i seem to have fallen into some kind of a rabbit hole and losing me mind at a worrying pace. people call wearing henna a cultural appropriation? when at this point it's been spread to so many different countries, all with their different takes of its usage and meaning?? why and how??? because as far as am aware the indian and arab* sailors and traders back in the day were happy to share what they got on pretty much every port they found themselves in, including henna, because ... that's kinda the point. like, yeah, am sure there are groups to whom henna holds a significant cultural and/or religious meaning, or at the very least have specific patterns that are. and there's bound to be just as many groups to whom henna is just a decorative kinda thing, to be worn for festivities or for fun, for those afternoons you're kinda bored and got too much time on your hands.

at this point you can't even call wearing henna a form of CA just based off one or two regions due to their specific meanings alone; there's like, a whole continent and a half to consider, with even the latest import happening, like, during the single or at most double-digit century. that's fucking old. not as old as like, egypt or even india sure, but still old enough to have fully be ingrained in their own cultures.

*singling out indians and arabs bc they were the two actors most relevant to how my people got introduced to henna in the first place. idk about others, lol.

edit: i decided this would drive me nuts, but i still want to keep it in case there's something worth salvaging in the future. ignore all of this ^_^

for some reason i'm interested the idea of poke!ren beginning our friendship with that like... unintentional infantilization a lot of people do with disabled people when they're trying not to be actively ableist? not because i enjoy that LMAO ABSOLUTELY NOT -- and my pokesona is prideful as hell and would DESPISE it -- but i think it would make sense.

[cw casual ableism, infantilism of disabled ppl. also, disclaimer: i'm basing some of this loosely on my own health issues so it may not 100% apply to all disabled people. just want to keep that straight LMAO.]

most many doctors are SUPREMELY ableist, but doc!ren went into his field SPECIFICALLY to help disabled people and so focused on how best to treat each individual person according to their personalities and disabilities. sure, poke!ren's also technically both a clinical doc and researcher, but if doc!ren is like 80% clinical 20% research, poke!ren is like 10% clinical 90% research.

so poke!ren... doesn't have that knowledge. he does mostly field work and some lab work, with the rare "what do you think about this specific medical case?" appointment. he's the kind of person who hates the more vocal brands of ableism, but is consistently overbearing with his treatment of disabled people in a way that's inadvertently exhausting to deal with because "what happens if i tell him this is also ableist? will he have a fit? will he get angry or upset? will he decide disabled people are too picky if i'm not the Perfect Disabled Little Meow Meow?" so you just end up suffering through it.

therefore, he goes full "paper skin, glass bones," with me, very, "oh i can get that for you! no don't stand up, i can do that. can i cook something for you? no no no, i mean, i know you COULD, but wouldn't it be /easier/ for me to make it for you? you might hurt yourself!". 🙄

we have an evening outing in another city. it gets dark, we're not at the point where we're comfortable staying at his place together, he offers to maybe help me find a hotel, and i say "nope i've got this!" and fly away home on a Fucking Lugia.

and then he has to sit with that and realize some things.

like the fact that he has no idea who the fuck i am beyond surface level. after all, i've been carrying a legendary bird around in my back pocket and he didn't know until now, months after we first met.

like the fact that i can take care of SOME things by myself with the right "tools" or pkmn. i SOMETIMES need help, but i don't ALWAYS need help, and if i DO need help i have the option to tell him myself.

like the fact that he simply saw me as Disabled. as though i didn't have a life before or outside of Disability. i was simply the pitiable, lonely, disabled vn nerd he talks about games with.

and then he has to relearn Me from square one, and it makes our relationship so much stronger. we're able to work on our perfect balance together and build the trust that HE won't take things over for ME when I'M capable of something, and that I will let HIM know when i need HIM to do something I can't do. he has to trust that i'll let him be more doting on the days when i'm having flare-ups, but simultaneously has to respect when there are things i still want to do myself even on those worst days.

.........idk. this is a lot of words to say "god i want to be taken care of, but in a way where the other person sees me as an adult with a personality and decision-making ability and a life that's deeply AFFECTED by disability in many ways but isn't JUST disability." yk?

tbch, after writing it all out, this maaaay end up as canon..... OR it might remain a theoretical offshoot depending on how comfy i am when the Mental Movies (tm) of us finding that trust come together. poke!ren's supposed to be like. PURE escapism, so something like this honestly might hit too close to home to feel good fdhfghfg. like at least he'd end up learning that balance, which is nice... but everything leading up to it? 😬 Maybe A Bit Too Painful....

