maybe it's just because i'm late to the party but why have i never seen anyone in this fandom mention tickle-me-elmo?? is it because it's so self explanatory and obvious of a reference that nobody even talks about it? because i still find it really funny that they basically wrote a musical about it

My review on the Thanksgiving movie (2023).

If you haven't seen the movie yet, I highly recommend you go watch it wherever you can because it is an experience.

If there is a showing of it in a theater near you, I recommend you go watch it if you love horror. But if you can't/don't want to go to the theaters to watch it, that's okay because you can rent it on Amazon Prime for $19.99, buy it for $23.99 on Amazon Prime, or you can watch it on the movies hd website for free.

I recommend that you watch the movie before you continue reading so that you understand what I'm talking about and I don't spoil the movie for you; and if you want to continue reading this without watching the movie, that's okay.

The movies hd link: https://movieshd.watch/watch-movie/watch-thanksgiving-online-102967.10103725

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Rules:

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Notes:

If I missed anything, or left anything out, feel free to reblog or comment what I missed and/or left out.

If you don't want to reblog or comment, telling me the info I missed and/or left out, feel free to dm me.

The same goes for questions.

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Spoilers for the movie Thanksgiving (2023) and below!

The Plot:

"fellas is it gay to lose your pregnant partner during a black friday riot because her head was crushed by shopping trolleys and be driven mad to the point of adopting the alter ego of john carver in order to exact violent revenge on the rich kids that caused the riot, which you have been planning for a whole ass year, only to be defeated by a girl with a can of hairspray and a facebook livestream?"

The OP of this quote (beepboopdespair) excellently explained the entire plot in simple terms, but I'll go a bit more into detail as well as include some information from the movies Wikipedia page.

The character the OP is speaking about (aka the character who was defeated by a girl with a can of hairspray) is the killer who the cops call "John Carver". The reason for the name is because the killer wore a John Carver mask when they killed their victims.

The Setting (part of the plot):

The movie takes place in the town of Plymouth, Massachusetts but there are so many parts of the town that are shown that I might not be able to name everything, apologies in advance.

The design of the main characters' high school was so cool. The little spot underneath the stairs where Evan talks to that one kid about his essay was such a cool addition to the already amazing looking school.

The way they designed the old John Carver house was a perfect mix between unsettling and terrifying. The way the dust covered everything except the part of the wall where the axe used to be after it was stolen was a perfect detail and ester egg as to what was going to happen later in the move and what the killers trademark weapon would be.

The Characters:

Let me just say that Evan, Sheriff Newlon, Scubba, Bobby, McCarty, and Jacob were the best looking male characters in my opinion.

I loved how the directors didn't stick to the usual horror movie friend group trope like so many others. (And no I'm not hating on the trope, I'm just saying that seeing different friend group tropes in horror movies is just as good as the classic trope.)

The way that no one suspected that the sheriff was the killer until the last 20-30 minutes was amazing. The first time I watched it I thought that Bobby or one of the other main characters would be the killer but when it was revealed that the sheriff (Eric Newlon) was the killer I was shocked but it made me so much more invested in the movie (even though I was absolutely in love with the movie before that point).

The Kills:

One of the main things that makes a horror movie good is the kills, and if a horror movie has 2 or more kills in the first 20 minutes then you know it's going to be a good movie; and that's exactly what this movie did.

When I first saw the scene where the black friday shoppers began to trample the security guard to get into the store, I knew that there were going to be even more amazing kills later on, and I was right.

The entire black friday riot scene was absolute perfection, and paired with the deaths that happened in those scenes just made it so much better.

The kills in just the first 20 minutes were amazing but these ones were my favorites:

Amanda (The store managers wife who was killed by two shopping carts ramming into her skull).

Doug (The security guard that was trampled to death when he tried to unlock the doors).

"Neck glass guy" (The man in the sports jersey who got a large shard of glass stuck in his neck when he tried to enter the store and later died).

Those kills may have been limited to the store, but the other deaths weren't.

Lizzie McMullen was the waitress at the "Capotaine" diner who was also one of the two people who killed Amanda in the black friday riot. She was later killed outside the diner by being cut in half by dumpster lid.

Manny was one of the two security guards that were hired on the day of the black friday riot but he ran away once the crowd started rushing towards the doors. He was later killed in his apartment where he was stabbed in stomach with electric carving knife and decapitated with Garrotte.

Lonnie was a gym coach at Hanover High and the person who started the riot and was responsible for the deaths and injuries that occurred that day. He was later killed in one of the schools gyms when his neck twisted all the way around.

Yulia was Scubba's girlfriend and was one of the five people that the final girl let inside the store that triggered the black friday riot to start. She was later killed in her home where she was disembowled on a buzzsaw.

Lionel was one of the people in the black friday riot and was dressed in the turkey mascot suit in the parade. He was later killed in the middle of the parade when he was decapitated with axe.

Amy was Lonnie's girlfriend and a cheerleader at Hanover High who was killed in one of the schools gyms when she was stabbed multiple times through a trampoline and eventually succumbed to blood loss.

Kathleen Wright was the final girls stepmother and was the person who deleted the security footage from the black friday riot to save her image. She was later killed in the old John Carver house when she was cooked alive in an oven.

Evan Fletcher was Gabby's boyfriend and was one of the five people that the final girl let inside the store that triggered the black friday riot to start. He was later killed in the old John Carver house when his skull was bludgeoned with meat tenderizer.

The unnamed victim was a random grandfather who was killed in the parade when his head was impaled by bow of a ship float.

Eric Newlon was the sheriff who stopped the black friday riot after he found Amanda's dead body, he was also the killer who killed 8+ people in revenge for the events of the black friday riot. He was later "killed" when he was supposedly incinirated in a propane tank explosion.

All the kills in this movie were brutally excellent (pun intended), but these were the best in my opinion:

Kathleen Wright

Yulia

Lizzie McMullen

The unnamed grandfather

Evan Fletcher

Manny

Amy

Doug

Amanda

End:

This entire movie was absolutely amazing and deserves so much more love. The acting was amazing, the kills were incredible, and the ending was a perfect cliffhanger. Overall, this movie gets a 10/10 from me.

CREDITS, BLOG LINKS, AND SOURCES:

1 (fellas is it gay to...): https://www.tumblr.com/beepbeepdespair

2 The movies Wikipedia page: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thanksgiving_(2023_film)

3 The list of deaths: https://horror.fandom.com/wiki/List_of_deaths_in_Thanksgiving

4 The full cast and crew: https://m.imdb.com/title/tt1448754/fullcredits/cast

Strawberry Fields

Paring: Kirishima x Full Figured Reader

Rating: SFW

Word count: 5.5K

Warnings: Self-Deprecation, Fat-phobia 

Prompt: First meeting

Taglist: @dragonhrte​

So this will be my third tile off of my bingo card for the @bnhabookclub​ and this one was a tough one to write. This is SFW but will cover themes such as Self-deprecation and Fat-phobia. As a person who has been on the bigger side most of her life it has taken a lot of confidence building to get to be who I am today. And as a writer I fell like it’s my duty to be as inclusive as I can be. Through my years of reading I haven't seen that many fuller body reader fics. When I say fuller body I’m talking 200+. 

If there is one thing I want someone, plus size or not just remember you deserve to be and feel loved, everyone does! I hope this can give whoever is reading this a sense of comfort. 

You don’t think you could ever forget the first time he came into your life. At the time you worked at a sweets shop called Honey’s, a place that only sells, well sweets! Cakes, doughnuts, pastries, floats, sundaes and milkshakes. Honey’s had a wide variety to offer for their wide variety of customers, they ranged from kids all the way to cute elderly couples, sharing a banana split.

You loved working there, it was perfect seeing as how you were in culinary school to be a confectionary chef. Making pastries and anything sweet was all you wanted to do, it was something that brought great joy in your life. It also didn’t require you to be around too many people at one time. The owner and head chef were more than happy to hire you, and the position was perfect, you just had to work the bar or as they called it the candy bar. Standing behind a giant bar as you took orders for the people that came in alone really was ideal, seeing as how you had anxiety. Being a fuller bodied and taller girl all your life and having dealt with bullying and all types of teasing always stuck with you.

You could remember those whispers people around you in high school made as you walk down the aisle of desks in your classes, your hips sometimes brushing against the desk or the person that was sitting in them. Or even having to turn sideways just to get past something, because you couldn't fit. So working behind the candy bar, where there wasn’t anything you had to squeeze past or worry about bumping into things, truly was a match made in heaven.

You were in charge of making the milkshakes, recipes, names everything. The owner let you have full control of that. When he first told you that you didn’t think anything could top that day.

That was until you met him.

It was a Friday afternoon on a beautiful June day. Even though there was a pandemic going on and everyone, workers and patrons alike still had masks on. Even the regulars were happy the shop was open, happy to have some sort of normality back. The light chime of the bell in the front signaled that a new customer had walked in.

Usually you didn’t look at the door when someone walked in, seeing as how you were always busy manning the bar. But something told you to look up. Standing at the door was a group of guys who were around their twenties, looking around the shop and talking amongst themselves.

You couldn’t take your eyes off of the red haired one. He was tall, one of the tallest in the group, he had broad shoulders and a muscular build. A plain white v-neck t-shirt, light blue jeans that had frayed holes in them and red converse’s. It was a simple look but you couldn’t help but watch as a waitress, who just so happened to be your roommate, walk them over to the booth in the back of the room.

He slid into the booth, the side he sat on faced you, so when he took off his black mask with the words ‘RIOT’ in red letters, you could feel heat rise up your cheeks under your own mask.  

‘Oh god he’s really handsome.’  The way his eyes turned into upside down crescent moons as he smiled a smile you were sure could light up the world. His features were manly but also so soft at the same time, it just made you want to pinch his cheeks. His crimson eyes were big and bright, you could feel yourself melt when they glanced in your direction.

You panicked when you locked eyes for a millisecond with him before you just turned your head and pretended like nothing happened. Your heart was racing and legs were weak, all he did was look in your direction and he had you turning into a puddle.

“Hey, are you okay?” The sound of your roommates muffled voice broke you out of your slight panic.

“Yeah, yeah I’m good!” You smiled at her and even though she couldn’t see it through the mask.

“Well the group of hotties I just sat down all want milkshakes. One cara-delight, one cookie monster, one banana mania and one strawberry fields.” You took the small piece of paper from her order book, placing it on your board as you start to make the milkshakes.

You didn’t know which one the man that caught your attention got but something was telling you it was the strawberry one. You kept on smiling as you made the drinks. Wondering what his name was or what his voice sounded like.

Glancing back at the table, you watched as he continued to laugh and talk with his friends. The blonde with what you would call porcupine hair that sat next to him, seemed to be angry about something. But red, that’s what you decide to call him, was just laughing at him which seemed to make the other male angrier.

Shaking your head you turned back to the shakes, putting on the last piece of garnish on the strawberry one. Tapping the bell that let the waiters/waitresses know their order is up my roommate came bustling over.

“This is for the hotties at the back booth right?”

You nodded your head as she fixed her hair and her outfit before taking the drinks over to the table. I felt my heart sink slightly as she started to talk to red. It looked like she was flirting with him, and he was smiling back at her. You let out a defeated sigh as you watched the exchange.

This always happened, a guy you found cute or interesting would fall for your friend. They would become close with you just so they could get close to her.

‘Why am I surprised? Why would a guy like that even notice me?’  You started to wipe down the counter and work station as you got lost in your thoughts. Your roommate was beautiful and petite, an extroverted type of person that people just flocked to, a man’s ideal type.

You felt like you were the exact opposite. Tall, full figured, not great looking and a person with too much anxiety to be sociable. So of course he would go for a girl like her, it just made sense.

You spent the next hour making milkshakes, taking orders of the regulars you had, thinking of new recipes and cleaning. Anything to distract yourself from looking at where red sat. Still not looking you heard your roommate say her goodbyes to the group as they walked out of the shop. Exhaling a sigh of relief, knowing that he was finally gone, it came rushing back as your friend bounced behind the bar, hopping up to sit on the counter of the work station.

“Guess who has a date?” She gushed as she played with a neatly folded piece of paper between her dainty fingers. “I think I’m in love! His red eyes were so...ugh!! And his hair although it was sticking up all over the place, he was still cute. He was so in shape too!!”

With each word she said you felt like your heart was breaking into a million pieces. You weren’t sure what made you think that there was just a shimmer of hope he would be one of those guys who didn’t care about looks and things like that.

“Well anyway he’s coming here tonight when my shift ends for a date! I already asked the owner if we could do it after we close and he said sure as long as you’re here!”

“Wait, you want me to stick around while you go on a date with this guy?” She nodded her head vigorously. “And I’m assuming I'm going to be cooking for this date?” Again she nodded.

“Fine but you owe me big time!” You couldn’t say no to her, she's been your friend since middle school. She was the one to defend you when people used to pick on you and was there for every mental break down you had.

“Do you know how much I love you!?” She jumped off the counter to give you a big bear hug. You wrapped your arms around her slim waist. “His friend said he’d come along, so you wouldn’t just be here alone! He kept asking questions about you.” She wiggled her eyebrows as she danced out of your embrace.

“Huh?! Who?!” Before she could answer a few waiters came up with orders for milkshakes.

“You’ll see later. I’m gonna run and grab stuff for you to cook during my break, and again thank you so much!!” You just waved her off as you started to get the order together.

“When did you have time to change?!” You and your friend had already closed up shop and were getting ready for her date and his friend to show up.

“I move quickly! So I got chicken, lemons, cooking white wine and pasta, that's all you needed right?” She had removed the bags from the walk-in fridge, putting them on the table.

“Yeah I figured a nice grilled lemon chicken and pasta would be a good dinner for the date, and I already started prepping for the creme brulee.” You began to pull the items out of the bag when you heard her phone go off.

“Oh he just texted me! Bakugou and his friend will be here in twenty!” You had never seen your friend act like this about a guy. There was another sharp pain as you felt your heart break.

‘So Bakugou is his name huh?’

“Go out and set up your table, I found some candles in the office for you to use to set the mood.” You started to shove her to the door and out of the kitchen so you weren’t bothered.

She looked like she was walking on clouds as she hummed and made her way to the table in the middle of the room. You figured that would be the best place seeing how it wasn’t so close to where you were going to be, so it didn’t seem like you were intruding on them and not far enough incase she needed help.

Twenty minutes went by too fast for your liking, as happy as you were for her, you didn’t want to see Bakugou so soon. The pasta was done and the chicken needed another ten minutes when she came through the kitchen doors.

“Take off your jacket and come out, they are here!” She was tugging on the sleeve of your white jacket. Sighing you started to unbutton it before sliding it off your arms.

‘Might as well get this over with.’ Hanging your jacket up you looked at yourself in the mirror one last time. All you wore was an old baggy band t-shirt that was so big it came down past your behind and leggings paired with black combat boots.

Following your friend through the swinging doors, you could see two shadowy figures at the door. You heard the lock click as she unlocked it and opened it for the two men. Feeling your anxiety come back, you didn't want to see him again, this was a mistake.

“Hey! So glad you guys can make it.” You tried to busy yourself with the silverware for you and his friend, avoiding looking at him.

“It’s our pleasure! Plus I couldn’t stop thinking of that milkshake from earlier.” That made a smile spread under your mask. You loved hearing people compliment your work.

“My friend here actually is the one in charge of the recipes and menu for them. And she cooked us all dinner tonight!” You could hear them getting closer.

‘Alright here we go.’ You looked up to see blondie and red walking towards you. If this was an anime you were sure one of the ghost things would come out from your mouth as your body left your soul. Bakugou looked so handsome. His spiky red hair from earlier was down now, a black button down with a red tank top peeking through the undone buttons hugged his muscular frame, dark blue jeans showcased his long thick legs, black converses were on his feet this time and that same mask from before.

You were positive that your heart had stopped and so did your breathing. You didn’t even pay attention to his friend, you only saw him.

“Gentlemen this is, y/n. y/n this is Bakugou and Kirishima.” It took you a second to realize that the blonde was Bakugou and the red head was Kirishima. Which meant your friend was on a date with the blonde.

“It’s nice to meet ya!” Kirishima sent you a small wave as those beautiful red eyes turned into crescent moons, he was smiling at you.

“Ditto.” You heard a deep chuckle come from him causing you to blush even more. “Um, I’m gonna go check on the food. You guys can go to the table and Kirishima can sit at the bar with me.”

Walking back through the door to the kitchen, you started to pace. You were about to have dinner with the guy you have been thinking about all day, and you were sweaty and gross from a day's work. Hair pulled up into a ponytail with strands poking out all along your hairline and in an old gross band tee.

You covered your eyes with your hands as you shook your head. ‘Get it together!’

Going to the chicken you saw that it was done and started to plate the dish. Once everything was plated you grabbed a large round tray, placing the four plates on it. Heaving it up to your shoulder to help you balance it, you walked back to the door before backing into it. You had just gotten around the bar when you felt the tray be lifted from your hands. Looking to your left you saw Kirishima hold the tray like you had and made his way to the couples table.

“Here you go guys. Enjoy!” He put the plates down as if he was their server and made his way back to you. You watched as he put the plates down on the bar, then setting the tray off to the side.

“Aren’t you gonna join me?” He pulled his mask down allowing you to see his handsome face in all its glory.

“Um yeah.” You walked over to the stool that had the plate in front of it. Your stool and his were separated by one empty one in between you two.

You felt his eyes on you the whole way to your stool. Once you sat down you looked back at him, he was still staring.

“What?” You started to feel self conscious.

“You’re beautiful.”

You looked at him in disbelief. “How could you possibly know that, when I'm wearing this mask and all you could see are my eyes?”

“That’s all I need to see to know you’re beautiful.” You felt your cheeks heat up intensely as he said that. Not once did he look away from your eyes. And his voice, god could you listen to his voice all night.

“W-we should eat before it gets cold.” You finally pulled down your mask, letting him see your whole face for the first time.

“Seems like I was right, you sure are beautiful.” Your head snapped over to look at him, but he had started to eat his food, a prominent blush on his cheeks as well.

The rest of the night flew by as you and Kirishima started to talk about your love for cooking and baking.

“You're telling me that not only are you beautiful, you can cook and bake?!” He had his elbow propped up on the bar his chin was being held by his hand. A goofy grin was spread across his face as he watched you prepare the creme brulee.

A small part of you wanted to be happy that he was taking interest in your likes and passions in life. But a bigger part of you was aware that he was just here as a wingman for his friend.

“You have the cook and bake part right at least.” You turned on the small blow torch to caramelize the sugar on top of the custard. You glanced up at the man who had your heart racing all night. Instead of the cheerful look you’ve gotten used to, he had an expression of sadness. It confused you, why would he get sad?

“Hey can I talk to you for a second?” You weren't sure when your friend had come over to you, seeing as how you were caught up in Kirishima’s expression. Shutting off the torch, you nodded your head and excused yourself from Kirishima, taking your friend's hand and head for the kitchen.

“I’m really hitting it off with Bakugou, we're gonna go for a walk in the park after dessert. He’s asking Kirishima to walk you home, is that okay?” You could see it in her eyes, she really liked him.

“It’s fine! Go have fun just text me every once in a while okay?”

You both walked out from the kitchen again as you went to finish the creme brulee. You all decided to eat it together at the bar and finish up the night. You learned that Bakugou was a hot head but was still super sweet, perfect for your best friend.

Once everyone was done, the two men insistent on helping you two clean up the mess before leaving for the night.

“All right, have fun you two! I’ll see you at home.” You waved at your friend as she wrapped her arm around Bakugou’s, making their way to the park.

“Shall we go?” Looking over at Kirishima, who had his arm out for you to take like his friend had done, you sighed.

