if anyone’s been somehow for some reason wondering where’d I go: i’ve been very, very, very sick and also my stupid PC charger broke

true detective (2019) / sharp objects by gillian flynn

Wow, incredible. Back to back from night to morning I read the most unnecessarily rude, abrasive thoughts from a thread on Rick and Morty Reddit, and in the morning and even worse one from BoJack Horseman read (unsurprising, since they're always the worst). When it comes to these communities and the complete lack of "morality"when it comes to these parts of the modern world I'm starting to wonder if I'm in complete hell. When I rent about it on other platforms I'm much, much more deservingly abrasive about the way that these literal absolute abrasive terrible clones are constantly coming out with every day of their life like it's the same person with a different account in a slightly different body, but what's disturbing is that it actually is a different person every time despite the fact that they all have the same exact a morbidly terrible cheap awful malicious personality.

Of course it would be the two things that all of my passion projects, daydreams, and want for community have poured into for the past couple of years. It can't be a coincidence that the most morbidly unnecessarily rude, hypocritical, terrible and attempt at being "abrasive" people would be on these reddit communities. Obviously most of them are self-projecting or are being rude to complete strangers on TV show Reddit communities of all things, and the fact that they have even one minute in their life to do something so low and scummy the way that these people do just goes to show the kind of people that these people are in that they shouldn't be worth worrying about much less being affected by. They wish they had that kind of power.

Still-I've been inwardly 😬😬😬😬 for the past 24 hours. I don't even look at a single comment on these Reddit communities anymore because I know it's just full of either repetitive boring g***bage, or full of people that are so rude and terrible on top of that g****bage that you can't even believe that these people can even function. Every single day it's like they're trying to outdo themselves from how unnecessarily hypocritical, rude, and unnecessarily morbidly distasteful they are, and that's the generous Tumblr exquisite way of putting it, that they are with their excuses for what they call words.

It's amazing that no matter how much you tell these people that no one cares and to not bother their people with their low quality awful rude abrasive unjustified thoughts that nobody wants except for people as low as them, and no matter how many of these clones that I block they just keep coming out like little bugs battering at my face.

btw this might be me swinging a bat at a hornets nest but like. absolutely none of my disappointment from the tl finale comes from ship baiting or any relationships that didn’t happen (though to be clear, i think the tedbecca fake outs were meanspirited and served no narrative purpose - in noted contrast to the season's earlier jamiekeeley fakeouts, for example, which were explicitly there to demonstrate jamie's growth + maturity)

tedpendant is a really fun concept for me, and i LOVE the characterisation + thematic potential there!

but as someone who personally resonated with a lot of ted’s struggles, the idea that ted could leave richmond so… seamlessly, for lack of a better word, really doesn’t sit right with me. the thesis of the shows entire first season - assuming it can be said to have only one - was about how everyone needs the love and support of a community, whether that comes in the flavour of someone who hypes u tf up or someone who will relentlessly call u on ur shit (or, as happened quite frequently, both!).

rebecca, roy, jamie are the clearest examples as the characters with the most screentime: they were all deeply isolated and disconnected from the people around them, and that was making them miserable. the connections they made with the team, the vulnerability they finally allowed themselves to express (the ghost banishing ceremony comes to mind!), and them going on to want *more* out of their life are what made their arcs about *progression* rather than *regression*. without that clear theme of compassion + community inspiring positive growth in everyone who encounters it, there is, frankly, no season one.

my personal favourite scene from season one comes right after michelle walks away from ted, when they’ve agreed to get divorced. ted sits down on the bench looking gutted, and a little shell shocked - and beard sits down with him. hands him the drink, and they sit there together. silent, but together. to me, that scene is an implicit promise from the episode, to the audience: ‘it’ll be okay. it’s going to be hard, but ted isn’t alone, and his friends won’t leave him behind.’

it also makes it clear to the audience that ted isn’t the saintly-giver-of-grace who needs nothing in return, as one might assume on first brush, but rather that he’s Also struggling with his own shit (as is everyone, always, in real life!) and he has something he needs from the people around him too.

and looking at the text of s3, and the conclusion to his arc in the finale, i just don’t believe that he got it. he wasn’t just sad that he was leaving (which would be understandable!), he was completely closed off. unresponsive to the people around him reaching out, borderline confused as to why they were trying so hard!

(side note, while i completely respect the read of ted and trents last interaction being rather rude + ooc on ted’s part, i personally read a different motive into it. for me, it was more like… he didn’t understand where trents enthusiasm was coming from? like, he read that as trent being too invested in what other people think of him, and responded in a way that he hoped would emphasise that ted doesn’t *need* to laugh at everything trent wrote, bc trent Already Knows that he’s done something really cool and kickass, and he shouldn’t value anyone else’s reactions above that. basically, based on his demeanour in the episode, i genuinely don’t think it would’ve even occurred to him that trent was more invested in HIS reaction than he would’ve been with anyone else.)

again, looking purely at the text, the show had already established that ted has really strong depressive + avoidant tendencies, as well as panic attacks (largely triggered by his fear of not being ‘good enough’ in various roles, ie: a father). we saw one area he was able to calm HIMSELF abt these fears (worry for henry, which is a Hell of a choice considering the ending…), but in literally every other heightened moment, he had to rely on his support system to help him make the choices that he WANTED to make, rather than ones inspired by avoidance and fear (ie: confronting michelle abt jake, talking to his mum abt why she was visiting + his dads death).