(damn. verbose king over here, wrote all of this TWICE just to say "i might throw it out" lKNMADKJFNKJDNF)

(Very very sorry. I had to ramble a little about worldbuilding. It got out of hand.)

Nothing against the sans hyper fixation, i get it, i have it too.

but like... does anyone else wish there'd be a little more focus on other characters when it came to aus?

(BEAR WITH ME MY KNOWLEDGE COULD BE OUTDATED IF SOMETHING DOESN'T MAKE SENSE)

Like. For this huge clusterfuck of Sanses fighting other Sanses. A lot of them have home worlds right? Do they bring friends? Do they fight in the multiverse to protect them? Do they try to hide what they do? Is it just skeletons fighting in Dream and Nightmare's Groups or are there also Undynes popping up for backup? Is there a Toriel who Dream crashes with often? Someone other than Sans who is the only survivor of a destabilized world. Maybe there's a reason Sanses are most likely to survive? Is it chance? Is it the role he plays in most worlds? Is it a meta thing like Ink's relationship with Creators? Does Sans have some kind of cosmic plot armor due to our favor of him? Do the people who's world was destroyed, or destabilized, or kicked them out and have to live in the omega timeline, or crash with an alternate them, or live at Nightmare's Hideout-Castle-Thing jealous of characters with a home to return to when their job is done? Can we get Deltarune involved please?

Idk... The purely Sans groups are fun but surely there are more people helping the Stars and crashing with Nightmare's gang. I mean, mf has a castle. And Dream's cause seems to be pretty widespread.... Would Dust be chill enough with Kris to have them on the team? Would they pull the !#?@ Squad along or would Ralsei and/or Noel convince them to help Dream. Would they split in two? Are there people who's aus are perfectly fine but they decided to leave either because they were passionate enough for a cause, working off-world as a trade-off for protection or resources(like... food?) back home, or just- didn't like their universe at all? Susie and Noel fight on different sides but when SwapFell!Alphys helps booster Susie up into the castle so they can talk, nobody says a word. Underfell residents are even more cautious of eachother then before they were attacked since half of them now work for Nightmare and the others just want to get by? (Do Dream and Nightmare even look like Sans? Maybe they used to? Maybe they're a weird combination of Sans and Papyrus? It would make sense, they're twins afterall, but Sans and Papyrus come in Pair and don't look the same. Are they like Deltarune, perhaps? Technically the same person as Sans but with a role so twisted and different from the source that all resemblance is purely surface level? Doesn't that happen often? Nobody can really recognize faces anymore. Are you sure that's not normal? I think you're seeing things. Their auras do cause hallucinations on occasion. I'm sure they're normal. Just like Ink!)

Does Nightmare strategically pair up his soldiers so they're only fighting alongside different versions of themself in order to avoid bias from those who lost family? That's why the "Bad Sanses" are most infamous, perhaps? Because Nightmare looks most like them and therefore chooses Sanses as his closest thralls? But what about switched around Au's where someone who definitely looked like you is also definitely the guy would would've killed your family? What do you do about that? How do the Humans get on having all that DT in a space? Does the Most Determined Person change often? How do they interact with Killer?

What do Papyri think of short skeletons in scarves and hoodies, weighed down by an eternal grief and exhaustion carried in bags under their eye sockets? What do they think of the dust on that shady one's sleeves? And the way he's distracted by the nothing over his shoulder? What do Mutt and Red think of each other? What does Edge think of Mutt? Is it disturbing? Do they wonder what could've possibly changed to get where they are other than age? Is Paprika the Oldest? How old is Stretch? Edge made it into the Guard? Didn't Blue mention he was a teenager? How many kids have been mistaken for adults? How many lied? Is he okay? How does he possibly keep up with people like Ink and Dream? He kinda scares me. Do you think I could do that? What happened to Disbelief? Swapfell is surprisingly energetic. Edge, Paprika, do you need a Dentist? I know an Undyne-

are there any stories/facts about your job/coworkers you can comfortably share? maybe something cool they did/you did with them recently? anyone that stands out in particular among them, without getting too specific for. clear reasons?