“Listen Kirishima, you don’t have to walk me home. Bakugou got my friend, he doesn’t need a wingman anymore.” You could see the confusion on his face as you continued to speak. “It was a fun night and all but I can get home by myself. Take care.”

You started to walk down the street, leaving Kirishima to stand alone in front of Honey’s. Your apartment wasn’t too far from the shop, only about a twenty minute walk. The only thing that sucked was there was a strip of clubs you had to walk past in order to get home. Drunk people always made you feel anxious, they tend to not be so nice.

You did feel bad for leaving Kirishima like that but you also had to face the harsh reality that there was no way a guy would like you like that. His smiling face and his voice when he called you beautiful rang through your head. You had to admit it was nice to think that maybe he did take an interest in you.

You were so lost in your thoughts you didn’t notice the large group of men outside of one club. Trying to squeeze yourself through them, you accidentally bumped shoulders with the bigger male in the group.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” You apologized the second it happened but the man didn’t care. His large hand shoved against one of your shoulders causing you to fall off the sidewalk and into the street, landing on your side. You could feel the arm you landed on start to burn, certain that you had a couple of scrapes. You had tried to avoid the fall but it caused you to twist your ankle.

“Watch where you're walking lard ass!” He laughed with his group of friends as you still sat on the ground, holding your injured arm in your hand.

Tears started to form in your eyes. Sure you’ve been called names all your life because of your size, doesn't mean it didn’t still hurt. You tried to stand up but your body wouldn’t, you were just emotionally and mentally exhausted. So you just sat there and cried.

“Ha! Look she can’t even stand up! It’s called a gym and a salad, fat-OOF!” You heard what sounded like a rock hitting something followed by a thud of the big man falling and hitting the ground. Wiping your tears you saw Kirishima standing over the fallen man, his chest heaving up and down, hands balled into fists, teeth bared. His face was covered in rage, it kind of scared you.

“It’s not very manly to push a woman around like that!” The guys friends came to try and peel him off of the ground saying apology after apology to you as they ran away. “Cowards!”

Kirishima looked over his shoulder at you, his expression softened once he saw your tears. Moving next to you he squatted down, a large gentle hand came out to move the hand that was covering the wound. You let out a hiss as his fingers grazed it.

“I’m sorry, I should have gotten to you sooner.” His voice was nothing but a whisper, his eyes covered by his hair. “Do you need help standing?”

“Yeah.” Kirishima stood up in front of you holding out both of his hands for you to grab on to. Your hands let go of his as you tried to stand on your own, but there was a shooting pain in your right ankle, sending shockwaves through your body. You felt like you were about to fall again but you felt arms wrap around your waist and a hard chest against your body.

“Whoa I got you.” You could feel him tighten his arms around you, making you feel so warm in his embrace. “I’ll carry you home.”

“No it’s okay I can walk.” You pushed yourself off of him trying to prove you could walk, only to almost fall again.

“Damn it will you just let me help you?” He was holding you around the waist again. A light blush appeared on your cheeks. “Here climb on my back.” He crouched down in front of you, his broad back was in your view.

“I-I don’t want to hurt you.” Your voice was meek, as you looked around. Other people on the sidewalk were staring at the two of you.

Kirishima turned around looking over his shoulder, a wide toothy grin was plastered on his lips, your heart started to race. “I’m a lot stronger than you think.”

You knew he wasn't going to give up, sighing as you climbed on his back. You pressed your chest against his back, your arms wrapping around his shoulders. Your head was next to his as you tried to bury your face in the back of his shoulder. Standing up Kirishima gripped your thighs, jumping so you were in a better position for him.

“You okay?” You could only nod against him. “Can you tell me how to get to your place?” Everytime he spoke you could feel the vibrations go through your body. You directed him to your apartment. As he kept walking you were readying yourself for him to just say that you were too heavy and drop you in the middle of the sidewalk. But he barely broke a sweat as he walked the last ten minutes to your place.

“I can walk now.” You mumbled against his shoulder once Kirishima stepped out of the elevator on your floor.

“Not until I get you inside and patched up.” You’ve only known him for only a few hours but the effect he had on your heart was indescribable. Once he got to your door he squatted down, keeping his eyes to the ground so you could put in your code to open the door.

You were grateful for the fact you cleaned the apartment yesterday, seeing as how there was a guy walking through it. Walking over to the large couch by the window, Kirishima turned around sitting on the couch, allowing you to slide off his back.

“Do you have a first aid kit anywhere?” Your eyes watched his every move as he bent down on one knee, softly grasping your injured ankle. He slipped the boot off slowly, removing your sock and pulling up your leggings so he could get a look at your now swollen ankle.

“Yeah it’s under the sink in the bathroom, down the hall first door on your right.” Kirishima took one of the small pillows off the couch and pulled the coffee table closer. Placing the pillow on the table, laid your ankle on it as he ran to the bathroom.

You weren’t sure how to feel. Between your feelings for your red knight, what happened with the guy outside of the club and your own insecurities. Could he actually like you? Were you allowed to actually have someone like you, for you?

“Here we go. I took a bag of frozen peas from the fridge if that's okay.” You could only nod your head as he went back to the same position he was in earlier. “Looks like it might be sprained. You are gonna have to stay off of it for a while, so that means no work for the time being.”

Kirishima was wrapping an ace bandage securely around your ankle and foot. Once he did that he put the frozen bag of vegetables on top of it. He dug through the first aid kit searching for some more items. You couldn’t stop watching him, his face was full of concentration. For some reason it just made him look even more handsome than he already was.

“Alright let’s take care of that-what?” He turned around to look at you, catching you just simply staring at him. “Is there something on my face?” He started to wipe his face in all different areas.

You chuckled at how cute he looked trying to get whatever he thought was on his face. “No, nothing is on your face, it's just…” You let the sentence die out. You couldn’t let him know what you were feeling, but you also didn’t want to get hurt….again.

“What’s wrong?” Kirishima got up, taking a seat next to you on the couch, facing your direction. You couldn’t look at him, opting to look down at the hem of your shirt, playing with it between your fingers.

“Why are you doing this?”

“What are you talking about?” You sighed a deep sigh, gathering the courage to look him in the eyes.

“Why are you going this far to help me? Are you just trying to get brownie points for your buddy or something? I already told you my friend is really into your’s, so no need to go this far.” You felt tears spilling from your eyes again. There was nothing more you wanted than to live in this fantasy with Kirishima, but after years of experience you knew how this all would play out. So you might as well put an end to it now.

“You think I’m doing this for Bakugou to get points with your friend?” Kirishima reached a hand out cupping your round cheek in it. His large thumb wiping away your tears, a soft smile on his lips. “You've got this all wrong angel face, Bakugou was my wingman tonight.”

You could only stare at him. Not sure if what you heard him say was correct. There was no way that he was the one to set all this up for you.

“What do you mean?”

“I noticed you the second I walked into Honey’s, you were the most beautiful person I have ever seen in my life. And when we sat down those sparkling eyes of yours looked right at me and I was sure my heart stopped.” His thumb was drawing small circles on your tear stained cheek.

“I knew your friend was into Bakugou so while she was busy I told him to ask her out hoping that in some weird way I’d be able to get closer to you.” You could see the small blush forming on his cheeks, he was embarrassed.

“But why? Why would someone like you, be into someone like me? I mean look at me I’m not pretty, I’m tall and huge.” You pulled his hand off of your face. He was everything you could wish for, handsome, funny, caring, protecting, Kirishima had it all. But in your mind you had nothing to offer a man like him.

“I’ve done nothing but look at you. All I see is a woman who is selfless, talented, passionate about her craft, honest, strong and so freaking beautiful it should be a crime.” Kirishma had turned your face back to him, but this time he was much much closer. His crimson eyes stared into your own. You felt like you could get lost in them.

“Kirishima…” No matter how hard you tried the tears wouldn’t stop.

“I don’t care about what your physical appearance looks like, in my eyes you are the most beautiful being out there, angel face.” He brushed a few stray strands of hair from your face. “So please stop crying, okay?”

He pulled you closer to him, burying your face in his chest. One hand rubbing your back while the other was patting your head. He kept humming a song you couldn’t recognize, but the vibrations were lulling you into a deep sleep.

According to your friend, Kirishima was still there holding you as you slept when she came home. He explained everything that happened that night and she told him about your past experiences. Kirishma felt his heart break for you. He wanted nothing more than to protect and give you the love you deserve.

Over the next three years that's exactly what he did. It was your graduation day, you were officially a professional confectionary chef! Finishing your hair you heard your cell phone go off, letting you know you had a text.

Red Knight: I’m downstairs whenever you’re ready, angel face! <3

You: I’ll be right down~ <3

Even after all this time just a simple text from your boyfriend always made your heart flutter and a smile spread across your face. Looking one last time in the mirror, you were in love with the dress you had ordered for your special day. It was a long soft pink dress that was made from lace, ruffles along the bottom of it. With every movement the dress flowed with you, showcasing your body in all the right ways. It had sparkly strawberries embroidered all over it. Something that went along with your profession while also having Kirishima’s favorite fruit on it.

Having him in your life was a blessing. He showed you an unconditional love you never knew could exist. He was patient with you, always there to reassure you that no matter what he loved you to the moon and back when you doubted yourself. He was there when classes and work were getting to be too much, staying up with you at all hours of the night helping you perfect certain dishes that proved to be difficult. And always without fail Kirishima was there to walk you home each and every night. He really was your red knight.

“Hey! Kiri is downstairs I’m gonna go! I’ll see you after the ceremony!” You shouted out to your roommate. You didn’t even wait for a response as you flew out of the door and into the elevator.

The elevator reached the main floor, dinging while sliding it’s doors open. You could already see him standing outside, hands in the pockets of his as he rocked back and forth on his heels, looking around and whistling. His red hair had grown over the years to the point where he could put it in a ponytail, you were obsessed with it. You always admired how he dressed and today was no different. He looked so good in his tan blazer with the sleeves rolled up showing off his defined forearms, and a loose white t-shirt under it. It was paired with a black trousers and black leather shoes.

Pushing the door open you caught Kirishima’s attention, his mouth hung open as you stepped through the door, his eyes roaming around your body.

“Do you like the dress?” You started to fiddle with the dress, nervous as time continued to pass and the man that held your heart hasn't said anything yet.

“Like it?” You let out a yelp as you felt him put his hands on your waist lifting you up off the ground slightly, spinning with you. “It’s freaking amazing! You’re amazing, angel face.”

He placed you back on the ground but never stepped away from you. Kirishima brought his hand up to the side of your neck, leaning down.

“You have no idea how beautiful you are to me, I love you.” He pressed his lips against yours.

There was nothing you wouldn’t change about the day you first met the man of your dreams, not in the slightest.

tagged by @leonzhng​ thanks for making me dig through my most embarrassing crushes 😭✋

i’ll tag @highwarlockkareena​ @yibobibo​ @lan-xichens​ @purplexedhuman​ @aheartfullofjolllly​ @lanzhansmiles​ @nyx4​ i feel like i tag you guys in everything i am so sorry please ignore this if u don’t wanna do it !!

putting this under a read more for reasons

MEN 2010 – 2016

literally nothing more embarrassing than falling on the same type of white man over and over again (with the exception of minho from shinee bless his heart)

tommy joe ratliff → he was the bass player for adam lambert during his glamnation era (think of songs like for your entertainment and if i had you) idk why exactly i liked him so much but i just did.... however i searched him up again quite recently and found out he’s one of those republicans that says the dumbest shit on twitter so Big Yikes

harry styles → “baby you light up my world like nobody else, the way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed, and when you smile at the ground it ain’t hard to tell...” and BOOM 13-year-old me was sold for well over two years

louis tomlinson → basically i liked harry most until around 2013 when for some reason i started to like him a little less, and i got more focused on louis tomlinson, and although i didn’t like one direction anymore louis tomlinson always had a special place in my heart

ashton irwin → so ashton is 5sos’ drummer, i discovered 5sos through one direction & i stanned them until late 2014

harries twins → the harries twins (jack & finn) are basically the reason i started spending a lot of time on youtube, they were funny and pretty and they just had good videos in general, so for almost two years i’d watch their content regularly

choi minho → my first steps into kpop happened bc i was watching videos on youtube (most probably the harries twins) and suddenly i saw the sherlock mv in my recommended videos so i clicked on it and then 14-year-old me proceeded to fall for minho like an idiot

brooks twins → still youtubers, the brooks twins were 3/5 of the janoskians (jai & luke brooks, beau brooks, daniel sahyounie, & james yammouni), an australian youtube comedy group that was active from 2011-2018 though i was only around from 2012-2014 (when jai brooks was dating ariana grande)

jc caylen → surprise! another youtuber! jc caylen was part of o2l (our2ndlife) a youtube collaboration channel on which each of the 6 members posted videos on a certain day in the week (mondays with connor, tuesdays with ricky, wednesdays with sam, thursdays with jc, fridays with trevi (my 2nd favorite member bc she participated on the x factor), saturdays with ricardo, and then they had surprise sundays every week) and i remember how much joy jc & the others always brought me with their silly videos

misha collins → up next, you might know him as the gay angel that was sent to superhell after confessing his love to the homophobic hunter on supernatural, it’s misha collins! basically misha was a huge source of comfort for me, and i even went around calling myself emmisha for almost two full years (cringe)

henrik holm → he played even bech naesheim in skam and my crush on him reached that level of ridiculousness where i actually tried my hand at learning norwegian (i can only remember how to introduce myself and some curse words i would make a great first impression on him)

MEN 2016 – 2021

min yoongi → okay so my baby steps into kpop happened through shinee’s sherlock, but i only got really invested when yoongi dropped agust d 1 because Holy Fuck y’know??

kim namjoon → oh man i remember thinking namjoon was cute and a very good leader and then BAM he dressed like THAT at the 2016 mma’s and i fell in love. hard

park seojoon → i started liking park seojoon whilst i was watching hwarang (you guessed it, i watched it bc of taehyung), although he wasn’t my favorite character by far, but he was very silly off camera & i liked that (i’m not that into him anymore tho </3)

kim seokjin → OH BOY LET ME TELL U i liked seokjin from the very beginning (i got to know bts in late 2014) and i always liked seeing him perform and be himself and god once i realized i had a crush on him it just hit me like a mf truck, and he’s still one of my favorite people to this day

jung hoseok → god fake love era hoseok really hits different.... also yes i know i have all of bts’ hyung line on my list BUT bts was a really big part of my life for almost 6 years soooo honestly they deserve it i still think they’re great guys

choi san → when ateez made their debut in 2018 i immediately fell in love with san, he was such an amazing dancer and he captivated me right from the very beginning, to this day he’s still my bias in ateez uwu

xiao zhan → AND THEN, OCTOBER OF 2019 HAPPENS AND I WATCH CQL AND... i fall in love with xiao zhan, something i’d never expected would happen bc when i watched cql for the first time i wasn’t as invested in the story, but i really really really liked xiao zhan and one thing led to another and now here i am as a xfx

wang yibo → the thing is, i’ve known yibo since eoeo except i didn’t know cql yibo was uniq yibo (bc i’d forgotten his name) and when i looked it up i can tell you my jaw dropped to the floor bc holy shit????? also he is very silly and i love him loads ok

lee minho → ah, the man who has been my skz bias since 2018, not only is minho my bias i also kin him (there’s a lot of aspects of myself that i see in minho and vice versa) and he’s very comforting to me

bang chan → honestly, it was only a matter of time before i’d fall for bang chan, i knew the moment i got into skz again that i’d start biasing him and, well, here i am, double biasing chan & minho

WOMEN

this list is shorter bc i’ve in general always had less crushes on women than on men??? blame society forcing me into thinking i was straight for a LONG time

ariana grande → remember the 2011 layout of twitter?? where u could not only have an icon and a header, but also a background and ur twitter page was smack in the center of ur screen with the big ugly menu bar at the top??? yeah ariana grande was always my background for my l*rr* st*l*n*s*n layouts

perrie edwards → this was right around the time she was dating zayn & little mix was breaking out into the spotlight, yeah i just really loved her

andrea russett → okay so remember o2l?? andrea russett was kian’s girlfriend for a pretty long time and they always did videos together and i always thought she was super pretty

lily collins → maybe i don’t like clary in tmi all that much but i sure liked the way lily collins looked

alona tal → MY BISEXUAL AWAKENING, it’s only when i saw alona tal in spn that i realized, fuck i might be gay

park jihyo → i discovered twice (my 2nd jype group after day6) through the like ooh-ahh mv and red-haired jihyo really did something to my heart (i just rewatched it and god zombie bang chan is so mf cute)

kim jisoo → when bp made their square two comeback i was immediately smitten for red-haired jisoo in playing with fire, it’s also when i realized she was my bias out of the four members

shin ryujin → the reason that i have blue hair is partially bc of ryujin and her amazing intro in wannabe :D

xuan lu → her portrayal of jiang yanli was SO ON POINT and she’s just such a kindhearted wonderful person wow i want her hand in marriage

lee yoobin → god i’ve known dreamcatcher from back when they were still called minx and ever since i’ve always looked at dami that bit more than the rest, i was also able to see dreamcatcher live in october of 2019 and the whole experience was just so amazing !!

FICTIONAL CHARACTERS

there’s a whole lot more than just these 10 but i wanted to fit the evolution into one (1) slide as best as i could lmao

peter pan → this movie came out in 2003 (?) and he’s honestly the first fictional character i remember ever having a crush on

legolas → i was really doubting between placing haldir or legolas here but i only really got a vague haldir obsession when i was like 14

zuko → LOOK. ZUKO IN ATLA? HOT. ZUKO IN LOK? HOT EVEN IF HE’S AN OLD MAN.

will turner → man was annoying sometimes but i really liked him and his relationship with elizabeth was cute

jo harvelle → gosh i can’t believe she’s the only female character in here???? yeah she was one of my two spn faves and i’ll never forgive the screenwriters for the way they killed her off

castiel → does your fave ever get sent to super hell for being gay? no? well. mine did

kili → fili and kili’s storyline tore my heart out, spit on it, and then laughed straight in my face, KILI WAS LITERALLY MY FAVORITE DWARF

howl → i only watched this movie for the first time in 2020 so i kinda fucked up the tl cause i watched cql in 2019 but shh, anyways howl with his blonde hair was good looking but howl with his black hair just hits differently. i want a howl

lan jingyi → MY BABY BOY, TINIE LITTLE BABIE WHOMST I MUST PROTECT ok no but seriously this kid. i love him a lot

mu qing → BARK BARK. that’s all (that’s not all i love him a whole lot and it hurts me to see so many people misunderstand his character and only see the bad parts of him when they can forgive others for fucking up (eg. xie lian himself & feng xin) but bc mu qing doesn’t deal well with emotions suddenly he’s the bad guy??? i s2g if ppl are gonna do to him what they did to jiang cheng in the tgcf la i will RIOT)

the tomgreg coffee shop au i gave up on

i had good intentions but i’ll never finish this so i’m sharing it here. the unfinished coffee shop au that runs parallel to early season one where greg works at a fancy coffee shop instead of waystar (@@van1lla-v1lla1n & anybody else feel free to take any of this and put it in ur own shit! or pretend u never saw it)

The coffee shop downtown was full of uptight business men and women.

They came off Wall Street, out of the offices downtown and in the Financial District, and ordered either black coffee or fancy lattes and espressos-- it was a tossup, usually, Greg had found, though he and his co workers kept a running tab in the back of the orders.

(Greg didn’t know why they couldn’t make black coffee in their offices, but he supposed if you made a lot of money, five bucks for a large coffee didn’t matter.)

