#lieutenant Minkowski
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Episode 18: I'm gonna fuckin kill Hilbert
Episode 45: wait not like that--
#wolf 359#w359 spoilers#w359#alexander hilbert#lieutenant Minkowski#douglas eiffel#doug eiffel#urania#w359 Urania#warren kepler#daniel jacobi#alana maxwell#Jesus fucking Christ I didn't think I'd be rooting for this roach to survive#also Hera....#oh my sweet robot baby girl
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#Wolf 359#w359#renee minkowski#Lieutenant Commander Renee Minkowski#commander minkowski#Podcasts#wolf 359 podcast
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"Scout's honor" she says, but she was never a scout.
#this is about maxwell btw. she says this in promising to fix Hera's hardware only and not touch software. but she literally changed Hera's#software FIRST THING without Hera noticing (having her call Minkowski lieutenant instead of commander) and then of course. everything that#happens later.#w359#wolf 359
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WOLF 359 Controlled Demolition:
Hera being such a representation for disability will never not break me. I had to just sit for a couple minutes after this conversation and have ended up relistening to it multiple times because yeah that’s it
“Why are you being so chill??” -Eiffel
“Because I might be able to help with the pain, because I might be able to make it stop” -Maxwell
“When did you-wait what? What pain?” -Eiffel
“Eiffel-“ -Hera
“Somebody tore a hole in her skull and someone stapled it shut, do you think anyone would be ok after that?” -Maxwell
“Wait, wait, wait. You're saying that Hera's been in pain ever since Hilbert brought her back?” -Eiffel
“No. I am saying that she's been in a state of electroconvulsive feedback. "Pain" is just the closest thing we have to it.” -Maxwell
“Hera, why didn't you say anything?” -Eiffel
“What, with both Lieutenant Minkowski and Captain Lovelace talking about how I couldn't do my job anymore? With all of you thinking that maybe I was too broken, period? Right. Lot of good it would have done. Look, there was nothing you could have done.” -Hera
“You could have told me.” -Eiffel
“Well, there's things you wouldn't understand.” -Hers
“And she would?” -Eiffel
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Y’all probably already knew this but on episode 12 of Wolf 359 when Hilbert took over the Hephaestus. Hera automatically switched to calling Minkowski Lieutenant.
So when Kepler first came on the Hephaestus and Hera was calling Minkowski Lieutenant, Hilbert clocked that shit real fast because he did the same shit Maxwell and the rest of the SI5 were doing.
Like I said not any knew intel (if that’s how you spell that sorry I’m dyslexic) but I just thought it was neat because I was re listening to it with my friend and I was like oooooh shit that’s how Hilbert knew about that shit so fast.
#wolf 359#w359#wolf 359 podcast#renee minkowski#wolf359#alexander hilbert#hera w359#warren kepler#alana maxwell#si5
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astronaut food
i've been meaning to outline the eating habits of the main wolf 359 characters. specifically, what do they eat and drink, what do they enjoy, what are their kitchen sins, how do they eat, and why. this is going to be a combination of canon, implications, and my personal read on them. let's get right into it:
DR. ALEXANDER HILBERT
his view on eating is utilitarian to the point of reddit-ness, and he'll often go without meals to get something done or to prove a point (see: Succulent Rat-Killing Tar, What's Up Doc). his palate is a very "get what you can out of whatever you can" approach without considering much in the way of taste or texture (seaweed coffee is his invention). HOWEVER! hilbert has one prized treat that is his achilles heel/autism samefood: Pecan Pie (see: Mission Mishaps Cold Turkey). i think it's got a unique texture, and a comforting smell that meshes with his suppressed desire for family and safety well.
kitchen sin: he regards the human need and desire for food as both frivolous and an unfortunate necessity.
LIEUTENANT RENÉE MINKOWSKI
she definitely enjoys fruit, or she wouldn't've cryogenically sealed a Braeburn apple (which are excellent for baking or dehydrating, btw) and brought it to space (see: What's Up Doc). she's also a planning type, and i think an efficient and tasty meal that involves the preparation and presentation of a fancy yogurt bowl is a favorite of hers and a dietary staple. minkowski is highly conscious of table manners, although that slacks a bit on the hephaestus, because she's eating across the table from hilbert and eiffel, for god's sake. still, clean and organized is her food philosophy. she owns possibly the only tupperware collection on the planet that includes every matching lid. the wine has almost no canon basis, and is mostly just a nod to voice actor Emma Shierr-Ziarko's own love and knowledge of wines.
kitchen sin: she thinks a clif bar counts as a real dinner if it's a weeknight.
