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sastiel-is-my-serotonin · 1 year

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Okay, well, my blog is getting depressing. So I wanna talk about fics!

Specifically some old fic ideas I've been working on with new inspirations:

Pity The Saved, Not The Damned, which has three chapters uploaded already. Sam is on a suicide mission to keep Lucifer locked in his mind and has turned to magic to do so. I'm using it as an excuse to write witch!Sam. I mashed a lot of ideas together for this. Like Sam trying to keep the devil at bay while he's stuck in his kind nearly all the time. Witch!Sam but in earlier seasons where not every witch he meets ends up dead. Which is funny considering how the fic starts, but hey, she's an outlier. Something that hasn't come up yet is despite not drinking any demon blood, Sam's powers are still there and emotions bring them out quite strongly. Oh, and Sam trying to keep an empty mind, clear of thoughts around Lucifer so he can't use them against him is a big one I've wanted to play around with and have. Lots of little ideas like that I've sort of taken and molded into one story and it's really satisfying to write. Although it is a darker fic than I typically write. If you read it, listen to the warnings please.

Don't have a name for it yet but a fic where Sam offers to marry Castiel who is about to be forced home if he doesn't because of a deal he made with his mother Naomi. Castiel said no at first because it's not something that'll go away, he can't marry and then divorce. The moment he's single again, Naomi's clause goes back into effect. So it's for life and that's not something Castiel can ask for from Sam. They talk it out and Castiel agrees as long as Sam promises if he finds someone he wants to be with, they call it off. He doesn't want to trap Sam in a loveless marriage the way all his siblings are. However, fun fact about Sam, he's aro but doesn't have the name for it. He just knows he's tired of trying to find romance and he'll do anything for Castiel. And perhaps Sam's not the only who may be aro, I mean there's a reason Castiel couldn't find anyone to marry, and it wasn't because he wasn't trying. This idea I've played around for awhile but there were certain things that didn't make sense. But as I'm going back with a different perspective on why Sam's so okay with this and why Castiel didn't argue for his own love, it makes more sense you know? They love and care about each other for sure, why else would they agree to such a commitment, but it's not the love everyone expects. They're still figuring it all out and they might not have the right words to describe it but it feels right. In their own way.

I started working on a fic where Sam's forced upon relapsing and Castiel can't watch Sam suffer and offers his own blood as a way to detox. Knowing Dean's way could and most likely would kill Sam. It takes a few sessions for Sam to detox. And even after that Castiel offers it to Sam when he notices Sam's trembles and when his thirst is about to interfere with hunting. Sometimes, they have sessions when it just seems like the right thing to do. With unexpected side effects of Sam being able to diminish angels grace and ultimately kill angels. And this is found out when Sam kills Lucifer in the cage. After not being able to take anymore of the torture and it's out desperation to get it to stop. Swan Song remains the same but when Castiel comes to try and pull Sam out of the cage at a later date, Sam refuses to leave and asks for Adam to go instead. Castiel finds a way to get all of them to go, Michael included, but Sam still refuses. Broken from the torture, what Lucifer did while his vessel was on Earth. There's simply too much blood on his hands. And while Michael and Castiel believe Sam diminished Lucifer's grace into nothing but Sam can feel it flowing through his veins. He had no control over where it went he was trying to get Lucifer to stop, he didn't want to consume it, he wanted it destroyed. Any trace of him should be gone. And yet, it resides in Sam with nowhere to go. Just like Sam. He has no place on Earth, no place in Hell that would fit better than the cage, and he certainly has no place in Heaven. So why would he leave when he has a spot carved out for him? So Castiel regretfully leaves but returns and tries to get Sam to come with him every time but Sam doesn't budge. (Recently posted dialogue of a fic and I want to incorporate it into this, where Sam basically sings and begs Castiel to kill him and Castiel continously refuses. That's essentially this portion.) Still working on the conclusion.

There's some more that I've worked on a little but want to write more of.

Dean and Cassie, how they met. Dean tried to impress her but failed miserably and she took pity on the guy. Dean didn't expect anything to come from it, but damn, he fell for her and he fell hard.

Another one for those two I'd like to do one where both of them are reminiscing at the same time despite being so far apart.