Most of them ordered while on the phone. One time a stern looking woman in a grey suit had been firing someone while she ordered a peppermint tea, a combination Greg laughed about afterwards.

He supposed it was good that they weren’t a chain cafe. Those places probably got the <i>really</i> angry people, who threw coffee back at you if it was wrong. The worst that had ever happened on one of Greg’s shifts was a middle aged man had taken a sip of his drink, made direct eye contact with Greg, and said it was the wrong drink, only for Greg to confirm that it wasn’t even his in the first place.

But hey, he wasn’t complaining. The place paid well enough, he got free coffee on his days off, and during the working hours, the clientele was mostly tourists and families.

Greg liked it most when the kids came in and he always somehow managed to have a screwed up cookie or some other snack that they were just going to throw away anyway. It made the kids smile, and the particularly hassled parents were usually thankful.

It was a break from the suits anyway.

Greg knew the regulars easily. He worked almost the same hours every week. Knew that the CFO of that accounting firm three blocks away was a tall blonde woman named Samantha who ordered an Americano every time unless she was especially stressed, because then she ordered tea and heaped sugar into it. One of the big name traders-- Greg didn’t know much else, was an older man named Matthew who was the only one who orderer hot chocolate all year round.

This man was new.

In general, it was fun to point out the customers you thought were attractive. He was sure it was a common occurrence, across countless coffee shops, in countless cities worldwide. Dani, the college student who worked Thursday morning with Greg thought that the daughter who sometimes came in with her banker father was cute, while Thomas, Greg’s Monday afternoon co worker had a thing for the red haired girl who studied there Monday mornings.

“So,” Dani leaned against the counter while Greg made the new man’s drink-- Tom, was the name he had given, and the name that was turning around in his head, “Are like, white collar forty year olds your type?”

“What?” She smiled, and twisted a braid around her finger, “Mr. Wall Street over there, in the fucking suspenders.” “Oh,” Greg frowned and topped off the latte. He wouldn’t have pinned Tom as a latte drinker, and he wondered if this was a regular drink for him, “What?”

She rolled her eyes, “He’s hot I guess, in a Dad kind of way.” “Hated that a little bit,” he put the lid on the cup, and returned to the counter. Tom looked up from his phone, where he’d been furiously texting for the past several minutes, “Here you go.” “Thanks,” he took the cup and then took a sip. Greg noticed this was common. They always took a sip before leaving the counter. Greg was <i>pretty</i> sure it was so they’d have easy access back in case it was wrong. Rich people were always eager to find something to complain about,

Greg smiled-- customer service smile, as Thomas called it, “you’re welcome. Come back soon.” Tom smiled back, a tight smile that people always gave them in response. He heard Dani laugh behind him, and when he turned she was looking at him, arms crossed. “Pathetic. Are you going to sleep with him?” “<i>What?</i>”

She laughed again, and returned to the register. Greg shrugged, and returned to the back, where he was supposed to be taking stock before the lunchtime rush really started.

In general, dating was off the table. Greg’s life was way too precarious to think about letting another person in to it, and besides, fantasizing about a customer you saw once and would possibly never see again was a fun thing to do occasionally, but was a waste of time. And <i>sure</i> he had thought Tom was attractive, but he thought plenty of people were attractive, this one was just obvious to Dani who happened to be watching him. It’d be fun to think about him when he walked in, but in general, unrealistic.

Greg put the thoughts of Tom the executive at the unknown location out of his mind, and focused on not losing track of his counting.

***

Evidently lattes were Tom’s thing because that’s what he stuck with whenever he came in.

“Suspenders is here for you,” Dani said, a week later, “He says you’re the only one that can make his fucking coffee. You better take care of this before I flip.” “Oh,” Greg frowned, “Uh, sure. You want to finish this order.” She nodded, “Anything to get away from him. He’s fucking annoying.” Greg shrugged, and went out front, where Tom was waiting at the cash register. Thankfully there wasn’t a line behind him that he was holding up-- people did that all the time and Greg was pretty sure it was eventually going to cause a riot.

“There you are, talented Mr. Greg,” he smiled, “You know I came here on Friday and you were absent? My latte was not as good.” “Oh yeah I’m off on Fridays,” Greg said, typing in the order. He didn’t bother waiting for Tom to actually tell him. He’d memorized it at this point, “Would you like anything else?” Tom shook his head, “No.”

“Four fifty,” Greg said, more out of habit than anything else, and Tom handed over his card. That was something else white collar people always did. Put everything on their card. Greg had only recently been allowed to use his card again, after it had been overdrawn for… several months, “It’ll be ready in five or so.” “I know,” Tom smiled tightly, “I’ve been up all fucking night. How much caffeine is in lattes, do you know?”

“Uh no,” Greg reached for a cup, “But like, if you want, I can add an extra shot of espresso. On the house.” “Would you?” “Sure,” Greg smiled, “You look pretty tired.” “My uh, future father in law is ill,” he said, “It’s been kind of a hectic time. I only just started a new job in addition to that.” “Oh I’m sorry to hear that, about your father in law,” Greg said. He felt a jab of <i>something</i> at the mention of a father in law, but shoved it away. It was unsurprising, and he had no Goddamn right to be anything about it. But it was like when you found out a celebrity you had a crush on was engaged. There hadn’t been any hope to begin with, but the part of you that liked to dream big was still upset at the loss, “I hope he gets better soon.”

“Thanks,” Tom smiled tightly, and the conversation fell quiet. Greg went to make the drink. Tom returned to his phone.

***

“I’m going to need the biggest size you’ve got,” Tom said, before Greg could even open his mouth to ask how his morning was going, “I’m in deep, deep shit.” “I’m sorry to hear that,” Greg replied. He didn’t understand the world of economics and business very well, but that couldn’t be very good regardless. He was pretty sure Tom worked in an office, not on Wall Street, but he still didn’t know what company he worked for. Tom kept his personal information vague and infrequent.

“Yeah,” Tom ran a hand over his face, “Yeah.”

“Like, do you know what you’re gonna do?” Greg asked, ringing up the order.

“Not a fucking clue,” Tom frowned, “It’s bad.”

“Is your father in law feeling better?” Greg asked. He knew it was risky topic. Maybe the man had fucking died, and it would just make things worse.

“Uh huh,” Tom said absentmindedly.

“Yeah my great uncle was sick for a little bit,” Greg said. His mother had called to tell him such, but he’d already seen the news, “But like, we haven’t seen each other in a long time.” Tom squinted at him, like he was trying to figure out why, exactly, Greg had said that. And in reality, Greg wasn’t sure why. Sometimes he just said things.

“Right,” Tom said, “Coffee?” “Oh sorry. One second.”

*** “You finally came out for drinks!” Thomas exclaimed when Greg slinked over to the bar. Greg liked Thomas because he didn’t put up with shit from any of the customers. He was in law school uptown, and came from California originally and Greg thought he was nice, if a little intense. That was probably the lawyer side of him.

“Yeah I finally paid off my credit card debt so,” Greg shouted back. It was a loud bar, the floor was a little sticky under his feet, and he felt exceptionally large all of the sudden, the crowd pressing against him from almost every direction.

Dani laughed, and slapped his shoulder, “Greg’s just sad because his executive boyfriend is getting married.” “What?” Henrietta, Dani’s roommate who worked at the diner a block away from the coffee shop called back, “Greg you have an executive boyfriend?” “No like,” he shook his head. It was too hard to hear in here, and he knew Dani was just joking, but he didn’t want that kind of false information getting out, “He’s a regular at the shop. Dani thinks I think he’s hot.” “He is kind of hot,” Thomas said, “I mean, objectively.” “He’s engaged,” Dani explained, shaking her head dramatically, “It’s not meant to be.” “You could be his mistress,” Thomas offered. The bartender brought over drinks and Greg took whatever they’d ordered for him, “I bet rich people treat their mistresses, like, really well.” “Mm,” Dani nodded, “I bet so.” “Yeah maybe,” he took a long sip. It burned a little, but anything to get out of talking about this.”

*** On Saturdays, Greg didn’t work until the afternoon. A cursory glance at Twitter the next morning told him two things.

The first was that Tom worked for Waystar, his Uncle Logan’s company. He knew all about Waystar because his grandfather hated it with the passion of a thousand suns-- that’s how Greg saw it anyway. He knew this because several articles had been published about the RECNY Ball, which Tom attended with his fiancée, Shiv.

That was the second thing Greg found out. Tom was engaged to his cousin. They weren’t first cousins. Greg wasn’t much into genealogy, but it was like a cousin removed or something. They’d never been close growing up. His mother kept them on the Christmas card list, but Greg hadn’t seen any of the Roys in several years. Even when he’d come to New York City, they ran in such different social circles that they hadn’t seen each other.

Much to his mother’s disappointment. She still thought he’d somehow be able to secure a job at Waystar with his half Roy bloodline, but he’d hardly had the opportunity.

And now there was this. It was really six degrees of fucking seperation wasn’t it?

***

Greg drove up to Canada for Thanksgiving. His Grandfather had agreed to go to Logan’s for the holiday. Much to everyone’s surprise, Greg was sure. His mother had informed him Marcia said he could go. Greg thought that was bound to be a fun revelation for all involved.

“Cousin uh, Craig,” Logan had said, motioning vaguely to Greg standing next to his Grandfather. Ewan frowned.

“It’s <i>Greg</i> isn’t it?” Shiv said, “Cousin Greg?” “Uh yeah,” Greg replied. A cursory glance said Tom wasn’t there, not yet at least. He wondered where he was, then decided he shouldn’t be wondering it.

“We’re glad to have you,” Marcia-- actually he assumed it was Marcia, they’d never met-- said. Her accent was French maybe, he thought, “Both of you.”

“Well no shit,” Tom said, when he arrived, an hour or so later, “Cousin Greg is my barista.” “Really?” Shiv said, looking between the two of them, “Greg’s the one that makes you those lattes?” “Small fucking world,” Tom smiled, and clapped Greg on the shoulder, “Family huh?”

“Ha yeah.”

***

There was a week Tom didn’t show up at all. Dani called him Romeo and lamented over a love that was never meant to be. Greg laughed, told her she didn’t know the half of it.

Sinterklaas Debate

Zwarte Piet/Black pete is currently a huge discussion in both the Netherlands and Belgium. The faithful helpers of Sinterklaas, who give children presents and joy, are seen as racist by a very small group of people. This very small group of people are ruining a modern day celebration that has its roots in  pre-Christian Germanic spirituality.

I have incredibly fond memories celebrating Sinterklaas as a kid like any other Dutch/Belgian person has, so this issue lies quite close to my heart. That is why I am writing this long post. I will explain in short what the celebration of Sinterklaas is in its modern form and on what ancient pagan belief it is based. My fellow Dutchies are of course aware what Sinterklaas is but maybe by explaining this to non-Dutch people, they will understand better why we love to celebrate Sinterklaas with people dressed up in blackface.

Each year around the middle of November, the saint Nicholas arrives in the Netherlands with his steamboat and a group of helpers called 'Zwarte Pieten'. Nicholas then usually makes a small tour through the city where he arrives and is then greeted by the mayor of that city. Usually everything goes wrong just before his arrival to make the kids fear for their presents. Everything turns out alright in the end and Sinterklaas moves into a castle until it is his birthday.

On his birthday, 5th december in the Netherlands and 6th december in Belgium, Sinterklaas visits every house in the country with his faithful helpers and leaves behind presents for the kids. Only children who behaved well during the year receives presents. After his birthday, Sinterklaas leaves again with his ship back to Spain, his supposed homeland, until he returns again the following year.

Now this celebration is very old and it has seen many changes in the way we celebrate it. These changes were inspired by military conflicts that occured in the low countries during the 16th century.

The celebration of Sinterklaas is based on the ancient belief of Wodan and his wild hunt. There are still a lot of similarities between Wodan and Sinterklaas. Both appear/arrive during November, which was seen as the start of winter. Both arrive with a small army, Wodan is accompanied with the spirits of the dead and Sinterklaas travels with his 'zwarte pieten'. Both ride on a white horse, both are carrying a staf, both are depicted as old men with long beards and both are wearing a long cloak.

Now according to old pagan beliefs, you should avoid Wodan and his wild hunt like the plague. If you were unfortunate enough to see Wodan in the skies, you would soon die and join him in his hunt. To prevent this from happening, people gave offerings to the hunt. The midwinterhorn was blown as well to greet the winter and the hunt, a practice that is still practiced in the Netherlands until this very day. You could per example offer a carrot to Wodan's horse Sleipnir. Dutch and Belgian children give carrots to Sinterklaas's horse Amerigo in present times.

With the arrival of Christianity in Germanic territories, the pagan practices started to slowly die out. The church desperately tried to demonize most of the Germanic pagan customs and sadly Wodan's wild hunt was also on the church's list. The belief in Wodan's hunt was very strong, too strong for the church to completely root out so the Church didn't ban it but simply made it Christian by removing Wodan and adding a real existing saint, Saint Nicholas of Myra.

Saint Nicholas/Sinterklaas was born on december 6th in 342AD in Myra, which lies in modern day Turkey. Nicholas was from a very wealthy family and managed to become a bisshop. According to the church, Nicholas was able to perform several miracles from the day he was born. He was supposedly able to stand up straight in his bath and praise God for the miracle of his birth directly after he was born. He was able to memorize all the names of the stars visible at night as a child and refused to drink his mother's milk on wednesday and friday.

As an adult he performed more 'miracles' which led to the church declaring him as a saint after his death. Nicholas supposedly saved three innocent people from being executed. Another legend tells how Nicholas saved a man from selling his daughters into slavery by giving the man pouches of gold. Yet another story tells how Nicholas brought three students back to life after they were murdered by an innkeeper. This is how Nicholas became the saint of children, the reason why the celebration of Sinterklaas is all about children. Nicholas also saved sailors from storms by calming the seas, is seen as the protector of whores and he freed slaves from a group of Arabic pirates.

Now this freeing of slaves becomes an important subject in the modern day celebration of Sinterklaas because of the 'zwarte pieten'. Who are these zwarte pieten exactly? Zwarte pieten are the Christian version of the dead who accompany Wodan. There are two possible theories on the origin of the 'zwarte piet'. In both theories they are the faithful servants of the saint Nicholas but one theory suggests that these faithful helpers are in fact slaves who had been freed by him. In return for their freedom, they help Nicholas in his quest to spread happiness amongst children. The other theory simply suggests that these helpers are black because they climb into chimneys and get soot on their faces.

Why if Nicholas is from Turkey, does he live in Spain? The answer lies behind a military conflict between the Byzantine empire and the Ottoman empire. The remains of Nicholas were moved to Bari, a city in southern Italy after the invasion of the Ottomans into the Byzantine empire. Bari was once part of the Sicilian kingdom where Charles V was crowned as the emperor of the Holy Roman empire. He was crowned emperor in 1519 and became the leader of a large empire which included the low countries.

Charles V's son would later become the infamous Filips II of Spain. Every Dutch person knows the name Filips II. Filips II ruled over spain and the Dutch territories, he was a loyal Catholic who wanted to root out Protestants. Unfortunately most of the Dutch territories were Protestant. This lead to incredibly high tensions between the Dutch and the Spanish. Add the unreasonable high taxes in the equation and you have a powder keg that is ready to explode.

All hell broke loose in the low countries during 1566AD. Protestants were fed up with the Catholics and the 'Beeldenstorm' started. A period during which Catholic churches were plundered and destroyed. Filips II sent duke Alva to the Netherlands in order to sort out this problem but this only led to a war that would last at least 80 years until the Netherlands became a completely independent country.

During this whole conflict, Sinterklaas was seen as an evil Catholic saint so the whole celebration changed in the North of the country where the Protestants were the strongest. No longer was Nicholas the kind and helpful saint but now he kidnaps children and takes them back to Spain. He beats up children with sticks and kidnaps them away from their families.

It took until the year 1850AD for another huge change to happen. The conflict between Spain and the Netherlands was a thing in the past by now and even if the Catholics and Protestants still hate each other, the persecutions and witch hunts stopped and the Spanish inquisition was abolished by Napoleon Bonaparte. No longer was Nicholas seen as a boogeyman. Jan Schenkman, a Dutch teacher from the 19th century, published several books which showed the first depictions of the modern day 'zwarte piet'.

In the third edition of Schenkman's works, 'zwarte piet' appears dressed in the costume that we recognize today. The clothing seems to have been inspired by both sailors clothing, Saracen clothing and the clothing of servants. The now black servant of Nicholas became incredibly popular and virtually unchanged since the 1850's until the year 2016.

In 2016, a very small group of black people suddenly decided to declare zwarte piet as racist. This is currently an incredibly huge debate which leads to riots and civil unrest. Most Dutch people do not view zwarte piet as racist. Zwarte piet is black because of the soot is an often made argument or zwarte piet is actually a positive symbol against slavery because he is a freed slave, Nicholas did free people from slavery.

I personally do not view 'zwarte piet'as racist. Zwarte piet is part of our Dutch/Belgian tradition and changing an old tradition because some people feel butthurt by black face is a big shame in my opinion. I hope I have been able to give you some more information about the very long history of Sinterklaas and his zwarte pieten and I apologize for this incredibly long post.

Here are photos of: Wodan and his wild hunt, Portrait of Nicholas of Myra made by Carlo Crivelli (1472), Nicholas bringing three children back to life (1500), Jan Schenkman's depiction of zwarte piet (1850), Arrival of Sinterklaas in Purmerend (1885), Schenkman's depiction of zwarte piet that became popular (1885), A comparison between Wodan and Sinterklaas,

Tuesday, February 2, 2021

Difficult Times for Flight Attendants (NYT) One flight attendant needed medical attention for a crippling migraine brought on by confronting a passenger who refused to wear a mask. Aviation safety officials have received dozens of confidential complaints in the past year from attendants trying to enforce mask safety rules. The reports, filed in the Aviation Safety Reporting System database, at times describe a chaotic, unhinged workplace where passengers regularly abuse airline employees. The coronavirus pandemic and political divisions of the past year have caused fear, economic pain, and social and family rifts around the country, but for airline workers, and flight attendants in particular, the unease and tension have often converged in a tiny cabin space. The tension is at a level flight attendants have not seen before, said Paul Hartshorn Jr., a veteran attendant and a spokesman for the Association of Professional Flight Attendants union. “I think we’re pretty well trained on how to handle a disruptive passenger,” said Mr. Hartshorn, 46. “What we’re not trained to do and what we shouldn’t be dealing with is large groups of passengers inciting a riot with another group of passengers [over political differences].” “It’s insane,” he added.

Fight The Man: What GameStop’s surge says about online mobs (AP) It’s a fable for our times: Small-time investors band together to take down greedy Wall Street hedge funds using the stock of a troubled video-game store. But the revolt of online stock-traders suggests much more. The internet is shifting society’s balance of power in unanticipated ways. In the world of pseudonymous internet message boards, pranks-gone-wild and logic turned upside down amid a global pandemic, revolts come in all shapes, sizes and aims. Last week they gave us the Great GameStop Stock Uprising. Who knows what this week will bring. “The internet can democratize access, upsetting power dynamics between the people and traditional institutions,” tweeted Tiffany C. Li, a law professor and tech attorney focusing on privacy and technology platform governance. With GameStop, she added in an interview Friday, the goal was to upset the interests of a few large hedge funds. “But in other places the goal can be more nefarious. Online spaces are being used to radicalize people toward extremism, to plan hate crimes and attacks,” she said. “The internet isn’t really the villain or the hero.”

