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incarnateirony · 1 year

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Actually, you know what? No reason to be cryptic about it. Enjoy the journey on Aaron's current life choices.

So I mean, I've not made it secretive that I'm, among many things, a pothead, mostly for pain management. And that I've had an interesting life, and have some surprising influences in rings that I always stood as the Most Unlikely Hobbit in.

But certain things I witnessed, I observed, I learned a great deal, even had the means to get involved with but just, didn't. I had enough chaos in my life, let's not add FBI drug raids to it, thanks.

But on February 6th, weed is legal here.

The first places that were approved on licensing for it were established medical dispensaries. They've already gone through the process and most of them are importing established brands etc etc and so on. And most home growers don't have the mix of knowledge, and time to do all the hinky beaurocracy shit as a backyard operation, so they mostly just grow and quietly share with besties if they got overflow, and it's kind of whatever they got.

I've also lived in a location where it was legal, as it went legal, so I remember watching this process happen before. The first thing that happens is lines down entire blocks at major established medical dispensaries, while the overage joe still smokes something from their friend's potted plant basically, and it's cool, as long as you're not like, busted trying to distribute random shit on the corner.

And then over time the market shifts because since legalization application is open for everyone else in a few months, after it's Roughly Pretended Nobody Planted Early, We Swear, and smaller licensed recreational-predominant dispensaries open, but often struggle and fail on profit margins vs operations vs whatever. Like I have literally seen this circus, I have watched the monkeys rise and then die.

So I hear them asking, well, isn't this gonna bring the cost of weed way down? and I'm like... nyes?

If you mean the demand to have some random shit dropped in your mailbox by your uncle Ben's neighbor, yeah, that's gonna go through the floor. Even if they Swear It's Their Best Shit. Because the market is going to be full of high end prices with menus and educational information that lets customers select what they want, and the prices START where they used to be and only go up from there, plus taxes. So. No. Weed actually gets a little more expensive but the shit you get is hand over fists better.

Like someone I know is all "You know weed is cheap, no matter how good it is right, where do you think I get all my shit." and I'm like. You get all your shit because it's inventory nobody wants, was harvested way too young and is indiscernible from higher end ditch weed dude, this is just what market availability has done.

Then they argue, no, don't order your seeds from XYZ, my buddy in colorado can send you any strain you want, bet.

Nawwwww. NAWWWWWW. That's shit they shook off their plants, best guess at gendering and is probably lowkey hybridized somehow, no I want to know EXACTLY what they fuck I'm starting with and be in control of my plants without having an invasion of boys fucking up the crop.

So then of course there's the issue of competition even if I got the startup equipment. Yeah, lots of people grow for themselves, but expecting to make a profit margin is where people fuck up. Because by the time they pay for space beyond one table in their kitchen, or anywhere to sell it or have space, they're in the hole before they ever open the door.

So considering the remodeling plans I had, the local zoning and other things, I got the operations front covered, and it'd be part of a paid off home. It's just built in cost of living anyway, only now Home Earns Money with the layout I have planned and so on, because again, I need to remodel the basement for disabled living anyway, And This Fits. Wheelchair floorplan and all.

But um. Because of my life path, DESPITE my somehow squeaky clean record, I have seen things. The system will ironically let me coast through application easily as an, awww, look at these two white nerds trying to make a profit margin on their pain management dotting all their i's and crossing all their Ts. When really we have quarterly plans set out for two years as a rough estimate.

We being a friend of mine, a dear real life friend, who has history in realty, accounting and business management that was looking for a way out of the grind too, and is happy to help quickbooks his way through this and match the money I can put in on the 18th.

Because no, no I will never be able to out compete the established big dispensaries. But I got something better. The common sense to know pulling in a quarter what they target in a week is great. The ability to incorporate it to living expenses. The available manpower to handle all the form filling and dotted i's and crossed T's on that end while I handle the production, at no cost to us, no inflation to customer, and everything beyond some essentials really being minimal cost for profit. And cured and treated right you get this sticky bud NO dispensary can match, period.

And then there's where I'm at. I'm in a food desert. How do you think the dispensaries look. If you go up the main road maybe five miles there's one, and I can guarantee you it'll be expensive as fuck, so everyone will keep buying ditch weed.

The point is to be the middle ground of that, to be KNOWN to those people, to have local referrals and community.

Like naw, I don't want a store front. I'll do everything I can to be healthy, legal, maintained, all of that and it won't be that hard with the two of us. But you get me 200 locals that already spend 500 a month in weed you got me 100K/month, bro. And they still get to menu pick That Good Shit like at the dispensaries but because there's no storefront or middle management it outprices them for actual hand reared good shit that aint dried out or whatever.

Yeah. I know EXACTLY what the fuck I'm doing, and to NOT overgrow and to NOT overaim, and to KEEP it small and simple and to NOT expect to be a millionaire overnight, but rather, to be a Thousandaire smoothly for a bit and, then if my buddy does the right business cost writeoffs, we can see about expanding year two or what have you. Yeah, sure, buy the house this year on early profit margins, collateral it against itself for repairs and write it off as a business expense to get started. The room is there but it's not about ever trying to be One Of Those Ones. It's about fitting a local demand in a market and being THE one to set up that demand, and you can't do that if you fuck around waiting a month to invest it.

SOOOO to roll back to the start of this post on the 18th I am Buying Some Shit that will not see investment return for, oh, 10-14 weeks one could say, and then after that things start rolling, at about the rate getting a license approved happens, iykyk.

It's just about 500 investment on either end, scaled to 15 plants expected to drop 15-25 low to high ounces as a start. You can outprice the market and still pull 100K. And after you get round one going next month double it over into a second wave with a few more troughs and again the next month. You only run three. Suddenly it's like when you have too many chickens. That's it that's the sweet spot right there. So give it a quarter.

So that's about where I'm at right now. I'm worried about getting them started first, as I can't fight against time itself. He's gonna work out the licensing and LLCs shit in the meantime and put in his half and we're getting it rolling NOW. I can bat around customer reward and referral programs loosely and whatnot as that's already on the mind, but this is the point of motion I'm at right as my hip literally blew, so there's a lot of chair sitting by force going on right now. [uses cane to push gamer chair around the house] HOLDING FOR INVESTMENT MONEY FIRST CHAIR SECNOD I CAN MAKE IT TILL THE FIRST DAMMIT.

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copperbadge · 3 years

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Can I ask about how you saved up for your home? Got any good websites or tags? I've found down payment calculators which seem like massive amounts to save. But there's always phrasing about needing to keep some cash but never how much. And creepily enough most the websites about it seem to be operated by the lenders. Who I'm less inclined to trust as they're the ones who are going to make money from this.

Oh man, I'm not gonna lie, I could never have bought my home without money from my parents, who inherited it.

We're not a particularly wealthy family and for much of my life we were on the poor side of middle class, but my stepfather's father made some strong investments in the 70s that started to pay off in the 90s, and when Mama Tickey died she left a fairly significant amount of money to be split among her children. So my parents and I made a deal: they would make me a no-interest loan of $10K (it ended up being $12K when all was said and done) to make a down payment on a home, and I could pay it back when I sold my home. Since then I have actually managed to start paying it back sooner (The price of the fridge I bought them is getting knocked off my debt, for example, at my suggestion) but yeah, if I'd had to save $12K up myself I would only just now be actually hitting that goal.

Now, all that said, I CAN offer you some advice! What you want to look into are the special deals that first-time homebuyers can get, like FHA loans that require a much lower down-payment as long as you live in the home for at least five years (to prevent house flipping). If I had gone with one of those loans I would possibly have paid more in interest in the long run if I didn't refinance, but I could have made a down payment of only $3K. You will probably need to talk to lenders to get this kind of information, but I would also check any local housing authorities or HUDs, and look around in your area for housing assistance programs.

I found my housing assistance program through a lender, who said "You'll need to take two workshops, one in fiscal responsibility and one in homebuying, before you can apply for a mortgage." You should NEVER have to pay for this kind of workshop, and they gave me a list of places that offered them, and my assistance program was the first one that offered them free. The program helped me determine what I could afford, found me a lender that would work with me as a first-time homebuying and offered special loans for those, helped me get a realtor to find the home and a lawyer to get all the paperwork done. (For reference they are the Resurrection Project.)

My best advice is to go to wherever you do banking, as long as they're not horrible and offer mortgages, and ask to speak to a mortgage advisor. (I would also recommend finding a local credit union that offers mortgages and talking to them because they tend to be less predatory than banks.) Explain that you're super new to home buying and need some guidance in how to get a good mortgage with a low down payment, and ask what kind of loan options there are for first time buyers. If they can't help they can probably send you to someone who can.

And good luck! It's a heinous journey, trying to buy a home, but three years on I really think it was worth it for me, and I'm happy I went through it regardless of what a pain it was at the time.

Readers, feel free to chime in, just remember to comment or reblog rather than send asks in response to this ask!

#housing #housing advice #home loans

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robinsnest2111 · 3 years

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indirectly tagged by @lampmeeting

it's not part of the original thing but I'm gonna add a silly little self portrait as well~

Questions to get to know you a little better:

1. What do you prefer to be called name wise? Robin or any kind of nickname related to that you can come up with lol Some of my favourites are Rob and Robble

2. When is your birthday? November 21st

3. Where do you live? A little town in Niedersachsen (Lower Saxony), Germany. Known for being the summer residence of a royal bloodline some 200 years ago. Yes there's a castle :P

4. Three things I am doing right now? Trying to forget the nightmare I just woke up from, thinking about getting a few more clementines from the kitchen and fininishing a little sketch I started yesterday

5. Four fandoms that have piqued my interest: Metalocalypse (ofc), Hogan's Heroes, Ghost BC, What We Do In The Shadows. Those are the main 4 at the moment but there's always a chance for other fandoms to take over for a bit.

6. How has the pandemic been treating you? ....yeah. Not so great. My grandma died suddenly at the start of the pandemic, I had to leave my internship I was super happy at early because of lockdown, finished my last semester at college with horrible online classes, had to move back in with my parents, cut contact with someone I've known almost all my life, barely passed my finals, still on the hunt for a job (started applying to places in September) and am close to losing it any day now lol Also pandemic means no flea markets which was one of the few things keeping my brain happy and occupied while giving me a chance to ride my bike around the region for hours :^(((((

7. Song(s) I can’t stop listening to: Sadly no particular song coming to mind right now, but I've had Ghost's entire discography and Dethalbum I, II, and III on rotation for months now lol. This Toss A Coin To Your Witcher Remix has also been stuck in my head for a while and is always worth a listen (Also have some silly techno/hardstyle remixes stuck in my brain permanently because I listened to them as background noise while trying to make my final college projects somewhat decent. Terence Hill & Bud Spencer - Lalalalalala, Da Tweekaz - Jägermeister, Star Wars Hardstyle, DJ Ötzi - Anton aus Tirol, Das Leben des Brian - Schwanzus Longus)

8. Recommend a movie: The Road to El Dorado by Dreamworks, a children's movie, I know... Each song is an absolute banger tho (even the German versions!), the jokes are silly but fun, the queer/gay hints add that little spice that I subconsciously picked up on and felt comforted by as a kid and the design of the everything is just (chef's kiss) Also the chemistry between the 4 main characters is gud as heck. It's the childhood movie I latched on to the most, my mother had to rent the dvd almost every single day until I bought a copy myself lol

9. How old are you? 24 orz I don't feel like it at all...

10. School, university, occupation? Finished college in August, unemployed because no one wants to hire in the creative field during a worldwide plague :^)

11. Do you prefer heat or cold? As long as it's under 35°C I prefer heat. My hands and feet are icicles 95% of the time after losing weight :^(

12. Name one fact others may not know about you? Since I'm an expert oversharer you probably know almost everything about me already orz But uhhh. Lemme see... I learned how to operate a laundry machine at the ripe old age of 20 at my internship at a hair salon lmao My mother never had the nerve to show me how on the modern machine we have at home (along the lines of "you will fuck it up anyways so let me do it >:^(((" which is an overarching theme in her raising me lol), but the older machine with the simpler dials at the salon was a good start to learn and honestly one of the things at this internship I'm still super grateful for...

13. Are you shy? Oh hell yeah I am... It's all the years of getting only negative feedback for trying to interact with others lol

14. Preferred pronouns: He/Him mostly, still figuring out if I still like they/them or nah (since in German there are no neutral pronouns that aren't neopronouns I've automatically gotten more attached to he/him lol)

15. Biggest pet peeves: I feel so mean for admitting it but honestly: Any noises my parents make. If I'm having a particularly bad low brain energy day even hearing them breathe makes me wanna run away and scream in anger... (Doesn't irk me with anyone else tho, which is weird...)