Also, one of their argument when Dean told her the truth. I can't find it at the moment but I'm pretty sure I wrote it so she gives him the benefit of the doubt or at least tries. Just never finished and now I can't find it.

A fun silly one is Jack Kline and Peter Parker meeting again and Peter introducing Jack to churros after a patrol because he was craving them. He was just going to leave the craving be but once he found out Jack didn't even know what they are he had to get one for him. It was his superhero duty to do so.

Oh, and the Lily Baker fic, I actually got further in that one. It's about her girlfriend and her where they play the game where you are saying the alphabet like A for apple, and b for banana, but it's the first thing that comes to mind for each letter. If that makes sense. Bad summary but it's just happy girlfriends that get a nice moment to themselves.

Speaking of girlfriends, there's an old fic idea where Meg doesn't die and her and Eileen cross paths when Eileen is being hunted by Hell hounds. Meg saves her out of curiosity of her situation. And to her surprise, they're looking for the same group of people. The Winchesters and Meg's Unicorn. Eileen for safety. And technically Meg wants the same thing but overall she misses Castiel. They join alliances out of necessity as Eileen saves Meg when she was on the fence of helping her further. And they need to move quickly because not only is Crowley questioning if she's truly dead, The Men of Letters are aware that their pets are dead and Eileen is still alive on the run. As they work together Meg regrets her decision knowing how fond she is of Eileen and Eileen keeps having to reminder herself she's a demon. Even after they manage to make it to the bunker, they're still thinking about each other... And keep "accidentally" running into each other. Megstiel and Saileen still happen but it expands it further.

Lots of ideas if you can't tell. There are still more I'm still figuring out lol. Hmm. I should become a writer or something. (I didn't even get into my ideas for OCs.)

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womanoflettersinthebunker · 5 years

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“What did you do to him?”

“...what do you mean?”

“You know damn well what I mean. What did you do to him?”

Hours later found them back in the bunker, avoiding the crowd of hunters from the other world as best as they could. Sam had been torn between taking care of Jack and taking care of Dean.

Dean had assured him that he was alright, there was nothing wrong with him and Michael wasn’t trying anything. So Sam focused on Jack for the time being who was suddenly thrust into being a human.

Castiel and Bobby had taken control of the other Michael, he had been weakened enough for them to overpower him and contain him, using the angel containing handcuffs to imprison him in the dungeon downstairs.

It was something to be done and dealt with tomorrow, after they slept and come to grips with everything else that had happened. Jack was slowly starting to freak out, everything had become suddenly magnified and he had no idea how to deal with it.

Sam stayed by his side the entire time, reassuring the kid and helping him as best as he could.

And if some of that had been some of Deans ‘encouragement’ so that he was left alone for a bit, well...it wasn’t going to hurt Sam at the end of the day.

So he was in his room, door locked for the first time ever since he had moved in, staring at himself in the mirror as he talked to Michael.

Staring at his reflection made it seem a lot less crazy and almost like there was another person in the room with him.

“What did you do to him?” Dean repeated, staring at the mirror.

Maybe it was his imagination but he could almost think that his reflection was different, that his eyes were almost alight in blue grace.

“It was mostly Lucifer.” Michael finally said. “But the both of us were enraged, the both of us were filled with hatred. It was prophesied since before humankind that we were to fight one another and one would destroy the other. It was something we knew was to happen and something we knew was to come true. But then one small human changed everything, destroyed that prophecy and even trapped the both of us in the deepest pits of hell.”

“Yeah I know the story.” Dean told him. “And I was there when Sam managed to do it. I want to know what you two did to him in the cage.”

It was troubling him in every single way. He always knew that Sam had been tortured, he had been trapped with two archangels in hell, but they never talked about it. Sam never offered and Dean never pushed. The hints had been there, building and falling with every year that Sam moved on from his trauma but it reared its ugly head again once Lucifer had been freed once more.

But now, now he can't ignore it even if he wanted to. He could see every emotion coursing through Sam's body, resonating from his soul and he obviously felt it so heavily that it was a miracle it wasn't clearer and that Sam managed to hide it.

