems and write songs and draw pictures and write their lives out in words. These gold pencils represent eureka moment we’re you find gold. And as far as I can tell we may be the only place that has…like…I don't think you can get them anywhere else. They were a special edition a year ago but those of you who have fallen in love with journaling like this, or you’ve just been intrigued by it, we have a couple dozen boxes. That's all we have, that's all we can get, that's all there is. And we’re not jacking them up like collector additions. We’re just making them available. And, I mean, I can only really talk about this today…like I don't think they’ll be around tomorrow. So, if you’ve been thinking about journaling, this is a good way to jump in and start writing the story of your life. And if you've been journaling, how you are journaling, what you are journaling with this part of that story. And you can find all of this, the journals, all of the writing paraphernalia, including for a very limited time, the special edition Black Wing 530, the gold, the Eureka pencil. And these are available in the Daily Audio Bible shop in the lifestyle section. So, check that out.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible in the common mission that we share as the global campfire continues to burn on and we continue to speak out God's word out loud, read fresh every day around the world. If this has been life giving and continues to be life giving to you, thank you for being life giving back. That is how we’re here. We’re here because were a community and we’re doing this thing together. So, thank you for your partnership. There’s a link on the homepage of dailyaudiobible.com. If you're using the Daily Audio Bible app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or, if you prefer, the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or comment, 877-942-4253 is the number to dial.

And that's it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hey Daily Audio Bible family. This is Andrea D. From Kentucky and I’m calling to ask prayer for my friend and mentor Mark O. Mark O. is overcoming stage IV cancer, was on hospice three times last year. Anyway, he is victorious and I would like for you to agree with me in prayer over him and ask your friends and family to pray for him, that God would give him a second run in life. So, Father right now I just come before you in agreement with your people right here listening on the Daily Audio Bible family. And I ask that they would pray in agreement and that Mark’s body would be completely healed and made whole so that he will not die but live and to declare the works of Yahweh, that he will have a second, third, fourth, fifth run in this life and that he would be glorifying you. I ask that you would send him people that can help him and just minister to him. So, Father, right now we just come into agreement with the global body of Yeshua that he was healed in Jesus name. And if anyone else is suffering stage IV cancer, we come into agreement for their healing as well and we thank you for the testimonies that have already come around for the people who have already been healed in Jesus name from stage IV cancer. So, we plead blood of Jesus, that tumors are shrunk and all the cancer is healed and pray that life would be flooded into his body. And we pray this in Yeshua’s’ name. Thank you for praying with me. Amen.

David was a shepherd boy the least of all his brothers But God chose him to be the king ahead of all the others You think that he was sent to __ he was just a kid that he didn’t have a prayer Not just against Goliath but against the lion and the bear God was with him all the way and God never let them down From the time and he was just a boy till they put them in the ground He believed in God with all his heart His faith was very strong He saw God’s feet consistently and would repent when he was wrong He was a poet and a musician he was a leader who actually took part He wasn’t afraid to cry and dance yet he still had a warriors heart He made some bad decisions as a father king and man But he was humble as he served the Lord and would yield to God’s demand God, David refused to strike God’s anointed But he killed a man who did His son once tried to take his throne And David ran away and hid He said that if God is for me he will bring me back again If not I still accept as will for God’s always been my friend God said in his word that David was a man after is very own heart Help me God to be like him, let your spirit not depart For I too have Goliath and they taught me every day They speak about your word and your son in a very disrespectful way I’ll fight them if you want me to I know the victory is mine How dare they taught the living God are the foolish, nuts, or just blind Help me be like David and always seek your face And don’t let my indiscretions turn victory into disgrace Help me watch where you pray and listen for your voice My hearts complete with you my God you always be first choice Make me more like David let your spirit not depart And make me more like Jesus too they both had your own heart

[email protected]. Thank you, Brian for this wonderful…

Good evening Daily Audio Bible family. This is Prosperous Pam from the San Francisco Bay Area. I am just seeking prayer for, and this is hard for me to do, so please, please, please, please keep me lifted. Agree with me in the name of Jesus…this request. I just ask that you all pray for me. I am, it’s very difficult for me to seek out help, seek out prayer requests, seek out anything, to be vulnerable to share what’s going on, but I am trusting in the name of Jesus that the body of Christ is real and that…this is the first time am doing this. Please keep me in prayer. I’m going through a lot and it’s very, very difficult. I’m older. I’m an older woman and I still have not had much support my life. I’m 50 years old, African-American, college-educated woman in Silicon Valley. I’ve done a lot of things, it doesn’t even matter to me about Silicon Valley or anything because. Like, I’ve been out of work for like a year and I’m going through this process of where God…I want to know what God wants for me but it’s hard. I’ve been pressing, pressing through and now, where I am now, it’s like I don’t have any energy anymore. So, I’m praying for, I’m praying, I’m asking for you all to agree with me in prayer that God propels me, He keeps me lifted, and His will, His perfect will will be done. The desire and fire that I have in my heart, that he put in my heart, will continue until His perfect will. And I just need…I pray that you guys agree with me because I don’t…this is very hard for me to do. I have never done this. And, like, I‘m already nervous. Like who’s going to hear it? Because I’m so private, but am lifting this up to Christ in the name of Jesus that you all will agree with me in prayer and that God is going to get me through this.

