this is the worst fucking trip of my life. i spent a week in russia having a massive panic attack every fucking day and THIS is the worst trip of my life

Omg I LOVE misfits. Fantastic characters, portrayed by great actors. Do be aware, though, that it's... extremely crude. Sooooooo crude. But!!! Great story, and the characters are to die for. Nathan is, just, the literal best, and Simon and Alicia are.... agh, so...!! Theyre so!! You'll understand if you watch it, but they're just...!!!!!!!!

It's also one of those surprise-depth shows, where on the surface it looks shallow and stupid and the characters are all wanker asshole dickheads but it turns out that they've actually got real depth that, honestly?? is the only reason I love it as much as I do. If it were ACTUALLY shallow and only surface-level, then I would have given up on it early and never bothered with it again, but these characters who seem like such self absorbed fuckheads to start with actually have some real amazing layers to them that make them SO lovable.

Plus the premise is great on both a surface level and a deeper one. Surface level: oh, fun, everyone gets superpowers, but theyre all selfish fucking wankers. Deeper level: oh, neat, their powers are all reflections of their personality. The one who's always anxious about what others think of her can suddenly hear others thoughts. The one who's shy and retiring can become invisible. But then!! There's a deeper level again!! Because what seems fun at first (wow, neat, I can make anyone I touch want to sleep with me) suddenly becomes a massive burden (wait oh no I can't touch anyone without them wanting to sleep with me) and forces them to confront things they would rather not (sex is easy and impersonal but emotions are scary, but emotional connection is the only way we're going to be able to have a relationship, bc I literally can't touch you)

And Nathan??? Oh my god Robert Sheehan puts his whole entire soul into that role. Cocky smarmy selfish jackass of a human who's actually got a heart of pure gold is such a common character choice (and for good reason - that's my FAVOURITE type of character) but the way Robert does it with Nathan is just next level. This guy is THE pinnacle of Most Annoying Selfish Dick Bastard you've ever met -- but he's homeless bc his mum kicked him out and he's got daddy issues 82 miles long and he lets slip bits and pieces of his youth that make you go Oh Shit but he brushes it all off because making a joke out of it all is literally the only way he knows how to cope and hes living in the rafters of the community centre because hes alienated all of his friends so badly that he doesnt even have a couch to sleep on and his dad once bought so much of that flat pack furniture from Ikea that he couldn't fit Nathan in the car so he just left him behind in the Ikea food court, and hes worked out how to jimmy the vending machine bc thats his only food source and theres nothing in the world he wanrs more than a family; not even touching on the Jaime situation (jaime my beloved), this guy sees any baby that doesn't have a father and he IMMEDIATELY, with ZERO hesitation, says "oh, ok. I guess I'm your dad now" and he does this TWICE with TWO DIFFERENT BABIES and he cares sooooo much and he DESPERATELY tries to pretend that he doesn't care at all and i just love him so much, ok? So much.

I never saw the final seasons in total because once Nathan left the show, it lost most of its charm for me, but those first 2 seasons are absolutely fantastic. I quote them ALL the time. ("Great FOOKIN rescue!" "We're a bunch of young offenders and not one of us knows how to steal a car!? Pathetic!" "And then she FEINTED" "I don't care if he's dead; it's no excuse for rudeness!" "I'm pretty sure this breaches the terms of my ASBO". I could go on.)

The later seasons have some great (tragic heartbreaking amazing) storylines too, but S1 and 2 hold my heart, ngl.

So. Those be my thoughts on Misfits.

Ooooh, okay! You have successfully reinforced my intention to watch it and I'm gonna go hunt it down at a library somewhere. I love looking at the drawbacks of superpowers and in this show it sounds very fascinating, also I've watched a couple clips of Nathan on YouTube and he already has a portion of my heart, I am SO excited to see Robert thriving there. Thank you for sharing!!

so. let’s talk about tramp stamps seriously.

this has been a topic on my mind since my friend first sent me one of their tiktok videos saying “lol, look at this cringe” and indeed, it was cringe. next i started seeing more and more videos about how bad they were and how much astroturfing they were doing on social media to get attention. when this level of astroturfing goes on, it’s most people’s first response to look into things deeper. and there we found problematic tweets, cringe lyrics, cousin loving cousin, dr. luke and much much more. during this time, i seen a few people saying “oh, you only hate these guys because your a sexist fuckhead” even when women and queer folk were criticizing them.  then they came to tumblr..... and left tumblr 5 hours later. then the stans started doing what they do best. seeing how some of the stans have responded to the release of the new record, this is going to be me “mansplaining” or whatever. this is me explaining what i see the 2 major problems people have with tramp stamps.  the woke aspect the most common complaint i seen with the tramp stamps was their politics and almost co-opting left wing talking points without any understanding or nuance on the situation at best. this is why people dislike the whole “girlboss” thing. not because they are sexist, but because it’s often invoked in “fuck everyone, i can do this because i’m a badass bitch” which is really just the middle class millenial version of a karen. at worst, some of their lyrics are problematic. need i bring up the lyric about her drunk boyfriend not getting it up? if you don’t know what’s problematic about that, think of her intent in the situation, now picture the genders reversed? yeah. 

the “authenticity” aspect. 

this is the one i feel more inclined to talk about. i’ve been a part of the punk/post-hardcore/emo scene since i was in my teens. i’ve played in a lot of local bands, ran shows, social media accounts, street teams, repaired guitars, pulled sound for 15+ years. now, in these scenes, there can be some gatekeeping BUT usually that attitude gets called out. i’ve had afab bandmates get heckled like crazy and in those situations, we’d pull a kathleen hanna and escort the fuckers out the venue. so what i say when i bring up this next part is not “gatekeeping” it’s just how the scene works and has always worked. 

these scenes foster a community based on authenticity and the attitude of having to grind to get results. most the all time great bands in the rock/punk/metal/hardcore/emo/post-hardcore had to grind but also come across as authentic, you gotta network, you gotta send out hundreds of demo’s. spend thousands on recording, touring, merch, promotion. you know what a 20 year old ford transit with 6 people in the back, all of which have not showered in 2 weeks? i do. most bands know it’s all about luck and connections and grinding, but they still do it. 99% of your favorite rock bands had to do it.  my chemical romance? yup, i remember them on their first uk tour.  green day? part of the gillman punk scene. fallout boy? pete wentz was in the vegan straight edge scene. 