what's cheeseburger up to atm? any notable stories or anything about him recently, or has he been just living his best life as usual?

which of the skyloft NPCs do you particularly like? for arguments sake, this is excluding the more story relevant ones, so no groose + his gang, no zelda obviously, etc.

as an opposite to that, talk about groose! i've always loved him as a character, and the bits you've said about him and his relationship with link and zelda is always great! also, any notable kin memories you have of groose? especially things that occured after he left skyloft, or even after the demise fight. what did he get up to after the credits rolled?

fun stories about your loftwing? were there any traits you and him shared notably? or any that were more opposite?

what are some of your favorite things about your favorite iterations of zelda? what i mean by that is like... what do you like best about tetra/wind waker zelda? what about skyward zelda? botw zelda? they're similar but all unique people, so what endears you the most about each of them?

i know this is a lot, so don't feel like you have to answer in any specific time frame. take as long as is comfortable, and i hope this helps!! ~🍄

these are so many!!! thank you for being so generous!!!

are there any stories/facts about your job/coworkers you can comfortably share? maybe something cool they did/you did with them recently? anyone that stands out in particular among them, without getting too specific for. clear reasons?

most of the ppl i work w are. kinda rude to me all the time so i mostly just drown them out so i don’t go insane. but there is this one kid who is just, like, a ray of sunshine every time he walks into a room. and he works so hard and he cares about his work and i feel like he’s the only bitch who gets me. we vibe over zelda and will just get into debates about the lore on the clock and i look forward to seeing him a lot. 

what's cheeseburger up to atm? any notable stories or anything about him recently, or has he been just living his best life as usual?

he’s just doin he. he sleeps a lot. sometimes in boxes. sometimes under beds. sometimes directly on top of me.

a few weeks back i went to the ER for what i figured out was a kidney stone and while i was literally on my bed writhing in pain trying to hold out until my grandparents got there cheeseburger just like, jumped up on top of me and immediately starting pissing on me, as if to say haha, check this out. i can urinate better than you.

which of the skyloft NPCs do you particularly like? for arguments sake, this is excluding the more story relevant ones, so no groose + his gang, no zelda obviously, etc.

i love all of them so much oh no... everyone i love i love for kinnie reasons like i am tempted to say jakamar cause even though he’s kind of a sleazy dude he, as previously mentioned, smuggled me woodscraps to whittle fsdgjkfsgh

but parrow gives good hugs. and henya always has snacks hidden somewhere. and pumm will give you soup on the house sometimes if he can tell you’re in a rough mood. and and and........ i wuv skyloft. this is all kinnie bullshit actually.

as an opposite to that, talk about groose! i've always loved him as a character, and the bits you've said about him and his relationship with link and zelda is always great! also, any notable kin memories you have of groose? especially things that occured after he left skyloft, or even after the demise fight. what did he get up to after the credits rolled?

talked about him a lil bit in my last ask hehe

fun stories about your loftwing? were there any traits you and him shared notably? or any that were more opposite?

aepon & i were the kind of pair where we seemed really dissimilar on the surface but i think if anyone actually knew us they’d be able to discern pretty quickly that we were 100% twinning. like at face value i was a pretty calm and quiet person who was just, like. spacey and sleepy and vibing while things happened around me, and aepon was this absolute speed demon who had the biggest, loudest presence any time he entered a space. ppl in skyloft called him my red terror.

but the thing about my bird is that he was stubborn to a fault, and recklessly brave, and he just didn’t. stop. and he loved fiercely, the second i was awake in the morning i’d hear him circling overhead and shrieking his happy little shriek, he’d fill my head with all his thoughts of hanging out with me while i was trying to concentrate on work. all those things, we had in common, but i wouldn’t have been able to tell you that. someone like zelda probably would have. 

i think the best representation of it is at the beginning of everything when the tornado took zelda, the both of us just. dove right in. nothing else mattered, no conflict existed within either of us, i didn’t have to steer him in or send my intentions into our shared headspace, he just turned into an arrow flying straight into danger, and i went with him and we were one living being. like that’s our core. we are very opposite, until shit gets real, and then we are this beautiful unity tearing through the clouds. 

what are some of your favorite things about your favorite iterations of zelda? what i mean by that is like... what do you like best about tetra/wind waker zelda? what about skyward zelda? botw zelda? they're similar but all unique people, so what endears you the most about each of them?