And then there was the scars. Sam's soul was beautiful, there was no other possible word for it. An enochian word itched at the corner of his mind that might be able to properly portray exactly what Sam's soul resembled but he had no hope in pronouncing it.

But as beautiful as Sam's soul was, it was just as heavily scarred over. Jagged and deep, intent on destroying and making it look ugly.

But even despite a beings best attempts they failed. The soul curled around the jagged parts, the so called imperfect parts, and cradled them deep, holding them close. His soul was beautiful not despite the faults, but to the acceptance of those faults.

And it made Dean want to throw up that someone held Sam's soul, the pulsation of power and life and existence that was on bar with none, and had attempted to destroy it.

“...I ignored him. I had no interest in doing anything to him, I was focused on attempting to break the cage and get my freedom.” Michael told him. “But Lucifer? Lucifer made it his soul purpose to make Sam scream in every way possible. He attempted to destroy him, his soul, his mind, his being. When Castiel came and took the body, leaving the soul behind, Lucifer got worse.”

Dean closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath to try to steady his nerves. “So you just stood there and watched?” he asked, a small snarl to his voice.

“At first.” Michael said, making him pause. “At first I did not care but then...I watched him. I studied him. You saw his soul, it was the only change being in the cage and I found contentment in watching what it created. How it healed itself despite Lucifers best attempts. What Lucifer had done to him, it should have obliterated him completely.”

“But it didn’t. He suffered, oh yes he suffered heavily. But each and every time he recovered to the best of his ability and still remained standing. He refused to beg for mercy from Lucifer, and when there was no answer from god after some time, he stopped calling on him as well.”

“The more I watched, the more I realized what enthralled me so much with Sam Winchester's soul. It reminded me of Lucifer. Not the Lucifer you knew, the abomination that had been created that destroyed my brother. But the Lucifer I had watched my father create. The Lucifer that had been the one to hold the hope of heaven.”

“I loved my brother unconditionally Dean, we were two halves created from the lingering shades of light and dark from god and the Darkness. I watched him create Lucifer in the heart of the very first dying star. I took his hand, he saw me first not him. I raised him and I helped him.”

“I loved him.”

“Before Lucifer was the devil he was morningstar, the light of heaven spreading along the universe. There are no words for the love that I once held for Lucifer, not even in enochian.”

“And as I watched Sam's soul, being torn into pieces by Lucifer, all I could see was the same being. Sam's soul reminded me so very much of what Lucifer had been, that same strength, that same hope, that same overpowering light. I guess that’s why Lucifer tried so hard, he hated to be reminded of who he had been before throwing it away.”

“I couldn’t do much in hell, my power was diminished there heavily. But the little that I managed, I curled myself and my grace around Same as best as I could. I tried to protect him to the best of my abilities, more often than not Lucifer would just overpower me and take him back. I would wait for more strength and try again and again, up until Death came to free Sam from the cage. A part of me had even believed that perhaps Sam's soul was just the last bit of grace that remained in heaven from before Lucifer's fall.”

“Its not.” Dean injected. “Sam's soul is his own.”

“I never said that it wasn’t, but he was the one true vessel of Lucifer, it's not just the body that needed to be strong enough to host him.”

Dean closed his eyes and breathed out steadily. “Where are you going with this?”

He could almost see a smirk on Michaels, his, face. “I’m going with the fact that Sam Winchester is both of ours little brother now.”

#supernatural #Supernatural fanfic #supernatural fanfiction #michael!dean #michael #dean winchester #365 #291/365 #365 day challenge #365 Days Of Writing #An alternative ending au

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hekate1308 · 6 years

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Day 17

It is time for more Crowley survival, my pretties. Enjoy!

It’s become a ritual, of sorts.

A ritual that takes place on every 17th of every month.

Dean Winchester has never forgotten a single day on which they lost someone, and the losses they suffered then were very heavy indeed.

It’s not as bad as it was in the beginning, anymore; no, Cas’ miraculous resurrection, even if he came back down-powered, made everything better; but –

But.

There’s someone else who lost his life because of them on that day. Even if neither Cas nor Sam ever really mention him.

And so, on every 17th, in the middle of the night, when Sam and Cas are resting or otherwise occupied, he drinks a glass of Craig and tries to summon Crowley.