what people are objecting to is the tramp stamps using their connections before they’ve even really played a gig or tried immersing themselves in the scene and tried making connections. the felt fake from the very beginning. “oh but marissa did grind at her publishing job” maybe, i dunno what her job really was. but the point is, it felt very fake, it felt like there was astroturfing. it didn’t feel like 3 girls who wanted to make this music they wanted, it felt like marketing folk at her publishing job said “hmmmmm, the whole e-girl/tiktok/pop-punk revival is going well, how do we jump on this band wagon?” and people seen it for what it was. 

so, tramp stanz or whatever your fanbase is called. before you call me a sexist asshole, i’m going to give you some homework. i’m going to list a few great bands with a strong female creative voice (even if they’re not the singer), my tastes tend to lean a bit weirder so i’m sorry in advance. listen to these, not all of them are all female bands since i often feel separating female/afab musicians from male/amab doesn’t create a good scene.  patti smith (often considered to be the godmother of punk) bikini kill (remember when tramp stamps would hashtag riotgrrl everything? bikini kill were the band that coined the term)  bratmobile (same vein as bikini kill)  jack off jill/scarling (if there’s such a thing as a musician i’d simp for, it would be jessicka addams)  babes in toyland (some super noisy girl grunge) l7 (heavy alt-rock/grunge with some super catchy hooks)  slant 6 (what kind of monster are you is a fucking freight train of a song) hole (as much as we make fun of courtney love’s shit stirring, she could write some of the best choruses ever)  unwound (my favorite band and their drummer sara is the fucking heart of the band)  rolo tomassi (eva spence’s voice will blow your socks clean off) distillers (brody dalle is a fucking queen and you can’t convince me otherwise) against me (transgender dysphoria blues is an album that makes me tear up everytime i hear it but in a good way)

Character asks-- gimme Hotoshi Shinsou, if you haven't already, and Hanta Sero if you have please!

omg these two are the absoLUTE homies. you asked at the wrong time though, because i am smacked as all hell and my eyes are about as wide as a piece of paper. ill try my best to form coherent thought lol.

for shinsou:

favorite thing about him: this is really fuckin hard because he’s honestly one of my favorite characters. if i HAVEEEEEEEE to pick than probably just his general spirit. he obviously has a can do attitude, with the way he thinks he can become a hero, but he isn’t so like in everyone’s face about it. just because he’s a positive(ish) person, he’s not an extrovert or anything remotely close to it. he’s allowed to be a chill dude. i just love his vibe.

least favorite thing about him: i don’t like his attitude towards other people. i’m not saying it isn’t justified because of the tiny glimpse we got of his being bullied. i’m also kind of an ass so i can’t talk. i just wish he wasn’t such a cold person. i think spending more time with new friends will help him thaw out his dead heart though.

favorite line: "Maybe I failed this time, but... I'm not giving up. I'll show them I've got what it takes to make the hero course, and I'll become a greater hero than all of you." (basic, i know.)

brOTP: i love him and midoriya. i just think its another great example of a friendship between two people of contrasting personalities. i also wanna see more interaction between him and ojiro and the bakusquad in general. i think their dynamics together are pretty funny.

OTP: OH BOY DO I LOVE SHINKAMI. now don’t get me wrong. i am a massive multishipper. i love me some good old monoshin, and i like kaminari with other pp as well. but fuck, there’s just something about shinkami that hits so DIFFERENT. i don’t know, i just love them a lot.

nOTP: i don’t really have a lot of nOTPs. obviously i hate the illegal shit (shinsou x aizawa?? what the fuck???), but there’s not that many shinsou ships to begin with. i guess just anyone i can’t really see him with - maybe todoroki.

random hc: this boy definitely has sleeping problems. coming from a bitch who literally has Birkin x Tanaka level eye bags, i can say those puppies are not for show.

unpopular opinion: this isn’t that unpopular, but i think he’s probably going to be in 1b, not 1a. while i would lOVE to see him more frequently, he is still high key irrelevant to the plot. his moment (or his first moment at least) is getting into the hero course period. maybe he’ll be more involved later, and i hope so, but i really just dont think he’s gonna be with the hell class :(

song i associate with them: i have an entire playlist for him. for real. so this song question... not easy. if i have to pick one, maybe Loser by McCafferty (but here’s the whole playlist, if you want to listen to some punk-ish bangers.)

favorite picture of them: i don��t have assess to the full, glorious library that is the manga because i’m on my computer, but this one is pretty great. he just looks so... lost. like by is he staring so intently at the scarf? did it bite him or something?

okay. i’ll put the homie sero’s under the cut becuase this is getting insanely long.

serooooo omg the mf og. i feel like we would get along so well. i bully him a lot, but he really is one of my favorite characters. anyways. also i am 110% going to write shinsou in here by accident.

favorite thing about him: he’s just... sero. he’s a little shithead. he’s annoying, but he’s also weirdly chill. he literally smiles like :D. he’s dumb. he looks like a fucking TAPE DISPENSER??? i want to give him the worlds biggest hug.

least favorite thing about him: so underrated...holy shit... i have met like two sero stans, and that is not okay with me.

favorite line: “Hey, something amazing happened, listen to this! It’s r-18 ;)” i let out an entrire GUFFAW when this happened. and then he just exposes midoriya for being next to the hot, naked mystery chick.

brOTP: you already know i’m going to say the bakusquad. the way the interact with each other is lit rally a+. i love how close they are and i really hope we get more bakusquad moments.

OTP: I’ve very (very(VEry) recently gotten into both SeroRoki and KamiSero. I also think the would low key look good with someone like kinoko komori, but that’s just for the looks. i think little short mushroom lady with lanky, string bean tape boy is cute.

nOTP: anyone that’s also got that lowkey vibe, or anyone who’s super over the top sweet and girly. i just don’t see him having the patience to either one make negotiations because nobody can decide, or two being able to deal with a crazy affectionate, pet-name calling, daily-date-having, always-on person.

random hc: he smokes weed. period. this is like one of my only hcs that i feel strongly about. i am a stoner, i know by brethren. there is ZERO way that fuckhead does not smoke pot.

unpopular opinion: his quirk is stupid. like cmon, tAPE ELBOWS??? uh honey what the fuck??? he makes good use of them though i guess. i think the quirk is stupid, not his use of it.

song i associate with them: any meme song. tiktok songs too. i also just so haaappennn to have another playlist with him. seriously, i was hyperfocusing on this the other day and made playlists for a shit ton of bnha people. anyways, here. literally anything off that. 

favorite picture of them: look at him. look at his little >_< face. appreciate him.

that does it i guess. fair warning to anyone who sends any of these in the next hot minute: they are all 100% going to be this chaotic because like i said, i a m doped up, smacked, zooted, zoinked, stoned, clapped.... you get it. 