Hi this is Victoria S. I’m just calling tonight to pray for some of the DABbers. I wanted to pray for my sister, the one whose, I think her name is Melody Faith from Canada, about her son who’s addicted to drugs and her and her husband has been praying for him and everything. I want to pray for him also and I just want to encourage her to continue to pray, continue to trust God because God is a great deliver and the enemy is trying to steal our kids but the Bible says that the prayers of the fervent, the effectual prayers of the righteous avail him much. And we, as mothers and fathers, we can pour into our kids. Let’s trust and ask God to help pour into them so that they can fight the good fight of faith. Gracious Father we praise You today, we magnify You Lord. Oh Lord we glorify Your name. Lord, we ask You to touch this Young man. We ask You to bless him with a haircut Lord in the name of Jesus. Lord we just ask You to heal his body. Oh Lord You take away the desires of those drugs. Oh Lord from them and all the kids that are being affected Lord. You touch him Lord. You give him the strength Lord. You help him to remember what his parents bored into him, that he has a Savior that loves him. Oh Lord in the name of Jesus touch our kids as they go off to school. Touch their minds Lord and keep them father. Touch those that are having depression problems. Touch those who are going through challenges Lord. Oh Lord touch those marriages Lord. Oh Lord in the name of Jesus You work Your miracle Lord. You work it out for the good in those marriages Lord. You bless those husbands. You bless those wives and You bless those kids Lord to receive from their parents that they may be the children Your calling them to be. Oh Lord we continue to thank You for Brian and Jill and all of the DABbers Lord and the Young lady whose little daughter…I think her name is…

Hi. This is Thirsty Charles from Sydney. I’ve given myself that name because of this amazing thing that God’s been doing my life this year. He’s just making me so thirsty for His word and this community and prayer and that’s a real blessing that’s been given through listening to the Daily Audio Bible. So, thank you all for your prayers that you’ve been praying. It’s been an amazing blessing to be a part of that this year. I just started listening in February. And through all of that my husband and I are just desperate to be a part of that and have you guys pray for us. We’re looking at some big life decisions, starting a new family maybe, buying a house, things like this. And we’re just finding a way, starting to lean ourselves financially and our desires and that sort of thing in these decisions. So, we just pray that we would be leaning on God’s will and following His full will when we make these. And just desperately love to have you guys pray for us so that we can be confident that it’s God’s will when we make these choices and not our own. Thank you, thank you, thank you all very much for all of your input. And thank you Brian and the team. This has just been just a life changing, I guess, year and that’s coming from someone who’s been a Christian my entire life. I’m just so blessed. And thank you Lord Jesus for delivering this to me. Thanks for your prayers.

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biguns60plus · 4 years

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PLEASE EXCUSE THE LANGUAGE. I BELIEVE MR. O’REILLY IS RIGHT ON POINT

Written by Bill O'Reilly

China’s Bio weapon, and Pelosi..

My wife Angie will tell you that I study history and world events fluently every day. I have studied China for many years. To get answers I need to questions, I call many I know in Washington on Capitol Hill (from my tenure on two Presidential campaigns and Presidential talks) and I ask them for straight up answers to better understand what affects us as a nation.

Well, in 2016 America elected a new Sheriff: Donald J Trump. For decades the Chinese walked all over America but the new President said “not anymore”. Trump literally strangled China’s economy to the point their economy was in its worst free fall ever. Trump negotiated a new 50 billion trade agreement. He had Xi by the proverbial balls. America’s economy was on fire and unstoppable. President Xi Jingping knew he could not beat the USA militarily and he knew any domesticated economic attack would fail as our economy was too strong. He had to act. But how?

Enter the USA democrats led by Pelosi and Schiff. Impeachment. A hoax. A distraction for our people and President. Xi Jingping and his thugs see this. They aren’t stupid. They have very intelligent intellectual thinkers in their government. Now you must understand , the Chinese regime are truly Barbarians. Notice I did not say ALL CHINESE. The Chinese people are a good people. I enjoy my interactions with them.