Pandemic Pushes More Parents to Go All-In for Home Schooling (WSJ) As parents grow increasingly frustrated with remote learning during the pandemic, some are deciding to pull their children out of school and try teaching on their own. In North Carolina, the state’s home-school monitoring website crashed on the first day of enrollment, and more than 18,800 families filed to operate a home-school from July 1 to Jan. 22—more than double the school-year before, according to the state Division of Non-Public Education. In Connecticut, the number of students who left public schools to be home-schooled jumped fivefold this school year, to 3,500. In Nebraska, the number of home-schooled students jumped 56%, to 13,426, according to state education officials. “The vast majority [of parents] are saying, ‘We’ve been really trying to do what the schools are asking us to do, but we just can’t do this anymore,’ “ said J. Allen Weston, executive director of the National Home School Association, which has been fielding inquiries on the topic. Vanderbilt University’s Joseph Murphy, who studies home schooling, said “We are in a major shift from how we thought about teaching children and running schools for 100 years. Parents have shifted to the place where they feel they need more direct involvement and greater responsibility for what happens with their children.”

Vaccine skepticism lurks in town famous for syphilis study (AP) Lucenia Dunn spent the early days of the coronavirus pandemic encouraging people to wear masks and keep a safe distance from each other in Tuskegee, a mostly Black city where the government once used unsuspecting African American men as guinea pigs in a study of a sexually transmitted disease. Now, the onetime mayor of the town immortalized as the home of the infamous “Tuskegee syphilis study” is wary of getting inoculated against COVID-19. Among other things, she’s suspicious of the government promoting a vaccine that was developed in record time when it can’t seem to conduct adequate virus testing or consistently provide quality rural health care. “I’m not doing this vaccine right now. That doesn’t mean I’m never going to do it. But I know enough to withhold getting it until we see all that is involved,” said Dunn, who is Black. The coronavirus immunization campaign is off to a shaky start in Tuskegee and other parts of Macon County. Area leaders point to a resistance among residents spurred by a distrust of government promises and decades of failed health programs. Tuskegee is not a complete outlier. A recent survey conducted by the communications firm Edelman revealed that as of November, only 59% of people in the U.S. were willing to get vaccinated within a year with just 33% happy to do so as soon as possible. Health experts have stressed both the vaccines’ safety and efficacy.

As Biden prays for healing, Catholics clash over president’s faith (GMA) On his quest to heal a divided America, Joe Biden may first have to confront bitter division over his presidency from within his own church. Since his inauguration two weeks ago as the nation’s second Catholic president, Biden’s devout Christian faith has become a new flashpoint within the church. While millions of Catholics have celebrated the ascension of one of their own to the White House, some have been publicly questioning whether Biden should be considered a model of their faith. Many Catholic clergy and faithful are passionately fixated on Biden’s support for abortion rights, which the church staunchly opposes and considers an issue of “preeminent” importance. Biden opposes abortion as a personal matter, but wrote in his 2007 memoir that he doesn’t “have a right to impose my view on the rest of society.” One in five Americans identifies as Roman Catholic, the largest Christian denomination in the U.S., according to Pew Research Center. While the faithful have long been divided in matters of theology and politics, Catholic values aren’t exclusively red or blue.

Russia Protesters Defy Vast Police Operation as Signs of Kremlin Anxiety Mount (NYT) The Kremlin mounted Russia’s most fearsome nationwide police operation in recent memory on Sunday, seeking to overwhelm a protest movement backing the jailed opposition leader Aleksei A. Navalny that swept across the country for a second weekend in a row. But the show of force—including closed subway stations, thousands of arrests and often brutal tactics—failed to smother the unrest. By late Sunday evening in Moscow, more than 5,000 people had been detained in at least 85 cities across Russia, an activist group reported, though many were later released. Previously unseen numbers of riot police officers in black helmets, camouflage and body armor essentially locked down the center of the metropolis of 13 million people, stopping passers-by miles from the protest to check their documents and ask what they were doing outside. “I don’t understand what they’re afraid of,” a protester named Anastasia Kuzmina, a 25-year-old account manager at an advertising agency, said of the police. Referring to the peak year of Stalin’s mass repression, she added, “It’s like we’re slipping into 1937.” The large-scale police response signaled anxiety in the Kremlin over Mr. Navalny’s ability to unite Russia’s disparate critics of President Vladimir V. Putin, from nationalists to liberals to many with no particular ideology at all.

In Myanmar coup, Suu Kyi’s ouster heralds return to military rule (Washington Post) Aung San Suu Kyi defended Myanmar’s generals against genocide charges at The Hague. She praised soldiers as they unleashed artillery against ethnic minority settlements. She took only modest steps toward democratic changes that would chip away at the army’s political power. It wasn’t enough. On Monday, Myanmar’s military seized power in a coup, detaining Suu Kyi, elected ministers from her National League for Democracy (NLD) party and others in a predawn raid. Though condemned internationally for defending the military and its campaign against the Rohingya minority, the Nobel Peace Prize laureate who spent 15 years under house arrest until 2010 now finds herself again at the generals’ mercy. The coup underscored the fragility of Myanmar’s decade-old, quasi-democratic transition that many assumed, despite imperfections, would continue with Suu Kyi as head of the civilian government and still-entrenched powers for the military, led by Min Aung Hlaing. But the military was never comfortable with its enduring unpopularity and Suu Kyi’s godlike status among ordinary Burmese, analysts said, despite its role in engineering the country’s opening after half a century of isolationist rule.

Survivors of Beirut’s explosion endure psychological scars (AP) Joana Dagher lay unconscious and hemorrhaging under a pile of rubble in her apartment after the massive Beirut port blast in August, on the brink of death. She survived because of the courage of her husband who got her out, the kindness of a stranger who transported her in his damaged car and the help of her sisters during the chaos at the overwhelmed hospital. But Dagher doesn’t remember any of that: The 33-year-old mother of two lost her memory for two full months from the trauma she suffered in the explosion, including a cerebral contusion and brain lesions. “I lost my life on August 4,” Dagher said. “I lost my house, I lost my memory, I lost two friends,” she added, referring to neighbors killed in the explosion. “I lost my mental health, and so I lost everything.”       The Beirut explosion, which killed more than 200 people and injured more than 6,000, caused wounds on an even wider scale on the mental health of those who lived through it. Even in a country that has seen many wars and bombings, never had so many people—tens of thousands—directly experienced the same traumatizing event at the same time. It came on top of the stress that Lebanese were already feeling from multiple crises, including an unprecedented economic meltdown, the coronavirus pandemic and a feeling of helplessness after nationwide protests against corruption that failed to achieve their goals. “There are very high levels of anxiety and worry across the population,” said Mia Atwi, psychologist and president of Embrace, an organization working on mental health awareness and support. “There is a low mood bordering on clinical depression for the majority of the population.”

Dance, Dance

Part Five: The Sound of Music

Based off this post that you really need to read for context!

Pairings: Analogical and Royality (past sleeplogical)

Characters: Virgil, Patton, Logan, Roman, Sleep/Remy, Deceit/Dominic, October/Toby, September/Ember

Warnings: domestic abuse, swearing, sexual humor, crude comments, bullying, making out, abusive deceit, mentions of vomiting (just one word), step parents, food mentions, rejection, logan’s kind of an asshole to virgil, and possibly something else

A/N: a few people asked me about dominic using both she/her and he/him pronouns, and the explanation is that it’s just me fucking things up. like, that’s it. you can hc him however you want, idc, but I’m just stupid. also, chris is from Sleep is for the Weak

Masterlist | Ask Blog | READ ON AO3

Tags: @adultmorelikeadolt @disneyfanatic77 @logan-smarter-than-you-sanders​ @punsterterry​ @mycatshuman @fluidityandgiggles​ @sadpunkrat @theunoriginaldaisy​

Logan had been buzzing with anticipation all weekend over who his mystery guy could be, and he could tell that it was getting on Roman’s nerves no matter how much he claimed to be a sucker for a good romance, but it was just… He was absolutely captivated, and the only clue that he had towards the identity of his mystery man was an iPod. That in and of itself should be a huge clue because, honestly, who had an iPod in 2018, but that was just it. Who even had an iPod? Not a single person that he could think of.

With that dead-end in mind, Logan turned to yearbooks. He knew that there was a possibility that he had danced with a freshman or sophomore, but he obviously didn’t have access to yearbooks from the previous year, so he had to rely on his own freshman and sophomore yearbooks. Those, too, came up with a dead-end. He found someone close--Patton King--who, in sophomore year, had dyed his full head bright blue, but the bouncy curls were completely different to the light waves in the hair of whomever he had danced with.

Logan had begrudgingly told Roman that they would have to take this search more public. Sure, there were mysteries that Logan simply wouldn’t be able to solve, but this one was so much more complicated than he had originally thought, and he was certainly going to need help.

“Hey, um, Mx. Elliott…”

“Oh, Logan! Welcome back to school--though, I’m a bit hurt that it took you this long to come and visit me.”

Logan blushed a bit. He felt bad about not visiting, but there were only so many hours in the day where he had time off. “I’m so sorry, Mx. I promise that I’ll stop here more often.” There was an awkward pause as Logan thought of what to say next. “So… How is Mitchell doing?”

“Oh. I broke up with him for good. I took yours and Joan’s advice, and I kicked him out of my apartment about six weeks ago.” They fiddled a bit with the sleeve of their sweater uncomfortably. For years, Elliott had been a good friend of Logan’s, but they were dating this awful guy named Mitchell for just as long. Elliott’s self esteem was ripped to shreds time and time again, and they had a hard time listening to their cousin, Joan, and Logan’s advice.

“I’m very proud of you for doing that. I’m sure that it took a lot of strength, and I’m glad that you’ve gotten your life back into your own hands.” Logan paused and held out the iPod. “However, I didn’t come here merely to talk pleasantries. I need to find someone. I danced with him at the ball, and he dropped this, and--”

Elliott smirked. “And you fell in love?”

“What? No! No, of course not.” Tick. “Well…” Tock. “Maybe…” Tick. “But it’s none of your business!”

“You literally came here for my assistance, Logan. It is by definition my business now.”

“Hush! Just--Roman--PA!” Logan pushed Roman, who had been standing there silently, at the PA system to make the announcement.

And, in normal Roman fashion, it was ridiculously extra. “Ladies, lords, and non-binary royalty, The Prince is on the mic to ask you all formally if you have seen a handsome lad who ditched my best friend Logie--”

“Logie?!”

Roman covered the microphone with his hand as he hissed, “Logan didn’t rhyme there!”

“Shut up and hand over the mic,” Logan growled as he pushed Roman out of the chair and sat down. “Hello. It’s me, Logan Parker.” He took a deep, calming breath. “On Saturday, I danced with one of the most amazing people. You left in a hurry, and you ended up dropping your iPod on the ground. In all honesty, it was the best night of my life, and I want to give you back your iPod, so… if you are able to name the top four songs on your playlist, I’ll return the iPod to you. And maybe we can get coffee or something. Roman and I will be sitting in the center of the cafeteria at lunch so that we can find you.” He unclicked the on button of the PA, and sat back.

“You Gucci, Specs?” Roman asked.

“Yeah. I think so. This should be easy.”

“Okay, Chris. Go.” Logan felt every ounce of his soul drain from his body as his eyes flicked over to the dozens of students lined up to try and prove that they were his mystery guy.

“‘Livin’ la Vida Loca,’ ‘Maria,’ ‘She Bangs,’ and ‘Shake Your Bon-Bon.’ All by Ricky Martin.”

Logan swiped at a puddle of tears that had been left on the lunchroom table with his hand. “Sorry, but that isn’t it.”

The boy stormed off, and Logan let his head fall into his hands. This was a disaster. Logan mentally kicked himself for not being able to recognize who he was looking for right off the bat. He was such an idio--

“Hey, Lo. Do you want me to go around the line and kick out the excesses?” Roman whispered gently.

“God, please do.” Logan looked up; he felt like he was going to cry. “They’re all the same cookie-cutter Hollywood guys, Ro. That guy from the ball was special, but… what if I can’t find him?”

“Are you kidding? You are the Logan Parker! I have no doubt in my mind that we’ll find him.” He smiled. “I think he helped pull you out of your slump. There’s no way I’m letting a guy like that go.”

“Thanks, Roman.”

“Hey, what else is a prince for?”

Virgil shivered as he felt cold water drip down the back of his neck, no doubt staining it with streaks of purple. He had been unlucky enough to fall asleep during his second block class, and one of his asshole classmates got their hands on some glitter glue and wrote transphobic slurs in his hair. It was pretty standard for shit like that to happen, but Virgil had only dyed his hair again yesterday to it’s full purple potential, so it sucked that he had to wash it again. And Patton was pissed. That was pretty normal, too.

“If that teacher had known any better, she would have reported that guy for harassment!”

“Pat, just leave it. She was doing what would protect me from the wrath of administration. If she had reported him, she would have had to explain why I didn’t stop him, which would have gotten me in trouble, and I probably would have been taken out of school by Dominic. I’m already on thin enough ice. Mrs. Larsen was helping me.” Virgil began to ascend the cafeteria stairs, slipping around people who were stationed on the sides.

“That’s still such bullsh--”

Virgil pulled Patton to the side of the stairs with enough force to dislocate a shoulder. “Shut the fuck up for a second and look.”

“Holy--”

“I didn’t think he’d actually do it!” A dozen yards away sat the longest line of people that Virgil had ever seen outside of a Black Friday sale at the Gucci store in Los Angeles. And there was Logan at the head. “Are you fucking serious?”

“Virge, you’ve gotta go down there and tell him before someone starts a riot!”

“No!” Virgil turned to Patton. “No way.”

Patton wildly gestured at Logan. “He said that it was the best night of his life.”

“Yeah. Until he finds out that it was me.” He threw another glance at Logan. “Let’s just go.”

Virgil and Patton continued to their classes, but underneath the stairs, Toby and Ember had heard everything.

The second that Virgil entered the house, Toby and Ember were there to intercept him.

“Look at you, acting all innocent!” Toby snarled. Virgil needed to know that they weren’t going to let him steal Logan away.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Virgil looked confused and tried to evade the twins.

“Oh,” Ember said, gripping Virgil’s arm tightly. “We know it was you at the ball with Logan.”

There was a short pause before Virgil said, “You guys are crazy.”

“No, actually, you’re the crazy one if you think that we’re going to let you end up with Logan, you weird stalker!”

“And if you tell him that it was you,” Toby interjected, waving one of the copies of Virgil’s video in the air. “Your video will be everywhere. Hello, YouTube!”

Virgil scoffed. “You guys can barely work the toaster, let alone YouTube.”

“Try us.”

Ember pushed Virgil away. “Go make dinner. We’re hungry.”

Virgil stared at the twins for a few moments and walked away. Toby turned and went to the door.

“Hey, Toby, where’re you going?”

Toby froze. “None of your business, Ember! I mean, uh, nowhere. For a walk… Uh, outside.”

“Oh. Okay, bye!”

“Yeah, bye.” Toby slipped out the front door and went straight to Virgil’s room. “Playlist. I need to find that playlist.”

Clothes, pencils, notebooks, and everything in between was scattered through Virgil’s room as Toby searched. For twenty minutes, he found nothing, until…

“Aha! Hidden in plain sight, of course!” He lifted up a pillow and found an old Macbook. Without a second of hesitation, he opened it up and went to iTunes. “Okay… ‘Dying in LA,’ ‘Save Rock and Roll,’ ‘Freeze Your Brain,’ ‘Defying Gravity,’ and ‘Bohemian Rhapsody.’ Perfect!” He scribbled the titles onto the back of his right hand and went to make his leave, but the door swung open right as he was about to open it, and he was flung into the wall.

Ember sauntered into the room and gasped when he saw the laptop. He picked it up to find the songs, but it tumbled right out of his hands and onto the floor. It was obvious from the loud cracking sound that the laptop wasn’t going to be useable anymore.

“Can you give me a hint as to what genre the songs are?” Chris asked, pressing closer to Roman and Logan. “Are they emo? Metal? Electroclash? Latin pop???”

“Okay, everyone! Disperse yourselves.” Roman hopped up from his seat at the table to usher people away. “Come back… after class or something. Logan’s going to take a break.”

Logan slumped in his seat and waited for Roman to return to speak. “I’m never going to find him. This is hopeless.”

“Hold up. What is this illogical garbage that I’m hearing from you, Logan?” Roman looked more offended than usual.

“It’s not illogical, though.” It was more of a question than a statement.

“It most certainly is! Say there’s an equal fifty-fifty distribution of males and females at our school--excluding the lovely non-binaries, which would make up around 1% of our school, probably. That means that there are about 750 males at our school currently. Sure, the odds don’t seem great, but there’s a chance. Therefore, Logan, we must keep hope that you will find your prince.” Roman smirked. “Logical enough for you, Specs?”

Logan smiled a bit. “Go away.”

“Nah. I’d never ditch my best friend, Lo--”

“Logan Parker!”

“Toby,” Roman sighed, standing up to escort the twin away. “Dude, Logan is on a break. Please come back during business hours, or you can send a letter that will be processed in five to seven business days.”

“Oh, of course. I’m actually in the mood for a prince…” Toby flirtatiously traced his finger on Roman’s collar.

“Are you serious?”

“No! Get out of my way!” Roman was flung backwards with a surprising amount of force, and Logan was only able to stare at his best friend as Toby approached. “I’m The One, Logan!”

Logan didn’t even have the energy to muster a laugh. “Yeah, right.”

“I can prove it. I know all of the songs on the playlist.”

“Of course. Do go on.”

Toby smiled a dazzling smile. Well, dazzling in the blinding way with his bright orange, sparkly braces bands. “‘Dying in LA,’ ‘Save Rock and Roll,’ ‘Freeze Your Brain,’ ‘Defying Gravity,’ and ‘Bohemian Rhapsody!’”

Roman rejoined Logan and whispered, “This is impossible. Right?”

“Ha! I’m right! Kiss me!” Toby surged forward, and Logan almost fell backwards trying to evade him.

“Woah, holy--wait!” Logan held Toby at arm’s length. “You’ve got to dance first.”

“What?!” Toby spluttered. “But--I already told you the songs! That’s all you asked. And I’m not warmed up, and there’s no music!”

Roman sighed dramatically, hanging off of Logan. “Logan, darling, he’s obviously not the one you’re looking for. I mean, he can’t even dance for you.”

“Oh, you’re right!” Logan swerved around Toby. “Well, see ya!”

“No, wait!” Toby grabbed Logan’s hand and spun him back to the table. “I love to dance!”

Logan watched in horror-filled awe as Toby started to “dance” in harsh, seizing motions. In all honesty, he hadn’t expected anything like that. Roman, completely unfazed, decided that it was time to leave, and he dragged Logan away as Toby continued to dance.

Logan was tired. He was really fucking tired of having being, well… for being Logan Parker. It honestly just sucked to be famous. Which sounded stupid and pretentious, but it was true. People fawned over him, and he just wanted some coffee, but there was only shitty canned espresso in an overpriced vending machine, so here he was. In a random hallway getting coffee. He jabbed at the coffee button and leaned down to grab the can. As he stood up, he came face to face with Ember standing in what he could only construe as a seductive position against the vending machine.

“Woah, okay, Ember…”

“Ready to meet your mystery guy, Logan?”

��You know the songs, too? God, can I just catch a break?” Logan ran a hand through his hair and started to walk away, but Ember tugged him back.

What is with these twins and tugging people around?

“But I’m the real freaking one! And I freaking love you, so you’d better freaking love me back, you freaking freak!” Ember yelled. Logan blinked a few times at the outburst.

“Way, way, way deep inside, I’m sure that you’re a… decent person, Ember, but I’ve really got to go--”

“I can prove it!” He threw his backpack on the ground with a dull plop. “Through dance!”

Before Ember could even get very far into his equally as awful dance, Logan ditched the scene, eager to find Roman to get out of the school for his off period.

