#like everything feeling heavy and stuff
Text
Does someone here feel tired 24/7? But like, tired where you actually start to fall asleep when doing repetitive tasks and are restless trying to avoid the need to just lay down all the time? This while getting more sleep than usual as well? 'Cus like, what do y'all do abt it? Shhssvcsjscsb
#help shjsvsjsvsjsvs#this is v specific I'm srry#it's bothering me tho#I think it started bc of a new medicine#that + just feeling shitty all around#like everything feeling heavy and stuff#but that already went away after stopping taking it no that long ago#this however#A#rip me#cero rambles#delete later#also it's less bad than before#bc I was able to basically pull an all nighter again#but yeah
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
Bottom yakumo fics i rotate thru bc the tag is playing games with me
EIDEN:
(Sequel) https://archiveofourown.org/works/49270402
(locked) https://archiveofourown.org/works/37453975
(locked) https://archiveofourown.org/works/48090496
KUYA (some dubcon+yaku whump):
ASTER:
QUINCY:
https://archiveofourown.org/works/54831790
EDMOND:
https://archiveofourown.org/works/52916077
NOT EXPLICITLY BOTTOM, BUT FITS THE SUBBY ~FEELING~
https://archiveofourown.org/works/37413112
(locked) https://archiveofourown.org/works/49106176
https://archiveofourown.org/works/50601046/chapters/128881948#workskin
#is it ok to link locked fic like this? do they not wanna be perceived? if it's not ok i'll just uhh... disappear them from the list#eehehehehe sometimes i just get into moods where bottom yakumo is where it's at#like. specifically bottom yakumo. EXCEPTIONALLY subby yakumo.#no twisting the game to overpowering his partner at the end. that's the bott-to-top yakumo pipeline that fits a DIFFERENT specific mood! :}#eventually i'll exit the bottom mood and dive into topyaku fic and we continue the cycle anew#because... ultimately..... switch yaku is my everything (my agenda and preferences are visible from outer space)#anyway yeah this stuff is all on the hornier side. there are bottom yaku fics that i like that are more plot and char-heavy#but this is the list for when i wanna see him whimpering and begging and crying etc etc you know the post i'm talking about#i started compiling this list because i tried filtering for bottom yakumo and got like. 8 fics#i whispered... i've been living off 8 fics ? Only? i mean that's a lot given how small the fandom is but i feel like i'm missing some#anyway there ended up being more than 8 (that i would reread) so i was quite content with my findings#maybe i'll update it if i see more. hmm. i hope i'll see more#bottom yakumo reading list#i am reading words and acting in ways#nu carnival yakumo
49 notes
·
View notes
Text
2024 reads / storygraph
Raven Stratagem + Revenant Gun
books 2 & 3 in a military-political sci-fi trilogy
space empire setting where reality & technology relies on an enforced cultural belief and calendar system
the ghost general taken over Cheris’ body and gone rogue, the rest of the hexarcate is trying to assassinate them while they try to change the oppressive systems of the hexarchate
I don’t know how else to explain things in here without spoilers (if I even could explain..)
#raven strategem#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#it’s been 3 years since I read the first one so I had definitely forgot some finer details#ngl. i dont really follow all of the military strategy stuff but like. yeah i believe you somethings going on here#book 3 I definitely vibed with more; I felt like I actually understood everything that was going on lol#(idk how much of that is the book itself and how much just the break between 1& 2?)#definitely missed Cheris; and missed the Cheris/Jedao dynamic...#I feel like there could have been a bit more of her even in book 3#loved learning more about the moth drives and servitors and stuff. tbh I could have had more of that#obsessed with Hemiola. you give me a bot that makes AMVs of its shows of course it’s going to be my favourite#I don't have much coherent to say but this series is def interesting im glad i finally got to these!#great characters; fun at times (even if very heavy at other times)#also I appreciate how very queer and trans it all is
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
wouldn't it be nice if the author of the fics finished them. the author is me.