Nothing ever happens, of course. Nothing can. The demon is gone. And even if he weren’t, the bunker is still warded.

Yes, what he is doing is not only slightly insane, but also completely useless.

But it still feels like the right thing to do, and he’s not harming anyone.

Maybe he’s finally reached the bargaining stage of mourning, and it’s the deal he’s made with himself – he gets to attempt to call Crowley once a month.

It’s another one of his nights of indulgence. Both Sam and Cas are sleeping – the last hunt took a lot out of them all – and Dean carefully pours his drink before stepping up to the devil’s trap. Smiling, he thinks that Crowley might appreciate the nostalgia of it all if for some crazy reason the summoning suddenly –

It works.

One moment, he’s thrown the last ingredient into the fire, the flame flares up for a second, and then –

He’s staring at Crowley, who promptly passes out.

If there is one thing Dean is familiar with, it’s the need to immediately spring into action, and not even a minute later, he has Crowley out of the devil’s trap. But what is he supposed to do now? He can hardly check his pulse.

In the end, he decides to throw some water at him and hope for the best, automatically reaching for one of their holy water bottles in the kitchen before he remembers.

“Don’t be an idiot, Dean” he mutters, shaking his head at himself as he goes to the sink.

By the time he comes back, Crowley appears to be waiting up, and the glass of water does the rest as he pours it unto his face.

His eyes blink open. “Wha – Squirrel?”

“Welcome back to earth, your Highness” Dean replies, a little unsure of how to proceed. For God’s sake, he only then realizes, he even pulled him out of the devil’s trap without a second thought.

And Crowley unexpectedly coming back to life is no excuse for such foolish behaviour. He really should be used to that by now.

For what it’s worth, however, the former king of Hell doesn’t seem in any mood to wreak havoc. If anything, he’s even more confused than Dean.

The suit he’s wearing is the same he died in, and he looks away not to see the gaping hole where the angel blade went in. “Glass of Craig?” It’s the only thing he can think of saying.

“I thought you’d never offer. Your qualities as a host have gone seriously downhill” he drawls, and there is the sarcasm Dean wouldn’t admit to himself he’s been missing for the past year.

“Alright, then.”

They end up drinking in the library. It’s better than the war room, where Dean punched Crowley in the face the last time he saw him, only to end up staring in disbelief as he offed himself for them.

They sit in silence, but to his surprise, it’s neither awkward nor particularly uncomfortable. “Say” he suddenly remembers, “How come you are here?”

“You summoned me. How much have you had to drink tonight already?”

He rolls his eyes. “You know exactly what I meant. The warding. You shouldn’t have been able to –“

“My powers seem to be somewhat diminished” Crowley admits, looking everywhere but at Dean.

“Like Cas’, then. He came back a bit weaker too.”

“What do you mean, he came back?”

Dean spends the next half hour bringing him up to speed.

When he’s done, Crowley shakes his head. “Why do you boys always have to get in trouble?”

“You’re one to talk. Closing the rift is one thing, but killing yourself in the process?”

“It was the only way it could be done.”

“At least you got rid of Lucifer once and for all.”

Even in the darkest times, when both Cas and Crowley were gone, it was a consolation.

“Let’s just say I had to get even.”

“You did. Pretty sure he has as bad a time in the Apocalypse world as you can imagine.”

Crowley chuckles. It reminds Dean of the summer they spent together as demons – as if all of this weren’t complicated enough, already.

“Really though, that new king isn’t up to snuff. Barely inconveniences us, I tell you. They just didn’t know what they had.”

When Crowley doesn’t answer, Dean asks, “What are your plans?”

“Considering my little power problem and the fact that all demons still hate me, I might have to lay low for a while.”

“You can stay here” Dean immediately offers. It’s not just because of their history (at least that’s what he tells himself) – Crowley being on their side once and for all would be excellent news. Guys knows his lore – the spell he pulled on his last day alive (well – so far) proves that more than enough.

“Thank you, but I’d rather not see your dungeon again if I can help it.”

“Don’t be so melodramatic. we have more than enough rooms. True, some may be a little dusty, but other than that...” He realizes Crowley’s staring at him. “What?”