HOW DO I COUNT THE WAYS I LOVE ZELDA AHHHHH

oot!zelda’s determination to defy fate... the way she refuses, from the start, to give in to darkness even though she’s only a little girl. the way she sees my commoner ass just waltz up into her private garden after breaking into her house still dressed in my stupid forest clothes and shes like. oh fuck yeah, wanna help me overthrow the gerudo king? and we’re, can’t stress this enough, ten. she’s so confident like she never worries about being powerless or out of her element, she never for a second believes this isn’t something she can fight. and when everything goes to shit she just keeps fighting!!! and still has the time to remind me that i can keep fighting too!!! literally where did she get that personality i love her so much!!!!

tetra’s fucking... simmering fire. her perfect balance between action and thought. like you can tell she’s pissed off and wants to start throwing punches but she always has the self-control to assess if it’s the thing to do in the moment. I CAN’T DO THAT!!! i’m pissed off i want to swords!!!! that motherfucker over there is PROVOKING ME!!!!! and tetra has the same fire inside her but she’s always just, like, “shut the fuck up, link. put your sword away. we need to get the jump on him.” and im like, AHHHHHHH because she’s always right. literally always. i don’t know how she does this but i think about it constantly. i love her level head and her scheming heart and her choice to carve her own destiny. i like how she finds out she’s a legendary princess from an age long past with sacred blood and shes just like ‘that’s cool but actually i’m tetra and i like to cuss and steal.’ and just does that forever. it resonates with me especially because even though the gods acknowledged me as the hero of winds i, like, wasn’t a ‘true’ incarnation of the hero. it’s just what i decided to be with what i was given. she and i are two sides of that coin and there is something beautiful abt that i don’t have words for. in a lot of ways she was my inspiration.

skyward!zelda’s um. everything? everything. i am so in love with her. i am so in love... with her. i am finding it harder to describe her than everyone else here which is so silly because she’s easily the person i was closest with. she’s just, like, made of fire and love? of passion. everything she is stems from what she loves--she loves old legends, and cliche romance stories, and stargazing, and going on adventures. zelda romanticizes everything in her life, she’ll stop mid-sentence to make you look at the sky because it struck her as particularly beautiful today, meanwhile i’m just like. thats the sky i see it every day i live here. and she’s so brave, so fierce, so resilient--there’s literally nothing that could scare her, i’m certain she got to the surface and immediately started spitting curses at blins, if ghirahim had actually found her alone she would have tried to come at him clawing and spitting. i was always so chill because all my anger was Stored in The Zelda, she’d just fight half my battles for me before i could register they were battles. idk. zelda was such an optimist who took everything in stride and believed, no matter what, that she could make it her own and make it beautiful and find something to adore within it. i might have had a quieter disposition, but she was always better at dealing with change than me. it was calming. i love her so much.

botw!zelda’s passion and inquisitive heart, oh my god, oh my god. i’m going to fucking fight everyone in the kingdom who ever made her feel like she talks too much. god it enthralls me, the way she just talks and talks and talks and LETS ME LISTEN, she lets me just SIT THERE and BASK IN IT like some kind of COLD REPTILE ON A ROCK. i literally cannot comprehend how she can fit so much knowledge about so many different things in her brain, and the way she’s ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THAT, literally just getting together with her techie friends and building whole ass machines when she was like 6 years old. shes looking at me like ‘oh this child prodigy curse my shortcomings why cant i be pulling enchanted swords when IM 12′ and im like PRINCESS YOU’RE FUCKING COOLER THAN ME LIKE CONGRATS I TOUCH A SWORD SOMETIMES AND YOU COULD LITERALLY MAKE A ROBOT TO DO THAT FOR YOU oh my god the way she doesn’t see how incredible she is makes me go insane i feel insane just thinking about it she’s the coolest fucking person i’ve ever met she’s the coolest person in hyrule the kingdom is too good for her i want her to take apart hyrule castle brick by brick and just leave a note behind that says ‘im too cool for you’ and then she gets on my ancient magic motorcycle and rides off into the sunset to some paradise far away and if i’m LUCKY she takes me with her. i love zelda

ive also been thinking a lot about what i call the kernel. i was trying to explain like lucid dreaming to annah and like.. waking up ready to go and stuff

i think it ties in to my Perfectionism and need for Control.