“Oh my god, Virge. I can’t believe the twins would hold that video against you! You were literally eleven.”

Virgil ate another spoonful of frosting from the tub that Patton had bought him, glaring out the windshield at nothing in particular. “What do I do? I don’t want Logan to think that I’m a fucking stalker! Not to mention the fact that he obviously doesn’t remember me from pre-transition, so he’d find out about that, too. People like me don’t belong with people like him.”

“Look,” Patton said seriously; although, the off-kilter blue bow in his hair made it a little difficult to actually take him seriously. “You and Logan clicked out there on the dancefloor. You have to talk to him.”

“Nuh uh.”

“Yuh huh--oh, look!” Patton pointed out the window at Roman and Logan passing by. “It’s showtime, Virgil! You’ve got this.”

“Yeah! I can do this.” Virgil reached over to open the door, but he whipped around again. “Wait, you know what? Let’s get some food first.”

“Yeah, no,” Patton deadpanned.

“Fuck, fine!” Virgil rushed out of the van before he chickened out and walked over to Logan’s car. “Hey, Logan. I need to tell you something really important.”

“Oh!” Logan smiled charmingly, and damn this stupid crush that Virgil had. “Hello. You work for Dominic, correct?”

“What? No! That’s not what--”

Roman, from the other side of the car, giggled. “You had shrimp in your hair.”

Virgil glared at him. “Well, I mean… Yeah, that was me, but that isn’t what I wanted to say.” He took a deep breath. “I’m--”

“Oh my god!” Logan threw his hands in the air in frustration. “Seriously? Dominic is relentless. First Toby, then Ember, and now you, too?” He ran his hands through his hair and sighed. “Just… I’m looking for someone, okay? I don’t have time to talk. Especially not about that stupid duet. I’ve gotta go… It was nice seeing you.”

Roman and Logan sat in their seats, and Virgil took a few steps back as they pulled out. He watched them for a few seconds before racing back to Patton’s van. Without hesitation, he whipped open the door and grabbed his back and skateboard from the floor.

“I told you, Pat.”

“Oh my god, he blew you off!”

Virgil sighed and backed away a bit. “Whatever.” He slammed the door shut and skated off, ignoring the tears that fell down his cheeks.

Part Six

The Weekend Warrior 10/29/21 - LAST NIGHT IN SOHO V. ANTLERS, ATTICA, MY HEROES ACADEMIA, A MOUTHFUL OF AIR, ARMY OF THIEVES, PASSING, KEYBOARD FANTASIES, and More

It’s Halloween weekend, the happiest time of the year for some, the craziest time of year for others (like my Below the Line Assistant Editor Sarah, who also runs a horror site), and because of that, we have not one, but two spooky horror movies from decent auteur filmmakers, and we have a ton of other movies, too, few of which I’m going to have time to review since this week has been particularly crazy for me, as well. In other words, this might be a shorter-than-normal column until I get caught up.

But we’ll talk more about this below, as instead, we’ll start this week with this week’s "Chosen One,” which is ATTICA (Showtime), the new documentary from Stanley Nelson and co-director Traci Curry, which will open in select theaters this Friday and then premiere on Showtime and On Demand starting next Saturday, Nov. 6.

This is an amazing doc, because while many might be familiar with the word "Attica,” maybe from Dustin Hoffman screaming it in Dog Day Afternoon, but few knew about the riots and the police brutality that ensued on the fateful day in September 1971, when the prisoners of the upstate New York prison revolted, taking a number of guards hostage and making demands for better conditions in the prison.

What’s amazing about the film is the number of Attica inmates who were there during the riots who Nelson -- a legend in documentary filmmaking -- and Curry got to talk about those fateful days and the horrible outcome. It’s also amazing how much of what happened was caught on film since cameras were allowed into the prison fairly early on, and then there was security footage of everything that happened as the state police were called in by then Governor Nelson Rockefeller to quell the riot, something they did in the most ferocious and horrifying way.

There are other people in the film, including families of the guards who were held hostage, including a few that died but not due to the inmates, and one of the real stars is newsman John Johnson, one of the few black reporters on TV at the tie, who was there to cover the Attica riot and who still seems quite shaken up about what happened, but once you see how things play out, you’ll also understand why.

Attica could have easily been merely a talking heads movie but the mix of interviews with actual archival footage really makes you feel like you’re there, and even for someone older like myself, I really was too young to know much about Attica -- plus I wasn’t living in New York state when it happened -- so Nelson and Curry have made a fine reminder that the prison system has never been great, and it still needs improvements. This is a doc that really sticks with you, and it really should be experienced, just so that it’s never forgotten.

You can read my interview with Nelson and Curry over at Below the Line.

We’re gonna do this week’s box office analysis a little differently, since I’ve already reviewed Edgar Wright’s LAST NIGHT IN SOHO (Focus Features) and Scott Cooper’s ANTLERS (Searchlight) -- see below -- but this one is gonna be a bonafide box office face-off, because while the two movies are very different horror movies, they also have more than a few things in common. Okay, maybe not that many things other than they’re being released by the “indie” divisions of two major studios into roughly the same number of theaters. Oh, and both movies being horror films being released on the potentially lucrative Halloween weekend.

Wright’s Last Night in Soho is a typically original film, this one starring Thomasin McKenzie, Anya Taylor-Joy, the late Dame Diana Rigg, and Terrence Stamp. McKenzie plays a young woman who travels to London from the country to go to fashion school, but she has visions of ghosts and that leads to having dreams about a ‘60s club singer named Sandie (Taylor-Joy) and the trouble she has with her boyfriend manager (played by Matt Smith) that eventually get violent.

I already reviewed the movie right here in fact, and I loved it, feeling that it’s right on par with Wright’s previous films, but unlike them, Last Night in Soho was able to get premieres for his film at some of the prestigious September film festivals like Venice and Toronto. (Compared to Baby Driver, which debuted at the SXSW Film Festival.) It’s also Wright’s second film of the year after the doc, The Sparks Brothers, which recently got a number of Critics Choice Documentary Awards (and which I also gave a 9/10 right here in this column over the summer).

Cooper’s Antlers is much closer to home about a young boy in Oregon whose father and younger brother have been experiencing some sort of illness which makes them dangerous enough to lock in the attic. This one stars the wonderful Keri Russell and Jesse Plemons as the boy’s teacher and the town sheriff, who find the boy’s behavior and father’s absence to be odd. What’s interesting is that this one is produced by filmmaker Guillermo del Toro, who has made quite an imprint on the film, as well as David Goyer. I reviewed that over at Below the Line.

Wright just has a much better theatrical record than Cooper, there’s no way to deny it, as well as a bit of a slavish fanbase who’ll go to everything he makes, as seen by how that Sparks doc did over the summer -- seriously, the fact the movie even made $637,000 domestically is astounding if you knew how few Americans even know/remember Sparks -- as well as the Dolby rerelease of Wright’s earlier film, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, which added a million to its gross being released very early after the reopening of theaters in NYC and L.A. in less than 500 theaters. Wright’s last movie, Baby Driver, in 2017, opened with $20.5 million, possibly helped with big stars like Kevin Spacey (pre-cancellation), Jamie Foxx, and Jon Hamm. That amount is almost as much as Wright’s movies would gross total in North America, as they ranged from $23 to 35 million. Baby Driver went onto gross $108 million domestically, and presumably that helped expand Wright’s U.S. fanbase.

Coopers's box office history is a little bit more spotty with his highest-grossing movie being quite a bit lower than Wright's. His directorial debut, Crazy Heart, made $39.5 million domestic, but Out of the Furnace with Christian Bale tanked with just $11.3 million domestic. 2015's Black Mass is still one of Cooper's biggest hits, having grossed $62.6 million in the States, thanks to the marketing and distribution power of Warner Bros. and yes, the strength of Johnny Depp in the lead. Cooper reunited with Bale for the 2017 Western, Hostiles, but that didn't really connect with audiences and made less than $30 million when released by Entertainment Studios Motion Pictures.

For a while, Antlers was ahead of Soho in terms of favorable reviews, but as of this writing, it's levelled off and Soho is ahead with 73% fresh to Antler's 67% fresh, and it's not yet Friday.You also have to put those numbers into the perspective of Wright’s film playing festivals where critics are generally gonna be tougher on movies (and that’s even compared to the SXSW press corps). But Soho generally has the better trailers, commercials and stronger marketing behind it while Antlers just seems to be getting released after being delayed from its original not-great April 2020 release date.

Each of the movies have their own fair share of problems with Soho being another one of Wright’s more British films (compared to Scott Pilgrim/Baby Driver), and it’s odd but Americans still seem to have a bias against British films. I mean they’re fine with shows like

Bridgerton, The Crown, and Game of Thrones, but they’re all on their TV sets. Antlers might be more of an American story and maybe more relatable but it just doesn’t have much star power compared to Anya Taylor-Joy, who has been killing it in almost everything she does from M. Night’s Shyamalan’s Split and Glass to the Netflix series The Queen’s Gambit. She’s also hosted Saturday Night Live, while McKenzie starred in the very popular Taiki Waititi movie, Jojo Rabbit, a few years ago. Antlers’ Jesse Plemons is more of an indie darling like McKenzie, and it’s been a long since Keri Russell was in the public consciousness from her show Felicity. (She also starred in the underrated Mission: Impossible III!) The real test for Anya Taylor-Joy as a box office draw will be when she’s the lead in George Miller’s Mad Max: Fury Road prequel, Furiosa.

Because of this and the early buzz Last Night in Soho has generated, I think it will do better of the two movies but probably still under $10 million for the weekend, maybe closer to $8 million. I’m not even sure Antlers will make $6 million even with Guillermo del Toro out there pimping the movie on TV commercials, but maybe both will do better than expected due to Halloween being Sunday and people looking for spooky movie fare to watch.

I’ll have interviews with Wright and his co-writer Kristy WIlson-Cairns, as well as with Antlers director Scott Cooper over at Below the Line.

Either way, I think that Denis Villeneuve’s Dune will remain in #1 for a second week in a row, even if it has a pretty big 55 to 56% drop-off from its opening weekend. (This is always the case when a movie has a big Thursday night that’s merged into the Friday numbers, because this weekend won’t have that booster.) This weekend might also see a bump for David Gordon Green’s Halloween Kills from Universal due to the titular holiday this weekend, despite the less than positive reviews.

The other factor for the weekend is the latest in the popular anime franchise, MY HERO ACADEMIA: WORLD HEROES’ MISSION (FUNimation), the third movie released theatrically in the States after My Hero Academia: Two Heroes in 2017 and My Hero Academia: Heroes Rising in early 2020 (right before COVID hit, in fact). The latter opened with $5.9 million in 1,196 theaters, taking fourth place in the weekend where Universal opened its hit horror film, The Invisible Man. I have to imagine that its follow-up will open even more theaters, maybe closer to 1,500, and that could put it as a strong contender for third place against Halloween Kills with around $7 million or more.

Wes Anderson’s The French Dispatch, which did huge business in just 54 theaters last weekend, breaking into the top 10 with $1.5 million, will expand into over 500 theaters on Friday. While there’s some overlap between Anderson and Wright’s fanbases, the success of the movie in its limited opening last weekend makes me think it can probably make closer to $3 million this weekend, keeping it in the top 10.

I’m going to try once again to do a Top 10 this week. Let’s see how that goes.

1. Dune (Warner Bros.) - $18 million -56%

2 Last Night in Soho (Focus) - $8.5 million N/A

3. Halloween Kills (Universal) - $7.5 million -48%

4. My Hero Academia: World Heroes’ Mission (FUNImation) - $7.4 million N/A

5. No Time to Die (MGM) - $6 million -51%

6. Antlers (Searchlight) - $5.2 million N/A

7. Venom: Let There Be Carnage (Sony) - $4.8 million -48%

8. Ron’s Gone Wrong (20th Century) - 4.5 million -36%

9. The Addams Family II (MGM/UA Releasing) - $3.1 million -30%

10. The French Dispatch (Searchlight) - $2.8 million +200%

A bit of an oddball wide release is A MOUTHFUL OF AIR (Sony), Amy Koppelman’s directorial debut, which stars Amanda Seyfried s a children's book author who escapes from her postpartum depression into the fantasy world of her creations. Honestly, I’m not sure I would know this movie even existed if not for seeing it listed on HSX, but sure enough, it’s getting a wide release this Friday. Besides Seyfried, it also stars Finn Wittrock, Britt Robertson (who is pretty awesome), Paul Giamatti, Amy Irving, and others, and I kind of wished I knew more about the movie. All I know about Koppelman is that she wrote the book on which Sarah Silverman’s I Smile Back was based. It’s supposed to open in around 800 theaters this weekend, but I’m still confident enough people know about it for it to make much of a mark on the box office. In fact, I’d be surprised if it opened with more than a million since it seems to be getting a nominal

Apparently, the prequel film, ARMY OF THIEVES (Netflix) is going to be streaming on Netflix this Friday, but it's basically a spin-off prequel to Zack Snyder’s Army of the Dead that’s directed and stars Matthias Schweighöfer, who played Dieter, the safecracker in Snyder’s horror-action mash-up. This one also stars Nathalie Emmanuel, best known for her role in the last few “Fast and Furious” movies, but I haven’t had time to really watch it with the focus needed to write a review, but what I’ve seen has been fun.

Opening in select cities this week before its steaming debut on Netflix on Nov. 10 is Rebecca Hall’s directorial debut, PASSING (Netflix), which stars Tessa Thompson and Ruth Negga as two black women school friends who reunite in New York City in the 1920s, Thompson playing Irene Redfield and Negga playing Clare, who has been “passing” as white to live on the other side of the color line, unbeknownst to her racist husband, played by Alexander Skarsgard. This is adapted from the 1929 novel by Nella Larsen, and it’s quite a powerful debut for Hall, one that received a november Gotham nominations last week, in fact. I did see thai way back at Sundance in January, and liked it, but I definitely want to watch it again and focus on it before reviewing, which has been almost impossible this week. (See above.)

Hitting theatres in New York (Roxy Cinema Tribeca) and Los Angeles (Laemmle Glendale) as well as on VOD is Posy Dixon’s doc KEYBOARD FANTASIES (Greenwich) about Beverly Glenn-Copeland, a sci-fi loving woman who recorded a seven-track album called “Keyboard Fantasies” in her home studio in Ontario in 1986. Decades later, the now Glenn Copeland has discovered that his music has been discovered in the collection of a Japanese collector of rare recorders, and it’s been discovered by many contemporary musicians who flaunt the beautifuly simplicity of Campbell’s melodies and songwriting. Dixon’s movie follows Campbell as he goes on a tour to play his decades-old music for the new fans who have discovered it. I liked this doc and felt it would make a good companion film to last year’s Sisters With Transistors (which still plays regularly at the Metrograph).

Also opening in New York at the Cinema Village and at L.A.’s Lumiere Music Hall is Lindsay Gossling’s 13 MINUTES (Quiver Distribution), starring Amy Smart, Thora Birch, Peter Facinelli, Anne Heche, Trace Adkins, and Paz Vega. It takes place in the Heartland town of Minninnewah, where big stars are pretty normal. It’s the spring and the inhabitants are given 13 minutes to find shelter before the largest tornado on record hits the town, and afterwards, people have to look for loved ones and overcome their differences. Again, I didn’t get a chance to watch this one earlier in the week but hope to get to soon.

Also opening this week is Joanna Hogg’s THE SOUVENIR: PART II (A24), the second part and continuation of her semi-autobiographical indie film, which played in 2019. It once again stars Honor Swinton Byrne as Julie, a college filmmaker trying to get over a horrible break-up and throwing her emotions into her graduate film. The sequel also stars Joe Alwyn, Richard Ayoade, Charlie Heaton, and Honor’s real-life mother, Tilda Swinton, as her mother, plus it seems to have a fairly huge cast compared to the first movie. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to watch this, but considering how much I hated the first movie, maybe that’s for the better.

Hitting theaters as well as On Demand and digital is Philip Gelatt and Morgan Galen King’s horror-fantasy animated film, THE SPINE OF NIGHT (RLJEfilms), which features the voices of Richard E. Grant, Lucy Lawless, Patton Oswalt, Betty Gabriel, and Joe Manganiello. It’s an “ultra-violent fantasy epic” in which ancient dark magic falls into sinister hands and unleashes ages of suffering onto mankind. A group of heroes from different eras and cultures must band together in order to defeat it at all costs.

Taking place starting Monday is the annual American Film Market (AFM) in Los Angeles, and although I have applied and received press credentials, I honestly don’t know how much time I’ll have to cover it and what’s going on exactly, but as the name implies, this is a market for filmmakers and producers and financers to get together

And as usual, the movies I just couldn’t get to because I just don’t have the time. (Sorry!):

HEART OF CHAMPIONS (Vertical) ONLY THE ANIMALS (Cohen Media Group) VIOLET (Relativity MEdia) JOY RIDE (Gravitas Ventures) SURGE (Film Rise)

Next week… Marvel Studios’ and Chloé Zhao’s ETERNALS!

A vote for 1968 as the most horrible year of the '60s.

March 14, 2021

In some ways it was the best of times. During the summer of '68 the Detroit Tigers won close game after close game en route to their first world championship since 1945. It was the year that pitcher Denny McClain went 31-6. Tiger Stadium rocked, and so did I and all the pals I grew up with playing baseball, at least the ones who weren't fighting in the jungles of South Vietnam.

Also, 1968 spanned my junior and senior years in college. I was 21 years old, and no, George Bernard Shaw, youth was not wasted on me.

But there were a lot terrible things going on in the grown-up world of that time, and while I was rockin' the nights away with a Stroh's "stubby" in one hand, I was giving much thought to the calamities of the day that were being covered by the press on the other. Today, I'd like to take you on a tour of the real world as I saw it back then.

To illustrate how much things changed during the '60s, consider how the music--which was everything to us baby boomers--transformed from January 1, 1960, to December 31, 1969.

During the first month of the decade (I was in the seventh grade), some artists represented in the "top ten" charts included Marty Robbins, Paul Anka, Connie Francis, Bobby Darin and Freddy "Boom Boom" Cannon.

During the last month of the decade (the same month I graduated from college), the top ten of what I'll call the rock 'n' soul record charts included tunes by Creedence Clearwater Revival, the Supremes, the Beatles, the Jackson 5 and Led Zeppelin.

Hoo boy, talk about a metamorphosis in "the sound." And that's not even taking into consideration the alternative, underground, album-oriented rock that started to emerge toward the end of the decade.

There were radical changes to practically everything going on at the time: the look of our clothes and the length our hair, attitudes toward sex and drugs, nonviolence versus violence in the streets, and, of course, the ever-present, divisive clash over whether my generation should risk dying to fight communism in Southeast Asia.

Here's my take on events that bewildered a 21-year-old's mind back in '68:

The Tet Offensive--I was a junior in college during the early months of the year, living with three pals at Burcham Woods in East Lansing, a student apartment complex that looked like a collection of cheesy two-story motels. Every night we'd watch the CBS News with Walter Cronkite, "the most trusted man in America," on our black and white TV in an attempt to improve our understanding of what was going down with the Vietnam War. I don't think I fully comprehended the magnitude of "Tet" at the time. I knew it was a massive, coordinated, country-wide military assault by the North Vietnamese and Viet Cong against hundreds of South Vietnamese cities, but I was most concerned about the safety of my high school pals over there who had gone off to combat as helicopter pilots, door gunners, tunnel rats, etc. I only knew that they were fighting for some amorphous cause that didn't seem to equate to the ones our fathers fought for in both Europe and the Pacific during World War II. Shortly after Tet, Cronkite traveled to Southeast Asia to report on the conflict and sit down with the generals there. Then one late February night, upon his return to New York, I heard a TV anchor "editorialize" for the first time when Cronkite concluded that the enemy would never give up on its jungle warfare tactics, that America couldn't beat the North Vietnamese and Viet Cong at their game, and that the best we could hope for in Vietnam was a negotiated settlement. That was the moment President Lyndon B. Johnson is said to have concluded that he had lost the popular support of middle America for the war effort. At the end of March, I was watching that same black and white TV when during a news special, Johnson announced he would not run for a second term. I was shocked. Everyone was. Due to the ramifications of his decision, I started to think that just maybe fewer of my buds would be risking their lives in the jungle in the years ahead...and just maybe I wouldn't eventually have to risk mine, either.