Dearest Cat,

How has your experience as a 23-year-old been? I’m a month in – exactly – and I think it’s going pretty well. Of course, it’s not like I see any instant growth or changes but I see little new patterns and my stance growing stronger in things that matter, and it’s all been building for the last few years. It’s nice to see it getting finally materialised in actions, however.

I’m sorry about your breakup. I’ve never been in a long-term ‘official’ relationship but I have been in relationships that have fucked with my mind while breaking my heart so I know how it can significantly affect you for a while to come. And take it from someone who tried the long-distance thing for 6 months, it’s never worth it and it never works out anyway.

I have been, quite uncomfortably and amusingly, been watching a lot of Daniel Sloss stand up comedy and I literally just heard him talk about something I think you should hear too:

“When I was seven years old, my dad said something to me that to this day is the reason I will die alone. Very happily, I may add. But I was seven years old, I didn’t know what life was. I didn’t know what existence was, how the fuck would I know? So I thought I’d ask my dad ’cause he can fix a computer, so he must know. So I was like, “Dad, what do we all do? What’s the meaning of life? Why are we all here? What what the fuck?” And my dad loves his kids, so he wants to explain to his son in a way that he’ll understand, but unfortunately, his son’s a fuckhead. So he has to explain it in a way that a fuckhead will understand, and he accidentally did it perfectly, and it’s stuck with me since then.

This is what he said, right? I’m seven years old. He goes, “All right, buddy. Just imagine that your life, my life, everyone else’s individual life. Imagine all of our lives are like our own individual jigsaw puzzles. As we’re going through life, we’re just slowly piecing it together, bit by bit, based on experiences and lessons that we’ve learned until we get the best picture, but the thing is everyone has also lost the box for their jigsaw. So none of us know what the image we’re trying to make is, we’re just confidently fucking guessing. So the best way to do a jigsaw, when you don’t have the image to work off, is to start from the outside, the sides and the four corners. Family. Friends. Hobbies/interests. Job.

Now obviously, as you go through life, some of these bits are subject to change. Sometimes you’ll make new friends, and you’ll lose contact with old so you gotta move this corner around a bit. Sometimes you’ll get a job. That means you can’t have certain hobbies. You gotta decide then, “Do I want more me time or do I want more work time?” You gotta move the stuff around. Sometimes you’ll have a family member that dies, and they’ll leave a big hole in your life. In that moment you’ll have to find a way to fill that void, otherwise you’ll be incomplete forever. ”

Now, that made perfect sense to me, because I was seven years old. I fucking loved jigsaws. So I was like, “All right, okay. So once you’ve got the stuff on the outside, what’s the main bit of the image? What we are all working towards?” And he goes, “Well, that’s That’s the partner piece. You and this perfect person who you’ve never met before to come out of nowhere, fit your life perfectly, complete you and make you whole for the first time in your life, much like your mother did for me. ” Seven. Seven years old. I wish you just said, “Ice cream!” And we could have fucked off.

And even though what he said sounds sweet and whatever, what it manifested in my seven-year-old brain was this, “If you are not with someone, you are broken. If you are not with someone, you are incomplete. If you are not with someone, you are not whole. ”

And that’s not just something my dad made me feel, that’s something that we as a society have made every single child born in the last 40 years feel. Every Disney princess has a prince, every prince has a princess, every television show or movie always has a character in it that doesn’t want to be in a relationship. They’re happy with who they are. But then by the end of the series, guess what. They were wrong! They were wrong for wanting to be alone, what a fucking idiot. Everyone needs someone, yeah. They were just a toasty little marshmallow, weren’t they? It’s all to do with love.

Divorce, an entirely common thing that there is nothing wrong with. When you’re growing up and your friends’ parents get divorced, you’re told to not talk about it or mention it to them because it’s taboo, and it is taboo is because every relationship on the outside is perfect, because none of us are willing to admit that none of us know what the fuck we’re doing. And when you raise children in that world, where everything points towards love and everything’s perfect on the outside, when you’ve raised them for 18 fucking years, when we become an adult for the first time in our late teens and our early 20s, we’re so terrified.

We’re so trying to be an adult that some of us will take the wrong person, the wrong jigsaw piece and just fucking jam them into our jigsaws anyway, denying that they clearly don’t fit. Oh, we’ll move pieces out the way, I don’t need this hobby, I don’t need this opinion. Mom who? The bitch with the tits. What’s she done for me recently? I’m gonna force this fucking person into our lives because we’d much rather have something than nothing. Then five years later, you’re stood looking at a jigsaw you don’t recognize, being like, “Ah! There’s a fucking cunt in the middle of this.”

Maybe you do meet the perfect person. Maybe you meet them, you go out. They make you laugh. You make them laugh. They’ve got a stupid laugh, but you fucking love it. They like what you like. They like your idiosyncrasies. It’s great. It’s perfect. Oh, my God, they’ve completed you. For three months. Every relationship is perfect for three months. And here’s why. ‘Cause after three months, that’s when you realize that nobody else is a jigsaw piece.

Everyone else on this planet is as deep and as complex and individual as you are, which means they too have spent the last 20 or so years of their life working on their own jigsaw puzzle, in the same way that you’ve been working on yours. You can’t suddenly expect them to give up everything they’ve come to achieve to suddenly fit into yours in the same way that you’d be pissed off if they asked you to sacrifice everything you’ve done, suddenly come fit into theirs, but now, because you like each other and because you’re interested in each other, now you have to make a jigsaw together. And we all know how fucking annoying that is. But you do it ’cause you’re in love and you’re interested, and maybe for the first couple years, it’s great. It’s like, “Oh, my God, you love this bit of me. I love this bit of you. Oh, my God, we got the same thing, yeah!” 