16. What is your favorite "dere" type? Oh there's more than 4 types now?? I've always liked Kuudere types the most out of the original 4 types, but I guess Shundere and Utsudere are right up my alley too!!!

The Kuudere (クーデレ), sometimes written Coodere or Kūdere, type refers to a character who is often cold, blunt, and cynical. They may seem very emotionless on the outside, but on the inside they’re very caring — at least when it comes to the ones they love.

The Shundere (しゅんデレ) type refers to characters who are sad and very depressed. While a full smile on their face might be out of the question, their love interest can help them open up and feel accepted.

The Utsudere (うつデレ) type refers to a character who is often sad and depressed. There is a reason for the character’s despair such as being bullied at school. Even if their life improves, they are often wary of other characters’ motives.

17. Rate your life 1-10? Maybe a 4? 4.5 at max

18. What is your main blog? The one I'm posting this on lol

19. List all your side blogs and what they’re for:

yorkiesart - old as hell and inactive artblog

bleedingheartbird - very triggering and depressing vent blog :^(

yorkie2111 - my very first username, a sea and ocean themed aesthetic blog now mostly for when I miss Denmark a whole lot (kinda inactive)

robinsartnest - a second attempt at a separate art blog, inactive as well lol

20. Is there anything people should know before becoming friends with you? I'm a clusterfuck of several undiagnosed mental illnesses and probably other conditions that I'm trying to figure out and deal with on my own until I can get professional help and some diagnoses. At times I'm weird and distant and overall very depressed and unpleasant, I've already hurt so many people this way and am trying to be better every single day. Basically I've never been given the "How to properly Human" manual and am frantically trying to get it right without hurting too many innocent people in the process.

Anyway, if you are nice to me I will love you forever ♡♡♡ :'3c

idk who to tag so if you wanna do this, do it~

#oh wow that's a long one haha #gosh these tag things really encourage my oversharing nature oops #anyway if any of you want to do this too feel tagged :D #get to know me better

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roswelldetails · 4 years

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RNM 2x12 - Crash Into Me

EPISODE SUMMARY:

WELCOME TO CRASHCON — As the town prepares for CrashCon, Liz (Jeanine Mason) and Max (Nathan Dean) attempt to piece together who may be behind a potentially deadly plan targeting the festival. Elsewhere, Maria (Heather Hemmens) and Isobel (Lily Cowles) take drastic measure to learn more about the night Mimi (guest star Sherri Saum) disappeared, while Michael (Michael Vlamis) is forced to do someone else’s bidding.

DETAILS:

Max is secretly practicing with his powers. Was Max's "light cardio" actually just him trying to strengthen his powers?

Max has a land line. Hee. Which Liz doesn't mind answering for him.

Liz is looking for a pen on his desk when she finds the empty vials of the antidote. Max plays them off as being leftover from when he had amnesia.

Liz mentions that the phone call was Max's bank calling to verify a deposit for him.

Max is choosing not to worry about Michael because he and Isobel can feel that he's not badly injured or in serious danger.

Liz called Dirk:

"He said before she left she was getting nonstop calls from a 575 number. The Sunset Mesa facility where Mimi DeLuca lives."

"Wait, Mimi was calling your mom before the abductions?...Mimi was always obsessed with alien movies. Maybe fiction and reality are blurring. Your mom is working with Flint Manes who spent years making an alien-killing weapon while at Caulfield. What if your mom found out Rosa was killed by an alien? She'd want revenge."

Note: Max and I apparently think alike, because this was my assumption going into the episode as well. For the sake of detailing and not making this confusing plotline any more confusing...Max and I were both wrong.

Also, I love that they mentioned cell service issues during Crash Con. That is extremely realistic and makes a ton of sense, speaking from experience at like, concerts and baseball playoff games and such.

Maria gets Liz's voicemail and immediately confronts Mimi.

"I just got a message from Liz. Mom...when you disappeared, it was Helena Ortecho that took you...You didn't have butyricol in your system when they found you. You know Liz's mom. You'd remember if you spent a month with her. Mom, are you covering for Helena?"

"Everything is going to be fine."

"I'm not fine. Alex and Michael are missing."

"Helena is a lot of things, but she won't hurt your friends. I'm sure… (Isobel walks in) You're the blonde. The one that Rosa was afraid of."

"Hi Mimi...I'm your cool Aunt Isobel. Hopefully we can get to know each other under better circumstances sometime. Sure about this DeLuca?"

"Desperate times call for desperate alien invasions."

Isobel's first trip into Mimi's mindscape:

"Show me what happened the night you disappeared, Mimi."

Mimi turns to see headlights approaching. It's the hunting van. Helena is driving it. After they greet each other they talk in the van.

"I saw her. I saw her in a vision.

"I didn't believe you. I had to see it with my own eyes."

"You saw her. You saw Rosa."

Flashback to Liz and Rosa arguing over Rosa's necklace in 2x01. Just as a note, Isobel is in Mimi's head, not Helena's, so she shouldn't really be able to see this flashback since Mimi wasn't there when Helena saw Rosa.

"This is a good thing, Helena. Your daughter is alive. She needs you."

"When Jim Valenti was dying, I came home to say goodbye. He kept saying Rosa could live again, that she was preserved."

"But you didn't believe him. No one ever believes us."

"If Rosa is alive, it means Jim was telling the truth. Which means everything else he said could be true, like aliens are real and Jesse Manes has a weapon that can kill them. It means I have to go to war, Mimi. First, you need some shoes."

Then Mimi somehow kicks Isobel out of her memories, which gives Isobel a nosebleed. But Mimi doesn't seem to know what happened. It's almost like she has a kind of subconscious protection on her own mind, somehow.

Note: the hunting van must not be Flint's, because Helena is driving it when she first considers teaming up with Flint, I assume based on the above. Maybe she was the suspicious figure in Flint's house when Max and Kyle were hiding in the closet? And what about the car that Rosa blew up? Did she have access to multiple vehicles? Am I overthinking this?? Haha.

Kyle's tip to Max:

"I found this at Flint's, but it's from a florist my dad used when he was in the doghouse with my mom. I finally guessed the password today. Rosa's birthday. The only thing on it is a note my dad wrote to Helena. It's a lot of romantic crap followed by details for a storage unit he had up near Haystack Mountain."

Haystack Mountain is an off-road vehicle recreation area about 30 miles northeast of Roswell.

Michael working on the "bomb". Charlie is working on the toxin nearby and Helena is keeping an eye on both of them.

"This entire process would be more efficient if I could attach the release chamber to the other side."

"Ay, mijo. Now is not the time to get creative. Time is running out. Follow the blueprints exactly."

"You don't look like an obedient soldier. Who'd she take to force you to do her bidding?"

"A friend. It's complicated. Why are you helping her? Jenna's free."

"Flint Manes has a sniper rifle on the roof pointed at her bedroom window. If I step out of line and something happens…"

"You'll never forgive yourself."

"I'll never forgive myself anyway. Helena has me formulating a pathogen that I invented when I was 17. It's a poison that dismantles specific DNA. If targeted your death is quick and ugly. A bleeding from every orifice kind of deal… I thought that I was saving people. Okay, imagine a weapon that you could drop into a populated city and the only people targeted would be al-Qaeda leaders and their direct descendants. Okay? In the right hands my weapon could prevent innocent civilian casualties and save our troops."

"I'm guessing these are not the right hands? Why am I building the bomb when the inventor is under Helena's thumb?"

"I do chemicals, not mechanics. And technically it's not a bomb. It's a catalytic toxin atomizer that was developed in a top secret operation involving weapons specialists from both the Army and the Air Force."

"Project Shepherd. One more question for you, Charlie. Whose DNA is that poison you're making gonna target?"

"Judging from conversations I've heard between Helena and Flint, it's alien DNA. Like, literal aliens."

This is actually the part of this story that's crystal clear to me. We've been getting tidbits on this dating back to 1x12, when Flint told Alex about his "smart bomb". Jesse told Jenna in 2x04 about Charlie's toxin that could pinpoint specific DNA, and even used a similar metaphor in explaining it as Charlie did in this episode. The part that doesn't make sense to me is, why did FLINT need Michael to build it, if he developed the blueprints?

Liz and Rosa in the lab discussing Max taking the antidote.

"He's only supposed to take a drop when he has amnesia. It's not vitamin C. In high doses it could cause surges of adrenaline that could be dangerous."

"No offense, but you sound like a mom. Like a real mom, the kind who actually give a duck. Oh I just figured out what autocorrect is. It's hilarious."

"Speaking of moms, ours hasn't reached out to any of your old dealers and she hasn't shown up at any of the churches in town, so you got any other ideas?"

"It's CrashCon. We usually find her wearing the loudest t-shirts and flirting with the richest nerds."

"Yeah, but Flint and Jesse Manes hate aliens. I mean it's literally their only hobby. If she's with them, I'm betting she's lost her affection for the simple charms of UFO novelty kitch."

"Wait, if you were going to get revenge on aliens, CrashCon is the perfect place. There's all kinds of conspiracy theorists and press. You know how mom loves attention."

"You think something's gonna happen tonight?"

"Papi is there by himself setting up. I think he should come home."

Note: my phone autocorrected duck to fuck. So I guess that tells you something about me. 😳

Also I just realized that for once ROSA and not Liz is the one who put the pieces together! Good for her. I wonder if that's purposeful since she's the daughter who is more like their mom? Like, she understands Helena's motivations better than Liz or something.

Steph and her father are going to CrashCon together. Kyle helps her with her makeup. Super sweet, but rather pointless since the scenes of Steph at CrashCon were cut. Mostly just including this here as a reminder that she's there in case it comes up in the finale.

Max and Cam, who got her job back!

"Thanks for the assist. I'm guessing that guard wouldn't let me through with bolt cutters unless I had an officer of the law present."

"Oh well, don't be jealous, Evans. Valenti has me on desk duty. So this little adventure is my lunch break."

"Valenti did the right thing, giving you your job back."

"Yeah well, you know, apparently some local bartender gave her reason to doubt the events the night of the gala were my fault. So I owe you."

"I've lost track of who owes who what at this point."

They break into the storage unit. It's empty except for an empty shelving unit, a locked chest, and a puddle of purple alien goo.

"What is that?"

"It looks like embryonic fluid. There must have been a pod in here."

Note: no, Max! Pod Goo evaporates upon contact with Earth's atmosphere/air. So it's not pod goo.

There isn't a super clear shot of inside the chest, but Max pulls out a love letter from Helena to Jim Valenti. I can transcribe it if you want me to. It's pretty easy to read and frankly, there's nothing important there. My heart is forever yours...it feels good to actually love and be loved in return...blah blah cheesy platitudes.

But seriously. Just send me an ask if you need me to transcribe it. But I'm gonna skip for now.

Isobel is chugging acetone straight from the bottle in the middle of the Pony.

Isobel's second trip into Mimi's mindscape:

"Mimi. I know you think you're doing the right thing, but Helena is holding people hostage. We have to understand her motive."

"You all think I'm losing my mind. But I just...slip out of my time and into a different one every once in a while. Sometimes Maria's. Or Mama's. Other women in our future or past. I saw you when you were a baby. The sky was red."

"What can you tell me about your time with Helena? She had you for a month."

"We were in a motel. We watched movies. We laughed and gossiped. She wanted to trigger my visions...gather information."

"What information? What did you tell her? What did you see?"

"What's important is Helena will take care of our girls. I'm not afraid. That's enough."

Mimi kicks her out again.

"I tried. She's fading."

"She's tired. It's harder when she's tired. Come on, Mom. I'm gonna take you back to Sunset Mesa."

"Maria, you just have to look for the signs in the water. You have to believe. Go on, you'd better hurry."

"Hurry where?"

"CrashCon closing night! You don't want to miss the fireworks. You always loved the fireworks."

Max and Cam going through the chest of letters back at Max's house:

"Okay, all these notes are from Helena to Jim Valenti. This is from the week Rosa died. I mean even 20 years after their affair she's still writing and he's still saving her letters."

"Pining after an Ortecho for years and years. It's so weird. Who does that. This is a receipt. It's a money transfer he made around the same time. He paid Daniel Fuller a thousand bucks."

"Fuller was the county coroner. Okay we still don't know how Noah got Rosa's body into the pod, right? But Jim had Project Shepherd connections to the morgue. So maybe if Noah knew about Jim and knew that he'd be grieving Rosa, he could have told him where to find the pod, right, and maybe he didn't even take the pod back until after Jim died."

"I mean, this is all a bunch of conjecture."

"Jim pulled me aside at high school graduation, he said I was the kind of guy the sheriff's department could use. Look, I mean maybe… I mean, he never let on, but maybe he knew I was an alien, right? Maybe he knew more than that."

"Okay, Evans? Breathe. You're looking a little clammy. What's going on?"