“You are offering me a room.”

“Yes.”

“Without any demands for compensation?”

“Hardly see how there could be any. It’s just a room” he shrugs. “And you really took one for the team, back there. We owe you.”

“That is true. You would have been lost without me” Crowley boasts, his old self-confidence returning full force. Dean breathes a sigh of relief.

“You probably want to change clothes before Sammy and Cas get up. I don’t think I have anything that’ll fit your meat suit exactly, but some of my old things should do well enough.”

He expects Crowley to look appalled and start complaining, but instead he instantly accepts. Somewhat sheepishly (Dean presumes he hasn’t had the need in years) he asks if he can take a shower.

“Sure thing. Bathroom��s in the third corridor to the right has the best water pressure.”

After he’s picked out the clothes for Crowley, and once he hears the water running, he lets himself sink down on his chair in the library once more and enjoys the moment, because if he knows one thing, he knows that nothing ever comes cheap to the Winchesters.

As it turns out, he’s right.

After he showed Crowley into one of the cleaner rooms, he all but crashed in his own, and so it’s well after ten that he wakes up; for a moment, he doesn’t remember last night, but then he all but sprints out of bed.

It’s good he’s gotten fast at putting on his clothes, because what he stumbles across at in the kitchen can best be described as a Mexican standoff.

At worst... he doesn’t even want to think about anything the scene in front of him resembles.

Crowley is eating cereal (always had a thing for snacking, his Majesty, even though he doesn’t really need to it), still wearing Dean’s clothes; Sam is sitting on the other side of the table, staring at him as if he expects him to attack any minute; and Cas is standing in front of them, looking rather confused.

He clears his throat. “Morning Sammy, Cas – Crowley.”

“Dean” his brother gets up. “Would you care to explain –“

“Alright, come with me. Cas, Crowley –“

“Don’t worry Squirrel, we’ll be talking about our new membership to the came-back-from-the-dead-and-didn’t-even-get-all-my-powers Club”.

As they walk away from the kitchen, Dean hears Cas answering, “I don’t think that club exists.”

Once they’ve reached the library, Sam turns around. “Dean, what the hell? Crowley comes back and you don’t even wake us? Instead, you give him some clothes to wear –“

“His own were torn and dirty –“

“And you show him to the bathroom –“

“Did I mention the dirty part?”

“And you don’t even put him in a devil’s trap!”

“What for?”

Sam stares at him. “What do you mean, what for? It’s Crowley.”

“Yep.”

“Yep? That’s all you have to say about this?”

“Yes.”

“Why.”

“’Cause it’s Crowley, alright? Last time I checked, the guy died for us. Cut him some slack.”

“Dean, he was the King of Hell.”

“And he abdicated. Have you ever known a demon to give a gig like that up in order to hang around our merry little troop?”

Sam doesn’t immediately find an answer to that, but then he begins, “When I worked with Ruby –“

“You had known her what, six months at that point? Also, she hadn’t sacrificed herself for us to get rid of Lucifer, last time I checked.”

“Dean –“

“Look, Sammy” he says tiredly, rubbing his face, “As far as I am concerned, this is a good thing, alright? Let’s just have another good thing after Cas came back.”

“Alright” he acquiesces, “But the second he does anything, I’m throwing him in the dungeon.”

“He won’t” is all Dean says as he leaves the room. He can feel it in his bones; Crowley won’t do anything stupid now.

Dean’s proven right, but it’s not always easy. Sam still distrusts Crowley, that much is obvious – and Dean continues to be baffled at the demon’s relaxed attitude top that fact. Sam doesn’t want to work with him? Sure, he’ll just accompany Dean on cases (in a somewhat cheaper suit than he’s accustomed to, once his Highness has resigned himself to the fact that they can’t afford Armani). Sam doesn’t listen to him when he makes a suggestion on a hunt? He’ll discuss the lore with Cas. Sam pointedly leaves him out when introducing them to other hunters? He’ll raise a hand, say “Name’s Crowley” and move on.

When Dean asks Cas, the angel looks away. “He’s not used to it, I think.”

“Not used to what?”