But time does not equal success. You can spend five or more years with someone, and only then, after all the fun you had, be looking at the jigsaw and realize you’re both working towards very different images. Only then realize that you want different things. And in that moment, you have a very, very difficult question to ask yourself. One. Do I admit the last five years of my life have been a waste? Two. Do I waste the rest of my life? 55% of marriages end in divorce. 99. 0% of relationships that started before they are 30 end. If those were the stats for surgery, none of us would fucking risk it. But because it’s love and we’re stupid, we just lie on the operating table like, “Maybe this time I won’t die inside. ” My generation has become so obsessed with starting the rest of their lives that they’re willing to give up the one they are currently living. We have romanticized the idea of romance, and it is cancerous. People are more in love with the idea of love than the person they are with.”

You should definitely watch his whole special on Netflix. That guy makes you uncomfortable. But he also makes you laugh. And sometimes, like in his above sketch, he makes you really think.

I think he has said all I would want to tell you about your break up – and I hope it’s helpful because I spent 30 minutes trying to find its transcript haha. And I don’t know what his conclusion really is, I still have the rest of the show to watch, but I think….I think love will come to us when it has to. Until then we just have to live our lives with joy and love for ourselves anyway.

Your meaning of love…I described something similar when I spent 13th Feb – the night before Valentine’s Day making my profile on Hinge. And that’s the thing that most people don’t understand – while 90% people I know first care about the physical appearance of the person, I care about whether we connect and have a spark. Whether we can make each other laugh and kinda just be at the same level/frequency. As you said…Connection of minds and souls and knowing each other to your core. Interestingly, there’s something that hit me like a fucking truck a few months ago and I scribbled it down before it had the chance to move on and leave me confused:

All this. Writing in your journal, underlining sentences in books, taking pictures you’ll never put up on social media or show anyone. All this is your consistent and earnest effort to try to communicate and connect with your past self and get to know your future self and coordinate between the three dimensions of who you were, are and will be. It’s all for you. By you. No one else needs to validate you. Or understand you. Or question you. It’s not their place, it never was.

You need to realize the person your past self was trying to become. The person your future self will need to be. You need to have patience when you can’t figure it out. When you feel betrayed. Because no matter how lacking you may be, you will never have any malicious intentions. You’ll not be flaky, you’ll not be weak, you’ll not throw yourself under the bus. Writing letters to yourself, making playlists so meticulously to capture every season, every mood and continuing despite being uncertain and confused…it’s all you reaching out to yourself.

And I think…it’s when we’re earnestly and constantly trying to connect with ourselves when we come across a person who does the same…we will easily and naturally connect with them, their energy.

I realize that due to the Jigsaw sketch by Daniel Sloss this letter has gotten pretty lengthy. But I still want to talk to you for some more. I hope you’re with me and have connected with my words up until now

About the work friends and how they were there for you and made you feel…isn’t that one of the most comforting, lovely and reliving things? Kinda unexpected too, no? I remember last year, a random lunch on a random workday, I looked around at these 4 smart, brilliant, kind and strong women – my co-workers and friends – at the round lunch table talking about meaningful things – personal and worldly – as we always did and just thinking – wow, finally, I finally belong! I’ve always been a very one-to-one person when it came to friends and was never part of a group (other than groups that feel absolutely uncomfortable and unwelcomed) that was so accepting, loving, sensitive and sincere. And smart! Gosh, so damn smart!

Soon after, each of us left that company – horrible management – and it’s been a year now. We are in touch but of course, it’s never going to be the same as before. And that’s okay. Just thinking of those times and them is enough to make me feel as loved and accepted as I did back in those days. And that’s what I want to tell you – you will come across such people who will truly care about you and help you nurture yourself but their life will overlap with yours just for a while. As a child, this would make me sad and angry! Now, it only makes me super grateful and mindful about being present in the moment that is now, in the life I am living right now. And I hope you can too

So, Cat, I don’t know how many months you have of being 23 but I hope they are all, as well as the coming years, full of connecting with yourself, with people that genuinely care about your well-being and growth and with everything that brings you joy and peace.

Lots of love,

Nikki

I wrote this letter for Nura basis some questions they answered. You can read the questions and their answers here. 

Guys - I have received 29 people’s responses for The Love Project - 29 days of love letters. So I won’t be accepting anymore, however, you can read other letters here. 

I may do this again later in the year and if you would want to receive a love letter from me then, you can drop in your email ID here xoxo

"Not quite as fucked as Cary Grants other roles" Please shame Cary Grant movies. Please.