CAPTAIN ISABEL LOVELACE
lovelace's favorite food is appetizers for the whole table, a team pizza party, a big awesome-smelling potluck, or anything meant to be shared. for her, eating is a casual and (more importantly) a communal activity. the social engagement from a loud brunch will nourish her just as much as the food does. besides that, i think she likes chocolate with nuts in it (e.g. snickers, chocolate covered almonds, rocky road ice cream, etc), but one of her favorite desserts is probably a strawberry milkshake. maybe it's a way to make up for all the protein shakes and high-efficiency smoothies (that taste like wet cement) she has to chug on account of the intense way she lives and works.
kitchen sin: she is a vulture if anyone else is cooking or eating. "you gonna eat that?" and picking off searing hot pans and baking sheets. she's really just curious but she never asks until its already burning her mouth.
COLONEL WARREN KEPLER
ok, the drink is a given. it's even on his official wolf 359 store merchandise. he likes the feel of it in his hand. but what does kepler eat? when does he eat? in private, obviously. his job is an exercise in restraint and perception, and he is his job (see: A Matter of Perspective). monsters under the bed don't need to eat, and they certainly won't be that vulnerable in front of a superior. but he's still a person, so i struggled a lot trying to figure out what he would crave. fish tacos, biscuits and gravy, and a loaded chicago hot dog were all floated, but the only meal i could picture kepler ordering where anyone could see him was lamb with mint sauce. it's expensive, recognizable, difficult to cook exactly right, and almost bloody.
kitchen sin: he will go out of his way to make you feel bad about what you're eating no matter what it actually is. he doesn't even have to say anything, he'll just glance at you or shift his posture slightly.
DANIEL JACOBI
this is a guy who loves to snack (see: Time To Kill. pringles: popped). he likes crunchy, salty snacks a lot, but it's more about the activity than the taste. that doesn't stop him from ritualistically complaining (see: Mission Mishaps No Complaints). he takes his time eating, but he doesn't pay much attention to it, which is why the longevity of a slushy is a favorite of his. jacobi lives off road snacks, but will find a way to complain about the points of a michelin star. he just likes bitching! the stinky cheese (see: Need To Know) pictured is a baked Camembert, because it's my post and i get to pick the cheese. Camembert is one of my personal favorites, but it can be fairly pricy and is a pain to clean up, which doesn't matter to jacobi (goddard company credit card please!)
kitchen sin: he spends an excruciatingly long time on any meal to the point where, if he had his way, they'd bleed into each other by taking an average of one bite every 15 minutes.
DR. ALANA MAXWELL
the drink pictured is a rockstar energy, but whatever legal(ish) stimulants can get inside her body the most effectively is maxwell's favorite. she eats a lot of takeout (see: Mission Mishaps Happy Holidays) because it's quick when she forgets to eat all day and it's tasty and she has the pay grade for it. she grew up in a tiny nowhere town that was in all likelihood at least partially a food desert, and her family dinner table warranted a restraining order, so i think in her adult life she tries to get as far away from that as possible. this often manifests in trying all the outlandishly spicy things she can get her greasy mitts on, because she is both inquisitive and masochistic. fuego takis are pictured because theyre a staple snack that jacobi will buy for her if she promises to share (she's lying and will eat the whole bag)
kitchen sin: she allows the nearly-empty cans, bottles, bowls, and bags to sit out and fester. once every 2 weeks she sets a timer and rushes through dumping it all into a giant black trash bag so that she doesn't get an infestation of ants again.
OFFICER DOUGLAS F. EIFFEL
and the "F" stands for food! eiffel definitely spends the most time talking about food. he's hungry! since his eating habits are so prominent in the show, i figured a compilation of his food and drink moments in canon would work a little bit better than my own personal extrapolation. excerpts from Limbo and Boléro were omitted.
kitchen sin: while some people might argue that pineapple on pizza belongs in this spot, i am not so judgemental. i just want him to eat from dishes that aren't visibly dirty.
HERA
[insert byte joke]
kitchen sin: she doesn't have a mouth.