#vent#for the last 4 months my life has been in stupid crisis mode#like constantly#from major ones where i had to move out for a while because it was impossible to stay where i lived#to not being able to use my kitchen for over a week#and like other more or less minor house related stuff that made it impossible for me to use something normally#not a single week without something like that or shit at work which is constantly being so fucking chaotic#and now someone died in my family#not someone very close but i liked them#and of course like feeling sad that they are gone can't be the only thing#because it has to come with the headache of i need to travel for their funeral and it's just before easter#so there's no one in this city to leave my dog with#because most of my friends either live abroad or have cats or are busy before easter..#i'd just want a week where nothing happens#and like the writing is weighing heavy on me#because i miss it#also i wish i could finish something#i wish something good would happen that i could feel proud off#also because i'm mentally ill and fucking stupid when i was going crazy with my kitchen not working and work shit#i bought new furniture#because after 15 years i've finally had enough money to buy some that aren't fucking black and inconvenient and ugly#which is like a huge project and a crisis i brought onto myself#just because i was too burnt out to write#and i wanted something nice to happen to me#like a nice living space that doesn't make feel like i have no ownership over it because everything in it was some else's choice#and that old furniture was bought by my mother and my brother ages ago and it's handmedowns#and my fucking horrible mother feels personally slighted that i want to get rid of a bed that is broken#because my brother's kids jumped on it regularly when they used to visit pre covid#yeah it's been broken that long because i lost all my savings during covid and had to change careers to a souless pointless corpo job#long pathetic whine and overshare over
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
goddess the body feels sooo good after a workout 🫠
#it feels so warm and heavy and so comfortable omg#have y'all heard about exercise and stretching it is amazing owo#my thighs are super gooey tho like can barely sit and stand#luv it!!!#it feels extra good bc i woke up today super depressed (bc yesterday was rough)#and i just wanted to keep my earplugs in and cry and stay in bed all day#but somehow i managed to get up and walk all the way to the gym#and i worked out for almost 2hrs lol like when i get started i dont wanna leave#i did more on the crosstrainer (my bby i love the crosstrainer) and i dared to use the leg machine i wanted#i could adjust the seat this time phew. and i tried just one bump heaver weight for everything too#owoowowow and for some reason i didnt totally wanna throw up when i had to observe myself in the mirror skskk#so yeah it was a good session today ^-^#as always tho i do feel stupid and inadequate... bc almost everyone who is there is in great shape#and they know what they're doing and they're doing complicated exercises with very heavy weight and im there#with my 2kg dumbells getting strains in my wrists (im careful tho dw!!!!!)#im definitely doing it at a very low level but last time i worked out was before my knee got fucked and before all of these weird pains#😃😃😃 so im not even as strong as i was when i was overweight.. i never felt weak when i was#but i go to the gym because i enjoy it since it's fun and even the low intensity stuff i do makes my body feel nice#and if i keep going regularly for years maybe i'll also get in good shape and do more and more stuff#i wanna be a gym bunny!!!!!!#i used to actually love the gym so much i wanted to work at one skksks
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
one of the lesser talked about fun things about intentionally reading more books is finding new stuff to be a bit of a hater about tbh
#and i know sometimes im probably just not properly picking up whatever the writer is putting down but whatever it's still fun#to actually know what you think about stuff like the highly regarded classics and extremely popular hyped up things#here are a few writers im a bit of a hater about w my opinions now btw#neil gaiman: does not do it for me at alllll#have read the graveyard book and american gods and hated almost every minute of both#in american gods i just found the aesthetic ideas and characters completely unappealing and in the graveyard book#i thought it was dreary and not well described enough... kept feeling like it was too bare bones in some way to picture things properly#i was like 'hmm i wish this was one of his graphic novels instead bc i'd like to be able to see what's going on here a bit better...'#also his humour just never lands for me and i do not often get his references either#ray bradbury annoys me in a similar way to neil gaiman but also somewhat oppositely like where#the way they write characters and plots and ideas and the stuff they care about gets on my nerves in an almost identical way#that i don't know how to define except to say i had a bit of a 'same energy' experience reading Something Wicked This Way Comes#and some of neil gaiman's stuff#but unlike neil gaiman i think that ray bradbury attempts to describe things unusually so much and TOO much#to the point that it takes me out of the story in a different yet similar way#to how the lack of description in neil gaiman's stuff does#what else have i become a bit of a hater about or did not get the appeal of lately? hmmm#oh hp lovecraft hahahaha#least scary stories ever god everything he's scared of is so dumb#like even aside from his extremely racist takes and fear of the 'exotic other' his fears about being cosmically insignificant are just like#yeah and? whats so scary about that hahaha i literally just dont get it#also the amount he writes dialogue in heavy accents annoys the shit out of me#p