so basically it is like the layers of consciousness - yknow you've got awake and sober, all the various levels and types of not sober, the layers of sleep and REM. i didn't listen to or understand any of that id/ego shit but maybe it's like that i have no clue lol. it's also like .. layers of understanding/knowledge and the lizard brain probably.

idk its just a word i use to try to explain it

so you have like on the surface the way you present yourself and speak and talk and try to think and feel

(remember where i was talking about rewriting this is what that is referring to)

so there's layers of how deeply you believe something. like when you're unlearning things youre maybe trying to rewrite/unlearn genuinely all the way down or maybe just a lil bit on the surface or whatever yknow?

so the kernal is like the core of what you know and feel and believe its whats deep down even all the way in the sleep you know. the shit you don't have to remind yourself to think/feel/do. and for me as a perfectionist need for control, i am paranoid that i won't believe something all the way down and i will forget and mess up. like .. when i was closeted that i might say something gay in my sleep for example, or that i might not react quick enough in a crisis or disaster in my sleep, so i try to get it down as far as i can in my core brain the kernal to be ready to go when i wake up or to not even dream about things in case i sleep talk, and of course this helps to be able to lucid dream lol :P you just gotta remember

anyways.

https://www.facebook.com/104057744428568/posts/156998459134496/?sfnsn=mo&d=n&vh=e

Fucking told him its a huge red flag if someone doesn't get rid of their apps. Multiple apps. Smh 😠 "oh yea i don't use them anymore" proceeds to use fb dating app" for real come on bro!

Some comments of the post:

"If you have to be checking up on your Partner then you shouldn't be with that person.. Idk how people have time for all this .. love yourself and know your worth.."

"If you're in a serious committed exclusive relationship you should not be on tinder. That's how I met my fiance and as soon as we said we are gf and bf and exclusive we both deleted it. Honestly if I was her I would have broken up with him too"

"a person also has a right to trust their gut feeling and check things out if something's not feeling right. Knowledge is power"

I've already discussed this but this news clip further validates my point of the topic, nothing more. I could call him out on hs bs further with detail, but I won't....yet, out of respect even though he probably doesn't deserve it. Til he reaches me & apologizes for everything he's done, i can say whatever tf I want & i could make a whole damn list.

Its the events of this what happened that started our downfall to begin with cuz i didn't trust him & he didn't even try to gain it back just left it as is when I could've turned my back right then & there, no apology either. Didnt apologize much actually, not even when i last saw him. But from then we spiraled & he got bored of me. I wasn't giving him what he wanted in whatever way & he wanted to find more. Closed himself off from the beginning & that created his boredom 😒

Would've had a blast together like a normal fucking couple if he was less closed off, & wouldn't have felt the need to do shit behind my back.

I'll stop talking about it for now, I have the anger & urge to keep going but I wont...actually no Screw it im pissed 😡 but ill keep it light. Its just not fair, I did so much for him but I was disrespected in different aspects of the whole relationship. Fuck! I've talked about the positives alot cuz i do love him..but the negatives are such bs too.

I want a good ass sincere apology for all of it so I can forgive him & move on, ive already apologized myself even though I dont think I should have to 😒. Didnt even give me a straight answer for the breakup, it was always a different excuse when I know he just wanted to pursue other women without me around im not fucking stupid. His own toxicity was too much even for himself & I was in the line of fire, to where i was the toxic one? No fuck that its unacceptable, he always lied when it came to covering his own ass.

For all i know he's watching me squirm & taking pleasure in all the pain I'm going through over him cuz he likes the attention. But no I actually don't think so on that one he's still good & ill give him credit where its due. But I gave him all the attention he wanted/needed & still wanted more from someone else. Really dude fucking really!?

Man up & own up to your mistakes, speak to me where I can actually hear ur voice speaking back to me with sincerity. We'll apologize together. Yea ull be pissed about this, but after u get over it & calm down. Give in & call me, granted when ur ready, & open up for once in your damn reserved life. Itll help us both with more closure & may even take a weight off our shoulders if we just talk it out, no arguing...since we're done there's no point anyway..a friendly non judgment zone cuz idc, i won't think of u any less.