The communist regime has millions of its own citizens slaving in gulags simply for speaking against the government or openly practicing Christianity. Knowing they could not attack us openly they needed to be coy, like a deceptive fox. In my opinion, I believe the regime released a biological weapon upon the world that doesn’t kill everyone, but kills “enough,” especially the elderly and in-firmed. Back in WW 2 Hitler thought the same way. He got rid of what he considered the useless and rejects of society.

Trumps task force uses models to figure things. Xi used and uses “models” too. China's president figured that if he killed a few of his own (a few hundred thousand to them would be a few out of 1.4 billion people) and spread the virus to other nations (especially to the USA) they would “level the economic playing field” and not have fired a shot.

Losses of his own people were acceptable costs of a new war. When China’s own doctors attempted to sound the warning, they were immediately silenced. In fact one died and another has simply disappeared. Trump and the other allied leaders indeed KNOW this is what happened. They have under reported their own deaths. Trump knows he cannot outrightly seek retribution. His news conference today showed me this when he balked publicly about no outright retribution over Xi’s handling of this and he immediately brought up the “trade deal”. However, Trump wasn’t being weak, he too was now being coy. We know this was a biological weapon. The food market story is bullshit.

Xi knows we know it. Trump also today announced he sent two battle groups of destroyers and other ships to sea several days ago to fight drugs and rogue actors like Iran should they try anything.

I say he did this to show Xi he knows what has transpired (we have the greatest intelligence assets) and that they (the Chinese) should rethink further action. Politics is premier. We cannot overtly attack China for what they have done as we would also suffer greatly. We all know this.

But China has temporarily achieved its goal. America was literally consumed by Trumps phony impeachment brought by the ultra left democrats (supported by democrat rank and file and one Republican Mitt Romney) and Xi Jingping saw an opening. He took it. Xi did what Trump usually does...he walked onto the world stage and threw a grenade into the “room” and left. It exploded in the form of this worldwide pandemic. It brought the USA and the rest of the world to its knees and leveled the economic playing field.

Our economy is now near depression. Xi didn’t fire one bullet. Trump needed to up his game of chess and putting our Naval ships to sea was his next move. He said he is a “war” President. He is.

But now on not one but two fronts. One front is the virus and the other front is the Chinese. While the Saudi’s and Russians are screwing with oil prices they aren’t overtly doing what this pandemic is doing. The drug smuggling story for dispatching the Naval Force is bullshit and the world knows it. I am of the opinion Trump can indeed bring us back from this catastrophe albeit with a changed playing field.

But Trump is a genius in chess and financial matters. He’s become a champ at international politics too. I am sure Trump can once again lead the economy to even stronger strength and greatness the it was . He can do it quickly I’m sure of it. He has proved it. Xi Jingping needs to be sent a message loud and clear. NEVER AGAIN. We need to bring all of our critical manufacturing back from China beginning with our medicines they were recently threatening to withhold. We can do it immediately. Again, another reason for Trump putting to sea such a sizable Naval Force. Sending a clear message.

We all must ride out the next few weeks. Then we and the world pick up the pieces and move on. The democrats who have given Xi this opening wrapped in a bow must pay a heavy price in November as they (the democrats) truly have cost and continue to cost America precious lives by the phony scandals. Nancy Pelosi continues to help the Chinese by her daily shameless attacks upon the President and meddling in stimulus packages as she did this last weekend. Yesterday’s statements she made were truly appalling and the lowest of low. I didn’t think she could go any lower. What a disgrace she is to our nation.

But, Pelosi aside, make no mistake, China must and will be taught a lesson the likes they have never seen before and Trump is the man to pull the trigger.

We the people must teach the democrats the same lesson at the polls. They (the radical wing of the party) are the enemy of a free America. I am certain of it. The entire democrat party of our forefathers is dead. Remember people, Trump indeed tried to warn us all of the Conavirus in his State of the Union Speech. He spoke of it. He said he was on top of it.

After he spoke , Nancy Pelosi ripped up the speech calling Trumps words “a manifesto of lies”. She disgraced the country and all of our fellow honored citizens present in the House Chamber. Well she now has American blood on her hands. She is very majorly responsible for these needless deaths as well as the Chinese. Her and Adam Schiff.

The left and democrats laughed as she tore up his speech. Well, as they laughed the disease he just spoke of in that speech came to our shores. Republicans and Democrats alike are now dying. Your family members and mine. Our grandparents and middle aged citizens alike. Bodies are being loaded in trucks with forklifts in Brooklyn outside of hospitals. No one is safe. Our liberty is for the most part suspended. As we bury our dead (without proper funerals) from this calamity let’s drive the nails into the coffin of the Democrat party as well in November.

It’s time people. Stand up for your rights and your country! Our Liberty and survival is at stake! I am praying for God’s blessing on our nation. But, God also gave us the ability to think for ourselves and it’s time we placed blame for all this death where it belongs: on the doorsteps of Nancy Pelosi, Adam Schiff and Xi Jingping directly. Wake Up America.