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Do you ever think about Minkowski and Eiffel? Do you ever think about how, even when she didn't really like him, she refused to contemplate the idea of not going out into a solar storm to save his life? Do you ever think about how after Hilbert's mutiny, when everything they thought they knew about the mission had been replaced with dangerous uncertainty, Eiffel was the only person within lightyears that Minkowski could trust, and vice versa? Do you ever think about how he was able to make her laugh in spite of everything? Do you ever think about him saying "At least I have you around to keep me out of trouble" and "The force of your common sense keeps the rest of us insane-os in check"? [cont. below the cut]
Do you ever think about how Minkowski told Lovelace she couldn't imagine losing Eiffel, and then she nearly lost him over and over? Do you ever think about her shouting "No. No! After all the crap we - We still have time!" beside what could have been his deathbed? Do you ever think about her promising not to leave him out in deep space and then yelling his name into the void? Do you ever think about how she had to report him as 'missing in action' on two separate occasions?
Do you ever think about how often he imagined what she would say to him in a crisis? Do you ever think about how his imaginings of her went from just relentlessly berating him (Ep6), to harshly talking him through working out how to survive (Ep30), to reassuring him and telling him not to listen to his insecurities (Ep61)?
Do you ever think about when they were reunited and she hugged him so tightly he could barely breathe and he said "I missed you too, Commander. I missed you too"? Do you ever think about how he never stopped calling her Commander, not when Kepler demoted her, not even when she voluntarily gave up Command to Lovelace?
Do you ever think about how deeply it shook her to learn about his jail sentence? Do you ever think about he couldn't deal with her not talking to him? Do you ever think about when they reconciled, how they stumbled over themselves to apologise, how he said that his past was her business, how they shook on the fact that they were friends and Hera said they were "adorable"?
Do you ever think about how he didn't give a shit about the military chain of command but he would have followed her straight into hell and everyone else on the Hephaestus knew it? Do you ever think about how often and how determinedly he backed her up? Do you ever think about him declaring "there is a special place in hell reserved for those dumb enough to die trying to outstubborn Lieutenant Commander Renée Minkowski"? Do you ever think about how he served as her moral compass and how he reminded her of her values when circumstances almost pushed her into doing awful things?
Do you ever think about how at the beginning of the mission he didn't really listen when Minkowski explained about the importance of the pronounciation of her name, but, after she told him towards the end of the mission how much it mattered to her, he made sure to get the pronounciation of her name right, even when she wasn't there, even in high stress situations like preparing for a leap of faith into a star?
Do you ever think about how he trusted her specifically to convey "all the stuff you tell people back home" if he didn't make it? Do you ever think about when he returned from his journey into the star and he told her "Oh, it's so good to see you" and (according to the script directions) "embrace[d] her tightly, happiness radiating from him"?
Do you ever think about how he said he didn't want to hurt her even as she was beating him up because of Pryce's restraining bolt? Do you ever think about his horrified under-his-breath "No..." when he realised that Pryce was planning to make her step out of the airlock? Do you ever think about his desperate yells for her to snap out of it?
Do you ever think about her calling him "my mischief specialist"? Do you ever think about how he was the one she decided needed to make it back to Earth? Do you ever think about how his survival was more important to her than having his help in the fight against Cutter's plan? Do you ever think about how distressed he was at the idea of leaving her behind? Do you ever think about "Goddammit, Renée, DON'T DO THIS!" / "Goodbye, Doug."?
Do you ever think about how he went from resenting her authority to telling her "It was an honor to serve under you. Sir."? Do you ever think about how she watched him forget her? Do you ever think about the script direction "There's a BEAT for Minkowski's heart to break a little"? Do you ever think about how she reintroduced herself to him but asked him to call her by her first name? Do you ever think about her insistence on seeing him as soon as possible when she woke up on the Urania?
Do you ever think about how she once called him an "insubordinate hyena" and a "conniving little snake", but later told him that he "made it up to [her]. Big time"? Do you ever think about how he went from seeing her as "our resident Statsi agent" to thinking she was "the greatest, coolest, most badass space commander ever"? Do you ever think about how Eiffel thought that "spending time with [Minkowski and Hera] was about the best damn thing Doug Eiffel ever did"? Do you ever think about how, after everything she'd been through, after three and a half years away from Earth, what Minkowski wanted "more than anything" was to be there with Eiffel as he figured things out?