U confused me during & especially after the relationship cuz i didnt know who u really were, i know the good cuz that's what u allowed me to see, ive accepted the bad that I knew already & from what ive learned...i accepted u regardless.

I always forgave u & not cuz im passive, cuz forgiveness is what the Bible teaches.. ive forgiven u & myself the best i could especially with the last things ive showed u, (accept this part cuz im pissed rn & standing up for myself, ill delete eventually maybe if u ask cuz nobody wants to be seen any less of a person. but I can make it alot worse, calling me the mistake was the worst thing u ever said to me & pointing out your faults so u can be better throughout the relationship was my only toxicity to u) we actually never really fought except the 1 time, just argued a tiny bit rarely about little things.

Ive tried using every ounce of my courage to show u how much im sorry for any wrong ive done. but its up to u now to make things right. U know me, ive always said that u can talk to me about anything. I want to be able to trust again & move on whilst staying friends. What else do u have to lose, might even have a great heart to heart convo dude to dudet

Everything ive ever said up to this point lies all my Questions. But here's most of the list, we both were equally in control of the relationship. Maybe u didn't want me to? But doing everything I had to for myself & the household, what u & ur parents wanted of me & just me being me cuz i had to, u had your own part to play & did provide...but did u actually not want me to cater to u if it were a sign u were lazy or something? Like did u not feel worthy of me? What is it u think is my "addicting personality" that isn't fixable on the surface? What is it really that u didnt like about me? This is why i don't have closure, u left me like this, confused as well as wanting more since u held back so much. Was that on purpose to give me even more false hope & want me to pine over u? Did u ever or do u still, love me at all? What did u want from me & out of the relationship, what was the purpose of it from ur perspective & why do u think i couldn't give that to u? What did i lack that u felt compelled to not tell me so I could improve & vise versa so we both could improve? Why wouldn't u allow me to help u become a better man when (I shouldnt have to btw), its exactly what u wanted but maybe didnt see it? Do u realize your own faults even as u do them? Lol. Like i genuinely want to know as much as the good ive seen, cuz to be better the more open of a person u are the more u understand yourself too.

Unless claiming u want to be a better man is part of ur alluring charm in love bombing process to land a caring girl on purpose lol...god I hope not, that would just mean u rinse & repeat like a for real narcissist 🤔 seriously tho look into that im not even kidding, im asking cuz i care. Im pissed now but 1 thing is that im trying to not put ur behavior against u cuz maybe u can't help it, its just the way u are, all ive seen & experienced points to maybe 50% of u lol. Ive always suspected narcissism, a real psych problem that might be worth looking into. But yea 1 of the reasons especially why im so forgiving & trying not to put it against u, why i still care despite u being a dick lol. I chose to look past it, all the time & up to now cuz I understand what its like to have psychological ailments. The worst part about it is most dont realize it, so i encourage u to do some research & self reflection & admitting it to urself are the 1st steps. Okay? There's different kinds & levels to being 1 too, i found that fascinating. bryan is definitely a different type, ur more lighter than that...definitely not the worst which is the physical harm type. Trust me its worth finding out more about yourself, just dont use it to ur advantage in a bad way but i trust u to do right & grow. Not sure a discarded supply (ie me) has ever tried telling a narcy what they might be for the benefit of their own self awareness 🤔,idk if its ever been done, but theres a 1st for everything? U can find alot on it in quora digest alone but Google is also ur friend.

You always were worth every effort of mine to help u in any way to be happy, & i was most happy when u were. U mean alot to me still, its the effect u had on me, I was under ur spell lol its hard to rid myself of it still, not sure when it'll pass. I chose to see it as a gift rather than a curse, that ur effect on me is still so strong when I shouldn't give a damn. If u really are a narcy, then I understand & don't put alot against u cuz its just the way u are & i need to accept it, but if it somehow helps u to help yourself cuz of it, then whats the harm? But, even in doing this or having my socials public for u...maybe just feeds into what u want...i still dont care, I want u to see how bad or good im doing without u in my life, so u know im okay at least. U promised friendship, least I can do is allow u to keep tabs on me too we spoke of, on my end of things.