"Nothing."

"No. See, something's going on, and you're gonna tell me or I'm out, I swear to God."

"Okay you can't tell anyone."

"You know I won't."

"Okay, I've been taking this antidote that Liz made. No...she doesn't know. But its rebuilding some of my memories from before the 1947 crash, right? I was just a little kid, but I had a destiny. I had responsibilities."

"Right, you're the savior."

"Yes! Well, maybe. But I was starting to remember these symbols from our old language, right? I remember what they mean, but it's like the meaning is just out of reach. And I'm out of the antidote. And you know, Liz is getting suspicious. So…"

"No."

"I didn't say anything."

"Really? Can you tell that to your face? I am not using my friendship with your girlfriend to steal alien steroids for you. Okay? Our partnership has limits."

Michael and Helena:

"It's done. So now what? You inject my spine with your mind-eraser?"

"We only used the butyricol on Jenna Cameron because there was still work to be done. And Flint was afraid she'd ruin it for us. You told Flint Charlie was creating a toxin that would kill aliens. But if you wanted aliens dead, you'd be testing it on me right now. 'Cause that's what I would do if I was a criminal mastermind."

"I needed Flint for the schematics and the muscle. Our agendas didn't need to align perfectly."

"You don't have to do this. If you kill anyone tonight, Liz and Rosa will never look at you the same."

"That ship has sailed. Besides, I'm not killing anyone. If disaster never strikes, justice won't be served. Do you want to see Alex or not?"

Liz tries to get Arturo to go back to the Crashdown. She tells him that the kitchen is backed up because it's so busy. The interesting part of this exchange from a character perspective though:

"Papi, please. I have a bad vibe, all right? A gut feeling I can't shake."

Diego walks up.

"Who are you? Elizabeth Ortecho doesn't do feelings. She believes in facts and evidence."

"No, I do feelings now. I've evolved."

Alex is chained up in the house. There's a takeout box and coffee cup next to him. He's humming a song under his breath. Michael walks in and they talk.

"Guerin, you were right. They used me to get to you. My dad hit me over the head and then he swiped the piece of the console. And then Flint showed up with a gun to my head."

"Did anyone hurt you?"

"Nothing I can't handle. Helena's been weirdly motherly. She's bringing me clothes and meals."

"Your leg."

"Yeah they took the prosthetic. I tried to bludgeon my brother with it. Come on, use your powers. Get me out of this."

"Helena dosed me with something. I'm basically human until it wears off."

"Okay then find something that'll break the cuff or my wrist. I don't care."

"Alex, tonight at CrashCon, your dad plans to release a toxin that kills anyone with alien DNA...Helena made Charlie and I build an identical device, but one that targets a different DNA. She somehow got her hands on your dad's cells. She knows your dad killed Kyle's dad. She wants revenge. But she wants him to take himself out. When he pulls the trigger on us tonight your dad's gonna die because of a device I built."

"No, that is not on you, okay? Now let me out of here."

"I can't. The atomizer will kill anyone in your dad's direct line. You are safer here."

"Are you serious?"

"And I gotta go. I'm gonna come back for you."

While Michael explains to Alex, we get a flashback to Helena in her totally fake blonde wig at the hospital in 2x02.

Helena disguises herself as Jesse's maid using her totally fake blonde wig and switches out the bombs while Jesse is in the shower.

The @ladiesofrnm have their first scene all together! (With Max...and eventually Michael…) reading through Helena's letters together. Michael makes quite an entrance. Afterwards:

"You're such an idiot! You don't comply with a kidnapper's ransom demands. Without telling me."

"Alex was in trouble. He had to go."

"Mikey, where are Alex and Charley?"

"They're safe. Your mom doesn't want to hurt them."

"Look I don't get it. Does she want to kill aliens?"

"No. She's avenging her murdered lover."

Back to the house where Helena talks to Charlie:

"This atomizer contains the poison that kills anyone with alien DNA. I need you to destroy it."

"Does Flint know that you have it?"

"Flint. Jesse really broke that boy. Some people were never meant to be parents. You can go when you're done. The door's unlocked. Flint's rifle shoots blanks."

"What's to stop me from leaving now?"

"The knowledge that that deadly device only exists because of you. You decide. I'm off to CrashCon. I hear there will be quite a show."

Note, when Helena says Flint's name she says a word in Spanish that I can't make out and isn't in the closed captions.

Max and Liz's conversation about racism and privilege:

"I want to help. Your mom's not the villain here. All right? She's going about this all wrong, yes. But Manes is already a murderer. I mean, if he'd succeeded today…"

"I know...I could have lost almost everyone I care about in a moment. I remember every day what it was like to lose you and Rosa. I don't think I could survive that again. She could've built a decoy bomb that wouldn't have hurt anyone."

"He'd just get angry and do it again."

"Yeah, but he's not the only one that this would hurt. I mean, the headlines if she gets caught? Illegal Mexican Immigrant Slaughters Decorated American Vet via Bioweapon. People will line up to lay bricks at the border wall. But hey, maybe the president will talk about my family at his rallies. That's gonna be fun."

"That's not gonna happen. This will get covered up like every other strange death in this town."

"In case you haven't noticed those cover-ups don't tend to protect the Mexicans. Even when…"

"Even when Rosa died. You can say it, Liz. It's okay. It's fair. Rosa got blamed. White people didn't. Okay? I get it."

"I know you're on my side, but you don't get this. And that's not your fault, that's just the reality of our experiences. If I mess up. If I so much as roll through a stop sign, it reflects badly on any Mexican who came before me. And it hurts any Mexican who comes after me. I used to think that nothing would ever change that, but lately I think...maybe if something extraordinary happened it could."

"Extraordinary? Like what you're doing in your lab?"

"I've discovered something that could be the key to curing people who have no hope otherwise. I can't walk away."

"So you're gonna turn my family's stem cells into the hottest commodity?"

"No, I won't. I...we'll find a way to synthesize it or replicate it."

"Is this about the people you're trying to save or about becoming the poster girl for immigrants everywhere? You want the president to talk about your family because of you. Because you saved the world."

"If those in power see what happens when people are given opportunity…"

"You want the glory."

"I want recognition. I want to be the example I never had. And people who want glory, they're just in it for selfish reasons. People like Jesse Manes want the glory. He wants to be a big American hero. He wants the parades, he wants the medals. If he sets off his alien atomizer at CrashCon, a handful of twenty-something's will die of some mysterious ailment and it's barely gonna make the news. That's not what he wants. We're missing part of his plan."

"First, something violent. Large-scale that'll draw media attention. And then, once all eyes are in Roswell…"

"He'll blame the violence on the aliens. He only gets his parade if he makes people afraid and then he destroys the thing that they fear. If he makes people think that you're terrorists before he kills you."

Graham Green's reveal at CrashCon. Graham is announced and takes the stage as Max, Liz, and Rosa arrive to find Michael, Isobel, and Maria nearby.

"Hey, you guys shouldn't be here."

"I was held hostage, Max. I deserve to ride the Sizzler until I barf cotton candy, and maybe watch a bad man die."

"You guys, we think that…"

Graham Green starts his presentation.

"Hello loyal fans and devoted supporters! You patience is about to be rewarded. Today I am thrilled, nay, honored to show you the result of years or painstaking work. The moment we've all been waiting for. Irrefutable extraterrestrial proof! A bona fide alien artifact!"

Graham pulls the curtain and reveals what appears to be something similar to Michael's console, only it is complete and intact.

Flint brings Alex food and they discuss Flint's motives:

"If you're doing this to impress dad, it is never gonna work."

"I'm not trying to impress dad. His shutdown of Project Shepherd was an inform decision, but he's trained me my entire life to take it on.

Flint goes to leave but Alex stops him.

"Do you remember when mom used to drive us to the res, and you would sit at the loom with Granddad? Weaving stories. When was the last time you made something, Flint? Anything that wasn't built to destroy?"

"Around the time that mom decided that to leave dad, she had to leave us."

"She didn't know what he would do to us."

"He didn't do anything to us. Me and Clay are fine. He'll, even Gregory is coming to see dad today."

"...You are wrong. We are all dad's victims. Sure, he beat me up, but what he put the rest of you through was abuse too. He made you watch while he kicked my ass… He scared you into thinking that there was only one type of man that you could become."

Alex manages to knock Flint out, steal the key to his handcuffs, and free himself.

"You're so pathetic. You don't know me at all. This has nothing to do with dad and everything to do with our history. Aliens are a foreign threat. They're invaders."

Back to CrashCon, where the gang discuss the alien object:

"Alex's piece must have been the last one that Manes needed to finish building it. Where's he been keeping the rest of this?"

Sanders appears out of nowhere.

"Kid, I seen that thing before. Your mother built that back in the old barn. I don't know what it is, but it is definitely explosive. I always wondered what'd happened to the pieces."

"Maybe Harlan or Tripp Manes gathered them up. Rebuilt it."

"Yeah but if Manes is gonna use that to blow up CrashCon, it's gonna make Graham Green look like the bad guy. No one's gonna think an alien planted it."

"Unless they follow the money. I got an alert from my bank this morning. A $10,000 deposit had cleared."

"You think Manes set it up so that the investigation would lead to you?"

"If I become the world's first alien terrorist and he takes me out, the world cheers."

"Guys, you need to do whatever you can to get as many people out of here as possible, okay? Get help."

"Hey, where are you going?"

"Michael and I have studied this material before. It's part tech, but it's also part organic. And if it's part organic, that means it can be killed. I gotta get back to my lab."

Diego sees Max toss Liz his keys.

Max and Michael sneak backstage and convince Graham Green to let them have a moment with the alien ship thingie. Max takes photos of it with his phone.

"Do you think we can destroy it?"

"No. The pieces want to be together and now that it's complete if we break the bonds with brute force we risk a violent reaction."

Max hears voices whispering and reaches out to touch the alien tech. The alien symbol forms under his hand and he pressed it. There's a surge from the tech and it almost appears like Max is absorbing something from it. The voices get a little louder. When he breaks the connection it almost seems like it takes effort and he seems stunned.

"What the hell just happened to you?"

"Nothing. I think this is a remote. I think this controls a ship."

"It's a what?"

Gif by @maxortecho

Note, the way Max laughs when he says nothing is oddly similar to how he responded to Cam when she called him out on his weird behavior from the antidote. Like he's hiding something or brushing off the worry or something.

Sanders interrupts before Max can respond. Points out that the top of the stage is varnished which is highly flammable.

"Wait, if this is fresh varnish, this whole platform is set up like a tinderbox."

"There's gonna be fireworks tonight."

"One spark'll light a fire. I mean, this whole thing, the whole platform will go up."

"If this giant remote goes kaboom aliens will be framed as terrorists. You have to get out of here."

"What? No. I'm not going anywhere."

"Max you are all sorts of worked up right now. What happens when you're worked up?"

"Sparks fly. Right, okay. Yeah. I'll go."

Before Max leaves he spots something on one of the display boards that makes him pause. He grabs it before leaving.

Charlie is working on her chemicals in the makeshift lab when Flint sneaks up on her and puts a gun to her head, demanding that she gives him the atomizer.

Maria and Rosa hurry through CrashCon discussing each other's alien biology and Mimi's vision. They spot Gregory Manes and decide to try to get him to leave since the Manes bomb would kill him. He has 12 kids with them so they suggest that he take them to the Crashdown for free milkshakes. He recognizes Rosa, but they tell him she's Rosa's cousin.

Liz works in the lab while blasting Alanis Morissettte - great call back to last year when she told Michael that Alanis helped her channel Rosa's creativity. She says to herself:

"Destroy the organic cell membrane. Disable the nanotech."

She mixes some chemicals which react and explode her flask and start a fire. Really don't know if that's supposed to represent success or not.

Flint and Helena talk at CrashCon. She is surprised to see him. He tells her that he cleaned up the mess at the house.

We flash back to the house which is on fire. Charlie is chained up and trapped.

Liz hurries from the lab and doesn't realize that Diego followed her there. He sneaks his way into the building while Liz rushes for the car.

Speaking of cars...they're in the middle of nowhere. Where's Diego's car? I had the same thought last week when Max and Kyle were searching Flint's house and they almost got caught. Whoever pulled up in the hunting van should have seen their car!

Maria and Rosa are helping get the kids loaded onto a bus when Rosa points out Pisces to Maria. Call back to 1x03 when Maria tells Liz that she and Rosa used to compete to see which one of them could spot the constellation first. It gives Maria an epiphany. Pisces is "the water sign" which was one of Mimi's clues from her vision. Maria goes to follow the sign. She runs into Max who tries to get her to safety. They spot Flint Manes carrying the atomizer. Max tells Maria to get out of there and hurries after Flint. He tries to sneak up on Flint, but Flint is able to disarm him and beat him up. Flint sets the atomizer to go off in two minutes and then throws it like a Hail Mary into the crowd. Max chases after Flint while Maria goes after the atomizer. She pushes through the crowd and spots another clue from Mimi's vision - a poster of aliens asking "Do you believe?" The atomizer is sitting below it. Maria grabs the atomizer and takes off running with it. Cam spots Maria and follows.