WAKE UP!

Written by: Bill O'Reilly

0 notes

rjhamster · 4 years

Text

Written by Bill O'Reilly

China’s Bio weapon, and Pelosi.. My wife Angie will tell you that I study history and world events fluently every day. I have studied China for many years. To get answers I need to questions, I call many I know in Washington on Capitol Hill (from my tenure on two Presidential campaigns and Presidential talks) and I ask them for straight up answers to better understand what affects us as a nation. Well, in 2016 America elected a new Sheriff: Donald J Trump. For decades the Chinese walked all over America but the new President said “not anymore”. Trump literally strangled China’s economy to the point their economy was in its worst free fall ever. Trump negotiated a new 50 billion trade agreement. He had Xi by the proverbial balls. America’s economy was on fire and unstoppable. President Xi Jinping he could not beat the USA militarily and he knew any domesticated economic attack would fail as our economy was too strong. He had to act. But how? Enter the USA democrats led by Pelosi and Schiff. Impeachment. A hoax. A distraction for our people and President. Xi Jinping his thugs see this. They aren’t stupid. They have very intelligent intellectual thinkers in their government. Now you must understand , the Chinese regime are truly Barbarians. Notice I did not say ALL CHINESE. The Chinese people are a good people. I enjoy my interactions with them. The communist regime has millions of its own citizens slaving in gulags simply for speaking against the government or openly practicing Christianity. Knowing they could not attack us openly they needed to be coy, like a deceptive fox. In my opinion, I believe the regime released a biological weapon upon the world that doesn’t kill everyone, but kills “enough,” especially the elderly and in-firmed. Back in WW 2 Hitler thought the same way. He got rid of what he considered the useless and rejects of society. Trumps task force uses models to figure things. Xi used and uses “models” too. China's president figured that if he killed a few of his own (a few hundred thousand to them would be a few out of 1.4 billion people) and spread the virus to other nations (especially to the USA) they would “level the economic playing field” and not have fired a shot. Losses of his own people were acceptable costs of a new war. When China’s own doctors attempted to sound the warning, they were immediately silenced. In fact one died and another has simply disappeared. Trump and the other allied leaders indeed KNOW this is what happened. They have under reported their own deaths. Trump knows he cannot outrightly seek retribution. His news conference today showed me this when he balked publicly about no outright retribution over Xi’s handling of this and he immediately brought up the “trade deal”. However, Trump wasn’t being weak, he too was now being coy. We know this was a biological weapon. The food market story is bullshit. Xi knows we know it. Trump also today announced he sent two battle groups of destroyers and other ships to sea several days ago to fight drugs and rogue actors like Iran should they try anything. I say he did this to show Xi he knows what has transpired (we have the greatest intelligence assets) and that they (the Chinese) should rethink further action. Politics is premier. We cannot overtly attack China for what they have done as we would also suffer greatly. We all know this. But China has temporarily achieved its goal. America was literally consumed by Trumps phony impeachment brought by the ultra left democrats (supported by democrat rank and file and one Republican Mitt Romney) and Xi Jinping an opening. He took it. Xi did what Trump usually does...he walked onto the world stage and threw a grenade into the “room” and left. It exploded in the form of this worldwide pandemic. It brought the USA and the rest of the world to its knees and leveled the economic playing field. Our economy is now near depression. Xi didn’t fire one bullet. Trump needed to up his game of chess and putting our Naval ships to sea was his next move. He said he is a “war” President. He is. But now on not one but two fronts. One front is the virus and the other front is the Chinese. While the Saudi’s and Russians are screwing with oil prices they aren’t overtly doing what this pandemic is doing. The drug smuggling story for dispatching the Naval Force is bullshit and the world knows it. I am of the opinion Trump can indeed bring us back from this catastrophe albeit with a changed playing field. But Trump is a genius in chess and financial matters. He’s become a champ at international politics too. I am sure Trump can once again lead the economy to even stronger strength and greatness the it was . He can do it quickly I’m sure of it. He has proved it. Xi Jinping to be sent a message loud and clear. NEVER AGAIN. We need to bring all of our critical manufacturing back from China beginning with our medicines they were recently threatening to withhold. We can do it immediately. Again, another reason for Trump putting to sea such a sizable Naval Force. Sending a clear message. We all must ride out the next few weeks. Then we and the world pick up the pieces and move on. The democrats who have given Xi this opening wrapped in a bow must pay a heavy price in November as they (the democrats) truly have cost and continue to cost America precious lives by the phony scandals. Nancy Pelosi continues to help the Chinese by her daily shameless attacks upon the President and meddling in stimulus packages as she did this last weekend. Yesterday’s statements she made were truly appalling and the lowest of low. I didn’t think she could go any lower. What a disgrace she is to our nation. But, Pelosi aside, make no mistake, China must and will be taught a lesson the likes they have never seen before and Trump is the man to pull the trigger. We the people must teach the democrats the same lesson at the polls. They (the radical wing of the party) are the enemy of a free America. I am certain of it. The entire democrat party of our forefathers is dead. Remember people, Trump indeed tried to warn us all of the Coronavirus in his State of the Union Speech. He spoke of it. He said he was on top of it. After he spoke , Nancy Pelosi ripped up the speech calling Trumps words “a manifesto of lies”. She disgraced the country and all of our fellow honored citizens present in the House Chamber. Well she now has American blood on her hands. She is very majorly responsible for these needless deaths as well as the Chinese. Her and Adam Schiff. The left and democrats laughed as she tore up his speech. Well, as they laughed the disease he just spoke of in that speech came to our shores. Republicans and Democrats alike are now dying. Your family members and mine. Our grandparents and middle aged citizens alike. Bodies are being loaded in trucks with forklifts in Brooklyn outside of hospitals. No one is safe. Our liberty is for the most part suspended. As we bury our dead (without proper funerals) from this calamity let’s drive the nails into the coffin of the Democrat party as well in November. It’s time people. Stand up for your rights and your country! Our Liberty and survival is at stake! I am praying for God’s blessing on our nation. But, God also gave us the ability to think for ourselves and it’s time we placed blame for all this death where it belongs: on the doorsteps of Nancy Pelosi, Adam Schiff and Xi Jinping. Wake Up America. WAKE UP!