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
sometimes researching for avatar redesigns has you 6 layers deep into the Japan's Meiji era allies wiki
#im trying to mess with some of the stuff that feels weird about the ways the fire nation is depicted idk#like i do not feel optically it is good for like them to be so heavily based on japan's imperialist actions#while dressed in clothes that come from places japan colonized#but i dont want it to just be solely japanese though i did draw zuko and azula in hakama but its largely cause i wanted to draw hakama#and like the only place with strong japanese influence being kiyoshi island and my own frustration with the modern day samurai depiction#i think fundamentally it isnt a choice that had as much thought as i am putting in put into it but it does raise an eyebrow for me#anyway i think keeping the thai influence is fine despite the brief invasion japan had into thailand due to thailand then allying with japa#and further allying with the axis due to allying with japan#ugh and ive been told not to think this much about it because its fiction but its also fiction so so so heavily based on real places#and when you base fiction on real cultures you fall into some unintentional pitfalls#i also fucking hate the royal fire nation robes they look so meh and the most costumey out of everything in the show#they look like heavy blankets despite being a supposedly hot nation#theres ways to have heavy robes (heian era japan) but they look like i make them out of fleece and velvet blankets#back to kiyoshi island i think the really only aesthetically japanese reference in the show being an island of noble warriors is lame#plus over done#it feels like nowadays theres a lot of people who get all whiney about people saying fire nation is based off japan#but like dude the creators in the comics and korra like go even more into the japanese influence and clearly it was the original intentions#also i do think you could do some pretty interesting world building by having say there be an older cultural influence on kiyoshi island#from the fire nation especially if the place is established as a central port area then you tie in some okinawan or even hawaiian reference#and gives an explanation that makes sense to why kiyoshi stands out from the rest of the earth kingdom you have long term cultural trading#and it establishes interesting relationships even pre kiyoshi time thereby drawing back onto some real historic references#cause for awhile ryukyu china and japan used to be this trading triangle which could explain some of these various influences going on#i think you can get a really interesting harmony when you create the fire nation out of a mix of japan and thailand#i mean both have these floating buildings due to living on some pretty wet lands and theres harmony in that mix#god i did see one person go like “fire nation is more based on china because theres a lot of red and red is important in china”#my brother in christ red is also important in japan#red is important in like many many asian cultures#i mean of course a lot of that importance stems from china and cultural exchange with china but idk kinda silly to say with your whole ches#like if you want to bring china in then the dragons are the biggest thing like sure some mythos has dragons in japan#but a lot of those comes from china in some way
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
i wanna find more books like little mushroom but whenever i google for recommendations similiar to it, google just gives me more danmei LIKE no the only thing most of these books have in common is they’re all gay and are chinese novels ….. i want post apocalyptic poetic storytelling with existentialism threaded through the pages giving me a slow aching feeling that i can’t forget about 😭😭😭
#like i don’t even rly care abt if it’s romance centred or if it’s gay or whatever i just want something as immersive arkcbfskzbxjdbdnd#yknow when you read something so good that everything else is so flat in comparison#also i feel like Most danmei is either historical or wuxia/xianxia type of setting and that’s just not for me honestly … or they’re VERY#politics heavy and that would be interesting if most of the pages were old men idk abt talking abt god knows what 😭 like idk …..#weren’t old men* lol#the writing style is just so hard for me to immerse myself into#and i think this applies to most books because i keep trying to read stuff and i can’t get into it#but little mushroom GOSH it read like a whole ass movie i could see everything just play before my eyes idk how the author did it but from#the first page from the first sentence i was HYPNOTISED …..#the most perfect book i’ve ever read