Flint beats Max up again and then pulls a gun and threatens to shoot Max. Max disarms him and is holding the gun to Flint now. He laughs and asks Max if he's really going to shoot a soldier. Tells him that he already pulled the trigger to kill Max by setting off the atomizer. Max tosses the gun aside, and uses his powers instead to kill Flint,

Michael and Isobel are trying to keep the stage from catching fire, but then the fireworks start going off into the wind (which blows the embers towards the fair). The hay bales easily catch on fire. Isobel used her powers to hold back the flames. She can feel that something is wrong with Max and send Michael to find him.

Instead Michael finds Jesse and Alex. Their exchange:

"You know, I actually started to believe that you had changed."

"You never could tell friend from foe. I actually counted on it."

"Hey I know exactly who you are. You were gonna let all of these people die and you were gonna let the aliens take the blame."

"It's high time they got blamed for something, I think. I'm gonna drag them from the shadows."

"Yeah and then what? You're gonna use the atomizer to kill them all? Then you become some hero by destroying the enemy that you created?"

"American children are gonna read about the events of tonight in their history books... And don't worry about collateral damage, son. That's just an unfortunate aspect of war. You know that better than anyone, Alex."

"You're gonna become your own collateral damage if that thing goes off. Helena Ortecho switched the devices. That's not gonna kill aliens. That is set to destroy your DNA. If it goes off, you are going to die in a puddle of your own blood."

"What are you doing? Are you bluffing to protect the aliens?"

"What I'm doing is I'm trying to protect our family. Dad, if that goes off it kills all of your direct descendants. Flint and Greg are somewhere in here. And I don't care how much I disgust you, I am still your son!"

Greg runs up looking for help responding to the fire. He spots the atomizer and immediately recognizes it as a weapon. Alex tries to get him to leave. Michael runs up and Jesse pulls his gun on him. Greg steps between Michael and the gun to protect Michael for Alex.

Maria throws the atomizer off into the desert and immediately begins bleeding. Thankfully Cam is there to try to help.

Max kills Flint which in turn gives him another heart attack. Liz arrives as he's collapsing and starts CPR. Rosa runs up and tries to get Liz to let her step in to help Max so that Liz can stop the alien device from exploding… And cliffhanger.

MUSIC:

1. Valley Queen "Chasing The Muse"

2. The HawtThorns "Give Me A Sign"

3. Everclear "Everything To Everyone"

4. Alanis Morissette "All I Really Want"

5. Gary Numan "I Am Dust"

#roswell new mexico #rnm season 2 #episode details #long post #rnm 212 #crash into me

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dxmedstudent · 4 years

Note

I'd really like to know a little about the logistics of hospitals adjusting to the current situation - would you be able to tell us a bit about that - how are wards being rearranged, staff being redeployed to different roles etc? It sounds like the hospitals look quite different to how they did several weeks ago if I've understood correctly. I'm glad to hear you're feeling a bit better, hope you're well soon!

Sure, I can try. Changing how we work:We receive regular updates via internal email. First, teaching and group sessions were cancelled. We were warned that some of our shifts would be adjusted - clinic sessions became clerking suspected covid patients. There are now no elective surgeries, no clinics (though some depts like mine can run phone clinics), and a lot of outpatient services are closed. We were soon told leave would probably be cancelled and we’d be likely to have our rotas changed or be redeployed. This was more than a month ago.

In my hospital (and I’m sure many others), they recently cancelled all leave for April, in case they need the staff. Bank holidays are now normal working days - presumably I won’t get time in lieu for the Bank Hols I’m working. I felt that this is risky - you need the staff capacity, but also you don’t want people to fatigue too early, or to become too demoralised. We try to socially distance as much as possible at work - not always easy given most offices are tiny and cramped, and it’s hard to run a ward round miles away from each other. We’re at risk of catching it from each other as well as patients because we’re constantly touching computers and equipment and having to get in close to talk to each other or help patients. We’ve moved where we hold handover, and we try to encourage people to leave if they don’t have to be here. Some ‘bright spark’ took out half the computers in the office to ensure people socially distance, though that just means more waiting for computers.

They’ve redeployed a lot of juniors, particularly from teams (like surgical teams, psych, GP, weird academic jobs where not much was going on) to clerking or the covid-19 wards. Between that and outpatient clinics being cancelled, there are more doctors of every grade of seniority that have been mobilised. It actually meant that when I was on take this week (seeing mostly suspected covid-19, not gonna lie), we were very well staffed. This is great, because it means we have spare capacity to deal with the peak when it comes. Plus I was still dealing with fatigue after my week off for likely covid-19 myself, and it really helped that work was unexpectedly manageable.

They’ve given us some sleep pods, and they’ve made arrangements for more staff to be able to stay over - with transport reduced, and people isolating away from families, more people are choosing to stay in hospital accommodation. We, keep getting donations of food and stuff from people, which is really nice, though I wish it’d go back to how it was before - less donations, but because people were happy. I guess it does improve morale, though. Hospital staff are motivated by food.

Reorganising the hospital:

They’ve basically split my hospital into ‘hot’ and ‘cold’ zones - places where we have patients with suspected covid-19 symptoms, and places for patients with no such symptoms. This means having two ED/A+E departments. Each hot zone has donning and doffing rooms - places to put on and take off PPE. Plenty of places where you have to wash your hands. You have to wear PPE (surgical mask, gloves, gown) even in ’cold’ places.In hot zones all patients wear a mask as a precaution and you usually have to wear more substantive PPE. I hear from friends that their hospitals operate pretty similarly - it’s standard to try to reduce contact between patients who could have covid-19, and those who don’t.

The corridors are quiet and eerie, rather like being oncall at night. Many staff wear masks between departments. Most of the admin staff are now working from home, so there are less employees in hospital than usual. The cafes are all now only take-aways, though you can still sit in the hospital canteen. Given how hard shopping is, it’s a great comfort that you can at least eat at work if the worst comes to the worst. I miss having spaces to sit - I don’t really want to eat my lunch on a covid-19 ward, and it’s important to leave your office to gain some separation from work mentally, for a short while.

They have turned some of the wards (often surgical - as there are now a lot less operations happening) into suspected covid-19 wards. Where our teams had extra capacity (i.e. weren’t at minimal staffing), people were randomly re-allocated to the covid-wards. This happened to me weeks ago. I didn’t mind it, but at the time it was still chaotic because they hadn’t quite formalised a plan for who was being re-allocated there, when. The system is now a lot more slick, at least in my hospital. This kind of thing is unprecedented - we’ve never reorganised entire hospitals or how we work, and certainly not under short notice, and it’s been evolving with the crisis. As it stands, most wards are either hot - suspected covid patients, or cold - patients which tested negative or are not suspected of aving the virus. My regular ward is one of the few cold wards, but we still test and diagnose covid pretty often. For what it’s worth, I feel my hospital have generally done the best job that they can. They have expanded ITU’s capacity extensively, and are coming up with all sorts of ways to ensure they have enough equipment and oxygen.

Almost all outpatient departments have shut, apart from dialysis. We no longer allow as many visitors in hospital - 1 visitor per day for patients who are seriously unwell or dying. Stable patients are not allowed visitors. For people with covid-19, household contacts usually can’t come because they are meant to be self-isolating at home. This means a lot of phone calls to relatives updating them on their loved ones. That’s one of the main ways this has affected us - we’re having a lot more of those “I’m sorry but your loved one is very sick” or resuscitation decision discussions on the phone, and that can be hard.

Equipment and clothes:

In my hospital, I’d say that fit-testing was departmental - it was down to individual departments to organise. And although they said they’d prioritise at risk departments and staff, with re-mobilisation that clearly wasn’t taken into consideration at first. It takes a while to fit test a ton of people - and a some people are failing fit test. I passed, but not necessarily with the kind of mask that’s available. Unfortunately, people like me were on ward cover or on the covid wards pretty early, so I had to do a lot of running around to get myself adequately tested and protected. We have PPE right now, and some clear guidance on a national level, although that doesn’t necessarily line up with PPE guidance in other places. There’s a lot of criticism of PPE policies across hospitals - people fear inadequate protection and inconsistency, and they fear exposure to a virus that can kill them, their loved ones or their patients. Guidance on what kind to use, and when, has changed over the weeks. We try to be sensible with how we use it.

They caved and gave us all scrubs to wear on the wards- 3 pairs each. Unfortunately there are no scrubs that aren’t a size large, so we are all swamped. I’ve bought some comfy but ugly clog type shoes that are easy to clean, and I plan to chuck them when this sorry episode is over. If it’s ever over. My scrubs are far, far too big (they’d be big on my 6′3′‘ dude, so on me they are like a literal tent that has to be rolled up) but I won’t get given an appropriate size when they order more. There was no other way to get scrubs - places like endoscopy or theatres refuse to help people from other departments, even if you literally tell them you’ve been deployed to a covid-19 ward. So it’s either work in tent-like pajamas or your home clothes which may not be as suitable. Dresses and skirts are fine normally, but too flappy in an infection-laden situation. I’m happy to be wearing scrubs, I just wish that they fit. But overall, I feel that we’ve been coping where I am.

#Anonymous #covid-19 journal #personal #my life

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lizzybeth1986 · 5 years

Note

I love the code name, and I'll hopefully remember to sign my messages with it from now on. I'm actually quite flattered that I've earned one, so ty for that. I somehow came up with 2 more questions, most likely to turn into essays, for you. 1 should be more lighthearted than the other, so I'm gonna start heavy if ya don't mind xD. You've touched briefly on how families affect the courtly ladies, so I wanted to see your take on how families have shaped the people at court. Have fun!-CL anon :D

You come up with such amazing questions, CL anon! How do you do it! 😁

So...hmm...how families shape the people in court. That's a pretty loaded question! And I mean "loaded" in the sense that when we're talking about "family" in an environment like this, we're also talking about the larger society they inhabit and what values from that society these parents were busy instilling in these children.

Sometimes the struggle I have with theorizing on these things, is that Book 1 starts out with very different ideas of what modern Cordonian society is supposed to be like, but by Book 3 or Book 4 they have developed other ideas that contradict it...or that you have to really work around to make sense of. For instance, the entire idea of open relationships being accepted in Cordonia that crops up conveniently in Book 2 just so the MC can sleep with whoever she wants after she's gotten engaged...yet the same society has such a strong disapproval of PDA that you can lose points with the general public for even joking about being intimate with someone (can these two things happen in the same space? Of course!! But that point from Book 2 does make the overall stuffy atmosphere in Book 1 about displaying affection look a little confusing, you have to admit). So...making sense of these things with the way the books have changed over the series is challenging, but doable.

The one thing that gets clearer and clearer as the story progresses...is that most noble children seem to grow into an awareness from a younger age itself that their public life should not reflect their private ones. Another is that, in the political climate of the time - they may not understand everything that is going on...but their parents have inadvertently taught them to grow up in fear (a legitimate fear, considering the threats at the time). I'll start with the palace, then move to the duchies. (I won't include Drake and Hana much in this, as Drake's family seemed to operate very differently - and honestly we know way more about his American roots than his Cordonian ones - and Hana grew up in another country...though there will be a short paragraph about her towards the end).

Liam

Liam grew up in the palace, the second son and younger brother to the royal heir, but you can tell there were things he had to learn pretty early on in his childhood. Things like compromise. Things like weighing what was more important to the country at a time when many children should be caring about their own needs.

It's not a very easy life, Liam's. His mother was murdered when he was still a young boy. His father often neglected him (remember the Eiffel Tower sequence where he justifies Constantine breaking a promise to visit the landmark with him, by recognizing that his father had bigger responsibilities as King?) and expected a great deal from him even at an early age (I mean...forcing an eight year old into hours of diplomacy meetings for three whole weeks??). And while race is never really mentioned in the books, the subtext is there that Eleanor and Liam possibly might have had to work harder for approval from the court than, say, Leo.

Added to this is the entry of Regina later on, after Eleanor's death. I feel like some aspects of her are based on Queen Elizabeth II - especially the way she advocates for stoicism in Book 1 (which is why she is so hard on herself after Constantine's death, in Book 3). Every move of hers is consciously planned and measured so that only certain aspects of herself will be visible to the general public, and I do think Liam draws a little bit on that with his own public image as well. This can be advantageous, because that means someone like Regina (and Liam) will be in control of their image. Only what they want to show, is shown. But it does mean that they have to weigh anything and everything they do with particular care.