The Assassination of Martin Luther King--I don't remember how I heard about it. What I recall is riding a bike on a cloudy April 4 afternoon into the Burcham Woods complex and thinking incessantly about King's death: This can't be happening...The assassination of John Kennedy has already let the air out of the American spirit...We've lost the two greatest leaders I've known in my life...Now what?...Riots in the streets like the ones last summer?...It can't get any worse, can it? Well, it got worse. There were indeed riots in about 100 major cities across the country. I'd been a huge fan of King. I thought it was brilliant the way he had led the effort to accomplish the things that were accomplished for black people through his adherence to civil disobedience. He was the one most responsible for waking up white America to the plight of poor black people; he led numerous nonviolent marches for civil rights, including the March on Washington; he was the force behind LBJ's efforts to pass the Voting Rights Act of 1964; and on and on and on. King's pacifistic approach was being challenged at the time by some fire-breathing black radicals--Malcom X, Stokely Carmichael, Huey P. Newton, Bobby Seale, the Black Panthers. I was wary of them because I feared their violent ways would win out. And, in large measure, they did. Admittedly, black radicals were involved with some good things for poverty-stricken blacks--food distribution, better health care, emphasis on education--but their advocacy of "open carry" of loaded fire arms, black separatist rhetoric, etc., alienated most of white America. When King died his Gandhi-like approach to nonviolent resistance to achieve civil rights died, too. Like the assassination of John F. Kennedy, Martin Luther King's assassination was a blow from which the American psyche never seemed to fully recover.

The Assassination of Robert F. Kennedy--June 5, 1968. I think it was finals week at MSU. I know I was anxious to get home to begin my summer job at Rinshed-Mason paint company. The weather was great. But we were inside, glued to that old black and white TV--with aluminum foil attached to the antenna for better reception--to watch the ongoing coverage of the assassination attempt on RFK. He'd just been declared the winner of the California Democratic presidential primary when he was shot, shortly after midnight, by a young Palestinian militant, Sirhan Sirhan, while taking a shortcut to the press room through the kitchen at the Ambassador Hotel in Los Angeles. Among Kennedy's entourage were famed journalist and author George Plimpton, former all-pro football defensive lineman Rosey Grier and former gold-medal-winning U.S. Olympics decathlete Rafer Johnson. There were shouts of "Get the gun...break his thumb if you have to..." as the athletes wrestled Sirhan to the floor. However, little more than 24 hours later, Bobby Kennedy was dead. If you think the world feels crazy today, it felt like "One Flew Over the Cuckcoo's Nest" after the assassinations of King and Kennedy, just two months apart. And, of course, there was the constant barrage of vitriol between pro-war and anti-war types underpinning it all in those days. I recall reading practically every editorial by every nationally syndicated columnist I could find in the newspapers and Newsweek magazine for clues to understanding what the hell was really happening in the country. When I returned home for the summer, my Dad, in his typically earthy way, commented on the mental state of America in '68: "The morale of the country has turned to shit," he growled.

Chicago Police Riot at the 1968 Democratic National Convention--I find it amazing what I don't remember about this event from August 26-29. Probably because I was out carousing with my pals every night when it happened. The convention attracted more than 10,000 young anti-war protesters--student activists, members of SDS (Students for a Democratic Society), hippies and Yippies (members of the Youth International Party) such as Abbie Hoffman and Jerry Rubin of "Chicago Seven" fame. Authoritarian mayor Richard Daly turned out a like number of police and National Guard members to confront them at Lincoln Park, Grand Park and outside the International Amphitheater, site of the convention. Things got off to a bad start when just before the convention the Yippies mockingly nominated a pig--yes, an actual swine named Pigasus--for president. As the convention progressed, security guards were caught on camera roughing up CBS News reporter Dan Rather, trying to interview a protesting convention delegate being ushered off the floor by the cops. I only know that the whole thing turned out to be a bad scene. Maybe I don't recall many details because I've always been more than annoyed by senseless violence and turned my head away when it happened. In any case, it seems that the cops were ready to administer beatdowns rather than back off at the first sign of tension. Perhaps the young protestors started the confrontation by hurling debris or breaking police lines. I just don't know. I do know that I've said many times that cops often get only a split second to make what can be life-or-death decisions when doing their jobs. But from everything I've ever heard or read, Daly's strategy was to bust heads from jump and not even try to diffuse the situation.

But for all the turmoil of 1968, my life could not have been much better in the fall. It was the beginning of my senior year in college. The "two Ricks," close friends from my Abbot Hall days, and I secured a lease at Water's Edge. Just two blocks from campus, it had the largest living rooms of any student apartment building in East Lansing. At one point we set up a ping pong table, and sometimes we'd buy a keg of beer and charge admission to Friday afternoon TGs. It was wall-to-wall people as we did the "Boogaloo Down Broadway." In October, after watching the Tigers Bill Freehan--yes, on that same old black and white TV--catch Tim McCarver's pop-up for the final out of game seven against the Cardinals in the '68 World Series, we spontaneously decided to hitchhike to downtown Detroit, where we celebrated into the night with throngs of Tigers fans who filled the streets.

Oh, yes, it felt like the best of times.

Little more than a year later, however, all four of us (another Abbot Hall friend had moved in at midyear) were notified by Uncle Sam to take our physicals for possible induction into the army. Amazingly, I flunked mine and was declared 4F (unfit for military service) due to two knee surgeries (osteochondritis) I'd undergone in high school. However, even if I'd passed it, I would not have been called to service because all young, draft-eligible males at the time had been assigned "lottery numbers" after a random drawing on national television. I drew 298, but the government filled its manpower needs by the time it got to 176. My three roommates all drew lower lottery numbers. They were all drafted. But thanks to pure luck they were eventually stationed in West Germany rather than Vietnam.

All four of us had been philosophically opposed to the Vietnam War, but not enough, I guess, to seriously entertain the thought of moving to Canada. Had I not flunked my physical, had I not drawn a favorable lottery number, had I not had the same good fortune as my roommates and been sent to Vietnam, I'd have gone into the military, served and done whatever my superiors would have told me to do.

To be quite honest, however, when I look back on it all, the young men who had the balls to cross the border into Canada, risking the scorn of being called cowards back home, displayed their own acts of courage by standing up for what they believed to be morally right. Because, to this day, I think the U.S. involvement in Vietnam was an exceedingly bad calculation, to put it mildly. Or, as my Dad, World War II veteran that he was, said in 1968, "It's all bullshit, Len."

Nineteen hundred and sixty-eight?

Charles Dickens' opening lines from "A Tale of Two Cities" sum up perfectly that paradoxical year:

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way--in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only."

My Hero Academia, season 2 - Episode 26

Sony’s conference was, a, fucking, mess.

Anyways anime finally. It’s My Hero Academia, episode 26! Here we GO!

-It’s raining. It’s the day everyone’s going back to school…When Deku is on the train, flipping through shit on his phone and suddenly realizes he’s surrounded by fans, who recognize him, and want to wish him good luck since he fought so hard and stuff. Deku doesn’t know how the fuck to handle this.

-Opening! Just the normal opening. I thought there was a third one coming, or is that for the actual season jump?

-So Deku’s finally off the train and making his way to school, his body exhausted…And then he gets lapped hard by Tenya. Who’s back, and when Deku tries to talk, he immediately shuts it down. No need to worry about his brother. Everything’s fine.

-Episode 26: Time to Pick Some Names

-Class time. Everyone’s feeling excited about their showing at the first-year festival. And cue Shota, who’s finally in one piece again. Also, time for the big thing the episode will be focusing on…Codenames. Hero names. Every hero needs it! Especially with interest on you from established heroes just as first-years…

-Speaking of, here’s how the numbers look on that. Almost all eyes are on Shoto and Katsuki, with 3-4000 each. Then it drops down into the hundreds and the tens and zero. Deku didn’t get any at all despite his big showing.

-But everyone will be doing an internship. Which means needing at least a temporary name. And cue Midnight making a big show as she steps in to act as judge, since Shota is bad at it. He literally just went with what a young Present Mic suggested to him when this day came for him, because he gives absolutely zero fucks.

-So everyone gets mini whiteboards to present their names and have everyone try things on for size. First is laser boy…Whose intended code name is, and I quote: “Shining Hero: I Can Not Stop Twinkling”. Sit your ass the fuck down.

-Okay, no, Midnight does critiques. Declaration-based names aren’t unheard of, but it needs to roll off the tongue way better…So compress, simplify, and take it down to Can’t Stop Twinkling.

-Next is Mina, with Alien Queen! Like a xenomorph. It’s a little too scary. But now everyone feels pressured. Tsk is next, and she’s had one since she was a kid…The Rainy Season Hero, Froppy! Midnight loves it. It’s cute, it’s friendly, it’s perfect for an approachable street-level hero type! Everyone loves it.

-We’ve got others, like Kirishima being the Sturdy Hero, Red Riot. Like the classic Crimson Riot, huh? Nothing wrong with an homage to a vintage hero. It means pressure to live up to that name, but if you can hold to it…! Hell yes, he can!

-Deku remembers his childhood name ideas…They all followed a certain theme. Young Deku is a treasure it needs to be stated. I love his little All Might jammies. So obviously he’s not going to do a name like that now, now that he’s really sitting and contemplating possibilities…

-Earbud girl is up, as the Hearing Hero: Earphone Jack. Yep that’s solid you can keep it. Or the Tentacle Hero: Tentacole. Freaky but good. The Taping Hero, Cellophane! Crisp, clean, to the point, totally works. The Martial Arts Hero: Tailman. Makes sense. The Sweet Hero, Sugarman! Sure deal. Mina’s back as Pinky! Yeah that works.

-The Stun Gun Hero: Chargebolt! Yeah, it’s got a nice vibe. The Stealth Hero: Invisible Girl! Well that sure sums it up. Keep it going, keep it going, kids! Momo’s the Everything Hero: Creati, a name she hopes to match up to…And Shoto…

-Shoto wants to be Shoto.

-Shoto. My man. You’re not going to pick a flashy name? Nope. …Well, okay…

-Or the Jet-Black Hero: Tsukuyomi. The trash is Grape Juice. The boulder-headed guy is Anima. Katsuki…Is King Explosion Murder. Noooooooo. Just, nooooo.

-And Ochaco…Goes for simple but crisp. Uravity. Midnight loves it! And when it’s all done…There’s only three! Katsuki needs to pick something that’s, not, that. Tenya and Deku are still struggling! Tenya…Who’s trying to focus, but remembers seeing his brother.

-Who, after further recovery, had to confirm something. He had no feeling in his legs. The story of Ingenium was going to end then and there…And so he asked his little brother to do something for him…

-Tenya…Tenya tenses up, trying to write that name. But…He doesn’t feel he can. He doesn’t feel worthy of it. There will come a day, brother. But as it stands…All he can manage to write, is his own name.

-So after he’s done, Midnight calls upon Deku…Who’s finally decided. There’s only one thing it can be…Even as everyone tenses, uncertain…Oh. There’s only one thing it could be. Something with weight. With history. Something that he’s gone by for a long time. That he once ran away from…But one soul changed the game. So there it is… Deku.

-In the staff room, a new request comes in, and No Might sees Tonka Tough has it up…For Deku! Who would want young De—OH SHIT

-Back with Class 1-A. Midnight is about ready to strangle Katsuki.

-Eventually, the names are all decided, and internships are gonna happen. If you got requests in, you’ll receive them as options. If you didn’t, well, here’s a fat stack of hero agencies. They all have their own specialties, from crime fighting to disaster rescue, and in all kinds of environments. You have until Friday to make a choice.

-And Shoto sees…His father’s agency on his list. His own father requested him…

-Soon everyone’s thinking and contemplating…And Deku’s going all super deep with his notes. While Ochaco has a plan! She wants to work in Gunhead’s agency! Not a rescue hero type…? Nope! She wants to do that eventually, but right now she needs to learn how to punch dudes in their faces real good! Shit that makes a lot of sense…

-Also that’s when everyone realizes Deku’s been hovering over his chair for the entire class to train his legs. I also can’t help but imagine he’s putting some power into them to learn to hold it in…

-Anyways, end of the day, Ochaco and Deku are gonna bounce, Tenya’s not here, ALL MIGHT AT THE DOOR IN A WEIRD POSE and drags Deku away. Deku got an offer from Gran Torino…He was once All Might’s teacher in his time at UA. He was a dear friend of All Might’s own predecessor…And All Might is fucking terrified of a bad impression.

-In the office, Shota sees he’s got a few entries already in…And one of them is Tenya’s. A mid-level agency, the kind that usually takes kids from smaller schools…Why would he…Unless…Aaand he’s already on the move, having left school as soon as he turned in his forms.

-Deku would, during his recovery, learn of Ingenue’s fate on the news. An incident that took place in…Hosu City. The same place that mid-level agency Tenya picked is based in. …Fuck. He’s trying to get vengeance. Stain is named as the culprit, with 17 kills and 21 forced-retirements to his name…Tenya is going out there to try and take down his brother’s attempted killer. Deku’s put it all together…And yet he can’t do a damn thing to stop it…

-Until it’s the internship day. Everyone’s gonna be loaded up into trains and taxis to go to their various assignments…When Deku makes a point to stop Tenya, to make one last attempt to reach out…Looking back on it, Deku would regret not pushing harder, not just spilling it all out, not doing more to stop Tenya from what would end up happening…

-Credits!

-Aftercredits! Deku’s on the train to go meet Gran Torino…He’s scared shitless of it, of this vintage hero he’s never heard of…When he gets to the old wreckage of an abandoned hotel. And finds…A scene of blood and eat—He faked it to mess with Deku. Also he’s built like a Megaman now.

Well that started silly and ended heavy and then gave us a splash of weird silly at the end. This, is gonna, be…I don’t even know. I guess we’ll find out next time, in episode TWENTY SEVEN of My Hero Academia! Wait for it!

In Retrospect...

“Stand up when your name is called” directed the Costa Rican border agent standing in the front of our bus. Coming from Nicaragua I’d heard a lot about Costa Rica, it seemed like everyone I talked to knew somebody working across the border. The more politically minded would tell me that the only reason Costa Rica was prosperous was because of the Nicaraguans who fled during the war. Since then the border crossing is hard for Nicaraguans, and usually it would have been harder for me as well, but the U.S. Embassies in Nicaragua and Costa Rica had already coordinated with the Costa Rican government to ensure our evacuation went smoothly.

“Josh Wynn” called the agent, and I though back to killing the scorpion and chinche with Josh “Bootylicious” Wynn what seemed like an eternity ago but actually only been the week prior. In Somoto, Clare “Fachenta” Davies looked on in horror, silently praying that the next two years of service in Nicaragua wouldn’t be filled with dangerous insects in a remote mountain village. The bugs were a hardship we expected to face. Indoctrinated with the mantra of resiliency the prospect of leaving Nicaragua before the 27 months term of service ended barely figured into the imagination. Now, almost two months after arriving we were crossing into Costa Rica.

News of the protest first reached me on Thursday while travelling from Somoto back to my training site by way of Managua. The handful of the other volunteers who happened to be traveling on the same bus with as me received texts notifying us of the protests. The first messages were innocuous, telling us that we must take taxis to avoid loitering in the Managua areas. The severity increased with each successive notification until finally we were told to disembark in Tipitapa and avoid Managua all together. In Tipitapa we rendezvoused with Peace Corps officials who drove us back to our sites. Even then I failed to comprehend the extent of the upheaval brewing.

Once safely in Niquinohomo the news of the protests came through filtered sources. It was clear that the initial protest was in response to an executive order changing social security but the reason for the volatile nature of the protests was unclear. The only news channels broadcasting on TV served as offered biased critique and inaccurate reports, skewed to support Ortega. My host sister works in the Mayor’s office and downplayed the protests. Other locals in my house claimed that the protests had been used as an excuse for vandals to loot stores. They all seemed to think there would be a return to order soon. These viewpoints contrasted sharply with those of other members of my community.

On Friday it became apparent that the unrest was bigger than originally apparent. People complained of election fraud, lack of representation, and the disconnect between the Ortega of today and the former Sandinista leader. Some accused Ortega of selling out Nicaragua for his personal profit. Additionally, it became apparent that the peaceful protests had been responded to with violence. Riot police took to the streets and counter-protestors fought the demonstrators. In Tipitapa, where I had been hours before, a Nicaraguan was killed. State news claims the murder was by vandals intent on burning the mayors office, but a number of other sources allege the vandals were paid by the government to cause violence and delegitimize the protestors.

Peace Corps sent me another notification: “Standfast.” The emergency action plan was officially underway. In Niquinohomo it remained calm, it seemed surreal. I had heard the news but assumed it was exaggerated like the way Fox covers the protests in Ferguson and Chicago. I still thought things would settle down. I didn’t pack a go-bag and walked around town in my flip flops chatting with the neighbors.

That night there was a large march in Niquinohomo. Hundreds of people paraded through the streets wearing black, waving Nicaraguan flags, tearing down Sandinista propaganda. Trucks and biked honked their horns. The people chanted. “They have the right to demonstrate” said my sister who works at the Mayors office. She didn’t join the protestors though, I heard anyone who worked for the state (including teachers and local and regional officials) would lose their job for demonstrating or criticizing Ortega.  The police in Niquinohomo waited on the street corners and watched. The police in other sites were not so patient.

Violence blossomed over the weekend. Police fired live rounds into crowds, killing students. Snipers on the rooftops in Managua targeted people seeking refuge in a church. I was told “They’re aiming at the head and the heart, they’re trying to take people out.” In Bluefields a journalist was killed, shot in the head while streaming on Facebook live because his channel had been cut off.  Across the country the army was deployed.

My friend living in El Rosario texted me: “I heard they are coming to burn our alcaldia (trans. mayors office)...” Her family locked down their house and she slept with her knife. The mob never came for her but in Leon, Diriamba, Masaya, Managua, Bluefields and other cities it did, burning down the mayor’s offices. In Masaya fighting between the police and the citizens was especially severe. “It’s a war over there,” my host family warned me.

Ortega spoke but his two-hour speech only managed to enrage the crowds. His themes were tangential, and his demeanor was slow. He reminded me of a tortoise with Alzheimer’s. He called for dialogue but only with the heads of the COSEP, a group of business leaders that spent the past decade eating out of Ortega’s hand. Later he revoked the executive order, but it wasn’t enough to calm the crowds. Some businesses closed. Many grocery stores and gas stations were looted.

Peace Corps activated the next step of the Emergency Action Plan on Sunday, “Consolidation.” At this point Peace Corps Volunteers in Managua were locked down in the central office, unable to leave even to go pack their belongings for the evacuation. Trainees in Diriamba had spent the prior night gathered at the house of a volunteer avoiding the disturbances downtown. I packed half my things, expecting the reversal of the order to be enough to reverse the consolidation decision.