11 notes
·
View notes
Note
currently sick i forgot to add this to the last ask but your art, to me, is indicative of the beauty you seenin the world and i think it sso fucking amazing how much you see and appreciate. your brain is gigantic and wrinkled like a pug. u are amazing
advbsghf like a pug 😭 thank u this is so nice. i dont always respond to nice asks bc Im not sure what to say so i just keep them like letters lol but i get very romantic about a lot of stuff (especially when my mental health is being normal) and I'm rly glad that comes across in my art
#i do read and appreciate all the asks i get i love them a lot#the stuff ppl send me is genuienly very meaningful to me i just don't know how to respond to it#im not great at forming thoughts and feelings into words lol I'm like this irl too#and i dont want to reply to a very heartfelt ask with just 'thank you' or something like that#ive been doing better with new meds i got and its rly relieving to be able to be romantic about stuff#when i get depressed its hard to do that bc everything is warped and i get this idea that the world and everyone is evil#ive found myself drawing a lot of the more cutesy positive art when i had depressive periods#for the last few years. bc before i would often do the spookier kind of art when feeling that way#as a sort of venting of those emotions#(not that i only make that art when depressed btw. it just obv draws from negative emotions)#but more lately its kind of flipped. where id draw this romantic art while depressed as a sort of escapism#and would only draw the spookier more negative art when in a good mental place where I could engage w those emotions in a fun way#if that makes sense#kinda like how sometimes you need to listen to sad music when you're sad but sometimes you need distraction#and how you might only want to watch a really heavy movie if youre in a good headspace
57 notes
·
View notes
Text
freaking it on the living room floor twitching dead cockroach style. Amen.
#eeeuuuughhhhh#im in a better and more stable position now but am totally unable to help anyone.#im just letting people stay here when they need it really. its all i can do for people right now.#maybe i should start charginh people for staying here. but people who have to come here got nothing.#don't really want to anyway. just saying. it'd benifit my survival and stuff.#there is the odd generous donation here and there from folks. very appreciated.#power's been getting cut out every odd couple of days now and then due to heavy snowfall. roads iced. cars snowed in. yup. sigh...#uuuuuuueeeghhhhgggg#came down with a predictable seasonal illness as per every december so i dont feel too bad not getting things done.#i haven't really done much this month. dont get off the couch often and sleep through most the day. old hibernating instincts i guess.#still it's been a long month. and im really no better off today then i was yesterday. or a month ago.#surprisingly kept up with chores this month. feeling pretty good on that front. all except laundry. and hygiene. im like a moldy potato ha!#it's not actually that funny. especially for the potato. real sad and shriveled looking potato...#other than the general state of things everything's alright. nothing i should really be complaining about.#hexacles.txt
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
still kinda. idk grates on my nerves? that in botw and totk (ESPECIALLY totk) nearly every other character revolves around in some form or otherwise plays off of link without link. being a character
#im not tagging this. ill likely delete it later. but they really made him the specialist boy that everyone is tied to#and then didnt give him any relevant character traits or opinions he just stands there#its worse in totk tbh bc at least in botw the other characters have stuff going on outside him and are interesting#totk is really like ohhhh the new sages are links friendsss his confidantssss and link does nothing to back this up#every other character does the heavy lifting while link kinda just floats around like a piece of paper with his face plastered on it#it still gets to me how much of a non-character link is while everything else relies on him being a character#they handed out this guy who is very much a blank slate with a handful of gameplay traits and then were like hes v important to the story :#idk hiw to get to my issue with link here. it just boils down to like. hes not treated like a Character he’s more just a customizable avata#they leaned wayyy to hard into the player self insert part while the story tries to go the opposite way with it#he doesnt feel like he has any history or. anything beyond the immediate moment he has nothing#hes very hollow he doesnt react to much doesnt seem to have any kinds of preferences#he has character traits and personality but barely any of it is actually relevant when it matters#link has never really been a fleshed out character but hes usually had SOMETHING more compelling than a premise thats just a trope
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
"Those vines are thornless, meaning it's a feeling of annoyance rather than malice. Or maybe he's restraining himself."