In the "wedding advice" scene in Book 3, Liam speaks of how - even if they did have a conflict - Constantine and Regina would always show a publicly united front (and we see elements of that in the aftermath of the MC's scandal. Regina doesn't openly disagree with Constantine's actions, but she does adopt countermeasures because she sees a bigger picture that Constantine isn't willing to see). The family as a whole seems to be very image conscious (and they would be! The royals will be subject to way more scrutiny from the press and the public than most children, so parents will do whatever they can to protect those children from the worst aspects of it) and have to keep in mind that even their slightest reactions in public could have consequences. You see this pretty clearly in the way Liam handles the chaos at the Coronation Ball. He does what he has to, to calm the court down even though he is personally in turmoil - and we see how much turmoil he is in right after he has made his way to the MC's room.

This might be more extensive than most of the other characters, most coz he is an LI and some of his arc was supposed to revolve around being a different man from his father (they...dropped the ball on that one in Book 3).

Maxwell

To me, at least in the beginning, the Beaumonts were supposed to represent two extremes in one House. Propriety is extremely important, and you see this clearly in the way Bertrand speaks and acts and even thinks. But at the same time, their space is also a space for the nobility to let loose and go wild, as one can see from their Beaumont Bashes. These two extremes are represented pretty accurately in both Bertrand and Maxwell, and in a limited way in their parents as well.

Barthelemy expects a great deal out of his sons (even though he isn't exactly the best at meeting expectations himself. In that way he reminds me a little of Sebastian Delacroix's father from The Junior) and requires that they keep the honour of Beaumont House first. But the mother...even though we never actually meet her or even know her name (a pity)...we do know that she made people relaxed and comfortable around her, and wanted her younger boy to be happy with who he was. In Maxwell's wedding advice, he speaks of the importance of laughter - how his mother made his serious-looking father laugh and that was the most enduring image he had of their relationship.

But it's not like the family wasn't prey to the tense political climate that was there in the country when the boys were younger. For instance, Maxwell's fear of carousels is deeply rooted in his own family's fears of their children getting targeted - because he tells us "I was only three, I had no idea what was going on...And because our parents had spent so much time trying to warn us about dangers, I thought I was going to get murdered". I mean...imagine being three and having those thoughts!! I think that kind of insight should give us pause, because it does direct us to how an unstable political climate can bleed its way into the personal life or people, of their families and children.

I do wonder what implications and impact the discussions between Bartie Sr and Godfrey have on the family, though. Because if most of the fandom is right about what those two were planning, I see Bertrand and Madeleine as the people who will correct the wrongs of their parents in their support of the Crown, much in the way Olivia was last book.

Kiara

Kiki's family is actually my favourite of the lot, and we can see how she developed her skills in an environment that was supportive, and vibrant with challenges and creative stimulation. It's clear that she is one of the few people who really thrived in her family environment. Nothing was really forced on her: learning languages, and mock-treaties, and diplomacy were all things she had an aptitude for, so she went for them. And I'm guessing given the speed at which the book had Hakim and Joelle accept Zeke's decision (which could be retconning for all we know, but I do think it doesn't jar with their characterization until that point)...had Zeke opened up to them earlier, they would have figured out a way without the MC or Penelope having to convince him to open up in the first place.

One thing that I loved about Kiara's family arc was that if the MC tried to sass her about whether "everything in your family is a negotiation", or tried to cast Kiara and her family into this bland, staid stereotype of "negotiators who have no personal connection as a family", Kiki would shut that nonsense down. Every single time. She would establish that these are things important and personal to the family, and make it clear that the MC is no one to judge how they interact as a family.

Hakim and Joelle are my favourite older couple in the series, honestly. We're told they met and fell in love in college, and that their political views align more with Liam's than they do with Constantine's. In fact Liam at one point even tells us that Joelle was "the kind of person King Fabian would have approved of", and she speaks the same language about how it isn't merely enough for the country to be safe - it needs to thrive as well.

Hakim and Joelle are very different people, and in her wedding advice Kiara tells us they "delight in their differences". This is especially apparent in a fail play, where Hakim plans to go to the wedding, and Joelle winds up going to Switzerland. There's plenty of banter between them beforehand about their different ways of thinking, but expressing the same delight.

If there is only one flaw, it's in the writers - because in their mad rush to make Kiara's trauma look like it didn't matter in Castelserraillian, everyone was made to look as if they didn't care...including her parents. Which is bizarre coz the entire reason Hakim was going to leave in the first place was the fact that his daughter suffered in that attack! They never let Joelle mention anything about what Kiara went through, up until the end where she asks us if we took care of Kiara during the tour (and we are the fucking lowlifes here who didn't put the effort to, so Kiara ends up having to lie through her teeth that we "had my back").

I do see Kiara having a particular idea of "strength" that she holds everyone up to, including herself. The whole reason she even agrees with us when we manipulate/emotionally blackmail her into coming for the wedding, is because she's ashamed of herself. She wants to handle her trauma the way she handled everything else, and finds it impossible. I don't see anything that proves this is something she picked up from her family, because even while diplomatic, Hakim is open about his feelings when upset (eg. Constantine) and Joelle is expressive as well. It probably might be more of something she has imbibed in court, and in the overall culture of Cordonia itself. But the fact that the writers made sure she had support from no one, not even her family, up until readers raised questions....that is bizarre, and pretty disgusting.

But other than that, the family is interesting for their political views, and their openmindedness, which is rare in the noble family dynamics we have seen so far.

Olivia

Besides her love for knives and weapons, Olivia's determination to make the Nevrakis name one to look up to...is her entire story arc. Her story revolves around doing the exact opposite of what her parents did, of what her aunt and Anton Severus wanted to do.

Olivia is the rare person in the books who is shown without her family at all, and that is because she lost hers at the age of five. Her aunt (great-aunt in Book 1, but they made Lucretia her mother's sister in Book 3) left her and hid in the French Riviera, insisting that "the Nevrakis heir shouldn't have needed me to hold her hand and wipe away her little tears". This is something Olivia is angry about, but accepts because she has equally high standards of her own resilience.

There is plenty in the culture of Lythikos that contributes to Olivia's character as well. These people pride in their ability to survive, their determination to power through the most challenging, exacting situations. They're a militaristic society, and Olivia takes to that mindset like a fish to water. She believes in self-reliance because it's a hard bitter lesson she has had to grow up with (though one must not discount the value of Liam as a support) and because it's part of her culture, and it's become so much a part of her thinking that when the MC insists to Lucretia that relying on friends and allies is not weakness, just common sense - Olivia is equal parts grateful and shocked by the logic of that statement. It has literally never occurred to her that she can voluntarily reach out for help!

Olivia grew up in circumstances no child should have to grow up in, and manages to embody the best of her culture in contrast to her family. She adopts her father's moniker "if you can breathe you can stand, if you can stand you can fight", but reinterprets it to mean she can fight for her beliefs, fight for more than just her family and duchy. She adopts all the good in the Nevrakis clan while working to obliterate the parts that can place her loved ones in danger.

Penelope

I've actually mentioned this before, but one of the best examples of "winging it" you can see from the books, is Penelope. The writing for her just bounces from one gaffe to another so that when you look at her overall story, nothing adds up. You have to literally stretch logic to connect the dots in her story! (I know, because I've tried).

In Book 1 she suffers from seasickness, but somehow in Book 3 she has grown up by the seaside and there is practically no mention of aforementioned seasickness. In Book 2 her family insist that she not return to court without a suitor (both her parents!) yet somehow in Book 3 when we actually meet her family you'd wonder how Landon would have allowed such things to be said to his daughter. There's a no-pets-allowed rule among the royals that Liam somehow changed when he became King, so how the hell did Penelope's parents think she was going to manage court without her emotional support animals? That too a social season and an entire world tour after that?? A lot about the writing for this family doesn't even make sense, and in some ways you can tell that the writers realized they hit a goldmine with the arc about Penelope's anxiety only when they published it, and then milked it for all it was worth (I know that sounds awful, and it is. But if they'd really, genuinely planned this properly, Penelope wouldn't appear so poorly developed as a character).

Landon and Emmeline are meant to serve as an inspiration to Drake, for their commitment to their people is something he wants to emulate (either as a Duke, or as someone who will do...something in court, I guess). The writing splits the major concerns between them: Emmeline is the Duchess who inherited this estate, and who will work through any condition or situation she is in to do her best for them. Emmeline particularly, seems to have a similar drive to power through - as Olivia, Regina and Madeleine show - the worst situations in the name of "stand up for Portavira".

Landon on the other hand, is more concerned about Penelope's well-being (not that Emmeline isn't, it's more like she doesn't fully understand how difficult it all is for Penelope), and reluctant to place her in situations where she is not comfortable (which is why the hints about them in Book 2 sound so jarring on rereads).

What stands out to me, especially in Penelope's characterization is how much coddling she has come to expect, from everyone. There is very little effort - or even inclination - to right her wrongs. Part of this is the writers seriously retconning the narrative on what Penelope did to the MC, so that NO ONE ever brings it up again. But it's partly also because, as I said, they were fully ready to commit to her story in a way they didn't for Kiara. Often I wonder what it would be like if Landon and Emmeline did get to know about Penelope's involvement. I think they'd focus their anger on the Crown for placing her in that situation in the first place, and going by this characterization they may also make Penelope out to be the victim in this situation (which isn't too far off the mark - but we also mustn't ignore how coddled Penelope is most of the time and how entitled she often sounds). But even this wouldn't be so bad if we saw Penelope take responsibility for her actions, which she never does in Book 3.

One thing I do remember from her "wedding advice" was how she spoke a lot about the need to relax in their relationship, and how in-tune they are as a couple. So in a lot of ways their success with their duchy lies in how they balance their work and family (which apparently Landon seems more comfortable doing? Because he doesn't keep as much pressure on himself for Portavira in the way Emmeline does).

Penelope's family honestly...is a mixed bag. But I can say that for the most part they're supposed to represent a supportive family that deals with a child's diagnosis of their mental health by providing support, and a couple that is dedicated to their people.

Madeleine

The characterization for Madeleine also bounces from one concept to another, tbh. They started out with writing her as merely power-hungry, manipulative, duplicitous....before retconning completely and putting all of this under the label "patriotic". There is a huge, huge disconnect between the Madeleine that rejoiced in almost breaking her lady-in-waiting, and the one who places too much pressure on herself "for the sake of Cordonia". A North Pole to South Pole sized gap, really.

If it weren't for the fact that they wrote her family storyline only because they were really that desperate to make us sympathize with Madeleine, I would have found it interesting. The seeds of it begin in the second half of Book 2, when we notice Adeleide worrying about the pressure becoming Queen is going to place on Madeleine.

In Book 3, we're faced with her father who constantly dubs her a failure and doesn't see her as worthy of attention unless he can benefit from it. And with her mother, who wants to show her support, but can't in a way her daughter is comfortable with. There is a constant emphasis in Madeleine's storyline on expectations, dealing with constant failure, and resilience. She doesn't have the kind of support system she wants from either of her parents, so she has to find her own way to make lemonade out of those lemons. So each time she has to convince herself that each failure is only another step towards the biggest success possible (marrying into the royal family), and when she is robbed of that, twice, she is left having nothing else to muster up the motivation for. Which is why, then, they promote the Cordonia angle so aggressively.

Only problem is, you don't exactly get this impression from Book 2. A person with Book 3 Madeleine's bent of mind, whose main aim was to do her best for Cordonia and who spoke of the importance of an entourage...wouldn't be so short sighted as to think that just because she was engaged she won everything, esp when her last fiancé fell in love and broke off his engagement to her as well. She wouldn't be so careless in her treatment of her own ladies-in-waiting, all of whom (except Hana, and even her family has immense influence even though her mother is from a minor noble house) are from powerful Houses and families, whose support she would need in the future.

Even if one brushes off her bullying of Hana and Penelope as no big deal (as I'm very sure some of her fans do), the fact remains that at the very least such behaviour is short-sighted and in a better story would reveal that she doesn't exactly have Cordonia's best interests in mind after all, if she jumps at the slightest excuse to burn bridges with these powerful families before she even becomes Queen.

In any case...Madeleine's family ranks as one of the messiest of the lot - her father is uninterested/feigns disinterest in the country unless it involves being involved in some elaborate plot against the monarchy, and her mother shows disinterest in her duchy overall, but is clearly invested in what makes her daughter happy. Her mother is supportive, just not in the way Madeleine wants support.

Regina also hails from Krona, and Madeleine is in some ways a reflection of her values and beliefs - which is why the two get along so well. So even though Adeleide is the Duchess of Krona, I'm pretty sure she's an anomaly in a family full of women who practice stoicism and diplomacy in their regular lives.