At 9:00 pm I got a call telling me that I’d be picked up the next morning for Consolidation in Grandad before eventual evacuation to Costa Rica and the States. Reluctantly I admitted that I would have to leave tranquil Niquinohomo. My host mom was upset “We have food, we have water, we have electricity, this house is very secure!” She told me. “Out there is where the craziness is, everything is fine here!” I had to explain the order was from the Ambassador and it was for all volunteers not just us. She still didn’t want to see me go.

I left twice. At 10 AM the van picked us up and I helped load bags on the roof, tying the bags down as the sun beat down. I finished securing the bags and hopped down, ran to hug the host families goodbye, and hopped in the van. We got on the road and began our briefing session when Daniel “Freak” Tassitino asked me where my backpack was. I apologized profusely as we turned the bus around to go grab my laptop, passport, and camera. Twenty minutes later and I was back on the road with my backpack and a big IOU for Daniel’s host family.

In the bus Ashley explained the situation. Official reports of death were underreported and estimates are that 100 people were killed over the weekend. The plan was to stay in Granada for two days and get all volunteers together before moving on to Costa Rica and eventually the United States. The Embassy was evacuating all non-essential personnel. There were concerns about accessing food, water, and gas. Some routes to the embassy had been blocked off leading to fear about being cut off. It felt good to be with the other trainees. We felt safe together and I trusted Peace Corps to keep us safe.

The customs agent began calling names I didn’t recognize. The names of the Volunteers who shared our bus. All the trainees and volunteers got evacuated together. In Granada we mingled awkwardly. The group was conflicted. I’d met some of the volunteers before and I tried to take advantage of the opportunity to talk with them and meet other people who could share some perspective with me. At the same time I tried to avoid being insensitive to those taking the transition harder than I was. Some of the older volunteers resented being pulled away from their families for the last time without being able to say goodbye. Some had friends in jail. But here in a fancy hotel we enjoyed drinks by the pool and catered meals, almost as if nothing happened.

Granada looked peaceful. I knew there had been protests earlier in the week but the tourist district we stayed in was tranquilo. The first day we were locked down in the hotel. There was nothing to occupy our time that first day except the pool and Flor de Cana rum. I don’t think it really hit me that I’d be back in the States in less than a week. When we to packing up all our stuff and leave our homes I told my friend Troy “Sweet T” Marderosian that “best case scenario this is all just an annoyance.” The first day in Granada were like a little bourgeoisie vacation at the time and I enjoyed it while briefly under the impression that we may return to our normal routine before too long.

The briefings began the second day in Granada and it was made clear we would be leaving the country. Don Howard, the seemingly implacable country director, choked up during his speech. He tried to sound hopeful, but the gloomy reality of the situation couldn’t be ignored.  The uncertainty that had provided refuge and hopes of a quick return during the consolidation process morphed as Peace Corps switched to “Evacuation” mode.  Staff members families were sent to the United States. The Director traveled with an escort from the embassy. The immediate confusion of what going to happen now turned into an anxiety about what’s going to happen next.

We boarded the busses. Fifty volunteers per bus, our belongings stuffed into the storage spaces, only a few hours behind schedule we headed toward the border. Jammed packed, I was grateful for the air conditioning. No stops, I was grateful for the bathroom. Although, we did get off for a minute right before the border while they searched the busses, it was fast almost cursory. And now here we are getting ushered into Costa Rica. When they called my name, I waved from the back row, popping my head above the seats, acutely feeling the privilege of my blue and gold passport.

The border crossing made me think of all the people we were leaving behind. Don Howard had mentioned that all the staff accompanying us were leaving their families. How could anyone be asked to leave their family in an agitated country to accompany some privileged gringos across the border? And what of our own friends and host families? I’m grateful Niquinohomo is safe but the protests have continued. I’m outraged at the injustices committed by the government in Nicaragua, the lack of representation, the twisting of the facts. I also can leave at will. I’m privileged to disconnect.

“Poverty is not knowing if you can ever leave” Said Peter Hatch during our training. And now I’m leaving a country just when the situation gets hairy. It’s funny that just a few weeks prior I was surprised that people had been complaining to me about the government and now there were riots in the street. I guess the people had enough. A number of people told me that Ortega had sold out to corporate interests.

“Nicaragua could be the richest country in central America” said my neighbor. But the country has a brutal history of dictators using the natural resources for their own personal gain, complicit in this is the buying power of the United States and other foreign countries. The U.S. has been responsible for starting wars in Nicaragua and benefited from exploitative trade agreements. It is the pinicle of irony that an American businessman pressured Ortega to reverse the Social Security mandate that sparked the riots. Civil disturbances are bad for business.

“The people don’t trust COSEC, they’ve been stealing from Nicaragua for the past 20 years” Said Ashely. The people have power in the streets, but when they let the business sector speak for them they lose that power. Ortega has dictated who he will negotiate with, the streets don’t care, the streets shout “Ortega, Somoza, son la misma cosa.” The streets want change. The people are finding their voice. And I am leaving.

In Costa Rica the change is noticeable. The countryside houses have cars in front of them. Even the roads in the mountains look different. Although I haven’t had the chance to travel much of Nicaragua, For the first time since moving to Latin America I got to see the Pacific Ocean. We check in and settle into rooms at another nice hotel and meet up for the first debrief sessions.

The sessions at the hotel are mundane. They cover the logistics of the departure. The specific reasons for leaving. They leave the future floating in ambiguity. They share the resources Peace Corps offers to deal with the transition. My mind meanders, my pen doodles on the page. I look around and see other people drifting off in their own worlds.

As a volunteer the time in Costa Rica felt protracted. Our debriefing meetings were done en mass and despite many voices asking, the answer I really wanted was absent. I still don’t know if I’m going back. The officials refused to speculate. It’s really up in the air. At least, I better understand the process of how the decision is going to be made.

The suspension of activities works on 30 day cycles, starting with the date we left the country. Every 30 days the staff in the embassy will assess development in Nicaragua. The criteria they will use to determine if we are cleared to return is the same criteria that factored into their decision to evacuate. These include, access to food and water, access to gas, freedom of travel, peaceful demonstrations. Protests are acceptable as long as the threat of violence is low.

Now I wait. In the meantime, I’m keeping myself occupied, see friends, travel, write, organize my photos… I can already feel a shift in my attitude. When I first got bck I was enthusiastic to explain the situation and confident that I would return, my brain still focused on the content of training. Now, hardly a week later I am thinking in terms of plans and things I would like to do here, imagining my goals for after Peace Corps.

In some ways it’s good to have this opportunity to think a little bit more of my goals for after Peace Corps and direct what I want to get out of the next two years. Assuming I still go. I still want to go but I’m dreading what the culture shock will be like going back and forth. I felt like I was just settling down and getting ready to live in Nicaragua for two years when I got pulled out.  If I have to go to another site the wait could be another 9 months, and I don’t know what I would do in the meantime…

So while my head is still spinning it is only because once again the future is unknown. Thrown back into the chasm right when I was getting comfortable with my plan for the next two years.

ah, to be young.  Alternative Title: sometimes I’m a little crazy but only when there are no consequences whatsoever.

It’s March 23 and I don’t understand how the world is turning so fast that the days are just spinning by.  The thing that’s really drawing my attention to the days passing is that Tim is leaving very soon.  For me, he is kind of the person that sets the energy for this place.  He has been here longer than almost anyone and it shows.  He works as a kind of center for people.  A role model.  An example of the kind of person who volunteers at SAVE.  He was supposed to leave in a couple weeks, but things changed a bit and he decided to leave early to go visit friends in Germany on his way home.  It’s going to be a very sad goodbye, especially because the end of his stay here came as a bit of a surprise.   In terms of interesting things that have happened in the last few days, there haven't been that many.  We have had a lot of issues here with protests and riots in the townships that shut down our projects because it’s either too dangerous for us to be there or too dangerous to get the kids in and out.  It means I’ve had a lot of free time because project has been cancelled for two days already and could possibly be continued next week if the pattern of rioting continues.  Generally, what happens is there is a protest because of lack of resources and lack of understanding between the government and the people in the township.  Then, during the riots, people drink a lot.  The next day everyone is still drunk and the destruction continues.  The following day there are no protests, but the day after people start drinking again and the whole thing repeats itself.

One thing I’m very tired of here is drama and gossip. I’m in house 22 and it is getting so bad and generally stressful for me that I want to ask to be moved just so i don't have to think about that energy anymore.  The current issue has to do with Danni (again).  Basically, she was drunk on a beach and got in a fight with another drunk girl who went and told Robyn and Shannon that she feels threatened and now it’s a whole drama and Danni wants to leave the program and is a perpetually dangerous move.  She’s honestly a bully and it scares me to deal with her because she has no problem being mean to people.   Usually, bullies root their anger in their own insecurities and lash out at people because it makes them feel better about themselves.  Danni isn't this way.  She’s confident and sure of herself and doesn’t attack people for no reason, she just is amazingly aggressive if you push her buttons.  And, she has a lot of buttons.  She has very long toes, they’re easy to step on.  I’m scared of her, especially because a lot of my friends live in Dunbar and she has been obviously irritated and cold to me since I’ve been hanging out with her “group” less and less.  I have no problem standing up for other people’s rights and morals, but when it comes to person situations for me, I avoid confrontation at all costs.  Confrontation stresses me out and, even if the person in question doesn’t actually matter to me in any other situation, my brain has a real problem with thinking that people are upset with me.  I am tired of this feeling like middle school and I have an entire 3 weeks left, so I am just going to walk over to reception and say my problem and hopefully they transfer me (fingers crossed super hard). The people I actually like are at Dunbar anyways.  The only downside to Dunbar is that the wifi is horrible, but who cares.  I didn't come to Africa for good wifi.   Excluding that negative energy, I had a really really nice weekend.  I spent most of my time eating and dancing.  On Friday, I went to Big Bay and sat around on the beach with a smoothie with my friends.  The water was absolutely freezing and I loved it.  That night, we went out dancing and I had a fantastic time.  One thing I notice whenever I’m in public and music is playing is how obnoxiously bad pop music has become.  On one hand, there’s a brilliance to it.  People have found a formula that you can follow perfectly and get your song on the radio.  Further, they’re figured out that people don’t mind if all of your songs sound the same and only have about 20 repeating lyrics in them.  On the other hand, I have to listen to the shît these people are making and it drives me crazy.  The pop music industry rakes in millions of dollars a year.  There are actually talented artists that this money could be going to who give a shît about their composition and hooks and time signature and have actually done their research and turned on their brain before stepping up to a microphone.  In my eyes, it’s incredibly insulting that people listen to Selena Gomez or over people who make their own beats and have original thoughts that they then turn into music that actually sounds good and complex, even if you don’t understand the lyrics (e.g. Shoos Off, Kyle Bent, the Roots, Bleachers, Soccer Mommy, Mos Def, Samuel Larson, M.I.A, Abhi the Nomad, BROCKHAMPTON, just to name a few).  That being said, I can dance to anything that remotely resembles “music” if I really want to.  After we all got back, I sat with my friend Lucy in the kitchen drinking tea until 5am.  I felt like such a *youth*. We talked about life and why we came to South Africa.   I think I came here to travel and do good, but mainly to isolate myself from the familiar.  I wanted to see if I could find calm within myself and balance that with the ambition I already access easily.  It’s easy to feel calm and satisfied with where you are and stay there.  It’s hard to stay calm while still learning and improving.  That was the goal.  I think, with every day that passes, I get closer to realizing that goal.  I am becoming more sure of myself and my capabilities.  Further, my values are clarifying.  I am passionate about fighting for people who are in situations that make it very hard for them to have a voice.  That is to say, if you are poor African-American in Oakland, being an activist and arguing with people about causes like Black Lives Matter is most likely not the first on your list of priorities.  Safety and security are first.  If you feel like even law enforcement is a threat to you, why the hell would you have time to try and improve that situation— you’re just looking to survive it.  I think it’s too much to ask those people who are focusing on survival to try and make their general situation better on top of fighting their personal battle, whether emotional or physical, every day.  There are incredible people out there who are doing both, and that blows my mind.  Moreover, because I don’t have to go through a situation with that intensity, I think there is a certain responsibility that comes with, entirely by chance, being born into a situation as comfortable as mine.  That responsibility is to fight for and help those who were, entirely by chance, born into a less comfortable situation.   I will fight tooth and nail for those people.  I feel deeply that it’s my duty, because my own shît is generally taken care of.  I get to go to University and study something I love.  I feel comfortable calling 911 for help.  I get to marry somebody I love without worrying about the legal and social consequences.  I can kiss my boyfriend in public without others being offended and grossed out by my display of affection.  I don’t have to think about my race and how it affects my life.  I can open my fridge and choose something I want to eat from multiple options of food.   This brings me to another point: the privilege of diversity.  Until I started living alone, I didn't realize how luxurious variety is.  To have enough wiggle room in your life that you can do different things every weekend or night.  To have enough wiggle room in your bank account that you can buy two different kinds of bread and cereals at the supermarket without worrying about wasting food I can’t afford to.  When I live on my own, I eat the same thing for breakfast every day.  When I go back home to Berkeley, I get to choose whether I want granola or Honey Nut Cheerios, and that blows my mind.  When I go back home, Honey Nut Cheerios encapsulate luxury for me, and that’s not something I will ever fail to appreciate ever again.   On Saturday, I was functioning on 3 hours of sleep and my body went into full survival mode.  It was brilliant because I felt 100% fine, sort of how people who are about to die supposedly feel right after a car crash.  Like I had a pole shoved through my abdomen, but was walking around and saying that everything is peachy keen, because it felt that way.  I was invited by my new friends Leis and Tanya (both super cool girls who live at Dunbar, unfortunately Leis leaves at the end of the week) to go to the Old Biscuit Mill.  Because I felt totally fine, I pulled on some clothes and went.  I had the best steak sandwich of my entire life and it was fantastic.  Even though it was 11am and I had gotten no sleep, I still got my favorite watermelon mojito.  To justify this to myself I kept in mind that they put very little alcohol in it, it’s my favorite drink in the whole world, and it’s only sold on Saturdays (when the Mill is open) in Cape Town, South Africa.  Might as well capitalize on the opportunity.  After a few hours the other girls were super tired, even though I felt great, we decided it was time to go home.  Before we called the uber to go back, I asked if we could stop in this artsy jewelry shop that looked really cool.  When we were poking around in the store, we noticed they did piercings there.  I asked if I could get some new piercings, but the woman who was working at the register said she needed to get her boss to com in for that and that would take at least an hour and a half.  Now that I was in the piercing mindset, I turned to my friends and told them about a piercing studio in the city center that I had heard about.  For some reason, this really appealed to a group of absolutely exhausted 20-year-old women.  We got into the uber and went straight there.  

Today, was Sunday.  I hiked a mountain up to a cave on the other side of Table Mountain called Elephant’s Eye.  It overlooks the Cape Flats, which is gang land and the crime and murder rates are off of the charts.   It was absolutely gorgeous.  The walk up and down were a bit treacherous because it is way less popular than other tourist-y hiking spots, so it’s not as well groomed and the rocks have sand everywhere around them so everything is very slippery.  After the hike, I went into Muizenberg, which is like the cool surfer cousin in the family of the Cape Flats.  I had an amazing burger with lots of cheese on it, fries, and a chai latte.  After I had fully started my food coma, I took an uber home and started writing exactly what you’re reading now.  For dinner, I went over to Dunbar to get takeout with my friends because I’m super exhausted from the bad vibes in house 22.  It’s to the point where I genuinely don’t want Danni to be in the room when I get home.  

While I was hanging out at Dunbar, Tim turned to me and said “I have some bad news”.  Immediately I panicked, because the last time he had “bad news” he told me he was leaving over a month earlier than expected.  Also, whenever there is “bad news”, I get a feeling that I’m about to get in trouble.  I get kinda nervous and say “alright what’s up”, and then he has the NERVE to say “I’ll tell you later”.  I’m sorry EXCUSE ME?? Why the hell would you tell me that I don’t get to hear bad news NOW.  I was irritated to say the least.  I might do yoga, but patience still is not a particularly strong aspect of my personality.  When he finally tells me, it turns out he was messing with me the entire time.  The news was that he extended his flight and is now leaving on April 9th (my baby sister’s birthday!!!!).  This was the best thing that I had heard all day and I did a happy dance for several minutes.  Things are getting complex here, but I think that’s natural when you start living somewhere— the more you engage the more details and complicated things get.  I can handle it.

things I need to work on:

not eating so poorly ALL THE TIME.  I really need to teach myself that ramen and grilled cheese is not sufficient for breakfast and lunch. learn more kids’ names. plan a road trip get back to doing yoga every morning and just getting more exercise in general.

things i’ve been doing well:

enjoying life here going to the beach lots creating space in my mind. planning for university and this summer when I have time

- Q

Limbaugh: RNC Was About Saving America from a Race War Democrats Actively Trying to Promote

During his nationally syndicated show on Friday, conservative talker Rush Limbaugh discussed the Republican National Convention held earlier in the week and how it compared to the Democratic National Convention in a prerecorded message he made as he recovers from an infection.

Limbaugh gave President Donald Trump and the RNC high marks but said the DNC was being used by Democrats to be divisive.

One of the elements Limbaugh praised about the RNC was the push for inclusiveness, and argued Democrats were promoting racial hostilities.

Partial transcript as follows (courtesy of RushLimbaugh.com):

LIMBAUGH: We can rest assured that this is the case, having watched it last night. I saw people complaining. The Fox News people were complaining that the speech was too long, 70 minutes. Let me tell you: If anybody has earned the right to take as much time as he wants to explain himself, it’s Donald Trump. The man has been slandered and libeled multiple times a day every day for four years.

He has been unfairly criticized. He’s been lied about. He has been the subject of a search-and-destroy campaign. And this entire week the Republican National Convention has been a focused period of time for Trump and his administration to tell their story, and if it took him 70 minutes last night to do it, fine and dandy. They say, “Well, y’ know, he didn’t see to have a whole lot of energy out there.”

He was not going to win, no matter what he did. If he’d done Trump at a rally, they’d have said he wasn’t presidential. If he had gone out and been really tough and called Biden a bunch of names, they would have said, “He’s not presidential! He’s not taking it seriously.” So last night I thought he was actually really good. The only thing that upset me about it going long was people were falling asleep in the Eastern Time Zone and missing some of it.

I thought it was exactly what was called for. It was calm. It was assuring. And you know something else? Remember the prepublicity on all this. The prepublicity was, “Trump was gonna come out, he was gonna fire on all cylinders, and he was gonna be ripping Biden and Kamala Harris a new one,” and that’s not what we got last night.

We got a guy who was self-assured, who was confident. I couldn’t tell when he was on the prompter and when he wasn’t. He was funny in a deadpan, slow-stated or downplayed kind of way — and he was unthreatening. You know, the prepublicity on this was, “Well, this guy, he’s going to come out firing both barrels! You better be prepared! He’s going to launch everything.” It wasn’t that way at all.

It was calm, it was reasoned — and for those watching Trump to learn a little bit about him, there wasn’t anything about it that was threatening.

Look, folks, I also have some other observations about things that have happened while I’ve been away. I want to take the opportunity here of this occasion just to get some of those thoughts in, in preparation for my return to the Golden EIB Microphone on Monday. I loved Ivanka’s speech last night. One line particularly stood out: “Washington didn’t change my father. My father changed Washington.”

Boy, is that true. It is right-on-the-money true, and it continues to be the case, and it explains why they continue — in the establishment, deep state, whatever — to be so outraged and indignant and irrational. They’re incapable of being rational when Trump is around, precisely because he is changing where they live. He’s changing where they work.

Now, can I remind you of something? And I took a lot of heat for this. I said last week that the Democrat challenge was going to be to find a way to renege on the debates, and everybody — blogosphere, pundits, and people on cable news — said, “Limbaugh is off his rocker! He doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Of course there’s going to be debates!