#w359#Wolf 359#Bonuses from outside of canon:#Do you ever think about Emma Sherr-Ziarko saying in the post-finale Q&A#that looking after Eiffel would be a priority of Minkowski’s when they get back to Earth because he’s like family to her now?#Do you ever think about Gabriel Urbina saying that the core of Wolf 359 is about conversations between Eiffel and Minkowski?#This post got out of control#I'm sorry#this is just what it's like inside my head#Making those audio edits has - if possible - intensified my Minkowski & Eiffel brainrot#I know there's still probably key bits I've missed#w359 spoilers#Wolf 359 spoilers#Doug Eiffel#Renée Minkowski#the empty man posteth#Those last two are Minkowski&Eiffel&Hera things rather than just Minkowski&Eiffel things but they still fit#Eiffel & Minkowski
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when eiffel is talking to bob in ep 54, bob says that the captain of the previous ship that encountered them valued music more than anything else. in change of mind its shown that music is also special to lovelace, she only ever relaxes when listening to music. minkowski loves musicals and musical theatre
all the ships that encountered the aliens had people who hold music dear to their hearts. but from what I gathered they were the only ones on their crews to be like this. except minkowskis crew, because eiffel also loves music
(image IDs under cut)
[image ID] 1st picture. a screenshot of the transcript for episode 54 of wolf 359.
BOB : THIS.
He SNAPS HIS FINGERS AND-
In a corner of the room, a RECORD PLAYER COMES TO LIFE. It begins to play Beethoven's SONATA PATHETIQUE. Eiffel FROWNS, confused.
BOB (CONT'D) : THE FIRST TIME WE ENCOUNTERED YOUR SPECIES. THE MISSION LEADER, COMMANDER ZHANG, SHE VALUED THIS TECHNOLOGY MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE.
2nd picture. a screenshot of the transcript for wolf 359 change of mind.
LOVELACE : All right. See you in a few.
She floats upwards, looks down... sees the tiny figure of Lambert growing smaller and smaller... And then she looks up. The song she listened to last time begins to play. She's at peace.
3rd picture. a screenshot of the character bio for minkowski.
An immigrant of Eastern European origins, Lieutenant Commander Renée Minkowski is an accomplished pilot, expert tactician, and closeted lover of musical theatre.
4th picture. a screenshot of the transcript for episode 54 of wolf 359.
EIFFEL (CONT'D) : Well, Bob my man... you gotta check out some of the latest advancements. Otis Redding. Zeppelin. Taylor.
(snaps his fingers)
Sir Mix-A-Lot. I think he's been doing some ot the best scientific work of the last fifty years.
[ID end]
#im not smart enough to figure out what this could mean but i just noticed this and found it kind of cool#like if eiffel wasnt so into pop culture would minkowski be the one targeted by the aliens for communication ?#did the communication work because the comms officer is a music enjoyer instead of like the previous crews ?#or maybe because minkowski and eiffel are more open about this than lovelace they were picked up on earlier by the aliens#i dont know but it is very cool pattern#wolf 359#w359#doug eiffel#renee minkowski#isabel lovelace#wolf 359 spoilers
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Lieutenant commander Renée Minkowski. Authentication code victor uniform ligma charlie alpha november
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i want to kiss lieutenant commander renée minkowski on the lips so bad
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went on the Wolf 359 wiki today and all the comments on minkowski's page were like "aw yeah that's my wife," glad to see all the sapphics are in love with lieutenant commander renée minkowski in this house tonight
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I would 100% never consider myself lesbian at all cause 1. Aro and 2. Genderfluid, but there are times when I get somewhere vaguely nearby
And one of those times is women with the honorific “sir”
This is specifically about my beloved Lieutenant Commander Renee Minkowski
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Lieutenant Commander Renée Minkowski faints when put under too much stress. Send tweet.
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Oh my god Hera calling Minkowski lieutenant instead of commander also happened during Christmas bc of Hilbert
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cheeky bit of minkowski
#renee minkowski#renée minkowski#wolf 359#w359#wolf359#wolf359radio#lieutenant minkowski#commander minkowski#podcast art#my art#fanart#traditional#traditional art#brush pen
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What’s a Star Wars ? Anyway. Happy Birthday Lieutenant-Commander Renée Minkowski !
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