okay to be clear i love cary grant movies, i really do, but i have also accepted that his romances can pretty much be summarized as, “lady, you’re a huge asshole, and if you marry this normal man you will ruin his life, but i’m also an asshole and that means we belong together in an asshole quarantine of a relationship regardless of how often you insist that you’re not normally an asshole and i just bring out the worst in you”His Girl Friday is pretty bad in this regard, but it's pretty easy to see the intent and how the execution falls flat when viewed through a modern lens. the *intent* is that an exceptional woman is trying to make herself something she's not in order to fit with what she believes she's supposed to want, and because cary grant loves her he wants to save her from herself by reminding her of who she really is. but since he was enough of a shithead that she divorced him and he's shown no signs of fixing his fuck-ups and they keep telling instead of showing that hildy and bruce won't work, he just comes off as a lying, manipulative, gaslighting fuckhead (and also, [as discussed](http://unpretty.tumblr.com/post/164049593598/hey-uh-i-dont-know-if-youre-in-any-mood-to), p racist).Philadelphia Story runs into similar problems, and honestly, most of them could be fixed by just letting tracy and dexter stay married and getting rid of george entirely. george is symptomatic of the worst of the fucked politics of the movie, since his whole deal is that he's kind of a rude jerk who sucks - because he's nouveau riche and gauche and lacking the *literal class* of the old money characters. this is also a movie where they specifically had to film in a house much less nice than a real mansion, because the filmmakers thought that seeing the actual level of opulence enjoyed by the truly rich would be too shocking for the average american. so just... get rid of george and the code-necessitated marriage conceit and give mike a different reason to show up as a scandalmongering tabloid reporter and make the movie about infidelity and let dexter actually defend tracy against her shitty father and focus his criticisms on actual flaws like being a judgey hypocrite.i don't know when this post turned into trying to fix those movies to better adhere to the intent versus the results but i'm exhausted right now so here we are, this is what's happeningin sylvia scarlett... okay i can't actually tell you the plot of sylvia scarlett, i spent the whole movie distracted by the fact that katharine hepburn in drag looks just like david bowie and is unbelievably hot.(hepburn on the left, bowie on the right)i'm sure it sticks to the general "let's be in asshole quarantine together" theme but who can pay attention to plots with a view like that. was she kinda gay in this or am i just remembering what i wanted to be true?anyway the worst of the worst in terms of cary grant movies with really fucked politics is probably That Touch Of Mink, it's just, *god* where do i even start. cary grant plays a benevolent millionaire (billionaires weren't really a thing yet) who is unimpeachably good in every possible way including his donations to charity and participation in world politics except that he likes to have lots of one night stands. his assistant hates him, because he is rich and gets mad laid, even though he is well paid and gets lots of benefits and his benevolent boss keeps giving him bonuses, because he is a neurotic prude who just hates rich people for no reason. cary grant, a Real Man, has to pay for his assistant's therapy, because he is a Modern Man who is foppish and weak as well as resentful of the Real Man's hard-earned wealth and scrooge mcduck vault of vaginas. cary grant brings a broke young woman with him to bermuda and doesn't have sex with her despite The Implication which is how you know how good and patient he is. did i mention the assistant? look: it's bizarre. it's so goddamn bizarre. i was so distracted by the sheer fuckedness of it all that i couldn't even appreciate... anything. apparently cary grant hated this movie, which would be reassuring except that he also disliked Arsenic and Old Lace which was a goddamn triumph and contains no problematic elements aside from all the murder as far as i can recall.anyway: code-era hollywood films had a lot of issues in general, and in some cases it's not even really worth mentioning imho (i.e.: "this movie is casually heteronormatively sexist" yeah no shit "this latina is played by a white lady with dark hair" that still happens) but in other cases it is *super distracting* because *did someone actually believe this* (i.e.: "the corrupt government punishes white men to appease black voters" what "people hate nice rich people even though the nice rich people let their wealth trickle down" uh)

Part Nine: Side Quest

Ding-dong!

Daniel groaned, and buried his face into his pillow, just barely awake. Maybe that was just his imagination. So he could just peacefully drift back to sleep and...

Ding-dong! Ding-ding-ding-ding!

“Oh my fucking god!”

It took all his effort, but he dragged himself out of bed, eyelids still heavy. The one day he wanted to sleep in, and some goddamn, piss-brained, piece of shit fuckhead had to abuse his poor doorbell and his ears. Well, he was going to give the fucker a piece of his mind.

He stomped down to the door, fists clenched at his side, and swung it open, ready to yell. But he instantly deflated as soon as he saw who it was.

Snail.

They looked pretty miffed for a second, before staring at him like they didn’t even recognize who he was. After a short moment, they blinked, and intelligently said, “Uhhh, are you another weird clone?”

Daniel promptly slammed the door in their face.

He was such a fucking idiot. At the very least he should’ve gotten dressed, but no, he had to be a fucking hot-head and answer the door in his goddamn pajamas with his messed up hair. There was no way he could live this down. They’d seen him at something other than his best, and that was unacceptable.

Maybe he could pretend it never happened.

So he went back upstairs and made himself look half-presentable. At the very least, put on a nice suit and brushed out his hair. Then he made his way back to the door, and thankfully, Snail was still there.

Unfortunately, his rash decision to change just made the situation even worse.

“What the fuck was that?” they asked, glaring at him with their arms crossed. “I show up early for once and you slam the door on me?”

His face grew hot. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Uh-huh, so you’re trying to tell me that wasn’t you that answered the door looking like you just woke up?” Their outrage melted away into something much, much worse. They gave him that stupid Grin he hated and said, “You look pretty cute with bedhead.”

“That wasn’t me,” he immediately responded with, even though he knew it was a terrible lie. “It was Daniyal.”

“Really,” they said, as if asking if he was really going to stick with that. “Daniyal?”

Just then, Daniyal popped in from the kitchen. “Did someone say my name?”

Daniel turned and gave him a very pointed look. One that said you better say the right thing. “You answered the door a minute ago, didn’t you?”

Daniyal frowned. “No? Why?”

That son of a bitch.

“Don’t you have somewhere to be?” Daniel suddenly asked, teeth clenched. God, he could throttle that bumfuck bastard. “Like with Andy?”

“Right, yes! I made some soup for them, I really hope they like it.” Daniyal ducked back into kitchen for a split-second before emerging with a sealed container. After squeezing his way out the door, he said, “I’ll be back later!”

As soon as he was gone, Snail gave Daniel a look. “So, you wanna go for a different lie, or do you wanna admit that you wear Mario pajamas to bed?”

“Alright, fine!” he snapped harshly, face as red as could be. “Look, I didn’t think you’d be coming over so early. Sue me.”

“Well, you always get pissed when I show up later than noon,” they said bluntly as they brushed past him. “I thought I’d be a good boyfriend for once and show up nice and early. Didn’t think you'd be taking a page from my book today.”

Daniel huffed and carelessly slammed the door shut. “I had a rough night.”

They gave him a cocky look from over their shoulder and teased, “Couldn’t stop thinking about me?”

“Uh-huh, sure,” he answered. Better to stroke their ego a bit than tell the truth. Then he noticed the backpack slung over their shoulder, and raised an eyebrow at them. “What’s that?”

They carefully set it on the couch and took a seat. “My laptop and tablet. I said I’d show you some of my art sometime, so…”

Right. He'd almost forgotten about that. Hell, that date happened, what? A couple weeks ago? Give or take a day or two? He remembered being excited about seeing their art. And that in turn kick-started the memory of him wanting to show them Sonic and Knuckles.

“Yeah, that sounds nice, actually,” he said with an earnest smile. “I have something to show you too, let me go get it real quick.”

He barely made it up three steps before he heard Snail call out, “You should change back into your pajamas while you’re up there.”

“What?” he bit out, backtracking just so he could glare at them. “Why the hell would I do that?”

They rolled their eyes. “Because you don’t need to be so formal inside your own damn house. Besides, I have to see you slip into something more comfortable eventually. So why not now?”