Hana

This note is going to be small, because as I explained earlier she was brought up in a completely different environment. Hana was brought up in a manner meant to make her flexible to whichever family she would marry into - so she learns different styles of horse riding, learns diplomacy over a toy tea set, is expected to know all the 26 important dance varieties in Cordonia by the time she is an adult, grows up learning about the countries neighbouring Cordonia as well. I have a whole other essay that speaks about her upbringing alone, so I won't speak much about that here, but you definitely get the feeling that her parents spent so much time trying to cultivate an asset for themselves that they rarely ever stopped to think about her as a person.

The overall impression I do get from modern Cordonian nobility in the books (not just from these guys, but also interactions with other nobles like Rashad and Neville, and palace staff like Bastien) is that Cordonia is a culturally diverse place, and people in different estates have different dynamics that are influenced by their family situation and by the culture they were born into, but overall there is more of an inclination to show resilience and power, than to confess to weakness. Which makes sense, because many of them are public figures under immense scrutiny, who are aware of the kind of message they could send if they show the slightest signs of weakness. That's my overall impression of this.

I hope you enjoyed that, CL anon! Now I'm curious about what the next question is 😀

#long post #the royal romance #king liam #maxwell beaumont #trr kiara #trr penelope #trr madeleine #olivia nevrakis #courtly ladies anon #ask me #ask lizzy

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whiskey-blews · 6 years

Text

Nuka World

A new beginning

Part 1

Riley kicked open the small door which led to a small employee locker room, she quickly scanned the room for enemies. Huffing she lowered her gun and slammed the door. Rage boiled within her, who the hell did Coulter think he was speaking to her like that? Too much had she put up with to be in the place she was.This gauntlet was fucking ridiculous and Riley would be damned if someone douched up random was going to end her life here. She kicked a locker door in frustration when a thick gravelly voice came through on the small intercom.

"Alright listen the hell up if you wanna make it out of this alive. I've only got a minute. Find the intercom on the wall and we can talk." He persisted.

"Who the hell are you? What the hell is this place?" Riley demanded, her tone tight.

"Now just calm down, I'm the guy that's gonna get you outta this alive. So, listen up." He instructed.

"Oh yeah? And what the hell is in it for you huh?" She challenged her forehead scrunching up.

"This ain't about whats in it for me. Both of us reap the rewards if you can pull this off. Now are you gonna listen or not?" Then man insisted.

"Go on." She groaned pushing her short blonde hair out of her face.

"My kind of gal. Look: you made it this far, so you obviously have some skills. But this fight coming up is rigged. You get me? Overbook Coulter....his power armour is set up to draw energy from the electric grid in the arena. You get what I'm saying?" He explained with a huff. Of course she expected no less from a raider, no matter what they would always fight for the better hand. But the suit it self intrigued her. Riley loved her tech and mechanical work, she was determined to get that armour. If she made it out alive that is.

"That's some real bullshit if you ask me." She complained rolling her eyes

"Yeah that's exactly why you're gonna do something about it. You wanna win? I stashed a weapon in the lockers, that's gonna be your ticket out." He said, the intercom the made a static sound as his voice cut out.

Riley turned on her heels as her sea green eyes scanned the bright red lockers. Noticing the first aid box on the bench she made a beeline for it. 'Two stimpaks and a syringe of med-x is all they are going to give me what the hell' she thought. She rummaged through the neighbouring lockers to find the weapon he was speaking of....a thirst zapper really.

"You have got to be kidding me," Riley muttered as she picked it up. Turning back around she made her way to the intercom and pushed the response button.

"Is this a fucking... squirt gun?" She griped.

"Yeah yeah, I know what it looks like. You're just gonna have to trust me ok. Do you think you can do that?" He questioned.

"This isn't going to work, but ok. If you get me kill I'll fucking haunt you, I hope you understand. I'll be extra poltergeist-y" she sneered tucking her shotgun back into its strap.

"Look I'm not that big of a dick. Once that water hits his electrically charged power armour, the circuits are gonna short out and kill his defense. But you will only have so much time before those circuits recharge. You take out Coulter, the prize will be worth it for all that time in the gauntlet." The man compromised.

"Staying hydrated is more than half the battle, right?" She laughed a small smile appearing on her face.

"He ain't got a choice." He snickered his southern draw thickened. Something about this man intrigued her she wanted to meet him face-to-face.

"Alright it's time, I'll open the door. I hope to see you on the other side." He spoke and let the intercom cut out again.

Gripping the gun Riley made her way out of the room and through the hall until it ended. She walked towards the window to face the crowd.

"There has to be hundreds of them here." She spoke aloud as the groups chanted and cheered. They wanted action, they wanted blood and Riley silently promised she would deliver. Her gazed then turned to the man in the middle of the arena, she was locked on target and ready to kill.

The door swung open and Riley bolted out squirt gun in hand. Weaving between the old bumper cars she knealt down behind one of the large bottles as Coulter showerd it in bullets. Waiting for the right moment she ran out. Getting as close as she could to the raider leader she quickly aimed the thirst gun and pulled the trigger. Riley dropped the squirt gun then reached behind to pull out her double barrelled shotgun. She put all her weight into her thrust as the stock of her gun met with Coulter's chest plate. He stumbled giving Riley a slight advantage.

She quickly reloaded the shotgun and aimed at his chest. Pulling the trigger she blew one hole into his lower chest. With one more shell in the chamber she pulled the trigger this time it hit him in the the face. His body twitched twice before he finally came down with a loud thud. The crowd started to boo, the sound deafening. But in that moment Riley swore the sound of her breathing and heart rate was louder than anything.

"Holy shit she....she....she fucking killed Coulter. I dont even know what this means. Gage what the hell just happened?" The announcer came over the speakers in shock.

"You saw it...we all saw it. Hes dead and we got ourselves a new Overboss." The southern man now known as Gage spoke in a passive demanding tone. Riley looked over into the window to see a blurry man standing behind the glass next to what she believed to be the exit. People in the stands started to protest as she looked onto the crowd.

"Hey we talked about this remember. She survived the gauntlet. This girl was smart enough to take my advice and she took him down. She's what we need," Gage addressed his voice laced with annoyance.

"I have a fucking name you know, and I would like to be addressed by it." Riley testified taking a step forward, not one soul heard her over the sounds of disapproval.

"How about we show some damn respect for our new leader?," He demanded. Riley snapped her head in his direction. Did he just say leader or was she high. "Alright now get the hell out of here and I'll show the boss around."

The raiders filed out of the stands one by one until there was only Riley and this Gage. She turned and slowly walked up to the glass window, Gage looked at her. His face was still hard to make out due to the dirty windows.

"What did I tell you worked like a charm." He smiled making her cheeks heat up slightly.

"Wow death by water gun, I'd love to see it written on his tombstone." Riley jeered as she slowly returned the shot gun to it's back strap holder.

"Tell me about it. I wish I had a better look at his face when the suit shorted out. Look I understand you have no idea what's going on and, everything was just tossed at you, but you need to listen up," He discussed scratching the light brown beard on his chin.

"Taking out Coulter wasn't a last minute decision. We have been talking about it for a long time now. With him gone we have a vacancy in the Overboss department and you just got the job. All I ask is you trust me and I swear the outcome will be priceless."

Riley looked at the man behind the glass. He was a mystery and his request was even weirder, but yet the idea was tugging at the back of her mind she wanted to know more.

"You've got my attention, but I want to know what my job will consist of." She squinted

"Ok good I got a lot to say so pay attention. There are three raider groups that run Nuka Wolrd: The Pack, The Disciples, and The Operators. These raider aren't normal , they dont play nice with each other." Gage continued. "Thanks to Coulter this place is a ticking time bomb ready to blow at any moment. I think you have what it takes to turn this place around and keep them from killing each other."

She stood there her mouth somewhat agape, was he serious? There was no way this mysterious man was asking her to babysit a bunch of bratty raiders. Something told her it was a bad choice but yet she had to do it. The thought of power and this big of an army to support her in finding Shaun. These raiders would only be pawns in an army to her.

"Deal ill do it, but the first person to try and kill me you can find yourself a new Overboss." Riley declared

"That's the spirit. Now I'm sure you got questions but here ain't the place. Meet me at the top of Fiztop Mountain, you're new quarters I'll just get the door for you." Gage replied moving to the terminal. With a few clicks to the keyboard the door opened.

She was hesitant at first so she slowly took steps and calculated her moves in case it was a trap. Reaching into her boot she pulled out a combat knife and held it close. Riley stepped through the door way and took one look at Gage. He was handsome and rugged. Of course she expected him to be dirty and have half of his teeth missing since he was a raider so it surprised her at first. The hair on his head was a shade or two darker than his beard and seemed to be long due to the tide bun in the back. He towered over her as she took a few steps toward him. His hazel green eyes lingered on her for a minute before he turned around and walk out of the cola car arena . She watched as the tall raider walked out of the double doors just ahead of her. Waiting for the doors to close behind him Riley started her walk to those same door.

The double doors opened wide to reveal a cloudy sunset sky. A shiver went down her back as she stepped out into the chilly air. The Commonwealth had already entered its few month period of what folks in Diamond City called nuclear winter so to say. Looking around she could see two or three raiders walking around an animatronic Nuka Cola bottle mumbling and staring at Riley. She walked down the steps in front keeping her knife close in case of emergency. Loud hub-bub echoed from the building in front of her. A man wear rags and a neck collar opened one of the red doors that had market painted above it and disappeared inside. This building seemed to have been built in a circle with only two ways to go. Riley looked on as she turned to her right and started walking down the shanty alley. There were a couple of men and women dressed in the brightest and wackiest colors she had seen since she emerged from the vault. She could have sworn one of them was wearing a teddy bear strapped to their leg.

Coming to a stop she noticed there were three archways to her right. One was blocked off the the others had doors built onto them. Above the archway a raider patrolled the walkway, once he noticed Riley watching him he let out a cat call and leaned over the railing. She rolled her eyes and looked on in front of her. The round building kept going, only to what she guessed met around to where she came out. Deciding not to follow the so called "market" all the around she stepped through one of the door archways. Looking on there was a tall Nuka Cola bottle similar to the animatronic along with a little bottle cap, waving in the center of what had to be the square. A raider stood in front of them letting off rounds into the bottle caps face. Two other raiders stood of to the side discussing what was a rude yet intriguing topic.

"So let me get this straight, some vault dweller came in and killed Coulter? And now we're just supposed to follow her?" The male scoffed.

"All I know is that Gage was in the mountain the other day talking to Nisha privately for a long time." The woman looked over to see Riley standing there with her arms crossed. The woman then hushed her male friend quickly so his gaze would shift to the new Overboss.

Shaking her head Riley turned and kept walking past the Cappy Cafè into into the square. The raider shooting the statue payed Riley no attention as she walked past him and past The Parlor. Looking up she could see the bar part of Fiztop Mountain, the rest being hidden by the second set of archways. She sighed and made her way through the doorway and quickly around the fountain up to the double doors. As she stood contemplating whether to go through the doors or up with the makeshift elevator when Gages voice rang out.

"Up here boss." He called and sent the elevator down.

She stepped on to the platform then reached to smash the the red button. The elevator then lifted her to the top opening of Fiztop Grille. Gage greeted her at the opening and gestured for her to come in.

"Welcome home boss. The dig are yours I hope you like the look....Coulter had some acquired taste in decorations. But this view is something ain't it. Everything you see here is under your control, now that you're in charge." He smiled as a light frigid breeze blew through the penthouse. Riley shivered again pulling the sleeves of her vault suit down.

"This place is beautiful. And I sure do like the sound of that." She stated looking at the room around her.

"I thought you might, now look I gotta be honest with you: this whole operation need someone to step in and take the reigns. And it sure as hell ain't gonna be me." Gage reported as he took a seat in the near by bar stool. She looked at him with a look of confusion.

"Oh is that right. Is the the point where you paint a bullseye on my back and leave me for dead?" She retorted her tone taut as she joined him in the seat adjacent.

"I ain't gonna lie. That's one of the reasons you wont see me stepping up and running shit. But I swear it ain't gonna be that bad." He spoke amusingly and turned slightly to half way face her.

"If you really think I can fix things, I'll do my best to make things work" She swore

"I'm glad to hear that Boss. Dont worry I've got you're back now, so I will try to not let you make any poor choices." He patted her on the back as she smiled lightly.

"So where do I start." Riley questioned as she stood up adjusting her suit.

"Well you need these raiders on your side. Right now they think me and you conspired to kill Coulter behind the leaders back." He explained turning so his back was against the counter.

"Everybody likes me so I got this in the bag." She smiled.

"Yeah I wouldn't count on that. Technically you're already the Overboss right? So thats already half the work done right there. All I ask is you meet the leaders show what the new overboss has to show." He implored.