“Belonging somewhere. I don’t know for certain, of course... but if I had to guess, I’d say that he’s ready to accept some drawbacks for being part of the team.”

Oh. Well, Dean did punch him that day that seems so long ago now. He squeezes Cas’ shoulder. “Thanks, man.”

Not everyone immediately accepts Crowley, of course – in fact, most hunters who know who Crowley was are decidedly on Sam’s side (and when it comes to people like Jody, who can blame her?) but Dean is steadfast in his conviction of keeping him in the bunker. Every demon out there would like to get their hands on Crowley, and he’s not about top let that happen.

Crowley has taken to updating the Men of Letter’s library, fixing mistakes and mumbling to himself about how they knew nothing.

Dean likes to think they’re making progress, since even Sam over time resigns himself to working with him.

And then it’s been six months since he summoned Crowley.

Another 17th.

Dean has a fglass of Craig out of nostalgia, and is soon joined by the ex-king.

“How’s it going?” Dean asks.

“Do you mean the library? I have been making –“

“I actually meant in general” he says quickly. “You know, coming back depowered and all that, and right now you’re one of the good guys, must be a bit different than what you’re used to.”

“Oh, you know me. I get by.”

Except for when he’s standing in a wasteland and facing the devil. But Dean doesn’t talk about.

It’s comfortable sitting here with Crowley, and for him, on this 17th, that’s quite enough.

#my writings #crowley #spn #dean winchester

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mittensmorgul · 7 years

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I just hope that the first episode of Season 13 will have 1) Sam facing the Nephilim - and therefore his own powers and his own destiny and making peace with it and 2) Dean facing Cas' death - and therefore his feelings and making peace with it (or not.. try true love's kiss please, it'll work). It just seemed very deliberate to set them up like that apart from each other, each facing their own challenge.

Yeah. Because that’s yet another way that Sam and Dean broke the pattern…

Every season finale since s2 has alternated whether the brothers were together or apart.:

s2 together standing over the Impala’s trunk

s3 dean in hell so apart

s4 clinging to each other watching Lucifer rise

s5 sam in hell so apart (even though we see Sam looking through the window at the end, they are effectively narratively ‘apart’ for the next year)

s6 together kneeling before godstiel

s7 dean in purgatory so apart

s8 clinging to each other as the angels fall so together

s9 demon dean on the run so apart

s10 together in the impala as the darkness rolls across the land

s11 dean went off to blow up amara with the soul bomb so apart

s12 Sam left Dean by Cas’s body and ran alone to face the nephilim… breaking the pattern… because they are apart…

So much of this episode (as well as 12.22) was about BREAKING PATTERNS.

Dean FINALLY confronted Mary with the truth in 12.22, about how her deal with Azazel had affected his life. About how he’d been forced to become both mother and father to Sam, because John was too broken to be either of those things to both boys. This is the culmination of Dean’s not wanting to “overwhelm” her early on, of his discomfort at telling her the story about her life with John in 12.01, knowing all along that it was a pretty lie– but it was what Mary believed at the time. This was the final part of Dean angrily telling Mary that he’d never been a child in 12.14. That time his words had been intended to wound her, but this time he spelled the whole thing out in detail– not to wound, but to heal.

Like in 12.12, the lance that inflicted the wound was the only thing that could heal it.

So much of 12.22 was also Dean surrendering that obligation he’s always felt as Sam’s “parent” with Sam directly– trusting him to lead that mission to the BMoL headquarters. He let Sam take the entire lead over the group of hunters they recruited for the raid, and he expressed his trust in Sam in actual words.

(fyi I have 9.23 playing in the background as I type this up, and trust me when I say it’s like night and day, the dynamic between Sam and Dean…)

And that mutual trust continued and grew stronger in 12.23, and opened to include Mary as an equal partner in understanding.

When all three Winchesters showed up at the house, Cas didn’t even make a pretense of greeting the rest of the family. Just Dean.

And Dean’s first words to Cas are about how they’ll work things out between them as soon as they get Cas and Kelly to safety, reassuring him that things between them aren’t broken.

and then we had a visual confirmation of Cas’s motivations, his seemingly unconvinced “belief” in the future the nephilim had shown him. When Kelly asked him to tell her again, to reassure her that her sacrifice was worth it, Cas hesitated, and flashed back to the scene in 12.19 where the nephilim sent its power into him. It was like he had to shake something off and focus in order to remember that vision.