“You’re not wearing pajamas,” he pointed out, ignoring the ambiguously intentional innuendo. But really, if they had shown up in their sleepwear, he would’ve been pretty miffed, so his argument was weak.

“Well, that’s because I know how to dress like a normal person,” they readily countered, and oddly, their comment kind of hurt. “You don’t have to try and impress me. We’re dating, and we’ve already fucked a whole bunch. Just relax for once.”

Daniel stood there for a moment, on hand gripping the banister tightly. Normal, what would their punk ass know about normal? He’d show them.

A little while later, he came back down the stairs with his beloved Sega Genesis in hand. He heard Snail’s little hitch of breath, but pointedly ignored it in favor of getting everything set up. Plug in wires, make sure everything’s sitting steady and all. And maybe he bent over a bit, just to show off his ass a bit. It still looked nice, and he knew it

Dusting off his hands, he brought the controller with him as he plopped himself down on the couch and pretended like Snail’s bewildered stare didn't exist.

“Do you you wanna play first?”

“You actually own a t-shirt?” they asked, eyes not-so subtly raking him over. “And jeans?”

“Of course I do,” he muttered, playing up his bitterness just a bit with a side-glare. “I can dress normal.”

“You sure can,” they agreed. Then they leaned over and began to press quick, heated kisses to his neck. “You can also rile me up pretty good. Don't think I didn't notice what you were doing.”

A pleasant shiver ran through him, but he shoved the controller against them and said, “I was getting everything ready. So we can have a nice time playing a game together.”

They huffed and swiped the controller from him. “Not my fault you have a nice ass.”

After selecting Sonic, they stared at the TV for a solid few seconds, as if waiting for something to happen. Daniel huffed, and crossed his arms, already getting fed up with the wait.

“Well? Are you gonna play, or what?”

“Huh?” They blinked, and with a little testing, then realized that they sure as hell could move around. “Oh, I was kinda expecting a cutscene or something. You know, how games usually start so you don’t get lost.”

“It’s a Sonic game,” he argued, sitting back and watching them meander through the first zone. “Your only goal is to get rings, collect chaos emeralds, and go.”

“Well, I don't even know where I am!”

“Angel Island.”

“Okay, well, why am I collecting the fucking chaos emeralds again? You'd think Sonic would be able to hold onto the damn things.”

“Does it matter? Just shut up and play the damn game.”

Suddenly, the controller found itself in his hands as Snail huffed out, “You’re the video game expert here, you play it!”

“Fine!”

Not surprisingly, they spent more time griping than actually getting through the level. But that was fine. Daniel thankfully knew it like the back of his hand, and quickly found his way to the first bonus stage. Not his favorite, but he got through it just fine. Especially since the really important part was coming up soon.

Get the blue spheres!

From there, pure instinct took over. Right, right, right, right, get the rings, go straight, jump, left, left, left, left. For a moment he was taken back to when he was just fifteen years old, playing this game for the first time after school.

He just barely registered Snail speaking.

“Holy shit, you’re really in the zone right now, huh?”

“Hm?” Snapping out of his daze a bit, he managed to answer, “Oh, yeah. I’ve played this game a lot. Not usually on it’s own like this, but…”

Snail shifted. “On it’s own? The hell does that mean?”

“There’s a way to combine the cartridge with the one for Sonic 3.” Despite being engrossed in what he was doing, he liked answering their question and educating them. “Some sort of lock-on thing. I think it also works with Sonic 2.”

“What’s the point in doing that?”

Things followed a pattern from there. Snail would ask questions about some aspect of the game, and Daniel would answer while half-zoned out. He couldn’t see their face, obviously, but he could hear as each word from their mouth became more enthusiastic and interested than the last. Time seemed meaningless, and it just kinda slipped away. The only thing even showing its passage was each stage that Daniel cleared.

It was really nice to just relax with Snail like this for once.

Soon, he was at the last stage, flying through space as Super Sonic while Snail cheered him on. Their encouragements fueled him, and his heart stopped every time he crashed into something. C’mon, he was so close, he couldn’t fail now! Not in front of Snail!

Time stopped. He’d done it. The Master Emerald was saved, and he could relax. While the final cinematic played, he let out a deep sigh and set the controller down. The biggest grin slipped onto his face as a wave of joy washed over him. There was almost nothing more satisfying than beating a game.

“That was something,” Snail said, tone unreadable. But there was a smile on their face, so that had to be good, right? “I can’t believe how fast you went through all that.”

He shrugged in an attempt to play humble, but it didn’t work out so well. “I mean, that’s what Sonic’s about right?” After a second, his smile turned a bit more sheepish. “Sorry you didn’t get to play though.”

They waved him off. “I liked watching you, don’t worry about it. Besides, you’re really cute when you’re all into it.”

That certainly made him blush. To distract himself, he offered the controller to them, “There’s still Knuckles’ route if you wanna play.”

“As nice as that sounds, I think I’m kinda, uh, gamed out,” they said right before pulling their laptop from the backpack. “I wanna show you my art now, if you don’t mind.”

Honestly, he’d never thought about how digital artists did their thing. So when Snail showed him all the pieces they’ve done for different clients- or even just for fun- he was kind of blown away. There were all sorts of things, and they were all pleasing to the eye. Really, it was almost hard to believe that Snail could do all this.

“So people just pay you to draw for them?” he asked while they scrolled through their folder. “How does that work?”

“Well, they tell me what they want me to do and I give them a price. It’s not, like, and hourly wage kinda thing,” they answered, a small frown on their face. “It kinda sucks, but you know. Not nearly as much as it did when I first started off.”

He only nodded, not knowing what to say.

After a moment, they huffed. “Want me to draw you something real quick?”

It took him a second to register what they had asked. “Uh, are you sure? You usually get paid for that.”

They snorted and opened up some program on their laptop. “Well, you just spent two hours talking nerd at me, which you usually get paid for. Besides, I just need to warm up a bit. Won't be some big thing.”

His eyes glanced over to that TV, where the credits were just ending. “Alright, well, mind drawing Sonic?”

The look they gave him was almost taunting. “You really are a nerd.”

“Shut up.”

Seeing them draw was definitely a new experience. The tablet was certainly something strange to behold. His brain couldn't quite handle the disconnect between their swooping hand motions and the curves appearing on the screen. Almost as if it was some kind of black magic. Or maybe he was just old.