"I'll do it, I guess I'll see you later then." She waved goodbye as she stepped on to the elevator and descended back down to ground floor.

#fallout 4 companions #fallout oc #fallout 4 #porter gage

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kyunsies · 3 years

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Hello Mädch ahsdjaksdh <3 !!

how is college going? dw, I hope you are settling in super well and feeling optimistic about school and all the amazing things I know you are going to achieve this year! I am excited that you are starting your rotations now! you are going to do awesome, I know it! I'm sorry that you didn't get that ICU first like you wanted but hopefully it's all part of the plan so that you get it at the right time for you <3 let me know how they go, of course. I hope they go super well.

the week has been a bit weird to be honest, in my team I had a semi argument that was properly tense for the first time with someone and it was just so unpleasant. you know those people where they aren't horrible but you know that you'll never completely see eye to eye with them? i think it's just one of those things, where we'll never just completely read each other or get each other? and it's not, like, a massive issue or anything that we can't deal with, but I feel like usually I get on really well with people or not at all (all or nothing person I guess haha) but with this person I've just got to admit that we're always going to be a bit in the middle? like, we talked it over, and I've still found sometimes we misunderstand one another? so things are still good in work and clients, but with workpeople it has been the more difficult battle? hopefully we should get some more cool media stuff with the K-pop people soon, so that's an up?

OMGsh your coworkers are so much older than you! [lease do post a picture of your room, I am 100% confident that you have made it so dreamy and pretty. Thank you sm for telling me more about these operations though! I feel like everywhere is on red alert at the moment when it comes to health and care and making sure that people look after themselves and not put others at risk, you know? the doctors that to talk to me about my potential surgeries too have said the same but it's nice hearing it from a friend, you know? so thank youuuu <3 <3

I was the same as you, I would get so so so anxious and stressed if I wasn't studying or working or anything like that? but my mum is like your mum and grandma, where she gets up early too! but I feel like I need to do the late night thing instead? but then once I got into this crazy spiral where I would wake up really early and go to bed really late and like nap in between so I ended up like having two hours of sleep either side? that was peak wth at the time haha XD so now I try and let myself wake up a bit later really XD ha ha I'm in barely adulting! like I work so much but I don't earn a lot ha ha – I don't think that's very effective adulting? or like, I don't know I guess for a lot of people my age there's a work hard and hope it pays off thing in certain industries? so you're definitely more effectively adulting than me right now! like, you're going to do stuff that's gonna actively help people and you'll see that right in front of you, you know!!? sometimes my work gets out there but I rarely see directly if it gets to make peoples lives better you know? so the path you're on is so so admirable <3 <3 <3

I get you though, do you find that you thrive under the pressure even though it's sometimes a lot? I find that sometimes it does help me, but sometimes I forget to identify the times when it isn't helping me? or, sometimes I take it too far? so please look out for yourself and take care of yourself <3 and when you're worried if you're on the edge know that it's enough for you to take a rest and not be super perfect. i sometimes tell myself to except that I'm probably gonna make two or three stupid mistakes a day? It sounds kind of silly but it means that it makes it easier for me to accept when I mess up, idk, I think it helps me balance the pressure sometimes? i 100% understand what you're saying - at school do they have people that can directly help? or like peer supporters so it's not as stressful or official feeling as a therapist? if you ever want me to come off anon to help lemme know <3 i'm always here for you <3

oh my gosh your grandparents have been able to live long too! all my grandparents lived close to 100 before passing, and one of my grandmothers had the same as your grandfather. he sounds so sweet and so kind though! i love that he knows how to FaceTime you! Some of my aunts and uncles still don't properly haha. it sounds like he knows that he's super loved though, he's very lucky <3 <3 i've been thinking about all this really lovely stuff and how it grounds you when stuff like careers can stress you out and feel like the most important thing when it shouldn't be? what are the personality differences between the different areas of the US? my East Coast friends seem to straight talk a lot more than my West Coast friends? like they're a lot more realistic as opposed to being, I don't know laid-back or if not laid-back sometimes just more comfortable with superficial stuff? Not like my West Coast friends are superficial people, but I think they accept it as part of the world a bit better? my friends on the east coast will rail against that stuff a lot more, like they buy into the influencer bullshit less? but I guess these are all sweeping generalisations anyway... I might have to travel a bit in europe soon... I got asked to go to otaly for some work today, and to holland next month. Idk if it will end up happening though, things change all the time? I have to keep checking quarantine rules all the time with countries! but YAY and YES Europe tour trip one day :D !!!!!!!

you know what? when I first saw you compare bowling and golf I was like, wait, what? but now I totally get it! i know a golfer and they talk about how physical and strenuous it is on the arms and stuff all the time which I don't think always comes across when you watch it and it makes a lot of sense with how you describe how you trained for bowling! i used to cox in rowing and I always used to find it really funny that I said that was the sport I did because honestly I just sat in the boat all the time and steered XD

obligatory YES WTF ARE COTTON SCENTS! quite a few shops in the city where I live have been closing down because of Covid but our Jo Malone is still going strong! I love that lots of already classic clothing shops have now gone out of business but for some reason the people where I live cannot live without their perfume XD I think I'm gonna go in later this week or next week to take a look! with all this travelling I kind of want to buy something new? also, my hands have been acting up with injury so I have to rest my hands more anyway – so might as well look for perfume right? do you have any recommendations or would the blueberry one you've just gotten be at the top of your list?

the exciting thing is that I'm doing a bit less this week! I need to wait and see if that job wants me to fly out to Italy within the next 48 hours, if not next week, but if not I think I'm gonna figure out how to rehabilitate my joints a bit and get my brain okay? It's been existential Covid crisis week haha - I think a lot of me and my friends have been feeling like we've lost so much of our lives and potential during this time and I've really tried to hold in and ignore it for the past 18 months? i'm not one to ever feel lonely or to really really want to be in a relationship like some of my friends, but I've just been feeling it this week? like, I love my independence, but I wouldn't say no to a boyfriend right now you know? I feel silly saying that sometimes because I'm so against feeling like you have to have someone in your life to be okay, but I guess that's just a result of how the world is has been recently?? but I think all my feelings exploded around this stuff now so, I am trying to get back into a better place? so it's not as exciting as some of the stuff I've told you about before, but it's what's up I guess?

how are your mum and grandmother doing? are they doing good? [lease send all my love to them too. I'm glad these help you reflect on your week! they do with me too and I'm always happy to hear from you, no matter how long you might need <3 <3 hope you manage to reward yourself for working so hard these past days and that you remember you're always doing 110% so you deserve the best!

love you lots and lots - 💥

ANGEL HELLO !!!!!!!!! i told myself i would stay on top of this and swear in a timely manner but ;_____; a full week + 2 clinical rotations later here i am on a sunday, it seems this is always the case :( maybe my get back to you day will only be on sundays LOL i will try my best in the future babe, but ofc thank you so much for being patient with me <3

uni is going fine so far hun !!!! i've started clinical rotations as i've said on thursday and friday, and then my first exam is on tuesday so i read some chapters yesterday so i'm not squished for time lol :) and ,,,, what you said "hope it's all part of the plan" is very much my way of thinking lol wha is your sign? i'm a sagittarius and that's like, a philosophy i go by like everything is how it's supposed to be even if it's not what u want like everything will work itself out :') i'm wondering if we are one in the same !!!!! <3

and omg ;_____; conflict within the workplace is NEVER easy bc all everyone wants is to reach the goal you all are reaching and bc there's some bumps in the road it makes everything that much more stressful :( and i know exactly the type of person you are talking about LOL i've had to work with some of my peers in the hospital who really didn't treat me all that nicely , but i still have to partner up with them anyways bc we had to move a patient lol ; like they never do anything terrible to you but you just cannot come to a proper agreement with them? i know the feeling :( but i can tell you are doing ur absolute best ;_____; it's a tough situation ,,,,,,,,, but may i propose something ??? maybe since things are high stress in the workplace, would u be willing to meet them outside the workplace, like a quick coffee meet up and then discuss those issues? maybe talking about it in the work environment is way too stressful for both of u and it is hard to come to an agreement, but maybe in a calmer, more informal setting do u think maybe the both of u could be like "hey, what u were talking about i'm not really head over heels for but this is what i think and do u think we can do something where both of us will be happy?" im thinking maybe will opening up a means for more civilized discussion?? just a thought LOL :') let me know how it goes :( i hope u are all able to figure everything out !!!!!

about the surgeries !!!!! like i said i know it's super stressful to think about bc this is one of the very few times in life where things are absolutely out of our control and that scares us, and we as medical providers aren't supposed to give u a false sense of security, but i promise u everything will be just fine as long as u correctly follow up with care post-op :) we wouldn't want an infection !!!! >;( i remember last year i had a patient and she was going in for a routine colonoscopy and she was scared shitless ,,,,,,, but i was like "listen ma'am i know it can seem scary but i was just in there with the doctors and everything is super relaxed and they know what they're doing in there, you'll be out in no time and i'll be here waiting !!" and that seemed to help her a lot, after the surgery she was on me like flies on shit LOL she was like "THANK U HONEY" (but i think most of it was bc she was still drugged up hhh)

LOL us with our family members waking up early <3 literally this morning i decided to do my laundry at 8am (its only 10 right right now lol) but idk it just make u feel a little bit better doesn't it? but oh my gosh no i don't see u in this way at all ;_____; babe like you're already THERE in the world working and to me like ,,,,,, being an effective functioning person in society is like all i ever want i just want to be COMPETENT and the fact that u manage ppl ???? it's already a lot of responsibility but you do it everyday like you go to work u make food for yourself u pay bills like yes this all kinda sucks but you're there doing it and idk ,,,,,,,, like u being in this position is like yeah their surviving in the world and doing okay !!!! so that’s how i see u hun ;_____;

and i don’t think i necessarily thrive under pressure but i just kinda ,,,,,,, handle it?? like i think i handle my stress quite well !!! i think the reason why making mistakes scares me so much in my field is bc if i make a mistake i can like, kill someone or seriously harm them if i do something wrong SLKDFJ but i have to remember i’m still just a student and a lot of the things that i’ll learn won’t even be in these last few months of nursing school, but rather during my months of orientation on the floor i’ll be working on when i finally land a job ,,,,,, i know i just have to be patient and kind to myself, but it’s hard not having these high expectations for myself bc everyone else pushes themselves super hard (nurses i mean) so i feel like i should be too , ya know? ;_____; it’s a hard balance that i’ve yet to find but hopefully once i graduate i’ll have just a little bit more confidence in myself :’)

and omg your grandparents lived a long life as well !!!!!!!! a lot of my friends’ grandparents are really young still, so it’s hard for others to relate i think LOL but :(((( i’m really lucky to have them around still and like, i feel like my grandparents are the cornerstone of our whole entire family; once they pass i’m not quite sure what will happen ;_____; so i’m just trying to cherish every moment that i have with them even tho sometimes it’s stressful lol ; also BOUT THE DIFFERENCES FROM EAST TO WEST COAST LOL ; i think u described it really well actually :) like among the friends u have the are from different parts of the states, it’s very accurate in my opinion !! and again after all it is just a very broad assumption, in general east coasters have this “workaholic” attitude, they tend to be very realistic which i actually appreciate a lot lol, i’m hoping to live near the east coast when i move out <3 now where i am from it is considered the midwest even tho it’s more east than west if u look at it on the map LMAO and like, it’s really funny bc if u say to someone you’re from the midwest they’ll tell u our reputation is being “too nice” LSKDLFJSKLD and like that’s our thing, a happy medium between coasts with big cities but small towns too and generally just very chill and nice ,,,,,,,, the south of the US is also known for having that “southern hospitality” overall very cheerful ppl with personality and super kind attitude on life :) now the west of the US i’m not saying there aren’t nice ppl out there bc there are LOL but esp near lost angeles or hollywood ofc you’re going to have ppl very stuck up bc ya know they made it to big bad LA and they want to be trendy with all of the fake health shit (celery juice does NOTHING FOR U sorry lol) generally my view of the west is just very fake and i would never want to have my family grow up there LMAO but that generally like, california and washington but like, utah or wyoming or colorado are just absolutely gorgeous and they have small town ppl there bc there are a lot of ranches there ,,,,,,,, does any of this make sense to u ??? KLASFJ

i’m going to skip a few paragraphs bc this is so long already LMAO but trust me i’ve read everything so far lol ; it seems like you’re doing a lot of traveling !!!!!! <3 i’m so jealous !!!!!!!! italy sounds so beautiful i would love love to go some day :( ALSO U SMELLED THE BLUEBELL PERFUME RIGHT ???? U LIKED IT ?????? doesn’t it smell absolutely divine??? no matter how many scents i smelled after that i knew it was the right one for me ldkfsdlkfj <3 i’m still so in love with it ;____; also about ur lil rant about feeling lonesome :( bub i can really relate to this and i feel the same way like my mom and the rest of my family never pushed me to meet anyone and i’ve always never had a problem making friends, but like, as i’m older and i realize i’ll be alone a lot more of my time once i graduate like i really do want to share my life with someone :( i have a lot of love and i want to be able to show it to someone i care about a lot but i just never really take the initiative to do that bc quite honestly i’m not confident in myself lMAO so ,,,,,,, i know we never feel like we need to be dependent on someone but sharing experiences with someone who feels very strongly for u seems nice, doesn’t it? i wish this for both of us really soon okay?? <3 i tell my friends i would LOVE to be engaged right now lskdjfslfjs :’)

but anyways !!!!!!!! my mom and the rest of my family is doing well <3 and i’m doing okay too !!!!!! i don’t want to bore u with how clinicals are going but if u want me to tell u just let me know LOL and angel i know i say it all the time but always thank u so much for being patient with me okay? u are the absolute best !!!!!! also as promised, here are a few pics of my dorm room LOL it’s a shoebox but it’s my shoebox :) enjoy !!!!!!