#pov you are eustis and was showing off ur white lilies (pierre thinks he's dumb)#I accidentally made pierre do the idiot gesture and I felt like a genius#even when it's not intended there is meaning behind everything#especially with these types of vines#they are coming from his back (his hair is normal atm)#using those vines to lug heavy things maybe barrels being shipped to the tavern#eustis was there boasting about how lovely his blooms were and questioning why pierre didn't have any flowers on him#“you make a lovely rose this time of year remember?”#and then he does something embarrassing and pierre gestures to him that he's an idiot#leave him alone he is working and you have a future party to host dear god#this is a practical display of blooming where uses vines as rope for carrying stuff#pierre not expressing many flower blooms because he has a sour taste in his mouf from eustis being around and not wanting to show the clea-#r distain he has for him because he's not worth it#no petunias for you#or maybe can take is as him not feeling anything for him like his wife :D#his wife does not make any pretty flowers for him only ivy vines (marriage symbol)#bloom au#captain's art (oc fanart edition)#not my oc#others oc#cw eye contact#eye contact
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
sorry if I don’t remember your name or conversations/experiences or basic things about myself, every few weeks my brain gets factory reset and I have to relearn how to be alive
#lighthearted but also serious bc what is going on here buddy#been feeling weird as hell these past few months#like I can remember some stuff… but it doesn’t feel normal to forget the names of anyone I haven’t seen/heard the name of in a few days#or forget about basic interests and personality traits and experiences and feel like a blank slate every day#idk like ultimately life goes on and I’m happy to live in the moment but it would be nice to understand why my brain is doing this#just thinking#meposting#I think my brain just. does this sometimes when I’m stressed. which is annoying#I recall (lmao) feeling similar during earlier parts of life so this isn’t *new* it’s just unexpected and much more disruptive as an adult#I’m feeling better about it than I was. after like. acknowledging it. bc my mind has not always felt like a sieve it isn’t always this bad.#whatever#I’ll tag as dissociation just in case it’s related/reminiscent and ppl don’t want to see that#dissociation#me and her go way back… haven’t seen each other in years though#she wasnt all bad! coping mechanisms can provide relief and a sense of safety#and as far as coping mechanisms go it’s not the most unhealthy. though it ranks high in ‘socially stunting’#I kind of miss the distance sometimes to be honest everything’s just So Much all the time#I’m so solid now#so stuck in the ruts of capitalism#fuck capitalism#I wish my imagination didn’t feel so dulled#sorry I love talking#and I don’t miss dissociation when I feel mentally present because I feel so Here with the people and things I love but rn?#it’s like a lose-lose bc I am not Here nor am I untethered. I’m heavy yet hold nothing#I enjoy being dramatic/poetic about it — I feel pretty fine. I just hope this isn’t a permanent and/or long-term state of existence.#like it makes me awful at my job I went from remembering a solid amount of the student body’s names (built up over a few years) to. like 5.#overnight it felt like. like Stressful Thing happened and I went to work and I couldn’t remember anyone’s names.#can’t believe I have to start from fucking scratch AGAIN I’d be better off quitting and working at a different school#bc at least then my lack of knowledge/remembering is justified rather than strange and seemingly rude#I’m getting better now but at the beginning of this it was blue screen in my brain all the time
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
This may be a good and normal thing but I have absolutely zero regrets about having purchased the laptop last night. Like all day yesterday and even as I was buying I was going oh god should I should I not but now I’m not even having second thoughts about the huge display lmao