Written by: Bill O'Reilly

0 notes

the-daily-tizzy · 4 years

Text

WAKE UP, AMERICA !

From Tim Besmer, Sr.

I study history and world events fluently every day.

I have studied China for many years.

To get answers I need to questions, I call many I know in Washington on Capitol Hill (from my tenure on two Presidential campaigns and Presidential talks) and I ask them for straight up answers to better understand what affects us as a nation.

Well, in 2016 America elected a new Sheriff. Donald J Trump.

For decades the Chinese walked all over America but the new President said “not anymore”.

Trump literally strangled China’s economy to the point their economy was in its worst free fall ever.

Trump negotiated a new 50 billion trade agreement.

He had Xi by the proverbial balls. America’s economy was on fire and unstoppable.

President Xi Jingping knew he could not beat the USA militarily and he knew any domesticated economic attack would fail as our economy was too strong.

He had to act.

But how?

Enter the USA democrats led by Pelosi and Schiff.

Impeachment.

A hoax.

A distraction for our people and President.

Xi Jingping and his thugs see this.

They aren’t stupid.

They have very intelligent intellectual thinkers in their government.

Now you must understand, the Chinese regime are truly Barbarians.

Notice I did not say ALL CHINESE.

The Chinese people are a good people.

The communist regime has millions of its own citizens slaving in gulags simply for speaking against the government or openly practicing Christianity.

Knowing they could not attack us openly they needed to be coy, like a deceptive fox.

In my opinion, I believe the regime released a biological weapon upon the world that doesn’t kill everyone, but kills “enough” especially the elderly and in-firmed.

Back in WW 2 Hitler thought the same way.

He got rid of what he considered the useless and rejects of society.

Trump’s task force uses models to figure things.

Xi used and uses “models” too.

He figured that if he killed a few of his own (a few hundred thousand to them would be a few out of 1.4 billion people). and spread the virus to other nations (especially to the USA) they would “level the economic playing field” and not have fired a shot.

Losses of his own people were acceptable costs of a new war.

When China’s own doctors attempted to sound the warning, they were immediately silenced.

In fact one died and another has simply disappeared.

Trump and the other allied leaders indeed KNOW this is what happened.

They have under reported their own deaths.

Trump knows he cannot out-rightly seek retribution.

His news conference today showed me this when he balked publicly about no outright retribution’s over Xi’s handling of this and he immediately brought up the “trade deal”.

However, Trump wasn’t being weak, he too was now being coy.

We know this was a biological weapon.

The food market story is bullshit.

Xi knows we know it.

Trump also today announced he sent two battle groups of Destroyers and other ships to sea several days ago to fight drugs and rogue actors like Iran should they try anything.

I say he did this to show Xi he knows what has transpired (we have the greatest intelligence assets) and that they (the Chinese) should rethink further action.

Politics is premier.

We cannot overtly attack China for what they have done as we would also suffer greatly.

We all know this.

But China has temporarily achieved its goal.

America was literally consumed by Trump’s phony impeachment brought by the ultra left democrats (supported by democrat rank and file and one Republican Mitt Romney) and Xi Jingping saw an opening.