“There’s going to be three debates. Biden is assuring everybody there’s going to be debates,” and what happened? Nancy Pelosi … Stop and think of this, folks. Nancy Pelosi comes out and says, “I would not legitimize a conversation with him.” Now, she’s clearly laying the groundwork for Biden not to have to debate, and she wouldn’t have done that without the Biden campaign’s knowledge of it.

The idea she’s out there shooting from the hip? I guess it’s possible because it’s Pelosi. She may be trying to manipulate things because I’ll tell you something else going on out there, folks. You know, internal polls for politicians don’t lie. The polls that they do that they report to you and me — like take your pick of any poll. Those polls, as you well know, are made to shape public opinion, not reflect it.

But internal polls, like the Trump campaign internal polls or the Biden internal polls? They’re not lying to themselves in those polls — and those polls must be bad. I saw a poll, and I can’t remember the name of it right now. Let me find it real quick. (shuffling papers) Black Lives Matter in Wisconsin’s popularity has gone from plus-25 to zero in two months. Oh, yeah. It was a tweet here from noted hate expert Jonathan Chait.

“Democrats need to be extremely concerned about what’s happening in Wisconsin, where support for BLM has gone from +25 to +0 in 2 months.” In Wisconsin! It’s happening all over the place, and by now I’m sure you’ve all heard that CNN anchors are warning, “Oh, we gotta get serious. We got to talk about the rioting. The focus group data looks bad. The polling data looks bad.”

Oh, so now it’s not about saving lives, not about saving property. Now that all this is starting to hurt the Democrats, now they’ve got to start talking about it? But these internal polls must be bad. They don’t lie in these internal polls. Biden … Did you notice yesterday he didn’t just leave the basement; he went up a floor? He went to the living room. He went up to where there’s a fireplace — in August.

Kamala Harris emerged from whatever hovel she was living in to come out and tell a bunch of whoppers about Trump, and I think the fact that these polls — the internal polls in the Biden campaign — are bad can be seen in the Biden campaign’s activity. Here’s a New York Times story: “How Chaos in Kenosha Is Already Swaying Some Voters in Wisconsin,” and there’s a quote from somebody here.

“Ellen Ferwerda, who owns an antique furniture store downtown just blocks from the worst of the destruction that is now closed, said … Democratic leaders seemed hesitant to condemn the mayhem. ‘I think they just don’t know what to say.'” Uh, if you don’t know what to say about rioters, if you don’t know what to say about people that are destroying your town, then it’s obvious you don’t know what to do about it, either.

Bruce Arians, the head coach of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. You know, a lot of these players — NFL, NBA, NHL — decided to not practice or cancel a bunch of games because of the shooting in Kenosha, and Bruce Arians, the coach of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, said, “I don’t know that protest is an action. I think each guy has a personal thing.

Already people in the sports media are outraged that he would say this, that “the Boston Tea Party was protest.” No, it was action. It was much more than just marching up and down the street or carrying a bunch of signs or looting and destroying other people’s property. There is a big difference between action and protest. What he was really saying was (summarized):

“Canceling practice — not practicing football one day — is not going to change anything you claim to be in favor of. It’s not going to matter a whit,” and so — he didn’t say this; I will — they’re getting away with engaging in a bunch of symbolism while not having to engage in any genuine substance.

Folks, a couple of other things here that I want to delve into. I actually believe… I saw a little note from Glenn Reynolds at Instapundit. Actually, there were some major things happening this week that I haven’t heard anybody say. Now, that doesn’t mean nobody has, because I haven’t been able to listen to everything. But I look at the Republican convention.

It’s been the most diverse political convention I’ve ever seen, including Democrat conventions. And as I’ve watched it, it has occurred to me that Trump isn’t just running for reelection. The story that is being told at the Republican National Convention is about saving America. It’s about saving America from a race war that the Democrats are out there actively trying to promote. They’re trying to foment it.

They want this country to be black versus white, immigrant versus native, male versus female. That’s what they want. They want that chaos. They want this constant us-versus-them aspect of daily life. And Trump is making it clear that he’s interested in people who are constructive, productive, generally happy. He’s not interested in parasites, the generally miserable.

He wants everybody to join in this project of making America great again, to restoring America’s greatness where we had contentment and happiness, and people sought happiness. The fact that all of that is controversial still amazes me. But I think it’s an… If you look at the Republican convention, it is astounding, the understory, or some of the themes underneath the surface that are, I think, extremely powerful.

There’s another thing, folks, that is undeniable, and that is the Republican Party is no longer the party of the McCains or the Bushes or the Romneys or take your pick. I mean, or the Koch brothers, all the big donors and so forth. This is clearly a Republican Party now that is Donald Trump’s, and he’s got 92 to 95% Republican loyalty.

It’s one of the most amazing transformations of a political party, and it’s taken place in less than three years. At this convention, George W. Bush was nowhere to be found. None of the old Republican elders. Romney was nowhere to be found. Not that they wanted to be there, but that’s the point. So I just… I think that there is a lot, folks, to be optimistic about, particularly if President Trump wins.

(alarm chime)

Oops! There’s my timer telling me that my time is up, but it’s not up. I gave myself a couple of extra seconds here. It is an opportunity for an upbeat, positive nature among all of us. This week has been very eye-opening for me. It’s been a very bad week, and yet it has ended for me feeling inspired and upbeat and really confident about the future of our country if President Trump is reelected. I believe the opposite is true if he’s not.

Kevin Cage of @spotlightsaga reviews... Orange is the New Black (S05E09) The Tightening Airdate: June 9, 2017 @oitnb Ratings: @netflix original Score: 8.5/10 **********SPOILERS BELOW********** And suddenly #OITNB5 becomes a horror film in 'The Tightening'. It's a fitting name and it certainly sounds like either a horror film or some sort of off-brand porno you might find in someone else's secret stash that makes you question just exactly what they're into. However, the latter is definitely not the feeling 'The Tightening' evokes. The opening scene even plays to horror roots with shaky camera work and first person perspective as Piscatella (Brad William Henke) watches the inmates and makes his cat-like moves (as an oversized bear) amongst the darkness along the hallways and corridors of Litchfield Prison. The music, the editing, the slamming of the cage door as he takes Blanca (Laura Gomez) as his first victim... It's all very 'Halloween or 'Friday The 13th', most definitely in the key of a psycho-slasher film in the late 70's and 80's. He even delivers a one-liner that most likely sounds like 'Judge Dredd' in his head. Blanca slowly turns around and I immediately think of Bruce Campbell in 'Maniac Cop'. Bare with me, the horror references are going to be real with this one. The music highlights the horror homages that are running rampant throughout 'The Tightening' and only elevates the terror in our first abduction of the episode. Piscatella has fn' lost it and we all should be terrified. Red (Kate Mulgrew) looks a bit out of her mind... She's certainly doing better than she was when Nichols (Natasha Lyonne) found her with a pencil with human flesh stuck to the end of it, a crowning moment of S5 for sure, but I definitely see why people would have a hard time believing anything that spawns from her brain and connects to words that escape her mouth in the state that she's in for most of the episode. People are going missing and trust me, even in a half revved up/half crashing state, clues are everywhere (whether they're truly there or not)... And if there's actually something to really follow those clues to, the whole hunt can become even more intense than it already is. But who's going to believe the old woman who's out of her mind for the first time ever in her life? A hard boiled Russian who's always had control, or at least always grasped for it in impossible situations as we see in her flashback. Suddenly, she looks like she's slipping from any real state of reality... Out of all people tho, I can't understand why Nichols wouldn't at least act as Red's play-along 'Shaman Guide'. I would think she at least owes her that. Nichols feeds her a 'I'll be right back' line... OMG, they are really going for Horror Tropes in every way they possibly can and I absolutely love it. This is a dream come true for me... A women's prison dramedy turns total Horror Slasher. Somebody pinch me, it's all my favorite genres melted into a hodgepodge of totally off-kilter episode. Piscatella has spent 8 episodes being emasculated and dismissed. His plan may seem half baked, and it totally is, but it does seem like a logical plan (or at least next step) for someone who has control issues. Parallels to that theme with Red can be traced and drawn to multiple points throughout the series, but this isn't the same kind of control. Red has shown that she adapts and makes the best of her situation, always moving, always finding a way to either stay on top... Or as we've seen in previous seasons and as we see in this very flashback, she finds ways to bide her time until a real, honest to God, time to strike comes along. Piscatella is basically having his male ego crushed in a trash compactor, an extremely fragile male ego that already he already intensely struggles with juggling and maintaining his own masculinity due to his sexuality and position of power... A power he clearly no longer has. However, Piscatella is still very much also like Red, in the sense that he's looking for the right time to strike, and that right time is now. Due to this very situation being the closest thing a man like Piscatella can come to 'Ego Death' brushing his shoulders (because he sure as shit isn't smoking DMT anytime soon), he recognizes his opportunity and he seizes his moment, barreling into the prison strapped, complete with riot gear and a full arsenal of weapons. He believes he's acting as a hero, but really he's the 'Michael Meyers' of Litchfield... And let's not forget, he's still under the umbrella of MCC. So whatever happens in there, it could possibly hurt MCC in the end, or at least work against them in some fashion. I personally refuse to believe this show will allow Piscatella to penetrate the walls of this prison during a full on 'Hostile Takeover' and walkout unscathed. Unlike Michael Meyers, or other ghoulish 'Horror Icons' Piscatella is mirroring at the moment, he's still human, he can still be hurt. He can still be killed. He's rogue, and the horror is being played to a beautiful key of irony, but in the end Piscatella is just a man... One man against a hundreds and hundreds of some of the most ruthless women around. I would say, 'Good Luck, Piscatella' just out of habit... But I want to see this mother fucker burn! I'd love to close there, because honestly this is exciting, uncharted territory for OITNB to explore, but unfortunately with this series... Even as great as it is, it can never leave well enough alone. The whole 'Slasher Homage' is a huge plus and for me a great way to keep it fresh and new for the series. Unlike most, I've also been enjoying Angie (Julie Lake) & Leanne (Emma Myles) play 'White Trash Villains Let Loose in Litchfield', they harness the same brand of evil that cartoon Siamese Cats would. Essentially they're just dicks, they are relatively harmless because of their daft intellect, but their wicked enough to cause mayhem and push all the right buttons. While the show means for there to be a layer of comedy protecting the duo in cade of a future face turn, it was straight heartbreaking to see anyone mess with Suzanne (Uzo Aduba) the way they did. Unfortunately for them, they are literally decaying via their own stupidity and consequences as the season charges on. Everyone hates them, but that's exactly what makes them two of the best handled characters of S5 so far. Even Lorna's (Yael Stone) exchange with Suzanne in this episode, as reckless as it was, is a true shot at brilliance as two beautiful mentally ill women empower each other... Just in the worst way possible. Surprisingly, It's Gloria's (Selenis Leyva) storyline I have the most trouble with. I know she's in a bad way right now, and I did appreciate her back and forth with Aleida (Elizabeth Rodriguez), who even in her total bitch mode maintained a level of heart and family values... Like, 'piss on you but good health to your kids' kind of way. Ending the conversation with, "I'm sick of being right about people," was fucking masterful. I just don't buy Gloria potentially risking everything for something she has to know in her heart is never going to happen. There are factors like Linda Ferguson (Beth Dover) leaving Litchfield with a change of heart and Piscatella's 'Jason Voorhees at Camp Crystal Lake' style rampage that act as variables that could create seriously unexpected results, but when I think of OITNB, I just don't think of happy endings... And Gloria is an OG. No matter how desperate she is, would she really risk it all just to be reminded the heavy truth of her situation? Just to have a tall, cold glass, of cold hard reality be thrown directly into her face? I just don't think so... Not Gloria... It just can't be.

Day 10 - Black Mirror [Series]

Do you ever feel fabulously grateful for something crappy that happened to you, because it eventually led to something good? This is one of my favourite things in the world. I had one of these moments a few weeks ago. A co-worker had been motivating us all week to spend a crazy Friday night out. For totally work-unrelated reasons, I had been feeling pretty depressed lately and most of my evenings were spent alone in my apartment (mostly re-watching bad Youtube videos, probably in order to make sure that I still didn’t like them), so I looked forward to this night out. Getting anywhere close to drunk was off the table because I had made some damn good resolutions, but I was kind of hoping that we’d meet wonderfully weird people, and find a place where the decoration would make me laugh even more than the huge portrait of Angela Merkel that took up all the space of the ladies’ restroom door in a Germany-themed bar I once went to. Enjoying the city lights and probably dancing - to some terrible 2000’s music that would remind me of the awkward teenage parties I usually wasn’t invited to anyway – sounded like a nice sequel to this.

In case you wonder: The weird Angela Merkel bar is actually called the Black Forest Society, and it’s located in Lyon, France. They have nice, original, good-resolutions-incompatible cocktails made with Black Forest Gin and fancy liquors and cocoa, sometimes served in kitschy recipients. A bit expensive, but still a nice experience. Oh, and they have bretzels as well.

Unfortunately, they had all lost their motivation sparkle by the time Friday came. Some of them wanted to get up early tomorrow, some had other plans, some were tired. I ended up being the only one who actually wanted to go. I had booked my train tickets to my parents’ for the next morning, so it became clear that this would be another lonely night in my flat. I soon found myself texting my co-worker, whining about how bored I was and asking her if she could think of something nice for me to read or watch.  She suggested me to try Black Mirror if I wanted food for thought about modern society. Black Mirror is a series of one-hour standalone episodes. That, my friends, is already a pretty great point for people like me who try to watch a zillion series at once - and inevitably end up forgetting what the hell the hot smart gay intern’s name is because 1) all these character names adding up can be rather confusing 2) they find time for an episode of the show every two months or so. Standalone episodes have that great habit of rightly assuming that, just like Jon Snow, the viewer knows nothing. Each one has its own cast, setting, and reality, which basically makes them short movies. What they all have in common in Black Mirror is the theme of new technologies and their unexpected consequences.

By the way: Connor Walsh. The hot smart gay intern from How to get away with murder is Connor Walsh. He’s one of the main characters for the Seven’s sake, how could you even forget?

As you may have noticed, the theme is pretty broad, which allows for a number of variations. Some episodes are built around a specific fictional technology – what would happen, for instance, if everyone had a chimp implant that recorded everything they did, saw or heard, and allowed them to replay the entire memory, either in front of their eyes or on a screen? The Entire History of You is centered around that possibility. In an alternative reality where this technology allows personal data storage to go even further than it currently does – and anyone who once cringed in front of an n-th attempt from Facebook to revive awkward 8-year-old memories to celebrate a virtual friendship birthday will probably argue that this has already gone way too far – memories are never faded, let alone erased. Every recording is potentially an evidence to the jealous protagonist, who suspects his wife to have cheated on him with her ex and gets more and more paranoid as he keeps replaying potentially incriminating memories. The chilling Be right back, on the other hand, introduces us to realistic androids simulating the deceased using their previous communication data. Martha, a grieving young woman whose husband died in a car crash, reluctantly begins to communicate with an artificial intelligence accurately imitating her late partner – humour, interests, reactions, everything is calculated to sound like him. The digital ghost is convincing and Martha soon finds herself in love with him, until she gets frustrated with his inability to express emotions accurately, and his lack of the traits that were not expressed by her deceased husband in his digital life. The resulting story is truly haunting – no pun intended -, and is both a heart-wrenching exploration of grief and a starting point to an authentic riot of questions in the viewer’s mind, the most interesting probably being “What spares the human from a thinking machine anticipating its reaction to every situation, and able to be loved by the ones who knew the person behind?”.

The Entire History of You - Nah, you told me your relationship had lasted one week, not one month, LOOK, I HAVE PROOF. *Memory replays*

Hi digital ghost, I guess.

My favourite episodes, however, are those set in dehumanized, acerbic, cynical dystopias, built and revealed slowly over the course of the episode. In the thought-provoking Fifteen million merits, citizens only go out of their confined sleeping boxes to cycle endlessly on exercise bikes to power their screen-covered surroundings and generate Merits, a currency that allows them to skip the untimely, inopportune, sometimes obscene advertisements that keep interrupting their activities to sell them nothing but virtual items such as accessories for their avatars. Sleep. Cycle. Skip ad – if you can afford it. Interact briefly with one or two avatars. Repeat. The protagonist progressively becomes aware of the vacuity of this existence and craves realness since he got a glimpse of it in the singing voice of one of his co-cyclers, but even the only perceived escapes usually turn out to be smoking mirrors. Another great episode, Nosedive, is set in a colourful, alternative reality where people rate one another using their phones. Ratings determine their employability, access to services and overall value in society – some neighbourhoods are exclusively reserved to people with high ratings, and a low rating will make you lose your job. This leads people to obsess over their ratings and calculate every single social interaction, hoping to get the favours of high-rated people in order to raise their score and finally be able to get the discount they need to rent a house. Satires about social media society probably aren’t uncommon, but this one has that cynical feel created by the sharp contrast between the pink-and-pastel visuals and the hypocritical, chained social interactions that take place under a social media eye constantly ready to pull people under if they dare speak their minds or complain about anything. Nosedive gets even scarier when you think back about it and realise that the terrifying society described over the episode already exists, although in a less visible way. Social media does play a huge role in our personal and professional lives – who never thought of posting something on the social media just to impress someone? Who never heard a story of someone who got in trouble at work, or didn’t get hired, because of social media material? Who never got stuck into a conversation about what a common acquaintance posted on social media the day before? Who never paid at least a little attention to the number of likes they got on their Facebook post? And about the whole rating thing – I’m pretty sure you’re already familiar with “We’ll go to that restaurant, it’s really well-rated on Tripadvisor” or “If you liked it, please don’t forget to rate us”. And actually, apps that rate people are already a thing.

Fifteen million merits and Nosedive - Different atmospheres, different alternate realities, same feeling of suffocating fakeness.

This is where Black Mirror generally gets brilliant: Although the alternate realities depicted in the show are usually noticeably different from ours, the viewer always ends up seeing a reflection of their own society. The scenarios X-ray aspects of our modern world and disguise them in a satirical, clever, accurate way that makes you think back about Black Mirror episodes long after you watched them. The questions raised by the series go way beyond the usual “You should all turn off your phones, get real again and go for a walk in the forest with your neighbour, social media turned you into narcissist brainless zombies” rhetoric. The variety of scenarios, from political satire to intimate drama, make sure you keep being surprised and never get bored. However, you will probably get uneasy pretty often – and I’m not saying that because the first episode revolves around the Prime Minister being ordered to have sex with a pig in order to save a princess from being killed. A cuddly blanket, a nice cup of tea, your favourite biscuits and a pair of arms/loving cat/soft toy (depending on what you have in store) are probably advised during, or after, a Black Mirror episode. Not providing yourself with that equipment and watching it right before going to bed will be at your own risk – I promise you don’t want your nightmares to turn into technologically advanced dystopias. Old school monsters are easier to run from.

And also: This is the tenth post of this Tumblr, which definitely deserves to be celebrated with the song that kind of inspired it. As hinted in the Crypt of the Necrodancer post, it’s the famous standard “My favorite things” (except I usually write it, like everything on that Tumblr, with the British spelling – I’m neither British nor American, and I’m trying hard to avoid cliché-ridden justifications such as “because it makes my blog posts smell like my beloved Twinings tea”). Just like that enthusiastic blog of mine, it’s an enumeration of amazing things. Let’s face it, “whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles and warm woollen mittens” probably sound much better than “sad novels, weird computer games, robot exhibits and sci-fi-ish series”, but I promise I love kittens and soft mittens as well. I just don’t have enough material to write about them. Anyway, I thought you may enjoy this cover by Pomplamoose as much as I do.