The 18th of June was the last time i saw u. It'll soon be a month ago in about a week & a 1/2 & your birthday would mark 2 months. Cant believe we couldn't even last through to that 😔

Mark my words playa I will be contacting u on that day lol. Can't ghost your homie forever sweetie

Idk marriage seems weird. Given my situation I'm not finding any love myself. So I know my parents will intervene at some point and they will bring some guy and tell me to marry him the next day while I didn't even know person existed until yesterday. That's werid. And as far as love goes yk I have only liked fictional people, I also like real people but it's always like they look good, their dress is cute, they have nice smile. That's it. I've never got to the point where I make compromises or sacrifices to see that person or I get butterflies. This brings to another interesting thing coz after a lot of waiting to get hit by love I got fed up, it was very foreign to me. Peeps around me used to talk about their loved ones all the time and I used be like get over it they are not as important as you think, most of the people I knew were already in love and it sounded so crazy to me I started thinking that “love” doesn't exist, I thought people are just faking it to fill their sad empty life, they are just obsessing over another person so they don't have to face their life problems and reality. Coz love was something I never experienced and I waited a lot, I finished school I got into college but it never happened so I thought yeah it doesn't exists. I also considered that I might be aro/ace but I liked fictional/celebrity people so I ruled that out. Now, this thing went for a long time and then that Michael guy entered the picture.

****

I hope I didn't freaked you out with the signs of addiction but in my defence I told you to sit down for that and I also told you to walk away. But you choose this instead.

Yeah. No one knows that babe until you study this stuff. And yeah that's how it is, anyone who has brain will go through it. That's the wiring of brain.

Oh! Really? I love that you're having the big moment. (Hope it's like slow burn Oh! Moment) and in love you're addictive to the person so it makes sense to act that way. Babe again no one knows this until you're studing it. Love is complicated even inside the brain.

😂😂No I'm no genius. I'm just sharing my knowledge. You wanted smart talk and I'm giving you that. I could have gone with microorganisms or citric cycle but that's something you won't even relate to and it will be very boring you don't wanna know if shigella is non spore forming. It's some useless info your brain will toss out. That's why I choose neuroscience.

Do you wanna continue more on this? We haven't got to the evolution part yet. All this was very surface level. And you have to assure me if you're getting it coz I always think this is very weird way to explain things, I need some paper and pen and diagram and I wonder if you get lost somewhere, if you're only saying you get it for the sake of saying. And also you stop me anytime. I don't wanna bore you.

oh that sounds bad:(( ah so you’ve liked people but never fell in love? ok that’s pretty deep. I mean life doesn’t end after you graduate high school, right? perhaps that person and you still didn’t find eachother. you may not be wanting all this pep talk stuff, but I know this will work: destiel. yes it’s fictional, I get it. but what’s the possibility that it won’t ever happen in reality? the guy went through over half his life just messing about here and there when an angel just popped up out of nowhere, and it took him the whole other half of his life to even realize that they were actually in love. time is such a strange thing. you could also be aro/ace, who knows! oh yeah that michael dude that I’d gladly step on, fyi.

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no dw you didn’t! it came as a surprise yes, but it was intriguing!

wow. you’re really interesting, did you know that? this is just making me yearn more and more for our late night talks under the stars✨

(yes that’s exactly how it’s like!) I didn’t even have any idea that the brain plays such a big part in love, I thought it was mostly the heart’s job.

yeah? and isn’t that what a genius does? so idc if you won’t believe it, but you’re one intellectual individual babe. the who is what???🤨 yeah okay I have no idea what that means😂 ohhh so that’s an example of information that my brain will discard while i’m asleep. ngl, I didn’t neuroscience would be even as mildly interesting as this. go on and hit me up with some other bizarre fact!

duh?! that was just the SURFACE??? oh do go on then! I am 100% understanding all of this, I will let you know when I get confused;) no don’t worry, I have this thing that if I don’t understand something, my brain will stop functioning until I finally wrap my head around that thing. so really if I don’t get something, i’ll tell you. I PROMISE you I am not bored!

🎶I know you're troubled about changes that are weighing you down. when life just ain't fair, it's okay to be scared, nobody's that figured out. and I know a place we can hide, paint our own world full of life. ride off in the sunset, get lost in the moment, even if it's just tonight. baby, sink in this bed, stare with me at the ceiling. let's lay here, catching our breath, and if we slip away while we're high on the feeling. I promise we won't have regrets, if you just let me love you to death🎶💕