#SO FUCKING GLAD that I actually did some extra research rather than just going meh the one I looked at before is probably better#I think it was a SIGN that I got paid a little early for the month’s work and then like the day after the laptop I bought went on sale#(Didn’t actually pay immediately so I didn’t USE any of that money but that is besides the point)#Only with the reservation of man… it’s big… and heavy… and REALLY huge and that’s bad…#I HAD deep down been going ‘man if only there was a bigger laptop with the same specs as the one I wanna buy’#And then!!! This baby pops up!! With a big display and BETTER specs!!!!!!!!#Cannot begin to express my excitement at playing Real People Games like that hasn’t even been a POSSIBILITY#Stray is at the top of my list right next to ranch of rivershine#And also probably Elden Ring that shit looks NEAT#(Also yes there is a catch and a reason this one is cheaper even though it’s better! The one I was planning on getting had an OLED display#This one’s just a normal good old LCD display. But in all honesty that is ABSOLUTELY a sacrifice I’m willing to make lol)#z talks#not horse game#Also the fact it’s not currently in stock so I’ll be waiting almost 3 weeks for it also very much feels like a good thing#Like. I have a Date on which I can expect to Receive It. And that means I have a very set time frame for the stuff I want to do to prepare#(mainly organise my cloud storage to make sure everything’s where it should be)#(but that’s a bigger problem than it might sound like because I have a LOT of files)
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#1st my sister was passive aggressive bc i was boiling pasta when she wanted to make her dinner#so she slammed stuff nd chopped veggies aggressively#nd i felt my heart rate spike nd my body go tense nd i always get clumsy nd drop things nd hurt myself when i get that way#but they think i deserve feeling awful bc of mistakes in the past so i cant ask them to stop#i've been walking around w lots of heavy things nd im barely keeping it together#nd i got so mad bc she wouldnt stop so i started slamming the cabinets nd then left when i was done#then my mom nd other sister got home nd i just wanted to ask my mom smth#when i open my door my other sister goes 'omfg already?'#'immediately when we get home i never get a break. it's almost disgusting'#i just got so.. i realized how pathetic nd childish i am so i just went into my room#but then apparently my sister said to mom that *i* was the only one being passive aggressive#so she comes in to talk when i was having my dinner so i said that i plz just wnna eat my dinner#she didnt know nd she's never cared but i wanted to hurt myself so badly i was struggling not to#but then she started screaming at me for being childish nd passive aggressive nd that i never do anything#she left my room. she still talks to my sisters so i know it's onlg me shes sick of#idk.. today is bad bc i cant talk to her nd i dont have ANYONE else to talk to im all alone#and now i barely even wanna go outside my room bc apparently my family thinks i wnna mess w them just for going to the bathroom lmao#i hate myself so much. im so pathetic. im 25yrs old living at home being a burden#nd im just a pathetic nd childish person. i 'need' to talk nd vent nd rant nd#like if i buy some things i have these need to like do a mini haul or if i get books from the library#i wnna show my mom what books i got#it's so childish. i do feel bad for my mom to have to deal w me nd my annoying personality#why cant i jusy be normal. no wonder why i can never keep friends or my family doesnt wnna talk to me. everything abt me fkn sucks#anyway im just feeling so bad and so alone bc my moms mad at me so now i have no one to talk to
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
I didn't realize world quests release in parts just like the main story, I thought I could finish this whole thing today noooo
I'm so going to forget all the lore between now and when part 2 releases orz
#been doing the melusine village world quest it is SO good so far#Jakob is so interesting. wanna study him like a beetle. why he ourple? very fun#but... theres so much shit going on that i'm going to forget orz. the names are going right out the window#thats why i try and play the complicated parts of genshin's story in 1 or 2 sittings... i forgor stuff quite easily#anyway. Fontaine review time! it's great. love it.#the world puzzles are fun the underwater mechanics are great i'm having an absolute ball wandering around the world#I haven't played the main story yet because uh.. ehe.#some people. still. haven't. played Sumeru?#I MEANT to do it by now but. like. I can't find the will.#I need to do Dain's Chasm quest and I know thats really lore heavy so I don't really want to do it#so it's been like... a gate keeping me out of the sumeru Archon quest ehe...#I also already know absolutely everything that happens in Sumeru#My brother played it and literally made me like a notepad doc full of the main plotpoints so we could discuss the tea lol#so i haven't really been feeling very compelled to play it. but I'd really like to do the Fontaine quest and see my dear Fatui boy again#so i might start it tomorrow. we shall see#gensh1n 1mpact#post: chatter
7 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
tanyacliff1
Tanya Cliff, author
everocker-universe
Everocker
ragpicker999
太屎公書 Records of the Grand Ragpicker
gingerbbatch
i've got lots of coats
couldilienexttoyou
You want a fight.
I'll bring you a war.