We even had Mary and Kelly talking about how they would die to protect their children. Right after Mary came to accept the fact that she DID die to protect her children.

The entire last ten minutes of the episode was like a dark reversal of the rescue mission to save Sam in 12.02, and the fight scene in that basement, but in an entirely jumbled up fashion.

But in an even LARGER scale, these “cosmic consequences” spiral back through every level of the story– from Mary herself and her understanding of the interconnected fate/choice of her deal with Azazel; through Amara’s influence of the story in s9 as the Winchester/Campbell family’s fate as descendants of Cain and Abel in taking on the original Mark of Cain, through her influence over s10 as the force that both kept Dean alive and was slowly killing him all the the same time, through s11 as she got to experience humanity first-hand and demand recognition from Chuck and her growth from wanting to destroy the universe just because and acceptance of the beauty it actually contained (and that Chuck’s love of the universe didn’t diminish his love for her), and then in s12 the Cosmic Consequences of her freeing Lucifer and resurrecting Mary (because her touch is chaos itself, and bringing back Mary and Lucifer HAD to be influenced by her essential chaos…). That kind of instability introduced into an orderly system that has always adhered to certain cosmic “rules” HAD to bring about this sort of fundamental chaos, you know? And hooboy do we ever have it.

The moment we learned that the entire Winchester Family History had been essentially engineered by Heaven to someday act as the key that opened the lock on the Darkness and force that confrontation and resolution of the Original Rift that created the universe, and the moment Dean orchestrated that resolution, it brought that cosmic-scale rift back down to Winchester Family levels. I know I’m not explaining it well, but it’s something Gabriel said way back in 5.08 when he was pushing Sam and Dean to accept their roles in the apocalypse– As above, so below. But now, post-resolution, that mirror’s been flipped.

Dean completed his task of balancing the universe again, but Amara’s “gifts” in the form of Lucifer removed from Castiel and the resurrection of Mary have both turned very bad. The wishes go very bad.

And they’re ALL interconnected– Castiel, Lucifer, Mary, and Amara.

And now the nephilim, as well.

The things Cas was saying about the nephilim’s vision of the future sounded appallingly similar to the things Amara had wanted in her perfect vision of the future, you know? The whole notion of remaking the world in their own vision, where there was never any conflict or hatred or pain or suffering. Amara’s ideal sounded very much the same, with her bliss pitted against the nephilim’s paradise.

It took Dean a long damn time to see that offer for what it was, to see how it wasn’t real, what Amara was offering. That it was the annihilation of self and the surrender of his identity that Amara was really offering.

Which is fundamentally identical to what the nephilim seems to be offering Cas…

Dean had to die and be reborn as a demon, then struggle through the trials of bearing the mark and eventually come to an understanding of the truth of all of it. I think that’s exactly the point in the narrative we are with Cas.

I know I am not explaining it well, because it’s taken me three hours to even put this much of it in this disorderly state, and I still don’t feel like I’m getting to the true heart of the matter here…

But once again, just like in 12.22, Sam’s struggle will be an external one, facing the nephilim as a sort of incarnation of his own life-long feelings and beliefs about HIMSELF, that he wasn’t pure, that he was a freak because of the demon blood and his powers, that he wasn’t truly human somehow because of that. And Dean’s struggle will be internal, like it was reclaiming Mary from the walls she’d been forced to construct inside her own mind in the name of self-preservation.

Sam’s walls have finally manifested into something physical for him to confront.

We’ve finally scraped the thousand layers of paint off the walls that Dean’s been putting up for the world his entire life, and he’s not trying to camouflage what’s underneath. He’s finally let something OTHER than Sam literally bring him to his knees. He’s finally shown Sam the thing that actually had the power to do that to him, too. And Sam had his little moment of acknowledgement before running off to face the nephilim alone.

And that’s the tip of the iceberg on how damn meta that finale was.

#spn 12.22 #spn 12.23 #spn s12 spoilers #spn s13 speculation #singular vs plural #anonymous

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