As if.

It surprised him when part of the way through, they pulled a picture of Sonic up. “What’s that for?”

“Reference,” they answered, eyebrows furrowed together with focus. “Can't pull him outta my ass. Besides, I need to get the right colors.”

“Right, right.”

Like he knew. Hell, the last time he seriously drew anything was when he was eight years old doing Inky for all of his school art projects. Since then it’d just been doodles in the margins of notes, tests, and then scripts.

While they worked, he asked the occasional question. Why are they redrawing over their old lines? How do they get the right colors? Thankfully, they didn't find it annoying and readily answered him just as he did for them earlier.

Eventually, he found himself leaned against them, eyes half-drooped while they colored. For once, he didn't feel all that on edge. Like he could just breath and be without anything coming in and ruining that.

“And… Done!”

He blinked several times. Sure enough, there was a smirking Sonic giving him a thumbs up right before his eyes.

“Cute,” he mumbled, sitting up and stretching to wake himself a bit. “I like it.”

“Good, good,” they said as they set the laptop on the coffee table, their voice having a bit of a sly edge to it. Hooking their arm around his waist, they continued, “You know, I think I've changed my mind. I do need a little payment for that drawing.”

Since he wasn’t a dumbass, he quickly caught onto their little game. But he’d play coy anyway, just for the hell of it.

“Oh yeah?” he asked, glancing over at them with a neutral look. “Name your price.”

They leaned in close, cheeks just a tad pink, and said, “A kiss.”

Wow. To think, this was the same person that would easily pin him down and tell him how hard they were gonna fuck his brains out. Getting flustered over demanding a simple kiss. It was so contradictory, yet so them.

Letting out a deep sigh, as if this was the most demanding task they could ever ask of him, he said, “Well, I guess I could do that for you. Since you did a pretty okay job.”

For a second, they looked offended, but he shut them up before they could get a word out by planting a sweet kiss right on their lips. With a low hum they reciprocated it, pulling him close so the two of them were flush against each other. The warmth and closeness had him wishing that little moment could last forever. Sadly, like every other good thing, it had to come to an end.

“Guess that’ll cover it,” Snail teased, eyes alit with joy. “Next time, though, don’t be a dick before you pay me.”

“Duly noted.”

A long moment passed where they just sat there, almost entwined with each other. Daniel could feel the slow rhythm of their breathing. Despite the sun still being high in the sky, he felt cozy enough to fall asleep right then and there. But an urge to say something hit him. So he did.

“Thanks for coming over,” he half-whispered. His heart pounded the word vulnerable into his chest. And he sure as hell was. “I like just hanging out like this. It’s nice.”

“Please, I come over all the time, you don’t need to thank me,” they said, sounding half-asleep. “Just keep getting me snacks and it’s all good.”

Prick. Still, that wasn’t too big of a demand. If they could keep having moments like this, then he wouldn’t complain.

Three little words filled his mouth with sweetness. Instead of letting them fly free, he swallowed them down. Was it too soon? He didn’t know. But that wasn’t a risk he was willing to take.

The “Andalite bandits” have splintered.  It was largely inevitable.  Unlike the Animorphs series, the war hasn’t ended, and it’s cost us a lot of soldiers, human, Andalite, whatever.  I was actually part of the original group that happened upon the dying Andalite prince who gave us his Escafil device.  I’m the only one of them still alive.  We’ve kept recruiting since then, and, well, you get enough people under pressure, and they’ll fracture.

I’ll give you a rundown, and I’m obviously going to be biased towards my own faction.  I know these people and there’s a lot of animosity there.  So be warned as I discuss these douchebags.

My own group is called the “Protean Collective”, and we’ve got the most people.  Problem is, most of them aren’t useful for combat.  We’re most closely allied with the free Hork-Bajir colony, and we’ve been freeing human hosts as well.  We’ve also got a lot of nothlits, largely humans who got stuck on missions.  We do have some intentional nothlits, though, some people who had genetic illnesses that threatened their lives, and, (and I know @selfdeterminedsymbionts won’t believe me) a few Yeerks and Taxxons who chose to trap themselves in another body.  Basically, we realize we’re in the middle of an invasion, and we have to try and stop them, but there’s lines we won’t cross, and if anything good is going to happen after the war, well, we’re going to need to work with other species.

The first group that split are the people I hate the most.  They’ve cycled through a few names, but they’ve settled on “The Vanarx”, after the Yeerk’s natural predator.  These are the genocidal fuckheads who at some point decided that any despicable action was fine as long as it killed Yeerks.  And they aren’t too worried about collateral damage they cause along the way.  I won’t lie and say my hands (or talons rather) are clean, but the majority of the worst shit done by morphers in this conflict comes from them.  Luckily, they have a high rate of attrition, but they manage to recover their losses quicker than I’d like.

The next big splinter are the “Fleet Vanguards”, or as I like to call them, the Heaven’s Gaters.  These are the people that still have faith that the Andalite fleet is going to come and save us all.  Everyone else, however, has cottoned onto the fact that the Andalites don’t have any plans for Earth that don’t involve a planet-shattering boom.  These folks are in total denial.  Now, you might imagine that all the Andalites on Earth were a part of this group, and that only Andalites would be a part of this group, but you’re wrong on both counts.  There’s more Andalites here than in any other group, sure, but it’s only a plurality of the Andalites on Earth (Like, 30-40% of the Andalites still here), the oldest ones, the ones who were middle-aged when they landed here after their failed space battle.  And within the group, they’re outnumbered by the humans.  These people… well, they’re to Andalites what those hardcore anime fans are to Japan.  It’s kind of creepy.  Oddly enough, for their part, the Andalites in the Vanguard actually value their human members.  Sure, it’s paternalistic and awful, but they do legitimately care about their little cultists.

Then there’s the “Saviors of Humanity”.  They’re basically the opposite of the Vanguards.  They may not be completely genocidal, but they are very much of a mindset that Aliens Are Bad.  This group is the only one that’s 100% human and they will keep it that way.  And, while they tolerate groups like the free Hork-Bajir for now, they’ve made it abundantly clear that when this war is over, they want them off our planet.  Aside from that, they’ve got sticks up their asses and are very much authoritarian and militaristic.  Our first leader, who died in combat, is treated by them as some kind of hybrid of Washington, Patton, and Jesus, and our second leader, also deceased, is treated like a lesser version of that.  Basically, they’re fascist pricks.  