He took it.

Xi did what Trump usually does... he walked onto the world stage and threw a grenade into the “room” and left.

It exploded in the form of this worldwide pandemic.

It brought the USA and the rest of the world to its knees and leveled the economic playing field.

Our economy is now near depression.

Xi didn’t fire one bullet.

Trump needed to up his game of chess and putting the our Naval ships to sea was his next move.

He said he is a “war” President.

He is.

But now on not one but two fronts.

One front of the virus and the other front the Chinese.

While the Saudi’s and Russians are screwing with oil prices they aren’t overtly doing what this pandemic is doing.

The drug smuggling story for dispatching the Naval Force is bullshit and the world knows it.

I am of the opinion Trump can indeed bring us back from this catastrophe albeit with a changed playing field.

But Trump is a genius in chess and financial matters.

He’s become a champ at international politics too.

I am sure Trump can once again lead the economy to even stronger strength and greatness the it was .

He can do it quickly I’m sure of it.

He has proved it.

Xi Jingping needs to be sent a message loud and clear.

NEVER AGAIN.

We need to bring all of our critical manufacturing back from a China beginning with our medicines they were recently threatening to withhold.

We can do it immediately.

Again, another reason for Trump putting to sea such a sizable Naval Force. Sending a clear message.

We all must ride out the next few weeks.

Then we and the world pick up the pieces and move on.

The democrats who have given Xi this opening wrapped in a bow must pay a heavy price in November as they (the democrats) truly have cost and continue to cost America precious lives by the phony scandals.

Nancy Pelosi continues to help the Chinese by her daily shameless attacks upon the President and meddling in stimulus packages as she did this last weekend.

Yesterday’s statements she made were truly appalling and lowest of low.

I didn’t think she could go any lower.

What a disgrace she is to our nation.

But, Pelosi aside, make no mistake, China must and will be taught a lesson the likes they have never seen before and Trump is the man to pull the trigger.

We the people must teach the democrats the same lesson at the polls.

They (the radical wing of the party). are the enemy of a free America.

I am certain of it.

The entire democrat party of our forefathers is dead.

Remember people, Trump indeed tried to warn us all of the Conavirus in his State of the Union Speech.

He spoke of it.

He said he was on top of it.

After he spoke, Nancy Pelosi ripped up the speech calling Trump’s words “a manifesto of lies”.

She disgraced the country and all of our fellow honored citizens present in the House Chamber.

Well she now has American blood on her hands.

She is very majorly responsible for these needless deaths as well as the Chinese.

[She] and Adam Schiff.

The left and democrats laughed as she tore up his speech.

Well, as they laughed the disease he just spoke of in that speech came to our shores.

Republicans and Democrats alike are now dying.

Your family members and mine.

Our grandparents and middle aged citizens alike.

Bodies are being loaded in trucks with forklifts in Brooklyn outside of hospitals.

No one is safe.

Our liberty is for the most part suspended.

As we bury our dead (without proper funerals) from this calamity let’s drive the nails into the coffin of the Democrat party as well in November.

It’s time people.

Stand up for your rights and your country!

Our Liberty and survival is at stake!

I am praying for Gods blessing on our nation.

But, God also gave us the ability to think for ourselves and it’s time we placed blame for all this death where it belongs.

The doorsteps of Nancy Pelosi, Adam Schiff and Xi Jingping directly.

Wake Up America.

WAKE UP!

0 notes

m1sjj3iq-blog · 5 years

Text

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BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :insurance4carquotes.xyz

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holisticpassport · 7 years

Text

180 Flip

Okay folks, are you ready for a long one? *insert inappropriate joke here*

But no really this may be long. So as of the last time I blogged, I was fed up. I was at one of the lowest points I’ve ever been in my life, experiencing challenges I didn’t know how to mentally deal with although I felt I handled it as well as I could. I was literally a day away from having a friend lend me money to book my flight home to California, and then there was a decision about whether to stay in California or go back to Ohio which was weighing heavily on me for a good week with sleepless nights, migraines, and everything in between.

I met up with Eta, my friend I met at the barista course, and one of her friends for drinks when I told them about my plans to go home. Both of them, without even knowing me for very long, began searching for jobs, sending me links and phone numbers for gigs and offered to become my housemates. We laughed, sang, talked, and read birth charts over a bottle of wine, and upon leaving, I asked the bartender if they were by chance hiring (they were, and I took an hour tram ride the next day to talk to the manager for approximately 2 minutes and she never called back, but the sheer notion that my mind switched back into a state of hope, thinking “I’m going to give this one more shot”… this was the best thing that could have happened). I also messaged one of the numbers Eta had sent me for a café gig, but my expectations weren’t high. I handed out my resume to another three or four cafes, lit some incense, candles, and said a little prayer to the universe that if I was meant to stay here in Australia, it needed to show me in the next three days or I was really done and going home.