and to be clear, this is a GOOD THING! we’re not supposed to go through life alone, no matter how bad OR well we’re doing. rebecca and keeleys friendship isn’t worth less for all the scenes where they’re both in good places. if anything, the opposite is true - it’s lovely that they both have someone who want to celebrate the achievements in their life!

and fuck it, we’re sure as hell not supposed to go through life with exactly one (1) person whom we expect to fulfill ALL of our emotional needs at all times either! like, im sure i don’t need to labour my point here, but tying everything to one (1) person in ur life doesn’t make u any less isolated than if u were going it completely alone, whether it’s a family member, a friend, or a partner. i won’t pretend to know the first thing abt what it’s like to be a parent, but i don’t think it’s unreasonable to say that no parent would be at their best if they had absolutely no support/camaraderie/general love provided to them from Anyone other than their child.

so when ted is SPECIFICALLY shown to be in a bad place, over and over again (did he come to terms w his fear to be close to henry overnight???????), and then removed from his community? of COURSE the audience is left feeling unsettled, and like the rug has been pulled out from under them. there was no time in this finale dedicated to how ted would still be in contact with anyone from richmond. no promises of visits, or phone calls - fuck, nothing about emails!! according to the text, we might as well assume this is a clean break (and the maybe-dream-sequence does Fuck All to assure us otherwise. if ted doesn’t go to beards wedding, what WOULD he go to????). and since the show has ALSO completely failed to give us even an IMPLICATION of who/what ted’s support system would be in kansas, there’s… a reasonable argument to be made that this is It for ted. that, after two seasons doing NOTHING but attesting otherwise, the audience is supposed to suddenly believe that ted can (and SHOULD!) pull himself up by his bootstraps, and cope entirely on his own.

that, to me, is a betrayal of the show’s premise. we were promised a show about how, no matter how dark things may get, none of the characters would be left to struggle alone. and then they ended the show with ted alone.

i don’t know. i guess if i had to give this post a tldr; if anyone has any gen fic/meta/Literally Anything in the pipeline, i would absolutely love to be tagged/directed towards it. i’ll be endeavouring to write something myself, as well, but it might take a while before i can return to my WIP, lol.

lunapii lunapyon my beloved below cut is terrible joke 😬

more solo magma doodles. this time featuring fortune, the very original and not-at-all-based-on-anything tiefling paladin i'm going to be playing in a new campaign this summer :]

im still reeling from gohan outright stating that he doesn't like fighting. everything he's been through since he was 4 years old up to adulthood. and he doesn't like fighting. every exhausting training he's had, every battle he's ever fought, every victory or defeat, every villain he's ever had to face for the sake of the world. and he doesn't like fighting. he's just a kid who wants to make the people he loves proud

Begging some of the trans men on this app to just say you feel underrepresented online and that makes you sad instead of all the damn posts ya'll make about trans women, feminine trans mascs, and nonbinary people

I did know my PhD supervisor was retiring soon (though I am just now realising that that makes me one of her last PhD students and that my thesis will be somewhere near the top of the enormous stack in her office when she leaves, which is in itself a strange feeling), but seeing the job ad for her replacement pop up all over the place is more unsettling than I can really explain

a weird combination of that being The aspirational job during my post-grad years, while also being very sure that current academia is a hellscape I want no part of, and even if I did that I couldn't possibly have enough experience by now to apply for it anyway, and wondering which person I know will get it and whether that's going to make things weird the next time we meet up

and also I just love old norse and I miss working with it and teaching it, and even if I don't think my supervisor was a particularly good language teacher, she was still the person who introduced me to the language back when I was a tiny baby undergrad, and her retiring feels like losing another tie to the part of my life when I knew what I was doing and what I was good at (namely, translating old norse)

❤️‍🩹

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I feel like everyone’s forgetting that Jimmy dying first again is NOT the most likely outcome. It’s INSANE that he has died first four times. I want it to happen again BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE EVEN MORE INSANE. It’s most likely that he won’t be the first to die, and while that would be hype for him, I would mourn the loss of the highly improbable streak we had going.

I feel like such a broken fucking person lol

I talked way too much in the tags don't read them

Whatever

oooo yay its my bday i just hit the big two four!!! so if you see my age in bio change you know whats up. uhh book update for the five people who are interested, i hit 33k words a few days ago and im having a blast writing it!! i still have a long way to go before its finished, i estimate the rough draft alone will take about a year to finish. but yeah the purpose of this post is to do a small poll—

i was thinking, that mayhaps, i could share a scene or two that i particularly liked or made me laugh every chapter to few chapters or so on this account? i wanted to ask before i do it because i know yall followed me for fanfic and i dont wanna clog anyones dash. however, it would be a way for me to share parts of my writing still (not doing so is making me insane ill write a scene and want to paul revere it so bad because i love it sm) and remain active on this account

is actually scary how every single verse from “FLORIDA!!!” is Dexter’s canon. Like literally every single one.