The “Defenders of Gaia” are closest to us ideologically.  They’re also in favor of working together with alien races and a big multicultural freak fest.  Problem is, these guys aren’t only after Yeerk operations.  They’ll happily go after whichever human group happens to piss them off.  Corporations, militias, hate groups… hell, I’m pretty sure they’re gunning for the US government these days.  I mean, the Yeerk Empire often is involved with their targets at some level, and they do go after them as well.  Still, they’re wasting time and energy, and increasing the chance of getting caught.  

The last group call themselves the “Shadows on the Web”.  They’re our stealth and tech-specialists who hack into Yeerk systems, spy on Controllers, and do all sorts of useful things.  However, as we started to split, they basically decided they were going to sit out the war.  They fight back against the Empire, but their methods are little more than leaving a flaming bag of dog feces on their porch, ringing the doorbell, and running away.  They’ve got useful skills, but we’re in the middle of being invaded.  Rickrolling the Pool ship isn’t going to make it stop.  Still, they can be useful.  Hell, they got me this secure setup out in the woods.  But everything comes with a hefty price tag.  They also have a few organizations that are subtly working to undermine The Sharing which is always a good thing in my book.

But yeah, those are humanity’s last hope: My band of misfits, a group of underhanded monsters, an Andalite cargo cult, a xenophobic militia group, the ELF on steroids, and Anonymous.

Fuck it, I’m going to see if a red-tailed hawk can drink whisky without dying.

Alright so I am not sure if this is the proper area to post because it isn't necessarily a "dating" issue as I've never actually dated this person I'm about to discuss, however, I was attracted to them and they were (at least I believed they were) attracted to me also.This is also probably going to sound like the dumbest, most insignificant scenario but I'm a super analytical person and it's just been on my mind so forgive me for not understanding what the obvious problem (if any) is, I would just like outside perspectives from people who have no bias towards myself or this other person.Alright so this guy, we'll call him Stefan, added me on snapchat just over a year ago. I normally don't use snapchat as it's really only ever been something I enjoy when there's a particular person(s) I'm trying to impress (juvenile I know, but hey, I'm human). I recognized him as someone I had matched with on Tinder years prior so I figured he must've just downloaded the app and was adding everyone in his contact list. So for about 4 months or so we never wrote each other, or even sent snaps to one another, just watched each other's stories. One day, I posted a snap in my story of me in high heels at my pole studio (I recreationally pole dance/participate in aerial arts on various apparatuses but mostly just pole) and he wrote me essentially saying damn you look good which was the first of many conversations over the course of the next year. As time went on, he became more fuck-boyish, essentially sending sexual messages (I always politely diverted the conversation or declined the advances). On maybe a couple of occasions I would indulge him and flirt back but my expectation was always that of a dude who just wanted to smash and clearly was not interested in anything more (hence exclusively conversing on snapchat). The dynamic turned into more a teasing/playful banter as we would sort of poke fun at one another with the occasion flirtatious undertone. At times the things he would joke about would be insulting to someone with a little more sensitivity than myself, but because I'm not easily offended I just gave it right back with witty remarks and never hit below the belt or sent anything nearly as rude as some of the things he sent. We did meet up and hung out one time during this whole year (I know, one whole time whoopie) but never during that interaction did he behave rudely or overtly sexual like the way he has over snapchat, in fact he was a perfect gentleman and it was actually fun despite it not being anything but a casual hangout.Anyways, fast forward to last week, seemingly everything was totally fine, there was no instance that I can even think of that would remotely warrant the behaviour that he displayed so this is why I'm writing this to whoever feels like responding. He was traveling in Asia, and posted a picture in his story of a meal with the caption "I had to walk down the busy fucking highway just to get this meal". So, jokingly, I sent him a meme (the Ricky Gervais "ooh, you're hard" meme) as the few prior conversations we had were him giving me a hard time and jokes at my expense (but let's be real, they were blatant negs) as well as another sexual advance. He responded by calling me stupid because there was no shoulder on said highway - I guess implying that I'm somehow an idiot because I didn't know that specific detail that was not shown anywhere I could see from that one snapchat... I didn't take this as him being angry, I just said hahaha, god forbid you take a taxi, there's only about a million of them there. He replied clearly annoyed saying I didn't know what the fuck I was talking about and that he was way out in the boonies and couldn't call a cab because none of them "spoke fucking english". At this point I was like ok he's clearly annoyed, so I just wrote back haha, I'm just trying to give you a hard time, I can imagine it's probably a gong show there sometimes. He didn't respond but read the message so I thought that was that and it was just a one off thing. Well, the following day, he proceeded to send me three videos of him walking on this busy highway and then wrote me "see stupid". At this point I'm just annoyed because I certainly don't like people insulting my intelligence nor do I appreciate such utter disrespect over something so small. I just responded saying thank you for that in-depth clarification. So his last and final response was just "fuckhead" so I assumed at this point he must be inebriated and wrote "go have another drink psycho" which he read but never responded to. Granted, in hindsight I should've just never written the last response and entertained the behaviour but I was annoyed.Later that day I noticed he full on deleted me from Snapchat. I found it to be so unexpected and strange because the whole interaction just came out of nowhere. So, me being a goodhearted person (sometimes to my detriment) wrote him on Facebook messenger (he added me to Facebook months prior to this altercation and we regularly comment on each others posts and like content) basically to apologize if I caused any offence and that it was not intentional and that I just thought I was going along with our usual dynamic and that I hoped the rest of his trip went well and safe travels. Well, that was about a week ago and he has yet to even open the message (though it was delivered) so he clearly is deliberately ignoring it. The thing I find odd is why go off the deep end #1, and #2 why delete me off of snapchat but not off Facebook? Is it just to keep tabs on me or something? I really don't get what I did, or didn't do, to warrant that kind of altercation? Also, should have I responded differently? I just don't see the point in stooping to the same level. I know I shouldn't give a shit what this random guy thinks but I guess I was more invested than I realized and I never want people to be upset with me if I can help it.Anyways thanks for listening to my petty first world problem lol, hopefully someone can shed some light as to why people behave the way that they do... via /r/dating_advice