I talked with my host about how I was feeling because I couldn’t be bothered to do any housework for at least four days, and I broke down crying not knowing what else I could possibly do; I had tried and failed here. He told me that I had to stop listening to the voices in my head telling me this was the way my situation was. I told him about a mantra I had been trying to repeat to myself every day: I am not a product of my circumstances, I am product of my decisions and actions. He also told me that this was all temporary and I had to remember that nothing can stay bad forever. Lastly, he told me to think about exactly what I wanted (this was in terms of work, but I implemented it into a general life view/what I wanted out of my time here).

I went to sleep at 8pm and woke up at 10am the next day. This was the day I decided to stop being sad. I thought about my best friend Skyla after her breakup with the guy she was with before she met her husband. She told me that she felt so low and worthless, but then she started to do things for herself that he used to do for her and began doing things on her own—she fell in love with herself and learned about who she was. I knew this was my time for that exact same thing. I had been trying to work on and love myself whilst here, but it wasn’t quite working-- if anything I felt worse. I was always being a critic of myself as opposed to learning to love exactly who I am-- stretch marks, acne, my addiction to pastries and espresso martinis, impulsive behaviors and all. Out of all the issues with money and work and housing… loneliness has been the major killer. I guess I use other people as a way to avoid all the things I don’t like about myself, but how can I possibly expect them to like me if I don’t like me? You all know I’ve been in relationships the past seven consecutive years and before that was in on and off long term relationships for four years. This whole being on my own thing is verrryyy foreign to me. If my last fling here hadn’t ended, I don’t think I would’ve realized how attaching myself to someone makes me lose the opportunity to enjoy my own company, and come to terms with the fact that I am enough for myself and anyone I choose to be with.

So back to my revelation morning; my mind was still on the notion that I may be leaving the following week, so I wanted to see everything I could in Melbourne and surrounding areas before I left. I planned to adventure to the Victoria and Albert Museum in the city (which p.s. IS IN LONDON, and I mixed up a conversation I had with a cute British boy back when I was there). Once I realized I could not go to London, I hopped off at Melbourne Central which I had never been to before. I got lost trying to find my way out, venturing deeper into retail stores and arcades I never knew existed. I came across a stand called Grandma Funk, and the most GORGEOUS pair of hiking/travel boots I had ever seen. I no longer wanted to find a way out of the station, and I gravitated over to the stand, picked up the boots and read their size…. You can guess. Yep, they were my size and the only pair because this place was a second hand vintage shop selling items that essentially had never been used. The shop attendant saw the starry look in my eyes and said “these boots will take you around the world”. Well shit. It was in this moment that I thought “I can’t take these home with me, I don’t have room in my bag. If I choose to buy these boots, I vow to travel Australia and continue traveling in them.” I haggled the price down a bit, and I was off with a new pair of boots and a completely new direction in life than 20 minutes prior.

I began walking… I didn’t really know where to but just walked down some side alley streets. I came across a board with pamphlets for Spanish classes which Eta and I had discussed practicing together since we may be in Spain at the same time (I’ll get to that bit later). I took a pamphlet. I walked by some tables set up with flyers for a protest against Trump the next day. Grabbed one of those and talked with the people running it. I explored an exhibit in the Victoria Library about the history of one of their famous radio stations, and thought about how my Dad would love to see this. Next to the inside bookstore, I saw some flyers for open air cinemas around town and a Latin Festival happening that week. Stuffed them in my bag. I was staying, and I was making sure of it by whatever means of conviction necessary whether it be that I couldn’t miss the protest, or I HAD to see Lion at the MCG laying on the field. I eventually came to a park and sat for 40 minutes before I had to take a class for my RSA certificate or responsible service of alcohol which you have to have to work at a restaurant that serves any alcohol (which I bought on impulse when I decided to stay 5 days earlier and then changed my mind seventeen times). I thought about how much I’ve come to sincerely love this city with all of its incredible quirks, people, nightlife, scenery, art, etc. I had been a little sad earlier that morning thinking I was exploring the city so I could say goodbye to it. By the evening I was happy, and that’s how I knew it was the right decision.

I worked my waitress job Friday night and was so exhausted mentally and physically from my day that I ditched my plans for the Latin Festival, but made plans the following evening with some people from a Facebook group I joined. There was also a pub crawl happening beginning at a hostel around 8pm so I figured I’d go to that, have a drink, then head over to meet my group at 10pm like we planned. Life never goes as planned.