#asks #💥 anon #my dorm is the oldest one on campus so :’) it looks a little ugly but I try my best MXJDJD #ignore the popcorn bag on the side :)#also peep the jo malone perfume LOL

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kyunsies · 3 years

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hello mädch!! how are you? how are you doing? I hope you've been doing good since your last message! as always, never ever worry about being late, I have been so wiped out this week already, so I'm even later than usual myself!

how was your last day at work? did you get to celebrate? are you happy that you've left? i hope you've been able to treat yourself with good and nice things for all your hard work, you so so so deserve it.

thank you so so much for your kind words. It seems like the operation stuff will be resolved not so bad soon? but I'm always the kind of person where I'll feel better when they'll have the operations and things will all go well. especially in the pandemic climate, I don't know it makes me even more anxious, if that makes sense?

I can't believe you did the research on encephalitis!! I had no idea it was something that impacted children or not, this is absolutely terrifying – stuff with the brain is always pretty scary. I always feel people don't look out for brain signs and signals that much? so people just don't really know how to deal with things? no no, thank you very much for talking about all of that stuff, I find medical things fascinating, I just obviously don't know lots about them, so it's cool hearing you talk about it, especially since you know so much about it and it's your area of expertise, you know? but thank you ha ha, I'm not gonna lie, I do feel a bit better knowing that it's unlikely I'll catch it. XD do you find your way more careful with the health of your family members, knowing that you know all this medical stuff as well?

i am honestly crazy impressed that you have never ever pulled an all nighter, especially with how hard you work! that screams amazing time management to me, that is so so epic! but I agree, I think you'll take on things is really healthy, like I know people see all nighters and like busting your body really hard as some noble thing, but I think work culture needs to be healthier in general, so it's really really super good that you have those habits? honestly fam, I cannot remember the last time I woke up feeling refreshed ever? I think my average sleep time is between 5 to 6 hours and the weird thing is even if I oversee that I think I end up still feeling really tired anyway! We don't have panera bread - I had to look it up just now, I'm not gonna lie it does look yummy (but then I suppose food photography is all meant to look yummy right?) a friend of mine working at a takeaway is going through that stuff though, well like if he gets it right it's really great but if he makes even a small mistake it's not so great. [people are so mean to others that work in the food industry, I glad you managed to get out. You've really done so much work in your life! Your work ethic really is amazing, I hope you give yourself more and more credit for everything you've managed to do in your life <3 <3 really really really

I've seen pictures of virginia beach! It looks so pretty - FIVE MASSIVE LAKES??!?!?! we don't have anything like that here. maybe a few rivers and streams and things, but all of the big lakes are much further north from me! or maybe i'm just not impressed find my country anymore. do you have a favourite out of any of these lakes? that's kind of amazing, that there are so many idyllic and beautiful places you can holiday near you. do you have like a dream holiday location outside of the US?

YOU BOWL!? That is amazing though?!??!?!!! my confession is that I have never bowled in my entire life! because my hands were really tiny I was never really allowed to with all the other creative stuff I was doing, so I have never ever been. my mum keeps saying when coronavirus is over we can go and do it sometime - but the balls are pretty big no? I feel like I would need one of those ramps to be able to bowl XD I'm not very strong, so you must have such good upper body strength and, like,c oordination and stuff too, right? YES I would love to see pictures of you bowling!! Is it a really positive collegiate atmosphere? I've seen in friends with gymnastics and soccer but it can be pretty brutal sometimes. parenting really is just such a noble thing!

honestly, anxiety is anxiety no matter how big or small it is. like I don't like how some people sometimes like to make their mental health issues worse than other peoples? it's so hard to quantify already without competing about stuff. have you gone to see people to help you with some of your emotional trauma? I've definitely found seeing professionals have helped? but I know it's definitely different for different people right? i hope you can give yourself safe love and care for it everything <3 and dw i'm not annoyed with anything you're saying at all! I think this is so real and human and you need to be able to say this stuff you know? like, what you're feeling matters and it's important, and it's okay that this stuff can't be fixed overnight or with a snap of your fingers so don't worry – repeat it as many times as you need. I hope so so so much that this stuff works out for you! and with how hard you work I'm sure it will, like even if it's not your first choice, I'm sure you're so resourceful that you'll find a way to make it work? you'll manage to pick yourself up and do even better than you thought you were going to you know? well, I believe in you, anyway!

yes to the perfume! I'm glad this is finally introduced you to bluebells, they're one of my favourite flowers! perfume really should be a pick me up, shouldn't they? OMG you have an oil diffuser!! So do I! What scents do you use? do you stuff to help you sleep, or just to help you be in a good mood or vibe with your space?

I cannot deal with the universe app omg it is just so so slow?! I saw hyungwon and jooheon were on idol radio 2 today! i didn't get to catch it yet - did you? we did the kpop thing!!! It was really really good, I hope this means good things will come soon, tho I had to wake up so super early for it but it was worth it! i had a not so good day yesterday with work, so it was a balance today that i really needed. Please say hi to your mum for me! I love your long letters, I think I spent half an hour on this one too, so it's all good! it's so nice hearing how you're doing but also I am happy knowing that you can tell me anything. I hope you are having the best rest ever because you deserve it after working so hard and you deserve to really treat yourself this week! I hope you have been treating yourself a bit more :) LOVE YOU LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS!! TAKE CARE :D REST AND EAT AND SLEEP AND HYDRATE AND ALL THE GOOD THINGS WELL :D xxooxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxxooxoxo

-💥

ALRIGHT I'M HERE ANGEL !!!!!! sorry this is a couple days late :( how have u been this week hun? i hope well !!!!!

my last day of work was really chill !!! it was nice to check all the things off that i had to finish before leaving ;____; and i said goodbye to my favorite co-workers :( i was a little sad leaving them bc i will probably never see them again, but they've treated me with much kindness so i wish them the best !!! <3 i've only had about a week to myself and honestly it didn't feel like a true break bc i had to pack for uni and it was a little stressful sdfjklfjs ; right now i'm in a hotel bc i actually move in this weekend ! i drove 5 hours today, and then 2 more hours tomorrow !!

also i'm really happy the operation on your family member went okay right ?? i agree that it's more relieving knowing that the procedure is done and over with bc youre THAT much closer to everything going back to normal again soon !!! the road to recovery is near <3

also SDKFJS ABOUT ENCEPHALITIS !!! yeah it's definitely not something insanely common i would say but it's not rare either ;____; and although children maybe won't be diagnosed with encephalitis per se, them getting ear infections all the time IS and it is something to note that significant swelling in their head is happening :') inflammation really is no joke and the brain is scary bc like i said it really doesn't have anywhere to go :( so babe i wouldn't be too nervous about it okay !!! you would definitely know if something is wrong with u ;____; and again sorry i went all anatomy brain on u it's just something i've learned about esp when i took peds last semester :') so thank u for letting me talk about it with ya hehe <3

all nighters !!!!! are for ppl who don't care for their well being !!!!! LKSDFJ no i'm just kidding i have really high respect for ppl who are productive at night (one of my best friends can pull off all nighters with no problem and she gets really good grades) but it's just not for me :( i feel guilty telling ppl i've never pulled an all nighter as a NURSING STUDENT but ,,,,,,, i just cannot, my brain cannot focus on anything past midnight . i become counterproductive, it's just not my optimal time for studying . bc i wake up so early on the weekends i try to get everything done by dinner time ,,,,,, and even when i did my sport and travelled so much i never studied late into the night (maybe only a couple of times); and again like i said maybe that differentiates me from being a B student instead of a straight A student :( but i just try my best and don't push myself over the edge bc it ends up turning out worse for me :') and also love :((( thank u so much for listening to my little anxieties all this time , i fell bad for unloading it but u make it so easy for me to feel comfortable ;____; i know it's common for us to feel this way, but for some reason i have this thing in my head where i think everyone around me has their shit together and i'm always the one that is fucking everything up, if this makes sense? i know it's irrational but ;____; it's how i feel ;____; i've actually never seen anyone about this new found anxiety early bc i don't want any of my family members finding out :( not bc they would shame me or anything and i'm really close with my family, but this is just a whole different and new thing that i don't think i'm ready t share that with my family yet. i would love to see a therapist when i live on my own, but idk i don't want to feel weak, you know? i know seeing someone for help doesn't make u weak by any means, but it's hard to admit these things to ppl i feel :( i sure hope you're right, i just want whatever is supposed to happen to me work out in my favor :((( so thank u for all of ur love and support hun ;____; you're like the older sibling that i never had <3

VIRGINIA BEACH REALLY IS SO NICE they were always really fun family vacations for me <3 it's a shame i haven't gone in like the past 7 years bc my grandparent's health has kind of deteriorated over time, but those are memories i'm glad i was able to share with them for such a long time when i was younger <3 and YEAH 5 massive totally huge lakes (like i said u probably have an idea of what state i live in now lol) but they're all so lovely and pretty <3 and honestly all of them are gorgeous in their own way, but without saying you can probably look it up, the biggest of the 5 is where we visit most often !!! and a dram holiday?? i would say the big 3 locations i would love love love to go outside of the US are italy, spain, and croatia ;_____; i think croatia is soooo beautiful (so small) but absolutely gorgeous :(

and YEAH I BOWLED LMAO and there's no shame in never bowling before !!!! i a lot of ppl don't really like it bc a) its frustrating and b) it takes a lot of patience / hand-eye coordination lol but it's something i've been doing for, oh idk, probably close to 13 years at this point lol ; it's just a shame to me that ppl associate the sport with just going out with friends and having a beer :/ it's so much more than that (to me at least ;____; ) and !!!!! don't worry to much about having small hands !!!! the balls themselves aren't really big per se, it's the weight that ppl are more concerned with lol the highest weight available is 16 lbs and ppl are surprised when they hear that i throw with 14 lbs lol ; and !!!! i have super tiny hands so i feel like compared to a lot of girls i wasn't able to get a high rev rate (how many times the ball rolls before hitting the pins) but i think a lot of my strength is in my legs actually !! yes it takes upper body strength but the lower muscle groups are just as important :) and the collegiate atmosphere is really positive and energetic i would say !!! bc it's not like soccer where ur teammates are far away, rather they are right there cheering u on and picking u up when ur down <3 i love my teammates ;____;

pls the jo malone perfume i cherish it so much i've been wearing it everyday LOL i am so in love with it !!!!!! it brings me joy, which i think is important <3 and !!! OIL DIFFUSER SQUAD LOL !!! what scents do u like angel ?? my go to is always yalangyalang or mint bc it's very calming for me lol i usually use it when i got to sleep :) i actually hate the scent of lavender even tho ppl say it's calming LSDFJ

I DID NOT GET TO WATCH IDOL RADIO in it's entirety :( just bc it wasn't subbed and it's really hard for me to stay focused for an hour and a half when i don't know what they're saying hhh but they looked so cute :( and i hope everything at work is going okay my love !!!!! the whole kpop thing sounds so exciting <3 and i'm sorry u didn't have the great of a day the other day ;____; was it just bc u were busy ??? or just didn't feel right? i hope u were able to finish off the week strong tho bubbie ;_____; again, thank u so so much for allowing me to be so comfortable with u hun <3 u are such a dear friend to me and i'm so happy to have someone like u around, i love u so much :( if i don't hear from u pls pls have a good weekend and a good week next week okay !!!!!!!!!!!!! i start classes on monday so i will be coming on here for lots of emotional support LMAO . mwah <3 love u so much <3

#asks #💥 anon #THESE ARE ALWYAS SO LONG I LOVE THEM THO LOL and i love u <3 #take care hun !!!!!!

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