I played giant Jenga, the gin and tonics were $3, and a cute guy said it was a crime that I was sitting, alone so I joined his group. We ended up doing the entire pub crawl together with his friends, and went to a Latin dance club. I got to dance after all! We also went to this creepy ass bar down some sketchy graffiti alley that ended up being a 1940’s hospital theme, with grey cement walls, sterile white lighting, syringes in the drinks, and even a hospital bed in the bathroom! Definitely need to figure out where the hell I went because I’m still not sure. Anyway, the conversation flowed so easily with this guy and more importantly for my self-esteem, he reminded me that I’m a helluva catch. I really needed to be shown that after feeling like absolute garbage thinking I couldn’t do anything right or be the right person for anyone. Not sure what will really come from this if anything, but plans for this weekend are brewing…

I got home around 5am after the kind gentleman accompanied me on my hour tram ride home from the city. I had work at noon so that sucked, but I had to power through because the St. Kilda Festival was happening! Not only this, but I received a call from that number I had texted about the café position for a trial on Tuesday (basically show him I know how to make a latte). Not only THAT, but I managed all of tables on my own at my restaurant without any mistakes for the first time! After work I headed down to the beach, listened to some bands, ate delicious truck food, and bought some hippy bracelets for a few bucks. I met up with Eta and also ran into the group of people I spent New Years with at the Tanglewood Festival. By the end of the day, I was feeling pretty damn good, but really f””king tired since I had 4 hours of sleep.

Oh you thought the blog would end there? No no. You love my writing. You want MORE. In my previous fragile state, I had made plans to see the Great Ocean Road before I went home to CA. It was with a guy I met on the Facebook group and two other girls were supposed to come but bailed last minute. This worked out though because we were able to talk about all of our travels, what we went to school for, shared music, and played Shape of You by Ed Sheeran on repeat while admiring the stunning coast of southern Australia. It was cold, windy, and rainy but it made the day even more memorable when the sun finally appeared as we reached the 12 Apostles. We bantered like we had been old friends and it was really nice to just enjoy the company of a fellow traveler without any kind of sexual tension or expectations honestly. He left for Sydney the next day, and now we have this awesome memory/story that we will share with other people.

On Tuesday I went to my trial, was immediately offered the job/asked to start work the next day, got a text from my MCG barista job that the Gun and Roses concert was tomorrow night so I’d be working it, AND I picked up an extra shift at the waitress job. All the monies! I knew I needed to move down to the city as quickly as possible because there was no way in hell I was making the hour tram ride every day this week between 3 jobs. Leaving my workaway was bittersweet, and I absolutely hate goodbyes. But I couldn’t have asked for a more understanding, supportive, generous, and all around good human being to be a part of my life and welcome me into his despite all of the hardships we endured during our time together. My time there will always be looked upon fondly for years to come.

I decided I wanted to be in a hostel to meet more people and get the travel vibe back in my life. I want to remember that I’m not just here to work and be stressed like I would be at home. My new job is a lot of work for very little pay, but I’m so lucky to have it right when I needed it most and I’m doing something I love in the best ranked city IN THE WORLD. I’m happier not only because everything worked itself out with a complete 180 flip in a matter of a week, but I can visibly see how I’ve grown from all of this craziness we call life. I’ve finally began to enjoy my own company, visiting museums, doing bike rides to local beaches, lounging in park hammocks and eating gelato whenever the hell I feel like it without anyone to judge me.

OH YES. And to top it ALL off, I had almost given up on the idea of working for Stoke Travel because I hadn’t heard back from them in a while. They finally did contact me for the final step in the hiring process, and also threw in that I should submit my photos to be in the running for their travel photographer position this summer which would be an absolute dream. This is why I said I wanted to take up Spanish with Eta since a lot of the festivals they set up at are in Spain ;) I don’t know where I’ll be in the next couple months or what awesomeness may surprise me, but I trust the universe knows what it’s doing. I never thought I’d get here, but here I am. And here you are, a champion for reading through allllll of that. Thanks, you’re a legend for putting up with me.

#personal #australia #travel

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biguns60plus · 4 years

Text

PLEASE EXCUSE THE LANGUAGE. I BELIEVE MR. O’REILLY IS RIGHT ON POINT

Written by Bill O'Reilly

China’s Bio weapon, and Pelosi..

Xi knows we know it. Trump also today announced he sent two battle groups of destroyers and other ships to sea several days ago to fight drugs and rogue actors like Iran should they try anything.

Our economy is now near depression. Xi didn’t fire one bullet. Trump needed to up his game of chess and putting our Naval ships to sea was his next move. He said he is a “war” President. He is.

But, Pelosi aside, make no mistake, China must and will be taught a lesson the likes they have never seen before and Trump is the man to pull the trigger.

WAKE UP!

Written by: Bill O'Reilly

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